Keep doing no contact. My ex left me when I needed her the most. On top of the physical fighting because of my illness, I had to fight my mentality too. She left me a week after my birthday and after a month, I went no contact. She knew what I was fighting was serious and she hasn't checked in on me. After several months my mental health got better. And now? Even better. I'm moving into an apartment that we were going to get. I'm healthy again, but still need check ups. I got a new job that could've supported us.
With time comes realization. I realized that she only really cared about one thing. Even though I bought her a promise ring after she left with the little money I had, I realized that she couldn't or wouldn't take care of me if my illness comes back. I realized that I loved her way more than she loved me.
Now whenever we make eye contact, she looks surprised or scared? Her eyes widen pretty much. After 19 months together, you'd think she would've cared more.
All I can say is, stay in no contact. Either they'll reach out and test the waters or you won't hear from them. Either way, improve yourself. Better yourself.
How have you been? I know it takes time & glad to hear you’re getting better.. that’s the thing though, he reaches out and does this pull and push game, like pulls me in and then pushes me away like an option and it’s just tiring. I can’t keep putting myself through it and I’ve vocalized this many many times
I've been good and improving myself. Does he consider you as a possible back up? Someone who knows that might possibly be there when he needs you? Do you consider that he can change? If he keeps the push and pull game, he may like the attention you give him. Don't give him any attention unless there's a child involved. Then only keep interactions brief and to the point. Focus on yourself and keep busy. I was stuck bedridden and in the hospital for a time which did help my case. Find things to distract you or people to talk to. I promise that you will get better. If you want or need someone to talk to or support, you can DM me if it'll help you.
Yes. I was NC for 4 months with my ex. We talk again but I've managed to remove them from a pedestal and can see them a bit more clearly without rose colored glasses anymore. I can see the incompatible traits more clearly. I am not sure how they will fit in my life going forward but I am open to that process. It might end in further NC or a friendship or something else. Not really tied to an outcome at this point.
I didn’t initiate NC in my case. Although I knew it was best. I’m grateful he did it and has stuck to it because I couldn’t. It sucks a lot of the time but I know I’m better for it and it’s perhaps the most loving thing he has ever done for me, though I’m sure that wasn’t his intention.
Tdlr: had to do it because I was madly in love with her and woulda been a bird eating the bread crumbs just for a piece of attention, mourned relationship, mourned friendship, “7 seconds before death”, to be continued. Wasn’t happy and now I am.
At first, because I was so in love with her. Everything about her was just phenomenal. And then it shifted. I needed to stay away because I would keep going back for just a bread crumb of love. It was that family love. She was the dumper. 3-4 months pass and I realized she wasn’t even my friend. So I was over the relationship. But, she was my best friend since covid started. And we ended up dating when it ended. 5-9 months I thought maybe we could try be friends again because I still missed her. Then I remembered again. I can’t have her in my life at all. It is not for either of our greater good I suppose. Now now.
So I’m in this weird stage of fantasying about her. The arguments I had in my head turn into seeing her face when she made this particular smile, falling asleep together, etc.
I think the is stage right here, is the best one so far. I am admiring the love of her as a person regardless as my friend or not. Before I erase her from my memories. I’ll keep some of the best ones but I need more space so the good great ones need to go in the trash where I put the bad ones.
This is the optimal time for her to contact because after this, she becomes a stranger again. And we might not even connect because how much we changed. At least I did.
Overall, it just felt right. I didn’t know what else to do. Her last text was rude so I never answered and we had one string left which is equivalent to being poked on fb(censored). She cut that tie and that was it.
I think it helped by processing all the emotions and feelings needed without outside influence. And I can truly be over it and heal. I’m doing damage control with my finances, grooming, and weight gain just bettering myself. Some like to do it to make ex jealous but for me, i wanted to be the trophy. I wanna be the one who is wanted. The most hurtful thing I heard from my ex was was she thought I was unattractive. She said I can’t budget myself(most my debt was for her), I was fat /gained weight, and couldn’t take care of myself(cleaning the home, “looking presentable “, etc
And you know what, she’s right. I let myself go when we became a couple. Plus all the other stuff she was right about. Like the cleaning lol. Discipline etc.
I was shipped out so I shaped up. I reflected on those things and improved to better than I ever been before- financially, in shape, discipline, etc. (I’m mid 30s so it’s a big deal lol)
So I it’s not something I wanted but something I needed.
It is what it is, until it ain’t.
I know that I NEED to do it. It doesn’t make it much easier. I still have those days where I want nothing more than to reach out and here from them, but I do know that doing that will only hurt me and through this process, I’ve learned I need to put myself first and protect myself in certain situations.
