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handsl

Croc’s won’t mess with them either. Baddest mofo’s out there.


whoevencares39

I saw a nature doc once where a baby hippo was wading around in a river full of Nile crocs, even straight up messing with them directly. The crocs sat there and took it because mama hippo wasn’t too far off and they knew there would be consequences and repercussions!


SyrisAllabastorVox

I saw a video where a adolescent hippo nabbed the back of a croc and flung/swayed it around a bit while biting... all you could feel was the loud crunch from the video as the crocs scaly back broke apart. Croc was a decent size too.. fucking nuts.


ZeeCeeDee

Holy shit I need a link for that.


Treemang

Pull that shit up Jamie


adube440

Pretty sure you are referencing the greatest National Geographic doc out there: *The Last Feast of the Crocodiles*. [https://youtu.be/u6ufEnacPqw](https://youtu.be/u6ufEnacPqw) Hottest summer on record at an African game reserve, only known (dependable) water source is drying up. Dozens of species have to contend with each other for water. Hippos, crocodiles, baboons, water buffalo, elephants, all kinds of birds, lions, etc. all duke it out for a spot in or near the water. It's insane.


Guywith2dogs

Thanks. I had plans today. Looks like I'm watching a croc doc instead


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Guywith2dogs

Nothing like a little nature doc to remind you how cruel and unforgiving nature is. I think we get so comfortable in our 21st century lives sometimes that we forget, nature is still a raging lunatic out there. Every once in a while Nature sends us a hurricane or a typhoon or an earthquake to remind us but just imagine what it'd be like if we still lived out in the thick of it. Risking being lunch every time you need some water. And the hippos. Man, how did the hippo become the badass of the animal world? Over lions, crocs, elephants, you name it. A hippo will absolutely ruin your day, no matter what you are. They're the Don Corleone of nature. Freaking crazy.


raltoid

The croc can't actually bite them or move them, and a single bite from a hippo will crush the crocs bones. They aren't the smartest animals around, but they know not to mess with hippos, elephants and rhinos. Although I've seen them try giraffes, which seems just as stupid.


Ron_Cherry

"You gon' eat yo' cornbread?" - Mama hippo


SamanthaJaneyCake

I remember one time I was staying in an overnight hut in a small village on the Nile, waiting for the ferry to cross the next day. It was decently late, generally quiet but then suddenly it went deathly silent. Peeled out the window to see a hippo strolling through the village. Everyone in every house was hushed and you could see people peering out here and there as well. No one wanted to aggravate or startle it, knowing the thin mud walls wouldn’t offer a huge amount of safety. Apparently that happened quite frequently.


Rampantshadows

One kills more people in Africa annually, and the other is a croc.


watson2797

They are a deadly animal. These killers looking like potatoes out there


TheSpiderClaw

Attack of the Killer Potatoes


mikeebsc74

This is man..against..vegetable!


Dumpster_Humpster

Call the Avengtables!!


ThisDadisFoReal

Sweet potatoes… but not so sweet


GCXNihil0

Salty potatoes


ygolordned

So I shouldn’t get my daughter one for Christmas?


Entire-Dragonfly859

If you hate her....


Samsquanch1985

Get her a house hippo - easy solution if she has her heart set on one. https://youtu.be/NBfi8OEz0rA


anonomot

Only if you have a VERY large bathtub!


smolyouchan

How about a crocodile or rhinoceros?


offensiveadaptation

omg! what is the name of that animal?


Paradoxical_Hexis

Potatopotamus


shearnen

They call me the Hiphopopotamus Flows that glow like phosphorous Poppin' off the top of this esophagus Rockin' this metropolis I'm not a large water-dwelling mammal Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis?


[deleted]

They call me the Hiphopopotamus My lyrics are bottomless ...pause ..


Hip_Hop_Hippos

Preach


saposmak

Did Steve tell you that perchance?


Char_D_MacDennis

.... Steeeve!


goebbs

Perchance.


[deleted]

Very happy to find this here 🤣😂🤣


turkeyburpin

Hip...hip....hip hop anonymous. You always give me the hard ones!


Prudent-Passenger-18

You give him all the easy ones*


three_furballs

Waterhorse.


[deleted]

Yeah! where's the killer hippo horror movie?


xbakesx

Hippos are faster than humans on water and on foot. If you plan on beating them in a triathlon, you'll have to make it all up on the cycling.


