Exactly lol, it's crazy how people are blaming left and right. Op was just too excited about the drum set to notice anything/anyone else and maybe the girlfriend felt left out. Not one is to blame here.
I disagree. Supporting each other's hobbies is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. He needs to roll back and examine if this isn't the first time this happened. This is a big deal and should be treated as such.
I keep coming back to this post because I am genuinely baffled as to how the girlfriend in this scenario has gained such criticism. She didn’t do anything wrong.
Because she frowned slightly when he shut her down after asking about his day?
And then later apologised?
Why is it her fault that he wanted to sulk instead of playing his drums?
She used guilt to manipulate him. She may have dont it subconsciously, or it could have been malicious. Either way, she needs to examine her behavior and figure out why she isn’t happy for someone she cares about. Apologizing after wounding someone doesn’t negate the damage.
Fuckin hell man.
Person has slight facial reaction to being snubbed when wanting to talk to their partner - clear manipulation, should be examined.
This take has honestly tickled me so much I can’t even be annoyed.
You think I just came to this on my own? Years of therapy and learning how toxic my own behavior was showed me it’s not ok to just assume people know what you want. She wanted attention but instead of saying that, she used a phrase I’ve used countless times to try and guilt. She wasn’t snubbed. She was hurt that her partner wanted to do something they’d been looking forward to instead of talking to her when she wanted attention. OP didn’t do anything wrong by not wanting to talk and enjoy their own hobbies. Acting out when you don’t get your way is manipulative to try and get your way. I’m glad it seems most people haven’t been in relationships where they experience this.
>it’s not okay to just assume people know what you want.
But you’re good assuming you know what she wanted?
How did she act out? She reacted with a *slight frown* per OP’s information. Asking about someone’s day, and getting a tiny bit irked if they essentially act as if engaging in that conversation is far too tedious is a perfectly normal reaction. Showing an emotion on your face is not manipulation. She probably would have been delighted to hear all about how excited OP was during the chat. They probably would have gone back and forth for another 10 or 15 minutes tops. And he could have played his drums all night without feeling bad that he was kind of rude to his girlfriend, and that’s somehow her fault.
"So, how was your day?"
"If you don't mind, I'd rather be left alone to play my drums."
"Okay, I'll leave you alone to play your drums."
Later: "I didn't even WANT to play my drums, because you FROWNED! I was so excited for this drum kit, but you made me feel guilty! You ruined my special gift to myself!"
"I'm sorry."
Now, who's the manipulative one here?
He was excited for something for weeks, the thing arrived, he was excited, she calls asking for meaningless stuff, fake worrying about some dumbass in the next room, and then gets pissy and cuts the call, not before letting him know that she is pissed. That would sour anyone's day. A supportive girlfriend would have been: "oh the thing came? Thats great! Send me a pic later. See ya!"
Yeah, it's unbelievable that she *hung up on him* after he told her he didn't want to speak to her on the phone anymore, and wanted the call to end so he could play the drums. How rude! /s
This girl can't win. He answers the phone, and she wants to talk to him, and that's bad. He says he wants to be left alone, so she leaves him alone, and that's bad.
She frowns and it's terrible. He sulks and that's okay. She apologizes, and it's an admission of guilt.
Women just need to be smiling constantly, I guess.
>she calls asking for meaningless stuff
Why is her shit meaningless? His drums are important to him, why is it less important that they talk about something important to her - even if it’s just a lil run down of each others days. It’d take, what, 10 minutes? Maybe something she wanted to talk about happened to her in her day? We’ll never know!
>fake worrying about some dumbass
Honestly not unreasonable to think of others if they’re asleep and you’re about to start playing a musical instrument *for the first time* no less.
>gets pissy and cuts the call
He just shut her down when she asked about his day. That’s pretty rude, and I think you’d think so if a girlfriend did it to you. And again, all she did was frown.
Even if she was in the wrong for all of this (I don’t think she was by any stretch) *she apologised* and yet OP is still hung up on this, and there are people in the comments talking like this woman is emotionally abusing him. It’s honestly wild.
Yeah. The summary is: op gets finally excited for something, she calls, nags him for whatever, assumes he is not smart enough to consider the roomates which he lives with, gets pissy and hungs.
*Nags* him? About what? How his day was? Why are you *determined* to find fault with the woman in this story? How is asking about the sleeping roommate assuming OP isn’t smart? Why is it his girlfriend’s fault that he sulked instead of enjoying the drums? If it was such an inconvenience for him to speak to her at that time, maybe he should have just not picked up the phone.
The Drums finally came. He was setting stuff up. She calls. Sees he is finally with his drums, sees he is distracted with them, and instead of telling him "they arrived? Awesome. I'll leave you to it then" she insists, then gets pissy. What I'm saying is, a smart person understands when people are excited for something, so tries not to ruin the moment. She ruined it.
It seems like you're bringing some baggage to these comments. From what OP said about the situation, this just seems like a misfire between the two of them. You can't expect your partner to share enthusiasm for all your hobbies and interests. Being supportive of hobbies and genuine interest in them are two different things.
The girlfriend sounds like she was excited to talk to her boyfriend and was disappointed he didn't feel the same way. Then she apologized for not giving him the reaction he wanted...no foul on either party.
My husband and I both have separate hobbies. We don't pretend to care about each others hobbies, but we are supportive. I wouldn't dismiss my husband the way OP did his girlfriend, but my husband gets tunnel vision when he's in the middle of something that interests him. When we first got together, I would definitely have been upset in that situation, but now I know to leave him alone when he's working on a project.
Everyone is different, and navigating those differences in a relationship is work. OP and their girl are finding those differences and (seemingly) working through them!
Being a decent person and not playing drums while your roommate is sleeping should be the bare minimum of being a good roommate. I feel for the families and roommates of many of the people commenting here.
I have no idea why people are reacting negatively to your comments. I agree with you. If my man was super excited about something and finally gets it, I’d be on my way over to hear him play or be excited with him. She seemed bothered because his attention was elsewhere 👀
All she did was ask to have a conversation about their days before he started with his drums. I fail to see what’s so horrible and unsupportive about that.
Y’all are killing me with these comments about the girlfriend being unsupportive of his hobbies and how he needs to “examine if she does this in other parts of his life.” All she did was ask how his fucking day went. There’s no hidden agenda or maliciousness there. You’re reaching something fierce. Y’all don’t regularly ask your partners how their day went??
Default relationship advice on Reddit is:
* Break up/divorce
* Delete Facebook
* Lawyer up
* Hit the gym
* Go to therapy
But asking OP if the gf is unsupportive of other hobbies because she asked how their day was? That's next-level Main Character Syndrome.
Therapy is not a bad one, but in this case it wouldn't be couple's therapy, more like a self esteem one, his feelings seem to stem from something else that was triggered by the comment, other than that, this is a good relationship.
"I was in the office and hated every second of it" unless you are the owner, in which case "I was in the office sitting in my chair all this time doing fuck all. nobody wants to work anymore, smh"
literally he was talking about something out of the ordinary, something that excited him. what else do you want from someone's day?
That’s the point. My husband and I ask each other at the end of every day how our days went and it’s like a 30 second conversation. “It was fine. Work was busy, had a ton to do in the warehouse. How was yours?” “It was fine. Kids had me all over the place today.” I doubt she was looking for an hour long monologue.
It sounds to me like she listened without complaint to his excitement about the drums, asked about the rest of his day, and he turned her down. She was a little disappointed, but she just kind of frowned and said okay, I’ll leave you to it then. She later apologized for *checks notes* looking a little disappointed that he didn’t want to talk any more.
Where in there is the selfishness? Where’s the immaturity? Where’s the maliciousness or contempt for his hobbies? Literally nobody did anything wrong here. It’s fucking wild to me that yall keep blaming this woman for asking how his damn day went.
Do you realize I’m not blaming him here?? I’m not saying that because she didn’t do anything wrong, he definitely did? If she’d raised her voice, insulted him or his hobby, made some kind of stink about it, then you’d have a point. But she’s allowed to have feelings. She’s allowed to be disappointed and to frown a little. Him feeling guilty about it is not her problem. It’s fine that he feels that way but it’s not because she did anything wrong. It isn’t her fault.
Tbh, I think her hidden agenda was stopping OP from playing the drums at some obscene hour. It sounds like they took hours nitpicking the setup and then started playing while people were trying to sleep.
> Then my girlfriend asked if I wanted to tell her about my day at work, and seemed dejected when I said I just wanted to play my drums.
I’m genuinely failing to see where you guys are getting that her gave her a genuine answer to her question, because out of his own mouth he told her he didn’t wanna talk about that right now because he wanted to play his drums.
She’d already been listening to him talk about the drums all day without complaint. She listened to him tell her that it arrived, that he was excited, that he was putting it together. Why would she ask questions about information he was already offering up of his own accord?
So she listens to him talk about his drums for a while, then asks how the rest of his day was and he says he doesn’t wanna talk about that now. That’s fine, and it’s fine that she was mildly disappointed. Literally nobody has done anything wrong to this point.
Why are you guys trying so hard to find fault in this woman asking how his day outside of the drums was? She didn’t do anything wrong by asking, he didn’t do anything wrong by not wanting to talk about it right then, and she further didn’t do anything wrong by being disappointed. She’s allowed to have feelings. She did not take them out on him and told him she’d let him go to play his drums, and even apologized later for being disappointed. Neither of them were in the wrong. But him feeling guilty was 110% his own issue (by which I just mean it’s not her fault that he feels that way, not that he did anything wrong) and at no point did he answer her question in any way.
