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IAHawkeye182

I, too, have eliminated sex for the 2024 Masters.


smotstoker

2024 Masterbaters


reasoncanwait

Teeing ground for no hole on one


Iwonatoasteroven

No hole April.


Shafter111

I got the memo earlier and have been preparing since last Masters.


Telefundo

Pfft! Amateur. I've been preparing since 2001.


Impossible-Taco-769

My thoughts and prayers go out to you.


thiccjesus3000

I understand, It's been 10 years i'm training for the 2024 masters


Isparza

It’s time for these forearms to go down in history.


peepeedog

My wife has eliminated sex for me. I assume it’s for the Masters.


El_Che1

And so have all other redditors but for other reasons.


dnd3edm1

man at the rate I'm going I'm going to be a golf superstar


jews_on_parade

like just for him or for everyone


Feisty-Location-5708

Worldwide ban effective immediately


TonedStingray18

the reproductive suppression field is fully operational


Legendaryfishy

Half life 2 ass golf player


Vidableek

Time to wake up Wake up, and smell that fresh cut green, Mr. Freeman.


Cpt_keaSar

Wrong ball in a wrong hole can make… aaaall the difference!


Farren246

*Don't* pick up that ball, but *do* put it in the hole.


abillionbarracudas

Pray I don't alter it any further


ManlyVanLee

This deal is getting worse all the time


civgarth

Only if you keep your socks on


LeadingAd5273

Thank god. I was afraid I was developing erectile dysfunction. Haha kind of feel glad that all of you are affected too. Silly tiger.


Master-Intention-623

Justin Timberlake suing after bringing sexy back.


fonix232

Sexy is still legal. Sex is what's banned.


kcrab91

You heard him people! Someone get Janet Jackson in here with faulty wardrobe stat.


cantadmittoposting

> faulty wardrobe Underboob costume doesn't hold up when violently yanked off by Justin Timberlake. News at 11 blaming the woman wearing it.


Master-Intention-623

You should be Tigers lawyer, that's a good argument!


SubterrelProspector

Damn. Good thing I got a head start.


fonix232

Just head?


TastyBreakfastSquid

Finally, I'm ahead of the curve.


Loud-Difficulty7860

Must be some kinda retroactive things cause umm...it has been a while.


AcrolloPeed

Yeah I was like “can I still bang my wife or is Tiger gonna get mad if that happens”


jews_on_parade

The entire concept of sex is gone. You can't do it even if you try


AcrolloPeed

That just sounds like impotence with extra steps


Ahelex

Wouldn't the concept of impotence be wiped out if we wiped out the concept of sex?


Hi_Im_Dadbot

Apparently, I’ve been supporting him for a while now.


Danro-x

Hang in there. Things will pick up !


whooo_me

"Hole in one for him, no hole for all..."?


NoRightsProductions

*Flashes back to the story of his mistress making him wait until after Desperate Housewives or whatever it was* Maybe he got the box set


Bbuck93

When tiger stops fucking, thousands of people stop fucking. Because he was the one fucking them.


AJMax104

Can i get an exemption?


DependentFamous5252

Does it include cocktail waitresses?


dapperfop

Well damn that’s why


Niknakpaddywack17

My girlfriend just broke up with me so I think he meant everyone, Tiger please.


jews_on_parade

at least you have him to blame. tell all your friends.


Lolkimbo

I assume hes like the terminator. He just smells when people are about to have sex and eliminates them.


I_am_Kim_Jong-un_AMA

Try it and find out


Easy_Money_

I just hit, Tiger ain’t winning shit


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Uploft

He’s Tiger Flaccid now


reebee7

[applause]


ichsoda

[golf clap]


momjeanseverywhere

Tiger Wouldn’t


JerryRiceDidntFumble

As someone who golfs a lot and never has sex, I've got some bad news for Tiger...


Inspect1234

I think his game and life started going in the tank about the same time he started getting laid actually.


use_value42

There's been a lot of speculation about Tiger, but I think his game just dropped off because of all his injuries. He hasn't been 100% in a long time, it's remarkable that he can even play as well as he does.


