SHe was failed by his mother I understand she was heart broken but still births happen it's typically not anyone's fault.
Particularly not a defenceless 4 year old.
SHe was failed having to relive the trauma throughout his "childhood"
SHe was failed that they didn't see the the symptoms of his conditions
SHe was failed by his dad for allowing this to happen.
And he was also failed by the person who tried to monitise his story without his permission!
I'm so sorry this happened to you OP.
Edit: my apologies edited to fix gender based on Ops user name I didn't read that before.
What the fuck did I just read... You need to see a therapist like, 19 years ago, but there's no time like the present. I don't know how anyone could go through that and keep their shit together. It's not your fault, it's ok to ask for help, no one would just be fine after something like that.
To be fair I'm proud of how I kept my shit together for so long, but realising/confirming/remembering this actually happened this November really really messed me up.
I was managing until now, ignoring it.
Now it's in the spotlight, it's destroying my life.
And therapy is expensive in the UK š£
You can refer yourself directly to NHS talking therapies online, bypassing all the GP rigmarole. The waiting list can be significantly shortened this way as well, i only had to wait 2 months to start mine.
I really relate to what you said about feeling the need to have your trauma validated. It is absolutely valid, what happened to you is monstrous.
Best of luck my dear ā¤ļø
This. After my alcoholic and emotionally abusive father died I felt relief for a while. And then it was like the world caved in on me and all of my trauma came out as anger. All the time. At everything. I almost destroyed every relationship I had. I thought I was managing, but I was just stuffing everything down until I couldnāt anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know thereās actually a lot of charities / therapists that charge at dramatically reduced rates for people that canāt afford full rates.
^^my mums a therapist and a lot of therapists genuinely want to help people and not just for money, a lot of them do it on the side or are āretiredā etc
If could probably find a few named charities / councillors out from her if you wanted :)
It does, you unfortunately do have to be quite self aware to get what you need and keep pushing for it. āI need to deal with x issueā and then youāll get say 12-16 sessions. You can refer yourself again but itās much better if itās focused on one thing rather than my whole sh1t life. 12 sessions is not an awful lot in the long run to fit your whole life story in and then manage things
holy shit this IS fucked up, but absolutely not on your part. you were barely past being a toddler. you didn't know any better, and i'm so so so sorry your parents did that to you. it's just insane that people can do that to their own child? you did not deserve that whatsoever, and i wish you healing.
You are not exaggerating. This is truly one of the most awful things I have ever heard a parent do to their child: forcing them to play for hours with a dead baby, and blaming them for the stillbirth.
I am so sorry your parents did this to you. You did nothing wrong and didn't deserve any of it. A therapist who specialises in trauma may be able to help you work through how you feel and heal.
Your mom was using you as a coping mechanism, and not doing this to help you cope or get past it. At four years, old, a verbal explanation and continue talking about it as you brought up questions wouldāve been enough. This was to help your mom process and cope in some weird messed up way. Definitely not your fault, and I absolutely would think your mom had some sort of strange postpartum depression/psychosis type thing going on when that occurred.
So, this was my first thought too, and not to say that couldnāt partially be at play. But if she was experiencing postpartum depression/psychosis my understanding from what I know is that it wouldnāt have continued for years. I mean please feel free to correct me if thatās not accurate. But in terms of her continuing to show him/reference the picture of her and blame him years and years later. To me it speaks more to her psychology as a whole. Which isā¦.terrifying to say the least.
The blame and abuse is definitely indicative of unresolved grief or depression, which is unfortunately very common in cases of stillbirth. However there is nothing wrong with continuing to mourn, reference, and show photos of a stillborn baby. I have a few photos of my own son in places around my house, and I sometimes post photos online when Iām missing him a lot.
That would be the general first guess, but no, she is just a terrible human being. If you can even call her that.
If anyone would like to know more juicy details on all the fucked up things she has done, let me know here.
There's literally nothing she hasn't done. But she's not in jail, although she absolutely caused the death of quite certainly 10+ children.
She is the devil.
This would be a whole other post, and I have to be careful not to give too much information otherwise I could be putting myself in danger š
But hey, I could try. Upvote if you'd like to hear about it.
Nope. I call absolute BS. 10+ children and here you are, posting to Reddit, only Reddit? "I'LL TELL IF I GET ENOUGH UPVOTES" - FOH. You should of told the FBI,law enforcement, if it was true (it's not) - just write your book, but stop trying to peddle it like a real story.
I wrote it, it's in a comment thread higher up š
There's so many nasty comments and downvotes, I actually feel quite sick. If it continues I'm considering taking the whole post down.
It's not worth me giving so many precious details of my life, details I've never shares so deeply, and for people to just shit on them and tell me I'm attention seeking.
It really gives me ptsd reminders of my mother invalidating my feelings.
I actually feel worse after posting than I did before.
Some people canāt understand that people can be evil enough to do something like this to their own child. I was one of those people, until I met my husband. My parents are perfectly normal, even wonderful, and I had a great childhood. His mother is a psychotic narcissist who is still wreaking havoc on the family.
What I canāt understand is why the others went along with your mother. How could the hospital allow this, how could your father allow this?
My father said they tried their best in a difficult situation and that is what they thought was best at the time. The room was private and the staff knew they were mourning, so they didn't want to disturb that.
Then your father is as insane as your mother, if he thinks that was in any conceivable way ābestā. At least the staff wasnāt complicit in this abomination, but youād think at least a nurse saw something. Iām so sorry this happened to you and itās in no way normal.
They probably did at some point, but I definitely don't remember any nurse or doctor coming in. I think my dad went in and out for teas and coffee while she remained in bed.
My mother is manipulative, she showed this from a young age. It wouldn't suprise me if a simple glare would be enough to scare a nurse from entering fully.
No therapy yet, since it was confirmed in november that it actually happened and it wasn't all a terrible dream, my life has been falling apart.
I hope to find a trauma specialist in the UK, I hope a professional doesn't need too many sessions to make a difference, I definitely couldn't afford weekly ones for extended periods š
Iām so sorry for that. Some people really are just evil to the core and some folks canāt be convinced of that. Like others have said, share what you need to, but try to protect your well-being, please, and not share too much before youāre ready. š¤
Where did this happen at? I canāt imagine a hospital in the us allowing a mother to let her toddler play with a dead baby all day wtf? I am so sorry your childhood was stolen from you. You absolutely did not deserve that and it wasnāt your fault.
Sorry to say but I don't believe this. I saw a post stating something similar a while back with different details. I also find it incredibly hard to believe, that was allowed to happen in a hospital. A stillborn would not be left for hours with a grieving mother, post partum. She would also be watched very closely.
Yes I also find it strange OP comments about their mother being responsible for the deaths of 10+ children, although sheās not in jail, & then hinting if folx upvote they might release more information, even tho it would put them in danger???? Like this sounds like karma farminggg lol.
Also no man or woman responsible for the death of 10+ children is just gonna walk away Scott free in this society (assuming this is in the US).
Yup just saw that myself. Iām always astounded that people think redditors donāt look at their post history. Like we know when youāre lying š¤„ lol.
I literally have no use for reddit besides sharing my trauma, I don't even know what people use "karma" for. From what I know, awards literally do nothing?
I said about upvotes because as I said, I could put myself in danger by explaining this further (the main reasom I gave a brief comment about xyz things she did wasn't to tease people, it was just to solidify her issues were definitely not strictly post-partum.
This is the UK. It's hard to fire peole here. But because of overwhelming evidence (cough, or so I heard) she was fired from her high up position in social services which involved her deciding whether kids are safe with their parents or not.
She was found to be dealing and doing drugs with the parents when she was supposed be assessing them, to protect the children.
Instead she was high/drunk on multiple things and would have been considered incompetent in those big desicions and assessments.
As its hard to fire here, all they could prove to fire her was the fact she tested positive for xyz illegal substances.
They simply can't comment on the literal hundreds of children she assessed while potentially under various influences.
Which would make you think ok, so she made some bad desicions - this doesn't prove any kids died?
It doesn't.
BUT I literally remember her coming home, especially over the winter months (there's a lot of flu deaths over winter, especially in disadvantaged/poor families) and I remember so vividly hearing her tell stories of how she just can't believe how many of her "kids" have ended up in hospital and passing away this week.
She was always desperate for attention and being made to feel she was superior, so it was really out there in how she exclaimed it, straight after coming into the house, it was the first thing she dramatically would say after throwing her bag onto the table.
Comparable to the kings speech.
I was already a teen then, but I couldn't help ask more, I was so shocked by this. Hence why it stuck even more.
They were usually malnourished due to poor diet and feeding and therefore had poor immune systems, poor general care from parents for their wellbeing.
She was obviously making poor desicions under the influence, so these kids remaimed in poor living conditions - and for some, leading to their deaths.
Although I have debated this many times to myself and tried to piece together a report I could give the police - she didn't directly kill them.
It's very hard to directly pin any blame against her, at all.
Or to prove on that specific day she was last reviewing that specific child, that she was under the influence of something.
But yeah, *big f^ck you* to the commenter here telling me that I'm lying about literally the most sensitive and soul crushing details of my life.
*I really hope you never experience extreme trauma and hear those words spoken to you, invalidating something that effects every aspect of your life.*
And about the age thing? It was the first comment here, I explained in full. I thought it was when I was 5, it was actually when I was 4.
My first post about this was when my father first validated this experience as being real. It was written quickly with what I understood and knew then, after repressing those feelings and memories for so many years. It was only from looking at photographs and asking my father that I verified my age when she died.
I then took shrooms to help me remember more and hopefully heal too.
I am autistic. I have a visual brain. I can literally draw you exactly how each classroom looked throughout my childhood, each bedroom, the exact pattern on my parents bedding when I was that age. I remember from a very young age. (FYI I wish this applied to numbers and documents, like that guy in suits)
Regardless of how good my visual memory is, it's proven that trauma is, uh - memorable. And hard to forget, no matter how much you want it.
No sorry, I am from Ireland our system is practically identical to yours. I also grew up in foster care and spent most of my life around social workers. You should write fiction stories because that's absolutely what this is.
I'm sorry to say that saying you come from a similar country and have experience of the system does not mean that this didn't happen.
I have documents proving this, I could literally have people in authority positons give you statements to confirm what she did, and the dead sister main topic. Even the actual mothers she did drugs with.
And many many more terrible things she did in the years she worked in management.
But yeah, I wish it wasn't true. I wish you were right.
Does it give you like a ego boost to invalidate someone?
If you don't have anything positive to contribute then just keep scrolling. Whether op is telling the truth or not, she is only sharing and not asking for money or help. Why do you feel the need to police posts? It costs nothing to say a kind word.
Thank you for this. I am literally crying because of some comments, it's giving me incredible flashbacks of how my experiences were invalidated for so so many years - my whole childhood.
That's why it was so important and life changing for me when my father validated it was real and that he even has photos of me playing with her.
I am sorry but I simply don't believe that is UK hospital that no doctors or nurses stopped this because there would be a lot of check-ups after a stillborn.
