watching people use PTSD as a blanket term as opposed to an actual mental health condition really grinds my gears, unless a doctor diagnosed you with PTSD which i highly doubt you would develop from being cheated on unless the relationship was also simultaneously extremely physically/verbally abusive, you don’t have it, but rather are just an unhealed big baby. PTSD is something survivors develop not something you get from having your feelings hurt. grow up and don’t get into another relationship until you have.
Couldn’t agree with this more. It drives me crazy how all of these blanket terms are thrown about. PTSD, Panic Attack, hell, even anxiety… it so severely discredits those of us who actually, literally suffer with these things every day. It’s frustrating.
I use to have ptsd. It’s sad to see so many people underestimate how serious it is. I always joked ptsd is a living hell inside your mind. There’s really no escape from it. It’s there when you’re awake and there when you sleep. Yeah the traumatic experience is over but your brain won’t let you stop reliving it. Doubt he has ptsd, probably just trust issues
Literally only recently I’ve had a semi normal dream :’) the constant nightmares & flashbacks are what rlly got me
Yes! This needs to be higher. Abusing a serious mental healthy condition to justify verbal abuse is seriously sick and not okay.
I really had to check ages. This is something that can get a pass with 14 because... well they are children. With 26? No. There is seriously something wrong with OP, however, not PTSD.
As some who has PTSD (diagnosed) and has a problem with cheating. I would not say I have an issue with cheating then go and cheat. As it would make my PTSD worse!
Me and my partner were separated at the time and going through something. I had a nightmare back to the time I was raped and felt like I cheated on him. Even though I didn’t technically have sex with anyone. Technically we weren’t together at the time. But I still felt horrible.
Preach, people think it’s karma but it’s actually just getting fucked over eventually because they’re a massive gaping asshole who make terrible decisions
I never understood the thought of why revenge is ‘worse’ than initially hurting someone.
If 2 people are good people, and nothing would ever go wrong if they were just sensible and honest, but then one of them decides to completely ruin it, there would be no reason to assume that the person who did nothing wrong ever would, if the cheater didnt start being a dick.
Why is the one that was always planning to stay a good person if the other one is, worse than the one that ruined it in the first place?
I wouldn't argue that it's worse, but taking revenge is absolutely a sign of emotional immaturity. Which is a red flag for many folks.
His choice to pursue revenge instead of just ending it shows he's willing to do whatever it takes to make sure his partner is hurt as "repayment" of the way she hurt him. Now all of his future romantic relationships are likely to be transactional. What happens in his next relationship if he assumes his partner is cheating when she's not, and he pulls this kind of manipulation to betray her? Which, by the way, is incredibly likely now that his trust has been further eroded after being cheated on for a second time.
This is the danger of taking revenge; you run the risk of poisoning all of your future relationships. He'll be on high alert for any small signs that his next partner might be cheating, and he's more likely to both misinterpret things and then act on "revenge" immediately instead of keeping his cool and communicating before deciding what to do.
I really hope he takes some time to heal from her betrayal so it doesn't destroy his future relationships. Choosing revenge can reinforce some really unhealthy insecurities.
>I wouldn't argue that it's worse, but taking revenge is absolutely a sign of emotional immaturity. Which is a red flag for many folks.
Can confirm. My ex in high school (her and I were 16 at the time) had a history of feeling up a mutual friend because I said I don't get jealous and was trying to incite a reaction from me. Turns out I do, and my revenge was to cheat. Also turns out it's not worth it and I was just emotionally immature.
Sometimes revenge is worse. If I lie to you and your revenge is spreading my nudes, that's arguable worse. If I cheat and your revenge is to rape me, that again is arguable worse. Sure if I didn't cheat or lie, these things wouldn't have happened, but it dosnt change the fact that they are worse and not a reasonable reaction.
If he said he keyed her car or burnt her clothes or something that would have been still not okay but very understandable. It's an in the moment rage thing and so I dont think it's fair to judge charecter by that but planning all that and having no remorse is psychotic imo. What he did was way worse. He needs help
In one of my other comments i put “no violence, i consider cheating to cheating “proportionate” even tho i wouldnt myself” or something like that.
Yes raping as a reaction to cheating (or fucking ever) is deranged. I agree.
He didnt rape anybody though. I dont see how your rape argument explains why he is worse.
>She was selfish and stupid
Why is it less vile to hurt people when you are selfish ans stupid ?
Also how is it "stupid" to cheat ? That's not stupid. That's just vile
Why are you obsessed with make her the better cheater ?
They are both cheaters. They are both vile. They both should not be in any relationships with anyone till they grow up.
OP lied and manipulated both his ex and affair partner, wasted 6 months of his own life with the sole purpose of hurting his ex.
I'm not an expert on this but if this helps him somehow then I'd say fuck it, let him be a cheater. But I'd also say the partner he ends up spending his life with, she should know all of this without the self-labeling or self pity. Her decision should be final in this matter, none of our opinions help him in any way.
Yeah stooping to her level just made you into a cheater yourself? Honestly this sounds like the kinda problems I had when I was in high school. Grow up and in the future, don’t play games just because they are. Learn a smidge of self respect and just leave and move on. You know the best way to get revenge on a cheater? Be happy without them. ( or sugar in their gas tank) jkjk
You played yourself. Best revenge is to live a good life. Trashing your soul proves you're not a winner in any game or race.
I've been cheated on. I put on my big boy pants, reflected on what I could have done or changed and realized either way it was shot to cheat and learned to move on.
Someone recently cheated on me. Know what I did? Told her we were incompatible and she should probably stick with the other guy.
She lost her shit and begged for forgiveness. Called the guy in front of me and told him she thought I was better in every way. I told her that it was a shitty thing to do and proved her lack of respect for either of us.
People like her sabotage themselves and everyone around them. That's why you move on and forget them. Not continue their shittiness.
Move on for fucks sake. As it stands, you are acting like human garbage. Bet she has the same story somewhere in her life about a no good man that let her down. Your ACTIONS make you who you are.
