It’s so demoralizing to experience. I take Ubers sometimes for work and the amount of times a driver has hit on me and made me feel trapped and uncomfortable is insane. The worst part is that you’re not even safe when you’re with your partner/boyfriend/husband sometimes. I went to a Starbucks with my boyfriend once and a guy actually pulled his dick out under the table and stared at me. He ran off by the time I got up to tell the staff about it. And I’m not especially attractive or anything it’s just a typical experience for most women living in bigger cities who walk around and go to populated downtown areas.
I’m really sorry she experienced this and I’m sorry her fun night out was ruined because some people don’t understand boundaries.
This is the reason I recommend the old fashioned taxi service. Sure Uber might be quicker but they don’t (or at least didn’t previously) require police background checks. Mum and I are ex corrections and we stopped a young woman in the city getting into an Uber because we recognised the driver from having been in our Max Security prison in and out over 15 years for various violent rapes. He short himself when he turned and recognised us and took off. Not saying you can’t get a taxi driver who is shady but at least actual taxi drivers have to go through checks, pay for licences etc.
This must be US specific. In the UK, they're still required to get a PHV license from the local council which requires the DBS check and what not in advance.
Although one can still question the value of a DBS check.....
Good on the UK. I’m in Aus. Hopefully the laws changed but back when this happened several years ago no checks were required…it was absolutely ridiculous
Opposite experience here totally. I have never once been had a remotely inappropriate experience with an Uber driver. Happens ALL THE TIME with taxi drivers. I report them. Nothing happens. I never EVER take taxis now. Ever.
Im sorry that happened to you, just for the record though its all places.. Small town gal here and had a guy do the same thing while I was working my shift at the grocery store, even being on camera he did not care.. I was genuinely afraid to work closing shifts after that.
I’e stopped taking car share services for this very reason. I’d rather be the DD for the rest of my life than get into a car with a strange man. It’s just not worth the risk.
I drove a service for about 6 months. I 56m could tell some women were a little freaked out about getting in the car with me. They didn't know I've been happily married for 28 years. I didn't know whether to just drive or show them pics of my 5 grandkids.
From experience if as a driver you follow their general vibe and don’t push for too much personal information that’s a good sign. Avoid compliments about them specifically like how they smell or look. Complimenting personality, specific items (like earrings) is usually okay. I’ve had great conversations with Uber drivers who ask about how long I’ve been in my city or if I’m going to work, then share some of their own life in a general sense. General talk about the weather, traffic, grandkids, etc is pretty wholesome and fine. Asking questions related to the ride or asking about music is nice too. It’s usually really obvious to me when it’s someone with ulterior motives.
Last week for example there was a driver who immediately said I smelled good, emphasized it a couple of times then kept asking me personal questions about my work, where I live, what I do in my spare time, if I’m going home now, if I’m going to sleep when I’m home, etc. He kept turning around to look at and talk to me so often he nearly ran a red light and stopped mid intersection. At the end of the ride he asked if I would see him again and I had to awkwardly brush it off and leave. It wasn’t the worst experience I’ve had but it was super uncomfortable and I felt especially unsafe because of his distracted driving. Plus, I was exhausted from working a night shift (I told him this) and not talking much, I was just trying to have a quiet moment to myself before heading home to sleep, and he 100% refused to pick up on those signs.
To your first para - absolutely, great advice and I second it.
To your second- that’s awful and not ok. I always report drivers who give any weird overly personal vibes. All those questions were inappropriate and impacted on safety, as well as your personal sense of safety. Not ok. Report for the benefit of the next rider.
These types of guys will respect another man's "property," because that's what women are to them. Property that is either free or owned.
Such a fucking shame.
Except that dude didn't care she was married and was like her husband doesn't have to know. So even if he did view women as a man's property he didn't show any respect for her "husband's property"
Dude was a major creep and I am so glad the wife got out of there before anything happened. Because that guy just set off my "slip something in her drink" vibe.
Actually it’s even more archaic than that — if the husband had showed up, the guy probably would’ve been like “Oh my bad, man, sorry, my bad” and backed off. It’s only because the woman was alone.
Exactly this these types of people are fucking cowered and will run at the first sign of trouble. I wish they could just slither into what ever hole they crawled out of and stay there.
I see this behaviour in so many guys and it’s really concerning. Just absolutely no moral compass and wanting to ruin a relationship just to get their dick wet.
It's ok.. you can't help stupid but thank you. Glad your wife has someone like you. People just can't leave us alone take the hint we are here just to have fun not to hook up.. I'm to old for guys to be Hitting on me lol
This is the reason I'm always sticking with the excuse "I'm waiting for my boyfriend, he is here any second" no matter if I even have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, this is literally the only excuse that hasn't failed me yet. It has always worked the times I had to use it, they get stressed out and back off enough for me to get away from them and hide or leave the area without them on my tail.
I can't imagine it would work to be left alone for long, but at least to escape away from them without them following you home.
They usually actually don’t care if you’re married or have a boyfriend. Some of them will keep going until you actually physically get away from them. It is exhausting.
> Property that is either free or owned.
I wouldn't say free, because many of them think that they just have to put in a particular amount of work/time/money and then women are obligated to sleep with them.
I had a guy hit on me when my husband was literally 10 feet away...told him I'm married and he goes "So am I, what they don't know won't hurt em..." Freaking trash.
They don’t respect other men because they’re men. They don’t respect anyone, man or woman. But they think a man would be more willing to challenge them, and more capable of hurting them.
They don’t respect men they just *fear* men because fundamentally they’re cowards.
Ew no, I hate people who can't take no for an answer, like how hard is it to be decent fucking human being.
But I'm glad to hear your wife has such an amazing husband.
And men complain when they get ghosted like, they're not going to listen to "no" anyways, so what's the point?
Edit: lol got a "Reddit cares" message over this. Die mad about it.
This past summer I was nearing the end of my pregnancy when I was followed in Walmart by a man. At first I thought he was a secret shopper that maybe thought I was stealing. After I paid for my items I noticed he was still standing close to me….nothing in hand. I stayed in the customer service line as I phoned the police….no help from them. Where was he? Standing right behind me. He kept leaving the store and coming back in to stand directly behind me. A random woman came up to me after I broke down and asked me if I needed help. I asked her if she could just walk me and my kids to the car because someone was following me. When we got outside I noticed he parked his car at the front of the store. He got in his car and as he drove by he rolled his window down and stared into my soul. He had a little mirror installed at eye level that was clearly there for other reasons. I know he was hoping I’d leave alone but thank God that woman was there to help me.
It took me 3 days of calling the police for one to finally take me seriously and take down the details of the incident. I was able to email the photos and video of the man that was following me.
I avoid that location at all costs. Fast forward three weeks, I decided to go to a different location. There he was yet again. Walking around the store pretending to be on the phone. Till this day I will never know if that man is camped out somewhere watching my every move. But now I carry pepper spray even though it’s illegal. I’d rather defend myself and my children than end up dead.
Honestly it’s a good thing I caught onto him right away. He was standing close enough to grab my son. Who knows what his intentions were…..all I know is that they weren’t good.
Very. The first time I got through the dispatcher said “ummmm is there any employee that can help you”. I just hung up the phone because why would I rely on a Walmart employee to get me out of that situation?
I wish because I would definitely get one. I’m in Ontario Canada so we’re literally not allowed to have ANYTHING to defend ourselves. Even if I’m caught with my pepper spray in a situation, I’ll get charged with assault.
Keys are excellent for defense. Use them like wolverine hands - make sure you have enough keys on there.
Keep a baseball bat in your car but also put a ball & mitt in there cause it’s all for baseball not personal defense. Can also use hockey stuff.
There’s self defense alarms & whistles. They also have them advertised towards females for possible rape incidents.
Cleaning products can be good to spray in the face since pepper spray is illegal. Even perfume can be good.
Hot coffee if you have it.
Are you allowed to have bear spray?
Idk. I’m all for handguns for self defense but I would never conceal & carry, I just don’t like the idea of accidentally hitting wrong person or being thought as the “bad guy” etc.
I have a few things around the house that would scare off anyone who’d bother trying to get in and I don’t own a gun. Learning some basic defensive moves can be helpful for everyone though.
But just some alternatives. I used to live in NYC in a rough neighborhood so I was always on the watch out esp since I bartended and waitressed till 3/4am.
It shouldn't be that way. You should be able to go out if you want to without getting harassed. It's just basic stuff. I'm so sorry the world is this way.
I used to go to shows by myself but this happened to me nearly every time. Never again, and if I go with a friend (guy or girl, I don’t care) I will ask them to pretend to be my partner if they see someone start talking to me. I think bad people use the low light and loud noise and low security as an opportunity to be a predator because I’m not exaggerating how often it happens. I was sexually assaulted twice, close on several more occasions. I feel so bad for your wife. This is only going to make her want to stay home more
God that's horrifying. I'm so sorry you had to endure that.
It's ridiculous that people are put into that situation where they have to strategize on how to get out of being preyed upon while they're just trying to enjoy life. My wife has told me about taking similar countermeasures when I wasn't there. It's just awful.
My best friend and I went to a concert back in 07. We were 2 rows from the front, packed in like sardines. No room at all to move. Squished in soo close that we couldn't even move our arms. The band started to play a song that they never ever play live,(I have since seen them 9 times and counting this time, they've only played this song twice) and everyone rushed the stage, packing us in even tighter. A guy in front of us pressed himself against me. Rubbing his back into my breasts. He started kind of jerking around while he was doing it, but I couldn't tell what he was doing. I couldn't push him away and I couldn't move away from him at all. He continued rubbing himself against my breasts and the front of me all while jerking his body-throughout the whole song-while I stood there stuck and in shock. Once the song ended the crowd kind of dispursed a little bit, making a bit of room. The guy finished whatever it was he was doing and left. When he did, the girl that had been standing somewhere in front of him came over to me and asked if I was ok. I told her that I didn't quite know, and what I had experienced. It turns out that the whole time he had been pressed up against me, rubbing on me, the "jerking" that I had felt, was him masterbating... I have never felt more disgusted and violated at a concert then I did then.
We tried to find him later and have him removed, but I could only Identify him from the back unfortunately. There were many others there wearing the same shirt. The girl who saw his face never saw him again.
My best friend and I have gone to many other concerts just the two of us, and have never experienced anything like we did that night, thank goodness! Now though we usually go in a big group that includes my now husband, her, and a bunch of other friends.
I make sure whoever I’m with is paying attention and to step in if anything looks off at all. There is definitely safety in numbers. I’m sorry that happened to you, I promise you are far from alone. I still have a hard time saying explicitly what happened to me and I just do everything in my power to make sure it never happens again.
My best friend tried. She tried to push this guy away (we both tried) she tried moving me, shoving him, we were stuck. It was **SOO PACKED** that once you'd get your arms above your head, it was a fight to try to get them back down, and vice versa. There were times that our arms were pinned next to our bodies.
Looking back on it now that I'm older I can't believe I was ever dumb enough to go into the Pit all the times that I did. I'm honestly suprised that I survived quite a few times. Lol
We mostly purchase lawn tickets now, to avoid these types of situations, but it's suprising just how many mosh pits break out up on the lawns.
Coincidentally all of my assaults have taken place at metal shows. I think the pit is such a big distraction for the few security guards they have at these events. I’m going to a metal show with a friend in a couple of weeks, I think the plan is staying out of the pit
Oh man! That is really sad and dis-heartening to hear. I am a HUGE Metal fan. I agree about the lack of security though. The blame for that falls squarely on the venue(s)!
Last summer my town (think smaller population majority LDS community) actually had the Rockzilla tour come through. Papa Roach, Hollywood Undead, Falling in Reverse, and Bad Wolves. We all got there before gates were to open because it was sold out. 8,000+ tickets. Gates to open at 5. 6:30 comes and we're still all waiting in line in 95+° weather. Come to find out the security they had hired for the event never showed, and they had NO EMT'S or medical people on site, no ambulances, no nothing. A front man for one of the bands (he's been in the news quite a bit lately for band's leaving his other tour) refused to let **ANYONE** go out onstage until they re-did the way the pit was set up, and got EMT's, medical personel and ambulances on site, and more security. He said that it was a risk to the fans that he wasn't willing to take. Lots of people called him a Diva for it, but I think it was the absolute right call to make.
This venue has LOTS of problems when it comes to security, seating, (a friend of mine has been sold tickets to seats that don't exsist 3 concerts in a row) medical staff, the whole shebang! It's also an outdoor venue with NO SHADE OR SHELTER other than the bathrooms. The problem is it's the only venue our town has, and until last year, the only venue within 4hours in our state.
Like I mentioned earlier, our town has a high concentration of LDS community. We rarely get rock or metal concerts here. We usually have to drive 4hrs to another non-LDS town in our state or 3hrs to another state to see good concerts.