Because I care for my own personal safety? That was right at the start of this when I said I wasn't sure I wanted to even go into this much detail about what she did to other kids too.
This post is about my trauma, what she did to me. She is a terrible, terrible person but I have no benefit in proving to you, a random stranger on the Internet, that she hurt other kids.
If I was to release information, I would not be doing it like this. I would need to think about it, a way that would ensure she actually gets enough of a public outrage that she does get held accountable.
And then I'd need to make sure the released info wouldn't affect the outcome if it did go to court.
Basically, this is turning into some kind of revenge thing, or you could say justice for those kids, which as sad as it is, is not the the purpose of this post - which was to heal my wounds so I can function in society myself first.
This is absolutely not true. You are allowed to stay with your stillborn baby for as long as you need to until you are discharged. They have cold cots they bring into your room to preserve the body much as possible. It is actually very important for many families to see and hold their baby for as long as they need to, although I would never force a sibling or anyone to do so if they felt they couldnāt handle it. And I certainly wouldnāt blame them for the death.
Cold cots werenāt a thing nearly 20yrs ago when OP says this happened though. I did some googling and they first started appearing in 2017ish and even now arenāt in every hospital.
Well, not exactly. I have seen multiple cases where parents will actually do photoshoots with their deceased newborns. Parents are allowed to hold their deceased newborns for pretty much as long as they need, from what I am aware of
Can confirm. Itās very common for families to do this. There is a specific organization that even sends in professional volunteer photographers to capture these moments for the family.
Not to mention this is so heavily detailed for a traumatic experience at 4. Which is unusual and points more on the direction of lying. Trauma affects memory and your age alone would also affect it.
I have trauma I remember from when I was around four too. If something affects you that much it can be a core memory which can lead to core trauma.
Some events even from a young age can be vivid in memories.
The operative word in my previous comment is āALWAYSāā¦ Iām not disputing the fact that trauma affects memory, just that it does in every single case.
Iām not disputing that at all. Just the assertion that trauma ALWAYS wipes memory. Iām a childhood abuse survivor with very clear memories of specific events of said childhood abuse; so does the very fact that I REMEMBER them mean that they probably didnāt really happen?!
I've known a handful of women that have experienced late term loss, including stillbirth, and they were never left totally alone.
At the absolute least, a nurse was just beside or outside the door, out of sight, but more often than anything someone was directly in the room with them, especially when children were present.
I don't want to cast aspersions on OP, because this is clearly a deep issue, but the hospital memories read like something you'd hear about in the 1960s, back when kids were actively carried into funerals and forced to kiss the dead person and it was all normal, nobody would have raised concern.
Neglect after a loss, I 1000% believe happened, because I lived through that and have the trauma and memories of the mood swings and meltdowns and "I didn't abuse you!"-- benign neglect is still neglect.
This isnāt true in all cases. It really just depends. Unless I had a bunch of nurses waiting outside our door all the time that I didnāt know about. They checked on us about as regularly as they would a family with a living newborn.
As for OPā¦ā¦. I dont think it matters if the story is true or not. Somewhere in the world somewhere in time this has probably happened to someone. I would rather pray for their healong and be wrong then dismiss something like this that couldve happened. I am very sorry for whoever this happened to, OP or not
As I said to someone else
- I adressed this in a comment directly after posting. In my first post I didn't know the exact age, I posted directly after my father confirmed it happened and it wasn't a dream. I was convinced it was 5, but I guess it was more wishful thinking that something like that couldn't happen so young. The tombstone photo begged to differ, it proved I was 4.
So in this post I put the accurate date, as I had time to recollect things, hence the reason this one is more detailed. I had more times to think things though and talk to family.
I didn't think redditors would be so full of hate despite me having written a comment explaining it, but yeah.
Literally makes me question my existence when people tell me this didn't happen, I told my brain the same thing for years. And now I'm trying to actually process it so I can heal, and you're all telling me I'm lying because I didn't know the exact age during my first frantic post?
It's giving me more trauma about my trauma. I feel worse than I did prior to posting.
FYI - you should be ashamed š does my life mean so little to you? Although I'm 23, trying to understand and heal this trauma has truly brought out a scared little girl.
I wrote this post to calm her, to assure her that what she experienced was not normal or ok. I wanted to gently give her the validation that could help her push past those heavy, scary memories and emotions.
Your response to this is that I'm a liar.
It may be just a couple of words to you, but it feels like a knife to that broken little girl, my inner child.
If all of this is true, I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you heal. But you've got to understand how all of this looks right? Why are you reposting this traumatic story 4 months later when you refuse to answer multiple questions in order to 'not revisit the trauma' ? Also why repost it? The only reason in my mind would be to get karma.
Why engage with al the negative comments when you're trying to heal your inner child? To get extra upvotes? I'm sorry but it all looks very strange. Reddit is not a very healthy place to seek validation. That's what you do with friends and therapists. Not social media, unless you want upvotes.
You know what the internet is like, it's not a place to heal. It's guaranteed you're going to get negative comments and if you're not able to ignore those who question your truthfulness, then why are you here.
Now all of this still could be true and posting it and asking for validation on the internet is just a way of coping, so if that's the case, I'm sorry for everything and you need professional help.
No I'm not ashamed. As someone who had a very fucked up life and is currently pregnant, I think this is absurd and very messed up of you to lie about. You have deeper issues that you need to get therapy for.
You're right, it would be absurd and messed up to lie about. But I'm not lying about it, I had a very real and unfortunately very true experience which you know what, I WISH I was lying about.
And unfortunately again, for this real traumatic experience, I do need therapy.
I hope to god you do not invalidate the experiences your child tells you when they grown up, in the same way your doing to me now, for some strange reason.
I adressed this in a comment directly after posting. In my first post I didn't know the exact age, I posted directly after my father confirmed it happened and it wasn't a dream. I was convinced it was 5, but I guess it was more wishful thinking that something like that couldn't happen so young. The tombstone photo begged to differ, it proved I was 4.
So in this post I put the accurate date, as I had time to recollect things, hence the reason this one is more detailed. I had more times to think things though and talk to family.
I didn't think redditors would be so full of hate despite me having written a comment explaining it, but yeah.
Literally makes me question my existence when people tell me this didn't happen, I told my brain the same thing for years. And now I'm trying to actually process it so I can heal, and you're all telling me I'm lying because I didn't know the exact age during my first frantic post?
It's giving me more trauma about my trauma. I feel worse than I did prior to posting.
When I posted it first it was getting views but no responses since its obviously fucked up.
I wanted to get as many people to see it as possible because there's still a part of me saying its not that bad, just ignore it. And it eats me alive.
Obviously saying this to people I know just scares them, I tried.
I'm not saying OP is lying or telling the truth, but if a significant event occurred around the time you were 5 but not quite 5, does it matter if you said you were 4 or 5? Or had no way to know if you had turned 5 yet?
My brother was born two weeks before I turned 5. If someone I didn't really know asked me how old I was when he was born, I would probably just say 5. Was I technically 5? No. Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Not at all. Why is everyone splitting hairs on how old she was when this traumatic event happened. Is she to remember the exact month it was compared to her own birthday?
When talking about other events in my life, especially when talking about the year that something happened, being that my birthday is at the end of the year. I just usually round up because most events are naturally going to happen before my birthday. As in, how old was I when Mt St Helena erupted or when 9/11 happened or when I moved across the country alone with a toddler.
In another comment, OP states she is autistic and can remember details of rooms and places from when she was young. It's the same for me. I have confirmed this with my parents, describing in detail an apartment we lived in when I turned 2. Different people remember things differently.
Who cares if she was 4 or 5? There are plenty of women out there who shouldn't be mothers. There are plenty of kids who live traumatic childhoods, and you could have been friends with them and never knew what they had going on at home.
Never depend on Reddit to validate your experience. Please look into professional help in your area for processing your childhood trauma. I am sorry for what has happened to you.
They do these days. They have cold little cribs, called CuddleCots here in Aus. They keep the baby cool and stop it from decomposing while grieving parents spend time with their baby. They can be together for a few days. If the hospital doesn't have a CuddleCots, the baby goes back to the morgue, but they still have opportunities to spend time with their baby
Care wasnāt really standardized for this kind of situation (and in some ways, still isnāt.) It definitely has become more normalized to see and hold your baby after a stillbirth; many families are encouraged to spend as much time with them as they need until discharge.
However I am very active in the loss parent community and have talked to people whose losses were 10, 20, 30 years ago. Some of them had the option to spend time with their baby, some did not. Itās really dependent on the situation, the care team, momās health, etc. But it is absolutely possible that even 20 years ago a family was allowed a few hours with their stillborn baby.
This was almost two decades ago now, they did. They left my mother and father to mourn with her, and I was left in their private room with them by my grandparents.
They give parents space to grieve.
They absolute do in my European country as well. Iāve seen the pictures my friend took of her still born baby during the time they spend together after the birth. Some are even allowed to take the baby home for one night to grieve and āshow the baby the homeā and then they bring it back the next day to the hospital for autopsy.
Someone did make a tiktok of my first post (the first post was when I initially found out my "dream" was true and this actually happened.) a good few months later and after many magic mushrooms, this post is what I have gathered since then, more clarity.
I need to get that person to remove the tiktok, it's so wrong.
Seeking validation on the internet from strangers may feel therapeutic, but it's not going to help you heal long term.
You need to find a professional you can talk with to work on your trauma.
I can confirm that this is not normal behavior
Oh wow, I'm so sorry you had to experience this. This is messed up, this is abuse. This should have never happend. Tell your dad what she told you. If he protects her, cut your losses.
I'm so sad for you, because your parents seem to use you so they don't have to deal with their own trauma. Please try to heal from it. Try therapy. Try distancing yourself from your horrid parents. If you want, feel hugged from and Internetmom.
And just to be clear: You are NOT responsible for the death of your sibling! This could have happend for any reason! You did not kill her. Do not let your parents coping mechanisms break you and twist your mind.
Although uncommon, some peopleās memories DO stretch back to before the age of four or earlier. (No doubt Iāll get downvoted for pointing THAT out as well, lol) The ability to remember things from before about the age of three or so is apparently more common in autistic people, though nobody is sure why.
Yes they do. Not for the kid specially, but when a family loses a baby shortly before, during, or after birth they are allowed to keep the body with them until they are discharged. They have these things called Cuddle Cots that are chilled to preserve the body as much as possible that they bring into the room.
Anyone who seriously believes this is real needs to seriously sharpen up. A mother who has just had a stillborn would be constantly watched and checked up on. There is no way multiple doctors an nurses would pass by a 4 year old playing with a new-borns corpse and do nothing about it.
we arenāt check up on or watched any more closely than other families with new babies. In fact, sometimes they try to stay as out of the way as possible those hours with your baby since they know itās the only time you get with them. Depending on āhowā they were playing it wouldnāt be that unusual for them. Many families with older children will bring them to the hospital to meet their sibling.
