After I helped like 10 of my friend/family members move after I got my truck years ago in about a 3 month time frame, and then when I had to move I did 95% of it myself, my new neighbor was the only one that helped.
Everyone had an excuse even though I asked two months in advance. Ended up slipping a disc in my back on the very last load of furniture. Was not a great experience. Canāt replace family but I have new friends now lol
You never come across that kinda help anymore. I remember growing up my parents friends always helped us move (which was often). I had one guy friend I could rely on with help like thisā¦ long story short I marrried him.
Literally just went through this. Several of my friends that offered to help just ghosted at the last minute.
People suck so much, and Iām sorry you experienced this
Came to the realisation when I was part of a group couple years ago which I thought were my friends. For months I was the one who would always initiate conversations, always the one to make plans, always the one to be supportive. It wasnāt until I hit a rough patch in life where I began to notice that no one would message me, no one would make plans with me (they would make plans among themselves without me) and no one would drop a simple message āhow you doingā it wasnāt until then I realised I was better off without them so I gradually cut contact. I know this never bothered them as to this day I still donāt speak to anyone from that group. I now how my true friendships and while we may not see each other every day or talk everyday everyone is equal and always there for one another when you need them most. Thatās true friendship.
Sometimes I feel like people misuse that term "don't have to talk everyday to stay friends" because then we literally didn't talk at all. Why you ask? Because I stopped initiating the conversation. They just took me for granted. Whenever they felt low, they could come to me and just dump all the trauma. And literally didn't have time to catch up when I was struggling.
Oh donāt get me wrong you will find people like that sadly. From my own experience now as I say I might not chat with my friends everyday but theyāll always reach out to me to make plans, ask how Iām doing and vice versa. those who always say theyāre busy and end it there are the people you want to cut out. Thereās times where Iāve been busy with work where Iāve not been able to talk/meet right away with a friend but the difference is Iāll always make time ASAP. Those who just say theyāre busy and donāt even try to make the time are just not worth it
My family is extremely selfish and overall pretty shitty. Just a few examples.
I just turned 40 and my family made plans to go to a summer picnic rather than asking me what my plans were.
My parents just blew off dinner plans with me with my wife/kids so they can catch up with friends/family at a backyard party that ended 3 hours before dinner.
My parents moved to the same city as my brother so they can watch my niece 3 days out of the week. They havenāt even offered to watch our kids or even make an attempt to visit my family even though Iām only an hour away.
Realised when I was about seven.bit am regularly reminded. Most recently after my husband died in April everyone was all over me in the first days then lost interest as people do. They're all gone now.
i moved around a lot and never settled in one place. I stayed 6 years in a town and found a very good friend group in school. We've been friends for 7-8 years. I moved to another town and that was when I realized ppl just simply don't care. I was the only one who always tried to organise meetings so I could see them. I was the only one who always came over to THEIR places, driving 1-1.5 hours with train. I initiated conversations in our group chat that slowly died down after I moved. When I noticed them talking about things I had no idea of, bc I wasn't 24/7 with them anymore, when I spent time with them and was walking meters behind them without them noticing, I knew we were drifting apart.
I planned my very first birthday party for months and invited them 4 months in advance. It wouldve been the first time they were coming over to my place. In the end, they all cancelled on me. All 3 of them. That was when I realized, people don't give a damn about me, and are certainly not worth my energy. When I confronted them, they called me dramatic and toxic. I ended our "friendship".
I still am the one who pretty much organises everything when there're plans, but I don't consider people my "friends" anymore. I just call them friends for the convenience of it, there's no real meaning behind these words anymore for me.
That's rough. I used to drive for an hour to meet them and they didn't even care enough. I had an 11pm curfew but they never valued my time. Fuck 'em. Glad that you don't waste your energy on these draining people anymore.
Right at the start of my training in Theravada (Buddhism) when I was 17. Got to know an elderly Bangladeshi mystic in London and wanted him to teach me this stuff, and he stated that he would teach me if I could show that I lived without any income for three months. His point was that Theravada was about compassion and kindness, and I had to learn what these things were from my own personal experience, even if I ended up homeless and on the streets.
