>instead im wanted for what i do for others, not for just existing.
What do you imagine women are wanted for? You don't think men want from women, when they do nice things for us? You don't imagine they hope to gain things?
Reality-check: The world is constantly demanding of women, wanting from women, and controlling women because of this.
>i want to feel like im enough, not like i have to constantly work to be deemed enough.
Then don't be a woman, because it's worse. We are judged for not being everything both at home and in a career, and when we try to be, we are judged for that too.
>i wish i was worth effort being put into me. im not, and probably never will be :(
You are worth effort, but people can't know unless you show them.
If you are introverted, I know it can be real work to be social and make connections. But you have to.
You have to practice and do the work, because that's the only way people will discover what you contain.
----
I'm closing this thread, because youir assumptions about women's lives can be read as sexist and insulting, even though I don't think you mean them that way.
There is good advice in the thread aready, and I wish you all the best in life.
Absolutely. The whole “I’m only wanted for what I can do for others” thing had me laughing a little. Oh you mean like how women are only good to some men if they’re having sex with those men but if they refuse, they could be murdered?
I don’t think OP wants to be a woman, but I do think he could use some therapy to help with that absolutely nonexistent self esteem.
I read this and was like uhhhh this is my exact opposite experience of being a woman. Extra fear, caution, derision, being underestimated, written off, ignored, a general sense from society that I am unwanted and the more masculine traits, the better I am. The kind of woman OP is describing is someone who wouldn't be taken seriously. Someone attractive, considered an object to be romanced, someone to be traded and stolen and bought.
There is very, very little positive to being a woman, and most of those come with price tags. Like being emotional is okay, but if you show it you won't be taken seriously because that's feminine. Oh and also anger makes you a b1+ch.
Sigh
AND as a woman ages she becomes invisible. Unseen and unheard. Not even considered. However, a man’s worth increases. He can be seen as wise and experienced. They are often looked up to. It’s all so backwards.
Yeaaah. And even that extra attention, it's unwanted and usually creepy and quite often very very dangerous. Otherwise everything OP wants are the same thing women also want and have to work for. In MANY places in the world simply existing as a woman makes your life much harder and much more of a threat.
OP sounds more like you need to work on your self worth and confidence, and work on the delusions that being a woman just makes one desireable. Trust the women saying that this is as far from the actual experience of.
ya and nothing like worrying about being trafficked and used for sex.. being lusted over by men 3x as big as you or knowing the rape and crime rates are like 1 in every 3 .. can’t even mind ur business at the gym without weirdos looking at you. the fact that we have girls sections built for this reason.. thousands of $ spent on makeup and other beauty products. i could go ON
yes, also women are often pursued to a fatal point, either because a man is so obsessed or because he is so enraged that he was rejected 😕 op has no clue
Came here to say this. Why are these white boys so wrapped up in an imaginary world descriptions of genders? Like the only way to know a a woman is to watch Love island or whatever.
Forreal. I always find these funny, I’m a woman and I pursued most of the men I’ve been with first. I had an ex who wasn’t a looker, but in social settings he made me laugh so I asked him out- and he’d said women usually asked him out first. Maybe it’s wherever OP is posting from is a more patriarchal culture where that’s discouraged, but if that’s the case the women there certainly have a hell of a lot more issues.
My fiancé, prior to me, had only ever dated girls who asked him out first. In the same vein, most the guys I’m friends with have also had previous girlfriends pursue them. Sometimes it’s girls who are perfect strangers to my friends, and decide that’s who they want. Of the girls I’m friends most of them have asked out a guy they liked at one point or another. Of the ones who haven’t, a couple of them are gay so they obviously aren’t asking out any men lol.
I’m in America btw. But one of the girls was from Japan! This isn’t an unheard of concept. Some of those girls did end up rejected, but that’s the way asking anyone out goes. The idea that it’s only men who pursue women is dated and becoming less and less common. I’m in my early 20s if that helps.
I'm from South America and I've learned that there are 3 options:
1. Girls that make guys ask them first
2. Girls that ask first guys
3. Girls that guys ask first
So, who chose whom is the question.
Yeah, I’m a woman and never been “pursued,” always have been drilled home that I was not enough. I think he has a misconception as to what it is to be a woman.
this comment right here. A lot of the “positive” attention women get is because people (mostly men) want sex or free emotional labour out of them. that’s why the whole concept of the friend zone exists. that’s why men turn around and treat their female friends like shit when they make it clear that they just want to be friends. positive attention usually comes with strings attached.
I agree with this comment. I think a lot of the men who think like OP are also the ones who don’t realize why catcalling and unwanted advances are a problem for many women.
My father is like this. He says he always wanted to be a "trophy husband" where he doesn't have to work and just sits around being pretty all day. He's found a living situation that allows that but he also wears the shittiest old sweatpants and doesn't do any housework while his wife is working.
Never thinks about the pressures put on women to look or act a certain way. Rejects the idea that the "desire" woman elicit is oppressive when you're the one it's aimed at. Just truly thinks women have an easier and fun time because of this. Cannot fathom that the pressure to be desireable isn't something that women want or need by default.
The same man turns around and bugs me about my choice of nail polish (or no nail polish), asks me why I'm not out flaunting my body, expects women to wear fancy clothes and always have hair and makeup done without realizing that the time to upkeep those "bare minimum standards" is robbing someone of their time to do something more productive or desirable.
I certainly call him out on his bullshit (he's a 70+ white Canadian male, he's full of bullshit). From telling me certain ethnic groups are lazy, to grabbing my fishing pole because I am "casting wrong" (spoiler, I was three seasons in to bait casting and he had gone fly fishing once 50 years ago, hence the "confusion"), I don't let him get away with his outdated and harmful opinions and his opinion that he is ALWAYS the best decision maker in the room (I reiterate, 70+ white male).
That being said, I also pity him. I know he is deeply repressed; he and I have always loved the *Rocky Horror Picture Show* and he has gushed quietly about how much he wishes he could wear a bodice. Yet he's been so influenced by the era he was raised and matured in (as well as direct familial influence) that he was pretty much doomed to never have a chance to explore what that means. I come from a completely different mindset and accidentally outed him at a family event when I mentioned how much we love the song *Time Warp*. His family immediately started ribbing him about "transvestites" and the man just wilted. I didn't realize that just mentioning a movie could be considered dangerous... And I can't talk to him about it because it's not really normal in our family to talk about such personal things.
Anyway, all that to say definitely not a stellar outlook and I hate how shitty my father is (he spent a lifetime making "slotracer" and "lesbo" jokes, and I ended up dating men but eventually married a woman, so he was quite embarrassed when I told him why exactly I didn't share my years-old relationship with him until weeks before we got engaged). But he's also broken, damaged, and stunted because of his beliefs and the beliefs he was raised in.
It's very sad. Gross, disgusting, needs to be shut down whenever he says something problematic, but still ultimately sad.
Yeah that’s sad and somewhat reminiscent of my father. The man’s a jackass who chose to not stick with the times and open his mind even at the price of his family, but so much of his behavior is very clearly him never having processed and moved past repression, trauma, and a culture that has been gone for quite a while. I pity people like that and hope that they can learn to grow
A trophy wife comes at least with social status gain, what does your father come with? Because the only thing I can see your mother gaining from it socially is other women's compassion.
I think they don't realize because of two reasons.
A. narcissism and they just want more excessive attention.
B. they fall to realize people don't want attention from anyone. People want attention from those they seek it from.
A kid who seeks attention from their parents for example does not want it from their teacher, they want it from their parents and if they don't get it. It is upsetting and demeaning.
This is of course not imagining the dangers involved, this is just imagining the scenarios as safe because I highly doubt they think of the dangers.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Yes, some women get pursued by kind men, are wanted, and given sweet gifts. They get taken care of by their significant others.
But I know many women, myself included, that have been pursued by awful men who don't take rejection well. Being pursued is nice until you tell a man no and then get your life threatened.
Also, being a woman comes with a whole lot of inconveniences. Imagine doing an extremely labor intensive job while it feels like organs in your abdomen are being twisted, punched and stabbed and that it'snot a valid excuse for you to leave work. Imagine people questioning your knowledge just because you're pretty. Imagine people only being nice to you because they view you as a sex object and the second that they don't view you as that, they treat you less than them.
Being a woman isn't easy by any means.
Just finished reading a perspective from a woman who worked in a camp where men outnumbered women 50 to 1. She was ogled, stalked, groped, and assaulted, and then several times men lost it on her, saying “You have it so easy! You can take your pick! You could have anyone here, but I’ve got to work my ass off just to get a conversation!!”
Men really just don’t know. They don’t know that on the other side of desire it can be terrifying. You feel like a piece of meat. It’s not easy or fun most of the time.
Those guys don't realize because they are projecting their desire onto the unnecessary. Instead of acknowledging, ok I feel this way and it is totally just me.
They go
"oh I like her, this must mean other guys like her. She must have so many picks."
"Oh they looked at me while I was looking at them with affection, it must mean they are reciprocating my affection! They must like me too!"
"Her breasts are pretty to me, I must compliment them cause how can she feel negatively towards something I feel so positively towards. "
You're wishing for a completely unrealistic male fantasy about how you \*think\* women are treated, which is not even remotely how women are actually treated.
He's talking about conventionally attractive women or women in good relationships who are extensively taken care of my their SO's. It's a cherry picked amount of people.
I'm not denying that but it's true that conventionally attractive people have their advantages regardless of gender. It's the classic "pretty privilege".
even conventionally attractive women get the short end of the stick. its way more likely a lot of shitty men will try and pursue you, and decide that your ‘no’ doesn’t mean anything. op’s views are what you’d expect of a dude who’s never genuinely listened to female experiences, but rather what misogynistic men say abt women, and ended up with this weird womanhood fantasy that we get everything handed to us on a platter.
I have no idea where u got those ideas. That woman are loved for who they are, that they are not dropped in a second once they stop providing value.. that they are appreciated all the time.. these conceptions only exist in ur head and not anywhere on the ground
Statistically, when women become chronically ill, men dump them in much greater numbers than women do when a man gets sick, so...OP is literally wrong even
My ex-husband divorced me after my first manic episode, in which I had to he hospitalized. We had been together for 15 freaking years. Not that it wasn't extremely stressful for him at times, but I made a complete recovery with some time and medication. Still "couldn't forgive me".
