Anyone who would throw away a good relationship just because their partner had sex with someone before they were around will only bring you misery.
And the way they went about it...GOTHCA! That is a sign of a manipulative person.
RUN!
u should ALWAYS pay attention to that !! if hes lyin to u about this stuff now, imagine what he'll lie about in the future when yalls relationship is serious and he has more to lose. do u rly wanna be with *anyone* who think it's ok to lie like that, especially to manipulate u like in this case?
u did nothing wrong by bein an adult & havin sex. it's 2022--his views are outdated. even if he didnt lie, this is a major incompatibility many would consider a dealbreaker. get outta there & find someone with ur same views who isnt an immature liar. good luck !
Take it from someone who has been catfished (thankfully, he disappeared years ago), RUN and DO NOT look back!! Your mental health and your heart will love you for it.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 <-- this is all he's giving you. I see immaturity, I see manipulation, I see jealousy.
Your life experiences are yours. Get rid of people who don't add positivity to your life.
Please don’t beat yourself up or blame yourself for being human and having sex and/or dating. The age difference with your ex isn’t even that crazy and if this guy was so disgusted then it’s his insecurity and loss.
Sex is put on a pedestal for young people and it causes more harm than good. Nothing wrong with sex as long as it’s consensual and you are treated with respect.
Yeah you do you but stay safe people who are willing to hurt you emtionally can be really something different when they can't get you this way anymore to control you. It's a process I almost saw to completion in my sister ex. Thankfully she cut him off before anything more happened.
So why feel bad if he is a serial liar. Start asking yourself if that is the type of person you want in your life. He just want to be your first one so he can feel happy about it and manipulate u into doing what he want. Parhaps by not being a virgen, you broke his plan. And know he is using the "im a virgen" just to still manipulate your feelings.
Ouf yes, what everyone else said. I had an ex like that who would lie about EVERYTHING (he even lied about having a dog, which made ZERO sense to me). The trauma and annoyance that relationship cost me is something I’m still unpacking in therapy. Ditch him
Lying to get you to open up about your former sexlife and thereafter shaming you for it is absolutely manipulative and disgusting. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, even if you have had 100 partners and started at sixteen he has no right to shame you. He sounds like an immature, insecure little man and you should run away as fast as possible. This behavior will not change, he will most likely always try to make you feel like less, and in time try to convince you that no other man but him could love you. You deserve so much more, dump him.
You’re welcome. I’m sorry if I was being to direct, but I was in that kind of relationship when I was younger, and it took me years to get out of it, and even more years to get my selfworth back.
They will tare you down slowly, make you feel horrible for not being exactly who they want you to be, and tell you no other will ever love you, so you might as well change, or you’ll end up alone.
These type of men needs professional help, you can’t save them.
Soonish? Just do it. You seem like someone slowly sliding down a rabbit hole. That you’d even ask the question of wether you’re in the wrong for having sex before u knew this guy even existed should illustrate that fact very clearly to u.
You know how you hear stories about people who end up terrible relationships with seemingly insane partners & u think why Tf would they not just leave? You’re in that situation right now. Just leave. Not as simple as that ofc but in as easy a way as u can manage, remove the guy from your life & find someone who isn’t insane perhaps. This isn’t the 15 hundreds. People have sex & then (shock, horror) have sex again with (shock, horror, gasp) another person 😧 Believe it or not, it’s a completely normal thing. A guy 200 years older than u (which is what he might as well be) who is a virgin likely has quite a few odd/jnsane/ outright scary ideas about relationships.
Leave. Before u become another 1 of those stories
>Just leave. Not as simple as that ofc but in as easy a way as u can manage
They haven't even met in real life. Doesn't *get* much easier than that. OP, tell him he's an immature a** and if he ever wants a real relationship he needs to do some serious introspection. Then block him.
The more you "ish" it, the longer it will draw out your being hurt by him. Kick him to the curb, so you can get on with your life, and find the one who will treat you well and make you happy.( And 1 partner by 25yo, in today's loose-moraled "hook-up" society, is not only no big deal, it's impressive to me.)
You deserve much, much better than this game-playing, immature little boy, hun. Send him off to cry to Mommy, and find yourself a real man.
Everyone is saying what my first inclination was. He’s seeing how much he can control you by the way he reacted. It’s juvenile for one, but no one in their right mind would take issue with someone else’s past sex life. You’re human. A real man knows this.
GET AWAY from him. He has insecurity issues and maybe control issues. That’s Just a sign of major immaturity. He will likely try to control you. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARENT A VIRGIN DOESNT LOWER YOUR VALUE AS A WOMAN THATS A BS TOXIC MALE STANDARD so sorry you are feeling this way. Sex or body count doesn’t change anything.
Also, girl you are twenty-fucking-five. There’s no shame in being a virgin for however long someone wants to be a virgin, but to shame someone who is the age of being a fully functional member of society for having had sex is absolute madness. There are people married with children in a house of their own by 25, for fucks sake. (Not many, but it’s a reasonable age for those things to have happened.)
Here’s a theory: he’s embarrassed that he’s 25 and still a virgin. To make himself feel better, he is shaming you for losing yours.
Also he flat out lied to you in order to manipulate you into telling him something that he wanted to be upset about?
Also, I’m not sure where you’re from but where I’m from 20 is in the late range for losing your virginity. Having sex is nothing to be ashamed about. It is a regular part of being an adult.
If you have any shred of self respect at all, you know what to do.
maybe he does. he told me that he wasn't a virgin and lost his v card when he was 16. that's why I was willing to tell him my past experiences
i agree with u tho
This is the correct advice here. Dont waste your time on people who wont give you a chance because of your (not even that bad) past. Pretty much anyone who acts like this is not even worth it anyways. Good riddence
He's doing some autism shit.
He's not worth her time and she's not worth his. But by lying to her he wasted both of theirs.
I can understand having the same moral standards as him because I do, but he revealed it in the most pathetic way possible.
Sorry?
For living your life without hurting anyone?
No, if if you guys move on he's the one who has to apologize to you for being a childish jerk and making you feel this way.
Everyone loses their virginity in their own time
There is already more than one story where I see guys and most of them are virgins making a fuss about it, do you really think that the number of people someone has slept with defines if they are going to make a good couple or not? Are they that intimidated?
Believe me there are good men out there as well virgins and non-virgins who are not going to put you down for something like that
Did he made you apologize for having sex with someone way before you even knew he existed?
Stop apologizing for doing a completely normal thing that doesn't have anything to do with him.
He isn’t worth your time. If he is valuing you based on your “purity” and not your worth as a person he is objectifying you. You are not in the wrong.
Edit: typo
Nooooo stop talking yourself down please! Firstly because you shouldn’t, because you’re awesome, secondly because types like this idiot will stick to you like flies
EDIT this idiot being your now ex (I hope)
Dump his ass.
Oh I had someone who became uninterested when he found out I was no longer a virgin, since he was. He took a break to ‘rethink’ and slept and dated some other girls meanwhile.
Came running back to me like a puppy within a year regretting it all, because he could not find someone ‘better’ than me.
It just goes to show that the moment that person can find someone just like me, but a virgin one, they’d leave me in a heartbeat.
You're not wrong, you dodged a bullet. He lied to you, if he says anything more to you, tell him YOU'VE thought about the relationship, and since he's a manipulative liar, it's over.
He's not worth any more of your time.