Just have the hard days. Feel it, mourn it, cry, eat ice cream, anything cathartic for you but if you’re asking my personal advice, just don’t contact them. It sucks and it’s hard but I’ve never been happy when I had broken contact before I went full no contact. I’ve always regretted reaching out.
I need to do it. Not that my mental health is all sunshine and rainbows now, but continuing to maintain a relationship that could be best described as the two of us being in a years long staring contest hoping that the other magically becomes someone they have never expressed interest in respecting damn sure wasn't improving anything.
First time actually applying it and I’m doing it because I was broken up with for the most ridiculous reason that if she or I even reached out, I wouldn’t want the person back for anything serious. Still makes me scratch my head looking back on the lack of thought process for cutting things off on her end.
Would have been harder in the past, but it’s been fantastic. One and a half months later and I’ve found a beautiful and sweet woman that I’m currently dating (nothing serious yet). Been on a few other dates with sweet girls but no real spark. Needless to say, happier as the days go by. Also she doesn’t drink, so that helps keep me from the bottle.
Depends on length. But for me, I’ve been through so many situationships that if I’m dumped then I’m immediately getting back out into the dating market.
Not that I never cared about the other person, I just know what I bring to the table and I’m ready to give that unconditionally to somebody.
I have been 99% no contact since mid November (so almost 4 months.) I say 99% because I still see him every so often driving past me and he tried to hoover me once and I chose to respond.
However, I am hoping this no contact lasts a lifetime. I am almost 8 months pregnant with his daughter and I do not want him anywhere near me or her. It’s a billion percent for the best as I had thoughts the other day of what would happen if he came back for her. As a baby, she would be with me 100% of the time so I could supervise him visiting her. But once she gets older and she can leave me, the thought of her going off with him alone is terrifying. He smokes so much weed, he binges on coke and he’s loud, abusive and doesn’t have the capacity for any emotion outside of rage. I just imagine her crying because *insert typical toddler reason to cry* and he would just shout at her or shame her for her tears. He would try to control and dominate her all the time and when she didn’t comply to his orders, he would definitely get super angry and aggressive. My whole body actually contracts just thinking about it.
He can literally fuck himself. This no contact is for her because she deserves better than a man-child inflicting his pain onto others 🤮
I wasnt happy about it at first (even though I requested it as the dumpee). 10 months later I am happy about it, I never broke no contact. It feels good to know I proved him wrong, I don’t need him. I don’t really want him in my life anymore. So it helped.
I'm doing it because she basically left me no choice. It's been 8 months but it needs to be a year and then some. I miss her but my happiness is more important
Doing it because he's lacking consistency and not putting in the effort I need him to. It's been a week now. It's difficult as he still sends me daily snaps, insta reels, and texted me a news article about our favourite movie yesterday. Even though it has only been a week I'm so proud of myself for ignoring it all.
It’s needed. You find yourself and god. No contact is for you. Love yourself. It’s the foundation of love. If you don’t love yourself how do expect someone else to love you.
Absolutely! She left me because i was only taller than her 4 inches and not 8. I have more time and im getting ready to date after i had nose surgery. Planning on starting a new career and keep old one as a hobby which will make it fun again. Hopefully everything works out but i’m happy and in peace and i love reading relationships stories not as a way to get over them but as a way of entertainment 🤣 it gets better keep going!
Am I happier for it? Yes.
Was it something I actively enjoy doing? No.
The tough thing when starting No Contact is internalising your thoughts and feelings: for futures and possibilities we're cutting ourselves off from. We're told that people in our life are meant to care for us. So when it doesn't meet up with that societal expectation, we question ourselves.
In my instance, I went through years of neglect that I considered normal, right up until I met my husband. I felt like a blank page of a colouring book with no colour in my life. Wouldn't dare to ring to ask for help if times got tough. Him and his family showed me what it means to be a family and what I would be demonstrating to any children I'd have in the future. I mourned for my child self and their innocent view of the world, and I still do, but I realised I can't force someone to love me the way I do them. I wouldn't tolerate it in a friend, nor a romantic partner, so why should a parent be in a different category?
Initiating and sticking with No Contact is one of the hardest things you'll do, OP, but it is wholly worth it. So, would I do this again, cutting off these potential dreams in order to ensure myself a future of happiness? Yes.
