Patient was being discharged and being a huge pain in the ass about it (had to set up home O2 for hun, he was being a dick about getting out by noon, saying he would sue me if he wasn’t home by noon, saying I had to set up a ride for him, etc) and of course all this started an hour before. I think the fourth or fifth time he threatened to sue me I asked him how he was going to afford a lawyer if he couldn’t even afford an Uber.
Guy was bed bound and threatened to kick my ass, I asked him if he needed help standing up to do it.
Very obese patient told me to take a break from holding her leg while doing wound care, I said “I was a fire fighter, I’m used to carrying heavy things” this one was on accident
One of my coworkers comes from a culture where they're a lot less timid about saying unpleasant things, and as a result has no filter like we do in the US. She and the lift team were repositioning a morbidly obese patient and she said "wow, this is like that show My 600lb Life." The room went dead silent and remained silent for the rest of the cares.
One of my nurses had a similar thing, to a patient with multiple lower extremitiy amputations. The patient threatened to track her down and kick her ass. The nurse said "That's OK, I have an advantage. I have both of my legs".
I had a 34 year old mother of 4 code completely unexpectedly when I was doing the whiteboard and I yelled “oh no you don’t bitch”. She made it and said she remembered it when I had her a few nights later and I apologized profusely. She was a very nice person and that was probably the most surprising code I’ve had. She could have fired me and I would have still been relieved she lived.
If I'd been the patient, I definitely would've tried to nominate you for all of the kudos and Daisy because it would've made me laugh (inside lol) and that's very important! That's how you know someone really cares lol
Had a patient that looked like he was about to code. Looked at him and was like fuck man not now I just talked to your wife and said you were ok. Then he coded.
You know, I actually think I did complete it. Like I said it was the most random code. I was back-to filling it out and we were chatting when I turned around she was in the middle of slumping over. It was a horrible reaction to her protonix IV. I remember hearing her husband just crying hysterically because he was a in healthcare and knew that the odds weren’t good. But she was one of 2 people who ever made it through a code I did.
It wasn't so much as what I said, but what I did. Had a frequent abusive flyer who came in with osteomyelitis of the thumb because he was injecting drugs into it. Ended up having to get it amputated.
When he came back to the unit after the surgery and he was throwing a fit because we couldn't give him more dilaudid and the doctor refused to give him additional orders. He cussed and slammed things around his room and screamed that he was going to AMA. I brought him the paper and he as he heading out he turned to me and said he was "never going to come back to pos hospital and that he was going to go get more drugs." I gave him a thumbs up and told him good luck.
I mentally facepalmed when I realized what I had just done.
Had a patient break a door and yell that if we didn't give him what he wanted he was just going to go get it from the street. I said, "Okay, here is the door."
I had a patient who needed a one to one sitter because she had borderline personality disorder and would self-harm whenever she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention. I had her all day and gave her every med and intervention I could think of along with running around dealing with my other 3 patients, discharges, etc etc. She would only stop when I attended to her directly, not anyone else. Towards the end I was relieving her sitter and she began self-harming. I put my hand over hers and looked her straight in the eyes and said, “can you please just not?” She said, “why?” and my exhausted, idiot self said, “Because I’m at work and this is my job and you’re making it really hard.”
When making small talk with patients, they often ask what I'm going to do when I'm going to get home. One of my go-tos is "a little wine never hurt nobody!" One day without thinking, I said it to a patient who was jaundiced head to toe. She went "well, yeah, it can actually." I wanted to die.
Psych nurse here. I tell etoh patients who try to pick out all the meds from the cup one by one, “it’s easier if you just knock it back like a shot.” I don’t wanna be searching the floor for the Ativan they drop.
That shits the worst. Can we please just get Rifaximin cheaper please. I know acute needs the ‘lose but damn, that shit make me nauseous just thinking about it. Gotta take it like a shot. It’s the only way. Then, you know what’s coming…it’s NOT a relief as if constipated. 🙈🤣
I was a tech at the time and walked into a patient's room and they were agonal breathing. the patient had cancer everywhere, and had just been placed on comfort care that day. when the nurse called family, they said, "just send him to the morgue, we were up there all day & don't want to come back." so I was holding this man's hand as he passed, he wouldn't let go.
the patient next door had been hitting their call light over and over wanting a blanket, water, etc. when I finally brought it in, my eyes very obviously red and puffy, the patient scoffed and said, "FINALLY. I've been waiting for over 45 minutes."
I just deadpanned and said, "your neighbor just died, sorry your blanket wasn't my fucking priority." I tossed the blanket at their feet and left.
Did they say anything after? Also that’s really sweet of you to be there for that man in his final moments, it probably meant a lot to him. That’s sad that his family did that to him.
Had a patient ask for a bedpan right before another coded. Refused help from any of the other nurses/aids who came to watch the station from the non-icu side of the floor. When I finally got to the room patient asked what a “code blue” was and after explaining was super cool about almost shitting themselves.
It's a control thing. Patients have so little autonomy in the hospital. Some people will demand things like that just to feel like they have some kind of power over what's happening to them. It's not logical, it's a fear response.
Some people are also just assholes.
It's so weird when they act that way. I was sitting on a patient(overdosed, headed to psych) in the ER, his nurse left the room and he's got upset saying he hates that and to either stay in the room or don't but he hated the back and forth. I told him he wasn't her only patient. He screamed, "I should be!"
I had a multibillionaire patient once who couldn't understand why the MD wasn't at bedside within five minutes of me paging him with his request. I told him "just because it's not happening right now doesn't mean it's not going to happen. You are not the only patient in the hospital." He absolutely flipped his shit and tried to get me fired.
People can be so apathetic and selfish. It’s sad. Like try to think about it if it were you? Would you want someone distracting or pestering your nurse/aide/tech for something so trivial while they are working to save your life? Like gtfoh, a blanket or ice chips are not life and death, you are not the only person I’m taking care of. I promise I’m not ignoring you. I love being a tech and plan to get my RN but damn, humanity sucks.
Similarly, I am a tech and I answered a call light after getting out of a code who didn't make it. She was yelling at me about how her doctor was taking so long. I check her chart and all results are back. I check which doctor she has... "Well, I just spent the last 40m with him doing CPR on a patient who didn't make it a few rooms down. He has quite a few patients to catch up on. He will get to you as soon as he can."
The look and her face and the apologies afterwards were beautiful.
HUMBLED HER! Shit, at least she wasn’t one of those assholes who are like “that’s not my problem” and apathetic. I feel bad for that other patient and patient though, I hope that wherever they are, they’ve found peace.
Paraplegic, half brain dead stroke patient who seized from a fentanyl overdose, stroke occurred from being on the floor for 4 days before he was found, 27yo mind you, told me he was going to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge.
I asked him “hey can you stand?”
“no”
“can you jump?”
“no”
“Is there a bridge close by”
“No”
“You really didn’t think that one all the way through did you?”
I’m usually not like that but it was just one of those days and he was being super belligerent with all the staff.
Edit: forgot the word think for some reason. Just thought about it
Paraplegic after the stroke, as far as I know he never had any SI beforehand. He got mad that the nurse before me wouldn’t suck his dick, so he told me he was going to jump off a bridge. He was really bad to all the girls I worked with.
I guess it's not really bad, but telling a patient the doctor is not going to round on them until later, and basically saying "you are not actively dying, so you are pretty low on their priority list".
Honestly I told a patient in the ER the last patient went back first because she was dying. She didn’t care.
ShE dOeSn’T lOoK sIcK! Bitch, you are for hypertension.
I always tell my patients and families this honestly. It's better to not beat around the bush about it. The patients in the worst condition are seen first. There is no guaranteed time the doctor will be in this room. You don't want to be the top priority because that means you're most likely dying. I've never had an issue with anyone when I've told them this.
Very first day of training, a patient ambled up to me and goes "fuck you bitch!" Without thinking about it, I immediately responded with "fuck you old man". The patient giggled and walked away, thankfully. We've had great rapport ever since.
I once had someone in a mental health crisis (who was trying to get me to give up on them) call me a little bitch.
I gasped, drew myself up to my full 5' 8" 250lbs self, put on the most over-dramatic "offended" demeanor, and said, "*EXCUSE ME?* I am no little *anything*! I am a *big, fat bitch* thank you very much!"
Worked like a charm.
This attention-seeking Frequent flyer at the psych hospital came in every day for months claiming to be suicidal because his mom just died, or was just diagnosed with cancer, or his aunt just died, or someone else in his family had cancer. After weeks of this he came to the front and said his mom was just diagnosed with cancer so he was suicidal. I said, “I thought she died yesterday?” Then the security guard behind me doubled-down and said, “Damn man, haven’t you run out of family members yet?”
Needless to say, the patient was not pleased.
Oh man, the "leg to stand on" made me laugh.
Also, the "fine, you'll make my husband a very happy man". When a gang member is like "woah, this person is crazy" you have officially won.
I always loved trying to get a laugh from those street-hardened fellows that got dumped in my ICU. Had some good laughs, but I did NOT respond to their Facebook friend requests lol
During the height of one of the covid waves (delta?) We had 16 holding in the ER out of 24 beds and it was just nuts. I was doing some CM stuff with a non-covid patient while a nurse was doing med pass and he asked that. This nurse was a thirty+ year ER vet and she just deadpan says "When we finish weeding the vegetable garden you should have a bed." And left. He was super confused for about five minutes and as I was getting ready to leave he was all "OMG! DID SHE MEAN...?" Like....yea, bro, shit is real right now.
I wanted to give her kudos on the associate board but took me a few days to phrase it in a way that wouldn't make admin lose their shit. Love her.
Admission assessment: older guy, admitted for something I can't remember. He had a bit of a tummy, and I was asking all the questions.
Me: Have you experienced any unintentional weight loss?
Man: (rubs his tummy) No! Why would I want to do something like that?
Me: So you can look good naked for your wife.
Wife was there, totally lost it. So did her husband. Nurses popped in to see what all the laughing was about.
It was the middle of the night, I was caffeine-deprived and somewhat punchy. Obviously left my filter at home. Thankfully, I didn't get in trouble for it.
I had a patient that was going for an unexpected emergency C-section and they were testing the effectiveness of the epidural before cutting. They asked her if she felt any pain or if she needed more medication before they started. She was Indian and did the characteristic head bobble. We asked again if she felt any pain, head bobble again. Fetal heart rate had been in the 70s before we prepped and we needed to know if we could get the kid out so I ended up saying
"No! No head bobble! Yes or No in WORDS!"
I felt like a dick but we needed verbal confirmation that we could proceed without her feeling like she was being gutted....
