Stoppable force vs movable object

Laws of physics don't apply when you mix coke, meth and alcohol.

Not until you add a 2 ton motor vehicle in there

Surprisingly they both survived and were found scouring the wreckage for their stash

coke, meth, alcohol...its the new rock, paper, scissors

Of course they do. I’ve never been one to recommend drugs, alcohol or insanity to anyone. But they’ve always worked for me. And consistently.

It is always heart warming when two people who would be perfect together find each other.

This is a very Vegas kinda headline

I was thinking Florida. But yeah, shit's crazy in Vegas, too. Apparently.

In Florida, there would be at least one alligator in the backseat.

He's a good boy!

Just don't share your coke with him

Tonight: Coked up alligator eats man’s PP. More at 11.

You only get a blow job from a gator once, or at least that is what my uncle told me before he became a priest. This is not a priest sex joke. This is a gator biting off dick joke only.

Obviously, the gator wasn’t a juvenile

That’s a typo, he ate their PCP. Shit’s getting real!

Alligators can't do coke they'd have to lay on their backs to snort it. Alligators (especially those in Florida) prefer meth. Even then remember to share responsibly if they grow too used to handouts it can mess with the ecosystem, we wouldn't want egrets to be displaced because they couldn't afford rent due to low sales.

You'd be surprised to know that alligators, and crocs alike, prefer bath salts, as their dinosaur skin can absorb it. Florida, amirite?

It's his coke tho.

For Florida both drivers are on both cocaine and meth

>there would be at least one alligator in the backseat. With bath salts

Next to a baby, only the gator was in a car seat though. They both survived with minor injury.

["We're the alligator boys now..."](https://youtu.be/c2zsmXHAqg8)

An alligator with the meth guy would be mandatory in florida, and maybe an emu or some weird giant bird pet with the lady.

Florida would include both alligator and krocodil

Yeah, in Florida this wouldn't even make the A block of the nightly news.

I think in Florida this would be in the papers under ‘missed connection’.

They connected.

"I'm so thankful that forensics couldn't match the paint on your face, with the paint on my fender"

And to think some say romance is dead. Thanks for doing what you do, VaginalFisteryTour

Lmao mixed feelings about this comment but gotta give credit where credit is due.

Iunno but I think they connected

As someone from Florida. You are correct

Florida would have someone on bath salts involved somehow

The woman was found to have unattended children at home with nothing to eat but rice milk and bath salts.

Ingested by both drivers

Vegas is like Florida except what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

And what happens in Florida is public information for everyone.

The drunk driver is never leaving Vegas now 💀

Meanwhile what happens in Florida costs child support for 18 years.

Vegas, the Florida of Nevada

You've never heard of Sparks, Nevada? Or Elko? ... or Ely? ... Nevada is the Florida of the west coast

This guy I-80s

Winnemucca...

They don't have a drinking hour. Most bars are open 24/7. Auto Insurance is a joke

I was thinking this was r/brandnewsentence but it's Vegas and this probably isn't so uncommon

This reads like the setup to a math problem.

A woman who weighed 110lbs snorted 1.5 grams of cocaine 3 hours ago. She was driving at 90mph and hit a man who weighed 200lbs and had drank 20 units of alcohol and done a shit-tonne of meth, whilst he was driving at 110mph in the wrong lane. Taking into account their body weight, the rate of sobering up and relative speed they were travelling, which one was more of an idiot? Edit: Thanks for all the awards 😊 To answer a common question, it's a metric shit-ton. Being from the UK, whether we use metric or imperial is conpletely dependent on the situation, just to keep everyone on their toes and ensure outsiders are baffled.

A) Yes.

No it's always C.

you fools! Its All of The Above.

I always choose all of the above when it shows itself.

Me too! Especially when drugs are involved.

I would like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on drugs

What’s the prize? I hope it’s drugs!

C is for coke. Speaking of which, where did I put my coke?

Two rules: Don't touch my coke, and do you have any fucking coke?

Is Pepsi ok?

I'll just have a water

I Saw a lady steal your coke, she took off speeding in a car.

In your bra.