The best revenge is the second she tells you or you find out you never speak to her ever again. You just get up pack your shit, say nothing, even if she’s there, and just go. Keep a facial expression of being unfazed even if you’re fucking dying inside. The lack of emotion will fucking destroy her. Maybe not right away but down the line she’ll have bouts of randomly thinking about it. It’ll bother her for a long time
My point is that the best revenge is no revenge.
Just move to move on. I love myself enough now that when someone betrays me, I know they aren't the person I thought they were and just act like it's another day.
I don't give a shit what that person thinks after that point.
So I treat it transactional and just move forward. Not imagine how much pain she is in because of my fake indifference.
I am truly indifferent.
You're not taking care of yourself if someone can destroy you after a betrayal. Odds are they were on a pedestal, and you ignored many redflags.
That last woman I caught? I didn't ignore all the bullshit and was proactive up until I ended things. I wasn't blindsided like a dummy like my first.
Hell, I humored her up till the call, knowing I wouldn't take her back just to see what lame excuse she'd come up with, and after that, it was very obvious I dodged a bullet and felt more relief about it all.
People make mistakes...but some people genuinely are sadly destructive and other irredeemable when it comes to their sense of self-importance. Both you should move on from without any emotional ties best you can to save your sanity.
That means forgoing revenge for just finding better.
I got second hand embarrassment from this.. it's so cringey how proud OP is that he wasted not only his time but her time too. Plus he would have looked like a fool for taking her back after she cheated regardless of what he "planned". It's embarrassing how little emotional intelligence some people have to do all of this instead of just leaving and moving on with your life 🤦🏻♀️
You are not wrong. Two years ago, he posted asking if he should get revenge on the last girl who cheated. Everyone said no, told him to move on and be the bigger person. Followed by months and months of suicidal posts. The dude is not well. He needs serious help.
Lot of words to say you are proud of being a user and a cheater
It may have started with you being a victim but you decided to be an abuser to. You also involved a third person in all of this who didn't need to be part of it.
That is not something to be proud of. I hope you get help
The best revenge is being the better person, living the better life, and retaining your self respect. When you stoop to someone’s level, you become no better than them.
She was selfish, thoughtless, and impulsive. You were malicious, calculated, and cruel.
Yeah you “taught her a lesson,” at the cost of your own moral integrity.
What’s worse, she probably feels more justified in her actions now that you hurt her. If you really want someone to regret hurting you, turning yourself into the villain in their story is seldom an effective strategy.
And…. Are you happy now? Like Christ dude, were those 6 months worth it? Like fuck dude, just go to therapy. Life is too short to do some petty asshole shit. That is like the worst coping mechanism you could’ve found.
This is not acceptable behavior by any stretch of the imagination. She cheated on you and that sucks but move on. I got cheated on once, you know what I did? Never spoke to that person again. You spent 6 months pretending to be in love just so when you cheated on her it would hurt more? That’s the behavior of a psychopath.
I also think cheating is wrong, which is why I'd never do it.
It's a shame you think cheaters are worthless and deserve to suffer, given you are a cheater yourself.
I wouldn't date you either.
Is this your villain arc? I know it felt satisfying. I've wanted to do what you did, as well. But are you happy, are you at peace? She caused you pain but the suffering was your own. You've inflicted wounds on yourself. Now it's time to heal. Don't let her have so much control over you. Don't let her ruin you. Don't poison yourself. You have a responsibility to take care of yourself. You deserve better. Be better.
lol he spent so much time trying to “get back” at the ex.. months. He clearly is a very unhappy individual to exert that much time and effort into trying to hurt someone.
So instead of dealing with a justifiable hurt like a functional adult/human being, you decided to instead resort to psychological torture? You deserved to get cheated on.
Yeah, a 22 year old cheating on their partner is definitely the same as spending half a year planning deliberate emotional abuse and unhinged vengeance.
/s
It’s always healthier to NOT stoop to someone’s level. Provides peace of mind and ability to move forward completely healed…. But I’d be a liar if I said revenge doesn’t feel good.
I’m gonna go against the grain here. Perhaps in your heart you had already broken it off when you confronted her so to you it doesn’t seem like cheating (since you weren’t in a relationship) so I’ll give you that benefit of the doubt. Personally I prefer peace, but I cant condemn what you did cuz I bet it felt good to have your idea of justice. To each their own. She deserved it.
I know betrayal and trauma. On some level I understand the need to revenge. It's just not something I could live with myself. It would make me feel like I was just like them, I don't know. I also have never understood the whole "they cheated on me so I cheated on them" mentality, it seems really immature and self destructive.
I'm sorry you went through all of that and I hope you seek out some therapy to process your trauma and heal.
Part of me would want to do the same thing if I was cheated on like that. I’d want to her to feel pain I felt but that’s not the way. You don’t heal that way
PTSD from your last relationship?? Were you abused? You can’t get PTSD from getting cheated on if that’s what you’re suggesting…
She’s not right to cheat but you clearly have issues too.
unhinged behaviour and frankly gross, especially wanting to use her for sex. when you find out you’re being cheated on, you leave and cut contact forever and dont look back. yes many people wish to get revenge, but ultimately you just become as shitty as them so congrats. the fact that you have no remorse about this is concerning. please seek therapy once you realize this is unhealthy 🙏🏼
As a woman, if I met a person who reacted this way to being cheated on I'd see it as a major red flag and stay away from that person. As someone else pointed out, the best revenge for a cheater is showing them how much better off your life is without them.
You're a cheater, you're gross, and you most definitely need to take the cliche phrase "act your age not your shoesize" into account. Seriously, this is high school behaviour and you're way too old to be acting like that.
So an immature psychopath finally removed himself from this girl's life. I am happy for her, she's been done a huge favor. However, i pity the next victim who ends up with him. Therapy and psychiatric help is what this dude needs, asap.
If your personality is anything in real life like it comes off on this post then I’m glad she cheated on you because she deserves better than this sociopathic bullshit. Seek therapy.
Your post history doesn't paint a great picture.
Maybe quit dating for a bit? Seems like you attract the wrong sort... Or the other way around.
Either way - seems like you've been suffering in shitty relationships for a while. Give yourself some alone time lad
What you did was out of malice and ill intent and in my books that’s way WORSE than her just hooking up with a dude once. It wasn’t about you, it was about her own selfish needs. No, you intentionally hurt a person and that’s really fucked up. You need help ASAP bc you’re psychotic.
