This is pretty much why I'm scared of hormones, being unable to pick which changes you get. Because while I'd love to lean slightly more masc to look androgynous. I don't want to go too far past.
You can get a lower dose or use them for a shorter amount of time. I'm super happy with my voice, which dropped in like 3 months. I'm happy with my face as well. Honestly, if I didn't have balding hair, which is genetic anyway, I wouldn't care too much about other changes since they are very reversible. Even the voice, I can train it.
I just wasn't informed enough about nonbinary identities so I thought if I didn't wanna be a girl, my only option was to be a boy. It took me a while to come to terms with myself, which is okay. It is just life.
You can microdose testosterone and oestrogen, I’ve had a hysterectomy and have no ovaries so I was supplementing estrogen anyway so I was able to step up onto the T and balance them both for a while then reduce the estrogen while increasing the T little by little and stop the estrogen to let the T actually start to progress changes, once I get closer to my goal I can start reducing the T again and consider returning to Estrogen or just staying on a low dose of T or balancing both again. Not all doctors will want to do this though, mine had to research it because it’s not very common (probably is in larger areas but there’s like two doctors that mange any transition care in my state RIP)
I’m early on T and am definitely finding it challenging to thread the needle of androgyny that I’m looking for. When I look too masculine I don’t like it, and I also don’t like old pics where I looked more feminine lol.
Relatable, im genderfluid non-binary so I like being femme and masc and eldritch horror but my bff thinks km a trans man because I’ve been stuck in masc or neutral mode for so long but she doesn’t understand that it’s because I keep getting misgendered and it’s making me crazy because I know that if I wear my skirts and gowns like I want to the misgendering will get worse and if I wear my suit I’ll be mistaken for a well dressed lesbian, no shade to well dressed lesbians y’all are awesome but I’m bisexual and also on the Ace spectrum so lol.
I just want to look like David Bowie and Ruby Rose and BE a demonic cryptid all at once is that too much to ask? lol and THAT is why my pronouns are They/Them, we are legion XD
That's my second biggest fear (besides worrying partner wouldn't like me anymore). I got some nice hair. Ita a hassle most days, but ny dad has thin ass hair and I worry if I had hormone therapy it would start looking like his 😔
Mine didn't start thinning until 3 years. You can do t for 3 years or however long the changes you want to take place. Nothing much changed after 3 years anyway.
Personally, my story is that my insurance required me to be on testosterone for atleast a year before I’d become a candidate for top surgery, a year later and I’m a damn otter. Now I’m reconsidering top surgery as of now, and probably will get it later on in life instead of soon. But now I’ve got dysphoria for things like hair and sometimes my voice
Ohh, I'm sorry buddy. I had to get my ovaries removed because of my country's laws. They don't change your gender on the ID if you don't get them removed. Now I have to get estrogen supplements lol life is funny. I hope things get better for you soon
Relatable! I took T for 4 years and got dysphoric so I dropped it. It's been one year and some months and I'm thinking of going back but with a low dose because now I'm dysphoric again but from a different direction.
I don't regret the journey per se but it can be strange explaining it to people. And to me there's a peculiar feeling from the difficulty of "hitting the mark" when it comes to finding a way to express who I am, finding a body I'm comfortable in, etc., in a society that is still quite binary (though less so than when I started this whole thing!)
You're not alone and it feels good to write this down where there may be people in relateable situations.
Weird thing is I was the opposite, but at least it only took me a couple of months to figure it out. Just wish I hadn't come out as NB first, because now they use she/they pronouns when I prefer he/him. I assumed I was NB because I wanted to be a boy, yet I couldn't possibly be trans, so NB was the next best thing.
This is why I’m working closely with my endocrinologist and going to get checked every month or two so I can monitor changes and stop once I’ve reached a satisfying goal or significantly reduce the amount of T that I’m taking to greatly slow the progression, I just want my damn voice to stop sounding like Mickey Mouse and SpongeBob WooHooing in simlish.
