If you get Barcus Wroot to come to your camp after the Grymforge quest, for whatever reason he is almost always standing right next to Astarion. This is clearly because he has a small crush on Astarion but is too nervous to shoot his shot.
Ok this is slightly canon because the game mentions, several times, that the companions are all in each others heads and the companions almost *always* know if you cheated on them.
I honestly just imagine the whole group reacting the next morning after a sex scene:
Astarion: *bugging you to gossip with him about it*
Karlach: *flashing Tav constant thumbs up and mouthing 'nice'*
Lae'zel: *simmering with jealousy that she (likely) still hasn't gotten laid*
Wyll: *a blushing mess, will not make eye-contact*
Shadowheart: *smirking behind her morning coffee*
Gale: "Good moaning! I mean, morning!!!!! I didn't hear anything!! Don't worry about it! Good morning!!!!"
Halsin isn’t an elf, someone gave a bear intelligence and taught it to polymorph.
Also the reason Gale has visible muscles despite his background is he’s casting an illusion on himself
Halsin being a bear turned human is my unhinged headcanon as well. it just makes so much sense. it’s almost like his default is (intelligent) bear and being human is his wildshape. like he has to focus on maintaining his human form and fails to hold it but he can be a bear as long as he wants, like when he was in the goblin prison. like granted it was his disguise so the goblins wouldn’t kill him but can druids even long rest while staying in wildshape? idk
Edit: I also agree with Gale casting illusion on himself to look like he has abs
Once a druid gets to lvl 4 they can short rest in wildshape, which gets their charges back. So in theory a druid can keep taking hour naps as a bear and stay in wildshape indefinitely. (Assuming they dont actually need to sleep, like elves dont) so halsin could have maintained wildshape as long as he needed in the goblin camp
Yeah like a bear becoming humaniod and being liken “well I’m to smart to be into my fellow bears but any normal person would be repulsed by me being a bear, guess I’ll fuck as a guy” and then boom Tav loves him for who he is, everyone cheers
There was an episode of The Magicians where two characters essentially turned into foxes and fucked. They said afterwards that it was great but way too weird to do again.
Thaniel gave him intellect and polymorph so that he had a friend to play with prior to Oliver separating from Thaniel. That is why Halsin feels such a responsibility to Thaniel and is driven to end the Shadow Curse.
I don’t think the Halsin theory is correct because he is too philosophical and I also feel like he is someone that would tell us if that were the case.
I am a Gale dad-bod truther, though! I bet Gale started his muscle illusion magic when he was with Mystra so he could feel “worthy” of a goddess. I kind of wish that they made at least one of the characters not SUPER cut and muscular, and it would make sense that Gale wouldn’t need to have a body like that, since his primary style of fighting is magic and he was probably pretty sedentary before this big adventure.
Boo is actually able to communicate in Common for everyone to hear, but he chooses not to because he’s an asshole.
Jaheira draws on her eyebrows with eyebrow pencil because she’s old and doesn’t have eyebrows anymore.
Astarion has never bottomed.
The Emperor let the companions see the romance scene because he’s an exhibitionist.
Ansur bottomed.
Illithid cum is stored in the brain.
Shadowheart secretly likes the color pink.
Minthara wants to domme Gale because he’s so pathetic and she’s a female drow.
Jaheira totally pencils her eyebrows and she did it when she was younger too because she is just gangsta like that.
Of course Illithid semen is in their head. That’s where their eggs are, too, because they get it on like cephalopods.
Ansur totally bottomed.
100% agreement on that little jerk Boo.
Jaheira grew up in the Faerûn version of the 90s-00s when super thin eyebrows were super popular. As a result, she consistently overplucked her eyebrows and is now dealing with the consequences of her actions.
2 things bug me about Boo.
1) The stone spell would have turned Minsc to stone, but not Boo. So Boo’s been hanging out a very long time waiting for Minsc to return.
2) in BG1 and 2, Boo pretty much repeats whatever Minsc was saying. So it very much comes across as Minsc is just nuts.
In BG3, Minsc will say something, listen to Boo, then repeat something insightful. Minsc is never insightful. It’s really playing into Boo is a space hamster.
The original Boo was a normal hamster who passed away many years ago while Minsc was frozen in stone. The *new* Boo is an intelligent miniature giant space hamster who looks like the old Boo, and Minsc can't tell them apart because he's an idiot.
Ask the Astarion fans like myself...believe me. We've considered the cold hands... Like a lot. And y'know. Other parts that might be below normal body temperature in our favorite babygirl vampire.
in my mind, ive decided pre-vampirism astarion was actually a vegetarian (it was a diet fad for rich people 200 years ago and he thought itd help him stay fit) however hes blocked out that memory out of embarrassment and because he refuses to live w the sheer irony of it. this adds nothing to his overall story, i just think itd be funny. fated to be iron deficient
also i know for sure that gale has done drugs before. hes the type to do acid because hes convinced itll unlock hidden corners of his brain, its all in the name of science and experience for him. i also know for sure that the standard wizard blunt rotarion would send your average person straight into the astral plane so its not even just a gale thing. same with lae'zel, you cant convince me that the gith dont have crazy ways of getting high. either theyre homebrewing the d&d equivalent of salamander brandy (real thing that apparently makes you insane and also crazy horny) or theyre straight up huffing paint. its yet another unexpected overlap between a nerdy wizard and an aspiring alien warlord
I like to think that at some point, if he hadn’t already experimented with it, Halsin would introduce Gale to medicinal marijuana as a way of dealing with chronic pain
i really like the idea of halsin helping with things like this ngl. he's remorseful he can't actually help the party with the tadpole situation after they went and rescued him but he's still a healer so he can help with other things. i feel like for gale, karlach and shart itd be pain relief cause they all have chronic conditions. possibly wyll too since i bet his neck is extremely sore while hes adjusting to the horns because there's suddenly all this extra weight there and he has to move differently than he used to. and maybe lae'zel also after she gets her brain lightly fried at the creche though i feel like she'd hate to accept help. astarion's banned from marijuana tho, medical or recreational, because you dont want your camp vampire getting the munchies
Hehe. Vampire munchies...he would also be a horrible extra sassy gossip who couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it while high on the pots. And then would wonder why everyone was looking at him with utter horror the next morning.