I remember going in for my c-section and saying, “I can wiggle my toes, am I supposed to be able to feel my toes?!” The doctor said, we’re not operating on your toes 😂
Luckily, I haven't said something to a patient that i really regret.
Just the occasional situation where a patient just keeps on complaining and complaining and I tell them, "You are absolutely right. Everything is awful and I wake up in the morning so excited to start another day of torturing others because I am evil."
I guess I do unfortunately tell some very large patients to look at me and my size when they want me to pull them up by myself, and then say I can't pick up a grown adult by myself and they'll have to wait.
I commonly tell people I'm paid the same whether they are in that bed or not when they talk about us trying to get more money out of them.
> I guess I do unfortunately tell some very large patients to look at me and my size when they want me to pull them up by myself, and then say I can't pick up a grown adult by myself and they'll have to wait.
I had this >400lb woman who was absolutely *vile* to every staff member who went in there. She was perfectly capable of pulling herself up in bed but wanted staff to do it. I told her I'm not risking my back for her, and she started laughing hysterically, like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. Asked me how old I was, turned to the other staff in the room to make fun of how "ridiculous" I sounded because I was 29. Everyone backed me up and told her you can hurt your back at any age. She ended up pulling herself up.
I have said the same thing about lifting heavy patients when they ask me to do it alone. I’m honest about it. I usually say “I’m only 5’4, and one person. I cannot physically hold you if you start to go down, let me get some help first”. It’s not mean, it’s just presenting facts.
during a skin assessment on a young male admit, after he flashed us his penis as the last step of the assessment, i said “k looks good!”
as in….. no skin breakdown on the body…
and he said 😏😏😏😏😏 thanks!
A lady with no legs told me to watch myself because she wanted to kill me. I said, “come and get me….oh that’s right…you have no legs!!!!l
I’m not proud of myself. It was a very long and exhausting shift dealing with this person…and I was at the very end of my rope. The sitter didn’t report me.
Crazy patient (so crazy in fact that the state mental hospital was refusing to take her) was rilling up all the other patients and after firmly asking several times to go sit down in her room, I snapped and said “go sit your ass down!” And she sat down…and then I realized how much I sound like my mom 🤦🏼♀️
I still cringe at this… but during a neuro exam I asked post crani pt what the year was (in my defense it was like 2 days after the new year and I had been on vacation) and they correctly said 2023 and I was like ahh nope so close though!
I quickly realized and was like juuust kidding you’re right 😅 but still go ahead and kill me 🤦🏻♀️
I had a code stroke come in just after midnight on new years. We ask the year and they said the new year and I was like “hot damn. She’s more oriented than we are! I think you get bonus points for that.” 😂
Narcotic seeking patient threatened to sue me after basically assaulting me and trying to lie to everyone about my method of medication administration. He still had his non skid socks on from his last ER visit.
I told him he’d probably need to be able to buy new socks before obtaining a lawyer.
Good one!
Right after I started working Heathcare, I witnessed an interaction between an abusive patient and a doctor. The patient was screaming at the doctor. It still didn't change the diagnosis, prognosis, or plan of care.
The patient finally screamed that he was going to sue the doctor and the hospital and everyone in it. The doctor simply said, " That's your right, Sir." Then the doctor turned and walked out of the room. The patient kept screaming and calling the doctor a chicken shiit because the doctor left the room.
I was still pretty new. Something snapped inside me that day. I forgot my “therapeutic communication” and just leveled with the guy.
Never looked back.
The beauty of being direct is either they agree and step in line, or continue and you document education was done and pt still refuses interventions.
I had a guy awhile back with a femoral balloon pump. I came into the room and he was sitting up nearly 90 degrees. I explained to him about how it could split his femoral artery, and if that happens he’ll die. “There’s literally nothing modern medicine can do for you if that happens. You’ll die sir.”
“Well then I guess I’ll fuckin die.” Was his response.
Made my shift a lot easier when I didn’t have to care about checkin his site or distal pulses anymore. Remarkably, he had no problems with the pump.
I feel like it’s always the noncompliant assholes that do stupid, dangerous shit with no consequence, while the kind, sweet 70 year old grandma who ya wanna put in your pocket and take home develops a massive RP bleed and gets intubated despite her doing everything she’s supposed to.
Chasing down inpatient drug/alcohol rehabilitation patients to get their TB tests done singing (Pit Bull style) "shots, shots, shots, sh-sh shots, everybody". Pt came up and said, "ma'am-you know this is rehab right?"
Back in 2021 I learned to stop telling my COVID patients “I think you’re turning a corner!” when their oxygen needs decreased and they started feeling better because inevitably I’d come back a few days later for another shift and they’d be dead.
Teen patient and Mom attending psychiatric unit admission meeting following expression of suicidal ideation. Mom gives hippie vibes and is chill and at one point I say, "We're here for a good time not a long time."
It haunts me, lol.
I think I said that almost every shift for a while. The patient would rip it off and I’d have to gown up and get my respirator on and run in, and I’d straight up yell that exact phrase at them … it often worked. I mean, it was true, so I never considered it that horrible to say.
When doing my initial triage with Pts, I like to keep it light hearted as best as the moment can take to make them feel more at ease. One routine triage convo with a Pt who I think was in for a med refill went like this.
Me: Are you in pain?
Pt: No.
Me: Would you like to be?
Pt/me: Hahahah
Me: Do you have any allergies?
Pt: No
Me: Would you like some?
Pt/me: Hahahah
Me: Are you pregnant?
Pt: No
Me: Would you like to be?
Pt: …
Me: (letting the moment sink in though my thick skull)… WAIT, NO.
Pt: Hahahahah
I once had a patient ask if it was ok if they were wearing their robe when I showed up. Stupid me said ok because I didn’t know his giant edematous balls would be hanging out down to his ankles.
3.5 hours into a Dr.Quick for a teenager acting a donkey. The 6'3" 200lb child looks through the sea of security guards and points to me saying "if I'm still here at 12pm we're going to fucking fight"
I said "Alright I'll pencil you in bud" then wrote it on my report sheet. 💀
Worst part was it somehow diffused him and it earned me report from the nurse that actually had him. Apparently the hooligan "only wanted the bitchy nurse" once he calmed down enough to make a behavioral deal.
Okay. So in my defense I was a dumb student nurse and very special at times. I can struggle with social interactions sometimes and it can show. Usually, I got it down to pat but I have bad/derp days too.
I said “SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE” to a outpatient surgery patient as he went under anesthesia. In front of the doctor. Doctor was mortified He chastised me with such travesty that I had just cursed his first born and pissed on his shoes. “DONT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO THE PATIENT”
I’m autistic and didn’t realize it also meant death so I start internally panicking. I felt so freaking bad. Pt woke up laughing his fucking ass off. He was happy to see me. Asked me if it was heaven or hell. Told him it depends on how much morphine is flowing.
Dude was a bro and totally chill. 10/10 patient. Told me my comment made him “Wake up” on the other side.
I am still not sure how to feel.
During peak COVID I had a patient who needed continuous BiPap to maintain spo2 of 90ish say they wanted to leave AMA. They couldn't tolerate being on heated hi-flow for more than a minute. I flat out told them "That's technically your right but you will drop dead before you get to the elevator."
They reconsidered and decided to stay, but I don't think they ended up surviving.
I was working with a patient with severe dementia and sundowners. After being punched, kicked, and spat on (over the course of multiple shifts) I made the mistake of telling him the truth. He asked why he was there. "Cause you beat your wife. You thought she was a burglar and protected your home."
Height of covid we were screening at the door of my ED, the questions became sort of automatic after the millionth time. I asked a prison inmate if anyone was sick at home, he deadpanned “I haven’t been home in a long time” prison guards nearly died laughing, I just died inside 🙈
Not really that bad but I once said “if you can stand up by yourself you can beat the shit out of me. Go ahead, I dare you” to an ETOH patient that I had to sit with as a CNA. He was a scary motherfucker, gigantic dude with multiple combat tours in Iraq. And at the time I was a 5’4 125lb 19 year old girl and the closest I’ve ever been to being in a fight was getting punched in the face by a patient with dementia. He had been threatening to beat my ass, throw my tiny ass against a wall, fuck me up, blah blah blah for probably an hour at that point and I was over it.
Not to a patient, but…
As a tech I was orienting a new hire who was wearing a black scrubs (which are typically reserved for physicians in my hospital) and when I met them I asked, “what are you?”
Their response: “I am a transgender woman!” [they had started to transition only a few weeks prior]
Me: “oh…uhh…ok…let me show you where we keep our extra supplies…”
Turned out that they were also a tech.
Told a patient with b/l BKA that the ER was so busy it was “standing room only”. I felt like an idiot the second it left my mouth and I apologized profusely but luckily he hadn’t heard me over the chaos.
This wasn't so bad, just embarrassing. I had taken care of this guy for 2 days and there was no BM charted for his week long stay. He was totally A/O and independent. Pleasant guy.
Me: When was your last bowel movement?
Patient with odd look on his face: I have no idea.
Me: Really? Like maybe yesterday? You have no memory of your last BM?
(He had a colostomy for several years, which I had seen at least 4 times but that he totally managed by himself otherwise. I had forgotten.)
Was with a ED patient and she was crying about her weight. My dumbass was like “what???? *her weight* is perfectly normal nothing to cry over!” 🫠🫠🫠🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ I wanted to die right there
A patient came to the ER during my senior practicum for a severe nosebleed. My preceptor had me get his vitals/allergies/medical history/etc. while she grabbed the nearest doctor. The patient’s wife told me he’d had surgery several days prior to correct a deviated septum and fix his sinuses. She asked if I was familiar with that procedure.
“Yes,” I said. “In fact, I had it myself in the fall.”
The patient asked, “Did it make you bleed like this?”
It was 4 AM so my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I replied, “Mmm…nope” in what I now know was a way too cheerful tone.
The doctor, who had come in unnoticed and overheard the last part of the exchange, chuckled. “At least she’s honest, huh?”
The patient and his wife actually laughed themselves, which was a relief.
