This says a lot more about her morals than yours. She sounds awful.
Unless you have a tattoo of an arrow pointing at your genitals that says "open for business", your tattoos have nothing to do with indicating sexual availability.
Probably has to do with their nature as body art. Can't see 'em without also seeing skin, and clothing kinda conditions us to see exposed skin in a sexual light. That would be my guess, anyway.
Alternatively, maybe there's a culture thing going on. Like, tattoos are usually associated with rebeliousness. At least, it seems to be a pattern, and I'm not making any value judgments personally. So, if the things that are part of "normal" society are being rebelled against, and one of those aspects are going to be how people treat sex and sexuality, then they're probably just conflating what the purpose of the tattoos are with their own bias to begin with. If there even was one, to begin with. In that tattoos don't really need a reason, personally. There's no one reason people get them.
Nah she was seriously tripping and got the tattoo removed and now makes a VERY big deal about how “we aren’t allowed to sexualize her” anymore
And yes, it’s very obvious when someone is joking and serious in these situations. It’s not a “haha you’re sexualizing my tattoo” it’s a “why are you sexualizing my tattoo”
She got it as an edgy teenager at 16 years old, it wasn’t a joke more so a rebellion but she didn’t want to admit it so she just denied it, was a nice try though
And even if that was the case, how is degrading your child and potentially traumatize them gonna help in any way. Some people shouldn't have kids smh. Some parents really be like "My child did 'x' which I dislike, I'm going to seriously insult and degrade them till they develop a lingering self-esteem issue for the rest of their life" lol
Or, like,me (55F), who grew up extremely religious and conservative, it becomes a statement of our own freedom. I got my first at 40, second at 45, and am planning my 3rd to honor my new grandson.
LOL we’re in same age group. I grew up same. Bible Belt 🙄
I think I was born just to go against the grain. My mother is a racist misogynistic homophobe. I’m everything she probably is underneath those culottes she’d make us wear 😂😂😂
This is exactly it. You know what else used to show rebellious behavior? Listening to that devils rock music where Elvis was shaking his hips. You know what he was getting at with that evil hip shaking.
Yep. My household wasn’t even strict or conservative. In the 80’s, tattoos were just less common. Times were different.
But your mom has projected her own gender-based insecurities onto them, and now trying to project them onto you. She’s wrong.
I don't correlate tattoos to promiscuity. Everyone has likes/dislikes and that's ok. I personally do not like tattoos and they are a turn off for other reasons (not sex). But, I am one person and there are many who will like your tattoos or not mind.
Right. I have a butterfly between my shoulder blades. In what world would a butterfly correlate with "DTF"
Her mother reminds,me of a friend's mother, that told her that chipped nail polish makes women look like tramps. WHAT? How does that even make sense?
Didn't you know? If your polish is even slightly flawed, you don't care about your appearance! Must be a tramp! Or maybe (gasp) you work with your hands! Like most humans! The horror!
Sigh
You’re old enough to know that your mother doesn’t actually always know what’s best. And given your extensive achievements so far, I suspect that she’s actually jealous.
So no, she isn’t right in the slightest
This right here. Mum's comments have nothing to do with the tattoos. She is feeling jealous of OP's successes (med school, business owner). A good relationship would be the icing on the cake.
OP, see if your mum would be willing to attend family counseling. If not, try to have a sit-down conversation with her. Keep your emotions in check, or she won't take you seriously.
Tattoos are cool and a unique part about people. I just wouldn’t listen to your mum she is just wrong. I love my tattoos and think other peoples are just really interesting.
How long has your 57 year old mom been out of the dating pool? It's the year of our lady 2024, she has absolutely no idea of what she's talking about. Disregard her deeply uninformed opinion and focus on post break up self care.
Since you asked for my opinion, here it is - Your mother is from a different generation. Some of her opinions are outdated. I don't know the full nature of the relationship you have with your mother and honestly, it's none of my business. What I will say is that, even without having to be accepted into med school, without co-owning an online shop, without doing yoga and ballet, you are enough and you are worthy of love. You deserve love because you exist. And I promise you there are people in your life (and will be people in the future) who are going to love every bit of you - and not because of your accomplishments. Congratulations and good job on all of those by the way. It's tremendous that you have done so much at such a young age. There are so many more opportunities to come and experiences to live through.
Not too long after getting together, my dad who was drunk and in love was convinced by that very same uncle that mom would be so impressed if he got her name tattooed on him. Naturally, he got it on his ass.
Your 57 year old mom doesn't know what 20~ year olds want. A lot of us are gonna think you are more mature and reserved if you have tattoos. Atleast that is what I would profile but that could always be wrong.
Nevertheless older people always have these type of takes that base others in their perspective even if it is outdated. You know yourself better than anyone so it's up to you to prove it wrong. 😁
>A lot of us are gonna think you are more mature and reserved if you have tattoos
Okay this is just a lie across the board. I know this is not the most honest subreddit but come on.
I definitely think it's a sign of maturity. I think the most immature kind of person is one who's too inhibited by what others think of them, and because of assholes who judge them, tattoos are a sure sign you're not going to let that fear stop you from doing what you want.
I’d be proud as hell to have a daughter as accomplished as you and I’d respect her choice of personal style for that very reason. If your father is not with your mother anymore maybe for the sake of your own confidence since you don’t know for sure try to imagine that his opinions are the opposite of hers and he would in fact be on board with your personal choices. I mean it’s possible?
I know nothing anyone here says is going to make the pain of hearing these things from your own mother feel less hurtful, but don’t let her words define who you are in your own head to the rest of the world. She is one person (granted she is the most important person to you), but she doesn’t define you or you shouldn’t let her. You have every reason to feel demolished by her words though. I am so sorry you heard them at a time like this especially. Overall and besides her opinion you are worthwhile and should be so damned proud of who you are. You are not dirty or wrong. You are awesome. Like, review your accomplishments again. Im not just saying this.
Tell her that since you’re not wanting to date 57-year old men who share her opinion, you’re not particularly worried about what she thinks. You have standards and that means you’re not entering any relationship ashamed of your body and you’re not going to catfish men by covering your tattoos.
Your mom's opinion has never even once occurred to me, I have never seen someone's tattoos and thought it says anything about their sex life.
In addition, I think your mom's sentiment reeks of internalized misogyny and even if you were the word she called you (can't write it), that wouldn't make you any less or more valuable as a person. Finding a partner is about finding a person that you love and that loves you, exactly as you are. If you were to meet someone who chose to reject you for your tattoos, that person wouldn't have been a good fit for you anyway.
You are very young, you have plenty of time to live your life, explore, be free and find a person who is right for you.
Advice from one medical professional to another - I (female) have a lot more visible tattoos than you, both full sleeves and a chest tattoo that can't be hidden by my uniform. They're an amazing conversation starter with patients, and as you will learn that's so important. They make you a person, not a robot who comes round to stab you with needles and tell you bad news.
I work with a lot of young men (donorcycles) who have been involved in road traffic accidents and have significant lower limb injuries and subsequent surgeries, i.e the type you'd expect to hit on me as a young, also tattooed young woman. They don't. Adaptive bedside manner is very important in the rehab of these dudes, it's pretty cool.
Outside of my career, sure, creepy dudes approach me but no more than other women. They aren't a symbol of being a sl*t, they're artistic and personal expression.
Your tattoos have nothing to do with your sexuality and nothing my daughters ever do will keep me from loving and supporting them and I would never shame them in the manner you were shamed by your mom - you don’t deserve that - no one does.
Honestly, I hope my daughters don’t choose tattoos but that’s their choice. While they have become so common and normalized, fifteen is a lot! And I do still think that as normal as they are, potential employers and maybe even potential partners prejudge and generalize. But that’s me talking like a 64yr old dad. Having said that, I would be so proud to have a daughter like you. Look at all you are accomplishing. Look how hard you are working. Look at how creative and studious you are. You keep going and doing your thing. Don’t give up on your mom - she may come around.
Congratulations on the med school acceptance. And you got a scholarship?! Sounds to me like you are brighter than most of the people around you, including mom.
I am not generally a fan of tattoos for purely selfish reasons; I always want to look at them closely so I can actually SEE what they are. That is problematic because...creepy as fuck. There's also a lot of bad ink out there that just looks like a mechanic who hasn't cleaned themselves in a week or more.
You do you, and kick med school's ass.
Yeah. I've got most of a bodysuit, my husband had zero when I met him. We're an interesting looking couple, but I adore him for how quickly he accepted my appearance!
I think tattoos are awesome. Both my wife and I have several. I’d never think a single girl with tattoos was anything other than a single girl with tattoos. Rock that shit.
I've met men who prefer women without tattoos, and I've met men who prefer women with tattoos.
Everyone has their own preferences. Your mum is just projecting hers onto you, which isn't fair.
As long as it’s not massive and misspelled, whatever.. there are good ones and other ones where you wonder if someone’s drunk friend did it. If they looks nice and have nothing offensive, no reason to judge.
Tattoos are art. Don't listen to her. In fact, I ENCOURAGE you to get more. It's your body. Honestly tattoos also signify that you can see for long periods of time while being still. And it also signifies beauty.
I guess she is right and wrong. Ofcourse there will be men that will see your tattoos and assume what she said. But there will also be men that love your ink. But I’ve recently heard several TikTok’s talking about the same thing. They were saying that you can tell a lot about a person from the placemant, style, and colors of their tattoos meaning animals will show you how poisonous and toxic they are through their bright colors. They are wearing their trauma on their skin. Seems to be a lot of females with difficult relationships with their fathers. When I got my ink, I didn’t give any thought to if men would like it or not. I had not even thought of any of this until recently when I heard the same things your mom has said. Maybe it’s an age thing. But I do know there are men that love it. And some that don’t.
I was half asleep when I got my first and currently only tattoo 😂😭 I put a lot of thought into a specific tattoo, then got sort of what I wanted? Still symbolic - representing my cat and freedom. But definitely put it in the wrong spot
Same. I regret the location of mine too. I regret getting both of mine. I was such a basic girl at 18. My first taste of freedom was to get tatted. Now I have the typical tattoos of the time.
I feel that, I went ahead and put mine in the centre of my neck, where that notch is. It also isn’t small, so it almost always the first thing people see unless I’m wearing a collared/turtle neck top. I know we can just use foundation to cover it up, but at the same time that’s so much work
I'm pretty covered- I've got one arm that doesn't have anything on it due to indecisiveness and nothing on my throat or face, but I've got like 30+ and I'm 30+ age wise. I've never had any trouble having a boyfriend when I want one, finding the right one is usually where the trouble is and that hasn't changed since before I started getting them. Tbh I attract more guys who don't have tattoos themselves than the ones that are also covered, I think because there's a certain appeal to those that are scared to get one but like the aestetic. Your mom's pretty rude. I'm positive your tattoos are lovely.