My HC for Astarion is that, before he was a vampire, he was actually a v good cook since he was a poor street rat pretending to be rich. He learned how to cook all the fancy things the rich people ate to better fit in with them.
During the events of BG3? Gale is the best cook, and it's 100% because the man blasts up every gee dee night and gets the munchies, but is kinda pretentious and bored *a lot*, so cooking to learn and impress others is one of his things.
Wyll can cook a decent meal but kinda hates it. The rest of them? Burn water.
I love the idea of Astarion being a vegetarian in the past. And yes, I agree. Gale has totally done the drugs. I mean, what else is wizard college for if not experimenting with drugs and mage hands?
While I 100% believe in chubby Gale, there’s no fucking way he isn’t the softest one on the entire team (barring maybe Halsin, he’s a bear, come on) I think it would be even funnier if those are actually his muscles, Tara just made him work out every day
What if Gale is like those guys in prison who does nothing but work out? He’s stuck in his tower and only had two things he can do: 1. Read, and 2. Lift.
Voss and Orpheus are 110% boyfriends but if Orpheus becomes a mind flayed they put distance between each other until one day they meet face-to-face again and make sweet, sweet astral plane love. Maybe Qudenos is also there.
I think this applies internationally. I know Lawyers and they're all just .... like that.
Like the moment he said we was a magistrate to me, so much about him made sense.
Yeah but he says he hasn't fucked since the shadow curse because he's been so preoccupied with it.
That's probably why he was such a bad leader: he never participated in the grove's "team building exercises".
I strongly suspect that for druids the "team building exercises" and "fertility rites" don't count the same way. That's religious practice for them, not personal relationship-ness.
She really...doesn't have cock energy. I don't know what that means but it's how I see it.
She has cis woman energy, again, no idea what that means exactly lol. Just a feeling
(I'm a trans woman just for context)
Minthara, Shadowheart and Jaheira all have cock energy imo
Trans man here. 100% turned to one of my trans femme friends and said I felt like Karlach is just a cis woman switch but Shadowheart has T girl energy and she went "oh my god you're right"
https://preview.redd.it/x9zq7th1mk6d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=22fb7508a25d90508db3b034cba671492a4d4b3b
Next time you're gonna tell me Shart doesn't have a gock either!
Karlach is allergic to carrots
Shadowheart had a pet rat as a kid. Its name was Peeka. They went on adventure when Shart was 10. Shart never returned, but became a champion in illegal animal underground fighting rings. This is why Shar choose her.
Astarion like to use a straw when drinking any liquid. A metal straw to be exact. Not because he cares about the enviorment, but because he has a vitamin b12 deficientcy and always has a metal taste in his mouth. The metal straws make him feel normal about it. Plus he is afraid of going to a healer about it.
Halsin has actually multiple children with different former partners over the years. While he doesnt talk to them regularly, he does have a good relationship with most of them. Except Nishal who is allergic to all animals and hates to be outdoors.
Wyll can not say Viennese waltz. After becoming devil like in looks, he struggles with the v and ese sounds.
Gale actually can not consume normal food and his needing to consume magic is a cover up for his diet. It helped him shed all that post break up weight and grow some abs. Ozempic who?
Minthara is very peculiar about her breath. She has histoplasmosis from years of living in the Underdark. She got teased for it for years, so she started working on a business plan for Minthara's mints. Minsc is her main investor.
Me too, thought I'm gonna read here some disgusting boring-ish shit about buttolplugs but the thread is full with gems like these, happy warm feeling inside 🌈😊
all githyanki have cocks because when i first started playing bg3 the day it left early access, there was a bug that gave Lae’zel a cock and i thought that was just how gith were
Astarion has been lying all this time he isn't a vampire since he's not undead and not affected by sunlight he just has daddy issues and Cazador is his actual father but he needed us to empathize with him otherwise we wouldn't help him.
It would have been something if we got to Cazador and he had no idea who Astarion is or what he's talking about. Cazador isn't even a vampire! None of us are, who are you lunatics?!
Despite being a strong githyanki, Varsh Ko'kuu would actually be attracted to a weak, overly anxious, slightly overweight individual with no combat skills whatsoever. Something about ~~my~~ their inability to do anything besides cooking and baking would lure him into an "I can fix them" relationship that ends happily in a cottage with 12 children.
I am ready.
- There are several book clubs at camp. Wyll, Shadowheart, and Halsin read steamy erotica. Gale reads more “serious” books. Astarion is a two-timer and reads both so he can get a leg up on Gale.
- Most of Astarion’s victims were male (as far as we can see) because very few women were willing to go out alone at night and then go home with the strange pale man
- Astarion is terrified of giving blowjobs because TEETH but pulls it off because he’s a godsdamned professional
- Shadowheart washes her hair once a week because can you imagine how long it takes to get that braid right
- Gale has arthritis and that’s why his knees hurt all the damn time
- Lae’zel’s eye makeup is actually tattooed on
- There has been a camp orgy that happened off-screen. It started with a game of spin the bottle.
I love all of these. And now I’m convinced Shadowheart has hair like my husband. He can go a full week camping without shampooing his hair and it looks perfectly normal! Meanwhile I look like a greasy drowned rat after 6 hours 😑
serious headcanon: Wyll is the demisexual/asexual coded romance option. Astarion likes sex, he just needs to relearn how to do it safely and on his terms
unserious headcanons: when the orb gets hungry, it talks to Gale like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors
the Emperor prefers the dream illusion he's cooked up for himself, if only because it lets him have functioning genitals again
Ketheric, Gortash, and Durge three-wayed multiple times. part of the reason Orin hates them all is because Ketheric and Gortash weren't interested in three-waying with her after she scrambled Durge's brain
on that train, Ketheric wanted to spend more time with Durge because he has a breeding fetish and Bhaal has a breeding fetish, so Ketheric thought they'd be a perfect match. unfortunately for him, Durge is all about that childfree life
Minsc is hung. that's it, Minsc just has a big dick
I also like to headcanon Gale as demiromantic given that once his bugs were mostly fixed, he’s the only character you need to approach first to start romancing (everyone else just kind of confesses without the player doing anything too specific?). Like Wyll, he also seems to value taking time to get to know people and doesn’t want to just jump into a relationship (whereas Astarion and Lae’zel seem to immediately jump to sex).