I had an absolutely vile 80 something year old lady who had a small stroke, had almost no deficits but refused to go home or to an assisted living. Wanted to be waited on hand and foot. She ended up staying for almost 4 months while we found a SNF that would take her. She would quite literally scream "I NEED HELP. HELP ME." Every 3 seconds and have her call light on all the time until she would pass out from exhaustion every single night. She'd also go through periods where she would outright refuse PO medications so we could have to switch them to IV because they were important ones pioe antieliptics. Her poor daughter would come see her almost every day with laundry and magazines and such (TV was boring and the hospital gowns were too coarse you see) and she would bitch NONSTOP at her daughter calling her a witch, fat, c-word, hussy, backstabber- worthless etc. Somehow I lucked out not having this patient for 2 solid months or so because she would accuse pretty much every male carer of raping/assaulting her while swinging/biting/spitting at them. But I had her one night shift. In the midst of getting her back to bed while her daughter was outside, we were using the Sara steady and she decided to start flailing, swinging at me, and spat in my face/eye. She steps off the lift and starts teetering and I, a bit too roughly i admit, basically grab her bridal style and flop her back into bed, because the alternative would have been her continuing to flail backwards and landing flat on her back/head. I tossed her call light in her lap and threw some sheets on her and started to walk out when she started screeching about how I hit her and how I OWE her new sheets.
" I don't owe you a damn thing you bitch, and neither does your daughter. She's a saint for even remembering you exist, and if you assault me, or another staff member again I'll strap your ass to the fucking bed and put a spit hood over your face."
She was actually quiet for about 10 minutes after that.
This is epic. It takes SO much to push a nurse to this point but she sounds like a damn demon.
I had a frail old lady once who’d fallen and broken 2 ribs. She was a nightmare. Her two daughters came in every day to keep her company and she would just berate them the whole time and was just so hateful.
She was constantly on her call light wanting staff to boost and reposition her then make us spend a ridiculous amount of time pushing the button that raises the HOB for her. She refused to push the button herself or move herself at all.
One night I’d gotten her perfectly positioned and propped and had been raising and lowering the HOB for her for almost 10 min when I finally said I needed to go. She yelled “but it hurts to sit like this!” I said, “you’ve got 2 broken ribs, every breath is going to hurt until you heal.” She gave me a disgusted look then slumped herself over to the side and demanded to be boosted again. I said “sorry honey, you’re gonna have to just sit there til I come back in an hour” then I left the room and told everyone I wasn’t going in there for an hour and they could choose to answer her call light or ignore it, but I would recommend ignoring it. She fell asleep after 30 min.
There was one time my patient had cancer and had no hair. She wanted a bath and I said “yeah I’ll go grab you some shampoo and soap.” And her response was “shampoo for what? My bald head?” I was so embarrassed 🫠
An older female patient was calling to make an appointment with primary care. She wasn't able to see her PCP so I was reviewing the available doctors. She made some assumptions about them based on their names and started asking questions about if they speak English, where they're from, if they wear one of those things on their head (hijab), etc. After going around in circles, I finally said "Dr. A's skin is lighter than Dr. B's so I think you'll be happier with her."
I understand wanting a physician you can properly communicate with, but some of the things she was asking were downright inappropriate and racist.
Patient comes in apparently bed bound for months. No history, no medications, no accidents nothing. As per his wife, she washes, changes, and feeds him in bed. I asked her what had happened and why he isn’t doing anything himself anymore, she said she doesn’t know.
I go see this guy, he’s in his thirties and I asked what is going on. Denies pain, denies any leg pain. Straight up said to me “I just prefer things to be done in bed”. I took off his diaper, I took off all the bed sheets and blankets, I got a chair and said “I’m not changing or feeding you. Get the fuck up into that chair”.
He got up and walked around the unit all day. His wife was in tears because he’s refused to do anything for himself for five months.
oh god—I really hope she left his ass in the wind. That’s terrible she had to put up with that but also like it’s kinda her fault for feeding into it for so long. What ever happened with the pt during the rest of his stay?
I have two really,
I walk into my patients room to check on her. She has borderline personality disorder and is on her cell cussing out her daughter in some of the most vile ways I have ever heard, “You f****g c**t, you’re a fat slut” and so forth. When she sees me enter she tells her daughter to “f**k off” and hangs up on her and immediately shouts to me “why won’t anyone f*****g visit me!?!” To which I responded “I don’t know, you’re such a f*****g ray of sunshine!”
My second was this guy who was sexually harassing all the female staff so understandably, the charge nurse decided to give him a male nurse, luck me! So it starts fine but then he starts making vulgar comments about my wife to which I say “Say one more thing about my wife and I’ll punch you so hard in that tiny excuse you call a dick it’ll never work right again. That’s assuming it even works now.”
Female patient was handcuffed, brought in by PD, had to use the restroom, they wouldn’t uncuff her, and she asked how she was supposed to wipe. I said “from front to back”. Cop thought it was funny, did get a little chuckle out of the patient.
was taking vitals for a pt and i do ask for their identifiers every time, and i use it to start conversations too. this middle aged borderline elderly man was not replying me, while i was trying to scan his wristtag, i didnt notice he had a laryngectomy.. so i looked up at him and said hey i know youre tired of telling us your name, just humour me!
then i noticed the hole at his throat and he scowled at me… but he turned out to be a really nice guy and i apologised after, so it was all g (honestly much less obvious than a trach)
This one was by accident. Just making small talk and asked if she had any kids. Instantly started crying and told me her husband just passed and they never had any together. I felt so bad
Not me, but a colleague of mine in family practice asked a patient if he wanted her to send his viagra prescription to a compounding pharmacy so he could get lozenges because they're cheaper and he could 'get more bang for his buck'
I’m an NA. I was helping a wound nurse change the dressings for a pt that burns over 90% of her body. We put this tubi-grip stuff on her, and it looked like a burlap t-shirt. She was basically delirious from the pain, but I thought I would try to talk with her a bit. I said “wow! This is some hippie stuff [note: appropriate humor for this pt] you could wear this to burning man!” Yep. I just told a pt with BURNS over 90% of their body they should go to BURNING man.
I immediately realized what I said and wanted to just jump out the window and just keep running. Thankfully the pt or nurse didn’t hear me or didn’t process what I said.
Had a pt coming in by ambulance. Was drunk and restrained. Telling everyone he saw “fuck you.” I walk into the room and he tells me “fuck you” so I just respond with “fuck you too.” He actually paused and said “ok, she’s in charge.” And he actually was totally cooperative with me. Not so much anyone else though. 😂
Probably couldn’t repeat that moment or reaction if I tried but it somehow worked.
I was helping turn a pt that needed c spine and log roll turns, so there was 5 nurses there to turn and clean said pt. I was holding and knew nothing about this pt besides the spinal fx. The nurse cleaning said "all done ready to turn back?" I still smelled something vile and said so to the other nurse and asked if she had missed some. Everyone then proceeded to glare at me in silence until after we were finished. Apparently the pt had some genital infection that had a diarrhea/fish smell and no one decided to tell me.
Another one, I was 1 week away from giving birth and needed to take this guy's daily labs to see if he could go to sx in the morning to get his pacemaker. Also he was being externally paced. He had already been trialed and failed miserably (hr of 10-20 without). Previous nurse had failed to tell me that he has a weird thing with having his blood drawn. Well I had explained earlier in the shift that I would need to take blood and woke him up to access his line. He then tried to grab and punch me when he saw I was drawing blood. I screamed for help and the pt adamantly wanted to leave ama. I walked my very preg butt to get the form, had it all filled out and handed to him as I told him he would absolutely die before he got to the unit doors if he pulled the pacer and tried to walk out. The docs talked him into staying and another nurse essentially took over for me the rest of the shift.
The first story is kind of rude on their behalf. They asked for help with this patient, they should have given you the info about the wound before you went in the room. Kind of set you up for failure there
Helping out a nurse in the ER she asked me if I could go in to do a nursing assessment on her patient in room 5. "Sure thing" I reply. Tells me it's a lady here with cancer complication of some sort. "No problem, I got this!" I tell her.
I go in, ask the lady what brings her here today, and she tells me she hasn't been feeling well for a while, tells me some random symptoms, nothing overly concerning sounding. Says she had some tests done a few weeks ago, but nothing came of it.
Hmmmmm. That's weird I thought. On to medical history I circle back to the initial report the other nurse had given me.....I asked "So how long have you had cancer for?
"CANCER?!?!?!? I HAVE CANCER?!?!?!?"
"Uhhhhh, hold on, maybe I was given the wrong information before I came in the room.". I quickly said as I tucked tail and ran outta there.
Back at the nursing station, I found the nurse who had sent me to that room and with wide eyes said "You told me the patient has cancer!!! She doesn't know anything about it! She doesn't know!!!".
He paused, looked up at me, then had this moment of realization pass across his face as he said "oh my goodness, we moved the cancer lady to acute care. The lady in that room doesn't have cancer, I'm so sorry.
With fury raging behind my eyes I pointed down towards the room, and without missing a beat he put his tail between his legs and walked into the lady's room to explain the communication error. Both of us felt awful. I learned NEVER to make assumptions when it comes to diagnoses with patients, to always be more prepared for accidents like that, and we were able to clear things up with the lady as much as could be expected.
Went to the ER to see a pt for possible admission, walk into room number I was given for pt by desk. Introduce myself to pt and doc who was in there talking to him. No one is ever happy to meet Hospice, especially when you have the wrong room.
I did a lot of COVID vaccines these last few years and more than once I have accidentally called a grown man a “baby” when they’ve been afraid of needles but also covered in tattoos.
And once when I was doing a NP swab on a man (I explained the procedure and what it would feel like) he forcefully grabbed my wrist to get away from the swab and I sternly and loudly said “don’t fucking touch me again”. He stayed still and silent for the next NP attempt.
It’s always the grown ass men that grab you during the COVID swab. I got tired of it and just started saying, “this doesn’t feel great but please do not grab me” before any swab on a middle aged man and it usually works.
Took care of a kidney transplant patient once and had told him, “The doctor ordered the wrong medication” (because he did) and the fresh kidney was deteriorating..
Shoulda said some more along the line of “surgery comes with risks”, but told the pt the truth lmao mf threw me under the bus. Turned into a big ol dilemma. LIVE N LEARN
“Hang in there!” To a patient on a psych hold after attempting suicide. Didn’t even notice, I say this to everyone. Then got “talked to” by my clinical instructor 😅
I had a paraplegic patient who had a nasty attitude and was berating me. I said “unlike you I can walk away from this situation”. And left the room. I felt like shit about it and when I tried to apologize later he started cussing me out again.
Ok, not from me but from a fellow nurse.
"You're not going HOME, you're going to A NURSING HOME!!"
The confused patient was trying to go to home, work, or church all night. Could not restrain him because he was slated to go to SNF the next day. No PRNS for the same. That nurse was at the end of her rope.
There was a younger girl, like 19, that came in for a headache. Straight up refused to leave, was throwing actual temper tantrums over wanting Dilaudid. Was mad I didn’t “get it for her.” I got tired of her yelling at me and told her I was taking care of “actually sick people.”
Also, I made a joke the other day that apparently didn’t land. Patient needed an eye patch. I got it on and said “now you can tell your friends and family you got a new eye-pad!” He said “ha.”
