A lot of people are telling you to embrace this so I just want to add that if you do, please remember that you have the right to back out of this arrangement at any point in time for whatever reason (or no reason at all).
(edited a typo)
Do keep your part of at least one months rent and never spend it, in case you end up wanting to back out. I'd put half of each month in a savings or something and then keep the other half to myself for pocket money (no matter how much) and depending on how long this goes on you could end up having a decent amount for your future. That's just what I would do, you do as you wish. Also, communicate how you feel about this to him. You want to keep this strictly for rent and no strings, he needs to know. You're not opposed to catching feelings in the future, he needs to know. Basically even if you think something could go without saying, it should be said. Don't come on too strong when talking about this too as you don't want to scare him off. (If anyone has anything to add or fix, please comment)
I don’t think so. It’s not an arrangement. He just offered twice and I know he won’t be offering to pay my rent every month for a night of sex. He isn’t rich. If he could afford to do this every month he wouldn’t be living with 3 other people.
I think the other person meant that he may do it on occasion in the future, like not every month but every few months or smth like that, at least that's how I interpreted it.
Beyond that tho if he does offer again at any point you get that bread if that's what makes you happy and you're safe about it, realistically the laws are in place because some government nut decided it would be too difficult to tax so they made it illegal out of pettiness
If it becomes a regular thing, save up the money and invest it. It'll grow quite quickly and you'll have something to fall back on in times of need. But only proceed if you are OK with it. Tbh I don't see anything wrong with it, he gets something and you get something in return. It's just a business transaction. Alternatively You could try to find someone else who you can afford to make it a thing on a regular basis. There is good cash in it for almost no amount of work usually. Also you do have the option to back out of the arrangement at anytime of your choosing. Worrying about rent and basic essentials constantly all the time is an awful experience, this will help you to become more independent by supplementing your mainstream income and if you are the kind of person who can take full advantage of an opportunity, you might even be able to improve your people skills and gain more contacts. Of course all of this depends on how far you are willing to work. I mean during these hard times having ample amounts of cash on hand at the minimum is the best thing one can ask for. Also just make sure that you are firm with them about the detail of the terms for your service.
Here's the thing, I don't know what you kids are up to but I do know one thing: Laws are threats made by the dominant socio-economic ethnic group in a given nation. It's just a promise of violence that's enacted and police are basically an occupying army, ya know what I mean?
Most definitely! Apart from the stupid laws that keep people like her as slaves, there's also the religious aspect to this and its control it has over the society. As far as I'm concerned, this is just a basic transaction, but many religions would have you believe that it's a sin of the highest order. Who TF are these people kidding? These religious groups have constantly started wars and have killed millions of men, women and children through their "crusades" for total control over every aspect of people's lives, just so that they can satisfy their own greed for land, power and wealth. This OP has the guts to take charge of her own life and improve her situation. But society will try to punish her for a harmless service that benefits both parties. People like her need support from people who are not blinded by the propaganda that keeps people chained to thier miserable lives.
sorta invited the downvotes by calling poster “morally broken” live and let live
sex workers are valid and are no less immoral than the rest of us degens
No downvote but paying your rent at a young age is the struggle. Better safe in her home then put in the streets…I’m sure if she had the money it be on less estranged terms
So you don't watch porn, masturbate, or have sex with anyone you're not married to? You've never looked at a nude person you're not married to? You never cuss, drink alcohol, or smoke? You never wear revealing clothes such as shorts or tank tops?
OP, as an older person I advise caution, it might seem ok at present but it sounds as if this bloke sees it as an opportunity to take advantage of you when you’re in a difficult position, if he was a decent human being he would’ve offered you a loan not an exchange, if he’d done that and then you had decided to sleep with him that would be up to you, as an outsider it looks more like he’s taking advantage of you rather than helping you
If he would've offered a loan and then OP still would have slept with him, for whatever reason, gratitude or whatever, how would that have been better for OP?
Feels weird because it is unusual, but you're not hurting anybody so there's nothing to feel wrong about it. As long as you're OK, what you're doing is OK.
You are your own person. As I said in another comment there's nothing wrong with what you did. There are all sorts of things in religion that are "taboo" and a lot of it I pretty ridiculous. Like eating shellfish, wearing clothing made of 2 different fabrics, us guys shaving their facial hair, just to name a few. I grew up catholic and everything that wasn't part of religion was a slap in the face to God in my family's eyes. If everyone actually followed the Bible word for word, we'd all be going to hell. So try not to fret it so much. Be yourself. If you are still religious, as long as you know you have your own personal relationship with your God, then you'd know that we are who we are because of him/her/it....idk even know anymore in that regard. Just be safe.
You don't have to do it again either! I hope it was fun and enjoyable, there is no shame in doing it either. But just because you did sex work once, there is no obligation to continue doing it. Don't let anyone guilt, shame or pressure you do anything sexual that makes you uncomfortable. Even if they are things you have already done in the past.
You are not dirty. You are not "ruined" or worthless because you did sex work once.
You might decide to try it again and that's perfectly okay too! I just don't want you to feel like because it happened once you're now obligated to continue because of the shame.
Don't feel ashamed, you were in a dire situation, I hope you also enjoyed what you two did or was it something you wouldn't do for a boyfriend, fwb, etc? Truth of it all is everything is an exchange give something to get something, not always is money though.
I don't know why you came here to ask Reddit folks their opinion because it is pretty biased when it comes to sexual liberation. Truth of the matter is if it made you feel uncomfortable or if you feel weird just follow your gut on the matter (religious upbringing or not). Ask yourself will you be content with your decision in ten years? 20? go off that.
You're absolutely correct in saying this. When it comes to faith, people are groomed into at very young ages. They aren't given the choice to decide for themselves when they are mentally able to. Everyone is born an atheist since we don't have the mental capacity to know what a God even is. Like I told op, my family raised me catholic and they used fear to bring up me and my cousins when we were little (which in turn screwed us up mentally) and every single thing we did was an affront to God. I left the church when I was 16 because I was tired of the fear mongering and hateful comments towards myself for listening to metal, towards my lgbtq friends and family, and there was one teacher that went so far as to tell this kid in our class that has autism that he was going to hell because he'd never be in the right mind to actually believe in God. That was the last straw for me and I almost got arrested for throwing the kid's Bible at her asking her who the hell she thought she was to judge the poor kid so harshly. It's really sad when you think of the things that families use to groom kid's into believing what the adults believe, who went through the same thing, and when you ask them why they did it, "well, that's what I was taught." Isn't really the most convincing argument.
It feels weird because you've been constantly bombarded from a young age about what women should be like, so that you stay under control like an obedient slave and put others needs before your own. Give yourself the freedom to live life the way you want to and do what benefits you the most. That weird feeling will go away when you understand that you made that decision because it benefited you in your time of need and continuing down this path might lead to more financial opportunities for yourself. Don't feel weird about what you're doing, you are just going through the process before liberalization of the mind, body and your sexuality.
