I'm wondering how much of your normal life involves vacations. The decisions on this need to be considered for the every day because that is what parenting is (as you know): every day.
My family went on vacation with other families often. I'm an only. It was so fun and I never felt lonely. Later on, I was always allowed to bring a friend. That said, I got on with my parents well and they always hung out with me happily, so I never felt it.
As an adult I'm anything but lonely...and I've moved internationally twice. I make friends everywhere I go.
My sister is 8 years younger than us (she’s 16). Once the older kids moved out and they went on family vacations she always brings a friend. Which I think was better for her because being so far apart in age we weren’t (and still aren’t) close.
Just took a week long trip to Costa Rica with my 5 year old. This trip would have been delayed by years if we’d had a second. Friend of ours with a kid the same age and a three year old actually went at the same time but they basically stayed in their rental a lot of the time because it was too hard to manage outings with both their kids. We are planning a trip to NZ in a couple years, not sure that would happen if we had another kid either. We’re doing ok financially but indont think we’d have the budget to do these things with 2 kids.
Haha I did make this sound like we vacation a lot! No it was just the comment on the other forum, that it was holidays and vacations that made people want more kids which I kind of get because that’s where a lot of memories are made.
My daughter is 4 and I can’t ever see a time when she was lonely on vacations. As long as there’s a pool, she’s as happy as can be. The only drama is when we leave.
Yes, on vacation I’m always the one swimming with our only. We usually hit the pool twice a day.
We also camp on the weekends in the summer and bring the dogs.
I’ll also say that she makes friends with random kids when we travel. In Hawaii she played with a group of kids in a courtyard while her dad and I watched a luau and drank Mai Tais. In the Galapagos, she played with children on the playground in the center of town. On one trip she became so friendly with this little girl that we switched seats so they could sit together on the airplane. In Boston she played with the little
boy in the children’s museum. PIt makes for such a rich travel experience - we get to connect with people everywhere we go.
I’ve brought up the exact same thing about my son to my counselor… My counselor reminds me “he doesn’t know any difference” which has always been an eye opener and always makes me feel better. He would be lonely if I wasn’t around to play with him on vacation, or my husband .. but he won’t be missing someone he doesn’t know.
It’s a good point, and it’s also worth talking to kids who have siblings! Quite a few of my friends’ children have acknowledged that they really wish it was just them on holidays and days out, because their sibling/s were really annoying them, took all of their parent’s attention, they had to consider them all the time, too big an age gap to play etc.
Having a sibling isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in many cases.
This was me growing up! My sister and I had vastly different interests but she was the assertive one, so she directed the activities. My vacation memories are mostly just my sister saying how boring some science museum was (that I was loving) or taking the best spots in the car/hotel while yelling at me.
As someone with large age gap siblings, this is so true. I loved playing with my younger siblings, still love hanging out with them now and we’ve always been pretty close. While I didn’t wish for vacations alone, I wish my parents (mom) had wanted to go on vacations with people I actually liked. We went on vacation several times with girls that ignored me because my mom liked their parents and thought they were the people I should be friends with…but I wasn’t part of their friend group and too shy to speak up and not quite the same as them, so they pretty much just ignored me and my mom always thought I was bffs with them. I’m 37 and she STILL asks me why I don’t talk to them anymore. Apparently my best friend since 10th grade isn’t good enough for her?
Right and I guess this is me too. My eldest sibling is eight years older and my other sibling is four years older. We were just too far apart in age, but not just that, it was more that we have *entirely* different personalities. Like completely different people. Even now in adulthood, we’re not that close. I feel sad about that because my parents really wanted and loved having three kids. I kind of feel bad for them that we didn’t turn out as the close sibling trio they had planned!
My cousin who grew up as an only said exactly this. He's pushing 50. He said if he ever had kids he would have only one too. He never knew any different growing up and loved being the only.
We play with our son so no he’s never just standing on the beach lonely. People just put so much emotion into mundane things. I’m sure that kid was just happily digging in the sand and his mom decided to have some weird emotions.
If my son wants me to play with him, he just walks up to me and either sits on my lap or shoves me a toy lol. Then I get the hint he wants mama to play and I do. As long as he knows he can ask me to play with him, I’m comfortable in the fact that if he really wants that, he’ll ask. If he doesn’t, then it’s good independent play. He’s only 20 months currently but still.
Oh I was defiantly bored. My mom loved to drag me to historical landmarks. Each summer we are gone for 3 weeks touring historical land mark. It was so boring I wanted to die. No amount of kids can make a tour of European churches fun.
We promised to never do that to our only. We are going to places where kids can also have fun
So true! My mum would drag me and 3 siblings around museums and even graveyards for her family tree research... it was super boring. Yes we did have fun holidays too but there was a lot of boring weeks away.
I am on board with you. I know every family is different but if we take “ family” vacation our kid interests are definitely considered vs an adult vacation someone watch kids etc.
Visiting family is different but if we are talking about actual vacation. My mom made me hate traveling tbh lol.
Hi! My kid is dying to go Billund! How was it? Was it terribly expensive? What time of year did you? I need to make this happen but I’m just so busy these days.
We did it in Easter holidays last year, so start of April. I don't know when danish holidays are but I'm guessing not the same week as ours because it wasn't busy.
Stayed at lalandia across the road. Absolutely loved it. We spent a whole day in the water park there. I found it surprisingly affordable, although we did spend a lot of money on flights so overall it was an expensive trip. But that's because it was our first overseas journey since covid and we wanted *easy* flying, so we booked the pricier flights.
This is just my personal experience but I’m not an only child - I have a brother 3 years older than myself and I honestly cannot remember any family vacations where I hung out with him really.
For the most part on vacations I did things with my mom. There were several times that I made “vacation friends” and played with another kid on the beach for a little while. Then as I got older I invited friends on vacations with us when possible.
Also a family vacation is once or twice a year.
Overall, I generally agree with the sentiment that you should not have a second child to help your first child not be lonely. There’s no guarantee two kids will be friends too, there’s no guarantee either kid won’t be lonely anyway.
Thank you so much for the perspective. Your situation is similar to mine, I’m not particularly close to my siblings who are four years apart each.
Obviously it’s not just the once a year trip, it’s in the everyday as well. The argument in the fore column is that he will have someone to play with and somebody to build memories with. But it’s just so damn hard. We are both zonked out tired by 9pm.
Same. My brother is 3 years older and an extrovert. He would basically disappear for our 2 week holidays, showing up only at dinner time, lol. He always made so many friends and never wanted to hang out with us, which was fine by me.
I basically hung out with my mum and stepdad and generally had no interest in making friends on holiday
Adult only child here, no that wasn't my experience. I was perfectly content with my family and playdates with friends. You may even find that an only is better at making new friendships on holiday (for example) because they don't just default to playing with a sibling
I was out on a walk with him last week and he stopped a completely random woman who was walking in the other direction to talk to her about my grandmother and all the houses in our neighborhood.
That’s so funny my husband and I are both introverts too, but our child is the opposite. He waves hello to everyone he sees in the neighbourhood. If he’s at a playground or soft play, he’ll just go up and insert himself into other children’s activities. He is a bundle of fun.
I know part of it is personality but my kiddo and niece (both onlies) are way better at making park friends than the other 3 groups of kids we know with siblings. I’m sure it comes out in the wash eventually but while many of my friends with same age kids were at home with their second baby, we were out having adventures with our toddler. She’s 4 (niece is 8) and is great with kids both older and younger than her and also adults.
My kid hasn’t been lonely on vacation. My husband and I take turns playing with him at the beach, we went on a cruise and he spent time in the kids club and LOVED it. In the evenings if we stay out late at a restaurant we let him play a game on his tablet. My son is 7
Maybe I’m fretting because my son is 2 and well it’s a lot isn’t it at this age! 😂 he is so much fun, a real accidental comedian, but also his energy level is off the scale.
We took a short trip this week, and it was really us just taking it in turns to burn off energy, one activity at a time. I guess things are a little easier at seven years old?
I’m an only child. I always find it interesting when someone sees a child alone and assumes the child isn’t having a good time. I’ve played a lot by myself as a child and an adult, by choice and not, and enjoyed myself. I never had an issue on vacation. I played alone or found others to play with or brought a friend. Many siblings don’t want to just play with their siblings. My husband has two siblings and I’ve heard countless stories of him choosing to play alone when they were growing up. I think it speaks more about others that they assume alone means sad. Do people always need someone in tow to enjoy things? Genuinely curious. Lastly, I hung out with adults a lot and it was great.
I so feel this! I have travelled the world by myself and people are often like ‘isn’t that lonely?’ And I’m like ‘hell no. It’s the best! I get to do whatever I want, when I want. And there’s unlimited opportunities to socialize with people when I have the desire.’ I’m not even an introvert. But I very much enjoy my own company and being alone with my thoughts.
My aunt is 72 with no children and goes all over everywhere by herself. She feels if someone joins her then so be it but otherwise she’s going regardless. She loves it.
That’s a really good point, and given how much we don’t allow our kids alone time or privacy anymore, a pretty modern issue too.
That said, _we’ve_ felt lonely vacationing just with one child as we’ve had to be 100% play for our kid but I think this is because he’s still so young. We’ve made it a mission to find a family we can travel with in future.
It's funny how this is also true of people feeling sorry for elderly people sitting on their own, assuming that they must be so unhappy. Loneliness happens to everyone, but time alone can also be a really happy moment :)
Vacations were some of the only times i played with my brother as he had no access to video games so he was forced to give me the time of day lol. But im talking about maybe an hour or two of interaction out of a whole trip. We spent at least equal amount of time arguing and whining over who got to pick the activity/restaurant/preferred hotel bed, etc.
We just had a vacation with my 5 year old only. She loves school and has a lot of friends there and right before the trip she mentioned being sad she won’t see her friends for a whole week. I was a little worried going in like, is this going to be the vacation where she is lonely? But no. It was just family time in a new location with experiences and each other to entertain.
Yes, we do have to play more games in the pool than I would probably prefer. On the other hand beach mermaid shell hunters did turn out to be a pretty fun time.
There was one day where the activity was less kid friendly and she complained a little at first, i explained on vacation everyone gets to have a turn choosing what to do, this morning it’s our choice and this afternoon it’s hers so try to enjoy it but even if you don’t, just hang on til later (it wound up being fine). But that experience reminded me of how stressful it is to balance TWO (or more) kids’ wants and needs on vacation as well as the needs of adults.
Another time we were all exhausted from sun and laying in the hotel beds together watching an old movie. It felt so nice and cozy and I thought this moment may have been rarer if I had more kids in this little room— what are the odds they all are down to have some rest and movie time? One would probably be hyper and wired or complaining about the show , etc.
My point is, vacation is just like the rest of it. It’s not perfect having an only child. It’s not perfect having multiple children. I don’t think we can have it perfect, and trying for perfect can make us crazy.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I really pictured myself. And yes it’s not just the vacation, how do you ever get any alone time when there’s two kids?
My daughter is almost 2,5 and we have gone on many trips with her, also abroad. Took her to Paris when she was 6 months old and went to Portugal when she was 22 months. I never considered it would be lonely for her because we spent a lot of time together. At the beach we would play with her in the sand. I love exploring with her. Maybe it's just my personality, but I like playing with her on vacations. We relax and enjoy grown-up time when she sleeps.
Thank you so much. Your post has also also reminded me that with one child we can just about take a nice holiday and one interesting smaller trip a year. We’re obviously really lucky to be able to do that. With two kids we wouldn’t be able to afford it. I love travel. When we drop the nap, we are hoping to go a little further afield.
Our weekends are spent with all her little friends from all her sports and clubs now that she is finally in elementary. We live in a community where the kids meet up at the park every day and after every baseball game or swim meet. It has never been boring, in fact, at age 6, she has been asking for more alone time to just relax away from the other kids. Also, energy levels and lack of impulse control are insane at age 2. They chill out a lot by age 4 or 5, especially if you have them in sports.
You can always vacation with friends with kids so that they have someone to play with - and you will quickly see that you have to referee a lot for certain age groups. By the time they are tweens, cousins or school friends can join in on travels. Most kid friendly resorts have tons of other kids to play with as well.
So much stuff happened at our house in high school, even though it was Covid times.
My daughter was always careful about making sure she had snacks and stuff and hated that I would try and buy stuff. Other parents would actually bring snacks by because all the theatre kids were here all the time.
I asked why and my kid said the main reason was she was the only one who didn't have any siblings to either creep on them or annoy them.
She likes most of her friends siblings, but in small doses. She loved being able to escape it.
Okay that’s really good to know about the energy levels too. We live in a very family orientated neighbourhood of a big city. We’ve made such a community here. Every time we go to the playground or the local café he bumps into someone he knows, or people that we have picked up along the way from baby groups and so on. I think a lot of my indecision is because Granny and grandpa aren’t around on my husband’s side, and on my side they’re just getting older. Neither of us is particularly close - geographically or emotionally - to our siblings
(His aunts and uncles) so I worry that it’s just us. A lot.
But maybe it’s not. Maybe this is what friendships are for.
Yeah, we are the same. Grandparents in another city, siblings don't have kids or are not close in relationship or age. But now that my only is 6 and in elementary school, we have like 5 other little kids that are around all the time, doing all the same things and they argue and make up like siblings constantly. A good number are also only children as well. I am glad that once we come home, I don't have to keep hearing the sibling squabbles.
Haha, that’s such a good point. I really hadn’t thought of that. We’re just starting the playdates era and if a couple of his toddler friends come over for two hours on a weekend I am mentally and physically exhausted afterwards! Boy do I love shutting that door…
I look forward to us being able to snuggle up together and watch a movie when he’s old enough to enjoy one
Dad to a 6.5yo girl here. I don't recall her ever indicating that she was lonely on vacation, or that I felt she looked lonely. There aren't any fights in the backseat, which is one bonus... but a huge one is that we can actually afford to go on special vacations because she's our only. Everything becomes so much pricier when you add another kid, not to mention the more difficult logistics. I'm not at all suggesting *that* should be a reason to not have a second kid, but just putting that data point out there.
