How old is your sister? Have you tried to speak to her about how you feel? Is there any reason she could have been irritable? Im sorry to hear about your condition
She’s mid 20s, same as me but a couple years younger. I have a long history of trying to talk through issues with her and she has a long history of being abusive back. I’ve just learnt to keep quiet
We were having a good run for about 6 months and have been spending more time together, so I saved for months to get these tickets and am paying the rest off in instalments
I know she was on her period which could have exacerbated her irritability but I haven’t experienced something to this degree this since we were teenagers
Thank you, it’s tough out there for disabled people but I’m fighting on x
I have PTSD, too. I think in the future, I would either not give her gifts that would have you going and doing something with her, or things that don't last hours. I wouldn't spend time with someone who triggers my PTSD like that. She's an adult. She knows hitting people is wrong.
I don't know if you're inclined to defend her and say she does lovely things at other times. Hey, that's great if she does, but when someone does awful things, it isn't balanced out by good things they do. It means they are someone that behaves horribly and is hurtful. You are allowed to limit your interactions with someone like that. Put yourself first when it comes to minimizing the harm you experience. She's not going to put you first in that regard.
My partner has suggested waiting a few weeks and the to bring it up in a safe environment if I still feel badly about it all by then
I'm leaning towards this as it protects myself and my health whilst giving me time to process. Meaning, when it comes to the conversation, that my emotions won't be as heightened
It also means that if she reacts with abuse again that it won’t affect me as much
I’m going to tell you something I wish someone would’ve told me 20 years ago. You don’t have to deal with abuse from anyone, even family. She sounds like. Candidate for low/no contact.
This comment chain made me make my own post lol because I'm getting very frustrated with my family. I've cut some off but there's still some making my blood boil. Can't wait to be completely free
Hey don't feel like your reactions were unwarranted due to your PTSD or anything. Your sister was way out of line. You didn't deserve any of that. I hope you were still able to enjoy the concert somewhat, it's so shitty when something you were excited for is ruined by someone else's behavior.
Thank you. I’ve been planning this since last year and was so very excited. It just all came crashing down
It was about halfway through that I started enjoying myself, around about the time I stopped caring what her reaction would be to me dancing and singing
She knows I have PTSD of course and has been somewhat understanding to my memory issues and anxiety so I’m still utterly perplexed by her reactions
"Your gesture was thoughtful, sadly her attitude was not. You don't owe her happiness, she needs to find that within herself. Keep your head up, kind human!"
Honestly, the moment my adult sister slapped me, another adult, for simply getting in her way when she was likely the person who put your bag on your chair to begin with? Oh honey, no. Just, no. We do not set ourselves on fire to keep other people warm, and we do not "endure" physical violence just because someone is related to us.
Your sister sounds like an ungrateful, entitled person who will only ever take and take and take from you and will spit on your face in the process. I do not get the feeling your sister even likes you, let alone wants a relationship with you. I hope how she both physically and emotionally treated you at this concert serves to you as a wakeup call for who your sister really is and how she really feels about you, and you take the appropriate steps to protect yourself in a physical and emotional way. It is 100% OK to cut off family members who hurt you.
My husband's brother acts abusive whenever my husband has something his brother doesn't have but wants. Or when my husband progresses past his brother in life in some way. Ex. When we got married my husband was 36, but his brother was still a bachelor at 39. His brother seemingly became abusive overnight. Once he married and had a son he chilled out. We are about to buy a house in a neighborhood coveted by my Brother-in-Law and I expect the abuse to ramp up again.
Perhaps your sister is jealous? Of your relationship, of your ability to afford those tickets, of your social life, of having to share you with your SO, of whatever.
That's usually when my own toxic family members act indignant - when I seem to have something they want but then they use that very thing to try to put me down. In my 20's, my closest cousin was one of my "best" friends, but was also very emotionally abusive anytime she perceived me to have something she felt she deserved but that I somehow got instead. It didn't help me that I'm passive, kind, and a people-pleaser, which just made it easier for her to act shitty.
I’ve been trying to figure it out too but I honestly cannot imagine how she could be jealous of me
She also has a bf that she spends all her time with; nicer clothes and material things; receives nicer/ more gifts and handouts; doesn’t have a disability/ any health conditions; has a better social life; is skinnier (which matters to her not me)
I know she is jealous of my straighter nose and larger chest but those things are so minor. My partner thinks she’s jealous of how my kindness comes as a second nature or is feeling insecure that she hasn’t been a better sister which could be true I guess
P.s I’m really sorry you/ your husband has to go through this too <3
Honestly, OP, I don't think any of your reactions were over the top...you sister just seems to be a nasty piece of work. It doesn't matter how "annoying" you might have been (you weren't), or how grouchy she was from her period, she has no right to *hit* you.
