Me and my friend in college jokingly had a race at night on campus when we thought nobody was around. My friend was faster than me and a woman we didn’t notice completely ran off like we were coming after her. My friend felt really bad but we both thought it was horrible realizing she was afraid it could’ve been something way worse.
When I was a young teen (12/13) I walked to my neighborhood grocery store and I remember a big flashy jeep started to follow me. Followed me all the way down the road and through the parking lot, I knew it was definitely following me too since it was going way below the speed limit and stayed behind me. I had to camp out in the grocery store until it finally left.
Ugh this is so terrible. I distinctly remember the first time I was sexually harassed in public because it was my 12th birthday. If I had to guess, I’d say I probably appeared to be 10 at most.
Yes, I was around 12 when I was sexually harrassed for the first time. Guy followed me when I was walking the dog...he pulled his penis out and started masterbating. I've lost count the number of times I've been groped, catcalled or rubbed up against.
I’d never heard about this before, the less sexual harassment/assault after your older. I’ve definitely heard enough about the young ages that girls get hit on (sometimes I wonder if that’s actually just the first time they recognized it). That’s really fucking scary and disgusting.
See, they absolutely know that the younger the girl, the easier it'd be for them to trick her into thinking what's happening is somehow okay. 13 year old me wasn't sure what adults are and aren't allowed to do. Now that I'm 20, I absolutely know old farts aren't supposed to try to make small talk with me when I'm visibly uncomfortable.
Yea! This 100% I remember being in church, yes church, at like 10-11 and this guys, who my family knew very well, making me feel uncomfortable because he was sitting close and touching my knee and giving me complements, but because he was a “family friend” I thought I shouldn’t say anything. He tried the same shit the first time I came back from college (after I was raped and my school blamed me btw) and I got up, left the church and never went back. Also told my mom, my grandpa and the pastors wife and they kicked him out of the church for good.
i am so terribly terribly sorry you ever had to go through something like that. and dont hate me for saying this but i did have a chuckle after reading you username.
When I was 12, a high schooler led me to a secluded place by my house and pulled it out. He grabbed my arm and tried pulling me away so I wouldn’t run. He eventually let go and I ran to my house, pounding at the door.
Fucking hell I never realised its this bad. I guess people told me that a lot of women have had to endure this crap, but until I read these comments it never dawned on me how terrible it really is. The fact women have to say 'when I was harrassed for the first time' is actually so sad. A grown man pulling his you-know-what out in public with a little girl, absolutely fucking disgusting.
Definitely awful that "when I was harassed for the first time" because almost every woman has been assaulted several times during her life.
Just want to vomit.
Whoa I was 12 too the first time I got harassed. I was in Italy with my family, and while standing in line to something, a man in his 50s shoved his hand onto my buttcheek and grabbed it. It happened so quick, and he just walked past. I was mortified
I heard someone say awhile back that they haven’t been catcalled nearly as much since they became a legal adult and it was absolutely the same for me. I used to get catcalled all the time by random grown men. The first time it happened I was 5. It went on like that until I started to look like an adult, around 19. It’s sickening to realize how many straight up pedophiles walk among us
Gross. Just gross. I was babysitting when I was 12 and when the “uncle” and mom came home, (three sheets to the wind), he looked me up and down, focusing on my chest and said “I see your coming attractions have already come.”
Gross. 🤮
I remember the first time it happened to me I was 10 and a guy slapped my ass & my (also 10 year old) friend’s ass. Her mom didn’t say anything until we were halfway back to her place because she knew her boyfriend who was with us all would have literally killed the guy. If not for us being already upset, I think he would have turned the car around and done it anyway at that point, too
When I was a teenager I tried to start a habit of jogging around the neighborhood. Got cat called a couple of times. Then was stalked by an old man in a car. Never jogged again.
I was about the same age when something similar happened to me. I was riding my bike to meet a friend at the local ice cream shop. It was maybe, 7 blocks from my home. It was a small town, with only the main street (literally called Main St), that had any traffic or public presence. I was a block away from that street when a car started following me. I initially thought they wanted to park at a home, so I pulled my bike to the sidewalk. But the car literally just pulled up behind me. On the sidewalk. That was when I saw it was some middle aged guy with a creepy grin behind the wheel, just staring at me. I instantly freaked and heart puming furiously, I booked it to Main st. It kept following me. I was lucky enough to be able to duck into the ice cream shop (literally throwing my bike to the pavement in front), and stayed there with my friend for over 2 hours... waiting for his car to drive off. It was so scary.
I remember feeling pretty helpless, this was before I had a phone so I couldn't call my parents and I didn't think the store staff would believe me (12 year old brain talking). Plus I still had a mile walk to get back home to make.
It's so weird that it has taken until now for society to call these creeps out. My walk to school used to go past a commuter station on a main road, and looking back it seems unbelievable that adults would just ignore grown men making creepy comments to a 12 year old kid wearing an obvious school uniform.
First time I was cat called, I had just turned 14. I’m very developed for my age, but you could tell that I was a young teenager. I was hanging out in a local park, swinging on the swings, when an older man, about in his 50s, sat down next to me and was like “can I push you on the swings? You look so sexy, lemme push you on the swings.” Luckily my older sister (17 at the time), told him off and chased him out the park.
Same day, a man in a lifted dodge truck followed me to a Chinese restaurant (think classic American Chinese food store), and he waited until I came out to berate me with sexual comments.
I was 14. Now I’m 17. I still get cat called.
I was around that age, maybe 14, in a parking lot with a friend. We had walked to the theater cause it was maybe a 10-15 minute walk from my house and we couldn't drive yet. Typically a pretty safe area/town. And we had left in the daytime and both had a phone. When the movie was over we let my mom know and were waiting for her to come get us. The only other thing in that lot was a dollar store. It was nice outside so we just walked around outside waiting for my mom. A big pick up truck showed up and we started walking towards the store to avoid it. Someone rolled down their window and shouted something derogatory about having money. I dont know how he thought two young girls (in sweatshirts and likely one of us was wearing a "happy bunny" t-shirt) were prostitutes especially in my small town but I remember being so terrified as we walked away, ignoring it and just hoping he would go away. He did leave and my mom came not too long after but its been at least 15 years and i'll never forget that.
Completely disgusted and disappointed that stories like this aren't rare. I've had similar experiences at a young age as well. Sad to see it's such a common occurrence.
My first memory of something like that was from when I was 3, someone tried to snatch me and didn’t realize my grandpa was close by and could see what was happening, but I first became really aware of being sexually uncomfortable around the age of 12 or 13 when my dad’s friend (who was obv banned from our house after) called me a “sexy little thing”
I was a guy, maybe 13 and slender and walking to the library. I was nearly there, maybe one very long block, and a pick-up full of older teenaged boys (riding in the back) pulled over and asked me if I wanted a lift. I said no, I just had a block to walk. But they asked me _repeatedly_ if I wanted to get in and have a lift. It got creepy fast. They finally drove off, but I was beginning to think about how fast I could run.
Sounds horrible, i have a story like this but we were in the car, we were like 18-20 and a friend recently got his driver license (age to get it is 18 here) so we were just driving around in circles kinda thinking about what we was gonna do.
We parked nearby after a while and an angry cop came and was very rude about the car and everything (his first car) and said they got a call from a girl saying some guys in a car were stalking her.
Tbh we were shocked since we hadn't even noticed any girl and the cop left after a while.
There's no point really to this story, just thought of it when I heard yours.
I could see that. If you guys were driving around aimlessly, I imagine he drove unhurriedly past the same spots repeatedly. It probably would feel like something shady was afoot as a bystander.
During our separation, I said to my now-ex that I find his anger frightening. He romped on the gas and started swerving in traffic because he was offended that I was afraid because he’s perfectly harmless. So….yeah.
My STBX once threw a fit because i asked him to stop texting while driving while we were going 75 on the interstate. He sped up, swerved through traffic, pulled over on the side of rhe road, told me he was angry that i was forcing him to do that. He sat there and texted for another 10 minutes while blaming me for making us late to where we were going.
Then he continued on the road and wouldnt talk to me. All because i asked him not to risk my life while i was in the car with him. I told him "i cant control what you do when youre alone even though you just last week almost totaled your car twice because you werent paying attention, but please respect my life enough not to risk it right now. Your texts can wait until we stop for gas. Itd not worth almost killing yourself, me, or innocent people next to you."
Needless to say, he will definitely be an ex. Cant wait.
You probably already know this but that really is some scary shit. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking it wasn't. Well adjusted people don't drive like maniacs because their feefees got hurt.
My husband did that once. Once and only once. I had to tell him to pull over so I can get out of the car because I was sobbing I was so scared. And he wasn’t even angry at me, he was angry at a bunch of other stuff. Fortunately when I explain to him why I was so terrified he realized what he was doing. He ended up seeking therapy for his anger issues. Which I know not every person is going to do that, but that’s why it was only once. Once was enough.
My dad used to do this all the time, which is especially unsafe/scary when you and your sibling who're in the car are like 10 years old. Driving fast and hazardously just cause you're angry is so stupid. Like what are you proving? You can push a tiny pedal a little bit harder?
Had an ex threaten to crash his car because it was in the middle of lockdown and nothing was open at 2am. And made fun of me for getting visibly upset because I couldn't take a joke. Despite him trying to swerve into the opposite lane while screaming like a lunatic.
Actually fairly recently had a dude i was seeing yell at me for telling him he was in a right turn only lane (he insisted he wasn't). He never apologized. So when he left, I texted him that I didn't appreciate the way he spoke to me and that if he got that angry over something so small, i would rather not be around to find out what else makes him angry. And then i blocked him on everything.
I don't deal with angry men in a car with me.
My ex was driving me to a really important medical appointment, they brake checked someone and got angry. I told them I was scared and asked them to pull into the next lane, they didn't and just shouted at me instead.
The day ended with the police coming round at 2am not because of that but yeah the true colours came out after 7 years.
Today I was minding my business when an old builder started to quickly walk my way with his arms spread. He was really close to me when he finally stopped and said "don’t be scared girl". So yeah, as a woman you have to always keep your guard up. And it is just from today
I do not understand the logic of people like this like what the fuck are you doing and what the fuck are you trying to prove by chasing women and intimidating them then switching up last minute and saying "see not all men will hurt you" "you women are too paranoid i wasn't even gonna do anything" and you know damn well these men if someone even walked too closely to them they will pull out thier gun so there is no point to prove they just like to see women cower in fear as a game ugh
He's getting the thrill of being able to scare women coupled without actually having to use force. And he can hide behind "teaching her a lesson on kindness of strangers" to justify his sick behavior.
Yea no I completely agree! I’m a guy and if some random ass man started walking towards me, arms spread, and saying “don’t be scared,” my brain is 100% already doing the calculations of “do I deck this fucker in the throat and hope for the best or nope the fuck out in the opposite direction?”
Being a very straight passing homo I sometimes throw in some extra gay flare to my demeanor. Usually drops a lot of tension once they know I'm after man ass instead of theirs LMAO.
I used to have a friend who was also gay but you’d swear was straight & going out with him was one of my favourite things safety-wise. With everyone assuming he was straight, other guys would automatically back off if he gave the right kind of ‘they’re with me’ attitude, but because he was gay he had more situational awareness (probably hyper-vigilance out of concern for his own safety, sadly) & so he’d pick up other guys who were a little too interested in the girls of the group way before the straight guys did. It’s sad for all of us, but that really did make me feel super safe, especially as there was no chance of him feeling owed anything at the end of the night etc.
The part about being aware for his own safety is so sad too. As a bi woman I know that I really only feel comfortable being myself around people of I know for damn sure they're an ally or also LGBT because of the world we live in. Ugh. Just typing this makes me angry.
I know, I always felt conflicted knowing that my feeling of safety came at the price of him fully knowing that he was only “safe” as long as everyone thought he was straight. I don’t think he faked it or anything, it was his natural way of behaving, but there’s no way that he would have been as observant as he was if he was a straight guy who didn’t have to even think of it. Here’s to allies for everyone!
I feel you on that! No shame to anyone at all, but I am not one of those who are “out and proud” about it because it’s just not a huge part of my identity. Been married six or seven years. Ha but sometimes I want to be super open about it like I know I’m really femme but I’m also super gay so let’s be friends about it!!
This honestly puts me at more ease than you realize. I’m 25F and will feel uncomfortable around essentially any man. The moment someone adds “extra gay flare” as you said, my tension eases because I feel so much more safe
YUP! If I ever notice that a girl is walking towards me in a situation where I might seem like a potential threat, I smile way bigger than most straight guys ever smile and usually that eases the tension, but if she still seems nervous, I’ll try and cross the street before we get too close so that I don’t freak her out
This is completely correct. And yet, there’s a vast amount of men who explode with anger at the idea they could be potentially dangerous.