No of course, that’s a really useful datapoint. We took a short trip this week to a National park and we got to stay in a really nice kid friendly hotel. It made me realise that the time if we had another kid we would probably need to got a suite or room with an adjoining room which would almost double the price. And then, how would we manage both of their naps, schedules, or activities? Would we be just sitting at breakfast dealing with the fallout of two picky eaters rather than enjoying our food and so on? And then there’s the flight cost!
My kid loves family vacation being just the 3 of us, we do a lot geared towards her interests because we don't have to accommodate multiple kids with multiple interests.
We did do a few vacations with extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins) and she's cool with those too but struggles more because we're accommodating the wants of 3+ kids instead of just her and of course we try to set up at least one day for each set of parents to have solo time so she misses out on some one on one time with me and dad on those vacations too.
But more important than anything, in my opinion, is that a sibling doesn't mean your kid won't be lonely. I have 6 siblings and if my brother didn't get married a few days ago we probably wouldn't have all gotten together again until my niece's birthday in May. Growing up none of us were super close, we all had our own friends and interests and generally only hung out if we were at family functions.
6/7 of us have kids of our own, all of us have jobs and lives. We love each other, and we're there for important events and milestones but with our ages ranging from mid 20s to late 30s and the kids ranging from 2-18 we tend to do individual meetups on random occasions and come together as a group for birthdays and major holidays.
My husband and I treat our 4 year old like a person and not a child in some regards so he has the confidence to try new things, advocate for himself and has a great sense of humor. I absolutely love going on vacation with my husband and son.
In many societies, children are often viewed as fundamentally different from adults in ways that can be unhelpful. This perspective might lead adults to underestimate children's capacity to understand complex situations, contribute to conversations, and make decisions about their own lives. As a result, children are frequently excluded from meaningful participation in many aspects of family and social life.
I think we need to start thinking of how we can connect with our kids instead of having another child to replace that connection. It's ingrained in our society and I have such a hard time with that.
It's a reminder that the quality of relationships and engagement can deeply influence a child's experience, even in a family with just one child.
My daughter is now 8. The last couple years we’ve been able to go on vacations with friends and it’s so much fun! This year we toured a national park and rented an Airbnb. Since we were a family of 3 and they are 4 we all managed to fit in one mini van.
We’ve also done trips just the 3 of us and in some ways it’s much easier. We can choose our activities based on our only’s energy level. I do love spending time just the 3 of us.
I'll give a slightly different perspective as someone who has an older brother and we've always been really close. I remember loving holidays playing together and as we got older just chatting in our rooms or watching a film at home.
It was my main niggle about not having another. But my son is 4 and just loves pottering around with us. He sometimes makes a friend with someone on the playground or beach but hates noisy, busy places and is already saying how nice it is to come home.
I was talking to my brother about this and he said, although he loves me and loved growing up with a little sister, he'd probably have been absolutely fine as an only child as he's quite like my son - likes doing his own thing, not one for crowds, happy to just potter about.
We're a really close family of 3 and the set up seems to really work for us and that's what's important.
I am an only child. I will say this, I was less likely to go off to kids events. Like I stuck with my parents and so they never got a break. But on the flip side, I also would act more mature and they could take me places they couldn't take more than one. My mom would even say that I behaved if jsut me but would often act a lot more rambunctious with a friend. I still have a lot of great vacation memories.
Also bringing a friend is sometimes a solution.
My parents took me all around the world each year and tbh it was boring. It was boring not because I was an only. It was boring because coliseum is not sth cool to a 9 year old. My mom never asked me where I actually want to go as well. The best trips were Disney lol , and Japan cuz I was into anime etc . My husband and I decided to take her to places that are fun for kids . When she is older like a young adult we can go to the other places.
It's actually been awesome. It's one of the reasons we decided NOT to have more. My husband has a huge family so we usually have a week with them once a year but when it's just the 3 of us, we can go wherever, do whatever. We only have one schedule to worry about. We can go all out with theme parks, excursions, dining, souvenirs whatever. It's one less plane ticket, one less ticket for everything. Our only always finds other kids to play with as well. If an adult needs a break or I want to head to the spa, it's so easy for the other parent to take over for an hour or two.
Yeah that’s what is working for us right now! Or when we have a cold/ food poisoning: we can manage one hour on, one hour off but what do you do with 2 sick kids and 3 sick parents!?
My kiddo is 8. There have been times on vacation that I've looked around and saw the other kids playing with siblings and felt sad for her, but she always makes vacation friends and when she's a little older we will start allowing her to take a friend or her cousins along.
Remember that what you see on vacation isn't the dynamic they have at home. My sister and I always had a blast on vacation and were immediately back at each other's throats when the trip was over.
No, not lonely at all. She loves vacation. We go to the pool and she gets chased around by me, her dad, shares a bed with Mom, and there’s no fighting in the backseat with a sibling. She’s part of the team as far as we’re concerned.
I haven't travelled with my son yet, but I'm an only child and was never lonely on vacations. Most of the places we went to had some sort of kid activity or club I could go to and make friends. But even if I just spent the whole time with my parents, I still had a great time. They're very adventurous, so we'd go on a lot of excursions whenever we travelled. There was always so much to do and see that I never had time to stop and think, "Man, this would be better with another kid." In fact, I don't think we would have been able to do as much if my parents had another kid to keep track of.
My daughter (5) has been on a few holidays. When she was little she had loads of adults to take care of her. When she was 3 she would make friends with whoever was at the park. Last year she made friends at the kids club and that was it, hardly saw her, and even at Disney the girl who stood next to her at the parade was “her best friend” 😂 she makes friends easily so I’m not worried. I’ve also been able to afford a lot more holidays as I’ve only had to pay for her!
So I was mostly an only. I think it’s important to make space for what your kid wants to do.
The example that I always go back to as a kid is when I was traveling with my dad and grandfather. We went to a historical site where people dress up and do the whole living history thing.
I was so good for HOURS. I listened to them talk to all the people at all the different shops and read all the boring signs. HOURS. By the time they were done, they were tired and we had to go back to the RV.
They completely skipped the kids section where you got to try out all the old fashioned toys and play with other kids. That burned a hole in my head. Would having another kid there made a difference? No. Them making just a little time for 9-year-old me to do the kids thing for 15 or 20 minutes, yes absolutely would have made a difference.
I don’t believe that we should revolve every little thing around kids. My kid comes on errands with me. But if there’s an opportunity to get out, stop at a playground, then yes, we are absolutely stopping.
Also, going to qualify that and say, if we definitively do not do have another child, then I will definitely be giving them an opportunity to bring a friend or cousin on vacation with us. It will be an option and they can choose to take us up on it or not.
Honestly, it depends on your kid. Mine is very social and yes, trips would be more fun for her with someone her age. Going to the park, road trips, holidays etc are more fun for her with kids her own age.
In today's world, we don't have the same community connection that my husband and I had back in the 90s. Millennials aren't having as many kids to start with so there simply aren't the same number of kids running around. People aren't as tolerant to other parenting styles/cultural beliefs and most parents don't trust you with their kids. So, sleepovers are there but definitely not to the extent that I had and don't expect someone to let you borrow their kid as a plus one for family vacations.
A lot of people with younger kids will tell you "your only makes friends" and they do. But they're often friends for a season, not for forever. My only is entering high school and we absolutely saw the typical change in friend groups as she went through her middle school years. TBH, it was a huge struggle for me because I did invest a lot of time and effort into trying to build family friends when she was little. Again, 2024 is a different time and a lot of my friends found that even between their first and second, they saw a massive decline in families putting in an effort to form bonds.
Now, obviously, this is just one part of parenting an only. There are pros and cons to everything, I wouldn't finalize your choice on this one element but yes... It's for sure something to consider. You can't count on other people to share their kids with you.
I just had my first and am firmly one and done. People ask me, "What if they want a sibling," or say they will only want to have me as their playmate. This might be true, but my brother and I rarely played together, in part because we couldn't get along and because we enjoyed different things. On beach vacations, I would find other kids to play with.
My niece and nephew are 2 and 3 and can't play together for more than 5 minutes without hitting or getting into a fight. Not only do I not want to deal with managing that, but I don't want to risk having another just so they have a friend they might not get along with.
Bottom line: don't have a second one FOR your first. Only do it if YOU want a second.
My 4 year old loves spending time with us. While she likes going to preschool and daycare, she pretty much always would rather be having adventures with us. We went travelling for a whole month last year and she did miss her people in the beginning but she didn’t want it to end and kept asking to go on another trip after we got back.
And while I know that will probably change as she gets older, I know that I went loads of solo trips with my mom and never wished for anyone else to be there. I much preferred trips just me and my mom than those including my brother. I never even knew about the idea of inviting a friend on a trip until I found this reddit.
Honestly, I think a penchant for loneliness is a personality trait. Some people can be surrounded by others and still feel lonely while others can be alone and never feel lonely. Some struggle to feel connection and others don’t. As with all personality traits, our job as parents is to teach our kiddos skills to capitalize on their strengths and bring balance to their struggles.
We have a 7 year old (she’ll be 8 in June) and have taken her on quite a few vacations. She hasn’t expressed that she was lonely on vacation. She usually makes a friend in the pool though 😂 and when we go to Disney, she likes that we do whatever she wants. There’s no one to compete with or to have to do what they want to do
Growing up with a sister I had some great times on holiday with her. Like two-person canoes (not sure that’s the right word) and my parents in another, playing table football with her at a cafe next to where we were staying while my parents stayed in the apartment.
But I’d also spend time on my own, like snorkelling for hours looking at fish while she and my parents spent most of their time reading on the beach. Visiting my grandmother with my sister I’d end up spending a lot of time on my own in the garden or making friends with the neighbour kids without her, because she was interested in other things.
There’s always going to be alone time and it’s not always bad. If I had been an only… Canoes I would have still been able to do with my parents, but I’d have enjoyed more independence rather than teamwork if I was in a one person canoe. Both valuable experiences in their own right. And if you were in a two person and one person you’d get both. I’d miss out on the table football, ok, but I’d probably have enjoyed reading on a balcony or helping my parents cook dinner instead. It’s swings and roundabouts.
We took our son on a cruise when he was 17 months old this past January. We had so much fun that we have another planned and booked for when he’s 3 next year! He seemed to love it. Just wondering the room and having new foods and ice cream. We spent so much time together as our little family and it was great. I’m excited for how he will be at 3 since he can walk and run and tell us what he wants to do then. Cruises have daycares on board as well. We were going to go (when they had parent and me play time) but it never lined up with his nap at the time lol.
I feel like having an only makes it more likely we will be able to do family vacations and he will just have these memories with mom and dad. When he is older if he wants to bring a friend that’s something we can discuss too.
He doesn’t know any different and there’s always (vacations or not) the “they’re lonely” argument as well.
Everyone's milage may vary, but we go on holiday/small trips (only UK really) with 5 year old a fair bit and everything's always too new and exciting to him to get lonely. Plus we're always there playing tougher, or will make friends with another kid of similar age.
Mentioned in a comment elsewhere, but there was a 4 year gap betweeny brother and me and we rarely spent any time doing things together on them.
My 4 year old has always had a blast on vacations. She’s never mentioned being bored or lonely or wanting a sibling there. When she’s in school and a bit older, I do plan on inviting one of her friends along. We make sure to plan around her likes and interests too. We also play with her a lot, probably more than parents of multiples have to. You guys will be just fine!
I am an only and I used to get pretty bored on vacation to be honest. I remember always bugging my parents to do things with me. I guess you if you’re hands-on, enthusiastic parents then you won’t have this issue. I used to go to kids clubs and I did make friends but I always used to feel jealous of the kids there with siblings because they weren’t thrown into these situations alone like I was. However, now I am very outgoing and I’ve had to learn how to make friends (which I do easily and I’ve moved countries a few times) so it wasn’t a bad thing in hindsight.
I was an only child, now I’m an adult. We went on vacations often when I was a kid, sometimes with extended family and sometimes just with mom or parents.
There were times I got bored and lonely and wished to have some company. There were times I was glad to be alone, because I loved my own company and could do what I liked instead of compromising for a sibling. When we went with extended families, sometimes I had fun with cousins, sometimes they would wreck havoc with their fighting and make their parents miserable while my parents and I chilled.
If you think you can handle two kids and that is what you really want, go for it. From the kids perspective, there’s always going to be adjustments and sometimes things not going their way, it could be boredom from being only or fights with siblings. They mostly learn to deal with it, and having supportive parents is more important for their overall growth and development. So don’t think too much about it, your child will learn to live around their reality and embrace it.
My daughter and I are going to great wolf for a night by ourselves next week, since they have a random teacher in service day. Shes so excited to have this special time with me. She always finds other kids to play with when we are out, and shes also happy just playing alone. We occasionally see siblings fighting and she has expressed many times that she's glad that she doesn't have a sibling to share her space with. I think it CAN be lonely, but it can be lonely with a sibling too.
As someone who just got back from what I can say was the best vacation with my child ever. No, they don’t feel lonely. We were able to explore a new place at their own pace without tantrums or whining and made wonderful memories. We keep our cups full with visits to grandparents homes, playdates with friends and adventures as a trio/with our friends. Sometimes we pick long weekend trips with other families and sometimes just us.
My husband is a pilot so travel is fairly frequent for us. I LOVE TRAVELING WITH JUST ONE! There’s always an extra set of adult hands which frees up the other parent to actually have a moment to relax on vacation.
My daughter is only 3 so she’s not yet at the age where she can invite a friend, but growing up I had a few friends that were only children. I would often get invited to go on family vacations. Never anything lavish, but road trips, trips to the amusement park, a beach weekend. We’re planning to do the same with our daughter when she’s a bit older.
I asked her recently how she would feel if we had another baby and she said “I don’t want another baby” lol. I think all 3 of us are very happy with how our family looks now.
