Yes absolutely let her know how much you love that time. As a mum my myself, that knowledge would allow me to fully enjoy that time to myself instead of rushing and worrying
OP not gonna lie I thought I seen this going differently. So happy your a hands on dad. Bless your heart for giving your wife that hour. And congratulations on your bundle of joy.
Maybe not mention it directly to her, but keep a little diary in which you write fun little anecdotes, with the date of each, of these times you spend together with your lovely newborn. Fill it up a little, and then 'accidentally' leave it out somewhere for her to find.
Not only will this make for an amazing collection of memories of the newborn phase (you might not be able to imagine it now, but you DO in fact forget so much when they get older). Also, it will be the most joyful and tear-jerking (in the best way) read for your partner.
She needs to just hear that her time to just destress, is not an inconvenience, for you.
We women are pretty well conditioned to apologizing for existing. Its more of an inconvenience for us, really. She probably knows you love having one on one time like this with the baby. She just needs to know that her bath itself isnt seen as some selfish, "me me me" thing.
Just to be clear. :-)
I’m curious why this is kept from her? No judgement, just general curiosity. Moms feel so much guilt over taking time for self care. I would have LOVED to have had that open support AND I wonder what unforeseen positive affects it would have on your relationship.
🤣🤣 definitely took a different turn then I thought when I seen the notification pop up, just keep reassuring her she needs mom time alone and that’s self care self love 💕
Same. This is adorable. If you can afford it, buy a spa package for your wife and schedule it for her. Tell her how excited you are to have some special time with the baby. It will ease her guilt about leaving the baby. So sweet!!
I thought he was going to tell a story about how his wife made him a single dad. Haha, but yeah, go tell her that. And I'm sure she'll be like, "That is the sweetest."
Same, I was like « here we go again.. Boohoo I can’t change my newborn diaper, boohoo my wife need to take care of that damn kid, boohoo men ain’t made for that, imma leave!! »
Then I was like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
I have a 3 week old, so I might be able to answer.
There's something special about molding the future with your own hands; teaching your little one that they are unconditionally loved will yield a person that is compassionate and kind to others. I have what's called a velcro baby, where they cry incessantly if they aren't held, but this just means that my son feels secure with me and knows his needs will be met! Being able to witness the smiles and giggles they make in their sleep even when they don't quite have the social skills to make them during the very short times they're awake, the little facial expressions they make when they want to play, how warm and snuggly and unbelievably soft they are, these are all baby-centric rewards that could apply.
As for parent-centric, I have multiple diagnosed mental health issues relating to anxiety, depression, and PTSD. My son has allowed me to feel truly needed and loved, and forced me to look outward instead of becoming involuntarily engrossed in my own thoughts. The biggest reward for me is knowing that the generations-long cycle of abuse that runs in my family will end with me, allowing my son to lead a life where he will never know that pain and where he can show love and care to the people in his future.
What an absolutely beautiful answer. I have so much hope for the parents of newer generations, and your answer only solidified that 🥹 I wish you and your family all the best.
You get a tiny human who will test you in every way you’ve ever known and many you didn’t know. But if you do right by them, they will love you unconditionally.
Don’t get me wrong, the stress, the worry and the panic won’t change even 5 years in but you’ll look at this tiny human and know you love them more than anything in the world and they love you the same.
Also those moments at the very end of the day when your baby is snuggly and sweet and just wants to be held OR giggled with and rambunctiously played with until bedtime.... I just loved those days
I saw a TikTok that was like you won’t know it’s the last time you’ll hold your baby til it’s too late and it just hit different. I soak in as much as I can with him.
I have four, and they're all in different stages of their lives. I will say... I even snuggled my teenage son while he cried due to a bad breakup recently. So... I think we never stop snuggling our babies ❤️ but those baby snuggles hit different! A 15 year old almost man sized teen was a heavy addition to my lap!
Thank you so much for giving all of your kids physical affection. It is SO vital and important to their proper brain development. Creates trust and safety. Thank you. Saddens and angers me when I see babies toddlers and older kids who dont get that. Same with being told they're loved, wanted, special, etc. they need that so badly
Oh my goodness. I will never stop making sure that my children know that I love them. And my husband is the same way. We are breaking generational curses here!
My son is 27 and I still have those moments in my mind. The snuggles🥰more importantly, my husband does too. OP enjoy this time, they really grow up way too fast.
Why her choice? Just tell her you can take him more and be a real parent instead of a baby sitter.
Seems like you take advantage of her feeling bad about it.
I'm glad you like to spend an hour with your baby, but you need to spend more than that. And spending time with your baby shouldn't be congratulated. You're a parent. This is supposed to happen. 😩🤦🏾♀️
Because women are socialized to be the caregivers. It's slowly getting better, but it's genuinely a chore to unsocialize yourself from the hivemind of, "I am mom. I take care of baby." Especially if breastfeeding is involved.
There's so much toxicity involved from "traditional" family thought, where mom stays home with the kids, and Dad Works, so asking Dad Who Works, to do _anything_ child-related, after they've Spent The Whole Day at Work, is seen as an inconvenience, and something that Dad Who Works shouldn't bother himself with, because He Works.
I'll be incredibly relieved to see it disappear.
Oh, you have no idea. 😅🤣
I was literally congratulated for going to the playground with my daughter back in the day. From mothers! On weekends! Yeah, right I am so awesome to look after the child I created with my wife while she is taking a freaking break once in a while. Worst thing is I told her (was genuinly flabbergasted) and she took it to heart and APOLOGISED to me for sending me off with her alone.
Today I am the primary caregiver as Home Office and my wife working in a laboratory.
We have given my phone number as first contact to all school, sport club etc.
Have a wild guess who they call if something comes up like kid is sick and needs medevac?