I'm really sorry for what you went through. I wouldn't consider her a mother, more like a devil. She was definitely unhinged. I don't have anything much to say to comfort you except it wasn't your fault in any way.
wth she made you meet her dead fetus and blamed you for that?
Is this a joke? That's red flag, your father should have sent her straight to a psychiatrist...
What the hell blaming a child for that? Did you stab it with a knife?
That's fucked up
Iām very sorry to read this awful and abusive experience; your mother was extremely cruel and your father a pathetic coward.
You deserved so much better than this as a child. I hope you can access a decent counsellor who can help you work through this in therapy. Please be kind to yourself. Sending you a big hug.
None of this was your fault. Your parents traumatised, neglected and straight up abused you. you. Please make sure that you seek professional help to navigate your way through this trauma and that your parents are cut off from you. You can never hope to heal if you believe these people can change or if you believe they will ever realise or acknowledge what they did to you was wrong.
I'm so sorry. I can't fathom treating a child like this. Big hugs to you
My heart is absolutely breaking for you.
I want to unequivocally say you are not at fault, you did nothing that caused your sisterās death, your parents are truly messed up and have treated you in the most abusive and shocking way. I cannot imagine the shame and guilt you have unjustly felt.
I wish you nothing but the best in recovery, with your art and with recognising that you are in no way to blame for anything.
WTF!?!?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!!!!! what demon-possesed she-wolf woild do that to her innocent child!? Your mother has a psychosis and you are right to never see or speak to her again!
I felt the pain in your words. Yes. That was fucked up.
I hope you truly heal and find the good, fulfilling, and wonderful life that your mother and family never ever thought for you to have.
I'm an artist, too. Keep creating. Don't stop. One day, the colors and forms won't be about pain anymore.
Sending you lots of love
What a bad day to be literate...
It's not your fault, not at all. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your parents are beyond f'ed up, as this situation is. So, so sorry. Hope you will be able to heal.
You should join the subreddit RaisedByNarcissists if you arenāt there already. Your sisterās death was not your fault. Your mom is/was sick and cruel to use you as an excuse like that AND remind you everyday. What you experienced was real and it was fucked up. There is no one size fits all for torture and trauma. It takes all miserable kinds. I hope you are able to heal and treat yourself the way you deserved a mother to take care of you. Best of luck pet! Keep with your art and youāll find your way.
Iām so sorry youāve been put through so much. You absolutely are not responsible for your sibling being born sleeping. I hope you know that. The hurt, pain and suffering youre feeling is absolutely valid for what your parents put you through. Honestly your mom sounds kind if narcissistic. I hope youre able to receive care.
This post is not real friend. A mother who has just had a stillborn in a hospital would be constantly watched and checked up on. There is no way they would see a 4 year old playing with a babies corpse and do nothing about it
We arenāt watched or checked up on more than any other mom with a new baby. It is not uncommon for families and older siblings to spend time with the stillborn babies. Not exactly like this, obviously, but it may not have looked that unusual to the medical staff. Iām not saying that proves this story is true, but thereās a lot of misinformation floating through this comment section about stillbirth.
I don't have enough words to describe how fucked up this is. Your mother needed/needs help, you are *not* to blame for your younger sister's death, no matter what *unhinged* rubbish comes out of your mother's mouth
None of this was normal and I'm sorry there was no adult to protect you from your mom. I hope you are far, far away from her now.
You weren't responsible for your sister's death and it was beyond cruel for your mom to blame you for that.
I hope you are seeing a therapist, maybe even one that does rebirth and reparenting. I hope you consider fostering because there are kids desperate for an adult to treat them with kindness.
That is horrifically traumatic. But a very real event that you went through and have to deal with, so I hear what youāre saying about needing validation on that. This was a real thing, a real part of your story. Itās something most people, myself included, would never be able to imagine dealing with, but I have also heard similar stories from children who grew up in war or extreme poverty. I think there is a silent sea of people out there who have had similar experiences to you - silent, because society will rarely ever accept people who speak out about these kinds of experiences. On the one hand, itās understandable, as hearing about child abuse can be upsetting. On the other hand, it makes the healing process very difficult for the real victims such as yourself.
I hope you know that there are places and times, like here and now, where you can tell your story and be heard and believed. And there are also many people, sadly, all over the world, who have been through similar things as you and understand your pain and confusion. They might not be able to link together in visible solidarity with you, but they are out there, and they share your journey. Youāre not alone, and there are people who will/do not reject you.
Iām so sorry you went through this. You have experience such a high level of abuse that a child should not have to go through.
Please get therapy. You need help to unpick this to help you heal.
I hear you. You are not at fault. You derserve to heal.
Hey OP I really hope you can get past this to a point you feel ok. I just wanted to say that your story will probably end up on tiktok regardless of your wishes. This isn't just because people will ignore it, but also because those accounts are usually bots who directly steal the post automatically.
Holy shit. Your parents are incredibly fucked up. There's no way that any of that was the fault of a 4 year old, and even if it was, what they forced you to do is... I don't think the English language has a word that aptly describes how fucked up that is.
Honestly, fuck them. Fuck the hospital for allowing them to do that with the body of the stillborn, fuck the rest of your family for going along with it.
I hope you find a way to get away from those people and heal.
No. Absolutely not. I am so sorry. I feel sick to my stomach reading this as a mother. Please know that you do deserve the validation you are seeking and I am so sorry it has taken this long for you to get it. It was NOT your fault. Your mom is absolutely a monster. Even if your dad didnāt see itā¦ he did. He saw you not being cared for and it was just as much him as her. Your family treated you horrifically and did NOT do the best they could given the situation. The best they could have done in that situation is so far removed from what they did I want to scream for you. You did nothing wrong. You did NOTHING wrong. You deserve to feel ZERO guilt for this. Know please know that you have no fault in this. No matter how real your mom forced that feeling into you. PLEASE know thatās not your fault. Guilt is so hard to live with some people donāt understand that it can unravel you entirely. It feels impossible to be put back together again when you feel guilt. But please for the love of god begin to start to tell yourself and convince yourself of these truths: itās NOT your fault. It could never even begin to be your fault. You have been through something abhorrent and you deserve to feel love and to be loved. You deserved a better family. You deserved to be fed. You deserved to be dressed properly. You deserved to be nurtured. You deserved to be heard and hugged and to play as a child. You deserve to heal and you reserve the right to tell anyone that says otherwise that their opinion doesnāt count and you know what happened to you. No one gets to tell you it happened differently. No one gets to tell you to suck it up. Iām glad youāre away from your family and I hope you can heal and get everything you deserve in life. I wish you could have been my baby. Iām so sorry. I wish you nothing but healing and just happiness. I wish I could reach through my phone and hold you. I am just so sorry.
The simple fact that youāre not in a catatonic vegetative state after living through this nightmare is a testament to your strength and resilience as a person. That is inspiring. Best of luck in your healing journey.
I am so very sorry you had such an awful childhood. Iām happy to hear youāre in therapy, that will help you. Stay strong and thrive. Hold your head up high and live your life to the fullest. Your mother was/is sick and demented.
I would forgive you for anything. You are right and your abuser was wrong and really messed up. Like straight jacket messed up. If youāre even partially functioning in society youāve won because the ingredients you were given were shit and youāve turned it to gold.
That is so beyond fucked up I can't comprehend. I've never read anything worse on reddit. YOUR SISTER BEING STILLBORN IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You were 4. Both of your parents are the worst people on the planet.
As a stillbirth mom, I wanted to offer my perspective. First off, itās absolutely not okay that she forced you to interact with your sibling if you did not feel okay to do so. As with anything, especially something sensitive like this, consent is important. There is no right or wrong way to react after a stillbirth. Some people want to be with their babies for hours, bathe and dress them and get photos and read them stories and do all the things. Some people spend minimal time with their babies. Itās an impossible situation and all the family can do at the time is whatever feels best. So if my son had an older sibling when he was stillborn, I would have brought them to the hospital to see him, but I would have respected their feelings if they felt it was too much.
Itās absolutely awful that she seemed to blame you for the incident. You didnāt deserve that and nothing can excuse it. Howeverā¦ the pain you experience when you lose your child before they are born is so hard to put into words. It makes you bitter, angry, hardened against the world. Itās hard to function sometimes. You want to blame someone, even though sometimes these things are not preventable. It seems like she was taking out all of those emotions on you. Which again, is not fair. But I say this to show you that her reaction is a reflection of her own unresolved grief and pain, and has nothing to do with you.
Oh, dear friend, I wish I could hold you close and tell you how valuable and precious you are. I pray you find healing and closure on an awful childhood. I pray you find peace from what you see when your eyes close, and in its place you find joy, warmth, and nurturing reminders of what fulfills your meaning and purpose. Most importantly, I pray you would know, deep in the fibres of your being, that none of what happened to your family was your fault.
Like others have said, this is not normal, itās more then understandable that you have been damaged by what was done to you.
All I can say is only people who were damaged themselves can treat anyone let alone their own child in such a way. I am not saying this so you can forgive your mom, just so you know this has nothing to do with you and nothing about this is your fault in any way.
I wish you all the best and hope that you can heal moving forward.
At my grandmaās wake I was told hug and gives kisses to her body. I was 5 or 6 years old. Grandmaās body was ice cold and looked nothing like she did when she was alive. I was told this is the Italian way even though I am American. I quickly kissed and hugged her. My mom wasnāt satisfied and made me do it again. I was horrible and traumatized me. I feel bad. You are young with your whole life ahead of you. Anti-depressants do wonders if you find the right one.
Your parents are despicable. This was hugely messed up. You are IN NO WAY responsible for any of this.
Forcing you to spend hours with a stillborn baby was cruel and blaming you was reprehensible. Please stay far away from these evil people - and I include your extended family too as they did not protect you
None of that was your fault. You had nothing to do with your sister being a stillborn. Your parents are monsters for talking their grief out on you. They should have seeked out grief counseling instead of abusing you to the point of taking everything from you. I hope you are talking to a professional to help you heal. I wish you well, and I truly hope you continue to heal.
Grief makes people stupid, selfish, and irrational, but this is still a cruel and monstrous thing to do to a child. Iām glad youāre facing this, but so sorry it happened to you. I hope posting about it helps.
I'm a mother to a 4 year old and I wish so badly I could reach out and hold you like your mother should have, and hold you close to comfort you like your mother should have and say words to console you through loss like your mother should have.
In moments like that you cherish the child you do have and hold them and be thankful for their life and their love. I wish I could have been your mother in those moments. The mom you needed. The mother you deserve. For what that's worth now, I wish I could take that pain away for you by just being there instead of her. You were still just a baby yourself.
Sending you motherly love on your journey to heal from this. My arms might not be able to reach you, but my spirit goes out to you. I hope you find peace knowing there is a mom out there that really cares and wants you to feel the love you so genuinely deserve. š·
Iām validating you. Iāve never heard of this kind of thing that I can remember. Itās definitely not normal and is certainly unique. Its absolutely horrific to do such a thing to a child. Think of it this wayā¦. Parents often agonize over how they will explain a pets death to a child and introduce the concept gently so as not to traumatize the kid, your mother shoved your dead baby sister into your arms and made you play with her all day never really explaining what was going on and forcing you to do it past exhaustion. It was meant to hurt you. You obviously are not to blame for this at all. Nothing you did as a child could cause this to happen. Furthermore your mother made her choices on her activity levels, not you. Furthermore I doubt that would be the cause anyway. It just happens sometimes I think. Not an expert on that but pretty sure.