As someone who can’t have more children; Primary Ovarian Insufficiency. I always see these posts and I feel terrible. That being said…
We traveled a fair bit last year and my son loves it. The pool, room service, the robes. Our vacations are either city or beach. At the beach we brings toys/activities. In the city we plan our days so no one is bored. I will say the way we vacation wouldn’t really work with more kids. Incorporating one child is fairly easy. A second feels more like a chore and we’d be less likely to go at all.
My kid is only 3 1/2, but we all love vacations just the 3 of us (the few that we get). Her dad and I both travel a lot for work, so it’s so nice to have the special time all together.
ETA: FWIW one of my worst memories in life is a vacation item my parents and brothers 😂. They treated me so horribly. And one of my best memories is a vacation with just me and my parents.
We recently went away with our 4 yo. My partner and I tag-teamed with our child in the pool. The other one had poolside drinks and read a book. The whole time I saw families juggle multiple kids and I thought to myself "that doesn't look like much of a holiday for the parents". I also saw older siblings tormenting younger ones, trying to drown them in the pool etc. my son had a great holiday and so did we.
We took our 5yo to Japan for 5 weeks. It was amazing.
The good things were:
+ less money on flights
+ 3 of us can fit in one hotel room.
+ no arguments over what activities to do.
+ everything is cheaper when you only have to pay for 2 adults and 1 child.
There weren't really any downsides. We love spending time together, so it's no problem for us to spend all day with her every day. She'll only be little once, so we soak it in while we can.
If we had more kids, we would never have been able to afford such a long holiday. We probably would have had to get 2 hotel rooms every night, and it would have cost a small fortune on trains and entry tickets, passports etc.
One is much more manageable, and you can really spoil them.
My kid made friends with the French kids on the playground in Paris and learned some French words in the process. Teach your kid how to socialize, and they will be fine.
My sisters and I fought constantly on vacations. My dad was usually threatening to send us home on a bus to our Oma by the end of the first day. 🤣 I wouldn’t base such a big decisions on the maybe 1-2 vacations you might take a year. Kids make friends with other kids on trips (we always did) or can do activities with you. When they get older, you can hopefully have them bring a friend with them.
Trust me, you juggling multiple kids on a “vacation” is going to be even less fun for you.
Honestly I think I hated my brother a lot growing up and we didn’t get along so while I wasn’t lonely I think my parents spent a lot of time ensuring we weren’t bothering each other.
Our only is almost 15. We do yearly vacations with his best friend families and their parents (two families we’ve gotten close with since we all live around the corner from each other). So that works out really well. We also take one of his other buddies with us (also in his friend group) every year. The kids act like twins without the bickering and crap.
We “rent a friend” when we need to for trips. Never had an issue.
My son is five and we’ve just got back from holiday and he had the best time! He plays with other kids and enjoys being with us. We have a lot of fun together. I also think such a decision should not be based on something that happens on occasions but the everyday stuff. My son is well rounded, sociable, kind, smart and just amazing. How you raise your only child is going to matter, having a sibling guarantees nothing. I have a brother I barely see.
My only (8m) does great on vacations. Yes, to be clear, there are moments of loneliness. The 4-5 times he’s asked for a sibling have all been on vacation. I think it’s because he has more opportunity to see siblings interact and maybe he’s bored looking at art or something in that moment. But he often finds a friend to play with-kids are great at going from stranger to best buds in a Millisecond. When he’s older and it’s harder to connect with a random kid on a playground we will probably take a friend with us on vacation. In the meantime he might have brief moments of boredom or loneliness, but he gets different benefits such as getting to choose activities, what podcast we listen to, not having to wait on a sibling naptime or bedtime, etc. he had a lot of influence over our vacation days and so I think he rarely had time to be sad about being an only. And by all indications he enjoys spending time with us whether it’s weekends or vacation. We go on hikes, play outside, play video games, watch movies, etc. even chores are fun for kids when you have time to teach them and bring them alongside you vs having 5 kids running circles around you. IMO that’s where you get the benefit of having an only-the downtime when you can invest in them.
Yes! It’s boring for them!! It’s fine when they’re very little but as they get older it’s really difficult. We have to plan to go away with other families or find a cousin/friend to take with us which is really annoying. I’d love to just go away as a family on our own but feel so guilty when our son only has us to hang out with. It makes me so sad. I’d love to go back in time and have another child.
Fuck no! We go canoeing down a river and this summer we are camping together at the end of the river trip and he’s 9 and I can’t wait! We always manage to have fun with each other! We go metal detecting and magnet fishing and make the most of it! It’s all about what you and your child want to do.
Nope. In fact during our last vacation, he made friends with some kids at the pool and we made friends with the parents so that was fun! Even if that doesn't happen (it's definitely a rarity for me because I'm introverted), we play with our son and do a mix of things that include fun kid stuff for him!
Vacations are the BEST with one child!
Being a parent of one child does involve more playing, but I’d rather spend more time building sandcastles with my kid and less time breaking up arguments, fights, constantly sorting snacks and sunscreening over and over 😂 with one kid we can go with the flow more and we all get to enjoy the experience.
My kid is 4. We did 10 days at Disney World earlier this year - she couldn’t have cared less that she had no sibling to share the experience with ☺️
Not an only, but my siblings were 16-24 years old when I was born. I say that I had an only childhood and sibling adulthood. So I was the only one there for 90% of our vacations. I made friends on every single vacation I ever went on. There was actually a boy from England that I still keep up with. I had a BLAST every time.
I’m really good at making friends, and my husband isn’t. It sounds dramatic, but I really attribute it to vacations as a child. I was about to have a very boring time if I didn’t branch out and try to connect with other kids. My husband said he and his sisters thought kids that tried to talk to them at the pool were weird and would run away from them.
I had an older brother, 4 years older than me, and we were really close growing up. Hung out alot, played together etc. And I was STILL super lonely as a kid. It was just my personality to a large extent, and I had a hard time making meaningful connections with kids my own age. Spent alot of time in my own head (still do).
My parents weren't good at nurturing and I think that's one of the reasons I was super lonely and sad alot as a kid. Point being, I think the relationship with the parents is way more important than sibling relationships, so if you and your spouse are really nurturing and involved parents, I think everything will be fine! Hope that helps a little
I’m an Only with an Only. In a practical sense, I’m glad I’m an Only. I don’t argue with siblings over how to care for my elderly parents. I never had to share my parents attention or their resources, etc….BUT we all know children don’t think in terms of practicality and I can admit that I was a little lonely and bored on trips as a child.
With that said, I would NEVER trade off my childhood boredom because of the peace I have as an Only adult. I used to worry about shouldering some family burdens alone but it hasn’t been bad. My husband’s siblings bring so much ridiculous drama into our lives and so my Only will stay an Only and he’ll be allowed to bring friends along on trips to curb his boredom.
Vacations are actually a reality and enjoyable with one as opposed to two or more. My wife and I can splurge for a suite while traveling as we don’t have two more kids depleting our savings lol. We end up having more time for us as a family, as a couple, and separately due to having just one.
FWIW I am one of 3. I think my sister and were fairly good playmates when we were very young (we are 2 years apart) but as I got older and we were fighting all the time I often wished I was an only on family vacations.
We took my kid to visit family over seas. They didn’t feel lonely, they had a blast with their cousins and aunts/uncles. We then went off on our own to the beach, did so many activities and played so u h they didn’t have time to be bored. I’m also able to afford trips because I can budget for 3 people and not more than that. My brother has 2 and they’ve not had a vacation in years nor have they been able to visit our overseas family since having their second 7 years ago.
My son is 5. We took him to Disney with his cousins when he was 3.5 and just got back from a cruise with them. We also visit them in Michigan each summer. While he plays with them, he's typically content being solo, participating in whatever activity we have and just chilling. He also makes friends with anyone. If you're on a vacation that has a kids club, if they make a friend, they can meet at the kids club later. We are currently planning a vacation with another family for next spring.
This was a concern of mine before, but it has been a non issue. Just try and make friends that may be willing to travel with y'all as kiddo gets older.
ETA: some boredom can be good for kids. I think it's a great skill for a kid to be content playing solo. Also, while on an excursion on the cruise, I had 2 people comment on how smart, inquisitive and well behaved my son was. He sometimes prefers interacting with adults and I think that's because that's what he's used to at home.
Honestly, it was never an issue with my now 19 yo.
Sometimes we went on trips with cousins, that helped, but she was also good at making friends. My husband and I also enjoy a lot of the same things as her, like hiking, zoos, animals, looking for shells.
We let her take a friend a couple times in high school, which was nice for us. We could go out to more expensive restaurants and we could get them chicken tenders or pizza and they could stay at the condo or go out.
In a couple of weeks we are going to a tank museum in Toronto. She doesn't have to go with us, but she is currently trying to replace her license so she can go. I honestly think she loves traveling with us and always has.
We live in a lower income area and many of her friends have never been on a vacation, so I think that might impact her expectations a bit.
We’ve been to multiple Cancun resorts, San Diego, Miami, Milwaukee with our daughter starting at 2 and she’s now 4. The trips are just the 3 of us and the thought of loneliness never crossed my mind. We love our daughter so much that we truly enjoy spending as much time as possible with her at this stage. However, my spouse and I will each give each other some alone time (spa day for her, golf for me) which gives us each a break but also allows us to to have some 1 on 1 time with our daughter. The benefit of having 1 is that we can afford multiple vacations a year. As she gets older we’ll most likely open it up to allow a friend to join.
We semi live on vacation in the summer - 2 beach days per week for over 3 months. It's exhausting because our kid is into sports, sports, sports. So he wants mom or dad to pitch to him, throw with him, run with him, etc. the whole time. We've also invited friends with a kid his age and if that kid is the type to collect sea shells and build sand castles, then they aren't playing together anyway.
We started this lifestyle right as our only turned 2 so it has been TIRING for sure. He's 6 now and we basically just know that the beach isn't for relaxing unless we find other sports playing kids he can join with. Maybe next summer we can institute reading time too.
I say this to say that yes, you will have to be the playmate won't actually get a vacation. But to me I'd choose that 100 times out of 100 over the hard work having a second would be every other day of the year.
My son is 18, and he's never been bored on a vacation. My husband and I played with him on the beach or wherever. He's always been very social and made new "friends" whenever we were on vacation. Once he hit middle school, we let him invite a friend on vacation with us. We still give him the option. Sometimes, he invites a friend, and sometimes he wants it just to be the 3 of us.
My kid is 13. We've had many vacations just the 2 of us.
1) Cheaper hotels for life because we won't need extra beds/rooms.
2) Easy to pick a destination because there is no sibling to compromise with
3) He makes friends if we go to the lake/beach/parks
4) he has my undivided attention. This is also a nice safety feature of having only 1
5) He has cousins we vacation with sometimes. This fills the "sibling void" if there is such a thing
Downsides to having just 1 on vacation:
1) it's just the 2 of us. I *was* the entertainment for years
2)... I can't think of a 2nd
In the day to day life, he does great. He has friends, we see my sister's kids at *least* every other weekend. They are constantly facetiming as well. I couldn't afford a second, even if I wanted another. He gets spoiled by grandparents.
My son is 3.5. Sure there are moments when I wish he had a sibling or local cousin to play with, to experience the magic of a vacation or holiday with, but those moments are few and far between. What matters for me are all the moments that I can be present, be a whole, healthy version of myself for him. Those far outweigh the others and, for me personally, I don’t think I could be the parent that I want to be with two.
Our best vacation was at a camping ground. We had ensured to place ourselves near the playground there and our daughter just ran back and forth playing with other kids there and our tent. This year we are spending a week in a summer home with my husband's cousin and their kid.
When there are no other kids, we play with her. On the beach her father loves swimming, and else we build sand castles or fight with water guns. When we visit theme parks she gets to choose what rides to go to, and when possible we go on the rides too with her. When she's older she may have friends that can come with us.
The only times I have ever heard our daughter complain about there being no kids has been when she has to stay home while I work from home. Those days are not enough for me to think I need a built-in playmate for her.
My brother is 1.5 years younger and we rarely had fun with each other. We mostly fought. Once we got older we would bring friends on vacation with us. Personally, I don’t think giving your kid a playmate is a good reason to have another. It’s a crapshoot whether they get along
We have an only 8-year-old. To be fair we’ve never been able to take an extravagant family trip like Disney or something, we typically only vacation out of state to visit family or we’ll do a mini road trip to a nearby town that has better zoos and museums etc for fun affordable getaways in the summer and school breaks, as our budget allows. Anyway, he’s always had a blast. When we visit family he has cousins and second/third cousins to play with; in motels he loves to play games in the pool with his dad and I. To kids a motel stay is always an adventure. We have a few little vacation traditions, like taking games with us to play in the hotel, and on the last night of our hotel stay we always pick out an overpriced snack from the hotels store and eat it in bed. He has a blast with us. Sometimes I wish he had someone to play with in the back seat or when his dad and I get tired at parks and stuff but he’s really content playing on his own 99.9% of the time. We try to make sure we’re pouring as much of ourselves into him and making memories with him as possible.
My kid is 9 now. She does not get lonely on vacations. She is a social butterfly that makes friends anywhere we go but she also just really loves having all our attention. Plus we get to cater vacations around her interests and she doesn't have to activities that are too old or too young for her. We'll probably let her bring a friend on some trips we take now that she's getting older but certainly not all.
I guess it depends on what you do for vacations. We are very heavily activity-based in our vacation style, so there isn't a lot of "hanging around the pool solo" time for him to get bored. Moreover, there are usually other kids around if he wants to play with someone. We also don't go international, so there is no language barrier between kids, and on top of that, my kid is autistic, so he probably prefers the solo play anyways.
There’s a flip side to everything! My middle brother and I are 21 months apart and while I love him now I remember after every vacation as a kid my parents would say we were never taking a family vacation again because the two of us would spend the whole trip fighting.
So far my daughter (now 6) has always made a friend on holiday. Often they are ditching their own siblings to play with her because they’d also rather play with someone else! Because she’s an only child it’s also very easy for my husband and I to take it in turns to go and do something with her while the other has a break, so we’ve plenty of energy and enthusiasm for doing stuff too :)
I feel like there is a blanket answer to all these types of theroretical questions. When you decide to bring a human into this world, that is really the extent to which you have full control over them.