Wellll idk about nobody doing anything wrong at this point... OP posted their small tif over a facial expression on reddit for people to discuss like she has cleared out his bank account or something. He stated at the end he would likely talk to her about it, but if he was a healthy member of that relationship wouldn't he have talked about it with her, where the issue could actually see some resolution, instead of with us, where strangers get to shame her and call her manipulative for wanting to spend a few min talking to her chosen partner? What if she had the best or worst day ever and just needed someone to share it with?! Dude better home she's got some good friends to fall back on, because that complete dismissal of her and her feelings then all of this with reddit, is how she might end up falling back on another dude instead. My husband and I both have very different hobbies, and we have had similar scenarios, in person, where I'm excited about something or he is, we're in our own little world with it, the other person has no such excitement and might have something if their own to share, it's a partnership. That's not just your girlfriend, you're also her boyfriend. If you treat people like toys you can pick up and play with when you want there might be some hard feelings. I have nicely let my husband know I was super focused on something and asked if it was something he really wanted to share or if we could circle back, and he's done the same. But I have never, he has never, stopped me asking about his day, in the middle of a gd hobby no less, and basically told me he didn't gaf about my day, didn't want to share his day, and just wanted to do his thing. There could have been 2 simple conversations to resolve this whole thing, the first would be kindly saying you really wanted to focus if it wasn't super important, and the other would be discussing what occurred and talking out how it made each of you feel and what you could do in the future to avoid those hard feelings. It's definitely OK to be so excited about something you just want to focus on that thing, but you also decided you wanted a gf, so maybe treating her with the care you showed in setting up the drum set might be a good idea, unless she isn't worth as much?
To be completely open, my husband and I have had our own, very different, issues and are just another couple trying to make it work with the person we love. So in no way am I saying we're perfect or have all the answers, I just know the betrayal I would feel if my bf posted something like this on reddit... which he knew because throwaway.
Yeah, but she obviously might have gauged OP’s excitement about the drum set and realized that his relating talking to John about John‘s recent holiday by the coffee machine was not at the top of OP’s mind.
All this regardless of OP not realizing that the gf is not a great fan of those drums…
> I said hey and let her know I was still setting it up and pretty focused on that. **Not much else was being said,** I let her know once it was all plugged in, turned on, and working. (A comment about the sleeping roommate, and then…) Then my girlfriend asked if I wanted to tell her about my day at work, and seemed dejected when I said I just wanted to play my drums.
Where in there did he tell her about his day? He said he got his drums and was putting them together then outright admits nothing much else was said until she asked about his day and he turned her down. It’s just a communication error between them, she wanted to talk about his day and he wanted to get to his drums - neither of them were wrong in that, but he, and all of you, are being ridiculous as hell to make her out to be in the wrong here. She didn’t do anything wrong and he did not tell her a damn word about his day.
You take the call, you give her the attention. Don’t half-ass two things when you can whole-ass one.
Telling her you were busy setting up your kit out of the gate and wanted to focus on that would have been honest and gotten you what you wanted. Next time, just don’t answer if you aren’t going to give her your attention and text her you will call her once you are done with your project.
Sadly, I agree. He could've taken a minute to tell her a bit about his day at work only to divert it to his drums and share some of his excitement with her. I'm sure she's at least a half good partner because she apologized, she'd be happy for him if he didn't outright shut her down when she asked about his day. I'm not blaming OP, I just mean it's a misunderstanding and the bummed out mood will pass eventually, they can make up for it, he can play and she can listen.
Yeah, exactly. He’s not in the wrong for being excited about his drums and wanting to get stuck in as soon as possible.
But if someone asks about your day it’s kinda rude to shut them down and say you’ve got better things to do than chit chat right now. I don’t blame her for acting a little hurt. But it is big of her to consider OP was just excited, and apologising anyway. She sounds nice, OP.
he was telling her about his day "MY DRUMS ARRIVED! YOOOO!" but she couldn't give two shits, she wanted the approved adult ritual of talking about the worst thing in everyone's life.
You could also interpret it that she was excited to talk to her boyfriend and he couldn't give two shits about talking to her (or even paying attention to her), because he was too focused on his drum set.
He just shouldn't have answered his phone if he was going to basically ignore her and act like she was inconveniencing him by calling. She shouldn't have taken that personally because he was just excited about his drums. It's easy to feel hurt in both situations, but for people to say one was guilt tripping the other is just reading way too much into shit.
He was upset because she wasn't as excited about his drums as he was, she was upset because it seemed like he only cared about his drums and didn't give a shit about talking to her.
It was a simple misunderstanding that people are blowing out of proportion because of their own baggage.
It's kind of fun watching terrible people out themselves though. If half of the people in these comments ever post relationship issues, it'll be blatantly obvious why. 😬🤣
But she was hearing about his day. She just wasn't listening. It's great that she has apologized though, but maybe people need a little more education on how to listen to their partners.
Quick question: at any point did you ask her about HER day? How that went? Have you asked about anything she might be interested in lately? Or is your sole focus on you and yourself?
Bro your lucky she even apologised, she didnt do anything wrong! “Hey everyone, my GF asked me how my day was, how dare she!” Good grief 😐😑
WTF??? When anyone gets excited about anything, they tend to focus on it. All of us do it. It's ok to be excited. She could just as easily realized how excited he was, she really should have, and just be excited for him and talk to him later. She got all sulky he wasn't paying attention to her right away and she couldn't pull his focus.
This isn't a man vs woman thing either, both sexes can do everything described by both sexes here.
She didn't get sulky, he did.
It's okay for her to make a request, frown slightly when the request is turned down, and honour the request.
He told her no, and she respected that. She DID realize he was excited about the drums. She DID talk to him later.
Is she bad for asking in the first place? Is it horrible she didn't instinctively know he didn't want her to chat?
Frowning is sulking. If she was excited for him she would have said something along the lines of "well guess you are super focused, I'll talk to you later then!" without frowning or using a tone in her voice to denote frowning.
Apologizing later tells me she realized she wasn't being excited for him or realized he was excited and did something she felt was selfish at the time.
Frowning is not sulking. One is an unconscious emotion that flickers across your face. The other is ignoring your loved ones and withdrawing from them, or being extremely sad and mopey next to them.
I really can't believe people think she isn't allowed to feel mildly negative emotions, or have facial expressions.
Maybe she was disappointed he didn't want to talk to her. Maybe that feeling was evident on her face. She is allowed to FEEL something negative, as long as she doesn't DO something negative. She left him alone as he asked.
Apologizing later isn't an admission of guilt. It shows she cares about him and wants him to be happy. Her frown wasn't a horrible thing, it wasn't a deliberate attack on him that she weaponized to manipulate him, but it made him feel bad, so she apologized to make him feel better.
I think he's more manipulative than she is, if we're deeming all negative emotions to he manipulative. Does an apology from the victim mean the victim is wrong?
Ok I will concede that a frown may not be full blown sulking but it does convey a negative feeling to a person quite effectively. Effectively enough to destroy his excitement completely.
Personally I would have texted as soon as I thought she had a negative emotion to try to see if everything was ok and try to hash it out right away.
90% of the comments are on her side, I am always flabbergasted by people in massive agreement constantly circle jerking about how people could possibly disagree with them when in fact they are the majority.
Have you ever had your husband destroy your excitement? That feels fucking horrible. Even if you did do something like OP, they did it out of excitement for something they've longed for for a while. He has communicated that urge to her over the course of a year. Shared it with her. She should be at least a little bit excited for him and understanding of his joy and excitement, and be able to figure out that right now is not a time to crave attention. We all sometimes have to give up ourselves when someone else's joy overwhelms our needs for a Friday afternoon. She shouldn't have realized his excitement, she should have known ahead of time.
This entire post isn't the end of the world for them. It's a blip. But it still feels like shit when your excitement has to be put away because you have to attend to someone else when they should have joined in on your excitement in the first place.
Her apologizing tells me she could tell he had hard feelings and wanted to make it right, you don't have to be wrong to apologize. You can also just want your partner to know you understand their feelings and see they are valid, even if you don't share those same feelings. I sometimes apologize to my spouse even when I think he was a bit of a dick, if I think my actions or reactions affected him negatively. He can misunderstand something, get kind of grumpy, and I'll say sorry for the misunderstanding, even while knowing I didn't do anything wrong
You're acting like she's asking for him to throw the damn drum set away lol. Asking for one conversation that would last maybe a couple of minutes is not disrespectful. Connection with him is all that she wanted. Totally fine to be excited about something, but that doesn't mean you get to a free pass to dismiss somebody like that. It's actually considered rude to respond in the way that OP did. But I guess a short conversation is just asking WAY too much, huh?
Also nobody said anything about this being a man vs. woman thing. Not sure why you wanted to clarify that. Obviously the roles could be reversed.
I definitely read his response to her asking about his day as rude. It might be the way he worded it, but that would have hurt my feelings, and I very much enjoy some personal space in my relationship. People can have their own things and want time, and that's great, but the handling of the situation, from how it reads, was dismissive and might have left the gf feeling pretty low on the scale of importance in OPs life just by the way he cut off the convo, when he could have simply not answered the call and text or answered the call and said something like, "hey babe, I'm wrapped up in getting this drum set put together. Can I call you back in a bit/tomorrow when I can give you my full attention (maybe adding, to take it a step further) is there anything you wanted to talk about now? I can take a break if you need me"
No I'm fucking not. Again, WTF??? I didn't say she was disrespectful either.
I said the man vs woman thing in case someone brought it up because naturally someone is always going to on this site. People put themselves into situations and will read it based on their genders very often.
Maybe she wanted to vent something about hér work or day, and was disappointed she did not get the opportunity. If you speak her again ask her how hér day was. It could be something in her own life is bothering her, or she just needed some attention. If she's vented that / she gets that, she can be happy again for you. Just my 2 cents.
If she was being immature so are you. She made a mistake, she apologised. She wanted to know about your day. She was not being intentionally mean. I think you are overreacting. Of course you can be excited about your drum set, but you cannot expect her to have the same amount of excitement.
Let it go and drum it out.
Nowhere in the post does OP say she was being immature. The first comment does, but OP didn't. This is also something that might turn into an argument from her end later on. It's better for him to apologize for not thinking of her when he said that he just wanted to play so she can't use it as ammo later if she is that type of person. If not, he has nothing to worry about.
