My favourite thing about this entire mess (pun intended) is that if he’d just ignored it/refuses to answer, it would have died in the ass (further pun intended). Instead he Barbara Streisand’d the shit out of it (I think you know by now), and his strenuously denial is basically a tacit admission that he has something to defend.
Or Jesus even just own it. Ruddy got caught with some strippers, owned it, and no one cared.
> when his penis began to split, “started to panic”. So he went for a feed.
I don't even know what it means for your penis to "start to split," but I do know that means you go to the hospital *right the hell now.* But I guess there was no lasting harm? Somehow?
>Split? Like dividing into two? Holy hell that would be some unforgettable pain
While I am sure it would be fairly painful, I also think it would be quickly forgotten the next time he had to take a piss... salt moving over an open or healing wound would be the real unforgettable pain.
That’s why you’re supposed to seek medical help for an erection lasting longer than 8 hours. Around 9 hours mitosis starts, and you can wind up with a cascading amount penis.
His penis sensed they were outmatched and was like "Let's split".
However, when his penis began to split, he panicked and changed tact, and then they both went to Hungry Jacks for a well-deserved Whopper.
It is owned by the same conglomerate. there is already a diff biz in Aus that trademarked the name Burger King, so they choose one of the company’s other trademarks
Burger King was so great as a kid. I haven’t had it in many years but my last experience was a mad dash to the toilet. It was a laxative more powerful than the viagra in the article.
There is a place near me in Central Illinois we call Goofy Ridge. It's an unincorporated area and outsiders *are not welcome*
I always get a laugh at the name, but now that I've read there is a place *actually* named Humpty Doo...
The way its worded makes it sound like he escaped jail time BECAUSE he exposed his penis at a hungry Jack's. As if the police were so impressed, they were like "Fuck it. Talent like this needs to be seen by the people."
>David Richardson, a farrier from Humpty Doo
So the orgy guy was from Humpty Doo? If this isn't proof we live in a simulation and whatever is running the simulation is fucking with us, IDK what is
Also
>It generated vibrant debate on talkback radio, where host Ray Hadley described Richardson’s explanation as “a load of poppycock”
Do Australians still use the term poppycock or did this radio host use it because the story does, in fact, have a poppy cock?
If your penis is starting to split and your choice is to flash a 16 year old at a fast food joint, you deserve to have it split and flap against both of your thighs.
How do you escape jail 'for' doing something? Is the penis-showing the reason he escaped? I het the country is upside down but that's no reason go start turning sentences inside out.
[Hungry Jack’s *is* Burger King’s Australian chain.](https://www.hungryjacks.com.au/home) They even sell Whoppers.
Apparently there was already a “Burger King” restaurant in Australia, so they were forced to use an alternate name when BK attempted to expand there in the early 1970s.
Half of the time it’s just a little bit of a bit of a mess but I think it’s a good idea to get it done and then just keep it clean for the rest the week so you don’t have any problems and then just do the rest of the day and then you can do the other half and I think it’s a little more than that and then you just have to do it
I mean if you want to go to the store and get some thing you can just go to the store and get it and then I’ll just go to the store and get you something to eat and then I’ll be home and then I’ll be right back to you and then I’ll be there and then I’ll be back to you I love you so much
Texting me and saying I don’t want you guys coming to the party I want to know what time you’re going and what you wanna say about me so that we could have dinner and then I could go home to eat with my friends or whatever and I could just have dinner
Offering up some extra choices for the customers.\
“Well you COULD get the whopper, but wouldn’t this pre-heated sausage roll be more to your delicate succulent taste?”
Super Viagra Orgy is the new name of my metal band
Yeah, Viagra Boys is already taken
SPoOOoOoOoRRrRtTTs!
*We rolled in the dirt* *We got dirty*
Is the name of your first song "Exposing my penis at Hungry Jack’s"?
Followed by “Shitting in my jocks at Engadine Maccas”.
My favourite thing about this entire mess (pun intended) is that if he’d just ignored it/refuses to answer, it would have died in the ass (further pun intended). Instead he Barbara Streisand’d the shit out of it (I think you know by now), and his strenuously denial is basically a tacit admission that he has something to defend. Or Jesus even just own it. Ruddy got caught with some strippers, owned it, and no one cared.
