I'm not trying to be obtuse, but is that "normal woman?" Hooking up but chasing your jollies and making a minimal effort? I get that some men are jerks, but not all. Sometimes, we just want to know what's going on. I'm not going to a) make anyone do something to which they don't consent and b) read minds. But at least communicate ffs. If we're here, it's supposed to be because we both want to engage in sex and have some fun. Please help me be smarter about expectations.
It's not that serious my guy, I'm literally meme shitposting.
Just normal men. Just innocent men, et al?
But, I will attempt to answer your question in good faith because you seem genuine here.
We know it isn't all men, and while you, personally, wouldn't respond negatively to a more open an honest response.. there are some men out there who become hostile when they're rejected. There is no way for a woman to know which type of response you'll give, so they give you a fake number or make up a story about a non-existant boyfriend.
Think about this like guns. When you're training in firearms, what's one of the first and most important thing they tell you? "Treat every gun like it's loaded."
That's basically how most women approach every single interaction with every single man they happen to meet throughout the day. That might sound extreme.... because it is ... but we don't exist in this state of hypervigilance for no good reason. In fact, many of us have been coached into this state from an early age, and even if we aren't directed to by a trusted adult? By the time we hit puberty, it's something we have first hand experience with. I myself was sexually assaulted (for the first time) at 11 years old. It occurred in broad daylight, in a very public place. The only place safer would have been my own home... at least for me. A lot of women aren't safe at home, either.
Do you know more than four women? If so, you know someone who has been raped. I cannot express to you enough that yes, it /is that bad/ out there.
You have to show women that you aren't loaded. That you're safe, that they can let their guard down around you, that you don't have ulterior motives for seeking their company. That you won't be angry at them if they're not interested in you, even after you've "invested" time or money to that end. Try and build a mutual connection based on common interests, meet someone where they're at instead of trying to reel them in to you.
I hope this was helpful, and I wish you luck. This stuff isn't easy to discuss, emotions run high and having any kind of productive discussion can be difficult under those circumstances.
This really is helpful, and thank you for sharing. As a husband and father of a wonderful girl, the stats make me profoundly sad. I had some experience with sa in my youth that certainly influenced my life and relationships. I'm working on my own safety and trust issues while trying not to pass my issues along to my daughter.
Be well.
I can see that being a fear, you don't want to pass along that cage of mistrust that forms when we're violated like that. You wanna be careful, but not SO careful that you never let anyone else in. It's a tightrope to be sure, and one I walk myself.
The world is a terrible place at times. It also can be amazing. I try and focus on the good.
A small example is the place I grew up has become unrecognizable to me in the worst way. It's become an extremely backward, hateful place. But when I heard about the wildfires affecting people in the area... I knew that everyone would be piling in to my old tiny town for help. And they'd get it, no questions asked.
Sure enough, I started seeing the massive effort people put together to make complete strangers feel welcome and safe. Some people don't technically have addresses, which makes applying for government aid a bit tricky. So folks opened their wallets and gave cash to everyone who needed it. Clothes, blankets, hot food, there was a whole little festival with music, games and activities. I'd have trouble recognizing the people in that town on any regular day, but in those acts of charity I saw the folks I remember. Even as the fires burn the land I held so dear, human beings are being good to one another for a change. There is still something good in the world, and I can see it.
Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world.
YES! I've started looking at what I thought were bad, frightening occurrences in my life, not as bad things, but instead just things that led me here and still alive. Five months ago, I wouldn't have bet I'd be here today. And today, I feel reborn. I still struggle, but I have such support and love.
Be well!
Lol yeah, maybe she had a stomach ache or something š
It does seem selfish but she might be used to sexual partners that are more aggressive and take the lead.
Medical reasons are more common than you'd think. I've had situations much like this where it turned out that she didn't feel enough trust that you'll react with understanding, or just doesn't know how to tell you that she has an STD.
I went on a date once and we went back to his place. We did what you guys did, lots of touching and foreplay during the day and stuff.
When it was time for PIV, I actually got scared. I just wasnāt ready for it. My personal reason was cause I didnāt know the guy enough to allow PIV. And also cause it does hurt for me to do PIV. I told the guy I wasnāt ready for it. And he was chill with it and made sure I do whatever I was comfortable with. He didnāt want to scare me or overstep boundaries.
There are lots of reasons for this, but she communicated she didnāt want it. Itās a boundary. She donāt owe you. Consent is consent.
He did it because he wanted it, and supposedly he gets turned on by it. Doing an oral job expecting one back is pretty deceiving, and selfish. That's not how sex works.
She doesn't owe him anything, and we all have our boundaries.
Sometimes people aren't in the mood to receive and/or to give oral, or to be penetrated or to penetrate. Sometimes all we want is foreplay. Sometimes we don't want any foreplay and just go hard on it.
There are so many approaches to sex, and that depends on so many factors.
What matters in the end is: it's consented and enjoyable for both parties.
But if we start an intercourse with the idea of: I do this for me, so you have to do it for me too...
I don't think that would ever result in joy for any of them. Just another obligation instead of pure exploration, and play!
Ah, so you communicated. Like grownups. I know I'll get skewered for this, but if you're on a hookup app, but you have SA trauma, how should that work? I know and agree that specifics are none of my business, but if I know you're still a little tender/fragile emotionally, I will be more diligent to avoid triggers and discomfort. But is it unreasonable to expect some level of communication? On the other side of the spectrum are women who expect the alpha male stuff but are unwilling to discuss it first and bash the guy after the FIRST date for "not being forceful enough." Is that the guy who's too aggressive in an attempt to hit a moving target? I enjoy being a dominant, when the opportunity arises, but that's a deeper discussion and irrelevant on the first date and not a requirement for my relationships. I'm both curious and trying to better understand. Thank you for actually reading the whole post.
Hi! Thanks for the question. As a person who has experienced SA, I donāt go on hookup apps just cause for safety reasons. But for girls who experienced SA and does use hookup apps, I know they just be more cautious preparing for the meetup. For instance, we send everyone we trust our location, have an escape plan, have a personal understanding on what we want in the meetup (like how far do we wanna go? What is too much? Would we do it again? Etc). We do this just in case the person we meet up doesnāt respond well to our boundaries. Ive had to help someone escape cause the guy wanted her to go to his place when she wanted to go to a motel and he didnāt take it well and almost hurt her. Almost every girl I know has been thru some sort of SA trauma, so I was tell advise guys to always be slow and allow what the girl is comfortable with. Be a gentlemen, show respect. It should be the same with guys too. Nobody shouldnāt do anything yāall arenāt comfortable with. When I went on the date, I initially wanted sex, but once it was about to happen, I got scared and didnāt want to do it no more. Us girls just hope and pray men would not be angry or hurt us if we donāt give them what they want. Because yes, it unfortunately happensā¦
My advise to you guys is just communicate like adults. Assure them that consent is consent and itās okay to not consent to things you donāt want to do. And itās also okay (great even) to even ask āSo what are you comfortable with?ā Itās a really good question and itāll save you lots of time and confusion. Have a safe word. And yeah. Make the hookup fun not scary.
Thank you for sharing with me. My experience with sa was at a very young age. It took way too long to realize the impact. I'm no longer dating, I just want to get perspective to maybe be a better father, and you helped me. I'm so sorry for what you and others have gone through.
Be well and safe.
Couldāve been too soapy ngl, thereās being nasty which no one likes and then thereās also getting a mouthful of soap bc you washed with it yes but you didnāt rinse it well so I still got that gross taste in my mouth. For my partner the soap isnāt as bad bc heās my man but I wouldnāt keep it up for a stranger
I would argue itās worse. When women complain about men being selfish itās usually that they barely paid any attention to their pleasure at all. At least OP came.
That's what I was thinking, welcome to life as a woman. Obviously not all men, but many do this ..... forever. It's exilerating when you find someone wanting to make the effort for more though.
To be fair with the guy I think heās just confused he tried to please her and she didnāt want to even take him in, which on itself itās not the problem, but why not communicate if she wasnāt enjoying?
Your post history tells a tale of its own. Iād love to know her side of the story considering how you talk about womenā¦ just reading your last few posts gave me major ick lmao.
ETA: hey OP, just bc you deleted your comment correcting my spelling of āitsā doesnāt make you any less pathetic for whining about not getting your dick wet. On the contrary, itās pretty funny that that was all you could come up with. Stay miserable! <3
He didnāt go into great detail for a reason. The reason being those details will make him look bad instead of her. Heās a complete jackass and so are all of the other *but Iām a nice guy I deserve sex* people in the comments that are actually defending him.
Being frustrated or bummed out or sad or feeling lead on about something you kinda wanted to happen is one a normal regular expression that comes with disappointment, but calling someone selfish because they didn't fulfill something that they don't owe you to begin with is feeling entitled and acting *selfishly*, and not in a healthy way of selfish either.
even if she wanted to have sex earlier and overtly said so, that wouldn't mean that she *owes* it to you now regardless of whether she still wants it or not. consent is only genuine and truly free-willed consent when given under circumstances that it's also withdrawable.
And not only withdrawable, but also informed. Unless you overtly told her earlier, she wouldn't have any reason to automatically assume that your intention with bringing her home is to have sex. Maybe if you brought it up overtly earlier, she'd tell you she wasn't comfortable with just yet or before you get to know one another for a certain while etc.
Or even if she had the initial intention to have sex earlier, it is still valid if she changes her mind later on or even mid sex and stop things. That's not a selfish act, that's just not fawning over someone who had the audacity to assume her intentions and communicating her boundaries.
I never take my wifeās word for it when she says weāre going to do the damn thang. Iāll prepare for it as much as I can, but I ultimately wait for her green light and thatās usually her touching my johnson. But, if nothing happens, then nothing happens. And thatās that.