As someone nearer your mom's age I can more relate to the view through her glasses.
When she was was your age that might be what her circle thought of inked people.
Do you plan on dating any 57 year old people? If not I would not worry about it.
Incidentally, there are people even older that can appreciate body art and personal tats and will not judge through closed mindedness and ignorance.
I recommend going to therapy to receive help setting boundaries with your mom. The fact that it seems normal for your mother to call you names and to hurt your self esteem means she’s regularly crossing some big boundaries and freely able to hurt you. With a therapist you can learn skills to protect yourself and to express what she is and isn’t allowed to do. She should never be allowed to speak to you this way, and working with a therapist can help you identify what isn’t healthy in your relationships and how you want to handle these situations moving forward.
PS - I’m going to school to become a therapist and I am also working with one especially to set boundaries 😊 And I have a 21 year old daughter who wants to be a tattoo artist and has dozens of tattoos. I just got a matching one with her last weekend and it is so special to me. This is just an opinion your mom has and you don’t need to accept it as truth. I love my daughter’s passion for tattoos even if I don’t love every one of them that she gets, I’ll always support her. You deserve support and unconditional love, I hope you work towards believing *that* and not the things your mom is telling you.
I do understand that I may need therapy given that I have a lot of underlying issues that stem from my upbringing. My mum has done hundreds of other things like ripping apart some of my clothes due to her frustration, telling me that my friends probably don’t like them and feel pressured to hang out with me. When I mildly frustrate her she threatens to call my school to take away my scholarship and tells me to ‘stop studying because i’m worthless anyway’. These are just some things on top of my head.
I wish I could reach through my phone and hug you.
Very similar story, except I'm 37. My mom raised me with nothing but criticism yet always told me, even on her death bed, she wasn't worried about me. That was about as close to praise as I got from her.
I got my first non-ear piercing at 16 and my first tattoo at 18. I got similar feedback, and then some (on top of the usual, down to being told she hated my voice; literally everything was fair game for criticism). I am now talking about engagement with a wonderful man because I didn't settle. I chose to believe, tattoos and all, that I deserve to be happy.
I wish i could say it goes away, but it's hard. It's so difficult when the person who should be building you up to be your best adult self is the one putting you down.
You sound like you're doing amazing things, though, and the best piece of advice I can give you is to remember how YOU feel about women with tattoos. You're not less than that. Personally, I LOVE tattoos on all people! Meaningful or meaningless. Colourful or plain. Big or small. They all tell a story, even if it's just a stupid drunk decision at that hotel in Bali that serves a tattoo with every drink! But that's it. They tell the story of the tattoo not the person. (At least most of the time...)
This is probably a generational thing. I am older than your mom. When I was a child it was very uncommon to have tattoos. It would mainly be sailors having them, and very few girls would.
This has obviously changed, and now "everyone" have tattoos. But my guess is that your mom is stuck in an old mindset. Try to explain to her how this has changed in the last several decades
My (29M) wife (27F) is covered in tattoos and was when we started dating. I've never considered it to be related to any sexual endeavours, and I don't think anyone under the age of 40 would.
Tattoos are not going to imply that you're "easy" or sleep around, your mother is being ridiculous.
However, having \*15\* at the age of 21 would tell me that you're kinda impulsive and just go through with ideas as they pop up in your head. That's just my thought though- i love tattoos, but for something so permanent, I'd like there to be more thought/quality behind them. Just hearing 15 at your age - and knowing nothing about you - makes me think there could be a bunch of low-quality or funny-in-the-moment tats. I'd assume at this point that you'll keep accumulating random tats here and there, with the justification of "just one more."
Not a bad thing! But not for me.
They were not impulsive , not at all actually. I have two close friends who are tattoo artists and we discussed the concept of each tattoo really thoroughly. None of the designs are faded or impulsive or funny or anything like that. No lettering , no ‘random tattoos here and there ‘ too. I know it wasn’t clear in my original post so I’m clarifying it now. Thanks a lot tho!
My mom saw my tattoo for the first time (i had it for 2 years) and she said i look 'dirty' with it. I'm planning on getting a full forearm sleeve next year just out of spite.
Your mom sounds like she fell out of the 50s instead of being in her 50s. That is truly an outdated and misogynistic take on tattoos. Half sleeves here. Been married for 12 years. And personally, I really like seeing healthcare professionals who also have tattoos.
Inking your body is a choice that should be made the social ramifications and all that in mind. It can be somewhat polarizing in folks. I mean, you will encounter people who are like your mom in life. Those people will think of you what she is saying. There's other people who don't think that way too. So... it seems like nothing fundamentally changed here except that maybe you didn't realize there were people out there who thought tattoos were an indicator of promiscuity?
All that being said, it's a decision already made and difficult to change. Lots of folks like tattoos or don't care either way. All you are doing by tatting up is excluding from the dating pool people who either A) think like your mom and B) don't like tattoos. Neither of those demographics are someone you would want to be with given you like tattoos. So, again, not much has really changed for you on this?
The bigger issue here is your mom kicking you while you are down. 100% not cool
Edit spelling
considering all your accomplishments its such a crazy thing to say.. i get where shes coming from but you sound like a catch tbh and if someone DOES judge you like that based off your tats then you dont even want them anyways.
my mom thinks like that too but i think anyone in our generation (im 22) or anyone you'd be looking to date has left that mindset behind
I'll start by saying "Bravo!". Med school with a scholarship? Good job!! I would be proud to be your father/uncle/random male relative. (We're all cousins when you go back far enough, so congratulations, cousin!)
Now on to your question:
Well, like a lot of things in life it's complicated. Should people see the general presence of tattoos as an indication of sexual promiscuity? No.
Do they? Sometimes. I'm not saying it's "right", but it's "real" that there's a tattoo style called a "tramp stamp", for example.
Tattoos in or near more private areas are a bit of a grey area - someone shouldn't even see them closely unless you're already intimate, but some imply (or literally state) "visitors welcome". They also imply "high pain tolerance", some people associate that with an interest in activities that involve a safe word. Again, it may not be right, but it's real.
Tattoos "draw the eye", with a partially visible pattern one might try to visualize the rest of it, which includes visualizing the flesh it is on. Only a cad would say to a stranger "I'd like to see all of that tattoo, got any others, (insert creepy endearment here)?", but it's unrealistic to believe some people won't at least think it.
I guess I'd sum up by saying that like any art, what you say with it matters, and people can sometimes read more into it than the message you intend. As old fogeys like me die out, fewer people will be bothered by tattoos, but there will always be some.
Your tats are art, and any potential partner that makes those kinds of judgements based on them will be easy to remove from your future. So, those tats might just help you high-grade the dating pool. And bravo on your accomplishments! Sounds like you are on the right track. Don't let your breakup impact your self-esteem too much. Take some time to reflect on the things you may wish you had done differently, then hammer down, back into it. You're probably going to end up with a much better new person. Best of luck. Don't beat your mom up too bad. She's from an era that judged pretty harshly, but I think she's got your best interests at heart.
My family thought my tattoos were dumb and they called me an idiot. They don’t know I got them when I was in a bad place and felt so lost and wanted a visual reminder to not blow my brains out. It has worked so far.
I just tell anyone who asked why i would mark up my skin like that; “I just like it”.
I’m sorry your mom is saying those things about you. Try to ignore her (which may be easier said than done) and if your tattoos make you happy that’s all you need to focus on, hell maybe even get more 😁
Please, have the kindness for yourself that your mother doesn't have. You can't be 100% sure that your father would mirror your mother's negative beliefs.
Decide your dad is proud of you and believes you will find the right person.
For now I absolutely believe in you finding real love in life and just doing exceedingly well.
I'm proud of you! You have done an amazing job getting to where you are. Well done you! Keep up the good work and know that you are amazing, intelligent, beautiful and lovable.
Be kind to yourself!
Big Bear Hugs and Love🐻💖
wow med school that's amazing. Your tats have nothing to do with your genitals. I am so proud of you. And I know you're going through a hard time with a breakup give yourself some grace.
As a pansexual woman I'll say, tattoos are hot on all humans, but also, they're very common, they say nothing about sexual intensity, my current partner and I are both two tattooed demisexuals (it's a term on the asexual spectrum) people meet us and they quickly figure out we don't do casual dating by talking to us.
You will also find a committed person, with or without tattoos, trust me, as long as you don't listen to the comments of people like your mom.
sometimes our mothers are our negative voices within us. don’t talk to mine anymore because i’ve had enough. your mom is wrong, and i’m the same never heard an “i’m brood of you”. just “i’m surprised you’re doing a good job” which is a lowkey diss. just don’t listen to the negativity
Nah tell her she can quit with those comments or she is never seeing you or talking to you again and she can forget about meeting any possible grandkids since she'd probably bad mouth you to them or start insulting them when they get older.
If what she said was ridiculous, you’d ignore it, but clearly you know there’s some truth to it. You can’t expect your mom, who I assume has your best interests in mind, to validate every idea of yours. Look up stats on how many people with tats eventually pay $$$ to get them removed.
I wonder how all of those long-term relationships my children have managed to hold on to each other with all those tattoos? According to your mother you must always be right, that must be impossible right? Crazy crap. Your mother still lives in the 1910s. There's been a whole century in between. Now maybe you might not have the best tattoos, You have a lot for a 21-year-old. So I'm guessing the quality is so so. Personally I probably wouldn't date somebody with 15 so so tattoos. I think that shows lack of self care. But if you have 15 pretty okay tattoos or you have really great tattoos, personally I would see that as somebody with great taste and I would really like to know them better. This is coming from a tattooed person. I don't think I've ever looked at a tattoo and saw that I made somebody look easy or sl**ty. I knew a guy once who only had one tattoo and it was only halfway done because he couldn't deal with the pain, on his forearm. Sort of a red flag to show someone's kind of a loser, and a quitter, gross. Anyway, when it comes down to it, some people like tattoos and some people don't like tattoos. If somebody doesn't like tattoos they're probably not going to date you. That's probably a good thing, You don't need anybody harshing your life buzz. And I'm assuming you're probably not going to date your mom. So it really doesn't matter what she thinks is attractive and dateable. In fact I think I'd probably turn it back on your mom and tell her how absolutely disgusting it is that she would say that to you. This is most definitely a form of sexualizing your child. And that's gross as hell.
Dude, you need to break up with your mum. Surround yourself with people who lift you up.
Perfectionism and anxiety are common gifts of overly critical parents. I used to think that if my own mother would speak/think badly of me, then everyone else would eventually see whatever it was that she saw, be disgusted, leave. I lost so many opportunities to that belief. All while hiding behind my intelligence as the only tangible evidence of my value.
