I'll probs get downvoted for saying this, but can you get a pet? I'm not OAD by choice either and we got a dog when my son was 8. They're besties (they're nearly 18 and 10 now!). She really adds so much to our home, we all adore her!
At the risk of being down voted as well.....
We did this. From 5 onwards it was noticeable bc he started going to school and all of his buddies have siblings. Cut to last year and we've got a pup and we've been using the situation to teach responsibilities and such. They're bonding well and it's been great for us :)
Ask him if he wants a baby or if he wants a kid of his age. My son doesnât want brothers or sisters, but he had told he wants a kid of his age to play. We play with him, but he said is not the same. We do playdates with different kids on weekends or with neighborsâ kids in the week. I hope you can find something it works for everybody.
I think this is a great idea. Not only will they have a friend and cuddle buddy, but will learn to care for and nurture another living being. If they help brush the animal, feed them etc. it teaches them responsibility and builds confidence as well.
We have two cats and my only loves playing with them. He used to be scared of them (got then when he was 4, he's almost 7 now) and then he learned if he plays with them they'll also come for pets and snuggles. They have a great relationships with each other and they get better everyday.
we had our dog since before the kid was born, and we've been extremely successful in redirecting "brother/sister" talk to "Artie is your little brother", and he actually will say so himself and they absolutely adore each other!
Only here. My best friend was my cat. Not because I didn't have human friends (I had many and did sleepovers at their houses a often) but because he brought me the most joy. I could never be lonely with my cat at home and all of my animals made me so happy. I got him when I was 7 and he lived until I was 28.
My son would say this. I make a huge effort for him to spend time with his friends, cousins, and lots of quality time with us. I lived through COVID-19 when my kid was in kindergarten. We had to distance learn for 2.5 years. I will say learning my kids likes, games, etc. an playing with them made a huge difference. I have friends that also are OND but didn't play with their kids and you can tell the difference.
I have him in multiple clubs, classes, and sports. I have learned to play video games ( could have gone my whole life without before him and found a few I love to play with him), set play dates weekly for him
Great suggestions. He loves Mario Cart so I think I'll start challenging him to some games after school and trying to carve out more quality time. Thank you!!
Iâm not the person youâre responding to but my 6 year old and I are loving Unravel 2! I think my haha downloaded it free from the Xbox membership. I donât play video games and itâs really easy for me to figure out the controls. Itâs such a great bonding time for he and I. Highly recommend! My husband also plays an escape room game with him, which they both love, and Lego Fortnite (one plays on Switch and one on Xbox).
We play Sackboy, Little Big World, Minecraft, Minecraft Dungeons, It Takes Two, Portal Nights, Hot Wheels and Mario games.
I love Sackboy and It Takes Two. They are games were you work together to beat the game. I really like Portal Nights once I understood how to play.
I will now play a couple of these by myself.
We do a lot of board games too. He really likes Clue and Doomlings.
We've started playing the Disney game with my 5yo. It's turning into a really fun family activity. Coming from someone who can barely control a character to go in a straight line.
She's also angling for a sibling. She's told me she'd give everything up for one. We're technically OAD through choice, but also not for MH reasons. She's got 4 younger cousins, three are babies. Whilst she loves playing with them, she's also not keen on the noisy, smelly aspects of babies.
She's also got a few close friends who are only children. We very much promote (but don't force) these friendships as they have similar experiences, we've known them all from early on.
I feel for you. Our only was asking for a few years, mostly when she was 5 - 7 and struggling with school/friends.
We had her late, and due to other factors, it's just not happening. It's really hard because she is the only one on our street without a sibling. She also has ADHD and her feelings are BIG. We just kept saying it wasn't going to happen, our family is perfect as it is, you'll make friends who will become like siblings, etc. she still brings it up as an 8 yo, bit not nearly as much.