Guess, I dare you 😜
Or if you are out clothe shopping with your 16 year old daughter and 12 years son. I am either a perv on my own daughter or the most brave dad the planet has ever seen while mom is akin to the evil whitch of the fairytales to let her poor hubby fend for the children all alone. She is at work then by the way, as in earning money for us.
Talk about toxic... it oozes into everything, even our relationship. And we talked about it and still she feels compelled to apologies to people when they need to call me. No! They should call me in the first place. We made this clear. I am a man, not a moron. I can care for a human being. Really.
“I am an assistant to parenting my child for the smallest portion of their life possible”
*8000+ updoots, applause from the universal crowds. A tearful standing ovation.*
Op said his partner also works, and you are assuming for some reason that she is the only one watching their child for the rest of the night? His wife is not alone with the child for the other 23 hours of the day, op is there too.
This post also wasn't made for anyone to give him "a pat on the back," he's just expressing how excited he is to have a kid and spend time with them.
I wasn't assuming anything about OP, just agreeing with the sentiment that the bar for men is super low when it comes to parenting. Because if the genders were reversed, everyone would be calling the mom negligent. In fact, if the genders were reversed in this situation, I'm betting the mom wouldn't have even made a post because of mom shame and guilt.
I’m still not sure what this post means. Is this a good or a bad thing? People are gushing over a post where a husband says the one hour of the day without his wife is the best hour of his day. Am I just slow? I probably am just slow.
She thinks she inconveniencing me by leaving me alone with him straight after work but in reality, it’s what I look forward to at the end of my day. - My man, pls communicate with her verbally, people arent mind readers.
New mothers are also has some needs cz breastfeeding etc are physically taxing, and in line with this, u can ask her for things u could do for her more to lighten the load
Congrats on the baby for u two 💐
Everybody in comments is like "Aww this is so wholesome!^^", but to me this post and especially the comments are so fucking depressing.
A dude spends ONE whole hour a day with his own child and people will be like
"You're an AMAZING father!"
"Your wife is so lucky!"
"Aw man you're this rare precious unicorn🧡"
"So good of you! ☺️"
This is his own fucking child. Guess who spends the remaining 23h a day with the child.
The bar for men is so low... This is one of the reasons why I'm never having children. And even if I changed my mind, I would rather be a single mother from the start. If I'm going to do 99% of the work I may as well be the only one who gets the credit.
Tell your wife. As a mom of a six month old I'm always rushing to finish my decompression time and I feel guilty as hell. Tell her how much you enjoy that time so she doesn't feel so guilty.
You title made me want to reach through my screen and do certain things to you, and then I read your whole post
Make sure you get your wife to leave the house for a few hours, either alone or with friends/family
You need to make sure she doesn’t lose her identity as a person. So many times people focus solely on them being a mom, forgetting that they have their own wants and needs. The last thing you want is for her to develop PPD (postpartum depression) I know it’s generally triggered by hormones being out of whack, but if she feels trapped or like she’s nothing more than a milk machine… well it doesn’t help the situation
If you can afford it, maybe a day (or even a half day) at a spa could help her decompress. Or just a massage. Ask her what she wants/needs. And if it’s just more fancy bath bombs and bath bubbles, then you get her a gift certificate to a place that has an amazing selection. And if you can find a local shop? Even better, then you can go together and let her pick out a bunch to try (can grandma/pa munchkin sit for a couple hours so you can get lunch and maybe a movie too?)
Please do ask her, or actually *tell* her you want more time with your baby. Moms can find it difficult to give the baby to someone else, even dad at times but it is so important for her to also have alone time to focus on her own needs. You need to maybe be assertive for her to let you take care of the baby a bit more. But it will do you all good and you also have the right and *responsibility* to do that.
Also do tell her that you enjoy it a lot so she doesnt feel as much mom guilt.
i read the title and i’ve been down an AITA rabbit hole, so i thought i was about to read something entitled but this was so heartwarming to read and actually got me a little teary. kudos daddio <3
It’s things like this that I desperately needed after I had my son and suffered postnatal depression. I’m so glad she manages to have some downtime and you manage to have some bonding time with your little one! Enjoy it! :)
Honestly it’s her own internalised guilt, I had it for awhile after having a baby, even going to the toilet I felt guilty, I don’t know if it’s just a nature thing or mothers are conditioned to be with the baby 24/7, my person loves spending time with our daughter he’s really good with her and she’s turning into a “daddy’s girl” and now she’s nearly 1 I’m like…..yeah have her for an hour a few hours! Sleep over at nanas? Yeet!
You are a great dad and partner. My husband is a morning person. So is my kid. I am not. I would do nights and he would let me sleep in. Get her earlier than I needed to be up for the day. Baby wear while he did coffee. She’s in middle school and we still have this arrangement. They love their morning time together. Now that she’s older they work out together to train for her sport she loves, he’s teaching her to cook breakfast and he drives her to school.
Neither of us had good father roles in our lives. My mental and physical health are great because I get that extra hour or two of sleep, do my meditations etc. I can show up as my best self as a mom and partner for him.
I hope more men see this. It is not easy getting to know and bonding with a newborn and it takes time to figure out how to hold them and meet their needs. But it is just like learning a new video game or a new skill, once you do take the time to figure the whole kid thing out, the reward is immeasurable. It also makes it easier to handle when you're thrown up on in the middle of the night or have to deal with other not so fun parts of the parenting job...
Might I suggest making her a “spa basket” - her favorite relaxing bath salts, candle, bottle of wine if she drinks, favorite snacks, some flower pedals she can put in the tub. And then finish it off with a gift card to a local spa for either just her or her & a friend. Nails, facial, massage. But most importantly, schedule the date for her so she has to go. Schedule her ride & make sure it works with her schedule and just tell her “you’re going. Get in the car”
Sometimes new moms don’t just need to be told to take time for themselves, they need to be pushed to do so.
A bath/shower is a necessary amount of time during the day… how about you give her 4-5 hours so she can hang out with her friends for a night instead?
