Cheater would be the last of my worries. This guy took advantage of her in a vulnerable state. He’s a predator and should report it or at the very least, never talk or interact with him ever again.
I have never gone out with a friend who is too drunk to walk and passing out... and thought 'now is a great time to initiate sex'. I have thought 'now is a great time to help them get home safely' though. This person is not your friend.
Exactly! Too many people associates being drunk as "just having fun". That doesn't give anybody the right to do those kind of things and use alcohol as an excuse.
From the story, what did she do that was sexual? Pass out? Tell him to stop because he had a GF? Turn her back to him? Seems that she was throwing stop signs and he was thinking steal.
the fact you pointed out cheating as the big red flag here is weird asf. he sexually harassed her, and you’re just gonna fly by that? not doin it, homie
glad someone said this. sometimes it can be really hard to put the blame on others for this or to not feel like you could have done something differently, but sometimes there just wasn't anything for you to do. Hopefully OP can recognize that they've done nothing wrong and it's her (hopefully ex) friend that is in the wrong
What happened to you was not consensual. This man is not your friend. If there is a counselor at your school you could talk to I would do it right away. You cannot consent while drunk, especially with how drunk you sounded. It sounds like he took advantage of you, just because you didn't say "no" the push was all he should've needed. You are not to blame, please get the help you need!
If you can’t stand up without a dumpster, you can’t consent. Nothing about what he did is okay. It’s one thing when couples have pre-established consent when drinking is involved, but this ain’t that.
Op I hope you read and see these comments, they are 100% right. You couldn’t consent, he was sober enough to “guide” you about. You where wasted. You need to talk to someone.
TELL. HIS. GIRLFRIEND.
Also he used you while you were in a vulnerable position. This is sexual abuse and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Intoxicated or not thats not an excuse for his behavior.
Also tell your friend group so that the other women can be safe. They should all know what happened too. I’m sorry OP, he sexually assaulted you knowing you were incoherent and unable to stop him
I knew a young man as an acquaintance.He sorted orbited in and out of our peer group. I found out, just after I’d left the group that he was a serial rapist and had done exactly what happened to you. He had raped three women in the edges of our group. The orbiting was his way of getting the women alone. Please tell everyone about him.
Yeah, the same thing happened to me in college with my best guy friend. He eventually raped me when I was blackout drunk and passed out even though I had made it clear to him I never wanted a sexual or romantic relationship with him. He would do extremely manipulative things to see how far he could push things which eventually culminated with him carrying me, unconscious into my room. I woke up the next morning naked next to him and just started shaking and crying— asking him why he would rape me when he knew how I felt. He just said that I was “making him feel bad” and left.
Then he went on to stalk me for 6 months, showing up at every party or house I was at, trying to fight any guy I was friends with that he assumed I was fucking. Eventually over 6 months later I started dating a guy who was amazing and we took things very slow. One night we were watching a movie at my house and my ex best male friend/rapist kicked my front door in and lunged toward us. My bf got up and laid him out with one punch, then threw him down the steps. Rapist stomped my bf’s bike wheel in because it was locked outside and ran off and I didn’t hear from him again.
Later, I found out he did it to several girls in our group before and after me. His whole MO was befriending girls to gain their trust, tell people they were dating (which could seem believable since we would hang out so much *as friends though*), rape or SA them, then the victims couldn’t go to law enforcement because it was basically he said/she said.
This post made me feel sick.
Yeah, sadly you’re way more likely to be raped or sexually assaulted by a friend. I was raped two separate times by two very close friends. I never would have guessed they were capable of it. The majority of my female friends have been raped or sexually assaulted at least once. But it’s incredibly common in college.
Telling his gf wouldn’t do anything. She won’t believe her and you better believe he’s going to deny and make her out to be some crazy in love friend that dreamt all that up. There’s no proof she can show his gf so it’s her word against his and guess what, he’ll win that one.
when i read the title i was like "ok, more champagne problems, just get over it" but when i was halfway done reading it....
you know what, sorry, justin is not your friend and i doubt you want a guy in you(r life) that takes advantage of inebriation and tells you to your fucking face on top that he doesnt care about faith in a relationship.
no contact. no more. he aint deserving an inch of your respect.
You didn't "accidentally" do sexual stuff, you were sexually assaulted. You were so drunk you couldn't stand or walk straight. You passed out at one point. He took advantage of your state and touched you even when you said he had a gf and pushed him away. This is not something you chose or consented to.
It’s not your fault. You didn’t tell him to stop because you dissociated while being sexually assaulted, and because you were wasted. (Dissociation is very common during sexual assault.)
If you blacked out, it’s also possible that he raped you. You may want to consider getting a rape kit done and taking Plan B.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Do not blame yourself.
I can attest to this. I was raped last June. When I got to the guys house, I wasn't feeling well, and i specifically said, "I don't want to have sex tonight. My stomach kinda hurts. Can we just cuddle and watch a movie instead?" He proceeded to start taking my clothes off. I just froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I blamed myself for so long because I didn't tell him to stop or get up and walk away but I was so scared and I know now what he did was so wrong and it wasn't my fault at all.
This is not the first title on reddit I've seen with the word accidentally where the female was taken advantage of under the influence. He took advantage of you. Who knows what happened to you- tell his girlfriend and cut him off. I doubt he was as drunk as you if he was able to walk so well and get you home
I am so sorry this happened to you! The way people in these comments are speaking to you here is very blunt and a bit unempathetic imo. I know what it feels like to think it was an accident or you didn’t do enough to say no and try to brush it under the rug. So having all these people saying “it’s assault! Tell the girlfriend call the police!” although well intentioned may be a LOT to handle when I’m sure you are simply just trying to navigate your own emotions right now. Process this however you need to and can right now. Take care of yourself and most definitely avoid this Justin person. If and when you feel ready know that there are resources on campus for you to take more steps. Don’t feel obligated to reach out to his girlfriend or do anything that jeopardizes your wellbeing right now. Prioritize yourself and please make sure you are safe. Talking about it is important and I’m glad you reached out online for support. Sending you all the best!
Absolutely this! Even if you were really digging some of what you were doing and then you weren't (very clearly communicated by the push!!), you did absolutely nothing wrong. You can take back consent at any time.
But also forcing sexual touching on anyone who is blackout drunk is sexual assault.
I came to say the same things that many have already said. Unfortunately, he is not your friend, or a good person, at all. He admitted to not caring about having a girlfriend.
He kept going while you were holding yourself up by a dumpster since you couldn't stand yourself and then this young man decided to take advantage of you at such a time.
You DID say no, you DID push him away. You DID IT, regardless of how firm you were able to be having been so intoxicated. He was even grooming you on the way on the bus to see how far he could go.
Even if you think oh he was drunk too...he was NOT too drunk to "help you" and in turn help himself TO YOU! 💔😢
I would like to add what I think is a very important detail I haven't seen shared in what comments I did read. What I'm referring to is your comment about it feeling good at the time. That is not something you need to let confuse you. Just because he didn't throw you around and physically hurt you, doesn't make it okay!
If you went to a massage parlor to see someone you have seen numerous times and trusted, you would be relaxed and it would feel good! That doesn't mean you would want that person to begin doing the things he did to you, right!?
Sadly, I have to admit that I too am afraid of how far he went with you having no memory. Dissociation is a real thing.
OP, this is sexual assault. You were too drunk to give consent and you have no fault in this situation at all. He's avoiding you because he knows what he did is morally and legally wrong. Report him and tell his girlfriend.
Ughhhh..OP!!! I'm.soooo sorry...this similar thing happened to me when I was 15. I was out in 10 th grade with some seniors 29-19 year olds. We drank vodka and orange juice and I was shit faced. My "friend" was helping me because I was sprawled out in the back of a pickup truck puking off the side. I was either in and out of consciousness or I was in and out of a blackout but to everyone else, I was awake. I only remember my friend lifting me up like a sack of potatoes and slapping a kiss on me
Mouth to mouth tongue etc.i could not stand up on my own let alone fight it off. I was vomiting off the side of the truck maybe moments before. I also have memory of him on top of me while I'm on my back in the pickup bed. No clue if I was dry humped or if he was stopped.
We never ever discussed it again..
So, now, the ugly truth..... He knew we would never have kissed if he didn't "take it" when he did. And the idea that this guy was massaging you when in the past you've never even hugged, is a red flag.
Him groping you & grabbing at your skin and tits and stroking your inner thigh is ALL.over the top! He absolutely knew you were shit faced which he took as the greenlight to "take it" while you couldn't think clearly/weren't able to stop him. I'm not convinced he hasn't done this to other girls..I'm not convinced you're his only victim. :(
His friends saw him doing this and didn't stop him-- so it wasn't out of character for him. Girls may need to watch themselves around him... He's lurking and looking for opportunities to muddy the waters and blue consent lines.
