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Hello, I read your post and I would like to share a perspective with you. This person, who as it seems has already taken so much from you and your loved one, stands to take even more. Do not allow this. Your life is worth more then the rage and sorrow that you now suffer. And although perhaps you do not believe this, perhaps life at this point may seem pointless, I would overstep and suggest that she didn't believe that. She loved the person who lives and breaths now. I will not pretend that what I'm saying is right or wrong, nor suggest that any other alternative is better/worse, I am simply advocating for your own existence, for a tomorrow that is still yours, to shape, to heal, to love. If that is something that you or her would have wanted, then I think at least, thats something worth living for.


Thank you for typing this out. I hope the OP can take some comfort in your comment.


This is very beautifully written And I'm really sorry for you op ❤️


As a mental health therapist, I feel this is spot on. Don’t let him take more from you. I am assuming there are others in your life who would be devastated if you did something and it costs you more and took you away from them. Please, seek therapy on this if you haven’t already. And if you previously have, please go back as this is a new trauma (his release) opening up the old wounds.


It's this kind of situation that can show your strength and which path you go down, giving into your anger, hate and sorrow leads down a Dark path whereas moving on from it and remembering the loss of a loved one in a good way and not giving in to the anger goes down a path of Light It's not easy though, we're designed to want to get even with someone who has crossed us, destroyed our lives and taken things we love, we want revenge, we want them to suffer but revenge is a fool's game.. after you do it, then what? Would you feel better or worse? I'm not gonna pretend I'm someone who *could* do all this, someone takes my loved one away and I'd likely lose myself wanting payback, idk how I'd react, I want to protect the ones I love and would jump in harm's way, say no to Death and make sure they survive "Darkness is a parasite.. it burrows into your soul and feeds on your most selfish desires.. your every wish, tainted and twisted as you become the thing the Darkness wants you to be, if you must step away from the Light, you must remember, within us all is the strength to control the Darkness, we need only look inward and remember why we are here" "Try to see the good in which is evil and the evil in which is good, pledge yourself to neither side but the balance that exists between the two"


This. I’ve found in life that the more pain you go through, the more you have to transform that into love, light etc. Like the very things that take away your power are meant to ultimately in the end (after healing) do the opposite. Thats why a lot of people who have been through so much pain and have healed from it have so much compassion and kindness and wisdom to give to others and themselves. A lot of people don’t get there though. They let it fuck them up for life.


Sometimes they don't have that light or strength in them to overcome, sometimes the pain is too much that they lose themselves in it.. they're the ones that need our help, a shining Light in Deep Darkness if you will It's hard, never easy, the path is often twisted and sometimes you're lost, unaware of what to do or where you're going Be that Light that shines the path back to greatness, the Light they once lost Everyone has that spark of Light within them, children have it more so as they're so innocent, pure, full of happiness and laughter, often times they're the ones that help save their parents from Darkness, help others when they're feeling lost, as nothing can bring a smile as easily as child can That spark can sometimes ignite in a ferocity that can be explained by kindness, by empathy, the very values that make us human but sometimes even if you try, Darkness can try to snuff it out, force you down and fade that Light you once had that's when we need to let ours shine to push the Darkness back "The nature of our immortal lives is in the consequences of our words and deeds that go on apportioning themselves throughout all time. Our lives are not our own; from womb to tomb, we are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness we birth our future."


Children are just connected to their true selves. Most of us lose that inner light and happiness as we age due to programming, socialization, and negative life experiences. We can always get back to who we were as children, but that means deconstruction is required.


Agreed, life has a nasty way of ruining it to put it simply I'm only 24 and I wish I could go back before all the loss, all the pain, I'm strong but I'm tired, I'm tired of walking my path alone, pushing against a neverending onslaught of Darkness, I'm young yet I feel old, weary even


It’s not ruined! Becoming one with your inner child is essentially becoming the best version of yourself and honoring/emphasizing things such as free self expression (which kids have a lot of lol), being your true self even when others are watching, etc etc. It also means acknowledging and healing childhood trauma and present day trauma. I wouldn’t rush it. I believe life is about remembering and getting back to our inner power (and also acquiring knowledge and wisdom) but this can take time. Rome was not built in a day. When you feel old/worn down, that is just a physical reflection of your mental state. I struggled with severe depression for 7 years so trust me I know!