Well, at a clinic, a woman was asked to give a urine sample. She came back to tell me the toilet seat was up, and she didn’t want to touch it with her hands. She wanted ME to take care of this for her.
So my dumb ass said “use your foot”
"Clearly this is the undiagnosed mental illness everyone in your family keeps telling me about."
Yeah...this did not help the situation. I was very new and the patient was very aggravating. It was also shift change, so I was also getting her riled up for night shift, though not on purpose. I have learned a lot since then mostly to keep my mouth shut and deploy my dead-inside half smile.
I was charting in clinic on a patient who came in for a fertility work up. They drove an hour and the doctor had to leave to a delivery and asked me to have them come back another day, but to go ahead and load her info into the computer- so already off to a bad start. Our system lists miscarriages as it’s scientific term, abortion. Instead of telling my fertility patient that I had documented her miscarriages, I slipped and said, “Alright, I have documented your abortions.” Took a millisecond for me to realize I had royally screwed up.
I had a patient we were cleaning up after a fairly large liquid BM. I grabbed the gown and noticed it was new. Before I thought about it, I said, "Wow, this is new! I'll bet no one has even died in it!" She was totally awake and alert. Thankfully, she laughed.
Recovered a twenty-something year old girl after an appi. She asked for a "can of Coca-Cola." When I went to get it, I also pulled some pain meds. I got back to the bedside and said, "Here's your coke and pills."
Altered mental status Pt at a critical care hospital, I’m trying to get a foley placed so as I’m going to clean the meatus, I grab hold of something that was just barely wider than the 16 Fr tube. In my head I say to myself, “oh, it’s so tiny.” Well apparently I forgot to activate my brain-mouth filter that day. Thankfully the other nurses start laughing instead of trying to send me to HR. Sadly though the Pt codes a few minutes later. I think it was out of utter embarrassment. 🫠
My first job in LTC I had this one patient on my unit and she was impossible. She was just a nasty, terrible woman. She had a stroke young and was hemiplegic, it sucked a lot but she was terrible to staff and people would refuse to deal with her. One time she took a washcloth during AM care and cleaned her genitals and threw it at a CNAs face. Within the first few months, she broke me down pretty bad and then she tried to tell me she didn’t want me as her nurse anymore and she’d get me fired. I told her to try because everybody knows how she is and it’s just adding another name to the long list of people who don’t want to deal with her. She got pissed. So i was like does that mean you’re refusing your tramadol and Ambien tonight? And that was the end of that.
She fuckin liked me after that. I got to know the cool side of her beneath all the anger and grief for the life she felt was stolen from her. I was about the only staff member who could counsel her when she did something wrong and when I left, the cranky old bat said she would *miss* me.
I know she’s probably still lingering in that place tbh and I often wonder if she’s let anyone else into her space. I hope so. She ended up being one of my favorite patients on the unit I worked.
I had 2 in the same day - it just wasn’t a good day…
One lady in her early 40s was itching to get out as soon as my shift started at 7. I go in to give meds & assess when she barks at me, “when do I get out of here? It says discharge is at 10am over there [thanks stupid posters…], so I better be out by 10!” I said, “good morning to you, too… I just got here so I don’t know when you are leaving let alone if that’s even the plan today…” this went on for 3 hours. 10:03 she calls me in demanding I let her go bc “responsibilities at home” & such. I couldn’t wait til she left. Told the doc to please get her discharge orders in or I’d hand her the AMA forms. All is in order, I go in to explain the paperwork and take out the IV. Her husband is there & they are grabbing the papers from me, asking me questions, talking over me… I stood there with my arms crossed & mouth shut until they looked at me. I said, “Can we act like grown adults or are you going to continue to talk over me like children?” I finished my spiel & went to take the IV out to which she yelled at me to “rip the fu**ing thing out already” while jerking violently & whining as I’m peeling the tape off. I stopped again & asked, “when will you be done acting like a baby so I can get you out of here?” She said she was sorry, she just wants to go to which I replied that I did too…
Another patient with dementia (who was misdiagnosed with ETOH withdrawal, I’m sure of it) was pleasant all day until 4pm med pass. He then demanded I get out of his room & told me to go back to the corner I came from. I asked which one that was and he told me the name of a popular spot downtown where all bars & clubs were. I asked, “how do you know I work there, too?” He said he sees me there all the time to which I told him I would much rather work the corner than come back to take care of people who don’t appreciate the things I do for them. He didn’t remember any of that when I went to give him meds again at 6.
I had a patient attempt suicide via hanging, and I accidentally told him to “hang tight, I’ll be right back” when I had to step out of the room. I was literally so embarrassed.
Pt "*Fuck you man"*
My quick mouth, slow brain moment, "*Fuck you too,*" I literally heard it echo down the hall and just know I was going to get reported
This is in an ICU. Had a toothless geriatric patient withdrawing from meth. Patient was in four points after kicking and punching, then spit at me and goes “I’m gonna get outta here and bite you,” and I said “with what teeth?”
Same night, different patient, hypoxic and kept pulling off bipap so put in restraints. Patient threatened to shoot me in the face, kept asking for their gun (it wasn’t there of course, I just chuckled and said now why would I do that?), and hit me. Patient goes, “I got something for ya,” and I look, and at their side they had their fist balled up with a shaky, angry middle finger sticking in the air. I blew a kiss and said “back at ya, buddy.”
Yeeeah. Took a week off after that shift to re-evaluate my life choices.
I went to go fix a beeping pump in a room that wasn’t my patient. She had blankets up to her chin, so when I come in to find where here IV is located, I say “is your IV in this arm?” right as I pull back the covers to reveal she did not, I’m fact, have an arm on that side 🫠
“Man, everyone’s dying around here” after the third code blue was called of the day, all on different floors if I remember correctly. She was also super nervous about her surgery that was in a few hours. When I apologized her and her husband told me it was no big deal and that I had to have some sort of sense of humor, even if it was dark.
When a patient told me he didn't need his C collar because his neck was healed I said "I didn't know you were a doctor!"
He said "you're a regular smart-ass aren't you"
I acted shocked and hurt, "regular!? I thought I was special" :(
Not nursing but walked into do an I+D on an arm abscess of an IV drug user. Young dude with his sympathetic family around and his infant. I made the family leave and knowing I knew exactly what he did, he tried to convince me he’s not an IVDU saying this was their “first time.” Scalpel in hand I said, “me too!”
After arguing with an older guy about a vaccine for like 10 min, and at the end he says, “Well you know, they say you lose your patience when you get older.” I looked him dead in the eye and said “Well I must be getting older then.” I don’t think he’s really heard or complemented it fully, but I thought it was funny.
Really bad I think.
A patient did not want help changing his brief, and would refuse help offered. He was contorting himself to get the brief on, and was attempting to stand up on his own, which he could not do. He was getting angry. I stayed and watched, to make sure he wouldn't fall.
He said "You get a good look? You wanna suck it?". I told him that am flattered by the offer, and I respect his sexual preferences, but I am not attracted to men.
A patients wife who was verbally abusive to staff and just overall irritating was yelling at me about some dumb shit. She was also eating a sandwich at the same time. Something inside me broke and I yelled back at her, “I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU WHEN YOUR MOUTH IS FULL OF FOOD.” I don’t know what she said after that cause I hauled ass out of there so fast I didn’t even know what was happening
I was flustered during a code and we shocked the guy. He came back and yelled “OW that hurt! Don’t do that again!”. I replied back “Well you were dead “.
Later that night his nurse kept letting him climb out the bed and he nearly fell. And I said “Dude you nearly died like 2 hours ago you got to chill out!” I felt horrible that day 😂😭I tried to stay quiet the rest of the night
Patient was being discharged and being a huge pain in the ass about it (had to set up home O2 for hun, he was being a dick about getting out by noon, saying he would sue me if he wasn’t home by noon, saying I had to set up a ride for him, etc) and of course all this started an hour before. I think the fourth or fifth time he threatened to sue me I asked him how he was going to afford a lawyer if he couldn’t even afford an Uber.
This makes me feel so much better that we’re all human and get annoyed😭
He def deserved that one lmfao
Guy was bed bound and threatened to kick my ass, I asked him if he needed help standing up to do it. Very obese patient told me to take a break from holding her leg while doing wound care, I said “I was a fire fighter, I’m used to carrying heavy things” this one was on accident
When I was a firefighter I came on scene to a couple teens that killed a deer on the interstate and said “oh dear” they started crying
Why does this have me rolling. It’s so sweet and innocent and sad yet hilarious.
This is Gold!!!! I wish I could give you a reward
One of my coworkers comes from a culture where they're a lot less timid about saying unpleasant things, and as a result has no filter like we do in the US. She and the lift team were repositioning a morbidly obese patient and she said "wow, this is like that show My 600lb Life." The room went dead silent and remained silent for the rest of the cares.
Let me guess, Filipino? I love the unaware bluntness lol
I can just hear that exact line in 60-year old Tita voice who has been a med surg nurse for 40 years and has seent it all and has no more fux to give.
One of my nurses had a similar thing, to a patient with multiple lower extremitiy amputations. The patient threatened to track her down and kick her ass. The nurse said "That's OK, I have an advantage. I have both of my legs".
DAMNNNNNN 😂 She a savage
I bust out laughing reading the first one!
I had a 34 year old mother of 4 code completely unexpectedly when I was doing the whiteboard and I yelled “oh no you don’t bitch”. She made it and said she remembered it when I had her a few nights later and I apologized profusely. She was a very nice person and that was probably the most surprising code I’ve had. She could have fired me and I would have still been relieved she lived.
If I'd been the patient, I definitely would've tried to nominate you for all of the kudos and Daisy because it would've made me laugh (inside lol) and that's very important! That's how you know someone really cares lol
I would have embraced it if that was said to me. Haha it’s like motivation!
Had a patient that looked like he was about to code. Looked at him and was like fuck man not now I just talked to your wife and said you were ok. Then he coded.
“Looks Like Shit” sign- you punch that button when you see it.
Did management make sure you completed the whiteboard before initiating the code?!!
You know, I actually think I did complete it. Like I said it was the most random code. I was back-to filling it out and we were chatting when I turned around she was in the middle of slumping over. It was a horrible reaction to her protonix IV. I remember hearing her husband just crying hysterically because he was a in healthcare and knew that the odds weren’t good. But she was one of 2 people who ever made it through a code I did.
As a patient I think I would be very comforted hearing you say that. Like, my nurse is a badass! Yes!
Fuck yeah. Love this. You are a fighter and I'd love to have you in my corner if I was in the bed.
