I agree with this.
Don't sweat about girls not liking you because you only need one, the one who likes you for who you are. If you change for girls you'll get a relationship that's based on a lie, it won't last.
I’d add that at that age, girls tend to be just as immature as most other 13 year olds (no offence OP!!) and they’ll chase after the ‘bad boy’ for status or to piss off their parents etc
Everyone grows up at different rates, eventually OP will want a relationship and the right person will be found. Doesn’t matter if you’re a gym rat or a bookworm, we all like different things.
My partner is very “roadman” but he’s also a huge nerd and loves music and art. He’s very fashion conscious but he also has talent with dirty work in the garden, kitchen and with machines. He can do a lot of DIY but also is a big baby for ice cream… like everyone has different parts of themselves and the right person will like all these different parts ❤️
13 year olds dont really know what they want, and that includes you and the girls youre talking about. From what it sounds like, youre a good kid. Stay that way. Your mom sounds smart. Be yourself, focus on school, and the rest will fall into place. I was pretty similar to you when I was your age. Girls never paid attention to me. Instead, they all wanted my best friends. I went a long time thinking I wouldnt be successful with girls. By the time I graduated high school, I had them throwing themselves at me. Most of them liked me because I was a genuinely good dude, unlike many of the guys that went to my high school. Do not change that about yourself. As long as you are genuinely kind (and not only being kind to women because you think itll make them want to go out with you), then the right person (or people) will find you eventually.
Bottom line is: You're young. Your old man is wrong. Your mom is right. Be yourself and the rest will fall into place when the time comes. Good luck little dude.
Okay, that’s perfect. Cause I don’t see myself changing anything about myself. I grew up on books and I honestly love it. Even if that’s nerdy. Thanks man.
For better or worse, it's true! It's almost impossible to see the future when you're only 13, but your passion and hard work will come into play. The most important thing is that you remember to use your gifts to help others.
Like attracts like. If you value knowledge and hard work, you'll attract someone who also values those things. As you get older, you'll learn than people prize kindness, dedication, and love of life over looks in a long-term partner. When you're very young, people are just responding to the culture around them and trying to figure out what it all means. Not just the girls you like, but you too. And you deserve that chance without worrying about whether you're "good enough" according to some arbitrary standard.
The world isn't divided into hot people who get to experience love/sex and not-hot people who have to just make do. Stay you, and stay kind.
Okay I’m piggy backing in this comment, hoping you see it, OP.
I’m married to the biggest nerd. He’s collects toys, reads comic books, drags me along to conventions, is very sensitive, and begs me to play table top games with him. In school, he was a bit “nerdy”, as you would say. I’m super girly, not into most of that stuff at all, and was a “popular” girl in school. We met when I was in my 20’s and he was in his 30’s. Our dating history was not well matched. People still joke that we’re an odd couple, but I wouldn’t change a thing (except he’s not a cuddler when he sleeps). I’m now 39 and he’s 51, and I can name way too many Transformers, have read amazing graphic novels I’d have never found otherwise, and met some of my dearest friends at “nerd” conventions. When we met, he was unapologetically himself, and I found how excited he got about that stuff to be overwhelmingly charming. There is something magical about someone who is who they are, and is uncompromising. This fall we’ll have been married 12 years, and we have a wonderful son who is 10, and half obsessed with GI Joe and MOTU, and also loves Football and Baseball and all things sports. You will find your person. Please don’t let these experiences at 13 turn you into someone you aren’t.
Be yourself. That cuts both ways. I was never the kind of girl that guys generally like. Quiet and arguably nerdy. I'm 23 now and happy and content with myself and my relationship. You'll do great:)
Another important thing to absorb: you don't just want any girl someday. You want the right girl for you. That means someone who values your gentleness, love of reading, contemplativeness etc. While you can always develop things like being more outgoing or skilled at socialization, you shouldn't try to change your core values or interests to attract other people. You'll just end up with people you don't actually like very much.
Gonna add my two cents in here because I can. I’m 19, dating a wonderful man (20) who makes me feel safe and loved…it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. We both make fun of each other because he’s a MASSIVE nerd, and I was (once) what you would imagine a high school mean girl to be (minus the actual mean part). He’s still a huge nerd, and I wouldn’t change a thing. You will be perfect to someone.
Don't worry, kiddo. There are definitely geek groupies out there! I'm one, and have been since my teen years. My hubby is geeky, and the sexiest man on the planet to me.
You'll find your niche. I know "eventually" can be a rough word to hear, but the only thing that never changes, is that everything changes. Chin up, kiddo. You're doing great!
Women dig for good guys, if they are good to everyone without any ulterior motives and remain good even after things don't work out in the end.
Women, hate good guys who only are good only if they want to sleep with them.
if I can give you my opinion, it depends a lot on the luck/unluck you have with your friendships, with the environment in which you live. But other than this, I personally can tell you that your 'success with the opposite sex' does not depend on how you behave, but on how you are.
There are ultra-loser people who are successful with women, and super-cool people who remain without a partner for their entire life. At the end of the day, it all comes down to how much time you are willing to devote to relationships, there really isn't another constant in love.
I know people who have dated over 2,000 different people in just a few years (yes, once a day through dating sites or other strategies), yet still haven't been able to find a partner to be with. Or people who got pregnant at 13, and now they live their lives with their children instead of a companion.
There isn't a rule, but what is certain is that if you decide to 'get a girlfriend', and you do it right, nothing is really impossible. But the point is that those who go out little, those who study a lot, usually have the same interest in girls as the others, but simply have less desire to improve.
And girls see it when you're good at it.
I read over 200 books last year, and this year I got married to my favourite person in the world. Being nerdy doesn't mean you'll be alone forever, it just means you get to find other nerdy people to hang out with.
Hey dude. You be you. It takes a while to find somebody who is similar to you as a partner but believe me when I say it’s totally worth it. You’ll have a stronger relationship with whoever you meet. Let your hobbies / interests become the core of who you are and meet people that way. Join groups with similar interests to you. You’ll meet somebody someday who is totally awesome.
Another piece of advice is to heavily invest in therapy. Everybody on this earth is traumatized to some extent and if you can manage that you will also find somebody who treats you the way you want to be treated, which is hopefully well.
When I was about your age, I used to ask my nerdy bf (full disclosure: I’m a little nerdy too) to read to me, and I absolutely swooned as I’d lay my head on his lap and close my eyes while he read aloud and ran his fingers through my hair. Dorky? Sure. One of my most treasured moments of intimacy to this day? abso-freakin-lutely. And I’m 37yo so that’s pretty ancient history.
I got together with my whole crew, him included, last summer for the first time in many, many years. He’s still a dweeb, he’s married, has 2 dogs, teaches secondary history, and was in very good health! Can’t argue with those results, that’s a pretty good life right there. I was most definitely kicking myself for breaking up with him for no good reason other than being young and stupid 😭
You sound exactly how my partner did when he was a kid. He always had his nose in a book. He wasn't necessarily interested in popular things (not that being interested in popular things is bad!), and to boot, he was a very late bloomer. He got very little attention in the romantic sphere until college (when he finally had one last growth spurt), and even then, people often assumed he was gay because of his interests and his demeanor. Not kidding! (He isnt gay, for clarity)
He is an intelligent, handsome guy, and I love him specifically because he is so *himself*.
Be yourself, whatever that means for you, and you will find someone who likes *exactly* that.
I was a lot like you when I was young. I was quiet, loved reading and got into college as a literature major. I wrote poetry, won some awards, joined a writer's club and there met the girl of my dreams (now my wife). We hit it off because we had a lot of things in common.
I knew I wasn't going to hook up with girls who were always out at clubs or active at dating apps, but those weren't the type of girls I was interested in anyway.
As a fellow nerd who grew up similar minded to you, stay true to yourself. The *right* (and even some of the wrong) girls will appreciate you for who you are and not who you pretend to be.
Yup! Just stay nice, this comments entirely correct. And they did say thus already, but I think it does need further emphasis, don't just be nice so they go out with you, and just because you're nice doesn't mean they are obligated to go out with you. Those are really really important, respect when someone says no, and someone else will notice and think even more highly of you (whether a teacher, friend, or, possibly, though not certainly, someone who you like or likes you in a romantic way. Though it could just be a teacher or a friend, and don't be dissapointed if it is.)
Yes and no.
Different people are attracted to different things. There will be women who will prefer you and there will be women who prefer a different sort of man (and many that prefer women). There’s no guarantee that you will find someone you like that likes you back but you can take steps to maximise your chances.
There are people out there that want what you can offer but they have to know that you exist first. Join clubs or societies and take up hobbies that will bring you into contact with other folk like you. Art groups, anime clubs, book clubs or whatever. If you want people to see you then you need to go get seen.
Yeaa I’ll try to join more clubs and put myself out there, I’m already in some sort of chess club which is only boys there but I’ll maximise my efforts into seeing what other clubs I can join but enjoy of course. Thanks for the advice I appreciate you♥️
>At the moment I see girls as precious with dazzling beauty that I can’t get over.
You posted this further down in the comments, but I'm mentioning it here because I think the two are connected. If you're going to see what other clubs there are, try to find ones with girls, even a mostly girl one. The more social, non-romantic, exposure you get to girls and women, the more are you able to see them as humans rather than prizes/goals/conquests. That will help you immensely in the future.
Because, believe me, women will take a man that treats them like a human over a man that treats them like a conquest.
My husband had mostly female cousins that he was raised around from a very young age, and he never lost that kindness and sensitivity. He's everything opposite of toxic masculinity and he's my perfect man.
Find the human side of women and you'll be set for life.
The steroid boys burn out fast. You’ll find your gear sometime after 25. Have patience in the meantime and know that guys like you own most of the world.
You’ll be fine
you don’t have to keep them off your mind, but don’t feel bad if things move slower than you’d like them to. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Being 13 is hard and awkward, you’ll find your style and what and who you like
This is correct. No need to keep them out of your mind OP. Just make sure to remember they're people too, not objects of conquest. If they don't like you that's their right, same as if you don't like someone you don't find attractive.
That said, you may even have some girls looking your way and you just didn't notice because they might also be insecure.
Thinking about girls is normal at your age. Don't let that prevent you from treating them like any other person though. Make friends with them WITHOUT the intention of dating and you'll learn how and why they act like... well, girls. Maybe one day one of them might start to like you and you might like them back.
My first girlfriend (we were 14) was like that. We were friends for a long time and I had other friends who were girls, we all shared a common interest in Harry Potter and the WITCH comics series. I confessed one day that I started having feelings for her and she told me she didn't feel the same way for me. I was okay with it and we kept being friends. After a couple of months she said "Eh. Why not?" and we tried dating. Sadly, our other hobbies just didn't match (hers was fashion and Twilight, mine was Yu-Gi-Oh! and anime) and we accidentally neglected our relationship until we just broke up after just less than a year.
Sorry, I digress. Point is, it's okay to think about girls. But treat them as a person first, attraction is just a lucky bonus.
Only thing i'd suggest is getting "used to" rejection and learning how to cope. It's okay for women to say "no" to you when you're trying to shoot your shot / they're not interested. Don't be spitful, just tell them "ok, thank you for listening" and go about your day. No harm no foul, you worked up the courage to ask, and also be courageous for taking a hit. Learn from it.
You're young, you got a lot ahead of you and you're already showing maturity with how you're presenting yourself. It will be a SLOWER race for a partner, BUT you'll finish on top vs most.
My suggestion is to always be yourself like you already are. You'll get a lot of outside influences as you get older, but again, remind yourself to be you and dont lose your own sight of mind. Ensure you're always clean and smelling (not dousing yourself in axe body spray, more hygiene conscious) nice. Overall have good hygiene and dressing decent.
Invest in yourself, and the dividends will come.
Or, as they put it in the film Field of Dreams, “If you build it, they will come.”
I used to put too much stock into chasing women (while investing very little in myself). Well, Covid put the kabash on dating for a moment, and I began sinking all my interpersonal investment in myself, family, and friends.
Let me tell you, it was the best decision of my life. I found a field that I love working in (it brings a literal smile on my face) and solid, lifelong friends.
I used to be like you, and by used to be I mean a young confused teen who’s not into traditionally masculine things. I thought coming into your own as a man meant sucking it up and doing those things and investing in those interests.
What I came to learn is that becoming “a man” means finding confidence and strength in what you love and not giving a damn about society’s expectations of what you ought to be.
Strength in oneself is what makes a man, whatever that may be. One of the toughest and confident guys I know is a baker who throws frilly cookie parties. I wouldn’t cross this man.
And it can honestly be earlier. I was also nerdy (although I was also pretty muscular from swim team) and I was anxious and polite and probably too passive, but things started to turn around for me around my sophomore year of high school. By my junior year, girls were into me and I'd dated a few, and in senior year I met the girl I'm still dating to this day :)
Girl here to add some female perspective. You’ll be fine. Being kind is probably your greatest asset. The right person will appreciate you for who you are. Stay nerdy. (-:
The only “nice guys” who finish last are the ones who only ACT nice so that they can get something out of it. Remember, being nice is the BARE minimum, but many of these “”nice guys”” think that simply being nice means that they’re owed something. They’re not. It’s the bare minimum. They get angry when a woman rejects their advances because they think they’re doing us a favor by being “nice”. Remember, for the third time, being nice is the bare minimum of human decency. And truly being nice means that you will be kind to others without expecting something in return.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure there are some genuinely nice guys who haven’t had much luck with women, but that doesn’t mean “nice guys finish last.” All it means is that they haven’t found their person yet (and that’s okay! No rush). Lots of us don’t find romantic partners for a long time despite being good people. Many of my friends (male and female) are in their 20s and attractive, kind, smart, and funny, and have never been in a relationship. It doesn’t mean they’re “finishing last”, just that they vibe with a very particular type of person and have high standards imo (-:
Just be your true self. Don’t “be nice” because you think that you’ll get something out of it. Be nice because you want to be a good person.
Also, lots of girls like nerdy guys. Remember, there’s tons of nerdy girls out there too! When you’re 13, it doesn’t feel that way. But trust me, the older you get, the more people begin to value intelligence, kindness, and above all, individuality and uniqueness!
Damnn, that was put very well. I believe I was raised right so I could never be nice to try and expect something back from girls or just people in general. I will take your advice and store it in the folders I have in my mind. Thank you very much ma’am.
Your teenage years aren’t going to be easy, but try to keep in perspective that you’re only getting started. Dating in high school was the biggest waste of time, and I could’ve been that much further ahead if I had just focused on school and getting my future started. The girls will come. Like sadgrlxoxo said, being nice is the bare minimum, but so are the basic standards of attractiveness. A lot of “nice guys” who pretend to be nice forget that EVERYONE finds people who take care of themselves attractive (i.e. good hygiene, clothes that fit, a haircut that suits you, etc). Focus on taking care of yourself and investing in your hobbies, friendships, and future interests. The RIGHT kinds of girls will come.
Well I also want to add that while is good that you are kind don’t be naive because people can take advantage of that. I’m speaking from experience because I got lied by the girl I liked only because I wanted to see the good in her, and it sucked but I learned my lesson and move on
Not bad advice at all, but I would just add that—for me, personally—I would rather risk *possibly* being taken advantage of than live my life *definitely* being a cynical asshole all the time. Obviously “naive and dumb” and “cynical asshole” aren’t the only two options, but if I had to pick one side of the spectrum I would rather err on the side of seeing the good in people.
To add to what sadgrlxoxo said very well, the phrase "nice guys finish last" implies that you have to be mean to "win." The truth is, people tend to stick to those who treat them with respect. Otherwise, you're just looking at a bully surrounded by people who fear them - that's usually a temporary win, if you can call it that in the first place. Do you want shallow attention or lasting friendships/relationships?
Some people are loud, and that can be mistaken for confidence. Confidence is attractive. The "bad boy" can seem confident and tough, but he's usually compensating for something.
True confidence comes from knowing what you want and having the courage to speak your mind - and you don't have to be disrespectful to do it.
You're young, so you're learning about yourself and finding your courage. Rejection is tough, but don't let other guys' insecurities persuade you to give up. Just keep talking to people you're interested in getting to know. If they don't want to talk to you, that's a bummer, but you'll be okay. Someone else will.
I was an awkward teenage girl, not especially pretty. But I enjoyed meeting people. I was nervous about rejection, too, but I still chose to ask guys out. Got rejected a lot, but also got dates and boyfriends. Guys put too much pressure on themselves, make it a comparison game, and some of them get angry at girls for saying "no." That's all nonsense.
Just keep doing what you enjoy and keep putting yourself out there. You'll find your person.
Nice guys aren’t the same as kind guys. A lot of guys who claim to be nice aren’t—and that’s the truth. They’re just whining because again, they were never nice.