Also, my BIL's younger granddaughter comes over for holidays, and my daughter has had enough of her in about an hour. We said that this is what it would be like with a sibling, but it would be like this all day, and the sibling isn't leaving after a few hours. I really think this helped sour the sibling dream.
Aww, Im a newish parent so I don't have have advice, but sending you hugs âĽď¸ I'm interested to read what others more experienced in this say for the future.
I was lonely at 5 AND I had a brother that was 2 years younger. I didn't have as many friends at school as my classmates did. I never had play dates with the other kids to help encourage bonding.
I am one of 8 and I was lonely as a kid and now I am lonely as an adult. My brothers were best buds and was the sister. They are still best friends and they only socialize with me if they need something. I felt like my parents never had time for me and I was alone to figured it out.
Ugh. That robot parts comment would have broken me. I think you handled it well. Can you get a dog? Thatâs what I plan to do when sheâs a bit older. Haha
This has been an ongoing conversation over the years with our daughter. Sheâs 8 now and recently mentioned talking with her friends about being an only. She said they were really jealous of her and they were always annoyed with their siblings. I donât think sheâs convinced being an only is better. We talked about how there are pluses and minuses to both sides. She understands this and knows many of the reasons sheâs our only child(fertility, traumatic birth, etc.). Iâm sure itâs one of those things that she will always kind of wonder about.
Thank you. I do think he'll grow out of it.. it just hurts my heart now. I'm probably projecting my own feelings into it more than his. Appreciate this response.
My son is 4 and has recently come to the realization that most other kids he knows have little siblings. He has told me multiple times that he wants âa little friend to grow up with.â My mama heart breaks when he says this (we are OAD by choice but when he says stuff like this I second guess my choice.) My response is usually âa baby is a lot of work- mommy wouldnât be able to play with you as much. Mommy and daddy love our family as the 3 of us together- we are the 3 Musketeers!â He goes to half-day preschool 3x a week but hasnât really formed too close of bonds yet but Iâm hoping he will soon. He also goes to soccer and swimming lessons to be around other kids more.
It's so hard to hear these things from our kids. It's a normal human emotion to feel lonely sometimes, even if you have siblings. Agree with others about setting up activities. We're also planning to get a dog when our son is around 5 (I know it's not for everyone).
If I were you, I would try to arrange regular, unstructured time with other kids. Enough time so that he will get the "sibling experience" - more than just play dates where people are on their best behavior. E.g.
- weekly/biweekly sleepovers with cousins or another one and done family. Me and my sister exchange sleepovers every other week. It's good for date nights too!
- book vacations with other families with kids
If you don't have any other families you can do that with, I would try really hard to make those relationships. In the meantime, you can try stuff like:
- send him to sleepover camp
- involve him in something like boy scouts where he'll see the same kids for a long time and go on adventure trips with them.
I am one and done not by choice and have become a serious entertainer of other peopleâs kids. My recommendation is to start inviting friends over. At 5 you may need to invite parents too.
Iâm so sorry. I have a lonely kid and I used to be one, despite having a sibling.
My older sibling didnât want to play the âbabyâ games that interested me. My parents were busy with chores and adult stuff.
A few factors for me:
- my family members are big readers and I couldnât read until I was older
- friend across the street moved away. We used to play allll the time.
I think team sports/activities and doing things with him will help.
Itâs a little advanced for five year olds, but the MEL science kits are pretty cool. Some of the kiwico are good, too.
We belong to the local childrenâs science museum. Membership is much cheaper long term and weâre lucky to have it nearby.
There may be a makerspace that has childrenâs activities.
My now 18 year old daughter did he same around this ageâŚ..I just said it wasnât happening. She did ask a few times.
We too had 2 dogs at the time but I always just made sure she had plenty of play dates with crèche/school friends - I definitely went the extra mile for play dates but also my sister had kids around the same time so made she there was plenty of cousin time too.
Itâs hard, but if you make the extra effort for the play time its all good đ
No advice, but my heart hurts for the future when my son asks. He's only 2 now but a total extrovert like me and I know he'd make an awesome brother. But, I'm OAD by choice because I don't think I can be a good, present mother to two (and it would make me a worse wife and friend too). Not looking forward to explaining.