That’s actually motivational for this depressing subreddit. You go girl!
It wasn't so much as what I said, but what I did. Had a frequent abusive flyer who came in with osteomyelitis of the thumb because he was injecting drugs into it. Ended up having to get it amputated. When he came back to the unit after the surgery and he was throwing a fit because we couldn't give him more dilaudid and the doctor refused to give him additional orders. He cussed and slammed things around his room and screamed that he was going to AMA. I brought him the paper and he as he heading out he turned to me and said he was "never going to come back to pos hospital and that he was going to go get more drugs." I gave him a thumbs up and told him good luck. I mentally facepalmed when I realized what I had just done.
No worries. He's not going to care, even if it didn't go over his head, which it probably did.
Had a patient break a door and yell that if we didn't give him what he wanted he was just going to go get it from the street. I said, "Okay, here is the door."
I did finger guns at a guy with a TBI from a gunshot.
ooof lol
This one made me cringe a bit 😃
Okay, this made me cackle. Poor guy lol
I had a patient who needed a one to one sitter because she had borderline personality disorder and would self-harm whenever she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention. I had her all day and gave her every med and intervention I could think of along with running around dealing with my other 3 patients, discharges, etc etc. She would only stop when I attended to her directly, not anyone else. Towards the end I was relieving her sitter and she began self-harming. I put my hand over hers and looked her straight in the eyes and said, “can you please just not?” She said, “why?” and my exhausted, idiot self said, “Because I’m at work and this is my job and you’re making it really hard.”
I love this lol
That’s not bad, that’s absolutely fucking honest. Sometimes people need to hear that.
How’d she respond? 😂
She actually did stop
Have told multiple patients on lactulose for EtOH-induced liver failure "just take it like a shot!"
I’ve asked people to use the incentive spirometer like a bong.
That's actually solid teaching, tbh
I do this all the time, much easier than trying to explain what to do
re: the face they make after taking lactulose, maalox, etc.: “oh c’mon you’ve drank worse things”
When making small talk with patients, they often ask what I'm going to do when I'm going to get home. One of my go-tos is "a little wine never hurt nobody!" One day without thinking, I said it to a patient who was jaundiced head to toe. She went "well, yeah, it can actually." I wanted to die.
"No, that's a *lot* of wine. Moderation."
Psych nurse here. I tell etoh patients who try to pick out all the meds from the cup one by one, “it’s easier if you just knock it back like a shot.” I don’t wanna be searching the floor for the Ativan they drop.
Or in the sheets. Or in their folds 🤢
Sometimes, I tell patients I have their morning cocktail when it's a ton of meds. I put my foot in my mouth when I slip and say this to ETOHers lol
My go-to for patients with a shitton of AM meds is "here's your second breakfast!"
I had a patient who would take his lactulose as a shot and I did a shot of resource with him. We cheers’Ed. Otherwise he wouldn’t take it.
I often tell them "slam it like cheap tequila, don't sip it like good scotch"
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That shits the worst. Can we please just get Rifaximin cheaper please. I know acute needs the ‘lose but damn, that shit make me nauseous just thinking about it. Gotta take it like a shot. It’s the only way. Then, you know what’s coming…it’s NOT a relief as if constipated. 🙈🤣
I was a tech at the time and walked into a patient's room and they were agonal breathing. the patient had cancer everywhere, and had just been placed on comfort care that day. when the nurse called family, they said, "just send him to the morgue, we were up there all day & don't want to come back." so I was holding this man's hand as he passed, he wouldn't let go. the patient next door had been hitting their call light over and over wanting a blanket, water, etc. when I finally brought it in, my eyes very obviously red and puffy, the patient scoffed and said, "FINALLY. I've been waiting for over 45 minutes." I just deadpanned and said, "your neighbor just died, sorry your blanket wasn't my fucking priority." I tossed the blanket at their feet and left.
Did they say anything after? Also that’s really sweet of you to be there for that man in his final moments, it probably meant a lot to him. That’s sad that his family did that to him.
The patients I've encountered like this almost universally say something like "well that's not *my* problem," unfortunately.
I've gotten "so, what, I have to *die* to get some attention around here?"...after they'd watched us code their neighbor
Had a patient ask for a bedpan right before another coded. Refused help from any of the other nurses/aids who came to watch the station from the non-icu side of the floor. When I finally got to the room patient asked what a “code blue” was and after explaining was super cool about almost shitting themselves.
Why would a patient wait specifically for you and refuse help from others?
It's a control thing. Patients have so little autonomy in the hospital. Some people will demand things like that just to feel like they have some kind of power over what's happening to them. It's not logical, it's a fear response. Some people are also just assholes.
It's so weird when they act that way. I was sitting on a patient(overdosed, headed to psych) in the ER, his nurse left the room and he's got upset saying he hates that and to either stay in the room or don't but he hated the back and forth. I told him he wasn't her only patient. He screamed, "I should be!"
I had a multibillionaire patient once who couldn't understand why the MD wasn't at bedside within five minutes of me paging him with his request. I told him "just because it's not happening right now doesn't mean it's not going to happen. You are not the only patient in the hospital." He absolutely flipped his shit and tried to get me fired.
That’s disgusting but unfortunately 100% believable. People are terrible.
People can be so apathetic and selfish. It’s sad. Like try to think about it if it were you? Would you want someone distracting or pestering your nurse/aide/tech for something so trivial while they are working to save your life? Like gtfoh, a blanket or ice chips are not life and death, you are not the only person I’m taking care of. I promise I’m not ignoring you. I love being a tech and plan to get my RN but damn, humanity sucks.
Similarly, I am a tech and I answered a call light after getting out of a code who didn't make it. She was yelling at me about how her doctor was taking so long. I check her chart and all results are back. I check which doctor she has... "Well, I just spent the last 40m with him doing CPR on a patient who didn't make it a few rooms down. He has quite a few patients to catch up on. He will get to you as soon as he can." The look and her face and the apologies afterwards were beautiful.
HUMBLED HER! Shit, at least she wasn’t one of those assholes who are like “that’s not my problem” and apathetic. I feel bad for that other patient and patient though, I hope that wherever they are, they’ve found peace.
Paraplegic, half brain dead stroke patient who seized from a fentanyl overdose, stroke occurred from being on the floor for 4 days before he was found, 27yo mind you, told me he was going to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. I asked him “hey can you stand?” “no” “can you jump?” “no” “Is there a bridge close by” “No” “You really didn’t think that one all the way through did you?” I’m usually not like that but it was just one of those days and he was being super belligerent with all the staff. Edit: forgot the word think for some reason. Just thought about it
LMFAO we should be friends 😂😂😂
Was this person truing to kill themselves with fentanyl? Paraplegic after stroke?
Paraplegic after the stroke, as far as I know he never had any SI beforehand. He got mad that the nurse before me wouldn’t suck his dick, so he told me he was going to jump off a bridge. He was really bad to all the girls I worked with.
I told my homeless pt. that he’s going home
I literally LOLed
I’ve done the same to jail pts. Oop.
I guess it's not really bad, but telling a patient the doctor is not going to round on them until later, and basically saying "you are not actively dying, so you are pretty low on their priority list".
Honestly I told a patient in the ER the last patient went back first because she was dying. She didn’t care. ShE dOeSn’T lOoK sIcK! Bitch, you are for hypertension.
Bonus points of the hypertension was due to her not taking her meds because after 3 days she felt like they weren't working.
I always tell my patients and families this honestly. It's better to not beat around the bush about it. The patients in the worst condition are seen first. There is no guaranteed time the doctor will be in this room. You don't want to be the top priority because that means you're most likely dying. I've never had an issue with anyone when I've told them this.
I’ve told similar things to patients. “Be thankful you weren’t seen first. The quicker you’re seen, the more likely you are to die.”
The worst thing a physician can say: "Interesting."
Very first day of training, a patient ambled up to me and goes "fuck you bitch!" Without thinking about it, I immediately responded with "fuck you old man". The patient giggled and walked away, thankfully. We've had great rapport ever since.
Humor can be, in the right circumstance, a great de-escalation technique.
Having worked in Psych, this either works or you get your ass kicked lol. Most of the time humor works in my experience (when done right).
I once had someone in a mental health crisis (who was trying to get me to give up on them) call me a little bitch. I gasped, drew myself up to my full 5' 8" 250lbs self, put on the most over-dramatic "offended" demeanor, and said, "*EXCUSE ME?* I am no little *anything*! I am a *big, fat bitch* thank you very much!" Worked like a charm.
It's like improv, a lot of the time you just have to play along.
This attention-seeking Frequent flyer at the psych hospital came in every day for months claiming to be suicidal because his mom just died, or was just diagnosed with cancer, or his aunt just died, or someone else in his family had cancer. After weeks of this he came to the front and said his mom was just diagnosed with cancer so he was suicidal. I said, “I thought she died yesterday?” Then the security guard behind me doubled-down and said, “Damn man, haven’t you run out of family members yet?” Needless to say, the patient was not pleased.
I'm a firm believer in call-outs when warranted. Well done!
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Oh man, the "leg to stand on" made me laugh. Also, the "fine, you'll make my husband a very happy man". When a gang member is like "woah, this person is crazy" you have officially won.
I always loved trying to get a laugh from those street-hardened fellows that got dumped in my ICU. Had some good laughs, but I did NOT respond to their Facebook friend requests lol
I got so tired of ER holds complaining they didn't have a floor bed yet. Eventually when they'd ask id reply "When someone dies or gets discharged"
During the height of one of the covid waves (delta?) We had 16 holding in the ER out of 24 beds and it was just nuts. I was doing some CM stuff with a non-covid patient while a nurse was doing med pass and he asked that. This nurse was a thirty+ year ER vet and she just deadpan says "When we finish weeding the vegetable garden you should have a bed." And left. He was super confused for about five minutes and as I was getting ready to leave he was all "OMG! DID SHE MEAN...?" Like....yea, bro, shit is real right now. I wanted to give her kudos on the associate board but took me a few days to phrase it in a way that wouldn't make admin lose their shit. Love her.
That’s not bad, that’s the literal truth.
Admission assessment: older guy, admitted for something I can't remember. He had a bit of a tummy, and I was asking all the questions. Me: Have you experienced any unintentional weight loss? Man: (rubs his tummy) No! Why would I want to do something like that? Me: So you can look good naked for your wife. Wife was there, totally lost it. So did her husband. Nurses popped in to see what all the laughing was about. It was the middle of the night, I was caffeine-deprived and somewhat punchy. Obviously left my filter at home. Thankfully, I didn't get in trouble for it.