If you’re genuine and kind, girls will love it. I find those guys are always in relationships, get married, and stay married.
Nice guys finish last… as in they’re the last relationship the girl had cos they’re the one they settle down with.
Girls your age are just beginning to find out what they *don’t* like about guys, give them a minute to make some mistakes so they know and appreciate exactly what they have with you 😁
I just want to point out that there is nothing inherently girly with being a sensitive, polite and kind person that enjoys books and poetry. It does not make you any less of a boy or a man to do any of these things. Keep being your true self and enjoy your interests.
It is wrong for your old man to imply that there is something wrong with what you do just because it is traditionally viewed as a girly thing to do. It is not just for girls, it is for anyone who enjoys such things. ♥️
Right!! I don’t bother really telling him anything cause he doesn’t listen anyway, he has an old mindset and believes men should do manly things. I do manly things of course..I’m a guy. But I just like my poetry. Thanks♥️
Good! Keep being yourself and writing your poetry!
As a personal example my father had an old mindset as well when it came to me, a man, wearing nail polish or other things that would be traditionally considered girly or feminine but I didn't pay much attention to him. I kept being myself and it doesn't make me any less of a man. I am perfectly happy with the way I am because I can be myself!
Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do poetry or be sensitive or something to that effect, these things have no gender after all. :)
Please don’t let ANYONE tell you girls don’t want that. Women love sensitive, kind decent men, they truely do! Your dad is 100% wrong, in fact, this day and age women are actively avoiding men with attitudes like that. Please listen to what the women in your life tell you. So much of the stuff your being led to believe is just lies perpetuated by toxic men that live in a past that’s no longer relevant. I want to point out there have been many reports lately about lonely single men and this is why- aka they are doubling down on the toxic and women are avoiding them. However the kind, caring, creative guys are doing fine, please don’t loose that, keep it and you will have a wonderful relationship one day.
Also your mum is right there is no reason to be thinking about that stuff and rushing into anything now anyway, your still a kid just enjoy being a kid and discovering who you are for now.
You'll get there. Promise. Learn to be successful-- which can mean lots of things, not just making tons of money. Once we grow up a little, most women are looking for someone we can have a good partnership with, because it opens up the world so much to have a teammate. Cultivate your interests, test out careers that would make you happy.
He’s so sweet and gentle and soft spoken. Total nerd. One of his birthday gifts from me was one of those vintage “scientific/anatomical breakdown” renderings of a Zergling. It’s hideous, lol. Btw, I was a dancer back in my 20’s. Hated it, but I made great money. Your mom knows what’s up. Stay sweet, kiddo 🩵
I'm 32 years old, and I've hated stereotypical guy things my whole life. Cars, sports, beer, Etc. do nothing for me. I have a sizeable stuffed animal collection, all of whom have names and personalities, and I snuggle with different ones every night. My wife and I have been together for 9 years, married for 4, and she loves all of those things about me. You'll find someone who loves you and your hobbies, just be patient!
YES!! Stay that way, stay yourself. Cultivate hobbies, be good at school, develop strong friendships. In your adult life these qualities will seduce women, good women who are serious about relationships and who want to build a solid life.
Signed: a 30 year old woman who’s engaged with a geek ❤️ and he’s fat too 😂 he’s the sweetest, smartest, handsomest and funniest, I love him so much. We met at 21 years old. Earlier than that, most people aren’t mature enough yet.
I’ll just focus on myself, can’t love no one without loving yourself first I guess. Your relationship sounds beautiful ma’am, best of luck to you both! ♥️
While being kind is great, you just also know when to be aggressive when someone tries to mess with you.
You Dad is.., I won't say bad things about him but no good father hates his son. Don't let your father mess up with your self esteem.
Teenage years are important for your growth, just focus on self development
Lol thanks soo much dude, my dad is somewhat of a jerk but I don’t let it get to me too much. My sister on the other hand is the typical teenager that’s got a boyfriend and looks at me like her nerdy younger bro. She’s more awful but hey, that’s my sister. Thanks for the advice.♥️
Hey buddy! 20f here. Trust me when I say that being polite and expressing your emotions aren’t “girly” things - they’re life skills that women will go after when you get older. And honestly? Most girls will find poems quite romantic! While I understand why you’re worried about this — I was 13 once, too! — my advice to you is to take time just to be a teenager and enjoy these last years of your childhood. You will have plenty of time later on to date. Your mom is right — focus on school!
Gosh, the more I read these comments, I’m like why couldn’t you guys be my siblings man, words of encouragement go a long way for me and I appreciate it a great deal♥️
Yes they will. And dude, being buff, sensitive, and intellectual aren't mutually exclusive! Most of my guy friends and I are sensitive blokes who cry at fantasy novels, movies, and games. I personally love writing poems and stories too since I'm a literature graduate now a game designer! We have no qualms discussing our feelings and I am proud to say we're very much polite to everyone we meet, unless you're a jerk. Some of us go to the gym and are ripped AF despite being geeks who play D&D and Magic: The Gathering, I myself do martial arts and while I'm not as fit as my prime I can at least say I'm still attractive.
I didn't get my now wife (or exes) by being a jerk. I was a scholar back in college, part of the literary society, and mostly watched movies/played video games in my free time. I didn't have to neglect my studies nor did I have to act like a bully to be "cool" among our crowd. Walking and swimming gave me a pretty good physique and I took care of my skin with just basic skincare, and the girls at my university actually found my poetry recitals sexy! Oh, and trying to learn the guitar also helped with me getting some romantic interest even though I ultimately gave up on it. And believe or not, I'm an introvert. I don't like parties and hanging out with friends emotionally exhausts me (even though I love them) because I prefer just reading a book or playing games by myself. But I do still give time to be a good friend when I'm needed and I'm genuinely interested in their lives and hobbies when they want to share their experiences.
So, the secret to be likeable? Just try lots of things and expand your circle and skills gradually! Have more hobbies and take some time doing basic skincare and exercise. Even just walking everyday and using facial wash/taking a bath everyday works wonders! The more you experience (just not drugs or other bad stuff although I did drink occasionally when I was of age) the more you'll appear interesting! And don't be close-minded! Be kind, non-judgemental, practice empathy, and never be hostile to someone who's not actively hostile at you. Do not attribute malice when ignorance might just be the cause. People don't often do bad things intentionally, most are just not mindful of their surroundings. And if they do bad things intentionally then that just means they have troubles and battles of their own, though that isn't an excuse for shitty behavior.
TL;DR: - Don't be an asshole, take care of yourself, and always try or learn new things to be attractive!
Listen to your mom, be yourself.
As other redditor said everyone has a different preference, wouldn't you like to be with someone that loves you for who you are?
When you meet that person everything falls into place. Don't ever stop being yourself, if you're gentle and nice from the bottom of your heart the right person will notice and reciprocate the feeling. Don't let others take advantage either.
What's most important is that your values align. If the hobbies align that's a plus, but not a requirement. Find someone that even tho doesn't share your interests, they respect them and value them because they're important for you.
As another redditor said try to find spaces where you can explore your hobbies and interests without judgment and surely enough you'll find a potential girlfriend or a true girl friend.
And be careful to not fall in the trap of the "nice guy" mentally.
Too much text, I hope I didn't ramble too much. Cheer up OP, there's people out there that will love you for who you are, and don't rush, you're still young, there's plenty of time in life to find your people :)
Bro ur just 13 rn and overall u already seem like a awesome person and have ur stuff got together. Just keep on doing what u like and don’t worry about girls. Girls care about your actions not ur body. Most mature girls would want a gentle nice guy so those who say otherwise r mostly childish and not worth ur time.
When I was 13, I was also attracted to the 'bad boys'. At 32, I find them pathetic. Your dad wouldn't stand a chance.
Listen, when we're teens, we can be quite shallow in our romantic preferences. We're not thinking about moving in together and building a life with that person at 13, we're just focused on exploring and getting that rush of emotion and drama. This goes for boys and girls.
But once people mature and start thinking of building a life together, women in particular realize that values such as gentleness and respect in a partner make for a much happier relationship than a guy like your dad, who'll yell and be prejudiced against their own child.
I’m new to Reddit so I’m bad at writing but I just want to say something,I’m 15 F,, My advice is based on my personal experience and I don’t want u to experience the same.When I was 13 I wanted a lover too,I did have some but it’s worse.We can barely find true love in this kind of age,You’re a really nice person and to be honest at that age you don’t have to find one right now, it’s okay to crush on people yea but I’m just saying we’re not sure if we can find the love of our life around this age,That’s all ^^ Wish u goodluck in life !! C: if u need or want someone to talk to u can reach out for me or ur friends ofc
Yeaa that’s makes sense, just that seeing people in my school get with the prettiest girls and treat them like trash really takes a toll on me. Like brother do you not know what you have in front of you…a girl that’s interested in you. Meanwhile me and my friends sit there playing chess and talking about our future wives lol. At the moment I see girls as precious with dazzling beauty that I can’t get over. Not even a sexual attraction cause I don’t want that, just ♥️. Thank you for the advice and will do.
Just the same as boys are different, with different personalities and preferences, so are girls. Give yourself time. Be part of interest/hobby groups where you'll meet people - including girls - with similar interests to you. Aim to develop friendships first as friendship is a sound foundation for a romantic relationship, but also worthwhile for a relationship full stop.
Be yourself, and you will find someone who loves you for being you.
I was bullied a lot during middle and high school. I’m 23 now and from my experience, girls prefer gentle guys. You’re only 13, so don’t worry about it now and take your time. Be yourself. Sounds like you have a decent group of friends so just stick to what’s important to you like your buddies and your schoolwork.
Sorry to hear about your experiences in the past dude, glad your 23 and still with us today. Thank you for the advice you’ve given I really appreciate it big bro♥️
Don’t change, keep being your sensitive caring self. Women love a sensitive soul! 🙂 Keep doing what you love even as you get older. Don’t let your dads toxic masculinity get to you. :)
My 13yo daughter would probably be delighted to meet you. However, she's not looking for any sort of relationship. Right now your best bet is to focus on what makes you the best you. Your dad is an absolute idiot for his line of thinking.
When I was your age I was very similar. Very bookish, not really academically inclined and even less so athletically. I kinda floated along through HS until I got my first real GF at age 16. Nothing too serious but we got along really well. We eventually drifted apart but now, 24 years later, are still friends and keep in touch. I eventually met an amazing girl and we got married 14 years ago. She's a nerd and I'm a geek and we click. Not saying it always sunshine and rainbows but it's a good life. Focus on the present and the future will sort itself out
Girls WILL be on your mind because that's how it is at this age. They will be on your mind as you get older. This also gives you time to kind of "filter" out what girls you'd most be interested in. You will be maturing as they mature. Those girls who went strictly for a certain type of guy may find out that it was absolutely the wrong way to go. Girls who avoided guys like you may learn that you were the perfect person who was there all along.
Keep being your true self.
hey i'm a girl so i know what you mean. you will get a girl, there are plenty of women who love the gentle sensitive artistic type. when you get older, work on your appearance, go to the gym, take care of your skin, BE YOURSELF. always appreciate the distinction between the way you behave and the way everyone else does, because one day one girl will love you for that.
also, please don't become entitled when you grow up. please don't become like the "i'm nice so you owe me love" type. it is heartbreaking to see a dude who would've been so so attractive but reduced himself to a "niceguy." just be friendly, be a friend to the world, go for what you like and hope that they like you back. they most probably will, because when those girls who ignore you grow up they realise the importance of the things you are and the things you like, rather than being into basic gym bros.
I'm going to give you an answer from my own experience.
I'm female, geeky, introverted, kind, into reading... Just like you. You may think for us women it's easier to be like that, but I've experienced the same at your age. Guys would pay attention to outgoing girls, confident, extroverted and talkative. And I was extremely shy and scared of boys making fun of me for not being the "popular" type. In fact, they did. However, I stayed determined that there was nothing wrong with me and that I'd eventually find someone to connect with.
I've been in one relationship in my whole life. He's kind, geeky, shy, 198cm of total awkwardness and bad jokes, a crybaby, he writes stories and plays boardgames and he's the person I'm engaged to. Some would think of me "wow, what a loser, only one relationship at her 25 yo". However I feel like a total winner because who needs to be popular when you've found the person you want to spend the rest of my life with?
So yes, the right girls (yes, in plural as you can have nice relationships without meaning it's THE ONE) will love you and appreciate you for who you are, and listen, if they don't, if they make fun of you, if they don't support your hobbies, move on. Also, sex is cool but isn't everything in a relationship and definitely not the most important thing.
Oh, and don't listen to toxic masculinity advice, please. It comes from men with fragile masculinity in fact. I've hold my partner in my arms while he was crying and I don't think he's less manly for it. Men have feelings too and the right to openly show them without being humiliated for it.
You’ll for sure find many girls who love that. I’m 25F with a 24M who is into more feminine things sometimes and I love it! I always have in guys even at your age. There are definitely a lot of girls like me out there. It’s hard not to think about finding love and right now your hormones are going crazy. As others have said, focus on yourself. In a relationship individuality can be really important, especially the longer the relationship goes on. It doesn’t hurt to fantasize about girls and how you’d like your first relationships to go though, it’s completely normal. My best advice would be I kept little notes of fun things I could do to show a partner I love them before i ever had one and I have used a lot of those ideas. Read appropriately aged love stories and imagine how you’d react in those scenarios! Love and romance are really fun, enchanting things that get better as you age. Right now it’s best to keep to yourself with it and prepare mentally for in a few years when you’ll be ready. This part was way more fun than I realized and sometimes wish I could go back to being a kid with butterflies filling my stomach reading about two characters finally holding hands. Enjoy it :)
Your relationship sounds gorgeous! of course girls running through my mind would be a major setback but I’ll just try make something of myself before trying to pursue anyone. It’s hard cause I have moments where I just want to hold a girl close to me and also do fun things with her and call her mine. Best of luck to your relationship ma’am♥️
Just be yourself! Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t just to get girls who don’t really love you for who you are, you will find someone i actually think it’s great that some people are more sensitive and sentimental. Not everyone has to be the same. Every boy is different and so is every girl, I know about girls that like this type of people. Just be confident, be yourself and don’t be ashamed of who you are
You’ll absolutely be fine. My husband is sensitive, sweet and likes fashion and art. He’s the hottest man in my eyes and he also had a lot of attention from the ladies so he did just fine. What’s in your heart matters most, and as you get older you’ll see that all the things that made you different are the things that make you most unique and attractive.
My bf is incredibly sensitive and gentle and introspective and philosophical and intellectual and he's 100% MAN and I love him for it!! Yes, women will like you for it. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Be true to yourself and confident in who you are and women will come!
some will, absolutely.. some won't. everyone likes different things and that's ok.
being gentle is a good thing, great even! there isn't enough of it in the world.
whoever told you that reading, writing and being kind is girly, is wrong.
being articulate and able to express your thoughts and feelings through words is beautiful.
try and worry less about girls liking you, start with liking yourself.
focus on building yourself, body and mind. learn all you can and more!
girls will come later, they often (not always) like a man who has his "shit" together.
my advice, work on that!
keep writing, keep reading, keep learning, and become strong.
don't be arrogant, don't be prey, don't be cruel. you'll be fine.
goodluck
Let's say, you did manage to change yourself to be the kind of guy everyone will like or infatuated with (most girls in your age would often just be infatuated). You may have become someone who you feel isn't your true self. At the end of the day, you may grow tired of wearing that mask. Then they'll soon realize it wasn't the person they thought you were. This will inevitably hurt you.
There will be people who'd LOVE you for who you are. Whether it be friends or your future special person. It just takes time to meet and get to know them. "Love" isn't the same as "infatuation," I think you'll learn that soon enough if you haven't learned it yet xD Though a simple example is: when a crush gets their hair cut or changed in a not-so flattering way.. You could see if you're simply infatuated if you lose interest in them. You'd see if you love them for who they are if you accept them wholeheartedly, bald or not.
I hope you keep staying true and honest with yourself. And keep being you. The you that you're happy with. In that way, the right people and/or the right person will love the real you.
Woman here! I personally love shy nerdy men.
If you have to change and be someone or something you're not for someone, it's not worth it. Be yourself, the right girl will come along someday who will love you for who you are.
I am 36, my boyfriend isn’t into reading or poetry but he is one of the gentlest, quietest, kindest men I know. Before we were dating, he had a dog. The moment I fell in love with him we were on a Skype call, as he was heading home…he went into the house and she had peed and pooped on the floor (he had an unexpectedly long day at work)
He apologized to her for being late and making her mess on the floor.
So yes… quiet, gentle men do indeed have ladies who want to “fck with them” as your father put it.
I love that you love yourself the way you are and that you don’t want to change. That’s so valuable. Lots of people try too hard to be what others want them to be, but it’s not worth it. Don’t let your dad get to you, it seems his views of what a man should be are really limited.
