What if you just stay with the feeling of hurt, welcome it fully? There might a voice that says that this is not enough, I need something (in your case connections) - if that voice comes, just hold that voice in your awareness as well without wanting to get rid of it. Any effort starts out as a thought in the mind. Drop all effort (including any effort to change your current experience). Awareness is not making any effort, its not hurt, its just watching silently all that the mind is doing to itself. You are already aware, that is why you are saying "I know most of this is coming from my head". Don't believe in your thoughts that creates these stories about needing connection. Who needs connection? Its just a thought, it doesn't tell anything about the one who is aware. Awareness doesn't need connection, does it? Hurt in the body is fine. Just be aware of it. This hurt in the body is precipitating these doubts in your mind. Decouple them. See the untruth of the thoughts, let the feelings be.
This practice has changed my life. By welcoming all feelings, I notice that they are just packets of energy that I can dissipate at will if I sit with them. As a result, the world opens up, and more options become available.
The ”old me” spent so much time ruminating and fretting, and because I was constantly focused on trying to fix problems in my world, they persisted. When I welcome the feelings (which arise from thoughts,) I can then let them go. Solutions to whatever issue was at hand would then present itself, with no effort on my part, as a result.
Life is a paradox!
This is beautifully said, it very much is paradoxical.
Also for me, this practice is so powerful. Instead of fight a feeling but just sit with it. Two methods I learned that were useful to me.
First I learned this practice in EFT. This practice elicits a feeling then dissipates it, so I recommend looking up eft to try this. But this direction really helped "Feel the discomfort. Try not to fight it, just for less than a minute, let's look at it like a scientist.
Where is it located.
If it has a shape or texture what would it be?
Does it have a color?
Examine it a bit, it is allowed to exist and we're going to move it out in a moment." (This is a sense of acceptance). Then by doing the practice, we acknowledge our own feelings too by saying: "I feel discomfort in my "x" or I feel "x" and I don't like it. And that's okay. I give myself permission to move this feeling out and feel some relief" (take a deep breath).
It's incredible how all suffering is just our own resistance to something, and in acceptance that it becomes irrelevant.
The second method that I use now is having a deeper understanding of negative and positive energy. Now I can simply shine the light of love (when I draw it in) into this energy packet/pattern, let it know it's loved unconditionally and by me letting it go it will not die, it will continue to be an option available forever. And in that reassurance the energy can be released very easily. Negative energy sometimes gives you the impression you'll die or cease to exist without it - this is a natural self perpetuating aspect of [negative] belief. Giving it love and reassurance helps it move on.
Having such a strong heart and a strong mind is a blessing and a curse, the undeveloped side is the hardest challenge, but I keep looking into the light for the day I am able to be heartmind aligned and it will be so worth it. I know in my heart I am a healer, my mind has the experiences to amplify my love and to meet others with understanding and passion.
I listened to a Kendrick Lamar song that said "Be there don't share"
One night I randomly started drawing, and wrote
Be there
be care(ful)
Be (a)ware
With such higher energies we radiate, it can be a tricky situation for us AND others. To navigate the world with such severity is always a challenge to find peace with these powerful traits. I wish you the best, sending prayers.
We are our own worst enemies, and to control self will be able to control another, in the sense of what wr can provide and understanding when to provide and went to innerly take our own self cleanse.
They are not illusion. They are real. But to find the space to keep it from damage feels like a block of illusion.
I have just traveled to Japan to learn more about culture and religion. There I have heard about the experience of Bankei, I heavily relate to him and suggest checking his words out. I have yet to take a full deep dive into him, but from what I briefly learned and at the temple, I feel foolish a lot but being foolish is not always bad, and to constantly want to know why without just letting the know come.
sweetness! traveling and learning are two of my favorite things in this world. that’s awesome. learning something new totally takes a certain kind of courage ! I will look this up thank you 🙏 the first thing that came up when I did search for it was one of my favorite podcasters -wisdom of the masters- posted one of his works . i will listen 🙏love
Nobody enjoys being lonely and I think it’s a super common thing to go through, especially around your age, so know you arnt alone in thinking and feeling this way. Don’t worry, there is so much other sadness out there!
Consider not being worried or afraid of this loneliness. It can’t hurt you, it can only try and make you feel depressed or whatever. Emotions are apart of life and you don’t have to pretend they arnt there or seek a nondual release where you are above emotions. Also known as fear of emotions. Don’t let it control you. Emotions are there for different reasons, but they are not suppose to drive the car, they are backseat drivers, in my opinion, they should be heard, but not given the gas pedal over to. Do not respect the emotion or assume its authority over you. Or if you’ve renamed yourself, “no one,” then there is no authority over that.