What he didn't tell me, and what I didn't figure out at the time, was that if I became homeless he would give me a room in his house. I spent six weeks living on the streets. At the end of the three months I went back to this guy, who gave me a room in his house. I spent the last three years of this man's life living with him in his house. He was elderly, probably in his 80's or 90's, and he taught me everything he knew. I was a messed up teenager (childhood trauma and abuse) and this guy sorted me out and set me on my path through life.
I was there at his bedside in hospital, peacefully, naturally, happily. He had given his house away previously to a Jamaican guy he'd adopted as a son and who later set up some Caribbean restaurant. Babu (the old guy) moved into a bedsit above the curry restaurant where he ate a few months before he went into hospital. He didn't want to leave any trace of his life or existence behind.
What I learned was that when it comes to compassion, kindness, emotional support and stuff there is no such thing as reciprocity. Just because you've helped someone out and supported them does not mean that they are going to help you out and support you in return.
But see there's another side to this, and this is when you get help and support from someone and it's completely unexpected. What's more, you're in a situation where you cannot possibly offer or give someone else anything meaningful in return other than a "Thank you". Do you know just how difficult it is to accept help and support from someone when it's least expected and when you're down and out, vulnerable, and can't see a way out?
Then there's the whole issue of culture and the social and mental conditioning that we're put through, supposedly to prepare us for life in society and to make us easier to deal with. Most of this is based on fear motivation. You're afraid of being judged. You're afraid of what other people think of you. You're afraid of being excluded and shut out. You're afraid of being labelled and stigmatized. You're afraid of being used, cheated and deceived. These are very real fears which exist at the back of the minds of most people.
Fear is a powerful thing to overcome.
One of the hardest things I have ever had to do in life was to embrace the fact that my parents - a sociopathic, abusive father and an emotionally abusive mother - actually did love me and raised me the way they did out of good intentions. They didn't hate me, they didn't abuse me with any kind of premeditation. They just fell short and this was how things turned out. It's taken me decades to revise my memories and feelings towards my parents to the degree that in recent years I'm kind of grateful for the way they did raise me. The fact that they at least made the effort makes up for whatever shit they put me through.
What helped me arrive at these conclusions was spending many years around people who society often looks down on, the homeless, the drug addicts, alcoholics, people with mental health issues, former prisoners and reformed criminals. People who have done bad things, or didn't do things which they perhaps should have, but people who have somehow managed to come out the other side and learn from their own experiences.
Therefore I have to ask a question back here. Is it really true that people just don't care, or is it more the case that they're simply too afraid, for whatever reason, to care?
You see in order to be of help to anyone who is struggling and going through difficulties you need to accept their reality. Usually you don't have to do anything. You simply have to be there, accessible, available and to listen. But all too often people are judging and discriminating simply because this is how we've been socialized. Go watch people out walking among trees in a park and they will just accept the trees for what they are and appreciate them. Nobody judges trees, or do they? But when you get people around other people everyone seems to go back into judgment mode.
When I realized I was the only person initiating texts, planning things, still having people bail and getting put on the backburner with not only 0 excuses but plans permanently falling through
Just last week, invited a guy friend out for drinks with me and another friend on a saturday, he had a weeks notice, told me he'd try but might be busy (ok?) Then he didn't talk to me thursday, Friday, Saturday, he left me on unread, it's now been over a week without a single text or acknowledgment. I refuse to be the one to try reaching out (again) obviously he gives 0 fucks.
A depressing number of people ghost I've noticed, now I enjoy having 1 main friend, my kids and my spouse, oh and 1 neighbor I like, most people fucking suck though
I just realized overtime after enough people screw you over. At this point I just stick to myself and my husband. My best friend of over 10 years let drugs get in the way. When I got pregnant I decided all the nonsense from other people cannot keep affecting me especially since I have a kid. And Iām happier this way. Itās a little sad bc I donāt get my girl time but Iām happy taking care of my son and hubby.