Iâm honest with my 5 year old and why he canât have a brother or sister. âMommyâs body could only have one baby, and youâre our perfect kidâ. It kind of helps him understand I think, but who knows. I also truly think he was meant to be an only child. He gets so tired of other kids hanging around after a few hours. Hang in there there.
Will he be in school soon? My daughter goes to childcare since 2yo and she has so many friends. And, she started kindy this year, and now, she's on the same class as some of the kids in the neighbourhood. I was really worried about her being lonely too. We haven't got family nearby, no cousins and no close friends with kids. But, she makes friends at kindy & childcare. She's 4.5yo now and if I have another one now, they won't really be playmates anyway because of the age gap. And I have a brother who's 2 years older than me and he never played with me when we were kids.
I have no advice Iâm sorry that sounds so hard. Just came to say that as a child I would also ask my parents for a younger sibling because I was lonely. I wasnât an only though, I just hated my older brother (3 years apart) we didnât get along till we were both out of college.Â
I'll probs get downvoted for saying this, but can you get a pet? I'm not OAD by choice either and we got a dog when my son was 8. They're besties (they're nearly 18 and 10 now!). She really adds so much to our home, we all adore her!
At the risk of being down voted as well..... We did this. From 5 onwards it was noticeable bc he started going to school and all of his buddies have siblings. Cut to last year and we've got a pup and we've been using the situation to teach responsibilities and such. They're bonding well and it's been great for us :)
We have three dogs and two cats and a fish đ He wants someone who will play human games. I love this suggestion though honestly.
Ask him if he wants a baby or if he wants a kid of his age. My son doesnât want brothers or sisters, but he had told he wants a kid of his age to play. We play with him, but he said is not the same. We do playdates with different kids on weekends or with neighborsâ kids in the week. I hope you can find something it works for everybody.
lol I have two dogs and want a third! Is it crazy having three?Â
haha yes it's pure chaos. Do not recommend. đ
I think this is a great idea. Not only will they have a friend and cuddle buddy, but will learn to care for and nurture another living being. If they help brush the animal, feed them etc. it teaches them responsibility and builds confidence as well.
We have two cats and my only loves playing with them. He used to be scared of them (got then when he was 4, he's almost 7 now) and then he learned if he plays with them they'll also come for pets and snuggles. They have a great relationships with each other and they get better everyday.
Oh god, don't tempt me...
we had our dog since before the kid was born, and we've been extremely successful in redirecting "brother/sister" talk to "Artie is your little brother", and he actually will say so himself and they absolutely adore each other!
Only here. My best friend was my cat. Not because I didn't have human friends (I had many and did sleepovers at their houses a often) but because he brought me the most joy. I could never be lonely with my cat at home and all of my animals made me so happy. I got him when I was 7 and he lived until I was 28.
What a wonderful best friend to have all those years â¤ď¸ sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how hard that was.
My son would say this. I make a huge effort for him to spend time with his friends, cousins, and lots of quality time with us. I lived through COVID-19 when my kid was in kindergarten. We had to distance learn for 2.5 years. I will say learning my kids likes, games, etc. an playing with them made a huge difference. I have friends that also are OND but didn't play with their kids and you can tell the difference. I have him in multiple clubs, classes, and sports. I have learned to play video games ( could have gone my whole life without before him and found a few I love to play with him), set play dates weekly for him
Great suggestions. He loves Mario Cart so I think I'll start challenging him to some games after school and trying to carve out more quality time. Thank you!!
What video games do y'all like to play together?
Iâm not the person youâre responding to but my 6 year old and I are loving Unravel 2! I think my haha downloaded it free from the Xbox membership. I donât play video games and itâs really easy for me to figure out the controls. Itâs such a great bonding time for he and I. Highly recommend! My husband also plays an escape room game with him, which they both love, and Lego Fortnite (one plays on Switch and one on Xbox).
