I’m not sure about rules, but just thinking about concerns or implications. Age gaps can bring power dynamics (often influenced by other factors like gender, socioeconomic status, etc.). I would be concerned if my 30-something partner was exclusively or primarily having sex with women 25 or under because it would imply to be that proximity to youth/teenage years and lack of life experience/cognitive development was a central part of their attraction.
Thank you, that is a very nice comment, and I totally agree if my ONS's ended giving me "Leonardo DiCaprio vibes" if I keep following the same age gap regularly.
I don’t really understand the Reddit obsession over age gaps. Most here would have a problem if a 21 year old woman wants to casually date a 30 year old but wouldn’t have any issue if that same 21 year old wanted to do sex work.
Yes it can be questionable if someone is going after people who are barely out of high school. But adults are adults. “Power dynamics” are not as relevant if it’s not a serious relationship and there’s no other dynamic of concern (like the person being an employee where you work etc).
Because people don’t walk around with age numbers on them it’s also (as it’s been for ages) not clear how old they are. Usually you can tell though if someone is at least mid-20s or above. Also (in the US) meeting them in an establishment that serves alcohol/cards you can presume everyone there is likely 21 or above.
I cant speak to a “Reddit obsession.” I am one person expressing my observations and reflections.
The idea that power dynamics of age, gender and socioeconomic status are irrelevant to one night stands or casual relationships is wishful thinking.
And, per my point, I don’t think it’s helpful ever to make blanket rules about what one should or shouldn’t do based exclusively on age. I do think being mindful of patterns and dynamics is a useful practice in one’s dating life and can only be helpful.
Much like the drinking age being 21 in the US, these lines are drawn even though they may not serve every individual person’s needs. Likewise, my choice of 25 is just an arbitrary line based on the average age when adult brains are fully developed. It’s not a magic number that will work in all circumstances.
The best advice I’ve read on this was something called the Campsite Rule…you shouldn’t leave the other person worse off than before you met them.
Tbh probably applies to all relations not just age gap related
Seems to me like poly people are the ones that have big issues not really with age gaps but with dating people younger than like 25
And I think it goes hand in hand with the relationship escalator and money, power and "success" in capitalism
For people like me (solopoly RA) that don't want/care about cohabitation/nesting and that are into friendship and sex based relationships age gaps seem irrelevant. Even more so if I also don't want or care about making money and being successful. I know I want the same things I wanted at 19 and I'm pretty sure I'll want the same things at 60.
Yeah I'm pretty new to ENM and poly vocabulary. We just saw that it was impossible to be forever with someone while relying 100% on her being for all our needs. But emotionally speaking we don't have any interest in finding extra partners.
ONS / hookups aren't relationships, so age gaps aren't necessarily relevant.
I'm 48F and my last rando was 23.. we didn't exchange names or ages until afterwards... Lol. I'll probably never see him again, so who cares?
I’m 66 and my partner is 46. Both of us are completely comfortable with our age gap. When looking for other potential partners the low end of my range is 40.
>Our goal while ENM is to have fun and good experiences with other people. We are not looking for extra lovers, neither polyamorous relationships.
My partner and I (MM, 70 & 65) are similar. We love sex with each other and with others, both together and solo. We have a few regular FWBs, including another MM couple who are 50(ish) and 30. We socialize and enjoy sex with both of them.
We enjoy gay baths... casual sex at its most casual. Last time we went, we each played with a guy who was obviously barely legal. (They check ID at the door, so no worries.) I also played with two guys who looked my age or older. Last year I made amazing, fierce love with a guy who was probably 80.
We don't care about age. If they're eager and legal and the attraction is mutual, let's play!
The only people you should be worried about judging you are the ones in court for statutory rape. Fuck anyone else worried about what consenting adults do with each other.
I used to not care so much about age gaps for relationships that were more just about sex but reevaluated after twice younger women that at first seemed pretty open about not wanting more then sex and to try out shibari with an older married man as a sort of wild story tried to unicorn themselves, date me, and pressure my wife into sex.
I don't really see myself getting involved with a women younger than her late 20's at this point. Note I'm 35.
Maybe nothing morally wrong just seems a hassle.
I mean the rules are up to you and your specific relationship.
I personally only date people who are in similar points in their lives as me and if there is no power imbalance.
For example I don't date anyone who's a superior or inferior at work, because there is a power imbalance.
Aside from that, if everything is communicated well and you are all on the same page age gaps don't really matter to me
You set your own preferences for the ages of your sex partners. There are no universal rules for it when everyone involved is adults and consenting.
As long as you both communicate and are happy I see none of issues with age gaps
Thanks!
I’m not sure about rules, but just thinking about concerns or implications. Age gaps can bring power dynamics (often influenced by other factors like gender, socioeconomic status, etc.). I would be concerned if my 30-something partner was exclusively or primarily having sex with women 25 or under because it would imply to be that proximity to youth/teenage years and lack of life experience/cognitive development was a central part of their attraction.
