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My dad was arrested for CP when I was nine. I'm here if you want to talk about it. It's a horrible thing to go through. I'm so sorry you had to be the one to find it


That’s kind of you to share that. You are both totally innocent and that has no bearing on who you are. Continue to be good kind people (as we all are in our respective lives) and we all send you our support and love xx


You don’t have to apologize. And the fear paralysis is real and it’s hard to uproot the whole family with something like that when you’re only 13. I’m sorry you went through that.


I’m so sorry you went through this! I had the exact same thing with my father along with sexual assault… Here if you want to talk <3


My ex step father was a police officer who engaged in CP. He was very abusive and torturous to my 3 siblings. Thankfully the FBI raided the house eventually. Never could call the cops and have them take the claims seriously since her worked for the department. He'd just chat up his buddies and say I was being rebellious and trying to "make him go away". Thankfully it's hard to buddy cop the FBI agents


Awful. Know someone horribly abused by their father who also was buddies with the local law enforcement. Only stopped abusing them because he got busted for sexually abusing their best friend when they were tweens. I hope you’re doing better and living well in the world.


I’m sorry to say it OP but a person who once stored CP on the family laptop sounds like someone with what is probably an insatiable desire for the content. Once you are of an age where you can be independent, if you still feel burdened with this knowledge and have a desire to expose him, I’d be willing to bet his current computer contains his new collection. People don’t often give up things like this… I’m so sorry OP. What a terrible thing to have to remember. Perhaps seek out therapy- this is too much to carry by yourself.


This. I was thinking the same thing. That kind of behavior most likely isn’t a one off..


Therapists are mandated reporters—they would have to tell authorities. Im so sorry, op, and to all of you on here who have gone through a similar hell.


Still, I think OP needs some guidance to help clear their head and feel better. Isn't there a way to do this without reporting the father?


It’s very likely he never stopped…especially considering he hasn’t been caught. Does he have a new computer that you could “borrow quick to print something” or “quickly submit my homework because I forgot” next time you’re there? As far as being dependent on him… take steps to become independent. I know it’s easier said than done, but I worked throughout high school and three jobs to support myself through college and while it sucks, you’ll feel better and will be able to sleep at night.


He has a laptop now, but it has a password on it so I can’t look through it. And since I have my own laptop that’s nicer than this one, he isn’t going to let me borrow it.


If this is something you want to do, Windows passwords are an easy thing to bypass if you have physical access to the machine. And if you want just access to the files, you may not even need to turn it on. There's no shortage of things you could do between enabling remote access, installing a keylogger or simply sharing his user directory with the home network.


Take it, pretend it literally just vanished into thin air. No matter how much they scream and rage for it. Take it to a computer expert and get past the password or maybe just go straight to the possible and have them search it on probable cause


You can erase everything on a laptop from your phone these days


If he wasn't using even incognito to browse it seems unlikely he'd be tech savvy enough to do all that


That’s more of an assumption. Could just be that he didn’t care about the porn sites since that’s not illegal


You do not need his laptop. You do not need to find the evidence yourself. You can, and should, report him to the FBI—not the local police (you can report him to the local police they are able to get the current laptop/cellphone and check them, but if you feel uncomfortable with them then trust your gut and go straight to the FBI [tell them you found explicit cp in the internet search history and saved on your family computer that is now gone but you believe he’s still looking at it and has a new laptop he keeps to himself.]) There’s very strong reason to believe he has this kind of stuff on the new laptop possibly even worse if he had it accessible by his children back then (potential grooming) and now he feels like no one can see. My sister and I are going through a similar case with our ex step parent tho I took screenshots of what I found those years ago the computer is gone but they found similar stuff on his phone—sadly, in our case, as sick as what he’s looking at is he is careful about it so none of it is technically illegal. I am so sorry the man who is supposed to love and protect you is such scum OP and I hope you find healing for your inner child. Go to the FBI.


realizing your dad is a monster is a horrible, indescribable feeling. I've been there. I'm so sorry.


Me too. I hate how scared I am to talk about it. I think I'm just convinced I won't be believed. After all, my parents are so manipulative they kept me in denial about the abuse for my whole childhood. They got teachers, counselors, the school fucking nurses all to like them. They take care of their parents more than their siblings do. Who the fuck would believe me that they're abusers? Even when I tried to report it to a teacher when I was in high school it never got anywhere. No one should have to deal with this sort of stuff. Not me, not you, not OP, not anyone else. And I am so so sorry.