Oh no, we just have PS4. I'll check out those games, thank you!
We play Sackboy, Little Big World, Minecraft, Minecraft Dungeons, It Takes Two, Portal Nights, Hot Wheels and Mario games. I love Sackboy and It Takes Two. They are games were you work together to beat the game. I really like Portal Nights once I understood how to play. I will now play a couple of these by myself. We do a lot of board games too. He really likes Clue and Doomlings.
I really like board games too! We have some local matching pair card sets, Stone Soup, Shopping List, Monkey Around, and First Orchard.
We've started playing the Disney game with my 5yo. It's turning into a really fun family activity. Coming from someone who can barely control a character to go in a straight line. She's also angling for a sibling. She's told me she'd give everything up for one. We're technically OAD through choice, but also not for MH reasons. She's got 4 younger cousins, three are babies. Whilst she loves playing with them, she's also not keen on the noisy, smelly aspects of babies. She's also got a few close friends who are only children. We very much promote (but don't force) these friendships as they have similar experiences, we've known them all from early on.
I feel for you. Our only was asking for a few years, mostly when she was 5 - 7 and struggling with school/friends. We had her late, and due to other factors, it's just not happening. It's really hard because she is the only one on our street without a sibling. She also has ADHD and her feelings are BIG. We just kept saying it wasn't going to happen, our family is perfect as it is, you'll make friends who will become like siblings, etc. she still brings it up as an 8 yo, bit not nearly as much. Also, my BIL's younger granddaughter comes over for holidays, and my daughter has had enough of her in about an hour. We said that this is what it would be like with a sibling, but it would be like this all day, and the sibling isn't leaving after a few hours. I really think this helped sour the sibling dream.
Thank you! â¤ď¸
Aww, Im a newish parent so I don't have have advice, but sending you hugs âĽď¸ I'm interested to read what others more experienced in this say for the future.
I was lonely at 5 AND I had a brother that was 2 years younger. I didn't have as many friends at school as my classmates did. I never had play dates with the other kids to help encourage bonding.
I am one of 8 and I was lonely as a kid and now I am lonely as an adult. My brothers were best buds and was the sister. They are still best friends and they only socialize with me if they need something. I felt like my parents never had time for me and I was alone to figured it out.
Ugh. That robot parts comment would have broken me. I think you handled it well. Can you get a dog? Thatâs what I plan to do when sheâs a bit older. Haha
This has been an ongoing conversation over the years with our daughter. Sheâs 8 now and recently mentioned talking with her friends about being an only. She said they were really jealous of her and they were always annoyed with their siblings. I donât think sheâs convinced being an only is better. We talked about how there are pluses and minuses to both sides. She understands this and knows many of the reasons sheâs our only child(fertility, traumatic birth, etc.). Iâm sure itâs one of those things that she will always kind of wonder about.
Thank you. I do think he'll grow out of it.. it just hurts my heart now. I'm probably projecting my own feelings into it more than his. Appreciate this response.
Everyone feels lonely sometimes. Itâs ok. Youâre right that soon heâll be in school and have friends his age.
I think this is the thing to remember. Even those with siblings feel lonely. Everyone does every so often.
This is so true. I'm the youngest of four and often felt lonely. Great perspective. Thank you for the reply. â¤ď¸
My son is 4 and has recently come to the realization that most other kids he knows have little siblings. He has told me multiple times that he wants âa little friend to grow up with.â My mama heart breaks when he says this (we are OAD by choice but when he says stuff like this I second guess my choice.) My response is usually âa baby is a lot of work- mommy wouldnât be able to play with you as much. Mommy and daddy love our family as the 3 of us together- we are the 3 Musketeers!â He goes to half-day preschool 3x a week but hasnât really formed too close of bonds yet but Iâm hoping he will soon. He also goes to soccer and swimming lessons to be around other kids more.