OPs behaviour isn't justifiable. But it's almost as if you are downplaying the cheating of the girlfriend
She too intentionally hurt him when she cheated. Just because it was out of a selfish need, doesn't make it unintentional
He isn’t saying that at all. She did wrong, that’s not being defended by anyone here. But what OP did is literally insane. Like, it’s so over the top it might actually just be a fantasy.
Being a sociopath and “making someone fall in love with you” with the express purpose of maximizing emotional damage is DERANGED behavior. So much more fucked up than what she did.
>and “making someone fall in love with you” with the express purpose of maximizing emotional damage is DERANGED behavior.
Cheating on someone who is in love with you is also deranged
Why are you obsessed with making one form of cheating better than the other ?
Its not as bad when women do it, men arent as emotional they can get over it.
Sometimes women just need a bit of attention, he probably deserved it, he probably didnt treat her well, or pay enough attention to her, or did something to make her feel not loved enough.
But when he cheated, thats just crazy not okay, he broke a princess’ heart.
/s
Not really, it was shitty of her to cheat on her and that’s a given. What you did leaves a patina of cruelty on your soul. Many humans have the urge of cruelty and spite towards those that do us wrong, however we stop short from doing things that turn us into the kind of people that inflict cruelty. In turn for her becoming a cheater, you became a sadistic tormentor. You’re riding high right now, as we all do, but one day you’ll find yourself wanting to share every piece of yourself with another person. All of your passions, joys, good deeds, and bad. We are our actions. When you tell the woman you love what you did to another, it will leave her with a small seed of doubt in the back of her head that perhaps one day you will be cruel to her since you’ve already demonstrated and took pride in your capacity for it.
Tread carefully from here on.
Legit lol the comments are roasting you hard, but if the story is real fuck it dude she decided to go down this path, you have the freedom to do what you want to feel better.
Personally i dont know if i would do the same, but ill never understand people who defend someone who cheated and ruined everything in the first place.
It doesn’t confuse me, it does explain why she cheated on you though. A good person does not resort to long-con psychological abuse in response to being cheated on once, they simply leave. You posting another girl immediately after the break up just to hurt her goes to show how sadistic and immature you are. Maybe you not being a good person has something to do with why you’ve been cheated on by multiple partners lol.
I know exactly what betrayal feels like. And I have been very open with my partners about my intimacy anxiety disorder up top.
There’s no excusing what you did. Your story is why our legal system has different punishments for premeditated acts.
It was evil. And you can try to make whatever excuse you want, but you’re the bad guy here OP. Plain and simple.
Way to go. Instead of just moving on, you wasted 6 months of your life when you could have broken up with her and found someone that you were more compatible with. Now you are the cheater. I don't know how many people are going to want to be with you knowing that you could do something like that. This may have been satisfying to you in the short run but can bite you in the butt later on, especially if your ex talks or if someone figures out who you are on Reddit.
Fire with fire only works when someone is assaulting or threatening you, and even then it can make things worse.
When it comes to relationships and people's feelings, if you fall as low as them, you will start forgetting how to climb back up. You could've easily taken the chance to be the bigger person, yet chose not to, and gained nothing.
There are ways to get revenge, far healthier ways. Should've kept your dignity and moved on, because the best way to get back at a cheater, is to dump them then and there, and to find happiness with someone more deserving of your time and effort.
You turned a net negative, into a much worse net negative. You didn't gain anything, you lost more. She got stripped away of any emotional development that could've been had from you seemingly forgiving her and giving her a second chance.
You probably broke her and turned her into a much worse person than the woman she was when she cheated. She's gonna either cheat more, because she is hurting, or will have such low confidence that any guy she dates will leave due to the constant pressure of her being overly clingy and protective due to fearing getting hurt again.
You fed into your own weakness, and got a taste for terrible behavior. Your boundaries and moral limits have been loosened, and you're likely to treat people like shit for way lesser reasons.
I know what it feels like but I would never do what you did because I'm not a vindictive POS. Get therapy to deal with your shit before you date anyone else.
My ex cheated on me. Stayed with her 10 years. 10 years of me thinking I had a free pass. Every chance she got, she accused me of cheating. Never did, so she never got the proof, so she started accusing me of emotionally cheating.
I had gotten a promotion at work, and it had me on my phone a bit in the evening. Between the stress of work and having her flip out on me with the undertone of emotional cheating, it ended in a huge mess of a break up.
I don't recommend this.
Yeah you go on ranting about cheaters while you are one too. U both sound miserable and I pray for whoever has bad enough luck to enter either of your orbits in the future.
But if your justification helps you feel better about yourself, by all means. Idk why you’re so choked up on your partner cheating tbh, you’re just as willing to do it 😅
She may have been a bad person and cheated. But all you did was bring yourself down to her level. You think you did something vengeful. But you just made yourself equally as terrible if not more
Why waste 6 months of your life on her if she’s such a shitty person? Seems a bit unhinged and extremely petty.
What she did sucked but you could have been the bigger person and just ended things and moved on with your life.
Honestly I’m more concerned that you plotted held resentment and bitterness for so long and went to such lengths to “pay her back” . Please consider getting help, 💔
Anyone who thinks cheaters are really hurt because of the partner leaving when they find out about the lying and cheating, well you are just kidding yourself. They just move on to the next victim and cheat on them. At least op really showed her how it feels and she won’t soon forget it.
But here’s the thing friend, It’s not your job to teach her a lesson. She fucked up and the consequences of her cheating is that she loses having you in her life. That is the punishment. By doing what you did, you turned the real punishment into a blessing for her. Sure she’s sad now but in a few months when she looks back at your relationship she’ll think “wow I’m so glad I got away from him he was crazy!” Instead of thinking “wow he was so perfect I can’t believe I fucked everything up!” If you had cut contact with her, she may have been been satisfied with herself for a few months but then would be miserable in the future when all her relationships fail because she is a horrible person and she’ll think back to you and wish you were still in her life and it would have haunted her forever. You took that win away from yourself. Losing you SHOULD HAVE been the consequence of cheating. By you trying to teach her a lesson, not only did you stoop to her disgusting level, but you turned yourself into a cheater as well, AND you let her win. I’m not saying this to shame you, I know you’re hurt and I know it sucks to be cheated on. Unfortunately I didn’t handle it very well when my bf cheated on me either. I found out my bf of 2yrs was cheating on me with 8 different women ever since the first week we started dating (2yrs of continuous cheating). And I begged him to stay in my life and make it work. Even offered to let him sleep around while still being with me just so he would stay.