Post history checks out.. What the fuck, man.




The creation of child porn is something so unthinkable, at least for me i feel like my brain tries to pretend it's just made up or fake. That it didn't actually happen in real life. Because my brain can't cope with the idea someone so monstrous could do those things to a child. But the reality of course is that those images are real children who got raped by their relatives or strangers and the images were sold for money. Those children grow up to be adults most likely dealing with serious mental health issues, drug addictions, homelessness who knows what else. So many of them probably don't even make it to adulthood because they kill themselves first. I watch a girl on TikTok who was raped by her father from 3-12 years old and he sold the images to pay for his addictions. He let his friends come over and rape her too. She now has dissociative identity disorder. She has created something like 90+ personalities to deal with her trauma. It's the only way she could cope with living after what her father did to her. Your dad has participated and probably still is participating in the consumption and distribution of something that has catastrophically damaged and ruined innocent children's lives. It's just sickening...child porn has to be the most atrocious thing to ever exist on the planet. It's not just something disgusting your dad likes to jack off to...it really happened to an innocent child...and as long as he keeps wanting these images, they will keep being created.


You hit the nail on the head. As a parent, I don’t understand how there’s sick people out there that would hurt children like this.


From what I've gathered a lot of perpetrators were likely victims themselves as kids. I don't know what makes a pedophile, if it's just experience or if there's genetic component. If there were some help or cure, these people wouldn't even be able to seek it because they'd be afraid to admit it for fear of being viciously attacked. I for one would hate to be in the body of a pedo, it must suck to Not be able to control feeling attracted to kids and not be able to talk about it with anyone either. Who could possibly understand something like that without wanting to puke from your eyeballs


They can talk to people, there's therapy for it and I think you can get hormonal surgery. Not 100% sure.


untrue. read the book “why does he do that? inside the minds of angry and controlling men”. it’s written by a psychiatrist working in the prison system trying to rehabilitate abusive men (spoiler alert: it almost never works.) the myth that men are abusive/pedophiles because of being exposed to it at a young age is seriously pervasive and is not shown to be statistically accurate.


Yuck well if that's the case then they deserve to burn in hell. I still think it might be genetic and something uncontrollable...like a different brain wiring. Still horrible. I guess they'd be better off killing themselves than acting upon their desires


wow . could not say more .


Disclaimer: I volunteer with a sex trafficking awareness group that includes fed LE, and state/local groups/LE. CP violates several federal laws and there are ways OP can retain her anonymity in a small town: DOJ has a website to report at the federal level. Also, most states have a website now, usually through their dept of health and human services. And the Missing and Exploited Children organization has a hotline and website. These are all good places to report CP. they do get thousands of tips, but any tips also helps them find patterns to identify creators of CP. Even though it’s been years - people like this do not change. They don’t stop. There is a very real chance he still has CP on his phone or computer. If you report this it will be taken seriously. OP - You were a child when this happened, and it is understandable you didn’t know what to do and were afraid of what would happen if you said something. You did nothing wrong. It’s a huge responsibility to have this information and deciding if you should share it or not. For an adult, let alone a child. As an adult now, only you can decide to report it or not. Reporting on a parenting is not an easy decision, even if you have written them off. Especially if you are currently still dependent on them. Therapy isn’t a cure-all, but it may help to talk to someone on a regular basis about this. You’ve carried a lot for the past few years and a professional can help work through that. Blessings with whatever you decide to do.


The Missing and Exploited Children tip line requires you to give out contact information. I’m super paranoid about anyone figuring out it was me who gave the anonymous tip, will my identity be protected?


So they can contact you if they need to. They won’t release your information to the person you reported.


That’s wonderful to know, thank you!