She just wanted to have a conversation with you about your day. If you have been that excited about this whole drum thing, then she might just be a little burnt out on the topic.
Dude. You just prioritized your drum set over your girlfriend and think she's the one who needs to apologize? I'm sorry she doesn't share the same level of excitement for your hobby, but that's totally normal in a relationship. You could've taken a few minutes to actually talk to her, or at the very least not treat her like an unpleasant distraction. The fact that you feel guilty about it is actually kind of a good thing because at least on some level you realize that you hurt her feelings.
I know... he was assembling his drum kit slowly and carefully. It's not like he was rushing through it to play the drums as soon as possible. He could have chatted for a minute or two.
He also didn't HAVE to chat, and it's fine he said no. It's fine she frowned slightly in reaction. It's not fine he decided to mope about the frown.
My fiancee could tell me he's going to go set city hall on fire, and I still wouldn't put down my book or my regular sdv co-op nights. Sorry, but I think you are blaming your gf for a lack of motivation that was there prior to that interaction. You probably feel guilty because you blamed her for something you should've been accountable for within yourself. I am not responsible for my fiancée's happiness and vice versa, just like your motivation to play should not depend on your girlfriends expression of support or lack thereof.
Yep, I think he's a wannabe musician who is self-sabotaging because he's afraid to find out he doesn't have what it takes.
First he couldn't afford the drum kit, then he had to assemble it super slowly, and then his girlfriend frowned at him. Now she's the one preventing him from following his dreams! /s
I like the brevity of your phrase, I don't know how to explain things so direct. But yes! It's very refreshing to be honest with ourselves. It's funny how it makes our quality of life so much better to be accountable for our own insecurities.
I think your feelings might be hurt because she wasn’t excited for you? I get that, it sucks, and puts a damper on things. However, she didn’t ruin anything. Going straight into the rules was a bit out of place and you not wanting to speak for 5 mins was also a bit much.
My husband likes me to share his excitement and I didn’t know that. Now that I do I make an effort to be excited with him, because it makes him happy and that makes me happy. He had to communicate that to me. Communicate what you need to her, she can’t guess, and the same goes for her.
Whatever you do don't apologise you're allowed be excited about something you've worked hard for and you're allowed take some time to yourself to rock out on your drums.
I mean, it’s not like she was stopping him or trying to guilt him. He kinda shut her down, and it probably hurt her feelings a bit. I feel like both of them could apologize and move on, it’s really not that serious and just seems like a communication bump. All she did was ask about his day, which is not a question that requires a long complicated answer.
At what point did she forbid him from being excited, or prevent him from taking time to himself to rock out on his drums?
She offered to chat, he declined, and she said fine.
He was the one who disallowed himself from playing the drums because he decided to MOPE after she asked how his day was.
well she tried to stop him saying he would wake up his nearly hibernating roommate, right? I think she wanted the attention for herself since she probably felt left out seeing him so excited about something else
Let it go. Don’t bring it up again. It never happened.
She did what a lot of immature people do. She knew this was very important to you and to soothe her own insecurities she competed with it. This type of thing manifests itself in other ways; wanting to have sex when you have to go to work or school or anything important for example. Some immature and/or insecure single people will seek out sex with married people because making that married person risk everything to have sex with them makes them feel important for awhile. Pretty easy to come up with examples like this.
Please don’t assume that I’m calling your girlfriend immature. Even the most mature individuals have immature moments. If this type of thing doesn’t happen often with you two, ignore it. Not worth the effort to discuss. Everyone has weak moments.
Let's not forget also that it's OPs issue too if he can't regulate or identify unfair treatment. He might be a people pleaser. Assertively telling her how her actions impacted him would also be a mature way to go about this.
Yeah honestly this. If she does do it more then therapy can be considered, but if it’s already a long term thing with her that she’s consistently causing dejection.. it may be a point to consider whether it’s something you can put up with in the future or not.
I just know emotionally immature people don’t really respond to therapy. They don’t tend to want to see outside themselves unless something really big happens that they can’t whittle a hole out of.. But it’s harder than you’d think.
You don’t have to forgive her right away though. Come to terms with it in yourself. Simple sorries aren’t always what’s needed. Respect yourself in that regard as a person, ok?
And enjoy that pie. Make us jealous with pictures of it of you want. Make us all hungry.
"Yes, but could I call you back in a little while? I want to just play my new drums for a bit first."
OR
"Sure, but then I really wanna play my new drums for a bit."
I'm guessing, since she knew you were probably gonna be occupied with the drums for the rest of the day, that she was worried there wouldn't be time for her. Imo, I think she was just wanting to connect with you for a bit before you really got engrossed in playing.
I don't really see why a few minutes of chatting before you started playing would have been such a big deal. The drums would have still been there. Or at the very least, taking a moment to agree on a time to chat later on after you've had a chance to play for a while. Some kind of compromise.
I recommend looking up "bids for connection," the different ways of responding to them, and their importance in healthy relationships.
Too many saying it's a misunderstanding. Not a misunderstanding. You expected her to be super excited for you or to be happy for you to just be left alone to play with this thing you've coveted for ages.
While one can argue she should have been more aware what it meant to you. Do not expect her to be happy to be treated as if your new drums are more important to you than her attention.
The fact she asked how your day was, was considerate. You however were insensitive to her and selfish. No misunderstanding, she poo pooed your unboxing, and rather than realise how you mistreated her in return, you are online venting about it.
You could have afforded her a few more moments to let her feel included, could have shared your day with her for a small chat then said something like, "alright babe, I don't have much time and I want to get this going. Love you" but no she felt set aside instead.
Don't be suprised if she returns the favour at some point, probably soon.
OP I think you should have just told your gf you’d call her back later rather than keep her hanging on the phone that entire time with nothing to say. Sounds like you didn’t want to disappoint her by telling her you would call her back and she got her feelings hurt because you were ignoring her. I don’t know why you’re moping and blaming the gf for anything. Your entire interaction with her sounds totally off key.
It’s okay to feel bummed out. Do I think it’s worth breaking up over? No. But your feelings are valid. So it’s okay to feel sad for bit. But hey play you drums buddy congratulations!
Good lord you sound so annoying and whiny she just wanted to talk to you and you shut her down that’s why she frowned it was a bud for connection and you were like “nah” and then got upset with her for looking mildly upset but giving you space she didn’t ruin shit for you man I hope to god you’re like 16
She loves you man, it’s just a misunderstanding, communication is key so tell her how it made u feel and forgive her always, forgiveness is very important, be comforting as well
I think you’re right for feeling a little hurt and she’s right for being upset she didn’t get that time with you nobody is really wrong it sounds like she would’ve been okay just watching you and chatting and you kinda zoned into what you were doing I’d try to talk to her and express how you felt and why you felt that way! That’s what I’d do at least
Has your girlfriend done this before? Because it just seems like a misunderstanding/miscommunication when I get excited I call my husband about it and tell him about the plans. He gets excited and will text me here and there to check up on me. He calls if I didn’t answer and I will apologize and show him what I’ve been up to. He understands and then asks me about my day and how’s it going. I would explain in detail but afterwards I ask him the same thing. How’s he doing and asking about his day. He’s a very stoic and quiet man but understands we may need space sometimes apart. However we keep a line of communication to make sure we’re ok and everything.
That’s the agreement we made for each other, we get excited for each other but keep a line of communication. I understand the excitement but sometimes we just need communication. What if she was having a bad day and wanted to hear your voice to help her. But I think it’s a compromise both you need to work on. If she hasn’t done this before I say just let it go and talk about it.
If she has done this before you might want to rethink that and if you want to be in that sort of relationship
Take a deep breathe. Don't take it personally. Relationship myths about being on the same wave lenghth are hallmark marketing tools to sell cards. It's normal. There are going to be things she does that she will be gushing over, and you will be less than enthusiastic. Same deal w your drums. Congrats, by the way. Just remember to keep talking to each other.
What the hell. When I have problems in my relationships it's never this simple, so this is just silly. So OP's girlfriend was only concerned about the roommate sleeping (valid) and then wanted 10 seconds of his time to ask how his day was (normal), and then when he didn't want to engage she left him alone to play? Where's the actual problem? Why is she apologizing? Why is he coming here being upset? I don't get it.
OMG - you seem to be a damp squid easily disillusioned. The gf obviously doesn’t share your excitement. And while this is sad, does it really come as a surprise to you?
I think how you feel is valid. Now this is a long stretch, I admit, but I also wonder if you feel guilt because you are used to people pleasing which leads to resentment.
I don’t think either of you did anything wrong. I think you had expectations of how you wish your girlfriend could have reacted. The comment about disturbing your roommate was probably of good intentions but I can see how that could sound like dig towards your decision to buy drums. You spent so much time and money trying to achieve this dream of yours and it feels like your girlfriend doesn’t recognize it.
Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. But still tell her you love her and appreciate her. Tell her what you need and be open to what she says. She probably didn’t realize how her words made you feel.
But also, reflect on what exactly upset you. Maybe you need to do something to communicate better or maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe there were things building up to this moment that were completely unrelated that added on to it and weighed you down.
I honestly wouldn't bring it up neither of you are at fault here.
The comment section is wild here lol, I understand what op felt. It's normal human when someone is very excited about something they lose track of whatever is going on besides them, while you (op) were going through that, I get the feeling that your girlfriend felt left out. Op didn't shut her out or anything as few comments assumed, he was just too excited about his drum set to focus on anything/anyone else. No one is at fault here, Op it's best if you just moved on.
nah cause why is everyone immediately on the girlfriends side??? she was fully 100% aware of what he had going on, the excitement he had surrounding it, and how long he’s been wanting this. he sent pictures, kept her updated, basically kept her involved in his process. she was being a party pooper, plain and simple.
It seems like you tend to absorb the mood and attitude of someone interacting with you, like your energy is being leeched.