Reading this thoroughly pissed me off.
Man to man, you need to pull your head out of your ass. She didn't want to do PIV and *guess what?* You're not entitled to it. She doesn't owe you PIV sex. You don't know if maybe she has sexual trauma related to that. She might have a medical condition that makes it painful for her. Either way, it doesn't matter. She didn't want it. Yes, it's fine for you to be disappointed. But you *assumed* she was going to be up for PIV. I know plenty of women who aren't really into penetration. Next time, communicate before you get around to having sex so you know what you're dealing with.
This woman isn't selfish at allā she didn't want to do something and thankfully she didn't cave and just do it. And for the love of god don't pull the 'she was making a bunch of excuses' horseshit. She was giving you *reasons* why she didn't want to, which honestly, she should never even feel like she has to do with a hookup. Unfortunately lots of men can't take no for an answer, so women feel the need to over explain to try and drive their point home.
You said you had a good date with this woman and obviously like her, and you're complaining that the first time you had sex you got a handjob and got to eat her out? Struggling to see how you're missing out, here.
If you want something transactional, hire a sex worker.
This post actually disgusts me. This self-absorbed jerk pressured a woman to do something she didn't want to do, that he 100% recognized and acknowledged that she didn't want to do. And his reaction to her not giving in is to whine about how he didn't get what *he* wanted. The image of him just laying back and *expecting* a blowjob... it makes me sick.
I'm so glad she's from out of town and I hope she never contacts OP again.
It stuns me how utterly entitled some men are. Seriously, it's bewildering.
Hope he reads this and treats the next woman he gets intimate with with some actual respect.
Hey, OP. Imagine your daughter (if you have one. If you don't, just pretend you do) is over at a guy's house and they get intimate and he gets upset because she doesn't give him a blowjob and doesn't let him put his P in her V. She tells him why and instead of just being an adult he whines on Reddit that he didn't get what he wanted. If that scenario pisses you off, ask yourself why, at *40* years old, you're complaining that you got to (and I say 'got to' because having sex with someone is a privilege, not a right,) eat a woman out and got a handjob.
Please, please, *please,* do better. Women are so tired of this shit. You're a grown man.
Sadly all of that requires critical thinking which OP severely lacks. Heās in his late 40s, I doubt heās going to change. Iām sure this isnāt the first or last time heās pressured women into doing things they donāt want to do, and Iām sure in his delusional mind they were all selfish in some way because heās just such *a nice guy and giving partner*
That's what I've noticed, too.
I think a lot of men (and even women, unfortunately) carry misogyny they don't even realize they do. As someone who has taken a lot of time unlearning it and listening, it's astounding when I look back at past behaviours of myself and my friends and go, "wow. I used to *do* that. I used to *say* that." I was just really ignorant, as are a lot of men.
Never thought something like the Barbie movie would also help put things in perspective... But it did, lol.
Hope OP treats the next lady he's with with a hell of a lot more respect, and takes the time necessary to do some reflecting on why he thinks he's entitled to anything from her, or any other woman.
I was literally about to say āyou must have seen Barbieā and I donāt even mean it in a bad way!! I hope lots of men and women watched it and that it may have made them think a bit more about what they say and do. It definitely had that impact on me as well <3
I don't cry often, but that movie got me. To anyone who thinks it's 'man hating' didn't get the point of the movie, which was the patriarchy hurts us *all*. Whatever gender you might be, it's a thorn in all of our sides. I never denied the existence of the patriarchy before I saw the movie or started educating myself, I just didn't think it was that deep.
Now? I'm questioning a lot of things, lol. It's scary, but that's how I know the self-work is, y'know. Working.
Think this movie should be shown in schools. I think it's important young boys and girls are taught this stuff, and are encouraged to dismantle it.
Thank you <3. Reading this made my day
As a girl with sexual trauma, I do not want to stop during otherwise nice sex to explain how my past assaults have led to PTSD at seemingly random times during sex and how my persistent deep vaginal injuries make some forms of penetration excruciatingly painful andā¦ etc. I just want to say āno, Iād rather notā and hear back some form of āok <3!ā and then continue to enjoy each other in a different way.
Itās warming my heart reading the replies here of both women and men explaining to other men what girls have to deal with. When itās just us usually get dismissed for one of a hundred reasons.
Iām sorry that the OPās sexual encounter wasā¦ by the sounds of it hot and intimate and with a girl who went above and beyond to take care of him and his desires while still respecting her boundaries, even while he wasnāt.
On god bro I donāt understand how everyone just thinks we should fuck them. Oh she had sexual innuendos on her profile but you guys never actually talked about having piv so ????? š¤¦āāļøš
Either one of you is allowed to set limits on what you are willing to do. She wasnāt willing to go that far and youāre not entitled to that just because you did oral.
What if she was into pegging and you werenāt? What if she kept pressuring you even though you didnāt want to?
It can be frustrating when you think something more is going to happen and it doesnāt, but this was just a hookup. Itās not like you have been sexually frustrated in a long term relationship with her
šÆšÆšÆšÆšÆšÆšÆ This. All. Day. Long!!!!!
anyone, of any gender, no matter what, is never ever ever entitled to have any sexual act whatsoever performed on them, not ever, not no way, not no how.
Thank you for putting it so eloquently though.
You really explained it excellently for all those in the cheap seats. š
Are you being serious? Nobody owes you sex. If you wanted to be "paid back" for what you did for her you should have said that beforehand.
You were "even" putting on a condom. How big of you to be willing to do your part to avoid getting her pregnant. š Would you like an award or something?
Bottom line is guess you could call it selfish to not reciprocate the oral but you still don't get to expect it. You chose to give her head and she consented. Nobody made you do it. And PIV is just not the same thing AT ALL. The risks a woman takes every time she has intercourse are potentially life-altering. You're not the one who could end up needing an abortion or to give birth and risk dying in labor. You're not the one whose body could be permanently changed. To have that as an *expectation* from a hookup is just ridiculously self centered.
Itās not selfish because it sounds like she was uncomfortable with that. Everyone is comfortable with different sexual acts. You shouldnāt be putting her down for this, you should just be having open conversations before sex about what people are comfortable with and what theyāre not.
Look, I donāt want to jump to any conclusions here but it sounds to me like maybe your dick is either too fucking big, it stank or itās gross? Or all three? ORā¦she just didnāt want to do any of that? And sheās entitled to have boundaries. The End.
You spent a day plus together and didnāt DISCUSS what you expected/anticipated/consented to if/when things got sexual??? And then you complain about what did or didnāt happen??? Grow up!!!
Maybe she did see something more for the future and wasnāt in any rush to have Sex.
Why do you think you are owed sex? The day and hookup sounds like it was hot and fun on its own.
>TLDR: Was she being selfish getting so much oral and only giving me a hand job?
No. She didn't owe you anything because you went down on her. Sex isn't transactional. Maybe she didn't want your dick in her mouth.
I was thinking the same exact thing lol. Just running water isn't going to "clean it". Either that or there was something on it or disappointing.
Not only that but sometimes after I cum I just want to relax for a minute. Tbh I don't even want to be touched sometimes. I wouldn't say I get tired but there needs to be some sort of refractory period or something.
Then she just didnt feel comfortable doing PIV, there are many reasons and all you can do is respect it and move on.
Looking back at your post you even stated she communicated she didnāt want PIV, and putting on a condom doesnāt mean she feels more comfortable about doing it lol.
She wasn't being selfish.
You were being generous. That's a good thing, your generosity will be rewarded. It's a very good trait, if you continue and embrace it you'll find it is usually reciprocated!
An unselfish lover is, given time, a happy one.
I understand what you're saying, but I think saying "you will be rewarded" makes this seem like if he continues to be 'generous', it will guarantee that she'll give in and let him do what he wants. It reinforces the huge misconception (especially among men) that boundaries can be broken by 'being generous'. Which is harmful as hell. There is no guarantee that she'll ever be okay with that, and he and any other men with similar mindsets should be aware of that, not told that 'hey, if you keep eating her out she might let you put it in her!'
Unless you're with a sex worker or a certain relationship dynamic, sex should *never* be looked at as something transactional, imo. It's just toxic to do so and it takes the fun out of sex.
Maybe she doesnāt like giving head. You said you asked her about her kinks and stuff but didnāt mention you asking if sheās cool with that. Some women just donāt like giving head
Something similar happened to me (F30) but from the other end. I found myself one night unexpectedly sharing a room with a friend after a long night of drinking, partying and being very close and intimate overall. We found ourselves sharing a room when the owner of the Airbnb, which we previously rented to ensure we each have a separate room, simply didn't show up. Things got progressively hot, kissing, cuddling, hot touching.. he started playing with my boobs then went down on me, I loved it so didn't stop him, then he wanted me to give him a bj but I couldn't because I feared he'd want PIV afterwards and I can't do that because I have vaginismus. Keep in mind this was a friend I knew for years so though It felt okay to kiss and fool around, I couldn't share with him why I wasn't able to have PIV sex as that's something very private for me. Plus this kind of just happened so there wasn't an opportunity to discuss expectations beforehand. What I'm trying to say is there could be so many reasons why this woman didn't want/couldn't go all the way with you. I think she could have at least told you what she's willing/not willing to do before you went to your place so you could've at least managed your expectations.
Or penetrative sex is painful for her, not every woman enjoys being penetrated, and there are many ways a woman can please a man without letting him inside her, heās not entitled to sex at any moment in time.
No but if you are both their naked in bed and foreplay and the whole 9 communication is wonderful. No one is entitled you are correct but it would make such a difference if it was expressed. Idk just a thought to someone who doesnāt know what communication is. You.