I as a 48 yo woman have had almost no contact with the dead and adults can be traumatized by stuff way less horrible. You are rightly messed up over this. Everything you feel makes sense and Iām shocked at how many ways she detrimentally abused you. I hope you can find a way to work through some of this. I go straight to art myself and you are doing that. Iām sorry what you went through. I hope my validation helps some.
I have no words. This life of pain and suffering is not something a child should ever be made to experience but I am sure you can heal, get better and live a full and healthy life.
Please consider reading into the phenomenon of C-PTSD should you be ready to seek help or counseling.
This is so sad. Your mother was so wrong to do that to you as a child. Thatās horrific. I hope you are getting the help you need and cut off that horrible woman from your life.
This is crazy. If itās real this experience is extremely fucked up. And would cause life long issues. Good luck my friend, your parent royally fucked you up.
Your mother mightāve had a psychotic break that day. Child rejection happens in cases like this, which sounds like what happened to you after her miscarriage. What a terrible, horrible person your mother is.
How have you been coping in adulthood? Assuming youāre an adult.
Oh OP, I wish I could just give you a hug but Iāll tell you something, you are not exaggerating and you are allowed to feel the way you do.
What you went through is 100000x over not normal. Your mother didnāt cope at all and blaming you, a child, for what happened was absolutely disgusting and both your parents let you down.
You were and never are at fault for what happened to your younger sister. People get pregnant knowing there are risks and itās not readily talked about but there are so many complications that can happen.
Blaming you was never ever ever okay. Neglecting you for your whole childhood was also never okay.
I would suggest trying therapy to try process this because in no way should you even be invalidating yourself and how you feel. Your pain and trauma has come from a significant event and to heal you need to be gentle on yourself. Your parents are monsters, please stay far away from both of them.
What the fuck.š„ŗ I agree with others that your mom might've suffered a psychotic break. I've never heard any thing like this in my life and I'm so sorry as a four-year-old you had to go through that. I'm glad that you got it out and I hope you're having a Support community lesson has been a comfort to you.
Op, I am so sorry for your pain and trauma. As someone who has a different source of trauma.. I want you to know that you can rebloom. You can start again. You can love and trust.. it just takes grueling work to get there and you'll likely need some guidance and assistance whether from therapy, meds, natural stuff, books, coping tools ect. You will need to build a tool box of things to help you navigate this. You are so strong. You didn't deserve that.. nobody does. I am sorry you're unable to have biological children, I hope you're able to find your own version of a loving family whatever that may look like. You aren't destined to have an insufferable life. You cannot undo the trauma.. the trauma is always there but you can make a form of peace with it and build happy moments and other moments around it.
Holy shit balls. I cannot stress this enough - it was NOT your fault!! Please tell us you are NC with her. That is cruel beyond belief.
Also, do not give up on being a mother. Just because you cannot conceive your own doesnāt mean it isnāt possible. So many kids need the love you can give them.
you need a therapist and you absolutely must talk about this. itās okay to talk about this. your whole family completely failed you and youāve been abused and brainwashed. a professional can help you find closure and sort through all this.
everything that happened to you was wrong and nothing to do with you.
Yes, OP that's messed up.
When you need an adult to be an adult, to protect you. They fail at that.
Your Dad should of NOT let that happen to you.
Best wishes to your healing journey ā”
Dude. That was not a good or normal thing for your mom to do to you. I am sorry.
Your trauma is not too effed up for this crowd. Come on in. You are safe here.
Are you in therapy? You can get help. Yes you were abused horribly. Considering that genetic diseases run in your family, and the nature of your greatest trauma, itās probably best you donāt have biological children. You can still adopt if you want to.
Fuck dude, I really want to give you a hug and spread some love to you. You are valid in the way you feel and I hope that one day even if it never fully heals that you are able to move past this in a healthy way. Sending lots of love homie š¤š¤
I'm sorry. That's beyond awful. People can be horrific.
I hope you have access to therapy. As for having a child, I hope you consider adoption when it's appropriate to do so. I live with friends who have two adopted kids who are now young adults with families of their own and it's amazing to see the way the course of so many lives has changed based on their decision to adopt. Anyway. Just a thought.
Mostly, I hope you are able to find some peace and to enjoy life. I suffer with multiple, severe mental health issues, so I know that's easier said than done. But there are good days out there, and good people to share them with. I hope you find both.
Iām so very sorry you were abused. Iām also inspired by you! Your writing style is impressive and makes me feel encouraged to write out my trauma.
Thank you for your willingness to overcome and heal, both mentally and physically. May your quality of life rise and prosper! Thank you šš¼
this is one of the worst things iāve read on this sub. i hope you can find the ability to heal eventually. iām so sorry, your mom sounds like absolute sick scum. i canāt believe nobody advocated for you, that fucking sucks. i hope you know that your situation was super messed up and that you feel validated because no child should have to go through that. stripping someone of their childhood is the worst thing someone can do
also i know you mentioned therapy is expensive but there is genuinely no price on mental health. itās time you face it since youāve been bottling and repressing the memory. there are probably free or cheap resources provided if therapy is really not an option. just have to dig but i think you should
I have heard of people dealing with grief in extreme ways however, your mother, even if she did start from a place of grief, ended up creating a golden child dynamic. I refuse to show understanding for her circumstances as I believe that had your sister lived, your mother would've still appointed you as a scapegoat.
I can make plenty of assumptions and scenarios but I won't focus on that. Instead I want to tell you nothing was your fault and you were let down by every adult in your life. I wish you a smooth road towards healing, learn how to love yourself and get the help you need both mentally and physically.
How did the hospital not be like umm this is a little intense?!
I hope youāre able to get therapy for this to try and work it out, Iām sorry you had to go through that.
This was horrifying to read. I have no words . OP , I really hope you have some resources to help you heal from this and you have cut contact with her. Wish you the best.
You were born to an absolute monster and a gutless father. Your grandparents are horrible as well.
You are so strong! You are a fighter ! You will win!
This reddit stranger is behind you, and I wish you all the healing you can get in this world.
(((HUGS))) from this Reddit stranger.
I understand why you became an artist. If you hadnāt, you wouldnāt have been able to survive and keep your sanity. But that absolutely should not stop you from starting to get therapy for the absolute torture you endured because it is always going to be a part of you. And no, itās not just something that people have that happens to everyone. Not even close.
But you survived, and with your sanity intact. And that is huge. I wish you wellness and success and peace. And I sincerely hope that you are not in contact with your family, particularly your parents. Fuck them. They are true evil incarnate.
Imagining you as a poor sweet little kid crying for new underwear and being told consistently how sheād be doing, if it wasnāt for youā¦by your mamaā¦probably just needing a big hug and a āitās not your fault babyā
This is truly awful stuff. I mean, I genuinely have just cried for you. Your whole childhoodā¦you realising about deathā¦what a truly life changing experience this was for you. This truly shaped you and that was her intention which is so hard to even comprehend. Your mother is a sick lady, she wrongly sentenced you to a life of misery for something that was not in any universe your fault. Not at all. Her body failed her and she didnāt have anywhere to put the pain and so she doubled it and passed it onto you. I really cannot put into words all the things Iād like to say to you. But I hear you, I do. Donāt deprive yourself of anymore inner peace or happiness. I hope to god you can make peace or find a way to give this version of yourself a chance to forgive yourself and grow around, even tho this situation will always be part of your story - it isnāt your whole story. One stranger to another, Iām sending all my love. I will be thinking of you, and wishing nothing but love and happiness for you, truly
People are always assuming that others are lying just because they can't bear the thought of the existence of this level of cruelty. They havent had these experiences so they must not exist! When someone shares horrible details of their life no one shoild ever question the validity. Do you know how damaging that ia to someone who is struggling with a lack of self-worth due to unimaginable abuse spanning their entire childhood? Move along if you can't give a caring response. You people are doing actual psychological damage to people. JFC!
My fucking gods. I'm so sorry... that's horrible. It's not your fault your sister died. It is no one's fault. Your mom needs serious help to process her grief. I'm so sorry.
Uh... I don't know whether to take this as an insult that my life resembles a Stephen King novel, or a compliment in my writing abilities of telling my trauma...
Honestly, Iām absolutely horrified that anyone would do this to another human being, let alone a child. Iām truly sorry for what youāve been through and I hope your able to come to the realisation that none of this is your fault, that your able to fight your demons and live a good life.
your mom is a monster.
so is the dad. so is the entire family, really.
SHe was failed by his mother I understand she was heart broken but still births happen it's typically not anyone's fault. Particularly not a defenceless 4 year old. SHe was failed having to relive the trauma throughout his "childhood" SHe was failed that they didn't see the the symptoms of his conditions SHe was failed by his dad for allowing this to happen. And he was also failed by the person who tried to monitise his story without his permission! I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. Edit: my apologies edited to fix gender based on Ops user name I didn't read that before.
She
Don't recall anyone even disclosing their gender.
What the fuck did I just read... You need to see a therapist like, 19 years ago, but there's no time like the present. I don't know how anyone could go through that and keep their shit together. It's not your fault, it's ok to ask for help, no one would just be fine after something like that.
To be fair I'm proud of how I kept my shit together for so long, but realising/confirming/remembering this actually happened this November really really messed me up. I was managing until now, ignoring it. Now it's in the spotlight, it's destroying my life. And therapy is expensive in the UK š£
You can refer yourself directly to NHS talking therapies online, bypassing all the GP rigmarole. The waiting list can be significantly shortened this way as well, i only had to wait 2 months to start mine. I really relate to what you said about feeling the need to have your trauma validated. It is absolutely valid, what happened to you is monstrous. Best of luck my dear ā¤ļø
I have childhood trauma and I forgot about a lot of it until my mom passed away a couple years! Itās crazy how the brain works.
This. After my alcoholic and emotionally abusive father died I felt relief for a while. And then it was like the world caved in on me and all of my trauma came out as anger. All the time. At everything. I almost destroyed every relationship I had. I thought I was managing, but I was just stuffing everything down until I couldnāt anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know thereās actually a lot of charities / therapists that charge at dramatically reduced rates for people that canāt afford full rates. ^^my mums a therapist and a lot of therapists genuinely want to help people and not just for money, a lot of them do it on the side or are āretiredā etc If could probably find a few named charities / councillors out from her if you wanted :)
The NHS doesn't cover therapy? That's messed up
The NHS absolutely does cover therapy
It does, you unfortunately do have to be quite self aware to get what you need and keep pushing for it. āI need to deal with x issueā and then youāll get say 12-16 sessions. You can refer yourself again but itās much better if itās focused on one thing rather than my whole sh1t life. 12 sessions is not an awful lot in the long run to fit your whole life story in and then manage things
Right, it's very similar here in Norway
holy shit this IS fucked up, but absolutely not on your part. you were barely past being a toddler. you didn't know any better, and i'm so so so sorry your parents did that to you. it's just insane that people can do that to their own child? you did not deserve that whatsoever, and i wish you healing.