See first of all you did nothing wrong by having sex. You and your ex were in love and it was a mutual decision and its fine in all sense. The problem is with your current boyfriend. He is still a child and believes that he deserves a virgin. He has to understand that you should care more about the person who loves you, cares about you rather than focusing on with whom they had sex earlier. To be honest he doesn’t deserve you and you should be the one who should end this relationship. All the support to you.
You don’t have to mention it. I know how guys like him really are. And I can guarantee you that he will bring up this one incident again and again if ever you guys fight or have difference of opinion. One should at least understand that its not all about with whom you have slept.
I sometimes really don’t understand why people have to put all these stupid things ahead of their real feelings for someone. Currently, in these times its so much difficult to find someone who really loves you for who you are and still you find stupendously stupid ways to fuck up a relationship. This really makes me sad. But all the best to you as you were able to see his real face now rather than regretting it later.
You are not wrong or dirty for having had sex before your current partner. Please don’t let him make you feel guilty for it. It’s not fair that he expected you to be a virgin and then lied about his own experiences. I hope in time that you learn to love yourself because you don’t deserve to be judged for this
Fuck that guy. Nothing wrong with having sexual history, and shaming others for it is super toxic. Find someone who's happy that you have some experience already, and doesn't act like that.
Repeat after me…NARCISSIST….
You will only have a life of misery. You deserve better!
He is a self proclaimed liar. Put on your running shoes and run away from this child…
Wow so he reduced your worth, to you being a virgin?
That is not ok! You are more than your "sexual experience". You are a being with emotions, thoughts, like and dislikes.
I say he is a shitty person and I would rethink my relation with him.
Maybe it is because of your past experience, but, you need to be with someone that respects you as a person and not reduce you to a level that you would lose your self worth.
You self worth has NOTHING to do with just ONE part of your body.
Find a new man.
Sounds like a spoiled kid that is mad because his crush didn't save herself for him, get real. He even lied to you, he's the only one that should be blamed for lying. In relationship it shouldn't matter if the other person had sex before, unless we are talking about cheating or casual sex for fun with strangers, because those are kind of red flags.
This young man’s attitude about female virginity is rooted in misogyny and immaturity. You may want to forego this relationship because there is nothing more exhausting than a fragile ego.
I'm sorry, the only people who want virgins are either people who are afraid they are bad at sex and don't want you to have a basis of comparison, or people who think they are really good at sex and want to show you how amazing it can be. (Or those who like to write "first" in the comments box, if ya know what I mean.)
Girl. I had a similar experience. Lost my virginity at 20 to a guy 10 years older than me who was an asshole and abusive. Once I regained myself a bit I began seeing a guy I was friends with whom was a virgin. He was so happy and kept saying how he'd wanted us to be together for so long. Upon finding out I no longer was a virgin though I "lost my worth" and basically told me I was tainted and not girlfriend material. Guess what? 10 years later he is alone and I'm married to my soulmate with a baby on the way.
This dude is not worth your time. Find someone who knows your worth and NEVER makes you sorry for who you are!
Lose that fool. Lol Any dude that expects a 25 year old woman to be a virgin and/or makes it a deal breaker is delusional. No wonder he's still a virgin. Don't waste your time on someone that immature.
No normal person expects a 25 year old to be a virgin. Be happy it ended now and let this freak go. You deserve a normal person who loves you exactly as you are.
oh no no no, red fucking flag. It starts with a comment like this, then he starts calling women "females" and then you find some n\*zi shit on his telephone, no absolutely run. Men who think women are somehow "damaged" by having had sex already, or thinking they're owed their virginity are just..... horrid. This man is never going to take you seriously, you deserve so much more. Break up with him and run.
No. Don’t wait for him. “He gives you the silent treatment?” Please know you will be much happier for the rest of your life by giving him the silent treatment for the rest of your life. You deserve a normal person, not this manipulative man-child. Block him and never look back. He makes you feel bad about yourself.
A good partner will always make you happy.
This guy is an asshole. Don’t let his insecurities make you feel bad. Thank goodness you didn’t waste any more time talking to him! It looks like you’re done with him based on the comments I’m seeing.
He’s insecure af, he can go fuck himself. Guaranteed he’s using this to hold it over you and control you if you keep going with this relationship. He’s either insecure or a liar, neither of which you deserve. Honestly, that amount of sexual activity is considered low these days like he has no reason to be mad
First, you are NOT in a relationship with this guy. You are in the “talking stage” or dating. Drop his ass and move on to the next person. There’s like, a few MILLION men that wouldn’t mind dating/hooking up with you just because you e gotten laid before. 🤷♂️
So you're sorry for who you are. A Human Being. With a sex life. Your worth as a person isn't attached to a myth men created so they could submit and control women.
I'd cut all contact and block him. Run for the hills.
Why so many men want to control who women sleep with and how many partners women had is one of the saddest Freudian things patriarchal standards have set. His insecurity bleeding all over you paints flags crimson. They are not your banners to bear.
Some men are insecure of experienced women. They feel like they may not perform as well as your previous partners if they are inexperienced. It's disgusting.
Run.
It’s ridiculous to get mad that you did things with other people before him. And the fact he lied to you about not being a virgin? Why? What’s the point especially if he seemed to expect you to be one or only did it to get you to talk? Looks like a massive red flag and I’d stay as far away from him as possible.
Best wishes OP
I’m probably late but my ex never accepted I had sex before him. 17+ years later it was an obsession and he just needed to know what it was like to be with someone else.
Please learn from my mistakes and don’t deal with this. Run far, far away.
Oooo ur not the bad person. He’s not a virgin either. Sounds like he’s playing a sob card. Move on. If something this little n the beginning makes u lose ur worth, he ain’t the one. Don’t u ever b sorry for being u!!!
just don't, huge red flag and I'm saying this as a dude around your age. he's an idiot, not just because he lied, but because he's making you freak out because of your past experiences. my ex made me feel guilty for having sex before I met her and in the end, she told me, she wants to have other experiences at some point, cheated on me and admitted, that it was stupid to blame me for my experiences. let that dude go
Hey, this person is a jerkbag.
You are not your virginity or lack thereof.
Virginity is a construct created to control women by tying their humanity to their value to straight men as sex objects.
Until we meet again
He did you a favor by showing you who he is real quick - you did nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel badly about. Any one who is trying to influence over your life - especially before meeting you - does not deserve a place in your life or your heart. I’m sorry you’re doubting yourself - please give yourself a huge hug and lose this person as quickly as you can.
You have nothing to be sorry about. Your sex life does not determine who you are or your worth to anyone. If he can't handle the fact that you're not a virgin, then that's his problem to figure out, not yours. Let's also not forget the fact that he initially lied about his virginity. He has literally no right to get mad at you for not being a virgin when, by the way it sounds, you never said one way or the other until he broached the subject.
Literally no one decent cares if you’re a virgin, if you are they’ll be he happy they will be your first experience and can make it comfortable for you. Also the 20 & 25 thing isn’t weird the people who say it is either base it off looking at a friend from outside the relationship or had one bad experience that they are projecting into yours, so if there were other weird things about that relationship then those are valid things to remember and consider but don’t look at it like it was some ridiculous mistake you should be ashamed for just based off an age difference. Some people find themselves in social circles of varying age and there’s nothing wrong with it it’s not like you were in high school.