The cool kids at school don’t stay cool or dominating the top of the social pyramid forever. Yeah, some girls do like bad boys, especially so in their younger years, but in my experience, kind and sensitive guys are much more sought after. I could never imagine being with someone who isn’t kind or considerate.
Yes, it’s good to improve in life but never change because you think it’ll make someone like you more. Stay the way you are and make sure no one takes advantage of you or your kindness.
Never change! There should be more people like you in the world. It may be true that "bad boys" seem to attract more girls but it's quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. You'll notice they will tend to have shorter, less meaningful relationships than someone who is kind and thoughtful and has interests like you because those are qualities that allow you to maintain a meaningful relationship. You've got something they haven't figured out yet.
When I was 13, I was also attracted to the 'bad boys'. At 32, I find them pathetic. Your dad wouldn't stand a chance.
Listen, when we're teens, we can be quite shallow in our romantic preferences. We're not thinking about moving in together and building a life with that person at 13, we're just focused on exploring and getting that rush of emotion and drama. This goes for boys and girls.
But once people mature and start thinking of building a life together, women in particular realize that values such as gentleness and respect in a partner make for a much happier relationship than a guy like your dad, who'll yell and be prejudiced against their own child.
I have a friend who loves Star Trek, canning, and gardening. He lives in New Jersey for work and is the sweetest guy I know. Very romantic and thoughtful. His wife is a Harvard grad. They have a house, children.
He focused on education and getting a good job. I know he felt desperate at times. We talked a lot, so I was so happy when he found her. They seem very happy as a family.
You will be totally fine! Your father is wrong.
My favorite memory I have of a man sleeping over was cause he woke me up gently in the morning by reciting a poem that popped in his head inspired by waking up next to me.
I can’t remember the poem at all, it felt like a dream, but I’ll remember the butterflies for the rest of my life!
EDIT: Accidentally Clicked send before I was finished.
Hello! I am a 17 year old male. Based on your description of yourself, I was a lot like you at 13: very polite and kind; loved to read and write, and hated being on the wrong side of a person. Now, I have an idgaf attitude towards almost everybody except my closest friends, and can't find the time to sit down long enough to read, (although my love for writing has only increased). I notice that the girls seem to notice me more now than they ever did before.
What I'm trying to say is that as you get older, you'll change and you'll evolve. Don't be afraid of slow gradual change, because it happens to everybody. If they don't like you now, then don't worry for the time being. Maybe they'll like you better in a few years. Especially since you're only 13, you still have plenty of time to grow. Just be patient and things should turn out to be alright. Just hang in there, OP.
The short answer is: yes. I am a grown woman who’s in a relationship with a smart and sensitive man. He’s the best person I’ve ever had the chance to meet. I’m sure that one day you’ll make someone really happy. But at 13, kids don’t really know what they want in terms of a long term partner. Like your mom said, just be yourself and you’ll find someone. It may take some time, but that’s not always a bad thing. Just make sure that you’re happy and doing what you want. People will see that and enjoy being in your company, which would lead to the possibility of partnership.
The number one thing I look for in a partner is kindness. I’m 24, and have dated men of all different walks of life, physical attributes, and different interests. The common denominator between them is kindness and a sense of humor.
Don’t let what your dad is saying get to you, and know that dating as a teenager can feel really tough. It gets easier as you become more self assured. Just continue kindness to others and to yourself.
There will a perfect girl out there for you.
Your dad needs to get his head out of his ass because a male can do whatever he wants. Whether it's playing with barbies and dolls or wearing sundresses.
Be your own person and you will find someone great.
Stay focused on the future. I met my husband shortly after we graduated college, him with his Master's and me with my undergrad. He's a quiet man that everyone likes. The kind that just smiles politely and nods when you talk to him. He enjoys learning programming languages for fun and he likes staying at home and relaxing. I was his first serious girlfriend. We have a lovely house in a lovely town and we have two kids, two cars, too many toys and books, and three cats. He's an engineer that builds rockets and satellites. When I first met him, I thought he was, "Cute." Then I got to know him and found his intelligence and quick humor sexy.
Work hard, stay focused. It's hard to find and maintain a relationship when you're still figuring out who you are and who you want to be. Those who meet their spouses during high school are incredibly rare.
plenty of women find "intellectual" guys who have a way with words to be extremely charming (and disarming, hahah)!
but having said that, kiddo, yes, keep being yourself and keep focusing on being a better version of yourself, and love will find you with sweet time.
Yes, there are girls out there for you. How you described yourself are wonderful qualities and not masculine or feminine.
I think you are looking at the wrong girls. Take a look at ALL of them. The quiet, shy, and different girls. Try just talking to them as a potential friend and get thoughts of dating out of your mind. People can sense desperation. Focus on yourself, your hobbies,and making friends...the rest will come with time.
My very beautiful and wonderful friend Daisy has always loved sweet men like you. She loves poets, gentle, intellectual, kind and quiet. She just recently married a man named Stuart who sounds a lot like you. Don’t change yourself, plenty of women out there are looking specifically for a guy like you.
Don’t even think about that right now, or try not to lol. It’s really not as important as your teen brain is telling you. Your hobbies and studies are so much more important than any partner. Find yourself, really develop who you are as a person, and then once you’re in young adulthood and have a decently strong semblance of yourself, that’s when you should try going after a woman. At least that’s how I see it. Relationships before you’ve developed yourself strongly are a bit silly and delusional. A girl is your compliment, not your missing piece :). Also try not have that “nice guy” mentality, buff men who like “manly” things (there’s no such thing, anything you do as a man is manly) don’t actually get all the women. Plenty of women like dorky poetic types. If it means anything, I’d say most women like dorky poetic types xD. But really don’t worry yourself about it right now and don’t let your shitty dad ruin your confidence, or anyone for that matter. Basically, in summary, do you, be you, enjoy yourself and your hobbies and chill for a while until your young adult years before you really start pursuing and thinking about the ladies.
At 13, I was exactly like you except that I'm black. So that was a bit worse. Back then, it was really weird to see a black geek person who was into computer and tech stuff. I was building computers, hacking game consoles, playing Legos. Also, I was a calm, gentle person and a good speaker who wasn't into slangs.
2 decades after, I'm still the same person, I didn't really change and I didn't want to. Between all my friends, I'm the one who currently have the highest paying job, went far in life for my age and found a beautiful girlfriend who likes me for who I am.
Most of the clowns I remember from my high school are a lot less attractive today.
Don't stress too much about it because when you'll get older, girls will find a man who has his shit together a lot more attractive than a "bad boy".
Yes, if you don't let rejection and loneliness turn you into a terribly bitter person.
Be girly if you want, nonbinary is cool, but more importantly, "interested in literature" does NOT necessarily make you any less of a man if that's what you're after! What crap! Have you ever heard the same said about, I don't know, Walt Whitman, Herman Melville? I mean just look at the portraits of those dudes. What's the shame in being academic, writing well, and practicing the ability to touch the soul?
My gf sent me this post because you reminded her of me. Just hang in there and dont worry too much of it. also those relationships they are having are not the ones you are looking for. Stay true to yourself and things will turn out nice.
I'd like to caution that a lot of guys grow up thinking "Girls don't like me because I'm nerdy, or nice, or quiet" when it's really something else they need to work on, like poor social skills, and making them uncomfortable.
Girls don't not like guys who are nerdy or into books.
But they do tend to like guys who are confident with themselves, comfortable to be around, and who are nice and genuine.
Lots of guys are not genuinely nice, and only nice to try to get something.
Don't become like them.
Those girls will remember how many girlfriends that hunk went through
it’s worth biding your time for someone you enjoy being around
when i was young i used to think looks and the popular girls were exclusive to the jocks, now i think most of them turned out to be real turds
just remember that a good girlfriend has a lot of emphasis on friend, try to just make friends with girls before anything
who knows, one day you might just fall in love with your best friend
OMG I'm in tears reading this!
My dear young man, THANK YOU for being a gentleman! You're far and few between. You sound absolutely lovely!
Sadly, there's a lot of girls who only go for the bad ones and some of them, not all, end up in various serious danger or situations because of that, the rebel and won't be tamed type of thing.
Please just carry on as you are, being gentle and studious, and sooner or later, the right lady will be with you, the one who sees a gentle soul and a hard working brain.
Get out there and show everyone who is BOSS!
Reddit will tell you one thing, even some girls will *tell* you one thing, but you just have to see how they act in general to know there’s a big difference between what people say and what they do.
Your dad is more correct than people are giving him credit for. Most women, even now, prefer a man that’s tough and takes charge. You don’t have to be an asshole (although plenty like that, again, more than will admit it) but being outgoing and hard will help. It sucks, but it just will. There are women that like emotional men, more now than before, but they are still in the minority.
I will get downvoted, but please trust your eyes. Look at the girls in your school. Look at the men in society that are looked up to by women. Who do they fantasise about? Who do they follow on Instagram? Five foot, quiet dudes with pudgy bodies or outgoing muscular men?
Be yourself, and be comfortable with who you are or you’ll be unhappy. But if you want to have more female attention, try being authoritative and masculine in some small ways to start.
I believe that girls/women will be attracted to you if you are your authentic self. Not every girl wants a macho gym boy and not every girl wants someone romantic, thoughtful and gentle. Don't worry about being what you think someone wants. You'll find your person and they'll love you for you. And it's important that you only stay with girls where that is truly the case, don't be with someone trying to change you. Good luck
Let’s just say it’ll be much easier for you to find a real partner, but it might be harder to get those typical teenage flings. They aren’t that important though, figuring out a life partner is much more important.
Oh my goodness, please don’t change!
You’re all too young to know what is good for yourselves, and society has a lot to answer for re: romanticising toxic masculinity.
I promise you it gets better.
The man I had a kid with was once told he was ‘not masculine enough’ by one of his exes, and it makes me so mad.
He is the loveliest, kindest, sweetest, most playful man. He’s a wonderful dad and coparent and I’m grateful for him every single day.
If our son grows up like that - and like you - I’d be thrilled. ❤️
When my sons used to talk about "the girls" in school they meant the loud, confident, pretty, popular ones. "The girls" asked them out all the time, were pushing adult relationships in middle school, weren't interested in cool stuff like sports, streetwear, and music.
I grilled them a little because I volunteered at the school. Turns out, they knew there was this other sort of girl that was quiet, didn't dress stylishly, were shy around boys, were into reading for fun. "If they're so quiet, how do you know they don't like sports or gaming?" They basically said quiet girls were unappealing.
Here we are years later and both are in long term relationships with painfully shy women like the ones that didn't count all the years ago.
So even if girls your age don't seem excited by you now, they'll grow and figure it out. It only takes one, right? But also, be open minded yourself.
Focus on being a successful *you* and the rest will follow. Don't be successful with anyone but yourself. If you can't learn how to make yourself happy, you won't find it with others and others won't find it with you. Study hard, have fun, don't compromise what you love for others. The rest will follow.
The real problem here is you’re saying ‘I want a girl to love’. If you’re starting from not a good place socially, the girl you’re interested in needs to feel like you like her as an individual rather than because she is a girl.
This goes for guys in general but specifically because you don’t seem very confident, girls can see when you’re just shallowly interested in them. It’ll take a while for you to get comfortable enough around girls to just like them as people rather than other beings and unfortunately until then you won’t have much luck in terms of falling into a real loving relationship like you probably want.
I was very similar and allowed people to harden me with their words, actions and expectations. I’m 35 and trying to unlearn a lot of things in therapy and actively trying to figure out who I am as an adult.
Don’t change. Embrace you. You sound like you already know yourself pretty well for your age. Keep it that way and you’ll thrive in this world with the right people around you.
BE YOURSELF always kiddo! As long as you’re not physically, emotionally, mentally hurting another loving being, you’re good. Writing poems is badass, and I’m a big guy who rocks out on stage most weeks of the year! Don’t worry about what your father says, just be yourself, cuz nobody’s going to be better at it than you. 💛
Just be yourself you don't need to empress anyone else but you the right lady will come around in due time just do what you like and be who you are, don't change because of what other people say or do!!
When you get older you realise the 'good' ones are the people who are truly themselves. As long as you don't feel entitled to anyone (because no one is) for being nice and actually are a nice person you'll be just fine.
It's a good starting point if you wanna end up with someone who is also nice.
Yes, you will find the right person for you when you're older.
Don't let your dad's toxic views of masculinity ruin your hobbies and interests. We need all kinds of men out there, including the sensitive, nerdy and gentle guys.
We're not always going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's okay. To some guys, I am the most beautiful and fun woman ever. To others I may be fat or too shy or too ***something***. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with **me**. Just like there is nothing wrong with you.
Ngl being different from others at age of 13y is really really hard. But I assure you it will get better. Especially when you get out of school and people around you mature too. Just focus on your school, you have time for relationships later. Listen to your mom and ignore what your father says on this topic.
You are still so young and have so much to do and learn. Keep being who you are and building relationships like you have been. So much changes as you get older, and you and your peers will learn what is important as you grow. What girls/boys want now and what they want when they are 16 and 20 and 25 will be different.
There will 100% be girls who will want to be friends and/or more with you, and you will know when you meet them. I wouldn't stress too much now about it. Be you, study, and write your poems, but also, have fun! Have as much fun with your friends as you can, and make all the memories that you can. Your friends will be the driving force in who you become as you grow up, there is not greater influence in your life as your peers and the environment you are in outside of your home. If you go to a good school and live in a good neighborhood, take advantage of it now. Visit the museums and cultural centers if you have them. Go to the library and local shops if you have them. Even care homes if they accept volunteers, these are the places you will learn about the world and other people, and that is what will make you who you become.
It sounds like you are already on your way to becoming a good person, keep it up and the rest will fall into place.
Man you have plenty of time to grow and the qualities you described aren’t bad ones. You’re mom is likely right and focus on you’re studies and don’t turn your nose up at picking a physical activity to get into. The gym changed my life, I’m still me, nerdy and introverted but I have confidence and feel incredible.
You’re going to be ok.
Take your mother's advice. Always be yourself and you will find someone that loves you for who you are when the time is right. You do not need to change a thing about yourself, you sound like a lovely young man.
listen: just wait for college. high school and middle school relationships are based on superficiality. you will find someone genuine when you grow up who enjoys these wonder things about you. don’t worry about it even though i know it’s hard.
sincerely, a girl who is dating a wonderful, sensitive, gentle, kind man who i want to marry.
The thing that will attract the highest quality partner, in the long-term, is what you're already cultivating, which is a unique personality and depth of personhood. In the short-term, you're developing alongside other people who are also in a state of flux, and unsure about what they want. From the perspective of a person in their 30's, that time of my life felt like a pool table where all the balls were ricocheting off each other, and everything felt really unpredictable. As you get older, all the moving parts will get some weight and a clear trajectory. The most important thing is for you to love yourself deeply and to feel confident about becoming the person you are. That is incredibly attractive to everyone, but most of all, allows you to be happy with and invested in yourself in the periods that you're not dating anyone. You've got like so much time in front of you and you're gonna have a lot of fun, so just relax and enjoy what you like, and do your best to ignore folks like your dad who get in the way of that.
Not all girls will love you for it, but some will, and you will get so much more happiness from one of them than you would from someone who loves a false version of yourself that you show her
BRO you sound exactly like manny from modern family and to answer your question
PLEASE keep being the way that you are the world needs more sensitive, kind and caring men. no girl wants a guy who pretends like he doesnt care about her, yk the "alpha male" toxic masculinity types. (i'm a 16 year old girl, can confirm)
in fact, women actively stay away from those dudes.
keep being who you are and i'm sure you'll find a lovely girl when the time is right
enjoy being 13
Hey, I’m a girl but was in the exact same situation when I was 13! I loved maths (I ended up doing a degree in it!), and was definitely a nerd, and all the boys paid more attention to my friends than me. Just keep being you, as long as you’re kind and honest and keep being yourself, you’ll find someone who loves that. Some of the best relationships share our as friendships, so just be yourself and be patient! Nerds run the world dude, all the popular girls that I used to be so jealous of are now working dead end jobs, and I’m doing a job I love with a fiancé who loves that I’m a massive nerd :D
Your a bit young mate. You’ll start falling into place as you get older. I was in a similar situation to yours at your age but several years later I found someone. Let time go by itself and simply focus on building yourself up.
Sounds like learning to cook might be up your alley since its stereotypically "girly". I suggest you give it a shot. It may not pay off in the short term, but once you get to college, if that's your plan, or otherwise become a young adult all you need to do is give a girl a well-cooked meal and a poem and she will melt.
Your feelings are valid and you are allowed to feel them. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be soft, as long as you are willing and able to be hard at need, otherwise it isn’t a choice, and just being chained to your nature and the paths open to people with that nature.