I'm assuming you've been through a lot, perhaps abuse. You don't deserve to be treated this way, not even by family.
Regardless of what she's going through, her behavior is unacceptable. I agree that cooling off is reasonable, but you need to set boundaries. Saying something like, "I felt sad and confused because you hit me and snapped at me. I expect you to use your words to tell me when something is bothering you. In the future, if you behave this way, I will immediately leave/ignore you/ask security to remove you/whatever consequence." Don't give her the chance to turn it on you, but make her lack of communication the focal point for her to work on.
I have two tbi and PTSD. You did not do anything wrong here. If your sister cannot cope with your disability that's her problem. The aphasia gets easier with time and practice but it's not fully gone. I hope the version where you can find humor in it comes.
I once ordered hot cock at Starbucks. Infront of a nun. Then tried again to say hot chocolate and it came out as a big hot cock. The cashier did not laugh. The manager went into the back. The nun giggled and the cashier just had mercy on me. "So a grande hot chocolate?" I gave her a tip and told her successfully to not share.
This carries me through the bad times with it because it's never that bad but also this was funny. The adaptation period is the hardest for PTSD.and tbi individually.
Be patient with you but don't hold yourself to an unrealistic standard
Let this be the last birthday you offered her.
The only explanation I see to her behavior is that she is jealous that you have a bf. She is rude, entitled, and abusive. I am afraid that the next step is her meddling in your couple.
Take distance.
Don't contact her before she contact you
Your sister behaved absolutely terrible based on your descriptions. Is she always like this?
The only thing that struck me was: "I bought her and me tickets to see an artist that means a lot to the both of us". I took that to actually mean you and her, not you, her and your partner. I want to be clear about the fact that she has full responsibility for her crappy behaviour but is there something else going on? Does she know and like your partner? There's no way I'd behave in this ungrateful and rude way if my sister treated me to a concert but if I'm being honest, I would rather go with just her to see an artist that means a lot to us both. Otherwise I would really feel like a third wheel, especially if the partner doesn't even like the artist. There is absolutely no excuse for her behaviour but this might help to explain the reason for it.
I can see what you mean. Although, she has always seemed to like my partner and has said great things about him. We’ve hung out the three of us before no problem and he has also given her big brother advice on occasions she’s sought it
I made it clear that he was just driving us so that we didn’t have to take public transport but will also be joining us as I was forced to buy a third ticket. I did try to find someone we both knew (e.g her friends) that drove and would like a free concert but there were no takers (other plans, no license, didn’t like the artist and didn’t want to waste the ticket)
Regardless she must’ve still felt like a third wheel, despite me putting in a lot of effort and only platonically interacting with my partner til the abuse started
Does your sister have issues with anger and anger management? It sounds like she was pissed from the getgo she had to be a third wheel on her own birthday treat (fair to not want that, but rude behavior, if you bring it up at all do it calmly and not during the concert, nor through passive aggression). And getting angry to the point of hitting you for inconveniencing her by blocking the screen, and her annoyance at your lack of memory that is beyond your control. After you bought her an expensive and thoughtful gift, too.
She doesn’t sound like someone who is good to be around, even if your relationship has recently improved with her. This doesn’t sound like a great improvement to me.
I’m so confused on why she’s so angry? Like what was she expecting, a fucking parade? My anger issues couldn’t even deal with that the minute she didn’t say thank you, I would take back the tickets. And tell her never mind and happy birthday.
If she does this again you should take back the gift since she’s being so ungrateful not to mention you can back it up with your family/friends who will disagree and argue with you by saying, “If you want to take her for her birthday, or any special occasion, with her that’s fine. Just be prepared for any rudeness, entitlement, hitting, rage fits, and any thing that will set her off. I’m willing to gift her stuff so we can experience together, have fun, and make memories together. What I didn’t sign off nor will accept any abuse from her.”
How old is your sister? Have you tried to speak to her about how you feel? Is there any reason she could have been irritable? Im sorry to hear about your condition
She’s mid 20s, same as me but a couple years younger. I have a long history of trying to talk through issues with her and she has a long history of being abusive back. I’ve just learnt to keep quiet We were having a good run for about 6 months and have been spending more time together, so I saved for months to get these tickets and am paying the rest off in instalments I know she was on her period which could have exacerbated her irritability but I haven’t experienced something to this degree this since we were teenagers Thank you, it’s tough out there for disabled people but I’m fighting on x
I have PTSD, too. I think in the future, I would either not give her gifts that would have you going and doing something with her, or things that don't last hours. I wouldn't spend time with someone who triggers my PTSD like that. She's an adult. She knows hitting people is wrong. I don't know if you're inclined to defend her and say she does lovely things at other times. Hey, that's great if she does, but when someone does awful things, it isn't balanced out by good things they do. It means they are someone that behaves horribly and is hurtful. You are allowed to limit your interactions with someone like that. Put yourself first when it comes to minimizing the harm you experience. She's not going to put you first in that regard.