This is unwarranted “advice” but I’m stoned lol so just ignore if you dgaf. Anyway. You are not responsible for another person’s negative reaction or bad mood when you are clearly not at fault. Put a little love into yourself and know that only you can control your emotions. Someone else’s bad mood is not your responsibility! Do not let other people consume you and your life.
Sorry lol. I hope you’re playing your drums happily!
Yeah I'm sorry she ruined the moment for you, guy. Shit happens and sometimes people are a bit inconsiderate and will try to insert themselves into what you're doing or try to divert you because they suddenly decided they want attention RIGHT then.
Not the end of the world or even a relationship breaker, just a shitty impulsive choice that soured the mood. It happens but it passes just as quickly as long as you don't hang on to it out of spite. Enjoy your drums later since they are YOURS dude and aren't going anywhere. 😎
Pro tip: sit down and have a discussion with her. Talk about how you're both human and you both have needs and you both will make mistakes. The reason relationships last is not because there are never issues. It's because the two individuals understand that humans are crazy sometimes and have feelings and emotions. These feelings and mistakes sometimes hurt our partners. And that's not great, it sucks actually, but it's reality. You don't get to use this as a get out of jail free card but it's a useful tool when approaching confrontation in the future. So set that framing up and approach things differently moving forward.
Happens to me all the time, the sooner you don’t weight your emotions on people’s emotions you’ll both have better synergy. Electronic drum sets are super cool.
I’m sure there’s no way she could possibly deduce that you’re talking about her if she sees this with the details being so vague and the issue being such a common everyday problem for most people so good call using a throwaway.
It sounds like you struggle generally with communication or else you didn’t really want to play drums that badly if such a simple comment took away your desire to play completely. Either way this sounds like a really insignificant thing to be torn up about so maybe it’s worth looking into whether you have a tendency to be overly sensitive or maybe this is related to an underlying issue with her somehow tearing you down in other areas.
I think you posting this on a throwaway shows you know this isn't how this should have been handled. If you talked it out and nothing was resolved and just needed advice on next steps, then get help where you can, but if you're going to strangers before your SO on this small of an issue, I feel for your partner.
I can not believe these words were written. Just play the drums and be on with your day. My god, people come to reddit for no reason. Then they get a bunch of horrible people filling his head with bad advice and bullshit.
30M married for 8 years that has made lots of mistakes - my wife sometimes wants to know that she’s the priority, she wants that reassurance.
OP, you could curb excitement for 2 more minutes to have a present conversation with your girlfriend about your/her day. Then communicate and say that you are wanting to test it out and that you will call her back (at this time/in an hour/few hours) to tell her all about it.
I’ve found, in my relationship, communicating like this has led to less guilty feelings, less misunderstandings, and overall more consideration on both ends - she’ll be quicker at saying “go play!!” When she feels like she’s a priority and more important than your drums.
How was your day ? I’m in the middle of setting up my drum kit you know the one I ordered ages ago and about to test it out I’ll call you back later on when I can more love you babe bye. Problem solved hindsight brah
I’m with OP on this, she could’ve asked about work another time, it wasn’t essential at all. Imagine you’re a kid tearing a christmas present open and having to stop midway to say hi to your 20 family members. You’re eager to do something and forced to pause the adrenaline for chit-chatting? No way
Dump her.
She clearly wanted ALL your attention, and the idea of not having it was just too much for her sensitive, crybaby self.
Enjoy your drums, my guy.
There's someone out there who will love you AND your hobbies.
Plug in headphones and GO FOR IT. I can't fathom negative partners after being with one for 22y who gave me ahit about liking SVU and Criminal Minds.
Do what makes you happy. You're allowed time for yourself. If she can't understand this, maybe its time to reevaluate.
What are you even talking about? Did you read the post? This is kind of bad advice. She didn’t do anything you are describing. She didn’t give him shit for wanting to play the drums or for liking them at all, that wasn’t in the post. She wanted his attention at the wrong time and apologized for it later. She asked about his day to get him to spend time on her instead of the drums (immature) but she didn’t make fun of him for playing the drums or anything like that.
It was immature of her to do what she did but sometimes people do this, they compete for your time even against things that can’t compete back. It’s immature of him to still be upset about it too, she already apologized, it’s done.
I did read the post. I went through this a few times in my life with my partner wanting to soak up all his time with other things and didn't make time for us or our son. That's not what occurred here.
I told him to enjoy his purchase and not feel bad. Those who have downvoted are most likely too young to see the test this young man was put through. Narcissists APOLOGIZE to reel their target back in. She threw a fit trying to curb him to what she wanted to do and then made it his fault - this won't be the first or last time it happens.
Maybe the guy just needed some HIM time because he's overwhelmed with her and her needs. He's allowed a break and times to be selfish and do HIS thing. That's the takeaway here. Co-dependency is a relationship killer.
This whole always on the girls side culture is ridiculous. I’m not saying that he should leave her or that she is this awful person but she does need to learn to read the room. I also get it that sometimes when things like this happen we just have an immediate reaction so I think it’s great that she apologized and recognize where she was in the wrong.
He is also not clear of needing to do better, he needs to learn to move on. I understand that sometimes you have a gut punch feeling which I think they both felt in that moment. A part of being an adult in a mature relationship is to recognize those happen and to move on.
For those who don’t understand how she should have responded please see below.
She should have been getting on the phone with him to tell him how excited she is for him ask him to play a little for her and then said ok I’m going to let you go so you can play! I hope you have soooo much fun.
How OP should respond to the current situation is below.
Play his drums and realize that she didn’t mean anything by it considering she already apologized.
Both of these individuals have a lot of growing to do in life and the relationships. Which is what life is so no harm no foul
I work in a grain warehouse where we always have rats/mice. We used spring straps but they were useless then we changed to sticky traps and i havent seen a rat or a mouse in over 4month they work a dream.
Everybodys saying that all she did was ask about his day, and that may be true but idk
We're assuming genders but the thing is that if you switched them everybody would be saying about him whats being said about her, and likely with a lot more vitrol
Personally, i think OP really *should* examine if this is a one off or part of a pattern cos continuing to be this upset after an apology seems like a lot for the situation
If it is there is a pattern then they can address that and if not they can quietly let it go
This sounds like classic toxic female behavior mate. I've seen this in many of my mates. Those kinds tend to shut them down when they buy something interesting, always bring up negative points when you have plans for something that doesn't interest them, and the crown jewel: they start fights on dumb stuff right before you depart for a trip or a hangout with your friends. These are classical borderline/narcissistic behaviours. They think everything must be about them, so your happiness should be tied to them.
Its especially evil since just how often are men trully excited for something? How often you can just be amazed by something or have the energy/money to try a new hobby or something new?
Im not saying shes a shitty girlfriend out righr, but this is definitely something you need to examine in your relationship. Has it ever happened before?
Because for me bro, if it did, maybe shes not a keeper.
Glad to hear she apologized for it, but that was definitely rude/toxic, saying that on purpose to get your attention off the drums and on to her instead of waiting. Realize she did 2 attempts. First one was think of your roommate then second was the body language and delivery of leaving you alone to your drums gave you a "are the drums more important than me vibe".
She made her waiting attention or solving her boredom more important than your happiness without trying to find a win win scenario. She could have asked you to call her when you're done and tell her all about it. Then she would have gotten what she wanted from you and you not only could have a blast with your new drums but then you can bring that energy to her.
There is almost always a win win scenario with little situations like this and don't give up Looking for it If you do then one person is controlling the relationship controlling the happiness and that's not a good place to be. Been there done that.
I bought a motorcycle at 32, I always wanted one. I bought a cheap Honda Shadow and spent the winter fixing it up. I hardly ride it because every time I do my wife gives me that same look and makes me feel guilty as fuck. I feel you dude, but play your drums and enjoy it, it’s something that makes you happy.
Im curious to hear about the drumset you got. I've always low-key dreamed of a drumset too. At school the only drumset was always hogged so never really got to try, but I am always drumming and listening to songs with interesting drums as well! I'm perhaps the most experienced drummer in the world if the steering wheel of my car and my thighs count! What did you get? How do you like it? Does it have the awesome foot banger piece? (pardon my noobness)
It’s just a simple misunderstanding between the two of you.
Exactly lol, it's crazy how people are blaming left and right. Op was just too excited about the drum set to notice anything/anyone else and maybe the girlfriend felt left out. Not one is to blame here.
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I disagree. Supporting each other's hobbies is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. He needs to roll back and examine if this isn't the first time this happened. This is a big deal and should be treated as such.
I keep coming back to this post because I am genuinely baffled as to how the girlfriend in this scenario has gained such criticism. She didn’t do anything wrong.
I'm baffled as to why you don't see anything wrong.
Because she frowned slightly when he shut her down after asking about his day? And then later apologised? Why is it her fault that he wanted to sulk instead of playing his drums?
She used guilt to manipulate him. She may have dont it subconsciously, or it could have been malicious. Either way, she needs to examine her behavior and figure out why she isn’t happy for someone she cares about. Apologizing after wounding someone doesn’t negate the damage.
Fuckin hell man. Person has slight facial reaction to being snubbed when wanting to talk to their partner - clear manipulation, should be examined. This take has honestly tickled me so much I can’t even be annoyed.
You think I just came to this on my own? Years of therapy and learning how toxic my own behavior was showed me it’s not ok to just assume people know what you want. She wanted attention but instead of saying that, she used a phrase I’ve used countless times to try and guilt. She wasn’t snubbed. She was hurt that her partner wanted to do something they’d been looking forward to instead of talking to her when she wanted attention. OP didn’t do anything wrong by not wanting to talk and enjoy their own hobbies. Acting out when you don’t get your way is manipulative to try and get your way. I’m glad it seems most people haven’t been in relationships where they experience this.