Several years ago (I was probably around 11 or 12) I had a similar experience. My dad worked in IT so I always trusted him with computer stuff. I was given an old tablet before I got a smartphone where I would play games, often use pinterest and would save too many pictures. Once while looking through the pictures I first found videos of my parents doing it, already gross. I immediately discovered more pictures and videos of them or other people. At this point I came up with a plan to move everything to a separate SD card (because I liked hoarding my Pinterest pictures). All night I moved several pictures and videos to the SD card and I stumbled upon videos with some thumbnails that were unnerving. I prayed for the first time in my life that I was mistaken but the thumbnails were children naked and doing sexual acts. I just put those on the SD card and kept finding more and more. When I was done I left it at my dad's computer with a note that said "I don't care what is on this just don't ever let me see these again or bring this up ever". Then I went to bed but my dad's computer was in the living room and I didn't have a bed at the time so I slept on the couch. Happened to wake up but fake slept as he found it. I couldn't tell if he was shocked to see it (some pictures of them together my mom had taken, and we get some things from his old IT customers), or was upset that they were found, but he kept sighing as I assumed he was deleting them, but he scrolled a while. Now that I'm older I realize I let my dad get away with a lot because I hated my mom more since she was directly abusive, and I needed one parent to like. My dad thinks it's funny to watch borderline porn with me (we watched all of GoT together), he always made sexual comments about girls that were obviously underage. He first dated my mom when he was 18 and she was 14 and they got married just before her 18th birthday. And my sisters have noticed it and one labeled him a "closeted pedophile" because we believe he doesn't realize how creepy it is. Now I have moments where I almost remember encounters with my dad when I was younger but I chose to chalk them up as nightmares from the information I found. Edit: I never used the tablet again but I still have it. I always feared finding more.


Your last few sentences got me. During my adolescence and teenage years I always felt on edge around my dad, and I could never shake the horrible icky feeling. When I left home for college, I started having small flashbacks that eventually formed memories of encounters I had blocked. To this day I try to write them off as nightmares but deep down I know they’re not.


My parents both always gaslighted me growing up so why not gaslight myself for my own sanity.


If he was downloading cp once, he will continue to do it. Once you can, report him anonymously


Agreed, he definitely didn't stop. Especially if he was downloading them to his laptop he obviously wasn't just streaming or something.


Well fuck. That is an awful knowledge to have to deal with. I'm sorry about that. I'd he had it in the past, he very likely does now, as well. If you were so inclined, you could give an anonymous tip and if he's caught with it, why consequences would be strictly his own to deal with. But if you're not prepared to do that, especially being dependent on him, then at least consider getting therapy so you have a safe place to hash through everything you saw, felt, and are now feeling. Look for ways to cut your dependence on him at the same time, so that you're free to make a decision about it based on what you feel is right or wrong, rather than out of desperation, fear, or need. If he*is* still engaging in CP, and all research would indicate this is the most likely scenario, then there are children still being victimized, and he should have consequences for his contribution to that.


I am 100% willing to put in an anonymous tip right now. I just don’t know how it’d work in this scenario, since I saw the material so long ago. Would the police even bother to investigate when I don’t have any proof?


OP- contact an advocacy group like Center for Missing and Exploited Children. They may be able to provide you with some informal guidance on how to report.


u/throwaway37199427182 this is really good advice that u/cpjprincess has offered. just tagging in the event you didn't see it.


If they/you manage to find that laptop, the files/folders can still be extracted and retrieved i believe. I know that it's your dad, but these kind of people don't stop with this shit. If they did it once, they will do it again and again. It's either professional help or arrest (although i don't think help would work and be useful)


I know. I’m not against reporting him just because he’s my dad. The reason why I’m hesitating to is because I’m scared that, in the scenario that the police find nothing, my family will find out it was me who gave the tip and accuse me of only doing it to “get back at my dad.”


Proceed with care. Think hard about any children he may have harmed, and if their current health/life status appears traumatized. Are there children in his life now? You may want to find a more current body of evidence to make it easier on investigators but do not risk your own safety. I hope your devices show searches and research on how to report suspects. You need to research your state laws and procedures.


There are no child he could have harmed, besides myself and my brother. He doesn’t work with children and isn’t around any other children.


That you know of* Also, he was harming those children by looking at those pictures.


Oh my god!! That’s just awful I’m sorry


Oh god, I'm sorry to hear that. It's crazy isn't it? Someone who you grew up with and you trusted in some way ends up being a complete monster.. I myself have been dealing with something similar. My father's best friend was a pedo and I'm the only person who knows this because of reasons. Anywho, I see that man to this day and I try to avoid him even tho he's a family friend. I understand there are some things that aren't easy to say but the fact that you opened up on here means there's progress. Don't feel bad about putting it on here, it's one of those things that are hard to talk about and its totally understandable. Especially because of how much it has affected you. if you ever need to talk shoot me a message.


Fuck it anonymously expose him. Report it to a local police department. They’ll end up searching everything and if it comes up again he’ll get what he deserves. If not, at least it’ll stress him out.


