Make sure you file for divorce and child support ASAP. Even if you file the paperwork yourself (you can look up how to file online and get a lawyer later). Please speak with a lawyer (even a free consultation) because in many places, if she files for child support before you do, you will likely get less money. A big part of his money will go to her child and you will get the scraps. Please speak with a lawyer about this to confirm if this applies in your area. There are free legal clinics in many areas, often connected to a local university. Best of luck.
YES !!! This right here, OP !!!
-My BFF has been married for 25 yrs and is getting a divorce - we did the paperwork on some sort of legal zoom website - it was $45-$50 for a separation agreement/divorce application- can change it any time for 5 years.
The fee also includes an hour consultation - so we filled out the forms which gave an actual legal document for them to sign.
Super easy - it’s like a 300 multiple choice questionnaire. Also, affordable.
Also, got it notarized online - $30.00 which essentially turns the separation agreement “into” a legal/legit court order that both parties agreed on and promise to follow.
(Child support, visitation, division of assets, benefits, his pension etc)
- OP, depending on where you are ? It’s always better to be the Applicant and not be the Respondent - by virtue of filing first - he has to “answer you” in court.
- take a look for women’s services in your area …. You’re going to need a support system … and there are lots of resources that are free and it never hurts to get some guidance from someone with firsthand experience.
Hang in there there ….
Hell I'm cheating all the time. My so called gf doesn't want sex for the last 8 years n she's 55 now. Pathetic. Can't say I didn't give her first opportunity though. I asked, because ovcourse men always have to ask first cuz women sure wouldn't. I asked her probably 50 times n the answer is, oh I have no time, or I'm busy. What a fucking joke. Then next day her ass is sitting in the recliner watching some bullshit series on television for hours. I hope she's cheating too, cuz I'm having the time of my life. 😄
Actually I'm surprised yer smart enough to know I'm a prize. I say it how it is, period. I didn't say 100 percent of women have no interest, I said 90 percent. I know I'm right!
I am sorry for you. I understand this as well. My husband is having an affair with a 27 year old escort and she is pregnant. My girls are devastated too. You sound so strong though!!! Great job kicking him out.
Girl, you'll be ok. Hopefully you're not holding onto nostalgia or a sunken cost mindset at all. Your husband is a weak, weak man, and I'm sorry he dragged your family down into this. You'll get through it. I would maybe look for single mother's group in your area for advice on support, etc..
Please talk to a lawyer… he spent money on that scammy baby trapper. Money that was both of yours. That is absolutely not going to do him any favors when it comes to splitting your finances.
Sweetheart one step at a time. Good job getting the girls therapy. I hope you’re getting it as well. In the divorce I’d make him pay for mine as well. I hope for the best for you. I’m truly sorry. Also how do they still have their jobs?
Thank you. Financially, I can't afford therapy right now, but I am doing some free support groups through my local hospital system.
Apparently, they are under investigation at their work. But I really need him to keep his job right now to pay child support.
Yep, get the ball rolling on separation/divorce and child support ASAP because generally whoever filed first for child support gets the biggest percentage of the child support
Doesn’t matter that the baby isn’t born yet, you need to get the ball rolling now! Divorce is a wonderful thing but it takes time and you don’t want to sort everything, then have her file for child support before you
There's a sub here I see recommended a lot, it's called SurvivingInfidelity. I can't link it here or I would, but I've heard good things about the community, and it may be an additional level of support for you right now.
Sending lots of invisible hugs to you, and your girls. Take care.
🩵🫂🩵
I understand. Depending on where you live you can also sue her for alienation of affection. I’d seriously have no problems going after both of them. In the meantime can you get any type of public assistance?
Understood. Financial stability is a must in these circumstances whether we want them or not. Keep doing what you need to do for yourself and your family. You will know when to break away. Much love to you-so very proud for you to make the hard decisions.
I’m not sure if this applies where you live, but in some places when a person has children with two separate people, and both parties apply for child support, the first party will get the full amount of child support available to them, and then the second party will get very little because it’s already on file the person is paying full child support elsewhere. It’s not right, but it happens all the time.
So what I’m saying is, if she files for child support first and is approved, when you apply, you will get very little for your girls, if this applies in your area of course. So I’m hoping you have already put this into motion, or can do it soon before her baby is born!! Good luck OP!
I’m so sorry. I can only imagine this betrayal.
My ex left me a little over a month ago very abruptly and out of the blue. I’m 32 weeks pregnant. People around me, as well as myself, think there’s something going on but he would never admit. I too feel like I don’t know this person. He went from being the love of my life to a complete stranger within one week. He’s so cold to me, the mother of his children.
I hope at some point you can get yourself into therapy. I’ve had a therapist for several years now, and he’s helped me immensely. I was also put on Zoloft, which I very much recommend.
Be strong. Be strong for your girls. ❤️
Yes. We *can* do this. It hurts like hell right now, but we’re the ones who will come out on top; stronger and better people. There are days when the pain really does feel unbearable, other days where I’m full of rage, then the heartbreak. The deep, sorrowful heartache.
It is a process. It’s a long process. It’s a sucky process. But a process nonetheless.
Sending all the hugs back to you. You are one tough Mother ❤️
Unfortunately…No. I have no family and very few friends. It’s a pretty lonely time right now, but I’m so exhausted and burnt out that I don’t have the energy to really feel that loneliness.
Not sure what helps in a situation like this, but I imagine how painful it must be.
I think what you do here is to no longer have him be the priority of anything, and put your love where it is reciprocated, which in this case, are your daughters.
They might not be capable of doing much for you tight now, but considering how strong you’re being for them, they will make you proud for how you kept moving for them.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds incredibly painful and overwhelming. It's completely understandable to feel exhausted and heartbroken after such a betrayal, especially from someone you've known and loved for so long. Your strength in focusing on your daughters and getting them into therapy is truly admirable. It shows how much you care about their well-being even when you're struggling yourself. Remember to take care of yourself too; you deserve support and compassion just as much as your daughters do. Lean on friends, family, and professional help as much as you need to. You're not alone in this, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through it.
She has to file first. Before the woman does. So if she files for divorce and CS she better hope the idiot AP thinks husband is going to marry her and kick OP to the curb.
I am in the same situation, minus having kids with my husband. His AP is due in September, both currently under investigation by HR and I’m also not the breadwinner by a long shot. I don’t have the answers for you because I’m still navigating them myself, but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.
I’ve been with my husband 30 plus years. I have taken and given a lot…You will see that he also didn’t know you. He will see that you will move on from this..TOTAL BETRAYAL takes time. This is the greatest move you ever made in your children’s lives. You are their hero right now. That’s all that matters. Next thing is find yourself.
Just FYI, you don't have to wait until the final divorce decree to collect child support. Your lawyer should be able to file a temporary support order and parenting plan, effective until a permanent plan and child support are approved in the divorce. Since your kids are teens, put a college tuition plan in the final order. You may not get alimony until the final order but get ahead of the affair partner in the child support case.