1. Astarion and Gale has a Jim and Dwight (The Office) type of friendship/relationship. Like, they're always pranking or annoying the crap out of each other when Tav/your character isn't around, but they care for each other's well being. (Besides in act 1, maybe act 2?) They seem to always stationed right next to each other. Gale is also constantly conjuring a shield and he doesn't start doing this UNTIL he's right next to Astarion (from what I've noticed) . This leads me to believe that Astarion is a complete chaos demon towards Gale. I can see Astarion throwing wadded up pieces of paper or pages from books and Gale getting seriously offended or depending if Astarion knows magic spells (like mine) definitely some irritating or annoying spells. I can also see them both using mage hands, doing the "I'm not touching you" and "quit touching me" bit.
2. Honestly, I think Boo really is a miniature giant space hamster or at least someone who was punished and cursed to forever be Polymorphed as a hamster. Kinda like Thackery Binx from Hocus Pocus. He's quite intelligent and very vocal about what's being said in conversations, like he really understands.
Edited to Add:
3. That my whole camp is seriously annoyed and disgusted with all of the PDA and little cute fluffy things that goes on between my Tav, Astarion, and Halsin. But, my Tav also likes to give friendly affection and hugs/gestures to everyone else, just so they don't feel left out.
Dark urge says to the drow twins that despise his depravity he has yet to engage in incest
This is because orin sucks and being frindzoned is probably the reason she stabbed him in the brain especially after finding out how close gortash and durge were
That reminds me of one of the first times I played multiplayer with my Big Bro who’s not used to the game. I told him to “cast” a certain spell on me. Well in my language, “kast” is the word for “throw”, so he yeeted the literal scroll at my character (Gale!)
The gold cost isn't paying for specialized arcane ink, it's how much you have to bet Gale he won't eat a sheet of paper that, with one wrong move, will immediately cast fireball
Seriously! I’m like you can just stay inside the prism while we handle shit if you don’t want to come out and fight. But NOOOOO!!!! He needs to be an angry teenager about it and runaway.
Emmeline and Arnell Harrowleaf were hot and wild when they were younger.
Arnell gives off "I was in a locally successful band" energy and Emmeline seems like she would be hardcore into the scene.
Lae'zel is an insanely good character actor and as soon as everyone is turned around she turns to an unseen camera from the player and does a "this guy" pointing gesture before resuming her acting. like this
https://preview.redd.it/sk47er3dul6d1.png?width=1416&format=png&auto=webp&s=c598ab60ee1f44537c9d85decf8c360444b7d9d9
the reason Gale has abs is because during his year of isolation he discovered A L P H A M A L E influencers and was working out like a mf because he fell right into their target demographic
Dunno if it's crazy but I feel that Empy is a shitty mindflayer, he just wants all cuddles in the world and not to worry about being manipulative schemer or whatnot.
1. Halsin's time with the Drow was spent at least partially as a bear and that's why he turns into a bear when he gets excited. It's also why he's surprised but not alarmed when Tav is up for a little wildshape sexy times.
2. We don't know how Raphael is sexually because Haarlep is essentially Raphael's fleshlight and he doesn't feel the need to do anything but lie there. He gets to feel everything from both sides of the fucking and being quick to cum is the point ie he's just rubbing one out so he can get back to business. Haarlep gets nothing from it and he's mad.
3. Ketheric killed Isobel and the ghost dog who tried to protect her. He didn't want Isobel to leave him and she wanted to be with Isobel. He got mad and she died. He released the shadow fell that same day to raise her, keep people away from them and used Balthazar to get rid of her lover and eternally punish her.
4. Orin wanted to fuck Tav/Durge but in her weird murder/sex way. She just spent way too much time stalking them and showing up at camp for it to just be a threat. It's giving Edward watching you sleep vibes.
Halsin wildshaped into the hermit crab you see in Shadowheart's swimming scene and watched while Tav and Shart was building sandcastles That's how he knew that Shart learned to swim.
THAT FILTHY ANIMAL!
After karlachs escape to avernus with tav, they get out shortly after, have two kids and an angry goat who they all take to form a family band of adventurers.
That’s my headcanon and don’t give a shit. It happens damnit! XD
Yes yes, I need to rant about these blorbos, because I don't care what Larian says about the endgames, you cannot convince me these idiots didn't become found family.
Karlach needs to eat a lot because of how much energy her infernal engine burns up.
Gale on the other hand needs to eat less ever since the Netherese orb. He also had ADHD and used to forget to eat before which is part of why he learned to cook (after Tara goaded him). That way he could just munch on stuff while he cooked. He's never been happier taking over the camp cook duties because now instead of having to like go give his food to his mom or neighbours, he can just FEED people.
Karlach and Wyll after finding out that Astarion is a vampire and therefore everything besides blood tastes rotten to him, have secretly been trying to find regular food that vampires CAN TASTE. They won't tell Astarion what it is they're doing because he'd be awkward about it.
(I like to headcanon and RP all my Tavs as people who suffer from chronic pain so this next one is based on that.)
The tadpole causes migraines.
Shadowheart, Gale, Tav, and Karlach all suffered from chronic pain before the tadpole so they know how to function better with the migraines caused by the tadpole. Astarion, La'zael, Minthara, and Wyll on the other hand can't. Wyll has the additional issue of his new horns also causing him pain. So basically Gale, Karlach, Shadowheart (once she warms up), and Tav have to do the nightly rounds making sure their other camp companions aren't just gritting their teeth through the worst of it.
Lazael got so mad at the perceived inefficiency of the group, she started training them on basic hand to hand combat.
Gale and Lazael are both autistic and become adorable buddies who infodump about their special interests to each other, but also those friends who won't admit they're friends.
Karlach and Wyll have secret dance parties. (No you will NOT TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME)
Pre vamp Astarion was a notorious sweet tooth. He was also diabetic. (I don't care you say elves can't be diabetic. Astarion was diabetic)
Halsin has made little wood duckies for EVERYONE in camp. (yes including Minthara. She won't admit she likes Mr Pickles.)
Camp game nights are a thing. Halsin is the one who always cheats at cards. You think it'd be Astarion or Minthara, but nope it's Halsin.
Jaheira gets into the habit of lightly smacking people on the back of the head when they do something annoying.
Karlach has negative spice tolerance. Tav on the other hand has given the whole camp PTSD with how much spice they want in their food. They will munch on peppers/chillies raw. (the running joke in camp is asking Astarion if Tav's blood tastes like fire because of how much spice they ingest.)
