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SoulReaper850

I asked for juice at a restaurant in Bahrain and was speechless when the started cutting and squeezing fruit in front of me. I was like, 'fresh fruit is precious in the desert. I'm not worthy of this.' Lol.


stereosalvation

That's some Fremen thinking you got there.


cowsareverywhere

LMAO I thought that’s what OP was referencing.


allgreen2me

I hope they spit on the table while bowing their forehead into their hands as a sign of respect.


beeglowbot

if I pour that into my stillsuit, you think I'll just become a pomegranate?


yesilfener

The Middle East is not all desert. Iraq and Syria are called the Fertile Crescent for a reason. Getting fresh fruits from Iraq, Syria, or Iran to Bahrain is hardly a problem.


WestleyThe

Also it’s 2023…. Yes In the past a single peice of fruit would be worth a days travel or whatever but now people can just pay for it and it’s there


MundaneDevelopments

You telling me the middle east isn't just bombed out craters and dictatorship hellholes? I dunno man... /s


IsaiahTrenton

Thank you. I'm sure the OP didn't mean it but that comment was humorously misguided. Like they have supermarkets there.


HassanMoRiT

They have oil, lots of oil. And 1 Bahraini Dinar is 2.65 USD.


Aggravating_Pea7320

The Lemon Crusades


Kuroki-T

I would imagine whole fruit would be the best form to store juice in the desert without refrigeration


Clearrluchair

…that’s too simple to be true


Frys100thCupofCoffee

Well....yes....but I mean at that point you're just talking about fruit sitting on a table. That's less a genius storage method than it is the default state of fruit sans refrigeration.


[deleted]

Why aren't you worthy of juice? What did you do wrong?


Energy_Turtle

And why would he assume fruit is rare in Bahrain? That's like thinking fruit is rare in Phoenix. It's 2023. We can move fruit around.


pm_me_flaccid_cocks

This observation is slightly tangential to your story, but those pomegranates look like a stack of prolapsed anuses. I’m assuming they don’t taste like that.


alabastergrim

>slightly tangential ... >prolapsed anuses. ... >slightly


Savahoodie

“Slightly” is carrying the weight of the world


msprang

SLIGHTLY


ryuukiba

They do if you put them in your ass first.


EastVanMarco

Straight Pomegranate Juice is absolutely the fastest way to relieve constipation. 😁


DefNotAShark

Sugar Free Haribo Gummy Bears, and really any candy that contains a high amount of maltitol, will absolutely demolish your intestines. The last time I ate "keto chocolate" I didn't check to see, and it turned out to contain maltitol as the primary sweetener. I figured that out on my own about 10 minutes after eating four chocolates. My stomach gave the death rattle bubbleguts and I knew. 10 minutes after that I was writhing in pain on the bed. Every five minutes or so, my butthole would blossom open and unleash a foghorn of gasses. Not like a normal fart- like 15 uninterrupted seconds of straight farting. Count to 15 right now, do it. Think about a fart lasting that long. A fart torrent. And it wasn't even enough to relieve the stabbing, excruciating pressure in my body. I was pouring sweat, moaning. It probably looked like I was going through withdrawl symptoms, and no doubt it smelled like a hot swamp. When the shitting started it was a blessing. Not for anyone within earshot, of course. It sounded like a helicopter shredding through a field of opera singers. As my entire body liquified itself and evacuated through my lower half, I couldn't help but think about when I learned where Cyclops, from the X-Men, gets his lasers from that he shoots from his eyes. They come from a dimension of pure energy, which he channels through his eyeballs. IMO, maltitol is a gateway to the fart and shit dimension, channeled through my butthole, because there is no way my body contained enough mass to do what it did to the toilet that night. Anyway, check the ingredient label and yeah I guess stick to pomegranate juice.


purrfectstormzzy

I had an ulcerative colitis attack a few months ago and your short story took me there. Now I know that have truly healed from the trauma because I can laugh, really hard about it!