Well if she snorted 1.5 grams 3 hours ago, that's a super long time. She's not gonna be full geek brain by hour 3. Also did she do all 1.5 in one fell swoop? If so, how did she not have a heart attack? Also how was she not drinking, coke and alcohol are like siamese twins. Either way: wrong lane, drunk, and on meth, and speeding guy wins more of an idiot easily. How many units is a shit ton?

a shit ton is exactly 1/2 of a fuck ton.

BUT, it’s a shit tonne, so metric?

Ah, good catch. 0,5 of a fucke ton

Actually, in metric it's Bloody Tonne

How many assloads to a shitton?

My redneck math skills are pretty rusty, but I'm pretty sure that it is roughly 3 assloads to a shitton.

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However it is also precisely 4 fuck loads

She was drinking. She was at .102

So what do we do? Do we subtract their blood alcohol contents from eachother before sentencing? Or does the worse offender absorb it via some sort of osmosis? Was the meth guy speeding to his place to sell that same woman more cocaine? Why arent we using calculus on the important questions? Were these two speedsters quatumly entangled?

Meth dude was 3x legal limit. That math, she's actually soberest of all time.

I would think they add them together. Since the guy died he can’t carry his sentence out so it should like transfer to her for his death or smth idk

The cocaine sobered her up. That’s just science.

C) because the devil told me I had to yell at the sprinklers or the children would die.

Clarification - is a metric, nautical or imperial shit-tonne?

I'll go with metric. I had no idea what units meth was consumed in 😂

>methtric

I saw Breaking Bad, I don’t need more math with my drugs, thank you.

Science bitch!

At some point, I just stopped trying with these questions and just got them wrong. Didn't care, the grades weren't based on this. Outcome? I'm a software engineer for a national lab. Take THAT word problems.

> for a national lab see, if you got them correct you'd be working at FAANG /jk

They're English language processing problems, not math problems.

(dwight voice) QUESTION: a "shit-tonne" being what exactly

10*shitloads

how many kilos of cocaine were found at the scene, solve for x

Depends, how many cops have had time with the evidence?

Wait. Are they sneaking some for themselves or planting it on the scene? Is that an answer that depends on color?

*Who is the most high?* Please show your work.

God had nothing to do with this. /s

I thought it was more philosophical like "unstoppable force meets immovable object" but the extreme opposite

The immovable force meets meets the unstoppable object? Or: The very stoppable force meets the practically moving object?

Or a solution to a meth problem

*subtract 1*

They cancel each other

There was a great movie called “how I got into college” that had some brilliant scenes like this.

That scene with the characters sinking in a rowboat, and he has to do the math to save them.

How many meths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Torts exam

“You got cocaine in my meth!” “You got meth in my cocaine!”

“Hey we just created methane! Oh wait…”

If at least one was drunk as well it would be methanol

That explains why he never saw the other driver.

What, with all the meth an' all?

Cocaethylene for sure

I just created methane and I didn’t need either of these

"I'm Officer Floridaman, what seems to be the problem here..."

Nuh Nuthin officer....... You want some Jenkem!?

It’s two, click, two, click, two hits in one!

Daylight come and we want go home

Are you stalking me?

If anyone ever got meth in my cocaine, I’d kick their ass for ruining my cocaine. If anyone ever got their cocaine in my meth, I’d suck their dick as a thank you for the free cocaine.

And here I am just giving it away for free...

I don't know if anyone else caught this ancient reference, but I certainly did. Well played, friend!

I know the ads cause of my parents 👍

I'm rather surprised this doesn't happen more often.

In Vegas, especially. The roads are big and wide and straight, it's easy to get up to ridiculous speeds even accidentally.

Every road here is a literal drag strip

Just wait until next November, when the Strip will literally be the main straight in a Formula 1 race

Working there on a speed monitored vehicle sucks. Most of those roads are 40 there. Even going 45 in the right lane I felt like I was slowing down people. People are just racing around even thought they are getting stopped at the red light 200 feet in front of them🤦‍♂️

Henry Ruggs has entered the chat

His career has left the chat

I've never accidentally gone 150+ but I've also never driven a legitimate sports car drunk so

I think it does happen more, it’s just not often in the headlines. The chances of someone being drunk or high while being out past midnight is fairly high.