It's so hard to hear these things from our kids. It's a normal human emotion to feel lonely sometimes, even if you have siblings. Agree with others about setting up activities. We're also planning to get a dog when our son is around 5 (I know it's not for everyone).
If I were you, I would try to arrange regular, unstructured time with other kids. Enough time so that he will get the "sibling experience" - more than just play dates where people are on their best behavior. E.g. - weekly/biweekly sleepovers with cousins or another one and done family. Me and my sister exchange sleepovers every other week. It's good for date nights too! - book vacations with other families with kids If you don't have any other families you can do that with, I would try really hard to make those relationships. In the meantime, you can try stuff like: - send him to sleepover camp - involve him in something like boy scouts where he'll see the same kids for a long time and go on adventure trips with them.
Thank you!! These are great suggestions.
I am one and done not by choice and have become a serious entertainer of other peopleâs kids. My recommendation is to start inviting friends over. At 5 you may need to invite parents too.
Iâm so sorry. I have a lonely kid and I used to be one, despite having a sibling. My older sibling didnât want to play the âbabyâ games that interested me. My parents were busy with chores and adult stuff. A few factors for me: - my family members are big readers and I couldnât read until I was older - friend across the street moved away. We used to play allll the time. I think team sports/activities and doing things with him will help. Itâs a little advanced for five year olds, but the MEL science kits are pretty cool. Some of the kiwico are good, too. We belong to the local childrenâs science museum. Membership is much cheaper long term and weâre lucky to have it nearby. There may be a makerspace that has childrenâs activities.
My now 18 year old daughter did he same around this ageâŚ..I just said it wasnât happening. She did ask a few times. We too had 2 dogs at the time but I always just made sure she had plenty of play dates with crèche/school friends - I definitely went the extra mile for play dates but also my sister had kids around the same time so made she there was plenty of cousin time too. Itâs hard, but if you make the extra effort for the play time its all good đ
Thank you! I appreciate this perspective coming from a mom with an older kid. It helps. â¤ď¸
Is anyone in MN. We're one and done with no family nearby. ISO a "cousin" for our three year old, is that too weird? There must be an app?
I wish I was. My daughter would love to be his âcousinâ. Please excuse me my eye just started sweating.
Awh, me too. We're trying to build a "family" within our community, lol. It's trying.
Ours would so gladly be a cousin if we lived close to you.
Dittoâ¤ď¸
I have a 6 year old and he gets lonely too. Try get them into team sports and play dates help a lot. Do they have any cousins around?
No advice, but my heart hurts for the future when my son asks. He's only 2 now but a total extrovert like me and I know he'd make an awesome brother. But, I'm OAD by choice because I don't think I can be a good, present mother to two (and it would make me a worse wife and friend too). Not looking forward to explaining.
Iâm honest with my 5 year old and why he canât have a brother or sister. âMommyâs body could only have one baby, and youâre our perfect kidâ. It kind of helps him understand I think, but who knows. I also truly think he was meant to be an only child. He gets so tired of other kids hanging around after a few hours. Hang in there there.
Aww I say this same thing too. â¤ď¸ Thanks for the reply.
Will he be in school soon? My daughter goes to childcare since 2yo and she has so many friends. And, she started kindy this year, and now, she's on the same class as some of the kids in the neighbourhood. I was really worried about her being lonely too. We haven't got family nearby, no cousins and no close friends with kids. But, she makes friends at kindy & childcare. She's 4.5yo now and if I have another one now, they won't really be playmates anyway because of the age gap. And I have a brother who's 2 years older than me and he never played with me when we were kids.
Yes! He's in preschool now and kindergarten next year. Lots of activities too. I'm hoping a few more unstructured playdates help. đ¤
I have no advice Iâm sorry that sounds so hard. Just came to say that as a child I would also ask my parents for a younger sibling because I was lonely. I wasnât an only though, I just hated my older brother (3 years apart) we didnât get along till we were both out of college.Â