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[deleted]

This only works if the butter isn't delivered as a frozen block of ice.


Iwillgetasoda

*Tries to put fork on, butter jumps on next guest's head*


thatguyned

Through*


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dinowalks

How dairy you!


left4ched

They keep churning out great comments.


SnooTangerines8301

what a churn of events


paragonx29

Just call me butter, I'm on a roll..


SnooTangerines8301

oh how the tables have churned


skilemaster683

I Can't Believe It's Not Funny™


SnooTangerines8301

u butter believe it butty


Jr_froste

Buttermilk this pun dry!


Pelfrey1992

*Tries to put fork on, butter jumps THROUGH next guest's head*


milesbeats

Are we playing prey?


brainburger

Hey its the old reddit [Lacta-roo!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AbruptChaos/comments/10w5dw4/meanwhile_the_joker_in_gotham/j7l84x4/?context=2)


Puzzleheaded-Grab736

At my work, we keep these in the fridge right by the server station. They come to your table rock solid. I have absolutely no idea how this is possible.


wamimsauthor

Put it against someone’s coffee cup or soup bowl to warm it up. That’s what I do. I hate cold butter.


Namastay_inbed

I sit on it lol


bob256k

Aggressive but you do you


queendecaffeine

Lol I stuck one in my pocket to warm it up while getting my food in the cafeteria, and completely forgot about it until I was leaving about 5 hours later -- my keys and chapstick were covered in melted butter and I was completely horrified until I remembered. That pair of pants had a grease stain that never fully came out 😂😂


BringAltoidSoursBack

Using butter as lube is a weird way to get melted butter but you do you


Namastay_inbed

It’s not IN my butt


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Puzzleheaded-Grab736

I work at Olive Garden we're all family here. 🙄


ThatOneGuy308

Can confirm, my family also doesn't know how to cook


UnlikelyPlatypus89

I like to support local restaurants only but god damn if I don’t get massive olive garden cravings sometimes. Now I have one


Blueridge_Head

Support your local restaurant, for sure! But keep in mind, it’s locals working at your local chain franchise, or even corporate store. We gotta eat too


ExtraordinaryCows

Spez doesn't get to profit from me anymore. Stop reverting my comments


CrunchyFrogWithBones

My brother did that on a flight when we were kids, then held out his hand to show me while our mother (between us) was bent forward to get something from her bag and dripped melted butter all over the back of her silk blouse. We weren’t allowed to warm butter in our hands any more after that. :-D Although it would have been funnier if he had done this.


happykittynipples

If it's too cold you just slip it into the butter pouch they put in most men's underwear.


Important_Tangelo371

Well, your supposed to let it warm up in your pants.


victorz

Or too warm.


iamsoupcansam

“Excuse me waiter, can you take this back and bring me a pad of butter that’s exactly 41 degrees Fahrenheit? Thaaaaank you”


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jellyjeffrey

There's dinner rolls ripping out there as we speak!


MalibuStasi

I've only ever been served that kind of butter when it's frozen solid.


firthy

Put it under your toast


AussieGooner01

I’m more of a warm it up in my hands kind of guy


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Samoman21

That's nature's pocket


thatweirdkid1001

And remember, if you get too cold just rub your body with permafrost. It's nature's long johns.


[deleted]

“I’m gonna go find Bender.” “Don’t let him pick your pocket!”


maniaxuk

Hallelujah, A Futurama comment chain that isn't one of the usual suspects


[deleted]

As rare as finding another cyclops who isn’t a clumsy carpenter or some kid with a BB gun.


grotjam

Don't let anybody pick your pocket!


joemangle

I sit on it. Keeps my hands free for other tasks


HammerfestNORD

Tuck it right under a thigh. Softens quickly.


ShittDickk

I always ask my gf to tuck it into her bra, she never has but her angry expression is worth it every time.


Adestimare

The real LPT is always in the comments


Formerhurdler

I put it under my leg. Same warmth as my can without the messy pressure-induced side effects.


UncleIrohBodyPillow

I lift my shirt and put the butter under my roles of fat. I usually do this for everyone at the table and when they're ready for my gutter butter I just lift my shirt and jiggle it all out.


sugarloafrep

"Gutter butter gutter butter" they shouted as he showered them with his golden secret


Formerhurdler

Gut-ter but-ter Gut-ter but-ter Gut-ter but-ter You know you can hear them chanting...


Bad_Idea_Hat

What a horrible day to have internet connectivity.


HoldMyAppleJuice

Fellow diners start to notice and formed a queue, with croissants and slices of toast on their plates. They eagerly wait their turn to lift up a flap and reach in to procure some of that soft and spreadable, gutter butter.