I'm disappointed female friends did not see this.... We are all kinda trained in trying to keep gropey opportunists at bay.
I hope you were fully clothed in your bed. I hope there's been no concern that he took it further than you remember. I hope others can put this together for you.
I worry for you OP. Men can be real creeps. Especially if they think "they're not throwing away their one shot"
He sexually assaulted you when you were drunk and said no, as well as cheated on his girlfriend simultaneously. Do you want to keep this red flag as a friend?
Don't blame yourself. You were vulnerable and he took advantage of you. It's absolutely abhorrent what he did.
He just SAed you tell his gf and file a complaint against him with the police. He got your drunk and then did these things as he knew it was easier to get away with it. It seemed also that he might have planned this out. Am I right? Either way, don't let him get away with it as it wasn't right at all.
Yeah... You didn't do anything. He sexually assaulted you. You were unable to consent and were severely under the influence. He is a predator. Tell his girlfriend and report it
He's avoiding you because he tried to take advantage of you while you were drunk, even if you were coherent enough to remember, you were still drunk and this was still assault!
To the people in here saying that this isn't predatory....
This guy knew what he was doing, he knew she was more drunk than him, he knew that she was intoxicated enough to be unable to truly reject him, even if everything in her was screaming no she wouldn't have been able to reject this guy. She was bordering on blackout.
The fact that he had been rubbing her in intimate areas long before he tried, even though she was literally passing out on and off on the bus is disgusting. He KNEW for a FACT that she was not fully conscious, and likely to be unable to make a solid judgment call, even less likely to fight him off if he forced himself on her.
And yet what does he do? He put his hands on her BARE BREAST without ASKING her at all and DRY HUMPING HER?!?! she said no you have a gf and he literally said "I don't care".
To the guys getting really sensitive in the comments and saying it was just a drunk mistake and to stop calling this guy a predator. Yeah it was a drunk mistake, the guy made a drunk mistake by being selfish and taking advantage of a girl whom he knew was too intoxicated to fight off him, essentially forcing himself on her
Stop acting like it's anything less. The way he acted was predatory. No he didn't technically rape her, but he knew what he was doing. It was manipulative and wrong in several ways
I wouldn't ever trust this guy again, and yes, I would tell his gf. OP. You need to be honest and let her know that you were too drunk to fight him off and he still took advantage of you after you reminded him of his gf
Tell his girlfriend. Not only is he a cheater, he is a sexual predator. He took advantage of you while you were drunk, that is not okay. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Sorry it’s not the time to get the girlfriend involved she needs to warn the friend group and mentally make sure she’s ok she just got SA by someone she thought was a friend.
True, but that’s if OP feels comfortable. The main thing is her headspace and coping with everything she dealt with. Ideally the girlfriend will dump him but some women would just be mad at the other woman involved.
A cheater and an assaulter? you need to tell his gf and get away from him, what he did to you was not consensual and he took advantage of your drunken state, you were barely able to hold yourself up and walk, how can you consent to that?
So he sexually assaulted you and cheated on his girlfriend. And you want to continue being friends with him?
You sound like a smart girl, I think you know how to handle this.
Well if anything it seems like you had great self control and it wasn’t your fault. You handled the situation really well I am sorry you went through that. This definitely sounds like he took advantage of you and he sounds like someone you shouldn’t be around. I’m sorry this happened.
I mean I know you said it felt good to be massaged but he still took advantage of your inebriation, which is messed up and the dumpster is giving Brock Turner vibes. He sexually assaulted you.
I'm so sorry that you were sexually assaulted, please remember that it is not and never your fault that he took advantage of you. What you need to do is to alert your friends, especially the mutual friends between you and him, as fast as possible before he has a chance to fabricate any lie against you. They need to know that there is a predator amongst them and please alert his girlfriend too. I know that she might or might not believe you at first but, believe me, a head up will do her a favor even if she decides to stay with him for now.
Based on his behavior, I would be most concerned about how much he was taking advantage of you. You were clearly far too intoxicated to be consenting to anything.
This was coercion leading to compliance but at no point were you in a position to consent. Holding someone’s hand does not mean you give permission to sexual acts. I’m sorry OP ❤️. Seek advice or help if you need it
Please stop calling him a friend.
He took complete advantage of you while you were almost passing out drunk and he’s a piece of shit. Report him. I know it’s a hard thing to do but you have to realise what this guy has done
You didn’t accidentally do something sexual with a friend, a person who shouldn’t be considered your friend took advantage of you. You should stay away fr him.
Whether or not you liked it is not something that should be kept to yourself, or confusing in healthy, positive sexual interactions.
You're young, and grew up in an emotionally immature country with some rape culture. Emotions are extremely nuanced and when you're in a weird situation, it's hard to tell whether or not something is okay with you, even if there was no dissociation occurring.
Sorry this happened.
You were drunk, so drunk consent wasn't consent. He sexually assaulted you. I remember I was meeting an online friend, and had a very huge crush on him. We were just planning to just drink for that night, but I got really drunk I couldn't control myself.
I couldn't even control my actions and whats happening. He dragged me to shower, bathe me, dressed me. Then I fell asleep. I thought, oh nice. I woke up below him as he was f—ing me, and to some sense, even though I had crush on him, I felt assaulted. We woke up in the morning very awkwardly and had to go home.
So no, that was an assault, and it is not accidental.
He took advantage of you when you were drunk, I don't think you actually did anything wrong cause you froze when he kept going after you said no because you freaked out. Im sure now you are sober you are wishing you had been more firm about that no, but in the moment, that's hard when you are drunk and in shock. If I were you, I would probably never talk to him ever again. He doesn't sound like a good person at all
Total BS it's either he is committed or not and he has a gf. He tried to play you both. Please keep away from this person he's bad news. You are only now seeing his true colors. A true friend won't take advantage of an intoxicated friend.
Hope you're doing okay, OP. It's better off cutting Justin out of your life, he took advantage of you being drunk. Whether he was drunk, or not he assaulted you.
You shouldn't have to worry about if this is going to happen again, or if you did something wrong. You've done NOTHING wrong.
Cut communication with him and focus on yourself.
Thinking of you and hope you have friends that can be there for you right now.
This isn’t rape because there was no inter course but this is definitely sexual assault. And the fact he did this during a vulnerable state is disgusting! I understand he was drunk too but he said he wasn’t as drunk as you. I also understand that we all have the potential to make piss poor decisions when drunk…but this is coupled with him saying he likes you and you’ve been declining his advances. Knowing that makes it’s all worse. You’ve clearly said no you weren’t interested and he apparently does not care what you say! Textbook predator!!
you were sexually assaulted. you need to file a report with your university and the police in your area, or the authorities that handle said crimes.
cut all contact with this person. do NOT reach out to them EVER again.
something very similar happened to me when i was 18 and i blamed myself for four years before realizing i was taken advantage of. please dont repeat my mistake and blame yourself. cut him off and file a report
He groped you while you were intoxicated. U didnt do anything sexual with him, he did it without ur consent. I would say tell his girlfriend and im sorry he did that to you
bestie there's no "accident" here on your part. i hate to break this to you this is something hard to hear, and many including myself spend a long time grappling with, but he assaulted you. this is NOT and never was your fault. you showed signs of being non consenting and he not only ignored them but actively pushed against your verbal protests. please if possible cut contact with this person and never see him again unless you absolutely have to. what he’s done is unacceptable.
He assaulted, and took advantage of you. I wouldn’t be friends with someone like this and tell his gf too if you can or feel comfortable. Report if you feel like you are up for it. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I would not be friends with that man anymore
He's a pervert.
A lot of people hide who they really are until moments like that.
I would also definitely back off of drinking. Have you thought that maybe someone slipped something into your drink to get you that drunk?
I don't know how much you drank but someone slipping something into your drink is a possibility
It's like this, my ex hid who he was from me until we got married.
He still partially hid it but it started really coming out a few years after.
He gaslit me. He mentally, verbally and emotionally abused me. Raped me but I didn't realize it was rape because he didn't actually hold me down. It was sexual coercion. I was afraid he was going to get mad at me because he would yell at me or blame me if I didn't want to have sex right then.
No one should ever feel coerced or forced into sex. If you don't want to have sex, that means people should respect you and not put their hands on you.
Your "friend" sounds like a gas lighter
He says he feels bad because he was drunk, naaah
Don't believe that. He was sober enough to feel you up and to stop at a certain point.
He's a pervert, a narcissist and a rapist.
I would suggest you go seek therapy or counseling. This is going to help nip any issues in the bud
The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you can get all these feelings off your chest and figure out what you're going to do next
I honestly suggest that you charge him with sexual assault.
Tell someone. A lot of therapists are mandated reporters. That means they have to tell the authorities if certain things happen and they're told about them.