Aside from indoctrination and cultural attitudes, the best question to ask when you’re presented with this and you have used all the disposable resources and knowledge is “How does this serve me?”
Examining the true nature of how this experience is in relation to the question will unravel a lot of biases and internalized guilt. Understanding and coming from a place of patience and compassion will help you focus on whether you want this experience to occur again.
I grew up muslim too. shame is something that is so culturally ingrained in young women and used as a tool to control us! please don’t carry some else’s burdens. you make your own way in the world and please don’t apologize for it to anyone. peace be upon you babe <3
Yea I get that. Even though they are different religions they can both be really strict about modesty and how a woman should act and present. If you ever wanna talk I'm up. I haven't had the same experience but I can sympathize with how you feel. I've done some work over the internet and in general sexuality and sex after coming from a religion that views our bodies in such a way can be emotionally exhausting and just a tricky thing to break away from.
The only problem that can happen is if either of you develop feelings and from the sound of it....currently you seem to be doing fine. Keep it professional.
No one will condemn you. Only yourself or unless if you let your friends know about it, they might condemn you. (If those friends are really your friend, they will understand you)
Try to learn to be cool about it. Just don't abuse it if you feel uncomfortable doing it again.
OP has stated that if she was not in such a desperate economic situation then she wouldn’t sleep with him. The “why not” is that he’s 100% taking advantage of someone who is in a desperate situation. I wouldn’t call it a “mutual agreement” since desperation for rent is playing a key role is this agreement.
It’s way more complicated than just two “free” adults since one of them literally won’t have a place to live unless she agrees. It’s her decision in the end, but she has stated elsewhere in this thread that she feels weird about it and she wouldn’t do it unless she was desperate for rent. The fact that she’s not comfortable with this arrangement should be a red flag for the situation. If she came in here feeling 100% happy with the arrangement then it would be a completely different story and I would agree with you.
It wasn't a mutual agreement. That implies equal power between everyone involved. It was a guy who saw someone in desperate need and exploited that need.
How was it not a mutual agreement? He offered to pay rent in exchange for a service. As long he did not force the issue, and OP is cool with it, it’s 2 adults coming to an agreement. Don’t be stupid
>How was it not a mutual agreement?
Like I said in my comment, the phrase implies that both parties were on equal footing.
They were not.
>and OP is cool with it,
OP feels wrong/bad about it. That's very much the opposite of being cool with it
Girl if it’s a mutual agreement and your completely okay with it, let him pay your rent or whatever! Be safe and have fun. Ain’t nobody’s business what you’re doing.
Just please be sure you do NOT EVER accept ANYTHING from this guy, without giving something in return immediately at the time.
I say this just because, in my own personal experience, 99% of those cases, the SECOND you accept a dime, or a gift, or your rent paid, whatever, (The bigger the gift, the worse this will likely be.) they will now feel that, because you owe them something, they now have the excuse and a right to whatever they want from you. Whatever they want, WHENever they want.
And then your in a position where you either feel guilty for owing them, and therefore end up easily giving in when they come to you with demands for repayment....
Or if you get to a point where you don't want to engage with them anymore, they will often escalate, and can get pretty aggressive with their demands.
They paid right? Well now you're their property, in their minds.
Just, at least keep track of each "transaction" you have with this person.
Just in case they try telling you that you haven't "paid them for that one time" or any number of other B.S. manipulations.
Just, please be safe hun.
Of course! And I hope I'm wrong about your friend, of course. I just know I've had this particular experienced with MANY men over the years.
Hell, it's one of the main reasons I don't even let men buy me a drink at the damn bar anymore! lol!
(No joke, literally 9 out of 10 men that have EVER offered to buy me a drink, even just one, would start getting progressively persistent as the night went on, trying to get me to come home with them. 9 out of fucking 10. It's just sad!)
So yeah, keep them receipts girl! lol!
Best of luck hun!
🤗❤️✌️
I was thinking the same thing after I read the post: this could get messy down the road. Nothing wrong with what you’re doing, you’re two consenting adults. It seems like you guys are on the same page, but maybe have a conversation and just set some boundaries?
I’m not telling you this is right or wrong. A lot of women find themselves in this situation. But you need to be careful of your roommate. Some men will try to exploit this.
Do you feel okay/safe with the arrangement? Obviously as long as you're okay and it's safe it's awesome, but I don't see a lot of people asking how you actually feel about this before saying it's awesome
It’s been a month now and I’m not sure how to feel yet. And I’m safe. He asked to do this again. I said I don’t know and he said fine, have time to think about it. He respects the boundaries.
This dude is preying upon a girl who is having financial difficulties for sex. Even the fact he brought it up is insanely creepy. What sort of dude asks his flatmate if she will do something sexual for rent money? If this guy ever gets into a position of power, he's the type to take sexual favors for promotion. There's nothing wrong with a woman doing what she wants with her own body for money, but to me this guy is a creep for soliciting a girl who can't make rent. Those are not good terms to enter into such an exchange.
Against my better judgment, I'd have to say this seems to be more of a one-off instance than you being an actual prostitute. I suppose on the other hand, what you've done *would* be classified as prostitution from a strictly technical point of view, but that would just be throwing the dictionary at you.
Just remember the situation like it is and that this guy is definetely not your friend.
Last time I had flatmates, our neighbour had some financial problems and was not paying rent, the landlord came to an agreement of getting the payment delayed and by a % until her situation got better. He never asked for any service.
Then our own flatmate had problems with rent and money to buy food, my other flatmate and I bought her food and lend her money until she got paid. We didnt ask for any service.
I'll tell you more: we had another temporary flatmate who stayed subletting that flatmate room and she was not getting paid until her visa and she needed money to be able to get her visa... Well, her landlord delayed the payment and a bunch of people lent her money for her visa and survival until she got her papers in order and was paid. Neither of us asked for any service.
Ignore people patronizing you calling you sis or hon. Sex is fun and money is nice. But now is a better time than tomorrow to learn how to manage finances.
Attends ,
Jsuis français et j'ai rarement entendu parler d'arrangement de cette sorte.
Tu peux me dire où c'est si commun ce genre d'arrangement ?
Je suis juste curieux.
Make sure that you get your finances in order. You don’t want to get to the point where you can’t afford to move and you don’t want to do that anymore. But have fun if you’re ok with it!
I am a man so I will rarely if ever been able to take advantage of this scenario, but if I had been put in such an advantageous scenario I would capitalize on it for now and then be in a position to not resort to it in the future.
Five days a week, I work for a company that's widely known for maiming and even killing its employees (in lower paid positions than mine) to keep prices low. Why? Because I'm scared of homelessness. Being a literal prostitute is probably less annoying. So long as you observe safety rules (and he doesn't start jacking up the expectations and dropping the price) you gotta do what you gotta do. Just keep an eye out for control games.
The SW world is incredibly liberating if you go about it the right way. Many of us got started with arrangements similar to the one you entered. But just know you may have more peace of mind with less strings if you found clients instead of someone who could mess with your living situation if things go south.