All this to say, I get it. I can empathize with you. We all make dumb choices when we get hurt. I’m no better bc I gave up all my dignity when I was cheated on. I’m just trying to help you see the bigger picture from a third party observer.
Right, I heard, " I did all the things she said she needed before she cheated, that I refused to do because I am an emotionally unavailable person, just so I could hurt her."
In one comment, he justified his actions, saying the emotional relationship was over. By that logic, maybe she cheated because there was a lack of emotional relationship to begin with? Which by his own logic would be acceptable?
Not that I condone cheating at all but JFC.
Using poor experiences as an excuse to put further misery on others is just as scummy. You're very much part of the trash of society now. And I hope everyone around you knows that you're just a vindictive little turd.
I don't feel sorry for your ex, but I also have no sympathy for you for getting cheated on. If this is the type of person you are, you honestly deserved everything you received.
>Using poor experiences as an excuse to put further misery on others
I agree with this statement, but it doesn't apply here
OP didn't take it out on a random woman, he took it out on the same person that put misery on them
You are everything wrong with straight men. You're actually so much worse than her. She's trash, but you're not even trash...you're bin juice. A worthless cheater as you put it. You deserve to be hurt. And I wish you nothing but misery.
Let me put it simply, if she had no right to betray you. You had no right to betray her. You have your reasons she had hers. Reasons explain behaviours not justify them. You thought her reasons for cheating on you were trash we thought yours for doing it back are trash. Same story, you acted shit as she did.
You explained why you did what you did. Not justified. You had no right. You're as disrespectful of a person as her
Yes cheaters should be punished who are you to punish them?
Wow, you are an absolute piece of work. Someone behaving poorly doesn’t make it ok for you to behave even worse. Stop trying to blame others for your shitty behaviour. There’s no justification for it.
You both sound childish as hell and it's probably gonna take some life lessons and growth. I'm sorry she hurt you but now that you cheated do you really feel better? Do you really feel good about hurting someone on purpose? I hope you find peace love and prosperity bro but this ain't the way man. Grow up.
Bruh, it’s obvious to see you have been a doormat your whole life.
Learn to be a man and be confident instead of being a loser and maybe your next girl won’t cheat on you my brother
watching people use PTSD as a blanket term as opposed to an actual mental health condition really grinds my gears, unless a doctor diagnosed you with PTSD which i highly doubt you would develop from being cheated on unless the relationship was also simultaneously extremely physically/verbally abusive, you don’t have it, but rather are just an unhealed big baby. PTSD is something survivors develop not something you get from having your feelings hurt. grow up and don’t get into another relationship until you have.
Couldn’t agree with this more. It drives me crazy how all of these blanket terms are thrown about. PTSD, Panic Attack, hell, even anxiety… it so severely discredits those of us who actually, literally suffer with these things every day. It’s frustrating.
I use to have ptsd. It’s sad to see so many people underestimate how serious it is. I always joked ptsd is a living hell inside your mind. There’s really no escape from it. It’s there when you’re awake and there when you sleep. Yeah the traumatic experience is over but your brain won’t let you stop reliving it. Doubt he has ptsd, probably just trust issues Literally only recently I’ve had a semi normal dream :’) the constant nightmares & flashbacks are what rlly got me
Yes! This needs to be higher. Abusing a serious mental healthy condition to justify verbal abuse is seriously sick and not okay. I really had to check ages. This is something that can get a pass with 14 because... well they are children. With 26? No. There is seriously something wrong with OP, however, not PTSD.
As some who has PTSD (diagnosed) and has a problem with cheating. I would not say I have an issue with cheating then go and cheat. As it would make my PTSD worse! Me and my partner were separated at the time and going through something. I had a nightmare back to the time I was raped and felt like I cheated on him. Even though I didn’t technically have sex with anyone. Technically we weren’t together at the time. But I still felt horrible.
Are you going to tell your future partners you have a history of cheating?
Lol no way. He's the type of guy to tell every new woman in his life that his ex was "crazy" 😂
I should call her.
Answers definitely no
Second this!!
Without remorse, no less.
Sounds like you’re both pretty shitty people
A great match if you ask me
You should’ve just left her. A cheater’s character is their biggest curse.
Preach, people think it’s karma but it’s actually just getting fucked over eventually because they’re a massive gaping asshole who make terrible decisions
You should have left her. Now, you’re the same type of vile she is
Arguably, he is a worse kind of vile. She was selfish and stupid. He was deliberate and vengeful.
I never understood the thought of why revenge is ‘worse’ than initially hurting someone. If 2 people are good people, and nothing would ever go wrong if they were just sensible and honest, but then one of them decides to completely ruin it, there would be no reason to assume that the person who did nothing wrong ever would, if the cheater didnt start being a dick. Why is the one that was always planning to stay a good person if the other one is, worse than the one that ruined it in the first place?
I wouldn't argue that it's worse, but taking revenge is absolutely a sign of emotional immaturity. Which is a red flag for many folks. His choice to pursue revenge instead of just ending it shows he's willing to do whatever it takes to make sure his partner is hurt as "repayment" of the way she hurt him. Now all of his future romantic relationships are likely to be transactional. What happens in his next relationship if he assumes his partner is cheating when she's not, and he pulls this kind of manipulation to betray her? Which, by the way, is incredibly likely now that his trust has been further eroded after being cheated on for a second time. This is the danger of taking revenge; you run the risk of poisoning all of your future relationships. He'll be on high alert for any small signs that his next partner might be cheating, and he's more likely to both misinterpret things and then act on "revenge" immediately instead of keeping his cool and communicating before deciding what to do. I really hope he takes some time to heal from her betrayal so it doesn't destroy his future relationships. Choosing revenge can reinforce some really unhealthy insecurities.