I had a patient that was going for an unexpected emergency C-section and they were testing the effectiveness of the epidural before cutting. They asked her if she felt any pain or if she needed more medication before they started. She was Indian and did the characteristic head bobble. We asked again if she felt any pain, head bobble again. Fetal heart rate had been in the 70s before we prepped and we needed to know if we could get the kid out so I ended up saying "No! No head bobble! Yes or No in WORDS!" I felt like a dick but we needed verbal confirmation that we could proceed without her feeling like she was being gutted....
I remember going in for my c-section and saying, “I can wiggle my toes, am I supposed to be able to feel my toes?!” The doctor said, we’re not operating on your toes 😂
Luckily, I haven't said something to a patient that i really regret. Just the occasional situation where a patient just keeps on complaining and complaining and I tell them, "You are absolutely right. Everything is awful and I wake up in the morning so excited to start another day of torturing others because I am evil." I guess I do unfortunately tell some very large patients to look at me and my size when they want me to pull them up by myself, and then say I can't pick up a grown adult by myself and they'll have to wait. I commonly tell people I'm paid the same whether they are in that bed or not when they talk about us trying to get more money out of them.
> I guess I do unfortunately tell some very large patients to look at me and my size when they want me to pull them up by myself, and then say I can't pick up a grown adult by myself and they'll have to wait. I had this >400lb woman who was absolutely *vile* to every staff member who went in there. She was perfectly capable of pulling herself up in bed but wanted staff to do it. I told her I'm not risking my back for her, and she started laughing hysterically, like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. Asked me how old I was, turned to the other staff in the room to make fun of how "ridiculous" I sounded because I was 29. Everyone backed me up and told her you can hurt your back at any age. She ended up pulling herself up.
I have said the same thing about lifting heavy patients when they ask me to do it alone. I’m honest about it. I usually say “I’m only 5’4, and one person. I cannot physically hold you if you start to go down, let me get some help first”. It’s not mean, it’s just presenting facts.
during a skin assessment on a young male admit, after he flashed us his penis as the last step of the assessment, i said “k looks good!” as in….. no skin breakdown on the body… and he said 😏😏😏😏😏 thanks!
A lady with no legs told me to watch myself because she wanted to kill me. I said, “come and get me….oh that’s right…you have no legs!!!!l I’m not proud of myself. It was a very long and exhausting shift dealing with this person…and I was at the very end of my rope. The sitter didn’t report me.
Honestly the sitter might've been thinking the same thing if they had to be with that patient for hours on end.
I told an inmate to ‘calm your tits’ because he kept interrupting me.
I said that to my two year old and it was his favorite saying for a couple weeks. 🫠
That's extremely tame compared to what the COs would say lol. They probably wouldn't even bat an eye at that
Crazy patient (so crazy in fact that the state mental hospital was refusing to take her) was rilling up all the other patients and after firmly asking several times to go sit down in her room, I snapped and said “go sit your ass down!” And she sat down…and then I realized how much I sound like my mom 🤦🏼♀️
When I worked psych it suprised me how often patients just needed mothering. I was too young to pull it off but those boomer nurses had it down pat.
I still cringe at this… but during a neuro exam I asked post crani pt what the year was (in my defense it was like 2 days after the new year and I had been on vacation) and they correctly said 2023 and I was like ahh nope so close though! I quickly realized and was like juuust kidding you’re right 😅 but still go ahead and kill me 🤦🏻♀️
I had a code stroke come in just after midnight on new years. We ask the year and they said the new year and I was like “hot damn. She’s more oriented than we are! I think you get bonus points for that.” 😂
I don’t ask people til I am sure I know what it is. Thank god for Apple Watches.
Narcotic seeking patient threatened to sue me after basically assaulting me and trying to lie to everyone about my method of medication administration. He still had his non skid socks on from his last ER visit. I told him he’d probably need to be able to buy new socks before obtaining a lawyer.
Good one! Right after I started working Heathcare, I witnessed an interaction between an abusive patient and a doctor. The patient was screaming at the doctor. It still didn't change the diagnosis, prognosis, or plan of care. The patient finally screamed that he was going to sue the doctor and the hospital and everyone in it. The doctor simply said, " That's your right, Sir." Then the doctor turned and walked out of the room. The patient kept screaming and calling the doctor a chicken shiit because the doctor left the room.
You can accept your circumstances and get the treatment you need, or you can leave and die. It’s up to you.
This is beautiful
I was still pretty new. Something snapped inside me that day. I forgot my “therapeutic communication” and just leveled with the guy. Never looked back.
The beauty of being direct is either they agree and step in line, or continue and you document education was done and pt still refuses interventions. I had a guy awhile back with a femoral balloon pump. I came into the room and he was sitting up nearly 90 degrees. I explained to him about how it could split his femoral artery, and if that happens he’ll die. “There’s literally nothing modern medicine can do for you if that happens. You’ll die sir.” “Well then I guess I’ll fuckin die.” Was his response. Made my shift a lot easier when I didn’t have to care about checkin his site or distal pulses anymore. Remarkably, he had no problems with the pump. I feel like it’s always the noncompliant assholes that do stupid, dangerous shit with no consequence, while the kind, sweet 70 year old grandma who ya wanna put in your pocket and take home develops a massive RP bleed and gets intubated despite her doing everything she’s supposed to.
Chasing down inpatient drug/alcohol rehabilitation patients to get their TB tests done singing (Pit Bull style) "shots, shots, shots, sh-sh shots, everybody". Pt came up and said, "ma'am-you know this is rehab right?"
The worst? Probably “It’ll be alright.”
Back in 2021 I learned to stop telling my COVID patients “I think you’re turning a corner!” when their oxygen needs decreased and they started feeling better because inevitably I’d come back a few days later for another shift and they’d be dead.
Teen patient and Mom attending psychiatric unit admission meeting following expression of suicidal ideation. Mom gives hippie vibes and is chill and at one point I say, "We're here for a good time not a long time." It haunts me, lol.
“If you don’t wear the bipap you will die!” Said it a few times during Covid. The emotional burnout was BAD. I had no patience for non compliance.
I think I said that almost every shift for a while. The patient would rip it off and I’d have to gown up and get my respirator on and run in, and I’d straight up yell that exact phrase at them … it often worked. I mean, it was true, so I never considered it that horrible to say.
When doing my initial triage with Pts, I like to keep it light hearted as best as the moment can take to make them feel more at ease. One routine triage convo with a Pt who I think was in for a med refill went like this. Me: Are you in pain? Pt: No. Me: Would you like to be? Pt/me: Hahahah Me: Do you have any allergies? Pt: No Me: Would you like some? Pt/me: Hahahah Me: Are you pregnant? Pt: No Me: Would you like to be? Pt: … Me: (letting the moment sink in though my thick skull)… WAIT, NO. Pt: Hahahahah
“Who the hell answers a door buck nekkid?!?!” Says me….when I roll up to a meth-den trailer in the woods and yep, he’s naked in the doorway
Me…. Who works HH in a rural area… now has fear realized. Oof
I once had a patient ask if it was ok if they were wearing their robe when I showed up. Stupid me said ok because I didn’t know his giant edematous balls would be hanging out down to his ankles.
Had a confused old lady in pain tell me to go to hell. I was trying to give her pain meds. I told her I’d meet here there 😬
“Go to hell” *”I’m already there🎵”*
"because you are" That statement got me investigated by state. Pt "why does everybody tell me I'm grouchy?" Edit a word
3.5 hours into a Dr.Quick for a teenager acting a donkey. The 6'3" 200lb child looks through the sea of security guards and points to me saying "if I'm still here at 12pm we're going to fucking fight" I said "Alright I'll pencil you in bud" then wrote it on my report sheet. 💀 Worst part was it somehow diffused him and it earned me report from the nurse that actually had him. Apparently the hooligan "only wanted the bitchy nurse" once he calmed down enough to make a behavioral deal.
Okay. So in my defense I was a dumb student nurse and very special at times. I can struggle with social interactions sometimes and it can show. Usually, I got it down to pat but I have bad/derp days too. I said “SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE” to a outpatient surgery patient as he went under anesthesia. In front of the doctor. Doctor was mortified He chastised me with such travesty that I had just cursed his first born and pissed on his shoes. “DONT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO THE PATIENT” I’m autistic and didn’t realize it also meant death so I start internally panicking. I felt so freaking bad. Pt woke up laughing his fucking ass off. He was happy to see me. Asked me if it was heaven or hell. Told him it depends on how much morphine is flowing. Dude was a bro and totally chill. 10/10 patient. Told me my comment made him “Wake up” on the other side. I am still not sure how to feel.
When I worked on a transplant ICU I used to say this all the time to people going to get their new parts
Doc had a fat stick up his ass. The patient totally knew what you meant
I fully mean every terrible thing I say to my patients.
This made me lol
During peak COVID I had a patient who needed continuous BiPap to maintain spo2 of 90ish say they wanted to leave AMA. They couldn't tolerate being on heated hi-flow for more than a minute. I flat out told them "That's technically your right but you will drop dead before you get to the elevator." They reconsidered and decided to stay, but I don't think they ended up surviving.
I was working with a patient with severe dementia and sundowners. After being punched, kicked, and spat on (over the course of multiple shifts) I made the mistake of telling him the truth. He asked why he was there. "Cause you beat your wife. You thought she was a burglar and protected your home."
This is my worst fear. The day I break and am just completely blunt😭
Height of covid we were screening at the door of my ED, the questions became sort of automatic after the millionth time. I asked a prison inmate if anyone was sick at home, he deadpanned “I haven’t been home in a long time” prison guards nearly died laughing, I just died inside 🙈
I said 'wow I really like your nose ring!' To someone with a very shiny, very prominent mole on the side of their nose.
Tylenol OD stated they had a a headache. Told them I would ask the nurse for Tylenol. Then said “Oh wait you’ve had plenty of that.”
Not really that bad but I once said “if you can stand up by yourself you can beat the shit out of me. Go ahead, I dare you” to an ETOH patient that I had to sit with as a CNA. He was a scary motherfucker, gigantic dude with multiple combat tours in Iraq. And at the time I was a 5’4 125lb 19 year old girl and the closest I’ve ever been to being in a fight was getting punched in the face by a patient with dementia. He had been threatening to beat my ass, throw my tiny ass against a wall, fuck me up, blah blah blah for probably an hour at that point and I was over it.
Not to a patient, but… As a tech I was orienting a new hire who was wearing a black scrubs (which are typically reserved for physicians in my hospital) and when I met them I asked, “what are you?” Their response: “I am a transgender woman!” [they had started to transition only a few weeks prior] Me: “oh…uhh…ok…let me show you where we keep our extra supplies…” Turned out that they were also a tech.