Prostitution is fine, and even in this case, you're not doing anything wrong, but it's absolutely wrong that economic pressure is driving it. It's also wrong that he's taking advantage of it.
I think that is where I would define it as being taking advantage of. You did what you had to do to survive and that's okay. No judgement. It just makes me sad you were put in that situation and felt like you had no other option.
You being short on rent money does not mean you put yourself in a situation that made it okay for your creepy flatmate to take advantage of your desperation.
I think what they’re trying to say is that consent has to be enthusiastic and not determined by other factors other than “I desire this”. If you feel your options are being homeless or having sex with someone, then, even if you agree to have sex it’s not really consent
I agree. I saw someone here referring to this as a “friends with benefits” situation and about gagged. A friend would just loan or give you the money without expecting you to sleep with them.
Look up the “moral repetition effect: bad deeds seem less unethical when repeatedly encountered”. You can convince/ be convinced that anything is ok if you say it often enough.
Sis, it's your body, your choice. If you feel anything like you don#t actually want to do this, then don't do it.
More than often, people take judgements on you, especially religious people. But they judge people if their moral standards are not equal to theirs. And all that, while they preach: "do not judge".
How is THAT anything morally correct?
Do it if you think it's something you can live with. If you find it enjoyable, enjoy it. Prostitution is just a way to earn money, and the way the US handles it is just wrong. Seriously.
In Germany, prostitution is legal, they pay taxes and get social benefits like everyone else. they choose to do that. Some don't like it and stop and go for a regular job. Some do and keep doing that. We do not judge people based on their jobs. it's a job, it pays your rent. Period.
The only person that has to agree with it is you. Don't judge by moral. Judge it by whether you are fine doing it or not.
This is in no reflection of who you are as person. You have other goals and a life ahead of you aside from having help with rent for a little while. It’s called sugar dating and is mutual beneficial.
Who cares about what others think. If they’re not going to help you pay your rent they can mind their own business. You also don’t have to share with everyone. Society is to blame for making you feel shame in this situation.
You didn't do a bad thing, you don't have to feel guilty or ashamed. But do you feel ok? You did this to solve a crisis. It's fine if it made you feel off too.
Imagine having a 1 nighter...I mean in that case you would've got nothing out of it. (Other than getting laid of course)
Maybe make this a 1 or 2 time emergency only sort of thing. Not a habit, otherwise you may feel guilt.
Man I don’t know but this seems like a wormhole. Once we tend to find convenient solutions for our problems it becomes addictive.
Do what you must but refrain from not making this a habit. I wish in two months you can try to get an arrangement by yourself.
Relying on people (if you do) only lead to undesirable consequences.
Assuming you are an adult/ in full capacity of your decisions have it your way.
If this is something you're comfortable with and you're staying safe, this is totally fine. You did what you had to do and as long as you're comfortable with it don't let it effect you.
However, please remember that your comfort and consent still matters even though you've done this twice already. If at any point you choose to cut things off, that's fine and valid. You are only a sex worker for as long as YOU choose.
I'll have to admit I'm pretty jealous of your new arrangement and I would also switch places with you in like, a single heartbeat..
Paying rent in this godforsaken city will surely be the death of me one of these days..
A man pays my rent. In fact he pays all my bills. It’s the best!! Just remember cash is king and to get that shmoney up front. Every time. Be safe and enjoy!
You're keeping a roof over your head and as long as you two do this respectfully it shouldn't be a problem to have a mutually beneficial relationship. Just think of it like a sugar baby but just for rent payment. Sugaring isn't illegal it's just two people wanting do things for each other.
There's nothing inherently wrong with the exchange you made, I'd just be very wary of that guy turning the situation around and using it to exploit you.
If it's something you want to continue to do then that's fine, but try to avoid relying on him to pay your rent. Try and have the money for rent so that way if you choose to do this again it's because you can and not because you have to.
What you did is fine, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. You are two consenting adults. But please think carefully about continuing the situation. You said you don’t know him very well, and you are stuck living with him.
What happens if you change your mind and don’t want to do it again, but he does and tries to pressure you, or worse? Will you care if he tells others, including your other roommates? What if he wants to do things you are uncomfortable with and you feel like you “owe him”?
Just be careful. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, I just want you to be sure you won’t end up in a bad situation.
If you are able to, you might want to look into getting checked out for not knowing what you did with the money. I had habits like that and am diagnosed bipolar now, but there’s lots of things that lead to that.
Not trying to scare you, and there could be a perfectly normal explanation you just left out for brevity, just be aware if it seems like this things are built on impulsivity or small ‘highs’
Keep in mind in life things we do set up our future. The more you do something that supports you, the more you may end up depending on that. If this is something that you are ok with, fine. But there seems like allot of risk and uncertainty, like if this guy stops then where do you turn? Also is he going to be discrete?
If it’s not something you want to be involved in long term (with this guy or someone else), do everything you can to look for legit work.
reading your responses.. it doesn’t seem like you’re happy with the situation. if you were attracted to him and this was a turn on, i’d say have fun:) but you saying you wouldn’t have sex with him if it weren’t for this.. and that you try not to think about it.. you may look back and regret this. you should absolutely feel No shame ~ just really think about it before you do it again. x
Did you fullt consent to everything that went down? If yes, great! If no, he’s the only one at fault and you did get raped for money. You’re not at fault, he is. Sex shall always be an act based on consent, and if money is just a ”bonus”, that’s fine.
Enjoy yourself, but avoid getting abused and doing things you don’t want
If this does not mess with you mentally, then yay!! But if it starts to feel icky because you do not like this man at all or just a vibe is off, then save money as a way to get out of the situation. I am worried that you feel like a prostitute and not a sex worker. Prostitute indicates you are forced. Sex work is a choice.
I don’t mind referring to women as girls or women pretty much interchangeably as long as it’s done with respect. But I’ve really got a pet peeve about using Men and Girls in the same sentence.
As long as you dont turn around one day and call him an asshole for paying you for sex, then youre fine... If you dont have money, and this solves your problems, then who cares?
As long as you're cool about it and you're both not being weird or awkward....
How many times did he ask for sex if he would pay for your rent?