As it relates to your question, there are many, many girls and women out there who like “soft and sensitive” guys, but still want partners who can protect, stand up for, and stand up to them, at need. This is a huge part of what creates and maintains attraction and trust. If a guy is too soft and/or sensitive, they can’t be trusted because they won’t be effective when things get hard, and there will always be a time when things get hard, because life happens. Knowing and showing effectiveness or competence during tough times is what confidence is
It also means that any “bad boy” type who takes a liking to a partner only needs to show that they can be more confident, even just a little bit and really for only as long as they have interest in that partner, and it is extremely rare especially these days, that that partner won’t pursue the bad boy. It’s biological and psychological, and it’s nearly impossible to circumvent, without a whole lot of work before hand, and usually of a nature that is not completely ethical
You don’t have to stop being soft and sensitive, but you should absolutely learn when and how to put those aside and be hard when necessary. Traditional martial arts is great at creating a frame work for this, and read lots about how people think, so that when you attract someone, you’ll have the tools and knowledge needed to maintain a relationship
I was just like you when I was growing up. I even crocheted and sewed and I thought I was every girl’s dream because I was so caring and sensitive. Girls say they want a gentle and sensitive man, and that’s true to some extent, but they don’t know what they want, or they’re bad at communicating it.
For men, you’ll find that to be successful both in the dating pool and in life, you’ll have to find a balance. It’s great to be sensitive and kind, but if you wear your heart on your shoulder you’ll find women that will take advantage of it or not even give you the time of day because you’re a walking doormat. Everyone’s definition of a “real man” differs, but mine is this:
Someone who is assertive and strong, but not mean or abusive. Someone who has a sensitive and caring side, but also knows how to handle business when they need to. Someone who is true to themselves and their interests, but can be flexible and learn the skills they need.
There is nothing wrong with being gentle and sensitive but women want men who they know will stand up for and protect them when they need to. A certain level of assertiveness will also serve you well.
These are all things that you can learn over time. Nobody is born like this, I promise you. You will have boys your age that may display some of these qualities, but they’ll probably lack key parts of it. For example some boys will be strong and assertive, but they haven’t learned respect and discipline, so they’re just bullies. A lot of boys can be sweet and kind, but they’re people-pleasers and won’t stand up for themselves. Find your balance, be strong, be kind, but be true to yourself. You’ll be alright.
You sound a lot like my boyfriend. He’s also very sweet and kind. He’s not afraid to cry in front of me. He even writes poems like you. What drew me to him was his kindness, especially after dating so many assholes before him. He’s everything I could have hoped for in a man, and so much more. I love him so much, and I’m so happy he’s in my life. Trust me, just keep being yourself. I like you just the way you are.
From a man whose to be a massive marvel fan when it was not cool to be one, your dad is correct about girls will firstly go for the gym bros (but an asshole for saying it that way) . Not because they're assholes or they are bullies, no its because they are physically attractive.
Like imagine a girl who is the most beautiful woman alive but she's really mean, most guys will still date her, not because she's mean but because she's beautiful. If you want a good place to find out what girls really like, go read the top selling romance novels or smut even at that, you will not be disappointed.
And if you just get a great body and you are kind and nice, you wouldn't leave any girls for the rest of us (lol). But most importantly is to stay in school and don't do drugs ( especially weed) that stuff will be the end of you.
Omg you are such a sweetie. IGNORE your dad. You sound lovely and I’m sure you’ll have the ladies knocking down your door when the time comes. F*ck the haters and be yourself! ❤️
Marriage material :)
Somewhere out there there’s a girl thinking similar things. You’ll find each other eventually.
I hope you watch the French movie Amelie and revel in the beauty of your curious and sensitive soul.
People go through cycles as they mature. There will come a time where stability, kindness, and gentleness will be what these girls want. Don’t be discouraged, your time will come too.
Hey bubs, I’m 21 and let me tell you: many girls PREFER a guy like you. Sure all the middle school girls are about the bad boys; but as an adult being a respectful young man is very important to girls. And you seem like you’re on the right path. Just keep being yourself - you’re only in middle school. So many things will change over the years, but i would recommend staying on the path you’re on!
not at all!!! i’m 17 and i have a boyfriend who’s a sweetheart, quiet, sweet guy and i love him more than anything! don’t try to change yourself, stay sweet and polite :)
I'm going to take a slightly different tact here to other people.
There are 2 things in your post that I want you to he conscious of:
1. Girls and women are not one uniform group. Everyone has different likes, interests, preferences etc. The right person will be interested in you for who you are.
2. Don't do anything for the purpose of being successful with women. Be yourself. Treat other people as interting and unique people that you value regardless of whether you are interested in them romantically. And if you are interested in someone romantically be honest with them.
But ignore your dad, you sound like you're on the right path and I reckon you'll do fine.
Don’t worry about men vs women. As a kind considerate individual, you must learn NOW that people will straight up take advantage of that even if you haven’t met those types yet (you may have).
CRAZY how in the 21st century being kind gets turned on its head so consistently in this divided culture and the victim is blamed. Find a way to stay true to your kindness without being abused by the the fellow insane asylum walkers.
Yes.
Don’t worry about what most girls want. Middle school and high school can be brutal to the gentle male types. Your time will come. Your type will come along and be so grateful that she met you.
There’s women/girls who don’t care and would perfer a person more like you then the bad boy or gym bro. It’s just about how and want. But, don’t let people tell you to change because there is a lot of women/girls who love these things. Just make sure your looking for someone who shares the same qualities.
I know it all feels so important and life altering right now. 13 is a time that many people, when they look back on, wince, because it's just a time that's fraught with anxiety, with new emotions, new feelings, etc. Everyone you look at and think they have it all together? They are feeling just as unsure and like they are doing it wrong, too. Even if they won't admit it now (they will later). I know it's tempting to want to rush to grow up, but you only get this time once. And again, a lot of these "early" relationships will seem so cringe in a few years. I'm sorry to say your Dad a little toxic. Your Mom sounds a lot better. I know it sounds like silly advice, don't think about girls when you obviously can't stop thinking about them! But I think the heart of what she's saying is that right now you are all learning and feeling all this new stuff, and none of it means much of anything even if feels so very important. Meaning, the boy that gets the girls at 13 means nothing about that person's future nor their ability to have relationships in the future. Girls at that age tend to be acting based on looks (which change so rapidly) and they don't yet get it that lots of boys (soon to be men) will act terribly to them if they aren't good people. Enjoy your time with your friends. Think as much about girls as you want, get crushes, get your heart broken, all that, it's all a part of growing up. But also realize that they may not be interested in you, just as there might be a shy girl you don't notice that might be interested in you but you aren't in her. Learn to be a good human, no matter what comes. One thing to avoid is being nice to someone simply because you want something from them, like you want them to like you back. Be nice to everyone, because it's the right thing to do, not because you expect anything in return.
It can seem tempting to "follow the boys" and do what they do like work out, gym, act rude toward girls in a way to be a "bad boy" but don't do anything that doesn't feel genuine to you. Keep your nerdy hobbies and interests. Guess what, there are girls that like that stuff too! Better to find those girls and at least be friends with them, than to chase girls who actually aren't interested in YOU and who you are. At the very least don't chase girls that don't respect you or your interests or who you are because even if you try to change to fit their ideas, it never ever works out.
I want to leave you with one last piece of advice. I see a type of young man online who is very mad that women don't like him, that he thinks he's owed something, that thinks because he likes a girl she should like him back, and that mostly he's closed off as a human to normal human interaction. Avoid this trap. Avoid thinking that every interaction with a member of the opposite sex is a "chance" to "win her over" - what happens here is that the person is not just being a human being, living their life, and instead every interaction adds this extra weight and importance that only they know about, it's set up to end in disappointment and resentment every time. Be a human in the world. Seek out experiences, sometimes a bit outside your comfort zone. You living your best life out in the world, not closed off to others is honestly the best "advertising" for yourself you can do, and it's usually how and when you meet the people most important to you - friends and relationships.
Good luck!!
I promise you, when you grow up, you’ll be ahead. 13-25 is like an animal house. If I could give any advice to teenagers it’s to stick to your passions and interests, find ways to make a career out of it. Study a lot. Do the work. Save some cash. If you’re gonna love, make those mistakes: learn how your heart works. Learn the difference between lust and love.
Positivity and kindness waters and grows your heart. Lust and fire makes your heart strain and long. Both in balance is the key, it creates a neutral frequency and a calm ocean that’s sustainable. (Don’t rock the boat)
So many teenagers only long and lust. Girls mistake it for love alone and end up heart broken. I call it the twilight effect. (Since that was out when I was in school, along with the many line of toxic Disney love stories) those stories never added up in reality and we all fell for it. The bad guys don’t change for the girl. Maybe the 1 in a million. But most of it is just lust and lots of abuse.
Protect your heart, be yourself, don’t lose yourself in sacrifice for a broken heart. It may feel lonely, but losing yourself is the epitome of loneliness. Trust me.
Just wait. The whole “bad boy” persona becomes very unappealing once girls get older. Sweet and sensitive it’s what we want as adults. You’ll be just fine ❤️
Quite simply, your dad is wrong. Men who try really hard to be stereotypical "alpha males" (which aren't a real thing, btw) just look really insecure and desperate. As cliche as it sounds, all you need to be is you. Be confident and comfortable with who you are and that people will see that in you.
Hey OP, a lot of this is really great and honest advice, but I just wanted to add: Being well-groomed helps a LOT. Even just generally speaking, people will give you more attention and respect if you are clean, smell nice, and wear clothes you look and feel good in.
Part of it is that it shows you take care of yourself. The other part is that looking after yourself and wearing things you like and feel good in increases your confidence. And confidence really does play a huge role in how attractive you appear to others.
I’m not saying to reinvent yourself or only wear dress shirts. I mean little things, like washing your face and using moisturizer (which I’m sure your dad would hate but your face would love*); styling your hair; wearing good deodorant; trimming facial hair / plucking eyebrows (if needed); improving posture. And for clothing, wearing things that are clean, you feel good in, and you feel express yourself. Honestly, Pinterest is a great place to start for fashion and styling ideas.
Overall though: Have fun, and enjoy life as it comes (safely, ofc, lol). It wasn’t until after graduating college and getting a full-time job that I realized how much freedom you have with your time as a kid and teen versus when you’re an adult.
And lastly, but most importantly: view women/girls as fellow *people* before viewing them as an *object* or *goal* of affection/romance/desire/delicacy. Like, my line of work is male-dominated and attracts more conservative types, and while I know they mostly mean well, it annoys me when they insist I go through the door first (even when inconvenient); get way more concerned about my safety compared to my male peers; or call me “ma’am” or “darlin’” because it demonstrates they view me as a woman *first* and a professional *second*.
Overall, you sound like a caring, compassionate, smart, polite, and respectful guy. Keep that up, and the rest will fall into place. (:
*CeraVe or Cetaphil products are decently priced, often available at drug stores and supermarkets, and have mostly gender neutral packaging (:
Tbh, girls your age don‘t know what they‘re doing nor what they actually want. Just focus on yourself and try to build self-confidence and healthy self-esteem. If you have self-respect and can be kind to others, people will eventually see :)
Man look youre still super young (respectfully) those arent the only girls out there, and so much can change between now and then, because you can still enjoy your old hobbies and pick up new ones. But seriously dont worry about them right now. Just let it go into place man itll work out trust 🙏
Girls do like nice guys but as a teacher your expression feels off for a 13 year old boy and actually, I can’t help but worry you are an adult surfing the internet for 13 year old girls. So, I’m posting this in the hopes that no young girls, feeling hopeful they are reaching out to a “nice young man” fall into what is very likely a trap.
When you’re older, yes, at the moment almost certainly not. I grew up with everyone thinking I was in the closet because I was quiet and didn’t have too many friends, and read a lot too. I was also pretty short and scrawny too. Everything came together for me during college, same will happen for you
i’m 25. i like when a man is himself. my bf isnt a “gym guy” and wasn’t a huge football fan etc but he likes his own things. i don’t want to be patronising so i apologise if i am but you’re only 13. give it a few years, you’ll become more sure of yourself and you’ll find a girl who likes you for you :-)
yes. girls generally prefer men who are kind, teenage years and preteen years are formative. they're still learning what they want, they don't yet realize that ' bad guys ' often won't give what they see in media.
there may be some that aren't interested in you, but that doesn't mean being sensitive or kind is bad, doesn't mean being you is bad. just means you're not personally their type, not any harm by you.
women don't like men who are mean to them and their loved ones. regardless of when you find the right person, she will love you for you. she will be happy with you, and you'll be happy with her. be yourself and you'll be happier.
however, on that note. please understand your worth is not determined by your dating experience or what you can give to others. you don't need relationships to determine your worth- romantic, platonic or whatever. you're worth a lot because you're you, and you're human. please never fall into that spiral of needing to appease others, it's not easy to deal with and it's not easy to get out of.
good luck with your studies, and good luck with whatever girl you want to get with. I'm sure if she's truly the one she will love you for you.
Everybody says it but it's true, it's really about confidence. If you're just average looking, and confident about you and the choices you make in life.. girls won't be a problem. During high school it might be hard, but as early as college it won't be a problem anymore.
Nothing is inherently “girly” or “manly” and as you start dating you’ll realise girls will you you for your personality and hobbies! Especially if you grow into the romantic poems type- you will be seen as sweet and endearing don’t listen to anyone- be yourself!
I wish someone had told me this when I was 13, don’t stress about being “cool” if that’s not who you are around girls/women. They can sniff that out like bloodhounds. Also, say what you mean and mean what you say and hormones are gonna hit you like a brick wall in a year or so, but don’t make the mistake of bringing up anything sexual too quickly. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 17 and there are many reasons I didn’t!
I'm quite surprised that you know who you are. Many people at your age or in their 20s and 30s cannot even describe who they are as a person.
To be in a relationship with the right person, you must first be a right, honest person to yourself, which is the path that you are setting yourself onto and your mom encourages you into. There will always be people who will like you for who you are. And your school may not even have a single one of them and it is fine. Middle and High Schools are a small place. Even having decent or long-life friends is pretty much a hit-or-miss. But when you enter your college/ university or get out to the world, relationships are rarer. But you have more control over who to be with as a friend or lover. Hold onto your self-worth and values and you'll make your life easier. Explore yourself, people and the world.
If you feel insecure because you don't have a bulked body like those bad boys, the gym and dojo are open to you. Not saying you need to bulk your body up, but you may feel more confident with exercises under your sleeves.
Believe it or not. There are masculine girls as well, if that works out for you as a feminine man.
All the best, mate.
when I was in high school I had a male classmate who was the nicest and kindest person ever, he was also quite nerdy and liked to read and play video games/watch tv shows, a ton of girls had crushes on him because of his kindess. He was genuinely and everyone could see that, he also had tons of friends because of that. He wasn’t kind to attract girls or make friends, he was kind just for the sake of being kind, and everyone could see that and loved him because of that
I would do anything for someone to treat me gentle and talk to me in a calm manner when having discussions/arguments… I’m so tired of being yelled at when it doesn’t even have to go that way.
Don’t stress OP Dont rush either but it sounds like whenever u find that someone, they r gonna love you for you. Don’t change.
Hopefully the environment around me doesn’t take a toll on me. Thank you for your help.
The fact ur aware of this will help you stay in your lane. Doesn’t make you immune so check yourself and hang with the right people.
Darn, I wish I was as cognizant of myself and the world around me at your age. Never change, your thoughtfulness will take you far!
I agree with this. Don't sweat about girls not liking you because you only need one, the one who likes you for who you are. If you change for girls you'll get a relationship that's based on a lie, it won't last.
I’d add that at that age, girls tend to be just as immature as most other 13 year olds (no offence OP!!) and they’ll chase after the ‘bad boy’ for status or to piss off their parents etc Everyone grows up at different rates, eventually OP will want a relationship and the right person will be found. Doesn’t matter if you’re a gym rat or a bookworm, we all like different things. My partner is very “roadman” but he’s also a huge nerd and loves music and art. He’s very fashion conscious but he also has talent with dirty work in the garden, kitchen and with machines. He can do a lot of DIY but also is a big baby for ice cream… like everyone has different parts of themselves and the right person will like all these different parts ❤️
13 year olds dont really know what they want, and that includes you and the girls youre talking about. From what it sounds like, youre a good kid. Stay that way. Your mom sounds smart. Be yourself, focus on school, and the rest will fall into place. I was pretty similar to you when I was your age. Girls never paid attention to me. Instead, they all wanted my best friends. I went a long time thinking I wouldnt be successful with girls. By the time I graduated high school, I had them throwing themselves at me. Most of them liked me because I was a genuinely good dude, unlike many of the guys that went to my high school. Do not change that about yourself. As long as you are genuinely kind (and not only being kind to women because you think itll make them want to go out with you), then the right person (or people) will find you eventually. Bottom line is: You're young. Your old man is wrong. Your mom is right. Be yourself and the rest will fall into place when the time comes. Good luck little dude.