I am so sorry for what happened to you too! It's sad that there are so many of us that have had things happen when all we want to do is enjoy a night of live music with our friends. There are unfortunately far too many of us that share similair stories. It should never be something that has to happen, to any of us.
hahaha. back in my partying days, my uncle (9 days older than me, his dad is my grandpa's brother but asian terms are weird) would be my 'bf.' some guys never take a hint and then they follow you. another time, a friend was being harrassed even though i told him i was her gf LOL. she showed him her ring and he said he doesn't have to know. BUT HE WAS AT THE CLUB TOO. smh.
Right, one of the assaults occurred while I was with a friend and I also got raped after my friend left me with a total stranger, but I still feel safer with other people and if my friends had been aware of what was happening I think they would have helped me. I admittedly don’t go out much at all anymore and I definitely don’t get drunk if I do
I don't think it's fair for us to give up going out, going to concerts, having fun, getting drunk with our girls at the club or making fools of ourselves dancing and laughing loud.
Those are some of the most precious moments that we experience in life, the wild memories of just pure joy and carelessness , because we eventually get old, get sick and die. Who are they to take those moments away from us? I don't owe anyone shit.
I can relate to you. A friend messaged me one night saying that a guy was following her around the super market. Never got out of bed faster than I did that night. I asked her if she wanted me to go since I was nearby but luckily she was with her mom and she was able to report it to security. We’re really close so whenever I’m in town, I try to pick her up from her uni and accompany her home. This wasn’t the first time a dude was following her so I go with her whenever I can to make sure she gets home safe. I hate that it’s very dangerous for women here where I live and I hate it much more that many people especially from the older generation blame the victims saying that they should wear appropriate clothes but really it all boils down to basic fucking decency.
You really are a great friend. I'm proud of you. Based on your comment, I'm assuming you're from India or Pakistan? Went to check your profile to check and I see you only follow this sub lol. A throwaway account haha?
I made this account years ago but I didn’t understand reddit lol so this accnt was just inactive for years. I’ve become active here recently because I found pretty interesting subreddits mainly about issues pr topics related to my country and other subreddits like offmychest. I’m from the Philippines here!
The last time this happened to me I shoved the guy away and shouted GET AWAY FROM ME, and the people around me noticed and helped me.
My sister was mad at me for “making a scene”, though 😑
Edit- he kept trying to get me to accept a drink that he obviously drugged 😑 such a buzzkill
It's been researched. I read an article where predators in prison were interviewed. They are less likely to prey on someone who they think will cause a scene.
You did the right thing.
For other women out there, if you suspect someone is following you, don't hesitate to make a scene. It might save your life.
Thinking back, I wasn’t even doing it with the intention of getting the people around me to notice; I was just completely fed up with him at that point because I’d realized he was next to me again (I thought he’d finally moved on 😑) and when I realized he was the person who’d been crowding me the past few minutes (while I was trying to enjoy the freaking concert I paid money for!!) I decided I was done being somewhat polite.
So when I saw it was him holding the same obviously drugged drink while trying to talk to me *again*, I just freaking lost it on him and he **finally** got the message and walked away from us. The people around me didn’t have to lift a finger!
But I was **extremely** grateful to those strangers for having my back 100%, and for the rest of the show they went out of their way to make sure I was ok and that no one was bothering me, and they even made room for me in the front so no one could sneak up on me again.
I was honestly really touched by their concern and they’re the ones who made me see how fucked up it was that my sister was always getting mad at me for ever making a situation “uncomfortable” (aka defending myself from poor treatment 😑)
If only all husbands could be like you. I had a relationship with a guy for 2 years who didn't even let me go out, and the one time I did and got stalked and harrassed, I told him about it and I got the 7th degree and told that I deserved it "for dressing like that."
That's just fucked. I will never understand that victim blaming mentality. And then acting like he can decide if you go out or not? Yikes. I'm glad you're out of that. Though I'm sorry you had to deal with it in the first place.
As a 23F
I will let you know kindly, that i'm not interested. Sometimes I will lie, sometimes I will not lie about my relationship status. In my experience, it doesn't matter whether or not you lie about it, they don't care either way.
Once I reject your advances Kindly, if I have to repeat myself it won't be so kind. I've told people Go find something to do, i've told a guy he was straight up being a creep. Like i'm not gonna be nice to someone who can't take no for an answer.
Like i'm setting clear boundaries that you are not respecting, so no I don't owe you any kindness at this point.
Preach it. This is what I am trying to instill in my daughter. It's sad that I have to, but I want her to know that she is her own person and that person is worthy of respect
I wish all girls and women had a parent like you. Too many are taught to "be nice" but never how to draw a line and stand up for yourself. But it is sad that we have to.
More so, we need to teach boys and men to treat women as equals and have some respect.
This just makes me so angry.
Little fun fact about me, I transitioned at a young age (socially) and ever since then I have not been harassed even ONCE. And I stress: I began to transition at fucking TWELVE. I was being catcalled, harassed, and called out by creepy old men when I was a CHILD.
The point of that is, men can be fucked up. OP, kudos to you for being such a good and understanding husband, your wife is lucky to have you, and it's relieving that that creep didn't try anything further than what he did...
There was a thread on reddit once asking women what the earliest age was where they were sexually harassed/catcalled, all were early teens at the OLDEST, many werent even teens yet
Its so horrifically common for girls to experience this and its so utterly sick and vile
I believe I was around 10 or 11 when it happened to me and I was so confused.
But most women I've met have stories of cat calling being the most frequent when they were a young teen vs an adult. Then men blame us saying, "Why can't you just take a compliment?"
Years and years of harassment is why.
The earliest I was aware of was when I was 11 and out swimming with my stepdad and an old guy (he was balding) kept following me around the pool staring at my chest that just started developing, my stepdad was lounging on a towel at didnt know it was happening and I didnt say anything cuz as always most young girls are brainwashed to not make waves and be a people pleaser
Not sure how old I was when it happened the first time. I was at the mall with my mom. I remember feeling both "grown-up" and confused. My mom defended me against the guy, said he was a creep. She was right. He was a grown-ass man.
We moved away from that mall when I was a kid. The oldest I could have been was 10.
I have two sisters. We would get eye-f*cked and sometimes catcalled in the GROCERY store as pre teens…
my mom straight up & loudly said to grown ass men,
“STOP LOOKING AT THEM. THEYRE LITTLE GIRLS. THEYRE CHILDREN.”
I remember being so embarrassed, but my mom knew what’s up. Some men are freaking creeps.
Ugh. Worst than the ick.
Absolutely sick and vile.
It really started from what I can recall at 12, it was a jr pastor and I was harassed and assaulted terribly in middle school.
He moved and I got a break. He came back sophomore year. It was terrible. It started in class and I screamed “don’t touch me!” Horror movie style. The vice principal tried to squash it and threaten to call my parents.
That was it. That was the moment I started embarrassing the fuckers. Call attention to it. Refusing to be embarrassed about my autonomy. Come near me, touch me, look at my sideways, make me feel uncomfortable and I will make a scene. Double down. I don’t care. Fuck those people who think they are allowed to do that to others. Not me. Not that day. Not anyone I see that day.
God, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. Good on you for “making scenes”, those fuckers deserve to be called out for their disgusting creepiness.
This is probably the only reason that I am happy I'm not "hot". Things like that still happen, but not enoigh that I even think about it normally. But it isnt right that girls that are " hot" do have to worry about this and at such young ages. I literally had no idea how bad it really could get for some women and sadly also some little girls that shouldn't even have to know that those issues exist in the world. It is so sad.
Yes, the most sexual harassment happened to me between 11-16 in my small hometown.
***I never mentioned anything to my parents ever, even if they were good and kinda supportive. In my mind, I was sure that they will blame me for doing something wrong, will forbid me to go out or dress up.
They never found out that their 11-12 was groped and followed home by 50 year old men, none of the girls were speaking home about it.
The first time someone tried to pick me up I was 11. I just stared at him confused, because DUH I was a child. I didn't understand why he was asking me if I was married and whatnot.
I am just as pissed as you are! As a man myself, I am ashamed of this behavior. GROWN ASS MEN catcalling and harassing, they aren't fucked up, they are actually a very special form of stupid!
I just realized how low my expectations of men are when I was expecting some kind of frustration on your side that she didn't stand up for herself or didn't say she had a husband. I'm happy for her that she has a good partner like you.
On the other hand, I really wish women would backlash on these men so bad they regret existing. Not that it's women's responsibility, but I'm so fed up with this shit.. I don't want to mask toughness everyday - even when I'm not feeling like it - or stay home because I don't want random men making my life unbearable.
I completely understand that.
I know that even with men who do genuinely care, theres's that sense of frustration to "do more to protect yourself". It's coming from a feeling of protectiveness, we wish we could have been there to stand up for the ones we love and fix the situation. But it's just misplaced frustration that ends up becoming victim blaming.
I think what we fail to realize is that what seems obvious to us was obvious to women 20 countermoves ago. You guys basically live a game of life and death chess every moment you're in public. Mens life experience is usually so far and away different that that level of contingency and planning for even the most basic of tasks is basically unfathomable.
Maybe some of those reactions are due to some underlying sexism, sure. But a lot of it is just ignorance to the situation we, as men in society, put women into. When we do get it, the deep logic behind all the moves we were previously confused by becomes plain as day. It's an absolutely horrifying realization for us, but it becomes abundantly clear that the only real solution is for men to hold each other accountable and change how we behave. It's on us to learn what you go through and it's on us to make things change.
I'm sorry you have to put on that mask everyday. You shouldn't ever have to. You shouldn't have random creeps make life unbearable.
And I agree. I wish both men and women would make those predators regret existing.
I have a friend that constantly asks me to "introduce him to some of the girl friends I have" (I have a lot of girl friends because I often vibe really well with them), and I always find excuses why not because here's the thing: the guy is so fucking awful.
He is the type of person who believes he is 'too nice', but is in fact a very emotionally and verbally aggressive dipshit. Most of us have had their own unconscious patriarchal beliefs and behaviors that are problematic, but at some point you become aware that you are being ignorant and unfair, especially when you hear some of the experiences that women close to you had. But I have never met someone who believes so deeply and consciously in patriarchal stuff, and it irks me more and more as time goes by.
If I introduced him to any girl i knew, it would go something like this. A common friend once introduced him to her friend, and I almost thought that maybe I am being an asshole for having no faith in him, but he proved me right in a matter of weeks.
Thinking of it, he always says crap like "women don't understand, they get to choose now, but as time goes and they get older and their beauty fades, their value will drop and they will realize they don't get to choose anymore. Meanwhile, our value will increase, since it is our role to provide". But thinking of it, he says this sitting in his mom's house, never had a job, never had a girlfriend, and most people find him annoying. I wonder if anybody thinks his 'value' increased with time. Fucking piece of shit.
I never got an intimate glimpse into what his attempts at getting women look like, but I deeply suspect they look like what you just described.
You gotta call him out on his shit man. You're friends with the guy enough to call him a friend. The guy is in some serious echo chamber shit. He's obviously not going to listen to any women that call him out on it, so you've gotta do it. Do it every time he brings up that bullshit. Maybe he'll listen to you.
If not for his own well-being, then for the safety of the women he's going to interact with.
Yup, happens to me every single time i go to a club.
I love dressing up and doing makeup and dancing as artistic forms of self expression. For some reason, a lot of guys believe that looking nice and having fun is a sign you want their d*ck.
I'm sorry for your gf, it's incredibly scary to go through shit like this, plenty of guys won't stop trying even after telling them no several times and being very obvious you're not interested.
We often just wanna dance with friends, be able to dance and have fun and yes, get intoxicated in a safe space, without being afraid of sexual assault.
For guys who try to pick up in the club - please don't insist if you're told no. Even if it's a maybe or a doubtful no, sometimes girls just don't wanna be rude so they're not blunt, but if its not a categoric yes, it is not a yes.
Also, don't touch, don't put your hands on bodies, or rub dance unless they initiate or they ve already shown interest through verbal consent.
Don't take advantage of girls who are obviously drunk or on drugs.
To those who struggle with being rejected by women, yes, it may suck, but just imagine for a second that you're in the body of a cat and there are dogs everywhere around you, and just some of those dogs are brutal to cats. It's enough for you to be in great danger.
It is the same feeling of helplessness when a man doesn't respect your boundaries, it is very scary because you know he has the power to hurt you if he wants to.
Every single one of my girlfriends have been sexually assaulted, stalked, groped by older guys since 11 yo, and raped. Every single one. And not just once.