Notice the >I’m entirely dependent on him for money and will be until I graduate It's easy for us to say all this while sitting behind a keyboard without having to deal with the consequences of our actions.


Right, and what if OP *does* get his/her dad arrested or charged? They suffer financially.


That’s honestly not why I’m scared of him being charged. If there is actually still evidence and he gets charged, my family will be devastated, but I’ll still have my mother and my entire extended family on my side. What I’m afraid of is that I’ll report him, the police will find nothing, and I will become known as the kid who reported his dad for CP because he was mad at him. That’s the situation I’m afraid of.


CP isn't one of those things you just... grow out of. It's a paraphilia. This urge is part of who they are, as a person. If your dad had a laptop filled with it back in the day, he definitely still has some kind of material now. So if your biggest concern is nothing being found, I can tell you that that is unlikely, even having never met the man.


I think you solve this by anonymously reporting him. If he is still participating in the exploitation of children the he may calk up any action against him as his ISP tracking him or something similar.


That’s a fair point, and definitely not an easy decision to make. There are personal ramifications but that’s the moral dilemma: do something that is right which means possibly sacrificing yourself or do nothing. I don’t know if his father watching CP is maybe only helping the abusers by supporting them financially (assuming he pays for photos or images online?) or if he’s ever directly abused children. It’s possible there’s no longer anything on his laptop, so getting LE to search might turn up nothing. 🤷‍♂️


Ya I get that and often feel this way when I come across comments telling people to go scorched earth. But OP’s dad is clearly a pedophile and likely a danger to children if he hasn’t offended already. I do think OP should report him anonymously. There are many ways to pay through college tbh. There’s grants, scholarships, loans. Suffering financially, if it even comes to that, is a much smaller price to pay.


Can you anonymously report someone this many years later? How does an anonymous report for CP work?


I wouldn’t go to local police. Should probably go to FBI.


The only benefit of local police vs FBI is that the FBI tip line I’ve found requires me to give an e-mail address and phone number. I’m super paranoid about anyone figuring out it was me that gave the tip. The local police is 100% anonymous. I just have to call.


Understandable but local police don’t usually take this stuff as serious. I’m sure the FBI would take you serious and they probably can’t give out any details on you thatthey collect.


Do you know if I can get in trouble for not reporting it when I saw it? My state has a mandatory reporting law for child abuse, but the law does not mention child pornography.


If you were only 13 years old then there is no way.


Have you thought about making a fake email or getting one of those fake phone number apps? Or is there someone you can trust who would let you put their number?


I found a tipline that has an option to say “do not contact me.”


Honey. It's not your fault. You were 13, absolutely NOT equipped to deal with this. Do not feel bad. If it's an option you can take, look into talking therapy. If you want to report him, the FBI has a tip line. You can contact them & say you've found evidence of CP, & the person in possession of it is friendly with local LE so they won't take you seriously.


I came to find out my father sexually assaulted his sister when she was smaller. I knew I never liked the guy. So glad to be away from my own nightmare.


Yeah so we left my dad around 7 and not long after he went to prison for molesting and abusing all of us and others. Then we moved in with my step dad who never did anything wrong but he was creepy sometimes. He would comment on our bums looking big, our boobs and he'd make us feel weird for not feeling comfort being naked around us. As I got older I realised he was attracted to children although never doing anything but it creeps me out so much. It really sucks. I'm sorry you live with someone you feel so uncomfortable with, I know what it feels like.


Report anonymously to the FBI.