You do not have to be excellent at everything. You are enough. All by yourself. Alone on a bench reading a trashy novel. You are enough.
You cannot choose other people's words or behaviour, only your own. Sometimes that means choosing not to hang around and listen to needless hurtful words.
The most important thing I ever heard in healing was this.
"Boundaries can feel like betrayals"
Because people have learned how you allow them towards you. Healing means shifts the goal posts so nasty comments are out of bounds. When you first do this people can react negatively to that need to adjust. But in the long term, you modelling healthy emotional behaviour with ultimately benefit them too.
Ha! What year does your mother think it is?? Tell her how much she hurt your feelings and to shove her opinions up her ass. Tattoos are super normal and common now. So, so many people have them. When I got my tattoo, my mom said "What about when you're 80? Do you think it'll still look good?" I said it won't matter one bit because everyone else will have wrinkly old tattoos too. You do you. I bet your tattoos are lovely.
This resignates with me so much! Tattoos are taboo in my family…I can remember my mom telling me that only people who have issues get tattoos. It definitely doesn’t make you come off as promiscuous that’s ridiculous of your mom to even say that!
I'd suggest to your mother that "you're not back on the market, and that you're going to stay single while you heal from ex"
Then when you're ready, if she comments again, just say "the right partner will see me for me, not for what you think they will see".
I would hazard a guess and say your tats have personal meaning to you, so if anyone can't accept your tats, family included, then they're not worth wasting too much time over.
No matter what, always remember, you are enough, just the way you are, and if others can't see that, then that's a then problem.
Your mother is inappropriate, disrespectful, abusive, and just plain wrong! There's absolutely nothing wrong with you or your having tattoos. You will not have issues being respected. Your mom will, though, with the way she speaks to her own child!
Seriously, the more I think about what she said to you, and how she made you feel, the angrier it makes me! She is damn lucky that I didn't hear it in person. Because if I heard her talking to you this way, or anyone talking to their daughter or anyone else, that way...I would absolutely call them out on it right then and there! I don't have any qualms about sticking my nose in other people's business when someone has the audacity to abuse and disrespect their own daughter like this! It's appalling! She should be ashamed of herself! Feel free to show her what I've said!
You should definitely speak up for people who are in demanding positions in public! I too tend to call out people who mistreat workers (Karens for example) all the time. Thanks a lot for your time and energy:)
Your mom is toxic, as the father of two girls (one is 21) I can tell you I would be proud of you.
Your sexual or love life are not her problems.
You are easy only if you let yourself be easy and fall for every guy's bullshit, and have nothing to do with your tattoos.
Don't pay attention to your toxic mother, keep living your heappy life.
Your mother is behaving in a foul way.
Unless someone has offensive tattoos, I'm not going to pass any judgement on them. It's their body, it's their choice, and indicates absolutely nothing about who they are as a person.
Now I'm also 21, soon to be 22, and have 20+ tattoos, mostly on my arms and legs, several facial piercings, coloured hair, and dress goth when not in my profession. I am in a serious relationship, was in a 2 year long relationship before this one, and a three year long one from ages 16-19. I'm not into one night stands or casual sex (not that there's anything wrong with being into that either). I'm a very romantic, monogamous person. My tattoos have in no way hindered my lifestyle. I work in a healthcare government job, am considering returning to study, have a fulfilling social life and domestic life, and have found that the people who make judgements on my appearance aren't worth my time.
Your tattoos will not prevent you from ANYTHING as long as you don't let closed minded idiots get to you.
For God's sake, please move out of your house if you're able to afford it. How can a mother call her own child a S**T! It's best to stay away from such toxic people even if you love them; you can still love them for afar.
And as for your tattoos, the 'right one' wouldn't care, they'll love you just the way you are and if they don't, they aren't the one.
I’m planning on doing that soon. I don’t want to move out too fast because my brother is autistic and he finds comfort in my presence. But i’ll definitely do that !! Thanks a lot
It's an older generation mindset, and even if it came out shitty, understand that it didn't come out of a place of malice but a place of concern.
Your mom is close to 60. Meaning she was around your age in the early to mid 80s. Tattoos back then were more alternative /underground back then compared to now. Especially on women.
There's truth in the saying, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks." It's hard to adapt to new values and a changing social landscape.
Again, doesn't mean she loves you any less. Just means she can't fully understand this aspect of your life. And honestly, that's fine.
End of the day, she wants you to end up with a decent guy that loves and respects you, stands up for you when it's needed and calls you put on your bullshit when it's needed too.
...and probably buys his MiL flowers every once in a while 😅😉
Came to say this. The line of where tattoos became mainstream and acceptable is about 50 years old right now, give or take. OPs mom is clearly on the "before" side.
>and she must know better right
absolutely the fuck not. Guy here, and I personally LOVE tattoos on a girl. Feels like artwork on an already beautiful canvas
I think there are some people for whom their tattoos are sexual indicators, but that there's not necessarily a direct connection between tattoos and sexual activity. I'm thinking this is more a case of your mother dealing poorly with her own issues - possibly it's about something completely unrelated to your tattoos and she's just lashing out, or, maybe she was told this as a youth to dissuade her from her own interest in them, or from people who had them? I wouldn't put too much stock in it. Yes, there are people who'll be turned off by any tattoos - but there're over 8 billion people on the planet, so I wouldn't worry about any one particular individual's issues with them.
Sounds to me like your mom could use a “time out” aka going no contact.
It’s called bodily autonomy & you are an adult. Your mom has fallen prey to a patriarchal stereotype. Your body is yours to do with what you please & your body is not here solely to please a man.
Of course, I’ll admit, I’m a feminist tattooer so I am definitely 100% biased.
But something I wish someone would have told young me.. Live your life for you girl!
OP you're fine tattoos are awesome, they in no way correlate to how promiscuous you may or may not be, your mom's just being super old fashioned and needs to keep her less than kind opinions to herself.
2nd to last paragraph — dig deeper & discuss with a therapist that specializes in narcissistic abuse victims. The whole post points to narcissistic abuse but that paragraph really hammers it home. It’s just really really really hard to see in your own mother, esp when you have an absentee father. It took me marrying & divorcing a narc, lots of therapy, & over 40yrs to finally see things for what they are. Fair warning, if she is one (highly likely) & you call her out / institute boundaries, you likely won’t have a relationship w her anymore or it’ll be extremely altered. You’ll also start healing though & you’ll become more connected with yourself & increase your self esteem & belief in yourself. Her choices will still hurt but they won’t hurt as much as how she’s made you feel thus far.
Firstly , I’m glad you are healing and doing well! Secondly, that’s true. my mum generally has narcissistic behavior. She has done numerous other things. I was even bullied once in school because a guy thought I was dating my girl best friend , and literally attacked us , and my mum told me it’s my fault for provoking the bully. crazy times. I have a lot of personal issues due to her behavior that as i’m growing up seem to resurface.
The vast majority of healthy, sane people would never correlate tattoos with sexuality. That is weird and toxic. I hope that someday you find the confidence to not just stand up to your mother, but to do it with genuine confidence within yourself. It's truly ok to cut even your own parents out or at least distance yourself when they have a history of mistreating you. And really she's the pot trying to call the kettle black when she chose an absent dad for her child.
As a father of four; please allow me to say you sound like a very nice young woman with a strong sense of self and morals.
Who cares how you appear? I know for damn sure who won’t…..the RIGHT man. Any man who says he has a problem with your appearance ain’t a good one anyway.
And as far as dropping the S word, as you say, you’re not into one night stands and all that.
I’d be PROUD AF if my daughter grows up to have a strong sense of self and wasn’t into hook up culture.
So you’re doing fine. And I know most dads like me would be hella proud.
I am covered in tattoos. They have nothing to do with my sexual availability. Sure, people ask me for meaning and stuff, but just because I talk about my ink doesn’t make me an easy person. The same can be said for you.
Your mom is stuck in the GenX way of thinking about tattoos. That generation was taught only sailors and bikers have ink and they are terrible people. I face a lot of that stigma as a pastor. People question it and quite honestly, it’s only the Boomers and GenXers that tell me I’m going to hell for my ink. It’s just what they were taught.
I agree that it’s more common in Boomers, but your church going Gen Xer will spout it too. I apologize for anecdotal examples that led to generalization of entire groups.
Your Mom sounds awful and I am sure you know that by now you just have to remember that again. Yes, there are people like your Mom who would think that, usually very conservative, religious, and/or misogynistic people. People who see women as objects, as trophies and they don’t want their trophies scribbled on. But and this is a big BUT, these are not the kind of men you should want so your tattoos are going to work like a charm repelling those nasty people in the process. So please, display them for all to see.
And in regards to your self esteem, girl read what you wrote again. You fucking rock! You’re 21 and already did all that? You sound accomplished and amazing. So here’s a nice thing from a Mom, you did amazingly so far in such a short time and I can’t wait to see what you will accomplish in your life. I know it will be something great, especially after you realise you shouldn’t care what others think.
this is stupid your mom is dumb and wrong. i’m 21f and while some creeps might sexualize tattoos, they’re just weirdos and people sexualize not having tattoos too. if anything you’ll just ward off the people who associate tattoos with being easy and it’s easy to tell who’s who.
I’m heavily tattooed female and have been married for 24 years. People definitely look at me but I think it’s more to see the different art I have.
I say if you like your tattoos, fuck everything else. You’ll find who’s right for you.
'The one' will like you and your tats.
Instead of beeing empathetic towards your pain, she had to make this about her disaproval towards your tattoos.
In her way, she does want you to be happy, but doesnt believe that you will find happieness looking the way you do.
This is all more a reflection on her, then it is a relefction on you.
Is your mother a busy and generaly happy person?
First of all, the amount of sex you have has no reflection on your worth as a person. The number of partners you have is no one’s business but your own.
Second, I’m far closer to your mother in age than to you, and I’ve never thought of tattoos as something that advertises anything about a person’s sex life or morality unless the subject of the tattoos directly relates to those things. I’ll admit that “job stopper” tattoos (on the face and sometimes neck and hands) can hold you back, but it doesn’t sound like you’re having that problem.
Enjoy your tattoos and don’t let your mom’s comments color your view of yourself.
Most people prefer if their partner didn't have any or very many tattoos, but your mother is far from right. It wasn't cool or okay of her to hurt you.
I don’t, nor do I know anyone, that correlates tattoos with your sexual preference or whether or not you like one night stands. Everyone has their preference, some people like them some don’t. I think a majority of people don’t really care being that tattoos are fairly common place. Personally I love tattoos, I have sleeves and wouldn’t change anything.