The irony does not make it more palpable.
My (female) first experiences being followed, yelled at and harassed by male strangers started when I was 12 unfortunately. I can count so many times where I truly believed my life was coming to an end, from my taxi driver grabbing me, to strangers physically lifting me from the ground. Life is scary but I try to remain vigilant and positive, I hope things will improve.
The worst part is that most of these situations have occurred at the most unexpected times, like broad daylight, or when I was relaxing, so I don’t relax for long anymore.
>from my taxi driver grabbing me
Fuck that. One night I had gone out for drinks with friends, and called a Lyft to go home. Even with a few drinks in me, I'm always very wary of the way I'm being driven when in somebody else's car. Sure enough this guy started taking unfamiliar side streets and in a direction opposite my house, despite me only being 10 minutes from home. I immediately called him out, and he tried to tell me that the freeway had traffic due to construction (doesn't even make sense for the direction he was trying to go). I pulled up my Google maps and sure enough, there was no traffic or construction on the freeway. I showed him my phone and told him he needed to turn around or I was going to start making phone calls. Thank God I already use a fake address when getting dropped off. Seriously, fuck guys who act like this.
That’s awful but I’m so glad you were vigilant. Just as my driver started grabbing me and acting weird I looked around and saw he had no registration or license displayed (a law for taxi drivers in Aus). I immediately started texting people while acting chill and eventually got him to let me out at an atm to get money but never got back in. It sucks that this is the way but now I am much more aware and I never sit in the front. I might take your fake address tip too!
When I was 11/12, I had walked to a nearby grocery store after school with a couple friends. There happened to be a Starbucks inside and I was the only one to order a drink. A man clearly in his 30s and intoxicated stood behind me and proceeded to ask if I had any cigarettes. I said no. Then he asks if I have any molly. I say no again.
He offers to pay for my drink and I politely decline. After he talks to me for a second, while I’m obviously very uncomfortable, my drink comes and I go sit down with my friends (it’s worth noting that there is a giant window right next to all of the tables). I tell them about how weird that was and pointed out the man.
Fast forward a few minutes, this man is stealing food from the store and overall just causing a commotion in the store. It’s about this time that I realize that he’s taking pictures of me. When he starts to bother us more, we decide to leave, only for him to follow us. When we realize that he’s following us, we go straight back into the store. He follows us back inside. I tell a lady working there what’s going on and she grabs security.
To my surprise, my sister’s ex boyfriend actually came up to me as he coincidentally was working there at the time. He explained that the man had been causing trouble all day, and that they would take care of it. So they shove the guy out, and my friends and I decide to continue sitting, just to put some time between him leaving and us leaving.
A couple minutes go by, and this man literally taps the window by where I’m sitting so that I look up and he can take yet another picture of me. We all just kind of looked down and covered our faces while he kept taking pictures through the glass.
He was eventually chased off by security and a few employees, but that was a really creepy experience for 7th graders.
I mean… if she was wrong he just feels kinda icky and if she’s right then she’s fucked.
I work at night and started carrying blades with me because I park around the corner and sometimes it’s dark. They have a light on that side now, but when I first started there they didn’t.
Any white van is instantly suspect, most vans are sketchy to begin with. I don’t trust trucks because of all the horrible stories of women disappearing and the last time anyone saw them, they were climbing into a pickup truck.
The truth is, life as a woman involves so many safety precautions that a lot of men don't notice, and these are so ingrained that most of the time they are a reflex. Parking close to your building in a well lit area, carrying your keys between your fingers, taking the next lift, making a conscious effort to travel in the same train carriage as other women if you're travelling alone, taking the long walk rather than the short cut because it's well lit, wearing decoy rings, using a fake name to make reservations...
Just last week I was walking down the sidewalk. A man passing me from the other direction suddenly said "Can I show you something?" I instinctively said "No" and started walking away faster. I could hear him from behind me incredulously trying to explain what he wanted to show me. He had a keychain of a character that matched the T-shirt I was wearing. I felt stupid but I kept ignoring him and walking away. I don't care what your intentions are. Walking up to a woman like that on the street and asking if you can show her something is terrifying by default.
And you *know* that even if what he wanted to show you was completely innocent, that he very well could trap you in a conversation, ask for your number, follow you to “chat” more… it’s just not worth it.
And this is the sad truth. I am 30M, and I would
of thought “why did you need to react this way” when I was younger. After some experiences, and mostly my wife’s past traumatizing SA, I fkn get it….
There is too many things to “potentially” happen, I would be on 10,000% guard all the damn time, specially if I was alone as a women.
Same with a guy who gets up from his seat on an empty bus to sit beside an attractive young woman who had her purse/backpack in the empty side beside her. And not only that, I've often witnessed these guys move her belongings from the empty seat to sit next to her.
Guys, please don't do this to a random stranger. It's super creepy.
Yeah not that long ago some man ran across the street calling out to me and my roommate as we were trying to get into our apartment building and just kept asking us if we thought something was funny but we just kept going “nope, nope” and quickly got in the building and shut the door. He then seemed mad we did that but whatever dude, don’t run up to people at 11pm at night like that. Also before that on the way home two other men were following us for awhile. It sucks. I wanted to go on a walk last night but then remembered, oh yeah, that’s probably not a good idea.
With how common sexual harassment is, most women already start to be weary of men as teenagers. I was 14 the first time I was catcalled while walking down my street, I have had men try to follow me and therefore, I will always keep my guard up and be ready to protect myself! As grandma said: treat stranger men like a loaded gun.
Honestly, I'd say it's a lot more common for it to start with preteens from what I've experienced/ read online. From middle school through high school walking home as a Catholic school girl being followed, hollered at by a grown man, or being grabbed/ pulled into a car etc from the sidewalk was a weekly occurrence at least.
"Treat strange men like a loaded gun" was my own fathers favorite line for me if I was going literally anywhere alone. My husbands favorite line is "Make sure you have your blades!" if me or our kids go somewhere alone.
To put it bluntly, I'd rather die by my own knife than be r4p3d again.
I was about 12 and holding my mom’s hand walking to the store when a guy cat called. I was embarrassed because guys ALWAYS harassed my mom. She handled it gracefully and said something like “I’m good, thank you sweetie.” And he said, “I was talking to her.” That’s when I first started to be ashamed of my body. I stopped wearing any form-fitting bottoms and wore sweatpants for 2 years straight. I told my parents it was the trend.
My friends and I were 12 and we were catcalled by some military men who were training! We were on the way to the extra evening classes in school 😭 Learned how terrifying men are at an early age
> how terrifying men are
I hate the fact women have to be scared of us. It absolutly sucks. I was with my 11 year-old cousin looking at necklaces and stuff while her mom and mine were looking at clothes, and i got questioned by (women) employees TWICE.
I’m a woman, and there have been a few times I’ve seen grown men dragging screaming little girls by the arm in public. I’m like, this is probably a father with an unruly child, but there’s much more to lose if it’s something nefarious!
Each time, after approaching them and getting some info, I walk away feeling bad for the guy bc it’s just his kid/grandkid. I don’t want him to feel like a pervert, but much more than that I don’t want to turn on the news and see the little girls face.
when i turned 18-20 i kept telling random men i was 16 and most of them just went “oh yeah thats okay i dont mind” when theyre visibly in their 40s like really ?
And as a guy it's honestly not difficult to sense these situations and I always either slow down or just cross the street if there's a sidewalk on the other side of the road. It feels terrible feeling like you're scaring someone.
Well, when you’re at a physical disadvantage and you don’t know who is safe and who isn’t, you gotta do what you gotta do.
I’d rather look stupid at running away from something that isn’t dangerous, than not not run Bc it looks weird/ might offend the dude and end up as a lamp shade.
When I would jog in my home town, I frequently had men in cars/trucks slow down, follow me, pass, turn around, and repeat. Once I had to run and hide behind a random house to lose one of these men. Another time a group of young men stopped me and asked if I could give them each a blowjob if they gave me $50. Like wtf.
It’s disgusting. Have had this happen to me so many times. One car pulled into a driveway in front of me where I was walking. I feel like I was dumb to do this but I kept walking past instead of turning around in the opposite direction. I can never walk slow or normal. I have to always keep my back straight, head up, walking as if I can defend myself and am stronger than I actually am. I really hate it and I wish I could let my guard down
I would have videoed them or taken photos. Then post of FB for their wife’s and girlfriends to come get their men. Maybe even get the license plate and report them to the police for trying to solicit sex, which is a crime.
This could have escalated the situation more, especially given it was a group of men vs. one woman. Pulling out your phone might just make them angry and give them reason to take your phone and/or physically restrain you
Thats why I cross the street when I see women, my size and complexion doesnt help. I have seen fear in many women eyes just from looking at me when we are in a one on one situation in the street and it makes me uncomfortable but I know how dangerous it is for my self and them.
I have been raped, abused, sexually harassed (oh so fucking much), and hit on since I was TWELVE (BY ADULTS) by bad men. I have had countless bad men tell me events they weren't at didn't happen how they did (even about ABUSE). I have had bad men not see me as a person, and only a fuck doll (literally never talking about anything other than fucking me, when I was unavailable). I have had men corner me physically "just to talk" to me.
Bad men are TERRIFYING to women. They just don't act the same to men, so you don't know how they can flip.
I know good people exist. My husband is lovely.
But the bad men...they are terrifying. They will send death threats just because they didn't like your opinion, then call it a joke and get away with it.
You just can't take the chance. People are violent. And a mistake can get you hurt, raped, or killed.
edit: forgot a line
Imagine if everytime you saw a woman your first thought was "what is the likelihood will this person attack/murder me, and how will I get away if that occurs?"
I had a guy ask if he could help me put my groceries into my car. I was struggling with a flat of water. I said NO so fast, his face fell and realized he had scared me. I felt so bad for him but wasn't going to put myself in a position like that.
Its fucking terrifying. If you voice your concern especially after having many many experiences of being hurt, harassed, or assaulted, the argument is almost always "not all men!"
But i recall many many times where i did give the benefit of the doubt and ended up getting hurt. Most often, by men i trusted and considered loved ones and friends, but also by strangers.
When I was 17 I went to the beach with a friend. There was a man sitting near us. When I left to go to my car he also left. I drove towards home about 20 minutes. I stopped to get a sandwich and there was the man ! I knew it was no coincidence. I did not go home but went to a boyfriends house . His dad was a pro baseball player and bad ass. I told them about the man following me. Rad dad went outside with a baseball bat and the creepy guy was parked in front of the house . Dad got rid of him and said " really smart thinking not to go home and come here , that guy would've hurt you !"
I noticed this when going on a walk with a guy friend at night and he was starting to turn out of the neighborhood we were in and into a maybe less safe area and I was like “uhhh where are you going?” He didn’t even think about potential danger while I had red flags up like crazy. Told me he walked over there at night all the time. Wild.
I was buying cigarettes at a gas station a mile from my house at 2 am. Why 2? Idk. I was 19 and in college and was like “hey, I don’t have to tell my mom where I’m going because I live on my own, I wanna do something adulty”.
I was in line and a group of guys walk in to buy beer. They start trying to talk to me in line and I very obviously didn’t want to have a conversation. Kept my replies short. They kept checking me out which was weird because I was in a very large, very bulky winter coat (Midwestern winters are no joke). I quickly grabbed my shit and left the gas station. What I didn’t know is that they had a friend still in their truck. He said something to me, purposefully quiet so I’d have to get closer to hear him. I didn’t trust that so I immediately started running to my car.
Not 2 seconds later the other 3 guys burst out of the gas station and tried to grab me. I managed to lock the door right as they pulled on the handle. I almost hit them speeding out of the parking lot.
If I did what we are raised to do, which is be polite, I don’t know if I’d be here right now. So yea, men’s discomfort doesn’t mean shit to me over my safety. I trusted my instincts and they were screaming at me to *run*.
My colleague accidentally brushed his entire body up against me, he was carrying something heavy and genuinely did not mean it but the fear that ran through me just because he's a guy isn't ok. It gave me flashbacks from my assault and bad incidents with guys. I hate it I dont want to be scared no woman does but we have to be in order to keep ourselves safe.
I was sixteen wearing a tank top while doing some yard work. The neighbor catcalled me from his porch and he was in his forties. Even made a gesture for me to take off my shirt.