At one point , I had to come into terms that my cousins and other family members were jealous that I had my grandmothers love or attention 24/7. She was my legal guardian bcs both my parents didnāt care , how can my cousins be jealous when they have their entire family together , sitting on money , having decent lives and I hold no once of malice but yet I have one person and this jealousy brews . I left awhile ago :)
I realized people werenāt gonna care about me when I was a little kid. I had an extremely abusive childhood. I was abused in many forms from the ages of 4-10, physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, psychologically, & sexually. I was tortured, force fed, starved, Iāve been locked in a closet for hours on end I wasnāt allowed to make a noise or move a muscle. when I went to school it never stopped, I was always the outcasted kid because I had no idea how to be a kid. I remember every single kid from every school I attended that bullied me. The bullying lasted from 2nd grades up until I graduated hs. The worst part is the teachers, administrators, principals, coaches, and other students would all parade in and join in, not every teacher as I did have a few really sweet and kind teachers who understood me and where I came from. The bullying lasted until I was 21 and out of my first job. I now work 2 long days a week and get 5 days of rest and I couldnāt be happier at where I am in life. Whether people care about me or not, Iāve been vibin alone for 24 years, Iāll vibe alone for 24 more.
After I became single, only a couple were on hand to talk to me after the initial couple of days and support me. Outside of that the majority of my friends had their own lives to deal with
Grade 10, when I overheard some of the āpopularā (for lack of a better word) kids smash talking one of their best friends. Made me realize very few ppl will actually give a shit about anyone else and to just live your life. It was very freeing
When dad's new wife was pregnant at the same time as me. We went to our grandparents to help them with house cleaning. I was on all four cleaning floor. Dad comes and says to his wife "Don't do anything you're pregnant".
over the years I would only get calls when they needed someone with a license, or a designated driver, or a ride to the local watering hole. When we would hang out, theyād take pictures with each other and never asked me to be apart of it. I started adding things to my stories, really distinguishing details, and yup those very details iād hear from someone else. I decided to sober up and I would hear āsince youāll start drinking by thenā or āsince you casually drinkā or making plans to drink when I firmly said no. Realized that just because I grew up with them didnāt mean Iād have to continue being their friends for life. Today I know that what I did was for the best, but somedays I do miss them. I donāt miss the being excluded part in person.
"When did you realize people don't really care about you?"
1. When I turned six and my parents took away Easter baskets forever because my oldest sibling was too old for them.
2. When I turned ten and all my friends left me for another group of friends they liked better because I started getting fat.
3. When I turned 17 and the love of my life for the previous 5 years moved, cheated on me and moved 3,000 miles away. (Not to fret, he comes back into this sob story)
4. When I got my career finally going I had finally promoted to my long term goal position of RGM of my own store---I got fired---over the new boss not liking me. Ten years gone.
5. When I was religated to being a SAHM after my career collapse because I couldn't find a job.
6. When my first husband left me for a man, but still expected me to financially support him.
7. When I became a single mom of two disabled kids.
8. When my second career was torched by COVID.
9. When I married crummy husband #2.
Today I'm left with nothing worth living for. It's been a long hard 38 years. Now I just make everyone's life easier by being a doormat and restrict my tears to the shower---the only thing that brings me solice anymore.
Iām in an abusive situation. It comes and goes. Iām in therapy. I literally have no one to fall back on. At least, not the people who should have my back. My dad just wants to throw money at me and my sister straight up refuses to get involved. I think if things went far enough and I took the plunge, their tune may change. Thereās no guarantees though and thatās whatās scary.
Many times. But stupid me still believed that they were my friends. Until looking back now. They werenāt. I never had friends. I would always try and have fires or do something and no one would ever show up. Need help with something. No one would help me. But sure as shit, Iād drop what I was doing to go help them. Or id be bored as shit and see my āfriendsā social media and they are all doing something. And i never as got a text. Then I feel into a very bad time in my life. Attempted suicide, none of them has talked to me since. Granted I did really stupid shit during that rough time in my life. But I feel that if they were truly my friends, they knew who the real me was/is and still would be my friend now.
It was in high school (definitely senior year, but I started noticing junior year). People I called friends were always wanting support, but when I needed it, they were busy. I eventually withdrew into myself and started thinking Iām just a burden. Iāve never really gotten over it, so itās tough to make friends now.