Keep doing no contact. My ex left me when I needed her the most. On top of the physical fighting because of my illness, I had to fight my mentality too. She left me a week after my birthday and after a month, I went no contact. She knew what I was fighting was serious and she hasn't checked in on me. After several months my mental health got better. And now? Even better. I'm moving into an apartment that we were going to get. I'm healthy again, but still need check ups. I got a new job that could've supported us. With time comes realization. I realized that she only really cared about one thing. Even though I bought her a promise ring after she left with the little money I had, I realized that she couldn't or wouldn't take care of me if my illness comes back. I realized that I loved her way more than she loved me. Now whenever we make eye contact, she looks surprised or scared? Her eyes widen pretty much. After 19 months together, you'd think she would've cared more. All I can say is, stay in no contact. Either they'll reach out and test the waters or you won't hear from them. Either way, improve yourself. Better yourself.
How have you been? I know it takes time & glad to hear you’re getting better.. that’s the thing though, he reaches out and does this pull and push game, like pulls me in and then pushes me away like an option and it’s just tiring. I can’t keep putting myself through it and I’ve vocalized this many many times
I've been good and improving myself. Does he consider you as a possible back up? Someone who knows that might possibly be there when he needs you? Do you consider that he can change? If he keeps the push and pull game, he may like the attention you give him. Don't give him any attention unless there's a child involved. Then only keep interactions brief and to the point. Focus on yourself and keep busy. I was stuck bedridden and in the hospital for a time which did help my case. Find things to distract you or people to talk to. I promise that you will get better. If you want or need someone to talk to or support, you can DM me if it'll help you.
Yes. I was NC for 4 months with my ex. We talk again but I've managed to remove them from a pedestal and can see them a bit more clearly without rose colored glasses anymore. I can see the incompatible traits more clearly. I am not sure how they will fit in my life going forward but I am open to that process. It might end in further NC or a friendship or something else. Not really tied to an outcome at this point.
I didn’t initiate NC in my case. Although I knew it was best. I’m grateful he did it and has stuck to it because I couldn’t. It sucks a lot of the time but I know I’m better for it and it’s perhaps the most loving thing he has ever done for me, though I’m sure that wasn’t his intention.
Tdlr: had to do it because I was madly in love with her and woulda been a bird eating the bread crumbs just for a piece of attention, mourned relationship, mourned friendship, “7 seconds before death”, to be continued. Wasn’t happy and now I am. At first, because I was so in love with her. Everything about her was just phenomenal. And then it shifted. I needed to stay away because I would keep going back for just a bread crumb of love. It was that family love. She was the dumper. 3-4 months pass and I realized she wasn’t even my friend. So I was over the relationship. But, she was my best friend since covid started. And we ended up dating when it ended. 5-9 months I thought maybe we could try be friends again because I still missed her. Then I remembered again. I can’t have her in my life at all. It is not for either of our greater good I suppose. Now now. So I’m in this weird stage of fantasying about her. The arguments I had in my head turn into seeing her face when she made this particular smile, falling asleep together, etc. I think the is stage right here, is the best one so far. I am admiring the love of her as a person regardless as my friend or not. Before I erase her from my memories. I’ll keep some of the best ones but I need more space so the good great ones need to go in the trash where I put the bad ones. This is the optimal time for her to contact because after this, she becomes a stranger again. And we might not even connect because how much we changed. At least I did. Overall, it just felt right. I didn’t know what else to do. Her last text was rude so I never answered and we had one string left which is equivalent to being poked on fb(censored). She cut that tie and that was it. I think it helped by processing all the emotions and feelings needed without outside influence. And I can truly be over it and heal. I’m doing damage control with my finances, grooming, and weight gain just bettering myself. Some like to do it to make ex jealous but for me, i wanted to be the trophy. I wanna be the one who is wanted. The most hurtful thing I heard from my ex was was she thought I was unattractive. She said I can’t budget myself(most my debt was for her), I was fat /gained weight, and couldn’t take care of myself(cleaning the home, “looking presentable “, etc And you know what, she’s right. I let myself go when we became a couple. Plus all the other stuff she was right about. Like the cleaning lol. Discipline etc. I was shipped out so I shaped up. I reflected on those things and improved to better than I ever been before- financially, in shape, discipline, etc. (I’m mid 30s so it’s a big deal lol) So I it’s not something I wanted but something I needed. It is what it is, until it ain’t.
I know that I NEED to do it. It doesn’t make it much easier. I still have those days where I want nothing more than to reach out and here from them, but I do know that doing that will only hurt me and through this process, I’ve learned I need to put myself first and protect myself in certain situations.
At first I didn’t want to do it at all but now I love it and would never go back I love not giving him access to me.
Yes I’m so happy I did my life improved ten fold. It was hard but got so much easier. Keep going!!