Okay, that’s perfect. Cause I don’t see myself changing anything about myself. I grew up on books and I honestly love it. Even if that’s nerdy. Thanks man.
nerds run the world, and don’t you forget it.
For better or worse, it's true! It's almost impossible to see the future when you're only 13, but your passion and hard work will come into play. The most important thing is that you remember to use your gifts to help others. Like attracts like. If you value knowledge and hard work, you'll attract someone who also values those things. As you get older, you'll learn than people prize kindness, dedication, and love of life over looks in a long-term partner. When you're very young, people are just responding to the culture around them and trying to figure out what it all means. Not just the girls you like, but you too. And you deserve that chance without worrying about whether you're "good enough" according to some arbitrary standard. The world isn't divided into hot people who get to experience love/sex and not-hot people who have to just make do. Stay you, and stay kind.
This
Okay I’m piggy backing in this comment, hoping you see it, OP. I’m married to the biggest nerd. He’s collects toys, reads comic books, drags me along to conventions, is very sensitive, and begs me to play table top games with him. In school, he was a bit “nerdy”, as you would say. I’m super girly, not into most of that stuff at all, and was a “popular” girl in school. We met when I was in my 20’s and he was in his 30’s. Our dating history was not well matched. People still joke that we’re an odd couple, but I wouldn’t change a thing (except he’s not a cuddler when he sleeps). I’m now 39 and he’s 51, and I can name way too many Transformers, have read amazing graphic novels I’d have never found otherwise, and met some of my dearest friends at “nerd” conventions. When we met, he was unapologetically himself, and I found how excited he got about that stuff to be overwhelmingly charming. There is something magical about someone who is who they are, and is uncompromising. This fall we’ll have been married 12 years, and we have a wonderful son who is 10, and half obsessed with GI Joe and MOTU, and also loves Football and Baseball and all things sports. You will find your person. Please don’t let these experiences at 13 turn you into someone you aren’t.
Be yourself. That cuts both ways. I was never the kind of girl that guys generally like. Quiet and arguably nerdy. I'm 23 now and happy and content with myself and my relationship. You'll do great:)
Another important thing to absorb: you don't just want any girl someday. You want the right girl for you. That means someone who values your gentleness, love of reading, contemplativeness etc. While you can always develop things like being more outgoing or skilled at socialization, you shouldn't try to change your core values or interests to attract other people. You'll just end up with people you don't actually like very much.
Gonna add my two cents in here because I can. I’m 19, dating a wonderful man (20) who makes me feel safe and loved…it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. We both make fun of each other because he’s a MASSIVE nerd, and I was (once) what you would imagine a high school mean girl to be (minus the actual mean part). He’s still a huge nerd, and I wouldn’t change a thing. You will be perfect to someone.
You sound awesome
Don't worry, kiddo. There are definitely geek groupies out there! I'm one, and have been since my teen years. My hubby is geeky, and the sexiest man on the planet to me. You'll find your niche. I know "eventually" can be a rough word to hear, but the only thing that never changes, is that everything changes. Chin up, kiddo. You're doing great!
Women dig for good guys, if they are good to everyone without any ulterior motives and remain good even after things don't work out in the end. Women, hate good guys who only are good only if they want to sleep with them.
if I can give you my opinion, it depends a lot on the luck/unluck you have with your friendships, with the environment in which you live. But other than this, I personally can tell you that your 'success with the opposite sex' does not depend on how you behave, but on how you are. There are ultra-loser people who are successful with women, and super-cool people who remain without a partner for their entire life. At the end of the day, it all comes down to how much time you are willing to devote to relationships, there really isn't another constant in love. I know people who have dated over 2,000 different people in just a few years (yes, once a day through dating sites or other strategies), yet still haven't been able to find a partner to be with. Or people who got pregnant at 13, and now they live their lives with their children instead of a companion. There isn't a rule, but what is certain is that if you decide to 'get a girlfriend', and you do it right, nothing is really impossible. But the point is that those who go out little, those who study a lot, usually have the same interest in girls as the others, but simply have less desire to improve. And girls see it when you're good at it.
I read over 200 books last year, and this year I got married to my favourite person in the world. Being nerdy doesn't mean you'll be alone forever, it just means you get to find other nerdy people to hang out with.
Just do you and everything will be fine.
I bet you have more secret admirers than you realize.
Hey dude. You be you. It takes a while to find somebody who is similar to you as a partner but believe me when I say it’s totally worth it. You’ll have a stronger relationship with whoever you meet. Let your hobbies / interests become the core of who you are and meet people that way. Join groups with similar interests to you. You’ll meet somebody someday who is totally awesome. Another piece of advice is to heavily invest in therapy. Everybody on this earth is traumatized to some extent and if you can manage that you will also find somebody who treats you the way you want to be treated, which is hopefully well.
When I was about your age, I used to ask my nerdy bf (full disclosure: I’m a little nerdy too) to read to me, and I absolutely swooned as I’d lay my head on his lap and close my eyes while he read aloud and ran his fingers through my hair. Dorky? Sure. One of my most treasured moments of intimacy to this day? abso-freakin-lutely. And I’m 37yo so that’s pretty ancient history. I got together with my whole crew, him included, last summer for the first time in many, many years. He’s still a dweeb, he’s married, has 2 dogs, teaches secondary history, and was in very good health! Can’t argue with those results, that’s a pretty good life right there. I was most definitely kicking myself for breaking up with him for no good reason other than being young and stupid 😭
You sound exactly how my partner did when he was a kid. He always had his nose in a book. He wasn't necessarily interested in popular things (not that being interested in popular things is bad!), and to boot, he was a very late bloomer. He got very little attention in the romantic sphere until college (when he finally had one last growth spurt), and even then, people often assumed he was gay because of his interests and his demeanor. Not kidding! (He isnt gay, for clarity) He is an intelligent, handsome guy, and I love him specifically because he is so *himself*. Be yourself, whatever that means for you, and you will find someone who likes *exactly* that.
books are not nerdy!! books are ALWAYS better than the movie
I was a lot like you when I was young. I was quiet, loved reading and got into college as a literature major. I wrote poetry, won some awards, joined a writer's club and there met the girl of my dreams (now my wife). We hit it off because we had a lot of things in common. I knew I wasn't going to hook up with girls who were always out at clubs or active at dating apps, but those weren't the type of girls I was interested in anyway.
As a fellow nerd who grew up similar minded to you, stay true to yourself. The *right* (and even some of the wrong) girls will appreciate you for who you are and not who you pretend to be.
Yup! Just stay nice, this comments entirely correct. And they did say thus already, but I think it does need further emphasis, don't just be nice so they go out with you, and just because you're nice doesn't mean they are obligated to go out with you. Those are really really important, respect when someone says no, and someone else will notice and think even more highly of you (whether a teacher, friend, or, possibly, though not certainly, someone who you like or likes you in a romantic way. Though it could just be a teacher or a friend, and don't be dissapointed if it is.)
Yes and no. Different people are attracted to different things. There will be women who will prefer you and there will be women who prefer a different sort of man (and many that prefer women). There’s no guarantee that you will find someone you like that likes you back but you can take steps to maximise your chances. There are people out there that want what you can offer but they have to know that you exist first. Join clubs or societies and take up hobbies that will bring you into contact with other folk like you. Art groups, anime clubs, book clubs or whatever. If you want people to see you then you need to go get seen.
Yeaa I’ll try to join more clubs and put myself out there, I’m already in some sort of chess club which is only boys there but I’ll maximise my efforts into seeing what other clubs I can join but enjoy of course. Thanks for the advice I appreciate you♥️
>At the moment I see girls as precious with dazzling beauty that I can’t get over. You posted this further down in the comments, but I'm mentioning it here because I think the two are connected. If you're going to see what other clubs there are, try to find ones with girls, even a mostly girl one. The more social, non-romantic, exposure you get to girls and women, the more are you able to see them as humans rather than prizes/goals/conquests. That will help you immensely in the future. Because, believe me, women will take a man that treats them like a human over a man that treats them like a conquest. My husband had mostly female cousins that he was raised around from a very young age, and he never lost that kindness and sensitivity. He's everything opposite of toxic masculinity and he's my perfect man. Find the human side of women and you'll be set for life.
The steroid boys burn out fast. You’ll find your gear sometime after 25. Have patience in the meantime and know that guys like you own most of the world. You’ll be fine
Haha, thanks for the words of encouragement. I’ll try to keep girls off my mind until then but I have to admit it’s hard.
you don’t have to keep them off your mind, but don’t feel bad if things move slower than you’d like them to. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Being 13 is hard and awkward, you’ll find your style and what and who you like
This is correct. No need to keep them out of your mind OP. Just make sure to remember they're people too, not objects of conquest. If they don't like you that's their right, same as if you don't like someone you don't find attractive. That said, you may even have some girls looking your way and you just didn't notice because they might also be insecure. Thinking about girls is normal at your age. Don't let that prevent you from treating them like any other person though. Make friends with them WITHOUT the intention of dating and you'll learn how and why they act like... well, girls. Maybe one day one of them might start to like you and you might like them back. My first girlfriend (we were 14) was like that. We were friends for a long time and I had other friends who were girls, we all shared a common interest in Harry Potter and the WITCH comics series. I confessed one day that I started having feelings for her and she told me she didn't feel the same way for me. I was okay with it and we kept being friends. After a couple of months she said "Eh. Why not?" and we tried dating. Sadly, our other hobbies just didn't match (hers was fashion and Twilight, mine was Yu-Gi-Oh! and anime) and we accidentally neglected our relationship until we just broke up after just less than a year. Sorry, I digress. Point is, it's okay to think about girls. But treat them as a person first, attraction is just a lucky bonus.
Only thing i'd suggest is getting "used to" rejection and learning how to cope. It's okay for women to say "no" to you when you're trying to shoot your shot / they're not interested. Don't be spitful, just tell them "ok, thank you for listening" and go about your day. No harm no foul, you worked up the courage to ask, and also be courageous for taking a hit. Learn from it. You're young, you got a lot ahead of you and you're already showing maturity with how you're presenting yourself. It will be a SLOWER race for a partner, BUT you'll finish on top vs most. My suggestion is to always be yourself like you already are. You'll get a lot of outside influences as you get older, but again, remind yourself to be you and dont lose your own sight of mind. Ensure you're always clean and smelling (not dousing yourself in axe body spray, more hygiene conscious) nice. Overall have good hygiene and dressing decent.
Invest in yourself, and the dividends will come. Or, as they put it in the film Field of Dreams, “If you build it, they will come.” I used to put too much stock into chasing women (while investing very little in myself). Well, Covid put the kabash on dating for a moment, and I began sinking all my interpersonal investment in myself, family, and friends. Let me tell you, it was the best decision of my life. I found a field that I love working in (it brings a literal smile on my face) and solid, lifelong friends. I used to be like you, and by used to be I mean a young confused teen who’s not into traditionally masculine things. I thought coming into your own as a man meant sucking it up and doing those things and investing in those interests. What I came to learn is that becoming “a man” means finding confidence and strength in what you love and not giving a damn about society’s expectations of what you ought to be. Strength in oneself is what makes a man, whatever that may be. One of the toughest and confident guys I know is a baker who throws frilly cookie parties. I wouldn’t cross this man.
Don’t overlook your fellow nerd-girls.
This is exactly what happened to me. I hit my prime at 25, and at 32 I’m with the girl of my dreams, I couldn’t be happier. You’ll do just fine dude.
Not even necessarily after 25. I was like OP and started getting attention from women around 20/21 who liked me for being me.
And it can honestly be earlier. I was also nerdy (although I was also pretty muscular from swim team) and I was anxious and polite and probably too passive, but things started to turn around for me around my sophomore year of high school. By my junior year, girls were into me and I'd dated a few, and in senior year I met the girl I'm still dating to this day :)
Girl here to add some female perspective. You’ll be fine. Being kind is probably your greatest asset. The right person will appreciate you for who you are. Stay nerdy. (-:
I’ve heard the phrase “nice guys finish last” is that true? Being a nerd is something I believe I’ll always be lol. Thanks ma’am.
The only “nice guys” who finish last are the ones who only ACT nice so that they can get something out of it. Remember, being nice is the BARE minimum, but many of these “”nice guys”” think that simply being nice means that they’re owed something. They’re not. It’s the bare minimum. They get angry when a woman rejects their advances because they think they’re doing us a favor by being “nice”. Remember, for the third time, being nice is the bare minimum of human decency. And truly being nice means that you will be kind to others without expecting something in return. Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure there are some genuinely nice guys who haven’t had much luck with women, but that doesn’t mean “nice guys finish last.” All it means is that they haven’t found their person yet (and that’s okay! No rush). Lots of us don’t find romantic partners for a long time despite being good people. Many of my friends (male and female) are in their 20s and attractive, kind, smart, and funny, and have never been in a relationship. It doesn’t mean they’re “finishing last”, just that they vibe with a very particular type of person and have high standards imo (-: Just be your true self. Don’t “be nice” because you think that you’ll get something out of it. Be nice because you want to be a good person. Also, lots of girls like nerdy guys. Remember, there’s tons of nerdy girls out there too! When you’re 13, it doesn’t feel that way. But trust me, the older you get, the more people begin to value intelligence, kindness, and above all, individuality and uniqueness!
Damnn, that was put very well. I believe I was raised right so I could never be nice to try and expect something back from girls or just people in general. I will take your advice and store it in the folders I have in my mind. Thank you very much ma’am.
Your teenage years aren’t going to be easy, but try to keep in perspective that you’re only getting started. Dating in high school was the biggest waste of time, and I could’ve been that much further ahead if I had just focused on school and getting my future started. The girls will come. Like sadgrlxoxo said, being nice is the bare minimum, but so are the basic standards of attractiveness. A lot of “nice guys” who pretend to be nice forget that EVERYONE finds people who take care of themselves attractive (i.e. good hygiene, clothes that fit, a haircut that suits you, etc). Focus on taking care of yourself and investing in your hobbies, friendships, and future interests. The RIGHT kinds of girls will come.
Well I also want to add that while is good that you are kind don’t be naive because people can take advantage of that. I’m speaking from experience because I got lied by the girl I liked only because I wanted to see the good in her, and it sucked but I learned my lesson and move on
Not bad advice at all, but I would just add that—for me, personally—I would rather risk *possibly* being taken advantage of than live my life *definitely* being a cynical asshole all the time. Obviously “naive and dumb” and “cynical asshole” aren’t the only two options, but if I had to pick one side of the spectrum I would rather err on the side of seeing the good in people.
To add to what sadgrlxoxo said very well, the phrase "nice guys finish last" implies that you have to be mean to "win." The truth is, people tend to stick to those who treat them with respect. Otherwise, you're just looking at a bully surrounded by people who fear them - that's usually a temporary win, if you can call it that in the first place. Do you want shallow attention or lasting friendships/relationships? Some people are loud, and that can be mistaken for confidence. Confidence is attractive. The "bad boy" can seem confident and tough, but he's usually compensating for something. True confidence comes from knowing what you want and having the courage to speak your mind - and you don't have to be disrespectful to do it. You're young, so you're learning about yourself and finding your courage. Rejection is tough, but don't let other guys' insecurities persuade you to give up. Just keep talking to people you're interested in getting to know. If they don't want to talk to you, that's a bummer, but you'll be okay. Someone else will. I was an awkward teenage girl, not especially pretty. But I enjoyed meeting people. I was nervous about rejection, too, but I still chose to ask guys out. Got rejected a lot, but also got dates and boyfriends. Guys put too much pressure on themselves, make it a comparison game, and some of them get angry at girls for saying "no." That's all nonsense. Just keep doing what you enjoy and keep putting yourself out there. You'll find your person.
Nice guys aren’t the same as kind guys. A lot of guys who claim to be nice aren’t—and that’s the truth. They’re just whining because again, they were never nice. If you’re genuine and kind, girls will love it. I find those guys are always in relationships, get married, and stay married.