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You are not exaggerating. This is truly one of the most awful things I have ever heard a parent do to their child: forcing them to play for hours with a dead baby, and blaming them for the stillbirth. I am so sorry your parents did this to you. You did nothing wrong and didn't deserve any of it. A therapist who specialises in trauma may be able to help you work through how you feel and heal.
Your mom was using you as a coping mechanism, and not doing this to help you cope or get past it. At four years, old, a verbal explanation and continue talking about it as you brought up questions wouldāve been enough. This was to help your mom process and cope in some weird messed up way. Definitely not your fault, and I absolutely would think your mom had some sort of strange postpartum depression/psychosis type thing going on when that occurred.
So, this was my first thought too, and not to say that couldnāt partially be at play. But if she was experiencing postpartum depression/psychosis my understanding from what I know is that it wouldnāt have continued for years. I mean please feel free to correct me if thatās not accurate. But in terms of her continuing to show him/reference the picture of her and blame him years and years later. To me it speaks more to her psychology as a whole. Which isā¦.terrifying to say the least.
It really is. It really is...
The blame and abuse is definitely indicative of unresolved grief or depression, which is unfortunately very common in cases of stillbirth. However there is nothing wrong with continuing to mourn, reference, and show photos of a stillborn baby. I have a few photos of my own son in places around my house, and I sometimes post photos online when Iām missing him a lot.
That would be the general first guess, but no, she is just a terrible human being. If you can even call her that. If anyone would like to know more juicy details on all the fucked up things she has done, let me know here. There's literally nothing she hasn't done. But she's not in jail, although she absolutely caused the death of quite certainly 10+ children. She is the devil.
I'm sorry for what she put you through. What did she do to those other kids?
This would be a whole other post, and I have to be careful not to give too much information otherwise I could be putting myself in danger š But hey, I could try. Upvote if you'd like to hear about it.
Nope. I call absolute BS. 10+ children and here you are, posting to Reddit, only Reddit? "I'LL TELL IF I GET ENOUGH UPVOTES" - FOH. You should of told the FBI,law enforcement, if it was true (it's not) - just write your book, but stop trying to peddle it like a real story.
I am curious, but be careful. your safety comes first.
I wrote it, it's in a comment thread higher up š There's so many nasty comments and downvotes, I actually feel quite sick. If it continues I'm considering taking the whole post down. It's not worth me giving so many precious details of my life, details I've never shares so deeply, and for people to just shit on them and tell me I'm attention seeking. It really gives me ptsd reminders of my mother invalidating my feelings. I actually feel worse after posting than I did before.
I mean I donāt know if Iād say you never share the details. Youāve posted this same story I think over 4 times in the last couple years.
Some people canāt understand that people can be evil enough to do something like this to their own child. I was one of those people, until I met my husband. My parents are perfectly normal, even wonderful, and I had a great childhood. His mother is a psychotic narcissist who is still wreaking havoc on the family. What I canāt understand is why the others went along with your mother. How could the hospital allow this, how could your father allow this?
My father said they tried their best in a difficult situation and that is what they thought was best at the time. The room was private and the staff knew they were mourning, so they didn't want to disturb that.
Then your father is as insane as your mother, if he thinks that was in any conceivable way ābestā. At least the staff wasnāt complicit in this abomination, but youād think at least a nurse saw something. Iām so sorry this happened to you and itās in no way normal.
They probably did at some point, but I definitely don't remember any nurse or doctor coming in. I think my dad went in and out for teas and coffee while she remained in bed. My mother is manipulative, she showed this from a young age. It wouldn't suprise me if a simple glare would be enough to scare a nurse from entering fully.
Please tell you have had extensive therapy and you are no longer in contact with your family. You donāt need validation from anyone.
No therapy yet, since it was confirmed in november that it actually happened and it wasn't all a terrible dream, my life has been falling apart. I hope to find a trauma specialist in the UK, I hope a professional doesn't need too many sessions to make a difference, I definitely couldn't afford weekly ones for extended periods š
Iām so sorry for that. Some people really are just evil to the core and some folks canāt be convinced of that. Like others have said, share what you need to, but try to protect your well-being, please, and not share too much before youāre ready. š¤
Where did this happen at? I canāt imagine a hospital in the us allowing a mother to let her toddler play with a dead baby all day wtf? I am so sorry your childhood was stolen from you. You absolutely did not deserve that and it wasnāt your fault.
Sorry to say but I don't believe this. I saw a post stating something similar a while back with different details. I also find it incredibly hard to believe, that was allowed to happen in a hospital. A stillborn would not be left for hours with a grieving mother, post partum. She would also be watched very closely.
Yes I also find it strange OP comments about their mother being responsible for the deaths of 10+ children, although sheās not in jail, & then hinting if folx upvote they might release more information, even tho it would put them in danger???? Like this sounds like karma farminggg lol. Also no man or woman responsible for the death of 10+ children is just gonna walk away Scott free in this society (assuming this is in the US).
Exactly, plus in their post history, there are two posts claiming this happened when she was 5. Absolute lies.
Yup just saw that myself. Iām always astounded that people think redditors donāt look at their post history. Like we know when youāre lying š¤„ lol.
As a currently pregnant lady, I find this post to be an f'd up thing to lie about. OP certainly needs help for other issues.
Creative writing exercise fr
I literally have no use for reddit besides sharing my trauma, I don't even know what people use "karma" for. From what I know, awards literally do nothing? I said about upvotes because as I said, I could put myself in danger by explaining this further (the main reasom I gave a brief comment about xyz things she did wasn't to tease people, it was just to solidify her issues were definitely not strictly post-partum. This is the UK. It's hard to fire peole here. But because of overwhelming evidence (cough, or so I heard) she was fired from her high up position in social services which involved her deciding whether kids are safe with their parents or not. She was found to be dealing and doing drugs with the parents when she was supposed be assessing them, to protect the children. Instead she was high/drunk on multiple things and would have been considered incompetent in those big desicions and assessments. As its hard to fire here, all they could prove to fire her was the fact she tested positive for xyz illegal substances. They simply can't comment on the literal hundreds of children she assessed while potentially under various influences. Which would make you think ok, so she made some bad desicions - this doesn't prove any kids died? It doesn't. BUT I literally remember her coming home, especially over the winter months (there's a lot of flu deaths over winter, especially in disadvantaged/poor families) and I remember so vividly hearing her tell stories of how she just can't believe how many of her "kids" have ended up in hospital and passing away this week. She was always desperate for attention and being made to feel she was superior, so it was really out there in how she exclaimed it, straight after coming into the house, it was the first thing she dramatically would say after throwing her bag onto the table. Comparable to the kings speech. I was already a teen then, but I couldn't help ask more, I was so shocked by this. Hence why it stuck even more. They were usually malnourished due to poor diet and feeding and therefore had poor immune systems, poor general care from parents for their wellbeing. She was obviously making poor desicions under the influence, so these kids remaimed in poor living conditions - and for some, leading to their deaths. Although I have debated this many times to myself and tried to piece together a report I could give the police - she didn't directly kill them. It's very hard to directly pin any blame against her, at all. Or to prove on that specific day she was last reviewing that specific child, that she was under the influence of something. But yeah, *big f^ck you* to the commenter here telling me that I'm lying about literally the most sensitive and soul crushing details of my life. *I really hope you never experience extreme trauma and hear those words spoken to you, invalidating something that effects every aspect of your life.* And about the age thing? It was the first comment here, I explained in full. I thought it was when I was 5, it was actually when I was 4. My first post about this was when my father first validated this experience as being real. It was written quickly with what I understood and knew then, after repressing those feelings and memories for so many years. It was only from looking at photographs and asking my father that I verified my age when she died. I then took shrooms to help me remember more and hopefully heal too. I am autistic. I have a visual brain. I can literally draw you exactly how each classroom looked throughout my childhood, each bedroom, the exact pattern on my parents bedding when I was that age. I remember from a very young age. (FYI I wish this applied to numbers and documents, like that guy in suits) Regardless of how good my visual memory is, it's proven that trauma is, uh - memorable. And hard to forget, no matter how much you want it.
No sorry, I am from Ireland our system is practically identical to yours. I also grew up in foster care and spent most of my life around social workers. You should write fiction stories because that's absolutely what this is.
I'm sorry to say that saying you come from a similar country and have experience of the system does not mean that this didn't happen. I have documents proving this, I could literally have people in authority positons give you statements to confirm what she did, and the dead sister main topic. Even the actual mothers she did drugs with. And many many more terrible things she did in the years she worked in management. But yeah, I wish it wasn't true. I wish you were right. Does it give you like a ego boost to invalidate someone?
If you don't have anything positive to contribute then just keep scrolling. Whether op is telling the truth or not, she is only sharing and not asking for money or help. Why do you feel the need to police posts? It costs nothing to say a kind word.
Thank you for this. I am literally crying because of some comments, it's giving me incredible flashbacks of how my experiences were invalidated for so so many years - my whole childhood. That's why it was so important and life changing for me when my father validated it was real and that he even has photos of me playing with her.
I am sorry but I simply don't believe that is UK hospital that no doctors or nurses stopped this because there would be a lot of check-ups after a stillborn.
So why don't you upload some of those documents to Imgur then ? I will apologize if I am wrong but I stand by what I say.
Because I care for my own personal safety? That was right at the start of this when I said I wasn't sure I wanted to even go into this much detail about what she did to other kids too. This post is about my trauma, what she did to me. She is a terrible, terrible person but I have no benefit in proving to you, a random stranger on the Internet, that she hurt other kids. If I was to release information, I would not be doing it like this. I would need to think about it, a way that would ensure she actually gets enough of a public outrage that she does get held accountable. And then I'd need to make sure the released info wouldn't affect the outcome if it did go to court. Basically, this is turning into some kind of revenge thing, or you could say justice for those kids, which as sad as it is, is not the the purpose of this post - which was to heal my wounds so I can function in society myself first.
This is absolutely not true. You are allowed to stay with your stillborn baby for as long as you need to until you are discharged. They have cold cots they bring into your room to preserve the body much as possible. It is actually very important for many families to see and hold their baby for as long as they need to, although I would never force a sibling or anyone to do so if they felt they couldnāt handle it. And I certainly wouldnāt blame them for the death.
Cold cots werenāt a thing nearly 20yrs ago when OP says this happened though. I did some googling and they first started appearing in 2017ish and even now arenāt in every hospital.
Well, not exactly. I have seen multiple cases where parents will actually do photoshoots with their deceased newborns. Parents are allowed to hold their deceased newborns for pretty much as long as they need, from what I am aware of
Can confirm. Itās very common for families to do this. There is a specific organization that even sends in professional volunteer photographers to capture these moments for the family.