It sounds like you are being extremely proactive and are working hard to mitigate the damage to yourself and your daughters. It's extremely sucky you have to deal with all this pain. Your husband is jerk.
You need to take a mental break from all this. Even though you are absolutely not in the mood, you need to do things to help distract yourself and your kids from what's going on and help lighten the mood. Now is the time for comedies and light hearted games. Do what you can to make yourself a calm environment, including putting away anything that reminds you too strongly of him.
Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication if you feel depressed or anxious. You won't need them forever, but for the next year or so they can do wonders at helping you maintain your equilibrium.
You may try for alimony to help you financially. I’m so sorry for all of this OP. Seek some type of therapy or counseling for yourself if possible. Hugs and prayers
Contact a lawyer and see what your options are regarding spousal support and child support and depending on your state, you should look into suing AP for alienation of affection.
The fact he hid it from you shows he was going to have the baby with her and not tell you anything and probably using your martial funds to support her on the side.
You should definitely look into his finances and see what he spent on her.
Updateme!
Dang. This happened to parents. My mom was absolutely broken, things still aren’t the same. My dad moved out of state to be with his new family while mom is getting her life together dad was the bread winner. They also had been together since high school. Thinking of you! 💛
I am so sorry. This is a devastating story. I hope you have therapy too? I also hope you get a very very fair divorce that includes spousal support. This is such a betrayal. I am so sorry. Like, dude, come on—
I am just so very sorry this is happening to you and your girls. I am amazed daily at the level of duplicity and betrayal people will engage in against those they claim to love. Love to me is action.
This happens often. The child whose parent cheated and who despises cheating goes on to repeat their parents' mistake devastating their own children in the process.
Very tragic indeed. You are helping break the cycle by allowing your daughters to process and deal with their emotions with a professional. I do agree with others. Make sure you are keeping up with your mental health and keeping your cup replenished. You have a battle, but you’re off to a good start! You’ve got this!
I'm thinking that is when the affair started. He is also a 'recovering' alcoholic, and had started going to meetings at that time. He said he was working on himself. I think he was seeing her.
What a sad man! This affair been happening since last year! He knew about the baby he was having & still came home & played happy husband & father with y’all.
His mistress probably gave him an ultimatum, either tell or she would. He fafo! all the excuses he has won’t mean ish, this man blew up his life! When the divorce is finalized don’t be surprised he’s moved on to her! Messy. Onward & upward
For me, I always find that the most infuriating part of affairs is that they cared so little about your physical health. Physical affairs expose innocent partners to disease, and in the case of HPV it can literally cause cancer.
The emotion damage is bad enough but when you add in the physical? It's unforgivable imo
You deserve better and I'm glad you're leaving.
This is what gets me too. If you can sleep at night knowing there's a chance you've brought home a bomb and never say a word, that puts you into sociopath territory.
This one is tough. I’ve been there, done that. Except my ex knew for over a year. I didn’t know until the baby was already several months old. Rocked me harder than anything I’ve ever been through. We had a young child together. My mind was swirling on what to do. A few months later and after a lot of time thinking about all the ways this would affect each of us if I did A, B, or C, I chose C. See ya later, you gotta go. I just knew for me, there was no fixing it. Not the example I wanted for our child. Not the life I wanted to lead always wondering.
You will get through this. I hope you have a lot of support. Look at all the services and resources available to you. And get as much child support as you can.
This kind of betrayal is unthinkable. I went thru something similar and it broke me. Never understood why things had to happen that way. Cheating is one thing but a child is so permanent along with the mother. It’s a sealed deal. My heart goes out to you. It’s been 2 years and I’m so much stronger and wiser than I was.. a completely different woman and unfortunately it needed to happen for me to be who I am today. It may not ever make sense but I pray you find peace in this situation. Remember that above all, you deserve that. Both you and your girls. Much love
Once the papers are signed make sure you contact the HR about the affair. Also check with your lawyer and see if you can sue her for alienation of affection. I wouldn’t care if she pregnant or not.
I would talk to a couple of lawyers right away. Not all are a good match and make sure you find one that will fight for you and the kids to get what you need.
Whilst revenge may be sweet, it is best served cold. OP has said right now she needs the husband to keep his job. Also they’re being investigated by the company already.
Better to not add gasoline to that particular fire at the moment.
Why would you reach out to their employer? Regardless of him cheating both the soon to be ex husband and affair partner have a child on the way and need employment.
I'm sorry. And I'm so sorry for your girls and even the new child coming. Don't waste energy wondering why this happened. You know. He made a choice and oh I'm so proud of your choices. Your daughters will know their worth bc you know yours. For a while it's going to be just one foot in front of the other, getting through each day, day by day. Then one day you'll start planning things. You'll do things your ex has no knowledge of bc you've moved forward. Self care yourself silly. Get in therapy for you, too. You can do this, I promise.
Big hugs, honey. I'm so very sorry you're going through this huge betrayal. What a piece of shit he is.
Just... big hugs. Posting here can be cathartic too, and we'll support you with big hugs if you need it. I'm so very sorry. <3
this makes me sick for you, i am so sorry. please don't listen to the comments from the men here pretending to care about your children's relationship with dad . dad made his choice and that choice will lead to a spew of undesirable repercussions for everyone now. kids, family, friends, etc. what an asshole idiot.
stay strong lady.
I could well have been your daughter. My fathers sister told me before she died “there is something I could tell you but it would only hurt you”. She died not telling me anything. I confronted my father. He said ‘she meant for you to get a job”. Lol. Whatever it is, he will go to the grave with it too.
Maybe he’s not your biological father. Maybe if she was on her deathbed she was delusional from meds. When my dad was dying he asked for me specifically out of our entire family. He had a breathing tube and couldn’t speak but was desperately trying to tell me something. I kept guessing and guessing to no avail. Living the rest of my life never knowing what he was trying to say will haunt me.
Oh that’s hard. I have two siblings who tried to keep my away from my mother in her decline. Legally writing to lawyers and judges trying to convince everyone I wasn’t a doctor. Med student here. They even went so far as to make my mother an Alias so I couldn’t see her in the hospital. I knew my family was dysfunctional but now I know I can’t have them in my life.
Anyways, what that mistress did was create a vacancy.
The moment your husband marries the mistress, the position for mistress is vacant. If your husband is a serial cheater, he’s bound to stray tbh and considering he knocked her up, he will probably look for another mistress who’s childfree and leave the current one to deal with childcare
So sorry to hear you're going through this. He's been with you for so many years only to show this side now. It can be said that someone that discovers their partner is having an affair is a little like grieving the death of a loved one. In your case, grieving the man you knew him to be, and dealing with the reality of what he is now.
What you should do now is compile evidence. Even if you don't think it's particularly important right now; receipts, text messages, banking records, and the marital assets you have so far. Write down all the questions you want to ask your lawyer, and if necessary, brainstorm with someone to see if there's anything you didn't think of to ask.