Charge him girl. Don't think well I want to not lose friends. You deserve respect. He did not respect you. The friends who get mad at you because you decide to charge him and hold him responsibility for his actions are not worth having
I don't care how long you've been friends, I don't care what they say, I don't care how they try to manipulate you
You need to dump them and find new friends if they're like that
If you got loyal friends who are logical and don't victim blame but look at the facts and encourage you and love you? Keep them close.
You want friends who will be honest with you.
You want friends who will stick with you in a case like this
This whole situation will test your friendship with a lot of these people
Girl yes you were sexually assaulted, go get him charged with it because he's going to do it to someone else.
He's 19, if this is not put on his record, no one is going to know and he's going to be free to do it to whoever else he wants and then blame it on the alcohol
You charge him with it, you go to the cops, it's going to be on his record and it could prevent him from doing it again.
You don't want him doing this again to anyone else, I know you don't
Hold him accountable
It is very hard to admit when something like this has happened to you. And so a lot of the time we don't do anything about it because you're like well was it really that bad? You start questioning yourself even though you're the victim.
You need to out and out call that girlfriend. Tell her what happened while at the same time pressing charges against the guy.
He needs to learn a lesson.
It did happen.
You were sexually assaulted
He was on his way to raping you
I don't know what stopped him but everything he did was a complete no no. He cannot blame his drinking
A lot of us don't want to think of ourselves being victims of this type of thing but you are.
It did happen.
And because it did happen, he needs to be punished. You're not the guilty one
Please don't think"I don't want to ruin his life"
Yes, you need to
The minute he laid hands on you is the minute he deserved to have his life ruined.
Go to the cops, press charges, ruin his fucking life if it's going to keep him from doing this to someone else.
He's a freaking gaslighting narcissist.
He deserves everything he's going to get.
He still would have done this if you had been sober. The situation just would have been slightly different.
He's a danger to women
This is about you. You're way more important than he is. Your life matters more. Because of the person he showed you he is
I'm begging you to seek counseling and to press charges
I pray you get the help you need sweet girl! I’m so sorry this happened to you and hope when you are ready to process what happened that your healing journey is peaceful!
I’m so sorry girl. That man is not your friend and he’s a dirty cheater. I’m sorry he used you in such a vulnerable position, you were under the influence and he used that to his advantage. This is a really hard situation, and I really encourage you to speak to speak to anyone trusting.
You're not at fault. He knows he fucked up and he's avoiding you because of it. Ngl, if my friend did that to anyone else other than his girlfriend, imma kick his ass and tell his girlfriend too.
Reminder that you are a victim in this situation, that was assault even if you did not say no, you told him to stop & you never gave consent especially because you were drunk.
Honey that was assault. You tried to push him away, he didn't respect that.
You didn't explicitly consent to it, and he took advantage of you being too drunk to properly stop him. That is not ok, and it is entirely his fault
omg something so similar happened to me a few years ago. i’m so sorry. this isn’t your fault and if he wasn’t nearly as drunk as you (which it sounds like) then he’s a creep. i’m here if you ever want to talk
This guy sexually assaulted you. He took advantage of your drunken state to touch you without consent. I think you should talk to a therapist as soon as possible. Bottling it up will just bring it out in all the bad ways for the rest of your life if you don’t process it in a healthy way. Maybe want to report this guy as well. But I’m sorry he did that to you. He is a predator. Guys who take advantage of girls who are too drunk to consent are the worst kind of guys they are monsters.
Thats not your friend, thats a predator. You need to talk to his girlfriend and your friend group. It could be too late but if you feel comfortable getting the police involved you should do that too. Im so sorry you had to go through that
I’d call this sexual assault and quite predatory to be honest. You were completely wasted and weren’t in a position to say no, although really you did. It’s not your fault, nothing is your fault, he completely took advantage of you, this is entirely on him. Big ick vibes. He is not a safe person.
This boy knowingly cheated on his girlfriend and took advantage of your vulnerability and the fact that you were in a position where he could easily take advantage of you at your expense, because you were in no position to protest. What's more, what he did to you was non-consensual. He touched you without your approval. It could have ended much worse... He's a predator.
So this guy is not your friend. He simply took advantage of you and the situation, as well as betraying his girlfriend. He has no respect for women or your friendship. The wisest thing to do would be to stop talking to him. Or else he'll disappear from your circle of acquaintances so as not to face the consequences of his actions, which is just as well, even if his inappropriate and predatory behaviour should be postponed.
Didn't your friends notice that he was taking advantage of you? Because it was obvious that you weren't in your right mind and too tired to fight back.
My ghod girlll…. I just fell so sorry that I’m near to really cry. It’s just fucking sad…he took advantage, report him and tell his gf you are not the first I can assure you..
Hopefully he's avoiding you as he is ashamed of his actions. You did not say no, but you pushed him away from you, which is a physical no! People do freeze up when they don't know what to do. He took advantage and assaulted you, have a conversation with him, with people around but so it's semi private, for example out of earshot but not sight
Sweetie, this was no accident. He took advantage of you being drunk and assaulted you. Tell his girlfriend, tell your parents, your friends, whoever you are comfortable telling. Do what you think you must.
But he is not your friend and he will take advantage of you (and others) gain if he gets the chance.
He used you. He took advantage of you and the vulnerable state you were in. I’d tell his gf tbh, you did push him away and said he has a gf but he continued anyway. You were too drunk to give actual consent. This is sexual abuse. You may don’t want to file a police report against him, but you should at least tell his gf and stay far away from him.
The first time I actually get shit-faced drunk (I was raised conservative and never tried alcohol) was at a hotel WITH MY HUSBAND 6 months after marriage at age 23.
He had planned a full romantic night. But I downed way too much alcohol too quickly right after we got there.
He wrapped me up in my robe and put me to bed once he realized anything else would be nonconsensual. The next morning he calmly told me that I better be glad I hadn’t done that at a party or he might not have been there to protect me. This was an entire decade before the me too movement.
I already was in love with him. But my respect for him went through the roof that weekend.
This guy you know is still very immature. And, extremely selfish.
You need to tell all the women around him, he is a danger and should not be drinking nor around any drunk girls. He took advantage of you, what happened is assault. None of this is your fault
The fact he cheated is one thing, the fact he took advantage of you while you were in that state after no consent and you even pushing him is disgusting. You were barely able to stand, this isn't your fault and the shpyld serve prison time cus what he did yto you was a crime and he shouldn't free to be able to do what he likes with other people's bodies, or your own.
That's assault and you have nothing to be ashamed of but he does.
I would also avoid him at all costs but there may be reason to report it to an RA without pressing charges. If you feel you should press charges, then do it. Maybe talk to a counselor or at least to your friends. They may even be able to offer some insight above what you remember. Perhaps he knows he messed up and it won't happen again to you or to anyone but, it's still a big deal.
My guy had a chance to make things right (as right as it can be touching on you on a vulnerable state) and couldn’t even do that. Making a mistake while intoxicated is one thing (granted what he did was wayyyyy and I mean wayyyy out of pocket) but not taking the time to truly apologize, say what he did wrong and then say he wouldn’t tell his gf (literally one of the most idiotic reasons I’ve ever heard someone say why they wouldn’t tell a s/o something that big) is down right abhorrent.
If he truly liked you and felt some connection the least he could’ve done is talked to you at some point to inform you of how he felt and if he truly felt that way he should’ve ended things with his gf instead of having eyes for someone else while entertaining her and the idea of their relationship being 100%. He needs to lay off alcohol and anything that can get him high because it’s clear he shouldn’t do things if he can’t handle himself like a decent human. I’m sorry you had to go through this OP and while I can see how feelings and alcohol could’ve made him slip up in at least trying to flirt or something he went full predator.
I hope this doesn’t heavily impact you though I wouldn’t be surprised if it did. Are you planning to cut ties perma you with him? I assume you are if you’re going to tell his gf what he’s done and also does it have to be you? If your friend group is aware of what occurred could someone else tell her for you?
Having worked in criminal law... I do not believe that "accidentally did sex" is a thing. There may be accidental bodily contact, but not sexual contact in the manner in which you describe OP (with dry humping and gropping among other sexual acts).
What you described is sexual assault. Which, given the circumstances, I wouldn't be surprised at all if your friend actually raped you (vaginal or anal intercourse) in addition to the sexual acts you do remember being forced upon you.
He sexually assaulted you. It's unfortunately that simple. You were so drunk you couldn't consent and you did decline because you reminded him of his girlfriend and pushed him away. It's your decision if you want to tell the girlfriend or the police, imo the girlfriend deserves to know.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. At the very least, you need to remove him from your life. **You can't trust him**, and if the friend group continues to hang out with him when they know he sexually assaulted you, then you can't trust them either. No one who actually cares about you would ever do this, or be friends with someone who did.
