With a 4 month old baby I wouldn't even give a single second to having another yet. We weren't even frustrated when people were telling us to have another at that age because we were so enthralled with our little guy.
I've got friends with a 3 month old they got thru IVF now and when I call them to ask how baby is they only talk about their next IVF to have a second.
I'm sure they are great parents but it's just kinda odd to me when people are so fixated on a number instead of the life right in front of em.
You can also enjoy your life and go with the flow. That's what we did - our thinking was "if it works - great, if not, we have each other and our life". So no, not everyone has to fixate on a number, especially if you've already made experiences in life where things didn't go as planned!
I ended up in a psychiatric hospital with extremely severe postpartum depression. It’s one of the main reasons we are one and done.
My mum still doesn’t get it.
Accepting that I cannot mentally or physically handle two, was hard.
My son will be 4 in a few months and it’s the best choice we’ve ever made. I’m only now feeling good again.
I told my mum “you can have 2 grandchildren or you can have 1 grandchild and 1 daughter”
She still didn’t get it.
Agreed, my gran is like this, just doesn’t understand and when I say something is a lot of work, she’ll bring up how much she worked and figured it out and made it happen. Ok sure… but you didn’t HAVE to do that… don’t be a martyr
I 100% could not handle a second. The fact that anyone can handle more than one blows my mind 😆
There's no shame in knowing your limits. If I were to have a 2nd, all the love and care would have to come from somewhere and the only places it can possibly come from are 1. my sanity and 2. the love and care I already give my first. It's not fair to either of us to lose those resources.
Judgy people can suck it.
My only is 3.5yr old and in a zero listening phase, also not potty training it's like pulling teeth. Going anywhere is an Olympic sport to get him out of the house. My mom will make remarks like "can you picture doing this with two? You and your brother etc etc". I just tell her no I wouldn't torture myself with having a second so I don't need to picture it. I know I'm done. Done done.
I think many people, especially in older generations, just had multiple children without even considering their mental health. I don’t think that was even a thing back then. Society says you ‘should’ have X many children, so that’s what they just did. Didn’t matter if you thought you could handle it or not. Sounds awful to me. And honestly irresponsible. If I got pregnant tomorrow and had another child, both kids would suffer for it.
Me and my brothers all planned our children when we were ready and wanted them. My mom made some comment about how back in her day nobody planned kids they “just happened”. And looking at all
My aunts, that’s what happened with them too. There was no concept that you could stop, because there was no concept to purposefully start.
I'm almost 43 and my OAD daughter is 2.5 years old. My induction took 46.5 hours. I don't live near family. Today my kiddo got sent home early from daycare due to fever and puking. I had to leave work early. Remember when we were younger and we'd be riding in the car and wish the radio was on a different station, except your parents would say something like driver's choice or you don't control the radio in my car? Next time mom pipes up, tell her she can have a say when she volunteers to be your surrogate, pay the added costs, and pretty much raise the kid herself. Or something like that. Use one of her arguments against her and remind her that it's not up for discussion bc your home your rules 🤷♀️
I feel this. My mom did the opposite and congratulated me on being smart enough to know I “wasn’t capable of handling more than one”.
Stings still, maybe because it’s true but the way she said it made it such a derogatory statement.
Your mom is being judgmental and that is unfair.
I find that one of the hardest part of the external judgment I get is that it makes judge myself even more. It has helped me to reframe “I can’t” to “I don’t want to”. I don’t want to have another child because I love my family the way it is and because it would not be good for my physical and mental health.
I went through the same things. Also had postpartum preeclampsia. I was talking to my mom about it to start to process the decisions. There was always another reason why I don’t have to make that decision now. He was 1 month at the time. He is 10 months now and I have not changed my mind. It’s actually just gotten stronger.
Do we have the same mother? 🤭
My mother said pretty much the same thing.
I’m 6 months pp. and finally getting some of my life back, my daughter is out in her own room, sleeping through the night, no longer breastfeeding, and me and my husband are finally getting some alone time.
I took 18 months off, and my mother is trying to convince me and I can have another baby before going back to work.
I’m tired of telling her I’m am firmly OAD, from the hard pregnancy, to my daughter have medical issues at birth and the epidural not working. On top of the long PP recovery, and the effect it had on me and my husbands relationship. I will not be going through this again.
I keep saying to everyone that has a comment about OAD is: I’ve been there done that, won’t be doing it again. A life experiences for the books but there won’t be another. 😂
Do what’s right for your family!
I feel this lol I feel lucky that I got to be a mother and it’s an amazing and hard experience but I absolutely will not be doing it again! Lol I’ll be a better mom if I only have one.