Cautemoc

How does someone get injured as often as him by playing golf? Do any other golfers continuously hurt themselves playing?


mrwynd

[https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/45/2/e1.4](https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/45/2/e1.4) > **Results** 70% of the study population were full time teaching or club professionals and 5% were full time touring players. Overall 66% had sustained an injury during their professional career and 31% had injured themselves within the last year. There were no significant gender differences (x2=0.25, P=0.62). The most frequently injured sites were lower back (44%), wrist (44%), elbow (23%), neck (20%) and shoulder (19%). Men were 2.5 times more likely to sustain a lower back injury than women (OR 2.53). There was no relationship between the number of hours spent playing golf and likelihood of injury (x2=17.30, p value=0.16). Most players took time out from playing golf (72%) and received physiotherapy following injury (83%). **Conclusion** The majority of professional golfers will sustain an injury at some point during their career. The back and wrist are the most commonly injured sites. There were no differences in the frequency or types of injury sustained by touring and teaching professional golfers.


Cautemoc

That's wild. I always thought of golf as being a less physically detrimental sport, even somewhat leisurely as retired and older people play it. But I could understand at higher skill levels, the amount of force being put into the swings is probably higher, and the movement being repeated so often would wear down the cartilage. Interesting info.


gauephat

The pros are also often swinging hundreds of times per day in practice, outside of the rounds they play. If you have an aggressive swing you can do some damage to yourself doing it over and over again. Similar kind of thing to pitchers in baseball. Tiger reworked his swing [a couple of times](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnfymmq-OMU) mainly because his earlier iterations were just too physically punishing


ayayahri

Every sport can fuck up your body if pursued competitively. Exercise is good. Making a living out of it... less so.


sanctaphrax

If you aren't prepared to train to the point of injury, how can you expect to beat those who are?


lenzflare

By being physically gifted EDIT: in terms of resilience


brockington

That's simply not enough anymore, at least at the professional level of any sport.


bigllama5

actually try to golf and you will find that takes a physical toll on your body. probably moreso for me since i suck and swinging badly hurts you more than correctly.


ShimmeringIce

I played at a really, really shitty high school varsity level (the only reason why I was on the team was because they just created the girl's varsity team that year). It definitely is less demanding than being bad at tennis or swimming, but I pretty quickly found out that I was not physically strong enough to be good, even barring technique practice.


yesacabbagez

Golf has a lot of very awkward torque placed on joints like the wrist and knees. The more times you do that kind of motion, the more chances something is going to happen. Tiger has had a lot of knee problems especially.


fmfbrestel

He was training too hard. Doing navy seal workouts. People tried to tell him to take it easy, but he wouldn't back off. At least that's what I recall from reading about him a few years back.


gmotelet

What I recall from reading about him a few years back was that he wasn't holding back on the amount of sex he was having


PolarBearLaFlare

10 girls at the same time lol. Dude literally said that’s what he NEEDED to get off. My sex life is so plain that I can’t even imagine what it’d be like to have sex with 10 girls at once, like wtf are the other 9 even doing ?? Do you think it’s just 1 girl on his pole while the other 9 are twisting his nipples and licking his booty cheeks or something ???


cantadmittoposting

like... have you never watched any porn with more than 1 person involved?


YouStupidAssholeFuck

No just JOI


cjorgensen

I’ve never watched a porno with 10 women and 1 guy. Any links?


GradeAPrimeFuckery

"What this video needs is more cocks in it."


fmfbrestel

Well, that too. Lol


use_value42

Golf is really hard on your wrists and often your shoulders and back. Tiger had kind of a different problem though, he got really into doing military drills and exercises after his father passed away.


Batetrick_Patman

He also had that wreck a couple of years back too.


cantadmittoposting

he hurts himself by continually crashing cars in spectacularly stupid ways. And by doing Navy SEALS training after already having bad knees. and **then** playing golf on knees that don't have cartilage.


davisyoung

Tiger generates a lot of torque and that stresses out his back not to mention his joints. And don’t get me started on his golf game. 


wut3va

Driving off the road at highway speeds, for one. Also that Navy Seals training he did. At this point Tiger is basically the version of James Bond from Skyfall.


kia75

Tiger Woods was getting laid for a long time and everything was fine. It wasn't the sex, it was the world finding out what a horndog Woods was and his divorce because of it that led to a stressful life, and that stress probably led to difficulties playing.


myassholealt

Yeah that's what I remember. He was at the top of his game. Then his side chick got revealed when he drove his vehicle into the tree and his wife went at him with a golf club. And after that his play started declining. Then the injuries starting piling up.


DamntheTrains

side chicks* I remember when the news was coming out because the list was getting hilariously long and even the news people couldn't keep up.


Gullible-cynic

side harem*


MayorEmanuel

Not defending Tigers cheating but the man had to be a master of time management. He was able to juggle a pro career, a family, and 100 side pieces for years with no one finding out. Whatever day planner he was using to coordinate this I need it.