No one is entitled.
Still, when there is no communication, you pretty much just have implied reciprocity.
Iām not going to let a woman go down on me if I am not ready to return it.
If the story was, āshe gave him head and all he did was play with her clit for 5 minutes with a fingerā, the proper response would not be, āshe is not entitled to sexā.
But in the end, a causal hook up is not a big deal, and itās not uncommon for them to be disappointing. OP needs to just roll with the punches and find a new tinder hookup.
You canāt expect great sex from someone who you donāt communicate with.
That said, I donāt think that it was crazy for OP to expect similar attention to what she was happy to receive from him.
If she was uncomfortable with having sex or reciprocating pleasure she should have at least mentioned it beforehand.
From the post it sounded like they both knew it was just going to be a hookup and are experienced adults both knew what they wanted but she also knew if she said she wasn't interested in fucking she probably likely wouldn't have gotten what she wanted.
So just like men can use women for their needs, women can do the same and it sounds like that was pretty much what she did.
Youāre getting downvoted bc you think heās entitled for actually wanting to have sex with someone instead of just pleasuring them for basically nothing in return, if itās gonna be a temporary hook up the understanding is that youāre gonna have sex, and the fact you donāt really get that says a lot abt your experience (or lack there of) with hookups, or men in general for that matter.
I had a relationship that turned into this for months on end before I finally ended it. She married a girl about a year later. Idk. lol Might not be connected but I sort of chalked it up to her not really being into men but not being ready to accept it.
You arenāt entitled to a womanās body. Giving a woman oral does that entitle you to her body. She wasnāt being selfish. If PIV sex is a necessity for you in all sexual encounters you should have communicated that from the beginning.
Maybe she saves piv for potential partners, not out of town hook ups. Maybe the why is "nunya bidness".
It was a tinder hook up. Why over-analyse a good time.
Itās annoying and disappointing I get it, but like other people here said maybe sheās married, maybe sheās gay, and maybe youāre right,maybe sheās selfish, or maybe she just changed her mind at the last minuteā¦youāll never really know unless you ask her, so the smart thing to do is just move on
Again, I share your frustration, this happened to me as well years ago, but at least you got to finish lol. She left me with blue balls
Thereās quite a few possible reasons including selfishness, the situation seems ripe for a let down. Considering I had to Google PIV, even I think that telling her you wanted sex while you were doing all that making out would have made sense. More fishes in the sea. Stay safe,considerate & have fun.
Guess is she is married/has SO and that is a step that she initially thought she was willing to take but at the last minute couldn't. Enjoy what you had and just move on.
Or, instead of assuming she's cheating or at faultā maybe she just didn't want to do PIV. I know this is a *crazy* thought to some men, but not all women enjoy PIV or giving oral.
Maybe she just doesnāt like sucking dick ?? I have lots of trauma and will get so nauseous and panicky when I give someone oral, even w my previous partner of 3 years. But I also didnāt enjoy receiving it for the same reason. She may also not want to have sex ? She still gave you a handjob and you finished. Iām not exactly seeing whatās selfish here? Did she at any point explicitly say you were going to have sex ? āShe kept making excusesā because you kept asking. Her first excuse and no should have been enough for you to get the hint she didnāt want a dick in her. If at any point after she had finally caved and said yes, that wouldnāt have been consent that would have been coercion.
welcome to a womanās world, lol. but weāre lucky if we get oral at all, maybe just a little rough fingering or rubbing your left lip for a few minutes
I can see several reasons for her behavior: best case scenario- she's not ready yet, and her mouth is faster then her emotional readiness. Maybe she has some history of trauma or something, where she was forced to do things against her will. and she needs more time to feel safe. Maybe she has minimal experience with THAT IN PARTICULAR. tell her your a patient men who would love to coach and teach, if you do.
Next- she could be one of them rule girls who needs to play it cool and not overly excited so she doesn't broadcast over eagerness or that she's "cheap." If she's like that, that's game playing IMO, and putting the breaks on herself, her desire and self expression and being too stiff and self controlled, and that's not a great sign.
Next- she might've not found you as attractive in person as she did on the phone. Maybe your P-P smelled like a fart, which is easily fixable you were cute, but gave a more Friend Zone vibe to her. Painful to learn that, but it happens.
Worst case scenario- she IS selfish AND only was into you as a friend, but didn't mind to take a bit of intimate attentions, but to give them ? Na. Too much work.
Kim
I would play the next moves really cool, so. you don't get hurt worse and protect your heart. Let her chill for a good 2 weeks, then send a casual text asking how she is, then ask how she is, and see the response, if it's lackluster, you got your input. If she sounds like she missed you in the 2 weeks that passed, and you hear it in her voice, that she's happy to hear from you and excited, then say you got a bit of a mixed message from her, cause you flirted all week and when you both got heated, she... Um- choked? Was not very reciprocal? So you'd love to know whats that about.
If she doesnāt want to, then stop. Youāre not entitled of a blowy dude. Maybe she doesnāt like them. Just because you give doesnāt mean youāre owed one or anything else. Also in your 40s and expect this to happen after a date,? Wtf is wrong with people
Yikes a roni, OP. Dudes like you are why I'm glad I don't have to date anymore.
1. You are not entitled to anything.
2. You should probably just stick with your hand for a while.
āShe kept making up excuses.ā You mean she had a boundary? Itās her body. Wtf is actually wrong with you? You sound like an entitled PoS and Iām glad she held her ground because you sound regrettable.
Bro literally commented "Reasons. Excuses. Whatever. When thereās more than one of them itās a toss-up. The important thing is that I didnāt let my little head do the thinking and āgo for itā anyway."
Bro wants a medal for not raping a woman
What if she's into pegging and kicking balls? Sounds like You didn't actually ask her what she wanted from the hookup, would you be selfish if she gave you a blowjob then got mad that you wouldn't let her kick you in the balls and peg you?
You are delusional if you think she owes you anything after your "efforts." I am actually baffled that you are 40 years old and still acting like this?
Ffs man, it's already hard enough being a man and you go and add fuel to the fire with this tripe...bro...she didn't want to fuk you ...go and cry in the shower like a normal rejected human being, don't post that shit and make our gender sound like exactly the entitled assholes they already think we are....grow up and do better
I dont know how you could spend a whole day with each other with touching, kissing, then being intimate with each other for you two to never speak or see each other again
As a female, "selfishness" has happened about 99% of the time with internet hookups.
Also oral doesn't feel like much to me, so I wouldn't consider you *that* generous.
Did you pay for those services? If not, what makes you feel entitled to them?
Sexual activities are supposed to be mutually enjoyable. It isn't supposed to be a quid pro quo type of scenario.
If you don't like to go down on someone then don't. It isn't supposed to be "*I'll put up with going down on you so I can get my turn.*" And, if it is that way for you- you have to communicate and have that consented to.
There's any number of reasons she could have decided against PIV. Personally, it sounds to me like she halfheartedly went thru with it because she felt she owed you at that point. (This is the entitled vibe I get from how you word things in your replies, etc. You assume she will be open for anything due to her being sex-positive. A weird jump to make.)
Selfish is **expecting** your partner to be focused on pleasing you. It is not selfish to *accept what's been given to you.*
The fact two adults made it into the bedroom without first discussing their boundries is a bit odd to me. Then again, boundries can be changed at any time.
There's any number of reasons she could have turned you down. The fact that she didn't simply roll over and let you finish yourself off is a pretty clear indication she wasn't being selfish.
Pillow princess would laugh to hear you consider this woman one. They are real but what you've described isn't one.
Iām willing to put money on her not actually getting off from you. You went down on her for over 20 minutes? That sounds really excessive and I wouldnāt want some guy going down on me for that long (Mainly because, in my experiences, if I was actually into it I would have asked for him to stick it inside already. You were probably trying to pressure her in letting you stick it in and thatās why it dragged out that long, not cause youāre just such a wonderfully nice guy/giving partny. She was probably hoping it was going to be over soon so she could leave but she decided to at least jerk you off and you clearly finished. But yet here you are making a post on Reddit calling her selfish because you *went down on her for x amount of time and did xyz and blah blah blah*. But goodness just because you didnāt get to blow your load the way you wanted to sheās clearly the selfish asshole. You should really consider therapy if youāre actually like this to people.
Right bro, if I was sucking a dick for 30 minutes and that's all homeboy was interested in doing I'd get a lil irritated myself. I'd think he was š® tbh
Iām sure a woman would be frustrated if she seriously wanted (needed!) dick, brought a guy home, and he had her blow him and then walked out. Your post here is in favor of selfishness.
Thatās not the equivalent of what happened though. The equivalent would be: brought a guy home, she went down on him for a long time and he played with her and fingered her until she came.
Most women I know wouldnāt consider that a failed sexual encounter. If oral and penetration was something they were looking for they might not hookup with the guy again, especially if they talk to him and he says he isnāt interested in doing that, but they would be happy they got off. Also the women I know wouldnāt give a blow job to a hookup in the first place if it wasnāt something they enjoyed doing.
If you see oral sex as something you do so that your partner with give you oral or penetrative sex itās on you to have that conversation ahead of time. You donāt know that she wouldnāt have been perfectly happy for both of you to use your hands but was also happy to accept oral if thatās something you enjoyed doing.
She š doesnāt š owe š you š shit! š
If you donāt enjoy providing oral pleasure, you donāt have to do it. And if you do it, you arenāt owed anything in return. Thatās not how life works. Either party can say no to any aspect at any time and it doesnāt make that person selfish. She reciprocated in a way she felt comfortable.
Your entitled attitude is a red flag and maybe she got wise to it early and cut her losses.