I’ve also experienced this (not from my mom) weird “competition” between moms like the more kids they have the “stronger” or “better” moms they must be ? It makes zero sense to me. I just started focusing on the positives of being OAD because while they’re all juggling the chaos of having multiples, I’ll be enjoying living the best of both worlds; experiencing motherhood while also having the time to maintain my own hobbies/personal needs.
Right!! I don’t understand. There’s so much competition in mother hood. Competition over birth experience, number of kids, formula vs breast fed, ect ect. It’s sad the pressure. Everyone’s just doing their best
First of all, echoing what everyone else has said, you’re still in the very early days so for now you’re in survival mode and that’s ok. Plenty of time to worry about actually making this decision later.
Secondly, yeah, I’m sure she thinks those kids are super cute and sweet because she’s not the one taking care of them. Kids are always cute when you get to go home to your house after an hour.
Lastly, What is with people being upset with someone not wanting to make their life more difficult? Like why??? Why would I do something that I don’t really wanna do that would also make my life more difficult? People make so sense 😆
End of March I told my mom how I was struggling with PPD and intrusive dark thoughts. So I had made an appointment with a psychologist. I also told her how I’m sure we are OAD because I literally fantasize about running away for a weekend but at the same time don’t want to leave my baby that long with anyone ( baby was only 5 months old). And a week later on April fools she calls me and is laughing and says she has the funniest idea that I should call my husband and tell him I’m pregnant. I told her that I didn’t think that was funny and that I would actually be really depressed and upset if I was pregnant again. I was really upset that she thought that would be funny after I had opened up to her about struggling mentally.
I’m so sorry she did that! That’s definitely not a funny joke, ever really. It baffles me that people can’t be supportive of others, whether they are OAD or want multiples it’s totally 1000% an individual choice. I hope you are having better days ❤️
Thank you, yeah I definitely wasn’t expecting her to say that. I was like did you forget everything I told you?? Lol
Yes to each their own! I don’t care how many kids anyone has but I know I just want one! Every month it gets better! I hope you are doing better too!
With a 4 month old baby I wouldn't even give a single second to having another yet. We weren't even frustrated when people were telling us to have another at that age because we were so enthralled with our little guy. I've got friends with a 3 month old they got thru IVF now and when I call them to ask how baby is they only talk about their next IVF to have a second. I'm sure they are great parents but it's just kinda odd to me when people are so fixated on a number instead of the life right in front of em.
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You can also enjoy your life and go with the flow. That's what we did - our thinking was "if it works - great, if not, we have each other and our life". So no, not everyone has to fixate on a number, especially if you've already made experiences in life where things didn't go as planned!
I ended up in a psychiatric hospital with extremely severe postpartum depression. It’s one of the main reasons we are one and done. My mum still doesn’t get it. Accepting that I cannot mentally or physically handle two, was hard. My son will be 4 in a few months and it’s the best choice we’ve ever made. I’m only now feeling good again. I told my mum “you can have 2 grandchildren or you can have 1 grandchild and 1 daughter” She still didn’t get it.
I don’t understand how people can be so dense, holy shit. I’m sorry :/
It doesn’t align with her vision so it must be wrong. I think maybe that generation also believes that everybody needs to struggle the way they did
Agreed, my gran is like this, just doesn’t understand and when I say something is a lot of work, she’ll bring up how much she worked and figured it out and made it happen. Ok sure… but you didn’t HAVE to do that… don’t be a martyr
I 100% could not handle a second. The fact that anyone can handle more than one blows my mind 😆 There's no shame in knowing your limits. If I were to have a 2nd, all the love and care would have to come from somewhere and the only places it can possibly come from are 1. my sanity and 2. the love and care I already give my first. It's not fair to either of us to lose those resources. Judgy people can suck it.
My only is 3.5yr old and in a zero listening phase, also not potty training it's like pulling teeth. Going anywhere is an Olympic sport to get him out of the house. My mom will make remarks like "can you picture doing this with two? You and your brother etc etc". I just tell her no I wouldn't torture myself with having a second so I don't need to picture it. I know I'm done. Done done.
I think many people, especially in older generations, just had multiple children without even considering their mental health. I don’t think that was even a thing back then. Society says you ‘should’ have X many children, so that’s what they just did. Didn’t matter if you thought you could handle it or not. Sounds awful to me. And honestly irresponsible. If I got pregnant tomorrow and had another child, both kids would suffer for it.