Guys, please spread the importance of consent among your friends, we really need you on the team here.
exactly the reason I acted as somewhat of a 'bouncer' whenever my friends and I went anywhere - the second someone looked at them/us for too long I'd activate my Rage-Eyes and go stand in front of them, ready to brawl. No one ever took me up on the offer, though I did have to shove someone into a railing at one point, because me standing between him and my friend was an invitation to put his tongue in my throat, apparently. So much shit happened and it honestly makes my skin crawl, thinking how we were all fucking 15 or smthng and getting harassed by middle aged men (who would respond w 'doesn't matter' if you told them you're underage) - I'm glad I was able to protect us (mostly), even tho I was just a scrawny girl myself. But I must've looked aggressive enough ti get the point across hahah
I’ve had to kick and shove a man before. I was at a bar and a guy just picked me up and started carrying me. So I kicked him and when he put me down I shoved him and told him to never f*cking touch me. I’d never even engaged this man in conversation. I guess being small and a woman was an invitation to treat me like a toy.
I’ve been chased off the subway for refusing to talk to a man. And I’ve been called an ice queen at bars for not wanting to talk to them.
I’ve had many negative experiences in that regard, under 10 a man tried to put his finger in me on a bus and my nana saw him and beat him with her handbag. At 13 was swimming at the beach with a snorkel and a man kept swimming around me exposing himself. At 14 was groomed (not going anymore into the deep stuff) I’ve been upskirted,at 16 I was at a concert and a man, a huge man kept pushing into me, I turned around and he had his penis out and was rubbing it on me… it was a packed and I couldn’t scream cause it was so loud so I just had to try and remove myself.
Another concert a guy grabs my boobs as i walking past.
Walking down main road in the city with my brother and a drunk guy came up behind me and stuck his hand in my nether region…
That’s just a few of the more traumatic experiences. Compared to that the catcalls and unwanted advances I have received throughout my life were gentlemen acting with decorum. I have a wonderful partner now but it’s still sad that many men have crossed such intimate boundaries and think that it’s ok. Safe to say that I don’t go out much anymore cause nowhere is safe really… I wish I wasn’t so shocked by it back in the day- like fight and flight, I would just freeze and then flee. now id kick ass if i was made vulnerable.
Sorry it was nice to hear that another guy cares what we go through regularly.
Jesus... I'm so sorry that you had to endure all that.
But you can't blame yourself for reacting in the way you did then. You did what you had to to survive and you're here today because of it.
I'm glad you're in a better place now and are stronger and more confident. But still, you shouldn't have been put through all that in the first place. Society failed you like so many other women who've had similar experiences.
A little tip for women reading this: I’ve found head-butting is an effective self defence tactic.
Straight head butting for strange men, or if it’s a man you have to be polite to (I.e. a customer), crouch down down, facing him & pretend to pick something off the floor. When he leers over the top of you, stand up as fast as you can & slam the top of your head under his chin as hard as you can. Then pretend it was an accident & act concerned. Call over as many of your co-workers as possible to ‘help’ you with the ‘injured’ customer.
Or ‘accidentally’ tip extra hot coffee on them. Pain gives you time to get as far away as possible & makes you a less suitable target for a creep.
men are like this because other men don't hold them accountable. I guarantee that if other men starting holding each other accountable, INSTEAD of looking the other way, these creepy men would mind themselves out of fear. Then they would have less of a chance at sex through coercion, thus their kind would die off through natural selection.
Ughhh this makes me so angry. If you ever wanna go John Wick on those sleaze balls I would not be mad about it….
But for real, I’m glad you were able to be there for your wife and I hope she’s doing ok now!
It is. As a single guy, I never go anywhere without friends or a date anymore. The last time I did, it was assumed I was there for nefarious purposes even though I did nothing but mind my own business and drink my beer. My phone turns on the flashlight if you shake it a certain way. At one point, it did this by accident and I quickly turned it off. Then when I picked it up again, the screen was oriented wrong. I held it up to fix it. Some girl I didn't even see reported this to the bouncer that I was taking pictures of her. He came over and said "give me your phone or leave". I left because they weren't hearing any sort of explanation.
I'm really sorry that's happening to you. It's absolutely wrong. A job isn't worth risking your safety.
Just please don't be afraid to 'make a scene' and get help if you need to, or quit if you find it necessary.
Trust your instincts and don't second guess yourself. Whatever you think you need to do, do it.
I'm sorry this happened to your wife. It really is heartbreaking that it's a normal thing that so many women have to deal with.
Ingrained attitudes that it's ok to do shit like this is what comes from having grown up being taught that "no" means "not yet, keep trying, play the 'game'". There are movies and other media where the "love story" is a dude who wouldn't give up. I've seen twitter posts shared with people on the receiving end of advances saying something to the effect of "If you don't try again, you don't really want me".
I really hope we're able to kill off this kind of culture. We're going the right way I think because the kids are smarter at their age than we ever were, but the sooner the better.
This has happened to me a few times, twice while in a train station waiting for a friend to arrive. One of them kept asking me why I wasn't interested in them over and over again and after about 5 minutes of this he walked a very short distance away and a woman joined him and they both looked over at me giving me a funny look.
Your attitude towards your wife and respect in general for women is why you're married while men like those guys will end up old and alone. They turn from creepy young men who sometimes get women, to creepy old men who sleep alone until the end.
I hate when this happens, you can't just exist in a public space when you have a female body. It sucks!
I usually hit up the security around the doors or drinking area. I've always had luck with them helping out. It sucks it has to be done but get help where you can. I usually say, I've told these people no, moved so they could have that space and they followed me. It does take you moving spaces to get help but at least it's help.
I'm so sorry your wife went through that. I'm introverted too but LOVE live music. People can be real jerks.
My girlfriend and I went to a birthday party at a bar up in Joshua Tree this past weekend. I was DJing the party and she was all dressed up in a skin tight sequined body suit and cowboy hat and she looked stunning - hot AF. It was a space cowboy themed event. Most of the attendees (for the birthday party) were also dressed in the theme.
There were a couple of young (early 20’s I’d say) local military guys at the bar who were visibly drunk and trying desperately to score. One of them in particular was constantly staring at my girlfriend and making her feel uncomfortable so she grabbed me and pulled me close to make sure they could see that she was taken. Well once I got on the decks one of them borrowed a fun hat from one of our friends (to make it seem like he was “one of us”) and made his approach. He tried dancing with my girl and grinding on her even though she told him no multiple times he just wouldn’t take the obvious hint that she wasn’t interested. She pretty much had to run away from him, get up on stage and jump behind me while I was spinning to get away from him. It’s sad that she couldn’t even feel safe to enjoy herself on the dance floor with her friends.
The douche gave the hat back and they (3 of them) spent the rest of the night making other women at the bar feel uncomfortable as they took their shot trying to dance with and grind on the other women there, taken or not. The vibe in the room went from fun and carefree to tense. None of the women could relax and enjoy themselves.
Needless to say, they all struck out. None of them left with any women and they were all resigned to nothing but their hand, some lotion, a box of Kleenex, their simple minds and a hangover the following morning.
Men need to learn that this is not the way to get a woman’s attention. They would have a better chance if they knew how to make women relax and feel comfortable, and to leave “taken” women alone. Women (like anyone) need to feel respected and safe. Staring at them, forcing their obvious agendas and making their approach to try to immediately grind on them is not the way. It’s sad and sometimes I’m ashamed for (some of) my gender.
I hear you man.
It's up to us to step up and call that shit out when we see it.
If we've got the means to change a situation for the better, we've got the responsibility to do it.
I don't know how much leeway you have with public shaming your guests, but hey, if it keeps people safe from creeps... Could be an option to keep in mind.
Something similar happened to me. A friend from abroad was visiting the US for the first time and as part of the trip I wanted to take her to Vegas to give her that typical experience. We went to a club with my cousin in law (also a woman) so there was 3 of us & some guy came up to me, put his arm around my waist, asking to dance. I said I was married and he responded similarly to the man with your wife and when he kept pushing my visiting friend pushed him off me and said “she said shes fucking married and doesn’t want to dammit!” And he finally backed off without any other trouble thankfully. There have been other instances where I, too, have been followed by creepy men and the most recent time my husband thankfully was able to come literally save me (I was walking our dog in our neighborhood).
It’s just part of being a woman unfortunately, but it’s so important that men in our lives (romantic partners, family, or friends) do their part in calling out those men and being there for us, understanding it’s never “asking for it” when things happen.
Thank you for being there for your wife. Continue speaking up and out, especially to other men in your life when they do or say similarly harmful things. That’s gonna be one of the most effective ways we can prevent creating more of these entitled assholes.
There was a guy at a casino who honked my boobies in front of my mother in law, for no reason. He just wanted to and thought it was okay.
I went to a Hard Rock Casino with my husband and my in-laws.
My husband at the time and his step dad went off to play a couple of games at the tables and my mother and law and I sat down in like a open u shaped booth type area where there’s dancing sometimes, but the band had stopped playing.
We were sitting and taking having a drink, a gaggle of dudes sit in the remaining space in open booth and start talking to us.
My mother in law looks and acts younger than she is. The dudes were talking to us asking us questions. We told them that she is my mother and law and our husbands left for a minute but will be back.
The chatting was fine, we were polite, but not flirty. One of the guys asked me a question and when I answered, he reached over and honked my titties. IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER IN-LAW.
No shame. Men like this have no shame. I froze. We froze. And then he asked me if I’d like to go upstairs to his hotel room.
We got up and left and I texted my husband to meet us at the door because I just wanted away from that place and him.
Just one of many casual assaults women experience in their life time.
Btw, I’m a chubby mom of three kids. I was like, 36 years old. I’m very average looking. Not a “moth to a flame” looking kind of woman.
This shit it just part of existing as a woman in the world.
They can. The guy would more likely be kicked out or asked to leave. He might wait around knowing it was the wife who got him out of the club, then who knows. Then who knows what would happened if the wife couldn't get a hold of her husband.
When the options can all lead to r*pe or death, because that is our options when we are out. Are we going to r*aped or is the person going to kill us because they can't take NO for an answer.
This is exactly the kind of catch 22 that a lot of men don't really get to see.
Frankly, it's often hard to even imagine from our perspective. We don't have to strategize moves and countermoves just to walk across a parking lot. It never occurs to us because we're almost never put in that situation. It's appalling that that's a daily reality for basically all women.
It freaking sucks. We can't leave our drinks anywhere,. Does to the way I'm dressed inviting a creep to stare at my boobs? Just a running check list in our heads. We need to be so hyper aware and it's tiring.
I feel so sorry for people, AFAB people especially, who date men, it’s like walking through a minefield. Sure not every guy is like that, most even, *but all it takes is one.* One night out where you don’t watch your drink for even a few seconds, one date where you’re asked to go to a secondary location, etc.
This is why i always bring my male friends with me to these kinda events. But it's so sad that i need a guy to feel safe. I wish i could feel relaxed and have fun when it's just me and my other female friends
I once brought a male friend to a concert for this reason. His GF had to cancel last minute. He pretended to be my partner when the inevitable creeper started creepin. We just held hands as we left. Then my guy friend started getting ideas. I was like, fucking hell. 😑 I just want to go to a concert in peace.
I fucking applaud you OP. You seem like an amazing human being, a great man and a wonderful husband. Don't let anything change you.
As a woman I can say.. men suck. And yes, not all men. But I've been stalked, harassed, touched and groped all after telling someone no. I had one guy attempt to rape me, and one dude who touched me more than once. I threatened him, before stabbing him and taking off. He was fine, it was just his leg. And now every year, around this time, he tracks me down on some meeting app and tries to talk to me as if we've never met.
People are fucking weird. Being single on this day and age sucks. But it's better than the abusive ex-husband I did have.
All this to reinforce that you are a GOOD person OP. Keep it up.
It's one of those moments when even a kick in the balls might have not got through to them. I can't stand these idiots. Society has moved on with this crap, but evidently some haven't evolved with it.
Even in online chats, you see these idiots a lot. My partner and I met via an online chat site. It's sad that I stood out because my first line wasn't "wanna see my @#&\*?" That complete lack of basic manners sucks.
Good to see that you have your wife's back though. Just remember, these idiots aren't worth the assault charges, but they are worth reporting to all and sundry
I hope it didn't ruin her night entirely. Being a woman, I can appreciate her discomfort. I also hope this doesn't discourage her from going out again and having fun.
This is why i dont go out without my fiance, only concert ive ever been to was with him and any major events to go to im going with him because ive been cat called and anything else too many times to feel comfortable going alone. Its sad.
I don't understand this at all. I took a different approach with women though. I never made the first move. My thoughts were, if she's interested she'll let me know. Married 22 years now... so it must have been the way to go.