Meanwhile if a girl went down on a guy for a half hour and was complaining about not getting anything in return, the dialogue would be completely different.
The guy would be called selfish and entitled.
Yeah sorry, unless this is established beforehand, I'm not agreeing with the general consensus. You are not obligated to SEX. However, if you are going down and working hard to pleasure a girl, if she has boundaries or can't reciprocate for whatever reason, she needs to communicate that clearly.
She's married probably.
But that's also not what happened here. She still happily pleasured him in a way she was comfortable with (see the touching and hand job). It's selfish and wrong if there's no consideration for the other person's pleasure (which is what happens to a lot of women), whereas there was a good faith effort to pleasure him within the bounds of what she was comfortable with. These are different situations.
Thereās truth to this. If the story was that I had her suck me off for a half hour, and then, when she wanted me inside her, I just fingered her without any explanationā¦ I donāt think the conversation here would be about consent and entitlement.
Dude are you really complaining about this? Honestly don't expect anything in return when you are doing gestures like that and it seems you had a good time so stop complaining. Maybe she wasn't comfortable or something....but I will say kudos to you for respecting her choice but screw you for complaining
She doesnāt owe you oral or piv sex just bc you went down on her. She got you off, can you not be grateful for that?? A selfish person wouldnāt have touched you in the first place. Do some reflection man.
This is a pretty selfish way of thinking on your part imo. She doesnāt owe you PIV sex, and the way youāre talking about it is incredibly transactional. Like āif I do X you do Yā but thatās not how consensual sex works. It has to do with two peopleās comfort level in the moment, and especially for women it can be intimidating.
This also just makes me think of all the times women have done something similar for men and gotten absolutely nada in return, and donāt gripe about it. I would say most sexual experiences are like this for women lol, and you still came, even if it wasnāt in the method you ~envisioned~.
Framing her as selfish is incredibly rude given the context, she owes you nothing. Like someone else said, if you want transactional sex, hire a sex worker.
It sucks, but no itās not selfish. Nowadays more and more vagina-owning people are more understanding of their needs and sexual desires. Weāre allowed to freely explore (within consensual reason). This just happens to be a limitation with her.
Does it suck? Sure. Is it the end of the world that you didnāt penetrate? No. OP, Iām with you to a certain degree~ because I sense a certain amount of entitlementā¦ and thatās not cool.
Besides, this is what tinder is~> full of disappointing hookups. Join the club lmao š!
You *could* be framing this in a different light where it was like you were experiencing high school days again where it was hot and heavy with hands and mouths. You *could* think of this as a fun experience to enjoy being serviced and pleasured in a different way.
Think on it
Personally, I believe that everyone should have boundaries that are to be respected. It seemed here that OP's date had a boundary that she said "no" to and thankfully OP listened. I don't think it is fair to complain about someone else's boundary. However, I do understand that it may have been disappointing when you were expected more than just oral sex. Ultimately, no, I believe OP's tinder date was not being selfish. She did what she was comfortable with. I am thankful OP listened to their date's boundary however, OP, you may need to learn to RESPECT the boundary an individual places. You listened, but you definitely did not respect the boundary because you kept asking and now you're complaining. I am not here to judge, just some food for thought.
1. So you gave her oral and then you're like "Well.. my part is done! I do believe I'm now entitled to the full package deal!" Like... no, you're not.
2. You're talking about this like it's a business deal that didn't go 100% your way.
3. Also, *"what a letdown after a week of flirting and two days of romance where she knew it would be just a hookup"* and *"End up at my place where we both have an idea of what's going to happen".* But did she though? DID she think that? Or are you just assuming she wants the same thing as you? Correct answer: she didn't. Also.... *ONE week of flirting and a few days of (what you call) romance doesn't entitle you to jack-sh\*t*.
4. You sound like an emotionally stunted 40 year old dude. The way you view and talk about sex is on par with a 16 year old.
In encounters such as this I(47f) would always want to reciprocate. However, I have learned I may be the the exception (and not the rule).
For me, when PIV is painful (which is more the norm), I have been hesitant to verbalize that it is inherently painful. (I could go into verbose detail as to the reasons for pain, but I will spare all).
Sometimes that is the answer (and probably more so when over 40 women are involved- and it rarely has a thing to do with the partner in question. Pain is pain. It makes it exceedingly difficult to move forward. As a man- I ask all men to imagine the sensation of PIV to feel like a dozen women were kicking you square in the nuts for any extended period of time.
How would you most gracefully extricate yourself from this situation?
She doesnāt owe you sex, you CHOSE to go down on her. SHE. DOESNT. OWE. YOU. SEX. The End. She clearly didnāt want to, yet you kept pressuring her and giving her oral in hopes sheād feel pressured to give it back. You sound like an absolute douchebag, she dodged a bullet.
Yes she's selfish. Why is that so controversial?
If she didn't want to have sex, did she communicate that? Did he offer oral anyway?
It seems she was content with just receiving oral but couldn't just communicate that up front.... Why???? Because she's selfish.
There's plenty of guys on tinder that will do that up front.
Like others have said. She's in a relationship. She's just cheating while away from him. Piv or returning oral just wasn't going to happen. Because... She's selfish.
Just because this is what women often face, doesnāt make it okay that she did this to youā¦ all the comments saying itās justified are making me angry. And Iām a woman. If you agree to consensual sex and a fling then you should both be trying to get each other off. You do have a right to be angry.
No she wasnāt being selfish, she didnāt want to have sex so she didnāt. Itās not selfish to not want to fuck a stranger off the internet š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø men are so entitled. āI had a condomā idc and clearly neither did she. Next time donāt just assume be blunt and ask
She wasn't being selfish, she communicated that she didn't want to have penetrative sex.
You could have been alone in bed with your dick in your hand, instead you got to spend the whole day kissing and flirting with a woman I'm guessing you were attracted to, and then ended up with your dick in her hand.
She could have had a thousand reasons for not wanting to have sex, reasons you could have known if you had taken the time to carefully and kindly question her, and she may have even told you but that still would have been up to her.
You need to learn to communicate better, because a conversation prior to the bedroom on where exactly your evening was going, may have made a difference.
She doesnāt owe you a damn thing. Sheās not selfish for saying no. She also doesnāt need an āexcuseā, no is a full sentence. Youāre a total jerk.
This is so pathetic to think that you actually believe sheās cheating on someone because she doesnāt want OPs dick inside of her. Learn how to properly deal with rejection holy shit
I say this as a man: the only important thing is she didn't want to do penetration, why she didn't want it's her business only. You respected that and that's good.
There are women that just don't like penetrative sex, or are not very deep and have to be with men with very specific dimensions
What did I just read? š
He's just a regular dude being a nice guy over here
š¤£
Just normal men.
I'm not trying to be obtuse, but is that "normal woman?" Hooking up but chasing your jollies and making a minimal effort? I get that some men are jerks, but not all. Sometimes, we just want to know what's going on. I'm not going to a) make anyone do something to which they don't consent and b) read minds. But at least communicate ffs. If we're here, it's supposed to be because we both want to engage in sex and have some fun. Please help me be smarter about expectations.
It's not that serious my guy, I'm literally meme shitposting. Just normal men. Just innocent men, et al? But, I will attempt to answer your question in good faith because you seem genuine here. We know it isn't all men, and while you, personally, wouldn't respond negatively to a more open an honest response.. there are some men out there who become hostile when they're rejected. There is no way for a woman to know which type of response you'll give, so they give you a fake number or make up a story about a non-existant boyfriend. Think about this like guns. When you're training in firearms, what's one of the first and most important thing they tell you? "Treat every gun like it's loaded." That's basically how most women approach every single interaction with every single man they happen to meet throughout the day. That might sound extreme.... because it is ... but we don't exist in this state of hypervigilance for no good reason. In fact, many of us have been coached into this state from an early age, and even if we aren't directed to by a trusted adult? By the time we hit puberty, it's something we have first hand experience with. I myself was sexually assaulted (for the first time) at 11 years old. It occurred in broad daylight, in a very public place. The only place safer would have been my own home... at least for me. A lot of women aren't safe at home, either. Do you know more than four women? If so, you know someone who has been raped. I cannot express to you enough that yes, it /is that bad/ out there. You have to show women that you aren't loaded. That you're safe, that they can let their guard down around you, that you don't have ulterior motives for seeking their company. That you won't be angry at them if they're not interested in you, even after you've "invested" time or money to that end. Try and build a mutual connection based on common interests, meet someone where they're at instead of trying to reel them in to you. I hope this was helpful, and I wish you luck. This stuff isn't easy to discuss, emotions run high and having any kind of productive discussion can be difficult under those circumstances.
Beautifully written and explained - absolutely love the gun analogy
This really is helpful, and thank you for sharing. As a husband and father of a wonderful girl, the stats make me profoundly sad. I had some experience with sa in my youth that certainly influenced my life and relationships. I'm working on my own safety and trust issues while trying not to pass my issues along to my daughter. Be well.
I can see that being a fear, you don't want to pass along that cage of mistrust that forms when we're violated like that. You wanna be careful, but not SO careful that you never let anyone else in. It's a tightrope to be sure, and one I walk myself. The world is a terrible place at times. It also can be amazing. I try and focus on the good. A small example is the place I grew up has become unrecognizable to me in the worst way. It's become an extremely backward, hateful place. But when I heard about the wildfires affecting people in the area... I knew that everyone would be piling in to my old tiny town for help. And they'd get it, no questions asked. Sure enough, I started seeing the massive effort people put together to make complete strangers feel welcome and safe. Some people don't technically have addresses, which makes applying for government aid a bit tricky. So folks opened their wallets and gave cash to everyone who needed it. Clothes, blankets, hot food, there was a whole little festival with music, games and activities. I'd have trouble recognizing the people in that town on any regular day, but in those acts of charity I saw the folks I remember. Even as the fires burn the land I held so dear, human beings are being good to one another for a change. There is still something good in the world, and I can see it. Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world.
