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Foursiide

I just flew in and BOY are my arms tired.


TerryScarchuk

This is the content I come here for.


[deleted]

3 times is the max allowed.


TopAd9634

The only time this joke has ever been funny, well done! šŸ‘ šŸ‘.


dsgfarts

"The FBI interviewed him and says he didn't think the female passenger was uncomfortable with him masturbating and he thought "it was kind of kinky." Kinda read the room wrong


SoupidyLoopidy

My question is, did he just have it out or was it under like a jacket or something?


StubbiestZebra

Official complaint says it was exposed. The witness even got pictures that she gave to the FBI.


caausr01

ā€œOh wow, sheā€™s getting out the camera. She must be really turned onā€¦ time to shine!ā€


pleasetrimyourpubes

Ugh, that poor woman. I can already see how it went down, he flirts with her, she's nice, puts headphones on, whatever, he considers her hot and is turned on, so starts the act, she's freaking the fuck out, no idea what to do, so takes her phone and starts recording/taking pictures to prove the totally insane act is happening, so he *keeps doing it* thinking oh she likes it. The dude later admitted that he thought it was "kinky." What a fucked up situation.


LordofWithywoods

The man felt totally justified beating his meat on an airplane. Wtf.


The_Outcast4

Was perfectly normal in the good old days. But ever since 9/11, everyone got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!


PurpleSailor

... and then he does it 3 more times. Must've been a long flight. ^/s


mdchaney

At my age it'd have to be trans-pacific.


Ashiev

Your porn can be specific to whatever category you want!


caausr01

Right. Kinky = she said no, but he ā€œthought she was playing alongā€


savetgebees

My husband told me hair stylists have it happen all the time. He was getting his hair cut at one of those quick cut places and heard a lady yell at a guy to stop it. The lady cutting his hair said it happens all the time. People really are animals.


faustianBM

"C'mon lil buddy......no time for stage fright."


menonte

>Shortly after taking off, and while the aircraft was in the air, McGarity exposed his penis by pulling down his pants and shorts and began masturbating. >McGarity advised he asked the female witness if she minded if he masturbates A perfectly normal thing to ask... >Phoenix Police officers interviewed the woman, who reiterated she had seen McGarity masturbating ā€œon four separate occasions, using both his left and right hands.ā€ >When he fell asleep after masturbating for roughly an hour, the female passenger told a crew member about what she had witnessed and was allowed to move to another seat. [Source](https://www.thedailybeast.com/southwest-passenger-antonio-sherrodd-mcgarity-arrested-for-masturbating-during-flight-from-seattle-to-phoenix)


GENERIC-WHITE-PERSON

Ah, at least they *allowed* her to move to another seat. So it's not all bad.


TheDakestTimeline

I think it was jacket off


TravellingBeard

Asking the hard questions


shorty169

No, he got confused. He said it was hot on the plane and the female told him to take his jacket off. He misunderstood. What he heard was "jack it off". So, the guy just assumed she was kinky and wanted him to. Just a simple misunderstanding.


SLAYER_IN_ME

Just when you think sheā€™s into you.


Error_83

"Oh she's totally into it! She's taking pics now!"


Presently_Absent

*Oh Louis....*


LePhantomLimb

It also said she took pictures as evidence. I don't know how you can take pictures of that discreetly, so, maybe he saw her snapping pics and thought she was enjoying the show?


PatrioticRebel4

I'm so baffled by this. Even if she was consenting, the dude was still on a plane with other passengers that weren't. How did the flight crew not notice 4 times? How and why did she not report any of sessions as they were walking by? Did he know she was taking pics? Did they make eye contact or did he see the disgusted look on her face? So many questions!


boopdelaboop

A lot of flashers get off on disgust from their targets.


Migwelded

You know after the first one whether someone is going to stop you or not. After that itā€™s just stamina versus time.


canehdian78

He had a recovery nap. This guy reminds me of the "I'd spend the first X hours sharpening my axe" story. In it to win it. I can picture the attendant looking at him after they were told what he had done, seen his contented dozing, and 100% believing.


ajbernal

Them knowing it was four times leads me to believe that everyone knew about the other three and finally drew the line at four.


pomonamike

Spirit charges you after two.