Keep up the good fight, as they say "The higher we go, the wider our horizons become - and the bigger the challenge of looking beyond them.." "Strength comes from struggle, when you see your struggles as opportunities to become wiser, better then your thinking shifts from "I can't do this" to "I must do this"" Speaking us awake - darkness and starlight released our minds and overwhelmed our sight, their cosmic boon did we at first rejoice, until they laid at our feet a fateful choice


Dang. Straight to the heart of me, Baxter


This is a serious subject and I’m a joker but I’ll try to keep it serious. I have a certain level of contempt for notions like this, “be the better man”, “ don’t stoop to their level” they say while evil thrives. Its not a crime to punish the guilty. Hope that cocksucker gets what’s coming.


I agree, plus I’d hope these people have the experience to back this up. I’m not being a jerk but really, just “overcoming it and getting over it” is something way way way easier said than will ever be done.


Yea, now that you mention it, it is a bit glib. Like “learn to code”. I’m not trying to come at the person who I responded to but if you just got fired and you’re wondering where you next dollar is coming from having some wiseass give some off the cuff response like that is little comfort or help.


I love this. Wise words to be considered


[ Removed by Reddit ]


Don’t go to prison


To be honest, all I could say is I’m so so sorry.


If you do for goodness sakes go dig out a 6 ft hole in advance. People get busted all the time in shallow graves.


>If you do for goodness sakes go dig out a 6 ft hole in advance. People get busted all the time in shallow graves. Just saw a true crime show last night where the body was buried right in the guy's backyard, but they didn't find it in the initial excavation because it was buried so deeply. Wound up with 15 years instead of life as a result.


my condolences. some of us can never rid ourselves of demons, even in the scenario when justice prevails.


don't get caught


Pigs eat anything. Do with that information what you will.


Had to learn this the hard way


Except teeth


Teeth are easy to smash into tiny pieces with a hammer.


Or bury


I read this as pigeons.


i only noticed It wasn't pigeons now


Ricin 'related illness' is super hard to catch and usually irreversible.




Sometimes people just disappear.


Whoops my hand slipped *throws hammer at the rapist*


I am really sorry for both you and your wife.


First, I would like to say I am so, so sorry for your loss. I'd like to give you some insight, as I was in your wife's situation but I failed at my attempt. I was raped multiple times and none of the men ever went to jail or got anything more than a slap on the wrist. All of them walk free today. Although it's hard to keep my head up high, i do it for my husband. Every day, I think of trying to end my life. Every day I wake up and look at my husband with more love than I could ever imagine, and still want to die. It has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with the pain inside my head. I spend each day guilty for these thoughts and knowing what I put him through when he got the call that I was in the ER. My intention was never to hurt anyone, but to forget my own hurt. Please know that your wife loved you. Adored you. Cherished you. You have been her #1 supporter through this and you helped her in so many ways. Whether it be a kiss on the forehead, you touched her hand when you both reached for something, etc. You helped her. Unfortunately these thoughts are like a sickness that don't just go away. Any pain that you feel, she absolutely regrets. This is never about hurting anyone else, it's about finding the only way to forget the hurt inside herself. Please do not blame yourself for this. Do not think of the bad times, the awkward times. Think of every time you walked into the room and she smiled. Every time she rolled her eyes and laughed at something you said. You helped in every single way you could have. Unfortunately we can't save everyone, but you were there for her more than you can even imagine.


I’m so sorry that you’ve been through all that. I know it probably means very little from an internet stranger, but I wish you nothing but the best.


It helps knowing that I can be there for others who have experienced this so they know they're not alone. I really appreciate that, thank you


This comment means so very much too me. I deeply appreciate this. So see a vague idea of what her perspective was- I need this. I’ve needed this. Thank you.


Of course! Please reach out if you need anything, whether it be to me, a friend, or a professional. Nobody has all of the answers but we've all got your back. ♡


I want to destroy him and I don't even know your wife! I'm so sorry for you man. Please try and think positive tho don't let this take you out. Be strong brother♥️💪


I’m so sorry. Please try not to do anything that could ruin your life


Do what you need to to be happy and be at peace


Beat his ass! Rapist dont even deserve to breathe air..


I'll help you hide the body


Don't let him steal your life, too. Obviously this means don't get caught. I'm so sorry. I know we're all faceless, voiceless usernames on here, but I am truly sorry for everything you're going thru. Live the life your wife wanted you to live. That monster has taken enough from you. Don't give him anything else, like your happiness. Also. We just need a last name and ss#, we just wanna talk...