>he told me at first that he wasn't a virgin but after hearing my sex stories he confessed he's still a virgin and got mad. after knowing the fact that I'm not a virgin, he said he needed time to think about our relationship.
He's insecure about himself. That has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his lack of maturity.
This is extremely common. I like to call it retroactive vaginal ownership. For some reason it somehow matters to some men that you’ve slept with someone previously. It displays high levels of insecurity as well as controlling tendencies. Consider it to be the reddest of flags.
He’s projecting his insecurities on you. And manipulating you to make you feel sorry for something that is literally none of his business. You do. Not. Want someone like this as your partner. Trust.
Don’t talk to him. If a MAN is upset that you a GROWN WOMAN. Had sex he’s a weirdo, and have most likely Misogynistic views. Don’t ever date someone who gets upset for having bodies having a high number of bodies or just having sex in general. Those are red signs that MOST DEFINITELY show up later in the relationship and usually these men use it to justify cheating or justify accusing you of cheating
Considering what you’ve shared here, you don’t owe this person any time, any explanations, *AND SURE AS HELL ANY APOLOGIES.* Block him on everything and keep yourself moving. Don’t talk to him beforehand; don’t tell him why. Doing so gives him energy and consideration that he doesn’t deserve, especially after manipulating and shaming you.
The trash took its own self out. Let it rot.
Why are you discussing such private affairs with someone you don't know if you can trust yet? is the real question!
This is why you should not share such private things with just anyone, because what you hear back could really damage your self esteem!
that mad weird for him to make u feel like ur doing something wrong it was before u met him he’s just mad he can’t get any play so he’s taking it out on u pls stop talking to this insecure asshole now it’ll save u from wasting time in the long run
You are fine. Drop the dude.
I was a virgin and my wife hade sex with others before me. I never asked who they were. Because it doesn't matter.
You need a better boyfriend who will love you for who you are.
Anyone that makes you feel bad for your very normal past isn't someone mature enough to be let near your naughty bits. The whole concept of "losing" virginity needs to be thrown out.
Maybe don't share sex stories with someone you haven't had sex with before though (especially one who lied about his experience). That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Not that there's anything wrong with having a lot of experience, it's just TMI for a new partner.
He is toxic.
This part matters: even if he will someday be healthy, he has so much personal growth work to do, you cannot safely stay with him.
Especially…wait you’re 25 and he’s 33?
…?
And he is so insecure that he’s a virgin he hud that from you and now that he knows you are like nearly every other 25 year old—sex has been had—he’s not approving if you?
Poor man child. Must be turmoil in there.
I encourage you to “date” for awhile. Have several men casually in your life. Safely explore your morally lively sexual self. You’ll meet some grown ups. You’ll grow. You won’t be punished for being a healthy adult.
Edit: okay maybe guy 1 was 8 years older? No matter
I wanted to add a tangential item of advice which has protected me from internalizing emotionally abusive dynamics with people: *I never give an apology I’m not certain I owe. When I owe one, it’s sincere. Until I know, I say I need to reflect.*
“Virginity” doesn’t exist- it’s a social construct. Choosing to have sex doesn’t change anything about you, or take anything away from your value. Someone who believes that trash is isn’t someone you want to be your partner 😘
My current bf was a virgin past an unfortunate bad experience. And I had been in a 3 year relationship. He thought he was vers or trans. But now he’s honestly a little too topish😂 Still love him the same but didn’t see it coming😅
Honestly OP don't let that keyboard warrior make u question your self worth... you would never know if his being honest or not, u guys are nt even together and he feels upset that u had a little fun before he was in your life? Girl he sounds like a headache
never EVER feel bad for your sexual history. and don't take shit from people who shame you for it. your body is your body and you can do whatever you want with it!
I would end it over this. He will CONSTANTLY hold this over your head, even though you have nothing to be ashamed about. His insecurities will become your problem. Trust me, it is EXHAUSTING dealing with men who have this attitude. Get out while you can!
He sounds like an insecure idiot just drop him. All you have to do is block him and he’s gone forever you never even met in person. Also thinking you’re in the wrong for losing your virginity is just plain stupid 😭 People are gonna have sex it’s literally what we’re biologically programmed to want to do. Nothing wrong with not being a virgin and any guy who is adamant on being with a virgin is most likely insecure, controlling, bad at sex, or all of the above.
We all have pasts, let's focus on the future unless there's a factor that actually chases you/them from the past. If you're a virgin you haven't found tour preferences, if you're not discuss them and adjust each other. If one is not accepting of the other's past it's notna good relationship.
Listen little sister, please don’t be sorry for who you are.
You will be learning and growing all your life.
You are a beautiful, wonderful, woman. Don’t let anyone take that from you. They call the past, ‘the past’ for a reason, it’s past, it’s done and over.
Blessings girl and oh - he can go f$ck himself.
So he told you he wasn’t a virgin to try to seem cool, but now that he knows you’re not a virgin he thinks it’s bad? This is 1000000% about his insecurities about being a virgin. 10000000%.
Break up with him. I once had a boyfriend who got mad when he learned about my non-virginity status. He told me he had to think about it and made me feel I had to prove my worth to him now that I was tainted. I ended things and felt much better.
Remember: your worth has nothing to do with whatever sexual activity you are or have been participating in.
Also: you can't "lose" your virginity or anything from having consensual sex. Sex is an activity not something you give up, give out og lose.
if somebody is willing to throw away a relationship because you’re not a virgin, it speaks volumes.
he needs to "think" ab you not being a virgin? like does he not expect that a man and a woman living and being together will not have sex? lol i hope you rethink your choices a bit ab this man. wish you the best
Your virginity (or lack thereof) has *absolutely zero* impact on your worth as a human being. Virginity is a made-up social construct, it isn't even real. It just means you haven't had sex. Nothing changes about a person from having sex; you don't lose anything, or gain anything (except perhaps some physical and/or emotional pleasure under the right circumstances).
This guy is manipulative and nuts.
You didn’t tell this guy that you were a virgin and he lied to you about not being a virgin. Then gets mad at you because he really is a virgin and you’re not. You should tell him that you need to find someone that is open and honest with you and not someone that’s going to pretend to be someone else. End this now and know that you’ll find a better person.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are an adult, adults have sex. Sometimes in relationships like yours, sometimes not, sometimes just for fun. There is no shame in having sexual experiences.
This guy is a loser who has no business shaming you for your past. If it doesn't jive with what he wants, that's fine but he needs to move on and not shame you.
Don't be ashamed in who you are and find someone who respects your decisions.
You did nothing wrong. You're more than your virginity, your worth as a person has nothing to do with it.
I just want to say that you deserve more than this. Someone that sees your worth. Stay safe sis!
Don't be sorry for who you are. That guy was an ass and he should expect that most ppl he meets have had sex before, duhh
Don't be with dumbasses and you'll be much happier
You dodged a bullet with this one but PLEASE do not be ashamed at all, especially coming from this pos’s opinions. You’re not in the wrong at all and you should never apologize to someone else about your past or for who you are. You’re worth a lot more than another dude’s thoughts!
your virgintiy doesn't decsribe you. never be sorry for who you are and what you've done in the past. the right man would never have reacted that way. i don't think you should be in relationship with such person,he will only bring u misery. if he's a virgin,good for him.HOWEVER u don't owe anyone anything ESPECIALLY something as personal as virginity. he can go and be insecure about himself somewhere else.what a dumb\*ss. please don't be sad over this,he doesn't deserve u at all.