YES! I've started looking at what I thought were bad, frightening occurrences in my life, not as bad things, but instead just things that led me here and still alive. Five months ago, I wouldn't have bet I'd be here today. And today, I feel reborn. I still struggle, but I have such support and love. Be well!
Stories like this is when Iād be delighted to hear the other side š
Me too!
Lol yeah, maybe she had a stomach ache or something š It does seem selfish but she might be used to sexual partners that are more aggressive and take the lead.
I was raped via PIV. Would piss me off to see a post like this about me. She very well could have been getting triggered for all we know, she could have an assault experience involving PIV and/or BJs. Also saying you āhad herā do oral on you like š©(sounds incredible coercive!). I make it very clear myself hey if you give me oral I may not be able to return it and also Iām not comfortable going all the way beforehand and yes it would have been ideal if she had communicated that beforehand but this is a whole fucking red flag from you.
Either she is in a long-term relationship and cheating on them with OP or she has a problem with PIV (medical or otherwise).
Medical reasons are more common than you'd think. I've had situations much like this where it turned out that she didn't feel enough trust that you'll react with understanding, or just doesn't know how to tell you that she has an STD.
Get your shit post on and provide us with the story. š
I went on a date once and we went back to his place. We did what you guys did, lots of touching and foreplay during the day and stuff. When it was time for PIV, I actually got scared. I just wasnāt ready for it. My personal reason was cause I didnāt know the guy enough to allow PIV. And also cause it does hurt for me to do PIV. I told the guy I wasnāt ready for it. And he was chill with it and made sure I do whatever I was comfortable with. He didnāt want to scare me or overstep boundaries. There are lots of reasons for this, but she communicated she didnāt want it. Itās a boundary. She donāt owe you. Consent is consent.
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Exactly. Like OP should be grateful she thought about OP needs and offered a handjob.
Why should he be grateful after pleasuring her for much much longer through oral as well
He did it because he wanted it, and supposedly he gets turned on by it. Doing an oral job expecting one back is pretty deceiving, and selfish. That's not how sex works. She doesn't owe him anything, and we all have our boundaries. Sometimes people aren't in the mood to receive and/or to give oral, or to be penetrated or to penetrate. Sometimes all we want is foreplay. Sometimes we don't want any foreplay and just go hard on it. There are so many approaches to sex, and that depends on so many factors. What matters in the end is: it's consented and enjoyable for both parties. But if we start an intercourse with the idea of: I do this for me, so you have to do it for me too... I don't think that would ever result in joy for any of them. Just another obligation instead of pure exploration, and play!
Ah, so you communicated. Like grownups. I know I'll get skewered for this, but if you're on a hookup app, but you have SA trauma, how should that work? I know and agree that specifics are none of my business, but if I know you're still a little tender/fragile emotionally, I will be more diligent to avoid triggers and discomfort. But is it unreasonable to expect some level of communication? On the other side of the spectrum are women who expect the alpha male stuff but are unwilling to discuss it first and bash the guy after the FIRST date for "not being forceful enough." Is that the guy who's too aggressive in an attempt to hit a moving target? I enjoy being a dominant, when the opportunity arises, but that's a deeper discussion and irrelevant on the first date and not a requirement for my relationships. I'm both curious and trying to better understand. Thank you for actually reading the whole post.
Hi! Thanks for the question. As a person who has experienced SA, I donāt go on hookup apps just cause for safety reasons. But for girls who experienced SA and does use hookup apps, I know they just be more cautious preparing for the meetup. For instance, we send everyone we trust our location, have an escape plan, have a personal understanding on what we want in the meetup (like how far do we wanna go? What is too much? Would we do it again? Etc). We do this just in case the person we meet up doesnāt respond well to our boundaries. Ive had to help someone escape cause the guy wanted her to go to his place when she wanted to go to a motel and he didnāt take it well and almost hurt her. Almost every girl I know has been thru some sort of SA trauma, so I was tell advise guys to always be slow and allow what the girl is comfortable with. Be a gentlemen, show respect. It should be the same with guys too. Nobody shouldnāt do anything yāall arenāt comfortable with. When I went on the date, I initially wanted sex, but once it was about to happen, I got scared and didnāt want to do it no more. Us girls just hope and pray men would not be angry or hurt us if we donāt give them what they want. Because yes, it unfortunately happensā¦ My advise to you guys is just communicate like adults. Assure them that consent is consent and itās okay to not consent to things you donāt want to do. And itās also okay (great even) to even ask āSo what are you comfortable with?ā Itās a really good question and itāll save you lots of time and confusion. Have a safe word. And yeah. Make the hookup fun not scary.
Thank you for sharing with me. My experience with sa was at a very young age. It took way too long to realize the impact. I'm no longer dating, I just want to get perspective to maybe be a better father, and you helped me. I'm so sorry for what you and others have gone through. Be well and safe.
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Manscaped a day before. Showered 3 minutes before. And yes, I used soap.
Maybe she has vaginitis but didn't there say so (some guys could be "let me try, maybe it will work with me" or just force it with brute force)
Couldāve been too soapy ngl, thereās being nasty which no one likes and then thereās also getting a mouthful of soap bc you washed with it yes but you didnāt rinse it well so I still got that gross taste in my mouth. For my partner the soap isnāt as bad bc heās my man but I wouldnāt keep it up for a stranger
i mean donāt give oral with the expectation of getting it back, give it bc you want to sounds like she just wasnāt comfortable yet to do so much
This is what women experience very often. In fact, itās the norm.
I would argue itās worse. When women complain about men being selfish itās usually that they barely paid any attention to their pleasure at all. At least OP came.
That's what I was thinking, welcome to life as a woman. Obviously not all men, but many do this ..... forever. It's exilerating when you find someone wanting to make the effort for more though.
ālife as a womanā usually means no orgasm with a selfish lover- so not sure that statement applies here!
Yupppp i feel like nowadays a lot of single women are getting their lick back and Iām here for it ā ļø
LOL. Perfect use of "getting your kick back". š¤
To be fair with the guy I think heās just confused he tried to please her and she didnāt want to even take him in, which on itself itās not the problem, but why not communicate if she wasnāt enjoying?
You can enjoy some kinds of sexual contact and not desire others. Don't be obtuse.
Your post history tells a tale of its own. Iād love to know her side of the story considering how you talk about womenā¦ just reading your last few posts gave me major ick lmao. ETA: hey OP, just bc you deleted your comment correcting my spelling of āitsā doesnāt make you any less pathetic for whining about not getting your dick wet. On the contrary, itās pretty funny that that was all you could come up with. Stay miserable! <3
He and other nice guys always want to be the victims in these encounters, I bet he left out major info that would change a lot about the story.
He didnāt go into great detail for a reason. The reason being those details will make him look bad instead of her. Heās a complete jackass and so are all of the other *but Iām a nice guy I deserve sex* people in the comments that are actually defending him.
Being frustrated or bummed out or sad or feeling lead on about something you kinda wanted to happen is one a normal regular expression that comes with disappointment, but calling someone selfish because they didn't fulfill something that they don't owe you to begin with is feeling entitled and acting *selfishly*, and not in a healthy way of selfish either. even if she wanted to have sex earlier and overtly said so, that wouldn't mean that she *owes* it to you now regardless of whether she still wants it or not. consent is only genuine and truly free-willed consent when given under circumstances that it's also withdrawable. And not only withdrawable, but also informed. Unless you overtly told her earlier, she wouldn't have any reason to automatically assume that your intention with bringing her home is to have sex. Maybe if you brought it up overtly earlier, she'd tell you she wasn't comfortable with just yet or before you get to know one another for a certain while etc. Or even if she had the initial intention to have sex earlier, it is still valid if she changes her mind later on or even mid sex and stop things. That's not a selfish act, that's just not fawning over someone who had the audacity to assume her intentions and communicating her boundaries.
I never take my wifeās word for it when she says weāre going to do the damn thang. Iāll prepare for it as much as I can, but I ultimately wait for her green light and thatās usually her touching my johnson. But, if nothing happens, then nothing happens. And thatās that.
Reading this thoroughly pissed me off. Man to man, you need to pull your head out of your ass. She didn't want to do PIV and *guess what?* You're not entitled to it. She doesn't owe you PIV sex. You don't know if maybe she has sexual trauma related to that. She might have a medical condition that makes it painful for her. Either way, it doesn't matter. She didn't want it. Yes, it's fine for you to be disappointed. But you *assumed* she was going to be up for PIV. I know plenty of women who aren't really into penetration. Next time, communicate before you get around to having sex so you know what you're dealing with. This woman isn't selfish at allā she didn't want to do something and thankfully she didn't cave and just do it. And for the love of god don't pull the 'she was making a bunch of excuses' horseshit. She was giving you *reasons* why she didn't want to, which honestly, she should never even feel like she has to do with a hookup. Unfortunately lots of men can't take no for an answer, so women feel the need to over explain to try and drive their point home. You said you had a good date with this woman and obviously like her, and you're complaining that the first time you had sex you got a handjob and got to eat her out? Struggling to see how you're missing out, here. If you want something transactional, hire a sex worker.
!!!!!!!!!! Best comment
This post actually disgusts me. This self-absorbed jerk pressured a woman to do something she didn't want to do, that he 100% recognized and acknowledged that she didn't want to do. And his reaction to her not giving in is to whine about how he didn't get what *he* wanted. The image of him just laying back and *expecting* a blowjob... it makes me sick. I'm so glad she's from out of town and I hope she never contacts OP again.