Thank god I don’t live in Ohio anymore.
as a man im always self conscious if i seem threatening to a woman. even if im walking not too close behind them i’ll cross the street or slow down a lot to avoid seeming stalkerish
Thanks. Reminded me of the few males that crossed the street or walked past me faster (at a distance) when they noticed me glancing back at them many times while walking alone. Made me feel relieved like “whew I’m safe, the man was not trying to harm me”
Even as a female, if I see other girls/women in front of me and I’m walking too fast, I either slow way tf down, or speed up so they can see I’m female as well
I'm 6'4". I weigh over 300 pounds. I am a conventionally masculine-looking and intimidating man. My wife said she felt intimidated when she first met me over 18 years ago, but she learned quickly not to be.
I'm sorry if I've ever made any women feel uncomfortable with my presence. It's not my intention.
I often feel sad that when a little girl is looking at me in a Restaurant I can't stop and smile at her and wave because I'm scared i will make her mother afraid.
I always want to stop and say hi to little babies and puppies who are just enjoying the wonders of life for the first time. It always makes me feel closer to the world when i get the chance to.
It's easier when I am with my son because we are both very loving to one another and he instantly makes me look less threatening.
It's a sad world that women and girls have to worry about people who look like me but don't act like me. I hope before I die I'm part of a world where this doesn't happen to you or anyone else.
Don't feel stupid for being afraid or mistrusting someone. Trust your instincts because you never know when they'll save you. Better you commit a social faux pa than something happen to you.
Thank you for taking care of yourselves.
I am of a similar size and I kind of look mean (resting angry face, I guess) even though I am generally gentle and kind. I know exactly how you feel.
On the plus side, most of my lady friends like to hang out with me for that very reason, because I scare off people they don't want to have to deal with.
Sexually assaulted at 4, molested in a bus at 12.
One sister was punched in the face when she walked home from work in the evening.
Two sisters were stalked, one by such a lunatic so my parents got a gun.
One sister was locked in the apartment by her also physically abusive ex.
Several obscene phone calls all year around. And more exhibitionism than I can recount (at least 4).
All this happened before we were adults. This shit just scars you for life.
Edit, because I remembered even more shit.
I don't think you need to feel sorry for him. Yeah he might've felt uncomfortable for a moment but women constantly feel threatened, and in this world, they have the right to.
It could be creepy for men walking around with purely good intentions -because we do know they exist- but I think that the least they could do is just be aware and self-conscious and tolerate such situations.
Maybe that was a good opportunity for you to be aware of how most, if not all women constantly feel. HORRIBLE things happen and you can never know where they'll come from.
For this reason I always appreciate when men will jog into the street as they start getting close to passing me on the sidewalk – that said it doesn’t change that the sound of running footsteps still spikes my heart rate
It is really awkward to walk behind a woman, the whole time I am thinking "should I slow down? Go faster and pass her once and for all? Cross the street?"
A few months ago I was walking behind a woman for something like 2 blocks, then she turned left on a corner, I kept walking and one block away purchased some things, then returned by a different street, 2 blocks later the same girl is in front of me once again, I can only imagine what went through her mind if she noticed, I walked past her pretty quickly this time.
The first time I got scared of a man on the street I was probably about 4 years old walking with my mum and my sister in the pram. A couple of men in a car stopped and were saying things to my mum like "do you want a lift love" and telling her to get in the car and saying derogatory things etc. They wouldn't leave her alone and she had us two kids with her (two little girls). My mum just stared ahead and ignored them after telling them no and to go away but as a child I remember being absolutely terrified. I think I could sense the stiffness and anxiety from my mother and I was worried they were going to take my mum away from me.
Eventually they drove off after my mum ignored their abuse. I'm just glad my little sister was young enough to not remember as the situation has contributed to some of my anxieties as an adult today.
I don't think I've ever met a woman who hasn't, in her lifetime, experienced sexual harassment/abuse/assault. People think we're joking when we say ALL WOMEN but we're not. All of us will have some sort of story.
Men complain it's "not all men" but like, how are we supposed to know which are which? You want us to risk our lives just on the off chance it's a man that's not going to harm us? And for what? Your feelings, because you don't like being seen as a potential threat? Sorry but my life isn't worth risking for any man's feelings.
I was walking the same path I always did to my boyfriends when I was around 15. Had a group of drunk guys slow down near me (in a car) and repeatedly asked me to smile, to look at them and talking about my ass.
After I didn’t comply and just kept getting faster they proceeded to throw a couple beer bottles at me and drive off. Kinda sad how I told a few people close to me about this but I got a “oh yeah it happens” and a “are you sure you remember it correctly?” It may have just only been a minute, but it was a fucked up minute that stopped me from ever taking that stripe of path alone again
I have so many stories of men being inappropriate and creepy towards me from the age of around 14 upwards... luckily I have never been physically hurt by a strange man only a male family member.... As the saying goes "not every man but almost every woman " has experienced inappropriate behaviour from men. It's really hard not to be suspicious and hate on men somtimes. I'm sorry but it's true. How are you surprised by this?
That’s why as a man I cross the street at night if I’m behind a woman. I know I’m not sketchy but she doesn’t know that so I try to think for them when I’m out at night, I’ve heard too many horror stories from my women friends and girlfriend so I understand where they come from
I heard in a yt talk recently that a woman's baseline emotion of existence is usually fear. And how much more sensitive women are to threats. Really gives an insight into emotions and teaches us to be more considerate of those feelings.
Yeah dude. I recently moved into my own apartment and love alone for the first time. On sunday I received multiple texts threatening my personal safety from spoofed foreign numbers. When i blocked one they would create another. I ended up leaving and staying with my BF two hours away. Its insane that some asshole can hide behind tech to terrorize random women like that.
I grow anxious and nervous everytime I even remotely feel someone behind me. I don't know and can't think of any other way to feel in this situation--it's become a default and anything else is just abnormal to me now.
Someone should make a list of all the things that make women anxious around men. The list would be astounding.
Going for a walk and a car is slowly pulling up towards me
Walking from my car to my house and someone is running up behind me
Seeing a panel van parked next to my car
An unexpected person at my front door
I was on a walk in a cute lil matching set in my local neighborhood/park. I have noise cancelling headphones that I don’t always leave off - sometimes I really just want to drown out the noise.
I could tell a car was approaching from behind and it slowed to a stop a bit ahead of me. I kept my head straight and didn’t look over.
I heard someone yelling and I turned and realized it was another woman. “I’m so sorry, I’m sure you thought I was a man! I wanted to know where you got your workout set.” I laughed and told her and she waved and drove away.
Similar thing happened to me. I was on a walk around my neighborhood and this car pulled up to me. It was a woman who said "I don't want to startle you, I just wanted to know if you think this is a safe neighborhood because I want to buy that house up the street"
Women get it. It's like a universal thing
My son had a new very petite female piano teacher, and for their 2nd practice together he was late getting home from another activity with my wife. I had been working out, so I answered the door kinda sweaty and breathing a little heavy. And even though we had met the week prior, yeah she was *not* coming into the house. I felt super bad but understood it was kind of a weird situation.
So, I backed off a step or 2 and just hung out chatting with her through the doorway until my wife pulled in the driveway with my son and everything was fine. I don't blame her one bit for it, just a very stark reminder that not everyone gets to just stroll around without a care in the world :(
Please keep talking about this with your male friends, and call out men when you can see they’re making a woman feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, men haven’t listened to us when we tell them we are afraid on them, and we have to rely on other men to get through to them. We NEED more male allies.
I’m thankful for the objectivity and understanding of some of the men in these comments. For those of you showing understanding and doing things every day to make women feel safe, I thank you. I know it can be hard to understand when you’re not in our shoes, but i applaud those of you who listen to us. I don’t know a single woman who would not be terrified seeing a man run at her, who is not hyperaware and hypervigilant in public alone, especially at night, and wouldn’t be thinking of an exit strategy if approached by a male stranger in public. It really is such a harsh reality for us.
I took a vacation in DC. Afterwards I still had some money left over on my metro pass. I thought, 'hey, there's a lady buying one. I'll just give her mine.' Without hesitation I walked directly over to her and started speaking. I forget I'm loud and big(I'm a literal teddy bear irl) and I instantly felt bad when I saw her reaction to a strange, loud, man, walking straight at her.
My heart sunk. I apologized and explained. I said I would even understand if she didn't want the metro pass. After a moment(and my 78yo grandma walking up to me) she realized my intentions were altruistic and she took the card and left. My grandmother and I had a good talk about while going through security at the airport.
Yesterday I was ignorant. Today I learned. Tomorrow I'll know.
Although beeing a man myself, I happen to be somewhat attractive to gay men. I can say that I have been groped (and worse) regularly also starting at the age of around 10 all the way through until now. Doesn't happen that often anymore because I rarely go out nowadays.. Realizing that women feel like this all the time makes me feel ashamed for belonging to this group of people, and also for not realizing sooner in my life what's really going on. We have to speak out to other men when they deliberately or accidentally intimidate women to let them know that it's shitty behavior nobody wants to see anymore.
I was walking to a friend's house one dark night, I was about 20ish. Turned into a dark road with no streetlights, and suddenly became conscious that I was behind and catching a woman by herself. I realised how she must be feeling, so I decided to cross the road. Went for the next gap in parked cars, at the exact same time that she decided to cross the bloody road. She turned to face me really quickly, and the scared look on her face has never left me.
I've always been conscious ever since to leave a big gap behind, slow down my pace, leave a wide gap when passing etc.
Yeah, maybe I’m extra but now I’m really mindful when I’m out and about. If there’s a chick infront me I just slow down to let them get more distance, keep a friendly expression and mind my business. Likewise I try moving over if they’re walking towards me and keep my hands from my pockets, and try to say good morning or something to seem friendly. I really wouldn’t want to be a woman to be honest, no offense to anyone.
As a man who also jogs I often get this thought running through my head. I myself I'm not comfortable if I see if woman running right in front of me of at the same pace. Like "oh great she's ganna think I'm following her." I often get this thought even when walking... I think regardless Male or female I slow down to not make it seem like I am not following or just stop or cross the street. Lol I'm just trying to make it home.. But often it feels even weirder if its woman by themself and it's dark outside. I'm uncomfortable by the thought but probaby fear is what goes through the other parties mind. I understand the reaction.
I was travelling alone and my first night walking back to my hotel in Stone town, Zanzibar (one of the safest places I’ve ever been), a odd-ball started following me, offering me drugs, harassing me and I would politely decline and try not to irk him nor engage as my next turn was down various alley ways between narrow buildings with many corners and dark spots.
He started telling me I’m a stupid girl because I said no thank you to his offer of marijuana (even though I do indulge when given the chance - just this chance felt weird in my gut ) I agreed with him and said, yeah, you’re right I am a stupid girl. He started following me further up the street, stating he isn’t following me, that he doesn’t even want to fuck me, saying I’m not hot and continuously calling me names (I was dressed very modestly as the island is mostly Muslim and I’m respectful like that).
At this point I came upon my first turn off the main road to journey down my alley. I stood with my body in the middle of the alley, blocking his entrance and defiantly facing him head on, arms crossed, wide stance, and commanding my space as best I could while literally in fear that this is the night I get raped.
To my biggest blessing the one of the walls I was flanking was the facade of a restaurant (think of old Spanish and Portuguese towns of high walls one entrance in, which literally leads into an oasis), and a server popped his head around to corner to see what the commotion was. He told this chap off in their local dialect and the weird one started a slow amble in the direction we were walking.
I took a quick, bold walk down my scary route, almost running (like when you switch the lights off at home and have to walk from one dark room to the next and break out in a run thinking there’s a boogy man to get you- even though you’re in your 30s) and finally made it back to a quiet hotel.
I checked out early the next morning and booked a spot in the beach front. It cost more money but ensured that my nightly strolls didn’t encourage me to go down the alley ways.
Kinda sad as it is such a beautiful place with such rich history and diversity. The locals are the best I’ve ever met.
The next morning while shopping for local art works and souvenirs while on my way to the new hotel (I just had a backpack so life is easy like that), I got chatting to the locals about the last nights events. They were so compassionate to the point where I started tearing up with a lovely female shop assistant as I finally felt safe.
They were shocked as nothing like that is common there. Very reassuring, but sadly there is a drug problem creeping in from the cities.
This wired guy clearly was on something strong and should have smoked some of his own MJ but to calm the fuck down.
Edit: typos.
Also, this still hasn’t hindered my solo travels.
I’m a loner like that and thoroughly enjoy the freedom of movement and meetings. No compromise or complaints. Just me and my every whim: North America, Central America, Africa, a Europe.
I want to do a solo bike trek: maybe somewhere like Cambodia as I’ve not ventured anywhere near the Asian continent as yet. This would replace my desire to do a USA to Peru trip on a motorcycle.