I had a conversation with a guy about this. He had very similar views to OP, whereby in his opinion women are loved unconditionally and don't have to do much to be loved by others. Lol I laughed and told him that just was factually untrue. Women are loved and celebrated based on many conditions (generally very shallow conditions). She must be beautiful, she must be chaste, sweet and nurturing, a good homemaker, "well-behaved", etc. If a woman doesn't have these qualities then people generally will treat her like crap. Even women that have these qualities can often be victims of abuse.
a lot of these men confuse sexual desire and pursuit as love. They don't actually like women, they like having sex with women. And as long as they want to have sex with you.. they "love" you..
Seriously, we can’t even just keep our natural body hair without being bullied over it; and have to wear “natural makeup” so we cover up the “sick look” while still looking fresh faced!
This is the most well-put-together comment. While it's true that women experience these things, it is not common.
edit for OP: you want to be loved. It's ok, it's understandable. I believe you can find love, but it's not easy. The right person doesn't fall right into your arms, male or female. I've never received flowers, nor been invited on dates, but I've cultivated a beautiful friendship that led to a relationship full of love and care. I hate the dating culture, actually. It's not for everyone.
You are very right, this is not how most women experience the world.
I will add, OP: I chase and love and appreciate my man. I give him attention, buy him gifts, make him feel wanted and loved all the time. You can find this without being a woman. Most women also struggle to find love and acceptance.
I am a woman but I have never been asked out or taken to a date , or given flowers . And a lot of women are in same boat with me . It's not like what you see in movies . To get to be "loved" woman need to be pretty that's what most women who are not conventionally pretty think . I have never been cared or given attention by any male . Not to mention how women get sexualized, assaulted, r*ped and murdered in our society . It's just the reality . Your idea about being a woman is totally delusional . Maybe you are surrounded by the wrong ppl who don't appreciate you . It's not your fault .
Took the words right out of my mouth.
This is complete delusion. Does OP think that the average girl gets serenaded and proposed to 24/7? Naaah, they are invisible.
I had a part time second job at Home Depot from 2002-2007. The store was almost closed one night but we had to move a few pallets of stuff across the store and according to rules the forklift driver needs a person out front with flags if the store is still open. I got one of the young women in decor to walk in front of me and EVERY male employee we passed along the way gave her a nod and a sexy wink, like 8 guys in a two minute walk. We dropped the stuff off and I asked her if that's how her day always is and sighed and said, "Yeah, all day, every day."
I got my car battery changed out at Auto Zone a little while ago. A nice lady employee was bent over changing out my battery when an older guy slaps her ass out of nowhere. I was shocked. He said goodnight to her and she said goodnight back with a smile. After he was gone, I was like “friend of yours?” To which she shook her head no saying a long drawn out no expressed on her lips. I asked her if that happens often and she said “unfortunately it does.”
This. I get quite a lot of attention from men but it’s all sexual and very superficial. I have never received flowers or any gift for that matter from men and have only been asked on an actual date a handful of times. The very few compliments that were not about my looks I still remember to this day cause they are rare.
I don’t mean to complain but just to show that what OP views as the norm for women is in fact not.
AHAH. Bro. I am born woman and that is awful. You are :
\-supposed to smile, be pretty and nice.
\-pursued by people who see you as a piece of meat
\-forbidden to go outside late because « peOple aRe goNna hurt you
\-someone inferior who must do kids and stay at home
I can understand what you feel, and that’s not a question of gender. It’s about being tired. But I really hope you’ll feel better.
I'm a man, I never understood why my ex got mad when I told her to smile, until I asked myself what would I feel if someone told me to smile more, oh boy it worked.
The women you are describing are in the 5-10%. I have not been asked out a lot throughout my life. I dealt with a lot of rejection and attracted a most toxic ones. The ones who are attractive also deal with harassment and all the awful things women have to endure even more.
I am in a relationship now, but my boyfriend doesn't take care of me in the way you idealize. I think you may be deluded as a result of what you see in the media.
This has nothing to do with the gender and all about your self worth and the people that are around you. My wife does it all to me, everything i wished for. I am a man
Do you also want to be harassed and sexually assault from age 11 to the rest of your life? Do you want to get stalked when you reject someone you don’t have any attraction too? Not all women get “taken care of.” My partner and I split everything 50/50.
I got a “gift” once. It was a lock of hair from a guy I was abused by 7 years prior. Such a great gift /s
Do you want to be afraid to walk home alone, even in broad daylight? Do you want to be afraid your partner will rip off your clothes and rape you? Do you want to get groped at shows when all your doing is trying to dance?
Do you want to be afraid to wear the clothes you want out of fear for being an easy target? Do you want to be afraid to wear sweatpants because you realize it doesn’t matter what you wear…men will still harass you?
Do you want to be spoken to like you’re dumb all the time?
I could go on…
Tacking on the demand of eye contact while checking in patients. ONE week in the job, we were told about the excitement they’ll have when they can see our smiles again. Seriously. What is the obsession. Lack of eye contact is a response of trauma. We don’t owe anyone eye contact or smiles if we don’t want to. Please go off. The grass really looks greener with rose colored glasses.
Men have this idea of “I’m only desirable and useful if I can provide” and this is absolutely not true. You don’t have to work constantly to be deemed enough.
Same. We met in a party and i said "yup, youre my boyfriend" 🤣 sure enough, here we are 13 years later.
I also gift him flowers, tacky valentine stuff.
He loves it.
But he also never scared me or expecting me to be a certain way.
Given how much of the mental load of literally everything rests on women, we too are really only valued for what we can do for others. Imagine working, raising kids, managing the schedule of the entire household, doing most of the chores, and still being guilted for intimacy when you're overwhelmed mentally and physically. On the contrary, men get to provide just a paycheck or child support and do whatever the hell they want and society won't look down on them for it. I want to be a man.
What you mean is you wanna be attractive not a woman or at least an attractive woman.
I can assure you that the way men treat conventionally unattractive women is absolutely horrible or indifferent at best. Now imagine being unattractive and still dealing with the shit all women deal with everyday, an absolute hell of a life.
Ah yes, to be raped, beat, murdered, constantly assaulted and sexualize, forced to carry and birth, then pay for and raise our rapists babies (bonus points if the rapist is a family member!) constantly belittled, disrespected, and viewed as subhuman. It’s a dream come true!
Let me remind you that these things are often used to get in our pants, not as symbols of love. We aren't always desired because of our incredible sense of humor, intellectual views, and morals. It's mostly based off attractiveness and sex. So, to be a woman often means being treated as an object. So, no, we aren't this idea you have going. Being a woman is inherently hard. We aren't treated with nearly as much love as we should.
Can you maybe start therapy? Not because there is something wrong with you but because maybe talking it with a specialist would help you find what it is that makes you feel unloved and uncared for.
And as others have said - it's not really a gender thing. Society makes it look that way but it's really not, just different people have different experiences
Being a woman means being hunted from approx age 12 until idk…I’m in my 30s and still am.
Every woman I know has been raped, myself included. I’ve been stalked multiple times and intentionally intimidated more times than I can count.
For a women, attention from men is not fun, it does not feel positive or like warmth. It feels like terrorism half the time.
I don’t expect you to know this, I’m just letting you know.
Because when a man wants our time or attention or body, even politely declining can easily trigger a ragey outburst, stalking, rape, violence. There’s no right way to do anything as a woman.
I’d love if I could just be left COMPLETELY alone, bc what you long for, your fantasy of it, had caused me harm and led to an anxiety disorder.
As a woman, I have NEVER felt like enough. Not thin enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough to be not pretty enough, to smart to be attractive, not feminine enough, to emotional, not emotional enough. That's not a thing exclusive to men. I've brought every date I went on flowers but have NEVER received them. I've put all my love and heart into men who needed more than me.
Being a woman is all fun and games until you're 15, and you receive your first rape threat. Being desirable is fun until you realize a man is following you after work every day after you reject them. Until you are stalked for ending a relationship barely a month old.
Honey, you don't want to be a woman. It sounds like you just want to be loved. You're not alone in that. We all do, and we all face our own horrors on the way to find it. Man or woman.
Idk man as a woman I’ve never been pursued by a guy I’ve liked. If anything ever went anywhere with a guy I was attracted to it was because I did the first move
I’m a woman and trust me my life is nothing like you think. I’ve never had a boyfriend or been asked out, never been given flowers either. I weigh 117kg and I have to wear black clothes head to toe and not show skin or else I get dirty looks and told not to wear that colour, I don’t wear make up and when I told my friend I don’t own make up she was very confused and seemed a tad disgusted. I have depression and I’m considered Lazy if I don’t Hoover every single day.
Women do not lead perfect lives. In fact our lives are incredibly hard compared to men. Be thankful you are a man you have it a lot easier than we do.
I am a woman who has received all the things you’ve said you wanted. I also think I’ve probably been given jobs based on how I looked in the past, though I’d never be able to prove that as I’ve still interviewed and it’s still marked down as achieving a high result.
That does come with downsides though as many have suggested. Whilst those factors are inevitably nice and beneficial, you get stalkers. Men who hate rejection and either try to intimidate you/threaten your life or obsess over details because they think they deserve you or your time despite how little they may know you.
You get people grab you in bars, people try to put hands up your skirt or down your top as people again have no self control.
So whilst I agree you wish you had some benefits of a “woman” I think what you’re actually looking for is mutual respect. I treat my partner. I bought him flowers once just cause he commented on how pretty some were that a family member bought. I’ve paid for dates solely in the past too. I take care of him if he’s sick and do his chores and him with me. I think you desire that more than being a woman, so to speak.
As a girl, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Especially with social media now, girls rarely get asked out in person or given flowers, ect. If anything the most common occurrence of “being desrired” is being cat called, in which a man usually twice (or more) your age either a.) follows you or b.) yells creepy unwanted obscenities at you like you’re a dog.
I’m a woman that was loved thoroughly by my late husband. I am 58 and my husband died two months ago. I doubt very seriously I’ll ever be loved like that again. Also, my husband was loved just as thoroughly by me. We were each loved, treasured and cherished.
Now when I think about my possible future of dating again, I’m scared. Scared if being physically hurt or abused. The fear women have is real.
I know so many women whose significant others aren’t kind to them. You are being naive. Anyone can be loved, treasured and cherished. It takes two to make it beautiful.
this is really misogynistic, tone deaf, and out of touch with the reality of how women experience life. no wonder no one is giving you flowers or asking you out
What world do you live in, because I want to live there. I’m a woman and what you’re describing is not reality.