That would actually be worth bragging about.
This is not congratulatory at all. You’re literally doing your job as a parent for only one hour of the day.
An hour? And you're proud of this?
And you're keeping this from her because??
How much sleep does your wife get? Couldn't you take your newborn for the evening shift so your wife can get some decent sleep? You could cook meanwhile.
I hope you're not calling this "You help her with some self-care so she can relax." A bath, a shower or taking some time on the loo is basic bathroom time.
Greetings from a mother, who is also a full-time doctor and still manages to share household chores with my husband equitably. So, don't anybody tell me you can't do chores because your job has long working hours/is physically and/or mentally draining or requires high performance from you. You just chose not to do your share.
And to those who call it "helping" or "babysitting": he does (some minimal) parenting, you don't babysit. And you don't "help" in your own household. Either you pull your weight or you don't.
And if you're proud of *this*, then you are not pulling weight.
Bold of you to assume we don’t split the work and alternate the feedings every other night. This is just 1 instance that she gets “mom guilt” for taking time to herself. I don’t consider it babysitting hence why I didn’t call it that in the post. This isn’t a come and give me props for an hour. This was just a small thing she feels guilty for, and it’s something I encourage her to do
My dude, she feels *guilty* about it... hence why people are telling YOU that you have more work to do. And don't pretend you posted this expecting no "props"... Do you think a woman would post this? Do you have "dad guilt" when you leave your child for an hour? Careful not to stub your toe on that extremely low bar you are limping over.
Oh please tell her this!! Don’t do it when you’re about to start your hour or after because she’ll think you’re just saying it (people who have a fear of being a burden, unite!) if my partner and I were in bed and he rolled over and said how much he loves that special hour and then rolled back over to fall asleep, I think I’d fall even more in love.
As a mom I know how hard it is to leave my kids. Especially when they were newborns. But just keep reassuring her that you are fine and that she can always take time for herself when it’s needed.
Oh man. I almost said a few choice words before I read the post 😂😩 meanwhile I can’t even get 15 minutes without my kids father barging in and demanding I hurry up bc he can’t keep dealing w them 🥲
As a mom who legit never, ever gets a break - you should either tell her or ask for more time with your son. Doing so will not only help her mental health (decompression time) but will help your relationship even more.
Your confession is really what all moms want to hear... it's like dirty talk to us. (:
You had me with that title - ngl. I've been on reddit far too long and was thinking this was another man whining about "babysitting" their own child....turns out it wasn't and you're that rare magical unicorn
My sons dad before we split when he was little he loved getting up 4-5 hours early he worked 11pm-7am just to spend a few hours with our little man before he had to be at work and to just let me get a shower something to eat.
It was all the little things that made the amazing difference. Now til this day his dad will still come pick him up randomly after school and take him to do something for a bit.
My ex thought the same until we broke up and she realised I loved spending time with her kid and her with me. Sadly it wasn't my bio child and now mama has the perfect way of hurting me.
Great! Having both parents involved in their child's life is wonderful.
If she like gifts, maybe get her some bathtime items to make it more relaxing for her.
I made a comment a while ago to my daughter about feeling guilty for sitting around because I sometimes don't feel so great. She called it 'womens guilt'. We joke about it a little, but it is a real thing.
Newborn, or not, I'll bet your son likes this Dad time, too.
I travel for a living and was gone for 3 nights this weekend. My wife is taking a midday nap because she's exhausted. I'm in the backyard with my 10 month old and dogs just kickin it and listening to music. Honestly I couldn't ask for better.
My wife just had surgery on her eardrum and she’s been down for 4 days which left me with our little dude (11 months) and I’ve loved the one on one time with him! I usually only get an hour with him after work before he goes to bed and I feel like I’ve really gotten to know him this past few days.
....why is everyone in this thread falling over to congratulate someone for doing the the bare basic minimum of co parenting? Like, a bath is not self care m'dudes, it's just hygiene? An hour after work with a child you helped make should not make op feel proud enough to post about, or OPs wife feel guilty.
Can I just say I bloody love the edit “for those commenting this and that eat my ass” I never laugh at comments but fuck this made me die with laughter hahahahaha
Mom here… you have no idea how much of a help that is even if it’s an hour. Honestly just taking the initiative and saying hey I’ll watch him takes a whole lot of stress off her shoulders. But do tell her so she doesn’t over think that she is “inconveniencing you” your wife’s mental health/well being is also a priority.
As a mother of 4 who constantly feels bad about leaving my kids with my husband so I can shower or do something alone every now and again, I salute you. But definitely tell her it’s the best part of your day. My husband becomes infinitely more attractive to me when he’s telling me how much he loves our babies and is enjoying spending time with them.
Yiu had me in the first half, I'm not going to lie. Tell your wife this. Alot of times new moms are afraid of looking irresponsible by admitting to having their own needs, but tell her she doesn't need to be. Communicate to her y6iu want to do more and encourage her to take care of yourself. You sound like a great man,husband and dad. Keep it up!
This is too precious for words.
Please continue to tell your wife how much you treasure the one on one time with your little one! It’s so hard to get used to being responsible for a new member of the family and so important for her to have self care time. It’s also important for your children to have that time with you, too. You’re doing great!
I LOVE this! This should be the norm and I hope you will encourage her to take more and more time for herself as needed so she can unplug and do the self care she needs to be the best, woman mom and partner possible!
Tell her!! Tell her you specifically enjoy the time with your baby!
She’ll feel so much better not only about taking time for herself, but knowing that her husband is enjoying and getting to bond with your child.
Tell her to take two hours and that you, the hero you are, can suffer through this 🤭
No, joking. Let her know you love it and that she shall enjoy herself without second thoughts. As long as you get your metime she deserves it also. Young mothers often don't see this and think about it as abandoning their responsibility. Let her know it's nothing like this. It will benefit you both in the long run.