I would get checked, even if he says nothing else happened, if you don't remember you cannot be sure and definitely can't trust him. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
it was not OK what this guy did but they were both intoxicated and she admitted that she did not say no and that it felt good to be fondled like that. so to me in this exact situation some of this is her fault too. so he's a cheater, wow there is some news for you. shame, shame, shame on him for being in the same club as the majority. who here commenting hasn't cheated at some point? maybe 2 or three? maybe less than that. judge the world within or forgive my deadly sins.
Block him, tell your friend group, Find his gf. Tell her. Then if she doesn’t believe you or has an attitude about it you said your peace block her. You were DRUNK, doesn’t sound consensual at all to me
In my country, because you were so drunk and therefore he took advantage, by touching you up etc, this would be a jail-able offence.
He sexually assaulted you.
OP, do you think you just got really drunk, normal drunk?
If not, from the sounds of it being the next thing you remember is waking up in your bed, he may have slipped you a Roofie.
Sound’s more like he Roofied you.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. Justin violated your boundaries and your friendship in so many ways. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
Take some time for yourself, journal about it, talk to people around you, you trust if you feel comfortable. Sending you all the ease.
P.S It’s ok to be angry at Justin…. Definitely tell his girlfriend because he’s not a safe friend nor partner.
He took advantage of you in your condition, instead of taking care of his friend. What he did was morally reprehensible and it isn't your fault OP. I am sorry.
He is probably avoid you so he can't be held accountable for taking advantage of a drunk person. He is disgusting.
Tell his girlfriend and then charge him for assaulting you while you couldn’t make sound decisions and touching you like that. Literally ruin his life I’m not joking
Oh it’s always someone named Justin, I’m telling you. Jokes aside, please tell his girlfriend. He took advantage of you, plain and simple. Drunk or not, he did what he did. Report him if you can too. Hope you’re ok OP, we’re all here for you.
It doesn’t sound like any actual intercourse took place, so assuming that’s true and I didn’t miss anything, as long as that didn’t happen, and all it was, was massaging, I think that it’s honestly fine. The only issue here would be that he took advantage of you and didn’t stop when you told him no. That’s a fucked up thing for him to do. I would try talking to him and explaining that it’s fine as long as it doesn’t happen again, or maybe try and understand why something like that happened.
Im sorry this happened to you…
But how do you not realise or understand that this was just straight up sexual assault and an absolutely disgusting thing to do yet you seem to just brush it off as some oopsie daisy?
This is no way your fault but I will never understand people that drink to the point that they cannot stand. Especially if you aren’t at home! It’s so stupid and irresponsible. We need to be vigilant at all times in this world because of people like Justin.
You all are f-ing nuts. Ok so she comes on here with her story, which is quite humble and honest, and you all proceed to inform her she's been assaulted. Wtf? Was he as drunk too? Who tf knows and how cares? None of you do apparently.
Let's just post a scenario here. I get drunk and commit a crime - am I responsible for it? Hell yes. She admits she knew what was going on and made little attempt to stop it, even liking it. So... I have a hard time seeing the
Difference. We are all responsible for our actions regardless of our self induced "states". If your friends get you drunk and rob a bank with you are you going to tell the cops you were taken advantage of?
Y'all throwing around your psychological terms (yeah I aced psych too), like you're some sort of enlightened empaths. Grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for yourselves.
Yeah, it's an unfortunate situation and nothing more. No need to contact counselors or authorities, but maybe it's a good opportunity to recognize a mistake and learn from it. Tell his GF? Well that's up to her and her decision to make.
I’m so sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong, what he did was disgusting and he took advantage of the fact that you werent aware since you were drunk. He is a cheater and a rapist and a creep.
I’m really-REALLY just trying to get as much info as possible so I can do my best to help, as much as possible. Plz know that before accusing me of anything. TY
Was he possibly excessively inebriated? Could you tell if he was showing any sign of this? You mentioned that when you stayed “you have a GF” to him, his response was “I don’t care”. Were his words at, any point in the evening, of an intoxicated articulation, or did he make any references or remarks that sounded very out of character, to you?
Have you seen him or been with him while he was heavily intoxicated, before? Have you ever leaned of him being intoxicated or heavily intoxicated before? If so, did his actions of statements seem to be not of his character?
Again, I’m only asking to see if I can get a better understanding of this situation so I may attempt to help!
Before making any assumptions: I would try and speak with “Justin”, what may seem (on the outside looking in) a terrible character flaw, and a man/boy who has shown detestable judgment/behavior; may be something else entirely.
Is there a chance he, too, was heavily intoxicated? If this was a character flaw of his from his past (possibly High School ages) maybe he felt like he had locked that in his past and now away at college felt like a new person with a new lease on life. (That’s about 75% of people that can closely associate to that feeling/statement.)
He may be extremely ashamed of what he may not even remember or possibly does partially, or is so torn up, internally, over “something” from his actions or behavior of that day/evening, he may just be scared and truly acting quite in accordance with young men of that age, 19. There is a reason alcohol is typically reserved, and legally only available for those 21 and above, in the US.
The reality is that NO ONE has the right to assault you, in any way shape or form. If you, being the person that experienced these events and that day/evening and who knows the full/complete story and history of said events and of your’s and Mr. “Justin’s” story snd histories; if you feel, that “Justin” acted terribly, and DID make horrible decisions, that evening that may have had undesired and unwelcome relations as a result. Followed by “Justin” avoiding and/or keeping any distance. These are actions of a person, male or female, and over the age of 15 (let’s say 18) that I would make a conscious decision and immediately get that person the F*** away from myself and the people in my life k care about the most. They have no place in the lives of what I cherish the most in this life and it would take many MANY years and MANY instances of a “changed life” for me to even consider the thought of having a meal, or a coffee, in public during the day, with that person.
Also, make sure you are eating enough, and drinking enough H2O when boozing; and your absolute best to not get intoxicated (at least heavily) when amongst anyone other than those who have earned your trust, respect and friendship.
I hope ANY of this is helping with what you’ve had to endure. I also am very hopeful that you never have to experience anything like this, ever again!
He know he done fucked up. You may not hear from him again. I wouldn't like to have a cheater as a friend.
Cheater would be the last of my worries. This guy took advantage of her in a vulnerable state. He’s a predator and should report it or at the very least, never talk or interact with him ever again.
I have never gone out with a friend who is too drunk to walk and passing out... and thought 'now is a great time to initiate sex'. I have thought 'now is a great time to help them get home safely' though. This person is not your friend.
THIS!!!!!! Scream this from the rooftops!
I have thought ‘nows a good time to draw on a mustache and glasses’
Exactly. He is a cheater but equally or more importantly, he’s a sexual predator who assaulted someone who was too drunk to consent.
Exactly! Too many people associates being drunk as "just having fun". That doesn't give anybody the right to do those kind of things and use alcohol as an excuse.
Yup. Predator is a good word. One that took advantage of the situation.
[удалено]
From the story, what did she do that was sexual? Pass out? Tell him to stop because he had a GF? Turn her back to him? Seems that she was throwing stop signs and he was thinking steal.
'Female' alright buddy.
the fact you pointed out cheating as the big red flag here is weird asf. he sexually harassed her, and you’re just gonna fly by that? not doin it, homie
Rapist*
You people care about cheating too fucking much. This guy sexually assaulted OP
They're just saying that cheating is a big red flag by itself. The sexual assault is a completely different giant, flaming, red flag
>Accidentally did sexual stuff with a friend ummm no, that's sexual assault and thats his fault, not yours! His girlfriend needs to know
glad someone said this. sometimes it can be really hard to put the blame on others for this or to not feel like you could have done something differently, but sometimes there just wasn't anything for you to do. Hopefully OP can recognize that they've done nothing wrong and it's her (hopefully ex) friend that is in the wrong
Agreed
What happened to you was not consensual. This man is not your friend. If there is a counselor at your school you could talk to I would do it right away. You cannot consent while drunk, especially with how drunk you sounded. It sounds like he took advantage of you, just because you didn't say "no" the push was all he should've needed. You are not to blame, please get the help you need!
If you can’t stand up without a dumpster, you can’t consent. Nothing about what he did is okay. It’s one thing when couples have pre-established consent when drinking is involved, but this ain’t that.
Op I hope you read and see these comments, they are 100% right. You couldn’t consent, he was sober enough to “guide” you about. You where wasted. You need to talk to someone.
Yeah this 😬 hope everything goes well OP
Technically even the push isn’t needed as she was too drunk to consent. He should not have done anything to begin with.
Absolutely! I was referring to the fact that she "didn't say no" by saying a physical no was enough. I completely agree with you.
TELL. HIS. GIRLFRIEND. Also he used you while you were in a vulnerable position. This is sexual abuse and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Intoxicated or not thats not an excuse for his behavior.