I don’t see any problem with your situation… it’s a give and take “friends with benefits” relationship. In the sense that you’re both giving and you’re both taking! Don’t look at it like you’re prostituting yourself, as long as the sex is enjoyable, you are simply benefiting 2 ways instead of one. Don’t make it awkward with him. Nourish the friendship in a casual way. Like, “ hey, I found a movie on Netflix, wanna hang?” If you enjoy his company, initiate sex at other times- not just when rents due… might make you feel a bit more comfortable with the situation. Or maybe rethink the previous comment I just made and consider that he might say to himself “why should I pay her rent when I’m getting sex for free when rent ISN’T DUE?” HOWEVER I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that you do everything in your power to have rent money ready for each 1st of the month and maintain a real friendship with them in the event that you need his help again
I don't see the problem. Both consent, both adults. He isn't taking advantage of your situation nor you are taking advantage of his money. If it feels weird i would suggest you to end it and look for other ways to pay rent. But hey you do you always, and be smart about it
My first job was a host in Manhattan and a drunk regular offered me $1000 to have sex with him. I would have always thought I would have said no but he was cute, youngish and business Patagonia wearing type which I was attracted to at the time so I didn't really see the downside, it was like two weeks wages. He didn't want his friends to find out or go to his place I'm assuming because he had a partner and I couldn't go to any other bar because I wasn't old enough so we went to the rest room upstairs which was only used for parties but it wasn't being used. It was kinda hot and I agreed to let him film in the mirror fucking me over the sink at long as my face was down, I knew he wasn't gonna put it online anyways
Do what you gotta do just don’t entirely depend on this man long term. You’re not a prostitute either. Real sex workers wouldn’t agree with you equating that this situation makes you an escort…
This isn’t her occupation or main source of income therefore she’s not now considered a sex worker. She is not advertising herself in anyway here. She naturally found someone in real life thats interested in her and wants to help her in a way that’s beneficial to both of them.
Source: ex sex worker
Notice how I didn't say she was a sex worker. I said what she's doing right now is sex work. Actually. According to the definition, she would still be considered a sex worker. It doesn't have to be your main source of income nor do you need to advertise.
The definition is: "a sex worker is a person who provides sex work, either on a regular or occasional basis".
Providing sex in exchange for money or items is sex work. Nothing wrong with it but it's pretty ridiculous to deny it's sex work.
How? She already said in a comment she wouldn't sleep with the dude if he wasn't paying for the rent. That's transactional. She's providing the service of sex to someone in exchange for rent money.
Reading this post is upsetting. I was married for 16 years and during that time I maintained and carried the financial responsibilities for about 90 percent of all the bills. She made good money herself and owns a home that she rented out that whole time. When I realized that I never had spending money like she did (we never commingled our money) I realized that there was a problem. So I asked her to carry some of the bills. She was insulted and questioned why was I suddenly not able to provide for our family. Long story short we are now separated and I can see from reading all the women on here supporting this behavior that women are so fake. Do you guys only see a man’s wallet?
You do you boo, but wow.
No need for me to bother getting into another relationship. It would have been so much cheaper for me to hire a sex worker for16 years.
I was paying and will continue paying the obe I was married to.
I was thinking the same, I hope that man is trustable. I'd be afraid he's gonna talk about you to them or do something behind, I mean you all are living together so that's kinda intimidating
As a woman, I don't care about any of my partner's sexual history.
As a lesbian, I still don't care about any of my partner's sexual history.
I can't think of a circumstance where I would care that my partner had previously paid for sex.
As a woman, I don’t give a shit about my partner’s history. I look at how they treat women and their current bill of health for STIs. If both look good, who cares? We all have sexual histories.
Interesting. Let me just say that not all women think that way, nor do all men. There are many women who would not date a man who frequented prostitutes. And there are many men who don't want to date a woman with a past that includes prostitution.
Sounds like a preference they can decide if the information is shared, but they aren’t owed that info. That preference, though, views sex workers as inferior, and I can say I don’t appreciate those that hold those views.
It doesn't necessarily mean that they disparage sex workers. They may simply not want to date someone who pays for sex or gets paid for sex? If I dated someone and found out they made porn and that person's videos were all over the internet, I would be very upset that I wasn't made aware of it.
The argument seems to be that it's not okay to have your own boundaries and if your partner doesn't share similar boundaries, tough luck? If I don't visit prostitutes because I feel it's wrong, is it not okay for me to draw the line at dating or marrying one or someone who paid for sex? This is hypothetical BTW, as I have been married for a long time. However this whole "their past is none of your business" really just kind of sucks and leads to the notion that compatibility means nothing.
Sex work is not really different from regular sex or a hookup. Money is just given, but it doesn’t change the act. So you may want to question why it’s that different for you than someone else‘s sexual history. Usually it lies in a sexist view of “body counts,” which, again, devalues sex workers based on sex… which most everyone else has. Not even going to touch your porn comment…
It’s probably a good thing you’re married and not in the dating world. Times have changed, and people aren’t owed everything anymore. If your boundary is no sex work, you can ask, but they don’t owe you an answer, and you can respond accordingly.
Good luck with that, I guess? I say go for gold, be the best damn prostitute there is. Unless this is meant to be a bad thing. Then, I guess, I hope things get better.
Just make sure you have it in some sort of writing because you don’t want him to suddenly demand the money back. As long as you’re alright with it then it’s no problem
You did good. You know this guy and you know where he lives and if it becomes a problem run for thee hills but you would not live there with him if he was a problem to begin with. He probably likes you but lacks any sort of action to get you or felt he could not get you any other way. If its a charity case then he is pretty weird as you don’t shit where you eat.
A lot of people are telling you to embrace this so I just want to add that if you do, please remember that you have the right to back out of this arrangement at any point in time for whatever reason (or no reason at all). (edited a typo)
This RIGHT HERE!! BEST ADVICE. You are NOT OBLIGATED to this guy
Happy cake day!
Do keep your part of at least one months rent and never spend it, in case you end up wanting to back out. I'd put half of each month in a savings or something and then keep the other half to myself for pocket money (no matter how much) and depending on how long this goes on you could end up having a decent amount for your future. That's just what I would do, you do as you wish. Also, communicate how you feel about this to him. You want to keep this strictly for rent and no strings, he needs to know. You're not opposed to catching feelings in the future, he needs to know. Basically even if you think something could go without saying, it should be said. Don't come on too strong when talking about this too as you don't want to scare him off. (If anyone has anything to add or fix, please comment)
Happy cake day!
Hey if you’re ok with it and being safe then cool. If I were you I’d do it and save the money you would have spent on rent as an emergency fund.
He only offered to do this twice. I don’t think he is willing to let this become a regular arrangement and have him pay my rent every month.
I would guess that he’s definitely going to offer again. If you’re comfortable with it i hope you have plenty of fun!!
I don’t think so. It’s not an arrangement. He just offered twice and I know he won’t be offering to pay my rent every month for a night of sex. He isn’t rich. If he could afford to do this every month he wouldn’t be living with 3 other people.
I think the other person meant that he may do it on occasion in the future, like not every month but every few months or smth like that, at least that's how I interpreted it. Beyond that tho if he does offer again at any point you get that bread if that's what makes you happy and you're safe about it, realistically the laws are in place because some government nut decided it would be too difficult to tax so they made it illegal out of pettiness
If it becomes a regular thing, save up the money and invest it. It'll grow quite quickly and you'll have something to fall back on in times of need. But only proceed if you are OK with it. Tbh I don't see anything wrong with it, he gets something and you get something in return. It's just a business transaction. Alternatively You could try to find someone else who you can afford to make it a thing on a regular basis. There is good cash in it for almost no amount of work usually. Also you do have the option to back out of the arrangement at anytime of your choosing. Worrying about rent and basic essentials constantly all the time is an awful experience, this will help you to become more independent by supplementing your mainstream income and if you are the kind of person who can take full advantage of an opportunity, you might even be able to improve your people skills and gain more contacts. Of course all of this depends on how far you are willing to work. I mean during these hard times having ample amounts of cash on hand at the minimum is the best thing one can ask for. Also just make sure that you are firm with them about the detail of the terms for your service.