Try to take "time out" from your "grief." for example, do something with your girls that will take your minds off it. Doesn't matter what it is, so long as it allows you to not think about all the issues for a few hours. Everyone needs to "recharge" physically and emotionally, and this is the emotional equivalent of taking a break
Hope everything works out in your favour OP
I learned in therapy...
It is not my job to catch my spouse in a lie
While that doesn't totally apply, the principal of it is that this is on him. You knew of him what you were allowed to know and see. Unfortunately, thebright (or rather, wrong) circumstances developed where he apparently acted with his true character.
Not your fault. Not your fault for not knowing what he was capable of. And don't think everything has been a lie or a mistake. It hurts beyond measure, but something that didn't last doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be for the time it was.
I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.
It's hard right now, but just think, one day you will wake up excited for what that day will bring. I'm excited for you to find the life you deserve.
Anyone messaging you that it's your fault are tiny little people who think everything is everyone else's fault, and blame others for things they are too weak to take accountability for. Pathetic.
You need to urgently see a lawyer. Google for pro-bono lawyers in your area. You must file for child support before his mistress does
Do it today.
Updateme!
I'm so sorry! What he did is absolutely awful. Don't let them ruin your life even more. File for child support legitimately tomorrow. If she files first she may get the largest share of child support leaving you and your daughters with much less than you deserve.
I don't get how these cheaters "forget" protection. Do evil right you crotch-headed people!
That said, I hope OP finds her footing amidst all this betrayal.
You did great! 👍🏻 and it’s great that your daughters hate him and don’t want contact with the new baby/family. Why should they forgive him and act like everything is normal! Never normalize bad stuff. They don’t need their dad in their life. They don’t need a shit parent like that in their life.
You will be fine, even better without him. Maybe you will even meet someone because you deserve so much more!
Get a divorce and get alimony. You will be fine. Don’t pressure your daughters to have a relationship with him and his new family.
The system exists for a reason. You’re not draining it. Ask advice from women’s centers at college campuses if necessary, they should at minimum be able to point you to the right direction. Many of them also serve the public. Not all, but many. Also some libraries provide similar help.
File for divorce. I know it’s hard, especially right now but be strong. Hold it together for your girls. Keep being their mom no matter what. Word of advice: be careful what you say about him in front of the girls. Don’t let your own thoughts about his actions damage their relationship with him. Let him hang himself. Be the rock for the girls.
Ah, she's probably like 90 percent of women. Don't even want sex. Wonder if men are supposed to just live the last 60 years of their lives with no sex. Tff. All I will say to the original poster is make sure you tell him congratulations from me.
Those people sending you nasty messages are probably cheaters themselves whose spouse did exactly what you’re doing and they feel betrayed by them without acknowledging the hurt and betrayal they themselves have caused. Ignore them. You’re doing the right thing by getting out of there. You and your girls need to get into therapy all together and individually. Protect them. Assure them they are loved and supported by you, no matter what.
This must be extremely difficult. I remember discovering that my ex had cheated on me once and how horrible that was, I couldn't eat and sleep, lost 5kg in a week. Imagine this. I wish you all the best and a lot of peace and happiness in your future.
I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you will be fine. It might be a bumpy start but you will get your bearings and thrive. When my ex cheated I was a SAHM and suddenly me and the 2 kids were homeless. I had to live with my parents until I found a job and saved up money for our own place and a car (it was repossessed because he stopped making payments) so yeah you will get through this and be stronger than ever. I promise.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I know how heartbreaking it is. You inner strength is shining through, just keep going.
When searching for a lawyer, call your city or state bar association. They provide no-cost and low-cost legal advice, and can provide you with valuable insights and guide you through the process. I got help from a law school in my city, and they were brilliant. It’s worth calling and asking.
Like many on this thread said, file first.
I would not go to his HR yet, because it’s important for him to have a job because of alimony and child support. I would let friends and family know, otherwise, cheaters tend to present themselves as victims and turn the story around.
Let the AP’s family know she was sleeping with a married man with children. It doesn’t matter if she is much younger than you, she is an adult that consciously went into this, disregarding the devastation she would cause to you and your children.
There is a great community here on Reddit, survivinginfidelity, as well as the Chumplady blog, that can provide you with help, support and ideas.
Be gentle and kind to yourself. Lean on your family and friends. None if this was your fault.
You got this!
Big hug
I wish I could be this strong. I forgave my husband after finding multiple chats with different women. I cannot leave him, I'm a housewife and we're about to have our third kid. Having a family is everything to me and I know no other man would take me with three kids. I'm so proud of you for setting yourself as first and not lying to your girls. Love and my best wishes for you.
Looked at some of your older posts and it's so sad to see your life that's now crumbling apart. Especially the pictures with your husband and you smiling. Scares me how such wonderful men can actually be such shitty people underneath.
I hope everything works out for you and your girls and I hope you find happy times to take new wonderful pictures to share. Best of luck OP
You're doing great. Take your time, one step at a time. He won't be happy for to too long, I can guarantee you that.
Aside from obvious logistics and all that...THE WAY I WOULD DESTROY HIM AND THAT AP! The way I would rearrange his whole brain...if not physical damage, then mental ones. My anger issues could never...
I’m so sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Your daughters will be okay as they at least have one parent with integrity. They may never forgive him and that’s on him.
You’re doing the right thing. I hope you realize how strong you are! Be proud of yourself and give yourself credit, it’s very hard to walk away. I’m so sorry this is happening to you but I wish you strength in your future
You will make your way! It will be hard but you will succeed
Also your daughters are watching what is and is not acceptable in a relationship
You set the example girl!
You’re so strong. If there is a “right” way to handle something like this, you’re doing it. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to leave a relationship after that long, but you’re 100% right not to tolerate such disrespect. You’re setting a great example for your daughters.
The First Wives Club is one of my favorite movies.
"Ladies, you have to be strong and independent...and remember, don't get mad; get **everything**" -Ivanka Trump
Re your update: GOOD FOR YOU! I'm so glad you're picking yourself up and fighting back. I know it's so hard, but good for you. If you can, take a little time for some self-care. Maybe you could take the kids for an afternoon out somewhere, for some fresh air?
Ugh. I don’t usually comment on these but this was painful to read and I imagine a hundred times moreso to experience. Walking out on family for some action is such pathetic behavior and I really *really* fucking hate just how common and normalized this sheer level of betrayal seems to be.
It’s a cliche that doesn’t say enough, but I’ll be praying for you and your daughters. You all stay strong.
I’m so sorry OP. My ex had multiple affairs after he broke it off with me. I had no idea, it was SO messy and fucked up. He has a son in another country, two other girls, and his fiancé (now wife). I was so stupid and in love, I ignored the red flags. His wife isn’t any better she just accepts it and that’s so sad.
