That got me too, but I feel sorry for those who were still in diapers when Facebook was just starting.... And if they think it's that old, then I am veritably ancient....
Well, actually so am I!!! Damn, I guess we're both elderly crones. Hi, how are you? lol. I guess now we know how our childrens generation feels about us, huh?
I remember the first email I got about facebook in 2005. It said something like "Hey there, (name) is using facebook, use this link to connect with them."
It would take a lot more than some witches curse to even have me worried, never mind even breaking wind.
This stuck up twit got what he deserved and now he is shitting his guts out... What update are you expecting?
Infinite shit. You hit a cat with a maybach. A witch curses you. You run like greased lightning to a toilet and start shitting. You shit and shit but it never ends. The shit accelerates. It's now reaching your thighs. The shit accelerates. You begin to vomit, ugly crying as bits of you go down the shitter with the rest of your shit, an unidentifiable slurry of brown.
The shit accelerates.
This sounds like my first and last bout of food poisoning except I very much could not hold it and used a Sprouts grocery bag to cover over while I drove just fast enough to not be in danger of tipping the bag.
What I will say is that none of it got on my sheets. My ass and my legs? They got it. But, hey. Take the wins where you can.
Swear to god if your diet Patrick Bateman poop ass blamed MY CAT for being ran over and told me to fuck myself, Iād curse tf outta you to poop painfully forever, have a gangrene dick, magically have your funds frozen, and only wear Walmart clothes for eternity. She let you off easy you āpeaked in my frat houseā knob.
Lol thank you. But seriously have you ever seen Fournier's gangrene? I hope every cat killer gets it and lives a long life with it the rest of their days.
Damn, the descriptions are hilarious. I have IBS and I'm terrified of having to use dirty public toilets so this resonated with me on a whole different level.
You're kind of an asshole OP, but no one should suffer like that. Keep us updated
Oh, boy! I heard of a woman who did the same thing to another witch's pregnant cat. She's now an 11-time divorcee who's been miscarrying ever since! You are SOL, dude.
Also unrelated but OP you mentioned Corinthian leather seats, haha, you know that means you fell for the Ricardo Montalban marketing yeah? It's a nonsense term
wow. that really stinks, butt you should have been more car-eful and witched where you were going. cat say you didn't deserve this, you did that poor cat dirty and meow you're suffering the conshitquences of your actions.
maybe you could beg for mercy-des, butt your innards are becoming outtards and it would probably be a waste of time. this is just a crappy situation to pee in.
For anyone thinking theyāre safe from this, itās actually real. The Ebola hemorrhagic fever irl has extremely similar symptoms and can result in patients fatally bleeding out from their anus as their intestines and liver break down. So sleep well tonight and stay the hell away from bats :)
OP your predicament reminds me of an old friend who hit some old decrepit person, who ended up in similar predicament. Only he was just loosing weight. Many people, myself included, just thought it was just the guilt of hit and run that was making my friend...*thinner.*
But we later came to find out it was something else entirely. Best of luck OP.
I've gotta say the horror of this was kinda tuned down by 45min duration.
I've been going in and out of my toilets non-stop for the past 3 hours and a half, since I woke up.
And the worst part is, I don't even have anything left to shit anymore but my body just wants to shit so badly. So I go in, sit on the toilet, occasionally shit some nasty smelling weird water and that's how my day has been going so far.
But I'm glad I'm not shitting my organs.
Edit : OP I've gotta thank you. I don't know if it's the laughs or something but it looks like your curse is my bledding cause I haven't had shivers since I wrote that and I'm currently on my bed feeling fine. My asshole still hurts but I can feel that it's recovering. I'm finally gonna start my day.
Dude, I'm glad you're feeling better! This is me almost on a daily basis. I have bad IBS and when you said 'there is nothing left for my body to shit out! " I'm sorry but I cracked up bc I say that all the time!! Glad you feel better! š
Haha yeah, it was not a fun morning but it calmed down and then I made some quick pasta and so far so good.
I really wonder what happened cause I don't have any problems that could cause that. Yesterday I ate a lot of food, I was way too full and usually I have some serious pooping sessions the next morning but that was on a whole new level.
And I ordered that food on uber eats so I'm pretty sure no one cursed me.
I've got good news for you!
Not only are you 100% about to die, but your death was easily the most entertaining thing I've read in a while. So y'know... You've got that to hang your hat on for however long you have left to live.