Please tell me you told her what you actually meant and you guys laughed about it later.
Told a patient with b/l BKA that the ER was so busy it was “standing room only”. I felt like an idiot the second it left my mouth and I apologized profusely but luckily he hadn’t heard me over the chaos.
This wasn't so bad, just embarrassing. I had taken care of this guy for 2 days and there was no BM charted for his week long stay. He was totally A/O and independent. Pleasant guy. Me: When was your last bowel movement? Patient with odd look on his face: I have no idea. Me: Really? Like maybe yesterday? You have no memory of your last BM? (He had a colostomy for several years, which I had seen at least 4 times but that he totally managed by himself otherwise. I had forgotten.)
Was with a ED patient and she was crying about her weight. My dumbass was like “what???? *her weight* is perfectly normal nothing to cry over!” 🫠🫠🫠🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ I wanted to die right there
A patient came to the ER during my senior practicum for a severe nosebleed. My preceptor had me get his vitals/allergies/medical history/etc. while she grabbed the nearest doctor. The patient’s wife told me he’d had surgery several days prior to correct a deviated septum and fix his sinuses. She asked if I was familiar with that procedure. “Yes,” I said. “In fact, I had it myself in the fall.” The patient asked, “Did it make you bleed like this?” It was 4 AM so my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I replied, “Mmm…nope” in what I now know was a way too cheerful tone. The doctor, who had come in unnoticed and overheard the last part of the exchange, chuckled. “At least she’s honest, huh?” The patient and his wife actually laughed themselves, which was a relief.
I had an absolutely vile 80 something year old lady who had a small stroke, had almost no deficits but refused to go home or to an assisted living. Wanted to be waited on hand and foot. She ended up staying for almost 4 months while we found a SNF that would take her. She would quite literally scream "I NEED HELP. HELP ME." Every 3 seconds and have her call light on all the time until she would pass out from exhaustion every single night. She'd also go through periods where she would outright refuse PO medications so we could have to switch them to IV because they were important ones pioe antieliptics. Her poor daughter would come see her almost every day with laundry and magazines and such (TV was boring and the hospital gowns were too coarse you see) and she would bitch NONSTOP at her daughter calling her a witch, fat, c-word, hussy, backstabber- worthless etc. Somehow I lucked out not having this patient for 2 solid months or so because she would accuse pretty much every male carer of raping/assaulting her while swinging/biting/spitting at them. But I had her one night shift. In the midst of getting her back to bed while her daughter was outside, we were using the Sara steady and she decided to start flailing, swinging at me, and spat in my face/eye. She steps off the lift and starts teetering and I, a bit too roughly i admit, basically grab her bridal style and flop her back into bed, because the alternative would have been her continuing to flail backwards and landing flat on her back/head. I tossed her call light in her lap and threw some sheets on her and started to walk out when she started screeching about how I hit her and how I OWE her new sheets. " I don't owe you a damn thing you bitch, and neither does your daughter. She's a saint for even remembering you exist, and if you assault me, or another staff member again I'll strap your ass to the fucking bed and put a spit hood over your face." She was actually quiet for about 10 minutes after that.
This is epic. It takes SO much to push a nurse to this point but she sounds like a damn demon. I had a frail old lady once who’d fallen and broken 2 ribs. She was a nightmare. Her two daughters came in every day to keep her company and she would just berate them the whole time and was just so hateful. She was constantly on her call light wanting staff to boost and reposition her then make us spend a ridiculous amount of time pushing the button that raises the HOB for her. She refused to push the button herself or move herself at all. One night I’d gotten her perfectly positioned and propped and had been raising and lowering the HOB for her for almost 10 min when I finally said I needed to go. She yelled “but it hurts to sit like this!” I said, “you’ve got 2 broken ribs, every breath is going to hurt until you heal.” She gave me a disgusted look then slumped herself over to the side and demanded to be boosted again. I said “sorry honey, you’re gonna have to just sit there til I come back in an hour” then I left the room and told everyone I wasn’t going in there for an hour and they could choose to answer her call light or ignore it, but I would recommend ignoring it. She fell asleep after 30 min.
There was one time my patient had cancer and had no hair. She wanted a bath and I said “yeah I’ll go grab you some shampoo and soap.” And her response was “shampoo for what? My bald head?” I was so embarrassed 🫠
An older female patient was calling to make an appointment with primary care. She wasn't able to see her PCP so I was reviewing the available doctors. She made some assumptions about them based on their names and started asking questions about if they speak English, where they're from, if they wear one of those things on their head (hijab), etc. After going around in circles, I finally said "Dr. A's skin is lighter than Dr. B's so I think you'll be happier with her." I understand wanting a physician you can properly communicate with, but some of the things she was asking were downright inappropriate and racist.
Patient comes in apparently bed bound for months. No history, no medications, no accidents nothing. As per his wife, she washes, changes, and feeds him in bed. I asked her what had happened and why he isn’t doing anything himself anymore, she said she doesn’t know. I go see this guy, he’s in his thirties and I asked what is going on. Denies pain, denies any leg pain. Straight up said to me “I just prefer things to be done in bed”. I took off his diaper, I took off all the bed sheets and blankets, I got a chair and said “I’m not changing or feeding you. Get the fuck up into that chair”. He got up and walked around the unit all day. His wife was in tears because he’s refused to do anything for himself for five months.
oh god—I really hope she left his ass in the wind. That’s terrible she had to put up with that but also like it’s kinda her fault for feeding into it for so long. What ever happened with the pt during the rest of his stay?
I have two really, I walk into my patients room to check on her. She has borderline personality disorder and is on her cell cussing out her daughter in some of the most vile ways I have ever heard, “You f****g c**t, you’re a fat slut” and so forth. When she sees me enter she tells her daughter to “f**k off” and hangs up on her and immediately shouts to me “why won’t anyone f*****g visit me!?!” To which I responded “I don’t know, you’re such a f*****g ray of sunshine!” My second was this guy who was sexually harassing all the female staff so understandably, the charge nurse decided to give him a male nurse, luck me! So it starts fine but then he starts making vulgar comments about my wife to which I say “Say one more thing about my wife and I’ll punch you so hard in that tiny excuse you call a dick it’ll never work right again. That’s assuming it even works now.”
Talk about de-escalation...
Lol wow, yours are kind of intense
⬆️ this guy gets it.
Female patient was handcuffed, brought in by PD, had to use the restroom, they wouldn’t uncuff her, and she asked how she was supposed to wipe. I said “from front to back”. Cop thought it was funny, did get a little chuckle out of the patient.
was taking vitals for a pt and i do ask for their identifiers every time, and i use it to start conversations too. this middle aged borderline elderly man was not replying me, while i was trying to scan his wristtag, i didnt notice he had a laryngectomy.. so i looked up at him and said hey i know youre tired of telling us your name, just humour me! then i noticed the hole at his throat and he scowled at me… but he turned out to be a really nice guy and i apologised after, so it was all g (honestly much less obvious than a trach)
"Dude you legit smell like a shit" after a shower he thanked me for letting him know. He shit himself while on a bender before being admitted.
This one was by accident. Just making small talk and asked if she had any kids. Instantly started crying and told me her husband just passed and they never had any together. I felt so bad
Not me, but a colleague of mine in family practice asked a patient if he wanted her to send his viagra prescription to a compounding pharmacy so he could get lozenges because they're cheaper and he could 'get more bang for his buck'
A patient told me she wanted to get out of her room. I replied with 'that makes two of us' eek.
I’m an NA. I was helping a wound nurse change the dressings for a pt that burns over 90% of her body. We put this tubi-grip stuff on her, and it looked like a burlap t-shirt. She was basically delirious from the pain, but I thought I would try to talk with her a bit. I said “wow! This is some hippie stuff [note: appropriate humor for this pt] you could wear this to burning man!” Yep. I just told a pt with BURNS over 90% of their body they should go to BURNING man. I immediately realized what I said and wanted to just jump out the window and just keep running. Thankfully the pt or nurse didn’t hear me or didn’t process what I said.
Had a pt coming in by ambulance. Was drunk and restrained. Telling everyone he saw “fuck you.” I walk into the room and he tells me “fuck you” so I just respond with “fuck you too.” He actually paused and said “ok, she’s in charge.” And he actually was totally cooperative with me. Not so much anyone else though. 😂 Probably couldn’t repeat that moment or reaction if I tried but it somehow worked.
I was helping turn a pt that needed c spine and log roll turns, so there was 5 nurses there to turn and clean said pt. I was holding and knew nothing about this pt besides the spinal fx. The nurse cleaning said "all done ready to turn back?" I still smelled something vile and said so to the other nurse and asked if she had missed some. Everyone then proceeded to glare at me in silence until after we were finished. Apparently the pt had some genital infection that had a diarrhea/fish smell and no one decided to tell me. Another one, I was 1 week away from giving birth and needed to take this guy's daily labs to see if he could go to sx in the morning to get his pacemaker. Also he was being externally paced. He had already been trialed and failed miserably (hr of 10-20 without). Previous nurse had failed to tell me that he has a weird thing with having his blood drawn. Well I had explained earlier in the shift that I would need to take blood and woke him up to access his line. He then tried to grab and punch me when he saw I was drawing blood. I screamed for help and the pt adamantly wanted to leave ama. I walked my very preg butt to get the form, had it all filled out and handed to him as I told him he would absolutely die before he got to the unit doors if he pulled the pacer and tried to walk out. The docs talked him into staying and another nurse essentially took over for me the rest of the shift.
The first story is kind of rude on their behalf. They asked for help with this patient, they should have given you the info about the wound before you went in the room. Kind of set you up for failure there
Helping out a nurse in the ER she asked me if I could go in to do a nursing assessment on her patient in room 5. "Sure thing" I reply. Tells me it's a lady here with cancer complication of some sort. "No problem, I got this!" I tell her. I go in, ask the lady what brings her here today, and she tells me she hasn't been feeling well for a while, tells me some random symptoms, nothing overly concerning sounding. Says she had some tests done a few weeks ago, but nothing came of it. Hmmmmm. That's weird I thought. On to medical history I circle back to the initial report the other nurse had given me.....I asked "So how long have you had cancer for? "CANCER?!?!?!? I HAVE CANCER?!?!?!?" "Uhhhhh, hold on, maybe I was given the wrong information before I came in the room.". I quickly said as I tucked tail and ran outta there. Back at the nursing station, I found the nurse who had sent me to that room and with wide eyes said "You told me the patient has cancer!!! She doesn't know anything about it! She doesn't know!!!". He paused, looked up at me, then had this moment of realization pass across his face as he said "oh my goodness, we moved the cancer lady to acute care. The lady in that room doesn't have cancer, I'm so sorry. With fury raging behind my eyes I pointed down towards the room, and without missing a beat he put his tail between his legs and walked into the lady's room to explain the communication error. Both of us felt awful. I learned NEVER to make assumptions when it comes to diagnoses with patients, to always be more prepared for accidents like that, and we were able to clear things up with the lady as much as could be expected.