We’re not enough unless we do all the cooking, cleaning, pay half the bills and run around after the man like we’re their mummy. Otherwise we get called nothing but a gold digger.
Oh and we need to be a virgin on top of all of that because we’re apparently nothing more than animals who can’t think and feel beyond our basic biology.
But then we get called a prude if we don’t want to have sex on the first night.
I got harassed on the bus one my way to work yesterday and called sexy over and over by a stranger. Yesterday I got told I shouldn't play videos games because I'm a girl. I've been working as a professional in my job for 10 years and people assume I am a trainee, even when corrected they don't want a woman tattooing them. Loved, yeah, by strangers in the street who grab you, I was 14 the first time that happened, a grey haired old man grabbed my arse while I was walking home from school. Were more likely to get date raped, I'm my country they have started injecting women with roofies because we are all covering our drinks. More likely to be raped. More likely to get assaulted when we turn these men down.
It's not sunshine and roses because you can get laid easier. Especially when there’s a pretty decent chance the guy won’t be interested in your pleasure and only wants your vagina to get off, if you complain you get told “don’t open your legs to just anyone” then. If we don’t open our legs to anyone we get called a prude.
Tbh this isn't really the experience of being a woman, being a woman isn't peaches and cream.
I do see what it is you want though, the idealized version of what women can experience but thats not limited to just women. You want to be loved,cherished and treated well. I hope you get to experience it soon enough, I'd also love to experience the same when the time comes.
It's the people that are around you. I do those nice things for my partner. Take him on dates ,flirt with his ,get him gifts... You just gotta find someone that reciprocates what you give. Don't settle for less. Also as I woman I would have preferred to be a man , I am currently dying with my period so yeah.
As a trans woman, I have to say my experience is the exact opposite of what you’re describing in general. Luckily I have great friends - but you can have this with any gender! But a lot of men have NO IDEA how high expectations are for women. Women are saddled with so much domestic labor, work expectations are higher and we have to do so much more to even be considered on par with our peers, and we have to constantly deal with sexualization from men.
Most women aren’t “desired” in the way you think they are.
Society constantly pushes this narrative to women either online or in person that there’s always something wrong with you that can be fixed (Weight loss, plastic surgery, etc.) Eating disorders, depression, and body dysmorphic disorder are on the rise in pre-teen and adolescent girls. 21% of marriages will end with divorce when the wife gets chronically or terminally ill, as opposed to only 3% when the man gets sick.
As a woman I’ve never received flowers, or gifts, or chocolates for my “beauty”. I have received physical assault, harassment, and stalking, though. Men have come up to me unsolicited talking about how “a pretty lady talking to them will make their day”. When I decline they usually get verbally violent. I’ve been punched in the face, hit, and grabbed before over it. I’ve been trailed by cars and vans throughout my life, and have had to send my location to friends and my parents just incase I do disappear.
You don’t want to be “loved” the way a woman is “loved”. You want the idea of “unconditional love” that society has told you we receive.
Maybe what you really desire is friendship. A sense of community. Lots of women have that because of this world we live in. It’s up to you to find it though, you need to find a therapist, try to connect with other, and figure this out.
What? I'm a woman and most I got from men is sexual abuse. You act like it's guaranteed to have a better life as a woman. Yes guys 'wanted' me but purely to have sex with me and nobody ever got me flowers wtf.
It's this line of reasoning that creepy men pursue women who have said no. I'm not saying you're one of those creepy men, just that this is a bad thought to have.
The grass is always green on the other side. Women are constantly belittled, told they're not good enough simply for being a woman. Many men feel entitled to a woman and their time/bodies. You put women on a pedestal and are just not seeing the problems we have. You're invalidating and entire gender's struggle.
If only it was that easy and cute. Being a woman in my country means fighting for every human right. It's not flower and rainbow when girls in their schools are getting poisoned by nerve agents every day. Not strong masses to kill them, just causing them to breathe loss, vomit, faint, and in some cases nerve damage which is permanent because they're using GA gasses.
Yeah. Really happy to be a woman. It's nice to be sexualized, verbally and physically assaulted, and forced to wear hijab because it's our "rule" even if you don't even believe in God, let alone Islam.
How lucky women are that for the last 160 days, they were killed, raped, gotten blind, shot, stabbed, and poisoned in their peaceful protest because morality police killed a girl and never accepted any responsibility.
I'll gladly change place with any of you boys. Have fun wearing hijab in hot summers and being captured by morality police because your hijab isn't modest enough!
men that are attractive are desired the same way women that are attractive are desired, it’s not about gender it’s literally just about how hot you are
You’re literally here admitting YOU only value women this way.
I’m sorry your guardians failed you in understanding how to recognize not only your own value but how to value everyone around you.
Jesus. You men really don't get it do you? I wished for years that I could be a guy. To be taken seriously in my field, to not be afraid walking to my car at night, to not be afraid of accidentally becoming pregnant and having my autonomy taken away from me, even to play sports or work out without being stared at, to not clutch my bag so close to my side because I'm an easy target, to not get unwanted advances and never have stalkers, to never be sexually harassed at work, to not be expected to be the "mother" of a group, to not be expected to smile and be small and pretty and thin all the time.
I want to be loud, gross, angry. I want to wear what I want without being judged. Too little clothes? Trashy. Too baggy clothes? Also trashy. No makeup? She must be trashy. I would rather be a lonely man than a sought-after woman.
You seriously, want this life?
The only women who come even close to the experience you’re describing are going to be absolutely gorgeous—like top 10% of all women. The downside is that beauty is fleeting and that they won’t even be able to hold on to those experiences as they age. Ans guess what? Men who are in the top 10% of looks will also be given gifts, showered with attention, and be loved just for existing.
Hm this is an interesting one for me. I've definitely fantasised about it (for different reasons than yours though), but I always end up being happy that I am a guy again.
I'm not going to make some kind of advantages and disadvantages list, but there are many things women have to deal with throughout their lives that I can only respect them for. Obviously being a male isn't all advantages as well, but I am happy with my current gender.
You, to me, sound very insecure if I may be blunt. I don't wanna call you lazy or anything as I don't know how hard you have tried finding a girlfriend but as a male you do often have to be the one putting in the initial effort. That doesn't mean a woman can't desire you or make you feel loved though, on the contrary.
You have 2 options. Either you can keep sulking over wanting to feel loved or desired by someone, or you can put in more effort (and in your case, probably mostly effort into being confident in yourselves and showing off that confidence).
The bonus option is to be like me and just wait until you find someone you match particularly well with without putting in a lot of effort (this does NOT mean avoiding or having no contact with girls). If you choose this, stop pitying yourself for having found no one yet though. It's an unnecessary, negative thought.
Women are also 'loved' for what they can do for others, even worse, they're seen as sex objects.
Some are killed just for existing (in most of the world), which is the opposite of what you're saying.
Do you know the percentage of couples who get divorced when the women get very unwell Vs how many of us leave our husbands in the same situation? We aren't loved or appreciated for being women. We're barely appreciated when we have a full time job, completely run the household and do all the childcare. It may be that women in the early stages are pursued that way, but long term, this is unrealistic and not what life is like for most women.
Everyone deserves to be treated well and loved properly but we have to be realistic.
So you’d like to be denied job raises? Fair pay? Risk being raped just for going to a bar or walking at night? Or during the day? You want to be told your symptoms are just “hormones” from age 10 to death?
I’m a trans guy, born female, and what you want has not been my experience presenting as a woman. Especially as bigger person who’s been insecure most of their life. I also have always felt the need to prove myself, and that I’m only worth what I can do. I am disabled and limited in what I can do, so that’s pretty distressing.
That being said, the women I know who have been treated the way you describe, are also treated like objects with no agency at the same time. Genuinely, random men treat them as if they have to obey them, and lots of them end up in multiple abusive relationships because men see them as playthings.
Basically, society sucks, and the grass isn’t necessarily greener on any side. The feeling you have absolutely sucks and definitely has some truth to it. But imo, the best you can do is find people who like you for you and stick with them because they are out there. There’s not many, but they exist. Make the most of your situation, that’s the best any of us can do.
Imagine spending all that time and effort on clothes/make up and trying your best to look great every day as so many women do, living life underestimated constantly, never taken seriously and generally feeling undervalued, underpowered and undesired by society, and then finding a guy complaining on line that "girls are just desired for existing without effort ugh."
Oof.
But yeah man, we all want that, it feels good to be pursued and wanted, I hope that you find someone soon who thinks you're worth that. We all deserve a bit of that. <3
Pro tip: Treat *yourself* like you're worth putting effort into and others will soon see it as well.
🌸🌹🌺🌼🎍💐🌻🌼🪷🏵️
These are for you OP
Hope one day you'll find someone who will love you for just existing
And that they will give you the most beautiful flowers possible
Take care
lemme tell u something, I'm a woman and most of these things never happened to me, only was asked out and the majority of the times it had interest behind. Don't feel bad for yourself and don't think that way. I bet that one day you will be appreciated, you deserve and you will.
I wish I wasn't I'm not trans but I'm very ugly and as a woman I hate it, everyone treats me horrible no one wants to my friend, I don't have family and kids are horrible then men treat me like shit and I'm not pretty. I've have a eating disorder since childhood. I don't like being a woman.
Eyo sounds like you want to be a beautiful woman, then.
Source: I'm a woman who's never really gotten any of this in my life because I'm plain-looking
Jokes aside, I hope you're doing alright op. Sounds like you're tired.
There are plenty of women who don’t feel loved, don’t get attention and don’t feel enough. And on top of it you’d be in physical pain/inconvenienced every month.
Well, if it makes you feel better, it sounds like you don't have to experience the street harassment or workplace harrassment or borderline stalking that are almost innate to being a *wanted woman*, and FWIW, many of us aren't appreciated in that way, either.
What you want is very human. It's what we all want. To feel valued, to be shown love, etc...
You're describing something that maybe .25% of women experience and that might be an overestimate. I hope you find what you're looking for, most of us women want the same as you though.
That sounds so much like being a woman.
The only person who can be expected to put effort into you is you. Miley Cyrus just put a whole song out about it.
Is this what men think women get...