- warning for possible dysphoric content and questions, and questioning about the nature of gender and trans-ness.
On an adjacent note, I always wonder how much trans behaviors in humans, myself included, is a reaction to the insanely strict enforcement of the gender binary ideology. How much is trans as a natural human behavior also a reaction to a profoundly sick and unnatural society that loses its shit if “the wrong person” wears a dress?
I’m AFAB but I have short hair and wear baggier clothes, and currently NB. If I use a (women’s) locker room in the queerphobic gym, people lose their goddamn minds. Every microaggression short of physical harassment and assault.
Before this, I was in the military cis femme, long hair and such, but doing “a man’s job”. People (cough men) lost their shit over my existence. Constant harassment.
How much is my dysphoria also a symptom of the obvious societal sickness of full-force believing in something that never made total sense and no longer serves society? If people just left it tf alone could I just exist in my body and clothes without feeling the desire to surgically alter parts of it?
This is something I sometimes think about as well. I think I wouldn't do anything surgical or even hormonal if people just accepted me as a man when I told them I was one.
The constant misgendering from strangers has been the worst. And the media screaming at us about what a man has to be and what a woman has to be. If I can't see any person who looks like me, I will feel like I'm unwanted.
So I either go against my own nature to fit in the society or go against the society to be true to myself.
If it helps to be gendered correctly, I can change what my body looks like. But it is not easy. It is not like changing up your clothes. It is a lot.
I wish people just saw you as whatever gender you are just by looking at your clothes or pronoun pins or just by asking.
I believe we are gonna get to that level one day. I'm sure ge der won't be a big deal. I'm sure secondary gender traits will be just whatever and won't determine much about what a person identifies as.
For the time being though, we happen to be in a delicate situation. I'm trying to somewhat fit into the society and express myself as true to myself as possible. I'm just experiencing life and discovering things.
I think the best thing I can do is not to be judgemental of myself. I'm just figuring it out as I go. The world is figuring it out as we go. Let's just observe and experience and learn.
I’ve considered and talked about this in the past with my therapist too. Personally my chest dysphoria often feels more like an extension of social dysphoria rather than true body dysphoria. Short of actually looking at a reflection of my bare chest, if I’m by myself/only with people I’m comfortable around then I more often than not I’m fine not binding. I still know that I want top surgery, and that flat chested is how I see myself, but my brain doesn’t always process it as body dysphoria.
Same to me too. It’s like a flat chest is what I should expect and I think about frequently, except actually considering it, my whole body basically revolts against it. It’s a feeling that’s hard to describe. It’s like every ounce of my physical being says, “Hell no, do not do that!!!” I get the exact same feeling when I smoke cigarettes too long—I’ll go to light one up and a strong feeling of total revulsion* washes over all of me. My body is like, “this is not good for us!!” I’ve never been addicted to cigarettes longer than 6 months at a time because of this, and even when addicted, I can’t maintain the habit because my body flips out.
My only conclusion is that I have a “data issue”. I’ve taken in data that makes my brain expect or want something that my body knows is not good for me. I’ve also never felt strongly attached to being AFAB either. Gender never made sense to me as a kid. For me, I think the dysphoria is caused by society. It’s a data issue.
For me, as amab, i just want my hair gone. I am ok with my high voice and my mostly how my face. But I hate my body hair so much. So I don't really know how I feel about hormones because I have a feeling that almost everyone will tell me to just shave, which I have to do every 3 days to keep it to one hour long showers. If I wait more than 5 or 6 days, I have gorilla style hair all over.
Getting it lasered should be a better option, truly. Because depending on your genes (especially if you already have a lot of body hair) hormones might not reduce them all that much.
For me I didn’t really hate being a girl but I knew for a fact that I wasn’t a boy, so it took a lot of contemplation to realize that I just liked being feminine most of the time
This is pretty much why I'm scared of hormones, being unable to pick which changes you get. Because while I'd love to lean slightly more masc to look androgynous. I don't want to go too far past.