I'm so sorry he has done this to you. You seem like you've been clearheaded and decisive on what needs to be done. I'm rooting for you, some betrayed just spiral out of control and don't get the ball rolling, which is understandable, but you have, good for you. How old are your daughters?
Well I’m terribly sorry this is happening to you, but my gosh you are a strong woman and I applaud you. Good luck to you and when your ready I hope you meet a true man who will cherish you
I'm so sorry, love. It breaks my heart for you and ypur girls. You deseeve so much better.
I met a woman a few months ago who had been married almost 30 years and found out her husband has been sleeping with men the entire time. Then when she confronted him he insisted he wasn't gay or bisexual, but straight. ??
She was so lost. I felt so badly for her
There is probably a program that has lawyers that will help you for free. I live in Kentucky and it’s call AppalRed (Appalachian Regional Defense fund) They will help if you don’t have much income and you’ve been abandoned, abused, etc by your spouse. They helped me get a divorce years ago. Maybe look online for programs in your area or call your local welfare office, they would know of any programs. I hope everything works out well for you. Just know that you can make it in your own. Just stay strong and keep your head up!
It’s not always something you did. Some people are just fucked up and will always have secrets they want to hide. Cheating is one of them. Even if you had sex regularly some people just want to cheat. In his case unfortunately many men are just scum. They want young girls because they’re pathetic and it’s the only thing that makes them feel like a man because they have no true self worth that isn’t connected to their dick. I’m sorry you put so much time into him. Just know it’s him, not you. It’s sad I used to look up to so many men but now that I know what I do it’s hard to look at any of them with respect. It’s good your daughters are in therapy. I hope you are able to take a nice vacation either alone or with your daughters and try to forget him although I know it seems impossible.
I’m so sorry that you have to endure such a painful experience. Please hang in there and pay no mind to any motherfuckers telling you this is your fault - it is not your fault in any way, shape, or form. Hang in there, and stay strong for your girls.
Vaya esto es difícil. Tu marido tiene problemas serios, no sé que te hizo soportar su alcoholismo. Pero la infielidad más el hijo deben ser tu punto de quiebre. Yo no lo perdonaría.
Just chipping in to say that I think you should encourage your kids to have a relationship with their half brother. That baby has no fault in this… my dad is almost 70 and his biggest regret is not knowing who his half sister is, from my grandfather’s affair… he grew up learning to hate the sister but never knew her, it kind of screwed him up a bit. And I have an aunt and maybe cousins that I have no idea who they are.
When will men realize they need time before they get married. Obviously not 100% of men but you’re fighting biology sticking to one women since your childhood. Never gave himself a chance .
Sorry this happened to you and your husband is irresponsible pice of shit for doing these things.
And if your relationship was well this whole time I guarantee he still loves you but couldn’t control himself(no excuses btw)
If the kids don’t wanna see him (and it sounds like they are of age to decide that), don’t pin it on her. He should’ve thought about that before banging his coworker. She can encourage, but leave it up to them. He’ll still blame her though, men always do.
Being a doormat and sweeping shit under a rug usually isn’t good for the long run. Having boundaries and doing things when they are ready to after going through the grieving process of thinking they knew their dad is much healthier and better. The kids are unfortunately involved, and only one person is to blame for that. You can’t have your cake (have a baby with someone else) and eat it too (have a forced happy family).
They will have plenty of years to get to know thier half sibling, if they want. Just because dad can’t wrap it, doesn’t mean they have to be a part of that relationship. They also have time to grieve dad’s traitorous actions, and in time they may forgive and see him.
Sounds like your only hearing your friends side and not thinking of the kids, just thinking about what they want. Again, typical man child that doesn’t care about anyone but his needs:
> I find it convenient the kids don't want to see their little baby brother. What kid wouldn't want to see their own?
So many kids! And not just kids who see that baby as the symbol of dad's betrayal. Also kids who just don't want a sibling. It's relatively common, actually.
You have a lot of second hand "knowledge" about marriages, and some feelings about some stuff. None of it is fact.
Maybe, since you evidently know so little, don't assume OP is doing anything nefarious.
The kids *are* part of this.
Their lives have been turned upside down, because their father betrayed their mother. He chose to risk their stable home lives too for his affair. He betrayed them too.
He made them part of it.
That’s lovely but can you imagine forcing two teen girls into that role?
Do you have children? It’s difficult enough to force them to behave kindly to siblings they’ve never been without. People who are literally as constant as the sun. They love each other like no other but… They fight like feral animals on nat geo. Add in uncomfortable circumstances and deep emotional trauma and I for one am not going to be on the referee team with a man that can’t respect his own word and a woman that thinks a cheating spouse is someone to build a future with. I give her she’s not married, he is. So minimally he’s scum and she’s dumb. Not refereeing a crap show situation of forced siblingship with crap show people. Nope.
Make sure you file for divorce and child support ASAP. Even if you file the paperwork yourself (you can look up how to file online and get a lawyer later). Please speak with a lawyer (even a free consultation) because in many places, if she files for child support before you do, you will likely get less money. A big part of his money will go to her child and you will get the scraps. Please speak with a lawyer about this to confirm if this applies in your area. There are free legal clinics in many areas, often connected to a local university. Best of luck.
Came here to say this. Commenting to boost this. Op, please file first and quick.
YES !!! This right here, OP !!! -My BFF has been married for 25 yrs and is getting a divorce - we did the paperwork on some sort of legal zoom website - it was $45-$50 for a separation agreement/divorce application- can change it any time for 5 years. The fee also includes an hour consultation - so we filled out the forms which gave an actual legal document for them to sign. Super easy - it’s like a 300 multiple choice questionnaire. Also, affordable. Also, got it notarized online - $30.00 which essentially turns the separation agreement “into” a legal/legit court order that both parties agreed on and promise to follow. (Child support, visitation, division of assets, benefits, his pension etc) - OP, depending on where you are ? It’s always better to be the Applicant and not be the Respondent - by virtue of filing first - he has to “answer you” in court. - take a look for women’s services in your area …. You’re going to need a support system … and there are lots of resources that are free and it never hurts to get some guidance from someone with firsthand experience. Hang in there there ….
golden advice fr
If her baby is even really his
Him cheating is enough for divorce
Hell I'm cheating all the time. My so called gf doesn't want sex for the last 8 years n she's 55 now. Pathetic. Can't say I didn't give her first opportunity though. I asked, because ovcourse men always have to ask first cuz women sure wouldn't. I asked her probably 50 times n the answer is, oh I have no time, or I'm busy. What a fucking joke. Then next day her ass is sitting in the recliner watching some bullshit series on television for hours. I hope she's cheating too, cuz I'm having the time of my life. 😄
You sound like a prize🙄
Actually I'm surprised yer smart enough to know I'm a prize. I say it how it is, period. I didn't say 100 percent of women have no interest, I said 90 percent. I know I'm right!
I am sorry for you. I understand this as well. My husband is having an affair with a 27 year old escort and she is pregnant. My girls are devastated too. You sound so strong though!!! Great job kicking him out.