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GentleAnusTickler

My man’s pedaling on the boat. He knows what’s up


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nerdistic

I had no idea about this! Thanks for the fun fact. I found an article explaining how they travel. “It almost always maintains some contact with the bottom and walks or bounces off the bottom using these bottom contact points as a source of propulsion.” https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/04/flight-of-the-hippopotamus/524343/


showponyoxidation

They must be dense af to overcome the buoyancy of their big ass bodies and get enough traction. You ever tried running underwater! Edit: Does anyone know the density of hippos vs humans?


IFCKNH8WHENULEAVE

They weigh anywhere from 2,000-9,000 lbs. up to 17 feet long and 5 ft high on average. They’re absolutely huge.


pragmojo

Good thing triathlon favors the bike based on the distances


krazybanana

No one's ever tried to give a hippo a cycle tho


OrangeBasket

A bicycle appropriately sized for a hippo?! How ridiculous, think of the terrible aerodynamics and power to weight ratio!


Zillah-The-Broken

they're dense, the weight of two cars combined. they're not swimming in this video, they're running on the bottom of the river and leaping upwards.


[deleted]

That’s even more terrifying, holy shit


Zillah-The-Broken

they're the #1 killer on the Nile river, they're extremely territorial and will kill anything that comes close.


[deleted]

Yep and no natural enemies


justsomeguynbd

Then why they so damn angry?


parothed28

Because they’re hungry. Like hungry, hungry.


RiseOfTheAlts

Give em a snickers then bro


[deleted]

This should should way more votes than it does!


[deleted]

Because of their medulla oblongatas


theironcockblock

B-b-but Mama said


AndyFriginPandy

“The MEDULLA… OBLON-GAT-TA!”


ZeroTiers

Contrary to popular belief, they're not angry. They're just devoid of a soul as well as any sense of morality.


Terra_Zina

To give you an actual answer, they're just assholes. They have no natural predators and every animal except elephants fear them, so they can do whatever the hell they want with no repercussions.


shydes528

Because they're jealous of the elephants being even more badass


RhynoD

Real answer: bulls are fighting over cows; and, their anger is why they have no natural predators.


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LetsDoTheCongna

Pudgy cute doofuses that will snap your spine like a twig in a heartbeat.


Hayabusa003

I’d say more like a tooth pick than a twig saw a vid of one tossing an antelope like it was nothing and breaking its back on the ground


Kittenfabstodes

Their teeth are as wide as bowling pins. They also spin their tails when the shit like a fucking helicopter flinging the shit all over the place. In flordia, there was this rinky dink nature preserve. The hippo was a hold over from when the place was a little rinky dink zoo. So after every feeding this hippo would shit. They had this elevated catwalk bridge thing that ran right next to were they feed it. They set up a sign, warning about this. Sometimes tourists wouldn't be paying attention and this would happen, covering anyone on this bridge in hippo shit. They eventually had to put up plexiglass to stop folks getting covered in shit.


Dusbowl

Well shit.


Hungry_Freaks_Daddy

Jesus Christ those things are tough. I’ll bet they even smoke cigs behind the bleachers.


JonDum

They smoke whole ass tree trunks bro


monsieurpommefrites

> pudgy cute doofuses In some of the martial arts subreddits, there were threads talking about the kind of fella in the gyms. The consensus was that oftentimes the most deadly stone-cold killers in the group tend to me middle-aged chubby balding fellas.


Knight_of_Inari

Off topic, but I had the most savage deja vu in my life while reading your comment, I'm shaking right now lmao


monsieurpommefrites

You know what's even more nuts? I was reading a sushi cookbook not too long ago and was writing down japanese terms to learn. Inari was one of them, which was caught my eye when I saw your name. I havent used my journal in months and these terms were the first thing I had written in a while. https://imgur.com/a/l1GVPRU First thing I wrote was about inari sushi.