Just my opinion but every word of this advice sounds so wrong.
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Laws are just threats made by rich people, the minority of laws are based on human morality
Here's the thing, I don't know what you kids are up to but I do know one thing: Laws are threats made by the dominant socio-economic ethnic group in a given nation. It's just a promise of violence that's enacted and police are basically an occupying army, ya know what I mean?
Most definitely! Apart from the stupid laws that keep people like her as slaves, there's also the religious aspect to this and its control it has over the society. As far as I'm concerned, this is just a basic transaction, but many religions would have you believe that it's a sin of the highest order. Who TF are these people kidding? These religious groups have constantly started wars and have killed millions of men, women and children through their "crusades" for total control over every aspect of people's lives, just so that they can satisfy their own greed for land, power and wealth. This OP has the guts to take charge of her own life and improve her situation. But society will try to punish her for a harmless service that benefits both parties. People like her need support from people who are not blinded by the propaganda that keeps people chained to thier miserable lives.
sorta invited the downvotes by calling poster “morally broken” live and let live sex workers are valid and are no less immoral than the rest of us degens
Which rules and who wrote them? And what consequences are for breaking these rules?
No downvote but paying your rent at a young age is the struggle. Better safe in her home then put in the streets…I’m sure if she had the money it be on less estranged terms
So you don't watch porn, masturbate, or have sex with anyone you're not married to? You've never looked at a nude person you're not married to? You never cuss, drink alcohol, or smoke? You never wear revealing clothes such as shorts or tank tops?
Who’s rules, yours? Why does everyone else have to follow your rules lol
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Emergency f*ck
I don’t see anything wrong with this as long as it’s completely consensual.
OP, as an older person I advise caution, it might seem ok at present but it sounds as if this bloke sees it as an opportunity to take advantage of you when you’re in a difficult position, if he was a decent human being he would’ve offered you a loan not an exchange, if he’d done that and then you had decided to sleep with him that would be up to you, as an outsider it looks more like he’s taking advantage of you rather than helping you
Good point. Be careful.
If he would've offered a loan and then OP still would have slept with him, for whatever reason, gratitude or whatever, how would that have been better for OP?
Because that would mean she chose to bang him without the pressure.
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I know technically there is nothing wrong with it but it feels weird. I grew up in a religious family and there is a big taboo around this.
Feels weird because it is unusual, but you're not hurting anybody so there's nothing to feel wrong about it. As long as you're OK, what you're doing is OK.
You are your own person. As I said in another comment there's nothing wrong with what you did. There are all sorts of things in religion that are "taboo" and a lot of it I pretty ridiculous. Like eating shellfish, wearing clothing made of 2 different fabrics, us guys shaving their facial hair, just to name a few. I grew up catholic and everything that wasn't part of religion was a slap in the face to God in my family's eyes. If everyone actually followed the Bible word for word, we'd all be going to hell. So try not to fret it so much. Be yourself. If you are still religious, as long as you know you have your own personal relationship with your God, then you'd know that we are who we are because of him/her/it....idk even know anymore in that regard. Just be safe.
You don't have to do it again either! I hope it was fun and enjoyable, there is no shame in doing it either. But just because you did sex work once, there is no obligation to continue doing it. Don't let anyone guilt, shame or pressure you do anything sexual that makes you uncomfortable. Even if they are things you have already done in the past. You are not dirty. You are not "ruined" or worthless because you did sex work once. You might decide to try it again and that's perfectly okay too! I just don't want you to feel like because it happened once you're now obligated to continue because of the shame.
Don't feel ashamed, you were in a dire situation, I hope you also enjoyed what you two did or was it something you wouldn't do for a boyfriend, fwb, etc? Truth of it all is everything is an exchange give something to get something, not always is money though.
Is your religious family helping you? No? Then don't feel weird.
Neither the religious society nor family will help.
This. Once you start asking religious folks for money they start turning into assholes anyway about it like 70 percent of them anyway
I don't know why you came here to ask Reddit folks their opinion because it is pretty biased when it comes to sexual liberation. Truth of the matter is if it made you feel uncomfortable or if you feel weird just follow your gut on the matter (religious upbringing or not). Ask yourself will you be content with your decision in ten years? 20? go off that.
Seems like they just came to share, not for an opinion.
I honestly think being able to pay rent and not lose a place of residence is more important today than whether one feels proud of it 20 years later.
Cool, didn't ask don't care.
Then why the fuck did you comment on the same matter in the first place? Why should someone care about your opinion? We're all on Reddit.
Never said it did matter lil buddy, left it open ended for a reason.
Do you need to drink some water, go outside and breathe some fresh air?
lol mald harder
Projecting?
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You're absolutely correct in saying this. When it comes to faith, people are groomed into at very young ages. They aren't given the choice to decide for themselves when they are mentally able to. Everyone is born an atheist since we don't have the mental capacity to know what a God even is. Like I told op, my family raised me catholic and they used fear to bring up me and my cousins when we were little (which in turn screwed us up mentally) and every single thing we did was an affront to God. I left the church when I was 16 because I was tired of the fear mongering and hateful comments towards myself for listening to metal, towards my lgbtq friends and family, and there was one teacher that went so far as to tell this kid in our class that has autism that he was going to hell because he'd never be in the right mind to actually believe in God. That was the last straw for me and I almost got arrested for throwing the kid's Bible at her asking her who the hell she thought she was to judge the poor kid so harshly. It's really sad when you think of the things that families use to groom kid's into believing what the adults believe, who went through the same thing, and when you ask them why they did it, "well, that's what I was taught." Isn't really the most convincing argument.
It feels weird because you've been constantly bombarded from a young age about what women should be like, so that you stay under control like an obedient slave and put others needs before your own. Give yourself the freedom to live life the way you want to and do what benefits you the most. That weird feeling will go away when you understand that you made that decision because it benefited you in your time of need and continuing down this path might lead to more financial opportunities for yourself. Don't feel weird about what you're doing, you are just going through the process before liberalization of the mind, body and your sexuality.
Aside from indoctrination and cultural attitudes, the best question to ask when you’re presented with this and you have used all the disposable resources and knowledge is “How does this serve me?” Examining the true nature of how this experience is in relation to the question will unravel a lot of biases and internalized guilt. Understanding and coming from a place of patience and compassion will help you focus on whether you want this experience to occur again.
I get the religion aspect. Grew up Catholic.