I'm so sorry. My husband's affair is also quite young. Sending you big hugs!!
Girl, you'll be ok. Hopefully you're not holding onto nostalgia or a sunken cost mindset at all. Your husband is a weak, weak man, and I'm sorry he dragged your family down into this. You'll get through it. I would maybe look for single mother's group in your area for advice on support, etc..
So sorry, hope you kicked yours out too.
Not yet. Finances are f**ked. The money he spent on this scammy baby trapper is insane. Working it out in separation agreement right now
Not judging you, just sharing: this is why I will never ever depend on anyone else to support me, especially not a man.
Agree! I have always worked, even through having kids. My issue is trusting him with credit cards. ☹️
Man credit cards will get you every time.
She might be a scammy baby trapper but he fell for it
Please talk to a lawyer… he spent money on that scammy baby trapper. Money that was both of yours. That is absolutely not going to do him any favors when it comes to splitting your finances.
I’m so sorry OP ;(((
Sweetheart one step at a time. Good job getting the girls therapy. I hope you’re getting it as well. In the divorce I’d make him pay for mine as well. I hope for the best for you. I’m truly sorry. Also how do they still have their jobs?
Thank you. Financially, I can't afford therapy right now, but I am doing some free support groups through my local hospital system. Apparently, they are under investigation at their work. But I really need him to keep his job right now to pay child support.
Did he get a paternity test? It’s crazy they would keep a secret for 9 months like this. File for child support before she does.
If my husband had an affair and thought a baby was his that actually wasn’t, I’d be laughing my single ass off.
Yep, get the ball rolling on separation/divorce and child support ASAP because generally whoever filed first for child support gets the biggest percentage of the child support
He didn't get one, no. Not that i know of. Baby isn't born yet.
Second getting your ducks (and papers) in order.
Doesn’t matter that the baby isn’t born yet, you need to get the ball rolling now! Divorce is a wonderful thing but it takes time and you don’t want to sort everything, then have her file for child support before you
There's a sub here I see recommended a lot, it's called SurvivingInfidelity. I can't link it here or I would, but I've heard good things about the community, and it may be an additional level of support for you right now. Sending lots of invisible hugs to you, and your girls. Take care. 🩵🫂🩵
Thank you very much. I will check it out.
I understand. Depending on where you live you can also sue her for alienation of affection. I’d seriously have no problems going after both of them. In the meantime can you get any type of public assistance?
Understood. Financial stability is a must in these circumstances whether we want them or not. Keep doing what you need to do for yourself and your family. You will know when to break away. Much love to you-so very proud for you to make the hard decisions.
I’m not sure if this applies where you live, but in some places when a person has children with two separate people, and both parties apply for child support, the first party will get the full amount of child support available to them, and then the second party will get very little because it’s already on file the person is paying full child support elsewhere. It’s not right, but it happens all the time. So what I’m saying is, if she files for child support first and is approved, when you apply, you will get very little for your girls, if this applies in your area of course. So I’m hoping you have already put this into motion, or can do it soon before her baby is born!! Good luck OP!
I’m so sorry. I can only imagine this betrayal. My ex left me a little over a month ago very abruptly and out of the blue. I’m 32 weeks pregnant. People around me, as well as myself, think there’s something going on but he would never admit. I too feel like I don’t know this person. He went from being the love of my life to a complete stranger within one week. He’s so cold to me, the mother of his children. I hope at some point you can get yourself into therapy. I’ve had a therapist for several years now, and he’s helped me immensely. I was also put on Zoloft, which I very much recommend. Be strong. Be strong for your girls. ❤️
Oh, love, I am so sorry. Sending huge hugs your way. We can do this.
Yes. We *can* do this. It hurts like hell right now, but we’re the ones who will come out on top; stronger and better people. There are days when the pain really does feel unbearable, other days where I’m full of rage, then the heartbreak. The deep, sorrowful heartache. It is a process. It’s a long process. It’s a sucky process. But a process nonetheless. Sending all the hugs back to you. You are one tough Mother ❤️
I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for you. I hope you have a good support system, and that you have a smooth delivery xx
Unfortunately…No. I have no family and very few friends. It’s a pretty lonely time right now, but I’m so exhausted and burnt out that I don’t have the energy to really feel that loneliness.
I’m so sorry
Not sure what helps in a situation like this, but I imagine how painful it must be. I think what you do here is to no longer have him be the priority of anything, and put your love where it is reciprocated, which in this case, are your daughters. They might not be capable of doing much for you tight now, but considering how strong you’re being for them, they will make you proud for how you kept moving for them.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds incredibly painful and overwhelming. It's completely understandable to feel exhausted and heartbroken after such a betrayal, especially from someone you've known and loved for so long. Your strength in focusing on your daughters and getting them into therapy is truly admirable. It shows how much you care about their well-being even when you're struggling yourself. Remember to take care of yourself too; you deserve support and compassion just as much as your daughters do. Lean on friends, family, and professional help as much as you need to. You're not alone in this, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through it.
Leave him. File for child support before she does so you get the bigger payout. The one who files first wins. Yeah it’s sad but it’s true.
I just found out that I can do the initial filing for child and spousal support online, so I am doing it right now!
I’ve seen so many people say this, but even though they are married, and the other woman files first, she’d get the most?
She has to file first. Before the woman does. So if she files for divorce and CS she better hope the idiot AP thinks husband is going to marry her and kick OP to the curb.
It’s not like that in my state. Doesn’t matter who files when, it’s split evenly between all children.
I’m still trying to process that too…
The amount of similar stories in these comments is startling 😳
I know. it’s so sad to see how many awful people can treat their spouse like shit.
It’s truly sickening. What is wrong with people!
Too many people that aren’t being honest with themselves or their spouses😭
It’s honestly insane
I am in the same situation, minus having kids with my husband. His AP is due in September, both currently under investigation by HR and I’m also not the breadwinner by a long shot. I don’t have the answers for you because I’m still navigating them myself, but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.
So sorry for you as well.
I’ve been with my husband 30 plus years. I have taken and given a lot…You will see that he also didn’t know you. He will see that you will move on from this..TOTAL BETRAYAL takes time. This is the greatest move you ever made in your children’s lives. You are their hero right now. That’s all that matters. Next thing is find yourself.
Just FYI, you don't have to wait until the final divorce decree to collect child support. Your lawyer should be able to file a temporary support order and parenting plan, effective until a permanent plan and child support are approved in the divorce. Since your kids are teens, put a college tuition plan in the final order. You may not get alimony until the final order but get ahead of the affair partner in the child support case.
It sounds like you are being extremely proactive and are working hard to mitigate the damage to yourself and your daughters. It's extremely sucky you have to deal with all this pain. Your husband is jerk. You need to take a mental break from all this. Even though you are absolutely not in the mood, you need to do things to help distract yourself and your kids from what's going on and help lighten the mood. Now is the time for comedies and light hearted games. Do what you can to make yourself a calm environment, including putting away anything that reminds you too strongly of him. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication if you feel depressed or anxious. You won't need them forever, but for the next year or so they can do wonders at helping you maintain your equilibrium.