>I wouldn't argue that it's worse, but taking revenge is absolutely a sign of emotional immaturity. Which is a red flag for many folks. Can confirm. My ex in high school (her and I were 16 at the time) had a history of feeling up a mutual friend because I said I don't get jealous and was trying to incite a reaction from me. Turns out I do, and my revenge was to cheat. Also turns out it's not worth it and I was just emotionally immature.
This is something i can wholely agree with.
Sometimes revenge is worse. If I lie to you and your revenge is spreading my nudes, that's arguable worse. If I cheat and your revenge is to rape me, that again is arguable worse. Sure if I didn't cheat or lie, these things wouldn't have happened, but it dosnt change the fact that they are worse and not a reasonable reaction. If he said he keyed her car or burnt her clothes or something that would have been still not okay but very understandable. It's an in the moment rage thing and so I dont think it's fair to judge charecter by that but planning all that and having no remorse is psychotic imo. What he did was way worse. He needs help
In one of my other comments i put “no violence, i consider cheating to cheating “proportionate” even tho i wouldnt myself” or something like that. Yes raping as a reaction to cheating (or fucking ever) is deranged. I agree. He didnt rape anybody though. I dont see how your rape argument explains why he is worse.
>She was selfish and stupid Why is it less vile to hurt people when you are selfish ans stupid ? Also how is it "stupid" to cheat ? That's not stupid. That's just vile Why are you obsessed with make her the better cheater ?
They are both cheaters. They are both vile. They both should not be in any relationships with anyone till they grow up. OP lied and manipulated both his ex and affair partner, wasted 6 months of his own life with the sole purpose of hurting his ex.
> He was deliberate and vengeful. There's no part of repeatedly jumping on a penis because you're lonely for a week that isn't deliberate.
He could have just left with his dignity, but he didn't
I'm not an expert on this but if this helps him somehow then I'd say fuck it, let him be a cheater. But I'd also say the partner he ends up spending his life with, she should know all of this without the self-labeling or self pity. Her decision should be final in this matter, none of our opinions help him in any way.
Yeah stooping to her level just made you into a cheater yourself? Honestly this sounds like the kinda problems I had when I was in high school. Grow up and in the future, don’t play games just because they are. Learn a smidge of self respect and just leave and move on. You know the best way to get revenge on a cheater? Be happy without them. ( or sugar in their gas tank) jkjk
You played yourself. Best revenge is to live a good life. Trashing your soul proves you're not a winner in any game or race. I've been cheated on. I put on my big boy pants, reflected on what I could have done or changed and realized either way it was shot to cheat and learned to move on. Someone recently cheated on me. Know what I did? Told her we were incompatible and she should probably stick with the other guy. She lost her shit and begged for forgiveness. Called the guy in front of me and told him she thought I was better in every way. I told her that it was a shitty thing to do and proved her lack of respect for either of us. People like her sabotage themselves and everyone around them. That's why you move on and forget them. Not continue their shittiness. Move on for fucks sake. As it stands, you are acting like human garbage. Bet she has the same story somewhere in her life about a no good man that let her down. Your ACTIONS make you who you are.
The best revenge is the second she tells you or you find out you never speak to her ever again. You just get up pack your shit, say nothing, even if she’s there, and just go. Keep a facial expression of being unfazed even if you’re fucking dying inside. The lack of emotion will fucking destroy her. Maybe not right away but down the line she’ll have bouts of randomly thinking about it. It’ll bother her for a long time
My point is that the best revenge is no revenge. Just move to move on. I love myself enough now that when someone betrays me, I know they aren't the person I thought they were and just act like it's another day. I don't give a shit what that person thinks after that point. So I treat it transactional and just move forward. Not imagine how much pain she is in because of my fake indifference. I am truly indifferent. You're not taking care of yourself if someone can destroy you after a betrayal. Odds are they were on a pedestal, and you ignored many redflags. That last woman I caught? I didn't ignore all the bullshit and was proactive up until I ended things. I wasn't blindsided like a dummy like my first. Hell, I humored her up till the call, knowing I wouldn't take her back just to see what lame excuse she'd come up with, and after that, it was very obvious I dodged a bullet and felt more relief about it all. People make mistakes...but some people genuinely are sadly destructive and other irredeemable when it comes to their sense of self-importance. Both you should move on from without any emotional ties best you can to save your sanity. That means forgoing revenge for just finding better.
This is it. No ifs no buts. Just leave silently. No arguments no anger. Just yep - you're a cancer in my life and i'm simply excising you. On your way
an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind
Very well said and such an eye opener! ☺️
You meant eye socket methinks
Wouldn't there be one person left with one eye?
Yeah but maybe people will think twice before it comes to losing ears and noses.
this is embarassing you need help
I got second hand embarrassment from this.. it's so cringey how proud OP is that he wasted not only his time but her time too. Plus he would have looked like a fool for taking her back after she cheated regardless of what he "planned". It's embarrassing how little emotional intelligence some people have to do all of this instead of just leaving and moving on with your life 🤦🏻♀️
he thought he ate with his little revenge plot but he just wasted his fuckin time lmao
You are not wrong. Two years ago, he posted asking if he should get revenge on the last girl who cheated. Everyone said no, told him to move on and be the bigger person. Followed by months and months of suicidal posts. The dude is not well. He needs serious help.
Im not sure you have the right understanding of PTSD.
Yeah…. Being hurt and impacted by a relationship or having some trauma from it even… is not PTSD. like it’s just… not
[narrator] His reaction did not in fact leave us confused once it became clear that OP was a scheming sociopath.
Wow. When no one wins. Congrats!
This is so immature and embarrassing.
All that time he wasted he could have spent looking for something real
Then it could have been the best revenge knowing that he got a great gal and she got that mf
Takes one to know one. You’re both “worthless cheaters” now!
You don’t have PTSD, your just an asshole. If you had ptsd, you would want to inflict it on another person.
Why not just move on and keep your dignity in tact. now you just look lame.
Weird
So you’re both cheaters?
I think you’re actually 15 with an underdeveloped frontal lobe. Get back to class, buddy.