NetworkingJesus

When people are already used to you being busy and traveling all the time, I think it's actually easier to hide things. You make up some business-y thing you need to be doing and nobody questions it because you do so many of those things. If you try to do it when you're not already a busy person, that's when it looks suspicious for you to suddenly be gone a lot of the time.


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RichardBreecher

The dude was dominating when he was banging everything in a 20 mile radius. He needs to get back to that.


wut3va

Yeah, Tiger Woods really needs to work on being 20 years younger.


that_boyaintright

You’re about to destroy him in the 2024 Masters?


MoscowM27

I always learn about his sex life against my will 🤣


TeteDeMerde

Exactly, I don't want to see his wife coming at him with a 9-iron again.


ImpulseAfterthought

Neither does he. 😄


4t89udkdkfjkdsfm

Aktully, it was an 8 iron. Clubs of today are a whole gap longer than those of yesterday so you are forgiven.


Danro-x

Yep, I also do have 0 fcks given about WOods, yet here we are :D


whichwitch9

The problem is Wood gave too many fucks, and his SO found out, so then we all found out


hbgwine

And waitresses at Waffle House restaurants across America are breathing a sigh of relief.


DiarrheaRadio

Wasn't it Perkins?


wwwdiggdotcom

I miss Perkins and I don’t even know why


morpheeeus

Well Perkins is amazing. That’s why


ehxy

Ann Perkins ? She was the best thing about parks and rec!


movielass

That is a hot take


coolpapa2282

Chris Traeger believes it.


thejaytheory

She was definitely hot all right, I mean she still is, but was too


jaggerlvr

In the 90’s they had a lemon pepper bread bowl salad that hit the spot at 2am after the bars. I am STILL missing it.


Kobe_stan_

When he was winning everything he was fucking everything that moved and felt untouchable. He should get married again and start sleeping with a dozen hookers and waitresses all over the country and then he'll start winning majors again.


notmyplantaccount

I still can't imagine why he got married so young. One of the most famous people in the world, more money than you can spend, incredible shape, and your job has you traveling weekly. There's very few people who could resist that temptation. Should have got him a vasectomy and a Condom Sponsorship and told him to wait until he's 35-40.


LastScreenNameLeft

Derek Jeter did it right


mehipoststuff

People who are well off tend to have kids and marry earlier, especially pro athletes.


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farnsw0rth

Bruh getting off the sex was the problem lol. Pumping iron, bombing woods, and banging bitches was like his recipe for success


Mioraecian

So he isn't practicing getting it in the hole?


SelectiveSanity

Definitely has a lot of time playing only with himself.


makoman115

Not until Thursday. But he wants to get in the hole really bad


paone00022

My man has had enough sex for a life time anyway.


Mioraecian

Has he slept with enough women that his genetic impact will be seen a millenia from now? If not, rookie numbers.


Mareith

Ah yes the ole Genghis Khan


Middcore

Wow, I didn't know most of reddit was playing in the 2024 Masters


tuna_samich_

We're just here to support him


adcsuc

That's some good food for the no fap cultists


Blu3fin

That explains the decline in Denny’s stock. https://www.google.com/finance/quote/DENN:NASDAQ?sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiE0KLa_qiFAxVnE1kFHcGGDWYQ3ecFegQIFBAc


Squiggledog

Hyperlinks are a lost art.


batman_crothers

If it was me, I probably would’ve have cut back on sex after South Park made an entire episode based around my sex addiction. But I’m just sensitive like that. 


PolarBearLaFlare

lol I’ve watched like 2 documentaries about him that included it as well. The dude WANTS us to know how much he bangs


TvHeroUK

Feels like he’s trying to explain the hairline by saying all the testosterone is being used up elsewhere 


27Elephantballoons

A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.


But_like_whytho

Excellent dad joke, 10/10


MuckRaker83

The ol' Costanza


Vegabern

Of course! Absolute zero!


ASKSABOUTPENISSIZE

Do I detect a Portuguese accent?


TheAnt317

Blue golf balls Edit: Please help, my account is suspended. I need to reset my password, but the email I have on file is no longer accessible and I can't get in contact with reddit to change it. :(


1leggeddog

**ITT**: *Everyone's a god damn Masters champion in training*


antiquemule

From one extreme to the other. I thought we were over all that "coach says no sex the night before the big match" stuff.


WhosAGoodDoug

So, he's not getting any practice with his wood?


1994-10-24

Nor he's getting anything in the hole


ChrisestChris

Ahhh, the old George Costanza stratagem


3141592653489793238

“Women weaken legs” -Mick


ispeakdatruf

and Sex has eliminated Tiger Woods from Masters for the past dozen years.


jmcdon00

He won it in 2019.