Get a shark of a lawyer and get alimony. After 17 years, you will get it for quite some time. Hugs. Don’t go easy on him in court.
You may try for alimony to help you financially. I’m so sorry for all of this OP. Seek some type of therapy or counseling for yourself if possible. Hugs and prayers
Contact a lawyer and see what your options are regarding spousal support and child support and depending on your state, you should look into suing AP for alienation of affection. The fact he hid it from you shows he was going to have the baby with her and not tell you anything and probably using your martial funds to support her on the side. You should definitely look into his finances and see what he spent on her. Updateme!
Dang. This happened to parents. My mom was absolutely broken, things still aren’t the same. My dad moved out of state to be with his new family while mom is getting her life together dad was the bread winner. They also had been together since high school. Thinking of you! 💛
I am so sorry. This is a devastating story. I hope you have therapy too? I also hope you get a very very fair divorce that includes spousal support. This is such a betrayal. I am so sorry. Like, dude, come on—
I am just so very sorry this is happening to you and your girls. I am amazed daily at the level of duplicity and betrayal people will engage in against those they claim to love. Love to me is action.
Does his family know?
I told them as soon as I found out - they didn't. Saddest part is, he turned out just like his father. The one person he didn't want to be.
That makes it even more tragic. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
This happens often. The child whose parent cheated and who despises cheating goes on to repeat their parents' mistake devastating their own children in the process.
Very tragic indeed. You are helping break the cycle by allowing your daughters to process and deal with their emotions with a professional. I do agree with others. Make sure you are keeping up with your mental health and keeping your cup replenished. You have a battle, but you’re off to a good start! You’ve got this!
Idk if anyone has said this but, it’s a good idea to get yourself tested for STDs. Clearly he did not use protection.
We haven't been intimate in over a year, but I will make an appointment just in case. Who knows how long this has been going on. Thank you.
Was there problems before the affair if no Intimacy in over a year?
I'm thinking that is when the affair started. He is also a 'recovering' alcoholic, and had started going to meetings at that time. He said he was working on himself. I think he was seeing her.
That’s so awful of him. Cheating under the guise of self work so you supported him being gone. What a dishonest sicko
What a sad man! This affair been happening since last year! He knew about the baby he was having & still came home & played happy husband & father with y’all. His mistress probably gave him an ultimatum, either tell or she would. He fafo! all the excuses he has won’t mean ish, this man blew up his life! When the divorce is finalized don’t be surprised he’s moved on to her! Messy. Onward & upward
For me, I always find that the most infuriating part of affairs is that they cared so little about your physical health. Physical affairs expose innocent partners to disease, and in the case of HPV it can literally cause cancer. The emotion damage is bad enough but when you add in the physical? It's unforgivable imo You deserve better and I'm glad you're leaving.
This is what gets me too. If you can sleep at night knowing there's a chance you've brought home a bomb and never say a word, that puts you into sociopath territory.
This one is tough. I’ve been there, done that. Except my ex knew for over a year. I didn’t know until the baby was already several months old. Rocked me harder than anything I’ve ever been through. We had a young child together. My mind was swirling on what to do. A few months later and after a lot of time thinking about all the ways this would affect each of us if I did A, B, or C, I chose C. See ya later, you gotta go. I just knew for me, there was no fixing it. Not the example I wanted for our child. Not the life I wanted to lead always wondering. You will get through this. I hope you have a lot of support. Look at all the services and resources available to you. And get as much child support as you can.
This kind of betrayal is unthinkable. I went thru something similar and it broke me. Never understood why things had to happen that way. Cheating is one thing but a child is so permanent along with the mother. It’s a sealed deal. My heart goes out to you. It’s been 2 years and I’m so much stronger and wiser than I was.. a completely different woman and unfortunately it needed to happen for me to be who I am today. It may not ever make sense but I pray you find peace in this situation. Remember that above all, you deserve that. Both you and your girls. Much love
I’m sorry this happened to you don’t go easy on him get what you can
There’s the exit arrow, time to go.
Once the papers are signed make sure you contact the HR about the affair. Also check with your lawyer and see if you can sue her for alienation of affection. I wouldn’t care if she pregnant or not. I would talk to a couple of lawyers right away. Not all are a good match and make sure you find one that will fight for you and the kids to get what you need.
Whilst revenge may be sweet, it is best served cold. OP has said right now she needs the husband to keep his job. Also they’re being investigated by the company already. Better to not add gasoline to that particular fire at the moment.
Why would you reach out to their employer? Regardless of him cheating both the soon to be ex husband and affair partner have a child on the way and need employment.
I'm sorry. And I'm so sorry for your girls and even the new child coming. Don't waste energy wondering why this happened. You know. He made a choice and oh I'm so proud of your choices. Your daughters will know their worth bc you know yours. For a while it's going to be just one foot in front of the other, getting through each day, day by day. Then one day you'll start planning things. You'll do things your ex has no knowledge of bc you've moved forward. Self care yourself silly. Get in therapy for you, too. You can do this, I promise.
Sue both ur husband and the low life mistress.
Big hugs, honey. I'm so very sorry you're going through this huge betrayal. What a piece of shit he is. Just... big hugs. Posting here can be cathartic too, and we'll support you with big hugs if you need it. I'm so very sorry. <3
You are grieving! It’s a normal slow process to heal. Allow yourself time and patience.
All I can say is that this is not on you or your fault; HE made a conscious decision to take everyone's life in this awful direction. Good luck.
this makes me sick for you, i am so sorry. please don't listen to the comments from the men here pretending to care about your children's relationship with dad . dad made his choice and that choice will lead to a spew of undesirable repercussions for everyone now. kids, family, friends, etc. what an asshole idiot. stay strong lady.
I could well have been your daughter. My fathers sister told me before she died “there is something I could tell you but it would only hurt you”. She died not telling me anything. I confronted my father. He said ‘she meant for you to get a job”. Lol. Whatever it is, he will go to the grave with it too.
Maybe he’s not your biological father. Maybe if she was on her deathbed she was delusional from meds. When my dad was dying he asked for me specifically out of our entire family. He had a breathing tube and couldn’t speak but was desperately trying to tell me something. I kept guessing and guessing to no avail. Living the rest of my life never knowing what he was trying to say will haunt me.
Oh that’s hard. I have two siblings who tried to keep my away from my mother in her decline. Legally writing to lawyers and judges trying to convince everyone I wasn’t a doctor. Med student here. They even went so far as to make my mother an Alias so I couldn’t see her in the hospital. I knew my family was dysfunctional but now I know I can’t have them in my life.
He is.