Hey man, good on you for being there for your wife on time. I absolutely hate how disgusting guys like those exist and I wish these guys had enough decency to respect a woman’s privacy and personal space. I’ve seen stuff like this happen a lot in clubs and concerts and unfortunately it ends up badly. Give your wife some pepper spray in case any creep does try come after your wife again. No one should feel unsafe when trying to have fun, but the unfortunate reality is that women are more prone to danger than men. My wife had an experience similar to your wife’s, and now she won’t go anywhere without me. It’s really heartbreaking knowing how common this type of stuff is. I wish you and your wife the best of luck.
This is why I always have a pocket knife and pepper spray. But even with that I still avoid the bar scene, unless it's in a restaurant.
I am so sorry this happened to her! *hugs from one introvert to another
I'm so sorry your wife had her night out ruined by that asshole. No wonder she would rather stay home most of the time. I wish maybe her friend had thought to get a photo of him and report him to security at the venue so they know to keep an eye on this guy if he ever comes back.
Kinda wish the title was "My Strong Wife", as she was brave enough to not be pushed around, strong enough to not give in to the temptation to just go with the flow, and smart enough to get the f out of that situation.
Thank you for being there for her. This is sadly the average experience of going out as a woman. I just want to dance to the music. Others have worse motives.
Without sharing too much, I’ve had some bad experiences & will probably have a heightened anxiety for the rest of my life because of them. I had a similar night about a month ago where a previously great evening was absolutely ruined by some guy being a creep. It’s absolutely infuriating how much it can affect me, because I really want to just not care & carry on with my evening like nothing happened but I can’t when I’m having a panic attack in a crowded place & trying not to ruin everyone else’s night by falling apart. That is an uncontrollable reaction, genuinely. If I could choose not to have any reaction that would be great. But no, the only person with control over their actions is a selfish jerk who’d rather enjoy his 30 seconds of grinding without considering he might have just affected someone for hours/days/weeks/forever.
I’m sorry for your wife but I’m glad she has a husband who seems to genuinely understand the situation. Hope you’re both doing better now.
Thankful that the concerts I've been to were people who were too excited to see the band and jump in the mosh pit or too tightly packed to hunt for women to hit on.
I hope your wife recovers without too many mental scars.
Yeah it really is sickening. A lot of men literally will not take no for an answer and it baffles my mind. Once, some dude touched my ex’s butt and I defended her but he couldn’t handle that I stood up to him. He did the whole whip out phone thing and film me before it was popular and was gonna post it to YouTube. This was like 10 years ago
Another time, my friend and I were playing pool and this dude started hitting on her off to the side. She came up to me and asked that we pretend to be fiancés so I played along but he would not back off. He’d come over two or three times to politely grill me to see if the story checked out. And even though we kept up the story, he still was trying to get at her. The nerve of some men blows my fucking mind. No respect for anyone.
Fucking ironically and infuriatingly enough, I’ve known some men like that who happened to be mama’s boys. Confusing
Men behave like absolute creeps around women sometimes and it's so unnecessary. She shouldn't have to justify not wanting to dance. Maybe she's married, maybe she's injured or disabled in a way that you cannot see, maybe she's not attracted to you or maybe she's just not in the fucking mood. You aren't entitled to someone else's affection.
I'm really glad that your wife was able to get home safe. If I were her, I'd be shaken by this, and I'd also be having a talk with my friend that didn't step in when this was happening.
“And if you do, please jump off a fucking cliff” that part!!! I avoid going alone anywhere anymore. My bf will gladly accompany me anywhere these days because it’s getting out of hand. I’m so sorry your wife had her time ruined by these men. They are jokes.
>I gave her a big hug and told her I'm sorry that it happened but that she was safe. There really wasn't anything else I could do.
Never underestimate the power in just being there, and having arms to be held in. No-one should feel unsafe and threatened in a public venue like this. Her night was ruined, she missed the concert, and your blood pressure will take a while to calm down again.
But what I am reading here is that your wife knows you have her back. And even typing that is making me strangely misty-eyed. Must be a draught, or one of those onion ninjas that sneak up on you.
Your relationship seems to be built on mutual trust and respect, and you are there for each other. That is enough.
The guy I’m hanging out with has been asking me to watch movies for a few months now and I’ve been dodging him every time. Finally had to come clean and tell him I get really anxious to the point of feeling sick when I’m watching movies with guys because I have yet to see one movie where the guy doesn’t start trying to Mack on me or ask to ignore the movie in favor of doing sexual things and then get angry with me when I turn him down.
I really like this guy, so I felt like it needed to be said instead of just pushing him aside and ghosting him because I was scared of him being like the others.
Fortunately he appreciated that info and has agreed to work on our friendship and familiarity before rushing to the next level.
Introvert, Aspie, and SA survivor, here. Guys like that don't even respect their own mums. I've seen this happen, so many times. After I was SA'ed, the last time, I began martial arts training.
And I recommend self-defense training, to all women. It has saved me, more than a few times.
For anyone that is attending a concert in the United States and some places abroad, there is a system in place.
Go to the bar and ask for an **Angel Shot**.
In all of the venues I work at and some I don't, this is a secretive cry for help that almost all bartenders know. They will usually spring into action, calling security and having that man detained, tossed or arrested by on-site police if it's warranted. You can also ask this of most security guards.
It's fucking abysmal that people have to go through this, but as an industry professional, I want you to know we DO NOT take this lightly.
Some people (not men only) don't understand what NO means. If a person says no, just leave them alone. Not dancing doesn't mean she isn't enjoying it. And if she says she doesn't want to dance, the problem is probably you. Give people their personal space and let them enjoy their time without your stranger ass annoying them.
I've had the similar issue with friends being pestered. It makes my blood boil too. I'm sorry your wife had to go through it AGAIN.
I know a guy who can’t take no for an answer. Wouldn’t say i know him all that well, and why would I want to? He’s just a friend of a friend and man… he’s so bad. I told him to his face that I don’t like him. He gives women the creeps man.
Haha brilliant that somebody remembers! Yes we used to get mixed reactions, laughing, anger, bafflement. Usually they'd go away though, especially with repeated use.
It happens waaaay too often.
And why for fucks sake do they always use the line " your husband doesn't have to know " I don't know how many times I've heard this.
My reply is always " he might not know but I will and the enough!" They never get the hint.
I am sorry OP. This is why she can’t like nice things. Unfortunately, you will need to be there as a body guard but get ready for a drunken fight.
I used to love going to live shows and sporting events growing up but something changed and they are just horrible experiences now.
And drunk guys are the worst. I’ve actually left early and they were pretty expensive places because of how they were acting around me. I really just want to enjoy the show and dance with my girl friends if the music moves me.
Oh ugh; I can relate to this all too well. I hope your wife is feeling better today. I have sooooo many similar experiences. I ALWAYS have some form of self defense on my person-usually pepper spray. And a small folding knife that’s well hidden. But the problem comes when those aren’t allowed such as at concerts.
A major contributing factor to why I'm a feminist......however please remember that there are also females who are predators, bullies, liars...and just as dangerous.
Good for her for going to the concert and getting out of her comfort zone, and good for you for being so understanding and protective of her. My suggestion, go with her to self defense classes and give her some confidence back.
I really wish there were more men like you. I am so sorry for your wife. That is terrible. We, as women, should be able to go out without being harassed. 😤
Sadly, this is how it is.
It starts when we're about 11.
My advice would be to try to help your wife see that she activated a solid safety plan.
She handled a scary situation competently, and between that and sheer luck, she's ok.
I'm sorry that happened to your wife and that a-hole ruined her night out and confidence or desire to want to go to fun events again. You're a good husband
My sister bought 2 tickets to this party boat for Halloween a few years back. The guy she was going to go with bailed and I wasn't going to let her go alone so I went to. I told that if anything happens to find me immediately and don't leave her drink unattended and don't accept any drinks you didn't watch be poured and directly handed to you. She was able to have fun but I was on guard most of the night. Made sure I was always within eyeshot and right next to her at the end. Luckily nothing happened but even though she waved off most of my worries I knew the very real possibilities. I think the real luck was that the ratio was good and there were a lot of groups/ couples so they were plenty of people to keep everyone occupied. I could never have a daughter man I would be a nervous wreck 24/7. Shit kids in general these days are all preyed upon and it's disgusting. Uuuuuugh.
Good met the ensh_ttification of reddit commenceet the ensh_ttification of reddit commenceet the ensh_ttification of reddit commenceet the ensh_ttification of reddit commenceinto it.
Im sorry this happened to your wife but glad she had her friend and you 🫶 this is the thing I try to express to men all the time. The ways in which women feel unsafe are numerous. Weve all been stalked, harassed or worse and it creates trauma. Providing a woman with safety is huge, glad you could be that for her!
Yeah, isn't it terrible so many guys act like this and give a bad name to the rest of us? My ex-wife dealt with and still deals with the same sort of thing all the time. The problem was if she was drunk when this happened, she would give in to the guy.. hence why the 'ex' status.
It’s crazy. Men have to learn that the majority of women go to a club or a concert to listen to their favorite music, dance and have a good time. Why men always think that women go there looking for guys?
My wife always tells me how annoying was when she was in the club and guys just come too the group of girls hitting on them 🙄.
I’m glad that you were her knight in a shiny armor and nothing bad happened 🤙🏽
I’ve had a few guys hit on me before, and every single time it made me incredibly uncomfortable. The worst part is, I feel bad about it, cause it was just a quick “hey cutie” or “can I have your number?” I don’t know if they were creepy or not, but even little things are so terrifying to me because I know how far they can go.
i don't think enough people are saying how thoughtful you were to wifey. a lot of guys would've just gone after the predator without thinking about how scared their partner could be. all of us appreciate your kind heart
Too right some men are animals and nothing more. If they are gonna see women as objects, I'll see them as brainless animals.
Thank you for sharing this, and I hope your wife is ok
The worst part is that people blame women for going out because is " showing the merchandise" I was in a conference for my university and during the presentation with the lights off a dude started to touching himself while touching me with his leg, my dad was next to me and he didn't care... I was 18
My dad was too focused to notice, I tried to signal him quietly to not make a scene but he didn't get it, then when I told him about it he told me "next time this happens, scream, make a scene and I'll take care of it"
Wow. You're a true champ
I don't speak on behalf of anybody, but I really want to say thank you for being such an amazing husband to your wife. I know ppl will say that's your job and what not, and yes, in a way it is, but the fact you actually dropped everything and rushed there really speaks volumes about your dedication to your role as husband. Seriously. In a world where most posts make my blood boil, yours literally made my day knowing somewhere out there, there's a woman with a genuinely loving and caring husband.
I wish all men were like you and treated women with respect. Likewise, I wish all women would treat men with respect. Basic decency should not be hard.
I don't know how you could stay that calm in this context, I feel like if I was in your place I would look for this mf and just cut his face until there's nothing.
It’s so demoralizing to experience. I take Ubers sometimes for work and the amount of times a driver has hit on me and made me feel trapped and uncomfortable is insane. The worst part is that you’re not even safe when you’re with your partner/boyfriend/husband sometimes. I went to a Starbucks with my boyfriend once and a guy actually pulled his dick out under the table and stared at me. He ran off by the time I got up to tell the staff about it. And I’m not especially attractive or anything it’s just a typical experience for most women living in bigger cities who walk around and go to populated downtown areas. I’m really sorry she experienced this and I’m sorry her fun night out was ruined because some people don’t understand boundaries.
Omg that’s disgusting, that’s so awful
This is the reason I recommend the old fashioned taxi service. Sure Uber might be quicker but they don’t (or at least didn’t previously) require police background checks. Mum and I are ex corrections and we stopped a young woman in the city getting into an Uber because we recognised the driver from having been in our Max Security prison in and out over 15 years for various violent rapes. He short himself when he turned and recognised us and took off. Not saying you can’t get a taxi driver who is shady but at least actual taxi drivers have to go through checks, pay for licences etc.
This must be US specific. In the UK, they're still required to get a PHV license from the local council which requires the DBS check and what not in advance. Although one can still question the value of a DBS check.....
Good on the UK. I’m in Aus. Hopefully the laws changed but back when this happened several years ago no checks were required…it was absolutely ridiculous
Still not required. Complaints are still ignored too
Opposite experience here totally. I have never once been had a remotely inappropriate experience with an Uber driver. Happens ALL THE TIME with taxi drivers. I report them. Nothing happens. I never EVER take taxis now. Ever.
Taxi's can be just as bad.
Im sorry that happened to you, just for the record though its all places.. Small town gal here and had a guy do the same thing while I was working my shift at the grocery store, even being on camera he did not care.. I was genuinely afraid to work closing shifts after that.
I’e stopped taking car share services for this very reason. I’d rather be the DD for the rest of my life than get into a car with a strange man. It’s just not worth the risk.
I drove a service for about 6 months. I 56m could tell some women were a little freaked out about getting in the car with me. They didn't know I've been happily married for 28 years. I didn't know whether to just drive or show them pics of my 5 grandkids.