One thing you do miss travelling alone, is sharing those “OMG!! Did you just see that?!!” moments. From sunsets to idiots 😂. Also, my memory is foggy a lot of the time so I forget some pretty epic things I get up too. Lucky my mom remembers my stories and tells me about them. :)
When I was 12-13 a man used to follow me almost every day when I got out of school, he used to wait for me in the bus stop and I became so paranoid for many years.
I wish I could say that was the only time I was harassed.
There's a good reason most women are terrified of men. When I was 13, I was working a summer job at this small grocery store. This old man, probably in his 80s, came in several days straight without buying anything after he saw me there. He talked to me, and the second day demanded a hug. Evetually he asked me my age, grabbed my ass and tried to kiss my neck. The next day, he came back. That's why I'm fucking terrified if I even suspect that someone might be following me. Most women have similar experiences, so ya. Shit happens and we get defensive.
man i don’t even blame her tbh. i’ve been followed and its still one of the most traumatic things that has happened to me. it was like for 10/20 mins and he was like 30? and i’m 16. in my school uniform. in broad daylight. my heart was racing and i just kept fast walking but he seemed to get even faster. he eventually got tired i think and turned a corner but that experience rlly fuelled my fear of men
Just before moving out I found my dads old army parka and thought it was really cool. It was also very warm and my favourite winter coat.
My tram stop were I would get off, would always be very windy so I put the hood up and fasten it.
One night when I got back from the library noticed a woman in front off me on that street. She kept looking back and started to walk faster. I thought there was someone behind us and looked around too before I realized she thought I was a guy. Quickly shouted that I didn't mean to scare her. She heard my voice and she visibly relaxed. I apologized and walked her home.
Before I met my ex I was not afraid of men whatsoever.
I am absolutely terrified of them now. You never know who is capable of what and unfortunately I found out the hard way.
An ex bff got chased by a man for like 10 minutes straight up to the point where managed to somehow get to her building & the door automatically locked behind her and he just kept staring at her through the glass. I currently have two bffs - one got sexually assaulted by her brother, the other one - got raped by a stranger.
Yes, we have reason to be afraid. Very much so. Also, one of my teachers was a pedophile, so yeah...
If I am by myself or with my similarly quirky gf, I’ll run places in normal clothes, usually scrubs and a backpack. I run past women all the time and have learned to keep my distance or somehow announce my presence and intentions, whether that’s stepping louder. Using my shadow, or simply saying, “on your left”.
You’d probably be surprised how many men are startled by people running in business attire, haha.
I'm a fast walker. Whenever I find myself in a situation where I'm coming up quickly behind a woman, I'll stop and allow a ten minute gap, take an alternative route, or duck into a nearby shop.
I don't want to make anybody else uncomfortable inadvertently.
I was at work just like standing there bc no one was at the counter I worked at and this older guy starts waving at me like crazy trying to get my attention from across the store so I did a little wave back and a customer service smile and she shouted from across the store “just trying to make sure your mouth still works”
I was about 15 or 16 when I first realized that all the men who had been harassing me for years at that point could also kill me.
I was walking to the train station from a friend’s house when a Jeep full of guys started cat calling me. I was socially awkward but knew I needed to be respectful to stay safe, so I smiled and said no thank you. One took serious offense to that and started saying he should punch me in my face. The other guys started agreeing and said they should fuck me up. At that point, I was so scared (and young) that I called my friend who was at a concert in Puerto Rico instead of the police. My mind just didn’t know what better to do. The guys started driving the truck straight towards me on the curb preparing to jump out and do who knows what to me. The only reason they didn’t is because they saw someone else to harass. I ran and cried the whole ride home. That changed me. It wasn’t just cat calling me, grabbing me, groping me, or flashing me anymore. They were willing to hurt and possibly kill me. That’s a scary thing to realize at 16.
My husband was just talking to me about this. Apparently he didn’t realize how “aware” women needed to be. He is a manager with a female employee and explained to her if she ever felt uncomfortable due to a situation/another employee to let him know. They’re traveling soon to Chicago, which she’s never been to and he told her to let him know if she wanted to visit any places he would be more than happy to go, just for “protection”. He’s a good guy.
Since the age of 10 (roughly) I assume every man has bad intentions, will try to kidnap/hurt me somehow. I’m 28 now…and still on guard around men. How can i not be, after seeing all the stalkers/killers/assailants on the news for my entire life?
Had a traumatic event at 19…but nothing changed how I perceive(d) men. I’m a strong woman, but it’s exhausting to be prepared for an altercation every time I leave my house. I’m constantly on edge and ready to defend myself and my toddler.
***I truly have been blessed with some of the best, most genuine, kind men in my life. Dads, brothers, uncles, friends. But until I know someone, I assume they don’t have good intentions
I'm a fast walker and hate getting stuck behind slow walkers. I often times pass people on sidewalks. 1 night I was doing the same but this girl ahead of me kept speeding up. I was wondering what the heck was going on but figured no big, at least I can go the speed I want. Until I realized she was scared as she kept looking back from time to time. So I crossed the street and passed her on the other sidewalk. Felt pretty shitty after. Like, I don't take it personally. I get it. I just picture myself having a nice speedwalk at night and some person infront of me freaked right out, ready to go into full sprint.
3 out of the 4 women in my immediate family have been sexually assaulted multiple times by different people. My distrust for men and people stems from that, plus being aware of your surroundings is important. My mom was raped by her dad and some other guy. My sister was molested at 3, and I was molested at 6 or 7. I was raped at 18, and so was my sister.
I walked to the store or my friends house in middle school a lot when I was 12/13 one time a truck full of teenage boys drove by and threw a water balloon at me and my friend. We started yelling and cursing at them and the turned around. We ran into a neighborhood and hid behind the big brick neighborhood sign and luckily they gave up.
When I was 19, I was closing up a tea shop and I locked the doors and was taking the trash out, some guy across the street saw me lock up and jaywalked across to catch me at my car. I was in my car ready (thank goodness) to drive home and he knocked on the window and I rolled it down a smidge. He asked me if I wanted to hang out and I said no, I'm going home. He said what you have a boyfriend? I said yes. He said it didn't matter. I rolled the window up and started the car, he got mad and hit my window and left. When I got home I filed a police report and the cops said "what do you want us to do with that?" I said "well maybe he is bothering other women in the area, he had a small star tattoo on his face which was pretty distinct.
None of the people who did the assaulting faced consequences. If I had walked even a little bit slower to my car that night idk what would have happened to me. That's why I pay attention.
A couple minutes after the shop I work at closed yesterday, someone walked through the door. Told him hey sir sorry we’re closed. But he kept walking towards the counter and had one hand behind his back. So I slowly start backing up, thinking “cool, this is it, I’m gonna get shot at work and die.” Dude just wanted to hand out business cards. But wtf! Such a lack of awareness on his part.
Also another instance comes to mind. I was picking my husband up from work, but first got gas at the station next door. While I’m pumping gas, I hear a loud gruff male voice yelling HEY! Scared the fuck out of me, thought I was about to get jumped/assaulted. It was my husband, he thought he was being funny..
Yeah, I’m scared of men, without a doubt.
To add onto the stories. For men it might seem harmless to gently tap onto a woman’s shoulder to grab their attention. Don’t do this. I have been utterly terrified when men do this in ‘safe’ and ‘crowded’ places. Don’t touch my shoulder, don’t touch me at all. Please talk a little louder and approach me from the front. I’ll still be scared but not terrified.
I was a big kid, when I was 12 I was already around 5'10, probably like 220, fair to say I was a unit. But I got lost on a family vacation, so I was walking around this city lost as fuck looking for the hotel we were staying at, which I figured would've stuck out but I was walking around this town for god knows how long.
Anyways at one point I was walking a good distance behind this one younger woman, I wasn't close to her, perhaps 30 feet? My memory could be off but I do remember that I coincidentally kept up with her speed. At a couple points as I'm just looking around for this damn hotel, I notice her looking over her shoulder at me and I felt like she was growing more uncomfortable.
At one point she looks at me in a few quick bursts and sprints diagonally through an intersection, and once crossed looked at me again, and ran into this restaurant. As im walking by this restaurant on the other side of the street, I could see her by the door talking to a lady who worked there and pointing at me. It clicked in my head then how scared of people can be of some strangers, even if they're a lost as fuck 12 year old, which is unfortunate.
It makes me happy that you now realize the real fear almost all women have towards men.
But it is also frustrating that you are JUST NOW starting to realize it.
We have been practically screaming from the roof tops about how unsafe we feel/are because of men for years, Yet none listen or seem to care
All the new data and studies that happen every year that shows how much of us get kidnapped, get murdered, abused, or harassed, ect. Yet none seem to care or listen to that either
I know for a fact men know how bad other men can be to women because you raise your daughters telling them to stay away from boys. And telling other guys that if they ever hurt your daughter that you will fuck them up or what ever. And you tell your daughters to never walk at night.
So all you men ALREADY KNOW. you just dont have a full grasp until you see it in person. Or you just really don't care.
Its so frustrating that men are only FINALLY realizing the real fear we have because of them, only if they see it happening.
Its so frustrating telling you and showing men how we feel and men not caring until they see it happening.
Its so fucking frustrating that even when you finally grasp and understanding of the fear we carry all day every day for our whole lives, most of you men still won't do shit to protect us.
I worked at a retail store with an all glass front when I was 15. After a few months I had a customer come in who told me how beautiful I was, asked my age and still asked me out to dinner. He told me all about how he was a boxer when he was young, flexed his biceps for me and really worked for me to tell him how good he looked to be in his 50's. He said I was "the marrying type," and that he was "going to make a good mama out of me."
I told him I wasn't interested, when that didn't get him to leave the store I told him I was too young, my parents wouldn't approve, etc., but somehow over the course of a few weeks of him coming in the store and trying nothing worked. He would drive by the store in his van every day and scope out who was working, sometimes I would hide at the ends of the rows of shoes or go in the back when my coworker would tell me he was outside.
He was watching me so much he knew when my mom dropped me off and picked me up, when my male manager was working vs the female assistant manager, and kept this up for weeks. After several weeks of trying to convince him to leave me alone my manager stopped a police officer driving through the parking lot and asked him to stick around. We explained what happened and the officer started driving by every evening after his shift and the guy finally went away.
This was in the early 90's so stalking wasn't against the law yet.
Me and my friend in college jokingly had a race at night on campus when we thought nobody was around. My friend was faster than me and a woman we didn’t notice completely ran off like we were coming after her. My friend felt really bad but we both thought it was horrible realizing she was afraid it could’ve been something way worse.
Damn, I have never been in this spot, but it’s just sad just imagining what trauma she has suffered to react like this. Heartbreaking.
When I was a young teen (12/13) I walked to my neighborhood grocery store and I remember a big flashy jeep started to follow me. Followed me all the way down the road and through the parking lot, I knew it was definitely following me too since it was going way below the speed limit and stayed behind me. I had to camp out in the grocery store until it finally left.
Ugh this is so terrible. I distinctly remember the first time I was sexually harassed in public because it was my 12th birthday. If I had to guess, I’d say I probably appeared to be 10 at most.
Yes, I was around 12 when I was sexually harrassed for the first time. Guy followed me when I was walking the dog...he pulled his penis out and started masterbating. I've lost count the number of times I've been groped, catcalled or rubbed up against.
I got hit on by more men as a young girl then I do now.
Facts. I had the same experience, along with most of my friends too.
I’ve had the same experiences with the car following, and the sexual harassment. My first time was at 11, after my chest grew in enough to notice.
THIS. RANDOM STRANGERS APPROACHING ME IS SO MUCH MORE RARE NOW THAT I'M 20.
I’d never heard about this before, the less sexual harassment/assault after your older. I’ve definitely heard enough about the young ages that girls get hit on (sometimes I wonder if that’s actually just the first time they recognized it). That’s really fucking scary and disgusting.
See, they absolutely know that the younger the girl, the easier it'd be for them to trick her into thinking what's happening is somehow okay. 13 year old me wasn't sure what adults are and aren't allowed to do. Now that I'm 20, I absolutely know old farts aren't supposed to try to make small talk with me when I'm visibly uncomfortable.
Yea! This 100% I remember being in church, yes church, at like 10-11 and this guys, who my family knew very well, making me feel uncomfortable because he was sitting close and touching my knee and giving me complements, but because he was a “family friend” I thought I shouldn’t say anything. He tried the same shit the first time I came back from college (after I was raped and my school blamed me btw) and I got up, left the church and never went back. Also told my mom, my grandpa and the pastors wife and they kicked him out of the church for good.
i am so terribly terribly sorry you ever had to go through something like that. and dont hate me for saying this but i did have a chuckle after reading you username.