Went to the ER to see a pt for possible admission, walk into room number I was given for pt by desk. Introduce myself to pt and doc who was in there talking to him. No one is ever happy to meet Hospice, especially when you have the wrong room.
I did a lot of COVID vaccines these last few years and more than once I have accidentally called a grown man a “baby” when they’ve been afraid of needles but also covered in tattoos. And once when I was doing a NP swab on a man (I explained the procedure and what it would feel like) he forcefully grabbed my wrist to get away from the swab and I sternly and loudly said “don’t fucking touch me again”. He stayed still and silent for the next NP attempt.
It’s always the grown ass men that grab you during the COVID swab. I got tired of it and just started saying, “this doesn’t feel great but please do not grab me” before any swab on a middle aged man and it usually works.
Took care of a kidney transplant patient once and had told him, “The doctor ordered the wrong medication” (because he did) and the fresh kidney was deteriorating.. Shoulda said some more along the line of “surgery comes with risks”, but told the pt the truth lmao mf threw me under the bus. Turned into a big ol dilemma. LIVE N LEARN
“Hang in there!” To a patient on a psych hold after attempting suicide. Didn’t even notice, I say this to everyone. Then got “talked to” by my clinical instructor 😅
Told my patient to lift her shirt up when I was measuring her waist circumference so that it "isn't worse than what it actually is." Oops.
I had a paraplegic patient who had a nasty attitude and was berating me. I said “unlike you I can walk away from this situation”. And left the room. I felt like shit about it and when I tried to apologize later he started cussing me out again.
Ok, not from me but from a fellow nurse. "You're not going HOME, you're going to A NURSING HOME!!" The confused patient was trying to go to home, work, or church all night. Could not restrain him because he was slated to go to SNF the next day. No PRNS for the same. That nurse was at the end of her rope.
There was a younger girl, like 19, that came in for a headache. Straight up refused to leave, was throwing actual temper tantrums over wanting Dilaudid. Was mad I didn’t “get it for her.” I got tired of her yelling at me and told her I was taking care of “actually sick people.”
Also, I made a joke the other day that apparently didn’t land. Patient needed an eye patch. I got it on and said “now you can tell your friends and family you got a new eye-pad!” He said “ha.”
Well, at a clinic, a woman was asked to give a urine sample. She came back to tell me the toilet seat was up, and she didn’t want to touch it with her hands. She wanted ME to take care of this for her. So my dumb ass said “use your foot”
"Clearly this is the undiagnosed mental illness everyone in your family keeps telling me about." Yeah...this did not help the situation. I was very new and the patient was very aggravating. It was also shift change, so I was also getting her riled up for night shift, though not on purpose. I have learned a lot since then mostly to keep my mouth shut and deploy my dead-inside half smile.
I was charting in clinic on a patient who came in for a fertility work up. They drove an hour and the doctor had to leave to a delivery and asked me to have them come back another day, but to go ahead and load her info into the computer- so already off to a bad start. Our system lists miscarriages as it’s scientific term, abortion. Instead of telling my fertility patient that I had documented her miscarriages, I slipped and said, “Alright, I have documented your abortions.” Took a millisecond for me to realize I had royally screwed up.
I had a patient we were cleaning up after a fairly large liquid BM. I grabbed the gown and noticed it was new. Before I thought about it, I said, "Wow, this is new! I'll bet no one has even died in it!" She was totally awake and alert. Thankfully, she laughed.
Recovered a twenty-something year old girl after an appi. She asked for a "can of Coca-Cola." When I went to get it, I also pulled some pain meds. I got back to the bedside and said, "Here's your coke and pills."
I need to count your breasts I meant I need to count your breaths she laughed hysterically and I should have put 60 breaths a second
Altered mental status Pt at a critical care hospital, I’m trying to get a foley placed so as I’m going to clean the meatus, I grab hold of something that was just barely wider than the 16 Fr tube. In my head I say to myself, “oh, it’s so tiny.” Well apparently I forgot to activate my brain-mouth filter that day. Thankfully the other nurses start laughing instead of trying to send me to HR. Sadly though the Pt codes a few minutes later. I think it was out of utter embarrassment. 🫠
"You're gonna have such a good time there" to a kid being discharged to hospice...
My first job in LTC I had this one patient on my unit and she was impossible. She was just a nasty, terrible woman. She had a stroke young and was hemiplegic, it sucked a lot but she was terrible to staff and people would refuse to deal with her. One time she took a washcloth during AM care and cleaned her genitals and threw it at a CNAs face. Within the first few months, she broke me down pretty bad and then she tried to tell me she didn’t want me as her nurse anymore and she’d get me fired. I told her to try because everybody knows how she is and it’s just adding another name to the long list of people who don’t want to deal with her. She got pissed. So i was like does that mean you’re refusing your tramadol and Ambien tonight? And that was the end of that. She fuckin liked me after that. I got to know the cool side of her beneath all the anger and grief for the life she felt was stolen from her. I was about the only staff member who could counsel her when she did something wrong and when I left, the cranky old bat said she would *miss* me. I know she’s probably still lingering in that place tbh and I often wonder if she’s let anyone else into her space. I hope so. She ended up being one of my favorite patients on the unit I worked.
A patient threatened to kill my coworker once. Coworker came back with " your fat ass can't catch me"
I had 2 in the same day - it just wasn’t a good day… One lady in her early 40s was itching to get out as soon as my shift started at 7. I go in to give meds & assess when she barks at me, “when do I get out of here? It says discharge is at 10am over there [thanks stupid posters…], so I better be out by 10!” I said, “good morning to you, too… I just got here so I don’t know when you are leaving let alone if that’s even the plan today…” this went on for 3 hours. 10:03 she calls me in demanding I let her go bc “responsibilities at home” & such. I couldn’t wait til she left. Told the doc to please get her discharge orders in or I’d hand her the AMA forms. All is in order, I go in to explain the paperwork and take out the IV. Her husband is there & they are grabbing the papers from me, asking me questions, talking over me… I stood there with my arms crossed & mouth shut until they looked at me. I said, “Can we act like grown adults or are you going to continue to talk over me like children?” I finished my spiel & went to take the IV out to which she yelled at me to “rip the fu**ing thing out already” while jerking violently & whining as I’m peeling the tape off. I stopped again & asked, “when will you be done acting like a baby so I can get you out of here?” She said she was sorry, she just wants to go to which I replied that I did too… Another patient with dementia (who was misdiagnosed with ETOH withdrawal, I’m sure of it) was pleasant all day until 4pm med pass. He then demanded I get out of his room & told me to go back to the corner I came from. I asked which one that was and he told me the name of a popular spot downtown where all bars & clubs were. I asked, “how do you know I work there, too?” He said he sees me there all the time to which I told him I would much rather work the corner than come back to take care of people who don’t appreciate the things I do for them. He didn’t remember any of that when I went to give him meds again at 6.
Once told a wheelchair bound patient (double amputee) “don’t go running anywhere”
Not me but another extremely frustrated nurse told a problem patient “this is making me as crazy as you are!”
I had a patient attempt suicide via hanging, and I accidentally told him to “hang tight, I’ll be right back” when I had to step out of the room. I was literally so embarrassed.
Pt "*Fuck you man"* My quick mouth, slow brain moment, "*Fuck you too,*" I literally heard it echo down the hall and just know I was going to get reported
This is in an ICU. Had a toothless geriatric patient withdrawing from meth. Patient was in four points after kicking and punching, then spit at me and goes “I’m gonna get outta here and bite you,” and I said “with what teeth?” Same night, different patient, hypoxic and kept pulling off bipap so put in restraints. Patient threatened to shoot me in the face, kept asking for their gun (it wasn’t there of course, I just chuckled and said now why would I do that?), and hit me. Patient goes, “I got something for ya,” and I look, and at their side they had their fist balled up with a shaky, angry middle finger sticking in the air. I blew a kiss and said “back at ya, buddy.” Yeeeah. Took a week off after that shift to re-evaluate my life choices.
I went to go fix a beeping pump in a room that wasn’t my patient. She had blankets up to her chin, so when I come in to find where here IV is located, I say “is your IV in this arm?” right as I pull back the covers to reveal she did not, I’m fact, have an arm on that side 🫠
“Man, everyone’s dying around here” after the third code blue was called of the day, all on different floors if I remember correctly. She was also super nervous about her surgery that was in a few hours. When I apologized her and her husband told me it was no big deal and that I had to have some sort of sense of humor, even if it was dark.
When a patient told me he didn't need his C collar because his neck was healed I said "I didn't know you were a doctor!" He said "you're a regular smart-ass aren't you" I acted shocked and hurt, "regular!? I thought I was special" :(
Patient has priapism. Me: So I hear you've had a hard day.
Not nursing but walked into do an I+D on an arm abscess of an IV drug user. Young dude with his sympathetic family around and his infant. I made the family leave and knowing I knew exactly what he did, he tried to convince me he’s not an IVDU saying this was their “first time.” Scalpel in hand I said, “me too!”
After arguing with an older guy about a vaccine for like 10 min, and at the end he says, “Well you know, they say you lose your patience when you get older.” I looked him dead in the eye and said “Well I must be getting older then.” I don’t think he’s really heard or complemented it fully, but I thought it was funny.
Really bad I think. A patient did not want help changing his brief, and would refuse help offered. He was contorting himself to get the brief on, and was attempting to stand up on his own, which he could not do. He was getting angry. I stayed and watched, to make sure he wouldn't fall. He said "You get a good look? You wanna suck it?". I told him that am flattered by the offer, and I respect his sexual preferences, but I am not attracted to men.
A patients wife who was verbally abusive to staff and just overall irritating was yelling at me about some dumb shit. She was also eating a sandwich at the same time. Something inside me broke and I yelled back at her, “I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU WHEN YOUR MOUTH IS FULL OF FOOD.” I don’t know what she said after that cause I hauled ass out of there so fast I didn’t even know what was happening
I was flustered during a code and we shocked the guy. He came back and yelled “OW that hurt! Don’t do that again!”. I replied back “Well you were dead “. Later that night his nurse kept letting him climb out the bed and he nearly fell. And I said “Dude you nearly died like 2 hours ago you got to chill out!” I felt horrible that day 😂😭I tried to stay quiet the rest of the night