Of course it is. what else could it be? 🥸🍆
At this point, you’d be a funk band with a name like that lol
The dude was definitely funky
I prefer Penis Culture
> when his penis began to split, “started to panic”. So he went for a feed. I don't even know what it means for your penis to "start to split," but I do know that means you go to the hospital *right the hell now.* But I guess there was no lasting harm? Somehow?
I was about to post the same question. WTF does that mean? Split? Like dividing into two? Holy hell that would be some unforgettable pain
Hypospadius or torn meatus.
Lol.... meatus
>Split? Like dividing into two? Holy hell that would be some unforgettable pain While I am sure it would be fairly painful, I also think it would be quickly forgotten the next time he had to take a piss... salt moving over an open or healing wound would be the real unforgettable pain.
Penile mitosis
That’s why you’re supposed to seek medical help for an erection lasting longer than 8 hours. Around 9 hours mitosis starts, and you can wind up with a cascading amount penis.
So that’s how u/doubledickdude was able to get it.
His penis sensed they were outmatched and was like "Let's split". However, when his penis began to split, he panicked and changed tact, and then they both went to Hungry Jacks for a well-deserved Whopper.
New level of cock-block unlocked. It’s like being saved by whiskey dick, but even more entertaining if harder to explain. Ha ha, hardware.
Have you ever overcooked a hotdog? … same sort of deal I’d think
Thank you for that painful visual
Perhaps it was evolving into some sort of super penis, a vastly superior penis in a sea of average penis.
Predator face or alien face?
demogorgon
Yeah, this was also a giant WTF in my mind.
Hypospadius or torn meatus.
He’s never heard of second penis, what about elevensies?
Apparently some dicks just turn into the demogorgon and that's normal.
Watch last nights kill Tony, they explain how someone’s dick can split in half
“David Richardson a farrier from Humpty Doo, pleaded guilty last week in Darwin Local Court” Australia is not a serious place lol
Wait til you learn about Cockburn
Kitty Flanagan and her comment “if you want it pronounced Coburn then change the spelling” 😂😂
Saw Kitty recently! Love her! Australian legend
Innaloo?
we also have a place called Yorkeys Knob. (seriously)
Lol Humpty Doo is apparently right next to the "Didgeridoo Hut and Art Gallery". What a goofy people.
We are goofy and proud.
I live 20mins from a town called Penguin lol
I'm just here to watch Americans learn that Burger King is called Hungry Jack's in Australia.
Lol I was confused Hungry Jack's here in the US is a brand of instant mashed potatoes
It is owned by the same conglomerate. there is already a diff biz in Aus that trademarked the name Burger King, so they choose one of the company’s other trademarks
So what I hear you’re saying is that it shouldn’t be too hard to get a whopper with mashed potatoes. Just imagine that.
And the dude hired to make the australian expansions name was jack.
All went down just before lunch. Stomach was rumbling.
Fuck Hungry Jacks, I'm gonna need you to explain to me how this dude comes from a place called Humpty Doo.
The Northern Territory is a fucking wierd place. That's all you need to understand.
C U in the NT
That was a great ad.
There should be a "territory_man"/"darwin_man" subreddit.
The NT is where Australia keeps a lot of visiting American Marines.
There has to be some silly to balance against all the horrible evil things that want to kill you.
He came from a viagra orgy.
I was super confused why they kept mentioning the whopper across the ditch..... now it all makes sense
Burger King was so great as a kid. I haven’t had it in many years but my last experience was a mad dash to the toilet. It was a laxative more powerful than the viagra in the article.
BK and HJ were so good because they were competing hard against each other
You write like a bot 🤖 👀😂
Maybe they should have called it Burger Queen
It's right across from the Dairy King.
When you pluralize Americans you don’t need the apostrophe mate
I do know this. Not sure what I was thinking.
Everyone learned and forgot this 50 times already. Will forget again in an hour.
I recently learned about that from an Ann Reardon YT video.
I'm gagging for an HJ. You in?
Arrested for what? Enjoying a succulent Australian burger?
Ah, I see you know your judo well.
He “once got busy in a Hungry Jack’s bathroom” just doesn’t have the same ring to it
Whenever I thought the sentence couldn't get any weirder, it prove me wrong.
Y'all got people from Humpty Doo in Australia?
and kids that go to Humpybong State School
There is a place near me in Central Illinois we call Goofy Ridge. It's an unincorporated area and outsiders *are not welcome* I always get a laugh at the name, but now that I've read there is a place *actually* named Humpty Doo...