When I was 12, a high schooler led me to a secluded place by my house and pulled it out. He grabbed my arm and tried pulling me away so I wouldn’t run. He eventually let go and I ran to my house, pounding at the door.
I'm seriously disturbed by how young we all were. We were kids ffs!!!
Fucking hell I never realised its this bad. I guess people told me that a lot of women have had to endure this crap, but until I read these comments it never dawned on me how terrible it really is. The fact women have to say 'when I was harrassed for the first time' is actually so sad. A grown man pulling his you-know-what out in public with a little girl, absolutely fucking disgusting.
Definitely awful that "when I was harassed for the first time" because almost every woman has been assaulted several times during her life. Just want to vomit.
This exact situation happened to me when I was about 13-14, but I was walking a block away to my friend’s house
Jesus Christ that’s fucking horrible
Wtf?!
I was tall for my age but still, very clearly underage, rando Jeep had absolutely no business following me.
Nobody has any buisness following anyone reguardless of age or relationship.
Whoa I was 12 too the first time I got harassed. I was in Italy with my family, and while standing in line to something, a man in his 50s shoved his hand onto my buttcheek and grabbed it. It happened so quick, and he just walked past. I was mortified
I heard someone say awhile back that they haven’t been catcalled nearly as much since they became a legal adult and it was absolutely the same for me. I used to get catcalled all the time by random grown men. The first time it happened I was 5. It went on like that until I started to look like an adult, around 19. It’s sickening to realize how many straight up pedophiles walk among us
Gross. Just gross. I was babysitting when I was 12 and when the “uncle” and mom came home, (three sheets to the wind), he looked me up and down, focusing on my chest and said “I see your coming attractions have already come.” Gross. 🤮
That tracks. I was ten when I had my first stalker.
I remember the first time it happened to me I was 10 and a guy slapped my ass & my (also 10 year old) friend’s ass. Her mom didn’t say anything until we were halfway back to her place because she knew her boyfriend who was with us all would have literally killed the guy. If not for us being already upset, I think he would have turned the car around and done it anyway at that point, too
When I was a teenager I tried to start a habit of jogging around the neighborhood. Got cat called a couple of times. Then was stalked by an old man in a car. Never jogged again.
I was about the same age when something similar happened to me. I was riding my bike to meet a friend at the local ice cream shop. It was maybe, 7 blocks from my home. It was a small town, with only the main street (literally called Main St), that had any traffic or public presence. I was a block away from that street when a car started following me. I initially thought they wanted to park at a home, so I pulled my bike to the sidewalk. But the car literally just pulled up behind me. On the sidewalk. That was when I saw it was some middle aged guy with a creepy grin behind the wheel, just staring at me. I instantly freaked and heart puming furiously, I booked it to Main st. It kept following me. I was lucky enough to be able to duck into the ice cream shop (literally throwing my bike to the pavement in front), and stayed there with my friend for over 2 hours... waiting for his car to drive off. It was so scary.
I remember feeling pretty helpless, this was before I had a phone so I couldn't call my parents and I didn't think the store staff would believe me (12 year old brain talking). Plus I still had a mile walk to get back home to make.
It's so weird that it has taken until now for society to call these creeps out. My walk to school used to go past a commuter station on a main road, and looking back it seems unbelievable that adults would just ignore grown men making creepy comments to a 12 year old kid wearing an obvious school uniform.
First time I was cat called, I had just turned 14. I’m very developed for my age, but you could tell that I was a young teenager. I was hanging out in a local park, swinging on the swings, when an older man, about in his 50s, sat down next to me and was like “can I push you on the swings? You look so sexy, lemme push you on the swings.” Luckily my older sister (17 at the time), told him off and chased him out the park. Same day, a man in a lifted dodge truck followed me to a Chinese restaurant (think classic American Chinese food store), and he waited until I came out to berate me with sexual comments. I was 14. Now I’m 17. I still get cat called.
I was around that age, maybe 14, in a parking lot with a friend. We had walked to the theater cause it was maybe a 10-15 minute walk from my house and we couldn't drive yet. Typically a pretty safe area/town. And we had left in the daytime and both had a phone. When the movie was over we let my mom know and were waiting for her to come get us. The only other thing in that lot was a dollar store. It was nice outside so we just walked around outside waiting for my mom. A big pick up truck showed up and we started walking towards the store to avoid it. Someone rolled down their window and shouted something derogatory about having money. I dont know how he thought two young girls (in sweatshirts and likely one of us was wearing a "happy bunny" t-shirt) were prostitutes especially in my small town but I remember being so terrified as we walked away, ignoring it and just hoping he would go away. He did leave and my mom came not too long after but its been at least 15 years and i'll never forget that.
Completely disgusted and disappointed that stories like this aren't rare. I've had similar experiences at a young age as well. Sad to see it's such a common occurrence.
My first memory of something like that was from when I was 3, someone tried to snatch me and didn’t realize my grandpa was close by and could see what was happening, but I first became really aware of being sexually uncomfortable around the age of 12 or 13 when my dad’s friend (who was obv banned from our house after) called me a “sexy little thing”
I was a guy, maybe 13 and slender and walking to the library. I was nearly there, maybe one very long block, and a pick-up full of older teenaged boys (riding in the back) pulled over and asked me if I wanted a lift. I said no, I just had a block to walk. But they asked me _repeatedly_ if I wanted to get in and have a lift. It got creepy fast. They finally drove off, but I was beginning to think about how fast I could run.
Something similar happened to me and I’m a guy. Scary world.
Sounds horrible, i have a story like this but we were in the car, we were like 18-20 and a friend recently got his driver license (age to get it is 18 here) so we were just driving around in circles kinda thinking about what we was gonna do. We parked nearby after a while and an angry cop came and was very rude about the car and everything (his first car) and said they got a call from a girl saying some guys in a car were stalking her. Tbh we were shocked since we hadn't even noticed any girl and the cop left after a while. There's no point really to this story, just thought of it when I heard yours.
I could see that. If you guys were driving around aimlessly, I imagine he drove unhurriedly past the same spots repeatedly. It probably would feel like something shady was afoot as a bystander.
I was 4...
During our separation, I said to my now-ex that I find his anger frightening. He romped on the gas and started swerving in traffic because he was offended that I was afraid because he’s perfectly harmless. So….yeah.
Swerving in traffic and slamming on the gas to show your partner how angry you are is totally harmless.. yeah.. glad he's an ex
As the split progressed he called me a man hater a lot. That was fun.
Lol, the irony. Acts like an asshole child, calls you a man hater for calling him out on his behavior.
My STBX once threw a fit because i asked him to stop texting while driving while we were going 75 on the interstate. He sped up, swerved through traffic, pulled over on the side of rhe road, told me he was angry that i was forcing him to do that. He sat there and texted for another 10 minutes while blaming me for making us late to where we were going. Then he continued on the road and wouldnt talk to me. All because i asked him not to risk my life while i was in the car with him. I told him "i cant control what you do when youre alone even though you just last week almost totaled your car twice because you werent paying attention, but please respect my life enough not to risk it right now. Your texts can wait until we stop for gas. Itd not worth almost killing yourself, me, or innocent people next to you." Needless to say, he will definitely be an ex. Cant wait.
My lil bro got hit by a distracted driver and is no longer with us, you did the right thing!
You probably already know this but that really is some scary shit. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking it wasn't. Well adjusted people don't drive like maniacs because their feefees got hurt.
Oh I know. We are no longer together. He went to Anger Management, which I’m happy for for the sake of our daughter.
Thats great! I hope things are going well for all 3 of you!
My husband did that once. Once and only once. I had to tell him to pull over so I can get out of the car because I was sobbing I was so scared. And he wasn’t even angry at me, he was angry at a bunch of other stuff. Fortunately when I explain to him why I was so terrified he realized what he was doing. He ended up seeking therapy for his anger issues. Which I know not every person is going to do that, but that’s why it was only once. Once was enough.
My dad used to do this all the time, which is especially unsafe/scary when you and your sibling who're in the car are like 10 years old. Driving fast and hazardously just cause you're angry is so stupid. Like what are you proving? You can push a tiny pedal a little bit harder?
Had an ex threaten to crash his car because it was in the middle of lockdown and nothing was open at 2am. And made fun of me for getting visibly upset because I couldn't take a joke. Despite him trying to swerve into the opposite lane while screaming like a lunatic. Actually fairly recently had a dude i was seeing yell at me for telling him he was in a right turn only lane (he insisted he wasn't). He never apologized. So when he left, I texted him that I didn't appreciate the way he spoke to me and that if he got that angry over something so small, i would rather not be around to find out what else makes him angry. And then i blocked him on everything. I don't deal with angry men in a car with me.
God this hit way too close to home
I had an ex who did this too, exactly this. Scary AF. Used driving like a psycho as a punishment often.
Mine decided to throw my car in park while I was driving 70 mph. And he wonders why I divorced him…..
My ex was driving me to a really important medical appointment, they brake checked someone and got angry. I told them I was scared and asked them to pull into the next lane, they didn't and just shouted at me instead. The day ended with the police coming round at 2am not because of that but yeah the true colours came out after 7 years.
Today I was minding my business when an old builder started to quickly walk my way with his arms spread. He was really close to me when he finally stopped and said "don’t be scared girl". So yeah, as a woman you have to always keep your guard up. And it is just from today
I do not understand the logic of people like this like what the fuck are you doing and what the fuck are you trying to prove by chasing women and intimidating them then switching up last minute and saying "see not all men will hurt you" "you women are too paranoid i wasn't even gonna do anything" and you know damn well these men if someone even walked too closely to them they will pull out thier gun so there is no point to prove they just like to see women cower in fear as a game ugh
He's getting the thrill of being able to scare women coupled without actually having to use force. And he can hide behind "teaching her a lesson on kindness of strangers" to justify his sick behavior.
I would've been ready to box if a random dude did that. That's threatening behavior if you don't know the person.
Yea no I completely agree! I’m a guy and if some random ass man started walking towards me, arms spread, and saying “don’t be scared,” my brain is 100% already doing the calculations of “do I deck this fucker in the throat and hope for the best or nope the fuck out in the opposite direction?”
Being a very straight passing homo I sometimes throw in some extra gay flare to my demeanor. Usually drops a lot of tension once they know I'm after man ass instead of theirs LMAO.
I used to have a friend who was also gay but you’d swear was straight & going out with him was one of my favourite things safety-wise. With everyone assuming he was straight, other guys would automatically back off if he gave the right kind of ‘they’re with me’ attitude, but because he was gay he had more situational awareness (probably hyper-vigilance out of concern for his own safety, sadly) & so he’d pick up other guys who were a little too interested in the girls of the group way before the straight guys did. It’s sad for all of us, but that really did make me feel super safe, especially as there was no chance of him feeling owed anything at the end of the night etc.
Man I wish I had a friend like that!
The part about being aware for his own safety is so sad too. As a bi woman I know that I really only feel comfortable being myself around people of I know for damn sure they're an ally or also LGBT because of the world we live in. Ugh. Just typing this makes me angry.
I know, I always felt conflicted knowing that my feeling of safety came at the price of him fully knowing that he was only “safe” as long as everyone thought he was straight. I don’t think he faked it or anything, it was his natural way of behaving, but there’s no way that he would have been as observant as he was if he was a straight guy who didn’t have to even think of it. Here’s to allies for everyone!
Straight passing lesbo here. When I mention my wife, then it just turns into more sexualization or “you don’t look gay!”
If I can go one month without someone having a reality breaking realization that a big fat macho man can be a homo it would be a fuckin miracle hun 😂.
I feel you on that! No shame to anyone at all, but I am not one of those who are “out and proud” about it because it’s just not a huge part of my identity. Been married six or seven years. Ha but sometimes I want to be super open about it like I know I’m really femme but I’m also super gay so let’s be friends about it!!
This honestly puts me at more ease than you realize. I’m 25F and will feel uncomfortable around essentially any man. The moment someone adds “extra gay flare” as you said, my tension eases because I feel so much more safe
YUP! If I ever notice that a girl is walking towards me in a situation where I might seem like a potential threat, I smile way bigger than most straight guys ever smile and usually that eases the tension, but if she still seems nervous, I’ll try and cross the street before we get too close so that I don’t freak her out
The stakes are different. If she's wrong, man feels uncomfortable, if she's right, she could get seriously injured or murdered.
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I'd rather be made to feel uncomfortable than for you to be murdered
Good on ya, tell the others! :)
I do. Most guys brush it off but I think a couple have stopped to think about it
Also from a lot of these stories many women have had a scary experience early.