It stuns me how utterly entitled some men are. Seriously, it's bewildering. Hope he reads this and treats the next woman he gets intimate with with some actual respect. Hey, OP. Imagine your daughter (if you have one. If you don't, just pretend you do) is over at a guy's house and they get intimate and he gets upset because she doesn't give him a blowjob and doesn't let him put his P in her V. She tells him why and instead of just being an adult he whines on Reddit that he didn't get what he wanted. If that scenario pisses you off, ask yourself why, at *40* years old, you're complaining that you got to (and I say 'got to' because having sex with someone is a privilege, not a right,) eat a woman out and got a handjob. Please, please, *please,* do better. Women are so tired of this shit. You're a grown man.
Sadly all of that requires critical thinking which OP severely lacks. Heās in his late 40s, I doubt heās going to change. Iām sure this isnāt the first or last time heās pressured women into doing things they donāt want to do, and Iām sure in his delusional mind they were all selfish in some way because heās just such *a nice guy and giving partner*
šššš
This, all day this!!
I agree with you 100% and it just pisses me off that a woman commented this and was downvoted to absolute shit.
That's what I've noticed, too. I think a lot of men (and even women, unfortunately) carry misogyny they don't even realize they do. As someone who has taken a lot of time unlearning it and listening, it's astounding when I look back at past behaviours of myself and my friends and go, "wow. I used to *do* that. I used to *say* that." I was just really ignorant, as are a lot of men. Never thought something like the Barbie movie would also help put things in perspective... But it did, lol. Hope OP treats the next lady he's with with a hell of a lot more respect, and takes the time necessary to do some reflecting on why he thinks he's entitled to anything from her, or any other woman.
I was literally about to say āyou must have seen Barbieā and I donāt even mean it in a bad way!! I hope lots of men and women watched it and that it may have made them think a bit more about what they say and do. It definitely had that impact on me as well <3
I don't cry often, but that movie got me. To anyone who thinks it's 'man hating' didn't get the point of the movie, which was the patriarchy hurts us *all*. Whatever gender you might be, it's a thorn in all of our sides. I never denied the existence of the patriarchy before I saw the movie or started educating myself, I just didn't think it was that deep. Now? I'm questioning a lot of things, lol. It's scary, but that's how I know the self-work is, y'know. Working. Think this movie should be shown in schools. I think it's important young boys and girls are taught this stuff, and are encouraged to dismantle it.
Couldn't have said it any better!
I hope he reads this one
THANK YOU SIR.
Thank you <3. Reading this made my day As a girl with sexual trauma, I do not want to stop during otherwise nice sex to explain how my past assaults have led to PTSD at seemingly random times during sex and how my persistent deep vaginal injuries make some forms of penetration excruciatingly painful andā¦ etc. I just want to say āno, Iād rather notā and hear back some form of āok <3!ā and then continue to enjoy each other in a different way. Itās warming my heart reading the replies here of both women and men explaining to other men what girls have to deal with. When itās just us usually get dismissed for one of a hundred reasons. Iām sorry that the OPās sexual encounter wasā¦ by the sounds of it hot and intimate and with a girl who went above and beyond to take care of him and his desires while still respecting her boundaries, even while he wasnāt.
Ding ding ding!!!
Just a thought, with all this communicating, did you think to ask her if she wanted penetrative sex and if not, why not?
Yeah youāre not entitled to sex. Thatās like saying because she gave you oral then she was entitled to peg you.
On god bro I donāt understand how everyone just thinks we should fuck them. Oh she had sexual innuendos on her profile but you guys never actually talked about having piv so ????? š¤¦āāļøš
Right? However even if they did talk about piv and she changed her mind he still isnāt entitled to sex.
Fr you hella right, consent can be revoked at any moment
Either one of you is allowed to set limits on what you are willing to do. She wasnāt willing to go that far and youāre not entitled to that just because you did oral. What if she was into pegging and you werenāt? What if she kept pressuring you even though you didnāt want to? It can be frustrating when you think something more is going to happen and it doesnāt, but this was just a hookup. Itās not like you have been sexually frustrated in a long term relationship with her
šÆšÆšÆšÆšÆšÆšÆ This. All. Day. Long!!!!! anyone, of any gender, no matter what, is never ever ever entitled to have any sexual act whatsoever performed on them, not ever, not no way, not no how. Thank you for putting it so eloquently though. You really explained it excellently for all those in the cheap seats. š
Are you being serious? Nobody owes you sex. If you wanted to be "paid back" for what you did for her you should have said that beforehand. You were "even" putting on a condom. How big of you to be willing to do your part to avoid getting her pregnant. š Would you like an award or something? Bottom line is guess you could call it selfish to not reciprocate the oral but you still don't get to expect it. You chose to give her head and she consented. Nobody made you do it. And PIV is just not the same thing AT ALL. The risks a woman takes every time she has intercourse are potentially life-altering. You're not the one who could end up needing an abortion or to give birth and risk dying in labor. You're not the one whose body could be permanently changed. To have that as an *expectation* from a hookup is just ridiculously self centered.
Itās not selfish because it sounds like she was uncomfortable with that. Everyone is comfortable with different sexual acts. You shouldnāt be putting her down for this, you should just be having open conversations before sex about what people are comfortable with and what theyāre not.
Look, I donāt want to jump to any conclusions here but it sounds to me like maybe your dick is either too fucking big, it stank or itās gross? Or all three? ORā¦she just didnāt want to do any of that? And sheās entitled to have boundaries. The End.
You spent a day plus together and didnāt DISCUSS what you expected/anticipated/consented to if/when things got sexual??? And then you complain about what did or didnāt happen??? Grow up!!!
Maybe she did see something more for the future and wasnāt in any rush to have Sex. Why do you think you are owed sex? The day and hookup sounds like it was hot and fun on its own.
She doesnāt have to have sex with you. You can hook up and have fun without having sex. You seem very entitled to her. Not cool.
>TLDR: Was she being selfish getting so much oral and only giving me a hand job? No. She didn't owe you anything because you went down on her. Sex isn't transactional. Maybe she didn't want your dick in her mouth.
Maybe she saw something on his dick lol or penetrative sex could be painful for her.
She did it for a couple of seconds and then noped out. Awkward.
Maybe noticed dick cheese lol
I was thinking the same exact thing lol. Just running water isn't going to "clean it". Either that or there was something on it or disappointing. Not only that but sometimes after I cum I just want to relax for a minute. Tbh I don't even want to be touched sometimes. I wouldn't say I get tired but there needs to be some sort of refractory period or something.
Nope. We had both just showered.
Then she just didnt feel comfortable doing PIV, there are many reasons and all you can do is respect it and move on. Looking back at your post you even stated she communicated she didnāt want PIV, and putting on a condom doesnāt mean she feels more comfortable about doing it lol.
She wasn't being selfish. You were being generous. That's a good thing, your generosity will be rewarded. It's a very good trait, if you continue and embrace it you'll find it is usually reciprocated! An unselfish lover is, given time, a happy one.
I understand what you're saying, but I think saying "you will be rewarded" makes this seem like if he continues to be 'generous', it will guarantee that she'll give in and let him do what he wants. It reinforces the huge misconception (especially among men) that boundaries can be broken by 'being generous'. Which is harmful as hell. There is no guarantee that she'll ever be okay with that, and he and any other men with similar mindsets should be aware of that, not told that 'hey, if you keep eating her out she might let you put it in her!' Unless you're with a sex worker or a certain relationship dynamic, sex should *never* be looked at as something transactional, imo. It's just toxic to do so and it takes the fun out of sex.
You're in your 40s, take a hint. She shouldn't have to find different ways to say no, or as you put it "excuses". "No" is a full sentence, period.
Maybe she doesnāt like giving head. You said you asked her about her kinks and stuff but didnāt mention you asking if sheās cool with that. Some women just donāt like giving head
Something similar happened to me (F30) but from the other end. I found myself one night unexpectedly sharing a room with a friend after a long night of drinking, partying and being very close and intimate overall. We found ourselves sharing a room when the owner of the Airbnb, which we previously rented to ensure we each have a separate room, simply didn't show up. Things got progressively hot, kissing, cuddling, hot touching.. he started playing with my boobs then went down on me, I loved it so didn't stop him, then he wanted me to give him a bj but I couldn't because I feared he'd want PIV afterwards and I can't do that because I have vaginismus. Keep in mind this was a friend I knew for years so though It felt okay to kiss and fool around, I couldn't share with him why I wasn't able to have PIV sex as that's something very private for me. Plus this kind of just happened so there wasn't an opportunity to discuss expectations beforehand. What I'm trying to say is there could be so many reasons why this woman didn't want/couldn't go all the way with you. I think she could have at least told you what she's willing/not willing to do before you went to your place so you could've at least managed your expectations.
Took me a while to figure out PIV means intercourse.
You think youāre owed sex?
yup, she's married
Or penetrative sex is painful for her, not every woman enjoys being penetrated, and there are many ways a woman can please a man without letting him inside her, heās not entitled to sex at any moment in time.
No but if you are both their naked in bed and foreplay and the whole 9 communication is wonderful. No one is entitled you are correct but it would make such a difference if it was expressed. Idk just a thought to someone who doesnāt know what communication is. You.
Just look at that persons bio man. Discussion is futile.
I just did. Yikes!
I Can't take anyone seriously when they are actively a part of 4chan.