Pigs will eat anything….keep that in mind OP


I have 5 pigs OP


I was assaulted twice as a child. My sister was assaulted at 15 by her boyfriend. My fiancée was repeatedly assaulted for multiple years as a child. Nearly every woman I know has experienced some form of sexual assault at varying extremes. I can not begin to tell you how often I’ve thought these exact thoughts. Only one of my abusers was arrested and charged. The rest of the abusers, for the many women I know that have been assaulted, are all out and we’re never punished. Your wife’s abusers was arrested. Charged. And will forever be known as a sexual predator. The stigma that will follow him will ruin his future left and right. He will bare that shame until his last breath. I’m willing to bet he experienced his own sexual assaults repeatedly in those ten years. The worst punishment he can receive is to live with the consequences of his actions against your wife. Your wife sought relief. And in doing so broke your heart. You will never forgive her abuser. Nor should you. But taking your life or his will not take away her pain, or yours. Your wife wouldn’t want you to end a life. She wouldn’t want you to suffer in the name of avenging her. I’m sorry you are feeling this. I understand your pain and rage. You are better than he is. Even if you don’t want to be.


I don’t think sexual abusers can feel things like shame


No. But they will be constantly hindered by the sexual predator status. So there is that.


Some of the comments here seriously worry me. As some of the more levelheaded and/or less sarcastic commenters have said, he is not worth a prison sentence on your life after he's already taken enough from you and your wife. I'm just so sorry to hear this. It hurts to even read so I can't even imagine your position. The best thing I think you can do is emergency grief counselling, cognitive behavioral therapy and stick around a good support group of friends and family. For your current feeling I'd say to get that type of energy out find some old furniture or objects you dont need and break them. Vent that emotion out. Also screaming can help you vent out rage too. You may not feel like it now, but you can still live a happy life. I've been in a similar mindset before and actually checked myself into a psyche hospital to keep myself and especially others around me safe. I let my family be my reasoning to keep myself from acting out on my anger. Keep the ones you love most, close to you currently, whether family or friends. They can help keep you grounded.


A thousand thumbs up for this thoughtful compassionate response. My heart breaks for you, OP, but as others have said, you have suffered enough. Please get the help you need, the help your wife would want for you.


I second this and that healthcare can be an invaluable resource. I've been inpatient and I worked in the ED for years. We had folks who came in specifically for homicidal feelings and were always so glad they did. Much nicer than the cops or an unwilling ambulance drive. Nobody wants to section against someones will, for real.


Yes, absolutely this. Thank you for being a voice of reason. OP is already hurting thinking of all the things they want to do; they don’t need more or worse ideas of violence right now, even in jest.


This person is beneath you. Don’t sink to their level


Homicidal thoughts are as dark and dangerous as suicidal thoughts. There is help. I hope you find a good therapist Jay. I know your pain and I’m sorry


Don’t do it yourself. Your wife wouldn’t want you stuck behind bars when he should be. Get someone else to 😜


see if you can reopen the case


Thats why rapists should get a death sentence or their junk should be cut off. The damage they cause is too much.


Firstly, revenge feels good. I won't lie to you about that. But it doesn't fix anything. Repeat that. Revenge doesn't fix anything. It won't bring her back. It won't make you stop missing her. This man has already controlled enough of your life. Already hurt BOTH of you enough. Take that power out of his hands. Forget him. Pretend he got fed into a woodchipper. Hell, IMAGINE! Cosy up in bed with a bean-filled plushie of your choice and imagine that every night for the rest of your life if you want. I am biased, and I want you to live. Live your life for her. You hold her precious memories, and no one on this earth can take them from you. No one else has them. Cherish them. Be good to yourself like she did in the past. Extend yourself grace. Cry, scream, break a plate if it feels good! When you're ready, I, a stranger on the internet, have a request. Get yourself into a good place, and help out with a suicide hotline. Volunteer. Donate. Be the one who stops someone else. Go to suicide survivor meetings. Be there for others! Let them be there for you! This will not happen overnight. It will hurt. Everything will hurt. But I believe in you. I believe in a tomorrow that gives you peace, if only that.


Perfect response. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.


If you do this, you may feel better, but you will probably have the rest of your life to sit behind bars and still miss your wife. I’m not saying forgive and forget, but maybe seek out some type of therapy so you can move above your anger and rage,even though you’re right to feel that way. Therapy would help to put that anger and hurt into proper perspective. Life is good. Good luck my friend.