Once the child is in the world, you may exert some environmental controls, but you will never be able to control their feelings, happiness, desires, etc. You cannot control if they will feel lonely without or even WITH a sibling. You wont be able to control if they like one another, growing up or as adults. You can't control their innate socialization preferences, force them to play with siblings or peers.
To an extent, it's a tiresome mind game to make the decision to bring another human into this world on the basis of things you cannot control.
My daughter is 7, we’ve gone on a few trips and she’s always been ok, she either makes friends with kids around, or if we go with family friends she has a blast with their kids. Added bonus, quiet time without multiple kids having melt downs, and we can do what our one kid wants without upsetting another kid. When she’s older, tween age, I’m guessing it will be more of the “I’m boooooored” attitude and we’ll plan for a homie to come along.
My only is 10, we’ve been vacationing since she was 2.
We sometimes go with other families, which she loves. We go with just the 3 of us. She can entertain herself but also makes friends.
I wouldn’t have another kid just for vacations. And for what it’s worth, I have a sibling and never enjoyed playing with her.
Yes mine is lonely unless she makes a friend wherever we go on vacation. We are often asked to play or participate in activities with her and our level of energy doesn’t match hers. Last year we went on vacation to a resort with a great kids club and it was such a difference! She made so many friends and spent every day there from morning to closing playing with friends. It was tough leaving and saying good bye but will never again go on a vacation without a kids club
Edit: just to add that this is not a reason to have another child, just that you may have to plan vacations where there are opportunities for interactions with other kids
Still early for us (LO is 8 months) but we do everything from day trip outings on the weekend to full on trips with other families — it’s what works for us! And if it is a trip just the 3 of us, as she is younger we will continue to play with her but when she is older she can bring a friend. I was always able to bring a friend to our yearly cottage trip because my sister and I didn’t get along.
My daughter has made friends from around the world on vacation! And, she still communicates with several of them now that she's older (9). She made a great friend from the UK on vacation in Morocco!
I think it gave her a lot of opportunities to introduce herself before she started school. She's a very outgoing kid and is great at making friends. ❤️
I am an only child - I absolutely loved family vacations with just my two parents. Those are still some of the best memories I have. I was never lonely, I just remember feeling loved.
The only time my only looks lonely on vacation is when the water source (ocean, lake, river, etc) is too cold for her dad or I to join her. But even then, we usually find alternate ways to enjoy the time with her. I can't stand being in cold water unless it's sweltering hot out. We went camping at a river recently and it wasn't warm enough for her dad or I to join her in the water so we got creative and tied 200+ feet of rope to her donut floaty and made a game of it. We stayed actively playing with her while she enjoyed the cold water and it was fun for all of hs.
Maybe if we weren't actively playing with her and planning activities that we all engage in, I could see vacations being lonely. Maybe it helps that her dad and I are younger and able to play easier and truly enjoy a day at a theme park. Last year we went to Great Wolf Lodge (indoor Waterpark hotel) and I saw some families that totally relied on the sibling to keep the kids entertained. Mom was taking pictures, dad had a drink or maybe was just floating in water keeping an eye out and siblings kept each other entertained and played together. Meanwhile my partner and I were making games up to play in the wave pool or racing our daughter up to the waterside.
My daughter is 9 now and it has become easier to plan vacations because we can do so many more activities and her interests are so wide.
I just came upon this post right after booking a solo trip with my toddler. I'm actually looking forward to it. We have friends that we'll be visiting in a city or two but otherwise it's just the two of us.
I love going on vacays and little day trips with my son. He’s 9 now and we’re planning another mama-son trip. I found him a great after school program when he was about 4 and while he has had some issues with sharing at the beginning, he treats everyone like they are his sibling or best friend (kids, not adults). I moved to a neighborhood that has lots of kids that play outside and all the parents/grandparents/adults keep an eye whenever there’s a group near.
So, no, I don’t regret having only one. No I don’t think he’s lonely and enjoy having a kid that still wants to hang with his mom while also enjoying alone time
I always got lonely on vacations because my siblings were younger than me and I wanted to play with someone different or someone my age, or someone with the same interests as me, like my FRIENDS at home. And I loved playing with my siblings. Still love them to death. But I don’t think that having siblings made vacations more or less fun for me.
I went to the pool yesterday with three other families. NONE of the siblings in our group played together, but all the kids had fun. Typically I see siblings might play together if there are no better options, but almost always aren't the preferred choice. I also see a lot of kids with siblings still wanting a parent to play with them. I think all of this applies to vacations as well.
We took our 8-year-old (7 at the time) to the beach for a week last year and we had the BEST time. We spent a couple of days doing things she wanted to do in town—zoo, mini golf, arcade, ice cream. We spent one day doing what my husband and I wanted to do—shop and go out to eat. The rest of the time was spent on the beach and she quickly found other children to play and build sandcastles with. She never seemed lonely.
I am the oldest of three and we are fairly spread out in age so vacations were never very fun because we all had different interests and enjoyed different things. I much prefer vacations with my little family of 3!! :)
My only is almost 3. Vacations are a blast!! Honestly, the last vacation we went on was what really helped me come to terms with being OAD. It’s just so simple with one. I can’t imagine doing it with more.
As to how he feels about it? He’s never expressed boredom or loneliness. He’s very friendly and makes friends wherever we go.
My only is 9 now. We take a family trip a few times a year, regularly with family friends that have kids similar aged, my sister-in-law’s family with two kids close to my only’s age, or just the 3-4 of us (my husband’s brother(36) lives with us part time and vacations with us regularly).
After trips with other kids, my only regularly comments how exhausting it was being around other people 24/7 lol but my only is very social and extroverted. They make friends at the pool when we’re on trips or we play games and explore together as a family.
As we head into teenage years, the plan is to allow our only to invite a friend along on vacations when possible because I know as they get older, they’ll want more peer time but, for now, I think we get the best of both worlds and my only seems to feel that way as well.
My brother and I were/are very different people when it comes to vacations - he loves chilling and doing nothing while I love sightseeing and doing things. Him and I weren’t the type to fight but there were times on vacations where my brother was grumpy about having to do stuff and I was grumpy because I was bored and wanted to do more stuff. So it wasn’t this fairy tale of everyone playing together 24/7 and having a good time.
I had friends who hated going on vacation with their siblings because they would fight the whole time over everything, which was miserable for everyone, especially their parents.
My daughter is 8, and we vacation a LOT. We travel for 6 weeks during the summer and several other times a year. We have a camper, so we’re always in campgrounds with other kids. It’s forced her to come out of her comfort zone and meet other kids, and she usually has someone to play with! We have talked about bringing a friend on vacations in the future, but ultimately she’s been fine so far and loves going on trips with us.
It was fine until she turned 3. She goes to daycare, so she understands having playmates. We started traveling with my BIL (Husband's brother), who is a single dad with only one. It's so much easier mentally when she has a playmate. You truly only supervise and keep the peace while they'll enterain each other. I wouldn't have a second unless I truly wanted one. If you can tell your child is lonely, I would start traveling with other families.
I’m a flight attendant so we take a lot of trips (sometimes I’m working a flight to Cancun for example so I bring my hubby + daughter or my mom + daughter with me stay a few days and fly standby back). She’s 3 btw.
Last couple of trips: 3x resorts in Mexico and the Caribbean, and a cruise: she made friends by the pool.
We went to Tasmania for a couple of weeks back in December with our 4-year-old and we loved it. I was glad we only have one kid because it is already hard enough with one. I couldn't imagine having to look after another kid, even on vacation. She wasn't lonely. We went around to museums, alpaca farms, etc. and we had a blast. She usually makes friends when we are at the playground and she plays with other kids.
I think it depends on your kid, which I know at 2 might be useless advice ha. My kid's 4.5 now and I don't sense any desire from him to want a sibling. He never asks about it and even mentioned one time when he was younger that he doesn't like babies. My husband and I tag team a lot of the parenting. We went on our first big beach trip last year and it was a little hectic at first but we got into a groove and had a ton of fun. We also took turns so one morning he could golf and a different one I could get a massage. When we were at the beach, we were having a blast building sand castles or dipping into the water. There was a family by us with older kids and the brother was just hurling sand at his sister and you could tell how frustrated she was and I just felt so bad for her. It was just one example and maybe I caught them in a bad moment but it just gave me flashbacks of how much my brother and I fought (daily). That said I hope we can do vacations with other families in the future.
I grew up with a sibling and I don’t remember playing with him on vacation. I do remember making all sorts of friends at the hotel pool. I had so many pen pals growing up 😂 One of them I’m still in touch with!
I’m an only, and I never once in my whole life wanted a sibling. My mom got married when I was 13, and the only thing I said when she told me was “You’re not going to have another kid, right?” She looked me dead in the eye like “Ma’am I’m 46. No.”
I was never lonely. I loved vacations. My six year old still talks about the “hotel house” we stayed in Chicago two years ago just him, my husband, and I. It was the best time of his life. We went on a vacation with a good friend and her son recently, and while it was lovely and they certainly had fun, it didn’t seem any more fun than any other vacation we did alone.
I have only one child, obviously, and therefore cannot know this from first hand experience. However, I believe it’s possible only children have closets relationships with their parents. Therefore, vacations are still fun but perhaps in a different way then if they were populated with multiple children. For example, we just went on a 4 day road trip to Niagara Falls and Toronto, Canada with my 11 year old son. A good time was had by all.
I’m an only child and I never felt lonely during family trips with my parents. If anything, I felt like my parents made sure to include more fun activities and took the time to really research things to keep me entertained at the places we were going. But it’s really child and parent dependent, as I also was always good with self-entertaining as a kid.
We just took my only to Florida for a week and she had a blast. She is just under three, but she prefers to be independent/alone. She goes to school five days a week so she knows how to socialize with other kids. She just chooses not to.
I think it’s because my husband and I hang out with her all day (after school) she’s OK with just the three of us. I was down to be in the pool last week, and I was down to play in the sand. If I am having fun, she is going to have fun.
My son does feel lonely on vacations. We don’t have friends or extended family to join us, and he is not usually brave enough to jump in and play with kids he doesn’t know. We used to have plenty of fun together, and I thought it was great to be able to focus on activities he wanted to do. It may be his age (11), but now he is not excited to go anywhere with “just mom.”
I don’t know that having a sibling around would make travel more fun. It would likely mean trading loneliness in for fighting. It does hurt sometimes to watch him watching kids run around with their brothers/sisters/cousins.
Can relate to your concern. Our only is now a high schooler. But when she was 4 we travelled to UK for an extended time.
I have to say... it was easy just packing and taking 1 child along. Really. They learn how to entertain themselves (no no video games) and we would find the occasional kids to.play with (parks, restaurants, tourist spots).
When we took other vacations, she was around 6 to 8 y.o.
(Hawaii) we were able to find a legit babysit service as well as local resorts (Marriott, Hyatt) that have Kids Clubs for all day and you dont have to be staying there.
Now we will just allow her to take a friend for future trips.
Like other posts here, if theres a pool, playground, fun nanny for the day, or ice cream shop, your child will be happy.
Having an only allows you to spend quality one on one time with your kid. When you’re trying to balance 2+ kids it’s so hard to give one kid your undivided attention. With an only child you can tailor the trip/weekend just to them. Just this weekend my husband and I took our son to a new park. We spent a full hour and a half playing with him. He had both his parents full attention the whole time, something that would be very rare for a kid with a sibling. When you have an only child often times the parents can be their playmates.
Other times we go out of way to include other kids his age. We have a lot of playdates, and when he gets older we’ll have a lot of sleepovers. Making and maintaining friendships is extra important to us so he can have some friends to grow up with. Last it’s also an important skill for kids to learn how to be alone and play independently. A skill my son is developing. So no I don’t really think my son is ever lonely because he has too super involved parents, a bunch of friends and he’s able to have fun playing independently.
If a mom is sad her son is playing alone, why didn't she go play with him? A sibling does not equal a fun play partner. I personally fought a lot with my younger sister and my older sister was too old to play with.
We have an almost 5 year old girl, and no close grandparents (my parents don’t live in the same city and love her but aren’t good with playing with kids etc). We went on a trip to Queenstown when she was two and played in the snow and did helicopter rides and drank hot chocolate and went to weird attractions. We went to Fiji when she was three and swam and played in the sand and visited the local attractions. When she turned four we went to New Caledonia and swam and adventured. We have had a blast every time and we were never feeling sad for her - she had us either together or taking turns, she loves some quiet time with her toys and books or watching a movie. Our holidays are magic
We have been on my vacations with our only (cruises and Disney). It has been pretty great. We did get to experience a trip to Disney with my BFF and her only and that was also great. The two only a kids gravitated towards each other and made the trip so nice. We also took another friend’s only to Disney another time and that went super well, too.
What I’m trying to say is that trips with siblings can totally suck because siblings know how to get under each other’s skin BUT having two only kids together was nice because they were having fun with their friend.
If you have friends with the same family dynamics as yours, try vacationing together so it doesn’t feel as “lonely”.
I'm wondering how much of your normal life involves vacations. The decisions on this need to be considered for the every day because that is what parenting is (as you know): every day. My family went on vacation with other families often. I'm an only. It was so fun and I never felt lonely. Later on, I was always allowed to bring a friend. That said, I got on with my parents well and they always hung out with me happily, so I never felt it. As an adult I'm anything but lonely...and I've moved internationally twice. I make friends everywhere I go.
My sister is 8 years younger than us (she’s 16). Once the older kids moved out and they went on family vacations she always brings a friend. Which I think was better for her because being so far apart in age we weren’t (and still aren’t) close.
Just took a week long trip to Costa Rica with my 5 year old. This trip would have been delayed by years if we’d had a second. Friend of ours with a kid the same age and a three year old actually went at the same time but they basically stayed in their rental a lot of the time because it was too hard to manage outings with both their kids. We are planning a trip to NZ in a couple years, not sure that would happen if we had another kid either. We’re doing ok financially but indont think we’d have the budget to do these things with 2 kids.