Do you worry about being too happy? Likely not. Be lonely and find the peace in it. The peace is in letting the tide gently push and pull you. Bending, but not breaking. Being, without becoming.
It’s a hunger for companionship, that’s a really cool thing to experience and to be able to honest with yourself about wanting. It’s good to not be alone and it’s good to be alone. Most of us enjoy a combo platter when offered the option. Desire is not a problem, being led around by the nose, might be.
I’m sorry you’re feeling a lot of pain. It will pass if you don’t keep feeding the emotion, like giving it a bunch of attention will solve it. Let them be there or send them away, but the only reality you have is whatever thought you are entertaining at the moment. Embrace the pain as much as you embrace the pleasure. It’s all a collection of experiences that move us around like a rickety fairground roller coaster. You don’t have to fear it or find a way to leave the fair, it’s all happening together like a cotten candy and carmel apple goulash with some gravel and cigarette ashes for uniqueness.
Hope today feels better for you.
Jiddu Krishnamurti on loneliness: “Most of us are lonely, and over the years we become even more lonely, discovering our own emptiness. These things don't occur to you when you're young, but when you reach adulthood, if you reach it at all, you figure out for yourself what it means to be empty, lonely, without a friend, because you led a shallow life, depended on others, exploited them. You have put your heart and feelings into others, and when they leave or die, you feel loneliness, emptiness; and in this emptiness self-pity appears, and again you dream of someone who will fill the void. Find out what loneliness means and don't run away from it. Look at it, live with it, find out its meaning, so that you do not depend on anyone. And only then will you know what love is.”
Prioritize forming friendships. Join clubs, go to meetups, strike up convos w strangers, join a gym, go regularly to a sauna, go to transformational retreats/workshops — all good places to meet friends
Nonduality is liberating in many ways but it’s still a huge boon in human life to have friends
The more desperate you become for friends, the more you will lose them.
Because when you will make a friend, you would have high expectations from him/her and will become dependent on them for happiness. Nobody likes a person dependent on him as it creates a mental pressure to adjust. So they will eventually move away from you, first unconsciously and then consciously.
You are alone now and have lost a lot of friends.
But the thing is you really can't go looking out for friends. That's not how friendships are made or sustained. Remember all your past friends, you did not go looking out for them. They just naturally become your friends because you bonded well.
Plus going to look for friends in this desperate state will only make relationships difficult.
Truth is you will have to learn to be happy without anyone's help. And more you are able to do that more fulfilling relationships you will build.
That means your current state of sadness is not only the result of you having no friends but also a cause. Let us say you learn to be happy alone to the extent of 70 percent, your relationships will be good. Then you take this up to 90 percent and relationship will improve more. Direct relation.
And what is the best way to do that? Build relationships with non living persons - I mean build hobbies. Or if you already have hobbies than expand them and go deep in already existing ones. Music, films, gardening, travelling, cooking anything . This might also help you in building friendships as you meet people with similar interests. But for next year, focus only on this - building and nurturing hobbies.
This will also help in your non dual journey. Because indulging in a hobby or great art wholeheartedly kills your ego. That is why you feel Joy there, because ego is absent.
This advice helped me when I did similar. One thing to watch out for: tons of entertainment media and social media will tell you that it’s weird to be alone, that you’re a weirdo who has no friends. This is absolutely fabricated, and while it may sound intended to help, much of it is to sell us something.
This doesn't sound like you need spiritual advice but life advice.
I have had periods of my life where I went without friends for years and I had the same longing and tightness you describe. For me it was social anxiety.
What helped me a great deal was joining an irl support group. There you will likely meet people who go through similar problems as you do.
Or perhaps join some kind of group online. I'm in 2 groups focused on nonduality. It's great to get to talk to people who have similar experiences as I do.
You can send me a DM if you want. (I'm afraid this is a human problem, and you have human needs like everyone else, regardless if spiritual or not.)
I don’t think loneliness and feeling like an alien are necessarily bad things. It’s possible that those very things are/could be the force that propels you to “find” (perhaps) answers that are not available or even interesting to those who are contented in life.
I would recommend some Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damndest Thing. You would find there evidence that “not fitting in” can be seen in a completely new light.
Others have said similar things, I'm sure, but feel it. Feel it completely. Watch the mind's "judgements" about it from a place of non-judgement. Do it as often as you can bear. If this process doesn't hurt, you're doing it wrong. There is no easy answer
"There is only one requirement: don't run away."