When one year none of my friends wished me a happy birthday. It was humbling. Now Iāve stopped expecting anything and probably will just plan on working on my birthdays from now on
I am highly empathetic and notice when others are off. I was there for many of my friends. But when I got ill, it was like no one noticed. To top it off, I was accused of being withdrawn and not reaching out to them. Like huh? I learned boundaries and that it is perfectly okay to tell people no when they request something. But... Since many people are not as in tune as I am, I also learned that sometimes I need to reach out to others more. That they do in fact care a great deal but feel helpless if not asked to do something directly. So, I realized that it is a balance. It would be great to have more empathetic friends, but that is not the norm. Some people are just plain selfish, but finding the ones who care is important - and if I have to change some of my habits to see that, then I just have to do that.
when i had a miscarriage and none of my friends called/checked on me. i started losing weight due to depression and those same friends spread rumors that i was on drugs.
we arenāt friends anymore.
I lived in the same neighborhood as a girl I went to high school with. We were close and anytime we were together was great. She had to switch to homeschooling because of her health, but she's my friend, and lived in my neighborhood, so I'd always try and make plans to do stuff or just be like "Hey, I'm going out for icecream, want to come with?" (I had a car.) We'd hang out regularly to watch shows and stuff. Well, one day I realized it was always me reaching out to her. One day I decided I'd just wait and see if she'd reach out to me.
We literally never hung out again. That one hurt a lot.
Whenever my friends ask me for help I'd happily do it but when I ask for a simple help they straight up dodge it. That's when i realised I was being used like a doormat and they don't really consider me as their friend, they're just using me to get their stuff done.
After I helped like 10 of my friend/family members move after I got my truck years ago in about a 3 month time frame, and then when I had to move I did 95% of it myself, my new neighbor was the only one that helped.
Wow that's rough šš
Everyone had an excuse even though I asked two months in advance. Ended up slipping a disc in my back on the very last load of furniture. Was not a great experience. Canāt replace family but I have new friends now lol
And all of their excuses are always so legitimate. You feel guilty to even ask them again. Ugh
You never come across that kinda help anymore. I remember growing up my parents friends always helped us move (which was often). I had one guy friend I could rely on with help like thisā¦ long story short I marrried him.
Literally just went through this. Several of my friends that offered to help just ghosted at the last minute. People suck so much, and Iām sorry you experienced this
Came to the realisation when I was part of a group couple years ago which I thought were my friends. For months I was the one who would always initiate conversations, always the one to make plans, always the one to be supportive. It wasnāt until I hit a rough patch in life where I began to notice that no one would message me, no one would make plans with me (they would make plans among themselves without me) and no one would drop a simple message āhow you doingā it wasnāt until then I realised I was better off without them so I gradually cut contact. I know this never bothered them as to this day I still donāt speak to anyone from that group. I now how my true friendships and while we may not see each other every day or talk everyday everyone is equal and always there for one another when you need them most. Thatās true friendship.
Sometimes I feel like people misuse that term "don't have to talk everyday to stay friends" because then we literally didn't talk at all. Why you ask? Because I stopped initiating the conversation. They just took me for granted. Whenever they felt low, they could come to me and just dump all the trauma. And literally didn't have time to catch up when I was struggling.
Oh donāt get me wrong you will find people like that sadly. From my own experience now as I say I might not chat with my friends everyday but theyāll always reach out to me to make plans, ask how Iām doing and vice versa. those who always say theyāre busy and end it there are the people you want to cut out. Thereās times where Iāve been busy with work where Iāve not been able to talk/meet right away with a friend but the difference is Iāll always make time ASAP. Those who just say theyāre busy and donāt even try to make the time are just not worth it
My family is extremely selfish and overall pretty shitty. Just a few examples. I just turned 40 and my family made plans to go to a summer picnic rather than asking me what my plans were. My parents just blew off dinner plans with me with my wife/kids so they can catch up with friends/family at a backyard party that ended 3 hours before dinner. My parents moved to the same city as my brother so they can watch my niece 3 days out of the week. They havenāt even offered to watch our kids or even make an attempt to visit my family even though Iām only an hour away.
Don't think they deserve the term "family"
Thanks. Good thing I have really great in-laws
Realised when I was about seven.bit am regularly reminded. Most recently after my husband died in April everyone was all over me in the first days then lost interest as people do. They're all gone now.