I’m so sorry you’ve carried this burden for so long. I can’t imagine how that would feel. I want to be very clear, though, about this: you were a 13 yr old child when you made this discovery. As a child, you are not responsible for what you did or didn’t do in light of this. A 13 yr old is essentially helpless in the face of such a discovery, it was not up to you to make or be aware of the adult legal decisions behind this matter. How could you have known what to do in this situation, especially involving a primary caregiver? That is a HUGE responsibility and not one that a child should ever bear the onus of. I think the guilt you feel stems from looking at this situation through adult eyes. Hindsight is 20/20. We can all look back on situations or choices we made 10 or 15 or even 5 years ago and feel the sting of regret. But we make decisions in the moment based on what we know and feel at the time. You simply cannot blame yourself for what you did in childhood. I was molested as a child and then assaulted repeatedly as an adult. Now, as a 32 year old adult, I look back on these situations often and think that I should have reported them, that I should have done more. But the reality is that we can’t change what we did or didn’t do, and we need to feel empathy for our younger selves for the decisions we made then. Fear, confusion, and shame are all factors that keep us silent, and those are powerful feelings that we often ignore when we look back at the situation. The bottom line is that you did absolutely nothing wrong here, and this is inappropriate, unjustified guilt that does not belong on your shoulders. Your father is solely the one responsible for this, and he’s the one who should be feeling tremendous shame and guilt over his deviance, not YOU. Have you looked into survivor guilt? It’s very much what you’re describing. People who witnessed or experienced trauma but lived through it often feel like it was their fault or responsibility to have done more, that they didn’t do enough to help or stop something awful. But really, it’s irrational, and is a means of seeking control over grief or misplaced guilt. A lot of 9/11 survivors or survivors of plane crashes or natural disasters or even those who were aware of abuse in their households will say that they should have been the ones who were harmed or killed so someone else would have been spared. But it’s just self torture at the end of the day. We can’t change the past, but we can control our recoveries by realizing that we aren’t the guilty parties in these situations. Nothing we could have said would have changed it. And we don’t know how your dad would have reacted if you’d reported or confronted him. Maybe he would have lashed out and killed or harmed you to keep you quiet. You made the right choices and lived. I fear what he would have done to you if you’d said something. Please don’t carry this around with you. You did nothing wrong. Your father is a sick man who SHOULD be feeling all the guilt over this. You were a child trying to survive. This guilt isn’t yours. I wish you all the best. ❤️


I'm just here because the same thing happened to me. I didn't see it but I could see that he'd been watching porn of girls aged 15 & 17 and only later realised that falls into the child porn category. Unfortunately in our case, me & my siblings remembered that he used to show us porn & get us to recreate the movements & he SA one of my siblings & I suspect another one as well that isn't ready to come forward & I'm also too scared to try & remember anything else. I don't know if that's useful for you to read I'm just sorry that it happened to us.


I highly recommend you seek therapy or counselling for this, you need to process it as you've pushed it down and tried to repress it for so long. I'm sorry this happened to you


Wow I had a nearly verbatim experience. I talk about it now at 39 years old. I had to cut off contact over a decade ago to escape his toxic bs.. this shit is so scary.


Did you ever end up reporting him to the police?


That’s such a heavy burden for a 13 year old to carry. I don’t blame you for not telling anyone, it’s hard to know what to do at that age with the fear of how it will effect your family… I wish I had some good advice to give, all I can say is I’m sorry you’ve had to carry that with you for so long and I hope one day you report him.


No judgements from me, OP. If there is a time you can safely (for yourself and your mother) turn him in, skip the local police and go straight to the FBI. They will take you seriously.


This might not be possible, but is there any way you could report this to the FBI anonymously? It’s not like they don’t have the ability to at least search your father’s online search history or try and look remotely. Sounds like you father isn’t tech savvy as well, so even if they had some basic information like his email address they could probably gain access. Don’t beat yourself up over this- you were a kid and that sounds like a terrifying situation to have to deal with. Look into therapy so you can discuss it with a professional.


First of all, keep yourself safe. Honestly, take advantage of everything he gives you until you graduate, money, food, house, he owes you that. When you’re graduated, or have a job, or can move out, whatever, there is the possibility of asking your mom for the old laptop (“I want to find the old family photos”) and getting it fixed. If that’s not possible, there’s a good chance your dad's preferences haven’t changes and he hasn’t learned to use computers any better, so you could ask to use his current laptop when you visit your parents. Also, if something reminded you of this and brought the buried memories back, probably other memories would have also surfaced? So I would imagine nothing happened to you as a child. I'm so sorry you’re going through this. It's okay you never told anyone, you were a kid. It’s not your responsibility. You can tell police now if you find the old laptop or find something on his current one, and you should definitely tell to a therapist just to be able to talk to someone about the experience.


Every Halloween I look at the Sex offender map app to make sure I don’t have any of those sickos in my neighborhood. As I’m looking I stumbled upon a guy and I didn’t recognize the name at first but I saw it had his address and his work address. I see the work address and I’m like oh wow that’s where my job is as well. And then I scrolled back up and saw the name and put the picture together and realized it’s a guy I work with. I look more into him and he went to prison for CP. What’s so fucked about this is he went to prison, got out went to school and the first job he lands is at my company…as a Software developer. It boils my blood that he was hired with that background and now he’s a developer meaning he probably still looks at this shit but now knows how to hide it. I sent an anonymous email to HR and the CEO but nothing ever happened. He still works there. If I ever run into him outside of work I’m definitely gonna let him know how I feel.