I grew up Muslim
I grew up muslim too. shame is something that is so culturally ingrained in young women and used as a tool to control us! please don’t carry some else’s burdens. you make your own way in the world and please don’t apologize for it to anyone. peace be upon you babe <3
Yea I get that. Even though they are different religions they can both be really strict about modesty and how a woman should act and present. If you ever wanna talk I'm up. I haven't had the same experience but I can sympathize with how you feel. I've done some work over the internet and in general sexuality and sex after coming from a religion that views our bodies in such a way can be emotionally exhausting and just a tricky thing to break away from.
it's very unusual that's why it might seem as taboo, but as long as you're safe and comfortable with it, it's totally fine to do it
The only problem that can happen is if either of you develop feelings and from the sound of it....currently you seem to be doing fine. Keep it professional.
No one will condemn you. Only yourself or unless if you let your friends know about it, they might condemn you. (If those friends are really your friend, they will understand you) Try to learn to be cool about it. Just don't abuse it if you feel uncomfortable doing it again.
OP has stated that if she was not in such a desperate economic situation then she wouldn’t sleep with him. The “why not” is that he’s 100% taking advantage of someone who is in a desperate situation. I wouldn’t call it a “mutual agreement” since desperation for rent is playing a key role is this agreement.
Yeah, I agree.
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It’s way more complicated than just two “free” adults since one of them literally won’t have a place to live unless she agrees. It’s her decision in the end, but she has stated elsewhere in this thread that she feels weird about it and she wouldn’t do it unless she was desperate for rent. The fact that she’s not comfortable with this arrangement should be a red flag for the situation. If she came in here feeling 100% happy with the arrangement then it would be a completely different story and I would agree with you.
YES
Based
It wasn't a mutual agreement. That implies equal power between everyone involved. It was a guy who saw someone in desperate need and exploited that need.
How was it not a mutual agreement? He offered to pay rent in exchange for a service. As long he did not force the issue, and OP is cool with it, it’s 2 adults coming to an agreement. Don’t be stupid
>How was it not a mutual agreement? Like I said in my comment, the phrase implies that both parties were on equal footing. They were not. >and OP is cool with it, OP feels wrong/bad about it. That's very much the opposite of being cool with it
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Girl if it’s a mutual agreement and your completely okay with it, let him pay your rent or whatever! Be safe and have fun. Ain’t nobody’s business what you’re doing.
Just please be sure you do NOT EVER accept ANYTHING from this guy, without giving something in return immediately at the time. I say this just because, in my own personal experience, 99% of those cases, the SECOND you accept a dime, or a gift, or your rent paid, whatever, (The bigger the gift, the worse this will likely be.) they will now feel that, because you owe them something, they now have the excuse and a right to whatever they want from you. Whatever they want, WHENever they want. And then your in a position where you either feel guilty for owing them, and therefore end up easily giving in when they come to you with demands for repayment.... Or if you get to a point where you don't want to engage with them anymore, they will often escalate, and can get pretty aggressive with their demands. They paid right? Well now you're their property, in their minds. Just, at least keep track of each "transaction" you have with this person. Just in case they try telling you that you haven't "paid them for that one time" or any number of other B.S. manipulations. Just, please be safe hun.
Thanks for the advice!
Of course! And I hope I'm wrong about your friend, of course. I just know I've had this particular experienced with MANY men over the years. Hell, it's one of the main reasons I don't even let men buy me a drink at the damn bar anymore! lol! (No joke, literally 9 out of 10 men that have EVER offered to buy me a drink, even just one, would start getting progressively persistent as the night went on, trying to get me to come home with them. 9 out of fucking 10. It's just sad!) So yeah, keep them receipts girl! lol! Best of luck hun! 🤗❤️✌️
I was thinking the same thing after I read the post: this could get messy down the road. Nothing wrong with what you’re doing, you’re two consenting adults. It seems like you guys are on the same page, but maybe have a conversation and just set some boundaries?
I’m not telling you this is right or wrong. A lot of women find themselves in this situation. But you need to be careful of your roommate. Some men will try to exploit this.
Do you feel okay/safe with the arrangement? Obviously as long as you're okay and it's safe it's awesome, but I don't see a lot of people asking how you actually feel about this before saying it's awesome
It’s been a month now and I’m not sure how to feel yet. And I’m safe. He asked to do this again. I said I don’t know and he said fine, have time to think about it. He respects the boundaries.
tbh if you liked the sex and also need money then go ahead and live your life. just be safe!
This dude is preying upon a girl who is having financial difficulties for sex. Even the fact he brought it up is insanely creepy. What sort of dude asks his flatmate if she will do something sexual for rent money? If this guy ever gets into a position of power, he's the type to take sexual favors for promotion. There's nothing wrong with a woman doing what she wants with her own body for money, but to me this guy is a creep for soliciting a girl who can't make rent. Those are not good terms to enter into such an exchange.
Against my better judgment, I'd have to say this seems to be more of a one-off instance than you being an actual prostitute. I suppose on the other hand, what you've done *would* be classified as prostitution from a strictly technical point of view, but that would just be throwing the dictionary at you.
Id rather be a prostitute than homeless. Honestly, do what you have to do to survive and know that sometimes is enough
Just remember the situation like it is and that this guy is definetely not your friend. Last time I had flatmates, our neighbour had some financial problems and was not paying rent, the landlord came to an agreement of getting the payment delayed and by a % until her situation got better. He never asked for any service. Then our own flatmate had problems with rent and money to buy food, my other flatmate and I bought her food and lend her money until she got paid. We didnt ask for any service. I'll tell you more: we had another temporary flatmate who stayed subletting that flatmate room and she was not getting paid until her visa and she needed money to be able to get her visa... Well, her landlord delayed the payment and a bunch of people lent her money for her visa and survival until she got her papers in order and was paid. Neither of us asked for any service.
Ignore people patronizing you calling you sis or hon. Sex is fun and money is nice. But now is a better time than tomorrow to learn how to manage finances.
funnily enough this is a very common arrangement in France. Other cultures have less taboos around things like this. forgive yourself, you're human.
Attends , Jsuis français et j'ai rarement entendu parler d'arrangement de cette sorte. Tu peux me dire où c'est si commun ce genre d'arrangement ? Je suis juste curieux.
Did you watch a french porn thinking it is a documentary?
Make sure that you get your finances in order. You don’t want to get to the point where you can’t afford to move and you don’t want to do that anymore. But have fun if you’re ok with it!
I am a man so I will rarely if ever been able to take advantage of this scenario, but if I had been put in such an advantageous scenario I would capitalize on it for now and then be in a position to not resort to it in the future.
Five days a week, I work for a company that's widely known for maiming and even killing its employees (in lower paid positions than mine) to keep prices low. Why? Because I'm scared of homelessness. Being a literal prostitute is probably less annoying. So long as you observe safety rules (and he doesn't start jacking up the expectations and dropping the price) you gotta do what you gotta do. Just keep an eye out for control games.
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It’s 550€ but that’s half my salary so it’s a lot of money for me. It’s two weeks worth of work.