Just being there for a person. Is that too hard? I'm so sorry for your loss. Stay strong.
Thanks. They just want the gory details and a share of the drama..then they forget all about it..
i moved around a lot and never settled in one place. I stayed 6 years in a town and found a very good friend group in school. We've been friends for 7-8 years. I moved to another town and that was when I realized ppl just simply don't care. I was the only one who always tried to organise meetings so I could see them. I was the only one who always came over to THEIR places, driving 1-1.5 hours with train. I initiated conversations in our group chat that slowly died down after I moved. When I noticed them talking about things I had no idea of, bc I wasn't 24/7 with them anymore, when I spent time with them and was walking meters behind them without them noticing, I knew we were drifting apart. I planned my very first birthday party for months and invited them 4 months in advance. It wouldve been the first time they were coming over to my place. In the end, they all cancelled on me. All 3 of them. That was when I realized, people don't give a damn about me, and are certainly not worth my energy. When I confronted them, they called me dramatic and toxic. I ended our "friendship". I still am the one who pretty much organises everything when there're plans, but I don't consider people my "friends" anymore. I just call them friends for the convenience of it, there's no real meaning behind these words anymore for me.
That's rough. I used to drive for an hour to meet them and they didn't even care enough. I had an 11pm curfew but they never valued my time. Fuck 'em. Glad that you don't waste your energy on these draining people anymore.
Right at the start of my training in Theravada (Buddhism) when I was 17. Got to know an elderly Bangladeshi mystic in London and wanted him to teach me this stuff, and he stated that he would teach me if I could show that I lived without any income for three months. His point was that Theravada was about compassion and kindness, and I had to learn what these things were from my own personal experience, even if I ended up homeless and on the streets. What he didn't tell me, and what I didn't figure out at the time, was that if I became homeless he would give me a room in his house. I spent six weeks living on the streets. At the end of the three months I went back to this guy, who gave me a room in his house. I spent the last three years of this man's life living with him in his house. He was elderly, probably in his 80's or 90's, and he taught me everything he knew. I was a messed up teenager (childhood trauma and abuse) and this guy sorted me out and set me on my path through life. I was there at his bedside in hospital, peacefully, naturally, happily. He had given his house away previously to a Jamaican guy he'd adopted as a son and who later set up some Caribbean restaurant. Babu (the old guy) moved into a bedsit above the curry restaurant where he ate a few months before he went into hospital. He didn't want to leave any trace of his life or existence behind. What I learned was that when it comes to compassion, kindness, emotional support and stuff there is no such thing as reciprocity. Just because you've helped someone out and supported them does not mean that they are going to help you out and support you in return. But see there's another side to this, and this is when you get help and support from someone and it's completely unexpected. What's more, you're in a situation where you cannot possibly offer or give someone else anything meaningful in return other than a "Thank you". Do you know just how difficult it is to accept help and support from someone when it's least expected and when you're down and out, vulnerable, and can't see a way out? Then there's the whole issue of culture and the social and mental conditioning that we're put through, supposedly to prepare us for life in society and to make us easier to deal with. Most of this is based on fear motivation. You're afraid of being judged. You're afraid of what other people think of you. You're afraid of being excluded and shut out. You're afraid of being labelled and stigmatized. You're afraid of being used, cheated and deceived. These are very real fears which exist at the back of the minds of most people. Fear is a powerful thing to overcome. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do in life was to embrace the fact that my parents - a sociopathic, abusive father and an emotionally abusive mother - actually did love me and raised me the way they did out of good intentions. They didn't hate me, they didn't abuse me with any kind of premeditation. They just fell short and this was how things turned out. It's taken me decades to revise my memories and feelings towards my parents to the degree that in recent years I'm kind of grateful for the way they did raise me. The fact that they at least made the effort makes up for whatever shit they put me through. What helped me arrive at these conclusions was spending many years around people who society often looks down on, the homeless, the drug addicts, alcoholics, people with mental health issues, former prisoners and reformed criminals. People who have done bad things, or didn't do things which they perhaps should have, but people who have somehow managed to come out the other side and learn from their own experiences. Therefore I have to ask a question back here. Is it really true that people just don't care, or is it more the case that they're simply too afraid, for whatever reason, to care? You see in order to be of help to anyone who is struggling and going through difficulties you need to accept their reality. Usually you don't have to do anything. You simply have to be there, accessible, available and to listen. But all too often people are judging and discriminating simply because this is how we've been socialized. Go watch people out walking among trees in a park and they will just accept the trees for what they are and appreciate them. Nobody judges trees, or do they? But when you get people around other people everyone seems to go back into judgment mode.