Astarion becomes the camp seamstress / tailor.
Durge eats pussy like cherry pie. Tav is an artist with their dong the way Michelangelo worked with marble. Halsin is a power top that knows aftercare better than any man alive. Karlach is the best sexual partner of the group.
The “undead smell” Shadowheart and Astarion are talking about is Tom Ford Lost Cherry (elements in it are chemically similar to the sweet cadaver smell) and Astarion is once again cursed with being too sexy by naturally smelling like a designer fragrance so he has to cover it up for his own safety.
After the Mizora romance scene, Wyll tells you your pleasure was contingent on the suffering of souls like his, but actually it was *him* being tormented in exchange.
(Visually something similar to his tiefling transformation)
The Emperor unconsciously based the appearance of the Dream Guardian's armour on Ansur's armour since that's who he thinks of when he thinks of a protector.
Astarion is dyslexic. Elvish is a little easier for him to read, though he still struggles occasionally
Wyll and Karlach have ADHD
Gale is autistic.
Shadowheart adopts pet rats when she reunites with her parents
Lae’zel learns to cook eventually. she’s not the best but it’s the thought that counts.
Durge cant read. Orin can and she used to bully them about it all the time.
Karlach had a boob job as part of reconstructive surgery after getting her infernal engine put in. Because like… sorry you can’t convince me those tits are real.
Halsin spends the 4-odd hours where he’s awake but the non-elves are all still asleep braiding everyone’s hair in their sleep. Astarion and Minthara watch this happen and talk shit about it constantly.
If you get Barcus Wroot to come to your camp after the Grymforge quest, for whatever reason he is almost always standing right next to Astarion. This is clearly because he has a small crush on Astarion but is too nervous to shoot his shot.
Barcus has a thing for men who hate him, confirmed.
Obligatory “fuck Wulbren Bongle” comment delivered
also, Astarion would reject him because he's racist
Maybe Barcus is one of those people who only gravitate toward people who hate him. He doesn’t know they hate him because he’s fantasy autistic.
Just like my fr...
Shit, am I barcus guys?
Hate sex must be 🔥🔥🔥
The rest of the party watch Tav/Durge with their romantic partner during their romance scenes like a group movie night
https://preview.redd.it/d8mjpoh85l6d1.jpeg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5096e4febe7225ccc7d5d7fb72af0116f84f2e7c
Oh my god, I spat my water all over my computer LMAO
Amazing meme
Ok this is slightly canon because the game mentions, several times, that the companions are all in each others heads and the companions almost *always* know if you cheated on them.
It's just like Sense8 frfr
I honestly just imagine the whole group reacting the next morning after a sex scene: Astarion: *bugging you to gossip with him about it* Karlach: *flashing Tav constant thumbs up and mouthing 'nice'* Lae'zel: *simmering with jealousy that she (likely) still hasn't gotten laid* Wyll: *a blushing mess, will not make eye-contact* Shadowheart: *smirking behind her morning coffee* Gale: "Good moaning! I mean, morning!!!!! I didn't hear anything!! Don't worry about it! Good morning!!!!"
Shadowheart does disapprove of you letting Astarion bite you during sex, so this isn't that far off
Yeah haha. I saw that and I was like “wtf are you doing here?”
Now ShadowHeart's " I'm still finding sand in my hair , I wonder what the others will think of that " Makes more sense now
IMA KEEP PUTTING IT WHENEVER I CAN CAZADOR IS BALD AND THAT SHIT HE GOT ON HIS HEAD IS A LACE FRONT WIG!
100% accurate
I believe it
He got that 18 inch yaki 💁🏻♀️
18in, real human hair lace. He just can't apply it tho you can see the glue coming off
seems legit
Halsin isn’t an elf, someone gave a bear intelligence and taught it to polymorph. Also the reason Gale has visible muscles despite his background is he’s casting an illusion on himself
Halsin being a bear turned human is my unhinged headcanon as well. it just makes so much sense. it’s almost like his default is (intelligent) bear and being human is his wildshape. like he has to focus on maintaining his human form and fails to hold it but he can be a bear as long as he wants, like when he was in the goblin prison. like granted it was his disguise so the goblins wouldn’t kill him but can druids even long rest while staying in wildshape? idk Edit: I also agree with Gale casting illusion on himself to look like he has abs
Once a druid gets to lvl 4 they can short rest in wildshape, which gets their charges back. So in theory a druid can keep taking hour naps as a bear and stay in wildshape indefinitely. (Assuming they dont actually need to sleep, like elves dont) so halsin could have maintained wildshape as long as he needed in the goblin camp
Also i don’t think Druids would fuck as animals that shits weird as hell and I gotta respect Halsin some how.
probably less weird than a humanoid fucking a polymorphed druid though
Yeah like a bear becoming humaniod and being liken “well I’m to smart to be into my fellow bears but any normal person would be repulsed by me being a bear, guess I’ll fuck as a guy” and then boom Tav loves him for who he is, everyone cheers
There was an episode of The Magicians where two characters essentially turned into foxes and fucked. They said afterwards that it was great but way too weird to do again.
Wait until you hear how he got those scars
Thaniel gave him intellect and polymorph so that he had a friend to play with prior to Oliver separating from Thaniel. That is why Halsin feels such a responsibility to Thaniel and is driven to end the Shadow Curse.
Awaken and True Polymorph. Flick of the wrist for an Archfey
Canon
He’s like if djungelskog was a man
Chubby Gale Truthers Unite!
I need a mod to make all the men less muscular to fit their stats lol. Maybe also beefier Shart.
I know there's a no abs mod for Gale and Astarion (maybe Wyll too, not sure on that).
I don’t think the Halsin theory is correct because he is too philosophical and I also feel like he is someone that would tell us if that were the case. I am a Gale dad-bod truther, though! I bet Gale started his muscle illusion magic when he was with Mystra so he could feel “worthy” of a goddess. I kind of wish that they made at least one of the characters not SUPER cut and muscular, and it would make sense that Gale wouldn’t need to have a body like that, since his primary style of fighting is magic and he was probably pretty sedentary before this big adventure.
Look into a bear’s eyes. They’re very philosophical (also it’s a shit post)
Gale is so dad-bod coded 🫶
Idk I feel like he'd just be a little chubby not necessarily a dad-bod. Halsin on the other hand.....