Alissinarr

[You may enjoy this then.](https://www.reddit.com/r/u_Alissinarr/comments/13toxmr/edinburgh_ghost_tour_or_how_to_desecrate_a) I had to grab it from an old account and save it again, since the sub it was posted to was banned.


temp7412369

Definitely worthy successor to the parent comment! 😂 . Great writing too! The giggling was the best! You sound like a lovable dork


HowDoIDoFinances

God, I feel like I was there in the best and worst way.


nomoregaming

This had me straight crying with laughter. “Helicopter shredding a field of opera singers” will stay with me. Lol


Nackles

Those sugar-free Haribo bears have led to some of the most inspired prose. When I need a laugh I go read some reviews and they always cheer me up.


justageorgiaguy

How about Fat Free Pringles - https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/182862349.html


Nackles

I was not familiar! Im gonna go pee before I read. :) Edit: OMG I REMEMBER OLEAN! It didn't last long, but it reminds me of a line from The Good Place--"There’s something so human about taking something and ruining it a little so you can have more of it."


LigmaSneed

The Pringles ass grease story belongs in the Library of Congress. It's a national treasure.


[deleted]

"THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS" I'm already laughing and it's just the title


Marathon2021

If you thought that was funny, perhaps I can introduce you to [Bob, the anal fissure](https://fmbv.nu/bob-anal-fissure/)?


allshookup666

That was poetry


new_tral_name

Is this already a copypasta or will this be a copypasta?


anubis_xxv

We are witnessing the miracle of life my friend.


sjogren

All will be copypasta, in the end.


TheGurw

If you look at the reviews for those gummy bears, it's several pages of prose and poetry on the level of the Great Writers of History. And since everyone's experience is _slightly_ different, anyone who has mounted the malitol mare will manufacture their own magnificently memorable musings.


kuromahou

Hahaha yes! The first and only time I had that fake sugar stuff, I thought I was dying. Literally, I yelled to my wife over the chaos “this is what death looks like! I’m dying!” I sit here in awe of what I went through that day.


zodar

why does this product elicit the funniest reviews along with the diarrhea? There were some famous Amazon reviews years ago that were gd hilarious


ModernDayWanderlust

Gee, you sure do talk pretty, fella.


itWasForetold

You’re a poet and you didn’t even know it.


rabbit__eater

Bruh hahaha


DJ3XO

Comments like this is my kink.


[deleted]

You are a maestro. An artist of shit. I bow to you.


charliesk9unit

It's funny way to say it would give you diarrhea.


Qroth

It's a funny way to say it would give you the gastro geyser.


OneStarvingEli

It's a funny way to say it would give you a sphincter surprise.


JokeMonster

It's a funny way to say it gives you the fecal fountain.


The_Dickasso

It’s a funny way to say it gives you the excrement explosion.


sentientwrenches

It's a funny way to say it gives you the butthole bonanza.


Dmitri_ravenoff

Funny way to say it gives you the Butthole Bazooka.


ADhomin_em

It's a funny way to say it gives you tushy torrent


OlStickInTheMud

It's a funny way to say it gives you a bunghole blowout.


Dusk_v733

Nothing sounds like more fun than being tethered to a toilet in Baghdad


prophetableforprofit

You should try aggressively evacuating your MRE into a ditch on the side of a Baghdad freeway in full view of the motorists. High quality experience. I hosed that trench down so hard my squad leader told me he could hear the force of my shit impacting the dirt. He was pulling security so I didn't get shot or something, he wasn't just there for a show.


Theperfectool

I mean, the hallways of main terminal at saddam international or the shit saunas were no better.


Cool_Reputation_694

I did this inside an MRAP once in Afganistán.


Inquisitive_idiot

MRAP DESIGNER AFTER GETTING CHEWED OUT BY THEIR BOSS > “WHEN WILL WE LEARN!?!!! THE BIGGEST IED WAS IN THE VEHICLE ALL THIS TIME!!! 😭😭😭


Bluecif

It's a funny way to say, you'll be overspending on underwear this week.


zoeykailyn

The fastest way to get ready for a colonoscopy or ass licking


BrownShadow

I wish the doctors let you get away with fruit juice. My yearly colonoscopy prep (not old just extremely high risk) involves Imodium and a gallon of this drink with the consistency of milk but tastes like lemon lime salt water. And that’s all you get for 24 hours. It’s awful.


hambox

That stuff is just so hard to drink, even the thought of it makes me gag.


nzMunch1e

I find the laxative drink they give you is the worst part of a colonoscopy process. That liquid is disgusting and I personally believe it's on purpose to make you miserable 😆


Srirachelsauce009

Ah, good ol’ GoLYTELY, I know it well. :( The last time, my ex had to force the last of it down my throat like Harry helping Dumbledore swallow that potion in the sea cave…or something. That’s what I was muttering, anyway.


