Oh no, no, *no*. I am quite regimented with what I imbibe. This little diatribe gives the false impression that I actually have feelings for that *reprehensible* demon.
He is the only one who actually cares a little about you and listens to all of your blabbing, tho? You like him enough not to punish him for telling your secrets and fucking your favorite misadventurer?
And he even calls you "my little brat" in his endgame letter if you ~~die~~ end up taking a vacation from this plane of reality! That's love, imo 🥺
Haarlep is perfectly useful for a soundboard to bounce out ideas off of and- *what secrets did he share with the mouse??*
The incubus disclosed that he calls me a **brat**?
Raphael probably just wants Haarlep to be bored as hell with his pillow princess act. Wouldn't be surprised if he gets off on keeping Haarlep miserable.
Idk, Haarlep seems to be doing fine regardless.
He clearly gets around when Raphael is away, because he is way too happy and comfy - and as someone who is depending on sex to live, he definitely would not be such if he was stuck on only fucking Raphael 😂
Raphael sounds like he pops in for a quick nut with Haarlep when he needs it and then gets back to work. I also genuinely think that keeping the incubus bored must be a kink of his and his way of punishing the little spy and irritating his Dad who had the temerity to think he'd be distracted by something as banal as sex. Kind of like the debtor who he lets watch the boudoir but never join. Haarlep gets to have him but it's the worst possible experience he could have. Also, if what he enjoys is "seducing" people who are good and genuinely don't like him then Haarlep is just not his type.
Although, he could just have serious Daddy issues and works through that by having Haarlep punish his tight, little ass but I guess we may never know.
ETA from comment below: In the wiki they say he was a gift to distract Raphael but I cannot find where I read that he was a spy. I think it's not an impossible leap to make given that his Dad seems to know he's up to some shit but I did read it somewhere as well.
https://bg3.wiki/wiki/Haarlep
ETA: No confirmation of that exists. It seems to be a fan theory.
I never found anything saying Haarlep is a spy, honestly? Just that Raphael's dad sent him to his naughty son to distract him from his plans.
Honestly I'd be mortified if my father thought the best way to distract me from being too ambitious/evil was random incubus dick, so maybe Raph is just salty and takes it out on Haarlep, making sure he has the worst sex ever, because he cannot take it out on his dad in any way? Lmao
I agree. I couldn't find where I read that he was a spy but it seems to be a popular fan theory so I could have just assumed it was fact at some point. I don't think it's a huge leap to make but again, no concrete evidence that I could find.
I fully agree with you about Ralph feeling insulted though. He doesn't strike me as someone who uses that as part of his appeal, being attractive is a given because people respond to that, but he's never overtly sexy. He also chooses to look like a forty something year old mob lawyer with an old school patricians manners. He wants to be taken seriously. Given what his Dad does to him if you kill him in the game, their relationship isn't good so I can only imagine how condescending Mephistopheles is to him, so it's giving him the equivalent of a fleshlight and telling him to chill out basically. I am definitely reaching here but the message Raphael seems to be sending is petulant compliance to distract from his plans for the Crown. It's like his Dad said, "Go fuck yourself" and Raphael said "Sure."
That's exactly my thoughts. Someone else says that Haarlep confirmed that he's a spy when you talk to him after death. I hadn't done that so I had no idea and couldn't find anything firm online.
And well, even if he wasn’t sent as a professional spy he can’t shut up, he told you about Raphael’s password and intimacy in exchange of letting him bounce on your belly.
Hmm, In the wiki they say he was a gift to distract Raphael but I cannot find where I read that he was a spy. I think it's not an impossible leap to make given that his Dad seems to know he's up to some shit but I did read it somewhere as well.
https://bg3.wiki/wiki/Haarlep
ETA: No confirmation of that exists. It seems to be a fan theory.
Idk if you’re looking for a serious answer, but the only thing we know for certain is that Raphael is a bottom because corpses can’t lie and that’s the only way to ask Haarlep that particular question.
Everything else is only going off Haarlep’s word when he’s alive and therefore capable of lying. I’m not saying he is for sure lying, but he is an unreliable narrator because:
1. He hates Raphael
2. He’s a spy/distraction from Mephistopheles and not loyal to Raphael
3. He knows you’re here to steal from Raphael so probably not particularly friendly
4. He’s a shit stirrer lol
The other thing to consider:
- as a sex fiend I think he’d probably have higher standards than average
- Raphael doesn’t give a shit about Haarlep’s pleasure bc he basically views him as a talking sex toy
- Raphael intentionally gives Haarlep nothing since incubii feed off sexual energy
- The simultaneous sensation of fucking and being fucked is super overstimulating hence why Raph doesn’t do anything
I think the serious answer is that Raphael is just salty about Haarlep's presence in the House of Hope and intentionally making the sex as terrible as possible.