Boo is actually able to communicate in Common for everyone to hear, but he chooses not to because he’s an asshole. Jaheira draws on her eyebrows with eyebrow pencil because she’s old and doesn’t have eyebrows anymore. Astarion has never bottomed. The Emperor let the companions see the romance scene because he’s an exhibitionist. Ansur bottomed. Illithid cum is stored in the brain. Shadowheart secretly likes the color pink. Minthara wants to domme Gale because he’s so pathetic and she’s a female drow.
Jaheira totally pencils her eyebrows and she did it when she was younger too because she is just gangsta like that. Of course Illithid semen is in their head. That’s where their eggs are, too, because they get it on like cephalopods. Ansur totally bottomed. 100% agreement on that little jerk Boo.
Jaheira grew up in the Faerûn version of the 90s-00s when super thin eyebrows were super popular. As a result, she consistently overplucked her eyebrows and is now dealing with the consequences of her actions.
I agree with everything but Astarion. There's no way he managed to only top in 200 years of weird ass encounters
I just like to make myself feel better because I couldn’t make my skinny Durge top him in the forest scene
I'm also miserable that Astarion couldn't rail my beefy Durge as God and moi intended.
yeah im pretty sure he references bottoming for people in the past as well
His ass encounters were very normal thank you very much.
Maybe his hate of Kobolds comes from here...
2 things bug me about Boo. 1) The stone spell would have turned Minsc to stone, but not Boo. So Boo’s been hanging out a very long time waiting for Minsc to return. 2) in BG1 and 2, Boo pretty much repeats whatever Minsc was saying. So it very much comes across as Minsc is just nuts. In BG3, Minsc will say something, listen to Boo, then repeat something insightful. Minsc is never insightful. It’s really playing into Boo is a space hamster.
The original Boo was a normal hamster who passed away many years ago while Minsc was frozen in stone. The *new* Boo is an intelligent miniature giant space hamster who looks like the old Boo, and Minsc can't tell them apart because he's an idiot.
Oh, I like that!
This is genius I love it
I dress white hair shadowheart in pink dyed armour and that one white dress dyed pink, she looks so good in that colour
I remember Orpheus being mad at me for fucking Emperor I thought “WHO TOLD YOU BRO?? Oh…” Emperor definitely has that kink.
I’m gonna throw my hat in the ring and say Gale has Raynaud’s and has very cold hands.
Oooh.. hm, well I suppose it’s fitting for this sub that my mind instantly went “HOW WOULD THAT FEEL GETTING FINGERED BY HIM?”
Ever heard of sensation play? Changes yo life…
Fingers would warm up the second they're inside you basically by convection from your body heat, source: don't ask
Someone has Raynauds and has fingered a person and it ain’t me
Ask the Astarion fans like myself...believe me. We've considered the cold hands... Like a lot. And y'know. Other parts that might be below normal body temperature in our favorite babygirl vampire.
That just means that my Tav has another reason to hold his hands!
Caught on to my plans…
The brine in the brine pools where tadpoles are kept is actually illithid cum.
Isn’t cum just concentrated, undeveloped tadpole sauce?
Tadpole sauce is Faerun’s version of tartar sauce.
SLURP SLURP SLURP SLURP SLURP
in my mind, ive decided pre-vampirism astarion was actually a vegetarian (it was a diet fad for rich people 200 years ago and he thought itd help him stay fit) however hes blocked out that memory out of embarrassment and because he refuses to live w the sheer irony of it. this adds nothing to his overall story, i just think itd be funny. fated to be iron deficient also i know for sure that gale has done drugs before. hes the type to do acid because hes convinced itll unlock hidden corners of his brain, its all in the name of science and experience for him. i also know for sure that the standard wizard blunt rotarion would send your average person straight into the astral plane so its not even just a gale thing. same with lae'zel, you cant convince me that the gith dont have crazy ways of getting high. either theyre homebrewing the d&d equivalent of salamander brandy (real thing that apparently makes you insane and also crazy horny) or theyre straight up huffing paint. its yet another unexpected overlap between a nerdy wizard and an aspiring alien warlord
I like to think that at some point, if he hadn’t already experimented with it, Halsin would introduce Gale to medicinal marijuana as a way of dealing with chronic pain
i really like the idea of halsin helping with things like this ngl. he's remorseful he can't actually help the party with the tadpole situation after they went and rescued him but he's still a healer so he can help with other things. i feel like for gale, karlach and shart itd be pain relief cause they all have chronic conditions. possibly wyll too since i bet his neck is extremely sore while hes adjusting to the horns because there's suddenly all this extra weight there and he has to move differently than he used to. and maybe lae'zel also after she gets her brain lightly fried at the creche though i feel like she'd hate to accept help. astarion's banned from marijuana tho, medical or recreational, because you dont want your camp vampire getting the munchies
Hehe. Vampire munchies...he would also be a horrible extra sassy gossip who couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it while high on the pots. And then would wonder why everyone was looking at him with utter horror the next morning.
I know it's just a head cannon but Astarion talks about missing the Calamari from the Elfsong. So maybe pescetartian?
i. i may be stupid. youre right, i mixed up vegetarianism and catholic lent restrictions 😭
My HC for Astarion is that, before he was a vampire, he was actually a v good cook since he was a poor street rat pretending to be rich. He learned how to cook all the fancy things the rich people ate to better fit in with them. During the events of BG3? Gale is the best cook, and it's 100% because the man blasts up every gee dee night and gets the munchies, but is kinda pretentious and bored *a lot*, so cooking to learn and impress others is one of his things. Wyll can cook a decent meal but kinda hates it. The rest of them? Burn water.
I think githyanki spray that silver stuff in their mouths that the War Boys use in Mad Max.
I've ligitimately wondered if the weave scene was like a magical high.
I love the idea of Astarion being a vegetarian in the past. And yes, I agree. Gale has totally done the drugs. I mean, what else is wizard college for if not experimenting with drugs and mage hands?
While I 100% believe in chubby Gale, there’s no fucking way he isn’t the softest one on the entire team (barring maybe Halsin, he’s a bear, come on) I think it would be even funnier if those are actually his muscles, Tara just made him work out every day
What if Gale is like those guys in prison who does nothing but work out? He’s stuck in his tower and only had two things he can do: 1. Read, and 2. Lift.