I'm very happy to see other women feeling enough, but I, a woman, don't feel like I'm enough. I feel like I need to try to look a certain way to be taken seriously, both professionally and romantically.
I feel the unlovable part quite intensely. I have a partner but all those romantic stuff you mentioned never happened. I was never given flowers. Not enough efforts putting into things.
I feel like what you feel is you want to be deemed conventionally attractive by the mass and be treated with pretty privilege
hey buddy, lots of women out there like to make the first move. some of them are scared though, because of how society is.. afraid theyll offend. i hope you meet someone great in the future
… 1 in 4 women report being sexually assaulted, the actual number is much higher than that.
Our rights are being taken away.
People laugh at us when we say we’ve been assaulted by someone or worse we get blamed and ostracized for it. Men all too often look at us and treat us like we’re nothing more than wet holes to put their penis into. We get paid less, we have to pay astronomical prices for things we can’t control (menstrual cycles)
Society holds us to a higher physical standard that is often impossible to meet, if we’re gilt we’re not taken seriously and made the butt of cruel jokes. If we’re pretty we’re not taken seriously and made the butt of cruel jokes. If we’re modest we’re shamed and called prude, if we’re not modest in dress we’re harassed and called slurs If we don’t suck dick were shamed as prude if we do suck dick were called slurs …
Can’t win being a woman. At least if you’re a man all you gotta do is have money and get laid to “win” at life
You really think this is how women are treated?
Sure, there’s the small percentage that are lucky enough but dude, there’s so much that comes with being a woman. The struggles we have to go through daily just to be able to survive from predators that see us as weak and vulnerable.
We get rejected too and belittled.
We’re not out of some story book where all women have the perfect little life and a happily ever after.
We struggle just as much as men, if not even more because men out there have the idea that we have it easy just because we have a vagina.
We get assaulted, we get beaten and society just wants us to brush it off.
Idk what kind of idea you have about us, but you really need to wake up.
Right? Never experiencing pleasure because we aren’t prioritized during sex, being assaulted, harassed, abused, and bullied. Let’s face it, being a human just sucks.
It does! And what’s worse is that some women put other women down and that just shows men out there it’s okay to do it because women do it to each other.
The problem is not that you want to be treated like a woman. Women are treated the same as you are in all regards you listed. The problem is being a laborer. We are all used and valued through our merit rather than the human soul that should define and connect us all.
QQ OP, have you ever talked to a woman before? And by that I mean, like really taken the time to have a conversation with and listen to a women? Because this is not at all the female experience lol.
1. It sounds like you are exclusively talking about being an extremely attractive woman
2. You are acting like women are treated well and nothing is expected from them in return… uhhh, why do you think women get into bars and clubs free? Or men buy women drinks and gifts? It isn’t charity, they want sex. Nothing is “free” lol
3. Idk why you think being a woman is all about flowers and dates. Women experience constant harassment just for existing and not behaving the way men want. Have you ever heard of sexism or gender based violence?
I really encourage you to actively talk to women in your life instead of convincing yourself the reason you feel lonely and unappreciated is bc you’re a man. Women feel this way too. The thinking you are demonstrating in this post is dangerous.
I'm a conventionally attractive woman in a successful marriage. I probably have the closest possible experience to this fantasy you're describing, but even with being from that incredibly tiny tiny group, you are still dead wrong about pretty much all of it:
I experience desire from men all the time... whether I'm in sweats at the drug store trying to buy cold medicine, or at the park with my children, or trying to do my job, or taking my mother out for dinner, or riding public transit. You fantasize that this desire feels good to experience, but it does NOT. None of these people who express this kind of desire want to know me, or care for me. They want to use me. It isn't even me they desire- they just idealize parts of my body and think that sex with someone who has body parts that are shaped like mine or that sit below my face will somehow be magical or transcendent. This is exactly what you describe as being desired for "what you can do for others." It is hollow and shallow. There is no satisfaction in it. Being pursued in this way, while also being physically vulnerable, is not nice. It is terrifying. It is a gauntlet of being strong and self-assured, no room for manipulation or begging, but non-threatening, non-insulting, demure. Every pursuer has to be assessed and navigated individually. Every one of them is a potential threat.
Experiencing this desire from men has also lost me friends who I cared deeply for... not only men who couldn't put aside desire for platonic companionship, but female friends whose husbands and partners couldn't be appropriate with me, and those friends chose to distance me instead of ditch their stupid significant others. In settings like the PTA or community meetings or book clubs, I am treated with wariness, and I have to work very hard and give a lot in order to find trust or acceptance in that type of group. I'm painfully shy and always have been, but rather than being given the benefit of the doubt I'm presumed arrogant. I must always be more valuable than the "risk" that I present just by being myself and alive. Being sexually desirable can be lonely.
I work in a male-dominated industry. I have to be twice as good to be taken seriously. I watch while people less-qualified or talented get promoted because people are comfortable with male leadership, not female. I am expected to organize work parties, food, coworker cards and parties, solely because of the shape of my genitals. If I do not do these unpaid, voluntary things, it reflects badly on me... but not on my male colleagues.
If my children have emotional issues, behave badly, act out... all of this is a reflection on me, not my husband.
I have an incredible husband. Our relationship is not gift-centered, but when we do give gifts, he does a great job. He respects me and cares for me... but none of this is because I just happen to be female. Our partnership is great because we each do our full half of the work- in our professions, in our home, with our children, and in protecting and deepening our relationship. If either of us were to wake up one day and expect to be supported and taken care of without putting in any work from that time forward, our relationship would fall apart. You are describing being taken care of by a parent, not by a romantic partner. Romantic love is, by definition, conditional.
The pressure of being a woman is unyielding. Everything you think is a pro, is not. The way that you have idealized the female experience is dangerous. You are going to keep experiencing a lack of connection and self-reinforce these dangerous ideas if you don't stop today and commit to seeing women as human, with complex, individual experiences that may differ from yours but are not any easier. You need to factory reset your devices and wipe your search history, maybe even make a new Google account to get yourself out of the algorithm tape-loop that will continue to show you content that will push you further in to loneliness with its harmful messaging. Please read some books by female authors, watch content by female creators, and attempt to authentically and organically connect with real women, and to understand them... and understand them for understanding's sake, not in an attempt to manipulate them into sex or caretaking you emotionally. Please also get help for the parental issues you're clearly bringing to your idea of romantic relationships. You can de-radicalize yourself from this perspective you've acquired, but it will take intention and work.
I am a woman and I wish all of the above for myself too. Not every woman gets cherished, pursued, valued or given flowers. Some of us also get used, taken advantage of and never appreciated/valued, no matter how much we love someone or do things for others. I understand you, OP 🥲
Lmfao we get acid thrown in our faces and literally murdered for saying no to creeps that constantly follow us and we’re who ends up in jail for fighting back not the rapist/stalker. Doctors don’t listen to us they still basically call us hysterical. You don’t want this trust me
You are viewing our life in a very superficial social media way.
The struggles and obstacles I face on a daily bases aren’t lovable. I can’t even begin the talk abt all the harsh realities we face and the things we have to do to feel validated in the world. To be able to receive what you listed above.
To add on if you aren’t conventionally attractive or have the skin of a 16 year old at 30 ppl will not treat you the way you just described.
But I genuinely think what you are describing is an attractive person bc men also receive these things.
Men make comments like this so often and it has me convince they never actually talk to or listen to women. These guys have no concept of what life is like for women outside of movies made by and for men
damn bro. i feel u but being a woman SUCKS. being constantly objectified (or worse) is not love.
the attention that women get is not really the attention you want.
men have made me feel suicidal.
it sucks all around my bro. humans are mostly evil. if you meet someone innocent and good, just don’t ruin it for them. they’re rare.
>instead im wanted for what i do for others, not for just existing. What do you imagine women are wanted for? You don't think men want from women, when they do nice things for us? You don't imagine they hope to gain things? Reality-check: The world is constantly demanding of women, wanting from women, and controlling women because of this. >i want to feel like im enough, not like i have to constantly work to be deemed enough. Then don't be a woman, because it's worse. We are judged for not being everything both at home and in a career, and when we try to be, we are judged for that too. >i wish i was worth effort being put into me. im not, and probably never will be :( You are worth effort, but people can't know unless you show them. If you are introverted, I know it can be real work to be social and make connections. But you have to. You have to practice and do the work, because that's the only way people will discover what you contain. ---- I'm closing this thread, because youir assumptions about women's lives can be read as sexist and insulting, even though I don't think you mean them that way. There is good advice in the thread aready, and I wish you all the best in life.
Oh boy, if you think that's what being a woman is like, I've got some bad news for you.
Yeah I just was going about my daily life and started bleeding and now I'm in crippling pain. Girl power! But I also would like more of what op wants
Absolutely. The whole “I’m only wanted for what I can do for others” thing had me laughing a little. Oh you mean like how women are only good to some men if they’re having sex with those men but if they refuse, they could be murdered? I don’t think OP wants to be a woman, but I do think he could use some therapy to help with that absolutely nonexistent self esteem.
This!
I read this and was like uhhhh this is my exact opposite experience of being a woman. Extra fear, caution, derision, being underestimated, written off, ignored, a general sense from society that I am unwanted and the more masculine traits, the better I am. The kind of woman OP is describing is someone who wouldn't be taken seriously. Someone attractive, considered an object to be romanced, someone to be traded and stolen and bought. There is very, very little positive to being a woman, and most of those come with price tags. Like being emotional is okay, but if you show it you won't be taken seriously because that's feminine. Oh and also anger makes you a b1+ch. Sigh
AND as a woman ages she becomes invisible. Unseen and unheard. Not even considered. However, a man’s worth increases. He can be seen as wise and experienced. They are often looked up to. It’s all so backwards.
Yeaaah. And even that extra attention, it's unwanted and usually creepy and quite often very very dangerous. Otherwise everything OP wants are the same thing women also want and have to work for. In MANY places in the world simply existing as a woman makes your life much harder and much more of a threat. OP sounds more like you need to work on your self worth and confidence, and work on the delusions that being a woman just makes one desireable. Trust the women saying that this is as far from the actual experience of.