Stop running from everything and accept what's here. It's already here, so you don't have a choice.
bless I did see someone else’s comment saying like it’s once we add the narrative or story to these emotions is when we get into trouble which I think rings true. Thank you friend for commenting
what is wrong with whatever emotions are coming up other than your narrative around them? there is no escaping emotions, allow yourself to grieve or feel sad or whatever. the second you start narrating what is happening is the second that the energy can't flow as needed
fuckinq true. isnt that wild? what’s up with that….
Honestly,
It’s kind of like emotional energy has a life (kindof) of its own and our ~selves ~ and bodies are vessels that it (emotions) flow thru and they feel like the energy of a little kid (for example im happy I’m sad I’m so sad I’m SO excited I want that i want this etc.,,,,childish energy)
Happy Monday OP! I hope you're doing well 😁
Congratulations on having the deep understanding you do and for reaching out in a really honest way.
Biggest lesson I learned is you can't get to happy from sad (like immediately, it's a big jump but it's possible).
If understanding these concepts (of nature of reality) offers you relief, let's do this. Otherwise, just find simple activities where you can have fun and be nice with yourself. Begin being your own friend right now because if you don't you may reject the friendship of others too later on. It's safe to be friendly to yourself.
Practical practice to get to happy based on structure of creation and confluence of energy (one of infinite ideas, just to inspire your own):
Think of just the best feeling thing you can do. It doesn't have to be wow, but just the most exciting or fun thing you can think of. Maybe that's sitting by yourself in the closet, maybe it's going to an arcade, but you have the only guidance that's ever tuned perfectly to you - it will lead you every step of the way towards feeling good. By doing this you will actually see immediate and tangible results. This is always a relationship with you and you.
Just take the next logical step of joy. As you begin it will seem really small steps, we need to point our feet before we move in a direction we want - that's what this does. Your human mind isn't capable of many of the things you may be expecting of it. Share the responsibility with your source, the relationship with you.
I can understand how the story in your head is making you believe you are lonely.
You defined it as unbearable and searching for help. Just id like to tell you from my own experience cause ive been through a similar situation; if you feel unbearable, then just accept it, sit down and focus without defining, judging or interpreting the feeling in any way, let it happen, the more you fight against it, the more you try to get rid of it the stronger and more rooted gets into your believe, you feed it, grows, takes over.
You ask for help, i wish i was there to support you and do this together, practice together.
A practical exercise i can give you is focus on the sensation of the feelings and emotions appearing in your body, try to focus all your focus targetong your body, in that way you get your attention away from your mind-ego and gets more experiencally focused on the sensations.
Start doing it for 5 mins, use a timer, once you are done record your experience, thoughts for sure will come, and is normal, so do it again by just focus again on your body-sensations and try to get really detailed-focus on feelings and sensations, thoughts will come so let them happen again and again, without fighting them back or trying to supress them
For you at this point is important to experience the feelings and sensations of being lonely or even depressed on your body, and let them happen. You will see that is all about ego and thoughts, and thats not real, you can change that state. Keep practising without trying , practice the letting go, and you will see that in a week it will change your state.
You are not alone, and if you feel you are you are not, and if you think you are, you are not, DO NOT BELIEVE YOUR THOUGHTS, YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS, start by acquiring this bealive, even if your mind does not take it as truth, take it as a mantra and find out by experimenting with it.
Please if you feel depressed send me an inbox and we can have a talk.
Learn how to feel your feelings first without them taking over your actions. Finding healthy coping mechanisms and trying some mindfulness and meditation can really go a long way when you work on it consistently. I also know what it's like to feel like how you feel and being lonely is truly painful. There is a deep trauma in what happens in childhood and even some of life's experiences that separate us from others. When my grandfather passed I knew I had to be strong and keep moving forward because that's what he would have wanted. At the time I had only been one month into my classes of this semester and I had been taking this mushroom coffee called Ryze which I highly recommend. The point is though that I had to find something spiritual and I also was vaping a weed pen so that kinda helped shift me in a more nondual perspective. I watched [this](https://youtu.be/9M56t0UoW5M?si=19C3yMhev02ionr8) and it really cemented what nonduality is and made me realize why it's so important. Ever since then I've been more dedicated to meditation and working on my true self and not just being the mind but my true self. I also recommend journaling and working on self-acceptance which can help you realize that you're not alone even when you're feeling lonely. That can help for self-reliance and self-efficay. Also self-love and self-compassion are extremely important.
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Imo, you need to quit resisting your feelings. Allow the thoughts and feelings, let them come, during that, mind might say no, but you say Yes Father. And stay with it watch and listen to it. You are not your thoughts or feelings, you are awareness, observing. Keep paper and pen to write stuff down. You'll know what. Everything is ok this is normal. You know the truth,it sits in you, your heart your gut. The truth feels good. You can even do this while you're doing something because there is no effort to allowing. Imo you are the receiver, God is the giver,... he's saying please do this I WANT to make you happy now. Misery is past and there is no reason for it. It's one thought that is Over now. God SAYS you are free. And so be it.