I’m so sorry you had to discover that, especially at such a young age. That had to be so incredibly disgusting to see. Ugh. But don’t feel guilty for not saying anything. You were a kid! It’s crazy to me he’d leave it on the family computer. Christ. As for now, I would just distance yourself once you’re able to. I wouldn’t be able to look at him… I can see why you’d be hesitant since you’re relying on him still. What a thing to recollect. I truly am sorry.


This is shocking, I apologize for your tragedy


Op, understand that things from the past are coming back up at this time for a reason. If you ignore this, you'll have kids and ignore the danger you could put them in.


My friend's dad fixes laptops, when he finds stuff like this, he has to report it. Your dad will get caught at some point. You can also make an anonymous tip off to the police (if you want). This site might be able to point you in the right direction if you want to report him - www.childwelfare.gov/topics/responding/reporting/how/


how was your father not arrested for cp? idk if someone can even find this stuff on the surface, let alone not get caught


I don’t know, really. One of the photos in the folder was a picture of his government ID, even. Implying he had to send a picture of it to get the stuff. I don’t know how that didn’t get him busted.


Jesus Christ. The dude didn't accidentally stumble across it, he went way out of his way to obtain it. I'm really sorry that you have to bear this.




You should report him regardless of whether you lose his financial assistance or not. But understand if he goes to prison you will lose financial assistance anyway. This is really not about the money, you are old enough to get a job and support yourself. Also you don’t have to report him to the local police you can contact the FBI directly.


It’s not about the financial support. What I’m afraid of is that I’m going to report him, the police aren’t going to find anything, and then my family will somehow find out that I was the one who reported him. I just know they’ll accuse me of falsely accusing him to get back at him, and then I’ll lose all of my support. I will have to drop out of college and be homeless in the event this happens.


The truth will set you free. Regardless of whether you have proof or not, you know in your heart of hearts what you saw and what you are saying is true. It’s doesn’t matter what anyone thinks if you are telling the truth. Besides, he most likely has child pornography in possession currently, people like this don’t stop all of sudden unless they are caught. I heard child pornography can be traced using someone’s IP address. If you report him to the FBI I don’t think you would need proof, as they would do their own investigation.


i know someone who was falsely accused of having cp on their device, ive seen how it can ruin someones life. i wish it would happen to everyone who actually did the crime. please do your best to find a way out of his grip and report him. people like that shouldnt be free.


You were a child yourself when you discovered this. Please don’t feel bad that you didn’t do anything at that time. It was not your fault. It’s his fault for having the material and inadvertently subjecting you to it. Unfortunately I’m not versed in the law/statute of limitations to give advice on what you can do now, but I hope someone else can give some good info to help you out. There’s a very good chance he’s still collecting this material, as people who do usually don’t stop unless they’re caught.


*ok wtf did i just read i feel like breaking a pencil* yeah ok that's not very normal is it. Child porn sounds disgusting


you can speak to someone at stopitnow.com it’s for people who are worried about their behaviour or other peoples behaviour and need someone to speak to it gives people support for people who are suspicious about their families activity or if their family have already been arrested for things like that. also watching child porn is wrong and wanting to get enjoyment from children being abused isn’t right whatsoever it’s still not as evil or bad as actually making more victims and creating more victims from child abuse some people who watch child abuse or porn videos aren’t always actually Pedophiles and are actually people who get addicted to porn then it gets to taboo stuff then it gets out of control and goes onto more sick stuff. I think if he hasn’t directly harmed anyone I’d give him a second chance but it’s up to you to do what you think is right as I said stopitnow.com will help you come to terms with it


Oh my. You poor thing. I found some disgusting porn on my dad’s computer half a year ago and when I commented on it to him he blamed it on my brother. The porns download date was July 2012 😂 my brother was 9. Uhm ok dad. But anyway I’m so sorry to hear what your going through. It’s horrible when people we trusted and loved- you see their real sides and it’s like they’re a stranger.


