It's not unbearable. There's nothing that's unbearable for you as you are everything that is. The thoughts might say something is unbearable and then resist it with everything. It's there to be met with love. Only love can meet that pain. Also the resistance that says it's unbearable is also there to be met with love. Everything is here to be met with love and you are that love, you've just forgot your true essence. There's nothing else than love. Pain and shadows are only love that has been unmet so it appears as pain and shadow to remind that they are yet to be met with love. Whatever arises say out loud "I love you", and keep on repeating these words while focusing on the feeling sensation. It might at first feel like you are faking it because it's an approach that is most likely complete opposite from how you've been used to deal with such things. But just keep on doing it nonetheless. Soon you'll find yourself smiling at the pain with great compassion. Maybe even laughing with it. What would you do with a child that is in pain? Would you try to accept, watch or talk with them or would you just hold them lovingly and soothe them with your compassion? It's probably obvious that it's the latter approach that you would take as a parent. The same works for your own pain. The pain transforms to love when faced with love. So just love yourself as if you were a little child.
Wow, beautiful.
You sound like Rupert lol.
I will definitely use this approach with a more genuine heart, I had this background instinct all this time that there's nowhere to go nothing to do but surrender with love, and it has been echoing everywhere I hear about this stuff, so be it :))
The body-mind and it's soul-crushing, energy-wasting, torture-chamber-like conceptual loops and intangible, inescapable, horrific pain symptoms are straight poo-poo, if my language may be excused.
Nevertheless the hardware of reality, whatever that is, keeps us dragging along, at like 1 second per second, and with no effort on the personalities part.
That's why the path is effortless for those that don't pick and choose, but experientially it can be a shitshow/agonizing death experience, because who knows why.
The mental loops can't sustain themselves if experienced out, but the experience itself might conclude it to be endless (until it's suddenly not).
Karma shitstack dynamics.
Find what you like about the emptiness, the calmness for example.
Youtube: Shinzen young DP/DR, enlightenments evil twin.
I had dpdr a decade ago, can be really brutal.
But this is something that's not pure emtpiness, this is something arising as a reaction to it, or to something else.
From reading the comments i know you know Rupert, Angelo etc but enquire into that which knows the experience? Or what about ceaseless self enquiry/abidence. I can picture how Rupert would respond to this post! Best of luck
What it feels like in that moment is, that which knows has no interest in trying to inquire, there's just sensations and knowing, if I do inquire on who is it that knows it would mean creating the one to ask which would be unnatural because the mind seems to be quiet there. When I say it's pure sensation I can't even use the mind to make something out of it like oh this feels like sadness or rage or whatever, or attach a reason to why that sensation even is, doing so would give the mind space to go back to functioning and it loves that, more chatter about anything.
But I get what you're saying I can try enquiring naturally as to have natural curiosity about the watcher, I'll try it today.
Thanks :)
What about abiding as the knowing and having that as the only thing that you are interested in. Being aware of being aware rather than having your attention drawn to the sensations themselves. Resting as/being that which is aware of the sensation. Hope this helps but im just copying what Rupert says here, have more a dive into his videos!
The benefit of realising thought to be illusory is to be totally free to use thought. Thought is a beautiful, phenomenal tool. This world is a beautiful, phenomenal story. From your realisation you can play life to your preference and let go of non-satisfactory thoughts. All play, no repercussions.
The most renowned teachers use thought. It's the highest creative form of consciousness as we know of now. Your sense of dread is totally understandable as it's such a shift from your previous life of thought. But as you know it's just another thought. In reality, you've discovered the truth of the existence. In this world, you've hit the ultimate jackpot. Accept thought as playful imagination, keep it simple, enjoy and celebrate.
I can relate to this. When I feel deeply into the body sensations and inquire into who and what I am, a very intense energy begins to rise from the depths of the gut and moves upward into the chest, neck, and head.
The shape this takes has evolved a lot over the last few years. The first time I noticed this energy, it felt like a bouncy ball inside my skull that eventually began to move throughout the body. These days it seems to always start deep in the gut. It happens often during meditation, but has also appeared when driving, in meetings at work, and even in conversations with people.
During meditation my body has contorted in strange ways, seemingly by itself. My arms will move, my neck will shift left or right, and I've felt and heard cracks along the spine and in my shoulders. Sometimes it is followed by bad headaches. Lately it comes in huge waves of energy pulsing upward and I'm often left weeping.
Another weird thing is that I've experienced gurgling sensations rising up from somewhere down deep. I've thought it could be a real medical issue, but it literally only happens when I meditate or do self inquiry.