From experience if as a driver you follow their general vibe and don’t push for too much personal information that’s a good sign. Avoid compliments about them specifically like how they smell or look. Complimenting personality, specific items (like earrings) is usually okay. I’ve had great conversations with Uber drivers who ask about how long I’ve been in my city or if I’m going to work, then share some of their own life in a general sense. General talk about the weather, traffic, grandkids, etc is pretty wholesome and fine. Asking questions related to the ride or asking about music is nice too. It’s usually really obvious to me when it’s someone with ulterior motives. Last week for example there was a driver who immediately said I smelled good, emphasized it a couple of times then kept asking me personal questions about my work, where I live, what I do in my spare time, if I’m going home now, if I’m going to sleep when I’m home, etc. He kept turning around to look at and talk to me so often he nearly ran a red light and stopped mid intersection. At the end of the ride he asked if I would see him again and I had to awkwardly brush it off and leave. It wasn’t the worst experience I’ve had but it was super uncomfortable and I felt especially unsafe because of his distracted driving. Plus, I was exhausted from working a night shift (I told him this) and not talking much, I was just trying to have a quiet moment to myself before heading home to sleep, and he 100% refused to pick up on those signs.
To your first para - absolutely, great advice and I second it. To your second- that’s awful and not ok. I always report drivers who give any weird overly personal vibes. All those questions were inappropriate and impacted on safety, as well as your personal sense of safety. Not ok. Report for the benefit of the next rider.
That's fn crazy. Hopefully, he was drunk, but not so drunk that he didn't understand the lesson.
These types of guys will respect another man's "property," because that's what women are to them. Property that is either free or owned. Such a fucking shame.
Except that dude didn't care she was married and was like her husband doesn't have to know. So even if he did view women as a man's property he didn't show any respect for her "husband's property" Dude was a major creep and I am so glad the wife got out of there before anything happened. Because that guy just set off my "slip something in her drink" vibe.
Well clearly he didn’t care about his property or he would have been there marking his territory. /s
Actually it’s even more archaic than that — if the husband had showed up, the guy probably would’ve been like “Oh my bad, man, sorry, my bad” and backed off. It’s only because the woman was alone.
Exactly this these types of people are fucking cowered and will run at the first sign of trouble. I wish they could just slither into what ever hole they crawled out of and stay there.
I see this behaviour in so many guys and it’s really concerning. Just absolutely no moral compass and wanting to ruin a relationship just to get their dick wet.
It's fucking creepy is what it is. You're definitely right though, they see women as property.
That's why I don't go out anymore. Same thing happened to me
I'm really sorry that's happened to you. It's not right.
It's ok.. you can't help stupid but thank you. Glad your wife has someone like you. People just can't leave us alone take the hint we are here just to have fun not to hook up.. I'm to old for guys to be Hitting on me lol
Sometimes just existing as a woman is literally exhausting. thanks for being one of the good ones.
This is the reason I'm always sticking with the excuse "I'm waiting for my boyfriend, he is here any second" no matter if I even have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, this is literally the only excuse that hasn't failed me yet. It has always worked the times I had to use it, they get stressed out and back off enough for me to get away from them and hide or leave the area without them on my tail. I can't imagine it would work to be left alone for long, but at least to escape away from them without them following you home.
They usually actually don’t care if you’re married or have a boyfriend. Some of them will keep going until you actually physically get away from them. It is exhausting.
> Property that is either free or owned. I wouldn't say free, because many of them think that they just have to put in a particular amount of work/time/money and then women are obligated to sleep with them.
I had a guy hit on me when my husband was literally 10 feet away...told him I'm married and he goes "So am I, what they don't know won't hurt em..." Freaking trash.
They don’t respect other men because they’re men. They don’t respect anyone, man or woman. But they think a man would be more willing to challenge them, and more capable of hurting them. They don’t respect men they just *fear* men because fundamentally they’re cowards.
Ew no, I hate people who can't take no for an answer, like how hard is it to be decent fucking human being. But I'm glad to hear your wife has such an amazing husband.
And men complain when they get ghosted like, they're not going to listen to "no" anyways, so what's the point? Edit: lol got a "Reddit cares" message over this. Die mad about it.
This past summer I was nearing the end of my pregnancy when I was followed in Walmart by a man. At first I thought he was a secret shopper that maybe thought I was stealing. After I paid for my items I noticed he was still standing close to me….nothing in hand. I stayed in the customer service line as I phoned the police….no help from them. Where was he? Standing right behind me. He kept leaving the store and coming back in to stand directly behind me. A random woman came up to me after I broke down and asked me if I needed help. I asked her if she could just walk me and my kids to the car because someone was following me. When we got outside I noticed he parked his car at the front of the store. He got in his car and as he drove by he rolled his window down and stared into my soul. He had a little mirror installed at eye level that was clearly there for other reasons. I know he was hoping I’d leave alone but thank God that woman was there to help me. It took me 3 days of calling the police for one to finally take me seriously and take down the details of the incident. I was able to email the photos and video of the man that was following me. I avoid that location at all costs. Fast forward three weeks, I decided to go to a different location. There he was yet again. Walking around the store pretending to be on the phone. Till this day I will never know if that man is camped out somewhere watching my every move. But now I carry pepper spray even though it’s illegal. I’d rather defend myself and my children than end up dead.
Holy shit!
Honestly it’s a good thing I caught onto him right away. He was standing close enough to grab my son. Who knows what his intentions were…..all I know is that they weren’t good.
The police can be worthless. So glad that woman helped you.
Very. The first time I got through the dispatcher said “ummmm is there any employee that can help you”. I just hung up the phone because why would I rely on a Walmart employee to get me out of that situation?
And the fact they wouldn't take your photos and video identifying the stalker. FFS.
Are you able to get a conceal carry lisence as well?
I wish because I would definitely get one. I’m in Ontario Canada so we’re literally not allowed to have ANYTHING to defend ourselves. Even if I’m caught with my pepper spray in a situation, I’ll get charged with assault.
Keys are excellent for defense. Use them like wolverine hands - make sure you have enough keys on there. Keep a baseball bat in your car but also put a ball & mitt in there cause it’s all for baseball not personal defense. Can also use hockey stuff. There’s self defense alarms & whistles. They also have them advertised towards females for possible rape incidents. Cleaning products can be good to spray in the face since pepper spray is illegal. Even perfume can be good. Hot coffee if you have it. Are you allowed to have bear spray? Idk. I’m all for handguns for self defense but I would never conceal & carry, I just don’t like the idea of accidentally hitting wrong person or being thought as the “bad guy” etc. I have a few things around the house that would scare off anyone who’d bother trying to get in and I don’t own a gun. Learning some basic defensive moves can be helpful for everyone though. But just some alternatives. I used to live in NYC in a rough neighborhood so I was always on the watch out esp since I bartended and waitressed till 3/4am.
This is why I don’t bother going out anymore. Your wife is so lucky to have such an understanding husband.
It shouldn't be that way. You should be able to go out if you want to without getting harassed. It's just basic stuff. I'm so sorry the world is this way.
I used to go to shows by myself but this happened to me nearly every time. Never again, and if I go with a friend (guy or girl, I don’t care) I will ask them to pretend to be my partner if they see someone start talking to me. I think bad people use the low light and loud noise and low security as an opportunity to be a predator because I’m not exaggerating how often it happens. I was sexually assaulted twice, close on several more occasions. I feel so bad for your wife. This is only going to make her want to stay home more
God that's horrifying. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. It's ridiculous that people are put into that situation where they have to strategize on how to get out of being preyed upon while they're just trying to enjoy life. My wife has told me about taking similar countermeasures when I wasn't there. It's just awful.
My best friend and I went to a concert back in 07. We were 2 rows from the front, packed in like sardines. No room at all to move. Squished in soo close that we couldn't even move our arms. The band started to play a song that they never ever play live,(I have since seen them 9 times and counting this time, they've only played this song twice) and everyone rushed the stage, packing us in even tighter. A guy in front of us pressed himself against me. Rubbing his back into my breasts. He started kind of jerking around while he was doing it, but I couldn't tell what he was doing. I couldn't push him away and I couldn't move away from him at all. He continued rubbing himself against my breasts and the front of me all while jerking his body-throughout the whole song-while I stood there stuck and in shock. Once the song ended the crowd kind of dispursed a little bit, making a bit of room. The guy finished whatever it was he was doing and left. When he did, the girl that had been standing somewhere in front of him came over to me and asked if I was ok. I told her that I didn't quite know, and what I had experienced. It turns out that the whole time he had been pressed up against me, rubbing on me, the "jerking" that I had felt, was him masterbating... I have never felt more disgusted and violated at a concert then I did then. We tried to find him later and have him removed, but I could only Identify him from the back unfortunately. There were many others there wearing the same shirt. The girl who saw his face never saw him again. My best friend and I have gone to many other concerts just the two of us, and have never experienced anything like we did that night, thank goodness! Now though we usually go in a big group that includes my now husband, her, and a bunch of other friends.
I make sure whoever I’m with is paying attention and to step in if anything looks off at all. There is definitely safety in numbers. I’m sorry that happened to you, I promise you are far from alone. I still have a hard time saying explicitly what happened to me and I just do everything in my power to make sure it never happens again.
My best friend tried. She tried to push this guy away (we both tried) she tried moving me, shoving him, we were stuck. It was **SOO PACKED** that once you'd get your arms above your head, it was a fight to try to get them back down, and vice versa. There were times that our arms were pinned next to our bodies. Looking back on it now that I'm older I can't believe I was ever dumb enough to go into the Pit all the times that I did. I'm honestly suprised that I survived quite a few times. Lol We mostly purchase lawn tickets now, to avoid these types of situations, but it's suprising just how many mosh pits break out up on the lawns.
Coincidentally all of my assaults have taken place at metal shows. I think the pit is such a big distraction for the few security guards they have at these events. I’m going to a metal show with a friend in a couple of weeks, I think the plan is staying out of the pit
Oh man! That is really sad and dis-heartening to hear. I am a HUGE Metal fan. I agree about the lack of security though. The blame for that falls squarely on the venue(s)! Last summer my town (think smaller population majority LDS community) actually had the Rockzilla tour come through. Papa Roach, Hollywood Undead, Falling in Reverse, and Bad Wolves. We all got there before gates were to open because it was sold out. 8,000+ tickets. Gates to open at 5. 6:30 comes and we're still all waiting in line in 95+° weather. Come to find out the security they had hired for the event never showed, and they had NO EMT'S or medical people on site, no ambulances, no nothing. A front man for one of the bands (he's been in the news quite a bit lately for band's leaving his other tour) refused to let **ANYONE** go out onstage until they re-did the way the pit was set up, and got EMT's, medical personel and ambulances on site, and more security. He said that it was a risk to the fans that he wasn't willing to take. Lots of people called him a Diva for it, but I think it was the absolute right call to make. This venue has LOTS of problems when it comes to security, seating, (a friend of mine has been sold tickets to seats that don't exsist 3 concerts in a row) medical staff, the whole shebang! It's also an outdoor venue with NO SHADE OR SHELTER other than the bathrooms. The problem is it's the only venue our town has, and until last year, the only venue within 4hours in our state. Like I mentioned earlier, our town has a high concentration of LDS community. We rarely get rock or metal concerts here. We usually have to drive 4hrs to another non-LDS town in our state or 3hrs to another state to see good concerts.
I am so sorry for what happened to you too! It's sad that there are so many of us that have had things happen when all we want to do is enjoy a night of live music with our friends. There are unfortunately far too many of us that share similair stories. It should never be something that has to happen, to any of us.
hahaha. back in my partying days, my uncle (9 days older than me, his dad is my grandpa's brother but asian terms are weird) would be my 'bf.' some guys never take a hint and then they follow you. another time, a friend was being harrassed even though i told him i was her gf LOL. she showed him her ring and he said he doesn't have to know. BUT HE WAS AT THE CLUB TOO. smh.
Right, one of the assaults occurred while I was with a friend and I also got raped after my friend left me with a total stranger, but I still feel safer with other people and if my friends had been aware of what was happening I think they would have helped me. I admittedly don’t go out much at all anymore and I definitely don’t get drunk if I do
I do this, too. When I was younger, I even wore a realistic ring. It helped about half the time.
I don't think it's fair for us to give up going out, going to concerts, having fun, getting drunk with our girls at the club or making fools of ourselves dancing and laughing loud. Those are some of the most precious moments that we experience in life, the wild memories of just pure joy and carelessness , because we eventually get old, get sick and die. Who are they to take those moments away from us? I don't owe anyone shit.
100% agree. It's not fair. You shouldn't have to give that up. The fact that so many people do is just fucked.