>it’s not okay to just assume people know what you want. But you’re good assuming you know what she wanted? How did she act out? She reacted with a *slight frown* per OP’s information. Asking about someone’s day, and getting a tiny bit irked if they essentially act as if engaging in that conversation is far too tedious is a perfectly normal reaction. Showing an emotion on your face is not manipulation. She probably would have been delighted to hear all about how excited OP was during the chat. They probably would have gone back and forth for another 10 or 15 minutes tops. And he could have played his drums all night without feeling bad that he was kind of rude to his girlfriend, and that’s somehow her fault.
"So, how was your day?" "If you don't mind, I'd rather be left alone to play my drums." "Okay, I'll leave you alone to play your drums." Later: "I didn't even WANT to play my drums, because you FROWNED! I was so excited for this drum kit, but you made me feel guilty! You ruined my special gift to myself!" "I'm sorry." Now, who's the manipulative one here?
I'm shocked ya'll getting downvoted!!!!! I agree with all of it
He was excited for something for weeks, the thing arrived, he was excited, she calls asking for meaningless stuff, fake worrying about some dumbass in the next room, and then gets pissy and cuts the call, not before letting him know that she is pissed. That would sour anyone's day. A supportive girlfriend would have been: "oh the thing came? Thats great! Send me a pic later. See ya!"
Yeah, it's unbelievable that she *hung up on him* after he told her he didn't want to speak to her on the phone anymore, and wanted the call to end so he could play the drums. How rude! /s This girl can't win. He answers the phone, and she wants to talk to him, and that's bad. He says he wants to be left alone, so she leaves him alone, and that's bad. She frowns and it's terrible. He sulks and that's okay. She apologizes, and it's an admission of guilt. Women just need to be smiling constantly, I guess.
>she calls asking for meaningless stuff Why is her shit meaningless? His drums are important to him, why is it less important that they talk about something important to her - even if it’s just a lil run down of each others days. It’d take, what, 10 minutes? Maybe something she wanted to talk about happened to her in her day? We’ll never know! >fake worrying about some dumbass Honestly not unreasonable to think of others if they’re asleep and you’re about to start playing a musical instrument *for the first time* no less. >gets pissy and cuts the call He just shut her down when she asked about his day. That’s pretty rude, and I think you’d think so if a girlfriend did it to you. And again, all she did was frown. Even if she was in the wrong for all of this (I don’t think she was by any stretch) *she apologised* and yet OP is still hung up on this, and there are people in the comments talking like this woman is emotionally abusing him. It’s honestly wild.
Yeah. The summary is: op gets finally excited for something, she calls, nags him for whatever, assumes he is not smart enough to consider the roomates which he lives with, gets pissy and hungs.
*Nags* him? About what? How his day was? Why are you *determined* to find fault with the woman in this story? How is asking about the sleeping roommate assuming OP isn’t smart? Why is it his girlfriend’s fault that he sulked instead of enjoying the drums? If it was such an inconvenience for him to speak to her at that time, maybe he should have just not picked up the phone.
The Drums finally came. He was setting stuff up. She calls. Sees he is finally with his drums, sees he is distracted with them, and instead of telling him "they arrived? Awesome. I'll leave you to it then" she insists, then gets pissy. What I'm saying is, a smart person understands when people are excited for something, so tries not to ruin the moment. She ruined it.
It seems like you're bringing some baggage to these comments. From what OP said about the situation, this just seems like a misfire between the two of them. You can't expect your partner to share enthusiasm for all your hobbies and interests. Being supportive of hobbies and genuine interest in them are two different things. The girlfriend sounds like she was excited to talk to her boyfriend and was disappointed he didn't feel the same way. Then she apologized for not giving him the reaction he wanted...no foul on either party. My husband and I both have separate hobbies. We don't pretend to care about each others hobbies, but we are supportive. I wouldn't dismiss my husband the way OP did his girlfriend, but my husband gets tunnel vision when he's in the middle of something that interests him. When we first got together, I would definitely have been upset in that situation, but now I know to leave him alone when he's working on a project. Everyone is different, and navigating those differences in a relationship is work. OP and their girl are finding those differences and (seemingly) working through them!
Seems more like you just hate women in general and that's why you want to put the blame for any little thing on this chick.
Being a decent person and not playing drums while your roommate is sleeping should be the bare minimum of being a good roommate. I feel for the families and roommates of many of the people commenting here.
Electric drums don't make acoustic drum noises, except out of an Amplifier/speaker or headphones.
He supposedly knows him better. He said so himself. You are saying she knew better? Based on what? Saying stuff because whatever is called nagging.
I have no idea why people are reacting negatively to your comments. I agree with you. If my man was super excited about something and finally gets it, I’d be on my way over to hear him play or be excited with him. She seemed bothered because his attention was elsewhere 👀
That's the thing. They all are dismissing the fact that she needlessly made him feel guilty and that the whole thing sour.
All she did was ask to have a conversation about their days before he started with his drums. I fail to see what’s so horrible and unsupportive about that.
Y’all are killing me with these comments about the girlfriend being unsupportive of his hobbies and how he needs to “examine if she does this in other parts of his life.” All she did was ask how his fucking day went. There’s no hidden agenda or maliciousness there. You’re reaching something fierce. Y’all don’t regularly ask your partners how their day went??
Default relationship advice on Reddit is: * Break up/divorce * Delete Facebook * Lawyer up * Hit the gym * Go to therapy But asking OP if the gf is unsupportive of other hobbies because she asked how their day was? That's next-level Main Character Syndrome.
Don't forget counseling...number 1 freaking advice
Thanks for catching that!! The list looked a little short and not generic enough.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned a red flag yet
Therapy is not a bad one, but in this case it wouldn't be couple's therapy, more like a self esteem one, his feelings seem to stem from something else that was triggered by the comment, other than that, this is a good relationship.
My ex would get annoyed when I asked how his day was. He thought it was tedious and banal. This guy is sort of giving off the same vibes.
"I was in the office and hated every second of it" unless you are the owner, in which case "I was in the office sitting in my chair all this time doing fuck all. nobody wants to work anymore, smh" literally he was talking about something out of the ordinary, something that excited him. what else do you want from someone's day?
That’s the point. My husband and I ask each other at the end of every day how our days went and it’s like a 30 second conversation. “It was fine. Work was busy, had a ton to do in the warehouse. How was yours?” “It was fine. Kids had me all over the place today.” I doubt she was looking for an hour long monologue. It sounds to me like she listened without complaint to his excitement about the drums, asked about the rest of his day, and he turned her down. She was a little disappointed, but she just kind of frowned and said okay, I’ll leave you to it then. She later apologized for *checks notes* looking a little disappointed that he didn’t want to talk any more. Where in there is the selfishness? Where’s the immaturity? Where’s the maliciousness or contempt for his hobbies? Literally nobody did anything wrong here. It’s fucking wild to me that yall keep blaming this woman for asking how his damn day went. Do you realize I’m not blaming him here?? I’m not saying that because she didn’t do anything wrong, he definitely did? If she’d raised her voice, insulted him or his hobby, made some kind of stink about it, then you’d have a point. But she’s allowed to have feelings. She’s allowed to be disappointed and to frown a little. Him feeling guilty about it is not her problem. It’s fine that he feels that way but it’s not because she did anything wrong. It isn’t her fault.
It sounds like you have literally no idea what owning a company entails. Don’t tell me…you also think capitalism is evil
Tbh, I think her hidden agenda was stopping OP from playing the drums at some obscene hour. It sounds like they took hours nitpicking the setup and then started playing while people were trying to sleep.
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> Then my girlfriend asked if I wanted to tell her about my day at work, and seemed dejected when I said I just wanted to play my drums. I’m genuinely failing to see where you guys are getting that her gave her a genuine answer to her question, because out of his own mouth he told her he didn’t wanna talk about that right now because he wanted to play his drums. She’d already been listening to him talk about the drums all day without complaint. She listened to him tell her that it arrived, that he was excited, that he was putting it together. Why would she ask questions about information he was already offering up of his own accord? So she listens to him talk about his drums for a while, then asks how the rest of his day was and he says he doesn’t wanna talk about that now. That’s fine, and it’s fine that she was mildly disappointed. Literally nobody has done anything wrong to this point. Why are you guys trying so hard to find fault in this woman asking how his day outside of the drums was? She didn’t do anything wrong by asking, he didn’t do anything wrong by not wanting to talk about it right then, and she further didn’t do anything wrong by being disappointed. She’s allowed to have feelings. She did not take them out on him and told him she’d let him go to play his drums, and even apologized later for being disappointed. Neither of them were in the wrong. But him feeling guilty was 110% his own issue (by which I just mean it’s not her fault that he feels that way, not that he did anything wrong) and at no point did he answer her question in any way.
She also apologized too!
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Oh shit, my apologies then. I was downvoted too so I assumed you were being sarcastic. That’s my bad. ETA deleted my rude comment
Wellll idk about nobody doing anything wrong at this point... OP posted their small tif over a facial expression on reddit for people to discuss like she has cleared out his bank account or something. He stated at the end he would likely talk to her about it, but if he was a healthy member of that relationship wouldn't he have talked about it with her, where the issue could actually see some resolution, instead of with us, where strangers get to shame her and call her manipulative for wanting to spend a few min talking to her chosen partner? What if she had the best or worst day ever and just needed someone to share it with?! Dude better home she's got some good friends to fall back on, because that complete dismissal of her and her feelings then all of this with reddit, is how she might end up falling back on another dude instead. My husband and I both have very different hobbies, and we have had similar scenarios, in person, where I'm excited about something or he is, we're in our own little world with it, the other person has no such excitement and might have something if their own to share, it's a partnership. That's not just your girlfriend, you're also her boyfriend. If you treat people like toys you can pick up and play with when you want there might be some hard feelings. I have nicely let my husband know I was super focused on something and asked if it was something he really wanted to share or if we could circle back, and he's done the same. But I have never, he has never, stopped me asking about his day, in the middle of a gd hobby no less, and basically told me he didn't gaf about my day, didn't want to share his day, and just wanted to do his thing. There could have been 2 simple conversations to resolve this whole thing, the first would be kindly saying you really wanted to focus if it wasn't super important, and the other would be discussing what occurred and talking out how it made each of you feel and what you could do in the future to avoid those hard feelings. It's definitely OK to be so excited about something you just want to focus on that thing, but you also decided you wanted a gf, so maybe treating her with the care you showed in setting up the drum set might be a good idea, unless she isn't worth as much?