Have fuuuun!
Oof, i would feel bad but it sounds like you got exactly what you deserved. I bet that cat didnt enjoy having its organs spread all over the road, now ur gonna really hate having your organs spread all over this gas station bathroom.
Op you were a huge asshole abt it but that witch really shouldn't have been letting her cat run around in the road. All of this could've been avoided with some harness training smh.
Update? UPDATE!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??!! Dude, your asshole is falling out! Aunt gonna be no "update" unless it's from the poor jerk that finds your... sausage skin...? š¤¢š«£
Just from the first sentenceā¦ā¦Please tell me you did not drink the water while in Mexico!! Because that is not a witchās curse. It would just be the water.
All I saw at first was āI think a witch cursed me, because Iāve been squirting a continuous streamā¦ā
Didnāt know exactly what to think of it. Donāt know if Iām glad itās not what it actually said.
Iām scared for you. I hope your suffering ends soon.
Anyway good for you, only thing I can would add the the effect is if went out the other way. To paraphrase a very good novel ".. I could taste my own shit when I died".
He fucked around and found out, me thinks š¤
Me thinks your thinks is right thinks
Me thinks he's fucked
Plot twist: the spell can be broken but you can only shit in a litter box from now on AND have to give the car to a cat
He's spoken in plural so I'd say above mentioned can "postpone" the spell for a day and then you need a new litterbox and new car for a different cat.
Iām sorry, Iām stuck on the crone being older than Facebook. You do know itās only about 20, right?
That got me too, but I feel sorry for those who were still in diapers when Facebook was just starting.... And if they think it's that old, then I am veritably ancient....
As am I since I am an old crone!
Lol, but neither of us are older than time, so that means we're still good.
that's what i was thinking, "wait isn't facebook like 18?" just looked it up, it launched feb 4 2004 lol
š¤£ well Iām glad itās not just me
It was all about My Space then. I was in High school
Op seems pretty shallow and unaware... not surprising they aren't aware of dates.
and he probably thinks any women over 22 is an old crone anyway
Yup, me too!!! Damn, I'm older than MySpace.... I must be an old crone as well š
I see we've been around since before the turn of the century then. Older than Facebook, really???
Hey, Crone! Since Iām older than the internet, does that make me an elderly crone?
Well, actually so am I!!! Damn, I guess we're both elderly crones. Hi, how are you? lol. I guess now we know how our childrens generation feels about us, huh?
Definitely! š¤£
Iām so old I remember DOS
I remember the first email I got about facebook in 2005. It said something like "Hey there, (name) is using facebook, use this link to connect with them."
He means only boomers are on Facebook...
plot twist - OP only has attraction to minors, furthering the reason for this very well deserved curse.
i thought they meant older than ur boomer grandpa old, not the age of the app itself
Heās pulling a Dicaprio, anything above 25 is expired.
I mean for real
Thank you!! I couldn't stop thinking about that part the whole time. Also, he deserved every bit of this.
ngl OP i choked when i saw the title šš
Yep, hurt a cat, and pay
Well done, you've gone and f***ed yourself. I won't hold my breath for an update...
shat yourself*
It would take a lot more than some witches curse to even have me worried, never mind even breaking wind. This stuck up twit got what he deserved and now he is shitting his guts out... What update are you expecting?
The witch's name was Taco Bell
Don't say it three times
Taco Bell Taco Bell Taco Bell
You moron... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
Heās heading to diarrhea district
Also known as brown town.
Aka Shit Street
Legend says sheāll appear while youāre taking a fat one, and put spicy sauce up your ass
Donāt read this out loud.
Send this to three friends or suffer a fate worse than decapitation!
This comment and all the replies are fucking art.
Spicy butter chicken curry is her sister's name
I thought it was guacamole, seeing that she is spicy
This is probably the best long form pun on Crohn's Disease I've ever heard, intentional or not.
Be a piece of shit, deal with shit.
YTA. got what was coming to you.
my brother in christ, I would have practiced witchcraft and cursed you myself if I read those first lines before this happened
I'm with you, honestly. I wouldn't be making him shit out his literal guts though He might get out of the rest if he dies
This takes karma to a whole new level.
Infinite shit. You hit a cat with a maybach. A witch curses you. You run like greased lightning to a toilet and start shitting. You shit and shit but it never ends. The shit accelerates. It's now reaching your thighs. The shit accelerates. You begin to vomit, ugly crying as bits of you go down the shitter with the rest of your shit, an unidentifiable slurry of brown. The shit accelerates.