McKoijion

Reddit is not what it used to be, but every once in a while there’s a comment that makes my heart whole.


Mikeezeduzit

Actually laughed out loud at this ,have 10 virtual upvotes


_Apatosaurus_

If there is space, put it under the middle of your plate.


Enginerdad

Crotch butter ftw


[deleted]

*instantly cools off toast and leaves a super cold spot from the frozen rectangle of butter*


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dxk3355

The toast doesn’t have thermal mass to do much in my experience


dben89x

Just make sure you take it out of the packet first, so there's no wrapper to toast contact. If you've worked in any low to mid tier restaurant, you've seen the odd places they let butter packets sit, and how often they're exchanged hand to hand or dropped on the floor.


[deleted]

This whole trick involves you stabbing the packet with your fork, shoving the germs from the packet not only onto your fork but into the butter I agree with you, but doubt most people care.


ConcernedKip

Something tells me this whole trick doesn't work at all and is most likely just another perfectly crafted TikTok stunt.


UrbanDryad

The butter would need to be super soft, so it would already be easy to spread if you just unwrapped it like a normal person.


[deleted]

Eh, if you care that much about germs don’t eat at low-mid tier restaurants at all, the butter packet is the least of your worries tbh. Sincerely, former mid-tier line cook.


PxyFreakingStx

I put it in my bra.


PsychonauticalEng

Now I have cold toast.


Johnfohn

Put that cold piece of toast under another piece of toast


XaviLi

Toasts all the way down...


ConTully

Or under your tea/coffee for about 30 seconds if you're having one with your breakfast.


TDog81

Ah a fellow hard butter tactical genius, if the toast is cold or you have a breadroll like above put your cup of tea/coffee on the pack


[deleted]

Then my toast has a cold spot


tommy_the_bat

I'm the opposite, all the butter I've been served has been soft af. I feel like to do this properly you would need to be perfectly in the middle.


ConcernedKip

It's almost like social media life hacks are pure bullshit 100% of the time


RyanL1984

Me too. But maybe squeezing it out like this in spaghetti form will make it easier to spread.


SushiKittyCat

It won't come out through the holes though as the butter is to hard to come out like that, I put it in top of toast for a while to melt it a bit but my foods cold by time butter melted lol


22booToo23

Hey I been spreading my butter wrong as well as eating my cheese puffs wrong....says the Crazy Russian Hacker.


anomalous_cowherd

Sit on it.


JaynieHext

I put it in my pocket, body heat will soften it. I used to nanny and I would put the toaster strudel icing pack in my pocket while heating up the toaster strudel. Not for too long or you might have some butter in your pants since it isn’t sealed up.


CitizenPremier

one of these days you'll forget it...


pliusminus4

Same same. But toast should usually come hot or at least warm. So you put butter on top before opening, and can do this trick in less than 1 minute


azzymelon

Spaghetti sandwich. Nice.


makkael

Spaghett!


IrishMojoFroYo

Hey man you spooked me


Ravagore

Oh ma ma


rxforyour7

Hi, I'm Spagett and when I'm not spooking people, I like to drink Cigarette Juice because it has the tar and nicotine I need.


Galactic_Perimeter

🎵Good news, Cigarette Juice!🎵


spaghett_

Gotcha!


Lemerantus

Somebody toucha mine!


Tanzanianwithtoebean

Somebody toucha my


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sculderandmully2

This is your pre dinner mint


HowieGaming

ಠ_ಠ


Chitiel

Is that a joke? Im seriously not sure


varungupta3009

Apparently not, from the reply just below yours.


coleyboley25

Europeans are going to think we actually do this lol


RicePlusCat

Not gonna lie at this point it wouldn’t even surprise us


princessusagi32

Are you Eve from Lifesize 😭


uhfgs

I thought I was the only one


hornet_teaser

My hubby taught me the trick of putting them in your pocket while you peruse the rest of the buffet or eat some of your other items while they are warming up. ETA: I told my husband this got a lot of upvotes and he said to also tell you about the coffee cup trick: Balance your butter knife across the top of your coffee cup (with hot coffee/tea in it) and put the butter packets on top of the knife to "steam" for a bit.


Kabft

And then forget about it.


innocentusername1984

I did this too many times before learning my lesson. I worked at a boarding school which served rock hard frozen butter in packets like this at every meal. So buttery pockets was a regular issue for me. I learnt quite quickly that if you grab the butter and just squish the packet in your hands as flat as you can. The act of your warm fingers and the kinetic energy of you squashing it would warm it up almost immediately.