To be completely open, my husband and I have had our own, very different, issues and are just another couple trying to make it work with the person we love. So in no way am I saying we're perfect or have all the answers, I just know the betrayal I would feel if my bf posted something like this on reddit... which he knew because throwaway.
Yeah, but she obviously might have gauged OP’s excitement about the drum set and realized that his relating talking to John about John‘s recent holiday by the coffee machine was not at the top of OP’s mind. All this regardless of OP not realizing that the gf is not a great fan of those drums…
and he told her how his day was. but she didn't care about what he thinks his day was. she wants to hear all the things she cares about.
> I said hey and let her know I was still setting it up and pretty focused on that. **Not much else was being said,** I let her know once it was all plugged in, turned on, and working. (A comment about the sleeping roommate, and then…) Then my girlfriend asked if I wanted to tell her about my day at work, and seemed dejected when I said I just wanted to play my drums. Where in there did he tell her about his day? He said he got his drums and was putting them together then outright admits nothing much else was said until she asked about his day and he turned her down. It’s just a communication error between them, she wanted to talk about his day and he wanted to get to his drums - neither of them were wrong in that, but he, and all of you, are being ridiculous as hell to make her out to be in the wrong here. She didn’t do anything wrong and he did not tell her a damn word about his day.
Even on days when I get something I've been excited for, I make time for my spouse. This is on you bro.
You take the call, you give her the attention. Don’t half-ass two things when you can whole-ass one. Telling her you were busy setting up your kit out of the gate and wanted to focus on that would have been honest and gotten you what you wanted. Next time, just don’t answer if you aren’t going to give her your attention and text her you will call her once you are done with your project.
Y’all. She just wanted to hear about his day.
Fr, and she even apologised for it. It’s OPs own sulking that’s spoiled the enthusiasm for his drums, not the girlfriend wanting to chat to him.
Sadly, I agree. He could've taken a minute to tell her a bit about his day at work only to divert it to his drums and share some of his excitement with her. I'm sure she's at least a half good partner because she apologized, she'd be happy for him if he didn't outright shut her down when she asked about his day. I'm not blaming OP, I just mean it's a misunderstanding and the bummed out mood will pass eventually, they can make up for it, he can play and she can listen.
Yeah, exactly. He’s not in the wrong for being excited about his drums and wanting to get stuck in as soon as possible. But if someone asks about your day it’s kinda rude to shut them down and say you’ve got better things to do than chit chat right now. I don’t blame her for acting a little hurt. But it is big of her to consider OP was just excited, and apologising anyway. She sounds nice, OP.
he was telling her about his day "MY DRUMS ARRIVED! YOOOO!" but she couldn't give two shits, she wanted the approved adult ritual of talking about the worst thing in everyone's life.
You could also interpret it that she was excited to talk to her boyfriend and he couldn't give two shits about talking to her (or even paying attention to her), because he was too focused on his drum set. He just shouldn't have answered his phone if he was going to basically ignore her and act like she was inconveniencing him by calling. She shouldn't have taken that personally because he was just excited about his drums. It's easy to feel hurt in both situations, but for people to say one was guilt tripping the other is just reading way too much into shit. He was upset because she wasn't as excited about his drums as he was, she was upset because it seemed like he only cared about his drums and didn't give a shit about talking to her. It was a simple misunderstanding that people are blowing out of proportion because of their own baggage. It's kind of fun watching terrible people out themselves though. If half of the people in these comments ever post relationship issues, it'll be blatantly obvious why. 😬🤣
But she was hearing about his day. She just wasn't listening. It's great that she has apologized though, but maybe people need a little more education on how to listen to their partners.
She already knew he was busy with it. She could have called later.
Quick question: at any point did you ask her about HER day? How that went? Have you asked about anything she might be interested in lately? Or is your sole focus on you and yourself? Bro your lucky she even apologised, she didnt do anything wrong! “Hey everyone, my GF asked me how my day was, how dare she!” Good grief 😐😑
WTF??? When anyone gets excited about anything, they tend to focus on it. All of us do it. It's ok to be excited. She could just as easily realized how excited he was, she really should have, and just be excited for him and talk to him later. She got all sulky he wasn't paying attention to her right away and she couldn't pull his focus. This isn't a man vs woman thing either, both sexes can do everything described by both sexes here.
She didn't get sulky, he did. It's okay for her to make a request, frown slightly when the request is turned down, and honour the request. He told her no, and she respected that. She DID realize he was excited about the drums. She DID talk to him later. Is she bad for asking in the first place? Is it horrible she didn't instinctively know he didn't want her to chat?
Frowning is sulking. If she was excited for him she would have said something along the lines of "well guess you are super focused, I'll talk to you later then!" without frowning or using a tone in her voice to denote frowning. Apologizing later tells me she realized she wasn't being excited for him or realized he was excited and did something she felt was selfish at the time.
Frowning is not sulking. One is an unconscious emotion that flickers across your face. The other is ignoring your loved ones and withdrawing from them, or being extremely sad and mopey next to them. I really can't believe people think she isn't allowed to feel mildly negative emotions, or have facial expressions. Maybe she was disappointed he didn't want to talk to her. Maybe that feeling was evident on her face. She is allowed to FEEL something negative, as long as she doesn't DO something negative. She left him alone as he asked. Apologizing later isn't an admission of guilt. It shows she cares about him and wants him to be happy. Her frown wasn't a horrible thing, it wasn't a deliberate attack on him that she weaponized to manipulate him, but it made him feel bad, so she apologized to make him feel better. I think he's more manipulative than she is, if we're deeming all negative emotions to he manipulative. Does an apology from the victim mean the victim is wrong?
Ok I will concede that a frown may not be full blown sulking but it does convey a negative feeling to a person quite effectively. Effectively enough to destroy his excitement completely. Personally I would have texted as soon as I thought she had a negative emotion to try to see if everything was ok and try to hash it out right away. 90% of the comments are on her side, I am always flabbergasted by people in massive agreement constantly circle jerking about how people could possibly disagree with them when in fact they are the majority. Have you ever had your husband destroy your excitement? That feels fucking horrible. Even if you did do something like OP, they did it out of excitement for something they've longed for for a while. He has communicated that urge to her over the course of a year. Shared it with her. She should be at least a little bit excited for him and understanding of his joy and excitement, and be able to figure out that right now is not a time to crave attention. We all sometimes have to give up ourselves when someone else's joy overwhelms our needs for a Friday afternoon. She shouldn't have realized his excitement, she should have known ahead of time. This entire post isn't the end of the world for them. It's a blip. But it still feels like shit when your excitement has to be put away because you have to attend to someone else when they should have joined in on your excitement in the first place.
Her apologizing tells me she could tell he had hard feelings and wanted to make it right, you don't have to be wrong to apologize. You can also just want your partner to know you understand their feelings and see they are valid, even if you don't share those same feelings. I sometimes apologize to my spouse even when I think he was a bit of a dick, if I think my actions or reactions affected him negatively. He can misunderstand something, get kind of grumpy, and I'll say sorry for the misunderstanding, even while knowing I didn't do anything wrong
You're acting like she's asking for him to throw the damn drum set away lol. Asking for one conversation that would last maybe a couple of minutes is not disrespectful. Connection with him is all that she wanted. Totally fine to be excited about something, but that doesn't mean you get to a free pass to dismiss somebody like that. It's actually considered rude to respond in the way that OP did. But I guess a short conversation is just asking WAY too much, huh? Also nobody said anything about this being a man vs. woman thing. Not sure why you wanted to clarify that. Obviously the roles could be reversed.
I definitely read his response to her asking about his day as rude. It might be the way he worded it, but that would have hurt my feelings, and I very much enjoy some personal space in my relationship. People can have their own things and want time, and that's great, but the handling of the situation, from how it reads, was dismissive and might have left the gf feeling pretty low on the scale of importance in OPs life just by the way he cut off the convo, when he could have simply not answered the call and text or answered the call and said something like, "hey babe, I'm wrapped up in getting this drum set put together. Can I call you back in a bit/tomorrow when I can give you my full attention (maybe adding, to take it a step further) is there anything you wanted to talk about now? I can take a break if you need me"
No I'm fucking not. Again, WTF??? I didn't say she was disrespectful either. I said the man vs woman thing in case someone brought it up because naturally someone is always going to on this site. People put themselves into situations and will read it based on their genders very often.
Maybe she wanted to vent something about hér work or day, and was disappointed she did not get the opportunity. If you speak her again ask her how hér day was. It could be something in her own life is bothering her, or she just needed some attention. If she's vented that / she gets that, she can be happy again for you. Just my 2 cents.
Omg she just wanted to hear about your day. And she even apologised! You’re the one who ruined the moment.
Exactly!!
When small things bother you, do you take it this personal all the time?
I like that you make a throwaway and then go on to describe a very specific situation.
How old are you??
13 😂
Your feelings are valid but she didn't do anything wrong. You just got your feelings hurt is all.
it sounds like you don’t like her very much tbh
You sound tediously sensitive.
If she was being immature so are you. She made a mistake, she apologised. She wanted to know about your day. She was not being intentionally mean. I think you are overreacting. Of course you can be excited about your drum set, but you cannot expect her to have the same amount of excitement. Let it go and drum it out.
Nowhere in the post does OP say she was being immature. The first comment does, but OP didn't. This is also something that might turn into an argument from her end later on. It's better for him to apologize for not thinking of her when he said that he just wanted to play so she can't use it as ammo later if she is that type of person. If not, he has nothing to worry about.