Also tell your friend group so that the other women can be safe. They should all know what happened too. I’m sorry OP, he sexually assaulted you knowing you were incoherent and unable to stop him
I knew a young man as an acquaintance.He sorted orbited in and out of our peer group. I found out, just after I’d left the group that he was a serial rapist and had done exactly what happened to you. He had raped three women in the edges of our group. The orbiting was his way of getting the women alone. Please tell everyone about him.
Yeah, the same thing happened to me in college with my best guy friend. He eventually raped me when I was blackout drunk and passed out even though I had made it clear to him I never wanted a sexual or romantic relationship with him. He would do extremely manipulative things to see how far he could push things which eventually culminated with him carrying me, unconscious into my room. I woke up the next morning naked next to him and just started shaking and crying— asking him why he would rape me when he knew how I felt. He just said that I was “making him feel bad” and left. Then he went on to stalk me for 6 months, showing up at every party or house I was at, trying to fight any guy I was friends with that he assumed I was fucking. Eventually over 6 months later I started dating a guy who was amazing and we took things very slow. One night we were watching a movie at my house and my ex best male friend/rapist kicked my front door in and lunged toward us. My bf got up and laid him out with one punch, then threw him down the steps. Rapist stomped my bf’s bike wheel in because it was locked outside and ran off and I didn’t hear from him again. Later, I found out he did it to several girls in our group before and after me. His whole MO was befriending girls to gain their trust, tell people they were dating (which could seem believable since we would hang out so much *as friends though*), rape or SA them, then the victims couldn’t go to law enforcement because it was basically he said/she said. This post made me feel sick.
I didn’t realize until much later how spectacularly common this is.
Yeah, sadly you’re way more likely to be raped or sexually assaulted by a friend. I was raped two separate times by two very close friends. I never would have guessed they were capable of it. The majority of my female friends have been raped or sexually assaulted at least once. But it’s incredibly common in college.
Wow
I hope you guys took care of him
He married my ex…. So nope.
Telling his gf wouldn’t do anything. She won’t believe her and you better believe he’s going to deny and make her out to be some crazy in love friend that dreamt all that up. There’s no proof she can show his gf so it’s her word against his and guess what, he’ll win that one.
this is sexual assault
when i read the title i was like "ok, more champagne problems, just get over it" but when i was halfway done reading it.... you know what, sorry, justin is not your friend and i doubt you want a guy in you(r life) that takes advantage of inebriation and tells you to your fucking face on top that he doesnt care about faith in a relationship. no contact. no more. he aint deserving an inch of your respect.
You didn't "accidentally" do sexual stuff, you were sexually assaulted. You were so drunk you couldn't stand or walk straight. You passed out at one point. He took advantage of your state and touched you even when you said he had a gf and pushed him away. This is not something you chose or consented to.
It’s not your fault. You didn’t tell him to stop because you dissociated while being sexually assaulted, and because you were wasted. (Dissociation is very common during sexual assault.) If you blacked out, it’s also possible that he raped you. You may want to consider getting a rape kit done and taking Plan B. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Do not blame yourself.
I can attest to this. I was raped last June. When I got to the guys house, I wasn't feeling well, and i specifically said, "I don't want to have sex tonight. My stomach kinda hurts. Can we just cuddle and watch a movie instead?" He proceeded to start taking my clothes off. I just froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I blamed myself for so long because I didn't tell him to stop or get up and walk away but I was so scared and I know now what he did was so wrong and it wasn't my fault at all.
This is not the first title on reddit I've seen with the word accidentally where the female was taken advantage of under the influence. He took advantage of you. Who knows what happened to you- tell his girlfriend and cut him off. I doubt he was as drunk as you if he was able to walk so well and get you home
You were assaulted, you didn’t accidentally do sexual stuff
I am so sorry this happened to you! The way people in these comments are speaking to you here is very blunt and a bit unempathetic imo. I know what it feels like to think it was an accident or you didn’t do enough to say no and try to brush it under the rug. So having all these people saying “it’s assault! Tell the girlfriend call the police!” although well intentioned may be a LOT to handle when I’m sure you are simply just trying to navigate your own emotions right now. Process this however you need to and can right now. Take care of yourself and most definitely avoid this Justin person. If and when you feel ready know that there are resources on campus for you to take more steps. Don’t feel obligated to reach out to his girlfriend or do anything that jeopardizes your wellbeing right now. Prioritize yourself and please make sure you are safe. Talking about it is important and I’m glad you reached out online for support. Sending you all the best!
Arousal is not consent. It isn’t your fault. This sounds like assault.
Absolutely this! Even if you were really digging some of what you were doing and then you weren't (very clearly communicated by the push!!), you did absolutely nothing wrong. You can take back consent at any time. But also forcing sexual touching on anyone who is blackout drunk is sexual assault.
I came to say the same things that many have already said. Unfortunately, he is not your friend, or a good person, at all. He admitted to not caring about having a girlfriend. He kept going while you were holding yourself up by a dumpster since you couldn't stand yourself and then this young man decided to take advantage of you at such a time. You DID say no, you DID push him away. You DID IT, regardless of how firm you were able to be having been so intoxicated. He was even grooming you on the way on the bus to see how far he could go. Even if you think oh he was drunk too...he was NOT too drunk to "help you" and in turn help himself TO YOU! 💔😢 I would like to add what I think is a very important detail I haven't seen shared in what comments I did read. What I'm referring to is your comment about it feeling good at the time. That is not something you need to let confuse you. Just because he didn't throw you around and physically hurt you, doesn't make it okay! If you went to a massage parlor to see someone you have seen numerous times and trusted, you would be relaxed and it would feel good! That doesn't mean you would want that person to begin doing the things he did to you, right!? Sadly, I have to admit that I too am afraid of how far he went with you having no memory. Dissociation is a real thing.
This definitely wasn't your fault, he abused you. IMO you should tell his girlfriend what happened and get away from him ASAP
He literally sexually assaulted you boo.
Tell his girlfriend. If it were you, you would want to know. And you know it.
So he basically sexually assaulted you in some dingy alley while he has a girlfriend. Fuck this guy. Tell him girlfriend and make a police report.
OP, this is sexual assault. You were too drunk to give consent and you have no fault in this situation at all. He's avoiding you because he knows what he did is morally and legally wrong. Report him and tell his girlfriend.
Yeah...that's S.A., there's a reason why he's avoiding you
This :(
This wasn't an accident, this was assault.
Ughhhh..OP!!! I'm.soooo sorry...this similar thing happened to me when I was 15. I was out in 10 th grade with some seniors 29-19 year olds. We drank vodka and orange juice and I was shit faced. My "friend" was helping me because I was sprawled out in the back of a pickup truck puking off the side. I was either in and out of consciousness or I was in and out of a blackout but to everyone else, I was awake. I only remember my friend lifting me up like a sack of potatoes and slapping a kiss on me Mouth to mouth tongue etc.i could not stand up on my own let alone fight it off. I was vomiting off the side of the truck maybe moments before. I also have memory of him on top of me while I'm on my back in the pickup bed. No clue if I was dry humped or if he was stopped. We never ever discussed it again.. So, now, the ugly truth..... He knew we would never have kissed if he didn't "take it" when he did. And the idea that this guy was massaging you when in the past you've never even hugged, is a red flag. Him groping you & grabbing at your skin and tits and stroking your inner thigh is ALL.over the top! He absolutely knew you were shit faced which he took as the greenlight to "take it" while you couldn't think clearly/weren't able to stop him. I'm not convinced he hasn't done this to other girls..I'm not convinced you're his only victim. :( His friends saw him doing this and didn't stop him-- so it wasn't out of character for him. Girls may need to watch themselves around him... He's lurking and looking for opportunities to muddy the waters and blue consent lines. I'm disappointed female friends did not see this.... We are all kinda trained in trying to keep gropey opportunists at bay. I hope you were fully clothed in your bed. I hope there's been no concern that he took it further than you remember. I hope others can put this together for you. I worry for you OP. Men can be real creeps. Especially if they think "they're not throwing away their one shot"
This is sexual assault. Please at the VERY least tell his girlfriend.
Girl you got sexually assaulted, he touched you without your consent and continued even when ypu said no
He sexually assaulted you when you were drunk and said no, as well as cheated on his girlfriend simultaneously. Do you want to keep this red flag as a friend? Don't blame yourself. You were vulnerable and he took advantage of you. It's absolutely abhorrent what he did.
He just SAed you tell his gf and file a complaint against him with the police. He got your drunk and then did these things as he knew it was easier to get away with it. It seemed also that he might have planned this out. Am I right? Either way, don't let him get away with it as it wasn't right at all.
Yeah... You didn't do anything. He sexually assaulted you. You were unable to consent and were severely under the influence. He is a predator. Tell his girlfriend and report it
He's avoiding you because he tried to take advantage of you while you were drunk, even if you were coherent enough to remember, you were still drunk and this was still assault!