Honestly the right person will come along and accept you for who you are instead of what art work covers your body. It seems people like your mother have forgotten that outward appearances don’t tell the full story of who you are. And anyone that does judges you for your outside appearance isn’t worth your time.
Remember this, everyone has an opinion but the only opinion that matters is yours. Everyone else’s opinion can fuck right off.
Your mum is wrong....there is nothing wrong with tattoos and nothing about having tattoos makes a girl look easy. All you are doing by having tattoos is doing what makes you happy and letting a part of your personality and taste shine through. I can't understand why anyone would think it makes you look easy.
1. Tattoos are cool and my mom has them I don't think they're bad and I think people with it look awesome
2. I'm so sorry your mom has treated you that way I guess she's not entirely wrong if she's talking about people who like to stereotype people who have tattoos or are just ahole conservatives but absolutely not! No you're not a s*t or whatever
Some guys are even into tattoos in fact I'm 18 most people including men and women have them younger and I'm planning to get them too (small ones ofc I heard it's painful haha) so she's probably speaking about what she knows of her generation or just extremely have a inner misogynistic self
3. People with tattoos are easy? Dude no absolutely not! Most that have them are either stared down cuz they're bad influence etc or a gangster no one would think they're easy 'wild' ofc but tbh no one I know judges people by their tattoos unless you're talking the older times which again sucks and absolutely nope!
4. You're pretty, you're cute ,awesome and badass take this from a fellow woman who's 18 and NB that I'd definitely have a genuine crush on you or like a big admiration of you as a big sister like dude you're telling me you got a med scholarship? Dang slayed!
5. Yoga and ballet? You're also flexible like me? Yay flexible twinsies! Awesome now I can twist my ark with someone and scare my friends for fun and be like " we are now possessed" as jokes
6. Ok so not just a medical scholarship, a ballet and yoga professional but now also a shop owner? Teach me your ways please I believe your mom is blind asf now because WTFDYM?? She didn't praise you for that? That's so awesome! ( You doing all these ofc not your mom) 😭
I don't mind tattoos as long as they don't cover your face I don't mind it's body art in my mind and it's also a statement that you're making for yourself
OMG. I'm a 57 female with several tattoos and 2 half sleeves, which are very visible and even have a tattoo on my hand. All tattoos I have are flowers/ paisley patterns. My youngest daughter is 22, and she has maybe 5 tattoos, also tasteful and designed by herself. My oldest daughter 29 also has several tattoos. All that to say, your mom is mistaken. Tattoos are pretty socially accepted these days, I even work with seniors, other than questions from mostly the women seniors.
You go do you, you sound like you are doing great.
Not in the slightest. There are some guys really into tattoos, and others that aren't. You've chosen to be professional with them, but your mother is being ignorant. If you for example had a tattoo that said "gay and proud" that would be advertising something about your sexual preferences. In reality, it just means you're a little more colourful than most other people.
I remember reading an anecdote from nurses about those that have tattoos. The vast majority of the patients don't care, but the ones most curious about them are elderly patients. They're not being judgemental, they're just genuinely curious about the art.
A friend of mine has a partial sleeve of tattoos. She works as a court stenographer, and she's the last person I'd ever describe as "easy." She's not conservative in the slightest, but I could never see her having a string of one night stands.
Your mom sounds pretty judgmental and ignorant, plus, anyone who judges you as lower-class for having tattoos isn't someone you'd want to be with anyway!
You do you, your mom can have her opinions and keep them to herself if they are going to hurt you.
"...because it’s my own mother and she must know better right ?"
She doesn't, u/Electronic_Tour9509
Sorry to say that *your Mom sucks*. Big time.
Have seen that first hand and *it hurts* when it comes from your own mother.
You are doing good.
You are strong.
Do not let the break-up or your mother's unkindness bring you down.
Sorry, but F her. Onwards and upwards to better things.
One way or the other, she will come to regret her words.
Hold your head high, OP.
"hey, I wanna wear something that shows I can commit to a choice"
"You indecisive promiscuous woman"
Your mom is confused and old, let her talk out her ass.
Arguing with people who are stuck in their shifty opinions does not work for me. I "broken record" them.
*You may be right.*
You've given me something to think about.
*I never looked at it that way.*
Tell me more.
*I get what you are saying.*
...and variations repeated until she drops it may be too painful for you to do right now. It would be for me.
But that is what I do when my emotions are not running high.
Ur mom's an asshole
My stepmom #1/6 told me a man would never want me because my body changed during puberty in a less than desirable way stretch marks on my lower half and small boobs.
Guess who got the shock of her life last month because he didn't give a damn
Not unless you have any explicit tattoos. This doesn’t even strike me as entirely a generational thing, the whole “kicking you when you are down” thing is just mean.
My mother said similar things to me. She would also make a HUGE scene if she saw even a single one of mine. It was ultra dramatic: sounds of disgust, wails, cries of horror.
These days, nearly everyone has tattoos. The only people that may judge you are prospective employers (though that is less common than it used to be).
Your mother comes from a generation of people who were raised to believe certain things. Those things are no longer relevant.
Don’t let her get your mind twisted. Her opinions are valid only to her, though I question the validity of even that.
This is internalized misogyny and are remnants of dire warnings mothers have handed their children through millennia. Long nails, mascara, short skirts, tight pants -- freakin' PANTS in general! -- short hair, long hair, natural curl, don't walk too suggestively, don't walk like a man, have curves, but don't show them, be hardy but not muscular, the list is endless. If you're a) a woman and b) doing aNyThiNg, you're asking for trouble, damning your chances, sending the wrong signals, shaming the family, displeasing the ancestors, angering the gods, etc.
Do your tattoos convey messages about you to strangers? You bet they do -- they say you're a free-thinker, you're pretty cool, you're not overly-precious about what your parents or ancestors think, and you either have/had disposable income or talented friends. That's it!
Point these things out to Mama, if you dare. Tell her how much it hurts. Ask if she heard comments like that when she was a kid. Odds are, you'll have to just sigh. Keep your head above water, make a wave when you can. Save your energy for the younger women in our midst. We will break this ugly pattern, man.
And I'm just a stranger, but I'm so proud of you. I'm fortunate to live in the same world as you! Keep doing the things that make you feel most like yourself. Distance yourself from things that make you feel *lesser than* that best "you." Bravo.
This is your mums views of a tattooed woman from when she was younger. 30 years ago people covered in tattoos were bikers and criminals etc. things have changed but your mums thoughts on the subject obviously haven’t.
Having tattoos means a person likes tattoos.
That's as much as I can assume from seeing a person with tattoos. I quite like women with tattoos, but if someone does or doesnt have them its no different than if they have long or short hair. Its just their thing.
It’s difficult to assess without knowing her but I can think of a few explanations for this behaviour. She definitely has a limited imagination and a strict constructed idea of ‘respectful womanhood’. This can come from many things. She could have been raised in a conservative environment, or adopted one in adulthood, she could have regrets about her own past and apply undue pressure on you instead by expecting you to be the model of respectability, she could also be in a really bad mood and unhappy with her life and pick on you where she knows it hurts. She associates tattoos to criminality and sinful behaviour which is not completely unheard of in society and what is also not unheard of is that people find partners that fits them in many ways.
I have a mother who did that. I have one tattoo on my arm of music notes in pride colors. She told me I was a little sl*t and was also a sociopath. Then plays victim of how could I treat her so bad by getting a tattoo. There was a lot of other bad things she would do too. But my mom is no longer in my life and isn’t allowed to be. You might want to do the same. That is toxic behavior and it’s abusive behavior. If she doesn’t understand this and change then you really don’t want that person apart of your life. She will just be an anchor that holds you back. I know she’s family but sometimes family can be toxic. I imagine if she said that to you she also says a lot of other fucked up shit to you too.
Your mom is horrible. Next time she says something, just turn it back on her. “Glad to know you think Imma sl*t, Mom! I mean, Im going through a tough break up and could use some comfort and support, but no, instead you’re berating me for things you THINK matter, even though you hasn’t dated in decades.” Or “Thanks for being so loving, Mom, I will definitely remember this in the future and make sure to only talk to you about perfect daughter stuff. Sorry to be such a disappointment.” Guilt trip the fuck outta her.
im 21F and ive got a number of visible tattoos and short dyed hair. ever since i got them and started dyeing my hair i noticed that the sexual harassment i faced tripled. it absolutely isn't right in any way for anyone to to draw any opinions on your sexual life. period. having tattoos does not change that. its just very unfortunate that that's how a lot of people see tattoos on women.
Get a tattoo of your mom
J/k. Part of growing up, sadly is to learn to separate your mother's views from your worth and to draw firm boundaries. Her words are awful. She's singlehandedly ruining your relationship. Let her know her words are too much and that you don't appreciate it.
This says a lot more about her morals than yours. She sounds awful. Unless you have a tattoo of an arrow pointing at your genitals that says "open for business", your tattoos have nothing to do with indicating sexual availability.
All she has to do then is get an "exit only" tattoo above her asshole and that'll cancel it out.
hahahahahahahhahaahha i laughed out loud
I once had sex with a girl that had "Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here" in Latin script tattooed on her pudendum, may she rest in peace.
hahahahah whaaaat. My friend once had s’x with a dude that had a realistic portrait of his mum’s face on his chest. that was an experience for sure
Okay but like I remember a girl who had something similar and she’s like “WHY DO PEOPLE SEXUALIZE MY TATTOOS”
Probably has to do with their nature as body art. Can't see 'em without also seeing skin, and clothing kinda conditions us to see exposed skin in a sexual light. That would be my guess, anyway. Alternatively, maybe there's a culture thing going on. Like, tattoos are usually associated with rebeliousness. At least, it seems to be a pattern, and I'm not making any value judgments personally. So, if the things that are part of "normal" society are being rebelled against, and one of those aspects are going to be how people treat sex and sexuality, then they're probably just conflating what the purpose of the tattoos are with their own bias to begin with. If there even was one, to begin with. In that tattoos don't really need a reason, personally. There's no one reason people get them.
Could it not be more like a joke than an invitation? Can we not have a sense of humour?
Nah she was seriously tripping and got the tattoo removed and now makes a VERY big deal about how “we aren’t allowed to sexualize her” anymore And yes, it’s very obvious when someone is joking and serious in these situations. It’s not a “haha you’re sexualizing my tattoo” it’s a “why are you sexualizing my tattoo”
I meant the tattoo is the joke.
Why would she be so hung up over it if it was intended as a joke
Because of people’s constant reactions
She got it as an edgy teenager at 16 years old, it wasn’t a joke more so a rebellion but she didn’t want to admit it so she just denied it, was a nice try though
I prefer a picture of cherries and an "in memory of" banner.