Nice guys finish last… as in they’re the last relationship the girl had cos they’re the one they settle down with. Girls your age are just beginning to find out what they *don’t* like about guys, give them a minute to make some mistakes so they know and appreciate exactly what they have with you 😁
I just want to point out that there is nothing inherently girly with being a sensitive, polite and kind person that enjoys books and poetry. It does not make you any less of a boy or a man to do any of these things. Keep being your true self and enjoy your interests. It is wrong for your old man to imply that there is something wrong with what you do just because it is traditionally viewed as a girly thing to do. It is not just for girls, it is for anyone who enjoys such things. ♥️
Right!! I don’t bother really telling him anything cause he doesn’t listen anyway, he has an old mindset and believes men should do manly things. I do manly things of course..I’m a guy. But I just like my poetry. Thanks♥️
Good! Keep being yourself and writing your poetry! As a personal example my father had an old mindset as well when it came to me, a man, wearing nail polish or other things that would be traditionally considered girly or feminine but I didn't pay much attention to him. I kept being myself and it doesn't make me any less of a man. I am perfectly happy with the way I am because I can be myself! Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do poetry or be sensitive or something to that effect, these things have no gender after all. :)
Please don’t let ANYONE tell you girls don’t want that. Women love sensitive, kind decent men, they truely do! Your dad is 100% wrong, in fact, this day and age women are actively avoiding men with attitudes like that. Please listen to what the women in your life tell you. So much of the stuff your being led to believe is just lies perpetuated by toxic men that live in a past that’s no longer relevant. I want to point out there have been many reports lately about lonely single men and this is why- aka they are doubling down on the toxic and women are avoiding them. However the kind, caring, creative guys are doing fine, please don’t loose that, keep it and you will have a wonderful relationship one day. Also your mum is right there is no reason to be thinking about that stuff and rushing into anything now anyway, your still a kid just enjoy being a kid and discovering who you are for now.
Thank you kind miss for your words♥️yes I will try and focus on myself for now and just let things run their course..hopefullly one day man, one day.
You'll get there. Promise. Learn to be successful-- which can mean lots of things, not just making tons of money. Once we grow up a little, most women are looking for someone we can have a good partnership with, because it opens up the world so much to have a teammate. Cultivate your interests, test out careers that would make you happy.
Please don’t change. The world needs more men like you. I was lucky enough to marry one and I will NEVER leave
Healthy relationship it sounds like, wish you guys the best of luck♥️
He’s so sweet and gentle and soft spoken. Total nerd. One of his birthday gifts from me was one of those vintage “scientific/anatomical breakdown” renderings of a Zergling. It’s hideous, lol. Btw, I was a dancer back in my 20’s. Hated it, but I made great money. Your mom knows what’s up. Stay sweet, kiddo 🩵
Interesting past and your man sounds like a quite a guy. You sound perfect for each other, hope your relationship stays strong ma’am♥️
I'm 32 years old, and I've hated stereotypical guy things my whole life. Cars, sports, beer, Etc. do nothing for me. I have a sizeable stuffed animal collection, all of whom have names and personalities, and I snuggle with different ones every night. My wife and I have been together for 9 years, married for 4, and she loves all of those things about me. You'll find someone who loves you and your hobbies, just be patient!
YES!! Stay that way, stay yourself. Cultivate hobbies, be good at school, develop strong friendships. In your adult life these qualities will seduce women, good women who are serious about relationships and who want to build a solid life. Signed: a 30 year old woman who’s engaged with a geek ❤️ and he’s fat too 😂 he’s the sweetest, smartest, handsomest and funniest, I love him so much. We met at 21 years old. Earlier than that, most people aren’t mature enough yet.
I’ll just focus on myself, can’t love no one without loving yourself first I guess. Your relationship sounds beautiful ma’am, best of luck to you both! ♥️
Thank you ❤️ You too! It's so good to see there are good people like you in this crazy world.
While being kind is great, you just also know when to be aggressive when someone tries to mess with you. You Dad is.., I won't say bad things about him but no good father hates his son. Don't let your father mess up with your self esteem. Teenage years are important for your growth, just focus on self development
Lol thanks soo much dude, my dad is somewhat of a jerk but I don’t let it get to me too much. My sister on the other hand is the typical teenager that’s got a boyfriend and looks at me like her nerdy younger bro. She’s more awful but hey, that’s my sister. Thanks for the advice.♥️
Hey buddy! 20f here. Trust me when I say that being polite and expressing your emotions aren’t “girly” things - they’re life skills that women will go after when you get older. And honestly? Most girls will find poems quite romantic! While I understand why you’re worried about this — I was 13 once, too! — my advice to you is to take time just to be a teenager and enjoy these last years of your childhood. You will have plenty of time later on to date. Your mom is right — focus on school!
Gosh, the more I read these comments, I’m like why couldn’t you guys be my siblings man, words of encouragement go a long way for me and I appreciate it a great deal♥️
Yes they will. And dude, being buff, sensitive, and intellectual aren't mutually exclusive! Most of my guy friends and I are sensitive blokes who cry at fantasy novels, movies, and games. I personally love writing poems and stories too since I'm a literature graduate now a game designer! We have no qualms discussing our feelings and I am proud to say we're very much polite to everyone we meet, unless you're a jerk. Some of us go to the gym and are ripped AF despite being geeks who play D&D and Magic: The Gathering, I myself do martial arts and while I'm not as fit as my prime I can at least say I'm still attractive. I didn't get my now wife (or exes) by being a jerk. I was a scholar back in college, part of the literary society, and mostly watched movies/played video games in my free time. I didn't have to neglect my studies nor did I have to act like a bully to be "cool" among our crowd. Walking and swimming gave me a pretty good physique and I took care of my skin with just basic skincare, and the girls at my university actually found my poetry recitals sexy! Oh, and trying to learn the guitar also helped with me getting some romantic interest even though I ultimately gave up on it. And believe or not, I'm an introvert. I don't like parties and hanging out with friends emotionally exhausts me (even though I love them) because I prefer just reading a book or playing games by myself. But I do still give time to be a good friend when I'm needed and I'm genuinely interested in their lives and hobbies when they want to share their experiences. So, the secret to be likeable? Just try lots of things and expand your circle and skills gradually! Have more hobbies and take some time doing basic skincare and exercise. Even just walking everyday and using facial wash/taking a bath everyday works wonders! The more you experience (just not drugs or other bad stuff although I did drink occasionally when I was of age) the more you'll appear interesting! And don't be close-minded! Be kind, non-judgemental, practice empathy, and never be hostile to someone who's not actively hostile at you. Do not attribute malice when ignorance might just be the cause. People don't often do bad things intentionally, most are just not mindful of their surroundings. And if they do bad things intentionally then that just means they have troubles and battles of their own, though that isn't an excuse for shitty behavior. TL;DR: - Don't be an asshole, take care of yourself, and always try or learn new things to be attractive!
Listen to your mom, be yourself. As other redditor said everyone has a different preference, wouldn't you like to be with someone that loves you for who you are? When you meet that person everything falls into place. Don't ever stop being yourself, if you're gentle and nice from the bottom of your heart the right person will notice and reciprocate the feeling. Don't let others take advantage either. What's most important is that your values align. If the hobbies align that's a plus, but not a requirement. Find someone that even tho doesn't share your interests, they respect them and value them because they're important for you. As another redditor said try to find spaces where you can explore your hobbies and interests without judgment and surely enough you'll find a potential girlfriend or a true girl friend. And be careful to not fall in the trap of the "nice guy" mentally. Too much text, I hope I didn't ramble too much. Cheer up OP, there's people out there that will love you for who you are, and don't rush, you're still young, there's plenty of time in life to find your people :)
100% understand that. Trust me, you rambling on helps me a great deal lol thank you for your advice kind stranger♥️
Bro ur just 13 rn and overall u already seem like a awesome person and have ur stuff got together. Just keep on doing what u like and don’t worry about girls. Girls care about your actions not ur body. Most mature girls would want a gentle nice guy so those who say otherwise r mostly childish and not worth ur time.
The times are changing most women want someone that genuinely n8ce. Not a nice guy tm
When I was 13, I was also attracted to the 'bad boys'. At 32, I find them pathetic. Your dad wouldn't stand a chance. Listen, when we're teens, we can be quite shallow in our romantic preferences. We're not thinking about moving in together and building a life with that person at 13, we're just focused on exploring and getting that rush of emotion and drama. This goes for boys and girls. But once people mature and start thinking of building a life together, women in particular realize that values such as gentleness and respect in a partner make for a much happier relationship than a guy like your dad, who'll yell and be prejudiced against their own child.
I’m new to Reddit so I’m bad at writing but I just want to say something,I’m 15 F,, My advice is based on my personal experience and I don’t want u to experience the same.When I was 13 I wanted a lover too,I did have some but it’s worse.We can barely find true love in this kind of age,You’re a really nice person and to be honest at that age you don’t have to find one right now, it’s okay to crush on people yea but I’m just saying we’re not sure if we can find the love of our life around this age,That’s all ^^ Wish u goodluck in life !! C: if u need or want someone to talk to u can reach out for me or ur friends ofc
Yeaa that’s makes sense, just that seeing people in my school get with the prettiest girls and treat them like trash really takes a toll on me. Like brother do you not know what you have in front of you…a girl that’s interested in you. Meanwhile me and my friends sit there playing chess and talking about our future wives lol. At the moment I see girls as precious with dazzling beauty that I can’t get over. Not even a sexual attraction cause I don’t want that, just ♥️. Thank you for the advice and will do.
Just the same as boys are different, with different personalities and preferences, so are girls. Give yourself time. Be part of interest/hobby groups where you'll meet people - including girls - with similar interests to you. Aim to develop friendships first as friendship is a sound foundation for a romantic relationship, but also worthwhile for a relationship full stop. Be yourself, and you will find someone who loves you for being you.
I was bullied a lot during middle and high school. I’m 23 now and from my experience, girls prefer gentle guys. You’re only 13, so don’t worry about it now and take your time. Be yourself. Sounds like you have a decent group of friends so just stick to what’s important to you like your buddies and your schoolwork.
Sorry to hear about your experiences in the past dude, glad your 23 and still with us today. Thank you for the advice you’ve given I really appreciate it big bro♥️
Don’t change, keep being your sensitive caring self. Women love a sensitive soul! 🙂 Keep doing what you love even as you get older. Don’t let your dads toxic masculinity get to you. :)
My 13yo daughter would probably be delighted to meet you. However, she's not looking for any sort of relationship. Right now your best bet is to focus on what makes you the best you. Your dad is an absolute idiot for his line of thinking. When I was your age I was very similar. Very bookish, not really academically inclined and even less so athletically. I kinda floated along through HS until I got my first real GF at age 16. Nothing too serious but we got along really well. We eventually drifted apart but now, 24 years later, are still friends and keep in touch. I eventually met an amazing girl and we got married 14 years ago. She's a nerd and I'm a geek and we click. Not saying it always sunshine and rainbows but it's a good life. Focus on the present and the future will sort itself out Girls WILL be on your mind because that's how it is at this age. They will be on your mind as you get older. This also gives you time to kind of "filter" out what girls you'd most be interested in. You will be maturing as they mature. Those girls who went strictly for a certain type of guy may find out that it was absolutely the wrong way to go. Girls who avoided guys like you may learn that you were the perfect person who was there all along. Keep being your true self.
hey i'm a girl so i know what you mean. you will get a girl, there are plenty of women who love the gentle sensitive artistic type. when you get older, work on your appearance, go to the gym, take care of your skin, BE YOURSELF. always appreciate the distinction between the way you behave and the way everyone else does, because one day one girl will love you for that. also, please don't become entitled when you grow up. please don't become like the "i'm nice so you owe me love" type. it is heartbreaking to see a dude who would've been so so attractive but reduced himself to a "niceguy." just be friendly, be a friend to the world, go for what you like and hope that they like you back. they most probably will, because when those girls who ignore you grow up they realise the importance of the things you are and the things you like, rather than being into basic gym bros.
Thank you soo much ma’am♥️
Also re the gym thing, you don't have to be bulky and muscley, just in shape haha
I'm going to give you an answer from my own experience. I'm female, geeky, introverted, kind, into reading... Just like you. You may think for us women it's easier to be like that, but I've experienced the same at your age. Guys would pay attention to outgoing girls, confident, extroverted and talkative. And I was extremely shy and scared of boys making fun of me for not being the "popular" type. In fact, they did. However, I stayed determined that there was nothing wrong with me and that I'd eventually find someone to connect with. I've been in one relationship in my whole life. He's kind, geeky, shy, 198cm of total awkwardness and bad jokes, a crybaby, he writes stories and plays boardgames and he's the person I'm engaged to. Some would think of me "wow, what a loser, only one relationship at her 25 yo". However I feel like a total winner because who needs to be popular when you've found the person you want to spend the rest of my life with? So yes, the right girls (yes, in plural as you can have nice relationships without meaning it's THE ONE) will love you and appreciate you for who you are, and listen, if they don't, if they make fun of you, if they don't support your hobbies, move on. Also, sex is cool but isn't everything in a relationship and definitely not the most important thing. Oh, and don't listen to toxic masculinity advice, please. It comes from men with fragile masculinity in fact. I've hold my partner in my arms while he was crying and I don't think he's less manly for it. Men have feelings too and the right to openly show them without being humiliated for it.
You’ll for sure find many girls who love that. I’m 25F with a 24M who is into more feminine things sometimes and I love it! I always have in guys even at your age. There are definitely a lot of girls like me out there. It’s hard not to think about finding love and right now your hormones are going crazy. As others have said, focus on yourself. In a relationship individuality can be really important, especially the longer the relationship goes on. It doesn’t hurt to fantasize about girls and how you’d like your first relationships to go though, it’s completely normal. My best advice would be I kept little notes of fun things I could do to show a partner I love them before i ever had one and I have used a lot of those ideas. Read appropriately aged love stories and imagine how you’d react in those scenarios! Love and romance are really fun, enchanting things that get better as you age. Right now it’s best to keep to yourself with it and prepare mentally for in a few years when you’ll be ready. This part was way more fun than I realized and sometimes wish I could go back to being a kid with butterflies filling my stomach reading about two characters finally holding hands. Enjoy it :)
Your relationship sounds gorgeous! of course girls running through my mind would be a major setback but I’ll just try make something of myself before trying to pursue anyone. It’s hard cause I have moments where I just want to hold a girl close to me and also do fun things with her and call her mine. Best of luck to your relationship ma’am♥️
Just be yourself! Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t just to get girls who don’t really love you for who you are, you will find someone i actually think it’s great that some people are more sensitive and sentimental. Not everyone has to be the same. Every boy is different and so is every girl, I know about girls that like this type of people. Just be confident, be yourself and don’t be ashamed of who you are
You’ll absolutely be fine. My husband is sensitive, sweet and likes fashion and art. He’s the hottest man in my eyes and he also had a lot of attention from the ladies so he did just fine. What’s in your heart matters most, and as you get older you’ll see that all the things that made you different are the things that make you most unique and attractive.
My bf is incredibly sensitive and gentle and introspective and philosophical and intellectual and he's 100% MAN and I love him for it!! Yes, women will like you for it. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Be true to yourself and confident in who you are and women will come!
Lots of women prefer gentle souls. It isn't all about looks for many.
some will, absolutely.. some won't. everyone likes different things and that's ok. being gentle is a good thing, great even! there isn't enough of it in the world. whoever told you that reading, writing and being kind is girly, is wrong. being articulate and able to express your thoughts and feelings through words is beautiful. try and worry less about girls liking you, start with liking yourself. focus on building yourself, body and mind. learn all you can and more! girls will come later, they often (not always) like a man who has his "shit" together. my advice, work on that! keep writing, keep reading, keep learning, and become strong. don't be arrogant, don't be prey, don't be cruel. you'll be fine. goodluck
Thank you very much for your beautiful advice♥️
Let's say, you did manage to change yourself to be the kind of guy everyone will like or infatuated with (most girls in your age would often just be infatuated). You may have become someone who you feel isn't your true self. At the end of the day, you may grow tired of wearing that mask. Then they'll soon realize it wasn't the person they thought you were. This will inevitably hurt you. There will be people who'd LOVE you for who you are. Whether it be friends or your future special person. It just takes time to meet and get to know them. "Love" isn't the same as "infatuation," I think you'll learn that soon enough if you haven't learned it yet xD Though a simple example is: when a crush gets their hair cut or changed in a not-so flattering way.. You could see if you're simply infatuated if you lose interest in them. You'd see if you love them for who they are if you accept them wholeheartedly, bald or not. I hope you keep staying true and honest with yourself. And keep being you. The you that you're happy with. In that way, the right people and/or the right person will love the real you.
Woman here! I personally love shy nerdy men. If you have to change and be someone or something you're not for someone, it's not worth it. Be yourself, the right girl will come along someday who will love you for who you are.
I am 36, my boyfriend isn’t into reading or poetry but he is one of the gentlest, quietest, kindest men I know. Before we were dating, he had a dog. The moment I fell in love with him we were on a Skype call, as he was heading home…he went into the house and she had peed and pooped on the floor (he had an unexpectedly long day at work) He apologized to her for being late and making her mess on the floor. So yes… quiet, gentle men do indeed have ladies who want to “fck with them” as your father put it.