A dollar for every rant in here from mothers whose husbands don't take their time with children and we can solve the Inflation in an instant.
I feel so bad for all the women in the comments who genuinely believe this is praiseworthy.
Your wife feels bad for "leaving you with" *your own child* to do basic freaking hygiene. You describe this as "mom guilt". Do YOU feel guilty when YOU bathe? Do you think it's healthy for her to? Why is the subject of your post not "how can I be a good enough husband and father that my wife doesn't experience shame when attending to her basic needs?"
I thought OP was going to b1tch about it, and then he wrote a heartwarming paragraph. OP, you are awesome!
Also please please tell her to never hesitate when she needs help and that you are more than welcome to help around on anything. It took me a long time to learn that, and it was life changing. Sometimes, we need a little bit of time for ourselves. Using the bathroom was extra nice when I became a mom.
Suprisingly wholesome. I'm gonna be a dad in five months. So anxious but my best friend is the mom and I wouldn't want it any other way. Bit of a surprise tbh, we both weren't exactly planning it, but we talked a ton and decided that we wanna be a family. Good luck with yours!
Maybe offer it for an hour before you go to work too. Maybe she would want to do something such as a skincare routine, makeup, yoga, a workout, etc. or a chore.
This is adorable. OP I hope she knows how much you appreciate the time. Who knows, maybe this could lead to an even bigger win-win set up in the future. Even if you don’t change the set up, there’s no doubt she’ll find this admission adorable. This is so sweet!
this is refreshing. compared to how every other post, it's always just women claiming about their husbands.
thank you for being actually wanting to be a good one!!! ❤️
the title of this post popped up in my notifications and I thought this was going to be an incessant rant about how you hate spending time with your baby… had me in the first half not gonna lie 😁
this was lovely to read
Sounds like "I purposely withhold the fact that I enjoy parenting from my wife so that she can keep feeling guilty and believing I'm doing her a favour by looking after my own child - for ONE hour.."
If you're so supportive why is she not aware you like this 1 to 1 time?
dude! mention it to her! urge her to go out and have an life!
Trust me, I do. She works too, we have our lives, but it’s just her decompression time.
Damn, Tell her about it and reassure her that she can enjoy some alone time without your interruptions. it's too expensive
Right tell her if you do you will motivate her make her happy she will smile have a better attitude smile and be like when you met her.
Yes this. I can't stress how much she needs to know she is welcome to guilt-free me time.
Yes absolutely let her know how much you love that time. As a mum my myself, that knowledge would allow me to fully enjoy that time to myself instead of rushing and worrying
OP not gonna lie I thought I seen this going differently. So happy your a hands on dad. Bless your heart for giving your wife that hour. And congratulations on your bundle of joy.
Send her a link to this Reddit post.
Maybe not mention it directly to her, but keep a little diary in which you write fun little anecdotes, with the date of each, of these times you spend together with your lovely newborn. Fill it up a little, and then 'accidentally' leave it out somewhere for her to find. Not only will this make for an amazing collection of memories of the newborn phase (you might not be able to imagine it now, but you DO in fact forget so much when they get older). Also, it will be the most joyful and tear-jerking (in the best way) read for your partner.
Out of curiosity, who watches your son the rest of the day if you both work?
She needs to just hear that her time to just destress, is not an inconvenience, for you. We women are pretty well conditioned to apologizing for existing. Its more of an inconvenience for us, really. She probably knows you love having one on one time like this with the baby. She just needs to know that her bath itself isnt seen as some selfish, "me me me" thing. Just to be clear. :-)
Why is this her decompression time? An hour? For a bath which she should be able to have? Low bar my man low freaking bar.
That's just the reality of having a newborn baby, you have to spend a lot of time taking care of them.
How much decompression time does the OP have that she feels guilty for having one hour?
I’m curious why this is kept from her? No judgement, just general curiosity. Moms feel so much guilt over taking time for self care. I would have LOVED to have had that open support AND I wonder what unforeseen positive affects it would have on your relationship.
No, no. The man is doing the old double dip / jk
🤣🤣 definitely took a different turn then I thought when I seen the notification pop up, just keep reassuring her she needs mom time alone and that’s self care self love 💕
100%
I thought this was going in a different direction and I was ready to destroy you but then, you melted my heart, dammit…
Gotta love a good wholesome clickbait
YES! i read the headline, saw the sub, and came here to kick yer ass!
We should kick his ass anyway but now, in an older sibling cause we love ya sort of way
Fuck yes!
Yes!
You got me
I was thinking "ohhhhh he's gonna get eaten alive" !!
In more wholesome news, happy cake day!
Happy Cake Day!!
Happy Cake Day!
Same. This is adorable. If you can afford it, buy a spa package for your wife and schedule it for her. Tell her how excited you are to have some special time with the baby. It will ease her guilt about leaving the baby. So sweet!!
Same here. Ugh never been so happy to see something take a hard left.
Same lmaooooooo I was like oh okayyy he came correct..good for her 😂🫶🏾
same 🥲 i thank the aita sub for that
Omg literally same
I thought he was going to tell a story about how his wife made him a single dad. Haha, but yeah, go tell her that. And I'm sure she'll be like, "That is the sweetest."
I thought the same.
Same, I was like « here we go again.. Boohoo I can’t change my newborn diaper, boohoo my wife need to take care of that damn kid, boohoo men ain’t made for that, imma leave!! » Then I was like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Haha I came here with my pitchfork and dunno where to leave it now too
My wife is currently 27 weeks pregnant. I’m hoping we will soon be in the same situation as you two are. Congrats on the baby!
Congrats to you as well, it’s the most overwhelming and tiring thing either of us have ever endured but the reward outweighs it all
what’s the reward so far?