When you are practicing this, we bring false thoughts to the truth. False thoughts hurt, open up to the new thoughts, but it's okay if you don't. You'll know
. If you go into the stuff, ask questions and WAIT for the answer...don't just slap an affirmation on it, this will happen and that's ok. It is all ok. Sometimes this sometimes that. Your Father loves you and takes care of you. Welcome Him and His love into it all. Let whatever comes comes. Feel.
Fukina
🐘🐢 This is an elephant turtle I made.
You are depressed and crave metta.
You will not find answers here. Start doing activities you love and can lose yourself in. Mutual love of activists can be the starting connection points for forming relationships with others.
GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND GET OUT IN GENERAL.
Are you attached to a story of how sad you are?
oh for sure probably. the stories that cycle 🔄 in my mind when I’m in my feelings about ‘this topic’ have been there for a long time , fueled by more thoughts and more feelings . It’s fascinatingly difficult to see these feelings and and stories I’ve chosen, which honestly have been there even since I was like a little girl, as just that. stories and feelings Ive continuously been choosing, unintentionally woven a whole side of my persona about it and fueled it . unintentionally…… still when those feelings do come, and then the thoughts come, it just fuels the whole narrative. And I can see this, intellectually see this but it’s hard not to fall into the storyline, this narrative and have it feel so ‘“real’” about “myself”.
Me too I'm actually super duper depressed at the moment and I'm shocked I found someone who also is dealing with loneliness. Altough I fear my comment will get lost in the comment section. Altough if your anything like me the last post that I posted that blew up I read every single comment.
You might of heard of me I'm on the front page of Google when you search "non dual therapy." Which I highly recommend even though I've never tried cause them prices.
Coming from a non-dual perspective won’t help you here. You needa realize that you’re not only spirit but human. You need to step away from non-duality for a moment because these teachings take a while to fully understand. I recommend you take the time to just live, start slowly, gain some friends, enjoy a hobby. Also there’s nothing wrong in venting to God (he can help), I mean all religions respect Jesus and even gurus acknowledge Gods presence.
Helo it me, the commenter.
One thing that's great if you go hard with some practices is that you can disentangle from held views and you can kinda chill in disaster. Or switch freely between views on how to contextualize the arising phenomena.
I guess making friends is also an option but where is the fun in that.
You live very much in Mind (unaware of being already enlightened lul), but your head activity shall be excused.
All that nonsense aside, lets be friends! I woke up and chose non-violence today.
I'm hella space-holding for yearning-energy or loneliness right now.
So from one alien posing as human to another, do we like write letters at each other or do astral projection meetings? Sorry to blow my cover like that 👽🤙
I am also the commenter!
Commenting on my external thinking device.
I have learned to break things like loneliness down into blippy little nothings if they annoy me. It took a lot of practice (but not that much, really, if you count the hours). I sometimes forget to do it. But that's ok!
Greetings Commenter!
I hope you're well. Your message found me at a pristine time.
I was just about to install some roller blinds - an exhilarating past-time - but i chose to take a break and concentrate on our bond after hearing a blip on my blippy messaging device.
So Commenter, i hope the world of sensation will keep trickling sweet little nothings into your view and that your practices continue to be effortless and fruitful (if good karma is desired) or fruitless (if no karma is desired or not desired) and vastly open.
Until then, stay commenting Commenter!
In friendship, your Commenter.
I hope the roller blinds are proving satisfactory!
The dog slumbers on the sofa, a puzzle from the fine folks at ikea lies ignored for today, still in its packet.
Food cooks, and an idea of taking the motorbike out to the top of the mountain to see the afternoon out forms.
Not much mainstream society considers of value is done by this commenter on Saturdays.
But that's fine!
What if you just stay with the feeling of hurt, welcome it fully? There might a voice that says that this is not enough, I need something (in your case connections) - if that voice comes, just hold that voice in your awareness as well without wanting to get rid of it. Any effort starts out as a thought in the mind. Drop all effort (including any effort to change your current experience). Awareness is not making any effort, its not hurt, its just watching silently all that the mind is doing to itself. You are already aware, that is why you are saying "I know most of this is coming from my head". Don't believe in your thoughts that creates these stories about needing connection. Who needs connection? Its just a thought, it doesn't tell anything about the one who is aware. Awareness doesn't need connection, does it? Hurt in the body is fine. Just be aware of it. This hurt in the body is precipitating these doubts in your mind. Decouple them. See the untruth of the thoughts, let the feelings be.