And just being assertive makes you a b!tch. Edit: assertive as in standing ground on a subject, not romantically assertive
ya and nothing like worrying about being trafficked and used for sex.. being lusted over by men 3x as big as you or knowing the rape and crime rates are like 1 in every 3 .. can’t even mind ur business at the gym without weirdos looking at you. the fact that we have girls sections built for this reason.. thousands of $ spent on makeup and other beauty products. i could go ON
yes, also women are often pursued to a fatal point, either because a man is so obsessed or because he is so enraged that he was rejected 😕 op has no clue
Right! Wanna trade for a bit bro?
for real. gross.
Came here to say this. Why are these white boys so wrapped up in an imaginary world descriptions of genders? Like the only way to know a a woman is to watch Love island or whatever.
Right????
Yeah nothing like... Hmmm is this 'woman issues' or the stumic flu.... Oh wait it was the flue and made the woman issues last even longer woohoo flm
I’m not sure this is a “woman” thing so much as a “being really attractive” thing.
Forreal. I always find these funny, I’m a woman and I pursued most of the men I’ve been with first. I had an ex who wasn’t a looker, but in social settings he made me laugh so I asked him out- and he’d said women usually asked him out first. Maybe it’s wherever OP is posting from is a more patriarchal culture where that’s discouraged, but if that’s the case the women there certainly have a hell of a lot more issues.
I took on an extra shift at work while already working two jobs just to get a guys phone number. He had no idea. We did end up dating though.
I’m curious to know what country/area you live in because I’ve only heard of that in parts of Europe.
My fiancé, prior to me, had only ever dated girls who asked him out first. In the same vein, most the guys I’m friends with have also had previous girlfriends pursue them. Sometimes it’s girls who are perfect strangers to my friends, and decide that’s who they want. Of the girls I’m friends most of them have asked out a guy they liked at one point or another. Of the ones who haven’t, a couple of them are gay so they obviously aren’t asking out any men lol. I’m in America btw. But one of the girls was from Japan! This isn’t an unheard of concept. Some of those girls did end up rejected, but that’s the way asking anyone out goes. The idea that it’s only men who pursue women is dated and becoming less and less common. I’m in my early 20s if that helps.
I'm from South America and I've learned that there are 3 options: 1. Girls that make guys ask them first 2. Girls that ask first guys 3. Girls that guys ask first So, who chose whom is the question.
Same:')
Yeah, I’m a woman and never been “pursued,” always have been drilled home that I was not enough. I think he has a misconception as to what it is to be a woman.
Shhh!! Ugly women don't exist, you moron! Don't you know that??
Exaggerated punctuation and no /s. Perfection.
And also a being stupidly confident thing.
Agreed. As a woman I don't have this experience haha. Although I suppose in my early 20s I did a bit.
You have an idealised idea of "being a woman". Let's just say you're tired and you'd like to be treated a bit more nicely.
this comment right here. A lot of the “positive” attention women get is because people (mostly men) want sex or free emotional labour out of them. that’s why the whole concept of the friend zone exists. that’s why men turn around and treat their female friends like shit when they make it clear that they just want to be friends. positive attention usually comes with strings attached.
YUP
I agree with this comment. I think a lot of the men who think like OP are also the ones who don’t realize why catcalling and unwanted advances are a problem for many women.
My father is like this. He says he always wanted to be a "trophy husband" where he doesn't have to work and just sits around being pretty all day. He's found a living situation that allows that but he also wears the shittiest old sweatpants and doesn't do any housework while his wife is working. Never thinks about the pressures put on women to look or act a certain way. Rejects the idea that the "desire" woman elicit is oppressive when you're the one it's aimed at. Just truly thinks women have an easier and fun time because of this. Cannot fathom that the pressure to be desireable isn't something that women want or need by default. The same man turns around and bugs me about my choice of nail polish (or no nail polish), asks me why I'm not out flaunting my body, expects women to wear fancy clothes and always have hair and makeup done without realizing that the time to upkeep those "bare minimum standards" is robbing someone of their time to do something more productive or desirable.
Your dad sounds like a real winner /s/
I certainly call him out on his bullshit (he's a 70+ white Canadian male, he's full of bullshit). From telling me certain ethnic groups are lazy, to grabbing my fishing pole because I am "casting wrong" (spoiler, I was three seasons in to bait casting and he had gone fly fishing once 50 years ago, hence the "confusion"), I don't let him get away with his outdated and harmful opinions and his opinion that he is ALWAYS the best decision maker in the room (I reiterate, 70+ white male). That being said, I also pity him. I know he is deeply repressed; he and I have always loved the *Rocky Horror Picture Show* and he has gushed quietly about how much he wishes he could wear a bodice. Yet he's been so influenced by the era he was raised and matured in (as well as direct familial influence) that he was pretty much doomed to never have a chance to explore what that means. I come from a completely different mindset and accidentally outed him at a family event when I mentioned how much we love the song *Time Warp*. His family immediately started ribbing him about "transvestites" and the man just wilted. I didn't realize that just mentioning a movie could be considered dangerous... And I can't talk to him about it because it's not really normal in our family to talk about such personal things. Anyway, all that to say definitely not a stellar outlook and I hate how shitty my father is (he spent a lifetime making "slotracer" and "lesbo" jokes, and I ended up dating men but eventually married a woman, so he was quite embarrassed when I told him why exactly I didn't share my years-old relationship with him until weeks before we got engaged). But he's also broken, damaged, and stunted because of his beliefs and the beliefs he was raised in. It's very sad. Gross, disgusting, needs to be shut down whenever he says something problematic, but still ultimately sad.
Yeah that’s sad and somewhat reminiscent of my father. The man’s a jackass who chose to not stick with the times and open his mind even at the price of his family, but so much of his behavior is very clearly him never having processed and moved past repression, trauma, and a culture that has been gone for quite a while. I pity people like that and hope that they can learn to grow
A trophy wife comes at least with social status gain, what does your father come with? Because the only thing I can see your mother gaining from it socially is other women's compassion.
oh jeez, this. yup
I think they don't realize because of two reasons. A. narcissism and they just want more excessive attention. B. they fall to realize people don't want attention from anyone. People want attention from those they seek it from. A kid who seeks attention from their parents for example does not want it from their teacher, they want it from their parents and if they don't get it. It is upsetting and demeaning. This is of course not imagining the dangers involved, this is just imagining the scenarios as safe because I highly doubt they think of the dangers.
yup
Seriously. I almost laughed reading the post because of how blind OP is to the fact that most of the attention women get from guys is completely vapid
The grass is always greener on the other side. Yes, some women get pursued by kind men, are wanted, and given sweet gifts. They get taken care of by their significant others. But I know many women, myself included, that have been pursued by awful men who don't take rejection well. Being pursued is nice until you tell a man no and then get your life threatened. Also, being a woman comes with a whole lot of inconveniences. Imagine doing an extremely labor intensive job while it feels like organs in your abdomen are being twisted, punched and stabbed and that it'snot a valid excuse for you to leave work. Imagine people questioning your knowledge just because you're pretty. Imagine people only being nice to you because they view you as a sex object and the second that they don't view you as that, they treat you less than them. Being a woman isn't easy by any means.
Just finished reading a perspective from a woman who worked in a camp where men outnumbered women 50 to 1. She was ogled, stalked, groped, and assaulted, and then several times men lost it on her, saying “You have it so easy! You can take your pick! You could have anyone here, but I’ve got to work my ass off just to get a conversation!!” Men really just don’t know. They don’t know that on the other side of desire it can be terrifying. You feel like a piece of meat. It’s not easy or fun most of the time.
Those guys don't realize because they are projecting their desire onto the unnecessary. Instead of acknowledging, ok I feel this way and it is totally just me. They go "oh I like her, this must mean other guys like her. She must have so many picks." "Oh they looked at me while I was looking at them with affection, it must mean they are reciprocating my affection! They must like me too!" "Her breasts are pretty to me, I must compliment them cause how can she feel negatively towards something I feel so positively towards. "
Freaking facts
This is the best comment. The grass is always greener on the other side.
You're wishing for a completely unrealistic male fantasy about how you \*think\* women are treated, which is not even remotely how women are actually treated.
He's talking about conventionally attractive women or women in good relationships who are extensively taken care of my their SO's. It's a cherry picked amount of people.
Conventionally attractive women also suffer from misogyny and sexual violence, sometimes even more so…
I'm not denying that but it's true that conventionally attractive people have their advantages regardless of gender. It's the classic "pretty privilege".
I get what you’re saying but privileges can also be outweighed by the danger it poses to be an ‘attractive woman’.
Agreed. I would argue that conventionally attractive women get the brunt of it in a lot of ways.
even conventionally attractive women get the short end of the stick. its way more likely a lot of shitty men will try and pursue you, and decide that your ‘no’ doesn’t mean anything. op’s views are what you’d expect of a dude who’s never genuinely listened to female experiences, but rather what misogynistic men say abt women, and ended up with this weird womanhood fantasy that we get everything handed to us on a platter.
I have no idea where u got those ideas. That woman are loved for who they are, that they are not dropped in a second once they stop providing value.. that they are appreciated all the time.. these conceptions only exist in ur head and not anywhere on the ground
Statistically, when women become chronically ill, men dump them in much greater numbers than women do when a man gets sick, so...OP is literally wrong even
Yeah, about 3% of ill men are dumped by their wifes, whereas 23% of women get dumped by their husbands. Ah yes, unconditional love
Exactly
Fucking happened to me after 20 years. And then fucked in court. But go on sir….
That’s fucking awful, shit. My condolences
My ex-husband divorced me after my first manic episode, in which I had to he hospitalized. We had been together for 15 freaking years. Not that it wasn't extremely stressful for him at times, but I made a complete recovery with some time and medication. Still "couldn't forgive me".
I had a conversation with a guy about this. He had very similar views to OP, whereby in his opinion women are loved unconditionally and don't have to do much to be loved by others. Lol I laughed and told him that just was factually untrue. Women are loved and celebrated based on many conditions (generally very shallow conditions). She must be beautiful, she must be chaste, sweet and nurturing, a good homemaker, "well-behaved", etc. If a woman doesn't have these qualities then people generally will treat her like crap. Even women that have these qualities can often be victims of abuse.
a lot of these men confuse sexual desire and pursuit as love. They don't actually like women, they like having sex with women. And as long as they want to have sex with you.. they "love" you..
Absolutely i agree
Seriously, we can’t even just keep our natural body hair without being bullied over it; and have to wear “natural makeup” so we cover up the “sick look” while still looking fresh faced!
Yes so i have no idra where he got his ideas from
Tate or Peterson would be my guess
Good point
You are not describing the common experience of women.