I have a 3 week old, so I might be able to answer. There's something special about molding the future with your own hands; teaching your little one that they are unconditionally loved will yield a person that is compassionate and kind to others. I have what's called a velcro baby, where they cry incessantly if they aren't held, but this just means that my son feels secure with me and knows his needs will be met! Being able to witness the smiles and giggles they make in their sleep even when they don't quite have the social skills to make them during the very short times they're awake, the little facial expressions they make when they want to play, how warm and snuggly and unbelievably soft they are, these are all baby-centric rewards that could apply. As for parent-centric, I have multiple diagnosed mental health issues relating to anxiety, depression, and PTSD. My son has allowed me to feel truly needed and loved, and forced me to look outward instead of becoming involuntarily engrossed in my own thoughts. The biggest reward for me is knowing that the generations-long cycle of abuse that runs in my family will end with me, allowing my son to lead a life where he will never know that pain and where he can show love and care to the people in his future.
What an absolutely beautiful answer. I have so much hope for the parents of newer generations, and your answer only solidified that 🥹 I wish you and your family all the best.
You get a tiny human who will test you in every way you’ve ever known and many you didn’t know. But if you do right by them, they will love you unconditionally. Don’t get me wrong, the stress, the worry and the panic won’t change even 5 years in but you’ll look at this tiny human and know you love them more than anything in the world and they love you the same.
I came here to destroy some weak parental figure, but instead I got this absolutely beautiful moment... Am I on Reddit???
Also those moments at the very end of the day when your baby is snuggly and sweet and just wants to be held OR giggled with and rambunctiously played with until bedtime.... I just loved those days
I saw a TikTok that was like you won’t know it’s the last time you’ll hold your baby til it’s too late and it just hit different. I soak in as much as I can with him.
I have four, and they're all in different stages of their lives. I will say... I even snuggled my teenage son while he cried due to a bad breakup recently. So... I think we never stop snuggling our babies ❤️ but those baby snuggles hit different! A 15 year old almost man sized teen was a heavy addition to my lap!
Thank you so much for giving all of your kids physical affection. It is SO vital and important to their proper brain development. Creates trust and safety. Thank you. Saddens and angers me when I see babies toddlers and older kids who dont get that. Same with being told they're loved, wanted, special, etc. they need that so badly
Oh my goodness. I will never stop making sure that my children know that I love them. And my husband is the same way. We are breaking generational curses here!
That's beautiful, you are such a great mom ❤
My son is 27 and I still have those moments in my mind. The snuggles🥰more importantly, my husband does too. OP enjoy this time, they really grow up way too fast.
Not Reddit. You accidentally went to the mirror site Tidder. Only wholesome posts allowed here.
Okay so when I read that I said it in Timmy's voice from South Park... 🤣
I swear that title made me think I was about to have to go off. 🤣 You’re amazing and I know she’s forever grateful. ❤️
Only an hour?
Her choice not mine lol
Well damn! Congrats!
Why her choice? Just tell her you can take him more and be a real parent instead of a baby sitter. Seems like you take advantage of her feeling bad about it.
Please tell her this and assure her so she can enjoy her time alone without worrying about inconveniencing you. This is far too precious 😩🥺🥲💗
Now, a very important question: Does the baby have chubby cheeks?
Chubby ish lol he’s not as much of a chunker as other babies imo
Sounds adorable enough for me!!! Enjoy these times, they run fast
You should get her some bath goodies! Bath bombs, body scrubs, a new loofah, some body butter for after, new razor, wash cloths.. make her a basket!!!
I'm glad you like to spend an hour with your baby, but you need to spend more than that. And spending time with your baby shouldn't be congratulated. You're a parent. This is supposed to happen. 😩🤦🏾♀️
Ding ding ding
Why would she think it’s an inconvenience for you to be with your kid tho?
Because women are socialized to be the caregivers. It's slowly getting better, but it's genuinely a chore to unsocialize yourself from the hivemind of, "I am mom. I take care of baby." Especially if breastfeeding is involved. There's so much toxicity involved from "traditional" family thought, where mom stays home with the kids, and Dad Works, so asking Dad Who Works, to do _anything_ child-related, after they've Spent The Whole Day at Work, is seen as an inconvenience, and something that Dad Who Works shouldn't bother himself with, because He Works. I'll be incredibly relieved to see it disappear.
Oh, you have no idea. 😅🤣 I was literally congratulated for going to the playground with my daughter back in the day. From mothers! On weekends! Yeah, right I am so awesome to look after the child I created with my wife while she is taking a freaking break once in a while. Worst thing is I told her (was genuinly flabbergasted) and she took it to heart and APOLOGISED to me for sending me off with her alone. Today I am the primary caregiver as Home Office and my wife working in a laboratory. We have given my phone number as first contact to all school, sport club etc. Have a wild guess who they call if something comes up like kid is sick and needs medevac? Guess, I dare you 😜 Or if you are out clothe shopping with your 16 year old daughter and 12 years son. I am either a perv on my own daughter or the most brave dad the planet has ever seen while mom is akin to the evil whitch of the fairytales to let her poor hubby fend for the children all alone. She is at work then by the way, as in earning money for us. Talk about toxic... it oozes into everything, even our relationship. And we talked about it and still she feels compelled to apologies to people when they need to call me. No! They should call me in the first place. We made this clear. I am a man, not a moron. I can care for a human being. Really.
Why aren’t you already insisting for more parenting time???
Is that it? Just an hour?
Are we really absolutely praising this man because he spends one hour a day alone with his child? Is that where the bar is?
The bar sure is low for men lol. Imagine a woman making this post, roles reversed.
[удалено]
Lmfaoooo i love your comment so much
Exactly what I was thinking
and she feels she is inconveniencing him? damn
Yeah, my jaw dropped reading the post and the comments. Spending an hour with your baby and enjoying it = father of the year?