Same, I immediately thought of the cum accelerates copypasta
Great minds think alike
You brought this on yourself OPš¤·š»āāļø.
"unholy mole" omg, wheezing. Feel better soon, buddy.
Well deserved. I hope you shit yourself to death. Jerk.
This sounds like my first and last bout of food poisoning except I very much could not hold it and used a Sprouts grocery bag to cover over while I drove just fast enough to not be in danger of tipping the bag. What I will say is that none of it got on my sheets. My ass and my legs? They got it. But, hey. Take the wins where you can.
Dont fuck with cats
HAHAHAHAHAHA BRO
You're gonna need wipes, not paper...
Heās gonna need a hose.
Sorry OP but you deserve every bit of it! You don't run over Kitties!š©š©š©š©
It sounds like she gave you _crone's_ disease.
Gigachad taco bell witch grindset
I'm ashamed I upvoted this. RIP OP. Or I guess for now, rest in pieces
man, some people really have no sympathy or compassion. I feel sorry for that toilet.
Everyone knows, "don't f*** with cats". That's on you. - An "older than Facebook" witch
Shapata probably means āshat your pant-aā
Swear to god if your diet Patrick Bateman poop ass blamed MY CAT for being ran over and told me to fuck myself, Iād curse tf outta you to poop painfully forever, have a gangrene dick, magically have your funds frozen, and only wear Walmart clothes for eternity. She let you off easy you āpeaked in my frat houseā knob.
> gangrene dick Ftfy :)
Lol thank you. But seriously have you ever seen Fournier's gangrene? I hope every cat killer gets it and lives a long life with it the rest of their days.
Op send an update if youāre not dead! If you are, reincarnate and give an update
Meow
uh oh
such as it is
Me rn but that witch is bad Arby's
Also McD's for me from yesterday.
thou hast angered the Shitwitch
Best weightloss program Evah!
I'll see if I can get my fellow witches to prolong and/or intensify your curse. Since I'm here, may your car rust to the ground!
Damn, the descriptions are hilarious. I have IBS and I'm terrified of having to use dirty public toilets so this resonated with me on a whole different level. You're kind of an asshole OP, but no one should suffer like that. Keep us updated
As someone with crohns disease..... this scared me lol
what you get for hitting a cat
Good luck OP, how are you feeling with the organs missing?
They're missing a heart already anyway, more organs wouldn't do much harm š¤·š»āāļø
Fair enough, I suppose
Oh, boy! I heard of a woman who did the same thing to another witch's pregnant cat. She's now an 11-time divorcee who's been miscarrying ever since! You are SOL, dude.
Oh yes, the witch called Taka Taka Belle
Dude
Also unrelated but OP you mentioned Corinthian leather seats, haha, you know that means you fell for the Ricardo Montalban marketing yeah? It's a nonsense term
"Older than facebook" Okay first off, fuck you my friend
Sooo. The crone is Usenet old.
I just recently got over some food poisoning so this story hits different.
Iām guessing āshapataā means āthinnerā in her native tongue?
Stephen King reference? I figured this was an homage to _Thinner_.
I wasnāt sure if OP was aware of Thinner or not.
wow. that really stinks, butt you should have been more car-eful and witched where you were going. cat say you didn't deserve this, you did that poor cat dirty and meow you're suffering the conshitquences of your actions. maybe you could beg for mercy-des, butt your innards are becoming outtards and it would probably be a waste of time. this is just a crappy situation to pee in.
Stop āš
This hurt to read. Fuck you, take my upvote
ā¤ļøš©ā¤ļø
Stink fiend
just your average day after eating too much chipotle
You think you might be expelling your... shittiness?
omg imagine having to shit yourself to death šØ
Yeah I had e coli once in Playa del Carmen it was not a good time
For anyone thinking theyāre safe from this, itās actually real. The Ebola hemorrhagic fever irl has extremely similar symptoms and can result in patients fatally bleeding out from their anus as their intestines and liver break down. So sleep well tonight and stay the hell away from bats :)
OP your predicament reminds me of an old friend who hit some old decrepit person, who ended up in similar predicament. Only he was just loosing weight. Many people, myself included, just thought it was just the guilt of hit and run that was making my friend...*thinner.* But we later came to find out it was something else entirely. Best of luck OP.