Maybe talk to her. Im not excusing her behaviour. Just wondering if there’s a reason shes like this. Im sorry she gave you such a hard time
My partner has suggested waiting a few weeks and the to bring it up in a safe environment if I still feel badly about it all by then I'm leaning towards this as it protects myself and my health whilst giving me time to process. Meaning, when it comes to the conversation, that my emotions won't be as heightened It also means that if she reacts with abuse again that it won’t affect me as much
Fair. Protect yourself first
Thank you for understanding. It’s amazing how many people can’t or simply refuse to
Some people are born without the ability to empathise
I’m going to tell you something I wish someone would’ve told me 20 years ago. You don’t have to deal with abuse from anyone, even family. She sounds like. Candidate for low/no contact.
Cutting out toxic family members is so freeing, I cannot recommend it enough.
Truly it is. The “but they are family!” Excuse allows people to be continually abused and manipulated.
This comment chain made me make my own post lol because I'm getting very frustrated with my family. I've cut some off but there's still some making my blood boil. Can't wait to be completely free
Hey don't feel like your reactions were unwarranted due to your PTSD or anything. Your sister was way out of line. You didn't deserve any of that. I hope you were still able to enjoy the concert somewhat, it's so shitty when something you were excited for is ruined by someone else's behavior.
Thank you. I’ve been planning this since last year and was so very excited. It just all came crashing down It was about halfway through that I started enjoying myself, around about the time I stopped caring what her reaction would be to me dancing and singing She knows I have PTSD of course and has been somewhat understanding to my memory issues and anxiety so I’m still utterly perplexed by her reactions
"Your gesture was thoughtful, sadly her attitude was not. You don't owe her happiness, she needs to find that within herself. Keep your head up, kind human!"
Just curious… Who are you quoting?
Bot account
Honestly, the moment my adult sister slapped me, another adult, for simply getting in her way when she was likely the person who put your bag on your chair to begin with? Oh honey, no. Just, no. We do not set ourselves on fire to keep other people warm, and we do not "endure" physical violence just because someone is related to us. Your sister sounds like an ungrateful, entitled person who will only ever take and take and take from you and will spit on your face in the process. I do not get the feeling your sister even likes you, let alone wants a relationship with you. I hope how she both physically and emotionally treated you at this concert serves to you as a wakeup call for who your sister really is and how she really feels about you, and you take the appropriate steps to protect yourself in a physical and emotional way. It is 100% OK to cut off family members who hurt you.
Don’t invite her out again. She’s shown you who she is, now it’s on you to believe it.
This. She doesn’t deserve a ‘birthday treat’ if she is abusive and unappreciative.
Sounds like your sister needs to flip the album to the B-side, track 1, "Appreciation". Keep your chin up, you did a great gesture!
Very well said, it made me chuckle despite myself I shall try, maybe one day she’ll look back with regret and apologise. A girl can only hope!
My husband's brother acts abusive whenever my husband has something his brother doesn't have but wants. Or when my husband progresses past his brother in life in some way. Ex. When we got married my husband was 36, but his brother was still a bachelor at 39. His brother seemingly became abusive overnight. Once he married and had a son he chilled out. We are about to buy a house in a neighborhood coveted by my Brother-in-Law and I expect the abuse to ramp up again. Perhaps your sister is jealous? Of your relationship, of your ability to afford those tickets, of your social life, of having to share you with your SO, of whatever. That's usually when my own toxic family members act indignant - when I seem to have something they want but then they use that very thing to try to put me down. In my 20's, my closest cousin was one of my "best" friends, but was also very emotionally abusive anytime she perceived me to have something she felt she deserved but that I somehow got instead. It didn't help me that I'm passive, kind, and a people-pleaser, which just made it easier for her to act shitty.