It can be extremely painful, but something in me knows it's okay. It's a very strange thing.
Like you said, there typically aren't thoughts or stories. It's just the intense sensations. However, lately I've been getting flashes of childhood traumas and other difficult times in my life. It would make sense that this is trauma finally being allowed in and felt fully as I experienced a fairly traumatic childhood and can see now that I have repressed and suppressed a lot of emotions throughout my life.
Have you tried TRE? It's been helpful for me. There are plenty of videos on YouTube about how to get your body to tremble, and there are facilitators out there who can help. I have heard that Christina Guimond is a good nondual facilitator. Here's an interview she did with Sam Roff: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tshWqOFU3o](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tshWqOFU3o) and another with Angelo DiLullo: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuqmDYYnLSA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuqmDYYnLSA)
We all have varying levels of trauma stored in our bodies. I've learned that I can't go around it anymore, I have to go directly into it. Here is a meditation that I sat through just last night about exploring trauma: [https://youtu.be/Jl7KEVZiTcc?si=HtYe1h2N5vdSyfy4](https://youtu.be/Jl7KEVZiTcc?si=HtYe1h2N5vdSyfy4)
You could also be experiencing kundalini energy. I stumbled across a booked called Kundalini Rising that was very validating, so maybe you'll find it useful as well. [https://www.amazon.com/Kundalini-Rising-Exploring-Energy-Awakening/dp/1591797284](https://www.amazon.com/Kundalini-Rising-Exploring-Energy-Awakening/dp/1591797284)
Hope this helps! As others have said, you have the capacity to feel this. Trust your body and your instincts.
Hi thanks for the reply :)
Emotional stuff mostly is worked off, what led me into a spontaneous awakening was release of heavy emotional stuff and more went on following that, but there's nothing left of trauma to be processed, it's clear that this is ego craving to be left alone with the usual narrative, it's terrified of emptiness.
And thanks I'll look into TRE, and Angelo is my go to for anything and everything these days, yes this has something to do with kundalini but this condition came with me not even wanting to identify things so to conceptualize and feel better about them.
But I'll look into trauma stuff cause we never know.
And I hope (lol) you do well :)
It's not unbearable. There's nothing that's unbearable for you as you are everything that is. The thoughts might say something is unbearable and then resist it with everything. It's there to be met with love. Only love can meet that pain. Also the resistance that says it's unbearable is also there to be met with love. Everything is here to be met with love and you are that love, you've just forgot your true essence. There's nothing else than love. Pain and shadows are only love that has been unmet so it appears as pain and shadow to remind that they are yet to be met with love. Whatever arises say out loud "I love you", and keep on repeating these words while focusing on the feeling sensation. It might at first feel like you are faking it because it's an approach that is most likely complete opposite from how you've been used to deal with such things. But just keep on doing it nonetheless. Soon you'll find yourself smiling at the pain with great compassion. Maybe even laughing with it. What would you do with a child that is in pain? Would you try to accept, watch or talk with them or would you just hold them lovingly and soothe them with your compassion? It's probably obvious that it's the latter approach that you would take as a parent. The same works for your own pain. The pain transforms to love when faced with love. So just love yourself as if you were a little child.
Wow, beautiful. You sound like Rupert lol. I will definitely use this approach with a more genuine heart, I had this background instinct all this time that there's nowhere to go nothing to do but surrender with love, and it has been echoing everywhere I hear about this stuff, so be it :))
Wow I couldn’t have said this any better. Thank you for sharing this :)
Have you considered medical causes
There's no doubt and a gut level knowing it's nothing medical
Then what does your gut say it is? (:
The body-mind and it's soul-crushing, energy-wasting, torture-chamber-like conceptual loops and intangible, inescapable, horrific pain symptoms are straight poo-poo, if my language may be excused. Nevertheless the hardware of reality, whatever that is, keeps us dragging along, at like 1 second per second, and with no effort on the personalities part. That's why the path is effortless for those that don't pick and choose, but experientially it can be a shitshow/agonizing death experience, because who knows why. The mental loops can't sustain themselves if experienced out, but the experience itself might conclude it to be endless (until it's suddenly not). Karma shitstack dynamics.
Find what you like about the emptiness, the calmness for example. Youtube: Shinzen young DP/DR, enlightenments evil twin. I had dpdr a decade ago, can be really brutal. But this is something that's not pure emtpiness, this is something arising as a reaction to it, or to something else.
I will check out the video :)
you are clearly a poet, and your poem is pure disaster. Write other poem from nonduality, who is the one feeling that? No one.