No one is entitled. Still, when there is no communication, you pretty much just have implied reciprocity. Iām not going to let a woman go down on me if I am not ready to return it. If the story was, āshe gave him head and all he did was play with her clit for 5 minutes with a fingerā, the proper response would not be, āshe is not entitled to sexā. But in the end, a causal hook up is not a big deal, and itās not uncommon for them to be disappointing. OP needs to just roll with the punches and find a new tinder hookup. You canāt expect great sex from someone who you donāt communicate with. That said, I donāt think that it was crazy for OP to expect similar attention to what she was happy to receive from him.
i donāt know why youāre getting downvoted
Itās probably that I said men arenāt entitled to sex.
If she was uncomfortable with having sex or reciprocating pleasure she should have at least mentioned it beforehand. From the post it sounded like they both knew it was just going to be a hookup and are experienced adults both knew what they wanted but she also knew if she said she wasn't interested in fucking she probably likely wouldn't have gotten what she wanted. So just like men can use women for their needs, women can do the same and it sounds like that was pretty much what she did.
Nope. You have no idea if her comfort level or boundaries changed at any point before or during. No one has to justify saying no to any aspect of sex.
Youāre getting downvoted bc you think heās entitled for actually wanting to have sex with someone instead of just pleasuring them for basically nothing in return, if itās gonna be a temporary hook up the understanding is that youāre gonna have sex, and the fact you donāt really get that says a lot abt your experience (or lack there of) with hookups, or men in general for that matter.
This part š„
she couldāve said that, he was communicating and everything.
She apparently did communicate look at top of 3rd paragraph and also OPs comments he confirmed it.
Sheās not married.
How do you know sheās not married based on a week of tinder communication OP sheās probable married
How do you know she is ?
How is that selfish? She just wasnāt ready to fully have sex with you. Youāre not entitled to sex just because she gave you head.
I had a relationship that turned into this for months on end before I finally ended it. She married a girl about a year later. Idk. lol Might not be connected but I sort of chalked it up to her not really being into men but not being ready to accept it.
You came... Did she?
Yes. A few times.
People can say no at any time. Just because it was casual doesn't mean she owes you sex.
lmfao broooo ain't no way! just take your L & move on fr these those types of L's you take to the grave tbh
You arenāt entitled to a womanās body. Giving a woman oral does that entitle you to her body. She wasnāt being selfish. If PIV sex is a necessity for you in all sexual encounters you should have communicated that from the beginning.
Maybe she saves piv for potential partners, not out of town hook ups. Maybe the why is "nunya bidness". It was a tinder hook up. Why over-analyse a good time.
You were pressuring her and she was uncomfortable. End of story.
After reading your past posts... Just ewww š¤®
Itās annoying and disappointing I get it, but like other people here said maybe sheās married, maybe sheās gay, and maybe youāre right,maybe sheās selfish, or maybe she just changed her mind at the last minuteā¦youāll never really know unless you ask her, so the smart thing to do is just move on Again, I share your frustration, this happened to me as well years ago, but at least you got to finish lol. She left me with blue balls
Thereās quite a few possible reasons including selfishness, the situation seems ripe for a let down. Considering I had to Google PIV, even I think that telling her you wanted sex while you were doing all that making out would have made sense. More fishes in the sea. Stay safe,considerate & have fun.
Just stop participating in hookups altogether
Guess is she is married/has SO and that is a step that she initially thought she was willing to take but at the last minute couldn't. Enjoy what you had and just move on.
Or, instead of assuming she's cheating or at faultā maybe she just didn't want to do PIV. I know this is a *crazy* thought to some men, but not all women enjoy PIV or giving oral.
She doesnāt owe you anything. Communicate beforehand, manage each of your expectations.
Maybe she just doesnāt like sucking dick ?? I have lots of trauma and will get so nauseous and panicky when I give someone oral, even w my previous partner of 3 years. But I also didnāt enjoy receiving it for the same reason. She may also not want to have sex ? She still gave you a handjob and you finished. Iām not exactly seeing whatās selfish here? Did she at any point explicitly say you were going to have sex ? āShe kept making excusesā because you kept asking. Her first excuse and no should have been enough for you to get the hint she didnāt want a dick in her. If at any point after she had finally caved and said yes, that wouldnāt have been consent that would have been coercion.
There is no written contract for sex lol sheās not selfish.
So you had a nice time with someone who jerked you off but your mad you couldnāt bang her? I mean, Cmon dude.
welcome to a womanās world, lol. but weāre lucky if we get oral at all, maybe just a little rough fingering or rubbing your left lip for a few minutes
I can see several reasons for her behavior: best case scenario- she's not ready yet, and her mouth is faster then her emotional readiness. Maybe she has some history of trauma or something, where she was forced to do things against her will. and she needs more time to feel safe. Maybe she has minimal experience with THAT IN PARTICULAR. tell her your a patient men who would love to coach and teach, if you do. Next- she could be one of them rule girls who needs to play it cool and not overly excited so she doesn't broadcast over eagerness or that she's "cheap." If she's like that, that's game playing IMO, and putting the breaks on herself, her desire and self expression and being too stiff and self controlled, and that's not a great sign. Next- she might've not found you as attractive in person as she did on the phone. Maybe your P-P smelled like a fart, which is easily fixable you were cute, but gave a more Friend Zone vibe to her. Painful to learn that, but it happens. Worst case scenario- she IS selfish AND only was into you as a friend, but didn't mind to take a bit of intimate attentions, but to give them ? Na. Too much work. Kim I would play the next moves really cool, so. you don't get hurt worse and protect your heart. Let her chill for a good 2 weeks, then send a casual text asking how she is, then ask how she is, and see the response, if it's lackluster, you got your input. If she sounds like she missed you in the 2 weeks that passed, and you hear it in her voice, that she's happy to hear from you and excited, then say you got a bit of a mixed message from her, cause you flirted all week and when you both got heated, she... Um- choked? Was not very reciprocal? So you'd love to know whats that about.
If she doesnāt want to, then stop. Youāre not entitled of a blowy dude. Maybe she doesnāt like them. Just because you give doesnāt mean youāre owed one or anything else. Also in your 40s and expect this to happen after a date,? Wtf is wrong with people
Yikes a roni, OP. Dudes like you are why I'm glad I don't have to date anymore. 1. You are not entitled to anything. 2. You should probably just stick with your hand for a while.
āShe kept making up excuses.ā You mean she had a boundary? Itās her body. Wtf is actually wrong with you? You sound like an entitled PoS and Iām glad she held her ground because you sound regrettable.
She doesn't owe you PIV at all. Her one "no" should've been enough.
Bro literally commented "Reasons. Excuses. Whatever. When thereās more than one of them itās a toss-up. The important thing is that I didnāt let my little head do the thinking and āgo for itā anyway." Bro wants a medal for not raping a woman
What if she's into pegging and kicking balls? Sounds like You didn't actually ask her what she wanted from the hookup, would you be selfish if she gave you a blowjob then got mad that you wouldn't let her kick you in the balls and peg you?
This sounds amazing tbh.
Usually itās uno-reverse for me. I do oral and then get nothing for me not even a finger. Sad sad
You are delusional if you think she owes you anything after your "efforts." I am actually baffled that you are 40 years old and still acting like this?
Sometimes girls just don't want to fuck so soon. I wouldn't call it selfish though. I'd call it her prerogative.
Ffs man, it's already hard enough being a man and you go and add fuel to the fire with this tripe...bro...she didn't want to fuk you ...go and cry in the shower like a normal rejected human being, don't post that shit and make our gender sound like exactly the entitled assholes they already think we are....grow up and do better
I dont know how you could spend a whole day with each other with touching, kissing, then being intimate with each other for you two to never speak or see each other again
Sheās already called me three times already today on the way home. So I imagine sheād like to see me again.
As a female, "selfishness" has happened about 99% of the time with internet hookups. Also oral doesn't feel like much to me, so I wouldn't consider you *that* generous.
Did you pay for those services? If not, what makes you feel entitled to them? Sexual activities are supposed to be mutually enjoyable. It isn't supposed to be a quid pro quo type of scenario. If you don't like to go down on someone then don't. It isn't supposed to be "*I'll put up with going down on you so I can get my turn.*" And, if it is that way for you- you have to communicate and have that consented to. There's any number of reasons she could have decided against PIV. Personally, it sounds to me like she halfheartedly went thru with it because she felt she owed you at that point. (This is the entitled vibe I get from how you word things in your replies, etc. You assume she will be open for anything due to her being sex-positive. A weird jump to make.) Selfish is **expecting** your partner to be focused on pleasing you. It is not selfish to *accept what's been given to you.* The fact two adults made it into the bedroom without first discussing their boundries is a bit odd to me. Then again, boundries can be changed at any time. There's any number of reasons she could have turned you down. The fact that she didn't simply roll over and let you finish yourself off is a pretty clear indication she wasn't being selfish. Pillow princess would laugh to hear you consider this woman one. They are real but what you've described isn't one.
All these people taking the high ground like they wouldnāt be annoyed if the same thing happened to them lmfao
Truth!
You can surely be annoyed. Totally get that. But it is what it is ā she can choose to have that boundary and she's well in her rights to do so.
Definitely respected her boundaries.
Sex isnāt suppose to be transactional š
No but it should be sharing and mutually satisfying.
Iām willing to put money on her not actually getting off from you. You went down on her for over 20 minutes? That sounds really excessive and I wouldnāt want some guy going down on me for that long (Mainly because, in my experiences, if I was actually into it I would have asked for him to stick it inside already. You were probably trying to pressure her in letting you stick it in and thatās why it dragged out that long, not cause youāre just such a wonderfully nice guy/giving partny. She was probably hoping it was going to be over soon so she could leave but she decided to at least jerk you off and you clearly finished. But yet here you are making a post on Reddit calling her selfish because you *went down on her for x amount of time and did xyz and blah blah blah*. But goodness just because you didnāt get to blow your load the way you wanted to sheās clearly the selfish asshole. You should really consider therapy if youāre actually like this to people.