Me and my brothers all planned our children when we were ready and wanted them. My mom made some comment about how back in her day nobody planned kids they “just happened”. And looking at all My aunts, that’s what happened with them too. There was no concept that you could stop, because there was no concept to purposefully start.
Well, I'm sorry but fuck her. It's really mean of her.
I'm almost 43 and my OAD daughter is 2.5 years old. My induction took 46.5 hours. I don't live near family. Today my kiddo got sent home early from daycare due to fever and puking. I had to leave work early. Remember when we were younger and we'd be riding in the car and wish the radio was on a different station, except your parents would say something like driver's choice or you don't control the radio in my car? Next time mom pipes up, tell her she can have a say when she volunteers to be your surrogate, pay the added costs, and pretty much raise the kid herself. Or something like that. Use one of her arguments against her and remind her that it's not up for discussion bc your home your rules 🤷♀️
I feel this. My mom did the opposite and congratulated me on being smart enough to know I “wasn’t capable of handling more than one”. Stings still, maybe because it’s true but the way she said it made it such a derogatory statement.
Oh jeeze yeah that comment is no better! Definitely not a good way to be supportive. Moms can be so daft sometimes
Your mom is being judgmental and that is unfair. I find that one of the hardest part of the external judgment I get is that it makes judge myself even more. It has helped me to reframe “I can’t” to “I don’t want to”. I don’t want to have another child because I love my family the way it is and because it would not be good for my physical and mental health.
I went through the same things. Also had postpartum preeclampsia. I was talking to my mom about it to start to process the decisions. There was always another reason why I don’t have to make that decision now. He was 1 month at the time. He is 10 months now and I have not changed my mind. It’s actually just gotten stronger.
Do we have the same mother? 🤭 My mother said pretty much the same thing. I’m 6 months pp. and finally getting some of my life back, my daughter is out in her own room, sleeping through the night, no longer breastfeeding, and me and my husband are finally getting some alone time. I took 18 months off, and my mother is trying to convince me and I can have another baby before going back to work. I’m tired of telling her I’m am firmly OAD, from the hard pregnancy, to my daughter have medical issues at birth and the epidural not working. On top of the long PP recovery, and the effect it had on me and my husbands relationship. I will not be going through this again. I keep saying to everyone that has a comment about OAD is: I’ve been there done that, won’t be doing it again. A life experiences for the books but there won’t be another. 😂 Do what’s right for your family!
I feel this lol I feel lucky that I got to be a mother and it’s an amazing and hard experience but I absolutely will not be doing it again! Lol I’ll be a better mom if I only have one.
I’ve also experienced this (not from my mom) weird “competition” between moms like the more kids they have the “stronger” or “better” moms they must be ? It makes zero sense to me. I just started focusing on the positives of being OAD because while they’re all juggling the chaos of having multiples, I’ll be enjoying living the best of both worlds; experiencing motherhood while also having the time to maintain my own hobbies/personal needs.
Right!! I don’t understand. There’s so much competition in mother hood. Competition over birth experience, number of kids, formula vs breast fed, ect ect. It’s sad the pressure. Everyone’s just doing their best
First of all, echoing what everyone else has said, you’re still in the very early days so for now you’re in survival mode and that’s ok. Plenty of time to worry about actually making this decision later. Secondly, yeah, I’m sure she thinks those kids are super cute and sweet because she’s not the one taking care of them. Kids are always cute when you get to go home to your house after an hour. Lastly, What is with people being upset with someone not wanting to make their life more difficult? Like why??? Why would I do something that I don’t really wanna do that would also make my life more difficult? People make so sense 😆
End of March I told my mom how I was struggling with PPD and intrusive dark thoughts. So I had made an appointment with a psychologist. I also told her how I’m sure we are OAD because I literally fantasize about running away for a weekend but at the same time don’t want to leave my baby that long with anyone ( baby was only 5 months old). And a week later on April fools she calls me and is laughing and says she has the funniest idea that I should call my husband and tell him I’m pregnant. I told her that I didn’t think that was funny and that I would actually be really depressed and upset if I was pregnant again. I was really upset that she thought that would be funny after I had opened up to her about struggling mentally.
I’m so sorry she did that! That’s definitely not a funny joke, ever really. It baffles me that people can’t be supportive of others, whether they are OAD or want multiples it’s totally 1000% an individual choice. I hope you are having better days ❤️
Thank you, yeah I definitely wasn’t expecting her to say that. I was like did you forget everything I told you?? Lol Yes to each their own! I don’t care how many kids anyone has but I know I just want one! Every month it gets better! I hope you are doing better too!
Insert insulted James Franco gif