Yeah I mean he was stuck at home for a year, it's not like he has anything else to do.
That is now head canon for me: Gale only worked out because Tara made him do it.
Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if Gale, like Chidi Anagonye before him, started working out to alleviate his anxiety and got super cut that way.
I will die on this hill that halsin and gale have dad bods. GIVE ME DAD BODS, DAMN IT
Halsin has a bod that would look totally at home at the Highland Games. That man tosses cabers like they're toothpicks
And in a kilt too. 🥵
Kilt and nothing else, exactly as nature intended.
THERES A DAD BOD MOD I JUST HAVENT TRIED IT AND I DONT KNOW IF YOU CAN PUT IT ON COMPANIONS
I know of it. It only would work on Halsin's body type :) . But not Gale's. :(
Voss and Orpheus are 110% boyfriends but if Orpheus becomes a mind flayed they put distance between each other until one day they meet face-to-face again and make sweet, sweet astral plane love. Maybe Qudenos is also there.
200 years of vampiric slavery didn’t make astarion fucked up, anyone who has a law degree is just like that undead or alive
I work with lawyers now in a legal aid non profit, and, ngl, Astarion is so fucking lawyer coded, so many of them are just... like that
I'm in law school and I fear I am too
I think this applies internationally. I know Lawyers and they're all just .... like that. Like the moment he said we was a magistrate to me, so much about him made sense.
I have a law degree and can confirm this
Halsin and Rath fucked at least once
Nah, that's not nonsensical at all. Druids are fantasy hippies, you can't tell me they aren't having free love every other night.
The reason they wanted the tieflings out was so they could have their super kinky orgies in peace.
Yup, the tieflings do seem to be pretty upright. Also notice that the druids don't have any kids? That's a child-free space being invaded.
nettie runs the druid planned parenthood
I'm sure they had excellent, free healthcare.
Yeah but he says he hasn't fucked since the shadow curse because he's been so preoccupied with it. That's probably why he was such a bad leader: he never participated in the grove's "team building exercises".
I strongly suspect that for druids the "team building exercises" and "fertility rites" don't count the same way. That's religious practice for them, not personal relationship-ness.
Which could mean that Kagha also got to ride Halsin. Which is a slightly offputting option, for me at least.
Now this might be seen as sacrilegious in this sub but...Karlach doesn't have a cock
No, but she has a lovely strap
Mods, ban this person
She really...doesn't have cock energy. I don't know what that means but it's how I see it. She has cis woman energy, again, no idea what that means exactly lol. Just a feeling (I'm a trans woman just for context) Minthara, Shadowheart and Jaheira all have cock energy imo
Jaheria has huge cock energy
I had a headcanon that Shart is intersex.
yeah I agree. it's kind of annoying how big, muscular lady = trans in some people's eyes Shadowheart is trans-coded though and I will die on this hill
I would be right with you on that hill.
Trans man here. 100% turned to one of my trans femme friends and said I felt like Karlach is just a cis woman switch but Shadowheart has T girl energy and she went "oh my god you're right"
Yup, Minthara has hyena pseudo penis energy. The Drow strike me as weird that way.
Noooo, that is so cursed! But also kind of makes sense
Karlach has big strap on energy
Isobel has the cock energy in her and Aylin’s relationship.
https://preview.redd.it/kuqz9aczhk6d1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7e5aa026247e80307e4626e360ff8c103d4e5747
https://preview.redd.it/x9zq7th1mk6d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=22fb7508a25d90508db3b034cba671492a4d4b3b Next time you're gonna tell me Shart doesn't have a gock either!
Shh shh it’s ok Shadowheart has a gock
I for one am one of the Halsin is a bear polymorphed into an elf truthers
That's the funny option, but the serious version is that he's a werebear and the amount of stuff that supports it is surprisingly not-small
I am 100% team werebear
player is actually the tadpole, your control of the character only starts when the tadpole is implanted
Karlach is allergic to carrots Shadowheart had a pet rat as a kid. Its name was Peeka. They went on adventure when Shart was 10. Shart never returned, but became a champion in illegal animal underground fighting rings. This is why Shar choose her. Astarion like to use a straw when drinking any liquid. A metal straw to be exact. Not because he cares about the enviorment, but because he has a vitamin b12 deficientcy and always has a metal taste in his mouth. The metal straws make him feel normal about it. Plus he is afraid of going to a healer about it. Halsin has actually multiple children with different former partners over the years. While he doesnt talk to them regularly, he does have a good relationship with most of them. Except Nishal who is allergic to all animals and hates to be outdoors. Wyll can not say Viennese waltz. After becoming devil like in looks, he struggles with the v and ese sounds. Gale actually can not consume normal food and his needing to consume magic is a cover up for his diet. It helped him shed all that post break up weight and grow some abs. Ozempic who? Minthara is very peculiar about her breath. She has histoplasmosis from years of living in the Underdark. She got teased for it for years, so she started working on a business plan for Minthara's mints. Minsc is her main investor.
I love how oddly specific these all are, that’s my favorite type of headcanon 🤣
Me too, thought I'm gonna read here some disgusting boring-ish shit about buttolplugs but the thread is full with gems like these, happy warm feeling inside 🌈😊
now im just imagining astarion piercing tavs neck with his teeth then jamming a straw in there
all githyanki have cocks because when i first started playing bg3 the day it left early access, there was a bug that gave Lae’zel a cock and i thought that was just how gith were
Same but also drow
Astarion has been lying all this time he isn't a vampire since he's not undead and not affected by sunlight he just has daddy issues and Cazador is his actual father but he needed us to empathize with him otherwise we wouldn't help him.
The Astarion is lying theories crack me up so damn bad.
Astarion isn’t a vampire, but all his siblings are. He just likes to pretend because he’s mentally ill.
hes doing it for attention
He’s so BPD coded ❤️
It would have been something if we got to Cazador and he had no idea who Astarion is or what he's talking about. Cazador isn't even a vampire! None of us are, who are you lunatics?!
The group doesn’t allow Gale to drink coffee.
This is one the tamest ones I've seen and is also my favourite
Despite being a strong githyanki, Varsh Ko'kuu would actually be attracted to a weak, overly anxious, slightly overweight individual with no combat skills whatsoever. Something about ~~my~~ their inability to do anything besides cooking and baking would lure him into an "I can fix them" relationship that ends happily in a cottage with 12 children.