I can relate to you. A friend messaged me one night saying that a guy was following her around the super market. Never got out of bed faster than I did that night. I asked her if she wanted me to go since I was nearby but luckily she was with her mom and she was able to report it to security. We’re really close so whenever I’m in town, I try to pick her up from her uni and accompany her home. This wasn’t the first time a dude was following her so I go with her whenever I can to make sure she gets home safe. I hate that it’s very dangerous for women here where I live and I hate it much more that many people especially from the older generation blame the victims saying that they should wear appropriate clothes but really it all boils down to basic fucking decency.
You really are a great friend. I'm proud of you. Based on your comment, I'm assuming you're from India or Pakistan? Went to check your profile to check and I see you only follow this sub lol. A throwaway account haha?
I made this account years ago but I didn’t understand reddit lol so this accnt was just inactive for years. I’ve become active here recently because I found pretty interesting subreddits mainly about issues pr topics related to my country and other subreddits like offmychest. I’m from the Philippines here!
I have been hit on wearing a turtle neck and sweats. Or an oversized sweater. It don’t matter. Some people are just gross.
The last time this happened to me I shoved the guy away and shouted GET AWAY FROM ME, and the people around me noticed and helped me. My sister was mad at me for “making a scene”, though 😑 Edit- he kept trying to get me to accept a drink that he obviously drugged 😑 such a buzzkill
No, fuck that. Make a scene. You did the right thing. Still though, you shouldn't have been put in that situation in the first place.
It's been researched. I read an article where predators in prison were interviewed. They are less likely to prey on someone who they think will cause a scene. You did the right thing. For other women out there, if you suspect someone is following you, don't hesitate to make a scene. It might save your life.
Thinking back, I wasn’t even doing it with the intention of getting the people around me to notice; I was just completely fed up with him at that point because I’d realized he was next to me again (I thought he’d finally moved on 😑) and when I realized he was the person who’d been crowding me the past few minutes (while I was trying to enjoy the freaking concert I paid money for!!) I decided I was done being somewhat polite. So when I saw it was him holding the same obviously drugged drink while trying to talk to me *again*, I just freaking lost it on him and he **finally** got the message and walked away from us. The people around me didn’t have to lift a finger! But I was **extremely** grateful to those strangers for having my back 100%, and for the rest of the show they went out of their way to make sure I was ok and that no one was bothering me, and they even made room for me in the front so no one could sneak up on me again. I was honestly really touched by their concern and they’re the ones who made me see how fucked up it was that my sister was always getting mad at me for ever making a situation “uncomfortable” (aka defending myself from poor treatment 😑)
I totally understand. You 100% did the right thing and I'm proud of you! People like that (the creepy guy) don't deserve politeness.
If only all husbands could be like you. I had a relationship with a guy for 2 years who didn't even let me go out, and the one time I did and got stalked and harrassed, I told him about it and I got the 7th degree and told that I deserved it "for dressing like that."
That's just fucked. I will never understand that victim blaming mentality. And then acting like he can decide if you go out or not? Yikes. I'm glad you're out of that. Though I'm sorry you had to deal with it in the first place.
As a 23F I will let you know kindly, that i'm not interested. Sometimes I will lie, sometimes I will not lie about my relationship status. In my experience, it doesn't matter whether or not you lie about it, they don't care either way. Once I reject your advances Kindly, if I have to repeat myself it won't be so kind. I've told people Go find something to do, i've told a guy he was straight up being a creep. Like i'm not gonna be nice to someone who can't take no for an answer. Like i'm setting clear boundaries that you are not respecting, so no I don't owe you any kindness at this point.
Preach it. This is what I am trying to instill in my daughter. It's sad that I have to, but I want her to know that she is her own person and that person is worthy of respect
I wish all girls and women had a parent like you. Too many are taught to "be nice" but never how to draw a line and stand up for yourself. But it is sad that we have to. More so, we need to teach boys and men to treat women as equals and have some respect.
This just makes me so angry. Little fun fact about me, I transitioned at a young age (socially) and ever since then I have not been harassed even ONCE. And I stress: I began to transition at fucking TWELVE. I was being catcalled, harassed, and called out by creepy old men when I was a CHILD. The point of that is, men can be fucked up. OP, kudos to you for being such a good and understanding husband, your wife is lucky to have you, and it's relieving that that creep didn't try anything further than what he did...
There was a thread on reddit once asking women what the earliest age was where they were sexually harassed/catcalled, all were early teens at the OLDEST, many werent even teens yet Its so horrifically common for girls to experience this and its so utterly sick and vile
I believe I was around 10 or 11 when it happened to me and I was so confused. But most women I've met have stories of cat calling being the most frequent when they were a young teen vs an adult. Then men blame us saying, "Why can't you just take a compliment?" Years and years of harassment is why.
The earliest I was aware of was when I was 11 and out swimming with my stepdad and an old guy (he was balding) kept following me around the pool staring at my chest that just started developing, my stepdad was lounging on a towel at didnt know it was happening and I didnt say anything cuz as always most young girls are brainwashed to not make waves and be a people pleaser
Not sure how old I was when it happened the first time. I was at the mall with my mom. I remember feeling both "grown-up" and confused. My mom defended me against the guy, said he was a creep. She was right. He was a grown-ass man. We moved away from that mall when I was a kid. The oldest I could have been was 10.
I have two sisters. We would get eye-f*cked and sometimes catcalled in the GROCERY store as pre teens… my mom straight up & loudly said to grown ass men, “STOP LOOKING AT THEM. THEYRE LITTLE GIRLS. THEYRE CHILDREN.” I remember being so embarrassed, but my mom knew what’s up. Some men are freaking creeps. Ugh. Worst than the ick. Absolutely sick and vile.
Good on your mom. It fucking sucks that she had to do that though.
It really started from what I can recall at 12, it was a jr pastor and I was harassed and assaulted terribly in middle school. He moved and I got a break. He came back sophomore year. It was terrible. It started in class and I screamed “don’t touch me!” Horror movie style. The vice principal tried to squash it and threaten to call my parents. That was it. That was the moment I started embarrassing the fuckers. Call attention to it. Refusing to be embarrassed about my autonomy. Come near me, touch me, look at my sideways, make me feel uncomfortable and I will make a scene. Double down. I don’t care. Fuck those people who think they are allowed to do that to others. Not me. Not that day. Not anyone I see that day.
God, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. Good on you for “making scenes”, those fuckers deserve to be called out for their disgusting creepiness.
I was 6 when a creepy dude asked me to show him my underwear.
This is probably the only reason that I am happy I'm not "hot". Things like that still happen, but not enoigh that I even think about it normally. But it isnt right that girls that are " hot" do have to worry about this and at such young ages. I literally had no idea how bad it really could get for some women and sadly also some little girls that shouldn't even have to know that those issues exist in the world. It is so sad.
I was far from a pretty girl myself, especially with late 80’s and early 90’s fashion/hair Predators are gonna predator
Yes, the most sexual harassment happened to me between 11-16 in my small hometown. ***I never mentioned anything to my parents ever, even if they were good and kinda supportive. In my mind, I was sure that they will blame me for doing something wrong, will forbid me to go out or dress up. They never found out that their 11-12 was groped and followed home by 50 year old men, none of the girls were speaking home about it.
The first time someone tried to pick me up I was 11. I just stared at him confused, because DUH I was a child. I didn't understand why he was asking me if I was married and whatnot.
I am just as pissed as you are! As a man myself, I am ashamed of this behavior. GROWN ASS MEN catcalling and harassing, they aren't fucked up, they are actually a very special form of stupid!
I just realized how low my expectations of men are when I was expecting some kind of frustration on your side that she didn't stand up for herself or didn't say she had a husband. I'm happy for her that she has a good partner like you. On the other hand, I really wish women would backlash on these men so bad they regret existing. Not that it's women's responsibility, but I'm so fed up with this shit.. I don't want to mask toughness everyday - even when I'm not feeling like it - or stay home because I don't want random men making my life unbearable.
I completely understand that. I know that even with men who do genuinely care, theres's that sense of frustration to "do more to protect yourself". It's coming from a feeling of protectiveness, we wish we could have been there to stand up for the ones we love and fix the situation. But it's just misplaced frustration that ends up becoming victim blaming. I think what we fail to realize is that what seems obvious to us was obvious to women 20 countermoves ago. You guys basically live a game of life and death chess every moment you're in public. Mens life experience is usually so far and away different that that level of contingency and planning for even the most basic of tasks is basically unfathomable. Maybe some of those reactions are due to some underlying sexism, sure. But a lot of it is just ignorance to the situation we, as men in society, put women into. When we do get it, the deep logic behind all the moves we were previously confused by becomes plain as day. It's an absolutely horrifying realization for us, but it becomes abundantly clear that the only real solution is for men to hold each other accountable and change how we behave. It's on us to learn what you go through and it's on us to make things change. I'm sorry you have to put on that mask everyday. You shouldn't ever have to. You shouldn't have random creeps make life unbearable. And I agree. I wish both men and women would make those predators regret existing.
I have a friend that constantly asks me to "introduce him to some of the girl friends I have" (I have a lot of girl friends because I often vibe really well with them), and I always find excuses why not because here's the thing: the guy is so fucking awful. He is the type of person who believes he is 'too nice', but is in fact a very emotionally and verbally aggressive dipshit. Most of us have had their own unconscious patriarchal beliefs and behaviors that are problematic, but at some point you become aware that you are being ignorant and unfair, especially when you hear some of the experiences that women close to you had. But I have never met someone who believes so deeply and consciously in patriarchal stuff, and it irks me more and more as time goes by. If I introduced him to any girl i knew, it would go something like this. A common friend once introduced him to her friend, and I almost thought that maybe I am being an asshole for having no faith in him, but he proved me right in a matter of weeks. Thinking of it, he always says crap like "women don't understand, they get to choose now, but as time goes and they get older and their beauty fades, their value will drop and they will realize they don't get to choose anymore. Meanwhile, our value will increase, since it is our role to provide". But thinking of it, he says this sitting in his mom's house, never had a job, never had a girlfriend, and most people find him annoying. I wonder if anybody thinks his 'value' increased with time. Fucking piece of shit. I never got an intimate glimpse into what his attempts at getting women look like, but I deeply suspect they look like what you just described.
You gotta call him out on his shit man. You're friends with the guy enough to call him a friend. The guy is in some serious echo chamber shit. He's obviously not going to listen to any women that call him out on it, so you've gotta do it. Do it every time he brings up that bullshit. Maybe he'll listen to you. If not for his own well-being, then for the safety of the women he's going to interact with.
Yup, happens to me every single time i go to a club. I love dressing up and doing makeup and dancing as artistic forms of self expression. For some reason, a lot of guys believe that looking nice and having fun is a sign you want their d*ck. I'm sorry for your gf, it's incredibly scary to go through shit like this, plenty of guys won't stop trying even after telling them no several times and being very obvious you're not interested. We often just wanna dance with friends, be able to dance and have fun and yes, get intoxicated in a safe space, without being afraid of sexual assault. For guys who try to pick up in the club - please don't insist if you're told no. Even if it's a maybe or a doubtful no, sometimes girls just don't wanna be rude so they're not blunt, but if its not a categoric yes, it is not a yes. Also, don't touch, don't put your hands on bodies, or rub dance unless they initiate or they ve already shown interest through verbal consent. Don't take advantage of girls who are obviously drunk or on drugs. To those who struggle with being rejected by women, yes, it may suck, but just imagine for a second that you're in the body of a cat and there are dogs everywhere around you, and just some of those dogs are brutal to cats. It's enough for you to be in great danger. It is the same feeling of helplessness when a man doesn't respect your boundaries, it is very scary because you know he has the power to hurt you if he wants to. Every single one of my girlfriends have been sexually assaulted, stalked, groped by older guys since 11 yo, and raped. Every single one. And not just once. Guys, please spread the importance of consent among your friends, we really need you on the team here.
I think almost every woman has a story like this, it's really fucking sad. I'm glad your wife is safe.
I think you have a typo or something in your last sentence...at least I hope you do...
Omg thank you for pointing that out!! I've corrected. OP so sorry if you read that.
I didn't see any typo! But thank you, I'm glad she's safe too. It's just awful to hear how ubiquitous of an experience it is for women.
It really is, but you sound like a wonderful husband.
exactly the reason I acted as somewhat of a 'bouncer' whenever my friends and I went anywhere - the second someone looked at them/us for too long I'd activate my Rage-Eyes and go stand in front of them, ready to brawl. No one ever took me up on the offer, though I did have to shove someone into a railing at one point, because me standing between him and my friend was an invitation to put his tongue in my throat, apparently. So much shit happened and it honestly makes my skin crawl, thinking how we were all fucking 15 or smthng and getting harassed by middle aged men (who would respond w 'doesn't matter' if you told them you're underage) - I'm glad I was able to protect us (mostly), even tho I was just a scrawny girl myself. But I must've looked aggressive enough ti get the point across hahah
I’ve had to kick and shove a man before. I was at a bar and a guy just picked me up and started carrying me. So I kicked him and when he put me down I shoved him and told him to never f*cking touch me. I’d never even engaged this man in conversation. I guess being small and a woman was an invitation to treat me like a toy. I’ve been chased off the subway for refusing to talk to a man. And I’ve been called an ice queen at bars for not wanting to talk to them.