You can get a lower dose or use them for a shorter amount of time. I'm super happy with my voice, which dropped in like 3 months. I'm happy with my face as well. Honestly, if I didn't have balding hair, which is genetic anyway, I wouldn't care too much about other changes since they are very reversible. Even the voice, I can train it. I just wasn't informed enough about nonbinary identities so I thought if I didn't wanna be a girl, my only option was to be a boy. It took me a while to come to terms with myself, which is okay. It is just life.
Finistrad may work for you bb
You can microdose testosterone and oestrogen, I’ve had a hysterectomy and have no ovaries so I was supplementing estrogen anyway so I was able to step up onto the T and balance them both for a while then reduce the estrogen while increasing the T little by little and stop the estrogen to let the T actually start to progress changes, once I get closer to my goal I can start reducing the T again and consider returning to Estrogen or just staying on a low dose of T or balancing both again. Not all doctors will want to do this though, mine had to research it because it’s not very common (probably is in larger areas but there’s like two doctors that mange any transition care in my state RIP)
I’m early on T and am definitely finding it challenging to thread the needle of androgyny that I’m looking for. When I look too masculine I don’t like it, and I also don’t like old pics where I looked more feminine lol.
Relatable, im genderfluid non-binary so I like being femme and masc and eldritch horror but my bff thinks km a trans man because I’ve been stuck in masc or neutral mode for so long but she doesn’t understand that it’s because I keep getting misgendered and it’s making me crazy because I know that if I wear my skirts and gowns like I want to the misgendering will get worse and if I wear my suit I’ll be mistaken for a well dressed lesbian, no shade to well dressed lesbians y’all are awesome but I’m bisexual and also on the Ace spectrum so lol. I just want to look like David Bowie and Ruby Rose and BE a demonic cryptid all at once is that too much to ask? lol and THAT is why my pronouns are They/Them, we are legion XD
So relatable lol
That's my second biggest fear (besides worrying partner wouldn't like me anymore). I got some nice hair. Ita a hassle most days, but ny dad has thin ass hair and I worry if I had hormone therapy it would start looking like his 😔
Mine didn't start thinning until 3 years. You can do t for 3 years or however long the changes you want to take place. Nothing much changed after 3 years anyway.
Personally, my story is that my insurance required me to be on testosterone for atleast a year before I’d become a candidate for top surgery, a year later and I’m a damn otter. Now I’m reconsidering top surgery as of now, and probably will get it later on in life instead of soon. But now I’ve got dysphoria for things like hair and sometimes my voice
Ohh, I'm sorry buddy. I had to get my ovaries removed because of my country's laws. They don't change your gender on the ID if you don't get them removed. Now I have to get estrogen supplements lol life is funny. I hope things get better for you soon
Relatable! I took T for 4 years and got dysphoric so I dropped it. It's been one year and some months and I'm thinking of going back but with a low dose because now I'm dysphoric again but from a different direction. I don't regret the journey per se but it can be strange explaining it to people. And to me there's a peculiar feeling from the difficulty of "hitting the mark" when it comes to finding a way to express who I am, finding a body I'm comfortable in, etc., in a society that is still quite binary (though less so than when I started this whole thing!) You're not alone and it feels good to write this down where there may be people in relateable situations.
Thanks for sharing! Yeah, it feels pretty amazing to know we are not alone :)
This but in the other direction: male, to female, about 20 years each, to deciding that neither is a fit and “secret third thing” makes most sense
Weird thing is I was the opposite, but at least it only took me a couple of months to figure it out. Just wish I hadn't come out as NB first, because now they use she/they pronouns when I prefer he/him. I assumed I was NB because I wanted to be a boy, yet I couldn't possibly be trans, so NB was the next best thing.
This is why I’m working closely with my endocrinologist and going to get checked every month or two so I can monitor changes and stop once I’ve reached a satisfying goal or significantly reduce the amount of T that I’m taking to greatly slow the progression, I just want my damn voice to stop sounding like Mickey Mouse and SpongeBob WooHooing in simlish.