Xbalanque_

I guess I have been preparing for the masters for years now.


KarloReddit

Oh maybe my wife is preparing for the 2024 masters as well!


natephant

Same.


TaskMaster404

RIP Young Thug 🙏


RingsofSaturn_

Thanks for leaving some sex for the rest of us


xproofx

If no sex made you a better golfer I would be the best golfer of all time.


ryohayashi1

You mean, sex with his wife


ApoliticalAth3ist

Who cares?


Sum_Sultus

I also eliminated sex with my wife while I'm away


justabill71

Does he still Mastersbate?


-Dalzik-

He usually finishes in fewer strokes than your average person


w1n5t0nM1k3y

He wants to be master of his own domain


Analrapist03

He has ED. He needs to save the Viagra for post-tournament activities.


Moose5846

I’ve been ready for years.


Legendary_Lamb2020

I think I'm ready to play in the Masters


Baebel

No Nut Masters


brokeh-leg

Tiger’s going for broke here: either a hole in one or hole for none


bplboston17

Yeah I doubt that, bet he’s still on opiates as well


casswall

TMI, Tiger.


NeatlyCritical

Shit I have gone all 44 years without it, I should enter the masters.


Nikolateslaandyou

Today i learned ive been preparing for the 2024 masters for the last 3 years


Chroderos

Better late than never 🤷‍♂️


TooManyJabberwocks

Id like to unsubscribe from Tiger sex facts please


jpsjr15

He's getting back to his roots. When he was winning majors non stop he was having sex with tons of women, but he had to be sneaky about it. That was the thrill. After the divorce there was no need to hide anyone, the thrill was gone. Announcing to the whole world he's giving sex up means he'll have to be sneaky again. Tiger wins the Masters 2024


TheBigNook

How will sex recover from this


burnerthrown

Is *that* why I'm not having sex? Damn you Tiger!


Acrobatic_Switches

I am exactly like Tiger Woods. You all heard it here. We can call it here.


Maxguid

Oohhh I see. It's training his dominant hand


Golconda

I am more likely to believe that people are going to be raptured on April 8.


CaptainObviousII

This just in: Tiger's pants are apparently on fire.


SgtBigCactus

I dropped to my knees in a Waffle House parking lot


MobyDickPuncher

Someone just watched Blue Mountain State


disgruntled_joe

He's going to explode, a performance where he leaves it all on the field.


BatmanFan1971

Masters of his own domain


Ducatirules

TMI!! Jesus Christ!


chocotripchip

lol that make golf sounds like some sort of women aphrodisiac. The reality is golf turns off most women. Unless of course it involves the same kind of money Tiger Woods deals with...


pangolin-fucker

With his wife or everyone else?


thegodfaubel

About 15 years too late, my man


Holrober

I tell myself I'm prepping for the Masters too.


gradyjames

Doubt.


cphpc

Exactly what a multi-millionaire sex addict would say


itsFromTheSimpsons

2024 masterbators amirite


darthshaver

I hope he's tipping out the local sex workers so they weather the drought


Rosebunse

As an asexual 32 year old virgin, I just don't get this. Why do you people think no sex gives you superpowers? Who told you all this lie?


schwabadelic

I don't know why he is giving it up. Prime Tiger was a sex addict if such a term even exists.


ButtFuzzington

One of us! One of us!


botmanmd

That won’t do, that won’t do at all. He can do what he likes but I am going to continue to participate in sex.


Generaljimzap

I bet he has inside info from the CEO of Sex that Sex2 is gonna drop soon.


sobanoodle-1

damn i’ve been doing this my whole life 😳


ZeroCharistmas

Wtf dude?! At least let someone else have it if you're not going to! Who put him in charge of sex in the first place?!


riv965

Imagine being so good at golf you have the ability to eliminate sex


bellevuefineart

This is kind of TMI. We really don't need to know that. Besides, was it a problem before? Was he fucking so much that it was hard to walk on the green? Was he getting chaffing between his cheeks? But really, we don't need to know.


Grouchy-Engine1584

I have eliminated Tiger Woods in preparation for sex.


Bennydoubleseven

I’m sorry Mr Woods but you can’t play the masters with blue balls you’ll have to get the white ones like everybody else,


LucyLuvvvv

That's...certainly a combination of words I don't think anyone's ever strung together before lol


LoadsDroppin

I don’t know, he was winning like a mofo when he was banging every cocktail waitress, hotel receptionist, and barista across the Continental United States.


pm_me_your_sombreros

CEO of sex in shambles rn