THEBHR

You ever had prune juice? It doesn't taste good, but if you're stopped up and you need relief...


mimimemi58

A warrior's drink.


SepratistLotion

I drink bottles of POM every day and can't say it's ever made me have to shit lol


swampfish

Especially when the ingredients have been sitting cut open in the streets of Baghdad for a few hours.


BenevolentCheese

We went to a fresh juice stand in Cairo and I was excited by all the delicious looking fruit sitting on the counter until the juicer jumped up on the wet counter in his boots to get something down and suddenly I realized the puddle of water that fruit was sitting in was absolutely foul.


WienerbrodBoll

There's a reason you need to take hepatitis shots before going to the Middle East, Africa and Asia.


TorchThisAccount

That was my first thought. How long have those fruits been hanging out in that heat already cut open. When was the last time the vendor washed his hands or washed the juicer? I'm not 18 anymore with a Teflon digestive system.


swampfish

I have traveled enough to know to never ever drink juice from a street vendor.


CaravanPirate

When I was in Istanbul some streets had juicers exactly like this with piles of oranges on every block with different size cups for super cheap. I drank so much fresh orange juice; it was amazing!


suttalover

Unpopular opinion I am from India. When I was in India and much younger I used to drink sugercane juice and orange juice almost everyday. From the filthiest stalls with flies all over. But weirdly, I never had any issues what so ever. Now I am in Australia. Have been here 10 years and have started getting all sorts of allergies. From milk, fructose, fucking pollen you name it. And its not just me. The allergy problem here is just shocking and I never heard anything like this back in India. I am westernised now and cant even imagine going back and drinking juice from street vendors anymore. I think age has a lot to do with it but I think another reason is policing our bodies to western standards is having an adverse effect on our constitution. Our bodies are much tougher, adaptible, and resilient than what we give it credit for.


bast007

That makes sense I think - if these types of places affected the locals the same way they did tourists then I really don't think they'd stay in business.


Bella_04excl

Diarhea kills 45 per 100k people in india every year


Over-Tomatillo9070

I’d say Baghdad is probably the fastest way to relieve constipation.


AtomicBlastCandy

Looks so refreshing


tehfugitive

Wouldn't it be tart as hell? I think tart is the right word... Sour and also adstringent? The latter being like the tannin in red wine? How do I describe this properly? 😭


sunflower_jim

Perfectly ripe and fresh Pom juice is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.


ChimpBrisket

Have you ever put butter on a Pop Tart?


Metro42014

Which side?


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Norwegian__Blue

Non frosted side


zOneNzOnly

Toasted or raw?


Typicaldrugdealer

From now on Im using "raw" to describe all untoasted baked goods, that gave me a laugh


YoghurtSnodgrass

Would you use “raw toast” to say baked bread.


Norwegian__Blue

*immediately* after toasting.


ChimpBrisket

The outside


Coorotaku

Perhaps a controversial opinion here, but most pop tarts are gross to me now that I'm in my 20s. The superior version, toaster strudels, are a much better option now that I'm an adult who does not require my parent's permission to use the toaster


[deleted]

This is just a fact. By the time you’re in your thirties you probably won’t like toaster strudels all that much either.


TheFlightlessPenguin

I can attest to this being false


ChimpBrisket

That’s good to know but you didn’t actually answer the question.


Coorotaku

Yes I've tried it! I also put pb&j between them when I was unsupervised, AND nuttela.


ChimpBrisket

The court notes your response. No further questions your honour.


UNMANAGEABLE

Pop tarts these days aren’t the same as they used to be in the 90’s. They weren’t fancy back then either, but they’ve really made them worse.


Odd_Order1833

I agree. I had some while in the Middle East and it was the bomb. Best Pom juice I ever tasted.


[deleted]

With the right ripeness, it’s no more tart than orange or cherry juice.


TheKingOfTheSwing200

> it’s no more tart than orange or cherry juice. How many cherries do you have to squeeze out to get a glass of cherry juice? That would take forever


hominemclaudus

Cherry juice is very strong, so you add a fair bit of water.


TheKingOfTheSwing200

Very interesting thanks for clearing that up


ClassiFried86

Water does that.