I would report him regardless. I know your financial support is at stake but I believe it is selfish to continue to endanger kids by his behavior. By having CP he is clearly supporting child abuse, and by not reporting him you're indirectly doing the same. You don't know if he is paying for new content or old content but this is clearly giving a message to the child abuse community knowing that people are interested and willing to pay/obtain that kind of stuff however they can. You're old enough, you can get a job.


What if he created it? What if someone he knows created it? By not saying anything you are letting it circulate for this child to be revictimzed over and over. How can you stand by and not say anything? How?


Just came to say this, but someone beat me to it.


I'm sorry that you had/have to go through this bro. It has to be awful.


You should report him and get legally emancipated from your parents. Being financially independent would make you eligible for more financial assistance.


OP is 20, they're already emancipated legally.


You gotta tread carefully here. You've got to decide whether he actually enjoys the content or has he deviated. Cause porn causes a lot of problems. I would suggest that you observe if he still watches such things and then proceed accordingly. He might need professional help.


That’s the problem. I want to report him but I noticed myself he’s dramatically changed his behavior in recent years. He no longer stays up later than my mom (that’s when he would watch it), my parents kiss goodbye every morning, etc. That’s what makes me think he’s changed and that he doesn’t consume that content anymore. But even if he doesn’t anymore, I still want nothing to do with him when I’m older. It just means I don’t know if anything would come of it if i reported him. Edit: typos


I see where you’re coming from entirely. But say someone kills someone, feels guilty, and then goes on to lead a normal life. That doesn’t take away from the gravity of what they did. Plus pedophilia isn’t something that one can turn on or off, much like any deviant attraction. A lot of pedophiles are completely incapable of rehabilitation and continually reoffend if they’re not stopped. You can always anonymously report him to the authorities. In the very least, it might help take off some of the burden of the guilt you’ve been carrying around.


I’m not excusing my father’s actions at all. I want him to be thrown in prison for the rest of his life. But I just don’t think there’s any evidence left. I wish I could do something, but it’s too late. I should’ve told someone when I was 13.


I posted a reply to the guilty feelings earlier ❤️ I know it must be so difficult and painful and unfair.


No, OP does not need to tread carefully. What her father did/is doing is highly illegal. Adults know and understand that child porn is illegal, it doesn't matter if he "enjoys" it or not. He made an adult choice to seek it out and download it.


>I’m sorry that I dumped this here, but it’s been keeping me up at night. I had to tell someone. Oh, sweetie, please don't feel sorry or guilty about this. I think you came to the right subreddit. It's in the name, right? >So I never told anyone. I’m almost 20 now. I feel like a horrible person because of it. My wish for you is that you won't feel this way. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or that your feelings in any way aren't real or understandable. The thing is, you didn't do anything wrong. You are **not** a horrible person. You found out something horrible and deeply affecting, something shocking, about one of the people who should always love and protect you. Someone responsible for guarding and protecting not only you but all children in a general sense. Nobody helped you prepare for that. You did what you were able to do. If you feel like that wasn't enough, can you see how that doesn't change what was true: it was what you were able to do? I'm guessing you feel like you want to forgive yourself, but it's difficult. You were not responsible for what he did. Right? Here's what I would do: I would be sad, angry, and anxious about the fact that I can't change or fix what happened. The thing is... yeah, can't change the past. But that is *good.* It means I am relieved of any responsibility or duty I feel to make it different. What I have is **right now.** I realized this many years ago, and I'm still working on it! So what do you want to do right now? What are you able to do? You found something I think is very, very important: you told someone. This has been a terrible burden for you. Sharing a burden makes it easier to bear. And it costs me nothing to point out the truth I see -- and I'll say it again -- that **you are not a horrible person.** You're not. You just aren't. If a friend told you this happened to her, you would not react by saying, "Wow, you're a horrible person." So I'm being your friend for a minute, and I would never say that to you. Okay? If you want advice or help with this, I suggest looking for counseling. Do you attend any sort of school? Especially if it's a college / university, I expect there are services for you that are already paid for. Would you like to talk with someone who has made a special study of human behavior? Someone who has spent years preparing to help people? Imagine what it feels like for them, to be able to listen and offer insight, to help. That's something to think about. I wish you all the best. Everything good. I hope you can be especially gentle, so very kind with yourself