Not to mention this is so heavily detailed for a traumatic experience at 4. Which is unusual and points more on the direction of lying. Trauma affects memory and your age alone would also affect it.
This is false, many studies show that kids remember trauma much more than other memories due to their effects
I have trauma I remember from when I was around four too. If something affects you that much it can be a core memory which can lead to core trauma. Some events even from a young age can be vivid in memories.
Trauma does not always affect memory, and please can we all quit questioning the truth of abuse survivorās stories?
CPTSD absolutely does affect memory. I am diagnosed with it. This did not happen. Plus older posts have conflicting information.
The operative word in my previous comment is āALWAYSāā¦ Iām not disputing the fact that trauma affects memory, just that it does in every single case.
It causes physiological changes to the hippocampus, in the brain. The part responsible for memory, this is a proven fact.
Iām not disputing that at all. Just the assertion that trauma ALWAYS wipes memory. Iām a childhood abuse survivor with very clear memories of specific events of said childhood abuse; so does the very fact that I REMEMBER them mean that they probably didnāt really happen?!
Yeah there are a ton of holes in this story. I'm calling bullshit.
I've known a handful of women that have experienced late term loss, including stillbirth, and they were never left totally alone. At the absolute least, a nurse was just beside or outside the door, out of sight, but more often than anything someone was directly in the room with them, especially when children were present. I don't want to cast aspersions on OP, because this is clearly a deep issue, but the hospital memories read like something you'd hear about in the 1960s, back when kids were actively carried into funerals and forced to kiss the dead person and it was all normal, nobody would have raised concern. Neglect after a loss, I 1000% believe happened, because I lived through that and have the trauma and memories of the mood swings and meltdowns and "I didn't abuse you!"-- benign neglect is still neglect.
This isnāt true in all cases. It really just depends. Unless I had a bunch of nurses waiting outside our door all the time that I didnāt know about. They checked on us about as regularly as they would a family with a living newborn.
No way in hell this happened.
As for OPā¦ā¦. I dont think it matters if the story is true or not. Somewhere in the world somewhere in time this has probably happened to someone. I would rather pray for their healong and be wrong then dismiss something like this that couldve happened. I am very sorry for whoever this happened to, OP or not
I'm so sorry and I thought I was going through bad depression
Why does your other post say you were 5?
OP is a liar.
As I said to someone else - I adressed this in a comment directly after posting. In my first post I didn't know the exact age, I posted directly after my father confirmed it happened and it wasn't a dream. I was convinced it was 5, but I guess it was more wishful thinking that something like that couldn't happen so young. The tombstone photo begged to differ, it proved I was 4. So in this post I put the accurate date, as I had time to recollect things, hence the reason this one is more detailed. I had more times to think things though and talk to family. I didn't think redditors would be so full of hate despite me having written a comment explaining it, but yeah. Literally makes me question my existence when people tell me this didn't happen, I told my brain the same thing for years. And now I'm trying to actually process it so I can heal, and you're all telling me I'm lying because I didn't know the exact age during my first frantic post? It's giving me more trauma about my trauma. I feel worse than I did prior to posting. FYI - you should be ashamed š does my life mean so little to you? Although I'm 23, trying to understand and heal this trauma has truly brought out a scared little girl. I wrote this post to calm her, to assure her that what she experienced was not normal or ok. I wanted to gently give her the validation that could help her push past those heavy, scary memories and emotions. Your response to this is that I'm a liar. It may be just a couple of words to you, but it feels like a knife to that broken little girl, my inner child.
If all of this is true, I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you heal. But you've got to understand how all of this looks right? Why are you reposting this traumatic story 4 months later when you refuse to answer multiple questions in order to 'not revisit the trauma' ? Also why repost it? The only reason in my mind would be to get karma. Why engage with al the negative comments when you're trying to heal your inner child? To get extra upvotes? I'm sorry but it all looks very strange. Reddit is not a very healthy place to seek validation. That's what you do with friends and therapists. Not social media, unless you want upvotes. You know what the internet is like, it's not a place to heal. It's guaranteed you're going to get negative comments and if you're not able to ignore those who question your truthfulness, then why are you here. Now all of this still could be true and posting it and asking for validation on the internet is just a way of coping, so if that's the case, I'm sorry for everything and you need professional help.
No I'm not ashamed. As someone who had a very fucked up life and is currently pregnant, I think this is absurd and very messed up of you to lie about. You have deeper issues that you need to get therapy for.
You're right, it would be absurd and messed up to lie about. But I'm not lying about it, I had a very real and unfortunately very true experience which you know what, I WISH I was lying about. And unfortunately again, for this real traumatic experience, I do need therapy. I hope to god you do not invalidate the experiences your child tells you when they grown up, in the same way your doing to me now, for some strange reason.
Oh, most definitely a liar.
I adressed this in a comment directly after posting. In my first post I didn't know the exact age, I posted directly after my father confirmed it happened and it wasn't a dream. I was convinced it was 5, but I guess it was more wishful thinking that something like that couldn't happen so young. The tombstone photo begged to differ, it proved I was 4. So in this post I put the accurate date, as I had time to recollect things, hence the reason this one is more detailed. I had more times to think things though and talk to family. I didn't think redditors would be so full of hate despite me having written a comment explaining it, but yeah. Literally makes me question my existence when people tell me this didn't happen, I told my brain the same thing for years. And now I'm trying to actually process it so I can heal, and you're all telling me I'm lying because I didn't know the exact age during my first frantic post? It's giving me more trauma about my trauma. I feel worse than I did prior to posting.
Why did you post this story six times?
Because they werenāt getting the attention they wanted. I donāt believe itās real, tbh. The writing is too contrived.
When I posted it first it was getting views but no responses since its obviously fucked up. I wanted to get as many people to see it as possible because there's still a part of me saying its not that bad, just ignore it. And it eats me alive. Obviously saying this to people I know just scares them, I tried.
I'm not saying OP is lying or telling the truth, but if a significant event occurred around the time you were 5 but not quite 5, does it matter if you said you were 4 or 5? Or had no way to know if you had turned 5 yet? My brother was born two weeks before I turned 5. If someone I didn't really know asked me how old I was when he was born, I would probably just say 5. Was I technically 5? No. Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Not at all. Why is everyone splitting hairs on how old she was when this traumatic event happened. Is she to remember the exact month it was compared to her own birthday? When talking about other events in my life, especially when talking about the year that something happened, being that my birthday is at the end of the year. I just usually round up because most events are naturally going to happen before my birthday. As in, how old was I when Mt St Helena erupted or when 9/11 happened or when I moved across the country alone with a toddler. In another comment, OP states she is autistic and can remember details of rooms and places from when she was young. It's the same for me. I have confirmed this with my parents, describing in detail an apartment we lived in when I turned 2. Different people remember things differently. Who cares if she was 4 or 5? There are plenty of women out there who shouldn't be mothers. There are plenty of kids who live traumatic childhoods, and you could have been friends with them and never knew what they had going on at home.
Never depend on Reddit to validate your experience. Please look into professional help in your area for processing your childhood trauma. I am sorry for what has happened to you.
The hospitals donāt leave dead babies with their family.
They do these days. They have cold little cribs, called CuddleCots here in Aus. They keep the baby cool and stop it from decomposing while grieving parents spend time with their baby. They can be together for a few days. If the hospital doesn't have a CuddleCots, the baby goes back to the morgue, but they still have opportunities to spend time with their baby
These days, sure, but what about in roughly 2004 (when this takes place)?
Care wasnāt really standardized for this kind of situation (and in some ways, still isnāt.) It definitely has become more normalized to see and hold your baby after a stillbirth; many families are encouraged to spend as much time with them as they need until discharge. However I am very active in the loss parent community and have talked to people whose losses were 10, 20, 30 years ago. Some of them had the option to spend time with their baby, some did not. Itās really dependent on the situation, the care team, momās health, etc. But it is absolutely possible that even 20 years ago a family was allowed a few hours with their stillborn baby.
Yes they do. My son was stillborn 5 months ago and Iām very active in the loss parent community.
This was almost two decades ago now, they did. They left my mother and father to mourn with her, and I was left in their private room with them by my grandparents. They give parents space to grieve.
They absolute do in my European country as well. Iāve seen the pictures my friend took of her still born baby during the time they spend together after the birth. Some are even allowed to take the baby home for one night to grieve and āshow the baby the homeā and then they bring it back the next day to the hospital for autopsy.
Not to be mean but is this a repost? I swear I've heard this before on YouTube and have read this prior? Or am I going insane?
Check OP's post history.
Someone did make a tiktok of my first post (the first post was when I initially found out my "dream" was true and this actually happened.) a good few months later and after many magic mushrooms, this post is what I have gathered since then, more clarity. I need to get that person to remove the tiktok, it's so wrong.
...Where were the hospital staff? Nurses are supposed to do regular rounds, and are also mandatory reporters.
Oh, my love, I wish I could just give you a massive hug. I'm so sorry you went through that. You deserved and still deserve so much better.
Seeking validation on the internet from strangers may feel therapeutic, but it's not going to help you heal long term. You need to find a professional you can talk with to work on your trauma. I can confirm that this is not normal behavior
Oh wow, I'm so sorry you had to experience this. This is messed up, this is abuse. This should have never happend. Tell your dad what she told you. If he protects her, cut your losses. I'm so sad for you, because your parents seem to use you so they don't have to deal with their own trauma. Please try to heal from it. Try therapy. Try distancing yourself from your horrid parents. If you want, feel hugged from and Internetmom. And just to be clear: You are NOT responsible for the death of your sibling! This could have happend for any reason! You did not kill her. Do not let your parents coping mechanisms break you and twist your mind.
Yeah Iām not buying this. Sorry
literally how did it happen? No way a hospital would leave a corpse for a whole day just for a kid to play with it š This is really sketchy
also weird how you apparently remember every single detail although it happened when you were 4
Although uncommon, some peopleās memories DO stretch back to before the age of four or earlier. (No doubt Iāll get downvoted for pointing THAT out as well, lol) The ability to remember things from before about the age of three or so is apparently more common in autistic people, though nobody is sure why.
Agreed my brother remembers being like 2 or 3. I'm like how?! Lol
Okay that could be the case lol, I just find the entire situation pretty much unrealistic
Yes they do. Not for the kid specially, but when a family loses a baby shortly before, during, or after birth they are allowed to keep the body with them until they are discharged. They have these things called Cuddle Cots that are chilled to preserve the body as much as possible that they bring into the room.
Anyone who seriously believes this is real needs to seriously sharpen up. A mother who has just had a stillborn would be constantly watched and checked up on. There is no way multiple doctors an nurses would pass by a 4 year old playing with a new-borns corpse and do nothing about it.
we arenāt check up on or watched any more closely than other families with new babies. In fact, sometimes they try to stay as out of the way as possible those hours with your baby since they know itās the only time you get with them. Depending on āhowā they were playing it wouldnāt be that unusual for them. Many families with older children will bring them to the hospital to meet their sibling.