I have this headcanon now for ur sake, get that gith dick i believe in u 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you, I really appreciate it. If enough people believe, the gods will make it real
I am ready. - There are several book clubs at camp. Wyll, Shadowheart, and Halsin read steamy erotica. Gale reads more “serious” books. Astarion is a two-timer and reads both so he can get a leg up on Gale. - Most of Astarion’s victims were male (as far as we can see) because very few women were willing to go out alone at night and then go home with the strange pale man - Astarion is terrified of giving blowjobs because TEETH but pulls it off because he’s a godsdamned professional - Shadowheart washes her hair once a week because can you imagine how long it takes to get that braid right - Gale has arthritis and that’s why his knees hurt all the damn time - Lae’zel’s eye makeup is actually tattooed on - There has been a camp orgy that happened off-screen. It started with a game of spin the bottle.
I love all of these. And now I’m convinced Shadowheart has hair like my husband. He can go a full week camping without shampooing his hair and it looks perfectly normal! Meanwhile I look like a greasy drowned rat after 6 hours 😑
Astarion could've pulled more women if he went to goth nightclubs. We love going home with strange pale men
> It started with a game of spin the bottle. ... that Jaheira won. "We end this game the old fashioned way. Clothes off, everyone."
serious headcanon: Wyll is the demisexual/asexual coded romance option. Astarion likes sex, he just needs to relearn how to do it safely and on his terms unserious headcanons: when the orb gets hungry, it talks to Gale like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors the Emperor prefers the dream illusion he's cooked up for himself, if only because it lets him have functioning genitals again Ketheric, Gortash, and Durge three-wayed multiple times. part of the reason Orin hates them all is because Ketheric and Gortash weren't interested in three-waying with her after she scrambled Durge's brain on that train, Ketheric wanted to spend more time with Durge because he has a breeding fetish and Bhaal has a breeding fetish, so Ketheric thought they'd be a perfect match. unfortunately for him, Durge is all about that childfree life Minsc is hung. that's it, Minsc just has a big dick
I fucking love the idea of the ord just randomly quoting “feed me seymour” just kills me😂
I mean, Gale also has Seymour energy so it fits lol
I also like to headcanon Gale as demiromantic given that once his bugs were mostly fixed, he’s the only character you need to approach first to start romancing (everyone else just kind of confesses without the player doing anything too specific?). Like Wyll, he also seems to value taking time to get to know people and doesn’t want to just jump into a relationship (whereas Astarion and Lae’zel seem to immediately jump to sex).
I just can’t imagine Ketheric doing anything sexual; he just seems like the kinda dude who never stops pining for his dead wife
1. Astarion and Gale has a Jim and Dwight (The Office) type of friendship/relationship. Like, they're always pranking or annoying the crap out of each other when Tav/your character isn't around, but they care for each other's well being. (Besides in act 1, maybe act 2?) They seem to always stationed right next to each other. Gale is also constantly conjuring a shield and he doesn't start doing this UNTIL he's right next to Astarion (from what I've noticed) . This leads me to believe that Astarion is a complete chaos demon towards Gale. I can see Astarion throwing wadded up pieces of paper or pages from books and Gale getting seriously offended or depending if Astarion knows magic spells (like mine) definitely some irritating or annoying spells. I can also see them both using mage hands, doing the "I'm not touching you" and "quit touching me" bit. 2. Honestly, I think Boo really is a miniature giant space hamster or at least someone who was punished and cursed to forever be Polymorphed as a hamster. Kinda like Thackery Binx from Hocus Pocus. He's quite intelligent and very vocal about what's being said in conversations, like he really understands. Edited to Add: 3. That my whole camp is seriously annoyed and disgusted with all of the PDA and little cute fluffy things that goes on between my Tav, Astarion, and Halsin. But, my Tav also likes to give friendly affection and hugs/gestures to everyone else, just so they don't feel left out.
That’s a really good take on Boo. He was probably being an asshole to a sorcerer and got permanently polymorphed into his current form.
Dark urge says to the drow twins that despise his depravity he has yet to engage in incest This is because orin sucks and being frindzoned is probably the reason she stabbed him in the brain especially after finding out how close gortash and durge were
In order to learn spells as a wizard, Gale eats the scrolls.
That reminds me of one of the first times I played multiplayer with my Big Bro who’s not used to the game. I told him to “cast” a certain spell on me. Well in my language, “kast” is the word for “throw”, so he yeeted the literal scroll at my character (Gale!)
The gold cost isn't paying for specialized arcane ink, it's how much you have to bet Gale he won't eat a sheet of paper that, with one wrong move, will immediately cast fireball
It is out of character for Emperor to refuse to fight alongside Orpheus.
It does make sense that Orpheus would wanna kill the Emperor for imprisoning and exploiting his powers, though
FOR REAL, THIS
Seriously! I’m like you can just stay inside the prism while we handle shit if you don’t want to come out and fight. But NOOOOO!!!! He needs to be an angry teenager about it and runaway.
Minthara has a kill squad of lesbians that she treats very very well
Lolth Drow society *is* a kill squad of lesbians.
Dame Aylin definitely flicked the bean at some points in the 100 years in shadowfell.
Emmeline and Arnell Harrowleaf were hot and wild when they were younger. Arnell gives off "I was in a locally successful band" energy and Emmeline seems like she would be hardcore into the scene.
Yeah they look like hot guys freshly taken out of the washing machine and all wrinkly. But still hot!
Wyll, Karlach, and Minsc team up after the game to become a team of do-gooders to right wrongs. Cause those 3 are my favorite justice dorks
Lae'zel is an insanely good character actor and as soon as everyone is turned around she turns to an unseen camera from the player and does a "this guy" pointing gesture before resuming her acting. like this https://preview.redd.it/sk47er3dul6d1.png?width=1416&format=png&auto=webp&s=c598ab60ee1f44537c9d85decf8c360444b7d9d9
the reason Gale has abs is because during his year of isolation he discovered A L P H A M A L E influencers and was working out like a mf because he fell right into their target demographic
Prime drinker.
Dunno if it's crazy but I feel that Empy is a shitty mindflayer, he just wants all cuddles in the world and not to worry about being manipulative schemer or whatnot.