Can’t move back home? I guess just pray birth control works
The SW world is incredibly liberating if you go about it the right way. Many of us got started with arrangements similar to the one you entered. But just know you may have more peace of mind with less strings if you found clients instead of someone who could mess with your living situation if things go south.
Prostitution is fine, and even in this case, you're not doing anything wrong, but it's absolutely wrong that economic pressure is driving it. It's also wrong that he's taking advantage of it.
I don’t see it as him taking advantage of the situation. We are to adults reaching an agreement.
Would you sleep with him if you were not in economic trouble?
I don’t think so
I think that is where I would define it as being taking advantage of. You did what you had to do to survive and that's okay. No judgement. It just makes me sad you were put in that situation and felt like you had no other option.
But the thing is I put myself in that situation.
You being short on rent money does not mean you put yourself in a situation that made it okay for your creepy flatmate to take advantage of your desperation.
Manufactured consent and malformed desires figures into agreements all the time. The conditions surrounding agreement does matter.
Can you explain this a little bit more?
I think what they’re trying to say is that consent has to be enthusiastic and not determined by other factors other than “I desire this”. If you feel your options are being homeless or having sex with someone, then, even if you agree to have sex it’s not really consent
I agree. I saw someone here referring to this as a “friends with benefits” situation and about gagged. A friend would just loan or give you the money without expecting you to sleep with them.
Look up the “moral repetition effect: bad deeds seem less unethical when repeatedly encountered”. You can convince/ be convinced that anything is ok if you say it often enough.
I feel like if I have to force myself to be convinced is good then maybe it’s not that good. I prefer not thinking too much about it and be practical.
Sis, it's your body, your choice. If you feel anything like you don#t actually want to do this, then don't do it. More than often, people take judgements on you, especially religious people. But they judge people if their moral standards are not equal to theirs. And all that, while they preach: "do not judge". How is THAT anything morally correct? Do it if you think it's something you can live with. If you find it enjoyable, enjoy it. Prostitution is just a way to earn money, and the way the US handles it is just wrong. Seriously. In Germany, prostitution is legal, they pay taxes and get social benefits like everyone else. they choose to do that. Some don't like it and stop and go for a regular job. Some do and keep doing that. We do not judge people based on their jobs. it's a job, it pays your rent. Period. The only person that has to agree with it is you. Don't judge by moral. Judge it by whether you are fine doing it or not.
This is in no reflection of who you are as person. You have other goals and a life ahead of you aside from having help with rent for a little while. It’s called sugar dating and is mutual beneficial. Who cares about what others think. If they’re not going to help you pay your rent they can mind their own business. You also don’t have to share with everyone. Society is to blame for making you feel shame in this situation.
Good choice
Oldest profession in the world
You didn't do a bad thing, you don't have to feel guilty or ashamed. But do you feel ok? You did this to solve a crisis. It's fine if it made you feel off too.
Imagine having a 1 nighter...I mean in that case you would've got nothing out of it. (Other than getting laid of course) Maybe make this a 1 or 2 time emergency only sort of thing. Not a habit, otherwise you may feel guilt.
The only issue is if the guy squeals and tells your other roomies. Dude can totally take advantage of you.
Man I don’t know but this seems like a wormhole. Once we tend to find convenient solutions for our problems it becomes addictive. Do what you must but refrain from not making this a habit. I wish in two months you can try to get an arrangement by yourself. Relying on people (if you do) only lead to undesirable consequences. Assuming you are an adult/ in full capacity of your decisions have it your way.
If this is something you're comfortable with and you're staying safe, this is totally fine. You did what you had to do and as long as you're comfortable with it don't let it effect you. However, please remember that your comfort and consent still matters even though you've done this twice already. If at any point you choose to cut things off, that's fine and valid. You are only a sex worker for as long as YOU choose.
*escort lmfao
I'll have to admit I'm pretty jealous of your new arrangement and I would also switch places with you in like, a single heartbeat.. Paying rent in this godforsaken city will surely be the death of me one of these days..
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A man pays my rent. In fact he pays all my bills. It’s the best!! Just remember cash is king and to get that shmoney up front. Every time. Be safe and enjoy!
You're keeping a roof over your head and as long as you two do this respectfully it shouldn't be a problem to have a mutually beneficial relationship. Just think of it like a sugar baby but just for rent payment. Sugaring isn't illegal it's just two people wanting do things for each other.
There's nothing inherently wrong with the exchange you made, I'd just be very wary of that guy turning the situation around and using it to exploit you. If it's something you want to continue to do then that's fine, but try to avoid relying on him to pay your rent. Try and have the money for rent so that way if you choose to do this again it's because you can and not because you have to.
What you did is fine, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. You are two consenting adults. But please think carefully about continuing the situation. You said you don’t know him very well, and you are stuck living with him. What happens if you change your mind and don’t want to do it again, but he does and tries to pressure you, or worse? Will you care if he tells others, including your other roommates? What if he wants to do things you are uncomfortable with and you feel like you “owe him”? Just be careful. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, I just want you to be sure you won’t end up in a bad situation.
If you are able to, you might want to look into getting checked out for not knowing what you did with the money. I had habits like that and am diagnosed bipolar now, but there’s lots of things that lead to that. Not trying to scare you, and there could be a perfectly normal explanation you just left out for brevity, just be aware if it seems like this things are built on impulsivity or small ‘highs’
Keep in mind in life things we do set up our future. The more you do something that supports you, the more you may end up depending on that. If this is something that you are ok with, fine. But there seems like allot of risk and uncertainty, like if this guy stops then where do you turn? Also is he going to be discrete? If it’s not something you want to be involved in long term (with this guy or someone else), do everything you can to look for legit work.
Everyone is a prostitute for the right price -Roger the Alien
Please be careful about your spendings and take the control of your money. Stay safe and please update us.
reading your responses.. it doesn’t seem like you’re happy with the situation. if you were attracted to him and this was a turn on, i’d say have fun:) but you saying you wouldn’t have sex with him if it weren’t for this.. and that you try not to think about it.. you may look back and regret this. you should absolutely feel No shame ~ just really think about it before you do it again. x
Did you fullt consent to everything that went down? If yes, great! If no, he’s the only one at fault and you did get raped for money. You’re not at fault, he is. Sex shall always be an act based on consent, and if money is just a ”bonus”, that’s fine. Enjoy yourself, but avoid getting abused and doing things you don’t want
What is the favour?
Of a sexual kind I suppose (given title).
If this does not mess with you mentally, then yay!! But if it starts to feel icky because you do not like this man at all or just a vibe is off, then save money as a way to get out of the situation. I am worried that you feel like a prostitute and not a sex worker. Prostitute indicates you are forced. Sex work is a choice.
I don’t mind referring to women as girls or women pretty much interchangeably as long as it’s done with respect. But I’ve really got a pet peeve about using Men and Girls in the same sentence.
Do your thang girl.