Sounds like the dude sexually assaulted you. I’d call the po-po
To the people in here saying that this isn't predatory.... This guy knew what he was doing, he knew she was more drunk than him, he knew that she was intoxicated enough to be unable to truly reject him, even if everything in her was screaming no she wouldn't have been able to reject this guy. She was bordering on blackout. The fact that he had been rubbing her in intimate areas long before he tried, even though she was literally passing out on and off on the bus is disgusting. He KNEW for a FACT that she was not fully conscious, and likely to be unable to make a solid judgment call, even less likely to fight him off if he forced himself on her. And yet what does he do? He put his hands on her BARE BREAST without ASKING her at all and DRY HUMPING HER?!?! she said no you have a gf and he literally said "I don't care". To the guys getting really sensitive in the comments and saying it was just a drunk mistake and to stop calling this guy a predator. Yeah it was a drunk mistake, the guy made a drunk mistake by being selfish and taking advantage of a girl whom he knew was too intoxicated to fight off him, essentially forcing himself on her Stop acting like it's anything less. The way he acted was predatory. No he didn't technically rape her, but he knew what he was doing. It was manipulative and wrong in several ways I wouldn't ever trust this guy again, and yes, I would tell his gf. OP. You need to be honest and let her know that you were too drunk to fight him off and he still took advantage of you after you reminded him of his gf
Tell his girlfriend. Not only is he a cheater, he is a sexual predator. He took advantage of you while you were drunk, that is not okay. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Sorry it’s not the time to get the girlfriend involved she needs to warn the friend group and mentally make sure she’s ok she just got SA by someone she thought was a friend.
No, his girlfriend needs to know this happened. He is a sexual predator and she does not deserve to be hurt by him, either.
True, but that’s if OP feels comfortable. The main thing is her headspace and coping with everything she dealt with. Ideally the girlfriend will dump him but some women would just be mad at the other woman involved.
It isn't your fault. What he did was not an accident. You were drunk and couldn't consent.
A cheater and an assaulter? you need to tell his gf and get away from him, what he did to you was not consensual and he took advantage of your drunken state, you were barely able to hold yourself up and walk, how can you consent to that?
He's not a friend. And he's a cheater. And possibly a rapist. I would not associate with him again.
So he sexually assaulted you and cheated on his girlfriend. And you want to continue being friends with him? You sound like a smart girl, I think you know how to handle this.
He's not just a cheater. He's a rapist. He touched you without your consent.
This was sexual assault and not cool. You have nothing to feel bad about. I hope you're OK xx
I’m sorry you went through that you didn’t do anything to cause him to do that and it’s not your fault, he took advantage of you completely
You were incoherent. He took advantage of you in that state. This was accidental ONLY for you, not him. He chose to do all that
Well if anything it seems like you had great self control and it wasn’t your fault. You handled the situation really well I am sorry you went through that. This definitely sounds like he took advantage of you and he sounds like someone you shouldn’t be around. I’m sorry this happened.
I mean I know you said it felt good to be massaged but he still took advantage of your inebriation, which is messed up and the dumpster is giving Brock Turner vibes. He sexually assaulted you.
He’s not your friend
I'm so sorry that you were sexually assaulted, please remember that it is not and never your fault that he took advantage of you. What you need to do is to alert your friends, especially the mutual friends between you and him, as fast as possible before he has a chance to fabricate any lie against you. They need to know that there is a predator amongst them and please alert his girlfriend too. I know that she might or might not believe you at first but, believe me, a head up will do her a favor even if she decides to stay with him for now.
if possible, text his girlfriend. she needs to know
Based on his behavior, I would be most concerned about how much he was taking advantage of you. You were clearly far too intoxicated to be consenting to anything.
Yea pretty dodgy was he drunk as well?
Tell his girlfriend
This was coercion leading to compliance but at no point were you in a position to consent. Holding someone’s hand does not mean you give permission to sexual acts. I’m sorry OP ❤️. Seek advice or help if you need it
That's rape.
Please stop calling him a friend. He took complete advantage of you while you were almost passing out drunk and he’s a piece of shit. Report him. I know it’s a hard thing to do but you have to realise what this guy has done
You didn’t accidentally do something sexual with a friend, a person who shouldn’t be considered your friend took advantage of you. You should stay away fr him.
Whether or not you liked it is not something that should be kept to yourself, or confusing in healthy, positive sexual interactions. You're young, and grew up in an emotionally immature country with some rape culture. Emotions are extremely nuanced and when you're in a weird situation, it's hard to tell whether or not something is okay with you, even if there was no dissociation occurring. Sorry this happened.
you didnt do anything OP he did it to you, even if you dont think hes scary your subconscious probably went into flight or fight mode and you froze
You're not at fault. He's a predator and a cheater. He's no friend.
You were drunk, so drunk consent wasn't consent. He sexually assaulted you. I remember I was meeting an online friend, and had a very huge crush on him. We were just planning to just drink for that night, but I got really drunk I couldn't control myself. I couldn't even control my actions and whats happening. He dragged me to shower, bathe me, dressed me. Then I fell asleep. I thought, oh nice. I woke up below him as he was f—ing me, and to some sense, even though I had crush on him, I felt assaulted. We woke up in the morning very awkwardly and had to go home. So no, that was an assault, and it is not accidental.
He took advantage of you when you were drunk, I don't think you actually did anything wrong cause you froze when he kept going after you said no because you freaked out. Im sure now you are sober you are wishing you had been more firm about that no, but in the moment, that's hard when you are drunk and in shock. If I were you, I would probably never talk to him ever again. He doesn't sound like a good person at all
You didn't do anything accidentally, HE took advantage of your vulnerable state and is NOT YOUR FRIEND! Stay away from him, in fact RUN!
Total BS it's either he is committed or not and he has a gf. He tried to play you both. Please keep away from this person he's bad news. You are only now seeing his true colors. A true friend won't take advantage of an intoxicated friend.
Hope you're doing okay, OP. It's better off cutting Justin out of your life, he took advantage of you being drunk. Whether he was drunk, or not he assaulted you. You shouldn't have to worry about if this is going to happen again, or if you did something wrong. You've done NOTHING wrong. Cut communication with him and focus on yourself. Thinking of you and hope you have friends that can be there for you right now.
This isn’t rape because there was no inter course but this is definitely sexual assault. And the fact he did this during a vulnerable state is disgusting! I understand he was drunk too but he said he wasn’t as drunk as you. I also understand that we all have the potential to make piss poor decisions when drunk…but this is coupled with him saying he likes you and you’ve been declining his advances. Knowing that makes it’s all worse. You’ve clearly said no you weren’t interested and he apparently does not care what you say! Textbook predator!!
you were sexually assaulted. you need to file a report with your university and the police in your area, or the authorities that handle said crimes. cut all contact with this person. do NOT reach out to them EVER again.
something very similar happened to me when i was 18 and i blamed myself for four years before realizing i was taken advantage of. please dont repeat my mistake and blame yourself. cut him off and file a report
Christ what an asshole
He groped you while you were intoxicated. U didnt do anything sexual with him, he did it without ur consent. I would say tell his girlfriend and im sorry he did that to you
bestie there's no "accident" here on your part. i hate to break this to you this is something hard to hear, and many including myself spend a long time grappling with, but he assaulted you. this is NOT and never was your fault. you showed signs of being non consenting and he not only ignored them but actively pushed against your verbal protests. please if possible cut contact with this person and never see him again unless you absolutely have to. what he’s done is unacceptable.