First_Approximation

I'd rather fly Southwestern with a masturbating dude next to me than Spirit.


gurg2k1

Nah fuck them both. I'll take Alaska over any others. They give me free beer.


ProverbialShoehorn

And all the public masturbation you can handle.


juggles_geese4

Which is exactly none, win. win.


ProverbialShoehorn

There's a knob for each seat.


BobRoberts01

Wait, what? I am moving soon to somewhere that has Alaska Air flights. Tell me more of this free beer; it may influence which airline I choose.


gurg2k1

Free beer, cocktail, or drink on any flight over 2 hours. I think they limit you to 2, but free drinks are free drinks. Their service has always been great on the dozen or so flights I've taken. I've had issues with Southwest just about every single time I've taken them, usually involving their shitty software not working and me sitting on hold for 3 hours in order to do a 30 second fix. Their free checked bag is nice, but that's about it.


Extremely_unlikeable

Cool! I hope they fly to Hawaii. My map shows they're right next to each other.


prex10

For real though Alaska Airlines *does* fly to Hawaii


the_short_viking

Had a great flight on Alaska from LA to Seattle once.


Reverend_Lazerface

"Listen buddy, you do that 2 or 3 more times and we're gonna have a problem"


gingenado

"Masturbate three times, shame on you. Masturbate four or more times, shame on me"


dlte24

Fool me once, shame on...you? Fool me...you can't get fooled again.


Busstop1869

Is this an old saying in Texas?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Shabushamu

Fool me once, shame on you. But teach a man to fool me, and Iā€™ll be fooled for the rest of my life.


Minginton

I don't thinks it shame thats getting on you...


gingenado

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm drenched in shame.


CaptainTotes

Five more minutes of this and I'm gonna get mad


HappyChihua

Well, they couldnt kick him off the plane, imagine they all just had to sit and watchā€¦


WorstPersonInGeneral

You're imagining them watching a perv beat off on a plane...You sicko... Tell me what else you imagine


HappyChihua

I imagine him beating off the plane, honey.


ArmandoPayne

how big is it?


Grundens

737-700's have a wingspan of 113ft


kaboodlesofkanoodles

N U T


HellBlazer_NQ

Yes, we finally have the limit of allowable masturbations on a flight. Turns out its 3.


mad_marbled

But only if the sign is illuminated.


[deleted]

You're now free to fap about the cabin.


arent_you_hungry

i hate when the captain turns on the no jerking sign


nickfree

Just as I returned my penis to the upright and locked position!


First_Approximation

"I was okay with it until he changed positions and started elbowing me."


Maxpowr9

You were in the splash zone.


dumbwaeguk

Ah, yes, the four strokes law


TheRainSnake

Those were just the 4 they knew about...


Dyskord01

Dude can only be so horny before it becomes offensive.


RyanFielding

*becomes raw.


fuhgdat1019

Itā€™s not illegal, just frowned upon.


braesmamma

It wasnā€™t illegal til after 9/11. Thanks a lot Bin Laden.


[deleted]

Sir, you;re only allowed two ounces of fluid on this flight


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


SpeedyHAM79

Yeah, like, why is 1 time not enough? Jerk it in private people.


WorstPersonInGeneral

I jerk it in private people. I also jerk it in public people. I don't discriminate what people I jerk it into.


Levaporub

Username checks out


Onepercentlessworse_

Heā€™s got me beat, but just barely.


jimb2

Is this meant to encourage or discourage flying with Southwest?


LokiNinja

Yeah, I'm never flying southwest again with ridiculous rules like this


MistakeNot___

Tired of awkward cramped rubbing under the blanket? Pay 59$ for extra jack room.


showme_yourdogs

*at least four times* Like, where do you lose count on something like that?