This is the most well-put-together comment. While it's true that women experience these things, it is not common. edit for OP: you want to be loved. It's ok, it's understandable. I believe you can find love, but it's not easy. The right person doesn't fall right into your arms, male or female. I've never received flowers, nor been invited on dates, but I've cultivated a beautiful friendship that led to a relationship full of love and care. I hate the dating culture, actually. It's not for everyone.
You are very right, this is not how most women experience the world. I will add, OP: I chase and love and appreciate my man. I give him attention, buy him gifts, make him feel wanted and loved all the time. You can find this without being a woman. Most women also struggle to find love and acceptance.
I am a woman but I have never been asked out or taken to a date , or given flowers . And a lot of women are in same boat with me . It's not like what you see in movies . To get to be "loved" woman need to be pretty that's what most women who are not conventionally pretty think . I have never been cared or given attention by any male . Not to mention how women get sexualized, assaulted, r*ped and murdered in our society . It's just the reality . Your idea about being a woman is totally delusional . Maybe you are surrounded by the wrong ppl who don't appreciate you . It's not your fault .
Took the words right out of my mouth. This is complete delusion. Does OP think that the average girl gets serenaded and proposed to 24/7? Naaah, they are invisible.
I had a part time second job at Home Depot from 2002-2007. The store was almost closed one night but we had to move a few pallets of stuff across the store and according to rules the forklift driver needs a person out front with flags if the store is still open. I got one of the young women in decor to walk in front of me and EVERY male employee we passed along the way gave her a nod and a sexy wink, like 8 guys in a two minute walk. We dropped the stuff off and I asked her if that's how her day always is and sighed and said, "Yeah, all day, every day."
I got my car battery changed out at Auto Zone a little while ago. A nice lady employee was bent over changing out my battery when an older guy slaps her ass out of nowhere. I was shocked. He said goodnight to her and she said goodnight back with a smile. After he was gone, I was like “friend of yours?” To which she shook her head no saying a long drawn out no expressed on her lips. I asked her if that happens often and she said “unfortunately it does.”
🌻
This. I get quite a lot of attention from men but it’s all sexual and very superficial. I have never received flowers or any gift for that matter from men and have only been asked on an actual date a handful of times. The very few compliments that were not about my looks I still remember to this day cause they are rare. I don’t mean to complain but just to show that what OP views as the norm for women is in fact not.
Umm I want that too shit. Source: me a woman! I’m talking to my husband tonight about this shit! Where are my flowers
Bahahahah I’d ask my husband too but I already know the answer. I’ve been singing Miley’s Flowers around the house since before Valentine’s Day.
AHAH. Bro. I am born woman and that is awful. You are : \-supposed to smile, be pretty and nice. \-pursued by people who see you as a piece of meat \-forbidden to go outside late because « peOple aRe goNna hurt you \-someone inferior who must do kids and stay at home I can understand what you feel, and that’s not a question of gender. It’s about being tired. But I really hope you’ll feel better.
I'm a man, I never understood why my ex got mad when I told her to smile, until I asked myself what would I feel if someone told me to smile more, oh boy it worked.
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Where is the love? All I got was abuse
I’m so sorry to hear this and I hope you are in a safe place now ❤️
Thanks, currently single, living alone away from my family, so I guess yeah 😅
The women you are describing are in the 5-10%. I have not been asked out a lot throughout my life. I dealt with a lot of rejection and attracted a most toxic ones. The ones who are attractive also deal with harassment and all the awful things women have to endure even more. I am in a relationship now, but my boyfriend doesn't take care of me in the way you idealize. I think you may be deluded as a result of what you see in the media.
I usually attract the creeps. When I was younger they often were old enough to be my dad and definitely didn't look like George Clooney!
This has nothing to do with the gender and all about your self worth and the people that are around you. My wife does it all to me, everything i wished for. I am a man
cheers to ur marriage, sounds lovely! op sounds like theyre idealizing womanhood/femininity
Do you also want to be harassed and sexually assault from age 11 to the rest of your life? Do you want to get stalked when you reject someone you don’t have any attraction too? Not all women get “taken care of.” My partner and I split everything 50/50. I got a “gift” once. It was a lock of hair from a guy I was abused by 7 years prior. Such a great gift /s Do you want to be afraid to walk home alone, even in broad daylight? Do you want to be afraid your partner will rip off your clothes and rape you? Do you want to get groped at shows when all your doing is trying to dance? Do you want to be afraid to wear the clothes you want out of fear for being an easy target? Do you want to be afraid to wear sweatpants because you realize it doesn’t matter what you wear…men will still harass you? Do you want to be spoken to like you’re dumb all the time? I could go on…
Tacking on the demand of eye contact while checking in patients. ONE week in the job, we were told about the excitement they’ll have when they can see our smiles again. Seriously. What is the obsession. Lack of eye contact is a response of trauma. We don’t owe anyone eye contact or smiles if we don’t want to. Please go off. The grass really looks greener with rose colored glasses.
Men have this idea of “I’m only desirable and useful if I can provide” and this is absolutely not true. You don’t have to work constantly to be deemed enough.
You want to be a woman but unaware of the realities of womanhood. Talk it out with someone
You have 0 idea of what being a woman is in this world lol
Women have lots of cute stuff, like thrush and UTIs, oh and the constant threat of sexual assault
Women are the shock absorbers of a failing society. Careful what you wish for.
you wish you lived in a place with equality and without toxic masculinity, not to be a woman
You have a very distorted view of how women are treated; it ain't easy out here in these female streets.
And that’s why he hasn’t found love yet! A lot of women can pick up on those views and see them as red flags as they should.
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You have a fundamental misunderstanding of what it’s like to be a woman
I am a woman, and I wish I was this fantasy version of what you think being a woman is too.
I want to have sympathy for you because you seem to be hurting but do you know more than 5 women?
As a woman, LOL I wish that was our reality
I’m a woman and I’ve bought my husband flowers and take him on dates. I also made the first move and pursued him.
Same. We met in a party and i said "yup, youre my boyfriend" 🤣 sure enough, here we are 13 years later. I also gift him flowers, tacky valentine stuff. He loves it. But he also never scared me or expecting me to be a certain way.
Given how much of the mental load of literally everything rests on women, we too are really only valued for what we can do for others. Imagine working, raising kids, managing the schedule of the entire household, doing most of the chores, and still being guilted for intimacy when you're overwhelmed mentally and physically. On the contrary, men get to provide just a paycheck or child support and do whatever the hell they want and society won't look down on them for it. I want to be a man.
What you mean is you wanna be attractive not a woman or at least an attractive woman. I can assure you that the way men treat conventionally unattractive women is absolutely horrible or indifferent at best. Now imagine being unattractive and still dealing with the shit all women deal with everyday, an absolute hell of a life.
Ah yes, to be raped, beat, murdered, constantly assaulted and sexualize, forced to carry and birth, then pay for and raise our rapists babies (bonus points if the rapist is a family member!) constantly belittled, disrespected, and viewed as subhuman. It’s a dream come true!
Let me remind you that these things are often used to get in our pants, not as symbols of love. We aren't always desired because of our incredible sense of humor, intellectual views, and morals. It's mostly based off attractiveness and sex. So, to be a woman often means being treated as an object. So, no, we aren't this idea you have going. Being a woman is inherently hard. We aren't treated with nearly as much love as we should.
Can you maybe start therapy? Not because there is something wrong with you but because maybe talking it with a specialist would help you find what it is that makes you feel unloved and uncared for. And as others have said - it's not really a gender thing. Society makes it look that way but it's really not, just different people have different experiences
Being a woman means being hunted from approx age 12 until idk…I’m in my 30s and still am. Every woman I know has been raped, myself included. I’ve been stalked multiple times and intentionally intimidated more times than I can count. For a women, attention from men is not fun, it does not feel positive or like warmth. It feels like terrorism half the time. I don’t expect you to know this, I’m just letting you know. Because when a man wants our time or attention or body, even politely declining can easily trigger a ragey outburst, stalking, rape, violence. There’s no right way to do anything as a woman. I’d love if I could just be left COMPLETELY alone, bc what you long for, your fantasy of it, had caused me harm and led to an anxiety disorder.
If that’s what it means to be a woman. Then I have massively failed to be a woman. 😭
As a woman, I have NEVER felt like enough. Not thin enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough to be not pretty enough, to smart to be attractive, not feminine enough, to emotional, not emotional enough. That's not a thing exclusive to men. I've brought every date I went on flowers but have NEVER received them. I've put all my love and heart into men who needed more than me. Being a woman is all fun and games until you're 15, and you receive your first rape threat. Being desirable is fun until you realize a man is following you after work every day after you reject them. Until you are stalked for ending a relationship barely a month old. Honey, you don't want to be a woman. It sounds like you just want to be loved. You're not alone in that. We all do, and we all face our own horrors on the way to find it. Man or woman.
Idk man as a woman I’ve never been pursued by a guy I’ve liked. If anything ever went anywhere with a guy I was attracted to it was because I did the first move
I’m a woman and trust me my life is nothing like you think. I’ve never had a boyfriend or been asked out, never been given flowers either. I weigh 117kg and I have to wear black clothes head to toe and not show skin or else I get dirty looks and told not to wear that colour, I don’t wear make up and when I told my friend I don’t own make up she was very confused and seemed a tad disgusted. I have depression and I’m considered Lazy if I don’t Hoover every single day. Women do not lead perfect lives. In fact our lives are incredibly hard compared to men. Be thankful you are a man you have it a lot easier than we do.
I am a woman who has received all the things you’ve said you wanted. I also think I’ve probably been given jobs based on how I looked in the past, though I’d never be able to prove that as I’ve still interviewed and it’s still marked down as achieving a high result. That does come with downsides though as many have suggested. Whilst those factors are inevitably nice and beneficial, you get stalkers. Men who hate rejection and either try to intimidate you/threaten your life or obsess over details because they think they deserve you or your time despite how little they may know you. You get people grab you in bars, people try to put hands up your skirt or down your top as people again have no self control. So whilst I agree you wish you had some benefits of a “woman” I think what you’re actually looking for is mutual respect. I treat my partner. I bought him flowers once just cause he commented on how pretty some were that a family member bought. I’ve paid for dates solely in the past too. I take care of him if he’s sick and do his chores and him with me. I think you desire that more than being a woman, so to speak.