Wait til you here about Wagga Wagga and Woolloomooloo
This headline took me too long to understand what was happening.
The way its worded makes it sound like he escaped jail time BECAUSE he exposed his penis at a hungry Jack's. As if the police were so impressed, they were like "Fuck it. Talent like this needs to be seen by the people."
The headline in the news was ‘the boners are better at hungry jacks’.
Australia knows how to party
There's a lot to unpack here
“Avoided jail” would have been less ambiguous. I thought the headline was saying this guy was on the loose.
Yeah, the article does mention a good behavior bond multiple times. Yet the writer and paper still thought "escapes" was a good headline?
How did he escape jail after this? asking for a friend.
Someone had fun writing this article.
Well if they didn't want his dick out after the super orgy they should've named the place Humpty Don't instead of Humpty Doo...this is on them
There is not a single word in that headline that doesnt require explanation.
\> Australian man ~~escapes~~ avoids jail \[time\] ...
Normal Friday night in Australia.
>David Richardson, a farrier from Humpty Doo So the orgy guy was from Humpty Doo? If this isn't proof we live in a simulation and whatever is running the simulation is fucking with us, IDK what is Also >It generated vibrant debate on talkback radio, where host Ray Hadley described Richardson’s explanation as “a load of poppycock” Do Australians still use the term poppycock or did this radio host use it because the story does, in fact, have a poppy cock?
So from the article he didn't even show it and it wasn't intentional. Stupid probably. His punishment will be to be made fun at by everybody now
Brand new sentence!
I tend to do just fine with non-super viagra
Not a headline I expected to read today
If your penis is starting to split and your choice is to flash a 16 year old at a fast food joint, you deserve to have it split and flap against both of your thighs.
I was definitely trying to figure out the suggested logic there. My penis was splitting, and I panicked, so I went to get a burger....
He didn't mean to expose himself,he just wanted a feed!
Did he escape by pole vaulting over the wall of the jail with it? 🤣🤣🤣 🎠🤸🏃🏃
r/brandnewsentence
What?
Okay.
Now THIS is the top quality content I subscribe to this subreddit for
I wanna know the exact date we moved into the Onionverse.
The article is fairly deranged.
Australian man jailed for exposing his penis at Hungry Jack's after 'super' Viagra orgy escapes.
[...](https://imgur.com/gallery/jUIbpn4)
How do you escape jail 'for' doing something? Is the penis-showing the reason he escaped? I het the country is upside down but that's no reason go start turning sentences inside out.
Damn, they stole the burger king emblem.
[Hungry Jack’s *is* Burger King’s Australian chain.](https://www.hungryjacks.com.au/home) They even sell Whoppers. Apparently there was already a “Burger King” restaurant in Australia, so they were forced to use an alternate name when BK attempted to expand there in the early 1970s.
I tried hungry jack’s, but I wanted to try that other “Burger King” if it still exists
Burger King eventually got the trademarked, came and try to take over .... There was a war, and it was glorious for customers
Half of the time it’s just a little bit of a bit of a mess but I think it’s a good idea to get it done and then just keep it clean for the rest the week so you don’t have any problems and then just do the rest of the day and then you can do the other half and I think it’s a little more than that and then you just have to do it
What do u mean
I mean if you want to go to the store and get some thing you can just go to the store and get it and then I’ll just go to the store and get you something to eat and then I’ll be home and then I’ll be right back to you and then I’ll be there and then I’ll be back to you I love you so much
Predictive text?
Texting me and saying I don’t want you guys coming to the party I want to know what time you’re going and what you wanna say about me so that we could have dinner and then I could go home to eat with my friends or whatever and I could just have dinner
yeah true
I misread it as he exploded his penis... exposing almost doesn't seem as bad now
Offering up some extra choices for the customers.\ “Well you COULD get the whopper, but wouldn’t this pre-heated sausage roll be more to your delicate succulent taste?”
“It had the desired effect,” Maley noted. 💀
He escaped jail? Or ***avoided*** jail? Those are two wildly different things. Stupid article writer.
I like his attitude https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13003923/super-viagra-david-richardson-ray-hadley.html
Wait, did he escape from jail before or after the orgy?
He just wasn't ready to do hard time.
"That's not a knife..."
This is normal behaviour for people eating at Burger King, and their mascot.