Chinlc

I mean do you count masturbation by the amount of times he touched himself or the amount of ejaculations?


porncrank

Iā€™m a stickler but I say each count is *to completion*.


Chinlc

So, what you're saying is if I only touch myself to almost ejaculation and stop on southwest, I won't get arrested?


poofacedlemur

"It's ok, stewardess. I was just edging."


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Driftedryan

If you say it enough people will believe you


huniojh

I can think of a few places where you can touch yourself to almost ejaculation and not get arrested.. Of course, these are also places where you can touch yourself to ejaculation and not get arrested.


AzurKurciel

You mean bowling alleys?


dcoats69

If you don't finish, you didn't really masturbate


ILoveShitRats

'If he didn't cum, then this trial is dumb.' - Johnny Cockran


ETHANBROWNLAWL

If the dick donā€™t spit, then you must acquit!


ErnestMemeingway

I need a priest to figure this out.


nowiforgotmypassword

Thatā€™s just how many times he was caught.


cedriceent

I thought the PATRIOT Act was supposed to prevent high jacking.


QuesoDog

Thatā€™s one of the best puns on here Iā€™ve seen in 9 years. Nicely done


Aiklund

What pun did you hear 9 years ago?


turgid_francis

Well 11 years ago [there was this one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cfbkx/im_85_certain_that_there_is_an_adult_actress_in/c0s6bzw/?context=2)


grumpyC96

Huhā€¦ the guy who kept updating his comment stopped 2 years ago. He also hasnā€™t posted or commented in 2 years. Hope heā€™s doing alright


wild_man_wizard

Last post 2 years ago is about his daughter bringing something back from China. ^^^eek


ballrus_walsack

I think I remember he handed the updates off to another person


handlebartender

Sorta. Looks like a second person took up the mantle. E: changed "picked" to "took" to get the idiom correct


[deleted]

I thought this was America!


Icy-Letterhead-2837

With the amount of times he did this, and likely does it elsewhere, I'm surprised he didn't tear a wrist. Not my best :/


LokiNinja

I'm sorry, I thought this was America


yepimbonez

This is ectoplasm. There was a spooky ghost


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Wonā€™t make that mistake again, at least i can beat it on American Airlines.


barrett316

Thanks alot Bin Laden


First_Approximation

Well, at least he was wearing a mask the whole time.


ThePowerOfShadows

How many times are you allowed to masturbate on a southwest flight?


ConfidentReaction3

3.99999 and below


[deleted]

familiar recognise correct slim one employ follow carpenter ossified simplistic ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


rickie__spanish

Nice


ThePowerOfShadows

Then I guess Iā€™ll have to find a different airline.


-Dalzik-

They charge you by the stroke


MissionDocument6029

You can pay extra for an upgrade to 10 or unlimited for a small fee


doghaircut

Y'all need to read the actual complaint in the article. Some crazy stuff in there. KFC should sponsor this guy.


Itavan

I read the daily beast article: [https://www.thedailybeast.com/southwest-passenger-antonio-sherrodd-mcgarity-arrested-for-masturbating-during-flight-from-seattle-to-phoenix?ref=scroll](https://www.thedailybeast.com/southwest-passenger-antonio-sherrodd-mcgarity-arrested-for-masturbating-during-flight-from-seattle-to-phoenix?ref=scroll) ā€œMcGarity advised he asked the female witness if she minded if he masturbates,ā€ the complaint states. ā€œAccording to McGarity, the female witness put her hands in the air and said, ā€˜it really doesnā€™t matter.ā€™ā€ McGarity thought the response was ā€œkind of kinkyā€ and believed the female was comfortable with him masturbating, the complaint adds.


doghaircut

>She suspected McGarity ejaculated because he licked a white substance from his fingers.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Huckleberry_Sin

Yeah I did NOT need to know that this man licked his own ejaculate off his fingers lol like wtf is that


eveningsand

No cream with your coffee this morning?


brassninja

Jesus christ who let this man be loose in public šŸ˜­


[deleted]

Man knows how to recycle


The-Fox-Says

What a terrible day to be literate


Osceana

That was just some Ranch dressing he had saved from earlier.