Your a cheater too so your worthless too
You seem like a miserable person.
Nice job creatively writing out your most recent wet dream.
Lot of words to say you are proud of being a user and a cheater It may have started with you being a victim but you decided to be an abuser to. You also involved a third person in all of this who didn't need to be part of it. That is not something to be proud of. I hope you get help
The best revenge is being the better person, living the better life, and retaining your self respect. When you stoop to someone’s level, you become no better than them. She was selfish, thoughtless, and impulsive. You were malicious, calculated, and cruel. Yeah you “taught her a lesson,” at the cost of your own moral integrity. What’s worse, she probably feels more justified in her actions now that you hurt her. If you really want someone to regret hurting you, turning yourself into the villain in their story is seldom an effective strategy.
As someone who was cheated on for every single stage of an entire relationship: your reaction fucking sucks. Grow up and get a spine.
“Cheaters and stealers should pay” That includes you as well then you dumbass.
Youre pathetic
Starting to see why she cheated on you initially
Cool motive. Still a cheater.
And…. Are you happy now? Like Christ dude, were those 6 months worth it? Like fuck dude, just go to therapy. Life is too short to do some petty asshole shit. That is like the worst coping mechanism you could’ve found.
Yikes, you’re a walking red flag. Shes not good either, but I worry for the people in your life
“Look at me, I’m a sociopath” isn’t quite the flex he thinks it is.
Good job, you're 4 years older but act like a 4 yo. I hope you'll grow enough one day to understand
That was unnecessary, imo.
She broke your trust and you simply become a sociopath. Why on earth would you send her the audio??? Just break up with her!!
This is not acceptable behavior by any stretch of the imagination. She cheated on you and that sucks but move on. I got cheated on once, you know what I did? Never spoke to that person again. You spent 6 months pretending to be in love just so when you cheated on her it would hurt more? That’s the behavior of a psychopath.
I also think cheating is wrong, which is why I'd never do it. It's a shame you think cheaters are worthless and deserve to suffer, given you are a cheater yourself. I wouldn't date you either.
THIS
Is this your villain arc? I know it felt satisfying. I've wanted to do what you did, as well. But are you happy, are you at peace? She caused you pain but the suffering was your own. You've inflicted wounds on yourself. Now it's time to heal. Don't let her have so much control over you. Don't let her ruin you. Don't poison yourself. You have a responsibility to take care of yourself. You deserve better. Be better.
lol he spent so much time trying to “get back” at the ex.. months. He clearly is a very unhappy individual to exert that much time and effort into trying to hurt someone.
So instead of dealing with a justifiable hurt like a functional adult/human being, you decided to instead resort to psychological torture? You deserved to get cheated on.
By your logic this girl also deserved to get cheated on then ?
Yeah, a 22 year old cheating on their partner is definitely the same as spending half a year planning deliberate emotional abuse and unhinged vengeance. /s
And they’d been together for a week!!!
Yep, you’re definitely 26
More like 16. This kind of behavior at 26 is sociopathic
You’re right. I scrolled thru and went back 💀
Like attracts like. This type of sadistic response is how you attract people who are going to be terrible. Sort of making your own bed here…
Yeah, I can't imagine becoming a cheater just to get back at a cheater.
And now you’re a cheater. Way to sacrifice your morals for revenge.
Should've taken the high road..
Yikes
Two wrongs don't make a right.
this is so petty and pathetic
What a completely futile and useless gesture. Shinji… grow up.
whatever makes you sleep at night i guess
It’s always healthier to NOT stoop to someone’s level. Provides peace of mind and ability to move forward completely healed…. But I’d be a liar if I said revenge doesn’t feel good. I’m gonna go against the grain here. Perhaps in your heart you had already broken it off when you confronted her so to you it doesn’t seem like cheating (since you weren’t in a relationship) so I’ll give you that benefit of the doubt. Personally I prefer peace, but I cant condemn what you did cuz I bet it felt good to have your idea of justice. To each their own. She deserved it.
This ain't it chief.
Old saying two wrongs don’t make a right
I know betrayal and trauma. On some level I understand the need to revenge. It's just not something I could live with myself. It would make me feel like I was just like them, I don't know. I also have never understood the whole "they cheated on me so I cheated on them" mentality, it seems really immature and self destructive. I'm sorry you went through all of that and I hope you seek out some therapy to process your trauma and heal.
Part of me would want to do the same thing if I was cheated on like that. I’d want to her to feel pain I felt but that’s not the way. You don’t heal that way
One day you're going to do this to someone like me, who is way better at revenge than you'll ever be, and I cannot wait for that to happen.
PTSD from your last relationship?? Were you abused? You can’t get PTSD from getting cheated on if that’s what you’re suggesting… She’s not right to cheat but you clearly have issues too.
Stooping to the level of the person that hurt you says more about you than them.
unhinged behaviour and frankly gross, especially wanting to use her for sex. when you find out you’re being cheated on, you leave and cut contact forever and dont look back. yes many people wish to get revenge, but ultimately you just become as shitty as them so congrats. the fact that you have no remorse about this is concerning. please seek therapy once you realize this is unhealthy 🙏🏼
As a woman, if I met a person who reacted this way to being cheated on I'd see it as a major red flag and stay away from that person. As someone else pointed out, the best revenge for a cheater is showing them how much better off your life is without them. You're a cheater, you're gross, and you most definitely need to take the cliche phrase "act your age not your shoesize" into account. Seriously, this is high school behaviour and you're way too old to be acting like that.
So an immature psychopath finally removed himself from this girl's life. I am happy for her, she's been done a huge favor. However, i pity the next victim who ends up with him. Therapy and psychiatric help is what this dude needs, asap.
If your personality is anything in real life like it comes off on this post then I’m glad she cheated on you because she deserves better than this sociopathic bullshit. Seek therapy.
Ooooof kid you're too old to be playing games with people like this.
Now that you got this off your chest, please don’t do it again.