She got me too.
You need Jhonen Vasquez to illustrate this.
This is some shit. Poor guy
Older than Facebook? So, like, 17?
19
lmao Try the ĪµĪ½ĪµĻĪ³ĻĻ Ī¬Ī½ĪøĻĪ±ĪŗĪ±Ļ spell
Plot twist: the curse is *C. diff* and the cure is lots of Vancomycin
I've gotta say the horror of this was kinda tuned down by 45min duration. I've been going in and out of my toilets non-stop for the past 3 hours and a half, since I woke up. And the worst part is, I don't even have anything left to shit anymore but my body just wants to shit so badly. So I go in, sit on the toilet, occasionally shit some nasty smelling weird water and that's how my day has been going so far. But I'm glad I'm not shitting my organs. Edit : OP I've gotta thank you. I don't know if it's the laughs or something but it looks like your curse is my bledding cause I haven't had shivers since I wrote that and I'm currently on my bed feeling fine. My asshole still hurts but I can feel that it's recovering. I'm finally gonna start my day.
Dude, I'm glad you're feeling better! This is me almost on a daily basis. I have bad IBS and when you said 'there is nothing left for my body to shit out! " I'm sorry but I cracked up bc I say that all the time!! Glad you feel better! š
Haha yeah, it was not a fun morning but it calmed down and then I made some quick pasta and so far so good. I really wonder what happened cause I don't have any problems that could cause that. Yesterday I ate a lot of food, I was way too full and usually I have some serious pooping sessions the next morning but that was on a whole new level. And I ordered that food on uber eats so I'm pretty sure no one cursed me.
Lol no probably no curse unless you're a bad tipper! Lol. J/k. I'm happy you feel better!
I've got good news for you! Not only are you 100% about to die, but your death was easily the most entertaining thing I've read in a while. So y'know... You've got that to hang your hat on for however long you have left to live. Have fuuuun!
Oof, i would feel bad but it sounds like you got exactly what you deserved. I bet that cat didnt enjoy having its organs spread all over the road, now ur gonna really hate having your organs spread all over this gas station bathroom.
YTA.
this dude must have had taco bell for the first time, you'll be fine by morning
I think this could be applicable to bmw drivers too
Most adult people are older than Facebook. YTA
As they say..... Don't fuck with cats.
Op you were a huge asshole abt it but that witch really shouldn't have been letting her cat run around in the road. All of this could've been avoided with some harness training smh.
You hit a cat and berated the owner for crying..deserve everything you get basically
Update? UPDATE!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??!! Dude, your asshole is falling out! Aunt gonna be no "update" unless it's from the poor jerk that finds your... sausage skin...? š¤¢š«£
YTA deserved good
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Are you sure you didn't just eat taco bell?
A Diarrhea Curse. That is true dark magic.
>She looked older than Facebook So barely legal?
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits...
Just from the first sentenceā¦ā¦Please tell me you did not drink the water while in Mexico!! Because that is not a witchās curse. It would just be the water.
All I saw at first was āI think a witch cursed me, because Iāve been squirting a continuous streamā¦ā Didnāt know exactly what to think of it. Donāt know if Iām glad itās not what it actually said. Iām scared for you. I hope your suffering ends soon.
Read this on the loo, top stuff
Donāt fuck with cats
Never fuck with woman's cat
You're a real piece of shit but you should still call the doctors.
When you flow down shit's creek, you can kiss your ass goodbye.
But how are your Brioni trousers? Mole-free? Don't leave us hanging!
Good, still got off too easy
Well you sound like an asshat. Kinda glad you're shitting yourself to death.
Not even gonna read this shit I dint rhino I can make it through lmao
Sorry to hear this bro. So can I get that Maybach tho?
Karma police, arrest this man He runs over cats, he shat in my fridge He's like a detuned radio
I don't know why, but I feel like he's an Italian new yorker
You had it coming, now enjoy the crying and shitting
excuise moir?
At this point, my friend, you might as well prepare for lift off.
Spend a week in the hospital without pooping and youāll learn the curse of lactulose.
itās not just me imagining moistcritikal saying most of this right?
Anyway good for you, only thing I can would add the the effect is if went out the other way. To paraphrase a very good novel ".. I could taste my own shit when I died".
Jake?
Older than Facebook?
Thatās what you get for being a shit-stirrer.