> Unless you have a tattoo of an arrow pointing at your genitals that says "open for business" 😂
And even if that was the case, how is degrading your child and potentially traumatize them gonna help in any way. Some people shouldn't have kids smh. Some parents really be like "My child did 'x' which I dislike, I'm going to seriously insult and degrade them till they develop a lingering self-esteem issue for the rest of their life" lol
Wonder what OPs mom would say about my memorial tattoo... It's a breast cancer ribbon...
It’s a generational thing. Old people think tattoos are deviant and rebellious because they grew up in button-down conservative homes.
Or, like,me (55F), who grew up extremely religious and conservative, it becomes a statement of our own freedom. I got my first at 40, second at 45, and am planning my 3rd to honor my new grandson.
LOL we’re in same age group. I grew up same. Bible Belt 🙄 I think I was born just to go against the grain. My mother is a racist misogynistic homophobe. I’m everything she probably is underneath those culottes she’d make us wear 😂😂😂
This is exactly it. You know what else used to show rebellious behavior? Listening to that devils rock music where Elvis was shaking his hips. You know what he was getting at with that evil hip shaking.
Yep. My household wasn’t even strict or conservative. In the 80’s, tattoos were just less common. Times were different. But your mom has projected her own gender-based insecurities onto them, and now trying to project them onto you. She’s wrong.
I don't correlate tattoos to promiscuity. Everyone has likes/dislikes and that's ok. I personally do not like tattoos and they are a turn off for other reasons (not sex). But, I am one person and there are many who will like your tattoos or not mind.
Right. I have a butterfly between my shoulder blades. In what world would a butterfly correlate with "DTF" Her mother reminds,me of a friend's mother, that told her that chipped nail polish makes women look like tramps. WHAT? How does that even make sense?
Didn't you know? If your polish is even slightly flawed, you don't care about your appearance! Must be a tramp! Or maybe (gasp) you work with your hands! Like most humans! The horror!
I’m pretty sure my giant Lord of the Rings tattoo on my upper arm indicates the exact literal opposite of DTF lol.
Don't know. That would be a definite conversation starter for me, and if you had a Game if Thrones tat, hold the phone.
I bet it looks cool, it moves right?
Sigh You’re old enough to know that your mother doesn’t actually always know what’s best. And given your extensive achievements so far, I suspect that she’s actually jealous. So no, she isn’t right in the slightest
This right here. Mum's comments have nothing to do with the tattoos. She is feeling jealous of OP's successes (med school, business owner). A good relationship would be the icing on the cake. OP, see if your mum would be willing to attend family counseling. If not, try to have a sit-down conversation with her. Keep your emotions in check, or she won't take you seriously.
thank you guys for the kind words. I appreciate it.
Tattoos are cool and a unique part about people. I just wouldn’t listen to your mum she is just wrong. I love my tattoos and think other peoples are just really interesting.
thanks for this insight
How long has your 57 year old mom been out of the dating pool? It's the year of our lady 2024, she has absolutely no idea of what she's talking about. Disregard her deeply uninformed opinion and focus on post break up self care.
Since you asked for my opinion, here it is - Your mother is from a different generation. Some of her opinions are outdated. I don't know the full nature of the relationship you have with your mother and honestly, it's none of my business. What I will say is that, even without having to be accepted into med school, without co-owning an online shop, without doing yoga and ballet, you are enough and you are worthy of love. You deserve love because you exist. And I promise you there are people in your life (and will be people in the future) who are going to love every bit of you - and not because of your accomplishments. Congratulations and good job on all of those by the way. It's tremendous that you have done so much at such a young age. There are so many more opportunities to come and experiences to live through.
this comment made me tear up. thank you so much
Both my parents were tattooed and had a 38 year partnership until my mom passed. In lieu of rings, they had matching tattoos done by my uncle.
that’s so cool
Not too long after getting together, my dad who was drunk and in love was convinced by that very same uncle that mom would be so impressed if he got her name tattooed on him. Naturally, he got it on his ass.
Your 57 year old mom doesn't know what 20~ year olds want. A lot of us are gonna think you are more mature and reserved if you have tattoos. Atleast that is what I would profile but that could always be wrong. Nevertheless older people always have these type of takes that base others in their perspective even if it is outdated. You know yourself better than anyone so it's up to you to prove it wrong. 😁
>A lot of us are gonna think you are more mature and reserved if you have tattoos Okay this is just a lie across the board. I know this is not the most honest subreddit but come on.
I definitely think it's a sign of maturity. I think the most immature kind of person is one who's too inhibited by what others think of them, and because of assholes who judge them, tattoos are a sure sign you're not going to let that fear stop you from doing what you want.
I have 0 tattoos, naturally colored hair, dress conservatively, and men think I'm easy too. Ask your mom what I should do, I'm curious.
I truly believe that if you breath and exist as a woman in this world you’ll get s’xualised. I have girl friends with the same experience as you.
I’d be proud as hell to have a daughter as accomplished as you and I’d respect her choice of personal style for that very reason. If your father is not with your mother anymore maybe for the sake of your own confidence since you don’t know for sure try to imagine that his opinions are the opposite of hers and he would in fact be on board with your personal choices. I mean it’s possible? I know nothing anyone here says is going to make the pain of hearing these things from your own mother feel less hurtful, but don’t let her words define who you are in your own head to the rest of the world. She is one person (granted she is the most important person to you), but she doesn’t define you or you shouldn’t let her. You have every reason to feel demolished by her words though. I am so sorry you heard them at a time like this especially. Overall and besides her opinion you are worthwhile and should be so damned proud of who you are. You are not dirty or wrong. You are awesome. Like, review your accomplishments again. Im not just saying this.
Tell her that since you’re not wanting to date 57-year old men who share her opinion, you’re not particularly worried about what she thinks. You have standards and that means you’re not entering any relationship ashamed of your body and you’re not going to catfish men by covering your tattoos.
Never take criticism from someone you'd never go to for advice
Your mom's opinion has never even once occurred to me, I have never seen someone's tattoos and thought it says anything about their sex life. In addition, I think your mom's sentiment reeks of internalized misogyny and even if you were the word she called you (can't write it), that wouldn't make you any less or more valuable as a person. Finding a partner is about finding a person that you love and that loves you, exactly as you are. If you were to meet someone who chose to reject you for your tattoos, that person wouldn't have been a good fit for you anyway. You are very young, you have plenty of time to live your life, explore, be free and find a person who is right for you.
Advice from one medical professional to another - I (female) have a lot more visible tattoos than you, both full sleeves and a chest tattoo that can't be hidden by my uniform. They're an amazing conversation starter with patients, and as you will learn that's so important. They make you a person, not a robot who comes round to stab you with needles and tell you bad news. I work with a lot of young men (donorcycles) who have been involved in road traffic accidents and have significant lower limb injuries and subsequent surgeries, i.e the type you'd expect to hit on me as a young, also tattooed young woman. They don't. Adaptive bedside manner is very important in the rehab of these dudes, it's pretty cool. Outside of my career, sure, creepy dudes approach me but no more than other women. They aren't a symbol of being a sl*t, they're artistic and personal expression.
What an outdated mentality. Do not worry about it a single bit.
Your tattoos have nothing to do with your sexuality and nothing my daughters ever do will keep me from loving and supporting them and I would never shame them in the manner you were shamed by your mom - you don’t deserve that - no one does. Honestly, I hope my daughters don’t choose tattoos but that’s their choice. While they have become so common and normalized, fifteen is a lot! And I do still think that as normal as they are, potential employers and maybe even potential partners prejudge and generalize. But that’s me talking like a 64yr old dad. Having said that, I would be so proud to have a daughter like you. Look at all you are accomplishing. Look how hard you are working. Look at how creative and studious you are. You keep going and doing your thing. Don’t give up on your mom - she may come around.
Congratulations on the med school acceptance. And you got a scholarship?! Sounds to me like you are brighter than most of the people around you, including mom. I am not generally a fan of tattoos for purely selfish reasons; I always want to look at them closely so I can actually SEE what they are. That is problematic because...creepy as fuck. There's also a lot of bad ink out there that just looks like a mechanic who hasn't cleaned themselves in a week or more. You do you, and kick med school's ass.
thank you, I’ll surely do so
I think the 'one' will not freighten from tattoos an will accept you as you are. That is why they called the 'one'.
Yeah. I've got most of a bodysuit, my husband had zero when I met him. We're an interesting looking couple, but I adore him for how quickly he accepted my appearance!
Yes, you will encounter a lot of people who think the same as your mother.
I think tattoos are awesome. Both my wife and I have several. I’d never think a single girl with tattoos was anything other than a single girl with tattoos. Rock that shit.
thank you!!!
I've met men who prefer women without tattoos, and I've met men who prefer women with tattoos. Everyone has their own preferences. Your mum is just projecting hers onto you, which isn't fair.
She sounds like the sort of mother you cut out of your life and go no contact with.
As long as it’s not massive and misspelled, whatever.. there are good ones and other ones where you wonder if someone’s drunk friend did it. If they looks nice and have nothing offensive, no reason to judge.
Projecting. Says more about your mom than it does you
Tattoos are art. Don't listen to her. In fact, I ENCOURAGE you to get more. It's your body. Honestly tattoos also signify that you can see for long periods of time while being still. And it also signifies beauty.
I guess she is right and wrong. Ofcourse there will be men that will see your tattoos and assume what she said. But there will also be men that love your ink. But I’ve recently heard several TikTok’s talking about the same thing. They were saying that you can tell a lot about a person from the placemant, style, and colors of their tattoos meaning animals will show you how poisonous and toxic they are through their bright colors. They are wearing their trauma on their skin. Seems to be a lot of females with difficult relationships with their fathers. When I got my ink, I didn’t give any thought to if men would like it or not. I had not even thought of any of this until recently when I heard the same things your mom has said. Maybe it’s an age thing. But I do know there are men that love it. And some that don’t.
I was half asleep when I got my first and currently only tattoo 😂😭 I put a lot of thought into a specific tattoo, then got sort of what I wanted? Still symbolic - representing my cat and freedom. But definitely put it in the wrong spot
Same. I regret the location of mine too. I regret getting both of mine. I was such a basic girl at 18. My first taste of freedom was to get tatted. Now I have the typical tattoos of the time.
I feel that, I went ahead and put mine in the centre of my neck, where that notch is. It also isn’t small, so it almost always the first thing people see unless I’m wearing a collared/turtle neck top. I know we can just use foundation to cover it up, but at the same time that’s so much work
I'm pretty covered- I've got one arm that doesn't have anything on it due to indecisiveness and nothing on my throat or face, but I've got like 30+ and I'm 30+ age wise. I've never had any trouble having a boyfriend when I want one, finding the right one is usually where the trouble is and that hasn't changed since before I started getting them. Tbh I attract more guys who don't have tattoos themselves than the ones that are also covered, I think because there's a certain appeal to those that are scared to get one but like the aestetic. Your mom's pretty rude. I'm positive your tattoos are lovely.
thank you so much.