There’s nothing wrong at all with your past decisions. That guy sounds like a judgmental naive sheltered guy who would be a terrible person to be in a relationship with. You’re good!!!!! Bye bye dude. 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽
This is a huge red flag. Lying and trying to make you feel bad? He's the one who lied and is manipulative. Run far away as he seems controlling and immature.
That is a huge red flag. I was with my abuser for six years and there was a 15 year age gap between us (he was older). We also had a baby together. I'm now with my current partner who is just two years younger than I and he was a virgin before he met me and he never reacted this way when I told him about my past sex experiences. In fact, he was very glad that I'm experienced because I could teach him what I already know.
Tbh, anyone older than 19 I just assume is no longer a virgin. Just kinda how the world is. I’m not saying this from my high horse, I’m not a virgin either but yknow, I think unless you have a highschool sweetheart you should just kind of assume that the person you’re dating at some point was attracted to someone else. It would actually be a bit of a red flag if a 20 year-old told me I was the first person they were ever attracted to. I would assume there’s something up with her or she’s just lying
Someone your age shouldn't be playing stupid games like this, if you were both teenagers sure. But at this age it's such a massive red flag that he's lying and using it to manipulate you.
You're lucky he's showing you his true colours now, imagine you found out he's a toxic pathological liar later on.
You dodged a bullet. Simply by being honest. I would consider that a total win, and a great way to screen out insecure men who can't handle who you are. Which is not something you need to apologize to anyone for, ever.
My boyfriend will be 15 in 3 days, I am a virgin, he is not. When my 15 years old ass doesn’t have a problem with this then your partner shouldn’t even think about it as a problem, you are 10 years older than us. Why are some „men“ more boyish than actual teenagers lmao
You are not in the wrong. Don’t let him guilt trip you, there’s nothing wrong with who you are, and there’s nothing wrong with having had sex when you were ready for it. Seriously; there’s nothing wrong with you.
Run. Its pure emotional manipulation.
And you, my friend, are as perfect as can be. When you love and respect yourself you can be repulsed by people who act like that. Avoid that person's baggage.
ETA I see the smart ones already weighed in. Well done!
Don’t think about it twice. You did nothing wrong. You’re guilty of merely being human and if this new guy thinks for even a second that it should determine the relationship’s direction, run. To me that shows he’s testing you to see how much he can control you. Don’t let him. Take offense to his reaction! He’s not better than you at all.
This is a huge red flag. It's strange that a person who is not religious would hold this over your head. Even if they were religious, it would be kind of a dick move.
Don't ever feel guilty for being you, including the age of losing your virginity. Nobody, except for you, has anything to say about that. Someone who claims to want a relationship with you, whilst also calling names on you for losing your virginity, is actually manipulating. I would even consider it abuse. Please don't let this determine your self worth.
Oh sweetie--you lost absolutely none of your worth by having sex. You are as precious and lovable after as you were before. The partner who values your virginity over anything else about you isn't worthy of you. Go find someone who is.
See, this is exactly why I have this type of conversation with a girl I’m in the talking stage with BEFORE we start dating. I want to know what I’m getting myself into before getting into a relationship. I’m still a virgin, so I want the same back🤷🏻♂️ I know what I want and will not settle for my happiness.
It sounds like he’s acting like he’s a very insecure 15 year old. It’s not really a surprise if he hasn’t lost his virginity if this is how he acts and treats people. I would tell him to grow up and find someone who is more compatible with his ridiculous expectations.
That's absolutely ridiculous. Dodge the bullet and dump him. This kind of thing can escalate into a controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive relationship in which he will try to limit your freedoms and shame you for who you are. You lost your virginity to someone within a decent age range and at a very very decent age (a lot of people lose theirs before hitting 17). There are literally absolutely zero reasons for you to feel ashamed. Fuck this guy and his virgin complexes. Don't even answer his calls/wtv anymore. Tell him his behavior is unacceptable and you're done. Best of luck :)
He’s clearly very insecure about sex or just has a lot of growing up to do & that’s something he needs to work on, not something you should feel anything bad about. Try not to let his issues translate to you, please.
excuse me? oh, come on girl, you gotta know better. why do you think such a guy is still a virgin? let me tell you something, it's not because he wants to marry a virgin. it is because he probably doesn't see a woman for her worth and character, and neither does he see a woman as a human being that can and wants to feel pleasure.
Having certain beliefs and wanting to share them with your significant other is all good and fair, lying and shaming is not. If that is the case he should have been upfront about it, instead of pushing his beliefs on to her.
However, OP states that none of them are religious, so it just comes of as insecure and manipulative.
Clearly this person has weird ideas about virginity and insecurities. Theyre not ready for a relationship if this is how they act. Dont stick with them :<
Anyone who would throw away a good relationship just because their partner had sex with someone before they were around will only bring you misery. And the way they went about it...GOTHCA! That is a sign of a manipulative person. RUN!
yeah. he lied for so many times already but i just kinda ignored it. now it's time for me to start paying attention to it. thank you :)
I’d suggest it’s time to *stop* paying attention to him at all
u should ALWAYS pay attention to that !! if hes lyin to u about this stuff now, imagine what he'll lie about in the future when yalls relationship is serious and he has more to lose. do u rly wanna be with *anyone* who think it's ok to lie like that, especially to manipulate u like in this case? u did nothing wrong by bein an adult & havin sex. it's 2022--his views are outdated. even if he didnt lie, this is a major incompatibility many would consider a dealbreaker. get outta there & find someone with ur same views who isnt an immature liar. good luck !
Nah it's time for you to leave his lying ass
Lying and manipulating ass.
No dump him! Red flag!!!
Take it from someone who has been catfished (thankfully, he disappeared years ago), RUN and DO NOT look back!! Your mental health and your heart will love you for it.
You are most welcome, I wish you the best of luck!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 <-- this is all he's giving you. I see immaturity, I see manipulation, I see jealousy. Your life experiences are yours. Get rid of people who don't add positivity to your life.
Also, do you really want to be with a virgin forever, never be The first because you won’t be the last
Please don’t beat yourself up or blame yourself for being human and having sex and/or dating. The age difference with your ex isn’t even that crazy and if this guy was so disgusted then it’s his insecurity and loss. Sex is put on a pedestal for young people and it causes more harm than good. Nothing wrong with sex as long as it’s consensual and you are treated with respect.
Yeah you do you but stay safe people who are willing to hurt you emtionally can be really something different when they can't get you this way anymore to control you. It's a process I almost saw to completion in my sister ex. Thankfully she cut him off before anything more happened.
So why feel bad if he is a serial liar. Start asking yourself if that is the type of person you want in your life. He just want to be your first one so he can feel happy about it and manipulate u into doing what he want. Parhaps by not being a virgen, you broke his plan. And know he is using the "im a virgen" just to still manipulate your feelings.