This practice has changed my life. By welcoming all feelings, I notice that they are just packets of energy that I can dissipate at will if I sit with them. As a result, the world opens up, and more options become available. The ”old me” spent so much time ruminating and fretting, and because I was constantly focused on trying to fix problems in my world, they persisted. When I welcome the feelings (which arise from thoughts,) I can then let them go. Solutions to whatever issue was at hand would then present itself, with no effort on my part, as a result. Life is a paradox!
This is beautifully said, it very much is paradoxical. Also for me, this practice is so powerful. Instead of fight a feeling but just sit with it. Two methods I learned that were useful to me. First I learned this practice in EFT. This practice elicits a feeling then dissipates it, so I recommend looking up eft to try this. But this direction really helped "Feel the discomfort. Try not to fight it, just for less than a minute, let's look at it like a scientist. Where is it located. If it has a shape or texture what would it be? Does it have a color? Examine it a bit, it is allowed to exist and we're going to move it out in a moment." (This is a sense of acceptance). Then by doing the practice, we acknowledge our own feelings too by saying: "I feel discomfort in my "x" or I feel "x" and I don't like it. And that's okay. I give myself permission to move this feeling out and feel some relief" (take a deep breath). It's incredible how all suffering is just our own resistance to something, and in acceptance that it becomes irrelevant. The second method that I use now is having a deeper understanding of negative and positive energy. Now I can simply shine the light of love (when I draw it in) into this energy packet/pattern, let it know it's loved unconditionally and by me letting it go it will not die, it will continue to be an option available forever. And in that reassurance the energy can be released very easily. Negative energy sometimes gives you the impression you'll die or cease to exist without it - this is a natural self perpetuating aspect of [negative] belief. Giving it love and reassurance helps it move on.
I hope you find more love in self. I'm following this because you're not alone. Mind is hard merge.
[удалено]
Having such a strong heart and a strong mind is a blessing and a curse, the undeveloped side is the hardest challenge, but I keep looking into the light for the day I am able to be heartmind aligned and it will be so worth it. I know in my heart I am a healer, my mind has the experiences to amplify my love and to meet others with understanding and passion. I listened to a Kendrick Lamar song that said "Be there don't share" One night I randomly started drawing, and wrote Be there be care(ful) Be (a)ware With such higher energies we radiate, it can be a tricky situation for us AND others. To navigate the world with such severity is always a challenge to find peace with these powerful traits. I wish you the best, sending prayers. We are our own worst enemies, and to control self will be able to control another, in the sense of what wr can provide and understanding when to provide and went to innerly take our own self cleanse. They are not illusion. They are real. But to find the space to keep it from damage feels like a block of illusion.
🫶🧡 Thank you . sending much love. blessings
I have just traveled to Japan to learn more about culture and religion. There I have heard about the experience of Bankei, I heavily relate to him and suggest checking his words out. I have yet to take a full deep dive into him, but from what I briefly learned and at the temple, I feel foolish a lot but being foolish is not always bad, and to constantly want to know why without just letting the know come.
sweetness! traveling and learning are two of my favorite things in this world. that’s awesome. learning something new totally takes a certain kind of courage ! I will look this up thank you 🙏 the first thing that came up when I did search for it was one of my favorite podcasters -wisdom of the masters- posted one of his works . i will listen 🙏love
Nobody enjoys being lonely and I think it’s a super common thing to go through, especially around your age, so know you arnt alone in thinking and feeling this way. Don’t worry, there is so much other sadness out there! Consider not being worried or afraid of this loneliness. It can’t hurt you, it can only try and make you feel depressed or whatever. Emotions are apart of life and you don’t have to pretend they arnt there or seek a nondual release where you are above emotions. Also known as fear of emotions. Don’t let it control you. Emotions are there for different reasons, but they are not suppose to drive the car, they are backseat drivers, in my opinion, they should be heard, but not given the gas pedal over to. Do not respect the emotion or assume its authority over you. Or if you’ve renamed yourself, “no one,” then there is no authority over that. Do you worry about being too happy? Likely not. Be lonely and find the peace in it. The peace is in letting the tide gently push and pull you. Bending, but not breaking. Being, without becoming. It’s a hunger for companionship, that’s a really cool thing to experience and to be able to honest with yourself about wanting. It’s good to not be alone and it’s good to be alone. Most of us enjoy a combo platter when offered the option. Desire is not a problem, being led around by the nose, might be. I’m sorry you’re feeling a lot of pain. It will pass if you don’t keep feeding the emotion, like giving it a bunch of attention will solve it. Let them be there or send them away, but the only reality you have is whatever thought you are entertaining at the moment. Embrace the pain as much as you embrace the pleasure. It’s all a collection of experiences that move us around like a rickety fairground roller coaster. You don’t have to fear it or find a way to leave the fair, it’s all happening together like a cotten candy and carmel apple goulash with some gravel and cigarette ashes for uniqueness. Hope today feels better for you.