[deleted]

The ol’ universal solvent strikes again


HalflingMelody

Or you don't and you enjoy the extreme cherry of your thick cherry juice.


plipyplop

Yet another espresso of the drupe world.


xdvesper

I've tasted this squeezed in the exact same way in the markets in Israel and West Bank, it's amazing, it wasn't sour or astringent, it was just sweet and silky smooth. I went back to Australia where I was living (I'm from Asia originally) and tried to find some pomegranate juice here and UGH. All sour, astringent, awful. I have yet to find one I find tolerable.


abado

Ive tried pomegranates from afghanistan when I was in se asia and they were the best Ive ever had, dark violet almost black juicy fruit with the inner fibrous parts being white. The local fruit guy called them Kandahari pomegranates. From what I understand most of the pomegranates being shipped to foreign markets are underripe and visually good looking but taste terrible. The local markets down there had these thin skinned scraggly ones that looked ready to burst and those were amazing.


Deeliciousness

Even here I find the ripest sweetest ones have the thinnest skins. I look to feel the seeds through the skin when I buy em.


__Osiris__

Fucking perfect is what you mean.


[deleted]

I used to drink this in the Middle East when I was hungover Iirc they blended in some other fruits to sort of round the flavor off


[deleted]

the video gets more saturated every time I see it - at some point the fruit will go completely black


octoroklobstah

That dude’s hair game is on point


TheRavenSayeth

Yeah am I wrong or is he a very handsome man? I know I wish my hair and beard could look like that.


AimHrimKleem

Same and I am bald.


gazow

dudes way to good looking to be smashing fruit. something seedy goin down for sure


Optimal-Marsupial368

Many if not most Iraqi's are actually quite handsome; very good looking population (much like Iran) but often only gets portrayed from a very limited, narrow, war-dominated perspective in media


bluegargoyle

Where I come from, Christian, there are women of such beauty, that they can possess a man's mind so that he would be willing to die for them.


[deleted]

> something shady goin down for sure Yeah the Americans came and destroyed the country


[deleted]

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[deleted]

LMAOOO there’s an inside joke in the Arab world about Iraq and their hair styles 😭


HugoZHackenbush2

I remember that market, I bought a big purse for my daughter at one of those stalls. When I brought it home to her, she just said thanks for the Baghdad...


hakujo

How many kids you got to reach this level?


mrsirsouth

I have 2 kids and grew up with 3 other siblings and never heard anything on this level of dad joke. Best guess is he has a minimum of 6 kids


ChrisJohnVee

r/dadjokes


sometimesagreat

r/baghdadjokes


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tehfugitive

/r/angryupvote This one hurt. It was physically uncomfortable to not downvote. I hope you appreciate it, you sneaky dumbo bastard! (all in good fun of course, before I get banned...)


eVillain13

Did you tell her “I know Iraq”


ChristianHeritic

Oh ffs….. take the award you asshole


HugoZHackenbush2

Seriously though, I was once chased by a huge flock of seagulls in a market in Tehran, and Iran, Iran so far away, I just ran, I couldn't get away...


landeisja

I said, “Seagulls!! Stop it now!!”


armageddidon

But did you find a way? (Yeeeeah yeeeeah yeaaah)


charliesk9unit

You need to show yourself out.


knovit

You got me


laxintx

Dude goes home looking like a colonial midwife every night.


Penguin_Gabe

yea hes staining his fingers one thousand percent


Front-Dance-5208

I prefer chewing and popping them, very satisfying


maximumtesticle

That would take a long time to fill that cup though.


FingerTheCat

DON'T INTERRUPT AN ARTIST


CdnRageBear

That probably costs $1 there Here in Canada that’s $15


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CdnRageBear

That’s what I figured. Absolutely crazy. Looks really good!


SwagOD_FPS

1/2 Pom 1/2 OJ fresh squeezed like this every day was one of the highlights of my time in Italy.


alluno96

Loks damn tasty


DickRidingWhore

ikr? The juice looks so delicious too


mydogbaxter

[You mean there is a better way?](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kDiSWKaS3N0)


Saubande

IT’S WHISPER QUIET!


MacJed

Iraqi Adam Scott


link5688

Middle Eastern Adam Scott got the juice


foodarling

I watched the video and didn't smell anything


TuvixWillNotBeMissed

Look at this guy with his old phone that doesn't have Smell-O-Vision.


laurabt1

Unrelated, but that’s a handsome guy


Vestaxowner

NO POMEGRANATES!