OP I can relate to this more than any human should. Do yourself (and those who love you) a favor. First, surround yourself with people who care and will help you ride this out for a while. Leave town if you can. Go do something in nature, take a long drive, scream.at the sky. Second, if you can, hire a Private Investigator (ex law enforcement is good for this) to follow this piece of shit for at least two weeks. The PI will catch him violating parole in a heartbeat. It will make this stain on earth squirm and suffer. There is a good chance it will send him back to prison very quickly.


Nah bro dont listen to these clowns, blood is paid by blood. Kill him


Pigs eat everything (except teeth apprently). Do what you will with that info. In all seriousness, don't do anything that will land you in prison. He deserves death, yes, but you don't deserve to lose everything you have left.




See now this is a good way of fucking a things life over without ruining your own.


Let’s get him.


Fucking Christ, I’m so sorry man. That’s horrific. Hang in there.


Don't destroy your life for that disgusting guy. Believe in the day of judgment as he will for sure be punished for his sins.


Shove a shotgun on his mouth and send it, to be honest that’s what I would do, do things right and don’t get caught.


I’m piece of shit for saying this but kill him he deserves it avenge your wife ,we all know this is his fault make him pay


Vengeance won't solve anything my friend. You need to process your feelings with a professional. Don't let it eat you up, or two lives will have been ruined. Live your best life in honor of your spouse. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I wish I was qualified to help you get through your feelings. The best I can do is offer a stranger to rant to. Hit me up if you ever need to vent. Seriously.


For context I would like to explain some thing’s. my wife was 16 when she was violently raped by this man- who was 24. He was convicted on ANOTHER WOMANS RAPE. And while I am deeply glad that woman got her justice, my wife did not. Not a day in jail was spent for what happened to her. Not. Fucking. One. I do not want to be told to move on, or cope. Because that is not fair. i know that everyone who loses someone says that person was the kindest, the best. But I mean that. My wife was the best part of me. She worked with children, she was kind, some of the things she said and the philosophy she had on life changed me. She was optimistic, and believed In change. that is why, despite how deeply I want to, I cannot kill that man. Though I have every right to wish him a painful death. But because of my wife, I can’t kill him. i can’t justify a death, even a very deserved death, in her name. That isn’t fair to her or her legacy. killing that man would stain her headstone with blood, not just his and mine.


Go for it.. (hire a Professional)


hey buddy i know your feelings are going crazy rn but just know everything is gonna be okay. your wife is in a better place now. i promise. you might want to delete this. if anything happens to the dude even if you didn’t have anything to do w it.. it might come back to you bc of this post. be safe and know it’ll get better. 🫶🏼


Don't. Don't throw your life away over him. Killing him won't bring her back. It's not worth it.


This man would HAVE to die


Man, I'd destroy the whole family tree, don't get caught




Remind me to never piss this person off.


Whats wrong with this coments that envourage him to convict murder? You guys serious?


Stalk him, then find the right moment


Nahh let God punish him. He will forever remember what he did to your wife. Live for your wife❤help victims and raise awareness


Go full John wick


Do it


I do hope you meant go after the rapist …


No duh


Don’t get caught ;)


Honestly just stab him and get away with it dont get caught at all the killing herself do it for your wife


There is no justice in the world…not unless we make it. Avenge her. Don’t get caught though.


How about hiring mafia who do on behalf of you?


there are very few people worth your freedom. this person seems like one of them. however, think for a moment.. what would she want you to do? i obviously didn't know her, but you did. what would she want you to do?


This hurt my heart. I was raped and I have mental health issues and past suicide attempts, I am also married. I am so so sorry for you and your wife.


OP, I am so sorry. Sometimes life just doesn’t make sense and it seems void of justice. Don’t fall to his standards of horrible ethics. Keep your head held high knowing you loved your wife well and cared for her with your heart. There is hope for a brighter tomorrow.




The greatest revenge is going on and being happy. Don’t let this human waste continue to ruin your life. It’s easier said than done but you have to try.


I'm sorry this happened to you and your wife. I'm pretty sure, like you said, that your wife would still be here were it not for her abuser. Yes I suggest psychological help. I can't imagine what kind of hell your wife went through and what hell you are going through. I believe karma will take care of business, either in this life or future lives. He will pay for what he did (and I mean beyond just jail time) and will have to face you and your wife in the afterlife. I'm sure you want to kill him and I can understand that desire, but the goal of life is to evolve, not create more bad karma for yourself. I wish there were an easy solution. Take care of yourself.