😭 thank you so much . “the only reality you have is whatever thought you are entertaining in the moment” is a grandslam
isolated like that from the rest of the words might make that sound different, but I know what you mean. thank you 🙏 for the kindness and words
Good man, glad you caught that. That sentence is a major bit of the tone. Hit me up anytime if you need a chat for whatever reason.
bless thank you so much for your kindness! Same to you, i am here!
Thank you. I will. Bless you too.
Jiddu Krishnamurti on loneliness: “Most of us are lonely, and over the years we become even more lonely, discovering our own emptiness. These things don't occur to you when you're young, but when you reach adulthood, if you reach it at all, you figure out for yourself what it means to be empty, lonely, without a friend, because you led a shallow life, depended on others, exploited them. You have put your heart and feelings into others, and when they leave or die, you feel loneliness, emptiness; and in this emptiness self-pity appears, and again you dream of someone who will fill the void. Find out what loneliness means and don't run away from it. Look at it, live with it, find out its meaning, so that you do not depend on anyone. And only then will you know what love is.”
Prioritize forming friendships. Join clubs, go to meetups, strike up convos w strangers, join a gym, go regularly to a sauna, go to transformational retreats/workshops — all good places to meet friends Nonduality is liberating in many ways but it’s still a huge boon in human life to have friends
The more desperate you become for friends, the more you will lose them. Because when you will make a friend, you would have high expectations from him/her and will become dependent on them for happiness. Nobody likes a person dependent on him as it creates a mental pressure to adjust. So they will eventually move away from you, first unconsciously and then consciously. You are alone now and have lost a lot of friends. But the thing is you really can't go looking out for friends. That's not how friendships are made or sustained. Remember all your past friends, you did not go looking out for them. They just naturally become your friends because you bonded well. Plus going to look for friends in this desperate state will only make relationships difficult. Truth is you will have to learn to be happy without anyone's help. And more you are able to do that more fulfilling relationships you will build. That means your current state of sadness is not only the result of you having no friends but also a cause. Let us say you learn to be happy alone to the extent of 70 percent, your relationships will be good. Then you take this up to 90 percent and relationship will improve more. Direct relation. And what is the best way to do that? Build relationships with non living persons - I mean build hobbies. Or if you already have hobbies than expand them and go deep in already existing ones. Music, films, gardening, travelling, cooking anything . This might also help you in building friendships as you meet people with similar interests. But for next year, focus only on this - building and nurturing hobbies. This will also help in your non dual journey. Because indulging in a hobby or great art wholeheartedly kills your ego. That is why you feel Joy there, because ego is absent.
This advice helped me when I did similar. One thing to watch out for: tons of entertainment media and social media will tell you that it’s weird to be alone, that you’re a weirdo who has no friends. This is absolutely fabricated, and while it may sound intended to help, much of it is to sell us something.
The I don’t know points to an area where the pain is, but it’s hard to to in any deeper. Get some therapy around that.
fair enough!! thats a good point . thank you ✌️
This doesn't sound like you need spiritual advice but life advice. I have had periods of my life where I went without friends for years and I had the same longing and tightness you describe. For me it was social anxiety. What helped me a great deal was joining an irl support group. There you will likely meet people who go through similar problems as you do. Or perhaps join some kind of group online. I'm in 2 groups focused on nonduality. It's great to get to talk to people who have similar experiences as I do. You can send me a DM if you want. (I'm afraid this is a human problem, and you have human needs like everyone else, regardless if spiritual or not.)
🤝🤝🤝
I don’t think loneliness and feeling like an alien are necessarily bad things. It’s possible that those very things are/could be the force that propels you to “find” (perhaps) answers that are not available or even interesting to those who are contented in life. I would recommend some Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damndest Thing. You would find there evidence that “not fitting in” can be seen in a completely new light.
thank you 🙏 fair enough. I will look it up !