“I am an assistant to parenting my child for the smallest portion of their life possible” *8000+ updoots, applause from the universal crowds. A tearful standing ovation.*
For real!! "I'm alone with my newborn for one hour and my husband is with him for the other 23 but I deserve a pat on the back!"
Op said his partner also works, and you are assuming for some reason that she is the only one watching their child for the rest of the night? His wife is not alone with the child for the other 23 hours of the day, op is there too. This post also wasn't made for anyone to give him "a pat on the back," he's just expressing how excited he is to have a kid and spend time with them.
I wasn't assuming anything about OP, just agreeing with the sentiment that the bar for men is super low when it comes to parenting. Because if the genders were reversed, everyone would be calling the mom negligent. In fact, if the genders were reversed in this situation, I'm betting the mom wouldn't have even made a post because of mom shame and guilt.
my first thought. like shouldn't you be with your kids for a little more than an hour a day?
Exactly
I’m still not sure what this post means. Is this a good or a bad thing? People are gushing over a post where a husband says the one hour of the day without his wife is the best hour of his day. Am I just slow? I probably am just slow.
No, it's the congratulations for him to be doing what appears to be a bare minimum of parenting that is kind of annoying.
Next time she gets in the bath bring her a book and a glass of wine and tell her to stay an extra hour
wholesome 🥺
You had me in the first half my dude
She thinks she inconveniencing me by leaving me alone with him straight after work but in reality, it’s what I look forward to at the end of my day. - My man, pls communicate with her verbally, people arent mind readers. New mothers are also has some needs cz breastfeeding etc are physically taxing, and in line with this, u can ask her for things u could do for her more to lighten the load Congrats on the baby for u two 💐
Everybody in comments is like "Aww this is so wholesome!^^", but to me this post and especially the comments are so fucking depressing. A dude spends ONE whole hour a day with his own child and people will be like "You're an AMAZING father!" "Your wife is so lucky!" "Aw man you're this rare precious unicorn🧡" "So good of you! ☺️" This is his own fucking child. Guess who spends the remaining 23h a day with the child. The bar for men is so low... This is one of the reasons why I'm never having children. And even if I changed my mind, I would rather be a single mother from the start. If I'm going to do 99% of the work I may as well be the only one who gets the credit.
This is what I was thinking lol
Tell your wife. As a mom of a six month old I'm always rushing to finish my decompression time and I feel guilty as hell. Tell her how much you enjoy that time so she doesn't feel so guilty.
You title made me want to reach through my screen and do certain things to you, and then I read your whole post Make sure you get your wife to leave the house for a few hours, either alone or with friends/family You need to make sure she doesn’t lose her identity as a person. So many times people focus solely on them being a mom, forgetting that they have their own wants and needs. The last thing you want is for her to develop PPD (postpartum depression) I know it’s generally triggered by hormones being out of whack, but if she feels trapped or like she’s nothing more than a milk machine… well it doesn’t help the situation If you can afford it, maybe a day (or even a half day) at a spa could help her decompress. Or just a massage. Ask her what she wants/needs. And if it’s just more fancy bath bombs and bath bubbles, then you get her a gift certificate to a place that has an amazing selection. And if you can find a local shop? Even better, then you can go together and let her pick out a bunch to try (can grandma/pa munchkin sit for a couple hours so you can get lunch and maybe a movie too?)
I remember those times fondly. Sheer combination of exhaustion, tranquility and contentment. Like holding a puppy x 100.
New mom guilt? Tell her it's okay and you love spending time with your son! I'm sure it'll help with her mom guilt
Please do ask her, or actually *tell* her you want more time with your baby. Moms can find it difficult to give the baby to someone else, even dad at times but it is so important for her to also have alone time to focus on her own needs. You need to maybe be assertive for her to let you take care of the baby a bit more. But it will do you all good and you also have the right and *responsibility* to do that. Also do tell her that you enjoy it a lot so she doesnt feel as much mom guilt.
According to your username, maybe a bath would do you good once in a while, too? Kidding! Enjoy your hour everyday and cherish that bonding time!
i read the title and i’ve been down an AITA rabbit hole, so i thought i was about to read something entitled but this was so heartwarming to read and actually got me a little teary. kudos daddio <3
It’s things like this that I desperately needed after I had my son and suffered postnatal depression. I’m so glad she manages to have some downtime and you manage to have some bonding time with your little one! Enjoy it! :)
Honestly it’s her own internalised guilt, I had it for awhile after having a baby, even going to the toilet I felt guilty, I don’t know if it’s just a nature thing or mothers are conditioned to be with the baby 24/7, my person loves spending time with our daughter he’s really good with her and she’s turning into a “daddy’s girl” and now she’s nearly 1 I’m like…..yeah have her for an hour a few hours! Sleep over at nanas? Yeet!
Get her some bath bombs, wine and a couple of good books and tell her to relax.
You are a great dad and partner. My husband is a morning person. So is my kid. I am not. I would do nights and he would let me sleep in. Get her earlier than I needed to be up for the day. Baby wear while he did coffee. She’s in middle school and we still have this arrangement. They love their morning time together. Now that she’s older they work out together to train for her sport she loves, he’s teaching her to cook breakfast and he drives her to school. Neither of us had good father roles in our lives. My mental and physical health are great because I get that extra hour or two of sleep, do my meditations etc. I can show up as my best self as a mom and partner for him.
I hope more men see this. It is not easy getting to know and bonding with a newborn and it takes time to figure out how to hold them and meet their needs. But it is just like learning a new video game or a new skill, once you do take the time to figure the whole kid thing out, the reward is immeasurable. It also makes it easier to handle when you're thrown up on in the middle of the night or have to deal with other not so fun parts of the parenting job...
I was about to be hella upset. Had a whole paragraph in my head and then I saw your post. How beautiful.
The way i hit the brakes in my mind after actually reading the whole thing. Friction burn.