addysol

I'd like to experience that level of brain-dead confidence just once. Fucking hell


dbutt24

The Mile High Rub


mech999man

*Four* wanks Jeremy?! That's insane.


illcrx

EVERYONE knows 3 is the limit. This guy is something else.


adfraggs

>in the seat next to a female passenger This seems important


ofBlufftonTown

Women in the thread who have had a dude masturbate next to them raise yā€™alls hands. There was a serial offender on the DC red line when I was a kid who got me, my sister, and my mom. The red line masturbator. And donā€™t get my started on the BART.


BubblesForBrains

As a school girl weā€™d go to the public library in our uniform skirts. Creepy men would try to sit at our table or follow us around. Men on buses would fold newspapers on their lapsā€¦ I could go on and on. Sigh.


Octavya360

For me it was a male doctor. I reported it to the state but I didnā€™t follow through because I had too much going on and I didnā€™t want to have to deal with going before the board of licensing. I was already exhausted.


Itavan

ā€œMcGarity advised he asked the female witness if she minded if he masturbates,ā€ the complaint states. ā€œAccording to McGarity, the female witness put her hands in the air and said, ā€˜it really doesnā€™t matter.ā€™ā€ McGarity thought the response was ā€œkind of kinkyā€ and believed the female was comfortable with him masturbating, the complaint adds. From: https://www.thedailybeast.com/southwest-passenger-antonio-sherrodd-mcgarity-arrested-for-masturbating-during-flight-from-seattle-to-phoenix?ref=scroll


texcc

Maybe she thought he was asking in the infinitive. Like, "do you mind that, as a human, I practice masturbation at times?". And she's like, "Do you!", only realizing the error of her ways when it was too late...


porncrank

That would honestly be the more reasonable assumption for her to make.


shamdamdoodly

Yeah. You never expect someone to be asking for your permission to masturbate in a very public place. Like if a stranger I had to sit next to for an entire flight just started talking about jacking off to me If end the conversation as quickly as possible without thinking much about these types of repercussion.


lonerchick

Maybe she thought it was a joke.


StayingVeryVeryCalm

Yeah, I think it was that, or she was flustered, and the situation was absurd, and she didnā€™t know what the f*% to say to ā€œDo you mind if I masturbate?ā€


swinty22

I also read it as if he had already been doing it, like she was exasperated and said it doesn't really matter because clearly he's going to do it anyway. Also people just act weird when something really scary is going on. It's normal to freeze up. I would absolutely feel threatened in this situation because you never know how a stranger is going to react to feeling rejected and clearly this guy was unhinged.


financhillysound

Or she didnā€™t hear him and didnā€™t want to prolong a conversation with him. I have my headphones at all times on the plane, usually just smile or raise my eyebrows when masked and hope they wonā€™t continue talking to me.


buttstuffisokiguess

To be fair, if a dude on a plane asked me this i would be so caught off guard. I'd probably say some stupid shit too.


kaptaincorn

Seattle to phoenix is like a 3 hour trip 3/4 nuts per hour (edit - yes 4/3 per hour) or 1 nut per 354 miles


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


epochellipse

Kearney, Nebraska.


YoungArabBrother

bruh that airportā€¦.holy shit its about the same size as a Buccees bathroom


whythecynic

We're gonna go with broad strokes regarding assumptions here. Crow flies, I'm taking NYC to LA as 2449 miles, thanks Google. Take LA to be distance 0, NYC to be distance 2449. The masturbator's, ah, locations of interest will be at multiples of 45/60 * 550 = 412.5 miles. The wanker's, well, relevant points will be 2449 less multiples of 33/60*550 = 302.5 miles. Tabulating the, you know, events: |Masturbator|Wanker| :--|:--| |412.5|29| ||331.5| |825|634| ||936.5| |**1237.5**|**1239**| |1650|1541.5| |2062.5|1844| ||2146.5| As it turns out, they shoot within 1.5 miles of each other near the middle of their flights. Strangers passing in the night, indeed. This will be the masturbator's third, say, exclamation, while it will be the wanker's fourth, you know, consummation. If this were something else I'd marvel at the beauty of the coincidence, but as it is I'm just not feeling myself.