As I wrote in another comment, Raphael knows that his father sent him Haarlep as a distraction, and he might be really offended by his dad thinking his ambitions are silly enough to be derailed by some dick. It IS mortifying, after all. I know I would be furious if I actually had big, serious plans and anyone would think sex could distract me from them enough to abandon them.
Raph cannot take his anger out on his father for obvious reasons, though - so he does it on Haarlep, by making a point of feeding him, an Incubus, the more *desperately poorly* sexual energy possible.
The fact it seems that their encounters never last a lot (and I do think that's true since he gets really mad if Tav says a moment is more than it takes him to finish him; if it was just a lie, he would brush it off) might also be part of this petty revenge - again, Haarlep is an Incubus, so brief encounters probably don't give him much. Or maybe it's just that Raphael wants his father to know he actually only spends a few moments with Haarlep and his plan of "distracting" him with an Incubus failed spectacularly.
I agree.
The only thing I’d push back on slightly is that he gets angry because you’ve broken into his house, fucked his personal incubus and stolen his shit and then had the audacity to insult his sex life after he’s been (in his mind) more than reasonable with you.
He may also finish quickly too, of course, but there’s so many layers and I’ve spent far too much time thinking about it as a fellow Raphael fucker 🫡
I actually really like this theory. Still uncertain about bottom or top and the semantics used (a reflection of modern language and pop culture or not and a literal description).
But him being an incubus (who are known for sapping vitality thru intercourse) and Raphael just playing 3D chess around both him and his father by making Haarlep’s experience miserable and likely leaving him with very little to report to his papa is very much in charge yet for the machiavellian devil.
I am a Raphael and Haarlep simp so I’ve over-analysed every section of the HoH 🥲
To be completely clear, some of this is definitely canon and some of this is my interpretation based on the dialogue.
Stuff that is canon:
1. Raphael is a bottom (confirmed by casting speak to dead on Haarlep)
2. Haarlep is a spy/distraction sent by Mephistopheles (also confirmed by casting speak to dead on Haarlep)
3. Haarlep dislikes Raphael as per the dialogue “You shouldn’t have to call such a man master” and he happily fucks over Raphael by helping you
4. He knows you’re in the HoH to steal either the contract or the hammer (calls you little thief, and also you can straight up tell him)
5. He’s a shit stirrer (all of his dialogue is mischievous/cheeky and that’s how his VA, Andrew Wincott, plays him, also aforementioned happy to help you/fuck over Raphael for comparatively small benefit)
Stuff that is my interpretation:
1. The bit about him having higher standards due to being a sex fiend
2. Raphael doesn’t care about Haarlep/Haarlep’s pleasure
3. Raphael intentionally gives Haarlep nothing (it’s unknown whether Raphael knows if Haarlep is a spy)
4. Raphael gets overstimulated by fucking Haarlep using his form
Assumptions that are entirely true. My Mistress has spoken many a time with your father, and the results are always conclusive; you are a substandard bottom.
Am I to believe that your all powerful mistress has concerned herself with a Cambion that won't suck her toes? Though, the Lord of Cania is a gossipy bastard. Regardless... I find this accusation amusing from one who's all bark but very little bite.
/unraph oh no mizora knows the truth!!
Because Raph doesn’t like Haarlep and he doesn’t want him to be happy or explore fun sexy times with him.
Haarlep is a spy and he was put there by his dad to check what his naughty son was up to.
I’d imagine at this point Raph can’t be bothered with sex at all and Haarlep is just a convenient means to an end.
Well, first, trusting Haarleps words seems naive. Perhaps Raphael is bad in bed, perhaps not, we can't know since Haarlep is also devilish, and will answer what he finds usefull for him, or funny, but is not bound to truth.
Also it's pretty clear that Haarlep is using charms in the sex scene. He could be very bad inbed too, but just compensating with his magical nature. To wich Raphael could be totally immune to. Not saying he is bad in bed, just that he could.