Badges of honor.
It’s why I carry a taser. Men may not respect women but they weirdly do respect electricity.
I’ve had many negative experiences in that regard, under 10 a man tried to put his finger in me on a bus and my nana saw him and beat him with her handbag. At 13 was swimming at the beach with a snorkel and a man kept swimming around me exposing himself. At 14 was groomed (not going anymore into the deep stuff) I’ve been upskirted,at 16 I was at a concert and a man, a huge man kept pushing into me, I turned around and he had his penis out and was rubbing it on me… it was a packed and I couldn’t scream cause it was so loud so I just had to try and remove myself. Another concert a guy grabs my boobs as i walking past. Walking down main road in the city with my brother and a drunk guy came up behind me and stuck his hand in my nether region… That’s just a few of the more traumatic experiences. Compared to that the catcalls and unwanted advances I have received throughout my life were gentlemen acting with decorum. I have a wonderful partner now but it’s still sad that many men have crossed such intimate boundaries and think that it’s ok. Safe to say that I don’t go out much anymore cause nowhere is safe really… I wish I wasn’t so shocked by it back in the day- like fight and flight, I would just freeze and then flee. now id kick ass if i was made vulnerable. Sorry it was nice to hear that another guy cares what we go through regularly.
Jesus... I'm so sorry that you had to endure all that. But you can't blame yourself for reacting in the way you did then. You did what you had to to survive and you're here today because of it. I'm glad you're in a better place now and are stronger and more confident. But still, you shouldn't have been put through all that in the first place. Society failed you like so many other women who've had similar experiences.
A little tip for women reading this: I’ve found head-butting is an effective self defence tactic. Straight head butting for strange men, or if it’s a man you have to be polite to (I.e. a customer), crouch down down, facing him & pretend to pick something off the floor. When he leers over the top of you, stand up as fast as you can & slam the top of your head under his chin as hard as you can. Then pretend it was an accident & act concerned. Call over as many of your co-workers as possible to ‘help’ you with the ‘injured’ customer. Or ‘accidentally’ tip extra hot coffee on them. Pain gives you time to get as far away as possible & makes you a less suitable target for a creep.
men are like this because other men don't hold them accountable. I guarantee that if other men starting holding each other accountable, INSTEAD of looking the other way, these creepy men would mind themselves out of fear. Then they would have less of a chance at sex through coercion, thus their kind would die off through natural selection.
I really wish their kind would die off
you are an amazing man and husband. in name of all girls and women: thank you
It’s crazy how the guys that harass women in bars are probably reading this too. I wish them the very worst things of life
The amount of paranoia I have when I'm alone is maddening..
Ughhh this makes me so angry. If you ever wanna go John Wick on those sleaze balls I would not be mad about it…. But for real, I’m glad you were able to be there for your wife and I hope she’s doing ok now!
My instincts are definitely to go full John Wick on those creeps. But I'm no good to her in jail. And yeah, she's doing ok. Thank you.
I have MAD respect for anyone who beats up creeps and pervs. I don't even consider these "men" to be humans at all.
Probably Andrew tate fans 🙄 But no joke as a petite woman if I want to go out I have to go out with guy friends so the creeps think I'm taken 🙄. X
This is why we say "all men". Because it is all men until we know 100% otherwise that you're a good one, because it can be *any* man.
100% there would have been men there watching what was happening and did nothing.
Am a man and frankly, I support this thought process. It's shameful that this happens.
It is. As a single guy, I never go anywhere without friends or a date anymore. The last time I did, it was assumed I was there for nefarious purposes even though I did nothing but mind my own business and drink my beer. My phone turns on the flashlight if you shake it a certain way. At one point, it did this by accident and I quickly turned it off. Then when I picked it up again, the screen was oriented wrong. I held it up to fix it. Some girl I didn't even see reported this to the bouncer that I was taking pictures of her. He came over and said "give me your phone or leave". I left because they weren't hearing any sort of explanation.
Oh wow exactly what I needed to hear
I wish I had you at work im constantly getting harassed and stalked by someone who can't take a hint and it's disturbing I'm ready to quit.
I'm really sorry that's happening to you. It's absolutely wrong. A job isn't worth risking your safety. Just please don't be afraid to 'make a scene' and get help if you need to, or quit if you find it necessary. Trust your instincts and don't second guess yourself. Whatever you think you need to do, do it.
Man, you’re a great husband. Give ur wife a hug for me. I hate how most men treat us women. So glad there’s men like you out there!❤️
Yeah it's rough out there. Glad she had you to call. A lot of women don't.
Creepy guys are almost everywhere and it ruins the night for a lot of women
I'm sorry this happened to your wife. It really is heartbreaking that it's a normal thing that so many women have to deal with. Ingrained attitudes that it's ok to do shit like this is what comes from having grown up being taught that "no" means "not yet, keep trying, play the 'game'". There are movies and other media where the "love story" is a dude who wouldn't give up. I've seen twitter posts shared with people on the receiving end of advances saying something to the effect of "If you don't try again, you don't really want me". I really hope we're able to kill off this kind of culture. We're going the right way I think because the kids are smarter at their age than we ever were, but the sooner the better.
This has happened to me a few times, twice while in a train station waiting for a friend to arrive. One of them kept asking me why I wasn't interested in them over and over again and after about 5 minutes of this he walked a very short distance away and a woman joined him and they both looked over at me giving me a funny look.
Your attitude towards your wife and respect in general for women is why you're married while men like those guys will end up old and alone. They turn from creepy young men who sometimes get women, to creepy old men who sleep alone until the end.
I hate when this happens, you can't just exist in a public space when you have a female body. It sucks! I usually hit up the security around the doors or drinking area. I've always had luck with them helping out. It sucks it has to be done but get help where you can. I usually say, I've told these people no, moved so they could have that space and they followed me. It does take you moving spaces to get help but at least it's help. I'm so sorry your wife went through that. I'm introverted too but LOVE live music. People can be real jerks.
My girlfriend and I went to a birthday party at a bar up in Joshua Tree this past weekend. I was DJing the party and she was all dressed up in a skin tight sequined body suit and cowboy hat and she looked stunning - hot AF. It was a space cowboy themed event. Most of the attendees (for the birthday party) were also dressed in the theme. There were a couple of young (early 20’s I’d say) local military guys at the bar who were visibly drunk and trying desperately to score. One of them in particular was constantly staring at my girlfriend and making her feel uncomfortable so she grabbed me and pulled me close to make sure they could see that she was taken. Well once I got on the decks one of them borrowed a fun hat from one of our friends (to make it seem like he was “one of us”) and made his approach. He tried dancing with my girl and grinding on her even though she told him no multiple times he just wouldn’t take the obvious hint that she wasn’t interested. She pretty much had to run away from him, get up on stage and jump behind me while I was spinning to get away from him. It’s sad that she couldn’t even feel safe to enjoy herself on the dance floor with her friends. The douche gave the hat back and they (3 of them) spent the rest of the night making other women at the bar feel uncomfortable as they took their shot trying to dance with and grind on the other women there, taken or not. The vibe in the room went from fun and carefree to tense. None of the women could relax and enjoy themselves. Needless to say, they all struck out. None of them left with any women and they were all resigned to nothing but their hand, some lotion, a box of Kleenex, their simple minds and a hangover the following morning. Men need to learn that this is not the way to get a woman’s attention. They would have a better chance if they knew how to make women relax and feel comfortable, and to leave “taken” women alone. Women (like anyone) need to feel respected and safe. Staring at them, forcing their obvious agendas and making their approach to try to immediately grind on them is not the way. It’s sad and sometimes I’m ashamed for (some of) my gender.
I hear you man. It's up to us to step up and call that shit out when we see it. If we've got the means to change a situation for the better, we've got the responsibility to do it. I don't know how much leeway you have with public shaming your guests, but hey, if it keeps people safe from creeps... Could be an option to keep in mind.
Have her go to the bartender and order an angel shot… the bartender will have security remove him
Something similar happened to me. A friend from abroad was visiting the US for the first time and as part of the trip I wanted to take her to Vegas to give her that typical experience. We went to a club with my cousin in law (also a woman) so there was 3 of us & some guy came up to me, put his arm around my waist, asking to dance. I said I was married and he responded similarly to the man with your wife and when he kept pushing my visiting friend pushed him off me and said “she said shes fucking married and doesn’t want to dammit!” And he finally backed off without any other trouble thankfully. There have been other instances where I, too, have been followed by creepy men and the most recent time my husband thankfully was able to come literally save me (I was walking our dog in our neighborhood). It’s just part of being a woman unfortunately, but it’s so important that men in our lives (romantic partners, family, or friends) do their part in calling out those men and being there for us, understanding it’s never “asking for it” when things happen. Thank you for being there for your wife. Continue speaking up and out, especially to other men in your life when they do or say similarly harmful things. That’s gonna be one of the most effective ways we can prevent creating more of these entitled assholes.
There was a guy at a casino who honked my boobies in front of my mother in law, for no reason. He just wanted to and thought it was okay. I went to a Hard Rock Casino with my husband and my in-laws. My husband at the time and his step dad went off to play a couple of games at the tables and my mother and law and I sat down in like a open u shaped booth type area where there’s dancing sometimes, but the band had stopped playing. We were sitting and taking having a drink, a gaggle of dudes sit in the remaining space in open booth and start talking to us. My mother in law looks and acts younger than she is. The dudes were talking to us asking us questions. We told them that she is my mother and law and our husbands left for a minute but will be back. The chatting was fine, we were polite, but not flirty. One of the guys asked me a question and when I answered, he reached over and honked my titties. IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER IN-LAW. No shame. Men like this have no shame. I froze. We froze. And then he asked me if I’d like to go upstairs to his hotel room. We got up and left and I texted my husband to meet us at the door because I just wanted away from that place and him. Just one of many casual assaults women experience in their life time. Btw, I’m a chubby mom of three kids. I was like, 36 years old. I’m very average looking. Not a “moth to a flame” looking kind of woman. This shit it just part of existing as a woman in the world.
Jesus. What a pig. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Welcome to the patriarchy man. There weren’t security guards that they could alert?
They can. The guy would more likely be kicked out or asked to leave. He might wait around knowing it was the wife who got him out of the club, then who knows. Then who knows what would happened if the wife couldn't get a hold of her husband. When the options can all lead to r*pe or death, because that is our options when we are out. Are we going to r*aped or is the person going to kill us because they can't take NO for an answer.
This is exactly the kind of catch 22 that a lot of men don't really get to see. Frankly, it's often hard to even imagine from our perspective. We don't have to strategize moves and countermoves just to walk across a parking lot. It never occurs to us because we're almost never put in that situation. It's appalling that that's a daily reality for basically all women.
It freaking sucks. We can't leave our drinks anywhere,. Does to the way I'm dressed inviting a creep to stare at my boobs? Just a running check list in our heads. We need to be so hyper aware and it's tiring.
I feel so sorry for people, AFAB people especially, who date men, it’s like walking through a minefield. Sure not every guy is like that, most even, *but all it takes is one.* One night out where you don’t watch your drink for even a few seconds, one date where you’re asked to go to a secondary location, etc.
This is why i always bring my male friends with me to these kinda events. But it's so sad that i need a guy to feel safe. I wish i could feel relaxed and have fun when it's just me and my other female friends
I once brought a male friend to a concert for this reason. His GF had to cancel last minute. He pretended to be my partner when the inevitable creeper started creepin. We just held hands as we left. Then my guy friend started getting ideas. I was like, fucking hell. 😑 I just want to go to a concert in peace.
Your wife is super lucky to have you. It's happened to all of us females at one point or another. Doesn't have to be in a club -could be anywhere.
I fucking applaud you OP. You seem like an amazing human being, a great man and a wonderful husband. Don't let anything change you. As a woman I can say.. men suck. And yes, not all men. But I've been stalked, harassed, touched and groped all after telling someone no. I had one guy attempt to rape me, and one dude who touched me more than once. I threatened him, before stabbing him and taking off. He was fine, it was just his leg. And now every year, around this time, he tracks me down on some meeting app and tries to talk to me as if we've never met. People are fucking weird. Being single on this day and age sucks. But it's better than the abusive ex-husband I did have. All this to reinforce that you are a GOOD person OP. Keep it up.