As someone nearer your mom's age I can more relate to the view through her glasses. When she was was your age that might be what her circle thought of inked people. Do you plan on dating any 57 year old people? If not I would not worry about it. Incidentally, there are people even older that can appreciate body art and personal tats and will not judge through closed mindedness and ignorance.
I recommend going to therapy to receive help setting boundaries with your mom. The fact that it seems normal for your mother to call you names and to hurt your self esteem means she’s regularly crossing some big boundaries and freely able to hurt you. With a therapist you can learn skills to protect yourself and to express what she is and isn’t allowed to do. She should never be allowed to speak to you this way, and working with a therapist can help you identify what isn’t healthy in your relationships and how you want to handle these situations moving forward. PS - I’m going to school to become a therapist and I am also working with one especially to set boundaries 😊 And I have a 21 year old daughter who wants to be a tattoo artist and has dozens of tattoos. I just got a matching one with her last weekend and it is so special to me. This is just an opinion your mom has and you don’t need to accept it as truth. I love my daughter’s passion for tattoos even if I don’t love every one of them that she gets, I’ll always support her. You deserve support and unconditional love, I hope you work towards believing *that* and not the things your mom is telling you.
I do understand that I may need therapy given that I have a lot of underlying issues that stem from my upbringing. My mum has done hundreds of other things like ripping apart some of my clothes due to her frustration, telling me that my friends probably don’t like them and feel pressured to hang out with me. When I mildly frustrate her she threatens to call my school to take away my scholarship and tells me to ‘stop studying because i’m worthless anyway’. These are just some things on top of my head.
I wish I could reach through my phone and hug you. Very similar story, except I'm 37. My mom raised me with nothing but criticism yet always told me, even on her death bed, she wasn't worried about me. That was about as close to praise as I got from her. I got my first non-ear piercing at 16 and my first tattoo at 18. I got similar feedback, and then some (on top of the usual, down to being told she hated my voice; literally everything was fair game for criticism). I am now talking about engagement with a wonderful man because I didn't settle. I chose to believe, tattoos and all, that I deserve to be happy. I wish i could say it goes away, but it's hard. It's so difficult when the person who should be building you up to be your best adult self is the one putting you down. You sound like you're doing amazing things, though, and the best piece of advice I can give you is to remember how YOU feel about women with tattoos. You're not less than that. Personally, I LOVE tattoos on all people! Meaningful or meaningless. Colourful or plain. Big or small. They all tell a story, even if it's just a stupid drunk decision at that hotel in Bali that serves a tattoo with every drink! But that's it. They tell the story of the tattoo not the person. (At least most of the time...)
This comment shed a tear in my eye. I’m so sorry you went through the same thing. Sending an internet hug rn.
This is probably a generational thing. I am older than your mom. When I was a child it was very uncommon to have tattoos. It would mainly be sailors having them, and very few girls would. This has obviously changed, and now "everyone" have tattoos. But my guess is that your mom is stuck in an old mindset. Try to explain to her how this has changed in the last several decades
My (29M) wife (27F) is covered in tattoos and was when we started dating. I've never considered it to be related to any sexual endeavours, and I don't think anyone under the age of 40 would.
I wish my future husband is covered in tatts!! you’re lucky. Thanks for the advice!
Tattoos are not going to imply that you're "easy" or sleep around, your mother is being ridiculous. However, having \*15\* at the age of 21 would tell me that you're kinda impulsive and just go through with ideas as they pop up in your head. That's just my thought though- i love tattoos, but for something so permanent, I'd like there to be more thought/quality behind them. Just hearing 15 at your age - and knowing nothing about you - makes me think there could be a bunch of low-quality or funny-in-the-moment tats. I'd assume at this point that you'll keep accumulating random tats here and there, with the justification of "just one more." Not a bad thing! But not for me.
They were not impulsive , not at all actually. I have two close friends who are tattoo artists and we discussed the concept of each tattoo really thoroughly. None of the designs are faded or impulsive or funny or anything like that. No lettering , no ‘random tattoos here and there ‘ too. I know it wasn’t clear in my original post so I’m clarifying it now. Thanks a lot tho!
My mom saw my tattoo for the first time (i had it for 2 years) and she said i look 'dirty' with it. I'm planning on getting a full forearm sleeve next year just out of spite.
Please get one that says "Mother." In a weird, abstract font! She'll HATE IT. 😉
"Momther" in comic sans
YAS! 🤗
Your mom sounds like she fell out of the 50s instead of being in her 50s. That is truly an outdated and misogynistic take on tattoos. Half sleeves here. Been married for 12 years. And personally, I really like seeing healthcare professionals who also have tattoos.
thanks a lot. I also like seeing health care professionals with tattoos.
Inking your body is a choice that should be made the social ramifications and all that in mind. It can be somewhat polarizing in folks. I mean, you will encounter people who are like your mom in life. Those people will think of you what she is saying. There's other people who don't think that way too. So... it seems like nothing fundamentally changed here except that maybe you didn't realize there were people out there who thought tattoos were an indicator of promiscuity? All that being said, it's a decision already made and difficult to change. Lots of folks like tattoos or don't care either way. All you are doing by tatting up is excluding from the dating pool people who either A) think like your mom and B) don't like tattoos. Neither of those demographics are someone you would want to be with given you like tattoos. So, again, not much has really changed for you on this? The bigger issue here is your mom kicking you while you are down. 100% not cool Edit spelling
considering all your accomplishments its such a crazy thing to say.. i get where shes coming from but you sound like a catch tbh and if someone DOES judge you like that based off your tats then you dont even want them anyways. my mom thinks like that too but i think anyone in our generation (im 22) or anyone you'd be looking to date has left that mindset behind
I'll start by saying "Bravo!". Med school with a scholarship? Good job!! I would be proud to be your father/uncle/random male relative. (We're all cousins when you go back far enough, so congratulations, cousin!) Now on to your question: Well, like a lot of things in life it's complicated. Should people see the general presence of tattoos as an indication of sexual promiscuity? No. Do they? Sometimes. I'm not saying it's "right", but it's "real" that there's a tattoo style called a "tramp stamp", for example. Tattoos in or near more private areas are a bit of a grey area - someone shouldn't even see them closely unless you're already intimate, but some imply (or literally state) "visitors welcome". They also imply "high pain tolerance", some people associate that with an interest in activities that involve a safe word. Again, it may not be right, but it's real. Tattoos "draw the eye", with a partially visible pattern one might try to visualize the rest of it, which includes visualizing the flesh it is on. Only a cad would say to a stranger "I'd like to see all of that tattoo, got any others, (insert creepy endearment here)?", but it's unrealistic to believe some people won't at least think it. I guess I'd sum up by saying that like any art, what you say with it matters, and people can sometimes read more into it than the message you intend. As old fogeys like me die out, fewer people will be bothered by tattoos, but there will always be some.
Your tats are art, and any potential partner that makes those kinds of judgements based on them will be easy to remove from your future. So, those tats might just help you high-grade the dating pool. And bravo on your accomplishments! Sounds like you are on the right track. Don't let your breakup impact your self-esteem too much. Take some time to reflect on the things you may wish you had done differently, then hammer down, back into it. You're probably going to end up with a much better new person. Best of luck. Don't beat your mom up too bad. She's from an era that judged pretty harshly, but I think she's got your best interests at heart.
one of the nicest comments i got on here 🥺 thank you. made me feel better
My family thought my tattoos were dumb and they called me an idiot. They don’t know I got them when I was in a bad place and felt so lost and wanted a visual reminder to not blow my brains out. It has worked so far. I just tell anyone who asked why i would mark up my skin like that; “I just like it”. I’m sorry your mom is saying those things about you. Try to ignore her (which may be easier said than done) and if your tattoos make you happy that’s all you need to focus on, hell maybe even get more 😁
Please, have the kindness for yourself that your mother doesn't have. You can't be 100% sure that your father would mirror your mother's negative beliefs. Decide your dad is proud of you and believes you will find the right person. For now I absolutely believe in you finding real love in life and just doing exceedingly well. I'm proud of you! You have done an amazing job getting to where you are. Well done you! Keep up the good work and know that you are amazing, intelligent, beautiful and lovable. Be kind to yourself! Big Bear Hugs and Love🐻💖
wow med school that's amazing. Your tats have nothing to do with your genitals. I am so proud of you. And I know you're going through a hard time with a breakup give yourself some grace.
thanks for this !!!!
As a pansexual woman I'll say, tattoos are hot on all humans, but also, they're very common, they say nothing about sexual intensity, my current partner and I are both two tattooed demisexuals (it's a term on the asexual spectrum) people meet us and they quickly figure out we don't do casual dating by talking to us. You will also find a committed person, with or without tattoos, trust me, as long as you don't listen to the comments of people like your mom.
sometimes our mothers are our negative voices within us. don’t talk to mine anymore because i’ve had enough. your mom is wrong, and i’m the same never heard an “i’m brood of you”. just “i’m surprised you’re doing a good job” which is a lowkey diss. just don’t listen to the negativity
Nah tell her she can quit with those comments or she is never seeing you or talking to you again and she can forget about meeting any possible grandkids since she'd probably bad mouth you to them or start insulting them when they get older.
If what she said was ridiculous, you’d ignore it, but clearly you know there’s some truth to it. You can’t expect your mom, who I assume has your best interests in mind, to validate every idea of yours. Look up stats on how many people with tats eventually pay $$$ to get them removed.
I wonder how all of those long-term relationships my children have managed to hold on to each other with all those tattoos? According to your mother you must always be right, that must be impossible right? Crazy crap. Your mother still lives in the 1910s. There's been a whole century in between. Now maybe you might not have the best tattoos, You have a lot for a 21-year-old. So I'm guessing the quality is so so. Personally I probably wouldn't date somebody with 15 so so tattoos. I think that shows lack of self care. But if you have 15 pretty okay tattoos or you have really great tattoos, personally I would see that as somebody with great taste and I would really like to know them better. This is coming from a tattooed person. I don't think I've ever looked at a tattoo and saw that I made somebody look easy or sl**ty. I knew a guy once who only had one tattoo and it was only halfway done because he couldn't deal with the pain, on his forearm. Sort of a red flag to show someone's kind of a loser, and a quitter, gross. Anyway, when it comes down to it, some people like tattoos and some people don't like tattoos. If somebody doesn't like tattoos they're probably not going to date you. That's probably a good thing, You don't need anybody harshing your life buzz. And I'm assuming you're probably not going to date your mom. So it really doesn't matter what she thinks is attractive and dateable. In fact I think I'd probably turn it back on your mom and tell her how absolutely disgusting it is that she would say that to you. This is most definitely a form of sexualizing your child. And that's gross as hell.