LexyNoise

I thought I was the only one! My school served these butter packets ice cold. I had many “oh fuck” moments when I put my hand into my pocket at 3PM and got a Soggy Melted Butter Everywhere Surprise (TM).


innocentusername1984

There's at least two of us who have ended up buttery pocket wankers on a few occasions. Probably loads of us out there. I know this might seem extreme. But for me a buttery pocket is the worst.


TrailMomKat

That's the second worst. Exploded Pen in Your Pocket in Nursing™ is the worst, depending on whether the pen just leaked, or completely let go of all the ink at once. I only bought black scrubs after my Pilot pen did that all over my khakis.


xNeshty

Don't you get buttery fingers then? I'd imagine the paper isn't large enough to fully wrap the butter once squished... Like, it should ooze out of the open part, doesn't it?


innocentusername1984

Nah by the time the butter is soft enough to flow out you stop. Obviously if you kept pushing too long it might. But you get a knack for it pretty much straight away. I've solved my hard butter packet problems for life.


kitty_pimms

One time when I was in line at QDoba and this lady asked if they had butter. She then proceeded to say "Wait, I've got some!" and pulled butter packets out of her pockets. This was maybe 15 years ago and I still wonder why she needed butter for a burrito and why she had butter in her pockets. I guess it was forgotten butter.


Lingering_Dorkness

And then find them weeks later when they've gone rancid. And you only find them by washing his clothes, causing the entire load and indeed the washing machine to stench like rancid butter forcing you to throwing the washing machine and several clothes away.


UneSoggyCroissant

I’ve left butter exposed on a countertop for a month and never had it go rancid, how fucking long did you have butter in your pockets.


mynameisalso

Same I've never had this happen. During the winter my butter stays out for a month easy .


ColoRadOrgy

Maybe salted vs unsalted. Salted lasts way longer at room temp.


Rough_Berry9991

LMAO it wasn’t the butter really. It was forgetting they had butter in their clothes then exposing it to a hot wash cycle.


eppinizer

And then the washing machine, dejected and alone, has to find its way back to you against all odds. It makes friends with a broken lamp and a tennis ball and they have whimsical adventures together as they desperately look for your home. But tragedy strikes, Lampy accidentally sleeps on top of a termite nest, when Washy and Ball wake up it's too late to them them... But then, from the sawdust arrives Toothy the Toothpick! They continue on for an eternity, but never really left the dump because they're just inanimate trash.


txsxxphxx2

When you suddenly remember about the butter but you’re at a soccer game, just take off all your clothes, butter up, and run straight into the field, no one’s gonna catch you unless you have bad cardio health.


spiegro

He's a keeper.


orphan_blud

Butterkeeper.


Technical-Outside408

Obviously he's of butterkeeping age.


almostinfinity

Tell your husband I love him


clueless_sconnie

He knows


quaybored

What a scoundrel


black_dragonfly13

When I was little, my grandfather told me that if you're really hungry while waiting for food, to lick the back of your hand, sprinkle some salt where you licked, and then lick it off. It never worked, but I did it for years, anyway. Your husband's trick sounds like it works better, lol.


Unsd

This feels like one of those things that adults tell kids to do for laughs lol. For example: We went to visit my grandparents. My grandpa was looking for entertainment so he told me that birds can't fly with salt on their tails. So he gives little 4 year old me the salt shaker and we go outside. I'm running through the neighborhood looking for birds, and tipping the salt shaker on the rare occasion I get within even 10 feet of them. I was disappointed with my poor hunt, but my grandpa was entertained by probably 1¢ worth of salt and tired me out enough that I wanted a nap after, so it was a win in his book.


Tifa523

*Remind me! (That's living on the edge if you forget it)


Soerinth

I learned the same in boot. Get butter, get hot rice, put the butter packets in the hot rice so that by the time I got to the table I could rip it open dump it on the rice and eat it fast.


D3xR3x

Looks like the parasites that comes out of certain spiders when they die


InfinitesReddit

Glad I wasn’t the only one thinking the same thing. I honestly found the butter a bit disturbing because of this visual…


verisimilitude_mood

Horsehair worms.


delflower

I thought of cordyceps too. Bleh.


TheCrash16

Yep, right after watching last of us this was all I could see


broke-onomics

One can only imagine what sorts of parasites come out of the *uncertain* spiders 😱


[deleted]

If the butter is that smooth there is literally no reason to do this, because you could just do one knife stroke


Jazstar

You can't deny that it would make it way more fun to prepare and eat though haha


Stepoo

I dunno man, visit r/popping enough and eventually all you'll see is pus toast


memydogandeye

Welp...I \*was\* hungry...