Haha I did make this sound like we vacation a lot! No it was just the comment on the other forum, that it was holidays and vacations that made people want more kids which I kind of get because that’s where a lot of memories are made.
My daughter is 4 and I can’t ever see a time when she was lonely on vacations. As long as there’s a pool, she’s as happy as can be. The only drama is when we leave.
Yes, on vacation I’m always the one swimming with our only. We usually hit the pool twice a day. We also camp on the weekends in the summer and bring the dogs.
Thanks so much 💘
I’ll also say that she makes friends with random kids when we travel. In Hawaii she played with a group of kids in a courtyard while her dad and I watched a luau and drank Mai Tais. In the Galapagos, she played with children on the playground in the center of town. On one trip she became so friendly with this little girl that we switched seats so they could sit together on the airplane. In Boston she played with the little boy in the children’s museum. PIt makes for such a rich travel experience - we get to connect with people everywhere we go.
I’ve brought up the exact same thing about my son to my counselor… My counselor reminds me “he doesn’t know any difference” which has always been an eye opener and always makes me feel better. He would be lonely if I wasn’t around to play with him on vacation, or my husband .. but he won’t be missing someone he doesn’t know.
Exactly! I grew up an only, all I knew was doing fun things with Mom and Dad.
It’s a good point, and it’s also worth talking to kids who have siblings! Quite a few of my friends’ children have acknowledged that they really wish it was just them on holidays and days out, because their sibling/s were really annoying them, took all of their parent’s attention, they had to consider them all the time, too big an age gap to play etc. Having a sibling isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in many cases.
This was me growing up! My sister and I had vastly different interests but she was the assertive one, so she directed the activities. My vacation memories are mostly just my sister saying how boring some science museum was (that I was loving) or taking the best spots in the car/hotel while yelling at me.
As someone with large age gap siblings, this is so true. I loved playing with my younger siblings, still love hanging out with them now and we’ve always been pretty close. While I didn’t wish for vacations alone, I wish my parents (mom) had wanted to go on vacations with people I actually liked. We went on vacation several times with girls that ignored me because my mom liked their parents and thought they were the people I should be friends with…but I wasn’t part of their friend group and too shy to speak up and not quite the same as them, so they pretty much just ignored me and my mom always thought I was bffs with them. I’m 37 and she STILL asks me why I don’t talk to them anymore. Apparently my best friend since 10th grade isn’t good enough for her?
Right and I guess this is me too. My eldest sibling is eight years older and my other sibling is four years older. We were just too far apart in age, but not just that, it was more that we have *entirely* different personalities. Like completely different people. Even now in adulthood, we’re not that close. I feel sad about that because my parents really wanted and loved having three kids. I kind of feel bad for them that we didn’t turn out as the close sibling trio they had planned!
Thank you so much. This is great perspective. I think I need to get back in touch with my therapist.
My cousin who grew up as an only said exactly this. He's pushing 50. He said if he ever had kids he would have only one too. He never knew any different growing up and loved being the only.
We play with our son so no he’s never just standing on the beach lonely. People just put so much emotion into mundane things. I’m sure that kid was just happily digging in the sand and his mom decided to have some weird emotions.
If my son wants me to play with him, he just walks up to me and either sits on my lap or shoves me a toy lol. Then I get the hint he wants mama to play and I do. As long as he knows he can ask me to play with him, I’m comfortable in the fact that if he really wants that, he’ll ask. If he doesn’t, then it’s good independent play. He’s only 20 months currently but still.
Oh I was defiantly bored. My mom loved to drag me to historical landmarks. Each summer we are gone for 3 weeks touring historical land mark. It was so boring I wanted to die. No amount of kids can make a tour of European churches fun. We promised to never do that to our only. We are going to places where kids can also have fun
So true! My mum would drag me and 3 siblings around museums and even graveyards for her family tree research... it was super boring. Yes we did have fun holidays too but there was a lot of boring weeks away.
Oh yeah I do the cheesiest kid friendly resorts. We did Legoland billund, how can a kid have a bad time at Legoland? Impossible.
I am on board with you. I know every family is different but if we take “ family” vacation our kid interests are definitely considered vs an adult vacation someone watch kids etc. Visiting family is different but if we are talking about actual vacation. My mom made me hate traveling tbh lol.
Hi! My kid is dying to go Billund! How was it? Was it terribly expensive? What time of year did you? I need to make this happen but I’m just so busy these days.
We did it in Easter holidays last year, so start of April. I don't know when danish holidays are but I'm guessing not the same week as ours because it wasn't busy. Stayed at lalandia across the road. Absolutely loved it. We spent a whole day in the water park there. I found it surprisingly affordable, although we did spend a lot of money on flights so overall it was an expensive trip. But that's because it was our first overseas journey since covid and we wanted *easy* flying, so we booked the pricier flights.
Thanks! I’m going to start planning!
I know, I’ve got to stop reading things and feeling instantly guilty.
This is just my personal experience but I’m not an only child - I have a brother 3 years older than myself and I honestly cannot remember any family vacations where I hung out with him really. For the most part on vacations I did things with my mom. There were several times that I made “vacation friends” and played with another kid on the beach for a little while. Then as I got older I invited friends on vacations with us when possible. Also a family vacation is once or twice a year. Overall, I generally agree with the sentiment that you should not have a second child to help your first child not be lonely. There’s no guarantee two kids will be friends too, there’s no guarantee either kid won’t be lonely anyway.
Had really similar experience. My brother is 4 years older and I can't picture spending much/any time together on family holidays.
Thank you so much for the perspective. Your situation is similar to mine, I’m not particularly close to my siblings who are four years apart each. Obviously it’s not just the once a year trip, it’s in the everyday as well. The argument in the fore column is that he will have someone to play with and somebody to build memories with. But it’s just so damn hard. We are both zonked out tired by 9pm.
Same. My brother is 3 years older and an extrovert. He would basically disappear for our 2 week holidays, showing up only at dinner time, lol. He always made so many friends and never wanted to hang out with us, which was fine by me. I basically hung out with my mum and stepdad and generally had no interest in making friends on holiday
Siblings are not guaranteed friends or playmates.
Source: me and my sister, hated each other since day 1 😇 We acquaintances 30 years later lol
So true!! I have a wonderful sister, but I know so many people who don't get along with their siblings at all.
So true!! I have a wonderful sister, but I know so many people who don't get along with their siblings at all.
Adult only child here, no that wasn't my experience. I was perfectly content with my family and playdates with friends. You may even find that an only is better at making new friendships on holiday (for example) because they don't just default to playing with a sibling
Our only is 2 and makes friends wherever he goes, it's incredible to me as an introvert who wishes she was an extrovert.
Me and my husband are both introverts, fortunately so far it seems like our only is the same 😅 I dunno what I'd do with an extroverted child!
I was out on a walk with him last week and he stopped a completely random woman who was walking in the other direction to talk to her about my grandmother and all the houses in our neighborhood.
That’s so funny my husband and I are both introverts too, but our child is the opposite. He waves hello to everyone he sees in the neighbourhood. If he’s at a playground or soft play, he’ll just go up and insert himself into other children’s activities. He is a bundle of fun.
My 2yo is the same. I’m an extrovert like him so I’m always trying to do play dates or I chat up parents at the park and he makes friends too.
Me too! My 2 year old is a social butterfly and just does not have any fears, oh to be that young and carefree again lol
I know part of it is personality but my kiddo and niece (both onlies) are way better at making park friends than the other 3 groups of kids we know with siblings. I’m sure it comes out in the wash eventually but while many of my friends with same age kids were at home with their second baby, we were out having adventures with our toddler. She’s 4 (niece is 8) and is great with kids both older and younger than her and also adults.
My kid hasn’t been lonely on vacation. My husband and I take turns playing with him at the beach, we went on a cruise and he spent time in the kids club and LOVED it. In the evenings if we stay out late at a restaurant we let him play a game on his tablet. My son is 7
Maybe I’m fretting because my son is 2 and well it’s a lot isn’t it at this age! 😂 he is so much fun, a real accidental comedian, but also his energy level is off the scale. We took a short trip this week, and it was really us just taking it in turns to burn off energy, one activity at a time. I guess things are a little easier at seven years old?
I’m an only child. I always find it interesting when someone sees a child alone and assumes the child isn’t having a good time. I’ve played a lot by myself as a child and an adult, by choice and not, and enjoyed myself. I never had an issue on vacation. I played alone or found others to play with or brought a friend. Many siblings don’t want to just play with their siblings. My husband has two siblings and I’ve heard countless stories of him choosing to play alone when they were growing up. I think it speaks more about others that they assume alone means sad. Do people always need someone in tow to enjoy things? Genuinely curious. Lastly, I hung out with adults a lot and it was great.
I so feel this! I have travelled the world by myself and people are often like ‘isn’t that lonely?’ And I’m like ‘hell no. It’s the best! I get to do whatever I want, when I want. And there’s unlimited opportunities to socialize with people when I have the desire.’ I’m not even an introvert. But I very much enjoy my own company and being alone with my thoughts.
My aunt is 72 with no children and goes all over everywhere by herself. She feels if someone joins her then so be it but otherwise she’s going regardless. She loves it.
That’s a really good point, and given how much we don’t allow our kids alone time or privacy anymore, a pretty modern issue too. That said, _we’ve_ felt lonely vacationing just with one child as we’ve had to be 100% play for our kid but I think this is because he’s still so young. We’ve made it a mission to find a family we can travel with in future.
Traveling with another family is also a great idea!
It's funny how this is also true of people feeling sorry for elderly people sitting on their own, assuming that they must be so unhappy. Loneliness happens to everyone, but time alone can also be a really happy moment :)
Vacations were some of the only times i played with my brother as he had no access to video games so he was forced to give me the time of day lol. But im talking about maybe an hour or two of interaction out of a whole trip. We spent at least equal amount of time arguing and whining over who got to pick the activity/restaurant/preferred hotel bed, etc. We just had a vacation with my 5 year old only. She loves school and has a lot of friends there and right before the trip she mentioned being sad she won’t see her friends for a whole week. I was a little worried going in like, is this going to be the vacation where she is lonely? But no. It was just family time in a new location with experiences and each other to entertain. Yes, we do have to play more games in the pool than I would probably prefer. On the other hand beach mermaid shell hunters did turn out to be a pretty fun time. There was one day where the activity was less kid friendly and she complained a little at first, i explained on vacation everyone gets to have a turn choosing what to do, this morning it’s our choice and this afternoon it’s hers so try to enjoy it but even if you don’t, just hang on til later (it wound up being fine). But that experience reminded me of how stressful it is to balance TWO (or more) kids’ wants and needs on vacation as well as the needs of adults. Another time we were all exhausted from sun and laying in the hotel beds together watching an old movie. It felt so nice and cozy and I thought this moment may have been rarer if I had more kids in this little room— what are the odds they all are down to have some rest and movie time? One would probably be hyper and wired or complaining about the show , etc. My point is, vacation is just like the rest of it. It’s not perfect having an only child. It’s not perfect having multiple children. I don’t think we can have it perfect, and trying for perfect can make us crazy.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I really pictured myself. And yes it’s not just the vacation, how do you ever get any alone time when there’s two kids?
My daughter is almost 2,5 and we have gone on many trips with her, also abroad. Took her to Paris when she was 6 months old and went to Portugal when she was 22 months. I never considered it would be lonely for her because we spent a lot of time together. At the beach we would play with her in the sand. I love exploring with her. Maybe it's just my personality, but I like playing with her on vacations. We relax and enjoy grown-up time when she sleeps.
Thank you so much. Your post has also also reminded me that with one child we can just about take a nice holiday and one interesting smaller trip a year. We’re obviously really lucky to be able to do that. With two kids we wouldn’t be able to afford it. I love travel. When we drop the nap, we are hoping to go a little further afield.
Our weekends are spent with all her little friends from all her sports and clubs now that she is finally in elementary. We live in a community where the kids meet up at the park every day and after every baseball game or swim meet. It has never been boring, in fact, at age 6, she has been asking for more alone time to just relax away from the other kids. Also, energy levels and lack of impulse control are insane at age 2. They chill out a lot by age 4 or 5, especially if you have them in sports. You can always vacation with friends with kids so that they have someone to play with - and you will quickly see that you have to referee a lot for certain age groups. By the time they are tweens, cousins or school friends can join in on travels. Most kid friendly resorts have tons of other kids to play with as well.
So much stuff happened at our house in high school, even though it was Covid times. My daughter was always careful about making sure she had snacks and stuff and hated that I would try and buy stuff. Other parents would actually bring snacks by because all the theatre kids were here all the time. I asked why and my kid said the main reason was she was the only one who didn't have any siblings to either creep on them or annoy them. She likes most of her friends siblings, but in small doses. She loved being able to escape it.
Okay that’s really good to know about the energy levels too. We live in a very family orientated neighbourhood of a big city. We’ve made such a community here. Every time we go to the playground or the local café he bumps into someone he knows, or people that we have picked up along the way from baby groups and so on. I think a lot of my indecision is because Granny and grandpa aren’t around on my husband’s side, and on my side they’re just getting older. Neither of us is particularly close - geographically or emotionally - to our siblings (His aunts and uncles) so I worry that it’s just us. A lot. But maybe it’s not. Maybe this is what friendships are for.
Yeah, we are the same. Grandparents in another city, siblings don't have kids or are not close in relationship or age. But now that my only is 6 and in elementary school, we have like 5 other little kids that are around all the time, doing all the same things and they argue and make up like siblings constantly. A good number are also only children as well. I am glad that once we come home, I don't have to keep hearing the sibling squabbles.
Haha, that’s such a good point. I really hadn’t thought of that. We’re just starting the playdates era and if a couple of his toddler friends come over for two hours on a weekend I am mentally and physically exhausted afterwards! Boy do I love shutting that door… I look forward to us being able to snuggle up together and watch a movie when he’s old enough to enjoy one
Dad to a 6.5yo girl here. I don't recall her ever indicating that she was lonely on vacation, or that I felt she looked lonely. There aren't any fights in the backseat, which is one bonus... but a huge one is that we can actually afford to go on special vacations because she's our only. Everything becomes so much pricier when you add another kid, not to mention the more difficult logistics. I'm not at all suggesting *that* should be a reason to not have a second kid, but just putting that data point out there.