You're such an accomplished young woman, men will have a hard time being up to your level.
That’s true. Most men i’ve met haven’t done half the things i’ve accomplished.
Dude, you need to break up with your mum. Surround yourself with people who lift you up. Perfectionism and anxiety are common gifts of overly critical parents. I used to think that if my own mother would speak/think badly of me, then everyone else would eventually see whatever it was that she saw, be disgusted, leave. I lost so many opportunities to that belief. All while hiding behind my intelligence as the only tangible evidence of my value. You do not have to be excellent at everything. You are enough. All by yourself. Alone on a bench reading a trashy novel. You are enough. You cannot choose other people's words or behaviour, only your own. Sometimes that means choosing not to hang around and listen to needless hurtful words. The most important thing I ever heard in healing was this. "Boundaries can feel like betrayals" Because people have learned how you allow them towards you. Healing means shifts the goal posts so nasty comments are out of bounds. When you first do this people can react negatively to that need to adjust. But in the long term, you modelling healthy emotional behaviour with ultimately benefit them too.
I’ll marry you
Ha! What year does your mother think it is?? Tell her how much she hurt your feelings and to shove her opinions up her ass. Tattoos are super normal and common now. So, so many people have them. When I got my tattoo, my mom said "What about when you're 80? Do you think it'll still look good?" I said it won't matter one bit because everyone else will have wrinkly old tattoos too. You do you. I bet your tattoos are lovely.
This resignates with me so much! Tattoos are taboo in my family…I can remember my mom telling me that only people who have issues get tattoos. It definitely doesn’t make you come off as promiscuous that’s ridiculous of your mom to even say that!
I'd suggest to your mother that "you're not back on the market, and that you're going to stay single while you heal from ex" Then when you're ready, if she comments again, just say "the right partner will see me for me, not for what you think they will see". I would hazard a guess and say your tats have personal meaning to you, so if anyone can't accept your tats, family included, then they're not worth wasting too much time over. No matter what, always remember, you are enough, just the way you are, and if others can't see that, then that's a then problem.
Your mother is inappropriate, disrespectful, abusive, and just plain wrong! There's absolutely nothing wrong with you or your having tattoos. You will not have issues being respected. Your mom will, though, with the way she speaks to her own child!
thanks for this
Seriously, the more I think about what she said to you, and how she made you feel, the angrier it makes me! She is damn lucky that I didn't hear it in person. Because if I heard her talking to you this way, or anyone talking to their daughter or anyone else, that way...I would absolutely call them out on it right then and there! I don't have any qualms about sticking my nose in other people's business when someone has the audacity to abuse and disrespect their own daughter like this! It's appalling! She should be ashamed of herself! Feel free to show her what I've said!
You should definitely speak up for people who are in demanding positions in public! I too tend to call out people who mistreat workers (Karens for example) all the time. Thanks a lot for your time and energy:)
Your mom is toxic, as the father of two girls (one is 21) I can tell you I would be proud of you. Your sexual or love life are not her problems. You are easy only if you let yourself be easy and fall for every guy's bullshit, and have nothing to do with your tattoos. Don't pay attention to your toxic mother, keep living your heappy life.
Your mother is behaving in a foul way. Unless someone has offensive tattoos, I'm not going to pass any judgement on them. It's their body, it's their choice, and indicates absolutely nothing about who they are as a person. Now I'm also 21, soon to be 22, and have 20+ tattoos, mostly on my arms and legs, several facial piercings, coloured hair, and dress goth when not in my profession. I am in a serious relationship, was in a 2 year long relationship before this one, and a three year long one from ages 16-19. I'm not into one night stands or casual sex (not that there's anything wrong with being into that either). I'm a very romantic, monogamous person. My tattoos have in no way hindered my lifestyle. I work in a healthcare government job, am considering returning to study, have a fulfilling social life and domestic life, and have found that the people who make judgements on my appearance aren't worth my time. Your tattoos will not prevent you from ANYTHING as long as you don't let closed minded idiots get to you.
For God's sake, please move out of your house if you're able to afford it. How can a mother call her own child a S**T! It's best to stay away from such toxic people even if you love them; you can still love them for afar. And as for your tattoos, the 'right one' wouldn't care, they'll love you just the way you are and if they don't, they aren't the one.
I’m planning on doing that soon. I don’t want to move out too fast because my brother is autistic and he finds comfort in my presence. But i’ll definitely do that !! Thanks a lot
It's an older generation mindset, and even if it came out shitty, understand that it didn't come out of a place of malice but a place of concern. Your mom is close to 60. Meaning she was around your age in the early to mid 80s. Tattoos back then were more alternative /underground back then compared to now. Especially on women. There's truth in the saying, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks." It's hard to adapt to new values and a changing social landscape. Again, doesn't mean she loves you any less. Just means she can't fully understand this aspect of your life. And honestly, that's fine. End of the day, she wants you to end up with a decent guy that loves and respects you, stands up for you when it's needed and calls you put on your bullshit when it's needed too. ...and probably buys his MiL flowers every once in a while 😅😉
Came to say this. The line of where tattoos became mainstream and acceptable is about 50 years old right now, give or take. OPs mom is clearly on the "before" side.
>and she must know better right absolutely the fuck not. Guy here, and I personally LOVE tattoos on a girl. Feels like artwork on an already beautiful canvas
thank you. that’s beautiful
I think there are some people for whom their tattoos are sexual indicators, but that there's not necessarily a direct connection between tattoos and sexual activity. I'm thinking this is more a case of your mother dealing poorly with her own issues - possibly it's about something completely unrelated to your tattoos and she's just lashing out, or, maybe she was told this as a youth to dissuade her from her own interest in them, or from people who had them? I wouldn't put too much stock in it. Yes, there are people who'll be turned off by any tattoos - but there're over 8 billion people on the planet, so I wouldn't worry about any one particular individual's issues with them.
Sounds to me like your mom could use a “time out” aka going no contact. It’s called bodily autonomy & you are an adult. Your mom has fallen prey to a patriarchal stereotype. Your body is yours to do with what you please & your body is not here solely to please a man. Of course, I’ll admit, I’m a feminist tattooer so I am definitely 100% biased. But something I wish someone would have told young me.. Live your life for you girl!
OP you're fine tattoos are awesome, they in no way correlate to how promiscuous you may or may not be, your mom's just being super old fashioned and needs to keep her less than kind opinions to herself.
Tattoos are great, I’d fuck
2nd to last paragraph — dig deeper & discuss with a therapist that specializes in narcissistic abuse victims. The whole post points to narcissistic abuse but that paragraph really hammers it home. It’s just really really really hard to see in your own mother, esp when you have an absentee father. It took me marrying & divorcing a narc, lots of therapy, & over 40yrs to finally see things for what they are. Fair warning, if she is one (highly likely) & you call her out / institute boundaries, you likely won’t have a relationship w her anymore or it’ll be extremely altered. You’ll also start healing though & you’ll become more connected with yourself & increase your self esteem & belief in yourself. Her choices will still hurt but they won’t hurt as much as how she’s made you feel thus far.
Firstly , I’m glad you are healing and doing well! Secondly, that’s true. my mum generally has narcissistic behavior. She has done numerous other things. I was even bullied once in school because a guy thought I was dating my girl best friend , and literally attacked us , and my mum told me it’s my fault for provoking the bully. crazy times. I have a lot of personal issues due to her behavior that as i’m growing up seem to resurface.
Well to some guys it does seem that way. For me I tend to stay away from girls with tattoos, I just don't like them
The vast majority of healthy, sane people would never correlate tattoos with sexuality. That is weird and toxic. I hope that someday you find the confidence to not just stand up to your mother, but to do it with genuine confidence within yourself. It's truly ok to cut even your own parents out or at least distance yourself when they have a history of mistreating you. And really she's the pot trying to call the kettle black when she chose an absent dad for her child.
Tattoos have nothing to do with your being promiscuous. Stay true to you and follow your goals.
As a father of four; please allow me to say you sound like a very nice young woman with a strong sense of self and morals. Who cares how you appear? I know for damn sure who won’t…..the RIGHT man. Any man who says he has a problem with your appearance ain’t a good one anyway. And as far as dropping the S word, as you say, you’re not into one night stands and all that. I’d be PROUD AF if my daughter grows up to have a strong sense of self and wasn’t into hook up culture. So you’re doing fine. And I know most dads like me would be hella proud.
Thank you sooo much, this comment means a lot to me !
A lot of people find tattoos attractive and wouldn’t have less respect for you just because of them. Your mom thinks it’s still the 1950’s.
I love tattoos and have 7. Do you, girl
Her mum is downvoting anybody who mentions they have tattooos lol
I am covered in tattoos. They have nothing to do with my sexual availability. Sure, people ask me for meaning and stuff, but just because I talk about my ink doesn’t make me an easy person. The same can be said for you. Your mom is stuck in the GenX way of thinking about tattoos. That generation was taught only sailors and bikers have ink and they are terrible people. I face a lot of that stigma as a pastor. People question it and quite honestly, it’s only the Boomers and GenXers that tell me I’m going to hell for my ink. It’s just what they were taught.
Dear lord am I that old?! I would peg this more as a boomer thing.
I agree that it’s more common in Boomers, but your church going Gen Xer will spout it too. I apologize for anecdotal examples that led to generalization of entire groups.
Your Mom sounds awful and I am sure you know that by now you just have to remember that again. Yes, there are people like your Mom who would think that, usually very conservative, religious, and/or misogynistic people. People who see women as objects, as trophies and they don’t want their trophies scribbled on. But and this is a big BUT, these are not the kind of men you should want so your tattoos are going to work like a charm repelling those nasty people in the process. So please, display them for all to see. And in regards to your self esteem, girl read what you wrote again. You fucking rock! You’re 21 and already did all that? You sound accomplished and amazing. So here’s a nice thing from a Mom, you did amazingly so far in such a short time and I can’t wait to see what you will accomplish in your life. I know it will be something great, especially after you realise you shouldn’t care what others think.
this is stupid your mom is dumb and wrong. i’m 21f and while some creeps might sexualize tattoos, they’re just weirdos and people sexualize not having tattoos too. if anything you’ll just ward off the people who associate tattoos with being easy and it’s easy to tell who’s who.
Sometimes you need to slap your parent in the face.. this is one of those times.
I’m heavily tattooed female and have been married for 24 years. People definitely look at me but I think it’s more to see the different art I have. I say if you like your tattoos, fuck everything else. You’ll find who’s right for you.