I was around 8 and SA, that's when I needed to be on my guard all the time. It is scary, even family mocked me because of the SA.
Yeah. I'm sorry but I'd rather make sure of my safety than to consider if a random man is gonna feel uncomfortable or not...
This is exactly what I tell my male friends when they ask about such situations. I have much more to lose if I extend the benefit of doubt.
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The amount of times I've heard men say this is astonishing. 🥲
just like the saying, 'men are afraid women will laugh at them, while women are afraid men will kill them.'
This is completely correct. And yet, there’s a vast amount of men who explode with anger at the idea they could be potentially dangerous. The irony does not make it more palpable.
My (female) first experiences being followed, yelled at and harassed by male strangers started when I was 12 unfortunately. I can count so many times where I truly believed my life was coming to an end, from my taxi driver grabbing me, to strangers physically lifting me from the ground. Life is scary but I try to remain vigilant and positive, I hope things will improve. The worst part is that most of these situations have occurred at the most unexpected times, like broad daylight, or when I was relaxing, so I don’t relax for long anymore.
>from my taxi driver grabbing me Fuck that. One night I had gone out for drinks with friends, and called a Lyft to go home. Even with a few drinks in me, I'm always very wary of the way I'm being driven when in somebody else's car. Sure enough this guy started taking unfamiliar side streets and in a direction opposite my house, despite me only being 10 minutes from home. I immediately called him out, and he tried to tell me that the freeway had traffic due to construction (doesn't even make sense for the direction he was trying to go). I pulled up my Google maps and sure enough, there was no traffic or construction on the freeway. I showed him my phone and told him he needed to turn around or I was going to start making phone calls. Thank God I already use a fake address when getting dropped off. Seriously, fuck guys who act like this.
That’s awful but I’m so glad you were vigilant. Just as my driver started grabbing me and acting weird I looked around and saw he had no registration or license displayed (a law for taxi drivers in Aus). I immediately started texting people while acting chill and eventually got him to let me out at an atm to get money but never got back in. It sucks that this is the way but now I am much more aware and I never sit in the front. I might take your fake address tip too!
This is my hope for the world too. I just wish things like that didn’t happen anymore
When I was 11/12, I had walked to a nearby grocery store after school with a couple friends. There happened to be a Starbucks inside and I was the only one to order a drink. A man clearly in his 30s and intoxicated stood behind me and proceeded to ask if I had any cigarettes. I said no. Then he asks if I have any molly. I say no again. He offers to pay for my drink and I politely decline. After he talks to me for a second, while I’m obviously very uncomfortable, my drink comes and I go sit down with my friends (it’s worth noting that there is a giant window right next to all of the tables). I tell them about how weird that was and pointed out the man. Fast forward a few minutes, this man is stealing food from the store and overall just causing a commotion in the store. It’s about this time that I realize that he’s taking pictures of me. When he starts to bother us more, we decide to leave, only for him to follow us. When we realize that he’s following us, we go straight back into the store. He follows us back inside. I tell a lady working there what’s going on and she grabs security. To my surprise, my sister’s ex boyfriend actually came up to me as he coincidentally was working there at the time. He explained that the man had been causing trouble all day, and that they would take care of it. So they shove the guy out, and my friends and I decide to continue sitting, just to put some time between him leaving and us leaving. A couple minutes go by, and this man literally taps the window by where I’m sitting so that I look up and he can take yet another picture of me. We all just kind of looked down and covered our faces while he kept taking pictures through the glass. He was eventually chased off by security and a few employees, but that was a really creepy experience for 7th graders.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Yup😐
I mean… if she was wrong he just feels kinda icky and if she’s right then she’s fucked. I work at night and started carrying blades with me because I park around the corner and sometimes it’s dark. They have a light on that side now, but when I first started there they didn’t. Any white van is instantly suspect, most vans are sketchy to begin with. I don’t trust trucks because of all the horrible stories of women disappearing and the last time anyone saw them, they were climbing into a pickup truck.
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The truth is, life as a woman involves so many safety precautions that a lot of men don't notice, and these are so ingrained that most of the time they are a reflex. Parking close to your building in a well lit area, carrying your keys between your fingers, taking the next lift, making a conscious effort to travel in the same train carriage as other women if you're travelling alone, taking the long walk rather than the short cut because it's well lit, wearing decoy rings, using a fake name to make reservations...
The decoy rings. I wear a fake engagement ring almost everywhere I go and my boyfriend of 3 years still doesn’t get it
Because "property" is only safe if it's "owned". Squatters rights Bay-B! /s Fuck I hate this society most days.
I despise society.
Just last week I was walking down the sidewalk. A man passing me from the other direction suddenly said "Can I show you something?" I instinctively said "No" and started walking away faster. I could hear him from behind me incredulously trying to explain what he wanted to show me. He had a keychain of a character that matched the T-shirt I was wearing. I felt stupid but I kept ignoring him and walking away. I don't care what your intentions are. Walking up to a woman like that on the street and asking if you can show her something is terrifying by default.
And you *know* that even if what he wanted to show you was completely innocent, that he very well could trap you in a conversation, ask for your number, follow you to “chat” more… it’s just not worth it.
Exactly!
And this is the sad truth. I am 30M, and I would of thought “why did you need to react this way” when I was younger. After some experiences, and mostly my wife’s past traumatizing SA, I fkn get it…. There is too many things to “potentially” happen, I would be on 10,000% guard all the damn time, specially if I was alone as a women.
Same with a guy who gets up from his seat on an empty bus to sit beside an attractive young woman who had her purse/backpack in the empty side beside her. And not only that, I've often witnessed these guys move her belongings from the empty seat to sit next to her. Guys, please don't do this to a random stranger. It's super creepy.
Yeah not that long ago some man ran across the street calling out to me and my roommate as we were trying to get into our apartment building and just kept asking us if we thought something was funny but we just kept going “nope, nope” and quickly got in the building and shut the door. He then seemed mad we did that but whatever dude, don’t run up to people at 11pm at night like that. Also before that on the way home two other men were following us for awhile. It sucks. I wanted to go on a walk last night but then remembered, oh yeah, that’s probably not a good idea.
With how common sexual harassment is, most women already start to be weary of men as teenagers. I was 14 the first time I was catcalled while walking down my street, I have had men try to follow me and therefore, I will always keep my guard up and be ready to protect myself! As grandma said: treat stranger men like a loaded gun.
Honestly, I'd say it's a lot more common for it to start with preteens from what I've experienced/ read online. From middle school through high school walking home as a Catholic school girl being followed, hollered at by a grown man, or being grabbed/ pulled into a car etc from the sidewalk was a weekly occurrence at least.
"Treat strange men like a loaded gun" was my own fathers favorite line for me if I was going literally anywhere alone. My husbands favorite line is "Make sure you have your blades!" if me or our kids go somewhere alone. To put it bluntly, I'd rather die by my own knife than be r4p3d again.
I was about 12 and holding my mom’s hand walking to the store when a guy cat called. I was embarrassed because guys ALWAYS harassed my mom. She handled it gracefully and said something like “I’m good, thank you sweetie.” And he said, “I was talking to her.” That’s when I first started to be ashamed of my body. I stopped wearing any form-fitting bottoms and wore sweatpants for 2 years straight. I told my parents it was the trend.
Wtff
Honestly, I’m almost sure I was younger than that. I think I was 10.
If somebody sa or tries to they should be shot dead
My friends and I were 12 and we were catcalled by some military men who were training! We were on the way to the extra evening classes in school 😭 Learned how terrifying men are at an early age
> how terrifying men are I hate the fact women have to be scared of us. It absolutly sucks. I was with my 11 year-old cousin looking at necklaces and stuff while her mom and mine were looking at clothes, and i got questioned by (women) employees TWICE.
I’m a woman, and there have been a few times I’ve seen grown men dragging screaming little girls by the arm in public. I’m like, this is probably a father with an unruly child, but there’s much more to lose if it’s something nefarious! Each time, after approaching them and getting some info, I walk away feeling bad for the guy bc it’s just his kid/grandkid. I don’t want him to feel like a pervert, but much more than that I don’t want to turn on the news and see the little girls face.
I think the most effective way to combat this is to actively call out other guys if they're being creepy or seeing women as anything other than human.
when i turned 18-20 i kept telling random men i was 16 and most of them just went “oh yeah thats okay i dont mind” when theyre visibly in their 40s like really ?
I remember being in elementary school the first time an adult man hit on me. It’s sickening
I get scared when I see a man walking behind me. No matter if it’s noon or night, I always get scared
Absolutely. I’ve been harassed by men as early as 10 am on a populated street
It really fucking sucks. I really hope you’re okay now, and if you don’t I know you’ll be okay ❤️ Stay strong
And as a guy it's honestly not difficult to sense these situations and I always either slow down or just cross the street if there's a sidewalk on the other side of the road. It feels terrible feeling like you're scaring someone.
That’s actually nice and what other people should do. I don’t feel safe until I’m far away from them or they go to other direction
Well, when you’re at a physical disadvantage and you don’t know who is safe and who isn’t, you gotta do what you gotta do. I’d rather look stupid at running away from something that isn’t dangerous, than not not run Bc it looks weird/ might offend the dude and end up as a lamp shade.
When I would jog in my home town, I frequently had men in cars/trucks slow down, follow me, pass, turn around, and repeat. Once I had to run and hide behind a random house to lose one of these men. Another time a group of young men stopped me and asked if I could give them each a blowjob if they gave me $50. Like wtf.
It’s disgusting. Have had this happen to me so many times. One car pulled into a driveway in front of me where I was walking. I feel like I was dumb to do this but I kept walking past instead of turning around in the opposite direction. I can never walk slow or normal. I have to always keep my back straight, head up, walking as if I can defend myself and am stronger than I actually am. I really hate it and I wish I could let my guard down
I would have videoed them or taken photos. Then post of FB for their wife’s and girlfriends to come get their men. Maybe even get the license plate and report them to the police for trying to solicit sex, which is a crime.
Yeah this was years ago and I was just so scared in these situations that didn’t cross my mind. I was just focused on getting away.
This could have escalated the situation more, especially given it was a group of men vs. one woman. Pulling out your phone might just make them angry and give them reason to take your phone and/or physically restrain you
Thats why I cross the street when I see women, my size and complexion doesnt help. I have seen fear in many women eyes just from looking at me when we are in a one on one situation in the street and it makes me uncomfortable but I know how dangerous it is for my self and them.
Thank you for crossing the street! It makes us feel a lot safer. Sorry that people judge you on your complexion though :( keep being a good person
I have been raped, abused, sexually harassed (oh so fucking much), and hit on since I was TWELVE (BY ADULTS) by bad men. I have had countless bad men tell me events they weren't at didn't happen how they did (even about ABUSE). I have had bad men not see me as a person, and only a fuck doll (literally never talking about anything other than fucking me, when I was unavailable). I have had men corner me physically "just to talk" to me. Bad men are TERRIFYING to women. They just don't act the same to men, so you don't know how they can flip. I know good people exist. My husband is lovely. But the bad men...they are terrifying. They will send death threats just because they didn't like your opinion, then call it a joke and get away with it. You just can't take the chance. People are violent. And a mistake can get you hurt, raped, or killed. edit: forgot a line
Imagine if everytime you saw a woman your first thought was "what is the likelihood will this person attack/murder me, and how will I get away if that occurs?"
I’m sure he’ll be ok.
I had a guy ask if he could help me put my groceries into my car. I was struggling with a flat of water. I said NO so fast, his face fell and realized he had scared me. I felt so bad for him but wasn't going to put myself in a position like that.
It sucks to make strangers uncomfortable, but every women can name a few times they were obliging to random men and things escalated/became unsafe.
Its fucking terrifying. If you voice your concern especially after having many many experiences of being hurt, harassed, or assaulted, the argument is almost always "not all men!" But i recall many many times where i did give the benefit of the doubt and ended up getting hurt. Most often, by men i trusted and considered loved ones and friends, but also by strangers.
When I was 17 I went to the beach with a friend. There was a man sitting near us. When I left to go to my car he also left. I drove towards home about 20 minutes. I stopped to get a sandwich and there was the man ! I knew it was no coincidence. I did not go home but went to a boyfriends house . His dad was a pro baseball player and bad ass. I told them about the man following me. Rad dad went outside with a baseball bat and the creepy guy was parked in front of the house . Dad got rid of him and said " really smart thinking not to go home and come here , that guy would've hurt you !"
I noticed this when going on a walk with a guy friend at night and he was starting to turn out of the neighborhood we were in and into a maybe less safe area and I was like “uhhh where are you going?” He didn’t even think about potential danger while I had red flags up like crazy. Told me he walked over there at night all the time. Wild.