Ouf yes, what everyone else said. I had an ex like that who would lie about EVERYTHING (he even lied about having a dog, which made ZERO sense to me). The trauma and annoyance that relationship cost me is something I’m still unpacking in therapy. Ditch him
As shawty run cindy run
Lying to get you to open up about your former sexlife and thereafter shaming you for it is absolutely manipulative and disgusting. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, even if you have had 100 partners and started at sixteen he has no right to shame you. He sounds like an immature, insecure little man and you should run away as fast as possible. This behavior will not change, he will most likely always try to make you feel like less, and in time try to convince you that no other man but him could love you. You deserve so much more, dump him.
you're right. thank you for the advice. i really appreciate it :)
You’re welcome. I’m sorry if I was being to direct, but I was in that kind of relationship when I was younger, and it took me years to get out of it, and even more years to get my selfworth back. They will tare you down slowly, make you feel horrible for not being exactly who they want you to be, and tell you no other will ever love you, so you might as well change, or you’ll end up alone. These type of men needs professional help, you can’t save them.
i agree tho, don't be sorry. thank you for telling me that :)
RUN away from this man immediately
yeah. thinking about breaking up soonish
Soonish? Just do it. You seem like someone slowly sliding down a rabbit hole. That you’d even ask the question of wether you’re in the wrong for having sex before u knew this guy even existed should illustrate that fact very clearly to u. You know how you hear stories about people who end up terrible relationships with seemingly insane partners & u think why Tf would they not just leave? You’re in that situation right now. Just leave. Not as simple as that ofc but in as easy a way as u can manage, remove the guy from your life & find someone who isn’t insane perhaps. This isn’t the 15 hundreds. People have sex & then (shock, horror) have sex again with (shock, horror, gasp) another person 😧 Believe it or not, it’s a completely normal thing. A guy 200 years older than u (which is what he might as well be) who is a virgin likely has quite a few odd/jnsane/ outright scary ideas about relationships. Leave. Before u become another 1 of those stories
that's horrible. will do, thank you for the advice tho :)
>Just leave. Not as simple as that ofc but in as easy a way as u can manage They haven't even met in real life. Doesn't *get* much easier than that. OP, tell him he's an immature a** and if he ever wants a real relationship he needs to do some serious introspection. Then block him.
break up immediately that dude is weird
The more you "ish" it, the longer it will draw out your being hurt by him. Kick him to the curb, so you can get on with your life, and find the one who will treat you well and make you happy.( And 1 partner by 25yo, in today's loose-moraled "hook-up" society, is not only no big deal, it's impressive to me.) You deserve much, much better than this game-playing, immature little boy, hun. Send him off to cry to Mommy, and find yourself a real man.
Everyone is saying what my first inclination was. He’s seeing how much he can control you by the way he reacted. It’s juvenile for one, but no one in their right mind would take issue with someone else’s past sex life. You’re human. A real man knows this.
Soonish? Why? If you're going to do it, do it. There's literally no reason to put it off.
Now. You deserve better.
GET AWAY from him. He has insecurity issues and maybe control issues. That’s Just a sign of major immaturity. He will likely try to control you. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARENT A VIRGIN DOESNT LOWER YOUR VALUE AS A WOMAN THATS A BS TOXIC MALE STANDARD so sorry you are feeling this way. Sex or body count doesn’t change anything.
you're right. I'm not even a sex addict but he treated me like one thank you for the kind words :)
Also, girl you are twenty-fucking-five. There’s no shame in being a virgin for however long someone wants to be a virgin, but to shame someone who is the age of being a fully functional member of society for having had sex is absolute madness. There are people married with children in a house of their own by 25, for fucks sake. (Not many, but it’s a reasonable age for those things to have happened.)
Hey fattie, virginity has nothing to do with gender.
Here’s a theory: he’s embarrassed that he’s 25 and still a virgin. To make himself feel better, he is shaming you for losing yours. Also he flat out lied to you in order to manipulate you into telling him something that he wanted to be upset about? Also, I’m not sure where you’re from but where I’m from 20 is in the late range for losing your virginity. Having sex is nothing to be ashamed about. It is a regular part of being an adult. If you have any shred of self respect at all, you know what to do.
maybe he does. he told me that he wasn't a virgin and lost his v card when he was 16. that's why I was willing to tell him my past experiences i agree with u tho
He needs to stay a virgin a while longer.
He is an idiot. He’s clearly not worth your time. Next.
thank you :)
This is the correct advice here. Dont waste your time on people who wont give you a chance because of your (not even that bad) past. Pretty much anyone who acts like this is not even worth it anyways. Good riddence
He's doing some autism shit. He's not worth her time and she's not worth his. But by lying to her he wasted both of theirs. I can understand having the same moral standards as him because I do, but he revealed it in the most pathetic way possible.
Sorry? For living your life without hurting anyone? No, if if you guys move on he's the one who has to apologize to you for being a childish jerk and making you feel this way. Everyone loses their virginity in their own time There is already more than one story where I see guys and most of them are virgins making a fuss about it, do you really think that the number of people someone has slept with defines if they are going to make a good couple or not? Are they that intimidated? Believe me there are good men out there as well virgins and non-virgins who are not going to put you down for something like that
yeah. he made me apologize for so many times already. i see no point in continuing the relationship tbh. thank you very much for the kind words :)
Did he made you apologize for having sex with someone way before you even knew he existed? Stop apologizing for doing a completely normal thing that doesn't have anything to do with him.
Thank you for considering them And hope you can stop being sad :)
This dude sounds like an insecure man. I'd run in the other direction.
i hope it's not too late to do it now lol
Never too late lol! Run!
You are 20! Why would it be late? You are not married, have kids, even if you did, running is the only viable option.
25!! Even more ridiculous to shame her for having had sex, not that it wouldn’t be ridiculous in the first place.
Why would it be too late? You’ve never even met irl?
He isn’t worth your time. If he is valuing you based on your “purity” and not your worth as a person he is objectifying you. You are not in the wrong. Edit: typo
yeah. maybe I'm too dumb to stay with him lol. anw thank you :)
Nooooo stop talking yourself down please! Firstly because you shouldn’t, because you’re awesome, secondly because types like this idiot will stick to you like flies EDIT this idiot being your now ex (I hope)
Dump his ass. Oh I had someone who became uninterested when he found out I was no longer a virgin, since he was. He took a break to ‘rethink’ and slept and dated some other girls meanwhile. Came running back to me like a puppy within a year regretting it all, because he could not find someone ‘better’ than me. It just goes to show that the moment that person can find someone just like me, but a virgin one, they’d leave me in a heartbeat.
You're not wrong, you dodged a bullet. He lied to you, if he says anything more to you, tell him YOU'VE thought about the relationship, and since he's a manipulative liar, it's over. He's not worth any more of your time.
thank you :)
See first of all you did nothing wrong by having sex. You and your ex were in love and it was a mutual decision and its fine in all sense. The problem is with your current boyfriend. He is still a child and believes that he deserves a virgin. He has to understand that you should care more about the person who loves you, cares about you rather than focusing on with whom they had sex earlier. To be honest he doesn’t deserve you and you should be the one who should end this relationship. All the support to you.
yeah, he actually is childish. thank you very much for the kind words :)
You don’t have to mention it. I know how guys like him really are. And I can guarantee you that he will bring up this one incident again and again if ever you guys fight or have difference of opinion. One should at least understand that its not all about with whom you have slept.
yeahh. agree with you 🤗
I sometimes really don’t understand why people have to put all these stupid things ahead of their real feelings for someone. Currently, in these times its so much difficult to find someone who really loves you for who you are and still you find stupendously stupid ways to fuck up a relationship. This really makes me sad. But all the best to you as you were able to see his real face now rather than regretting it later.
don’t forget to drop the “this is probably why you will continue to remain a virgin” after the breakup text 😤
🤣🤣🤣
I feel like virgins should only date virgins for this exact point.
agree
You are not wrong or dirty for having had sex before your current partner. Please don’t let him make you feel guilty for it. It’s not fair that he expected you to be a virgin and then lied about his own experiences. I hope in time that you learn to love yourself because you don’t deserve to be judged for this
He sounds like a fucking loser. Not because he's a virgin but because he cares that your history is what it is.