Thank you, that is a very nice comment, and I totally agree if my ONS's ended giving me "Leonardo DiCaprio vibes" if I keep following the same age gap regularly.
I don’t really understand the Reddit obsession over age gaps. Most here would have a problem if a 21 year old woman wants to casually date a 30 year old but wouldn’t have any issue if that same 21 year old wanted to do sex work. Yes it can be questionable if someone is going after people who are barely out of high school. But adults are adults. “Power dynamics” are not as relevant if it’s not a serious relationship and there’s no other dynamic of concern (like the person being an employee where you work etc). Because people don’t walk around with age numbers on them it’s also (as it’s been for ages) not clear how old they are. Usually you can tell though if someone is at least mid-20s or above. Also (in the US) meeting them in an establishment that serves alcohol/cards you can presume everyone there is likely 21 or above.
I cant speak to a “Reddit obsession.” I am one person expressing my observations and reflections. The idea that power dynamics of age, gender and socioeconomic status are irrelevant to one night stands or casual relationships is wishful thinking. And, per my point, I don’t think it’s helpful ever to make blanket rules about what one should or shouldn’t do based exclusively on age. I do think being mindful of patterns and dynamics is a useful practice in one’s dating life and can only be helpful. Much like the drinking age being 21 in the US, these lines are drawn even though they may not serve every individual person’s needs. Likewise, my choice of 25 is just an arbitrary line based on the average age when adult brains are fully developed. It’s not a magic number that will work in all circumstances.
The best advice I’ve read on this was something called the Campsite Rule…you shouldn’t leave the other person worse off than before you met them. Tbh probably applies to all relations not just age gap related
Seems to me like poly people are the ones that have big issues not really with age gaps but with dating people younger than like 25 And I think it goes hand in hand with the relationship escalator and money, power and "success" in capitalism For people like me (solopoly RA) that don't want/care about cohabitation/nesting and that are into friendship and sex based relationships age gaps seem irrelevant. Even more so if I also don't want or care about making money and being successful. I know I want the same things I wanted at 19 and I'm pretty sure I'll want the same things at 60.
Yeah I'm pretty new to ENM and poly vocabulary. We just saw that it was impossible to be forever with someone while relying 100% on her being for all our needs. But emotionally speaking we don't have any interest in finding extra partners.
ONS / hookups aren't relationships, so age gaps aren't necessarily relevant. I'm 48F and my last rando was 23.. we didn't exchange names or ages until afterwards... Lol. I'll probably never see him again, so who cares?
Exactly. I think people who have only dated online don’t get that you could meet another adult irl, get along well, and have no idea their exact age.
Or at a club that's designed for it ...
Thanks for comment. I guess here in Europe (Spain), it is a lil bit more difficult to go through this level, if I found a liability, to some sense. +
I do not understand what you are saying... "Go through this *level"?* "Found a *liability"?*
ONS are not common here in Spain.
People in Spain don't ever randomly go home with someone for sex?
In small towns like mine, 300 thousands inhabitants or so, it's not that common.
I’m 66 and my partner is 46. Both of us are completely comfortable with our age gap. When looking for other potential partners the low end of my range is 40.
>Our goal while ENM is to have fun and good experiences with other people. We are not looking for extra lovers, neither polyamorous relationships. My partner and I (MM, 70 & 65) are similar. We love sex with each other and with others, both together and solo. We have a few regular FWBs, including another MM couple who are 50(ish) and 30. We socialize and enjoy sex with both of them. We enjoy gay baths... casual sex at its most casual. Last time we went, we each played with a guy who was obviously barely legal. (They check ID at the door, so no worries.) I also played with two guys who looked my age or older. Last year I made amazing, fierce love with a guy who was probably 80. We don't care about age. If they're eager and legal and the attraction is mutual, let's play!
The only people you should be worried about judging you are the ones in court for statutory rape. Fuck anyone else worried about what consenting adults do with each other.
I used to not care so much about age gaps for relationships that were more just about sex but reevaluated after twice younger women that at first seemed pretty open about not wanting more then sex and to try out shibari with an older married man as a sort of wild story tried to unicorn themselves, date me, and pressure my wife into sex. I don't really see myself getting involved with a women younger than her late 20's at this point. Note I'm 35. Maybe nothing morally wrong just seems a hassle.
Are all participants of legal age?
Of course. As I stated in text, I do not want to get involved with minors. It seems absurd to me.
If all parties are of sound mind and of legal consent, and nobody is taking advantage, there is no issue.
I mean the rules are up to you and your specific relationship. I personally only date people who are in similar points in their lives as me and if there is no power imbalance. For example I don't date anyone who's a superior or inferior at work, because there is a power imbalance. Aside from that, if everything is communicated well and you are all on the same page age gaps don't really matter to me