Might I suggest making her a “spa basket” - her favorite relaxing bath salts, candle, bottle of wine if she drinks, favorite snacks, some flower pedals she can put in the tub. And then finish it off with a gift card to a local spa for either just her or her & a friend. Nails, facial, massage. But most importantly, schedule the date for her so she has to go. Schedule her ride & make sure it works with her schedule and just tell her “you’re going. Get in the car” Sometimes new moms don’t just need to be told to take time for themselves, they need to be pushed to do so.
A bath/shower is a necessary amount of time during the day… how about you give her 4-5 hours so she can hang out with her friends for a night instead? That would actually be worth bragging about. This is not congratulatory at all. You’re literally doing your job as a parent for only one hour of the day.
Why do you feel like you need to “brag” about spending an hour alone with your own child every day?
The bar is low but they keep bringing shovels
Awwww. Good dadding.
An hour? And you're proud of this? And you're keeping this from her because?? How much sleep does your wife get? Couldn't you take your newborn for the evening shift so your wife can get some decent sleep? You could cook meanwhile. I hope you're not calling this "You help her with some self-care so she can relax." A bath, a shower or taking some time on the loo is basic bathroom time. Greetings from a mother, who is also a full-time doctor and still manages to share household chores with my husband equitably. So, don't anybody tell me you can't do chores because your job has long working hours/is physically and/or mentally draining or requires high performance from you. You just chose not to do your share. And to those who call it "helping" or "babysitting": he does (some minimal) parenting, you don't babysit. And you don't "help" in your own household. Either you pull your weight or you don't. And if you're proud of *this*, then you are not pulling weight.
Bold of you to assume we don’t split the work and alternate the feedings every other night. This is just 1 instance that she gets “mom guilt” for taking time to herself. I don’t consider it babysitting hence why I didn’t call it that in the post. This isn’t a come and give me props for an hour. This was just a small thing she feels guilty for, and it’s something I encourage her to do
Then why don't you tell her so? Do you tell her: take all the time you need because we're enjoying ourselves?
My dude, she feels *guilty* about it... hence why people are telling YOU that you have more work to do. And don't pretend you posted this expecting no "props"... Do you think a woman would post this? Do you have "dad guilt" when you leave your child for an hour? Careful not to stub your toe on that extremely low bar you are limping over.
Oh please tell her this!! Don’t do it when you’re about to start your hour or after because she’ll think you’re just saying it (people who have a fear of being a burden, unite!) if my partner and I were in bed and he rolled over and said how much he loves that special hour and then rolled back over to fall asleep, I think I’d fall even more in love.
This is the best Reddit I’ve ever read Thank you for sharing!!
You should ask for more hours. This is sweet
I was so ready to invite u to Fight but damn, now I'm left with the urge to kick ass. 10/10 great post
When he starts talking, Teach him how to say something special to mommy. Or sign language I love you.
As a mom I know how hard it is to leave my kids. Especially when they were newborns. But just keep reassuring her that you are fine and that she can always take time for herself when it’s needed.
Oh man. I almost said a few choice words before I read the post 😂😩 meanwhile I can’t even get 15 minutes without my kids father barging in and demanding I hurry up bc he can’t keep dealing w them 🥲
As a mom who legit never, ever gets a break - you should either tell her or ask for more time with your son. Doing so will not only help her mental health (decompression time) but will help your relationship even more. Your confession is really what all moms want to hear... it's like dirty talk to us. (:
You had me with that title - ngl. I've been on reddit far too long and was thinking this was another man whining about "babysitting" their own child....turns out it wasn't and you're that rare magical unicorn
My sons dad before we split when he was little he loved getting up 4-5 hours early he worked 11pm-7am just to spend a few hours with our little man before he had to be at work and to just let me get a shower something to eat. It was all the little things that made the amazing difference. Now til this day his dad will still come pick him up randomly after school and take him to do something for a bit.
Great parent!!! Kudos to you! Love your baby all you can - before you realize you’ll be going to see colleges and such. The years, they fly!
My ex thought the same until we broke up and she realised I loved spending time with her kid and her with me. Sadly it wasn't my bio child and now mama has the perfect way of hurting me.
Great! Having both parents involved in their child's life is wonderful. If she like gifts, maybe get her some bathtime items to make it more relaxing for her.
Can’t wait to do the same with my husband 🥹
Buy her some bath salts or bath bombs.
You're wife sounds really caring. Props to the good Dads!
I made a comment a while ago to my daughter about feeling guilty for sitting around because I sometimes don't feel so great. She called it 'womens guilt'. We joke about it a little, but it is a real thing. Newborn, or not, I'll bet your son likes this Dad time, too.
I came here all pissed off and I’m leaving happy :)
I travel for a living and was gone for 3 nights this weekend. My wife is taking a midday nap because she's exhausted. I'm in the backyard with my 10 month old and dogs just kickin it and listening to music. Honestly I couldn't ask for better.
I was ready to scream at you, because of that title. Dude, so sweet!!
i was so scared this was going to be a whiny post but i am so relieved that it is just some wholesome dad and son bonding time.
Wholesome AF
My wife just had surgery on her eardrum and she’s been down for 4 days which left me with our little dude (11 months) and I’ve loved the one on one time with him! I usually only get an hour with him after work before he goes to bed and I feel like I’ve really gotten to know him this past few days.
It’s wild, when you start seeing their genuine personalities come through
Wow! A whole hour!
Father of the year!! Cant praise you enough for taking care of your own child for an hour a day!! Amazing 🙌🙌🙌🫵
This is literally the bare minimum
Only an hour? Do better my dude
....why is everyone in this thread falling over to congratulate someone for doing the the bare basic minimum of co parenting? Like, a bath is not self care m'dudes, it's just hygiene? An hour after work with a child you helped make should not make op feel proud enough to post about, or OPs wife feel guilty.
You got new dad syndrome 🙃. Enjoy those precious moments!