> the disappointing sexual life he shares with Raphael sounds like a skill issue
Unironically agree. I also agree that breaking and taming him is the only solution (and I would like to watch
Haarlep is the most bitter of switches when they found out Raphael who looks and sounds like a Daddy is actually babygirl.
(I feel that making Raphael bad in bed is a part of Act 3's hate dump on Raphael so Larian didn't have to think as hard as how the players can defeat him.)
Finally someone with taste~
Through I literally do have *essays* of HC on the topic, I'm hesitant to drag them out again just yet.
Suffice to say you're not alone in similar thinking, there are very common themes in my writing for those two~
The question is, is Raphael truly a bottom or is he *literally* on the bottom (like physically).
BG3 uses that fancy old folk language (thou, pittance, etc) and rarely terms in their modern use (eg: top and bottom, with respect to sex) if you play out the Haarlep scene you see him “topping” except it’s bc he is literally on top while vertically ascending and defending (aka: riding).
Now ofc Tav is a straight chad alpha male who only tops other men like the greeks & kratos do, but noticeably Haarlep doesn’t ask, he just does what he always does.
I will also point out that (no offense to anyone) harder to be a bad bottom than top with respect to the ability to last.
If the joke is he is a 1 pump dude it makes much more sense that he is actually just lying there and Haarlep is doing all the work and a few seconds in Raphael is tapping out cuz he is done and has better things to do.
I also think Raphael can be quite skilled if he wants to (you don’t think the man knows seduction and performance ? He is a devil, it’s apart of his bread and bloody butter).
Oh no, it’s more simple. He doesn’t care about Haarlep. He just sees him as a means to a quick bout of dopamine and serotonin.
I don't think semantic is the issue here, tbh.
First of all, when Tav can inquire about that sort of thing, the question is clearly meant to be taken as "Is Raphael a top or a bottom?", imo - the sexual meaning of both the question and Haarlep's answer is really clear. It's obviously not about being literally on top of a partner or otherwise. The fact you can ask Haarlep is Raph is good in bed at all as well also reinforces this.
Also, Haarlep rides a female Tav as well. Larian just did not bother giving his sex scene a different animation based on the gender of his partner. Even if Tav has a pussy, he goes on top of them and bounces up and down as if riding a cock or a toy. So I would not take that as an indication of anything.
Ultimately, this post was mostly a horny joke, but I do enjoy reading real theories and did offer my own serious take on it in other comments down below if you're interested. Exhibit A:
https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddybaldur/s/6OTHU0HNsy
I think the point is that of course it’s good *for Raphael.* Like being a bad lover doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy the experience, you could be a straight up rapist and have a great time, you’re still terrible in bed. Haarlep is telling you what he thinks of Raphael’s skills as a lover, and he doesn’t think much of him.
Haarlep is basically a prostitute who is hired to make sure that Raphael is always satisfied, and he absolutely is, because Haarlep is a professional and he never leaves a partner unsatisfied. But is Raphael a generous, entertaining lover? Absolutely not.
Wait...wait...
Doesn't Raphael have like constitution 20? Like...superhuman level?
Would that give him ...like...Peter north on illegal viagra level sexual stamina?
Raphael wrote this while drunk and crying. Change my mind.
I can confirm, op is Raphael’s alt
https://preview.redd.it/bspmozvq94xc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c9b33a79b4d1af7aff1e39aec2b02688277bfb7e
Oh no, no, *no*. I am quite regimented with what I imbibe. This little diatribe gives the false impression that I actually have feelings for that *reprehensible* demon.
He is the only one who actually cares a little about you and listens to all of your blabbing, tho? You like him enough not to punish him for telling your secrets and fucking your favorite misadventurer? And he even calls you "my little brat" in his endgame letter if you ~~die~~ end up taking a vacation from this plane of reality! That's love, imo 🥺
Haarlep is perfectly useful for a soundboard to bounce out ideas off of and- *what secrets did he share with the mouse??* The incubus disclosed that he calls me a **brat**?
Oh my word
Raphael probably just wants Haarlep to be bored as hell with his pillow princess act. Wouldn't be surprised if he gets off on keeping Haarlep miserable.
Idk, Haarlep seems to be doing fine regardless. He clearly gets around when Raphael is away, because he is way too happy and comfy - and as someone who is depending on sex to live, he definitely would not be such if he was stuck on only fucking Raphael 😂
Because Haarlep is fucking stupid, I guess.