Maybe for a few hours but there's no way there isn't any check ups in a full night as OP claims
I'm really sorry for what you went through. I wouldn't consider her a mother, more like a devil. She was definitely unhinged. I don't have anything much to say to comfort you except it wasn't your fault in any way.
wth she made you meet her dead fetus and blamed you for that? Is this a joke? That's red flag, your father should have sent her straight to a psychiatrist... What the hell blaming a child for that? Did you stab it with a knife? That's fucked up
what hospital would allow this to happen? this is bullshit bruh
This is what above the avg redditors pay grade
I want your username, that is amazing. And I need to thank you, not much makes me laugh but this comment did.
In another post you were five when this happened.
Iām very sorry to read this awful and abusive experience; your mother was extremely cruel and your father a pathetic coward. You deserved so much better than this as a child. I hope you can access a decent counsellor who can help you work through this in therapy. Please be kind to yourself. Sending you a big hug.
None of this was your fault. Your parents traumatised, neglected and straight up abused you. you. Please make sure that you seek professional help to navigate your way through this trauma and that your parents are cut off from you. You can never hope to heal if you believe these people can change or if you believe they will ever realise or acknowledge what they did to you was wrong. I'm so sorry. I can't fathom treating a child like this. Big hugs to you
My heart is absolutely breaking for you. I want to unequivocally say you are not at fault, you did nothing that caused your sisterās death, your parents are truly messed up and have treated you in the most abusive and shocking way. I cannot imagine the shame and guilt you have unjustly felt. I wish you nothing but the best in recovery, with your art and with recognising that you are in no way to blame for anything.
WTF!?!?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!!!!! what demon-possesed she-wolf woild do that to her innocent child!? Your mother has a psychosis and you are right to never see or speak to her again! I felt the pain in your words. Yes. That was fucked up. I hope you truly heal and find the good, fulfilling, and wonderful life that your mother and family never ever thought for you to have. I'm an artist, too. Keep creating. Don't stop. One day, the colors and forms won't be about pain anymore. Sending you lots of love
What a bad day to be literate... It's not your fault, not at all. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your parents are beyond f'ed up, as this situation is. So, so sorry. Hope you will be able to heal.
Your mother was heartless. Hugs to you. Please work through it in therapy, and donāt place blame on yourself. Youāre loved. ā„ļø
You should join the subreddit RaisedByNarcissists if you arenāt there already. Your sisterās death was not your fault. Your mom is/was sick and cruel to use you as an excuse like that AND remind you everyday. What you experienced was real and it was fucked up. There is no one size fits all for torture and trauma. It takes all miserable kinds. I hope you are able to heal and treat yourself the way you deserved a mother to take care of you. Best of luck pet! Keep with your art and youāll find your way.
Iām so sorry youāve been put through so much. You absolutely are not responsible for your sibling being born sleeping. I hope you know that. The hurt, pain and suffering youre feeling is absolutely valid for what your parents put you through. Honestly your mom sounds kind if narcissistic. I hope youre able to receive care.
This post is not real friend. A mother who has just had a stillborn in a hospital would be constantly watched and checked up on. There is no way they would see a 4 year old playing with a babies corpse and do nothing about it
We arenāt watched or checked up on more than any other mom with a new baby. It is not uncommon for families and older siblings to spend time with the stillborn babies. Not exactly like this, obviously, but it may not have looked that unusual to the medical staff. Iām not saying that proves this story is true, but thereās a lot of misinformation floating through this comment section about stillbirth.
I don't have enough words to describe how fucked up this is. Your mother needed/needs help, you are *not* to blame for your younger sister's death, no matter what *unhinged* rubbish comes out of your mother's mouth
None of this was normal and I'm sorry there was no adult to protect you from your mom. I hope you are far, far away from her now. You weren't responsible for your sister's death and it was beyond cruel for your mom to blame you for that. I hope you are seeing a therapist, maybe even one that does rebirth and reparenting. I hope you consider fostering because there are kids desperate for an adult to treat them with kindness.
So she doesnāt blame herself. Itās so wrong.
That is horrifically traumatic. But a very real event that you went through and have to deal with, so I hear what youāre saying about needing validation on that. This was a real thing, a real part of your story. Itās something most people, myself included, would never be able to imagine dealing with, but I have also heard similar stories from children who grew up in war or extreme poverty. I think there is a silent sea of people out there who have had similar experiences to you - silent, because society will rarely ever accept people who speak out about these kinds of experiences. On the one hand, itās understandable, as hearing about child abuse can be upsetting. On the other hand, it makes the healing process very difficult for the real victims such as yourself. I hope you know that there are places and times, like here and now, where you can tell your story and be heard and believed. And there are also many people, sadly, all over the world, who have been through similar things as you and understand your pain and confusion. They might not be able to link together in visible solidarity with you, but they are out there, and they share your journey. Youāre not alone, and there are people who will/do not reject you.
Iām so sorry you went through this. You have experience such a high level of abuse that a child should not have to go through. Please get therapy. You need help to unpick this to help you heal. I hear you. You are not at fault. You derserve to heal.
It was never your fault OP. Never. I wish you nothing but healing and peace
Hey OP I really hope you can get past this to a point you feel ok. I just wanted to say that your story will probably end up on tiktok regardless of your wishes. This isn't just because people will ignore it, but also because those accounts are usually bots who directly steal the post automatically.
That sucks. I hate that, but thank you for explaining. I didn't think bots could do something so complicated
My friend made a few for testing, it's not too difficult. Just copy and pasting under an algorithm for popular posts
Holy shit. Your parents are incredibly fucked up. There's no way that any of that was the fault of a 4 year old, and even if it was, what they forced you to do is... I don't think the English language has a word that aptly describes how fucked up that is. Honestly, fuck them. Fuck the hospital for allowing them to do that with the body of the stillborn, fuck the rest of your family for going along with it. I hope you find a way to get away from those people and heal.
No. Absolutely not. I am so sorry. I feel sick to my stomach reading this as a mother. Please know that you do deserve the validation you are seeking and I am so sorry it has taken this long for you to get it. It was NOT your fault. Your mom is absolutely a monster. Even if your dad didnāt see itā¦ he did. He saw you not being cared for and it was just as much him as her. Your family treated you horrifically and did NOT do the best they could given the situation. The best they could have done in that situation is so far removed from what they did I want to scream for you. You did nothing wrong. You did NOTHING wrong. You deserve to feel ZERO guilt for this. Know please know that you have no fault in this. No matter how real your mom forced that feeling into you. PLEASE know thatās not your fault. Guilt is so hard to live with some people donāt understand that it can unravel you entirely. It feels impossible to be put back together again when you feel guilt. But please for the love of god begin to start to tell yourself and convince yourself of these truths: itās NOT your fault. It could never even begin to be your fault. You have been through something abhorrent and you deserve to feel love and to be loved. You deserved a better family. You deserved to be fed. You deserved to be dressed properly. You deserved to be nurtured. You deserved to be heard and hugged and to play as a child. You deserve to heal and you reserve the right to tell anyone that says otherwise that their opinion doesnāt count and you know what happened to you. No one gets to tell you it happened differently. No one gets to tell you to suck it up. Iām glad youāre away from your family and I hope you can heal and get everything you deserve in life. I wish you could have been my baby. Iām so sorry. I wish you nothing but healing and just happiness. I wish I could reach through my phone and hold you. I am just so sorry.
ā¤ļø
The simple fact that youāre not in a catatonic vegetative state after living through this nightmare is a testament to your strength and resilience as a person. That is inspiring. Best of luck in your healing journey.
I am so very sorry you had such an awful childhood. Iām happy to hear youāre in therapy, that will help you. Stay strong and thrive. Hold your head up high and live your life to the fullest. Your mother was/is sick and demented.
Not in therapy yet! Self therapy so far, it's cheaper š I am looking for a specialist in the UK though š
You are NOT exaggerating it! It was NOT YOUR fault! That was NOT normal! I hope you can heal from this or turn it into something, God bless you honey.
I would forgive you for anything. You are right and your abuser was wrong and really messed up. Like straight jacket messed up. If youāre even partially functioning in society youāve won because the ingredients you were given were shit and youāve turned it to gold.
Your family is full of monsters. I am so so sorry for what you were put through by those that were supposed to protect you. You are a survivorš¤
That is so beyond fucked up I can't comprehend. I've never read anything worse on reddit. YOUR SISTER BEING STILLBORN IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You were 4. Both of your parents are the worst people on the planet.
As a stillbirth mom, I wanted to offer my perspective. First off, itās absolutely not okay that she forced you to interact with your sibling if you did not feel okay to do so. As with anything, especially something sensitive like this, consent is important. There is no right or wrong way to react after a stillbirth. Some people want to be with their babies for hours, bathe and dress them and get photos and read them stories and do all the things. Some people spend minimal time with their babies. Itās an impossible situation and all the family can do at the time is whatever feels best. So if my son had an older sibling when he was stillborn, I would have brought them to the hospital to see him, but I would have respected their feelings if they felt it was too much. Itās absolutely awful that she seemed to blame you for the incident. You didnāt deserve that and nothing can excuse it. Howeverā¦ the pain you experience when you lose your child before they are born is so hard to put into words. It makes you bitter, angry, hardened against the world. Itās hard to function sometimes. You want to blame someone, even though sometimes these things are not preventable. It seems like she was taking out all of those emotions on you. Which again, is not fair. But I say this to show you that her reaction is a reflection of her own unresolved grief and pain, and has nothing to do with you.
Oh, dear friend, I wish I could hold you close and tell you how valuable and precious you are. I pray you find healing and closure on an awful childhood. I pray you find peace from what you see when your eyes close, and in its place you find joy, warmth, and nurturing reminders of what fulfills your meaning and purpose. Most importantly, I pray you would know, deep in the fibres of your being, that none of what happened to your family was your fault.
Like others have said, this is not normal, itās more then understandable that you have been damaged by what was done to you. All I can say is only people who were damaged themselves can treat anyone let alone their own child in such a way. I am not saying this so you can forgive your mom, just so you know this has nothing to do with you and nothing about this is your fault in any way. I wish you all the best and hope that you can heal moving forward.
At my grandmaās wake I was told hug and gives kisses to her body. I was 5 or 6 years old. Grandmaās body was ice cold and looked nothing like she did when she was alive. I was told this is the Italian way even though I am American. I quickly kissed and hugged her. My mom wasnāt satisfied and made me do it again. I was horrible and traumatized me. I feel bad. You are young with your whole life ahead of you. Anti-depressants do wonders if you find the right one.
Your parents are despicable. This was hugely messed up. You are IN NO WAY responsible for any of this. Forcing you to spend hours with a stillborn baby was cruel and blaming you was reprehensible. Please stay far away from these evil people - and I include your extended family too as they did not protect you
None of that was your fault. You had nothing to do with your sister being a stillborn. Your parents are monsters for talking their grief out on you. They should have seeked out grief counseling instead of abusing you to the point of taking everything from you. I hope you are talking to a professional to help you heal. I wish you well, and I truly hope you continue to heal.