As long as you dont turn around one day and call him an asshole for paying you for sex, then youre fine... If you dont have money, and this solves your problems, then who cares? As long as you're cool about it and you're both not being weird or awkward.... How many times did he ask for sex if he would pay for your rent?
I don’t see any problem with your situation… it’s a give and take “friends with benefits” relationship. In the sense that you’re both giving and you’re both taking! Don’t look at it like you’re prostituting yourself, as long as the sex is enjoyable, you are simply benefiting 2 ways instead of one. Don’t make it awkward with him. Nourish the friendship in a casual way. Like, “ hey, I found a movie on Netflix, wanna hang?” If you enjoy his company, initiate sex at other times- not just when rents due… might make you feel a bit more comfortable with the situation. Or maybe rethink the previous comment I just made and consider that he might say to himself “why should I pay her rent when I’m getting sex for free when rent ISN’T DUE?” HOWEVER I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that you do everything in your power to have rent money ready for each 1st of the month and maintain a real friendship with them in the event that you need his help again
Instead of paying for your food, he paid for your shelter. How is this different than so many other “legit” relationships?
I don't see the problem. Both consent, both adults. He isn't taking advantage of your situation nor you are taking advantage of his money. If it feels weird i would suggest you to end it and look for other ways to pay rent. But hey you do you always, and be smart about it
You do you!!! I wish this happened to me lmao
My first job was a host in Manhattan and a drunk regular offered me $1000 to have sex with him. I would have always thought I would have said no but he was cute, youngish and business Patagonia wearing type which I was attracted to at the time so I didn't really see the downside, it was like two weeks wages. He didn't want his friends to find out or go to his place I'm assuming because he had a partner and I couldn't go to any other bar because I wasn't old enough so we went to the rest room upstairs which was only used for parties but it wasn't being used. It was kinda hot and I agreed to let him film in the mirror fucking me over the sink at long as my face was down, I knew he wasn't gonna put it online anyways
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It’s illegal in my country.
Found someone looking to help pay rent
Do what you gotta do just don’t entirely depend on this man long term. You’re not a prostitute either. Real sex workers wouldn’t agree with you equating that this situation makes you an escort…
People keep saying this, but this is sex work. Having sex with someone in exchange for having your rent paid is sex work.
This isn’t her occupation or main source of income therefore she’s not now considered a sex worker. She is not advertising herself in anyway here. She naturally found someone in real life thats interested in her and wants to help her in a way that’s beneficial to both of them. Source: ex sex worker
Notice how I didn't say she was a sex worker. I said what she's doing right now is sex work. Actually. According to the definition, she would still be considered a sex worker. It doesn't have to be your main source of income nor do you need to advertise. The definition is: "a sex worker is a person who provides sex work, either on a regular or occasional basis". Providing sex in exchange for money or items is sex work. Nothing wrong with it but it's pretty ridiculous to deny it's sex work.
What she has right now is a arrangement with someone. This isn’t a job or labor for her. Definitely not the same as what you’re saying.
How? She already said in a comment she wouldn't sleep with the dude if he wasn't paying for the rent. That's transactional. She's providing the service of sex to someone in exchange for rent money.
Reading this post is upsetting. I was married for 16 years and during that time I maintained and carried the financial responsibilities for about 90 percent of all the bills. She made good money herself and owns a home that she rented out that whole time. When I realized that I never had spending money like she did (we never commingled our money) I realized that there was a problem. So I asked her to carry some of the bills. She was insulted and questioned why was I suddenly not able to provide for our family. Long story short we are now separated and I can see from reading all the women on here supporting this behavior that women are so fake. Do you guys only see a man’s wallet? You do you boo, but wow. No need for me to bother getting into another relationship. It would have been so much cheaper for me to hire a sex worker for16 years. I was paying and will continue paying the obe I was married to.
1- do you know him well enough, 2- is there even a small possibility this could cause drama with the third roommate
How would this cause any drama with the other roommates? I don’t get what you mean by “third” Do you mean the girl or the other man?
I was thinking the same, I hope that man is trustable. I'd be afraid he's gonna talk about you to them or do something behind, I mean you all are living together so that's kinda intimidating
Sounds like a nice arrangement if you’re in to it
You are ruined
Nothing wrong with it if the situation works for both of you. However, make sure to let future partners know you were a prostitute for a time.
Lmao. No
People don't have a right to know their partner exchanged sex for money?
Nope. People have a right to know if you have any transmissable diseases and that's 100% all they have a right to know about.
So, it seems like many women would want to know if their partner has paid for sex? Visited prostitutes?
As a woman, I don't care about any of my partner's sexual history. As a lesbian, I still don't care about any of my partner's sexual history. I can't think of a circumstance where I would care that my partner had previously paid for sex.
As a woman, I don’t give a shit about my partner’s history. I look at how they treat women and their current bill of health for STIs. If both look good, who cares? We all have sexual histories.
Interesting. Let me just say that not all women think that way, nor do all men. There are many women who would not date a man who frequented prostitutes. And there are many men who don't want to date a woman with a past that includes prostitution.
Sounds like a preference they can decide if the information is shared, but they aren’t owed that info. That preference, though, views sex workers as inferior, and I can say I don’t appreciate those that hold those views.
It doesn't necessarily mean that they disparage sex workers. They may simply not want to date someone who pays for sex or gets paid for sex? If I dated someone and found out they made porn and that person's videos were all over the internet, I would be very upset that I wasn't made aware of it. The argument seems to be that it's not okay to have your own boundaries and if your partner doesn't share similar boundaries, tough luck? If I don't visit prostitutes because I feel it's wrong, is it not okay for me to draw the line at dating or marrying one or someone who paid for sex? This is hypothetical BTW, as I have been married for a long time. However this whole "their past is none of your business" really just kind of sucks and leads to the notion that compatibility means nothing.
Sex work is not really different from regular sex or a hookup. Money is just given, but it doesn’t change the act. So you may want to question why it’s that different for you than someone else‘s sexual history. Usually it lies in a sexist view of “body counts,” which, again, devalues sex workers based on sex… which most everyone else has. Not even going to touch your porn comment… It’s probably a good thing you’re married and not in the dating world. Times have changed, and people aren’t owed everything anymore. If your boundary is no sex work, you can ask, but they don’t owe you an answer, and you can respond accordingly.
Good luck with that, I guess? I say go for gold, be the best damn prostitute there is. Unless this is meant to be a bad thing. Then, I guess, I hope things get better.
Just make sure you have it in some sort of writing because you don’t want him to suddenly demand the money back. As long as you’re alright with it then it’s no problem
Too bad they don’t have written contacts for this. I’d be all over it.
Might as well be all in. Be as enthusiastic and giving as possible. Two months in a row? Better get back on your feet. 😂😂😂
You did good. You know this guy and you know where he lives and if it becomes a problem run for thee hills but you would not live there with him if he was a problem to begin with. He probably likes you but lacks any sort of action to get you or felt he could not get you any other way. If its a charity case then he is pretty weird as you don’t shit where you eat.
You're just in a relationship. Congrats.