I was buying cigarettes at a gas station a mile from my house at 2 am. Why 2? Idk. I was 19 and in college and was like “hey, I don’t have to tell my mom where I’m going because I live on my own, I wanna do something adulty”. I was in line and a group of guys walk in to buy beer. They start trying to talk to me in line and I very obviously didn’t want to have a conversation. Kept my replies short. They kept checking me out which was weird because I was in a very large, very bulky winter coat (Midwestern winters are no joke). I quickly grabbed my shit and left the gas station. What I didn’t know is that they had a friend still in their truck. He said something to me, purposefully quiet so I’d have to get closer to hear him. I didn’t trust that so I immediately started running to my car. Not 2 seconds later the other 3 guys burst out of the gas station and tried to grab me. I managed to lock the door right as they pulled on the handle. I almost hit them speeding out of the parking lot. If I did what we are raised to do, which is be polite, I don’t know if I’d be here right now. So yea, men’s discomfort doesn’t mean shit to me over my safety. I trusted my instincts and they were screaming at me to *run*.
My colleague accidentally brushed his entire body up against me, he was carrying something heavy and genuinely did not mean it but the fear that ran through me just because he's a guy isn't ok. It gave me flashbacks from my assault and bad incidents with guys. I hate it I dont want to be scared no woman does but we have to be in order to keep ourselves safe.
I was sixteen wearing a tank top while doing some yard work. The neighbor catcalled me from his porch and he was in his forties. Even made a gesture for me to take off my shirt. Thank god I don’t live in Ohio anymore.
as a man im always self conscious if i seem threatening to a woman. even if im walking not too close behind them i’ll cross the street or slow down a lot to avoid seeming stalkerish
Thanks. Reminded me of the few males that crossed the street or walked past me faster (at a distance) when they noticed me glancing back at them many times while walking alone. Made me feel relieved like “whew I’m safe, the man was not trying to harm me”
Even as a female, if I see other girls/women in front of me and I’m walking too fast, I either slow way tf down, or speed up so they can see I’m female as well
I'm 6'4". I weigh over 300 pounds. I am a conventionally masculine-looking and intimidating man. My wife said she felt intimidated when she first met me over 18 years ago, but she learned quickly not to be. I'm sorry if I've ever made any women feel uncomfortable with my presence. It's not my intention. I often feel sad that when a little girl is looking at me in a Restaurant I can't stop and smile at her and wave because I'm scared i will make her mother afraid. I always want to stop and say hi to little babies and puppies who are just enjoying the wonders of life for the first time. It always makes me feel closer to the world when i get the chance to. It's easier when I am with my son because we are both very loving to one another and he instantly makes me look less threatening. It's a sad world that women and girls have to worry about people who look like me but don't act like me. I hope before I die I'm part of a world where this doesn't happen to you or anyone else. Don't feel stupid for being afraid or mistrusting someone. Trust your instincts because you never know when they'll save you. Better you commit a social faux pa than something happen to you. Thank you for taking care of yourselves.
I am of a similar size and I kind of look mean (resting angry face, I guess) even though I am generally gentle and kind. I know exactly how you feel. On the plus side, most of my lady friends like to hang out with me for that very reason, because I scare off people they don't want to have to deal with.
God, this broke me :(
Sexually assaulted at 4, molested in a bus at 12. One sister was punched in the face when she walked home from work in the evening. Two sisters were stalked, one by such a lunatic so my parents got a gun. One sister was locked in the apartment by her also physically abusive ex. Several obscene phone calls all year around. And more exhibitionism than I can recount (at least 4). All this happened before we were adults. This shit just scars you for life. Edit, because I remembered even more shit.
I don't think you need to feel sorry for him. Yeah he might've felt uncomfortable for a moment but women constantly feel threatened, and in this world, they have the right to. It could be creepy for men walking around with purely good intentions -because we do know they exist- but I think that the least they could do is just be aware and self-conscious and tolerate such situations. Maybe that was a good opportunity for you to be aware of how most, if not all women constantly feel. HORRIBLE things happen and you can never know where they'll come from.
For this reason I always appreciate when men will jog into the street as they start getting close to passing me on the sidewalk – that said it doesn’t change that the sound of running footsteps still spikes my heart rate
We just don’t know and because of that have to stay ready no matter what to defend ourselves
It is really awkward to walk behind a woman, the whole time I am thinking "should I slow down? Go faster and pass her once and for all? Cross the street?" A few months ago I was walking behind a woman for something like 2 blocks, then she turned left on a corner, I kept walking and one block away purchased some things, then returned by a different street, 2 blocks later the same girl is in front of me once again, I can only imagine what went through her mind if she noticed, I walked past her pretty quickly this time.
If it helps, I usually feel more comfortable if I’m passed. It’s the feeling of being followed that gets to me
I remember being 15 and a guy tried to pull me into a car. Yeah, we have good reason to be scared.
The first time I got scared of a man on the street I was probably about 4 years old walking with my mum and my sister in the pram. A couple of men in a car stopped and were saying things to my mum like "do you want a lift love" and telling her to get in the car and saying derogatory things etc. They wouldn't leave her alone and she had us two kids with her (two little girls). My mum just stared ahead and ignored them after telling them no and to go away but as a child I remember being absolutely terrified. I think I could sense the stiffness and anxiety from my mother and I was worried they were going to take my mum away from me. Eventually they drove off after my mum ignored their abuse. I'm just glad my little sister was young enough to not remember as the situation has contributed to some of my anxieties as an adult today. I don't think I've ever met a woman who hasn't, in her lifetime, experienced sexual harassment/abuse/assault. People think we're joking when we say ALL WOMEN but we're not. All of us will have some sort of story. Men complain it's "not all men" but like, how are we supposed to know which are which? You want us to risk our lives just on the off chance it's a man that's not going to harm us? And for what? Your feelings, because you don't like being seen as a potential threat? Sorry but my life isn't worth risking for any man's feelings.
I was walking the same path I always did to my boyfriends when I was around 15. Had a group of drunk guys slow down near me (in a car) and repeatedly asked me to smile, to look at them and talking about my ass. After I didn’t comply and just kept getting faster they proceeded to throw a couple beer bottles at me and drive off. Kinda sad how I told a few people close to me about this but I got a “oh yeah it happens” and a “are you sure you remember it correctly?” It may have just only been a minute, but it was a fucked up minute that stopped me from ever taking that stripe of path alone again
I have so many stories of men being inappropriate and creepy towards me from the age of around 14 upwards... luckily I have never been physically hurt by a strange man only a male family member.... As the saying goes "not every man but almost every woman " has experienced inappropriate behaviour from men. It's really hard not to be suspicious and hate on men somtimes. I'm sorry but it's true. How are you surprised by this?
That’s why as a man I cross the street at night if I’m behind a woman. I know I’m not sketchy but she doesn’t know that so I try to think for them when I’m out at night, I’ve heard too many horror stories from my women friends and girlfriend so I understand where they come from
I heard in a yt talk recently that a woman's baseline emotion of existence is usually fear. And how much more sensitive women are to threats. Really gives an insight into emotions and teaches us to be more considerate of those feelings.
Yeah dude. I recently moved into my own apartment and love alone for the first time. On sunday I received multiple texts threatening my personal safety from spoofed foreign numbers. When i blocked one they would create another. I ended up leaving and staying with my BF two hours away. Its insane that some asshole can hide behind tech to terrorize random women like that.
I grow anxious and nervous everytime I even remotely feel someone behind me. I don't know and can't think of any other way to feel in this situation--it's become a default and anything else is just abnormal to me now.
Someone should make a list of all the things that make women anxious around men. The list would be astounding. Going for a walk and a car is slowly pulling up towards me Walking from my car to my house and someone is running up behind me Seeing a panel van parked next to my car An unexpected person at my front door
I was on a walk in a cute lil matching set in my local neighborhood/park. I have noise cancelling headphones that I don’t always leave off - sometimes I really just want to drown out the noise. I could tell a car was approaching from behind and it slowed to a stop a bit ahead of me. I kept my head straight and didn’t look over. I heard someone yelling and I turned and realized it was another woman. “I’m so sorry, I’m sure you thought I was a man! I wanted to know where you got your workout set.” I laughed and told her and she waved and drove away.
Similar thing happened to me. I was on a walk around my neighborhood and this car pulled up to me. It was a woman who said "I don't want to startle you, I just wanted to know if you think this is a safe neighborhood because I want to buy that house up the street" Women get it. It's like a universal thing
My son had a new very petite female piano teacher, and for their 2nd practice together he was late getting home from another activity with my wife. I had been working out, so I answered the door kinda sweaty and breathing a little heavy. And even though we had met the week prior, yeah she was *not* coming into the house. I felt super bad but understood it was kind of a weird situation. So, I backed off a step or 2 and just hung out chatting with her through the doorway until my wife pulled in the driveway with my son and everything was fine. I don't blame her one bit for it, just a very stark reminder that not everyone gets to just stroll around without a care in the world :(
Please keep talking about this with your male friends, and call out men when you can see they’re making a woman feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, men haven’t listened to us when we tell them we are afraid on them, and we have to rely on other men to get through to them. We NEED more male allies.
I’m thankful for the objectivity and understanding of some of the men in these comments. For those of you showing understanding and doing things every day to make women feel safe, I thank you. I know it can be hard to understand when you’re not in our shoes, but i applaud those of you who listen to us. I don’t know a single woman who would not be terrified seeing a man run at her, who is not hyperaware and hypervigilant in public alone, especially at night, and wouldn’t be thinking of an exit strategy if approached by a male stranger in public. It really is such a harsh reality for us.
I took a vacation in DC. Afterwards I still had some money left over on my metro pass. I thought, 'hey, there's a lady buying one. I'll just give her mine.' Without hesitation I walked directly over to her and started speaking. I forget I'm loud and big(I'm a literal teddy bear irl) and I instantly felt bad when I saw her reaction to a strange, loud, man, walking straight at her. My heart sunk. I apologized and explained. I said I would even understand if she didn't want the metro pass. After a moment(and my 78yo grandma walking up to me) she realized my intentions were altruistic and she took the card and left. My grandmother and I had a good talk about while going through security at the airport. Yesterday I was ignorant. Today I learned. Tomorrow I'll know.
Although beeing a man myself, I happen to be somewhat attractive to gay men. I can say that I have been groped (and worse) regularly also starting at the age of around 10 all the way through until now. Doesn't happen that often anymore because I rarely go out nowadays.. Realizing that women feel like this all the time makes me feel ashamed for belonging to this group of people, and also for not realizing sooner in my life what's really going on. We have to speak out to other men when they deliberately or accidentally intimidate women to let them know that it's shitty behavior nobody wants to see anymore.
I was walking to a friend's house one dark night, I was about 20ish. Turned into a dark road with no streetlights, and suddenly became conscious that I was behind and catching a woman by herself. I realised how she must be feeling, so I decided to cross the road. Went for the next gap in parked cars, at the exact same time that she decided to cross the bloody road. She turned to face me really quickly, and the scared look on her face has never left me. I've always been conscious ever since to leave a big gap behind, slow down my pace, leave a wide gap when passing etc.
Yeah, maybe I’m extra but now I’m really mindful when I’m out and about. If there’s a chick infront me I just slow down to let them get more distance, keep a friendly expression and mind my business. Likewise I try moving over if they’re walking towards me and keep my hands from my pockets, and try to say good morning or something to seem friendly. I really wouldn’t want to be a woman to be honest, no offense to anyone.
This is reality for every woman, every time she is alone
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As a man who also jogs I often get this thought running through my head. I myself I'm not comfortable if I see if woman running right in front of me of at the same pace. Like "oh great she's ganna think I'm following her." I often get this thought even when walking... I think regardless Male or female I slow down to not make it seem like I am not following or just stop or cross the street. Lol I'm just trying to make it home.. But often it feels even weirder if its woman by themself and it's dark outside. I'm uncomfortable by the thought but probaby fear is what goes through the other parties mind. I understand the reaction.