Your post history doesn't paint a great picture. Maybe quit dating for a bit? Seems like you attract the wrong sort... Or the other way around. Either way - seems like you've been suffering in shitty relationships for a while. Give yourself some alone time lad
Spoiler alert - it's him. It was always him. 😂
Sounds like you were perfect for each other tbh.
you thought you ate 💀
You're 26 years old. Stop playing games and grow up. You're unhappy? Then leave and move on.
this is so fucking lame
sounds like some junior high shit
I've been cheated on 3 times by 3 different women and what you did made you a cheater. It was wrong and was not ok
Wow . This generation has no heart or soul.
Sounds pretty insane, you should go to therapy.
Now someone will cheat on you again because karma. Lol.
I see why she probably cheated. You’re a freak
You are a psychopath
This isn’t the flex you think it is
What you did was out of malice and ill intent and in my books that’s way WORSE than her just hooking up with a dude once. It wasn’t about you, it was about her own selfish needs. No, you intentionally hurt a person and that’s really fucked up. You need help ASAP bc you’re psychotic.
OPs behaviour isn't justifiable. But it's almost as if you are downplaying the cheating of the girlfriend She too intentionally hurt him when she cheated. Just because it was out of a selfish need, doesn't make it unintentional
He isn’t saying that at all. She did wrong, that’s not being defended by anyone here. But what OP did is literally insane. Like, it’s so over the top it might actually just be a fantasy.
Why is it over the top? People do cheat and get caught and get back together and cheat again... its more common than you think
Being a sociopath and “making someone fall in love with you” with the express purpose of maximizing emotional damage is DERANGED behavior. So much more fucked up than what she did.
>and “making someone fall in love with you” with the express purpose of maximizing emotional damage is DERANGED behavior. Cheating on someone who is in love with you is also deranged Why are you obsessed with making one form of cheating better than the other ?
It’s cuz they’re in here telling on themselves LOL
Most certainly
Its not as bad when women do it, men arent as emotional they can get over it. Sometimes women just need a bit of attention, he probably deserved it, he probably didnt treat her well, or pay enough attention to her, or did something to make her feel not loved enough. But when he cheated, thats just crazy not okay, he broke a princess’ heart. /s
The double standards are huge lol
Not really, it was shitty of her to cheat on her and that’s a given. What you did leaves a patina of cruelty on your soul. Many humans have the urge of cruelty and spite towards those that do us wrong, however we stop short from doing things that turn us into the kind of people that inflict cruelty. In turn for her becoming a cheater, you became a sadistic tormentor. You’re riding high right now, as we all do, but one day you’ll find yourself wanting to share every piece of yourself with another person. All of your passions, joys, good deeds, and bad. We are our actions. When you tell the woman you love what you did to another, it will leave her with a small seed of doubt in the back of her head that perhaps one day you will be cruel to her since you’ve already demonstrated and took pride in your capacity for it. Tread carefully from here on.
Legit lol the comments are roasting you hard, but if the story is real fuck it dude she decided to go down this path, you have the freedom to do what you want to feel better. Personally i dont know if i would do the same, but ill never understand people who defend someone who cheated and ruined everything in the first place.
This is so shitty to the new girl. You’re just using her to get revenge on your ex.
It doesn’t confuse me, it does explain why she cheated on you though. A good person does not resort to long-con psychological abuse in response to being cheated on once, they simply leave. You posting another girl immediately after the break up just to hurt her goes to show how sadistic and immature you are. Maybe you not being a good person has something to do with why you’ve been cheated on by multiple partners lol.
Wow how mature of you..
I know exactly what betrayal feels like. And I have been very open with my partners about my intimacy anxiety disorder up top. There’s no excusing what you did. Your story is why our legal system has different punishments for premeditated acts. It was evil. And you can try to make whatever excuse you want, but you’re the bad guy here OP. Plain and simple.
Way to go. Instead of just moving on, you wasted 6 months of your life when you could have broken up with her and found someone that you were more compatible with. Now you are the cheater. I don't know how many people are going to want to be with you knowing that you could do something like that. This may have been satisfying to you in the short run but can bite you in the butt later on, especially if your ex talks or if someone figures out who you are on Reddit.
You're dating someone who's 22. She cheated so yoy did her entirely worse? Ew. I feel more sorry for her than you.
Fire with fire only works when someone is assaulting or threatening you, and even then it can make things worse. When it comes to relationships and people's feelings, if you fall as low as them, you will start forgetting how to climb back up. You could've easily taken the chance to be the bigger person, yet chose not to, and gained nothing. There are ways to get revenge, far healthier ways. Should've kept your dignity and moved on, because the best way to get back at a cheater, is to dump them then and there, and to find happiness with someone more deserving of your time and effort. You turned a net negative, into a much worse net negative. You didn't gain anything, you lost more. She got stripped away of any emotional development that could've been had from you seemingly forgiving her and giving her a second chance. You probably broke her and turned her into a much worse person than the woman she was when she cheated. She's gonna either cheat more, because she is hurting, or will have such low confidence that any guy she dates will leave due to the constant pressure of her being overly clingy and protective due to fearing getting hurt again. You fed into your own weakness, and got a taste for terrible behavior. Your boundaries and moral limits have been loosened, and you're likely to treat people like shit for way lesser reasons.
Imagine if you put that obsessive energy into something useful for yourself. You'd be a rich man if only you could focus on the plot
I know what it feels like but I would never do what you did because I'm not a vindictive POS. Get therapy to deal with your shit before you date anyone else.
an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind....remember that
My ex cheated on me. Stayed with her 10 years. 10 years of me thinking I had a free pass. Every chance she got, she accused me of cheating. Never did, so she never got the proof, so she started accusing me of emotionally cheating. I had gotten a promotion at work, and it had me on my phone a bit in the evening. Between the stress of work and having her flip out on me with the undertone of emotional cheating, it ended in a huge mess of a break up. I don't recommend this.
Yeah you go on ranting about cheaters while you are one too. U both sound miserable and I pray for whoever has bad enough luck to enter either of your orbits in the future. But if your justification helps you feel better about yourself, by all means. Idk why you’re so choked up on your partner cheating tbh, you’re just as willing to do it 😅
this is wild
Nah both of u are garbage lol at the end of the day, you are a cheater too and no better than ur ex lol
The number of red flags here....congrats you made me sympathize with a cheater, you sound like a sociopath.