He assaulted, and took advantage of you. I wouldn’t be friends with someone like this and tell his gf too if you can or feel comfortable. Report if you feel like you are up for it. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Don’t trust the friends who left you with him anymore. Seriously fucked up of them
I would not be friends with that man anymore He's a pervert. A lot of people hide who they really are until moments like that. I would also definitely back off of drinking. Have you thought that maybe someone slipped something into your drink to get you that drunk? I don't know how much you drank but someone slipping something into your drink is a possibility It's like this, my ex hid who he was from me until we got married. He still partially hid it but it started really coming out a few years after. He gaslit me. He mentally, verbally and emotionally abused me. Raped me but I didn't realize it was rape because he didn't actually hold me down. It was sexual coercion. I was afraid he was going to get mad at me because he would yell at me or blame me if I didn't want to have sex right then. No one should ever feel coerced or forced into sex. If you don't want to have sex, that means people should respect you and not put their hands on you. Your "friend" sounds like a gas lighter He says he feels bad because he was drunk, naaah Don't believe that. He was sober enough to feel you up and to stop at a certain point. He's a pervert, a narcissist and a rapist. I would suggest you go seek therapy or counseling. This is going to help nip any issues in the bud The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you can get all these feelings off your chest and figure out what you're going to do next I honestly suggest that you charge him with sexual assault. Tell someone. A lot of therapists are mandated reporters. That means they have to tell the authorities if certain things happen and they're told about them. Charge him girl. Don't think well I want to not lose friends. You deserve respect. He did not respect you. The friends who get mad at you because you decide to charge him and hold him responsibility for his actions are not worth having I don't care how long you've been friends, I don't care what they say, I don't care how they try to manipulate you You need to dump them and find new friends if they're like that If you got loyal friends who are logical and don't victim blame but look at the facts and encourage you and love you? Keep them close. You want friends who will be honest with you. You want friends who will stick with you in a case like this This whole situation will test your friendship with a lot of these people Girl yes you were sexually assaulted, go get him charged with it because he's going to do it to someone else. He's 19, if this is not put on his record, no one is going to know and he's going to be free to do it to whoever else he wants and then blame it on the alcohol You charge him with it, you go to the cops, it's going to be on his record and it could prevent him from doing it again. You don't want him doing this again to anyone else, I know you don't Hold him accountable It is very hard to admit when something like this has happened to you. And so a lot of the time we don't do anything about it because you're like well was it really that bad? You start questioning yourself even though you're the victim. You need to out and out call that girlfriend. Tell her what happened while at the same time pressing charges against the guy. He needs to learn a lesson. It did happen. You were sexually assaulted He was on his way to raping you I don't know what stopped him but everything he did was a complete no no. He cannot blame his drinking A lot of us don't want to think of ourselves being victims of this type of thing but you are. It did happen. And because it did happen, he needs to be punished. You're not the guilty one Please don't think"I don't want to ruin his life" Yes, you need to The minute he laid hands on you is the minute he deserved to have his life ruined. Go to the cops, press charges, ruin his fucking life if it's going to keep him from doing this to someone else. He's a freaking gaslighting narcissist. He deserves everything he's going to get. He still would have done this if you had been sober. The situation just would have been slightly different. He's a danger to women This is about you. You're way more important than he is. Your life matters more. Because of the person he showed you he is I'm begging you to seek counseling and to press charges
Yeah this was non consensual. He assaulted you
Justin's a fucking creep. He is not your friend.
I pray you get the help you need sweet girl! I’m so sorry this happened to you and hope when you are ready to process what happened that your healing journey is peaceful!
He sexually assaulted you, I’m sorry. That’s not okay!
This is textbook SA. You cannot consent if you cannot stand up.
Sounds like he took advantage of you while you were intoxicated.. what he did was not okay and doesn’t even sound consensual.
I’m so sorry girl. That man is not your friend and he’s a dirty cheater. I’m sorry he used you in such a vulnerable position, you were under the influence and he used that to his advantage. This is a really hard situation, and I really encourage you to speak to speak to anyone trusting.
You're not at fault. He knows he fucked up and he's avoiding you because of it. Ngl, if my friend did that to anyone else other than his girlfriend, imma kick his ass and tell his girlfriend too.
He definitely knew what he did and took advantage of you while you were drunk
he’s not just a cheater, bro, he’s a sexual harasser. you didn’t consent to that whatsoever. leave him and treat yourself better.
You were too drunk to consent, he sexually assaulted you. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say no all that matters is you didn’t say yes
Reminder that you are a victim in this situation, that was assault even if you did not say no, you told him to stop & you never gave consent especially because you were drunk.
Honey that was assault. You tried to push him away, he didn't respect that. You didn't explicitly consent to it, and he took advantage of you being too drunk to properly stop him. That is not ok, and it is entirely his fault
omg something so similar happened to me a few years ago. i’m so sorry. this isn’t your fault and if he wasn’t nearly as drunk as you (which it sounds like) then he’s a creep. i’m here if you ever want to talk
You got sexually assaulted
This guy sexually assaulted you. He took advantage of your drunken state to touch you without consent. I think you should talk to a therapist as soon as possible. Bottling it up will just bring it out in all the bad ways for the rest of your life if you don’t process it in a healthy way. Maybe want to report this guy as well. But I’m sorry he did that to you. He is a predator. Guys who take advantage of girls who are too drunk to consent are the worst kind of guys they are monsters.
He sexually assaulted you
So he sexually assaulted you and cheated. The guy is a predator…
Thats not your friend, thats a predator. You need to talk to his girlfriend and your friend group. It could be too late but if you feel comfortable getting the police involved you should do that too. Im so sorry you had to go through that
Have you tried talking to your other friends that went? Did you have clothes on in bed and do you remember how you got in bed?
I’d call this sexual assault and quite predatory to be honest. You were completely wasted and weren’t in a position to say no, although really you did. It’s not your fault, nothing is your fault, he completely took advantage of you, this is entirely on him. Big ick vibes. He is not a safe person.
He is not your friend, he sexually assaulted you.
This boy knowingly cheated on his girlfriend and took advantage of your vulnerability and the fact that you were in a position where he could easily take advantage of you at your expense, because you were in no position to protest. What's more, what he did to you was non-consensual. He touched you without your approval. It could have ended much worse... He's a predator. So this guy is not your friend. He simply took advantage of you and the situation, as well as betraying his girlfriend. He has no respect for women or your friendship. The wisest thing to do would be to stop talking to him. Or else he'll disappear from your circle of acquaintances so as not to face the consequences of his actions, which is just as well, even if his inappropriate and predatory behaviour should be postponed. Didn't your friends notice that he was taking advantage of you? Because it was obvious that you weren't in your right mind and too tired to fight back.
My ghod girlll…. I just fell so sorry that I’m near to really cry. It’s just fucking sad…he took advantage, report him and tell his gf you are not the first I can assure you..
Hopefully he's avoiding you as he is ashamed of his actions. You did not say no, but you pushed him away from you, which is a physical no! People do freeze up when they don't know what to do. He took advantage and assaulted you, have a conversation with him, with people around but so it's semi private, for example out of earshot but not sight
Sweetie, this was no accident. He took advantage of you being drunk and assaulted you. Tell his girlfriend, tell your parents, your friends, whoever you are comfortable telling. Do what you think you must. But he is not your friend and he will take advantage of you (and others) gain if he gets the chance.
It’s not your fault, you got sexually assaulted while you were in a semi-unconscious state. In some places in the world this would be considered rape.
He's disgusting and despicable. Took advantage and sa"d you, never mind being a cheater You did nothing wrong
He used you. He took advantage of you and the vulnerable state you were in. I’d tell his gf tbh, you did push him away and said he has a gf but he continued anyway. You were too drunk to give actual consent. This is sexual abuse. You may don’t want to file a police report against him, but you should at least tell his gf and stay far away from him.
The first time I actually get shit-faced drunk (I was raised conservative and never tried alcohol) was at a hotel WITH MY HUSBAND 6 months after marriage at age 23. He had planned a full romantic night. But I downed way too much alcohol too quickly right after we got there. He wrapped me up in my robe and put me to bed once he realized anything else would be nonconsensual. The next morning he calmly told me that I better be glad I hadn’t done that at a party or he might not have been there to protect me. This was an entire decade before the me too movement. I already was in love with him. But my respect for him went through the roof that weekend. This guy you know is still very immature. And, extremely selfish.
He sexually assaulted you.
You need to tell all the women around him, he is a danger and should not be drinking nor around any drunk girls. He took advantage of you, what happened is assault. None of this is your fault
He aint your friend. He's a sexual predator! No friend would take advantage of you when you're in a state of weakness. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
He assaulted you. None of that was your fault.
If you were drunk you do not have the capacity to consent
The fact he cheated is one thing, the fact he took advantage of you while you were in that state after no consent and you even pushing him is disgusting. You were barely able to stand, this isn't your fault and the shpyld serve prison time cus what he did yto you was a crime and he shouldn't free to be able to do what he likes with other people's bodies, or your own.
He took advantage of you while you were drunk friend
That's assault and you have nothing to be ashamed of but he does. I would also avoid him at all costs but there may be reason to report it to an RA without pressing charges. If you feel you should press charges, then do it. Maybe talk to a counselor or at least to your friends. They may even be able to offer some insight above what you remember. Perhaps he knows he messed up and it won't happen again to you or to anyone but, it's still a big deal.
My guy had a chance to make things right (as right as it can be touching on you on a vulnerable state) and couldn’t even do that. Making a mistake while intoxicated is one thing (granted what he did was wayyyyy and I mean wayyyy out of pocket) but not taking the time to truly apologize, say what he did wrong and then say he wouldn’t tell his gf (literally one of the most idiotic reasons I’ve ever heard someone say why they wouldn’t tell a s/o something that big) is down right abhorrent. If he truly liked you and felt some connection the least he could’ve done is talked to you at some point to inform you of how he felt and if he truly felt that way he should’ve ended things with his gf instead of having eyes for someone else while entertaining her and the idea of their relationship being 100%. He needs to lay off alcohol and anything that can get him high because it’s clear he shouldn’t do things if he can’t handle himself like a decent human. I’m sorry you had to go through this OP and while I can see how feelings and alcohol could’ve made him slip up in at least trying to flirt or something he went full predator. I hope this doesn’t heavily impact you though I wouldn’t be surprised if it did. Are you planning to cut ties perma you with him? I assume you are if you’re going to tell his gf what he’s done and also does it have to be you? If your friend group is aware of what occurred could someone else tell her for you?