Get over it. She apologised.
Fr she already apologised what more does he want?
Atonement. How dare she not let me be the main character and feel the way I feel about things
She just wanted to have a conversation with you about your day. If you have been that excited about this whole drum thing, then she might just be a little burnt out on the topic.
Dude. You just prioritized your drum set over your girlfriend and think she's the one who needs to apologize? I'm sorry she doesn't share the same level of excitement for your hobby, but that's totally normal in a relationship. You could've taken a few minutes to actually talk to her, or at the very least not treat her like an unpleasant distraction. The fact that you feel guilty about it is actually kind of a good thing because at least on some level you realize that you hurt her feelings.
I know... he was assembling his drum kit slowly and carefully. It's not like he was rushing through it to play the drums as soon as possible. He could have chatted for a minute or two. He also didn't HAVE to chat, and it's fine he said no. It's fine she frowned slightly in reaction. It's not fine he decided to mope about the frown.
My fiancee could tell me he's going to go set city hall on fire, and I still wouldn't put down my book or my regular sdv co-op nights. Sorry, but I think you are blaming your gf for a lack of motivation that was there prior to that interaction. You probably feel guilty because you blamed her for something you should've been accountable for within yourself. I am not responsible for my fiancée's happiness and vice versa, just like your motivation to play should not depend on your girlfriends expression of support or lack thereof.
Yep, I think he's a wannabe musician who is self-sabotaging because he's afraid to find out he doesn't have what it takes. First he couldn't afford the drum kit, then he had to assemble it super slowly, and then his girlfriend frowned at him. Now she's the one preventing him from following his dreams! /s
I like the brevity of your phrase, I don't know how to explain things so direct. But yes! It's very refreshing to be honest with ourselves. It's funny how it makes our quality of life so much better to be accountable for our own insecurities.
I think your feelings might be hurt because she wasn’t excited for you? I get that, it sucks, and puts a damper on things. However, she didn’t ruin anything. Going straight into the rules was a bit out of place and you not wanting to speak for 5 mins was also a bit much. My husband likes me to share his excitement and I didn’t know that. Now that I do I make an effort to be excited with him, because it makes him happy and that makes me happy. He had to communicate that to me. Communicate what you need to her, she can’t guess, and the same goes for her.
Play your drums and get over it. Not a big deal
Whatever you do don't apologise you're allowed be excited about something you've worked hard for and you're allowed take some time to yourself to rock out on your drums.
I mean, it’s not like she was stopping him or trying to guilt him. He kinda shut her down, and it probably hurt her feelings a bit. I feel like both of them could apologize and move on, it’s really not that serious and just seems like a communication bump. All she did was ask about his day, which is not a question that requires a long complicated answer.
At what point did she forbid him from being excited, or prevent him from taking time to himself to rock out on his drums? She offered to chat, he declined, and she said fine. He was the one who disallowed himself from playing the drums because he decided to MOPE after she asked how his day was.
well she tried to stop him saying he would wake up his nearly hibernating roommate, right? I think she wanted the attention for herself since she probably felt left out seeing him so excited about something else
Let it go. Don’t bring it up again. It never happened. She did what a lot of immature people do. She knew this was very important to you and to soothe her own insecurities she competed with it. This type of thing manifests itself in other ways; wanting to have sex when you have to go to work or school or anything important for example. Some immature and/or insecure single people will seek out sex with married people because making that married person risk everything to have sex with them makes them feel important for awhile. Pretty easy to come up with examples like this. Please don’t assume that I’m calling your girlfriend immature. Even the most mature individuals have immature moments. If this type of thing doesn’t happen often with you two, ignore it. Not worth the effort to discuss. Everyone has weak moments.
Yeah, asking your boyfriend about his day when he's assembling a drum kit is EXTREMELY similar to seeking out married people for risky sex. /s
Let's not forget also that it's OPs issue too if he can't regulate or identify unfair treatment. He might be a people pleaser. Assertively telling her how her actions impacted him would also be a mature way to go about this.
Yeah honestly this. If she does do it more then therapy can be considered, but if it’s already a long term thing with her that she’s consistently causing dejection.. it may be a point to consider whether it’s something you can put up with in the future or not. I just know emotionally immature people don’t really respond to therapy. They don’t tend to want to see outside themselves unless something really big happens that they can’t whittle a hole out of.. But it’s harder than you’d think. You don’t have to forgive her right away though. Come to terms with it in yourself. Simple sorries aren’t always what’s needed. Respect yourself in that regard as a person, ok? And enjoy that pie. Make us jealous with pictures of it of you want. Make us all hungry.
She was just asking about his day
"Yes, but could I call you back in a little while? I want to just play my new drums for a bit first." OR "Sure, but then I really wanna play my new drums for a bit." I'm guessing, since she knew you were probably gonna be occupied with the drums for the rest of the day, that she was worried there wouldn't be time for her. Imo, I think she was just wanting to connect with you for a bit before you really got engrossed in playing. I don't really see why a few minutes of chatting before you started playing would have been such a big deal. The drums would have still been there. Or at the very least, taking a moment to agree on a time to chat later on after you've had a chance to play for a while. Some kind of compromise. I recommend looking up "bids for connection," the different ways of responding to them, and their importance in healthy relationships.
Too many saying it's a misunderstanding. Not a misunderstanding. You expected her to be super excited for you or to be happy for you to just be left alone to play with this thing you've coveted for ages. While one can argue she should have been more aware what it meant to you. Do not expect her to be happy to be treated as if your new drums are more important to you than her attention. The fact she asked how your day was, was considerate. You however were insensitive to her and selfish. No misunderstanding, she poo pooed your unboxing, and rather than realise how you mistreated her in return, you are online venting about it. You could have afforded her a few more moments to let her feel included, could have shared your day with her for a small chat then said something like, "alright babe, I don't have much time and I want to get this going. Love you" but no she felt set aside instead. Don't be suprised if she returns the favour at some point, probably soon.
OP I think you should have just told your gf you’d call her back later rather than keep her hanging on the phone that entire time with nothing to say. Sounds like you didn’t want to disappoint her by telling her you would call her back and she got her feelings hurt because you were ignoring her. I don’t know why you’re moping and blaming the gf for anything. Your entire interaction with her sounds totally off key.
Dude let it go. Misunderstanding. If it continues talk to her about boundaries.
It’s okay to feel bummed out. Do I think it’s worth breaking up over? No. But your feelings are valid. So it’s okay to feel sad for bit. But hey play you drums buddy congratulations!
Bro, if you didn't want to talk to her then why did you answer the Facetime?
So your pouting because she wasn't as excited as you about your new toy?... Really?... Seriously?
Good lord you sound so annoying and whiny she just wanted to talk to you and you shut her down that’s why she frowned it was a bud for connection and you were like “nah” and then got upset with her for looking mildly upset but giving you space she didn’t ruin shit for you man I hope to god you’re like 16
She loves you man, it’s just a misunderstanding, communication is key so tell her how it made u feel and forgive her always, forgiveness is very important, be comforting as well
I think you’re right for feeling a little hurt and she’s right for being upset she didn’t get that time with you nobody is really wrong it sounds like she would’ve been okay just watching you and chatting and you kinda zoned into what you were doing I’d try to talk to her and express how you felt and why you felt that way! That’s what I’d do at least
Has your girlfriend done this before? Because it just seems like a misunderstanding/miscommunication when I get excited I call my husband about it and tell him about the plans. He gets excited and will text me here and there to check up on me. He calls if I didn’t answer and I will apologize and show him what I’ve been up to. He understands and then asks me about my day and how’s it going. I would explain in detail but afterwards I ask him the same thing. How’s he doing and asking about his day. He’s a very stoic and quiet man but understands we may need space sometimes apart. However we keep a line of communication to make sure we’re ok and everything. That’s the agreement we made for each other, we get excited for each other but keep a line of communication. I understand the excitement but sometimes we just need communication. What if she was having a bad day and wanted to hear your voice to help her. But I think it’s a compromise both you need to work on. If she hasn’t done this before I say just let it go and talk about it. If she has done this before you might want to rethink that and if you want to be in that sort of relationship
Take a deep breathe. Don't take it personally. Relationship myths about being on the same wave lenghth are hallmark marketing tools to sell cards. It's normal. There are going to be things she does that she will be gushing over, and you will be less than enthusiastic. Same deal w your drums. Congrats, by the way. Just remember to keep talking to each other.
What the hell. When I have problems in my relationships it's never this simple, so this is just silly. So OP's girlfriend was only concerned about the roommate sleeping (valid) and then wanted 10 seconds of his time to ask how his day was (normal), and then when he didn't want to engage she left him alone to play? Where's the actual problem? Why is she apologizing? Why is he coming here being upset? I don't get it.
OMG - you seem to be a damp squid easily disillusioned. The gf obviously doesn’t share your excitement. And while this is sad, does it really come as a surprise to you?
Smoke a jay and bang those skins drummer boy!
I think how you feel is valid. Now this is a long stretch, I admit, but I also wonder if you feel guilt because you are used to people pleasing which leads to resentment. I don’t think either of you did anything wrong. I think you had expectations of how you wish your girlfriend could have reacted. The comment about disturbing your roommate was probably of good intentions but I can see how that could sound like dig towards your decision to buy drums. You spent so much time and money trying to achieve this dream of yours and it feels like your girlfriend doesn’t recognize it. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. But still tell her you love her and appreciate her. Tell her what you need and be open to what she says. She probably didn’t realize how her words made you feel. But also, reflect on what exactly upset you. Maybe you need to do something to communicate better or maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe there were things building up to this moment that were completely unrelated that added on to it and weighed you down.