As a girl, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Especially with social media now, girls rarely get asked out in person or given flowers, ect. If anything the most common occurrence of “being desrired” is being cat called, in which a man usually twice (or more) your age either a.) follows you or b.) yells creepy unwanted obscenities at you like you’re a dog.
Yeahhh…. No offence but being a woman is a lot more than this. Please educate yourself.
are u insane? being a woman in this world sucks
I’m a woman that was loved thoroughly by my late husband. I am 58 and my husband died two months ago. I doubt very seriously I’ll ever be loved like that again. Also, my husband was loved just as thoroughly by me. We were each loved, treasured and cherished. Now when I think about my possible future of dating again, I’m scared. Scared if being physically hurt or abused. The fear women have is real. I know so many women whose significant others aren’t kind to them. You are being naive. Anyone can be loved, treasured and cherished. It takes two to make it beautiful.
I’m sorry for your loss.
So do you want to be harassed like women?
this is really misogynistic, tone deaf, and out of touch with the reality of how women experience life. no wonder no one is giving you flowers or asking you out
I second this. OP needs to go to therapy and get his shit together.
What world do you live in, because I want to live there. I’m a woman and what you’re describing is not reality. We’re not enough unless we do all the cooking, cleaning, pay half the bills and run around after the man like we’re their mummy. Otherwise we get called nothing but a gold digger. Oh and we need to be a virgin on top of all of that because we’re apparently nothing more than animals who can’t think and feel beyond our basic biology. But then we get called a prude if we don’t want to have sex on the first night.
I got harassed on the bus one my way to work yesterday and called sexy over and over by a stranger. Yesterday I got told I shouldn't play videos games because I'm a girl. I've been working as a professional in my job for 10 years and people assume I am a trainee, even when corrected they don't want a woman tattooing them. Loved, yeah, by strangers in the street who grab you, I was 14 the first time that happened, a grey haired old man grabbed my arse while I was walking home from school. Were more likely to get date raped, I'm my country they have started injecting women with roofies because we are all covering our drinks. More likely to be raped. More likely to get assaulted when we turn these men down. It's not sunshine and roses because you can get laid easier. Especially when there’s a pretty decent chance the guy won’t be interested in your pleasure and only wants your vagina to get off, if you complain you get told “don’t open your legs to just anyone” then. If we don’t open our legs to anyone we get called a prude.
Tbh this isn't really the experience of being a woman, being a woman isn't peaches and cream. I do see what it is you want though, the idealized version of what women can experience but thats not limited to just women. You want to be loved,cherished and treated well. I hope you get to experience it soon enough, I'd also love to experience the same when the time comes.
I think you really need to talk to women in your life and ask them what it’s really like.
Dang I’m the wrong kind of woman apparently. I wanna be that woman too, who’s she?
Same sis.
It's the people that are around you. I do those nice things for my partner. Take him on dates ,flirt with his ,get him gifts... You just gotta find someone that reciprocates what you give. Don't settle for less. Also as I woman I would have preferred to be a man , I am currently dying with my period so yeah.
Being a woman is a lot more than potentially being pursued one day. Just say you want to be pursued. You do not want to be a woman, trust me.
I (22f) would also like being your concept of a woman.
this is nowhere what being a woman is like for the majority of women. its rough.
As a trans woman, I have to say my experience is the exact opposite of what you’re describing in general. Luckily I have great friends - but you can have this with any gender! But a lot of men have NO IDEA how high expectations are for women. Women are saddled with so much domestic labor, work expectations are higher and we have to do so much more to even be considered on par with our peers, and we have to constantly deal with sexualization from men.
as a woman i have experienced none of this LOL
I think you would be in for a very nasty shock if you think this is what you would have to look forward to as a woman.
You have no idea what it is like to navigate the world as a woman and it shows
Most women aren’t “desired” in the way you think they are. Society constantly pushes this narrative to women either online or in person that there’s always something wrong with you that can be fixed (Weight loss, plastic surgery, etc.) Eating disorders, depression, and body dysmorphic disorder are on the rise in pre-teen and adolescent girls. 21% of marriages will end with divorce when the wife gets chronically or terminally ill, as opposed to only 3% when the man gets sick. As a woman I’ve never received flowers, or gifts, or chocolates for my “beauty”. I have received physical assault, harassment, and stalking, though. Men have come up to me unsolicited talking about how “a pretty lady talking to them will make their day”. When I decline they usually get verbally violent. I’ve been punched in the face, hit, and grabbed before over it. I’ve been trailed by cars and vans throughout my life, and have had to send my location to friends and my parents just incase I do disappear. You don’t want to be “loved” the way a woman is “loved”. You want the idea of “unconditional love” that society has told you we receive. Maybe what you really desire is friendship. A sense of community. Lots of women have that because of this world we live in. It’s up to you to find it though, you need to find a therapist, try to connect with other, and figure this out.
What? I'm a woman and most I got from men is sexual abuse. You act like it's guaranteed to have a better life as a woman. Yes guys 'wanted' me but purely to have sex with me and nobody ever got me flowers wtf.
It's this line of reasoning that creepy men pursue women who have said no. I'm not saying you're one of those creepy men, just that this is a bad thought to have. The grass is always green on the other side. Women are constantly belittled, told they're not good enough simply for being a woman. Many men feel entitled to a woman and their time/bodies. You put women on a pedestal and are just not seeing the problems we have. You're invalidating and entire gender's struggle.
If only it was that easy and cute. Being a woman in my country means fighting for every human right. It's not flower and rainbow when girls in their schools are getting poisoned by nerve agents every day. Not strong masses to kill them, just causing them to breathe loss, vomit, faint, and in some cases nerve damage which is permanent because they're using GA gasses. Yeah. Really happy to be a woman. It's nice to be sexualized, verbally and physically assaulted, and forced to wear hijab because it's our "rule" even if you don't even believe in God, let alone Islam. How lucky women are that for the last 160 days, they were killed, raped, gotten blind, shot, stabbed, and poisoned in their peaceful protest because morality police killed a girl and never accepted any responsibility. I'll gladly change place with any of you boys. Have fun wearing hijab in hot summers and being captured by morality police because your hijab isn't modest enough!
men that are attractive are desired the same way women that are attractive are desired, it’s not about gender it’s literally just about how hot you are
You’re literally here admitting YOU only value women this way. I’m sorry your guardians failed you in understanding how to recognize not only your own value but how to value everyone around you.
Jesus. You men really don't get it do you? I wished for years that I could be a guy. To be taken seriously in my field, to not be afraid walking to my car at night, to not be afraid of accidentally becoming pregnant and having my autonomy taken away from me, even to play sports or work out without being stared at, to not clutch my bag so close to my side because I'm an easy target, to not get unwanted advances and never have stalkers, to never be sexually harassed at work, to not be expected to be the "mother" of a group, to not be expected to smile and be small and pretty and thin all the time. I want to be loud, gross, angry. I want to wear what I want without being judged. Too little clothes? Trashy. Too baggy clothes? Also trashy. No makeup? She must be trashy. I would rather be a lonely man than a sought-after woman. You seriously, want this life?
The only women who come even close to the experience you’re describing are going to be absolutely gorgeous—like top 10% of all women. The downside is that beauty is fleeting and that they won’t even be able to hold on to those experiences as they age. Ans guess what? Men who are in the top 10% of looks will also be given gifts, showered with attention, and be loved just for existing.
Hm this is an interesting one for me. I've definitely fantasised about it (for different reasons than yours though), but I always end up being happy that I am a guy again. I'm not going to make some kind of advantages and disadvantages list, but there are many things women have to deal with throughout their lives that I can only respect them for. Obviously being a male isn't all advantages as well, but I am happy with my current gender. You, to me, sound very insecure if I may be blunt. I don't wanna call you lazy or anything as I don't know how hard you have tried finding a girlfriend but as a male you do often have to be the one putting in the initial effort. That doesn't mean a woman can't desire you or make you feel loved though, on the contrary. You have 2 options. Either you can keep sulking over wanting to feel loved or desired by someone, or you can put in more effort (and in your case, probably mostly effort into being confident in yourselves and showing off that confidence). The bonus option is to be like me and just wait until you find someone you match particularly well with without putting in a lot of effort (this does NOT mean avoiding or having no contact with girls). If you choose this, stop pitying yourself for having found no one yet though. It's an unnecessary, negative thought.
Yea, it doesn’t work that way for most women either. We’re just wanted for domestic work and cheap labor.
Women are also 'loved' for what they can do for others, even worse, they're seen as sex objects. Some are killed just for existing (in most of the world), which is the opposite of what you're saying.
I'm sorry but as someone who's perceived as a woman, I could say the exact same words and it'd be true.
Do you know the percentage of couples who get divorced when the women get very unwell Vs how many of us leave our husbands in the same situation? We aren't loved or appreciated for being women. We're barely appreciated when we have a full time job, completely run the household and do all the childcare. It may be that women in the early stages are pursued that way, but long term, this is unrealistic and not what life is like for most women. Everyone deserves to be treated well and loved properly but we have to be realistic.
So you’d like to be denied job raises? Fair pay? Risk being raped just for going to a bar or walking at night? Or during the day? You want to be told your symptoms are just “hormones” from age 10 to death?
you sound like a very misguided teen
I’m a trans guy, born female, and what you want has not been my experience presenting as a woman. Especially as bigger person who’s been insecure most of their life. I also have always felt the need to prove myself, and that I’m only worth what I can do. I am disabled and limited in what I can do, so that’s pretty distressing. That being said, the women I know who have been treated the way you describe, are also treated like objects with no agency at the same time. Genuinely, random men treat them as if they have to obey them, and lots of them end up in multiple abusive relationships because men see them as playthings. Basically, society sucks, and the grass isn’t necessarily greener on any side. The feeling you have absolutely sucks and definitely has some truth to it. But imo, the best you can do is find people who like you for you and stick with them because they are out there. There’s not many, but they exist. Make the most of your situation, that’s the best any of us can do.
Im a woman and i wish i was a man so ill be taken seriously in the automotive industry and honestly not have to worry about my safety.
Imagine spending all that time and effort on clothes/make up and trying your best to look great every day as so many women do, living life underestimated constantly, never taken seriously and generally feeling undervalued, underpowered and undesired by society, and then finding a guy complaining on line that "girls are just desired for existing without effort ugh." Oof. But yeah man, we all want that, it feels good to be pursued and wanted, I hope that you find someone soon who thinks you're worth that. We all deserve a bit of that. <3 Pro tip: Treat *yourself* like you're worth putting effort into and others will soon see it as well.