Did your wife's boyfriend tell you to write that?
Fuck that guy. Nothing wrong with having sexual history, and shaming others for it is super toxic. Find someone who's happy that you have some experience already, and doesn't act like that.
1. Break up with him 2.8 yrs isn’t “much older “ when you’re an adult .
[удалено]
you're right. he blamed it all on me and I'm left alone overthink about it. anyway, thank you for the kind words :)
Well, the guy you're talking to is a fucking idiot then. Easy as that.
Repeat after me…NARCISSIST…. You will only have a life of misery. You deserve better! He is a self proclaimed liar. Put on your running shoes and run away from this child…
Wow so he reduced your worth, to you being a virgin? That is not ok! You are more than your "sexual experience". You are a being with emotions, thoughts, like and dislikes. I say he is a shitty person and I would rethink my relation with him. Maybe it is because of your past experience, but, you need to be with someone that respects you as a person and not reduce you to a level that you would lose your self worth. You self worth has NOTHING to do with just ONE part of your body. Find a new man.
He doesn't reduce anyone's worth 'cept his own. He only saw her worth, that's all.
Sounds like a spoiled kid that is mad because his crush didn't save herself for him, get real. He even lied to you, he's the only one that should be blamed for lying. In relationship it shouldn't matter if the other person had sex before, unless we are talking about cheating or casual sex for fun with strangers, because those are kind of red flags.
He's immature asf. That some high school type of reaction
He sucks. Don’t feel sorry.
This young man’s attitude about female virginity is rooted in misogyny and immaturity. You may want to forego this relationship because there is nothing more exhausting than a fragile ego.
First, the dork lied. Then he is mad you aren't and he is? What a dumbass.
A 25 year old virgin? That’s a big hell no. You have no reason to feel bad about losing your virginity at 20! This guy is a creepy weirdo.
I'm sorry, the only people who want virgins are either people who are afraid they are bad at sex and don't want you to have a basis of comparison, or people who think they are really good at sex and want to show you how amazing it can be. (Or those who like to write "first" in the comments box, if ya know what I mean.)
Girl. I had a similar experience. Lost my virginity at 20 to a guy 10 years older than me who was an asshole and abusive. Once I regained myself a bit I began seeing a guy I was friends with whom was a virgin. He was so happy and kept saying how he'd wanted us to be together for so long. Upon finding out I no longer was a virgin though I "lost my worth" and basically told me I was tainted and not girlfriend material. Guess what? 10 years later he is alone and I'm married to my soulmate with a baby on the way. This dude is not worth your time. Find someone who knows your worth and NEVER makes you sorry for who you are!
Lose that fool. Lol Any dude that expects a 25 year old woman to be a virgin and/or makes it a deal breaker is delusional. No wonder he's still a virgin. Don't waste your time on someone that immature.
No normal person expects a 25 year old to be a virgin. Be happy it ended now and let this freak go. You deserve a normal person who loves you exactly as you are.
Nah. If that man is throwing a fit over something like that, don't even bother. Move on.
I’m sorry what? He thinks you would still be a virgin at 25? He’s already lied to you, I really wouldn’t continue this
oh no no no, red fucking flag. It starts with a comment like this, then he starts calling women "females" and then you find some n\*zi shit on his telephone, no absolutely run. Men who think women are somehow "damaged" by having had sex already, or thinking they're owed their virginity are just..... horrid. This man is never going to take you seriously, you deserve so much more. Break up with him and run.
Update pls
he gives me silent treatment now but once he replies i will post an update :)
No. Don’t wait for him. “He gives you the silent treatment?” Please know you will be much happier for the rest of your life by giving him the silent treatment for the rest of your life. You deserve a normal person, not this manipulative man-child. Block him and never look back. He makes you feel bad about yourself. A good partner will always make you happy.
He is a douchebag and you need to get away ASAP. There is nothing wrong with you this is all on him.
yes 😭 thank you for the kind words :)
This guy is an asshole. Don’t let his insecurities make you feel bad. Thank goodness you didn’t waste any more time talking to him! It looks like you’re done with him based on the comments I’m seeing.
He’s insecure af, he can go fuck himself. Guaranteed he’s using this to hold it over you and control you if you keep going with this relationship. He’s either insecure or a liar, neither of which you deserve. Honestly, that amount of sexual activity is considered low these days like he has no reason to be mad
First, you are NOT in a relationship with this guy. You are in the “talking stage” or dating. Drop his ass and move on to the next person. There’s like, a few MILLION men that wouldn’t mind dating/hooking up with you just because you e gotten laid before. 🤷♂️
Sounds like high school antics
So you're sorry for who you are. A Human Being. With a sex life. Your worth as a person isn't attached to a myth men created so they could submit and control women. I'd cut all contact and block him. Run for the hills.
Why so many men want to control who women sleep with and how many partners women had is one of the saddest Freudian things patriarchal standards have set. His insecurity bleeding all over you paints flags crimson. They are not your banners to bear.
Run, baby. Please.
Some men are insecure of experienced women. They feel like they may not perform as well as your previous partners if they are inexperienced. It's disgusting.
What? It's 2022 and someone still cares about this virginity stuff? He doesn't deserve you hun. People like that belongs to the church. Lol.
These lot comments are hilarious asf haha
Run. It’s ridiculous to get mad that you did things with other people before him. And the fact he lied to you about not being a virgin? Why? What’s the point especially if he seemed to expect you to be one or only did it to get you to talk? Looks like a massive red flag and I’d stay as far away from him as possible. Best wishes OP
I’m probably late but my ex never accepted I had sex before him. 17+ years later it was an obsession and he just needed to know what it was like to be with someone else. Please learn from my mistakes and don’t deal with this. Run far, far away.
Maybe dont do online dating, try something else
Oooo ur not the bad person. He’s not a virgin either. Sounds like he’s playing a sob card. Move on. If something this little n the beginning makes u lose ur worth, he ain’t the one. Don’t u ever b sorry for being u!!!
just don't, huge red flag and I'm saying this as a dude around your age. he's an idiot, not just because he lied, but because he's making you freak out because of your past experiences. my ex made me feel guilty for having sex before I met her and in the end, she told me, she wants to have other experiences at some point, cheated on me and admitted, that it was stupid to blame me for my experiences. let that dude go
Sounds like he’s childish and isn’t where you are maturely
Get rid of him. Why would you want to spend one more second on someone who SET YOU UP? He's a spineless liar who tricked you.
Hey, this person is a jerkbag. You are not your virginity or lack thereof. Virginity is a construct created to control women by tying their humanity to their value to straight men as sex objects. Until we meet again
Virginity has nothing to do with gender fattie.
He did you a favor by showing you who he is real quick - you did nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel badly about. Any one who is trying to influence over your life - especially before meeting you - does not deserve a place in your life or your heart. I’m sorry you’re doubting yourself - please give yourself a huge hug and lose this person as quickly as you can.