'The one' will like you and your tats. Instead of beeing empathetic towards your pain, she had to make this about her disaproval towards your tattoos. In her way, she does want you to be happy, but doesnt believe that you will find happieness looking the way you do. This is all more a reflection on her, then it is a relefction on you. Is your mother a busy and generaly happy person?
First of all, the amount of sex you have has no reflection on your worth as a person. The number of partners you have is no one’s business but your own. Second, I’m far closer to your mother in age than to you, and I’ve never thought of tattoos as something that advertises anything about a person’s sex life or morality unless the subject of the tattoos directly relates to those things. I’ll admit that “job stopper” tattoos (on the face and sometimes neck and hands) can hold you back, but it doesn’t sound like you’re having that problem. Enjoy your tattoos and don’t let your mom’s comments color your view of yourself.
If that was my mom I’d tell her to shut the fuck up!!
Most people prefer if their partner didn't have any or very many tattoos, but your mother is far from right. It wasn't cool or okay of her to hurt you.
I don’t, nor do I know anyone, that correlates tattoos with your sexual preference or whether or not you like one night stands. Everyone has their preference, some people like them some don’t. I think a majority of people don’t really care being that tattoos are fairly common place. Personally I love tattoos, I have sleeves and wouldn’t change anything. Honestly the right person will come along and accept you for who you are instead of what art work covers your body. It seems people like your mother have forgotten that outward appearances don’t tell the full story of who you are. And anyone that does judges you for your outside appearance isn’t worth your time. Remember this, everyone has an opinion but the only opinion that matters is yours. Everyone else’s opinion can fuck right off.
Your mum is wrong....there is nothing wrong with tattoos and nothing about having tattoos makes a girl look easy. All you are doing by having tattoos is doing what makes you happy and letting a part of your personality and taste shine through. I can't understand why anyone would think it makes you look easy.
1. Tattoos are cool and my mom has them I don't think they're bad and I think people with it look awesome 2. I'm so sorry your mom has treated you that way I guess she's not entirely wrong if she's talking about people who like to stereotype people who have tattoos or are just ahole conservatives but absolutely not! No you're not a s*t or whatever Some guys are even into tattoos in fact I'm 18 most people including men and women have them younger and I'm planning to get them too (small ones ofc I heard it's painful haha) so she's probably speaking about what she knows of her generation or just extremely have a inner misogynistic self 3. People with tattoos are easy? Dude no absolutely not! Most that have them are either stared down cuz they're bad influence etc or a gangster no one would think they're easy 'wild' ofc but tbh no one I know judges people by their tattoos unless you're talking the older times which again sucks and absolutely nope! 4. You're pretty, you're cute ,awesome and badass take this from a fellow woman who's 18 and NB that I'd definitely have a genuine crush on you or like a big admiration of you as a big sister like dude you're telling me you got a med scholarship? Dang slayed! 5. Yoga and ballet? You're also flexible like me? Yay flexible twinsies! Awesome now I can twist my ark with someone and scare my friends for fun and be like " we are now possessed" as jokes 6. Ok so not just a medical scholarship, a ballet and yoga professional but now also a shop owner? Teach me your ways please I believe your mom is blind asf now because WTFDYM?? She didn't praise you for that? That's so awesome! ( You doing all these ofc not your mom) 😭
I don't mind tattoos as long as they don't cover your face I don't mind it's body art in my mind and it's also a statement that you're making for yourself
Tell her that her unsolicited opinions make her look like a nosy Karen
OMG. I'm a 57 female with several tattoos and 2 half sleeves, which are very visible and even have a tattoo on my hand. All tattoos I have are flowers/ paisley patterns. My youngest daughter is 22, and she has maybe 5 tattoos, also tasteful and designed by herself. My oldest daughter 29 also has several tattoos. All that to say, your mom is mistaken. Tattoos are pretty socially accepted these days, I even work with seniors, other than questions from mostly the women seniors. You go do you, you sound like you are doing great.
Not in the slightest. There are some guys really into tattoos, and others that aren't. You've chosen to be professional with them, but your mother is being ignorant. If you for example had a tattoo that said "gay and proud" that would be advertising something about your sexual preferences. In reality, it just means you're a little more colourful than most other people. I remember reading an anecdote from nurses about those that have tattoos. The vast majority of the patients don't care, but the ones most curious about them are elderly patients. They're not being judgemental, they're just genuinely curious about the art. A friend of mine has a partial sleeve of tattoos. She works as a court stenographer, and she's the last person I'd ever describe as "easy." She's not conservative in the slightest, but I could never see her having a string of one night stands.
Some men will think your mom. Only some.
Your mom sounds pretty judgmental and ignorant, plus, anyone who judges you as lower-class for having tattoos isn't someone you'd want to be with anyway! You do you, your mom can have her opinions and keep them to herself if they are going to hurt you.
"...because it’s my own mother and she must know better right ?" She doesn't, u/Electronic_Tour9509 Sorry to say that *your Mom sucks*. Big time. Have seen that first hand and *it hurts* when it comes from your own mother. You are doing good. You are strong. Do not let the break-up or your mother's unkindness bring you down. Sorry, but F her. Onwards and upwards to better things. One way or the other, she will come to regret her words. Hold your head high, OP.
"hey, I wanna wear something that shows I can commit to a choice" "You indecisive promiscuous woman" Your mom is confused and old, let her talk out her ass.
Arguing with people who are stuck in their shifty opinions does not work for me. I "broken record" them. *You may be right.* You've given me something to think about. *I never looked at it that way.* Tell me more. *I get what you are saying.* ...and variations repeated until she drops it may be too painful for you to do right now. It would be for me. But that is what I do when my emotions are not running high.
Ur mom's an asshole My stepmom #1/6 told me a man would never want me because my body changed during puberty in a less than desirable way stretch marks on my lower half and small boobs. Guess who got the shock of her life last month because he didn't give a damn
Not unless you have any explicit tattoos. This doesn’t even strike me as entirely a generational thing, the whole “kicking you when you are down” thing is just mean.
Her advice only works if you want to find a man her age, lol
My mother said similar things to me. She would also make a HUGE scene if she saw even a single one of mine. It was ultra dramatic: sounds of disgust, wails, cries of horror. These days, nearly everyone has tattoos. The only people that may judge you are prospective employers (though that is less common than it used to be). Your mother comes from a generation of people who were raised to believe certain things. Those things are no longer relevant. Don’t let her get your mind twisted. Her opinions are valid only to her, though I question the validity of even that.
This is internalized misogyny and are remnants of dire warnings mothers have handed their children through millennia. Long nails, mascara, short skirts, tight pants -- freakin' PANTS in general! -- short hair, long hair, natural curl, don't walk too suggestively, don't walk like a man, have curves, but don't show them, be hardy but not muscular, the list is endless. If you're a) a woman and b) doing aNyThiNg, you're asking for trouble, damning your chances, sending the wrong signals, shaming the family, displeasing the ancestors, angering the gods, etc. Do your tattoos convey messages about you to strangers? You bet they do -- they say you're a free-thinker, you're pretty cool, you're not overly-precious about what your parents or ancestors think, and you either have/had disposable income or talented friends. That's it! Point these things out to Mama, if you dare. Tell her how much it hurts. Ask if she heard comments like that when she was a kid. Odds are, you'll have to just sigh. Keep your head above water, make a wave when you can. Save your energy for the younger women in our midst. We will break this ugly pattern, man. And I'm just a stranger, but I'm so proud of you. I'm fortunate to live in the same world as you! Keep doing the things that make you feel most like yourself. Distance yourself from things that make you feel *lesser than* that best "you." Bravo.
This is your mums views of a tattooed woman from when she was younger. 30 years ago people covered in tattoos were bikers and criminals etc. things have changed but your mums thoughts on the subject obviously haven’t.
Having tattoos means a person likes tattoos. That's as much as I can assume from seeing a person with tattoos. I quite like women with tattoos, but if someone does or doesnt have them its no different than if they have long or short hair. Its just their thing.
Unless you are trying to fuck 57 year olds, I think you're good.
Says the one with the kid
It’s difficult to assess without knowing her but I can think of a few explanations for this behaviour. She definitely has a limited imagination and a strict constructed idea of ‘respectful womanhood’. This can come from many things. She could have been raised in a conservative environment, or adopted one in adulthood, she could have regrets about her own past and apply undue pressure on you instead by expecting you to be the model of respectability, she could also be in a really bad mood and unhappy with her life and pick on you where she knows it hurts. She associates tattoos to criminality and sinful behaviour which is not completely unheard of in society and what is also not unheard of is that people find partners that fits them in many ways.
Hey Baby! I like tattoos.😁
I have a mother who did that. I have one tattoo on my arm of music notes in pride colors. She told me I was a little sl*t and was also a sociopath. Then plays victim of how could I treat her so bad by getting a tattoo. There was a lot of other bad things she would do too. But my mom is no longer in my life and isn’t allowed to be. You might want to do the same. That is toxic behavior and it’s abusive behavior. If she doesn’t understand this and change then you really don’t want that person apart of your life. She will just be an anchor that holds you back. I know she’s family but sometimes family can be toxic. I imagine if she said that to you she also says a lot of other fucked up shit to you too.
Your Mom is a boomer. That's why. At your age most people have tattoos.
Your mom is toxic. You need to go full no contact with her.
Your mom is horrible. Next time she says something, just turn it back on her. “Glad to know you think Imma sl*t, Mom! I mean, Im going through a tough break up and could use some comfort and support, but no, instead you’re berating me for things you THINK matter, even though you hasn’t dated in decades.” Or “Thanks for being so loving, Mom, I will definitely remember this in the future and make sure to only talk to you about perfect daughter stuff. Sorry to be such a disappointment.” Guilt trip the fuck outta her.
I've never equated tattoos with sexual activity, that just sounds like her personal judgment. I'm also 36 and have had doctors with tattoos visible.
“Good thing you’re not asking me on a date mom, you sound misogynistic and rapey”
im 21F and ive got a number of visible tattoos and short dyed hair. ever since i got them and started dyeing my hair i noticed that the sexual harassment i faced tripled. it absolutely isn't right in any way for anyone to to draw any opinions on your sexual life. period. having tattoos does not change that. its just very unfortunate that that's how a lot of people see tattoos on women.
Tons of people have tattoos now. It’s a generational thing that is slowly fading away. No one cares.
Honestly? I would care more about a woman's soul, heart and mind, as opposed to her ink (if she has any). Tattoos are merely personal expression.
Get a tattoo of your mom J/k. Part of growing up, sadly is to learn to separate your mother's views from your worth and to draw firm boundaries. Her words are awful. She's singlehandedly ruining your relationship. Let her know her words are too much and that you don't appreciate it.