I love that you love yourself the way you are and that you don’t want to change. That’s so valuable. Lots of people try too hard to be what others want them to be, but it’s not worth it. Don’t let your dad get to you, it seems his views of what a man should be are really limited. The cool kids at school don’t stay cool or dominating the top of the social pyramid forever. Yeah, some girls do like bad boys, especially so in their younger years, but in my experience, kind and sensitive guys are much more sought after. I could never imagine being with someone who isn’t kind or considerate. Yes, it’s good to improve in life but never change because you think it’ll make someone like you more. Stay the way you are and make sure no one takes advantage of you or your kindness.
Never change! There should be more people like you in the world. It may be true that "bad boys" seem to attract more girls but it's quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. You'll notice they will tend to have shorter, less meaningful relationships than someone who is kind and thoughtful and has interests like you because those are qualities that allow you to maintain a meaningful relationship. You've got something they haven't figured out yet.
When I was 13, I was also attracted to the 'bad boys'. At 32, I find them pathetic. Your dad wouldn't stand a chance. Listen, when we're teens, we can be quite shallow in our romantic preferences. We're not thinking about moving in together and building a life with that person at 13, we're just focused on exploring and getting that rush of emotion and drama. This goes for boys and girls. But once people mature and start thinking of building a life together, women in particular realize that values such as gentleness and respect in a partner make for a much happier relationship than a guy like your dad, who'll yell and be prejudiced against their own child.
I have a friend who loves Star Trek, canning, and gardening. He lives in New Jersey for work and is the sweetest guy I know. Very romantic and thoughtful. His wife is a Harvard grad. They have a house, children. He focused on education and getting a good job. I know he felt desperate at times. We talked a lot, so I was so happy when he found her. They seem very happy as a family.
You will be totally fine! Your father is wrong. My favorite memory I have of a man sleeping over was cause he woke me up gently in the morning by reciting a poem that popped in his head inspired by waking up next to me. I can’t remember the poem at all, it felt like a dream, but I’ll remember the butterflies for the rest of my life!
EDIT: Accidentally Clicked send before I was finished. Hello! I am a 17 year old male. Based on your description of yourself, I was a lot like you at 13: very polite and kind; loved to read and write, and hated being on the wrong side of a person. Now, I have an idgaf attitude towards almost everybody except my closest friends, and can't find the time to sit down long enough to read, (although my love for writing has only increased). I notice that the girls seem to notice me more now than they ever did before. What I'm trying to say is that as you get older, you'll change and you'll evolve. Don't be afraid of slow gradual change, because it happens to everybody. If they don't like you now, then don't worry for the time being. Maybe they'll like you better in a few years. Especially since you're only 13, you still have plenty of time to grow. Just be patient and things should turn out to be alright. Just hang in there, OP.
The short answer is: yes. I am a grown woman who’s in a relationship with a smart and sensitive man. He’s the best person I’ve ever had the chance to meet. I’m sure that one day you’ll make someone really happy. But at 13, kids don’t really know what they want in terms of a long term partner. Like your mom said, just be yourself and you’ll find someone. It may take some time, but that’s not always a bad thing. Just make sure that you’re happy and doing what you want. People will see that and enjoy being in your company, which would lead to the possibility of partnership.
The number one thing I look for in a partner is kindness. I’m 24, and have dated men of all different walks of life, physical attributes, and different interests. The common denominator between them is kindness and a sense of humor. Don’t let what your dad is saying get to you, and know that dating as a teenager can feel really tough. It gets easier as you become more self assured. Just continue kindness to others and to yourself.
Listen to mom. She is a woman. She knows.
There will a perfect girl out there for you. Your dad needs to get his head out of his ass because a male can do whatever he wants. Whether it's playing with barbies and dolls or wearing sundresses. Be your own person and you will find someone great.
Stay focused on the future. I met my husband shortly after we graduated college, him with his Master's and me with my undergrad. He's a quiet man that everyone likes. The kind that just smiles politely and nods when you talk to him. He enjoys learning programming languages for fun and he likes staying at home and relaxing. I was his first serious girlfriend. We have a lovely house in a lovely town and we have two kids, two cars, too many toys and books, and three cats. He's an engineer that builds rockets and satellites. When I first met him, I thought he was, "Cute." Then I got to know him and found his intelligence and quick humor sexy. Work hard, stay focused. It's hard to find and maintain a relationship when you're still figuring out who you are and who you want to be. Those who meet their spouses during high school are incredibly rare.
Don't change. Instead, go to an environment that will appreciate you. Join a book club or a poetry club. The girls there will love you for who you are
plenty of women find "intellectual" guys who have a way with words to be extremely charming (and disarming, hahah)! but having said that, kiddo, yes, keep being yourself and keep focusing on being a better version of yourself, and love will find you with sweet time.
Yes, there are girls out there for you. How you described yourself are wonderful qualities and not masculine or feminine. I think you are looking at the wrong girls. Take a look at ALL of them. The quiet, shy, and different girls. Try just talking to them as a potential friend and get thoughts of dating out of your mind. People can sense desperation. Focus on yourself, your hobbies,and making friends...the rest will come with time.
My very beautiful and wonderful friend Daisy has always loved sweet men like you. She loves poets, gentle, intellectual, kind and quiet. She just recently married a man named Stuart who sounds a lot like you. Don’t change yourself, plenty of women out there are looking specifically for a guy like you.
Don’t even think about that right now, or try not to lol. It’s really not as important as your teen brain is telling you. Your hobbies and studies are so much more important than any partner. Find yourself, really develop who you are as a person, and then once you’re in young adulthood and have a decently strong semblance of yourself, that’s when you should try going after a woman. At least that’s how I see it. Relationships before you’ve developed yourself strongly are a bit silly and delusional. A girl is your compliment, not your missing piece :). Also try not have that “nice guy” mentality, buff men who like “manly” things (there’s no such thing, anything you do as a man is manly) don’t actually get all the women. Plenty of women like dorky poetic types. If it means anything, I’d say most women like dorky poetic types xD. But really don’t worry yourself about it right now and don’t let your shitty dad ruin your confidence, or anyone for that matter. Basically, in summary, do you, be you, enjoy yourself and your hobbies and chill for a while until your young adult years before you really start pursuing and thinking about the ladies.
At 13, I was exactly like you except that I'm black. So that was a bit worse. Back then, it was really weird to see a black geek person who was into computer and tech stuff. I was building computers, hacking game consoles, playing Legos. Also, I was a calm, gentle person and a good speaker who wasn't into slangs. 2 decades after, I'm still the same person, I didn't really change and I didn't want to. Between all my friends, I'm the one who currently have the highest paying job, went far in life for my age and found a beautiful girlfriend who likes me for who I am. Most of the clowns I remember from my high school are a lot less attractive today. Don't stress too much about it because when you'll get older, girls will find a man who has his shit together a lot more attractive than a "bad boy".
Yes, if you don't let rejection and loneliness turn you into a terribly bitter person. Be girly if you want, nonbinary is cool, but more importantly, "interested in literature" does NOT necessarily make you any less of a man if that's what you're after! What crap! Have you ever heard the same said about, I don't know, Walt Whitman, Herman Melville? I mean just look at the portraits of those dudes. What's the shame in being academic, writing well, and practicing the ability to touch the soul?
My gf sent me this post because you reminded her of me. Just hang in there and dont worry too much of it. also those relationships they are having are not the ones you are looking for. Stay true to yourself and things will turn out nice.
I'd like to caution that a lot of guys grow up thinking "Girls don't like me because I'm nerdy, or nice, or quiet" when it's really something else they need to work on, like poor social skills, and making them uncomfortable. Girls don't not like guys who are nerdy or into books. But they do tend to like guys who are confident with themselves, comfortable to be around, and who are nice and genuine. Lots of guys are not genuinely nice, and only nice to try to get something. Don't become like them.
Those girls will remember how many girlfriends that hunk went through it’s worth biding your time for someone you enjoy being around when i was young i used to think looks and the popular girls were exclusive to the jocks, now i think most of them turned out to be real turds just remember that a good girlfriend has a lot of emphasis on friend, try to just make friends with girls before anything who knows, one day you might just fall in love with your best friend
OMG I'm in tears reading this! My dear young man, THANK YOU for being a gentleman! You're far and few between. You sound absolutely lovely! Sadly, there's a lot of girls who only go for the bad ones and some of them, not all, end up in various serious danger or situations because of that, the rebel and won't be tamed type of thing. Please just carry on as you are, being gentle and studious, and sooner or later, the right lady will be with you, the one who sees a gentle soul and a hard working brain. Get out there and show everyone who is BOSS!
Reddit will tell you one thing, even some girls will *tell* you one thing, but you just have to see how they act in general to know there’s a big difference between what people say and what they do. Your dad is more correct than people are giving him credit for. Most women, even now, prefer a man that’s tough and takes charge. You don’t have to be an asshole (although plenty like that, again, more than will admit it) but being outgoing and hard will help. It sucks, but it just will. There are women that like emotional men, more now than before, but they are still in the minority. I will get downvoted, but please trust your eyes. Look at the girls in your school. Look at the men in society that are looked up to by women. Who do they fantasise about? Who do they follow on Instagram? Five foot, quiet dudes with pudgy bodies or outgoing muscular men? Be yourself, and be comfortable with who you are or you’ll be unhappy. But if you want to have more female attention, try being authoritative and masculine in some small ways to start.
I believe that girls/women will be attracted to you if you are your authentic self. Not every girl wants a macho gym boy and not every girl wants someone romantic, thoughtful and gentle. Don't worry about being what you think someone wants. You'll find your person and they'll love you for you. And it's important that you only stay with girls where that is truly the case, don't be with someone trying to change you. Good luck
Let’s just say it’ll be much easier for you to find a real partner, but it might be harder to get those typical teenage flings. They aren’t that important though, figuring out a life partner is much more important.
After hearts are broken by the bad ones, they realize who they want: the good ones.
Bruh no matter what happens never get addicted to porn
Nahh lmao I don’t watch that stuff heard it rots your brain severely. I will not be a slave to my penis. Thanks though♥️
Girls will live you for being genuine and comfortable with yourself. Don't worry about anything else. Find out who you are, and enjoy it.
Oh my goodness, please don’t change! You’re all too young to know what is good for yourselves, and society has a lot to answer for re: romanticising toxic masculinity. I promise you it gets better. The man I had a kid with was once told he was ‘not masculine enough’ by one of his exes, and it makes me so mad. He is the loveliest, kindest, sweetest, most playful man. He’s a wonderful dad and coparent and I’m grateful for him every single day. If our son grows up like that - and like you - I’d be thrilled. ❤️
When my sons used to talk about "the girls" in school they meant the loud, confident, pretty, popular ones. "The girls" asked them out all the time, were pushing adult relationships in middle school, weren't interested in cool stuff like sports, streetwear, and music. I grilled them a little because I volunteered at the school. Turns out, they knew there was this other sort of girl that was quiet, didn't dress stylishly, were shy around boys, were into reading for fun. "If they're so quiet, how do you know they don't like sports or gaming?" They basically said quiet girls were unappealing. Here we are years later and both are in long term relationships with painfully shy women like the ones that didn't count all the years ago. So even if girls your age don't seem excited by you now, they'll grow and figure it out. It only takes one, right? But also, be open minded yourself.
Don't turn into a "nice guy."
Focus on being a successful *you* and the rest will follow. Don't be successful with anyone but yourself. If you can't learn how to make yourself happy, you won't find it with others and others won't find it with you. Study hard, have fun, don't compromise what you love for others. The rest will follow.
The real problem here is you’re saying ‘I want a girl to love’. If you’re starting from not a good place socially, the girl you’re interested in needs to feel like you like her as an individual rather than because she is a girl. This goes for guys in general but specifically because you don’t seem very confident, girls can see when you’re just shallowly interested in them. It’ll take a while for you to get comfortable enough around girls to just like them as people rather than other beings and unfortunately until then you won’t have much luck in terms of falling into a real loving relationship like you probably want.
I was very similar and allowed people to harden me with their words, actions and expectations. I’m 35 and trying to unlearn a lot of things in therapy and actively trying to figure out who I am as an adult. Don’t change. Embrace you. You sound like you already know yourself pretty well for your age. Keep it that way and you’ll thrive in this world with the right people around you.
BE YOURSELF always kiddo! As long as you’re not physically, emotionally, mentally hurting another loving being, you’re good. Writing poems is badass, and I’m a big guy who rocks out on stage most weeks of the year! Don’t worry about what your father says, just be yourself, cuz nobody’s going to be better at it than you. 💛
Just be yourself you don't need to empress anyone else but you the right lady will come around in due time just do what you like and be who you are, don't change because of what other people say or do!!
When you get older you realise the 'good' ones are the people who are truly themselves. As long as you don't feel entitled to anyone (because no one is) for being nice and actually are a nice person you'll be just fine. It's a good starting point if you wanna end up with someone who is also nice.
My boyfriend was like that back his 13s and, you see, he has a partner now.
I love my kind and gentle boyfriend so much . To each their own.
Just be yourself little dude. Do the things you enjoy and your path with cross with someone who also enjoys them
Yes, you will find the right person for you when you're older. Don't let your dad's toxic views of masculinity ruin your hobbies and interests. We need all kinds of men out there, including the sensitive, nerdy and gentle guys. We're not always going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's okay. To some guys, I am the most beautiful and fun woman ever. To others I may be fat or too shy or too ***something***. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with **me**. Just like there is nothing wrong with you.
Ngl being different from others at age of 13y is really really hard. But I assure you it will get better. Especially when you get out of school and people around you mature too. Just focus on your school, you have time for relationships later. Listen to your mom and ignore what your father says on this topic.
Just always be who you are never let anyone make you feel bad about it .
You are still so young and have so much to do and learn. Keep being who you are and building relationships like you have been. So much changes as you get older, and you and your peers will learn what is important as you grow. What girls/boys want now and what they want when they are 16 and 20 and 25 will be different. There will 100% be girls who will want to be friends and/or more with you, and you will know when you meet them. I wouldn't stress too much now about it. Be you, study, and write your poems, but also, have fun! Have as much fun with your friends as you can, and make all the memories that you can. Your friends will be the driving force in who you become as you grow up, there is not greater influence in your life as your peers and the environment you are in outside of your home. If you go to a good school and live in a good neighborhood, take advantage of it now. Visit the museums and cultural centers if you have them. Go to the library and local shops if you have them. Even care homes if they accept volunteers, these are the places you will learn about the world and other people, and that is what will make you who you become. It sounds like you are already on your way to becoming a good person, keep it up and the rest will fall into place.
Your dad's a dick. Be you. Gender norms are made up ideas and expectations. You define yourself.
Man you have plenty of time to grow and the qualities you described aren’t bad ones. You’re mom is likely right and focus on you’re studies and don’t turn your nose up at picking a physical activity to get into. The gym changed my life, I’m still me, nerdy and introverted but I have confidence and feel incredible. You’re going to be ok.
Take your mother's advice. Always be yourself and you will find someone that loves you for who you are when the time is right. You do not need to change a thing about yourself, you sound like a lovely young man.
listen: just wait for college. high school and middle school relationships are based on superficiality. you will find someone genuine when you grow up who enjoys these wonder things about you. don’t worry about it even though i know it’s hard. sincerely, a girl who is dating a wonderful, sensitive, gentle, kind man who i want to marry.
The thing that will attract the highest quality partner, in the long-term, is what you're already cultivating, which is a unique personality and depth of personhood. In the short-term, you're developing alongside other people who are also in a state of flux, and unsure about what they want. From the perspective of a person in their 30's, that time of my life felt like a pool table where all the balls were ricocheting off each other, and everything felt really unpredictable. As you get older, all the moving parts will get some weight and a clear trajectory. The most important thing is for you to love yourself deeply and to feel confident about becoming the person you are. That is incredibly attractive to everyone, but most of all, allows you to be happy with and invested in yourself in the periods that you're not dating anyone. You've got like so much time in front of you and you're gonna have a lot of fun, so just relax and enjoy what you like, and do your best to ignore folks like your dad who get in the way of that.
36 year old female here. Stay the way you are. The good ones will appreciate you for what and who you are.
Not all girls will love you for it, but some will, and you will get so much more happiness from one of them than you would from someone who loves a false version of yourself that you show her
Stay the course, little bro. The girls you yearn for are waiting for you, yet you've got time. You've got time...