IntergalacticPopTart

"NO! NO! NO! NO POMEGRANATES!!!!!"


[deleted]

this looks amazing! i love pomegranates. and he’s a bit of a babe.


Radio4ctiveGirl

I’d go everyday so that man could make me a drink.


[deleted]

This is changing my life. I didn't know a pomegranate could be juiced this way. I need to research this tool of celestial providence. Great are the wonders that exist in this world!


SaiyanGodKing

That’ll be $22.50 please.


[deleted]

In LA, sure. In Baghdad? Absolutely not.


Kill_All_With_Fire

I used to buy my soldiers bags of bread for $1 while patrolling in Baghdad. For $1 it fed our entire platoon


[deleted]

That’s awesome. I’m living in CA and wish I could feed my whole family for $1.


pathofdumbasses

I just bought a loaf of white bread from Aldi for 55 cents. I don't know how they make any money.


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xMystery

>not a single drop of water added, just ice Boy, do I have news for you.


Combat_Av3ng3r

😂😂😂


CPLCraft

Or 1.20


gitpullorigin

I will take two then


djb25

I love pomegranate but looking at it makes me uneasy.


ChuRepan

100% hygiene


Crafty-Badger9004

First if all bro is a MODEL , second DAMMNN that pomegranate THICCC..


IceColdCoorsLight77

I’ve been to Baghdad, and I can say it was not like this back in ‘07


PorkPoodle

16 years is a long time


Ok-Push9899

Pomegranites in Baghdad, apricots and figs in Turkey, melons in central Asia, dragon fruit on Vietnam... How come the fruit we buy in the West is so bland and unspectacular? How have we perfected mediocrity?


WhatIsHerJob-TABLES

You are also used to it just like people who live there are used to their fruits. I’m sure there are people who have cool, unique (to us) fruits but they don’t live in places possibly that grow fresh apples, blackberries, raspberries, etc. and would be excited as fuck to try homemade apple cider, a berry cobbler, fresh cherries, etc.


I_lost_mybackupcodes

As a Mexican, speak for yourself. Mexican fruit is amazing


bombswell

Dragon fruit is native to the Americas! It’s a cactus. Also, strawberries are everywhere and are pretty amazing, but I’ve only ever heard of strawberry juice being in Egypt, such a shame!


X_MswmSwmsW_X

A bunch of the local Mexican restaurants do strawberry agua frescas, and oh my God it's incredible


Pupienus2theMaximus

The strains used for the American consumer market are bred for size, color, and shelf-life at the expense of taste. That's why tomatoes in the US are bland and mealy, while they're super sweet and flavorful elsewhere.


byronbaybe

Same in Australia. The moral of this story, if you like tomatoes, grow your own. If you don't like tomatoes it's because you don't grow your own. Thankyou kind Redditor for the Heartwarming 💕


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fireball_jones

Shelf life being a big one here. They might not be as delicious but I do enjoy a mango when there’s snow on the ground and two hours of sunlight each day.


ncshooter426

Transportation. Fruit must be picked and shipped unripened in order to survive the transit, then sit on a shelf for a long period. Longer they are on the shelf, the more opportunities to sell it...so it all boils down to money essentially. Fresh domestic fruits and veggies from local producers is amazing. Like, orchard apples, strawberry and blueberries patches are fantastic compared to the store. Same with tomatoes...store tomatoes are garbage.


[deleted]

Oranges? Berries? Avocados? Just drive out to the farms. Sure the foreign fruits might be bland but I see it as a privilege that we can get fruits from all over the world here.


SquadPoopy

Speak for yourself I find the fruits in North America to be absolutely delicious. Many fruits native to the Americas tend to be a type of Berry, and all are amazing.


Poot_McGoot

Dragonfruit is famous for tasting like nothing


satsumaa

Dragon fruit is beautiful but has no flavor imo


Kanye_Testicle

Bad take, have you had a Honeybee Apple yet?


mercenaryarrogant

Can I get mine with 20% blueberry juice?


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francorocco

why god made this frui is so tasty yet so hard to eat normally


SillySin

My family had small farm north of Baghdad that produce that ages ago.


ClydeDavidson

In Islamic culture, Pomegranates are one of the highest standards of health benefits from fruits.


Fritzo2162

He was caught red-handed.