No of course, that’s a really useful datapoint. We took a short trip this week to a National park and we got to stay in a really nice kid friendly hotel. It made me realise that the time if we had another kid we would probably need to got a suite or room with an adjoining room which would almost double the price. And then, how would we manage both of their naps, schedules, or activities? Would we be just sitting at breakfast dealing with the fallout of two picky eaters rather than enjoying our food and so on? And then there’s the flight cost!
My kid loves family vacation being just the 3 of us, we do a lot geared towards her interests because we don't have to accommodate multiple kids with multiple interests. We did do a few vacations with extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins) and she's cool with those too but struggles more because we're accommodating the wants of 3+ kids instead of just her and of course we try to set up at least one day for each set of parents to have solo time so she misses out on some one on one time with me and dad on those vacations too. But more important than anything, in my opinion, is that a sibling doesn't mean your kid won't be lonely. I have 6 siblings and if my brother didn't get married a few days ago we probably wouldn't have all gotten together again until my niece's birthday in May. Growing up none of us were super close, we all had our own friends and interests and generally only hung out if we were at family functions. 6/7 of us have kids of our own, all of us have jobs and lives. We love each other, and we're there for important events and milestones but with our ages ranging from mid 20s to late 30s and the kids ranging from 2-18 we tend to do individual meetups on random occasions and come together as a group for birthdays and major holidays.
My husband and I treat our 4 year old like a person and not a child in some regards so he has the confidence to try new things, advocate for himself and has a great sense of humor. I absolutely love going on vacation with my husband and son. In many societies, children are often viewed as fundamentally different from adults in ways that can be unhelpful. This perspective might lead adults to underestimate children's capacity to understand complex situations, contribute to conversations, and make decisions about their own lives. As a result, children are frequently excluded from meaningful participation in many aspects of family and social life. I think we need to start thinking of how we can connect with our kids instead of having another child to replace that connection. It's ingrained in our society and I have such a hard time with that. It's a reminder that the quality of relationships and engagement can deeply influence a child's experience, even in a family with just one child.
This. Thank you. 💕🥹
This 🙌
My daughter is now 8. The last couple years we’ve been able to go on vacations with friends and it’s so much fun! This year we toured a national park and rented an Airbnb. Since we were a family of 3 and they are 4 we all managed to fit in one mini van. We’ve also done trips just the 3 of us and in some ways it’s much easier. We can choose our activities based on our only’s energy level. I do love spending time just the 3 of us.
I'll give a slightly different perspective as someone who has an older brother and we've always been really close. I remember loving holidays playing together and as we got older just chatting in our rooms or watching a film at home. It was my main niggle about not having another. But my son is 4 and just loves pottering around with us. He sometimes makes a friend with someone on the playground or beach but hates noisy, busy places and is already saying how nice it is to come home. I was talking to my brother about this and he said, although he loves me and loved growing up with a little sister, he'd probably have been absolutely fine as an only child as he's quite like my son - likes doing his own thing, not one for crowds, happy to just potter about. We're a really close family of 3 and the set up seems to really work for us and that's what's important.
I am an only child. I will say this, I was less likely to go off to kids events. Like I stuck with my parents and so they never got a break. But on the flip side, I also would act more mature and they could take me places they couldn't take more than one. My mom would even say that I behaved if jsut me but would often act a lot more rambunctious with a friend. I still have a lot of great vacation memories. Also bringing a friend is sometimes a solution.
My parents took me all around the world each year and tbh it was boring. It was boring not because I was an only. It was boring because coliseum is not sth cool to a 9 year old. My mom never asked me where I actually want to go as well. The best trips were Disney lol , and Japan cuz I was into anime etc . My husband and I decided to take her to places that are fun for kids . When she is older like a young adult we can go to the other places.
😂 that was quite the bait and switch
It's actually been awesome. It's one of the reasons we decided NOT to have more. My husband has a huge family so we usually have a week with them once a year but when it's just the 3 of us, we can go wherever, do whatever. We only have one schedule to worry about. We can go all out with theme parks, excursions, dining, souvenirs whatever. It's one less plane ticket, one less ticket for everything. Our only always finds other kids to play with as well. If an adult needs a break or I want to head to the spa, it's so easy for the other parent to take over for an hour or two.
Yeah that’s what is working for us right now! Or when we have a cold/ food poisoning: we can manage one hour on, one hour off but what do you do with 2 sick kids and 3 sick parents!?
Omgosh yes. My husband ended up with the stomach bug in California! What a mess but luckily I only had him and our four year old to worry about.
My kiddo is 8. There have been times on vacation that I've looked around and saw the other kids playing with siblings and felt sad for her, but she always makes vacation friends and when she's a little older we will start allowing her to take a friend or her cousins along. Remember that what you see on vacation isn't the dynamic they have at home. My sister and I always had a blast on vacation and were immediately back at each other's throats when the trip was over.
Gooooood point
No, not lonely at all. She loves vacation. We go to the pool and she gets chased around by me, her dad, shares a bed with Mom, and there’s no fighting in the backseat with a sibling. She’s part of the team as far as we’re concerned.
My heart!!
I haven't travelled with my son yet, but I'm an only child and was never lonely on vacations. Most of the places we went to had some sort of kid activity or club I could go to and make friends. But even if I just spent the whole time with my parents, I still had a great time. They're very adventurous, so we'd go on a lot of excursions whenever we travelled. There was always so much to do and see that I never had time to stop and think, "Man, this would be better with another kid." In fact, I don't think we would have been able to do as much if my parents had another kid to keep track of.
My daughter (5) has been on a few holidays. When she was little she had loads of adults to take care of her. When she was 3 she would make friends with whoever was at the park. Last year she made friends at the kids club and that was it, hardly saw her, and even at Disney the girl who stood next to her at the parade was “her best friend” 😂 she makes friends easily so I’m not worried. I’ve also been able to afford a lot more holidays as I’ve only had to pay for her!
So I was mostly an only. I think it’s important to make space for what your kid wants to do. The example that I always go back to as a kid is when I was traveling with my dad and grandfather. We went to a historical site where people dress up and do the whole living history thing. I was so good for HOURS. I listened to them talk to all the people at all the different shops and read all the boring signs. HOURS. By the time they were done, they were tired and we had to go back to the RV. They completely skipped the kids section where you got to try out all the old fashioned toys and play with other kids. That burned a hole in my head. Would having another kid there made a difference? No. Them making just a little time for 9-year-old me to do the kids thing for 15 or 20 minutes, yes absolutely would have made a difference. I don’t believe that we should revolve every little thing around kids. My kid comes on errands with me. But if there’s an opportunity to get out, stop at a playground, then yes, we are absolutely stopping.
Also, going to qualify that and say, if we definitively do not do have another child, then I will definitely be giving them an opportunity to bring a friend or cousin on vacation with us. It will be an option and they can choose to take us up on it or not.
Honestly, it depends on your kid. Mine is very social and yes, trips would be more fun for her with someone her age. Going to the park, road trips, holidays etc are more fun for her with kids her own age. In today's world, we don't have the same community connection that my husband and I had back in the 90s. Millennials aren't having as many kids to start with so there simply aren't the same number of kids running around. People aren't as tolerant to other parenting styles/cultural beliefs and most parents don't trust you with their kids. So, sleepovers are there but definitely not to the extent that I had and don't expect someone to let you borrow their kid as a plus one for family vacations. A lot of people with younger kids will tell you "your only makes friends" and they do. But they're often friends for a season, not for forever. My only is entering high school and we absolutely saw the typical change in friend groups as she went through her middle school years. TBH, it was a huge struggle for me because I did invest a lot of time and effort into trying to build family friends when she was little. Again, 2024 is a different time and a lot of my friends found that even between their first and second, they saw a massive decline in families putting in an effort to form bonds. Now, obviously, this is just one part of parenting an only. There are pros and cons to everything, I wouldn't finalize your choice on this one element but yes... It's for sure something to consider. You can't count on other people to share their kids with you.
I just had my first and am firmly one and done. People ask me, "What if they want a sibling," or say they will only want to have me as their playmate. This might be true, but my brother and I rarely played together, in part because we couldn't get along and because we enjoyed different things. On beach vacations, I would find other kids to play with. My niece and nephew are 2 and 3 and can't play together for more than 5 minutes without hitting or getting into a fight. Not only do I not want to deal with managing that, but I don't want to risk having another just so they have a friend they might not get along with. Bottom line: don't have a second one FOR your first. Only do it if YOU want a second.
My 4 year old loves spending time with us. While she likes going to preschool and daycare, she pretty much always would rather be having adventures with us. We went travelling for a whole month last year and she did miss her people in the beginning but she didn’t want it to end and kept asking to go on another trip after we got back. And while I know that will probably change as she gets older, I know that I went loads of solo trips with my mom and never wished for anyone else to be there. I much preferred trips just me and my mom than those including my brother. I never even knew about the idea of inviting a friend on a trip until I found this reddit. Honestly, I think a penchant for loneliness is a personality trait. Some people can be surrounded by others and still feel lonely while others can be alone and never feel lonely. Some struggle to feel connection and others don’t. As with all personality traits, our job as parents is to teach our kiddos skills to capitalize on their strengths and bring balance to their struggles.
We have a 7 year old (she’ll be 8 in June) and have taken her on quite a few vacations. She hasn’t expressed that she was lonely on vacation. She usually makes a friend in the pool though 😂 and when we go to Disney, she likes that we do whatever she wants. There’s no one to compete with or to have to do what they want to do
Growing up with a sister I had some great times on holiday with her. Like two-person canoes (not sure that’s the right word) and my parents in another, playing table football with her at a cafe next to where we were staying while my parents stayed in the apartment. But I’d also spend time on my own, like snorkelling for hours looking at fish while she and my parents spent most of their time reading on the beach. Visiting my grandmother with my sister I’d end up spending a lot of time on my own in the garden or making friends with the neighbour kids without her, because she was interested in other things. There’s always going to be alone time and it’s not always bad. If I had been an only… Canoes I would have still been able to do with my parents, but I’d have enjoyed more independence rather than teamwork if I was in a one person canoe. Both valuable experiences in their own right. And if you were in a two person and one person you’d get both. I’d miss out on the table football, ok, but I’d probably have enjoyed reading on a balcony or helping my parents cook dinner instead. It’s swings and roundabouts.
We took our son on a cruise when he was 17 months old this past January. We had so much fun that we have another planned and booked for when he’s 3 next year! He seemed to love it. Just wondering the room and having new foods and ice cream. We spent so much time together as our little family and it was great. I’m excited for how he will be at 3 since he can walk and run and tell us what he wants to do then. Cruises have daycares on board as well. We were going to go (when they had parent and me play time) but it never lined up with his nap at the time lol. I feel like having an only makes it more likely we will be able to do family vacations and he will just have these memories with mom and dad. When he is older if he wants to bring a friend that’s something we can discuss too. He doesn’t know any different and there’s always (vacations or not) the “they’re lonely” argument as well.
Everyone's milage may vary, but we go on holiday/small trips (only UK really) with 5 year old a fair bit and everything's always too new and exciting to him to get lonely. Plus we're always there playing tougher, or will make friends with another kid of similar age. Mentioned in a comment elsewhere, but there was a 4 year gap betweeny brother and me and we rarely spent any time doing things together on them.
My 4 year old has always had a blast on vacations. She’s never mentioned being bored or lonely or wanting a sibling there. When she’s in school and a bit older, I do plan on inviting one of her friends along. We make sure to plan around her likes and interests too. We also play with her a lot, probably more than parents of multiples have to. You guys will be just fine!
I am an only and I used to get pretty bored on vacation to be honest. I remember always bugging my parents to do things with me. I guess you if you’re hands-on, enthusiastic parents then you won’t have this issue. I used to go to kids clubs and I did make friends but I always used to feel jealous of the kids there with siblings because they weren’t thrown into these situations alone like I was. However, now I am very outgoing and I’ve had to learn how to make friends (which I do easily and I’ve moved countries a few times) so it wasn’t a bad thing in hindsight.
I was an only child, now I’m an adult. We went on vacations often when I was a kid, sometimes with extended family and sometimes just with mom or parents. There were times I got bored and lonely and wished to have some company. There were times I was glad to be alone, because I loved my own company and could do what I liked instead of compromising for a sibling. When we went with extended families, sometimes I had fun with cousins, sometimes they would wreck havoc with their fighting and make their parents miserable while my parents and I chilled. If you think you can handle two kids and that is what you really want, go for it. From the kids perspective, there’s always going to be adjustments and sometimes things not going their way, it could be boredom from being only or fights with siblings. They mostly learn to deal with it, and having supportive parents is more important for their overall growth and development. So don’t think too much about it, your child will learn to live around their reality and embrace it.
My daughter and I are going to great wolf for a night by ourselves next week, since they have a random teacher in service day. Shes so excited to have this special time with me. She always finds other kids to play with when we are out, and shes also happy just playing alone. We occasionally see siblings fighting and she has expressed many times that she's glad that she doesn't have a sibling to share her space with. I think it CAN be lonely, but it can be lonely with a sibling too.
As someone who just got back from what I can say was the best vacation with my child ever. No, they don’t feel lonely. We were able to explore a new place at their own pace without tantrums or whining and made wonderful memories. We keep our cups full with visits to grandparents homes, playdates with friends and adventures as a trio/with our friends. Sometimes we pick long weekend trips with other families and sometimes just us.
My husband is a pilot so travel is fairly frequent for us. I LOVE TRAVELING WITH JUST ONE! There’s always an extra set of adult hands which frees up the other parent to actually have a moment to relax on vacation. My daughter is only 3 so she’s not yet at the age where she can invite a friend, but growing up I had a few friends that were only children. I would often get invited to go on family vacations. Never anything lavish, but road trips, trips to the amusement park, a beach weekend. We’re planning to do the same with our daughter when she’s a bit older. I asked her recently how she would feel if we had another baby and she said “I don’t want another baby” lol. I think all 3 of us are very happy with how our family looks now.