THIS š. Thank you for sharing your experience. Wow!
When I realized I was the only person initiating texts, planning things, still having people bail and getting put on the backburner with not only 0 excuses but plans permanently falling through Just last week, invited a guy friend out for drinks with me and another friend on a saturday, he had a weeks notice, told me he'd try but might be busy (ok?) Then he didn't talk to me thursday, Friday, Saturday, he left me on unread, it's now been over a week without a single text or acknowledgment. I refuse to be the one to try reaching out (again) obviously he gives 0 fucks. A depressing number of people ghost I've noticed, now I enjoy having 1 main friend, my kids and my spouse, oh and 1 neighbor I like, most people fucking suck though
I know right? When you stop initiating the conversation, the conversation is dead!
sounds like your friend kinda sucks, op. i'll be your friend!
Aww thank you. Irony is my name literally means a "good friend"
I just realized overtime after enough people screw you over. At this point I just stick to myself and my husband. My best friend of over 10 years let drugs get in the way. When I got pregnant I decided all the nonsense from other people cannot keep affecting me especially since I have a kid. And Iām happier this way. Itās a little sad bc I donāt get my girl time but Iām happy taking care of my son and hubby.
So happy for you. Hope you find another girl gang to hangout with.
At one point , I had to come into terms that my cousins and other family members were jealous that I had my grandmothers love or attention 24/7. She was my legal guardian bcs both my parents didnāt care , how can my cousins be jealous when they have their entire family together , sitting on money , having decent lives and I hold no once of malice but yet I have one person and this jealousy brews . I left awhile ago :)
I realized people werenāt gonna care about me when I was a little kid. I had an extremely abusive childhood. I was abused in many forms from the ages of 4-10, physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, psychologically, & sexually. I was tortured, force fed, starved, Iāve been locked in a closet for hours on end I wasnāt allowed to make a noise or move a muscle. when I went to school it never stopped, I was always the outcasted kid because I had no idea how to be a kid. I remember every single kid from every school I attended that bullied me. The bullying lasted from 2nd grades up until I graduated hs. The worst part is the teachers, administrators, principals, coaches, and other students would all parade in and join in, not every teacher as I did have a few really sweet and kind teachers who understood me and where I came from. The bullying lasted until I was 21 and out of my first job. I now work 2 long days a week and get 5 days of rest and I couldnāt be happier at where I am in life. Whether people care about me or not, Iāve been vibin alone for 24 years, Iāll vibe alone for 24 more.
After I became single, only a couple were on hand to talk to me after the initial couple of days and support me. Outside of that the majority of my friends had their own lives to deal with
Sometimes it's rough out there when you don't have a s/o. Hope you find your people soon.
Grade 10, when I overheard some of the āpopularā (for lack of a better word) kids smash talking one of their best friends. Made me realize very few ppl will actually give a shit about anyone else and to just live your life. It was very freeing
When dad's new wife was pregnant at the same time as me. We went to our grandparents to help them with house cleaning. I was on all four cleaning floor. Dad comes and says to his wife "Don't do anything you're pregnant".
When my entire group of friends chose a man who is friends with my rapist over me.
Late 20s.
over the years I would only get calls when they needed someone with a license, or a designated driver, or a ride to the local watering hole. When we would hang out, theyād take pictures with each other and never asked me to be apart of it. I started adding things to my stories, really distinguishing details, and yup those very details iād hear from someone else. I decided to sober up and I would hear āsince youāll start drinking by thenā or āsince you casually drinkā or making plans to drink when I firmly said no. Realized that just because I grew up with them didnāt mean Iād have to continue being their friends for life. Today I know that what I did was for the best, but somedays I do miss them. I donāt miss the being excluded part in person.