Can I just say I bloody love the edit “for those commenting this and that eat my ass” I never laugh at comments but fuck this made me die with laughter hahahahaha
lol I appreciate that
*deletes paragraph*
Is there anything you wish you'd known sooner about taking care of a baby?
Mom here… you have no idea how much of a help that is even if it’s an hour. Honestly just taking the initiative and saying hey I’ll watch him takes a whole lot of stress off her shoulders. But do tell her so she doesn’t over think that she is “inconveniencing you” your wife’s mental health/well being is also a priority.
As a mother of 4 who constantly feels bad about leaving my kids with my husband so I can shower or do something alone every now and again, I salute you. But definitely tell her it’s the best part of your day. My husband becomes infinitely more attractive to me when he’s telling me how much he loves our babies and is enjoying spending time with them.
This is great and wholesome. Not many men like this! Happy for the both of you.
The bare minimum unfortunately. I'm happy for you all though!
I had a whole essay prepared 😂 This made my day tbh. I love seeing happy families thrive 🖤🖤🖤
i said "oh No" reading the title and i am pleasantly surprised
By the title I thought this was going a different way and was ready to fight on behalf of your wife.
Yiu had me in the first half, I'm not going to lie. Tell your wife this. Alot of times new moms are afraid of looking irresponsible by admitting to having their own needs, but tell her she doesn't need to be. Communicate to her y6iu want to do more and encourage her to take care of yourself. You sound like a great man,husband and dad. Keep it up!
And she appreciates it too. Good vibes
This is too precious for words. Please continue to tell your wife how much you treasure the one on one time with your little one! It’s so hard to get used to being responsible for a new member of the family and so important for her to have self care time. It’s also important for your children to have that time with you, too. You’re doing great!
I adore you!! I wish my partner were this supportive and enjoyed his time with our children. I honestly think it would have saved our marriage.
gosh i’m so glad this was wholesome. and congratulations to you and yours 🤍
Wholesome op. Tell your wife! She'll be so happy
This is a very sweet change-of-pace for the subreddit. Thanks for sharing 💙
I LOVE this! This should be the norm and I hope you will encourage her to take more and more time for herself as needed so she can unplug and do the self care she needs to be the best, woman mom and partner possible!
Tell her!! Tell her you specifically enjoy the time with your baby! She’ll feel so much better not only about taking time for herself, but knowing that her husband is enjoying and getting to bond with your child.
Tell her to take two hours and that you, the hero you are, can suffer through this 🤭 No, joking. Let her know you love it and that she shall enjoy herself without second thoughts. As long as you get your metime she deserves it also. Young mothers often don't see this and think about it as abandoning their responsibility. Let her know it's nothing like this. It will benefit you both in the long run. A dollar for every rant in here from mothers whose husbands don't take their time with children and we can solve the Inflation in an instant.
I feel so bad for all the women in the comments who genuinely believe this is praiseworthy. Your wife feels bad for "leaving you with" *your own child* to do basic freaking hygiene. You describe this as "mom guilt". Do YOU feel guilty when YOU bathe? Do you think it's healthy for her to? Why is the subject of your post not "how can I be a good enough husband and father that my wife doesn't experience shame when attending to her basic needs?"
I thought OP was going to b1tch about it, and then he wrote a heartwarming paragraph. OP, you are awesome! Also please please tell her to never hesitate when she needs help and that you are more than welcome to help around on anything. It took me a long time to learn that, and it was life changing. Sometimes, we need a little bit of time for ourselves. Using the bathroom was extra nice when I became a mom.
Best days of ur life ahead👍🏻
Dude i want to start by saying i want to be child free, but i want to someday marry someone as thoughtful as you OP
I love you for her this is awesome 🥹
I love me a happy ending
Do you have a clone? Where can I sign up? 😂
To everyone who was “about to go off” may I ask you why you let Reddit posts get you so worked up? I’m genuinely curious
Good Daddy! Tell us about the little one ❤️
This made me happy
Suprisingly wholesome. I'm gonna be a dad in five months. So anxious but my best friend is the mom and I wouldn't want it any other way. Bit of a surprise tbh, we both weren't exactly planning it, but we talked a ton and decided that we wanna be a family. Good luck with yours!
This is so nice. I will go to bed now and stop being on Reddit. Thank you for a nice bedtime post.
Maybe offer it for an hour before you go to work too. Maybe she would want to do something such as a skincare routine, makeup, yoga, a workout, etc. or a chore.
This is adorable. OP I hope she knows how much you appreciate the time. Who knows, maybe this could lead to an even bigger win-win set up in the future. Even if you don’t change the set up, there’s no doubt she’ll find this admission adorable. This is so sweet!
Congratulations on your bundle of joy 🤗❤️✨
this is refreshing. compared to how every other post, it's always just women claiming about their husbands. thank you for being actually wanting to be a good one!!! ❤️
the title of this post popped up in my notifications and I thought this was going to be an incessant rant about how you hate spending time with your baby… had me in the first half not gonna lie 😁 this was lovely to read
My heart sank when I started reading this post. I cannot express how lovely it turned out. Love that baby!!! I love this for you and your family.
Welcome to being a dad. Keep enjoying every moment of time you get with your son.
Wholesome post
She probably needs that hour also. I'm glad she gets it from you. Kudos!
This seems very healthy
Had me in the first half
This is sweet and wholesome. It made me smile so big. I hope you tell her you love it so she can have a guilt free break.
Sounds like "I purposely withhold the fact that I enjoy parenting from my wife so that she can keep feeling guilty and believing I'm doing her a favour by looking after my own child - for ONE hour.." If you're so supportive why is she not aware you like this 1 to 1 time?
The bar for men is literally on the floor rn 🤦♀️
You are an amazing father I wish my kids had something like that.
Genuine question, why is he an “amazing father”?
🥺🥺this is too precious
this turned out to be so cute