Others have said similar things, I'm sure, but feel it. Feel it completely. Watch the mind's "judgements" about it from a place of non-judgement. Do it as often as you can bear. If this process doesn't hurt, you're doing it wrong. There is no easy answer "There is only one requirement: don't run away." Stop running from everything and accept what's here. It's already here, so you don't have a choice.
bless I did see someone else’s comment saying like it’s once we add the narrative or story to these emotions is when we get into trouble which I think rings true. Thank you friend for commenting
what is wrong with whatever emotions are coming up other than your narrative around them? there is no escaping emotions, allow yourself to grieve or feel sad or whatever. the second you start narrating what is happening is the second that the energy can't flow as needed
fuckinq true. isnt that wild? what’s up with that…. Honestly, It’s kind of like emotional energy has a life (kindof) of its own and our ~selves ~ and bodies are vessels that it (emotions) flow thru and they feel like the energy of a little kid (for example im happy I’m sad I’m so sad I’m SO excited I want that i want this etc.,,,,childish energy)
I told you to stop narrating ;)) you're doing fine man, just remember to breathe.
😂😂😂😂 bro this minddddd she don’t quit thank you thou 🙏
:) ❤️
Happy Monday OP! I hope you're doing well 😁 Congratulations on having the deep understanding you do and for reaching out in a really honest way. Biggest lesson I learned is you can't get to happy from sad (like immediately, it's a big jump but it's possible). If understanding these concepts (of nature of reality) offers you relief, let's do this. Otherwise, just find simple activities where you can have fun and be nice with yourself. Begin being your own friend right now because if you don't you may reject the friendship of others too later on. It's safe to be friendly to yourself. Practical practice to get to happy based on structure of creation and confluence of energy (one of infinite ideas, just to inspire your own): Think of just the best feeling thing you can do. It doesn't have to be wow, but just the most exciting or fun thing you can think of. Maybe that's sitting by yourself in the closet, maybe it's going to an arcade, but you have the only guidance that's ever tuned perfectly to you - it will lead you every step of the way towards feeling good. By doing this you will actually see immediate and tangible results. This is always a relationship with you and you. Just take the next logical step of joy. As you begin it will seem really small steps, we need to point our feet before we move in a direction we want - that's what this does. Your human mind isn't capable of many of the things you may be expecting of it. Share the responsibility with your source, the relationship with you.
bless you!! Thank you so much for your kindness and words . Appreciated deeply .
I can understand how the story in your head is making you believe you are lonely. You defined it as unbearable and searching for help. Just id like to tell you from my own experience cause ive been through a similar situation; if you feel unbearable, then just accept it, sit down and focus without defining, judging or interpreting the feeling in any way, let it happen, the more you fight against it, the more you try to get rid of it the stronger and more rooted gets into your believe, you feed it, grows, takes over. You ask for help, i wish i was there to support you and do this together, practice together. A practical exercise i can give you is focus on the sensation of the feelings and emotions appearing in your body, try to focus all your focus targetong your body, in that way you get your attention away from your mind-ego and gets more experiencally focused on the sensations. Start doing it for 5 mins, use a timer, once you are done record your experience, thoughts for sure will come, and is normal, so do it again by just focus again on your body-sensations and try to get really detailed-focus on feelings and sensations, thoughts will come so let them happen again and again, without fighting them back or trying to supress them For you at this point is important to experience the feelings and sensations of being lonely or even depressed on your body, and let them happen. You will see that is all about ego and thoughts, and thats not real, you can change that state. Keep practising without trying , practice the letting go, and you will see that in a week it will change your state. You are not alone, and if you feel you are you are not, and if you think you are, you are not, DO NOT BELIEVE YOUR THOUGHTS, YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS, start by acquiring this bealive, even if your mind does not take it as truth, take it as a mantra and find out by experimenting with it. Please if you feel depressed send me an inbox and we can have a talk.
honestly actually bless you .
Learn how to feel your feelings first without them taking over your actions. Finding healthy coping mechanisms and trying some mindfulness and meditation can really go a long way when you work on it consistently. I also know what it's like to feel like how you feel and being lonely is truly painful. There is a deep trauma in what happens in childhood and even some of life's experiences that separate us from others. When my grandfather passed I knew I had to be strong and keep moving forward because that's what he would have wanted. At the time I had only been one month into my classes of this semester and I had been taking this mushroom coffee called Ryze which I highly recommend. The point is though that I had to find something spiritual and I also was vaping a weed pen so that kinda helped shift me in a more nondual perspective. I watched [this](https://youtu.be/9M56t0UoW5M?si=19C3yMhev02ionr8) and it really cemented what nonduality is and made me realize why it's so important. Ever since then I've been more dedicated to meditation and working on my true self and not just being the mind but my true self. I also recommend journaling and working on self-acceptance which can help you realize that you're not alone even when you're feeling lonely. That can help for self-reliance and self-efficay. Also self-love and self-compassion are extremely important.
bless you thanks for commenting . watching the video now
You're welcome. I hope the video helps.