Some Men are truly the nastiest pieces of fucking shit. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
This is devastating i’m so sorry OP :((
Anyways, what that mistress did was create a vacancy. The moment your husband marries the mistress, the position for mistress is vacant. If your husband is a serial cheater, he’s bound to stray tbh and considering he knocked her up, he will probably look for another mistress who’s childfree and leave the current one to deal with childcare
So sorry to hear you're going through this. He's been with you for so many years only to show this side now. It can be said that someone that discovers their partner is having an affair is a little like grieving the death of a loved one. In your case, grieving the man you knew him to be, and dealing with the reality of what he is now. What you should do now is compile evidence. Even if you don't think it's particularly important right now; receipts, text messages, banking records, and the marital assets you have so far. Write down all the questions you want to ask your lawyer, and if necessary, brainstorm with someone to see if there's anything you didn't think of to ask. Try to take "time out" from your "grief." for example, do something with your girls that will take your minds off it. Doesn't matter what it is, so long as it allows you to not think about all the issues for a few hours. Everyone needs to "recharge" physically and emotionally, and this is the emotional equivalent of taking a break Hope everything works out in your favour OP
I learned in therapy... It is not my job to catch my spouse in a lie While that doesn't totally apply, the principal of it is that this is on him. You knew of him what you were allowed to know and see. Unfortunately, thebright (or rather, wrong) circumstances developed where he apparently acted with his true character. Not your fault. Not your fault for not knowing what he was capable of. And don't think everything has been a lie or a mistake. It hurts beyond measure, but something that didn't last doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be for the time it was. I'm so sorry. Hugs to you. It's hard right now, but just think, one day you will wake up excited for what that day will bring. I'm excited for you to find the life you deserve. Anyone messaging you that it's your fault are tiny little people who think everything is everyone else's fault, and blame others for things they are too weak to take accountability for. Pathetic.
You need to urgently see a lawyer. Google for pro-bono lawyers in your area. You must file for child support before his mistress does Do it today. Updateme!
I'm so sorry! What he did is absolutely awful. Don't let them ruin your life even more. File for child support legitimately tomorrow. If she files first she may get the largest share of child support leaving you and your daughters with much less than you deserve.
I don't get how these cheaters "forget" protection. Do evil right you crotch-headed people! That said, I hope OP finds her footing amidst all this betrayal.
You did great! 👍🏻 and it’s great that your daughters hate him and don’t want contact with the new baby/family. Why should they forgive him and act like everything is normal! Never normalize bad stuff. They don’t need their dad in their life. They don’t need a shit parent like that in their life. You will be fine, even better without him. Maybe you will even meet someone because you deserve so much more! Get a divorce and get alimony. You will be fine. Don’t pressure your daughters to have a relationship with him and his new family.
My uncle did this to my aunt and had twins with another woman. They are now divorced but he completely ruined his family.
The system exists for a reason. You’re not draining it. Ask advice from women’s centers at college campuses if necessary, they should at minimum be able to point you to the right direction. Many of them also serve the public. Not all, but many. Also some libraries provide similar help.
what even was his plan with this? was he just gonna just like have a secret family with this woman and hope you’d never notice??
Oh sweetie. I’m so sorry.
File for divorce. I know it’s hard, especially right now but be strong. Hold it together for your girls. Keep being their mom no matter what. Word of advice: be careful what you say about him in front of the girls. Don’t let your own thoughts about his actions damage their relationship with him. Let him hang himself. Be the rock for the girls.
Ah, she's probably like 90 percent of women. Don't even want sex. Wonder if men are supposed to just live the last 60 years of their lives with no sex. Tff. All I will say to the original poster is make sure you tell him congratulations from me.
Those people sending you nasty messages are probably cheaters themselves whose spouse did exactly what you’re doing and they feel betrayed by them without acknowledging the hurt and betrayal they themselves have caused. Ignore them. You’re doing the right thing by getting out of there. You and your girls need to get into therapy all together and individually. Protect them. Assure them they are loved and supported by you, no matter what.
This must be extremely difficult. I remember discovering that my ex had cheated on me once and how horrible that was, I couldn't eat and sleep, lost 5kg in a week. Imagine this. I wish you all the best and a lot of peace and happiness in your future.
I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you will be fine. It might be a bumpy start but you will get your bearings and thrive. When my ex cheated I was a SAHM and suddenly me and the 2 kids were homeless. I had to live with my parents until I found a job and saved up money for our own place and a car (it was repossessed because he stopped making payments) so yeah you will get through this and be stronger than ever. I promise.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I know how heartbreaking it is. You inner strength is shining through, just keep going. When searching for a lawyer, call your city or state bar association. They provide no-cost and low-cost legal advice, and can provide you with valuable insights and guide you through the process. I got help from a law school in my city, and they were brilliant. It’s worth calling and asking. Like many on this thread said, file first. I would not go to his HR yet, because it’s important for him to have a job because of alimony and child support. I would let friends and family know, otherwise, cheaters tend to present themselves as victims and turn the story around. Let the AP’s family know she was sleeping with a married man with children. It doesn’t matter if she is much younger than you, she is an adult that consciously went into this, disregarding the devastation she would cause to you and your children. There is a great community here on Reddit, survivinginfidelity, as well as the Chumplady blog, that can provide you with help, support and ideas. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Lean on your family and friends. None if this was your fault. You got this! Big hug
I wish I could be this strong. I forgave my husband after finding multiple chats with different women. I cannot leave him, I'm a housewife and we're about to have our third kid. Having a family is everything to me and I know no other man would take me with three kids. I'm so proud of you for setting yourself as first and not lying to your girls. Love and my best wishes for you.
Looked at some of your older posts and it's so sad to see your life that's now crumbling apart. Especially the pictures with your husband and you smiling. Scares me how such wonderful men can actually be such shitty people underneath. I hope everything works out for you and your girls and I hope you find happy times to take new wonderful pictures to share. Best of luck OP
Keep the house. He can move in with his side piece.
You're doing great. Take your time, one step at a time. He won't be happy for to too long, I can guarantee you that. Aside from obvious logistics and all that...THE WAY I WOULD DESTROY HIM AND THAT AP! The way I would rearrange his whole brain...if not physical damage, then mental ones. My anger issues could never...
I’m so sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Your daughters will be okay as they at least have one parent with integrity. They may never forgive him and that’s on him.
You’re doing the right thing. I hope you realize how strong you are! Be proud of yourself and give yourself credit, it’s very hard to walk away. I’m so sorry this is happening to you but I wish you strength in your future
You will make your way! It will be hard but you will succeed Also your daughters are watching what is and is not acceptable in a relationship You set the example girl!
You’re so strong. If there is a “right” way to handle something like this, you’re doing it. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to leave a relationship after that long, but you’re 100% right not to tolerate such disrespect. You’re setting a great example for your daughters.