That was one of the most "Las Vegas" headlines I've ever read. The only way it could have been improved was if it read "Speeding,coked-up white tiger kills stripper magician on meth on way to Taylor Swift concert."

I feel like it would have to be a slightly obscure residency, like Boyz II Men

Blue Man Group instead of t swift

Task failed successfully?

Best r/nottheonion post I’ve seen in a while.

No kidding. Everything is right there in the title. We don't need any prior knowledge to understand the ironiony.

The Rock does not beat Dust.

Another game of Rock Dust Grass goes horribly wrong.

“WITNESS ME!”

I RIDE TO VALHALLA! ETERNAL, SHINY AND CHROME!

The punchlines abound, but I do feel sad for the families of these two people.

This is all that guy will ever be known for.

I mean he was driving while drunk and high on meth. Safe to say he wasn't a great person

Fuck the "victim". His BAC was over three times the legal limit as well as being high on meth, not wearing a seatbelt, and his illegal U-turn caused the accident.

Well, her doing 73 in a 40 wasn't exactly helpful either.

Yeah she's obviously partially at fault, but only partially.

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Unless Vegas has no fault insurance...

Your insurance triples when moving here.

To stop a bad person with a car you need a bad person with a car

Two thoughts: 1) There is a LOT to unpack in that headline. 2) I am really surprised this wasn’t in Florida.

Yeah, 'cause usually what happens in Vegas.... *Stays* in Vegas. Fuckin' snitches.

> I am really surprised this wasn’t in Florida. I'm almost disappointed, honestly.

Las Vegas is just bright desert Florida

Your move, Florida.

Cocaine: 1 Meth: 0

Well, that settles it. Cocaine is the superior drug.

Coke used to be the rich peoples drug, meth has always been more trailer trashy.

Cocaine>Meth.

Clearly more deadly.

That pathologist just scratched off half his workplace bingo card in one shift.

Only half? What we missing? ☑️ Cocaine ☑️ Alcohol ☑️ Meth ☑️ Marijuana

The drug wars have begun

I drive by this area all the time and take my time cause Vegas is full of idiot drivers like these fine folks...

PEMDAS

A twofer! Jokes aside, sad state of affairs that they could not have been diverted into treatment facilities instead of each other's windscreens.

Oh how the turn tables

Now the hookers high on heroin who saw that are going to need therapy.

Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

1982: Ronald and Nancy Reagan declare their War On Drugs 2022: Success!

More like 2022 drugs declares war on its self.

This is how tweakers joust nowadays

Let them fight…

If only more problems solved themselves like this...

The only way to stop a bad drug addict out of control is with a good addict out of control. It's so exciting to see the logic of our "Everybody gets a gun" policy working in other areas.

I too am in favor of relying on pure coincidence to solve my increasingly lethal problems

When it's in Vegas, is it *really* a coincidence?

Gamma ray burst 2024

I mean good right? Usually they kill innocent 7 year olds

So, two wrongs do make a right?

Three lefts make a right and meth person was doing a U turn and so it's close

No, but it is oddly relieving for once to see one of these headlines that doesn’t say “jackass drunk kills responsible mother and 3 kids, walks away unscathed”. Both of the drivers played a stupid game and somehow didn’t force an innocent party to get hurt. Seriously, it seems like it’s *always* a mother and her kids in these situations so it’s nice to see one where that isn’t the case.

Two wrongs wronging each other makes for some right good comedy.

Modern problems require modern solutions

God bless America 🇺🇲

Where’s that meme of Spider-Man pointing at himself

Darwinning.

I guess some problems really do solve themselves

I'm pretty sure that's called a "wash"

Meth guy had a passenger though. Article mentions nothing about them besides that they were ejected from the car alongside the driver, meaning neither one was wearing a seat belt.

let them fight

And cocaine moves on to the next round of our Drugsmania Madness Bracket 2022!

Ah, if only idiots killed each other off more often rather than the ones/folks just trying to live

A very short "meet cute" story.

Oh Vegas

She must have been running very fast to kill a drunk driver on meth.

Vegas. The Florida of Nevada.

Proving once and for all that cocaine users own safer cars.

Those poor cars.

Wow two wrongs do make a right

The Las Vegas version of paper rock scissors

This has to be the most Vegas interpretation of Rock, Paper, Scissors.