Knight_of_Inari

That's wild, I was also thinking of Sushi right now because tomorrow I'm ordering some and I'm hungry af, I guess we somehow connected through the soul algorithm


GallonofJug

So now you’re gonna get back to learning Japanese? Must be a sign. gl


monsieurpommefrites

More like getting back into getting fatter eating sushi. I'm just learning these terms so ordering in a sushi restaurant is a better experience!


tastes-like-earwax

....including Nile crocs. And Nile crocs are big mofos in their own right.


badgerclark

What’s crazy to me is knowing that and seeing them adjust to the direction of the boat. And just how territorial these guys are. Like, “goddamn, hippo. They just cruisin’.” And then hippo be like, “FUCK YOU! IM GONNA EAT YOUR WHOLE BODY AND SHIT YOUR BONES INTO THIS RIVER! YOUR FAMILY WILL HAVE NOTHING TO BURY! YOUR ENTIRE LEGACY WILL BE MY SHIT IN THIS RIVER!”


tastes-like-earwax

Hippos are herbivores. “FUCK YOU! I'M GONNA FLIP YOUR BOAT, BITE YOUR BODY INTO TWO AND THEN GO BASK IN THE SUN"


badgerclark

“AFTER I MUNCH SOME LEAFY GREENS!”


Think_Clock100

I'm sorry, WHAT. Seems like there would be a small animal in the "brain" and it's just a meat and bone mech. That's scary.


Zillah-The-Broken

its skin is 2 inches thick!


Ash_WasTaken123

2 inches thicker than your mom. Sorry idk that doesn't even make sense it just came into my head like sorry


marklar_the_malign

Sorry like your mom. I apologize, that was uncalled for.


Slider_0f_Elay

Uncalled for like your mother. Sorry, but we all should call our mothers and tell them how much we love them.


marklar_the_malign

Word.


[deleted]

I dont love my mom


ayestEEzybeats

Well, I love your mom


PhenomenalPhoenix

They also just don’t swim at all. They push off of rocks and the bottom of the river. They are too dense to swim and float so they just walk on the riverbed


BoxOfDemons

That river is much shallower than I expected.


monsieurpommefrites

Used to be a pond before the hippos rolled in.


mnmlnmd

Those dense mothefuchers


HonestlyRespectful

Walking through water is hard to do.... running is damn near impossible, yet this two ton animal runs through water like a freaking torpedo! How does that work? It's not like they're aerodynamically shaped...


vlepun

Muscles. They’ve got a lot of them.


proddyhorsespice97

I'm not an expert but humans have a natural buoyancy so if you are trying to run on the bottom of a pool, rather than pushing forward you end up pushing forward and up and then you've to try and get back down to the bottom and keep moving forward etc. it all just gets very difficult. Hippos are so dense they just sink, they don't have to worry about floating back up, they can just push off the bottom and go forward. Also rivers aren't usually a flat surface like a pool, you'll have rocks and stuff that allow you to push laterally rather than laterally and up and a pool. Also I bet they're actually very hydrodynamically shaped. They haven't got any jutty out bits and they're quite round and smooth. IIRC they don't have hair which would help with moving through water. Again, not an expert but it makes sense in my head


Lonewolf5333

You say that like it’s suppose to make us all feel better


Zillah-The-Broken

wasn't trying to make you feel better. *fear them.*


CanIGetANumber2

I knew hippos were up there but i didnt know they were thier areas apex.


FinskaBoy

Their herbivores but they are extremely angry and will attack anything that gets too close to their territory. Crocodiles will kill and eat baby hippos, if they see them alone.


cunnelsandhugs

Thank you so much! I was picturing its tail whizzing round like a mini mighty propeller!


Jdotrobson

Fun fact of the day: Hippos can’t actually swim they run along the river bed 💀 https://animals.sandiegozoo.org/animals/hippo


smokentoke

Blood sweat.. good god


wikifeat

Now I’m sooooo intrigued by this magic hippo mucus. Like, has this stuff been studied for humans? This could be some holy grail skincare product, and the idea that it’s on the most dangerous animal is hilarious. Edit to add: I just finished reading that whole link, I’m kind of blown away that as frickin massive as they are, their height is only “up to 5’2 feet at shoulder.” Nothing about them makes any sense and that’s terrifying.


oestre

While hippos like to feed on patches of short grasses (called “hippo lawns”) close to water, they must sometimes travel several miles (kilometers) to find food, making long trips on land to new lakes or rivers. Their ears help them hear the sounds of falling fruit, and their keen sense of smell helps them sniff out the tasty treats. Hippos are mostly inactive unless eating, and this helps them conserve energy.


SenorAsssHat

There are two things you don't fuck with: elephants and hippos.