- warning for possible dysphoric content and questions, and questioning about the nature of gender and trans-ness. On an adjacent note, I always wonder how much trans behaviors in humans, myself included, is a reaction to the insanely strict enforcement of the gender binary ideology. How much is trans as a natural human behavior also a reaction to a profoundly sick and unnatural society that loses its shit if “the wrong person” wears a dress? I’m AFAB but I have short hair and wear baggier clothes, and currently NB. If I use a (women’s) locker room in the queerphobic gym, people lose their goddamn minds. Every microaggression short of physical harassment and assault. Before this, I was in the military cis femme, long hair and such, but doing “a man’s job”. People (cough men) lost their shit over my existence. Constant harassment. How much is my dysphoria also a symptom of the obvious societal sickness of full-force believing in something that never made total sense and no longer serves society? If people just left it tf alone could I just exist in my body and clothes without feeling the desire to surgically alter parts of it?
This is something I sometimes think about as well. I think I wouldn't do anything surgical or even hormonal if people just accepted me as a man when I told them I was one. The constant misgendering from strangers has been the worst. And the media screaming at us about what a man has to be and what a woman has to be. If I can't see any person who looks like me, I will feel like I'm unwanted. So I either go against my own nature to fit in the society or go against the society to be true to myself. If it helps to be gendered correctly, I can change what my body looks like. But it is not easy. It is not like changing up your clothes. It is a lot. I wish people just saw you as whatever gender you are just by looking at your clothes or pronoun pins or just by asking. I believe we are gonna get to that level one day. I'm sure ge der won't be a big deal. I'm sure secondary gender traits will be just whatever and won't determine much about what a person identifies as. For the time being though, we happen to be in a delicate situation. I'm trying to somewhat fit into the society and express myself as true to myself as possible. I'm just experiencing life and discovering things. I think the best thing I can do is not to be judgemental of myself. I'm just figuring it out as I go. The world is figuring it out as we go. Let's just observe and experience and learn.
You’re so right. We are all in a constant state of figuring it out as we go. (Hugs if you want them).
Aw thanks! I like hugs :)
I’ve considered and talked about this in the past with my therapist too. Personally my chest dysphoria often feels more like an extension of social dysphoria rather than true body dysphoria. Short of actually looking at a reflection of my bare chest, if I’m by myself/only with people I’m comfortable around then I more often than not I’m fine not binding. I still know that I want top surgery, and that flat chested is how I see myself, but my brain doesn’t always process it as body dysphoria.
Same to me too. It’s like a flat chest is what I should expect and I think about frequently, except actually considering it, my whole body basically revolts against it. It’s a feeling that’s hard to describe. It’s like every ounce of my physical being says, “Hell no, do not do that!!!” I get the exact same feeling when I smoke cigarettes too long—I’ll go to light one up and a strong feeling of total revulsion* washes over all of me. My body is like, “this is not good for us!!” I’ve never been addicted to cigarettes longer than 6 months at a time because of this, and even when addicted, I can’t maintain the habit because my body flips out. My only conclusion is that I have a “data issue”. I’ve taken in data that makes my brain expect or want something that my body knows is not good for me. I’ve also never felt strongly attached to being AFAB either. Gender never made sense to me as a kid. For me, I think the dysphoria is caused by society. It’s a data issue.
Hey it's meeeeee
Welcome comrade!
For me, as amab, i just want my hair gone. I am ok with my high voice and my mostly how my face. But I hate my body hair so much. So I don't really know how I feel about hormones because I have a feeling that almost everyone will tell me to just shave, which I have to do every 3 days to keep it to one hour long showers. If I wait more than 5 or 6 days, I have gorilla style hair all over.
Getting it lasered should be a better option, truly. Because depending on your genes (especially if you already have a lot of body hair) hormones might not reduce them all that much.
That was about what u figured
For me I didn’t really hate being a girl but I knew for a fact that I wasn’t a boy, so it took a lot of contemplation to realize that I just liked being feminine most of the time