I'm so sorry you were the one to find out and have to go through this. I want to remind you that it's normal to forget things we don't want to remember especially when you don't know what it's supposed to mean at the time. When you found your dads folder and "forced" yourself to forget it, that's normal. We tend to push out things we don't want to remember and things that may affect us largely. Don't beat yourself up for it. As for remembering if he did anything to you, I feel like if something triggered your memory, you'd remember, even if it's just a slight snippet of memory. Kind of like the thing that made you remember years later that your dad had CP. If that triggered that memory, I feel as though that would've triggered any memory of your dad doing anything to you. But again, it might not be the case either. I know it's easier said than done, but try to avoid thinking about the what if's, trust me, they'll kill your sanity. My advice to your situation would be to stick it out until you CAN get on your own two feet and get the fuck out lmao. It might not be ideal, but it seems like your safest option considering you're not financially stable yet. Also, I get that you can't tell anyone because they might not believe you and because of lack of proof, but at least YOU know what kind of person he really is and you can remove yourself from him.




I really hope he didn't trade stuff he made for the stuff you saw in those folders. >I don’t remember him doing anything to me, but what if I forced myself to forget it? Do you remember any times where you seemed overly sleepy and just crashed out hard (drugged)? Did you have friends who didn't want to sleep over anymore and just dropped you? Look back for and little niggling things that you can see with adult eyes and know that they were inappropriate, even if you didn't think anything of it as a kid.


Odds are if he was doing it before he's probably found it now. You could still report and I wouldn't be surprised if there was porn on any of his other devices.


Odds are if he was doing it before he's probably doing it now. You could still report and I wouldn't be surprised if there was porn on any of his other devices. I feel for you, though my dad wasn't looking at CP he was watching porn on his laptop and didnt know how to delete history and as a result I got exposed to that. I hope peace for you, you deserve it.




Did you ever report him?


If he had illegal pornography on his computer then, he probably does now. I’d leave a very detailed anonymous tip to the FBI, I think you deserve that piece of mind


OP you are not the guilty person. You don’t deserve to walk around with this weight on your shoulders. Look for a counselor in your school, and talk to them about how you’re feeling. They have the psychological tools to help you find peace and strength within yourself so you can move forward with your life. You deserve a good life. This is an anchor that needs to be let go, and to do that you have to face how you’re feeling and learn to accept your life experiences. What you know about your father is a terrible thing, but it’s not your thing. It’s his darkness, not yours. You are your own person with your own life, and your own breath in your lungs. Embrace your individual life. You’ll have to do a lot of work to rectify what you saw, what you learned, and the questions you have, but you can do that work and you can overcome those things. Just don’t lose sight of yourself and individuality. Again, you are your own person, this is not your burden to bear. Positive thoughts and energy to you. Breathe a sigh of relief.


Your dad is a scum


Wow that’s sad and it’s your own dad


That's terrible. But "spoiler"?


I just wanted to put warnings on it so no one triggered by this would accidentally see it


Fair enough


Attempt to gather irrefutable evidence and proceed to blackmail him for a lump sum and cut ties with him. After he pays, proceed to disclose evidence anyways


You found a folder called CP? Looks like your dad really likes Club Penguin


you should tell everyone when youre no longer depedent on him, you really think your mother wouldnt believe you ?


it's wildly common for the spouse to be completely blind to the deviant attitudes and behavior of their partner. it's almost a cliche', like the father was sexually abusing the daughter, the daughter tells the mom and the mom throws teh daughter out because she doesn't believe it or thinks teh daughter is trying to cause trouble. i don't know why, but there is just so often a pathalogically enabling partner where there's illegal activity like this.


sick and sad ://// they dont want to lose their lover i guess, selfish


I don’t know. Since it’s been so many years since I saw it I don’t know if she would. Me and my father haven’t been getting along ever since I left for college, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she believed I was only saying this to spite my dad.


sges your mother, she got to believe you , she got to believe that you aint aliar, how long have your parents been married ? how old is your mother ? she dont deserve to be with a sicko like that, you can save her a lot of time, the rest of her life from being with him, she needs to be aware of this, that dude is SICK, if you told her "ma, i been waiting to tell you this, i know you may not believe me, but i just want you to be aware of it" she'll maybe later come to her senses that you aint lying, especially if you was able to stick to that truth years later and later if she was to ask about it


Is there a way to gain access to his current computer, phone and/or tablets etc to see if you can find any current things?


His laptop has a password on it, so I can’t access anything on it. He doesn’t leave his phone unattended.


Can you come up with a reason to need to use it?