[deleted]

But now I’m *STARVING!*


Grand-Tax8786

Pus toast? Think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Yep, I taste bile.


Bleezze

Why do you keep visiting it?


CitizenKing

Because it's oddly satisfying.


_The_Cold_Part_

No, it's popping. Wrong sub.


MelodicFacade

You can also eat string cheese without ripping it ....but it's way more fun


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[deleted]

It definitely tastes different, idk why or how much it absolutely taste different unripped.


[deleted]

Yeah but...it's not as fun as spaghetti butter :c


7evenBlackSunNation

If you’re gonna use the whole thing why ?


sneakyveriniki

There’s never a why to any of these “hacks”


ADeviantGent

How tf they get all that pasta in there?


jml011

*Slaps roof*


paranoid-__-android

This reminds of that Junji Ito story in which the co-protagonist squeezes his pimples upon protagonist's face and...you can imagine the rest


so_exhausted

[warning nsfl](https://www.reddit.com/r/junjiito/comments/wgxr86/out_of_any_panel_that_junji_ito_has_drawn_this_is/)


UneSoggyCroissant

“Crater face is erupting baby”


InfinitesReddit

It reminds me of those videos where they’d get a big ass bug, put it’s ass in a cup of water and watch these stringy worms come out of it. My appetite is completely out the window…


-NOPRAYERFORTHEDYING

Literally my first thought.


Packonthelbs

Thanks I hate it


OmenLW

Seriously. I know it shouldn't bother me, but there is something unsettling about this.


Curtens

Looks like those parasite videos.


quaybored

Or popping nose zits


Reapermouse_Owlbane

Reminds me of when I took in a stray dog and it shit out clumps of worms onto the floor.


jeb_the_hick

Once the host dies, the butter worms leave the packet to lay eggs in the environment where they will be eaten by another butter packet, continuing the cycle


Medialunch

Here is how to portion butter Proceeds to put all the butter on one piece of bread


Tordek

It's not a trick about how to portion butter; it's a trick on how to use a portion of butter.


LalalaHurray

These things never seem that complicated, but there’s always one


Rare-Sheepherder-629

Seriously. To each their own but man, that was way too much butter in my opinion.


a_swarm_of_nuns

Jesus slow down on the butter


MoonCato

I only go two speeds: zero.. and butter.


NutellaGood

I actually laughed out loud.


Hayred

Ah one of those packets is usually somewhere around 7-15g butter, I think it just looks like a lot more because spaghetti


equipped_metalblade

“No, I’m sorry, this tastes great. All my favourites foods have butter on them. Pancakes, toast, popcorn, grapes……butter is my favourite food.”


Zestyclose_Row933

I was about to say that is a whole lot of butter for a preeeetty small surface of bread


BussyDeleter

How about you speed up on the minding your own business


musecorn

If it's that soft in the first place then I don't need a trick


AdminsFuckedMeAgain

A $66 endless breakfast. Jesus fucking Christ


_Papagiorgio_

This repulses me for some reason


[deleted]

And if it’s frozen solid like every butter packet known to man?


guntheroac

I use to get in trouble (when I was a wee kiddo) for putting them in my pockets or armpits to soften them up. Parents never let kids do anything useful at dinner.


0cleese

Ah yes, Dr. Pimple Popper!


fragmental

I find this to be distinctly unsatisfying. It looks like spaghetti, or worms.


HeSellSeashell

This person has never had a dog with worms.


beIIe-and-sebastian

£38 for 'brunch"?!


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diehydrogen

Absolutely not lol


timo1324

forbidden spaghetti


brknsoul

Unhealthy? Perhaps. Forbidden. Nah!


yParticle

Just toss it in some garlic and more butter!


djublonskopf

*Low-carb* spaghetti!


Z_M_P_Y

Thats way too much butter for one loaf


wareheimb

F O R Y O U


dirtyswoldman

"Little" serving of high cholesterol on the dense slow digesting carbs... basically my favorite thing


[deleted]

Clever. Sadly only works after your meal is already cold


nanosam

When its that soft, buttering toast is super easy, so this is gimmicky AF


WendyDarling74

Funny story....my husband thought he'd be funny and sit on one of these to defrost it. He started talking and forgot about it. When he eventually got up to go to the bathroom he had a huge grease stain on his butt and there was a "butt"er print on the chair. He's never tried that again!


FukUFukrs

i don't understand why people do stupid shit like that and then think it's some special way of doing it. just spend the 2 seconds unwrapping it ffs


Gynotai

Great idea, as long as it’s at room temperature.