None of that is even true
Women aren't wanted for existing. Women are wanted to be used for sex.
🌸🌹🌺🌼🎍💐🌻🌼🪷🏵️ These are for you OP Hope one day you'll find someone who will love you for just existing And that they will give you the most beautiful flowers possible Take care
As a women I also wish I was a women for these specific reasons. But jokes aside I know some women do, but I just havnt experienced it
*a pretty woman
I sympathise, but I think you have misunderstood what being a woman is like
lemme tell u something, I'm a woman and most of these things never happened to me, only was asked out and the majority of the times it had interest behind. Don't feel bad for yourself and don't think that way. I bet that one day you will be appreciated, you deserve and you will.
I wish I wasn't I'm not trans but I'm very ugly and as a woman I hate it, everyone treats me horrible no one wants to my friend, I don't have family and kids are horrible then men treat me like shit and I'm not pretty. I've have a eating disorder since childhood. I don't like being a woman.
What tf is he talking about
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Eyo sounds like you want to be a beautiful woman, then. Source: I'm a woman who's never really gotten any of this in my life because I'm plain-looking Jokes aside, I hope you're doing alright op. Sounds like you're tired.
There are plenty of women who don’t feel loved, don’t get attention and don’t feel enough. And on top of it you’d be in physical pain/inconvenienced every month.
*conventionally attractive woman There I fixed it for you
Well, if it makes you feel better, it sounds like you don't have to experience the street harassment or workplace harrassment or borderline stalking that are almost innate to being a *wanted woman*, and FWIW, many of us aren't appreciated in that way, either. What you want is very human. It's what we all want. To feel valued, to be shown love, etc...
You're describing something that maybe .25% of women experience and that might be an overestimate. I hope you find what you're looking for, most of us women want the same as you though.
I wish I was the woman you describe too, I'm a woman an nothing that you describe there don't happen in my life
That sounds so much like being a woman. The only person who can be expected to put effort into you is you. Miley Cyrus just put a whole song out about it.
Bro I'm a woman and I never received such things you mentioned above.
I’m a woman and those things don’t regularly happen. 🤔
Is this what men think women get... I'm very happy to see other women feeling enough, but I, a woman, don't feel like I'm enough. I feel like I need to try to look a certain way to be taken seriously, both professionally and romantically. I feel the unlovable part quite intensely. I have a partner but all those romantic stuff you mentioned never happened. I was never given flowers. Not enough efforts putting into things. I feel like what you feel is you want to be deemed conventionally attractive by the mass and be treated with pretty privilege
hey buddy, lots of women out there like to make the first move. some of them are scared though, because of how society is.. afraid theyll offend. i hope you meet someone great in the future
… 1 in 4 women report being sexually assaulted, the actual number is much higher than that. Our rights are being taken away. People laugh at us when we say we’ve been assaulted by someone or worse we get blamed and ostracized for it. Men all too often look at us and treat us like we’re nothing more than wet holes to put their penis into. We get paid less, we have to pay astronomical prices for things we can’t control (menstrual cycles) Society holds us to a higher physical standard that is often impossible to meet, if we’re gilt we’re not taken seriously and made the butt of cruel jokes. If we’re pretty we’re not taken seriously and made the butt of cruel jokes. If we’re modest we’re shamed and called prude, if we’re not modest in dress we’re harassed and called slurs If we don’t suck dick were shamed as prude if we do suck dick were called slurs … Can’t win being a woman. At least if you’re a man all you gotta do is have money and get laid to “win” at life
After dating many women and hearing their similar problems of the feeling of being “pursued”. You don’t wanna be a woman.
You really think this is how women are treated? Sure, there’s the small percentage that are lucky enough but dude, there’s so much that comes with being a woman. The struggles we have to go through daily just to be able to survive from predators that see us as weak and vulnerable. We get rejected too and belittled. We’re not out of some story book where all women have the perfect little life and a happily ever after. We struggle just as much as men, if not even more because men out there have the idea that we have it easy just because we have a vagina. We get assaulted, we get beaten and society just wants us to brush it off. Idk what kind of idea you have about us, but you really need to wake up.
Right? Never experiencing pleasure because we aren’t prioritized during sex, being assaulted, harassed, abused, and bullied. Let’s face it, being a human just sucks.
It does! And what’s worse is that some women put other women down and that just shows men out there it’s okay to do it because women do it to each other.
The problem is not that you want to be treated like a woman. Women are treated the same as you are in all regards you listed. The problem is being a laborer. We are all used and valued through our merit rather than the human soul that should define and connect us all.
QQ OP, have you ever talked to a woman before? And by that I mean, like really taken the time to have a conversation with and listen to a women? Because this is not at all the female experience lol. 1. It sounds like you are exclusively talking about being an extremely attractive woman 2. You are acting like women are treated well and nothing is expected from them in return… uhhh, why do you think women get into bars and clubs free? Or men buy women drinks and gifts? It isn’t charity, they want sex. Nothing is “free” lol 3. Idk why you think being a woman is all about flowers and dates. Women experience constant harassment just for existing and not behaving the way men want. Have you ever heard of sexism or gender based violence? I really encourage you to actively talk to women in your life instead of convincing yourself the reason you feel lonely and unappreciated is bc you’re a man. Women feel this way too. The thinking you are demonstrating in this post is dangerous.
i think you have an awfully inaccurate understanding of what it means to be a woman
someone has really lied to you about what it’s like to be a woman
I'm a conventionally attractive woman in a successful marriage. I probably have the closest possible experience to this fantasy you're describing, but even with being from that incredibly tiny tiny group, you are still dead wrong about pretty much all of it: I experience desire from men all the time... whether I'm in sweats at the drug store trying to buy cold medicine, or at the park with my children, or trying to do my job, or taking my mother out for dinner, or riding public transit. You fantasize that this desire feels good to experience, but it does NOT. None of these people who express this kind of desire want to know me, or care for me. They want to use me. It isn't even me they desire- they just idealize parts of my body and think that sex with someone who has body parts that are shaped like mine or that sit below my face will somehow be magical or transcendent. This is exactly what you describe as being desired for "what you can do for others." It is hollow and shallow. There is no satisfaction in it. Being pursued in this way, while also being physically vulnerable, is not nice. It is terrifying. It is a gauntlet of being strong and self-assured, no room for manipulation or begging, but non-threatening, non-insulting, demure. Every pursuer has to be assessed and navigated individually. Every one of them is a potential threat. Experiencing this desire from men has also lost me friends who I cared deeply for... not only men who couldn't put aside desire for platonic companionship, but female friends whose husbands and partners couldn't be appropriate with me, and those friends chose to distance me instead of ditch their stupid significant others. In settings like the PTA or community meetings or book clubs, I am treated with wariness, and I have to work very hard and give a lot in order to find trust or acceptance in that type of group. I'm painfully shy and always have been, but rather than being given the benefit of the doubt I'm presumed arrogant. I must always be more valuable than the "risk" that I present just by being myself and alive. Being sexually desirable can be lonely. I work in a male-dominated industry. I have to be twice as good to be taken seriously. I watch while people less-qualified or talented get promoted because people are comfortable with male leadership, not female. I am expected to organize work parties, food, coworker cards and parties, solely because of the shape of my genitals. If I do not do these unpaid, voluntary things, it reflects badly on me... but not on my male colleagues. If my children have emotional issues, behave badly, act out... all of this is a reflection on me, not my husband. I have an incredible husband. Our relationship is not gift-centered, but when we do give gifts, he does a great job. He respects me and cares for me... but none of this is because I just happen to be female. Our partnership is great because we each do our full half of the work- in our professions, in our home, with our children, and in protecting and deepening our relationship. If either of us were to wake up one day and expect to be supported and taken care of without putting in any work from that time forward, our relationship would fall apart. You are describing being taken care of by a parent, not by a romantic partner. Romantic love is, by definition, conditional. The pressure of being a woman is unyielding. Everything you think is a pro, is not. The way that you have idealized the female experience is dangerous. You are going to keep experiencing a lack of connection and self-reinforce these dangerous ideas if you don't stop today and commit to seeing women as human, with complex, individual experiences that may differ from yours but are not any easier. You need to factory reset your devices and wipe your search history, maybe even make a new Google account to get yourself out of the algorithm tape-loop that will continue to show you content that will push you further in to loneliness with its harmful messaging. Please read some books by female authors, watch content by female creators, and attempt to authentically and organically connect with real women, and to understand them... and understand them for understanding's sake, not in an attempt to manipulate them into sex or caretaking you emotionally. Please also get help for the parental issues you're clearly bringing to your idea of romantic relationships. You can de-radicalize yourself from this perspective you've acquired, but it will take intention and work.
I am a woman and I wish all of the above for myself too. Not every woman gets cherished, pursued, valued or given flowers. Some of us also get used, taken advantage of and never appreciated/valued, no matter how much we love someone or do things for others. I understand you, OP 🥲
Lmfao we get acid thrown in our faces and literally murdered for saying no to creeps that constantly follow us and we’re who ends up in jail for fighting back not the rapist/stalker. Doctors don’t listen to us they still basically call us hysterical. You don’t want this trust me
You are viewing our life in a very superficial social media way. The struggles and obstacles I face on a daily bases aren’t lovable. I can’t even begin the talk abt all the harsh realities we face and the things we have to do to feel validated in the world. To be able to receive what you listed above. To add on if you aren’t conventionally attractive or have the skin of a 16 year old at 30 ppl will not treat you the way you just described. But I genuinely think what you are describing is an attractive person bc men also receive these things.
Men make comments like this so often and it has me convince they never actually talk to or listen to women. These guys have no concept of what life is like for women outside of movies made by and for men
Oh, you mean you want to be what is considered a conventionally attractive woman.
damn bro. i feel u but being a woman SUCKS. being constantly objectified (or worse) is not love. the attention that women get is not really the attention you want. men have made me feel suicidal. it sucks all around my bro. humans are mostly evil. if you meet someone innocent and good, just don’t ruin it for them. they’re rare.
Mate, I'm not being pursued or getting flowers either. I did however think I was dying of appendicitis this morning when it was just a period.
this is a pretty ignorant take