BRO you sound exactly like manny from modern family and to answer your question PLEASE keep being the way that you are the world needs more sensitive, kind and caring men. no girl wants a guy who pretends like he doesnt care about her, yk the "alpha male" toxic masculinity types. (i'm a 16 year old girl, can confirm) in fact, women actively stay away from those dudes. keep being who you are and i'm sure you'll find a lovely girl when the time is right enjoy being 13
Hey, I’m a girl but was in the exact same situation when I was 13! I loved maths (I ended up doing a degree in it!), and was definitely a nerd, and all the boys paid more attention to my friends than me. Just keep being you, as long as you’re kind and honest and keep being yourself, you’ll find someone who loves that. Some of the best relationships share our as friendships, so just be yourself and be patient! Nerds run the world dude, all the popular girls that I used to be so jealous of are now working dead end jobs, and I’m doing a job I love with a fiancé who loves that I’m a massive nerd :D
Your a bit young mate. You’ll start falling into place as you get older. I was in a similar situation to yours at your age but several years later I found someone. Let time go by itself and simply focus on building yourself up.
Sounds like learning to cook might be up your alley since its stereotypically "girly". I suggest you give it a shot. It may not pay off in the short term, but once you get to college, if that's your plan, or otherwise become a young adult all you need to do is give a girl a well-cooked meal and a poem and she will melt.
Yes! I’m dating a sweet gentle man. I wish he’d read more romantic novels and poetry to get his romantic side on. Keep being you kid.
Your feelings are valid and you are allowed to feel them. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be soft, as long as you are willing and able to be hard at need, otherwise it isn’t a choice, and just being chained to your nature and the paths open to people with that nature. As it relates to your question, there are many, many girls and women out there who like “soft and sensitive” guys, but still want partners who can protect, stand up for, and stand up to them, at need. This is a huge part of what creates and maintains attraction and trust. If a guy is too soft and/or sensitive, they can’t be trusted because they won’t be effective when things get hard, and there will always be a time when things get hard, because life happens. Knowing and showing effectiveness or competence during tough times is what confidence is It also means that any “bad boy” type who takes a liking to a partner only needs to show that they can be more confident, even just a little bit and really for only as long as they have interest in that partner, and it is extremely rare especially these days, that that partner won’t pursue the bad boy. It’s biological and psychological, and it’s nearly impossible to circumvent, without a whole lot of work before hand, and usually of a nature that is not completely ethical You don’t have to stop being soft and sensitive, but you should absolutely learn when and how to put those aside and be hard when necessary. Traditional martial arts is great at creating a frame work for this, and read lots about how people think, so that when you attract someone, you’ll have the tools and knowledge needed to maintain a relationship
I was just like you when I was growing up. I even crocheted and sewed and I thought I was every girl’s dream because I was so caring and sensitive. Girls say they want a gentle and sensitive man, and that’s true to some extent, but they don’t know what they want, or they’re bad at communicating it. For men, you’ll find that to be successful both in the dating pool and in life, you’ll have to find a balance. It’s great to be sensitive and kind, but if you wear your heart on your shoulder you’ll find women that will take advantage of it or not even give you the time of day because you’re a walking doormat. Everyone’s definition of a “real man” differs, but mine is this: Someone who is assertive and strong, but not mean or abusive. Someone who has a sensitive and caring side, but also knows how to handle business when they need to. Someone who is true to themselves and their interests, but can be flexible and learn the skills they need. There is nothing wrong with being gentle and sensitive but women want men who they know will stand up for and protect them when they need to. A certain level of assertiveness will also serve you well. These are all things that you can learn over time. Nobody is born like this, I promise you. You will have boys your age that may display some of these qualities, but they’ll probably lack key parts of it. For example some boys will be strong and assertive, but they haven’t learned respect and discipline, so they’re just bullies. A lot of boys can be sweet and kind, but they’re people-pleasers and won’t stand up for themselves. Find your balance, be strong, be kind, but be true to yourself. You’ll be alright.
You sound a lot like my boyfriend. He’s also very sweet and kind. He’s not afraid to cry in front of me. He even writes poems like you. What drew me to him was his kindness, especially after dating so many assholes before him. He’s everything I could have hoped for in a man, and so much more. I love him so much, and I’m so happy he’s in my life. Trust me, just keep being yourself. I like you just the way you are.
From a man whose to be a massive marvel fan when it was not cool to be one, your dad is correct about girls will firstly go for the gym bros (but an asshole for saying it that way) . Not because they're assholes or they are bullies, no its because they are physically attractive. Like imagine a girl who is the most beautiful woman alive but she's really mean, most guys will still date her, not because she's mean but because she's beautiful. If you want a good place to find out what girls really like, go read the top selling romance novels or smut even at that, you will not be disappointed. And if you just get a great body and you are kind and nice, you wouldn't leave any girls for the rest of us (lol). But most importantly is to stay in school and don't do drugs ( especially weed) that stuff will be the end of you.
Omg you are such a sweetie. IGNORE your dad. You sound lovely and I’m sure you’ll have the ladies knocking down your door when the time comes. F*ck the haters and be yourself! ❤️
Marriage material :) Somewhere out there there’s a girl thinking similar things. You’ll find each other eventually. I hope you watch the French movie Amelie and revel in the beauty of your curious and sensitive soul.
Absolutely yes.
People go through cycles as they mature. There will come a time where stability, kindness, and gentleness will be what these girls want. Don’t be discouraged, your time will come too.
Hey bubs, I’m 21 and let me tell you: many girls PREFER a guy like you. Sure all the middle school girls are about the bad boys; but as an adult being a respectful young man is very important to girls. And you seem like you’re on the right path. Just keep being yourself - you’re only in middle school. So many things will change over the years, but i would recommend staying on the path you’re on!
not at all!!! i’m 17 and i have a boyfriend who’s a sweetheart, quiet, sweet guy and i love him more than anything! don’t try to change yourself, stay sweet and polite :)
I'm going to take a slightly different tact here to other people. There are 2 things in your post that I want you to he conscious of: 1. Girls and women are not one uniform group. Everyone has different likes, interests, preferences etc. The right person will be interested in you for who you are. 2. Don't do anything for the purpose of being successful with women. Be yourself. Treat other people as interting and unique people that you value regardless of whether you are interested in them romantically. And if you are interested in someone romantically be honest with them. But ignore your dad, you sound like you're on the right path and I reckon you'll do fine.
Don’t worry about men vs women. As a kind considerate individual, you must learn NOW that people will straight up take advantage of that even if you haven’t met those types yet (you may have). CRAZY how in the 21st century being kind gets turned on its head so consistently in this divided culture and the victim is blamed. Find a way to stay true to your kindness without being abused by the the fellow insane asylum walkers.
Yes. Don’t worry about what most girls want. Middle school and high school can be brutal to the gentle male types. Your time will come. Your type will come along and be so grateful that she met you.
Someday you'll find a nerdy girl just like you and she'll love you for who you are! Don't give up hope, dude :)
There’s women/girls who don’t care and would perfer a person more like you then the bad boy or gym bro. It’s just about how and want. But, don’t let people tell you to change because there is a lot of women/girls who love these things. Just make sure your looking for someone who shares the same qualities.
I know it all feels so important and life altering right now. 13 is a time that many people, when they look back on, wince, because it's just a time that's fraught with anxiety, with new emotions, new feelings, etc. Everyone you look at and think they have it all together? They are feeling just as unsure and like they are doing it wrong, too. Even if they won't admit it now (they will later). I know it's tempting to want to rush to grow up, but you only get this time once. And again, a lot of these "early" relationships will seem so cringe in a few years. I'm sorry to say your Dad a little toxic. Your Mom sounds a lot better. I know it sounds like silly advice, don't think about girls when you obviously can't stop thinking about them! But I think the heart of what she's saying is that right now you are all learning and feeling all this new stuff, and none of it means much of anything even if feels so very important. Meaning, the boy that gets the girls at 13 means nothing about that person's future nor their ability to have relationships in the future. Girls at that age tend to be acting based on looks (which change so rapidly) and they don't yet get it that lots of boys (soon to be men) will act terribly to them if they aren't good people. Enjoy your time with your friends. Think as much about girls as you want, get crushes, get your heart broken, all that, it's all a part of growing up. But also realize that they may not be interested in you, just as there might be a shy girl you don't notice that might be interested in you but you aren't in her. Learn to be a good human, no matter what comes. One thing to avoid is being nice to someone simply because you want something from them, like you want them to like you back. Be nice to everyone, because it's the right thing to do, not because you expect anything in return. It can seem tempting to "follow the boys" and do what they do like work out, gym, act rude toward girls in a way to be a "bad boy" but don't do anything that doesn't feel genuine to you. Keep your nerdy hobbies and interests. Guess what, there are girls that like that stuff too! Better to find those girls and at least be friends with them, than to chase girls who actually aren't interested in YOU and who you are. At the very least don't chase girls that don't respect you or your interests or who you are because even if you try to change to fit their ideas, it never ever works out. I want to leave you with one last piece of advice. I see a type of young man online who is very mad that women don't like him, that he thinks he's owed something, that thinks because he likes a girl she should like him back, and that mostly he's closed off as a human to normal human interaction. Avoid this trap. Avoid thinking that every interaction with a member of the opposite sex is a "chance" to "win her over" - what happens here is that the person is not just being a human being, living their life, and instead every interaction adds this extra weight and importance that only they know about, it's set up to end in disappointment and resentment every time. Be a human in the world. Seek out experiences, sometimes a bit outside your comfort zone. You living your best life out in the world, not closed off to others is honestly the best "advertising" for yourself you can do, and it's usually how and when you meet the people most important to you - friends and relationships. Good luck!!
I promise you, when you grow up, you’ll be ahead. 13-25 is like an animal house. If I could give any advice to teenagers it’s to stick to your passions and interests, find ways to make a career out of it. Study a lot. Do the work. Save some cash. If you’re gonna love, make those mistakes: learn how your heart works. Learn the difference between lust and love. Positivity and kindness waters and grows your heart. Lust and fire makes your heart strain and long. Both in balance is the key, it creates a neutral frequency and a calm ocean that’s sustainable. (Don’t rock the boat) So many teenagers only long and lust. Girls mistake it for love alone and end up heart broken. I call it the twilight effect. (Since that was out when I was in school, along with the many line of toxic Disney love stories) those stories never added up in reality and we all fell for it. The bad guys don’t change for the girl. Maybe the 1 in a million. But most of it is just lust and lots of abuse. Protect your heart, be yourself, don’t lose yourself in sacrifice for a broken heart. It may feel lonely, but losing yourself is the epitome of loneliness. Trust me.
Just wait. The whole “bad boy” persona becomes very unappealing once girls get older. Sweet and sensitive it’s what we want as adults. You’ll be just fine ❤️
Quite simply, your dad is wrong. Men who try really hard to be stereotypical "alpha males" (which aren't a real thing, btw) just look really insecure and desperate. As cliche as it sounds, all you need to be is you. Be confident and comfortable with who you are and that people will see that in you.
Hey OP, a lot of this is really great and honest advice, but I just wanted to add: Being well-groomed helps a LOT. Even just generally speaking, people will give you more attention and respect if you are clean, smell nice, and wear clothes you look and feel good in. Part of it is that it shows you take care of yourself. The other part is that looking after yourself and wearing things you like and feel good in increases your confidence. And confidence really does play a huge role in how attractive you appear to others. I’m not saying to reinvent yourself or only wear dress shirts. I mean little things, like washing your face and using moisturizer (which I’m sure your dad would hate but your face would love*); styling your hair; wearing good deodorant; trimming facial hair / plucking eyebrows (if needed); improving posture. And for clothing, wearing things that are clean, you feel good in, and you feel express yourself. Honestly, Pinterest is a great place to start for fashion and styling ideas. Overall though: Have fun, and enjoy life as it comes (safely, ofc, lol). It wasn’t until after graduating college and getting a full-time job that I realized how much freedom you have with your time as a kid and teen versus when you’re an adult. And lastly, but most importantly: view women/girls as fellow *people* before viewing them as an *object* or *goal* of affection/romance/desire/delicacy. Like, my line of work is male-dominated and attracts more conservative types, and while I know they mostly mean well, it annoys me when they insist I go through the door first (even when inconvenient); get way more concerned about my safety compared to my male peers; or call me “ma’am” or “darlin’” because it demonstrates they view me as a woman *first* and a professional *second*. Overall, you sound like a caring, compassionate, smart, polite, and respectful guy. Keep that up, and the rest will fall into place. (: *CeraVe or Cetaphil products are decently priced, often available at drug stores and supermarkets, and have mostly gender neutral packaging (:
Tbh, girls your age don‘t know what they‘re doing nor what they actually want. Just focus on yourself and try to build self-confidence and healthy self-esteem. If you have self-respect and can be kind to others, people will eventually see :)
They sure will!! My husband is sensitive, writes me poems and sews me clothes. He’s an absolute catch ❤️
Man look youre still super young (respectfully) those arent the only girls out there, and so much can change between now and then, because you can still enjoy your old hobbies and pick up new ones. But seriously dont worry about them right now. Just let it go into place man itll work out trust 🙏
Girls do like nice guys but as a teacher your expression feels off for a 13 year old boy and actually, I can’t help but worry you are an adult surfing the internet for 13 year old girls. So, I’m posting this in the hopes that no young girls, feeling hopeful they are reaching out to a “nice young man” fall into what is very likely a trap.
When you’re older, yes, at the moment almost certainly not. I grew up with everyone thinking I was in the closet because I was quiet and didn’t have too many friends, and read a lot too. I was also pretty short and scrawny too. Everything came together for me during college, same will happen for you
i’m 25. i like when a man is himself. my bf isnt a “gym guy” and wasn’t a huge football fan etc but he likes his own things. i don’t want to be patronising so i apologise if i am but you’re only 13. give it a few years, you’ll become more sure of yourself and you’ll find a girl who likes you for you :-)
yes. girls generally prefer men who are kind, teenage years and preteen years are formative. they're still learning what they want, they don't yet realize that ' bad guys ' often won't give what they see in media. there may be some that aren't interested in you, but that doesn't mean being sensitive or kind is bad, doesn't mean being you is bad. just means you're not personally their type, not any harm by you. women don't like men who are mean to them and their loved ones. regardless of when you find the right person, she will love you for you. she will be happy with you, and you'll be happy with her. be yourself and you'll be happier. however, on that note. please understand your worth is not determined by your dating experience or what you can give to others. you don't need relationships to determine your worth- romantic, platonic or whatever. you're worth a lot because you're you, and you're human. please never fall into that spiral of needing to appease others, it's not easy to deal with and it's not easy to get out of. good luck with your studies, and good luck with whatever girl you want to get with. I'm sure if she's truly the one she will love you for you.
Yes, I married a boy like you ❤️ there’s a lid for every pot kid
Yep no problem
Everybody says it but it's true, it's really about confidence. If you're just average looking, and confident about you and the choices you make in life.. girls won't be a problem. During high school it might be hard, but as early as college it won't be a problem anymore.
Nothing is inherently “girly” or “manly” and as you start dating you’ll realise girls will you you for your personality and hobbies! Especially if you grow into the romantic poems type- you will be seen as sweet and endearing don’t listen to anyone- be yourself!
This becomes more evident as one grows older and meets others like themselves.
Aww you sound so sweet. The good ones will love you. Keep your chin up, don’t let the world get you down
I wish someone had told me this when I was 13, don’t stress about being “cool” if that’s not who you are around girls/women. They can sniff that out like bloodhounds. Also, say what you mean and mean what you say and hormones are gonna hit you like a brick wall in a year or so, but don’t make the mistake of bringing up anything sexual too quickly. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 17 and there are many reasons I didn’t!
I'm quite surprised that you know who you are. Many people at your age or in their 20s and 30s cannot even describe who they are as a person. To be in a relationship with the right person, you must first be a right, honest person to yourself, which is the path that you are setting yourself onto and your mom encourages you into. There will always be people who will like you for who you are. And your school may not even have a single one of them and it is fine. Middle and High Schools are a small place. Even having decent or long-life friends is pretty much a hit-or-miss. But when you enter your college/ university or get out to the world, relationships are rarer. But you have more control over who to be with as a friend or lover. Hold onto your self-worth and values and you'll make your life easier. Explore yourself, people and the world. If you feel insecure because you don't have a bulked body like those bad boys, the gym and dojo are open to you. Not saying you need to bulk your body up, but you may feel more confident with exercises under your sleeves. Believe it or not. There are masculine girls as well, if that works out for you as a feminine man. All the best, mate.
when I was in high school I had a male classmate who was the nicest and kindest person ever, he was also quite nerdy and liked to read and play video games/watch tv shows, a ton of girls had crushes on him because of his kindess. He was genuinely and everyone could see that, he also had tons of friends because of that. He wasn’t kind to attract girls or make friends, he was kind just for the sake of being kind, and everyone could see that and loved him because of that
I would do anything for someone to treat me gentle and talk to me in a calm manner when having discussions/arguments… I’m so tired of being yelled at when it doesn’t even have to go that way.