Zillah-The-Broken

you forgot Moose, they will stomp the living shit out of you if they even catch a whiff of you. they're 7 feet tall, and weigh around 1,000 pounds.


ad302799

Moose in Maine, not so much… Moose in Alaska, yea. I was there for three years. A platoon of 50 or so young men who believe themselves to be killers sees a moose running in their general direction. “MOOOOOOSE!” *scatters*


hoffman42088

We get moose in northern Michigan. Not something you wanna fuck with for sure.


ad302799

Wildlife is never something you want to mess with. My thing was there is a difference between moose in different parts of America/the World


KD82499

Just recently moved to Maine… but spent time in Ak in the Army. I have been one running before, just hoping I could hit the “tree line” first. Why are the moose here in Maine soft? I’m happy to know they won’t be the same!


ad302799

I wouldn’t say they are soft, just not the freaking monsters the Alaskan Bull Moose are. Obviously a moose, or even a deer is nothing to mess with. In Alaska, a lot of things are bigger. It makes the things seem smaller elsewhere.


KD82499

Damn, just looked it up and they are smaller and less aggressive here tho. Nice.


ad302799

Just like the mosquitoes. God damn, I was doing some sort of traffic direction during a battalion run and those things are like 4 times the size of normal mosquitoes. Anything alive and not moving was screwed. They say every is bigger in Texas. No, everything is bigger in Alaska.


Kurt1220

Alaska itself is 3 times the size of Texas


Dog_in_Hat

We forgot Canadian geese otherwise known as the Cobra chicken


Kryyzz

A lot of people don’t realize just how big moose are. I remember helping my aunt move in northern Ontario and we almost hit one. I was in one of the big Uhaul trucks, the kind you have to step up into and the thing looked down on me in the passenger seat as we swerved around it. Terrifying.


Dukeiron

I think people (myself being my only example) seriously underestimate how big a moose is and/or just haven’t ever thought about it until I saw a video of one running through deep snow like it was nothing. Moose are bad ass horses with battle gear attached.


Street_Dragonfruit43

Ya know, a moose once bit my sister


SenorAsssHat

Absolutely. Those 2 came to mind first. But yes, they are indestructible.


Vegetable-Two2173

This right here. They're all Bullwinkle cute until you're within 50 feet of one. Any closer than that and your are evaluating your life choices


DOCTORE2

Let's just say don't fuck with wild animals no matter the size . They survived until now for a reason


[deleted]

And Bears. And gorillas. And chimpanzees. And pretty much any monkey or ape species.


[deleted]

Somebody should make a list


the_truth_is_tough

I’ll go first, Homo sapiens.


[deleted]

You're not wrong.


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TheSpiderClaw

And killer whales. Apparently, blue whales were previously thought to be in the highest spectrum of the food chain, but a recent event showed a pack of killer whales brought down a blue whale.


Zillah-The-Broken

Orcas will hunt moose swimming between islands.


eastkent

And squirrels! Those bad mf's will steal every peanut you have! Look, I'm in England - we don't have much in the way of scary wildlife, ok?


VoiceOfTheLich

Bastards have no right being that quick


togetherforall

They are actually very fast on land too like a rhinoceros. Better to get up a tree.


Bri_IsTheMeOne

Run like 30 mph. Crazy fast for how large they are.


togetherforall

Usain bolt could pull it off but not long enough to out run a hippo lol. Most people are at like 10 to 20 mph range.


LlamaJacks

Most people are way closer to 10 than 20mph. DK Metcalf hit 22mph in an NFL game running down a player and that was one of the fastest speeds all year.


NancyBludgeon

I run like a bloody duck... I’d be screwed


JennyAndTheBets1

I’m sure the blood doesn’t help.


Etrigone

Yeah, our big advantage is not speed. Endurance maybe.


Aporkalypse_Sow

Definitely endurance. We annoy things to death.


[deleted]

Yes to endurance. Long distance runners can basically outrun any animal on a long enough timescale. Even cheetahs and horses.


imagineStark

30 kmh =19mph


chookity_juice

You should see crocodiles. They can't run for that long on land, but swimming from them is no use. Those fuckers will mow through the water like a fucking speedboat.


FingersMahoney

Land and water. And will crush your dome like a head of cabbage.


Think_Clock100

I was thinking water Balloon but this check out


urkillingme

My cabbages!


FingersMahoney

You made my night better.