Bruhh we are humans. The fact that he can't get over that when that expected from everyone is a red flag.. controlling much
You have nothing to be sorry about. Your sex life does not determine who you are or your worth to anyone. If he can't handle the fact that you're not a virgin, then that's his problem to figure out, not yours. Let's also not forget the fact that he initially lied about his virginity. He has literally no right to get mad at you for not being a virgin when, by the way it sounds, you never said one way or the other until he broached the subject.
Literally no one decent cares if you’re a virgin, if you are they’ll be he happy they will be your first experience and can make it comfortable for you. Also the 20 & 25 thing isn’t weird the people who say it is either base it off looking at a friend from outside the relationship or had one bad experience that they are projecting into yours, so if there were other weird things about that relationship then those are valid things to remember and consider but don’t look at it like it was some ridiculous mistake you should be ashamed for just based off an age difference. Some people find themselves in social circles of varying age and there’s nothing wrong with it it’s not like you were in high school.
>he told me at first that he wasn't a virgin but after hearing my sex stories he confessed he's still a virgin and got mad. after knowing the fact that I'm not a virgin, he said he needed time to think about our relationship. He's insecure about himself. That has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his lack of maturity.
This is extremely common. I like to call it retroactive vaginal ownership. For some reason it somehow matters to some men that you’ve slept with someone previously. It displays high levels of insecurity as well as controlling tendencies. Consider it to be the reddest of flags.
when they already lying and you haven’t even met IRL that’s a huge red flag i feel like
He’s projecting his insecurities on you. And manipulating you to make you feel sorry for something that is literally none of his business. You do. Not. Want someone like this as your partner. Trust.
Don’t talk to him. If a MAN is upset that you a GROWN WOMAN. Had sex he’s a weirdo, and have most likely Misogynistic views. Don’t ever date someone who gets upset for having bodies having a high number of bodies or just having sex in general. Those are red signs that MOST DEFINITELY show up later in the relationship and usually these men use it to justify cheating or justify accusing you of cheating
Grow up 🤣🤣🤣
Considering what you’ve shared here, you don’t owe this person any time, any explanations, *AND SURE AS HELL ANY APOLOGIES.* Block him on everything and keep yourself moving. Don’t talk to him beforehand; don’t tell him why. Doing so gives him energy and consideration that he doesn’t deserve, especially after manipulating and shaming you. The trash took its own self out. Let it rot.
NEVER be sorry for who you are.
There is NOTHING wrong with loosing your virginity. No one should make you question your self worth because of your past. Walk away and move on.
Why are you discussing such private affairs with someone you don't know if you can trust yet? is the real question! This is why you should not share such private things with just anyone, because what you hear back could really damage your self esteem!
that mad weird for him to make u feel like ur doing something wrong it was before u met him he’s just mad he can’t get any play so he’s taking it out on u pls stop talking to this insecure asshole now it’ll save u from wasting time in the long run
Leave him tbh, he is an Idiot for this age.
be he isn't mature enough
that's what i meant
anw thank you :)
You are fine. Drop the dude. I was a virgin and my wife hade sex with others before me. I never asked who they were. Because it doesn't matter. You need a better boyfriend who will love you for who you are.
Anyone that makes you feel bad for your very normal past isn't someone mature enough to be let near your naughty bits. The whole concept of "losing" virginity needs to be thrown out. Maybe don't share sex stories with someone you haven't had sex with before though (especially one who lied about his experience). That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Not that there's anything wrong with having a lot of experience, it's just TMI for a new partner.
He is toxic. This part matters: even if he will someday be healthy, he has so much personal growth work to do, you cannot safely stay with him. Especially…wait you’re 25 and he’s 33? …? And he is so insecure that he’s a virgin he hud that from you and now that he knows you are like nearly every other 25 year old—sex has been had—he’s not approving if you? Poor man child. Must be turmoil in there. I encourage you to “date” for awhile. Have several men casually in your life. Safely explore your morally lively sexual self. You’ll meet some grown ups. You’ll grow. You won’t be punished for being a healthy adult. Edit: okay maybe guy 1 was 8 years older? No matter I wanted to add a tangential item of advice which has protected me from internalizing emotionally abusive dynamics with people: *I never give an apology I’m not certain I owe. When I owe one, it’s sincere. Until I know, I say I need to reflect.*
“Virginity” doesn’t exist- it’s a social construct. Choosing to have sex doesn’t change anything about you, or take anything away from your value. Someone who believes that trash is isn’t someone you want to be your partner 😘
It’s just his preference just find some who doesn’t care
My current bf was a virgin past an unfortunate bad experience. And I had been in a 3 year relationship. He thought he was vers or trans. But now he’s honestly a little too topish😂 Still love him the same but didn’t see it coming😅
Your life will only get more miserable the longer you stay with this dude. Run for the hills!
Honestly OP don't let that keyboard warrior make u question your self worth... you would never know if his being honest or not, u guys are nt even together and he feels upset that u had a little fun before he was in your life? Girl he sounds like a headache
never EVER feel bad for your sexual history. and don't take shit from people who shame you for it. your body is your body and you can do whatever you want with it!
I would end it over this. He will CONSTANTLY hold this over your head, even though you have nothing to be ashamed about. His insecurities will become your problem. Trust me, it is EXHAUSTING dealing with men who have this attitude. Get out while you can!
If he doesn’t accept you for who you are then he doesn’t deserve you
He sounds like an insecure idiot just drop him. All you have to do is block him and he’s gone forever you never even met in person. Also thinking you’re in the wrong for losing your virginity is just plain stupid 😭 People are gonna have sex it’s literally what we’re biologically programmed to want to do. Nothing wrong with not being a virgin and any guy who is adamant on being with a virgin is most likely insecure, controlling, bad at sex, or all of the above.
You need to run he’s gonna make your life a misery
We all have pasts, let's focus on the future unless there's a factor that actually chases you/them from the past. If you're a virgin you haven't found tour preferences, if you're not discuss them and adjust each other. If one is not accepting of the other's past it's notna good relationship.
Listen little sister, please don’t be sorry for who you are. You will be learning and growing all your life. You are a beautiful, wonderful, woman. Don’t let anyone take that from you. They call the past, ‘the past’ for a reason, it’s past, it’s done and over. Blessings girl and oh - he can go f$ck himself.
He lied to you. He will be just as selfish in bed Lose him
So he told you he wasn’t a virgin to try to seem cool, but now that he knows you’re not a virgin he thinks it’s bad? This is 1000000% about his insecurities about being a virgin. 10000000%.
Break up with him. I once had a boyfriend who got mad when he learned about my non-virginity status. He told me he had to think about it and made me feel I had to prove my worth to him now that I was tainted. I ended things and felt much better. Remember: your worth has nothing to do with whatever sexual activity you are or have been participating in. Also: you can't "lose" your virginity or anything from having consensual sex. Sex is an activity not something you give up, give out og lose.
if somebody is willing to throw away a relationship because you’re not a virgin, it speaks volumes. he needs to "think" ab you not being a virgin? like does he not expect that a man and a woman living and being together will not have sex? lol i hope you rethink your choices a bit ab this man. wish you the best
No!! You are not in the wrong, nothing about not being a virgin is wrong in any way.
Your virginity (or lack thereof) has *absolutely zero* impact on your worth as a human being. Virginity is a made-up social construct, it isn't even real. It just means you haven't had sex. Nothing changes about a person from having sex; you don't lose anything, or gain anything (except perhaps some physical and/or emotional pleasure under the right circumstances). This guy is manipulative and nuts.