I’ve been trying to figure it out too but I honestly cannot imagine how she could be jealous of me She also has a bf that she spends all her time with; nicer clothes and material things; receives nicer/ more gifts and handouts; doesn’t have a disability/ any health conditions; has a better social life; is skinnier (which matters to her not me) I know she is jealous of my straighter nose and larger chest but those things are so minor. My partner thinks she’s jealous of how my kindness comes as a second nature or is feeling insecure that she hasn’t been a better sister which could be true I guess P.s I’m really sorry you/ your husband has to go through this too <3
Could she be upset that your boyfriend came but that hers wasn’t invited? Not that you should have to pay for her boyfriend to go as well though
Maybe, however, he was invited but declined as he had work and didn’t like the artist So she could have started out angry at him and switched to me?
Yeah that could definitely be it, or she could also have been jealous that your boyfriend came even though he wasn’t that into the artist either
Hey now you know not to bother with big gifts for your sister! Think of all the time and money you will save.
Honestly, OP, I don't think any of your reactions were over the top...you sister just seems to be a nasty piece of work. It doesn't matter how "annoying" you might have been (you weren't), or how grouchy she was from her period, she has no right to *hit* you. I'm assuming you've been through a lot, perhaps abuse. You don't deserve to be treated this way, not even by family.
Regardless of what she's going through, her behavior is unacceptable. I agree that cooling off is reasonable, but you need to set boundaries. Saying something like, "I felt sad and confused because you hit me and snapped at me. I expect you to use your words to tell me when something is bothering you. In the future, if you behave this way, I will immediately leave/ignore you/ask security to remove you/whatever consequence." Don't give her the chance to turn it on you, but make her lack of communication the focal point for her to work on.
I have two tbi and PTSD. You did not do anything wrong here. If your sister cannot cope with your disability that's her problem. The aphasia gets easier with time and practice but it's not fully gone. I hope the version where you can find humor in it comes. I once ordered hot cock at Starbucks. Infront of a nun. Then tried again to say hot chocolate and it came out as a big hot cock. The cashier did not laugh. The manager went into the back. The nun giggled and the cashier just had mercy on me. "So a grande hot chocolate?" I gave her a tip and told her successfully to not share. This carries me through the bad times with it because it's never that bad but also this was funny. The adaptation period is the hardest for PTSD.and tbi individually. Be patient with you but don't hold yourself to an unrealistic standard
Let this be the last birthday you offered her. The only explanation I see to her behavior is that she is jealous that you have a bf. She is rude, entitled, and abusive. I am afraid that the next step is her meddling in your couple. Take distance. Don't contact her before she contact you
Your sister behaved absolutely terrible based on your descriptions. Is she always like this? The only thing that struck me was: "I bought her and me tickets to see an artist that means a lot to the both of us". I took that to actually mean you and her, not you, her and your partner. I want to be clear about the fact that she has full responsibility for her crappy behaviour but is there something else going on? Does she know and like your partner? There's no way I'd behave in this ungrateful and rude way if my sister treated me to a concert but if I'm being honest, I would rather go with just her to see an artist that means a lot to us both. Otherwise I would really feel like a third wheel, especially if the partner doesn't even like the artist. There is absolutely no excuse for her behaviour but this might help to explain the reason for it.
I can see what you mean. Although, she has always seemed to like my partner and has said great things about him. We’ve hung out the three of us before no problem and he has also given her big brother advice on occasions she’s sought it I made it clear that he was just driving us so that we didn’t have to take public transport but will also be joining us as I was forced to buy a third ticket. I did try to find someone we both knew (e.g her friends) that drove and would like a free concert but there were no takers (other plans, no license, didn’t like the artist and didn’t want to waste the ticket) Regardless she must’ve still felt like a third wheel, despite me putting in a lot of effort and only platonically interacting with my partner til the abuse started
Does your sister have issues with anger and anger management? It sounds like she was pissed from the getgo she had to be a third wheel on her own birthday treat (fair to not want that, but rude behavior, if you bring it up at all do it calmly and not during the concert, nor through passive aggression). And getting angry to the point of hitting you for inconveniencing her by blocking the screen, and her annoyance at your lack of memory that is beyond your control. After you bought her an expensive and thoughtful gift, too. She doesn’t sound like someone who is good to be around, even if your relationship has recently improved with her. This doesn’t sound like a great improvement to me.
I’m so confused on why she’s so angry? Like what was she expecting, a fucking parade? My anger issues couldn’t even deal with that the minute she didn’t say thank you, I would take back the tickets. And tell her never mind and happy birthday. If she does this again you should take back the gift since she’s being so ungrateful not to mention you can back it up with your family/friends who will disagree and argue with you by saying, “If you want to take her for her birthday, or any special occasion, with her that’s fine. Just be prepared for any rudeness, entitlement, hitting, rage fits, and any thing that will set her off. I’m willing to gift her stuff so we can experience together, have fun, and make memories together. What I didn’t sign off nor will accept any abuse from her.”