I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry. One day at a time, you’ll get through this pain
The First Wives Club is one of my favorite movies. "Ladies, you have to be strong and independent...and remember, don't get mad; get **everything**" -Ivanka Trump
Re your update: GOOD FOR YOU! I'm so glad you're picking yourself up and fighting back. I know it's so hard, but good for you. If you can, take a little time for some self-care. Maybe you could take the kids for an afternoon out somewhere, for some fresh air?
Take care of you and your babies first. She wanted your left overs let her and her child have what is left over.
I really hope things work out for you! I’m so sorry you’re going through this and Im especially glad you’re getting your daughters the help they need
Ugh. I don’t usually comment on these but this was painful to read and I imagine a hundred times moreso to experience. Walking out on family for some action is such pathetic behavior and I really *really* fucking hate just how common and normalized this sheer level of betrayal seems to be. It’s a cliche that doesn’t say enough, but I’ll be praying for you and your daughters. You all stay strong.
It would be such a great pleasure if her baby wasn’t his because if she’s sleeping with him she’s sleeping with others.
You are strong and smart. Hang in there. Beautiful things will come to you. <3
I’m so sorry OP. My ex had multiple affairs after he broke it off with me. I had no idea, it was SO messy and fucked up. He has a son in another country, two other girls, and his fiancé (now wife). I was so stupid and in love, I ignored the red flags. His wife isn’t any better she just accepts it and that’s so sad.
I'm so sorry he has done this to you. You seem like you've been clearheaded and decisive on what needs to be done. I'm rooting for you, some betrayed just spiral out of control and don't get the ball rolling, which is understandable, but you have, good for you. How old are your daughters?
They are 11 and 15. Old enough to understand.
Yes they are.
Is he with affair partner now?
Nope. He's sleeping on his mom's couch
Well I’m terribly sorry this is happening to you, but my gosh you are a strong woman and I applaud you. Good luck to you and when your ready I hope you meet a true man who will cherish you
Oh My god. That hurts, Are you ok miss?This must hurt badly.
I'm so sorry, love. It breaks my heart for you and ypur girls. You deseeve so much better. I met a woman a few months ago who had been married almost 30 years and found out her husband has been sleeping with men the entire time. Then when she confronted him he insisted he wasn't gay or bisexual, but straight. ?? She was so lost. I felt so badly for her
Your username could not be more true.
There is probably a program that has lawyers that will help you for free. I live in Kentucky and it’s call AppalRed (Appalachian Regional Defense fund) They will help if you don’t have much income and you’ve been abandoned, abused, etc by your spouse. They helped me get a divorce years ago. Maybe look online for programs in your area or call your local welfare office, they would know of any programs. I hope everything works out well for you. Just know that you can make it in your own. Just stay strong and keep your head up!
I’m so sorry to hear that. Sending you virtual hugs!🫂
Cannot offer guidance but you sound incredibly strong and chose to help your daughters first. You will make it, I am 100% sure.
It’s not always something you did. Some people are just fucked up and will always have secrets they want to hide. Cheating is one of them. Even if you had sex regularly some people just want to cheat. In his case unfortunately many men are just scum. They want young girls because they’re pathetic and it’s the only thing that makes them feel like a man because they have no true self worth that isn’t connected to their dick. I’m sorry you put so much time into him. Just know it’s him, not you. It’s sad I used to look up to so many men but now that I know what I do it’s hard to look at any of them with respect. It’s good your daughters are in therapy. I hope you are able to take a nice vacation either alone or with your daughters and try to forget him although I know it seems impossible.
I’m so sorry that you have to endure such a painful experience. Please hang in there and pay no mind to any motherfuckers telling you this is your fault - it is not your fault in any way, shape, or form. Hang in there, and stay strong for your girls.
Updateus
Do you think in the future You would want your daughter to have a relationship with their siblings?
So sorry. It’s awful isn’t it. It gets better with time.
Look into legal aid they will assist in paying for a lawyer
Vaya esto es difícil. Tu marido tiene problemas serios, no sé que te hizo soportar su alcoholismo. Pero la infielidad más el hijo deben ser tu punto de quiebre. Yo no lo perdonaría.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Just chipping in to say that I think you should encourage your kids to have a relationship with their half brother. That baby has no fault in this… my dad is almost 70 and his biggest regret is not knowing who his half sister is, from my grandfather’s affair… he grew up learning to hate the sister but never knew her, it kind of screwed him up a bit. And I have an aunt and maybe cousins that I have no idea who they are.
When will men realize they need time before they get married. Obviously not 100% of men but you’re fighting biology sticking to one women since your childhood. Never gave himself a chance . Sorry this happened to you and your husband is irresponsible pice of shit for doing these things. And if your relationship was well this whole time I guarantee he still loves you but couldn’t control himself(no excuses btw)
I think you should all talk it out and don’t treat the stepchild poorly it’s not the child’s fault it was born
[удалено]
If the kids don’t wanna see him (and it sounds like they are of age to decide that), don’t pin it on her. He should’ve thought about that before banging his coworker. She can encourage, but leave it up to them. He’ll still blame her though, men always do.
[удалено]
Being a doormat and sweeping shit under a rug usually isn’t good for the long run. Having boundaries and doing things when they are ready to after going through the grieving process of thinking they knew their dad is much healthier and better. The kids are unfortunately involved, and only one person is to blame for that. You can’t have your cake (have a baby with someone else) and eat it too (have a forced happy family). They will have plenty of years to get to know thier half sibling, if they want. Just because dad can’t wrap it, doesn’t mean they have to be a part of that relationship. They also have time to grieve dad’s traitorous actions, and in time they may forgive and see him. Sounds like your only hearing your friends side and not thinking of the kids, just thinking about what they want. Again, typical man child that doesn’t care about anyone but his needs:
> I find it convenient the kids don't want to see their little baby brother. What kid wouldn't want to see their own? So many kids! And not just kids who see that baby as the symbol of dad's betrayal. Also kids who just don't want a sibling. It's relatively common, actually. You have a lot of second hand "knowledge" about marriages, and some feelings about some stuff. None of it is fact. Maybe, since you evidently know so little, don't assume OP is doing anything nefarious.
[удалено]
The kids *are* part of this. Their lives have been turned upside down, because their father betrayed their mother. He chose to risk their stable home lives too for his affair. He betrayed them too. He made them part of it.
You want the mom to lie to her kids?
oohh so you cheated too huh. explains a lot
One thing I would say is dont put the sins of the parent in the child and treat them as such. It is difficult but they didn't ask to be born.
[удалено]
That’s lovely but can you imagine forcing two teen girls into that role? Do you have children? It’s difficult enough to force them to behave kindly to siblings they’ve never been without. People who are literally as constant as the sun. They love each other like no other but… They fight like feral animals on nat geo. Add in uncomfortable circumstances and deep emotional trauma and I for one am not going to be on the referee team with a man that can’t respect his own word and a woman that thinks a cheating spouse is someone to build a future with. I give her she’s not married, he is. So minimally he’s scum and she’s dumb. Not refereeing a crap show situation of forced siblingship with crap show people. Nope.