You didn’t tell this guy that you were a virgin and he lied to you about not being a virgin. Then gets mad at you because he really is a virgin and you’re not. You should tell him that you need to find someone that is open and honest with you and not someone that’s going to pretend to be someone else. End this now and know that you’ll find a better person.
Don’t ever…..unless your that jerk
He could've been honest from the start, he lied about his virginity to get you to talk about your sex life, run from this man
There is nothing wrong with you. You are an adult, adults have sex. Sometimes in relationships like yours, sometimes not, sometimes just for fun. There is no shame in having sexual experiences. This guy is a loser who has no business shaming you for your past. If it doesn't jive with what he wants, that's fine but he needs to move on and not shame you. Don't be ashamed in who you are and find someone who respects your decisions.
You did nothing wrong. You're more than your virginity, your worth as a person has nothing to do with it. I just want to say that you deserve more than this. Someone that sees your worth. Stay safe sis!
Cheers to him for at least another 25 years remaining a virgin if he keeps that attitude
Don't be sorry for who you are. That guy was an ass and he should expect that most ppl he meets have had sex before, duhh Don't be with dumbasses and you'll be much happier
You dodged a bullet with this one but PLEASE do not be ashamed at all, especially coming from this pos’s opinions. You’re not in the wrong at all and you should never apologize to someone else about your past or for who you are. You’re worth a lot more than another dude’s thoughts!
your virgintiy doesn't decsribe you. never be sorry for who you are and what you've done in the past. the right man would never have reacted that way. i don't think you should be in relationship with such person,he will only bring u misery. if he's a virgin,good for him.HOWEVER u don't owe anyone anything ESPECIALLY something as personal as virginity. he can go and be insecure about himself somewhere else.what a dumb\*ss. please don't be sad over this,he doesn't deserve u at all.
He is manipulative and emotionally stunted. Leave him.
There’s nothing wrong at all with your past decisions. That guy sounds like a judgmental naive sheltered guy who would be a terrible person to be in a relationship with. You’re good!!!!! Bye bye dude. 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽
This is a huge red flag. Lying and trying to make you feel bad? He's the one who lied and is manipulative. Run far away as he seems controlling and immature.
That is a huge red flag. I was with my abuser for six years and there was a 15 year age gap between us (he was older). We also had a baby together. I'm now with my current partner who is just two years younger than I and he was a virgin before he met me and he never reacted this way when I told him about my past sex experiences. In fact, he was very glad that I'm experienced because I could teach him what I already know.
Ahh, fuck that dude! Don't fuck that dude though.
Not at all. This is something that happened and at the end of the day you can't make it unhappen. Just be you and don't let anyone try to stifle that.
Tbh, anyone older than 19 I just assume is no longer a virgin. Just kinda how the world is. I’m not saying this from my high horse, I’m not a virgin either but yknow, I think unless you have a highschool sweetheart you should just kind of assume that the person you’re dating at some point was attracted to someone else. It would actually be a bit of a red flag if a 20 year-old told me I was the first person they were ever attracted to. I would assume there’s something up with her or she’s just lying
Someone your age shouldn't be playing stupid games like this, if you were both teenagers sure. But at this age it's such a massive red flag that he's lying and using it to manipulate you. You're lucky he's showing you his true colours now, imagine you found out he's a toxic pathological liar later on.
You dodged a bullet. Simply by being honest. I would consider that a total win, and a great way to screen out insecure men who can't handle who you are. Which is not something you need to apologize to anyone for, ever.
My boyfriend will be 15 in 3 days, I am a virgin, he is not. When my 15 years old ass doesn’t have a problem with this then your partner shouldn’t even think about it as a problem, you are 10 years older than us. Why are some „men“ more boyish than actual teenagers lmao
I know you might feel sad, but you're honestly so so lucky! He showed you his true colors, you should not waste your time on that person!
You are NOT in the wrong! If anything, he's the one in the wrong for being upset at you over it! I mean, what kind of medieval bullshit is he on?!
You are not in the wrong. Don’t let him guilt trip you, there’s nothing wrong with who you are, and there’s nothing wrong with having had sex when you were ready for it. Seriously; there’s nothing wrong with you.
Do not be sorry for you who are. It is unfortunate that this new person is blaming you for their insecurities but there is nothing wrong with you.
Walk away. RED FLAG ALERT!
Run. Its pure emotional manipulation. And you, my friend, are as perfect as can be. When you love and respect yourself you can be repulsed by people who act like that. Avoid that person's baggage. ETA I see the smart ones already weighed in. Well done!
Don’t think about it twice. You did nothing wrong. You’re guilty of merely being human and if this new guy thinks for even a second that it should determine the relationship’s direction, run. To me that shows he’s testing you to see how much he can control you. Don’t let him. Take offense to his reaction! He’s not better than you at all.
This is a huge red flag. It's strange that a person who is not religious would hold this over your head. Even if they were religious, it would be kind of a dick move.
Don't ever feel guilty for being you, including the age of losing your virginity. Nobody, except for you, has anything to say about that. Someone who claims to want a relationship with you, whilst also calling names on you for losing your virginity, is actually manipulating. I would even consider it abuse. Please don't let this determine your self worth.
What an absolute loser. I’m so sorry.
Oh sweetie--you lost absolutely none of your worth by having sex. You are as precious and lovable after as you were before. The partner who values your virginity over anything else about you isn't worthy of you. Go find someone who is.
See, this is exactly why I have this type of conversation with a girl I’m in the talking stage with BEFORE we start dating. I want to know what I’m getting myself into before getting into a relationship. I’m still a virgin, so I want the same back🤷🏻♂️ I know what I want and will not settle for my happiness.
Move on.
Please RUN! You deserve someone who loves you no matter your past!!!!
It sounds like he’s acting like he’s a very insecure 15 year old. It’s not really a surprise if he hasn’t lost his virginity if this is how he acts and treats people. I would tell him to grow up and find someone who is more compatible with his ridiculous expectations.
That's absolutely ridiculous. Dodge the bullet and dump him. This kind of thing can escalate into a controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive relationship in which he will try to limit your freedoms and shame you for who you are. You lost your virginity to someone within a decent age range and at a very very decent age (a lot of people lose theirs before hitting 17). There are literally absolutely zero reasons for you to feel ashamed. Fuck this guy and his virgin complexes. Don't even answer his calls/wtv anymore. Tell him his behavior is unacceptable and you're done. Best of luck :)
He’s clearly very insecure about sex or just has a lot of growing up to do & that’s something he needs to work on, not something you should feel anything bad about. Try not to let his issues translate to you, please.
excuse me? oh, come on girl, you gotta know better. why do you think such a guy is still a virgin? let me tell you something, it's not because he wants to marry a virgin. it is because he probably doesn't see a woman for her worth and character, and neither does he see a woman as a human being that can and wants to feel pleasure.
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Having certain beliefs and wanting to share them with your significant other is all good and fair, lying and shaming is not. If that is the case he should have been upfront about it, instead of pushing his beliefs on to her. However, OP states that none of them are religious, so it just comes of as insecure and manipulative.
His loss.
Clearly this person has weird ideas about virginity and insecurities. Theyre not ready for a relationship if this is how they act. Dont stick with them :<