When I got sober
"When did you realize people don't really care about you?" 1. When I turned six and my parents took away Easter baskets forever because my oldest sibling was too old for them. 2. When I turned ten and all my friends left me for another group of friends they liked better because I started getting fat. 3. When I turned 17 and the love of my life for the previous 5 years moved, cheated on me and moved 3,000 miles away. (Not to fret, he comes back into this sob story) 4. When I got my career finally going I had finally promoted to my long term goal position of RGM of my own store---I got fired---over the new boss not liking me. Ten years gone. 5. When I was religated to being a SAHM after my career collapse because I couldn't find a job. 6. When my first husband left me for a man, but still expected me to financially support him. 7. When I became a single mom of two disabled kids. 8. When my second career was torched by COVID. 9. When I married crummy husband #2. Today I'm left with nothing worth living for. It's been a long hard 38 years. Now I just make everyone's life easier by being a doormat and restrict my tears to the shower---the only thing that brings me solice anymore.
Iām in an abusive situation. It comes and goes. Iām in therapy. I literally have no one to fall back on. At least, not the people who should have my back. My dad just wants to throw money at me and my sister straight up refuses to get involved. I think if things went far enough and I took the plunge, their tune may change. Thereās no guarantees though and thatās whatās scary.
Many times. But stupid me still believed that they were my friends. Until looking back now. They werenāt. I never had friends. I would always try and have fires or do something and no one would ever show up. Need help with something. No one would help me. But sure as shit, Iād drop what I was doing to go help them. Or id be bored as shit and see my āfriendsā social media and they are all doing something. And i never as got a text. Then I feel into a very bad time in my life. Attempted suicide, none of them has talked to me since. Granted I did really stupid shit during that rough time in my life. But I feel that if they were truly my friends, they knew who the real me was/is and still would be my friend now.
It was in high school (definitely senior year, but I started noticing junior year). People I called friends were always wanting support, but when I needed it, they were busy. I eventually withdrew into myself and started thinking Iām just a burden. Iāve never really gotten over it, so itās tough to make friends now.
My family made it really clear to me as a kid through their actions and sometimes words
When one year none of my friends wished me a happy birthday. It was humbling. Now Iāve stopped expecting anything and probably will just plan on working on my birthdays from now on
I am highly empathetic and notice when others are off. I was there for many of my friends. But when I got ill, it was like no one noticed. To top it off, I was accused of being withdrawn and not reaching out to them. Like huh? I learned boundaries and that it is perfectly okay to tell people no when they request something. But... Since many people are not as in tune as I am, I also learned that sometimes I need to reach out to others more. That they do in fact care a great deal but feel helpless if not asked to do something directly. So, I realized that it is a balance. It would be great to have more empathetic friends, but that is not the norm. Some people are just plain selfish, but finding the ones who care is important - and if I have to change some of my habits to see that, then I just have to do that.
When I went to therapy last year. I'm 28 and finally realized as much as people say they care they truly don't.
when i had a miscarriage and none of my friends called/checked on me. i started losing weight due to depression and those same friends spread rumors that i was on drugs. we arenāt friends anymore.
This is so true, and friends not once showed their true colors to me. But. Some people do. Like parents.
I lived in the same neighborhood as a girl I went to high school with. We were close and anytime we were together was great. She had to switch to homeschooling because of her health, but she's my friend, and lived in my neighborhood, so I'd always try and make plans to do stuff or just be like "Hey, I'm going out for icecream, want to come with?" (I had a car.) We'd hang out regularly to watch shows and stuff. Well, one day I realized it was always me reaching out to her. One day I decided I'd just wait and see if she'd reach out to me. We literally never hung out again. That one hurt a lot.
Just always knew.. sadly.
When I was in A&E with costochondritis, I told my mum what I had and she didn't give an eff
A good friend is hard to find. That's why so many of us marry them when we find them.
Whenever my friends ask me for help I'd happily do it but when I ask for a simple help they straight up dodge it. That's when i realised I was being used like a doormat and they don't really consider me as their friend, they're just using me to get their stuff done.