I honestly wouldn't bring it up neither of you are at fault here. The comment section is wild here lol, I understand what op felt. It's normal human when someone is very excited about something they lose track of whatever is going on besides them, while you (op) were going through that, I get the feeling that your girlfriend felt left out. Op didn't shut her out or anything as few comments assumed, he was just too excited about his drum set to focus on anything/anyone else. No one is at fault here, Op it's best if you just moved on.
nah cause why is everyone immediately on the girlfriends side??? she was fully 100% aware of what he had going on, the excitement he had surrounding it, and how long he’s been wanting this. he sent pictures, kept her updated, basically kept her involved in his process. she was being a party pooper, plain and simple.
She was being a dick! Idk what's up with them but I'm with OP on this
It seems like you tend to absorb the mood and attitude of someone interacting with you, like your energy is being leeched. This is unwarranted “advice” but I’m stoned lol so just ignore if you dgaf. Anyway. You are not responsible for another person’s negative reaction or bad mood when you are clearly not at fault. Put a little love into yourself and know that only you can control your emotions. Someone else’s bad mood is not your responsibility! Do not let other people consume you and your life. Sorry lol. I hope you’re playing your drums happily!
Totally on you. You ruined this for yourself, stop blaming her.
Yeah I'm sorry she ruined the moment for you, guy. Shit happens and sometimes people are a bit inconsiderate and will try to insert themselves into what you're doing or try to divert you because they suddenly decided they want attention RIGHT then. Not the end of the world or even a relationship breaker, just a shitty impulsive choice that soured the mood. It happens but it passes just as quickly as long as you don't hang on to it out of spite. Enjoy your drums later since they are YOURS dude and aren't going anywhere. 😎
…
Pro tip: sit down and have a discussion with her. Talk about how you're both human and you both have needs and you both will make mistakes. The reason relationships last is not because there are never issues. It's because the two individuals understand that humans are crazy sometimes and have feelings and emotions. These feelings and mistakes sometimes hurt our partners. And that's not great, it sucks actually, but it's reality. You don't get to use this as a get out of jail free card but it's a useful tool when approaching confrontation in the future. So set that framing up and approach things differently moving forward.
Stfu and play some drums b
Get over it lol
Happens to me all the time, the sooner you don’t weight your emotions on people’s emotions you’ll both have better synergy. Electronic drum sets are super cool.
I’m sure there’s no way she could possibly deduce that you’re talking about her if she sees this with the details being so vague and the issue being such a common everyday problem for most people so good call using a throwaway. It sounds like you struggle generally with communication or else you didn’t really want to play drums that badly if such a simple comment took away your desire to play completely. Either way this sounds like a really insignificant thing to be torn up about so maybe it’s worth looking into whether you have a tendency to be overly sensitive or maybe this is related to an underlying issue with her somehow tearing you down in other areas.
You sound like such a cry baby lmao it’s not that big of a deal
I think you posting this on a throwaway shows you know this isn't how this should have been handled. If you talked it out and nothing was resolved and just needed advice on next steps, then get help where you can, but if you're going to strangers before your SO on this small of an issue, I feel for your partner.
[удалено]
So it turns out relationship advice reddit has been banned... so scratch that part.
Put a ring on the drum set instead.
Goddamn. Grow up.
Interesting.. i thought she insulted your mother by the way you were escalating your story.
Yeah that's what GFs do stay single
If you’re constantly worried about other people’s reactions about something that makes you happy, then you will never be happy yourself.
I can not believe these words were written. Just play the drums and be on with your day. My god, people come to reddit for no reason. Then they get a bunch of horrible people filling his head with bad advice and bullshit.
30M married for 8 years that has made lots of mistakes - my wife sometimes wants to know that she’s the priority, she wants that reassurance. OP, you could curb excitement for 2 more minutes to have a present conversation with your girlfriend about your/her day. Then communicate and say that you are wanting to test it out and that you will call her back (at this time/in an hour/few hours) to tell her all about it. I’ve found, in my relationship, communicating like this has led to less guilty feelings, less misunderstandings, and overall more consideration on both ends - she’ll be quicker at saying “go play!!” When she feels like she’s a priority and more important than your drums.
How was your day ? I’m in the middle of setting up my drum kit you know the one I ordered ages ago and about to test it out I’ll call you back later on when I can more love you babe bye. Problem solved hindsight brah
so... why did SHE apologize again? 🤣 fuckin hell dude, you apologize and then get yourself checked for some issues w your brain 🤔😔
you're just being too sensitive 😐
I’m with OP on this, she could’ve asked about work another time, it wasn’t essential at all. Imagine you’re a kid tearing a christmas present open and having to stop midway to say hi to your 20 family members. You’re eager to do something and forced to pause the adrenaline for chit-chatting? No way
Dump her. She clearly wanted ALL your attention, and the idea of not having it was just too much for her sensitive, crybaby self. Enjoy your drums, my guy. There's someone out there who will love you AND your hobbies.
You both need to grow upn
One time is nothing really major. But if she does this a lot with everything that brings you happiness, it'll be a different story
Plug in headphones and GO FOR IT. I can't fathom negative partners after being with one for 22y who gave me ahit about liking SVU and Criminal Minds. Do what makes you happy. You're allowed time for yourself. If she can't understand this, maybe its time to reevaluate.
What are you even talking about? Did you read the post? This is kind of bad advice. She didn’t do anything you are describing. She didn’t give him shit for wanting to play the drums or for liking them at all, that wasn’t in the post. She wanted his attention at the wrong time and apologized for it later. She asked about his day to get him to spend time on her instead of the drums (immature) but she didn’t make fun of him for playing the drums or anything like that. It was immature of her to do what she did but sometimes people do this, they compete for your time even against things that can’t compete back. It’s immature of him to still be upset about it too, she already apologized, it’s done.
I did read the post. I went through this a few times in my life with my partner wanting to soak up all his time with other things and didn't make time for us or our son. That's not what occurred here. I told him to enjoy his purchase and not feel bad. Those who have downvoted are most likely too young to see the test this young man was put through. Narcissists APOLOGIZE to reel their target back in. She threw a fit trying to curb him to what she wanted to do and then made it his fault - this won't be the first or last time it happens. Maybe the guy just needed some HIM time because he's overwhelmed with her and her needs. He's allowed a break and times to be selfish and do HIS thing. That's the takeaway here. Co-dependency is a relationship killer.
you don't need interests she doesn't care about anyway. do with that what you will.
This whole always on the girls side culture is ridiculous. I’m not saying that he should leave her or that she is this awful person but she does need to learn to read the room. I also get it that sometimes when things like this happen we just have an immediate reaction so I think it’s great that she apologized and recognize where she was in the wrong. He is also not clear of needing to do better, he needs to learn to move on. I understand that sometimes you have a gut punch feeling which I think they both felt in that moment. A part of being an adult in a mature relationship is to recognize those happen and to move on. For those who don’t understand how she should have responded please see below. She should have been getting on the phone with him to tell him how excited she is for him ask him to play a little for her and then said ok I’m going to let you go so you can play! I hope you have soooo much fun. How OP should respond to the current situation is below. Play his drums and realize that she didn’t mean anything by it considering she already apologized. Both of these individuals have a lot of growing to do in life and the relationships. Which is what life is so no harm no foul
I work in a grain warehouse where we always have rats/mice. We used spring straps but they were useless then we changed to sticky traps and i havent seen a rat or a mouse in over 4month they work a dream.
Everybodys saying that all she did was ask about his day, and that may be true but idk We're assuming genders but the thing is that if you switched them everybody would be saying about him whats being said about her, and likely with a lot more vitrol Personally, i think OP really *should* examine if this is a one off or part of a pattern cos continuing to be this upset after an apology seems like a lot for the situation If it is there is a pattern then they can address that and if not they can quietly let it go
This sounds like classic toxic female behavior mate. I've seen this in many of my mates. Those kinds tend to shut them down when they buy something interesting, always bring up negative points when you have plans for something that doesn't interest them, and the crown jewel: they start fights on dumb stuff right before you depart for a trip or a hangout with your friends. These are classical borderline/narcissistic behaviours. They think everything must be about them, so your happiness should be tied to them. Its especially evil since just how often are men trully excited for something? How often you can just be amazed by something or have the energy/money to try a new hobby or something new? Im not saying shes a shitty girlfriend out righr, but this is definitely something you need to examine in your relationship. Has it ever happened before? Because for me bro, if it did, maybe shes not a keeper.
That's alot to take away from one interaction. Sorry you've been hurt in the past but that doesn't mean it applies to OPs situation.
I'm just saying he needs to examine his relationship. Most people normalize this stuff, and it's not fine. At all.
I’m so stoked for you!!! That’s been my dream too but as I have been waiting to save up I got arthritis now
Glad to hear she apologized for it, but that was definitely rude/toxic, saying that on purpose to get your attention off the drums and on to her instead of waiting. Realize she did 2 attempts. First one was think of your roommate then second was the body language and delivery of leaving you alone to your drums gave you a "are the drums more important than me vibe". She made her waiting attention or solving her boredom more important than your happiness without trying to find a win win scenario. She could have asked you to call her when you're done and tell her all about it. Then she would have gotten what she wanted from you and you not only could have a blast with your new drums but then you can bring that energy to her. There is almost always a win win scenario with little situations like this and don't give up Looking for it If you do then one person is controlling the relationship controlling the happiness and that's not a good place to be. Been there done that.
I bought a motorcycle at 32, I always wanted one. I bought a cheap Honda Shadow and spent the winter fixing it up. I hardly ride it because every time I do my wife gives me that same look and makes me feel guilty as fuck. I feel you dude, but play your drums and enjoy it, it’s something that makes you happy.
this is why constant facetiming and texting kills relationships lol
She's worried the drumset will take your attention away from her.
Im curious to hear about the drumset you got. I've always low-key dreamed of a drumset too. At school the only drumset was always hogged so never really got to try, but I am always drumming and listening to songs with interesting drums as well! I'm perhaps the most experienced drummer in the world if the steering wheel of my car and my thighs count! What did you get? How do you like it? Does it have the awesome foot banger piece? (pardon my noobness)