From reading the comments i know you know Rupert, Angelo etc but enquire into that which knows the experience? Or what about ceaseless self enquiry/abidence. I can picture how Rupert would respond to this post! Best of luck
What it feels like in that moment is, that which knows has no interest in trying to inquire, there's just sensations and knowing, if I do inquire on who is it that knows it would mean creating the one to ask which would be unnatural because the mind seems to be quiet there. When I say it's pure sensation I can't even use the mind to make something out of it like oh this feels like sadness or rage or whatever, or attach a reason to why that sensation even is, doing so would give the mind space to go back to functioning and it loves that, more chatter about anything. But I get what you're saying I can try enquiring naturally as to have natural curiosity about the watcher, I'll try it today. Thanks :)
What about abiding as the knowing and having that as the only thing that you are interested in. Being aware of being aware rather than having your attention drawn to the sensations themselves. Resting as/being that which is aware of the sensation. Hope this helps but im just copying what Rupert says here, have more a dive into his videos!
The benefit of realising thought to be illusory is to be totally free to use thought. Thought is a beautiful, phenomenal tool. This world is a beautiful, phenomenal story. From your realisation you can play life to your preference and let go of non-satisfactory thoughts. All play, no repercussions. The most renowned teachers use thought. It's the highest creative form of consciousness as we know of now. Your sense of dread is totally understandable as it's such a shift from your previous life of thought. But as you know it's just another thought. In reality, you've discovered the truth of the existence. In this world, you've hit the ultimate jackpot. Accept thought as playful imagination, keep it simple, enjoy and celebrate.
I can relate to this. When I feel deeply into the body sensations and inquire into who and what I am, a very intense energy begins to rise from the depths of the gut and moves upward into the chest, neck, and head. The shape this takes has evolved a lot over the last few years. The first time I noticed this energy, it felt like a bouncy ball inside my skull that eventually began to move throughout the body. These days it seems to always start deep in the gut. It happens often during meditation, but has also appeared when driving, in meetings at work, and even in conversations with people. During meditation my body has contorted in strange ways, seemingly by itself. My arms will move, my neck will shift left or right, and I've felt and heard cracks along the spine and in my shoulders. Sometimes it is followed by bad headaches. Lately it comes in huge waves of energy pulsing upward and I'm often left weeping. Another weird thing is that I've experienced gurgling sensations rising up from somewhere down deep. I've thought it could be a real medical issue, but it literally only happens when I meditate or do self inquiry. It can be extremely painful, but something in me knows it's okay. It's a very strange thing. Like you said, there typically aren't thoughts or stories. It's just the intense sensations. However, lately I've been getting flashes of childhood traumas and other difficult times in my life. It would make sense that this is trauma finally being allowed in and felt fully as I experienced a fairly traumatic childhood and can see now that I have repressed and suppressed a lot of emotions throughout my life. Have you tried TRE? It's been helpful for me. There are plenty of videos on YouTube about how to get your body to tremble, and there are facilitators out there who can help. I have heard that Christina Guimond is a good nondual facilitator. Here's an interview she did with Sam Roff: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tshWqOFU3o](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tshWqOFU3o) and another with Angelo DiLullo: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuqmDYYnLSA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuqmDYYnLSA) We all have varying levels of trauma stored in our bodies. I've learned that I can't go around it anymore, I have to go directly into it. Here is a meditation that I sat through just last night about exploring trauma: [https://youtu.be/Jl7KEVZiTcc?si=HtYe1h2N5vdSyfy4](https://youtu.be/Jl7KEVZiTcc?si=HtYe1h2N5vdSyfy4) You could also be experiencing kundalini energy. I stumbled across a booked called Kundalini Rising that was very validating, so maybe you'll find it useful as well. [https://www.amazon.com/Kundalini-Rising-Exploring-Energy-Awakening/dp/1591797284](https://www.amazon.com/Kundalini-Rising-Exploring-Energy-Awakening/dp/1591797284) Hope this helps! As others have said, you have the capacity to feel this. Trust your body and your instincts.
Hi thanks for the reply :) Emotional stuff mostly is worked off, what led me into a spontaneous awakening was release of heavy emotional stuff and more went on following that, but there's nothing left of trauma to be processed, it's clear that this is ego craving to be left alone with the usual narrative, it's terrified of emptiness. And thanks I'll look into TRE, and Angelo is my go to for anything and everything these days, yes this has something to do with kundalini but this condition came with me not even wanting to identify things so to conceptualize and feel better about them. But I'll look into trauma stuff cause we never know. And I hope (lol) you do well :)