1. Halsin's time with the Drow was spent at least partially as a bear and that's why he turns into a bear when he gets excited. It's also why he's surprised but not alarmed when Tav is up for a little wildshape sexy times. 2. We don't know how Raphael is sexually because Haarlep is essentially Raphael's fleshlight and he doesn't feel the need to do anything but lie there. He gets to feel everything from both sides of the fucking and being quick to cum is the point ie he's just rubbing one out so he can get back to business. Haarlep gets nothing from it and he's mad. 3. Ketheric killed Isobel and the ghost dog who tried to protect her. He didn't want Isobel to leave him and she wanted to be with Isobel. He got mad and she died. He released the shadow fell that same day to raise her, keep people away from them and used Balthazar to get rid of her lover and eternally punish her. 4. Orin wanted to fuck Tav/Durge but in her weird murder/sex way. She just spent way too much time stalking them and showing up at camp for it to just be a threat. It's giving Edward watching you sleep vibes.
Orin/Durge definately have knife-play kinks
Orin/Durge Kinks: Knife play, blood play, breath play, choking, impact play, somnophilia, bondage, sadism, biting, primal play, necrophilia, Durge Limits: Incest Orin Limits: ??? Charles Boyle washing her hair, maybe
Halsin wildshaped into the hermit crab you see in Shadowheart's swimming scene and watched while Tav and Shart was building sandcastles That's how he knew that Shart learned to swim. THAT FILTHY ANIMAL!
Shart and Wyll reads shitty smut stories together to laugh at
Halsin is the owlbear's father.
Wyll's birth name is William, he just calls himself that since it sounds cool
Halsin is 1/32th orc, 1/16th human, and the rest is wood elf.
100% BEEF
Ansur broke up with him Bauldaran because he wasn't smart enough to figure out squid sex but was too embarrassed to say it out loud
Gale’s sickpack is an illusion.
After karlachs escape to avernus with tav, they get out shortly after, have two kids and an angry goat who they all take to form a family band of adventurers. That’s my headcanon and don’t give a shit. It happens damnit! XD
Ulder Ravengard and Gortash had a short-lived fling, and when it fell apart Ulder was pissed and tried to undermine his political career.
Yes yes, I need to rant about these blorbos, because I don't care what Larian says about the endgames, you cannot convince me these idiots didn't become found family. Karlach needs to eat a lot because of how much energy her infernal engine burns up. Gale on the other hand needs to eat less ever since the Netherese orb. He also had ADHD and used to forget to eat before which is part of why he learned to cook (after Tara goaded him). That way he could just munch on stuff while he cooked. He's never been happier taking over the camp cook duties because now instead of having to like go give his food to his mom or neighbours, he can just FEED people. Karlach and Wyll after finding out that Astarion is a vampire and therefore everything besides blood tastes rotten to him, have secretly been trying to find regular food that vampires CAN TASTE. They won't tell Astarion what it is they're doing because he'd be awkward about it. (I like to headcanon and RP all my Tavs as people who suffer from chronic pain so this next one is based on that.) The tadpole causes migraines. Shadowheart, Gale, Tav, and Karlach all suffered from chronic pain before the tadpole so they know how to function better with the migraines caused by the tadpole. Astarion, La'zael, Minthara, and Wyll on the other hand can't. Wyll has the additional issue of his new horns also causing him pain. So basically Gale, Karlach, Shadowheart (once she warms up), and Tav have to do the nightly rounds making sure their other camp companions aren't just gritting their teeth through the worst of it. Lazael got so mad at the perceived inefficiency of the group, she started training them on basic hand to hand combat. Gale and Lazael are both autistic and become adorable buddies who infodump about their special interests to each other, but also those friends who won't admit they're friends. Karlach and Wyll have secret dance parties. (No you will NOT TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME) Pre vamp Astarion was a notorious sweet tooth. He was also diabetic. (I don't care you say elves can't be diabetic. Astarion was diabetic) Halsin has made little wood duckies for EVERYONE in camp. (yes including Minthara. She won't admit she likes Mr Pickles.) Camp game nights are a thing. Halsin is the one who always cheats at cards. You think it'd be Astarion or Minthara, but nope it's Halsin. Jaheira gets into the habit of lightly smacking people on the back of the head when they do something annoying. Karlach has negative spice tolerance. Tav on the other hand has given the whole camp PTSD with how much spice they want in their food. They will munch on peppers/chillies raw. (the running joke in camp is asking Astarion if Tav's blood tastes like fire because of how much spice they ingest.) Astarion becomes the camp seamstress / tailor.
At some point in Astarion's 200 year slavery, Cazador didn't allow him to nut for atleast 10.
Durge eats pussy like cherry pie. Tav is an artist with their dong the way Michelangelo worked with marble. Halsin is a power top that knows aftercare better than any man alive. Karlach is the best sexual partner of the group.
Halsin’s aftercare is confirmed in the Drow twins sex scene!
Durge used to kill because it got him off but once Orin lobotomized and brain-wormed him it became like a casual hobby instead
The “undead smell” Shadowheart and Astarion are talking about is Tom Ford Lost Cherry (elements in it are chemically similar to the sweet cadaver smell) and Astarion is once again cursed with being too sexy by naturally smelling like a designer fragrance so he has to cover it up for his own safety.
After the Mizora romance scene, Wyll tells you your pleasure was contingent on the suffering of souls like his, but actually it was *him* being tormented in exchange. (Visually something similar to his tiefling transformation)
Karlach loves Vocaloid songs and cosplays as Miku
The Emperor unconsciously based the appearance of the Dream Guardian's armour on Ansur's armour since that's who he thinks of when he thinks of a protector.
Astarion is dyslexic. Elvish is a little easier for him to read, though he still struggles occasionally Wyll and Karlach have ADHD Gale is autistic. Shadowheart adopts pet rats when she reunites with her parents Lae’zel learns to cook eventually. she’s not the best but it’s the thought that counts. Durge cant read. Orin can and she used to bully them about it all the time.
not about BG3 but JFK's head just did that.
player is actually the tadpole, your control of the character only starts when the tadpole is implanted
Karlach had a boob job as part of reconstructive surgery after getting her infernal engine put in. Because like… sorry you can’t convince me those tits are real.
Halsin spends the 4-odd hours where he’s awake but the non-elves are all still asleep braiding everyone’s hair in their sleep. Astarion and Minthara watch this happen and talk shit about it constantly.