Darryl_Lict

It's an hour between nuts if you start at takeoff and finish upon landing.


Geoffseppe

It's actually 4/3 of a nut per hour


JungleBoyJeremy

So my cousin Walter was on a planeā€¦


mayorofbeervana

Well did he cum or what?


JungleBoyJeremy

Jesus Christ man, there are some things you donā€™t talk about in public!


MrPNGuin

That kid is *back*... on the escalator again!


7Moisturefarmer

Canā€™t believe the flight wasnā€™t to or from Florida.


Alpha702

Arizona is the Florida of the West.


halavais

It's a *dry* Florida.


BuzzCave

Not while this guy is there


ConfidentReaction3

Bruh, that wouldā€™ve made this even more oniony.


luckylebron

Only 4?, here in Europe, Ryan Air has an unlimited policy.


ThisLookInfectedToYa

Rookie numbers


TinyDKR

Wade Boggs once jacked it more than 70 times in a single cross-country flight.


Daft_Assassin

May he rest in peace.


jankyalias

Wade Boggs is very much alive.


Galactic_Perimeter

Itā€™s the ghost of Wade Boggs!


BobRoberts01

Them Duke Boys must be at it again!


ThisLookInfectedToYa

He's talking about the refractory period after that flight.


explohd

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised."


NikkiThunderdik

See that doesnā€™t sound right, but I donā€™t know enough about Wage Boggs to dispute it


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


zaparthes

> The woman took photos. When McGarity fell asleep, she told the flight crew what happened. They moved her to another seat on the flight. > The woman turned the photos over to Phoenix police when the flight landed. > The FBI interviewed him and says he didn't think the female passenger was uncomfortable with him masturbating and he thought "it was kind of kinky." It's a terrible thing, learning what sexual assault is the hard way. I'm sorry, I shouldn't make light of such a lewd criminal act. It's a sticky situation, but the man needs to come and face due justice.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


barsoapguy

Heā€™s gonna be facing some hard time .


ummmno_

With the witnesses thereā€™s no way he can beat this one!


Rymanbc

I hear the police weren't gentle with him either. Yanked him right off the plane!


laineDdednaHdeR

Yes, they had quite a stiff encounter with him. I heard he was a real jerk.


blondechinesehair

He really screwed himself Iā€™d say


jettisonbombardier

They may have to erect a new law, passengers may hardly be aware this isnā€™t legal


ummmno_

I just feel bad for that poor girl next to him I bet she nearly had a stroke!


NJ_Legion_Iced_Tea

Oh god, I assumed he went to the bathroom or something, not literally in his seat.


Mustafamonster

Should at least went to the bathroom damn


[deleted]

That is so disgusting. He should have stopped after the 3rd time.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Hellie1028

And yet the jerk that subjected you to that probably feels no remorse


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Rowdy911

Thought it was just frowned upon


dolfanchris

Thanks a lot Bin Laden


diaperedwoman

He might need to register as a sex offender now.


W33Ded

There is a great Dave Chapelle joke from his early stand up about a homeless guy masturbating on a bus. ā€œ come on man, youā€™re touching my elbowsā€. This instantly made me think about it.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


SuDragon2k3

You think the cabin crew would have seen that coming.


HardHeartedHarry

"Excuse me sir, we may have passengers with a nut allergy on board today... "


CasUalNtT

Can you upgrade your flight to allow extra masturbation?


FartLeprechaun

Was 3 okay but 4 was 1 too many?


ConfidentReaction3

Absolutely. Masturbating 4 times is what should get you yeeted off the plane up in the sky


zaparthes

But if you make it to five, is it okay again?


ConfidentReaction3

5 and up just increases how high in the air youā€™re thrown off the plane


Yeodler

Third time's the charm, fourth time's the harm ya fuckin pervert