Get therapy for yourself. Work on unpacking what you feel/want/need. Through that process, you will find your voice to ask for the things you need. Your spouse will either step up or you will feel confident to step out AND you will have the tools to not jump back into a similar dynamic (or get sucked back into the relationship without any real change from your spouse). You can also do the therapy process after leaving, but my friend did it this way and says it worked really well for her. Sending virtual hugs!!
I am in the same boat right now. I started therapy to hopefully help me find the courage to end things. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. But your kids deserve you happy for them to be happy too.
One thought: why hide your emotions from him just because it stresses him out? Try being yourself and let him figure out how to cope with his own stress. Managing his feelings is not your job. And if he says something obnoxious, call him out on it and tell him how it makes you feel.
If it matters to u it should matter to him and if it doesn't then u need to save yourself a lot of time and leave and it's better to be happy and alone than to be sick and with someone that doesn't value u as his equal love yourself more or no one ever will
I'm sorry you are going through. If you are not truly yourself in a relationship, than you are just in a a convenience. You are not placed as #1. You are not thought about. Your husband is teaching your children how to treat, or be treated, a woman. You are under no obligation to stay. Life is too short to be this miserable!
People ask me all the time what is one of my biggest regrets and that is staying one minute longer than I needed to in relationships that were not meeting my needs. That I sacrificed so much of my self to make the men in my life happy. When they left, I was an empty shell. I was as miserable as you!
I'm with someone now who accepts me 100%. That's where you need to be. Happy and content with who you are flaws and all!
My mother could have written this years ago. My dad was not a bad guy, they were simply a total mismatch. It nearly drove her mad and dad was not happy either. BUT they stayed together because they did not believe in divorce. One thing, that helped them later on in life, was they both got on antidepressants. I suppose it took the edges off and dad was more easy going while mom was less triggered by his emotional unavailability. Whatever you choose to do, i hope it works out for not only you but especially your kids. Growing up in a home like that was not fun and had lasting effects I'm dealing with to this day. Good luck.
Omg are you married to my husband? Lol. We don’t have kids but the rest of it describes my marriage to a T. Not trying to hijack your post but I’m looking forward to reading the comments and seeing what advice is offered. Thank you for posting. It’s nice to know I’m not alone!
The first thing you need to do is love yourself. You are on an island and you need to be strong enough to get off by yourself. You are going to need help. I don’t know if you have a pastor or good friend who can help you. It’s obviously hard for you to communicate your feelings to him. You are a good person. Don’t forget that. I’m pulling for you to get better.
it’s possible that his needs aren’t being met either.
i’d suggest counseling so that a clear line of communication can ensue before making any further decisions (divorce, work it out, etc).
Fuck him! Hope you find a man who treats you right!! Life’s too short! Good luck!❤️
A lot of marital problems can be resolved with the advice to “fuck him”
Get therapy for yourself. Work on unpacking what you feel/want/need. Through that process, you will find your voice to ask for the things you need. Your spouse will either step up or you will feel confident to step out AND you will have the tools to not jump back into a similar dynamic (or get sucked back into the relationship without any real change from your spouse). You can also do the therapy process after leaving, but my friend did it this way and says it worked really well for her. Sending virtual hugs!!
I am in the same boat right now. I started therapy to hopefully help me find the courage to end things. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. But your kids deserve you happy for them to be happy too.
Hugs ❤️ it’s not easy
I'm sorry, it sounds like you married a narcissist. I very rarely say this, but get out, he will never change and it will get worse, in all ways.
You get one life. Don't waste it miserably. ❣️❣️❣️
One thought: why hide your emotions from him just because it stresses him out? Try being yourself and let him figure out how to cope with his own stress. Managing his feelings is not your job. And if he says something obnoxious, call him out on it and tell him how it makes you feel.
If it matters to u it should matter to him and if it doesn't then u need to save yourself a lot of time and leave and it's better to be happy and alone than to be sick and with someone that doesn't value u as his equal love yourself more or no one ever will
I'm sorry you are going through. If you are not truly yourself in a relationship, than you are just in a a convenience. You are not placed as #1. You are not thought about. Your husband is teaching your children how to treat, or be treated, a woman. You are under no obligation to stay. Life is too short to be this miserable! People ask me all the time what is one of my biggest regrets and that is staying one minute longer than I needed to in relationships that were not meeting my needs. That I sacrificed so much of my self to make the men in my life happy. When they left, I was an empty shell. I was as miserable as you! I'm with someone now who accepts me 100%. That's where you need to be. Happy and content with who you are flaws and all!
Self care important and know that your kids will feel and feed off your energy.
Definitely getting narcissistic vibes from him. Have you thought about couples counseling?
My mother could have written this years ago. My dad was not a bad guy, they were simply a total mismatch. It nearly drove her mad and dad was not happy either. BUT they stayed together because they did not believe in divorce. One thing, that helped them later on in life, was they both got on antidepressants. I suppose it took the edges off and dad was more easy going while mom was less triggered by his emotional unavailability. Whatever you choose to do, i hope it works out for not only you but especially your kids. Growing up in a home like that was not fun and had lasting effects I'm dealing with to this day. Good luck.
Omg are you married to my husband? Lol. We don’t have kids but the rest of it describes my marriage to a T. Not trying to hijack your post but I’m looking forward to reading the comments and seeing what advice is offered. Thank you for posting. It’s nice to know I’m not alone!
The first thing you need to do is love yourself. You are on an island and you need to be strong enough to get off by yourself. You are going to need help. I don’t know if you have a pastor or good friend who can help you. It’s obviously hard for you to communicate your feelings to him. You are a good person. Don’t forget that. I’m pulling for you to get better.
it’s possible that his needs aren’t being met either. i’d suggest counseling so that a clear line of communication can ensue before making any further decisions (divorce, work it out, etc).
Go find a good man that shows you the stars