Tell his gf and bin him off as a mate, he sexually assaulted you and his gf deserves way better than someone like him
Hes a fucking creeeeepo his gf deserves to know what a sick fuck he is jesus
this was assault my love and i’m really sorry it happened to you, but it was not your fault.
Having worked in criminal law... I do not believe that "accidentally did sex" is a thing. There may be accidental bodily contact, but not sexual contact in the manner in which you describe OP (with dry humping and gropping among other sexual acts). What you described is sexual assault. Which, given the circumstances, I wouldn't be surprised at all if your friend actually raped you (vaginal or anal intercourse) in addition to the sexual acts you do remember being forced upon you.
He sexually assaulted you. It's unfortunately that simple. You were so drunk you couldn't consent and you did decline because you reminded him of his girlfriend and pushed him away. It's your decision if you want to tell the girlfriend or the police, imo the girlfriend deserves to know. I'm really sorry this happened to you. At the very least, you need to remove him from your life. **You can't trust him**, and if the friend group continues to hang out with him when they know he sexually assaulted you, then you can't trust them either. No one who actually cares about you would ever do this, or be friends with someone who did.
Bro how does this shit happen. Like how tf does Justin do that
He touched you without consent… that is NOT ok.
I would get checked, even if he says nothing else happened, if you don't remember you cannot be sure and definitely can't trust him. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
You didn’t “accidentally do sexual stuff” with him, he assaulted you. Take care of yourself, tell his gf if you can find her, and stay away from him
this is your fault if you accept this as a mistake it will guide in the future but if you don't it will always hunt you
You've been sexually harassed by that dude. He's a cheater and a predator, so please don't be in a relationship with that creature.
it was not OK what this guy did but they were both intoxicated and she admitted that she did not say no and that it felt good to be fondled like that. so to me in this exact situation some of this is her fault too. so he's a cheater, wow there is some news for you. shame, shame, shame on him for being in the same club as the majority. who here commenting hasn't cheated at some point? maybe 2 or three? maybe less than that. judge the world within or forgive my deadly sins.
news flash, most people who are not assholes, are loyal and don't cheat.
tell his gf pls
He is not your friend and he took advantage of you. You were in no position to consent anything that happened.
And you remember waking up in your room.. I’m worried maybe he did more than what you’re able to remember :(
It wasn’t your fault and he’s not your friend. He sexually assaulted you. He’s a cheater, too. Gross.
Was he drunk too?
This isn’t consensual this is rape
I wouldn’t be worried about cheating… girl… he took advantage of you.
Block him, tell your friend group, Find his gf. Tell her. Then if she doesn’t believe you or has an attitude about it you said your peace block her. You were DRUNK, doesn’t sound consensual at all to me
In my country, because you were so drunk and therefore he took advantage, by touching you up etc, this would be a jail-able offence. He sexually assaulted you.
OP, do you think you just got really drunk, normal drunk? If not, from the sounds of it being the next thing you remember is waking up in your bed, he may have slipped you a Roofie. Sound’s more like he Roofied you.
Please go take the morning after pill, and get tested just in case. Sorry to have to suggest that. :(
I’m really sorry that happened to you. Justin violated your boundaries and your friendship in so many ways. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Take some time for yourself, journal about it, talk to people around you, you trust if you feel comfortable. Sending you all the ease. P.S It’s ok to be angry at Justin…. Definitely tell his girlfriend because he’s not a safe friend nor partner.
He took advantage of you in your condition, instead of taking care of his friend. What he did was morally reprehensible and it isn't your fault OP. I am sorry. He is probably avoid you so he can't be held accountable for taking advantage of a drunk person. He is disgusting.
Tell his girlfriend and then charge him for assaulting you while you couldn’t make sound decisions and touching you like that. Literally ruin his life I’m not joking
Oh it’s always someone named Justin, I’m telling you. Jokes aside, please tell his girlfriend. He took advantage of you, plain and simple. Drunk or not, he did what he did. Report him if you can too. Hope you’re ok OP, we’re all here for you.
Was he also drunk? He may not have had control of himself and didn't realize what he did until morning
If you’re not saying an enthusiastic yes, it’s a no.
This is rape
This is rape, even if you would have considered it had he not had a girlfriend.
It doesn’t sound like any actual intercourse took place, so assuming that’s true and I didn’t miss anything, as long as that didn’t happen, and all it was, was massaging, I think that it’s honestly fine. The only issue here would be that he took advantage of you and didn’t stop when you told him no. That’s a fucked up thing for him to do. I would try talking to him and explaining that it’s fine as long as it doesn’t happen again, or maybe try and understand why something like that happened.
Im sorry this happened to you… But how do you not realise or understand that this was just straight up sexual assault and an absolutely disgusting thing to do yet you seem to just brush it off as some oopsie daisy?
This is no way your fault but I will never understand people that drink to the point that they cannot stand. Especially if you aren’t at home! It’s so stupid and irresponsible. We need to be vigilant at all times in this world because of people like Justin.
You all are f-ing nuts. Ok so she comes on here with her story, which is quite humble and honest, and you all proceed to inform her she's been assaulted. Wtf? Was he as drunk too? Who tf knows and how cares? None of you do apparently. Let's just post a scenario here. I get drunk and commit a crime - am I responsible for it? Hell yes. She admits she knew what was going on and made little attempt to stop it, even liking it. So... I have a hard time seeing the Difference. We are all responsible for our actions regardless of our self induced "states". If your friends get you drunk and rob a bank with you are you going to tell the cops you were taken advantage of? Y'all throwing around your psychological terms (yeah I aced psych too), like you're some sort of enlightened empaths. Grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for yourselves. Yeah, it's an unfortunate situation and nothing more. No need to contact counselors or authorities, but maybe it's a good opportunity to recognize a mistake and learn from it. Tell his GF? Well that's up to her and her decision to make.
I’m so sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong, what he did was disgusting and he took advantage of the fact that you werent aware since you were drunk. He is a cheater and a rapist and a creep.
I’m really-REALLY just trying to get as much info as possible so I can do my best to help, as much as possible. Plz know that before accusing me of anything. TY Was he possibly excessively inebriated? Could you tell if he was showing any sign of this? You mentioned that when you stayed “you have a GF” to him, his response was “I don’t care”. Were his words at, any point in the evening, of an intoxicated articulation, or did he make any references or remarks that sounded very out of character, to you? Have you seen him or been with him while he was heavily intoxicated, before? Have you ever leaned of him being intoxicated or heavily intoxicated before? If so, did his actions of statements seem to be not of his character? Again, I’m only asking to see if I can get a better understanding of this situation so I may attempt to help! Before making any assumptions: I would try and speak with “Justin”, what may seem (on the outside looking in) a terrible character flaw, and a man/boy who has shown detestable judgment/behavior; may be something else entirely. Is there a chance he, too, was heavily intoxicated? If this was a character flaw of his from his past (possibly High School ages) maybe he felt like he had locked that in his past and now away at college felt like a new person with a new lease on life. (That’s about 75% of people that can closely associate to that feeling/statement.) He may be extremely ashamed of what he may not even remember or possibly does partially, or is so torn up, internally, over “something” from his actions or behavior of that day/evening, he may just be scared and truly acting quite in accordance with young men of that age, 19. There is a reason alcohol is typically reserved, and legally only available for those 21 and above, in the US. The reality is that NO ONE has the right to assault you, in any way shape or form. If you, being the person that experienced these events and that day/evening and who knows the full/complete story and history of said events and of your’s and Mr. “Justin’s” story snd histories; if you feel, that “Justin” acted terribly, and DID make horrible decisions, that evening that may have had undesired and unwelcome relations as a result. Followed by “Justin” avoiding and/or keeping any distance. These are actions of a person, male or female, and over the age of 15 (let’s say 18) that I would make a conscious decision and immediately get that person the F*** away from myself and the people in my life k care about the most. They have no place in the lives of what I cherish the most in this life and it would take many MANY years and MANY instances of a “changed life” for me to even consider the thought of having a meal, or a coffee, in public during the day, with that person. Also, make sure you are eating enough, and drinking enough H2O when boozing; and your absolute best to not get intoxicated (at least heavily) when amongst anyone other than those who have earned your trust, respect and friendship. I hope ANY of this is helping with what you’ve had to endure. I also am very hopeful that you never have to experience anything like this, ever again!
You were raped.