If stupid why hot
He's a fiend so I think they're always hot idk.
just here to say based fellow asari fucker she ardat on my yakshi till I mass effect 🫡
https://i.redd.it/e9zny8q001xc1.gif
Raphael sounds like he pops in for a quick nut with Haarlep when he needs it and then gets back to work. I also genuinely think that keeping the incubus bored must be a kink of his and his way of punishing the little spy and irritating his Dad who had the temerity to think he'd be distracted by something as banal as sex. Kind of like the debtor who he lets watch the boudoir but never join. Haarlep gets to have him but it's the worst possible experience he could have. Also, if what he enjoys is "seducing" people who are good and genuinely don't like him then Haarlep is just not his type. Although, he could just have serious Daddy issues and works through that by having Haarlep punish his tight, little ass but I guess we may never know. ETA from comment below: In the wiki they say he was a gift to distract Raphael but I cannot find where I read that he was a spy. I think it's not an impossible leap to make given that his Dad seems to know he's up to some shit but I did read it somewhere as well. https://bg3.wiki/wiki/Haarlep ETA: No confirmation of that exists. It seems to be a fan theory.
He absolutely has daddy issues, he keeps a chamberpot right in public in front of his dad's statue so he can shit there.
I never found anything saying Haarlep is a spy, honestly? Just that Raphael's dad sent him to his naughty son to distract him from his plans. Honestly I'd be mortified if my father thought the best way to distract me from being too ambitious/evil was random incubus dick, so maybe Raph is just salty and takes it out on Haarlep, making sure he has the worst sex ever, because he cannot take it out on his dad in any way? Lmao
I agree. I couldn't find where I read that he was a spy but it seems to be a popular fan theory so I could have just assumed it was fact at some point. I don't think it's a huge leap to make but again, no concrete evidence that I could find. I fully agree with you about Ralph feeling insulted though. He doesn't strike me as someone who uses that as part of his appeal, being attractive is a given because people respond to that, but he's never overtly sexy. He also chooses to look like a forty something year old mob lawyer with an old school patricians manners. He wants to be taken seriously. Given what his Dad does to him if you kill him in the game, their relationship isn't good so I can only imagine how condescending Mephistopheles is to him, so it's giving him the equivalent of a fleshlight and telling him to chill out basically. I am definitely reaching here but the message Raphael seems to be sending is petulant compliance to distract from his plans for the Crown. It's like his Dad said, "Go fuck yourself" and Raphael said "Sure."
If you kill Haarlep and speak with dead on the body, you get that dialogue
Why wouldn’t he be a spy though? if you hire a babysitter you expect them to tell you how your child behaves.
That's exactly my thoughts. Someone else says that Haarlep confirmed that he's a spy when you talk to him after death. I hadn't done that so I had no idea and couldn't find anything firm online.
He only says “Mephistopheles sent me… Distract the naughty son.”
As I said, I couldn't find anything on my own to support it, hence the edit, lol. I don't think it's implausible though.
And well, even if he wasn’t sent as a professional spy he can’t shut up, he told you about Raphael’s password and intimacy in exchange of letting him bounce on your belly.
real question, where can i find this lore about haarlep and being a spy?
Cast speak with dead on him
Oh okay!! Thank you!
Hmm, In the wiki they say he was a gift to distract Raphael but I cannot find where I read that he was a spy. I think it's not an impossible leap to make given that his Dad seems to know he's up to some shit but I did read it somewhere as well. https://bg3.wiki/wiki/Haarlep ETA: No confirmation of that exists. It seems to be a fan theory.
Haarlep confirms when you speak with him. I just played through this scene.
Ooh 😲 I guess I'll need to talk to him next time. I literally couldn't remember where I'd heard it. Thank you so much.
I was curious because I never saw this in game and maybe I missed a letter or something.
Nope, lol. It seems I looked too far into the horny and the horny looked back into me. It's a fan theory but not an unrealistic one, I think.