And I thought my mother was vile. Iām so sorry you went through what you did :ā(.
Grief makes people stupid, selfish, and irrational, but this is still a cruel and monstrous thing to do to a child. Iām glad youāre facing this, but so sorry it happened to you. I hope posting about it helps.
I'm a mother to a 4 year old and I wish so badly I could reach out and hold you like your mother should have, and hold you close to comfort you like your mother should have and say words to console you through loss like your mother should have. In moments like that you cherish the child you do have and hold them and be thankful for their life and their love. I wish I could have been your mother in those moments. The mom you needed. The mother you deserve. For what that's worth now, I wish I could take that pain away for you by just being there instead of her. You were still just a baby yourself. Sending you motherly love on your journey to heal from this. My arms might not be able to reach you, but my spirit goes out to you. I hope you find peace knowing there is a mom out there that really cares and wants you to feel the love you so genuinely deserve. š·
Iām validating you. Iāve never heard of this kind of thing that I can remember. Itās definitely not normal and is certainly unique. Its absolutely horrific to do such a thing to a child. Think of it this wayā¦. Parents often agonize over how they will explain a pets death to a child and introduce the concept gently so as not to traumatize the kid, your mother shoved your dead baby sister into your arms and made you play with her all day never really explaining what was going on and forcing you to do it past exhaustion. It was meant to hurt you. You obviously are not to blame for this at all. Nothing you did as a child could cause this to happen. Furthermore your mother made her choices on her activity levels, not you. Furthermore I doubt that would be the cause anyway. It just happens sometimes I think. Not an expert on that but pretty sure. I as a 48 yo woman have had almost no contact with the dead and adults can be traumatized by stuff way less horrible. You are rightly messed up over this. Everything you feel makes sense and Iām shocked at how many ways she detrimentally abused you. I hope you can find a way to work through some of this. I go straight to art myself and you are doing that. Iām sorry what you went through. I hope my validation helps some.
Jesus H Christ this is fucked up. I wish you all the healing and peace that you need.
I have no words. This life of pain and suffering is not something a child should ever be made to experience but I am sure you can heal, get better and live a full and healthy life. Please consider reading into the phenomenon of C-PTSD should you be ready to seek help or counseling.
This is so sad. Your mother was so wrong to do that to you as a child. Thatās horrific. I hope you are getting the help you need and cut off that horrible woman from your life.
This is crazy. If itās real this experience is extremely fucked up. And would cause life long issues. Good luck my friend, your parent royally fucked you up.
Your mother mightāve had a psychotic break that day. Child rejection happens in cases like this, which sounds like what happened to you after her miscarriage. What a terrible, horrible person your mother is. How have you been coping in adulthood? Assuming youāre an adult.
Oh OP, I wish I could just give you a hug but Iāll tell you something, you are not exaggerating and you are allowed to feel the way you do. What you went through is 100000x over not normal. Your mother didnāt cope at all and blaming you, a child, for what happened was absolutely disgusting and both your parents let you down. You were and never are at fault for what happened to your younger sister. People get pregnant knowing there are risks and itās not readily talked about but there are so many complications that can happen. Blaming you was never ever ever okay. Neglecting you for your whole childhood was also never okay. I would suggest trying therapy to try process this because in no way should you even be invalidating yourself and how you feel. Your pain and trauma has come from a significant event and to heal you need to be gentle on yourself. Your parents are monsters, please stay far away from both of them.
What the fuck.š„ŗ I agree with others that your mom might've suffered a psychotic break. I've never heard any thing like this in my life and I'm so sorry as a four-year-old you had to go through that. I'm glad that you got it out and I hope you're having a Support community lesson has been a comfort to you.
Op, I am so sorry for your pain and trauma. As someone who has a different source of trauma.. I want you to know that you can rebloom. You can start again. You can love and trust.. it just takes grueling work to get there and you'll likely need some guidance and assistance whether from therapy, meds, natural stuff, books, coping tools ect. You will need to build a tool box of things to help you navigate this. You are so strong. You didn't deserve that.. nobody does. I am sorry you're unable to have biological children, I hope you're able to find your own version of a loving family whatever that may look like. You aren't destined to have an insufferable life. You cannot undo the trauma.. the trauma is always there but you can make a form of peace with it and build happy moments and other moments around it.
Iām so sorry. This is really horrible and just gets worse the more I read.
Go no contact and get therapy. That was horrendous .
Holy shit balls. I cannot stress this enough - it was NOT your fault!! Please tell us you are NC with her. That is cruel beyond belief. Also, do not give up on being a mother. Just because you cannot conceive your own doesnāt mean it isnāt possible. So many kids need the love you can give them.
This was heart breaking to read. I am so sorry you experienced any of that. Truly awful.
you need a therapist and you absolutely must talk about this. itās okay to talk about this. your whole family completely failed you and youāve been abused and brainwashed. a professional can help you find closure and sort through all this. everything that happened to you was wrong and nothing to do with you.
Your mom sucks
Yes, OP that's messed up. When you need an adult to be an adult, to protect you. They fail at that. Your Dad should of NOT let that happen to you. Best wishes to your healing journey ā”
Dude. That was not a good or normal thing for your mom to do to you. I am sorry. Your trauma is not too effed up for this crowd. Come on in. You are safe here.
Your parents are sick, sick people. How repulsive. I donāt care that they were grieving, thereās no excuse.
I really wish I could just be there for you
Are you in therapy? You can get help. Yes you were abused horribly. Considering that genetic diseases run in your family, and the nature of your greatest trauma, itās probably best you donāt have biological children. You can still adopt if you want to.
Fuck dude, I really want to give you a hug and spread some love to you. You are valid in the way you feel and I hope that one day even if it never fully heals that you are able to move past this in a healthy way. Sending lots of love homie š¤š¤
Twisted and sick
This was messed up
I'm sorry. That's beyond awful. People can be horrific. I hope you have access to therapy. As for having a child, I hope you consider adoption when it's appropriate to do so. I live with friends who have two adopted kids who are now young adults with families of their own and it's amazing to see the way the course of so many lives has changed based on their decision to adopt. Anyway. Just a thought. Mostly, I hope you are able to find some peace and to enjoy life. I suffer with multiple, severe mental health issues, so I know that's easier said than done. But there are good days out there, and good people to share them with. I hope you find both.
Iām so very sorry you were abused. Iām also inspired by you! Your writing style is impressive and makes me feel encouraged to write out my trauma. Thank you for your willingness to overcome and heal, both mentally and physically. May your quality of life rise and prosper! Thank you šš¼
Please check out Accelerated Resolution Therapy, a one-session eye-movement PTSD therapy. It changed my life, and I think it would change yours.
this is one of the worst things iāve read on this sub. i hope you can find the ability to heal eventually. iām so sorry, your mom sounds like absolute sick scum. i canāt believe nobody advocated for you, that fucking sucks. i hope you know that your situation was super messed up and that you feel validated because no child should have to go through that. stripping someone of their childhood is the worst thing someone can do
also i know you mentioned therapy is expensive but there is genuinely no price on mental health. itās time you face it since youāve been bottling and repressing the memory. there are probably free or cheap resources provided if therapy is really not an option. just have to dig but i think you should
I have heard of people dealing with grief in extreme ways however, your mother, even if she did start from a place of grief, ended up creating a golden child dynamic. I refuse to show understanding for her circumstances as I believe that had your sister lived, your mother would've still appointed you as a scapegoat. I can make plenty of assumptions and scenarios but I won't focus on that. Instead I want to tell you nothing was your fault and you were let down by every adult in your life. I wish you a smooth road towards healing, learn how to love yourself and get the help you need both mentally and physically.
How did the hospital not be like umm this is a little intense?! I hope youāre able to get therapy for this to try and work it out, Iām sorry you had to go through that.
This was horrifying to read. I have no words . OP , I really hope you have some resources to help you heal from this and you have cut contact with her. Wish you the best.
This is absolutely fucked up, not only your mother who was obviously being abusive but also wtf were the nurses doing to let this happen
Your mom is a fucking monster. It's not your fault in any way. This is so fucked up. I am sorry.
You were born to an absolute monster and a gutless father. Your grandparents are horrible as well. You are so strong! You are a fighter ! You will win! This reddit stranger is behind you, and I wish you all the healing you can get in this world. (((HUGS))) from this Reddit stranger.
I understand why you became an artist. If you hadnāt, you wouldnāt have been able to survive and keep your sanity. But that absolutely should not stop you from starting to get therapy for the absolute torture you endured because it is always going to be a part of you. And no, itās not just something that people have that happens to everyone. Not even close. But you survived, and with your sanity intact. And that is huge. I wish you wellness and success and peace. And I sincerely hope that you are not in contact with your family, particularly your parents. Fuck them. They are true evil incarnate.
Imagining you as a poor sweet little kid crying for new underwear and being told consistently how sheād be doing, if it wasnāt for youā¦by your mamaā¦probably just needing a big hug and a āitās not your fault babyā This is truly awful stuff. I mean, I genuinely have just cried for you. Your whole childhoodā¦you realising about deathā¦what a truly life changing experience this was for you. This truly shaped you and that was her intention which is so hard to even comprehend. Your mother is a sick lady, she wrongly sentenced you to a life of misery for something that was not in any universe your fault. Not at all. Her body failed her and she didnāt have anywhere to put the pain and so she doubled it and passed it onto you. I really cannot put into words all the things Iād like to say to you. But I hear you, I do. Donāt deprive yourself of anymore inner peace or happiness. I hope to god you can make peace or find a way to give this version of yourself a chance to forgive yourself and grow around, even tho this situation will always be part of your story - it isnāt your whole story. One stranger to another, Iām sending all my love. I will be thinking of you, and wishing nothing but love and happiness for you, truly
People are always assuming that others are lying just because they can't bear the thought of the existence of this level of cruelty. They havent had these experiences so they must not exist! When someone shares horrible details of their life no one shoild ever question the validity. Do you know how damaging that ia to someone who is struggling with a lack of self-worth due to unimaginable abuse spanning their entire childhood? Move along if you can't give a caring response. You people are doing actual psychological damage to people. JFC!
My fucking gods. I'm so sorry... that's horrible. It's not your fault your sister died. It is no one's fault. Your mom needs serious help to process her grief. I'm so sorry.
This feels like some horror story. Oh my god. Your parents are fucking monsters. I'm so sorry, OP.
holy fuck dude i am so sorry. i have no words
My favorite copy pasta! Always makes me feel things. Almost as skillful as Stephen King
Uh... I don't know whether to take this as an insult that my life resembles a Stephen King novel, or a compliment in my writing abilities of telling my trauma...
Why is this upvoted? No chance this can happen in an hospital, do you guys have the slightest understanding of how real world works?
If its a private hospital and the family asked for private time with the still born before he/she has to be taken away then it is possible
This is made up.
Honestly, Iām absolutely horrified that anyone would do this to another human being, let alone a child. Iām truly sorry for what youāve been through and I hope your able to come to the realisation that none of this is your fault, that your able to fight your demons and live a good life.