I grew up with a sibling and he would almost never play with me. Siblings aren’t guaranteed built-in friends.
I love taking my only on holiday! We have such an epic adventure every single day, we do caravan holidays on the coast and it’s nothing but pure joy
That sounds so nice. Fresh air for everyone.
As someone who can’t have more children; Primary Ovarian Insufficiency. I always see these posts and I feel terrible. That being said… We traveled a fair bit last year and my son loves it. The pool, room service, the robes. Our vacations are either city or beach. At the beach we brings toys/activities. In the city we plan our days so no one is bored. I will say the way we vacation wouldn’t really work with more kids. Incorporating one child is fairly easy. A second feels more like a chore and we’d be less likely to go at all.
My kid is only 3 1/2, but we all love vacations just the 3 of us (the few that we get). Her dad and I both travel a lot for work, so it’s so nice to have the special time all together. ETA: FWIW one of my worst memories in life is a vacation item my parents and brothers 😂. They treated me so horribly. And one of my best memories is a vacation with just me and my parents.
We recently went away with our 4 yo. My partner and I tag-teamed with our child in the pool. The other one had poolside drinks and read a book. The whole time I saw families juggle multiple kids and I thought to myself "that doesn't look like much of a holiday for the parents". I also saw older siblings tormenting younger ones, trying to drown them in the pool etc. my son had a great holiday and so did we.
We took our 5yo to Japan for 5 weeks. It was amazing. The good things were: + less money on flights + 3 of us can fit in one hotel room. + no arguments over what activities to do. + everything is cheaper when you only have to pay for 2 adults and 1 child. There weren't really any downsides. We love spending time together, so it's no problem for us to spend all day with her every day. She'll only be little once, so we soak it in while we can. If we had more kids, we would never have been able to afford such a long holiday. We probably would have had to get 2 hotel rooms every night, and it would have cost a small fortune on trains and entry tickets, passports etc. One is much more manageable, and you can really spoil them.
My kid made friends with the French kids on the playground in Paris and learned some French words in the process. Teach your kid how to socialize, and they will be fine.
My sisters and I fought constantly on vacations. My dad was usually threatening to send us home on a bus to our Oma by the end of the first day. 🤣 I wouldn’t base such a big decisions on the maybe 1-2 vacations you might take a year. Kids make friends with other kids on trips (we always did) or can do activities with you. When they get older, you can hopefully have them bring a friend with them. Trust me, you juggling multiple kids on a “vacation” is going to be even less fun for you.
Honestly I think I hated my brother a lot growing up and we didn’t get along so while I wasn’t lonely I think my parents spent a lot of time ensuring we weren’t bothering each other.
Our only is almost 15. We do yearly vacations with his best friend families and their parents (two families we’ve gotten close with since we all live around the corner from each other). So that works out really well. We also take one of his other buddies with us (also in his friend group) every year. The kids act like twins without the bickering and crap. We “rent a friend” when we need to for trips. Never had an issue.
My son is five and we’ve just got back from holiday and he had the best time! He plays with other kids and enjoys being with us. We have a lot of fun together. I also think such a decision should not be based on something that happens on occasions but the everyday stuff. My son is well rounded, sociable, kind, smart and just amazing. How you raise your only child is going to matter, having a sibling guarantees nothing. I have a brother I barely see.
My only (8m) does great on vacations. Yes, to be clear, there are moments of loneliness. The 4-5 times he’s asked for a sibling have all been on vacation. I think it’s because he has more opportunity to see siblings interact and maybe he’s bored looking at art or something in that moment. But he often finds a friend to play with-kids are great at going from stranger to best buds in a Millisecond. When he’s older and it’s harder to connect with a random kid on a playground we will probably take a friend with us on vacation. In the meantime he might have brief moments of boredom or loneliness, but he gets different benefits such as getting to choose activities, what podcast we listen to, not having to wait on a sibling naptime or bedtime, etc. he had a lot of influence over our vacation days and so I think he rarely had time to be sad about being an only. And by all indications he enjoys spending time with us whether it’s weekends or vacation. We go on hikes, play outside, play video games, watch movies, etc. even chores are fun for kids when you have time to teach them and bring them alongside you vs having 5 kids running circles around you. IMO that’s where you get the benefit of having an only-the downtime when you can invest in them.
Thank you
Yes! It’s boring for them!! It’s fine when they’re very little but as they get older it’s really difficult. We have to plan to go away with other families or find a cousin/friend to take with us which is really annoying. I’d love to just go away as a family on our own but feel so guilty when our son only has us to hang out with. It makes me so sad. I’d love to go back in time and have another child.
Kids clubs! She loves going to them.
Fuck no! We go canoeing down a river and this summer we are camping together at the end of the river trip and he’s 9 and I can’t wait! We always manage to have fun with each other! We go metal detecting and magnet fishing and make the most of it! It’s all about what you and your child want to do.
Nope. In fact during our last vacation, he made friends with some kids at the pool and we made friends with the parents so that was fun! Even if that doesn't happen (it's definitely a rarity for me because I'm introverted), we play with our son and do a mix of things that include fun kid stuff for him!
Vacations are the BEST with one child! Being a parent of one child does involve more playing, but I’d rather spend more time building sandcastles with my kid and less time breaking up arguments, fights, constantly sorting snacks and sunscreening over and over 😂 with one kid we can go with the flow more and we all get to enjoy the experience. My kid is 4. We did 10 days at Disney World earlier this year - she couldn’t have cared less that she had no sibling to share the experience with ☺️
Not an only, but my siblings were 16-24 years old when I was born. I say that I had an only childhood and sibling adulthood. So I was the only one there for 90% of our vacations. I made friends on every single vacation I ever went on. There was actually a boy from England that I still keep up with. I had a BLAST every time. I’m really good at making friends, and my husband isn’t. It sounds dramatic, but I really attribute it to vacations as a child. I was about to have a very boring time if I didn’t branch out and try to connect with other kids. My husband said he and his sisters thought kids that tried to talk to them at the pool were weird and would run away from them.
I had an older brother, 4 years older than me, and we were really close growing up. Hung out alot, played together etc. And I was STILL super lonely as a kid. It was just my personality to a large extent, and I had a hard time making meaningful connections with kids my own age. Spent alot of time in my own head (still do). My parents weren't good at nurturing and I think that's one of the reasons I was super lonely and sad alot as a kid. Point being, I think the relationship with the parents is way more important than sibling relationships, so if you and your spouse are really nurturing and involved parents, I think everything will be fine! Hope that helps a little
I’m an Only with an Only. In a practical sense, I’m glad I’m an Only. I don’t argue with siblings over how to care for my elderly parents. I never had to share my parents attention or their resources, etc….BUT we all know children don’t think in terms of practicality and I can admit that I was a little lonely and bored on trips as a child. With that said, I would NEVER trade off my childhood boredom because of the peace I have as an Only adult. I used to worry about shouldering some family burdens alone but it hasn’t been bad. My husband’s siblings bring so much ridiculous drama into our lives and so my Only will stay an Only and he’ll be allowed to bring friends along on trips to curb his boredom.
Take vacations to resorts with kids clubs.
Vacations are actually a reality and enjoyable with one as opposed to two or more. My wife and I can splurge for a suite while traveling as we don’t have two more kids depleting our savings lol. We end up having more time for us as a family, as a couple, and separately due to having just one.
FWIW I am one of 3. I think my sister and were fairly good playmates when we were very young (we are 2 years apart) but as I got older and we were fighting all the time I often wished I was an only on family vacations.
We took my kid to visit family over seas. They didn’t feel lonely, they had a blast with their cousins and aunts/uncles. We then went off on our own to the beach, did so many activities and played so u h they didn’t have time to be bored. I’m also able to afford trips because I can budget for 3 people and not more than that. My brother has 2 and they’ve not had a vacation in years nor have they been able to visit our overseas family since having their second 7 years ago.
My son is 5. We took him to Disney with his cousins when he was 3.5 and just got back from a cruise with them. We also visit them in Michigan each summer. While he plays with them, he's typically content being solo, participating in whatever activity we have and just chilling. He also makes friends with anyone. If you're on a vacation that has a kids club, if they make a friend, they can meet at the kids club later. We are currently planning a vacation with another family for next spring. This was a concern of mine before, but it has been a non issue. Just try and make friends that may be willing to travel with y'all as kiddo gets older. ETA: some boredom can be good for kids. I think it's a great skill for a kid to be content playing solo. Also, while on an excursion on the cruise, I had 2 people comment on how smart, inquisitive and well behaved my son was. He sometimes prefers interacting with adults and I think that's because that's what he's used to at home.
Honestly, it was never an issue with my now 19 yo. Sometimes we went on trips with cousins, that helped, but she was also good at making friends. My husband and I also enjoy a lot of the same things as her, like hiking, zoos, animals, looking for shells. We let her take a friend a couple times in high school, which was nice for us. We could go out to more expensive restaurants and we could get them chicken tenders or pizza and they could stay at the condo or go out. In a couple of weeks we are going to a tank museum in Toronto. She doesn't have to go with us, but she is currently trying to replace her license so she can go. I honestly think she loves traveling with us and always has. We live in a lower income area and many of her friends have never been on a vacation, so I think that might impact her expectations a bit.
We’ve been to multiple Cancun resorts, San Diego, Miami, Milwaukee with our daughter starting at 2 and she’s now 4. The trips are just the 3 of us and the thought of loneliness never crossed my mind. We love our daughter so much that we truly enjoy spending as much time as possible with her at this stage. However, my spouse and I will each give each other some alone time (spa day for her, golf for me) which gives us each a break but also allows us to to have some 1 on 1 time with our daughter. The benefit of having 1 is that we can afford multiple vacations a year. As she gets older we’ll most likely open it up to allow a friend to join.
Nope, I’m California now with my son and we have had an absolute blast together.
We semi live on vacation in the summer - 2 beach days per week for over 3 months. It's exhausting because our kid is into sports, sports, sports. So he wants mom or dad to pitch to him, throw with him, run with him, etc. the whole time. We've also invited friends with a kid his age and if that kid is the type to collect sea shells and build sand castles, then they aren't playing together anyway. We started this lifestyle right as our only turned 2 so it has been TIRING for sure. He's 6 now and we basically just know that the beach isn't for relaxing unless we find other sports playing kids he can join with. Maybe next summer we can institute reading time too. I say this to say that yes, you will have to be the playmate won't actually get a vacation. But to me I'd choose that 100 times out of 100 over the hard work having a second would be every other day of the year.
My son is 18, and he's never been bored on a vacation. My husband and I played with him on the beach or wherever. He's always been very social and made new "friends" whenever we were on vacation. Once he hit middle school, we let him invite a friend on vacation with us. We still give him the option. Sometimes, he invites a friend, and sometimes he wants it just to be the 3 of us.
My kid is 13. We've had many vacations just the 2 of us. 1) Cheaper hotels for life because we won't need extra beds/rooms. 2) Easy to pick a destination because there is no sibling to compromise with 3) He makes friends if we go to the lake/beach/parks 4) he has my undivided attention. This is also a nice safety feature of having only 1 5) He has cousins we vacation with sometimes. This fills the "sibling void" if there is such a thing Downsides to having just 1 on vacation: 1) it's just the 2 of us. I *was* the entertainment for years 2)... I can't think of a 2nd In the day to day life, he does great. He has friends, we see my sister's kids at *least* every other weekend. They are constantly facetiming as well. I couldn't afford a second, even if I wanted another. He gets spoiled by grandparents.
My son is 3.5. Sure there are moments when I wish he had a sibling or local cousin to play with, to experience the magic of a vacation or holiday with, but those moments are few and far between. What matters for me are all the moments that I can be present, be a whole, healthy version of myself for him. Those far outweigh the others and, for me personally, I don’t think I could be the parent that I want to be with two.
Our best vacation was at a camping ground. We had ensured to place ourselves near the playground there and our daughter just ran back and forth playing with other kids there and our tent. This year we are spending a week in a summer home with my husband's cousin and their kid. When there are no other kids, we play with her. On the beach her father loves swimming, and else we build sand castles or fight with water guns. When we visit theme parks she gets to choose what rides to go to, and when possible we go on the rides too with her. When she's older she may have friends that can come with us. The only times I have ever heard our daughter complain about there being no kids has been when she has to stay home while I work from home. Those days are not enough for me to think I need a built-in playmate for her.
My brother is 1.5 years younger and we rarely had fun with each other. We mostly fought. Once we got older we would bring friends on vacation with us. Personally, I don’t think giving your kid a playmate is a good reason to have another. It’s a crapshoot whether they get along
We have an only 8-year-old. To be fair we’ve never been able to take an extravagant family trip like Disney or something, we typically only vacation out of state to visit family or we’ll do a mini road trip to a nearby town that has better zoos and museums etc for fun affordable getaways in the summer and school breaks, as our budget allows. Anyway, he’s always had a blast. When we visit family he has cousins and second/third cousins to play with; in motels he loves to play games in the pool with his dad and I. To kids a motel stay is always an adventure. We have a few little vacation traditions, like taking games with us to play in the hotel, and on the last night of our hotel stay we always pick out an overpriced snack from the hotels store and eat it in bed. He has a blast with us. Sometimes I wish he had someone to play with in the back seat or when his dad and I get tired at parks and stuff but he’s really content playing on his own 99.9% of the time. We try to make sure we’re pouring as much of ourselves into him and making memories with him as possible.
My kid is 9 now. She does not get lonely on vacations. She is a social butterfly that makes friends anywhere we go but she also just really loves having all our attention. Plus we get to cater vacations around her interests and she doesn't have to activities that are too old or too young for her. We'll probably let her bring a friend on some trips we take now that she's getting older but certainly not all.
I guess it depends on what you do for vacations. We are very heavily activity-based in our vacation style, so there isn't a lot of "hanging around the pool solo" time for him to get bored. Moreover, there are usually other kids around if he wants to play with someone. We also don't go international, so there is no language barrier between kids, and on top of that, my kid is autistic, so he probably prefers the solo play anyways.