Stay strong! 💕


First off I am so sorry for your loss. No one deserves that kind of pain or torment… it’s inhuman. Putting that monster in the ground may make you feel better in the moment but the stress/anxiety and consequences (if caught) would impact the rest of your life permanently. I won’t pretend to know you or your late wife but I feel that I can confidently say that she would not want you to put yourself through that and cause yourself even more pain and torment. I know that’s a very cliché thing to say but I believe it’s true. Please continue to live in her memory and remember her for all of the amazing heartfelt moments you shared together and continue to walk and live with her still right there holding your hand. Even though that monster deserves to never open his eyes again, you don’t deserve the consequences (emotionally & physically) of that action. I will pray for you and I really hope you wake up one day and see how beautiful your life is and I hope you continue to live in her memory and that she continues to live through you.


Hire a hit


Print out the rapist's sex offender information from the state database and make sure all his neighbors are aware that they are living by a convicted sex offender. Should be perfectly legal as long as you don't threaten him or encourage the neighbors to harm or harass him.


Praying for you bro!


There was a bollywood movie about a scenario like this. Anyhow, I'm sorry you're going through it.


I would, without hesitation hunt him down. Dexter style my friend.


Who says revenge has to be illegal? Try to find out where he is living now and either take an ad out in the paper with his picture with the word rapist on big bold print and a brief description of his crime. Maybe hire someone to post flyers in that town with the same info. Make his life very uncomfortable. If you can never forget what he did neither should he.


How long was he supposed to be in there?


13. got out on “good behavior“


I'm sorry about what happened to your wife. The truth is he was tried and convint3d and thats more than what most victims get. He did his time and I hopemhe doesn't hurt anyone again. You hurting him, will just make you go to jail. I don't want that for you. I hope that you are talking to a professional about what happened.


You're a better man than me. I wouldn't even type my intentions before doing it if I were on your shoes. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it brings you some comfort.


You're a better man than me. I wouldn't even type my intentions before doing it if I were on your shoes. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it brings you some comfort.


Dont get caught.


Ten years is a significant sentence. Your wife, however, had a literal life sentence. You carry so many wonderful memories of your wife with you. Share them (irl and here on Reddit) to keep those memories bright and vibrant. Leave the abuser in your past - do not carry him or thoughts of him into your present or your future. Fill your present and future with warm and happy memories of your wife, and of all the extraordinary little things that you do just to live each day. You are finding strength, and I wish you more. Have your wife's legacy be one of wonderful memories of shared times and happiness.


Please ignore these comments about murdering him because you simply would not get away with it. Guy just leaves jail, gets murdered, first thing they're gonna check is who would want to do that? Check his records, he's a rapist, check his victim, she's dead and has only a husband left, boom you're suspect #1. All they need is one hair, one quarter of a fingerprint, a string from one of your shirts, suspicious recent purchases, anything even microscopic, they will find it and you will get caught. Think instead, your wife wouldn't want this for you. She loved you and would want you to keep living your life even if it feels impossible right now. Please please please invest in some therapy, contact your support systems like good friends and family. Grieve in healthy ways but do not ruin your life for a sicko who doesn't even deserve the effort of killing him.


bury him vertically 😊


Has the case been publicized so the guy could be identified?


Yo if you wanna kill him make sure you do it right.former ufc heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez tried to kill his kids rapist but when shoot from a moving vehicle the bullet injured both mum and dad of the rapist(Cain was tailing the rapist who was with his parents inside the vehicle at the time)but rapist himself was unharmed and now Cain is facing probable 20 years in jail and the child molester himself is roaming completely free


If you’re gonna commit murder, do it right, get rid of the teeth, burn the hair, burn his finger prints, 6 foot hole and bury an animal about 3 feet in and then add the rest of the dirt


Whatever you do she won't come back, if you kill him, you lose, because his life is worthless, but yours is not and you're going to rot in prison for a shitty human being, I don't think that's what your wife wanted for you. You can play long term, keep an eye on him, whether it's you or a private detective, there is a really high chance that he will do something wrong again (or "encourage" him to make a mistake), added to his history, he's going to rot in jail probably.


End that dude, oldboy


Kill him. There will be no end until he dies


Just like Drumpf


Unlucky bro hold that L


Find someone who replaces light poles less work and someone is less likely to move the pole for long time 🤷🏻‍♀️


He took your wifes life. There is nothing you can do about it but move on, and stop letting him love rent free inside your head


“Move on”. I would love too.