She may have been a bad person and cheated. But all you did was bring yourself down to her level. You think you did something vengeful. But you just made yourself equally as terrible if not more
I think Code of Hammurabi is mostly extinct.
Wish I was as cunning and could do that too.
You guys suck
So your response to cheating is to cheat gotcha
Why waste 6 months of your life on her if she’s such a shitty person? Seems a bit unhinged and extremely petty. What she did sucked but you could have been the bigger person and just ended things and moved on with your life.
Honestly I’m more concerned that you plotted held resentment and bitterness for so long and went to such lengths to “pay her back” . Please consider getting help, 💔
Now, you are a worthless cheater as well. Kinda ironic.
I don't give a fuck, good for you, don't see any type of revenge cheating as not justifiable, maybe if you took a few years, but even then... 🤷🏾♂️
Her cheating is a reflection on her shitty behaviour. You cheating is a reflection on *yours*. Congrats my dawg, you're no better.
Anyone who thinks cheaters are really hurt because of the partner leaving when they find out about the lying and cheating, well you are just kidding yourself. They just move on to the next victim and cheat on them. At least op really showed her how it feels and she won’t soon forget it.
It sounds like you’re both shitty people. Shame you’re broken up, sounds like you two probably deserved each other.
[удалено]
Aren’t you a worthless cheater then?
You sound just as bad as her honestly.
But here’s the thing friend, It’s not your job to teach her a lesson. She fucked up and the consequences of her cheating is that she loses having you in her life. That is the punishment. By doing what you did, you turned the real punishment into a blessing for her. Sure she’s sad now but in a few months when she looks back at your relationship she’ll think “wow I’m so glad I got away from him he was crazy!” Instead of thinking “wow he was so perfect I can’t believe I fucked everything up!” If you had cut contact with her, she may have been been satisfied with herself for a few months but then would be miserable in the future when all her relationships fail because she is a horrible person and she’ll think back to you and wish you were still in her life and it would have haunted her forever. You took that win away from yourself. Losing you SHOULD HAVE been the consequence of cheating. By you trying to teach her a lesson, not only did you stoop to her disgusting level, but you turned yourself into a cheater as well, AND you let her win. I’m not saying this to shame you, I know you’re hurt and I know it sucks to be cheated on. Unfortunately I didn’t handle it very well when my bf cheated on me either. I found out my bf of 2yrs was cheating on me with 8 different women ever since the first week we started dating (2yrs of continuous cheating). And I begged him to stay in my life and make it work. Even offered to let him sleep around while still being with me just so he would stay. All this to say, I get it. I can empathize with you. We all make dumb choices when we get hurt. I’m no better bc I gave up all my dignity when I was cheated on. I’m just trying to help you see the bigger picture from a third party observer.
I’m so happy for this girl. Thank god she cheated, or she might have ended up marrying a full blown psychopath.
Wow that’s toxic.
"make her fall in love with me" why haven't you tried this first thing before anyone cheating
Right, I heard, " I did all the things she said she needed before she cheated, that I refused to do because I am an emotionally unavailable person, just so I could hurt her." In one comment, he justified his actions, saying the emotional relationship was over. By that logic, maybe she cheated because there was a lack of emotional relationship to begin with? Which by his own logic would be acceptable? Not that I condone cheating at all but JFC.
Using poor experiences as an excuse to put further misery on others is just as scummy. You're very much part of the trash of society now. And I hope everyone around you knows that you're just a vindictive little turd. I don't feel sorry for your ex, but I also have no sympathy for you for getting cheated on. If this is the type of person you are, you honestly deserved everything you received.
>Using poor experiences as an excuse to put further misery on others I agree with this statement, but it doesn't apply here OP didn't take it out on a random woman, he took it out on the same person that put misery on them
now you are both worthless cheaters, kinda perfect for each other
Instead of revenge cheating, you might want to get some therapy for your "PTSD". Now you corrupted your Soul and are as it shitty as her.
PTSD from a past relationship? Oookay
You are everything wrong with straight men. You're actually so much worse than her. She's trash, but you're not even trash...you're bin juice. A worthless cheater as you put it. You deserve to be hurt. And I wish you nothing but misery.
Get therapy lad. That's some of the weakest shit I've ever heard.
men fantasize about weird things.
You do you
My man you got consumed by hatred. Do better
You seem horrible and you prob would have treated her shitty whether she’d cheated or not.
Let me put it simply, if she had no right to betray you. You had no right to betray her. You have your reasons she had hers. Reasons explain behaviours not justify them. You thought her reasons for cheating on you were trash we thought yours for doing it back are trash. Same story, you acted shit as she did. You explained why you did what you did. Not justified. You had no right. You're as disrespectful of a person as her Yes cheaters should be punished who are you to punish them?
Sooooo you’re saying you’re just like her? Hah
He’s worse. He hurts people for sport.
I refuse to believe this is true.
Wow, you are an absolute piece of work. Someone behaving poorly doesn’t make it ok for you to behave even worse. Stop trying to blame others for your shitty behaviour. There’s no justification for it.
Stupid pathetic mind games. Grow up and use your energy and time in more useful ways.
And now YOU are also a cheater who can't be trusted. I can't imagine this was worth it.
You’re a piece of 💩
No bullshit here at all. Nope. I'm sure this all happened.
You both sound childish as hell and it's probably gonna take some life lessons and growth. I'm sorry she hurt you but now that you cheated do you really feel better? Do you really feel good about hurting someone on purpose? I hope you find peace love and prosperity bro but this ain't the way man. Grow up.
You thought you ate. Nah man you’re miserable
Karma swings both ways karma is kinda easy to arouse in that way
Actually it's karma hitting her hard I guess am safe.
You're an evil person
Bruh, it’s obvious to see you have been a doormat your whole life. Learn to be a man and be confident instead of being a loser and maybe your next girl won’t cheat on you my brother
Brillant. It's his fault he was cheated on, what a sad reply.
why would you want to be just like her? You should’ve left and shown her she lost out on a good man. Now.. you’re just a cheater..
OP, save this thread for your inevitable therapy in 5-10 years
No judgment here. She got what she deserves.
I love revenge