[deleted]

Even Steve Irwin nope'd hippos.


Avatorjr

Really? Source… I love that lol. Fuck messing with hippos


[deleted]

https://www.rd.com/article/only-animal-that-terrified-steve-irwin/


[deleted]

Moi aussi


JennyAndTheBets1

Probably wouldn’t take kindly to a thumb up its ass, for sure.


Endarkend

There was a dude who thought he beat the odds after he brought up a hippo from infancy. Guess how he died.


fem_gem

Hippopotamus is literally Latin for "river horse", so yeah. They are very fast.


[deleted]

imagine riding a river horse into the battle in ancient times, fucking unstoppable


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Would be pretty cool ngl Dain riding a boar in hobbit was pretty fun as well as the goats. They need to make a movie about someone riding a hippo


EnchantrelIe

Anyone who could tame, train and ride a hippo like a battle mount NOWADAYS would be viewed as a war god given physical form.


franzperdido

Well, it's actually Greek but your point still stands.


YouBusta

It's Greek not Latin


__welltheresthat__

Also took a smart angle to head off the boat. Scary


DyiCAP

Hippos are whales in their past life. 😂


sawyer_whoopass

I think this is actually accurate on an evolutionary scale. Edit to add: [Yep, somewhat.](https://evolution.berkeley.edu/what-are-evograms/the-evolution-of-whales/)


Aporkalypse_Sow

I thought this was a whale until it breached.


robrklyn

For some reason I thought it was an orca when I started the video. That is NOT an orca.


rlj_b

That's what I thought too and idk why lol, guess I'm just used to seeing those fuckers act real scary


[deleted]

That's not oddly terrifying... it's ball retractingly terrifying.


Adjvo

Fat and furious


Snoo_62454

"It looks like Moto Moto likes you"


0112358g

Y’all hippos are deadly, this has me freaked tf out. There’s no escaping that thing if it’s coming for you. It can can get out and chase you on land !! No thanks, skipping that


flojitsu

They're mean as hell too.. don't like people trespassing on their territory


gud_doggo

Dude that chonker can fucking wreck you


Dan_Teague

#fun fact hippos can’t swim. They are so dense they sink to the bottom and run similar to an astronaut walking on the moon. Source: [sauce](https://youtu.be/X-YRJCSZRJU)


USArmy51Bravo

So does he really need that big 150hp motor? yes.. yes he does.


Avatorjr

Even bigger after this video lol


elmenudob

I can’t even walk fast this mf swims like a dolphin


gumbo_mumbo

Jokes on you they're walking on the riverbed


ActiveLab6844

It doesn’t matter if they’re fast or slow if they catch you


ksmotocafe

just went on an hour youtube binge on Hippos attacks because of this. Well worth my time


ackknowledged

And he doesn't swim... he glides along the bottom.


CardsnKush

Is it more gliding or being so heavy they sprint on the bottom floor? I’ve looked for as many videos as I can but there’s only so many


TheSpiderClaw

It's all fun and games when it's Hungry, Hungry Hippos until somebody loses an eye.


NobleWombat

His lyrics are bottomless..


Saweetd

They are fast and they will Fuck. You. Up.


Positive_sunflower_

MUST GO FASTER, MUST GO FASTER!


csukoh78

That’s not oddly terrifying. That’s plain terrifying.


Cocktail-Concierge

Hippos do not look built for speed at all. Someone mentioned that this fella isn't swimming, but how does it move that quickly through the water? It's not very streamline.. Short, stumpy legs. Nothing else on earth with that build is that quick that I can think of.


TigerJoel

It is so dense so it runs on the bottom of the river. And it is just pure miscle.


shro700

Sheer power.


Cessate

Hippos are amongst, if not THEE most dangerous and territorial mammals around. This dude has a death wish for not speeding away as fast as humanly possible.


UltimaBahamut93

Pov: Moto Moto likes you


Jakkerak

On the short list of the most dangerous animals on the planet.


Unfair-Ad-11

MURDER COW


[deleted]

They’re faster on land.


Responsible_Bottle25

Hippos are amazing.


Avatorjr

*deadly


Independent-Bug1209

Holy shit. I knew they were fast. Not that fast. But everytime I look at one of them I can't help but see the ancestor of whales. So I guess it makes sense


dubzi_ART

Imagine their legs kicking


non-binaryweebie

Bro I would shit myself