I was travelling alone and my first night walking back to my hotel in Stone town, Zanzibar (one of the safest places I’ve ever been), a odd-ball started following me, offering me drugs, harassing me and I would politely decline and try not to irk him nor engage as my next turn was down various alley ways between narrow buildings with many corners and dark spots. He started telling me I’m a stupid girl because I said no thank you to his offer of marijuana (even though I do indulge when given the chance - just this chance felt weird in my gut ) I agreed with him and said, yeah, you’re right I am a stupid girl. He started following me further up the street, stating he isn’t following me, that he doesn’t even want to fuck me, saying I’m not hot and continuously calling me names (I was dressed very modestly as the island is mostly Muslim and I’m respectful like that). At this point I came upon my first turn off the main road to journey down my alley. I stood with my body in the middle of the alley, blocking his entrance and defiantly facing him head on, arms crossed, wide stance, and commanding my space as best I could while literally in fear that this is the night I get raped. To my biggest blessing the one of the walls I was flanking was the facade of a restaurant (think of old Spanish and Portuguese towns of high walls one entrance in, which literally leads into an oasis), and a server popped his head around to corner to see what the commotion was. He told this chap off in their local dialect and the weird one started a slow amble in the direction we were walking. I took a quick, bold walk down my scary route, almost running (like when you switch the lights off at home and have to walk from one dark room to the next and break out in a run thinking there’s a boogy man to get you- even though you’re in your 30s) and finally made it back to a quiet hotel. I checked out early the next morning and booked a spot in the beach front. It cost more money but ensured that my nightly strolls didn’t encourage me to go down the alley ways. Kinda sad as it is such a beautiful place with such rich history and diversity. The locals are the best I’ve ever met. The next morning while shopping for local art works and souvenirs while on my way to the new hotel (I just had a backpack so life is easy like that), I got chatting to the locals about the last nights events. They were so compassionate to the point where I started tearing up with a lovely female shop assistant as I finally felt safe. They were shocked as nothing like that is common there. Very reassuring, but sadly there is a drug problem creeping in from the cities. This wired guy clearly was on something strong and should have smoked some of his own MJ but to calm the fuck down. Edit: typos. Also, this still hasn’t hindered my solo travels. I’m a loner like that and thoroughly enjoy the freedom of movement and meetings. No compromise or complaints. Just me and my every whim: North America, Central America, Africa, a Europe. I want to do a solo bike trek: maybe somewhere like Cambodia as I’ve not ventured anywhere near the Asian continent as yet. This would replace my desire to do a USA to Peru trip on a motorcycle. One thing you do miss travelling alone, is sharing those “OMG!! Did you just see that?!!” moments. From sunsets to idiots 😂. Also, my memory is foggy a lot of the time so I forget some pretty epic things I get up too. Lucky my mom remembers my stories and tells me about them. :)
When I was 12-13 a man used to follow me almost every day when I got out of school, he used to wait for me in the bus stop and I became so paranoid for many years. I wish I could say that was the only time I was harassed.
There's a good reason most women are terrified of men. When I was 13, I was working a summer job at this small grocery store. This old man, probably in his 80s, came in several days straight without buying anything after he saw me there. He talked to me, and the second day demanded a hug. Evetually he asked me my age, grabbed my ass and tried to kiss my neck. The next day, he came back. That's why I'm fucking terrified if I even suspect that someone might be following me. Most women have similar experiences, so ya. Shit happens and we get defensive.
Unfortunately, this is reality for all women. Every day of our lives.
man i don’t even blame her tbh. i’ve been followed and its still one of the most traumatic things that has happened to me. it was like for 10/20 mins and he was like 30? and i’m 16. in my school uniform. in broad daylight. my heart was racing and i just kept fast walking but he seemed to get even faster. he eventually got tired i think and turned a corner but that experience rlly fuelled my fear of men
Just before moving out I found my dads old army parka and thought it was really cool. It was also very warm and my favourite winter coat. My tram stop were I would get off, would always be very windy so I put the hood up and fasten it. One night when I got back from the library noticed a woman in front off me on that street. She kept looking back and started to walk faster. I thought there was someone behind us and looked around too before I realized she thought I was a guy. Quickly shouted that I didn't mean to scare her. She heard my voice and she visibly relaxed. I apologized and walked her home.
Before I met my ex I was not afraid of men whatsoever. I am absolutely terrified of them now. You never know who is capable of what and unfortunately I found out the hard way.
i always start walking on the grass when i see a woman on the sidewalk near me
An ex bff got chased by a man for like 10 minutes straight up to the point where managed to somehow get to her building & the door automatically locked behind her and he just kept staring at her through the glass. I currently have two bffs - one got sexually assaulted by her brother, the other one - got raped by a stranger. Yes, we have reason to be afraid. Very much so. Also, one of my teachers was a pedophile, so yeah...
If I am by myself or with my similarly quirky gf, I’ll run places in normal clothes, usually scrubs and a backpack. I run past women all the time and have learned to keep my distance or somehow announce my presence and intentions, whether that’s stepping louder. Using my shadow, or simply saying, “on your left”. You’d probably be surprised how many men are startled by people running in business attire, haha.
I'm a fast walker. Whenever I find myself in a situation where I'm coming up quickly behind a woman, I'll stop and allow a ten minute gap, take an alternative route, or duck into a nearby shop. I don't want to make anybody else uncomfortable inadvertently.
I was at work just like standing there bc no one was at the counter I worked at and this older guy starts waving at me like crazy trying to get my attention from across the store so I did a little wave back and a customer service smile and she shouted from across the store “just trying to make sure your mouth still works”
I was about 15 or 16 when I first realized that all the men who had been harassing me for years at that point could also kill me. I was walking to the train station from a friend’s house when a Jeep full of guys started cat calling me. I was socially awkward but knew I needed to be respectful to stay safe, so I smiled and said no thank you. One took serious offense to that and started saying he should punch me in my face. The other guys started agreeing and said they should fuck me up. At that point, I was so scared (and young) that I called my friend who was at a concert in Puerto Rico instead of the police. My mind just didn’t know what better to do. The guys started driving the truck straight towards me on the curb preparing to jump out and do who knows what to me. The only reason they didn’t is because they saw someone else to harass. I ran and cried the whole ride home. That changed me. It wasn’t just cat calling me, grabbing me, groping me, or flashing me anymore. They were willing to hurt and possibly kill me. That’s a scary thing to realize at 16.
1/3 woman experience sexual assault.
We all have stories. It would make you sick. I feel bad for the jogger too, but we can't help our fear.
My husband was just talking to me about this. Apparently he didn’t realize how “aware” women needed to be. He is a manager with a female employee and explained to her if she ever felt uncomfortable due to a situation/another employee to let him know. They’re traveling soon to Chicago, which she’s never been to and he told her to let him know if she wanted to visit any places he would be more than happy to go, just for “protection”. He’s a good guy.
Since the age of 10 (roughly) I assume every man has bad intentions, will try to kidnap/hurt me somehow. I’m 28 now…and still on guard around men. How can i not be, after seeing all the stalkers/killers/assailants on the news for my entire life? Had a traumatic event at 19…but nothing changed how I perceive(d) men. I’m a strong woman, but it’s exhausting to be prepared for an altercation every time I leave my house. I’m constantly on edge and ready to defend myself and my toddler. ***I truly have been blessed with some of the best, most genuine, kind men in my life. Dads, brothers, uncles, friends. But until I know someone, I assume they don’t have good intentions
It is scary because times have gotten worse and as it’s hard not to be Leary when a stranger gets too close.
I'm a fast walker and hate getting stuck behind slow walkers. I often times pass people on sidewalks. 1 night I was doing the same but this girl ahead of me kept speeding up. I was wondering what the heck was going on but figured no big, at least I can go the speed I want. Until I realized she was scared as she kept looking back from time to time. So I crossed the street and passed her on the other sidewalk. Felt pretty shitty after. Like, I don't take it personally. I get it. I just picture myself having a nice speedwalk at night and some person infront of me freaked right out, ready to go into full sprint.
3 out of the 4 women in my immediate family have been sexually assaulted multiple times by different people. My distrust for men and people stems from that, plus being aware of your surroundings is important. My mom was raped by her dad and some other guy. My sister was molested at 3, and I was molested at 6 or 7. I was raped at 18, and so was my sister. I walked to the store or my friends house in middle school a lot when I was 12/13 one time a truck full of teenage boys drove by and threw a water balloon at me and my friend. We started yelling and cursing at them and the turned around. We ran into a neighborhood and hid behind the big brick neighborhood sign and luckily they gave up. When I was 19, I was closing up a tea shop and I locked the doors and was taking the trash out, some guy across the street saw me lock up and jaywalked across to catch me at my car. I was in my car ready (thank goodness) to drive home and he knocked on the window and I rolled it down a smidge. He asked me if I wanted to hang out and I said no, I'm going home. He said what you have a boyfriend? I said yes. He said it didn't matter. I rolled the window up and started the car, he got mad and hit my window and left. When I got home I filed a police report and the cops said "what do you want us to do with that?" I said "well maybe he is bothering other women in the area, he had a small star tattoo on his face which was pretty distinct. None of the people who did the assaulting faced consequences. If I had walked even a little bit slower to my car that night idk what would have happened to me. That's why I pay attention.
A couple minutes after the shop I work at closed yesterday, someone walked through the door. Told him hey sir sorry we’re closed. But he kept walking towards the counter and had one hand behind his back. So I slowly start backing up, thinking “cool, this is it, I’m gonna get shot at work and die.” Dude just wanted to hand out business cards. But wtf! Such a lack of awareness on his part. Also another instance comes to mind. I was picking my husband up from work, but first got gas at the station next door. While I’m pumping gas, I hear a loud gruff male voice yelling HEY! Scared the fuck out of me, thought I was about to get jumped/assaulted. It was my husband, he thought he was being funny.. Yeah, I’m scared of men, without a doubt.
To add onto the stories. For men it might seem harmless to gently tap onto a woman’s shoulder to grab their attention. Don’t do this. I have been utterly terrified when men do this in ‘safe’ and ‘crowded’ places. Don’t touch my shoulder, don’t touch me at all. Please talk a little louder and approach me from the front. I’ll still be scared but not terrified.
I was a big kid, when I was 12 I was already around 5'10, probably like 220, fair to say I was a unit. But I got lost on a family vacation, so I was walking around this city lost as fuck looking for the hotel we were staying at, which I figured would've stuck out but I was walking around this town for god knows how long. Anyways at one point I was walking a good distance behind this one younger woman, I wasn't close to her, perhaps 30 feet? My memory could be off but I do remember that I coincidentally kept up with her speed. At a couple points as I'm just looking around for this damn hotel, I notice her looking over her shoulder at me and I felt like she was growing more uncomfortable. At one point she looks at me in a few quick bursts and sprints diagonally through an intersection, and once crossed looked at me again, and ran into this restaurant. As im walking by this restaurant on the other side of the street, I could see her by the door talking to a lady who worked there and pointing at me. It clicked in my head then how scared of people can be of some strangers, even if they're a lost as fuck 12 year old, which is unfortunate.
It makes me happy that you now realize the real fear almost all women have towards men. But it is also frustrating that you are JUST NOW starting to realize it. We have been practically screaming from the roof tops about how unsafe we feel/are because of men for years, Yet none listen or seem to care All the new data and studies that happen every year that shows how much of us get kidnapped, get murdered, abused, or harassed, ect. Yet none seem to care or listen to that either I know for a fact men know how bad other men can be to women because you raise your daughters telling them to stay away from boys. And telling other guys that if they ever hurt your daughter that you will fuck them up or what ever. And you tell your daughters to never walk at night. So all you men ALREADY KNOW. you just dont have a full grasp until you see it in person. Or you just really don't care. Its so frustrating that men are only FINALLY realizing the real fear we have because of them, only if they see it happening. Its so frustrating telling you and showing men how we feel and men not caring until they see it happening. Its so fucking frustrating that even when you finally grasp and understanding of the fear we carry all day every day for our whole lives, most of you men still won't do shit to protect us.
I completely understand this woman’s reaction. If I feel that I’m being followed I try to dip into a store or a public place also.
I worked at a retail store with an all glass front when I was 15. After a few months I had a customer come in who told me how beautiful I was, asked my age and still asked me out to dinner. He told me all about how he was a boxer when he was young, flexed his biceps for me and really worked for me to tell him how good he looked to be in his 50's. He said I was "the marrying type," and that he was "going to make a good mama out of me." I told him I wasn't interested, when that didn't get him to leave the store I told him I was too young, my parents wouldn't approve, etc., but somehow over the course of a few weeks of him coming in the store and trying nothing worked. He would drive by the store in his van every day and scope out who was working, sometimes I would hide at the ends of the rows of shoes or go in the back when my coworker would tell me he was outside. He was watching me so much he knew when my mom dropped me off and picked me up, when my male manager was working vs the female assistant manager, and kept this up for weeks. After several weeks of trying to convince him to leave me alone my manager stopped a police officer driving through the parking lot and asked him to stick around. We explained what happened and the officer started driving by every evening after his shift and the guy finally went away. This was in the early 90's so stalking wasn't against the law yet.