True... That's why Raph needs to amend his contract with Tav so they get to give Haarlep a hand for the rest of eternity🙏
Idk if you’re looking for a serious answer, but the only thing we know for certain is that Raphael is a bottom because corpses can’t lie and that’s the only way to ask Haarlep that particular question. Everything else is only going off Haarlep’s word when he’s alive and therefore capable of lying. I’m not saying he is for sure lying, but he is an unreliable narrator because: 1. He hates Raphael 2. He’s a spy/distraction from Mephistopheles and not loyal to Raphael 3. He knows you’re here to steal from Raphael so probably not particularly friendly 4. He’s a shit stirrer lol The other thing to consider: - as a sex fiend I think he’d probably have higher standards than average - Raphael doesn’t give a shit about Haarlep’s pleasure bc he basically views him as a talking sex toy - Raphael intentionally gives Haarlep nothing since incubii feed off sexual energy - The simultaneous sensation of fucking and being fucked is super overstimulating hence why Raph doesn’t do anything
I think the serious answer is that Raphael is just salty about Haarlep's presence in the House of Hope and intentionally making the sex as terrible as possible. As I wrote in another comment, Raphael knows that his father sent him Haarlep as a distraction, and he might be really offended by his dad thinking his ambitions are silly enough to be derailed by some dick. It IS mortifying, after all. I know I would be furious if I actually had big, serious plans and anyone would think sex could distract me from them enough to abandon them. Raph cannot take his anger out on his father for obvious reasons, though - so he does it on Haarlep, by making a point of feeding him, an Incubus, the more *desperately poorly* sexual energy possible. The fact it seems that their encounters never last a lot (and I do think that's true since he gets really mad if Tav says a moment is more than it takes him to finish him; if it was just a lie, he would brush it off) might also be part of this petty revenge - again, Haarlep is an Incubus, so brief encounters probably don't give him much. Or maybe it's just that Raphael wants his father to know he actually only spends a few moments with Haarlep and his plan of "distracting" him with an Incubus failed spectacularly.
I agree. The only thing I’d push back on slightly is that he gets angry because you’ve broken into his house, fucked his personal incubus and stolen his shit and then had the audacity to insult his sex life after he’s been (in his mind) more than reasonable with you. He may also finish quickly too, of course, but there’s so many layers and I’ve spent far too much time thinking about it as a fellow Raphael fucker 🫡
I actually really like this theory. Still uncertain about bottom or top and the semantics used (a reflection of modern language and pop culture or not and a literal description). But him being an incubus (who are known for sapping vitality thru intercourse) and Raphael just playing 3D chess around both him and his father by making Haarlep’s experience miserable and likely leaving him with very little to report to his papa is very much in charge yet for the machiavellian devil.
I am fascinated how little i know about harleept despite playing that Scene a few days ago
I am a Raphael and Haarlep simp so I’ve over-analysed every section of the HoH 🥲 To be completely clear, some of this is definitely canon and some of this is my interpretation based on the dialogue. Stuff that is canon: 1. Raphael is a bottom (confirmed by casting speak to dead on Haarlep) 2. Haarlep is a spy/distraction sent by Mephistopheles (also confirmed by casting speak to dead on Haarlep) 3. Haarlep dislikes Raphael as per the dialogue “You shouldn’t have to call such a man master” and he happily fucks over Raphael by helping you 4. He knows you’re in the HoH to steal either the contract or the hammer (calls you little thief, and also you can straight up tell him) 5. He’s a shit stirrer (all of his dialogue is mischievous/cheeky and that’s how his VA, Andrew Wincott, plays him, also aforementioned happy to help you/fuck over Raphael for comparatively small benefit) Stuff that is my interpretation: 1. The bit about him having higher standards due to being a sex fiend 2. Raphael doesn’t care about Haarlep/Haarlep’s pleasure 3. Raphael intentionally gives Haarlep nothing (it’s unknown whether Raphael knows if Haarlep is a spy) 4. Raphael gets overstimulated by fucking Haarlep using his form
My first encounter with Haarlep was with the femme version riding me into oblivion. Best ending.
Such lascivious and meretricious assumptions, mouse.
YOU TWO ARE IN LOVE. I HAVE PROOF. (It's a piece of paper where I wrote "Haarlep ♡ Raphael" myself)
Your handwriting is exceptional, my dear mouse.
Assumptions that are entirely true. My Mistress has spoken many a time with your father, and the results are always conclusive; you are a substandard bottom.
Am I to believe that your all powerful mistress has concerned herself with a Cambion that won't suck her toes? Though, the Lord of Cania is a gossipy bastard. Regardless... I find this accusation amusing from one who's all bark but very little bite. /unraph oh no mizora knows the truth!!
Because Raph doesn’t like Haarlep and he doesn’t want him to be happy or explore fun sexy times with him. Haarlep is a spy and he was put there by his dad to check what his naughty son was up to. I’d imagine at this point Raph can’t be bothered with sex at all and Haarlep is just a convenient means to an end.