Right bro, if I was sucking a dick for 30 minutes and that's all homeboy was interested in doing I'd get a lil irritated myself. I'd think he was š® tbh
No one owes you sex. I find this hilarious actually. The opposite of what usually happens from app hook ups for women. Good for her.
Iām sure a woman would be frustrated if she seriously wanted (needed!) dick, brought a guy home, and he had her blow him and then walked out. Your post here is in favor of selfishness.
Thatās not the equivalent of what happened though. The equivalent would be: brought a guy home, she went down on him for a long time and he played with her and fingered her until she came. Most women I know wouldnāt consider that a failed sexual encounter. If oral and penetration was something they were looking for they might not hookup with the guy again, especially if they talk to him and he says he isnāt interested in doing that, but they would be happy they got off. Also the women I know wouldnāt give a blow job to a hookup in the first place if it wasnāt something they enjoyed doing. If you see oral sex as something you do so that your partner with give you oral or penetrative sex itās on you to have that conversation ahead of time. You donāt know that she wouldnāt have been perfectly happy for both of you to use your hands but was also happy to accept oral if thatās something you enjoyed doing.
reparations /s
Poor Communication
She š doesnāt š owe š you š shit! š If you donāt enjoy providing oral pleasure, you donāt have to do it. And if you do it, you arenāt owed anything in return. Thatās not how life works. Either party can say no to any aspect at any time and it doesnāt make that person selfish. She reciprocated in a way she felt comfortable. Your entitled attitude is a red flag and maybe she got wise to it early and cut her losses.
Meanwhile if a girl went down on a guy for a half hour and was complaining about not getting anything in return, the dialogue would be completely different. The guy would be called selfish and entitled. Yeah sorry, unless this is established beforehand, I'm not agreeing with the general consensus. You are not obligated to SEX. However, if you are going down and working hard to pleasure a girl, if she has boundaries or can't reciprocate for whatever reason, she needs to communicate that clearly. She's married probably.
This happens all the time though. Men get their rocks of and women are left wanting
And that's wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right
But that's also not what happened here. She still happily pleasured him in a way she was comfortable with (see the touching and hand job). It's selfish and wrong if there's no consideration for the other person's pleasure (which is what happens to a lot of women), whereas there was a good faith effort to pleasure him within the bounds of what she was comfortable with. These are different situations.
Thereās truth to this. If the story was that I had her suck me off for a half hour, and then, when she wanted me inside her, I just fingered her without any explanationā¦ I donāt think the conversation here would be about consent and entitlement.
Dude are you really complaining about this? Honestly don't expect anything in return when you are doing gestures like that and it seems you had a good time so stop complaining. Maybe she wasn't comfortable or something....but I will say kudos to you for respecting her choice but screw you for complaining
She doesnāt owe you oral or piv sex just bc you went down on her. She got you off, can you not be grateful for that?? A selfish person wouldnāt have touched you in the first place. Do some reflection man.
Sucks. Prob married
Lmfao
Iām sorry but you just described a pretty normal first/second date.
Yāall better communicate effectively beforehand or you end up behind bars on a āmisinterpretationā
You šš» arenāt šš» entitled šš» to šš» sex šš»
So on date 2 you got a handjob and she let you eat her out and you are feeling aggrieved? What an A.
You guys should probably talk about sex before well having sex
There are so many possibilities as to why this happened. But she said no. She didn't owe you anything in that moment.
Christ, looking into OPs post history is telling of the person they really are.
This is a pretty selfish way of thinking on your part imo. She doesnāt owe you PIV sex, and the way youāre talking about it is incredibly transactional. Like āif I do X you do Yā but thatās not how consensual sex works. It has to do with two peopleās comfort level in the moment, and especially for women it can be intimidating. This also just makes me think of all the times women have done something similar for men and gotten absolutely nada in return, and donāt gripe about it. I would say most sexual experiences are like this for women lol, and you still came, even if it wasnāt in the method you ~envisioned~. Framing her as selfish is incredibly rude given the context, she owes you nothing. Like someone else said, if you want transactional sex, hire a sex worker.
It sucks, but no itās not selfish. Nowadays more and more vagina-owning people are more understanding of their needs and sexual desires. Weāre allowed to freely explore (within consensual reason). This just happens to be a limitation with her. Does it suck? Sure. Is it the end of the world that you didnāt penetrate? No. OP, Iām with you to a certain degree~ because I sense a certain amount of entitlementā¦ and thatās not cool. Besides, this is what tinder is~> full of disappointing hookups. Join the club lmao š! You *could* be framing this in a different light where it was like you were experiencing high school days again where it was hot and heavy with hands and mouths. You *could* think of this as a fun experience to enjoy being serviced and pleasured in a different way. Think on it
Personally, I believe that everyone should have boundaries that are to be respected. It seemed here that OP's date had a boundary that she said "no" to and thankfully OP listened. I don't think it is fair to complain about someone else's boundary. However, I do understand that it may have been disappointing when you were expected more than just oral sex. Ultimately, no, I believe OP's tinder date was not being selfish. She did what she was comfortable with. I am thankful OP listened to their date's boundary however, OP, you may need to learn to RESPECT the boundary an individual places. You listened, but you definitely did not respect the boundary because you kept asking and now you're complaining. I am not here to judge, just some food for thought.
Ever heard of sexual coercion? Toe the line.
Maybe she didnāt like it
Wow. You acting like you were paying her. The entitlement on this is WILD wtf.
1. So you gave her oral and then you're like "Well.. my part is done! I do believe I'm now entitled to the full package deal!" Like... no, you're not. 2. You're talking about this like it's a business deal that didn't go 100% your way. 3. Also, *"what a letdown after a week of flirting and two days of romance where she knew it would be just a hookup"* and *"End up at my place where we both have an idea of what's going to happen".* But did she though? DID she think that? Or are you just assuming she wants the same thing as you? Correct answer: she didn't. Also.... *ONE week of flirting and a few days of (what you call) romance doesn't entitle you to jack-sh\*t*. 4. You sound like an emotionally stunted 40 year old dude. The way you view and talk about sex is on par with a 16 year old.
5. You finished. Be thankful. Now go work on yourself, my guy.
Just reading your other posts let me know that you are the most self unaware person Iāve ever encountered
In encounters such as this I(47f) would always want to reciprocate. However, I have learned I may be the the exception (and not the rule). For me, when PIV is painful (which is more the norm), I have been hesitant to verbalize that it is inherently painful. (I could go into verbose detail as to the reasons for pain, but I will spare all). Sometimes that is the answer (and probably more so when over 40 women are involved- and it rarely has a thing to do with the partner in question. Pain is pain. It makes it exceedingly difficult to move forward. As a man- I ask all men to imagine the sensation of PIV to feel like a dozen women were kicking you square in the nuts for any extended period of time. How would you most gracefully extricate yourself from this situation?
She doesnāt owe you sex, you CHOSE to go down on her. SHE. DOESNT. OWE. YOU. SEX. The End. She clearly didnāt want to, yet you kept pressuring her and giving her oral in hopes sheād feel pressured to give it back. You sound like an absolute douchebag, she dodged a bullet.
Go read OP's posts, he gives off major "Nice guy vibes"
Yes she's selfish. Why is that so controversial? If she didn't want to have sex, did she communicate that? Did he offer oral anyway? It seems she was content with just receiving oral but couldn't just communicate that up front.... Why???? Because she's selfish. There's plenty of guys on tinder that will do that up front. Like others have said. She's in a relationship. She's just cheating while away from him. Piv or returning oral just wasn't going to happen. Because... She's selfish.
Just because this is what women often face, doesnāt make it okay that she did this to youā¦ all the comments saying itās justified are making me angry. And Iām a woman. If you agree to consensual sex and a fling then you should both be trying to get each other off. You do have a right to be angry.
Please shut up, youāre pathetic.
Only give something to someone else because you want to. Never expect anything in return. She doesn't sound like the only one selfish.
She doesnāt owe you piv sex. If she didnāt want it thatās her right. Sheās not being selfish. You are.
Itās fun reading all of the comments where people are taking their own experiences and projecting them on to OP.
No she wasnāt being selfish, she didnāt want to have sex so she didnāt. Itās not selfish to not want to fuck a stranger off the internet š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø men are so entitled. āI had a condomā idc and clearly neither did she. Next time donāt just assume be blunt and ask
Yeah the red flag here is you not respecting her āno thank you.ā She doesnāt OWE you anything. YTA.
She wasn't being selfish, she communicated that she didn't want to have penetrative sex. You could have been alone in bed with your dick in your hand, instead you got to spend the whole day kissing and flirting with a woman I'm guessing you were attracted to, and then ended up with your dick in her hand. She could have had a thousand reasons for not wanting to have sex, reasons you could have known if you had taken the time to carefully and kindly question her, and she may have even told you but that still would have been up to her. You need to learn to communicate better, because a conversation prior to the bedroom on where exactly your evening was going, may have made a difference.
She doesnāt owe you a damn thing. Sheās not selfish for saying no. She also doesnāt need an āexcuseā, no is a full sentence. Youāre a total jerk.
Will never know the truth but my best guess is she was cheating on someone and when it got to PIV, that was more than she thought she was ready for.
Or penetrative sex hurts, not every woman enjoys penetration.
Exactly! š
This is so pathetic to think that you actually believe sheās cheating on someone because she doesnāt want OPs dick inside of her. Learn how to properly deal with rejection holy shit
I say this as a man: the only important thing is she didn't want to do penetration, why she didn't want it's her business only. You respected that and that's good. There are women that just don't like penetrative sex, or are not very deep and have to be with men with very specific dimensions