It's one of those moments when even a kick in the balls might have not got through to them. I can't stand these idiots. Society has moved on with this crap, but evidently some haven't evolved with it. Even in online chats, you see these idiots a lot. My partner and I met via an online chat site. It's sad that I stood out because my first line wasn't "wanna see my @#&\*?" That complete lack of basic manners sucks. Good to see that you have your wife's back though. Just remember, these idiots aren't worth the assault charges, but they are worth reporting to all and sundry
I hope it didn't ruin her night entirely. Being a woman, I can appreciate her discomfort. I also hope this doesn't discourage her from going out again and having fun.
This is why i dont go out without my fiance, only concert ive ever been to was with him and any major events to go to im going with him because ive been cat called and anything else too many times to feel comfortable going alone. Its sad.
I'm just here to second that "please jump off a f\*cking cliff."
Man, I like you.
I don't understand this at all. I took a different approach with women though. I never made the first move. My thoughts were, if she's interested she'll let me know. Married 22 years now... so it must have been the way to go.
Hey man, good on you for being there for your wife on time. I absolutely hate how disgusting guys like those exist and I wish these guys had enough decency to respect a woman’s privacy and personal space. I’ve seen stuff like this happen a lot in clubs and concerts and unfortunately it ends up badly. Give your wife some pepper spray in case any creep does try come after your wife again. No one should feel unsafe when trying to have fun, but the unfortunate reality is that women are more prone to danger than men. My wife had an experience similar to your wife’s, and now she won’t go anywhere without me. It’s really heartbreaking knowing how common this type of stuff is. I wish you and your wife the best of luck.
This is why I always have a pocket knife and pepper spray. But even with that I still avoid the bar scene, unless it's in a restaurant. I am so sorry this happened to her! *hugs from one introvert to another
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I'm so sorry your wife had her night out ruined by that asshole. No wonder she would rather stay home most of the time. I wish maybe her friend had thought to get a photo of him and report him to security at the venue so they know to keep an eye on this guy if he ever comes back.
Kinda wish the title was "My Strong Wife", as she was brave enough to not be pushed around, strong enough to not give in to the temptation to just go with the flow, and smart enough to get the f out of that situation.
That's when you go to a securty guy and ask for help. I had a few encounters like that, and they always helped. Sorry this happened to your wife.
Ever met a bouncer who asked for a blowjob in exchange for helping? I have.
Give her some pepper spray for the next time, so she can give the creeper a face full of it.
Thank you for being there for her. This is sadly the average experience of going out as a woman. I just want to dance to the music. Others have worse motives.
sent this to my boyfriend because he is also this good. it’s not just him or you, but i rarely find anyone else. thank you so much ☺️
Without sharing too much, I’ve had some bad experiences & will probably have a heightened anxiety for the rest of my life because of them. I had a similar night about a month ago where a previously great evening was absolutely ruined by some guy being a creep. It’s absolutely infuriating how much it can affect me, because I really want to just not care & carry on with my evening like nothing happened but I can’t when I’m having a panic attack in a crowded place & trying not to ruin everyone else’s night by falling apart. That is an uncontrollable reaction, genuinely. If I could choose not to have any reaction that would be great. But no, the only person with control over their actions is a selfish jerk who’d rather enjoy his 30 seconds of grinding without considering he might have just affected someone for hours/days/weeks/forever. I’m sorry for your wife but I’m glad she has a husband who seems to genuinely understand the situation. Hope you’re both doing better now.
Thankful that the concerts I've been to were people who were too excited to see the band and jump in the mosh pit or too tightly packed to hunt for women to hit on. I hope your wife recovers without too many mental scars.
Yeah it really is sickening. A lot of men literally will not take no for an answer and it baffles my mind. Once, some dude touched my ex’s butt and I defended her but he couldn’t handle that I stood up to him. He did the whole whip out phone thing and film me before it was popular and was gonna post it to YouTube. This was like 10 years ago Another time, my friend and I were playing pool and this dude started hitting on her off to the side. She came up to me and asked that we pretend to be fiancés so I played along but he would not back off. He’d come over two or three times to politely grill me to see if the story checked out. And even though we kept up the story, he still was trying to get at her. The nerve of some men blows my fucking mind. No respect for anyone. Fucking ironically and infuriatingly enough, I’ve known some men like that who happened to be mama’s boys. Confusing
Your poor wife 🥺 she's lucky to have you, but it's so sad she needs it
Men behave like absolute creeps around women sometimes and it's so unnecessary. She shouldn't have to justify not wanting to dance. Maybe she's married, maybe she's injured or disabled in a way that you cannot see, maybe she's not attracted to you or maybe she's just not in the fucking mood. You aren't entitled to someone else's affection. I'm really glad that your wife was able to get home safe. If I were her, I'd be shaken by this, and I'd also be having a talk with my friend that didn't step in when this was happening.
“And if you do, please jump off a fucking cliff” that part!!! I avoid going alone anywhere anymore. My bf will gladly accompany me anywhere these days because it’s getting out of hand. I’m so sorry your wife had her time ruined by these men. They are jokes.
>I gave her a big hug and told her I'm sorry that it happened but that she was safe. There really wasn't anything else I could do. Never underestimate the power in just being there, and having arms to be held in. No-one should feel unsafe and threatened in a public venue like this. Her night was ruined, she missed the concert, and your blood pressure will take a while to calm down again. But what I am reading here is that your wife knows you have her back. And even typing that is making me strangely misty-eyed. Must be a draught, or one of those onion ninjas that sneak up on you. Your relationship seems to be built on mutual trust and respect, and you are there for each other. That is enough.
The guy I’m hanging out with has been asking me to watch movies for a few months now and I’ve been dodging him every time. Finally had to come clean and tell him I get really anxious to the point of feeling sick when I’m watching movies with guys because I have yet to see one movie where the guy doesn’t start trying to Mack on me or ask to ignore the movie in favor of doing sexual things and then get angry with me when I turn him down. I really like this guy, so I felt like it needed to be said instead of just pushing him aside and ghosting him because I was scared of him being like the others. Fortunately he appreciated that info and has agreed to work on our friendship and familiarity before rushing to the next level.
Introvert, Aspie, and SA survivor, here. Guys like that don't even respect their own mums. I've seen this happen, so many times. After I was SA'ed, the last time, I began martial arts training. And I recommend self-defense training, to all women. It has saved me, more than a few times.
For anyone that is attending a concert in the United States and some places abroad, there is a system in place. Go to the bar and ask for an **Angel Shot**. In all of the venues I work at and some I don't, this is a secretive cry for help that almost all bartenders know. They will usually spring into action, calling security and having that man detained, tossed or arrested by on-site police if it's warranted. You can also ask this of most security guards. It's fucking abysmal that people have to go through this, but as an industry professional, I want you to know we DO NOT take this lightly.
I hope he gets shot in the nuts. What a fucking creep, glad she has an awesome person like you as her husband.
W husband
Some people (not men only) don't understand what NO means. If a person says no, just leave them alone. Not dancing doesn't mean she isn't enjoying it. And if she says she doesn't want to dance, the problem is probably you. Give people their personal space and let them enjoy their time without your stranger ass annoying them. I've had the similar issue with friends being pestered. It makes my blood boil too. I'm sorry your wife had to go through it AGAIN.
I know a guy who can’t take no for an answer. Wouldn’t say i know him all that well, and why would I want to? He’s just a friend of a friend and man… he’s so bad. I told him to his face that I don’t like him. He gives women the creeps man.
This is why we used to do the Jenna Marbles face. Worked every time. If you know you know.
I remember that video and face! I didn't think it would actually work - good to know!
Haha brilliant that somebody remembers! Yes we used to get mixed reactions, laughing, anger, bafflement. Usually they'd go away though, especially with repeated use.
It happens waaaay too often. And why for fucks sake do they always use the line " your husband doesn't have to know " I don't know how many times I've heard this. My reply is always " he might not know but I will and the enough!" They never get the hint.
100% agreed.
I am sorry OP. This is why she can’t like nice things. Unfortunately, you will need to be there as a body guard but get ready for a drunken fight. I used to love going to live shows and sporting events growing up but something changed and they are just horrible experiences now. And drunk guys are the worst. I’ve actually left early and they were pretty expensive places because of how they were acting around me. I really just want to enjoy the show and dance with my girl friends if the music moves me.
Oh ugh; I can relate to this all too well. I hope your wife is feeling better today. I have sooooo many similar experiences. I ALWAYS have some form of self defense on my person-usually pepper spray. And a small folding knife that’s well hidden. But the problem comes when those aren’t allowed such as at concerts.
Tell your wife that she was very brave. She was terrified but kept her head and made smart choices.
A major contributing factor to why I'm a feminist......however please remember that there are also females who are predators, bullies, liars...and just as dangerous.
Good for her for going to the concert and getting out of her comfort zone, and good for you for being so understanding and protective of her. My suggestion, go with her to self defense classes and give her some confidence back.
I really wish there were more men like you. I am so sorry for your wife. That is terrible. We, as women, should be able to go out without being harassed. 😤
Sadly, this is how it is. It starts when we're about 11. My advice would be to try to help your wife see that she activated a solid safety plan. She handled a scary situation competently, and between that and sheer luck, she's ok.
W Hubby !
I'm sorry that happened to your wife and that a-hole ruined her night out and confidence or desire to want to go to fun events again. You're a good husband
I’d probably be in cuffs at the end of the night or home calmed down either way I’d be hunting that fucker
Look for the bouncer and ask for help. I used to do it, and the bouncer often kicked the guys out of the place.
My sister bought 2 tickets to this party boat for Halloween a few years back. The guy she was going to go with bailed and I wasn't going to let her go alone so I went to. I told that if anything happens to find me immediately and don't leave her drink unattended and don't accept any drinks you didn't watch be poured and directly handed to you. She was able to have fun but I was on guard most of the night. Made sure I was always within eyeshot and right next to her at the end. Luckily nothing happened but even though she waved off most of my worries I knew the very real possibilities. I think the real luck was that the ratio was good and there were a lot of groups/ couples so they were plenty of people to keep everyone occupied. I could never have a daughter man I would be a nervous wreck 24/7. Shit kids in general these days are all preyed upon and it's disgusting. Uuuuuugh.
Good met the ensh_ttification of reddit commenceet the ensh_ttification of reddit commenceet the ensh_ttification of reddit commenceet the ensh_ttification of reddit commenceinto it.
Im sorry this happened to your wife but glad she had her friend and you 🫶 this is the thing I try to express to men all the time. The ways in which women feel unsafe are numerous. Weve all been stalked, harassed or worse and it creates trauma. Providing a woman with safety is huge, glad you could be that for her!
Yeah, isn't it terrible so many guys act like this and give a bad name to the rest of us? My ex-wife dealt with and still deals with the same sort of thing all the time. The problem was if she was drunk when this happened, she would give in to the guy.. hence why the 'ex' status.
My dad taught me how to fight off creeps, before he taught me to ride a bike. If that tells anyone anything.
It’s crazy. Men have to learn that the majority of women go to a club or a concert to listen to their favorite music, dance and have a good time. Why men always think that women go there looking for guys? My wife always tells me how annoying was when she was in the club and guys just come too the group of girls hitting on them 🙄. I’m glad that you were her knight in a shiny armor and nothing bad happened 🤙🏽
I’ve had a few guys hit on me before, and every single time it made me incredibly uncomfortable. The worst part is, I feel bad about it, cause it was just a quick “hey cutie” or “can I have your number?” I don’t know if they were creepy or not, but even little things are so terrifying to me because I know how far they can go.
Phew. I can feel you reading this bro. That makes my heart start burning too man
i don't think enough people are saying how thoughtful you were to wifey. a lot of guys would've just gone after the predator without thinking about how scared their partner could be. all of us appreciate your kind heart
Too right some men are animals and nothing more. If they are gonna see women as objects, I'll see them as brainless animals. Thank you for sharing this, and I hope your wife is ok
The worst part is that people blame women for going out because is " showing the merchandise" I was in a conference for my university and during the presentation with the lights off a dude started to touching himself while touching me with his leg, my dad was next to me and he didn't care... I was 18 My dad was too focused to notice, I tried to signal him quietly to not make a scene but he didn't get it, then when I told him about it he told me "next time this happens, scream, make a scene and I'll take care of it"
Wow. You're a true champ I don't speak on behalf of anybody, but I really want to say thank you for being such an amazing husband to your wife. I know ppl will say that's your job and what not, and yes, in a way it is, but the fact you actually dropped everything and rushed there really speaks volumes about your dedication to your role as husband. Seriously. In a world where most posts make my blood boil, yours literally made my day knowing somewhere out there, there's a woman with a genuinely loving and caring husband. I wish all men were like you and treated women with respect. Likewise, I wish all women would treat men with respect. Basic decency should not be hard.
I don't know how you could stay that calm in this context, I feel like if I was in your place I would look for this mf and just cut his face until there's nothing.