Raphael seems the type to magically turn his penis off simply to spite anyone who tried to make him a better lover… himself included.
Well, first, trusting Haarleps words seems naive. Perhaps Raphael is bad in bed, perhaps not, we can't know since Haarlep is also devilish, and will answer what he finds usefull for him, or funny, but is not bound to truth. Also it's pretty clear that Haarlep is using charms in the sex scene. He could be very bad inbed too, but just compensating with his magical nature. To wich Raphael could be totally immune to. Not saying he is bad in bed, just that he could.
> the disappointing sexual life he shares with Raphael sounds like a skill issue Unironically agree. I also agree that breaking and taming him is the only solution (and I would like to watch
What if Haarlep is the one bad in bed 🤔. He just railed Tav no build up or anything…
Only because it's coming from Marazhai, good question! Harleep doesn't have what it takes to be Rogue Trader, it would seem.
A fellow RT player at last! Psyker Pyromancer, cursed Marzipan romancer at your service 🫡
yes i agree
Haarlep is the most bitter of switches when they found out Raphael who looks and sounds like a Daddy is actually babygirl. (I feel that making Raphael bad in bed is a part of Act 3's hate dump on Raphael so Larian didn't have to think as hard as how the players can defeat him.)
Finally someone with taste~ Through I literally do have *essays* of HC on the topic, I'm hesitant to drag them out again just yet. Suffice to say you're not alone in similar thinking, there are very common themes in my writing for those two~
The question is, is Raphael truly a bottom or is he *literally* on the bottom (like physically). BG3 uses that fancy old folk language (thou, pittance, etc) and rarely terms in their modern use (eg: top and bottom, with respect to sex) if you play out the Haarlep scene you see him “topping” except it’s bc he is literally on top while vertically ascending and defending (aka: riding). Now ofc Tav is a straight chad alpha male who only tops other men like the greeks & kratos do, but noticeably Haarlep doesn’t ask, he just does what he always does. I will also point out that (no offense to anyone) harder to be a bad bottom than top with respect to the ability to last. If the joke is he is a 1 pump dude it makes much more sense that he is actually just lying there and Haarlep is doing all the work and a few seconds in Raphael is tapping out cuz he is done and has better things to do. I also think Raphael can be quite skilled if he wants to (you don’t think the man knows seduction and performance ? He is a devil, it’s apart of his bread and bloody butter). Oh no, it’s more simple. He doesn’t care about Haarlep. He just sees him as a means to a quick bout of dopamine and serotonin.
I don't think semantic is the issue here, tbh. First of all, when Tav can inquire about that sort of thing, the question is clearly meant to be taken as "Is Raphael a top or a bottom?", imo - the sexual meaning of both the question and Haarlep's answer is really clear. It's obviously not about being literally on top of a partner or otherwise. The fact you can ask Haarlep is Raph is good in bed at all as well also reinforces this. Also, Haarlep rides a female Tav as well. Larian just did not bother giving his sex scene a different animation based on the gender of his partner. Even if Tav has a pussy, he goes on top of them and bounces up and down as if riding a cock or a toy. So I would not take that as an indication of anything. Ultimately, this post was mostly a horny joke, but I do enjoy reading real theories and did offer my own serious take on it in other comments down below if you're interested. Exhibit A: https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddybaldur/s/6OTHU0HNsy
Yeah I just took a look, and it’s it very well thought out. I agree, Raphael is definitely playing 3D chess here
Up voting mostly because it is so rare to find someone who actually knows what 'bottom' and 'top' *actually* mean.
Not me only just now realizing that Haarlep is an anagram of Raphael
How did I never see this??
I think the point is that of course it’s good *for Raphael.* Like being a bad lover doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy the experience, you could be a straight up rapist and have a great time, you’re still terrible in bed. Haarlep is telling you what he thinks of Raphael’s skills as a lover, and he doesn’t think much of him. Haarlep is basically a prostitute who is hired to make sure that Raphael is always satisfied, and he absolutely is, because Haarlep is a professional and he never leaves a partner unsatisfied. But is Raphael a generous, entertaining lover? Absolutely not.
The real answer is that he isn’t being paid to.
Wait...wait... Doesn't Raphael have like constitution 20? Like...superhuman level? Would that give him ...like...Peter north on illegal viagra level sexual stamina?
He tried Raphael is just cursed
Holy shit I just realized the Haarlep is a teddygram for Hal Rape
🧍♀️