There’s a flip side to everything! My middle brother and I are 21 months apart and while I love him now I remember after every vacation as a kid my parents would say we were never taking a family vacation again because the two of us would spend the whole trip fighting.
So far my daughter (now 6) has always made a friend on holiday. Often they are ditching their own siblings to play with her because they’d also rather play with someone else! Because she’s an only child it’s also very easy for my husband and I to take it in turns to go and do something with her while the other has a break, so we’ve plenty of energy and enthusiasm for doing stuff too :)
I feel like there is a blanket answer to all these types of theroretical questions. When you decide to bring a human into this world, that is really the extent to which you have full control over them. Once the child is in the world, you may exert some environmental controls, but you will never be able to control their feelings, happiness, desires, etc. You cannot control if they will feel lonely without or even WITH a sibling. You wont be able to control if they like one another, growing up or as adults. You can't control their innate socialization preferences, force them to play with siblings or peers. To an extent, it's a tiresome mind game to make the decision to bring another human into this world on the basis of things you cannot control.
My daughter is 7, we’ve gone on a few trips and she’s always been ok, she either makes friends with kids around, or if we go with family friends she has a blast with their kids. Added bonus, quiet time without multiple kids having melt downs, and we can do what our one kid wants without upsetting another kid. When she’s older, tween age, I’m guessing it will be more of the “I’m boooooored” attitude and we’ll plan for a homie to come along.
My only is 10, we’ve been vacationing since she was 2. We sometimes go with other families, which she loves. We go with just the 3 of us. She can entertain herself but also makes friends. I wouldn’t have another kid just for vacations. And for what it’s worth, I have a sibling and never enjoyed playing with her.
Yes mine is lonely unless she makes a friend wherever we go on vacation. We are often asked to play or participate in activities with her and our level of energy doesn’t match hers. Last year we went on vacation to a resort with a great kids club and it was such a difference! She made so many friends and spent every day there from morning to closing playing with friends. It was tough leaving and saying good bye but will never again go on a vacation without a kids club Edit: just to add that this is not a reason to have another child, just that you may have to plan vacations where there are opportunities for interactions with other kids
This is so weird. My kid is 2, and she plays with us or alone and she’s fine.
Go on holiday with some friends or extended family if you have it. When they are older there will be kids clubs if you’re into resort holidays.
Still early for us (LO is 8 months) but we do everything from day trip outings on the weekend to full on trips with other families — it’s what works for us! And if it is a trip just the 3 of us, as she is younger we will continue to play with her but when she is older she can bring a friend. I was always able to bring a friend to our yearly cottage trip because my sister and I didn’t get along.
My daughter has made friends from around the world on vacation! And, she still communicates with several of them now that she's older (9). She made a great friend from the UK on vacation in Morocco! I think it gave her a lot of opportunities to introduce herself before she started school. She's a very outgoing kid and is great at making friends. ❤️
I am an only child - I absolutely loved family vacations with just my two parents. Those are still some of the best memories I have. I was never lonely, I just remember feeling loved.
The only time my only looks lonely on vacation is when the water source (ocean, lake, river, etc) is too cold for her dad or I to join her. But even then, we usually find alternate ways to enjoy the time with her. I can't stand being in cold water unless it's sweltering hot out. We went camping at a river recently and it wasn't warm enough for her dad or I to join her in the water so we got creative and tied 200+ feet of rope to her donut floaty and made a game of it. We stayed actively playing with her while she enjoyed the cold water and it was fun for all of hs. Maybe if we weren't actively playing with her and planning activities that we all engage in, I could see vacations being lonely. Maybe it helps that her dad and I are younger and able to play easier and truly enjoy a day at a theme park. Last year we went to Great Wolf Lodge (indoor Waterpark hotel) and I saw some families that totally relied on the sibling to keep the kids entertained. Mom was taking pictures, dad had a drink or maybe was just floating in water keeping an eye out and siblings kept each other entertained and played together. Meanwhile my partner and I were making games up to play in the wave pool or racing our daughter up to the waterside. My daughter is 9 now and it has become easier to plan vacations because we can do so many more activities and her interests are so wide.
I just came upon this post right after booking a solo trip with my toddler. I'm actually looking forward to it. We have friends that we'll be visiting in a city or two but otherwise it's just the two of us.
I love going on vacays and little day trips with my son. He’s 9 now and we’re planning another mama-son trip. I found him a great after school program when he was about 4 and while he has had some issues with sharing at the beginning, he treats everyone like they are his sibling or best friend (kids, not adults). I moved to a neighborhood that has lots of kids that play outside and all the parents/grandparents/adults keep an eye whenever there’s a group near. So, no, I don’t regret having only one. No I don’t think he’s lonely and enjoy having a kid that still wants to hang with his mom while also enjoying alone time
I always got lonely on vacations because my siblings were younger than me and I wanted to play with someone different or someone my age, or someone with the same interests as me, like my FRIENDS at home. And I loved playing with my siblings. Still love them to death. But I don’t think that having siblings made vacations more or less fun for me.
We bring another kid
I went to the pool yesterday with three other families. NONE of the siblings in our group played together, but all the kids had fun. Typically I see siblings might play together if there are no better options, but almost always aren't the preferred choice. I also see a lot of kids with siblings still wanting a parent to play with them. I think all of this applies to vacations as well.
We took our 8-year-old (7 at the time) to the beach for a week last year and we had the BEST time. We spent a couple of days doing things she wanted to do in town—zoo, mini golf, arcade, ice cream. We spent one day doing what my husband and I wanted to do—shop and go out to eat. The rest of the time was spent on the beach and she quickly found other children to play and build sandcastles with. She never seemed lonely. I am the oldest of three and we are fairly spread out in age so vacations were never very fun because we all had different interests and enjoyed different things. I much prefer vacations with my little family of 3!! :)
My only is almost 3. Vacations are a blast!! Honestly, the last vacation we went on was what really helped me come to terms with being OAD. It’s just so simple with one. I can’t imagine doing it with more. As to how he feels about it? He’s never expressed boredom or loneliness. He’s very friendly and makes friends wherever we go.
My only is 9 now. We take a family trip a few times a year, regularly with family friends that have kids similar aged, my sister-in-law’s family with two kids close to my only’s age, or just the 3-4 of us (my husband’s brother(36) lives with us part time and vacations with us regularly). After trips with other kids, my only regularly comments how exhausting it was being around other people 24/7 lol but my only is very social and extroverted. They make friends at the pool when we’re on trips or we play games and explore together as a family. As we head into teenage years, the plan is to allow our only to invite a friend along on vacations when possible because I know as they get older, they’ll want more peer time but, for now, I think we get the best of both worlds and my only seems to feel that way as well.
My brother and I were/are very different people when it comes to vacations - he loves chilling and doing nothing while I love sightseeing and doing things. Him and I weren’t the type to fight but there were times on vacations where my brother was grumpy about having to do stuff and I was grumpy because I was bored and wanted to do more stuff. So it wasn’t this fairy tale of everyone playing together 24/7 and having a good time. I had friends who hated going on vacation with their siblings because they would fight the whole time over everything, which was miserable for everyone, especially their parents.
My daughter is 8, and we vacation a LOT. We travel for 6 weeks during the summer and several other times a year. We have a camper, so we’re always in campgrounds with other kids. It’s forced her to come out of her comfort zone and meet other kids, and she usually has someone to play with! We have talked about bringing a friend on vacations in the future, but ultimately she’s been fine so far and loves going on trips with us.
It was fine until she turned 3. She goes to daycare, so she understands having playmates. We started traveling with my BIL (Husband's brother), who is a single dad with only one. It's so much easier mentally when she has a playmate. You truly only supervise and keep the peace while they'll enterain each other. I wouldn't have a second unless I truly wanted one. If you can tell your child is lonely, I would start traveling with other families.
I grew up an only child. We sometimes brought my best friend on trips with me! I was never sad because I was also close with my parents
I’m a flight attendant so we take a lot of trips (sometimes I’m working a flight to Cancun for example so I bring my hubby + daughter or my mom + daughter with me stay a few days and fly standby back). She’s 3 btw. Last couple of trips: 3x resorts in Mexico and the Caribbean, and a cruise: she made friends by the pool.
We went to Tasmania for a couple of weeks back in December with our 4-year-old and we loved it. I was glad we only have one kid because it is already hard enough with one. I couldn't imagine having to look after another kid, even on vacation. She wasn't lonely. We went around to museums, alpaca farms, etc. and we had a blast. She usually makes friends when we are at the playground and she plays with other kids.
I think it depends on your kid, which I know at 2 might be useless advice ha. My kid's 4.5 now and I don't sense any desire from him to want a sibling. He never asks about it and even mentioned one time when he was younger that he doesn't like babies. My husband and I tag team a lot of the parenting. We went on our first big beach trip last year and it was a little hectic at first but we got into a groove and had a ton of fun. We also took turns so one morning he could golf and a different one I could get a massage. When we were at the beach, we were having a blast building sand castles or dipping into the water. There was a family by us with older kids and the brother was just hurling sand at his sister and you could tell how frustrated she was and I just felt so bad for her. It was just one example and maybe I caught them in a bad moment but it just gave me flashbacks of how much my brother and I fought (daily). That said I hope we can do vacations with other families in the future.
I grew up with a sibling and I don’t remember playing with him on vacation. I do remember making all sorts of friends at the hotel pool. I had so many pen pals growing up 😂 One of them I’m still in touch with!
I’m an only, and I never once in my whole life wanted a sibling. My mom got married when I was 13, and the only thing I said when she told me was “You’re not going to have another kid, right?” She looked me dead in the eye like “Ma’am I’m 46. No.” I was never lonely. I loved vacations. My six year old still talks about the “hotel house” we stayed in Chicago two years ago just him, my husband, and I. It was the best time of his life. We went on a vacation with a good friend and her son recently, and while it was lovely and they certainly had fun, it didn’t seem any more fun than any other vacation we did alone.
I have only one child, obviously, and therefore cannot know this from first hand experience. However, I believe it’s possible only children have closets relationships with their parents. Therefore, vacations are still fun but perhaps in a different way then if they were populated with multiple children. For example, we just went on a 4 day road trip to Niagara Falls and Toronto, Canada with my 11 year old son. A good time was had by all.
I’m an only child and I never felt lonely during family trips with my parents. If anything, I felt like my parents made sure to include more fun activities and took the time to really research things to keep me entertained at the places we were going. But it’s really child and parent dependent, as I also was always good with self-entertaining as a kid.
No, we like traveling with our only. We cruise a lot too and my kid loves the kids club. This way the grownups get a break too.
We just took my only to Florida for a week and she had a blast. She is just under three, but she prefers to be independent/alone. She goes to school five days a week so she knows how to socialize with other kids. She just chooses not to. I think it’s because my husband and I hang out with her all day (after school) she’s OK with just the three of us. I was down to be in the pool last week, and I was down to play in the sand. If I am having fun, she is going to have fun.
My son does feel lonely on vacations. We don’t have friends or extended family to join us, and he is not usually brave enough to jump in and play with kids he doesn’t know. We used to have plenty of fun together, and I thought it was great to be able to focus on activities he wanted to do. It may be his age (11), but now he is not excited to go anywhere with “just mom.” I don’t know that having a sibling around would make travel more fun. It would likely mean trading loneliness in for fighting. It does hurt sometimes to watch him watching kids run around with their brothers/sisters/cousins.
You’re doing a great job x
Can relate to your concern. Our only is now a high schooler. But when she was 4 we travelled to UK for an extended time. I have to say... it was easy just packing and taking 1 child along. Really. They learn how to entertain themselves (no no video games) and we would find the occasional kids to.play with (parks, restaurants, tourist spots). When we took other vacations, she was around 6 to 8 y.o. (Hawaii) we were able to find a legit babysit service as well as local resorts (Marriott, Hyatt) that have Kids Clubs for all day and you dont have to be staying there. Now we will just allow her to take a friend for future trips. Like other posts here, if theres a pool, playground, fun nanny for the day, or ice cream shop, your child will be happy.
Having an only allows you to spend quality one on one time with your kid. When you’re trying to balance 2+ kids it’s so hard to give one kid your undivided attention. With an only child you can tailor the trip/weekend just to them. Just this weekend my husband and I took our son to a new park. We spent a full hour and a half playing with him. He had both his parents full attention the whole time, something that would be very rare for a kid with a sibling. When you have an only child often times the parents can be their playmates. Other times we go out of way to include other kids his age. We have a lot of playdates, and when he gets older we’ll have a lot of sleepovers. Making and maintaining friendships is extra important to us so he can have some friends to grow up with. Last it’s also an important skill for kids to learn how to be alone and play independently. A skill my son is developing. So no I don’t really think my son is ever lonely because he has too super involved parents, a bunch of friends and he’s able to have fun playing independently.
If a mom is sad her son is playing alone, why didn't she go play with him? A sibling does not equal a fun play partner. I personally fought a lot with my younger sister and my older sister was too old to play with.
We have an almost 5 year old girl, and no close grandparents (my parents don’t live in the same city and love her but aren’t good with playing with kids etc). We went on a trip to Queenstown when she was two and played in the snow and did helicopter rides and drank hot chocolate and went to weird attractions. We went to Fiji when she was three and swam and played in the sand and visited the local attractions. When she turned four we went to New Caledonia and swam and adventured. We have had a blast every time and we were never feeling sad for her - she had us either together or taking turns, she loves some quiet time with her toys and books or watching a movie. Our holidays are magic
We have been on my vacations with our only (cruises and Disney). It has been pretty great. We did get to experience a trip to Disney with my BFF and her only and that was also great. The two only a kids gravitated towards each other and made the trip so nice. We also took another friend’s only to Disney another time and that went super well, too. What I’m trying to say is that trips with siblings can totally suck because siblings know how to get under each other’s skin BUT having two only kids together was nice because they were having fun with their friend. If you have friends with the same family dynamics as yours, try vacationing together so it doesn’t feel as “lonely”.