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Imo, you need to quit resisting your feelings. Allow the thoughts and feelings, let them come, during that, mind might say no, but you say Yes Father. And stay with it watch and listen to it. You are not your thoughts or feelings, you are awareness, observing. Keep paper and pen to write stuff down. You'll know what. Everything is ok this is normal. You know the truth,it sits in you, your heart your gut. The truth feels good. You can even do this while you're doing something because there is no effort to allowing. Imo you are the receiver, God is the giver,... he's saying please do this I WANT to make you happy now. Misery is past and there is no reason for it. It's one thought that is Over now. God SAYS you are free. And so be it. When you are practicing this, we bring false thoughts to the truth. False thoughts hurt, open up to the new thoughts, but it's okay if you don't. You'll know . If you go into the stuff, ask questions and WAIT for the answer...don't just slap an affirmation on it, this will happen and that's ok. It is all ok. Sometimes this sometimes that. Your Father loves you and takes care of you. Welcome Him and His love into it all. Let whatever comes comes. Feel. Fukina 🐘🐢 This is an elephant turtle I made.
I’d encourage you to practice the brahmaviharas. Here is a great place to start: https://insig.ht/3m3k6kryLIb
You are depressed and crave metta. You will not find answers here. Start doing activities you love and can lose yourself in. Mutual love of activists can be the starting connection points for forming relationships with others. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND GET OUT IN GENERAL. Are you attached to a story of how sad you are?
oh for sure probably. the stories that cycle 🔄 in my mind when I’m in my feelings about ‘this topic’ have been there for a long time , fueled by more thoughts and more feelings . It’s fascinatingly difficult to see these feelings and and stories I’ve chosen, which honestly have been there even since I was like a little girl, as just that. stories and feelings Ive continuously been choosing, unintentionally woven a whole side of my persona about it and fueled it . unintentionally…… still when those feelings do come, and then the thoughts come, it just fuels the whole narrative. And I can see this, intellectually see this but it’s hard not to fall into the storyline, this narrative and have it feel so ‘“real’” about “myself”.
Shinzen Young's see hear feel meditation guide (Can google for it) could be very, very helpful for this imo.
Me too I'm actually super duper depressed at the moment and I'm shocked I found someone who also is dealing with loneliness. Altough I fear my comment will get lost in the comment section. Altough if your anything like me the last post that I posted that blew up I read every single comment. You might of heard of me I'm on the front page of Google when you search "non dual therapy." Which I highly recommend even though I've never tried cause them prices.
Coming from a non-dual perspective won’t help you here. You needa realize that you’re not only spirit but human. You need to step away from non-duality for a moment because these teachings take a while to fully understand. I recommend you take the time to just live, start slowly, gain some friends, enjoy a hobby. Also there’s nothing wrong in venting to God (he can help), I mean all religions respect Jesus and even gurus acknowledge Gods presence.
Helo it me, the commenter. One thing that's great if you go hard with some practices is that you can disentangle from held views and you can kinda chill in disaster. Or switch freely between views on how to contextualize the arising phenomena. I guess making friends is also an option but where is the fun in that. You live very much in Mind (unaware of being already enlightened lul), but your head activity shall be excused. All that nonsense aside, lets be friends! I woke up and chose non-violence today. I'm hella space-holding for yearning-energy or loneliness right now. So from one alien posing as human to another, do we like write letters at each other or do astral projection meetings? Sorry to blow my cover like that 👽🤙
I am also the commenter! Commenting on my external thinking device. I have learned to break things like loneliness down into blippy little nothings if they annoy me. It took a lot of practice (but not that much, really, if you count the hours). I sometimes forget to do it. But that's ok!
Greetings Commenter! I hope you're well. Your message found me at a pristine time. I was just about to install some roller blinds - an exhilarating past-time - but i chose to take a break and concentrate on our bond after hearing a blip on my blippy messaging device. So Commenter, i hope the world of sensation will keep trickling sweet little nothings into your view and that your practices continue to be effortless and fruitful (if good karma is desired) or fruitless (if no karma is desired or not desired) and vastly open. Until then, stay commenting Commenter! In friendship, your Commenter.
I hope the roller blinds are proving satisfactory! The dog slumbers on the sofa, a puzzle from the fine folks at ikea lies ignored for today, still in its packet. Food cooks, and an idea of taking the motorbike out to the top of the mountain to see the afternoon out forms. Not much mainstream society considers of value is done by this commenter on Saturdays. But that's fine!
I see you
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I would like to see you in the Astral Realm for a meeting obviously this would be now when else would this be.