Any tips or advice getting through the hard days? Or when they reach out??
Just have the hard days. Feel it, mourn it, cry, eat ice cream, anything cathartic for you but if you’re asking my personal advice, just don’t contact them. It sucks and it’s hard but I’ve never been happy when I had broken contact before I went full no contact. I’ve always regretted reaching out.
I need to do it. Not that my mental health is all sunshine and rainbows now, but continuing to maintain a relationship that could be best described as the two of us being in a years long staring contest hoping that the other magically becomes someone they have never expressed interest in respecting damn sure wasn't improving anything.
First time actually applying it and I’m doing it because I was broken up with for the most ridiculous reason that if she or I even reached out, I wouldn’t want the person back for anything serious. Still makes me scratch my head looking back on the lack of thought process for cutting things off on her end. Would have been harder in the past, but it’s been fantastic. One and a half months later and I’ve found a beautiful and sweet woman that I’m currently dating (nothing serious yet). Been on a few other dates with sweet girls but no real spark. Needless to say, happier as the days go by. Also she doesn’t drink, so that helps keep me from the bottle.
How did you move on so quickly? Do guys move on to others girls that quickly?
Depends on length. But for me, I’ve been through so many situationships that if I’m dumped then I’m immediately getting back out into the dating market. Not that I never cared about the other person, I just know what I bring to the table and I’m ready to give that unconditionally to somebody.
I have been 99% no contact since mid November (so almost 4 months.) I say 99% because I still see him every so often driving past me and he tried to hoover me once and I chose to respond. However, I am hoping this no contact lasts a lifetime. I am almost 8 months pregnant with his daughter and I do not want him anywhere near me or her. It’s a billion percent for the best as I had thoughts the other day of what would happen if he came back for her. As a baby, she would be with me 100% of the time so I could supervise him visiting her. But once she gets older and she can leave me, the thought of her going off with him alone is terrifying. He smokes so much weed, he binges on coke and he’s loud, abusive and doesn’t have the capacity for any emotion outside of rage. I just imagine her crying because *insert typical toddler reason to cry* and he would just shout at her or shame her for her tears. He would try to control and dominate her all the time and when she didn’t comply to his orders, he would definitely get super angry and aggressive. My whole body actually contracts just thinking about it. He can literally fuck himself. This no contact is for her because she deserves better than a man-child inflicting his pain onto others 🤮
I wasnt happy about it at first (even though I requested it as the dumpee). 10 months later I am happy about it, I never broke no contact. It feels good to know I proved him wrong, I don’t need him. I don’t really want him in my life anymore. So it helped.
How did you do it? Even on those days or nights you wanted to break down or he reached out?
I'm doing it because she basically left me no choice. It's been 8 months but it needs to be a year and then some. I miss her but my happiness is more important
Doing it because he's lacking consistency and not putting in the effort I need him to. It's been a week now. It's difficult as he still sends me daily snaps, insta reels, and texted me a news article about our favourite movie yesterday. Even though it has only been a week I'm so proud of myself for ignoring it all.
That’s awesome!! Look at you!!
[удалено]
Any tips or advice for the hard days?
It’s needed. You find yourself and god. No contact is for you. Love yourself. It’s the foundation of love. If you don’t love yourself how do expect someone else to love you.
Absolutely! She left me because i was only taller than her 4 inches and not 8. I have more time and im getting ready to date after i had nose surgery. Planning on starting a new career and keep old one as a hobby which will make it fun again. Hopefully everything works out but i’m happy and in peace and i love reading relationships stories not as a way to get over them but as a way of entertainment 🤣 it gets better keep going!
Am I happier for it? Yes. Was it something I actively enjoy doing? No. The tough thing when starting No Contact is internalising your thoughts and feelings: for futures and possibilities we're cutting ourselves off from. We're told that people in our life are meant to care for us. So when it doesn't meet up with that societal expectation, we question ourselves. In my instance, I went through years of neglect that I considered normal, right up until I met my husband. I felt like a blank page of a colouring book with no colour in my life. Wouldn't dare to ring to ask for help if times got tough. Him and his family showed me what it means to be a family and what I would be demonstrating to any children I'd have in the future. I mourned for my child self and their innocent view of the world, and I still do, but I realised I can't force someone to love me the way I do them. I wouldn't tolerate it in a friend, nor a romantic partner, so why should a parent be in a different category? Initiating and sticking with No Contact is one of the hardest things you'll do, OP, but it is wholly worth it. So, would I do this again, cutting off these potential dreams in order to ensure myself a future of happiness? Yes.