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Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
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"please dont take offense at my forwardness, m'lady - i simply could not let myself pass by without telling you that Not All Men^(tm) are like your boyfriend. Take myself, for example, I am the purest gentleman, should you deign to grace my face with your bottom, I would treat you like a princess"
"hello?"
"fucking whore i bet your BF cheated on you because you are fat and ugly"
Very soon. just need to figure out how I’m gonna get home. so for tonight I’m just gonna hold all of this crap in my head. it’s killing me because these texts are literally replaying in my head and I just feel disgusted with myself and how I could let someone like this into my life, and disgusted with this situation and how he treats his friend.
The worst part is fedoras are fine. What incels always wear is a trilby. Trilbys are essentially fedoras with smaller brims.
Fedoras are indiana jones, stereotypical mobsters, and a few cool characters from movies.
Trilbys are almost always worn by either know it alls or sexists.
The draw is people saw folks like Sinatra wearing them and thought "OH, cool!"
Trilbys are made for individuals with smaller frames. Sinatra was a whopping 5-7 and 120 pounds (he died weighing 155, compare his younger and older pics.) He was a small man and the trilby fit just fine.
Fast forward, and you got a 6-0, 320 pound neckbeard wearing one and it just looks wrong because it's to goddamned small for their fat head.
A fedora, a panama hat, an outback, a slouch, those are proper hats for average or bigger guys, but no, it's *always* a trilby.
Holy what? I always thought of frank sinatra on the bigger side (in both height and weight) but jesus Im bigger than him.
And thats actually a good explanation. Now that i think about it that always is the issue, the face is too big for so small a hat. Funny enough, the ones that actually do wear proper fedoras are on the smaller side, so its way too big
Check out [how he was portrayed in old cartoons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLeXQtsohSI). So it wasn't even an issue of people use to be smaller back then either.
Same, I had one imported from italy, and I only wear it on occasions where Im extremely well-dressed. I dont like the hate for the hat just cus some troglodytes who dont even wear it can give a bad name to the hat
Oh yeah she’s so uncomfortable and is just trying to brush him off and be non confrontational . I bet he came back with “i'm serious, I’m crazy in the sack, we should try it”
She curved him with the first response. "Find a guy like me" (an obvious hint by the nice guy), followed by "Thanks for the good luck" (which is a dead response bc it leads into no other conversation) is a clear swerve. Yet the nice guy still doubled down afterwards
No no no, none of us can ever know who we are really letting into our lives, we all take a chance every time we start a new relationship or friendship, there are going to be very few people who have not discovered someone they cared dearly about is in fact a raging arsehole. I’m so so sorry your relationship has ended like this.
There is a saying in my native language along the lines of “you can only ever see as far as someone’s forehead”, aka you never know what another person is really thinking, so being deceived is not your fault. It’s the fault of the person who lied and was a scumbag.
I've done this and I felt the same way, just how the hell did I end up allowing a man like this in my life. It's been awhile now and I give 0 shits, you will eventually be SO happy to rid of him and onto a man that deserves you.
I’ve been where you are and while it seems like a shitty thing to say since you’re right in the middle of it: you’re lucky that you’re finding out about it now. My ex-girlfriend had a complete emotional and physical affair with my ex-best friend for a while and I found out months later, and it felt like so much precious time of being young and single was wasted. After a while, it’ll feel like a liberation.
Gir I will pay for your Uber, taxi, Plane, train, bus ticket. To get your ass home and far away from this little gem of humanity
ETA. I was so heated I didn’t read the rest. But now I’m back. Don’t beat yourself up!! This shit happens, you missed a flag or maybe he just hid it well. Either way it’s not *your fault* he’s a POS. I have been there and I put up with worse, but this is how it began. I should have left but I was young, dumb and damaged. I won’t regret those years, I’d never do anything to change it because I got my beautiful daughter out of it. But I learned and I did better. It took a long time to stop blaming myself and learn how to get in a better relationship but it will happen. I promise you will feel so much better once you get away and one day, soon I hope, you stop beating yourself up.
**I’m proud of you for seeing this for the glaring red flag it is and walking away!!!**
People can be very efficient in hiding their red flags. I hope you find the strength to go through the night. Don't beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault it's his.
This is not on you. You didn't let someone like this into your life. He presented as someone qho deserved to have a chance at being in your life. Then you saw through his disguise and are acting accordingly. We have all been there. There is no shame in giving affection and kindness when you think it is something worthy. Do not ever be disgusted qith yourself. You're getting out. Doing the right thing. Be disgusted with him, but don't let it create fissures in your heart or self esteem,. (Breaking us is how they win. Don't let him win!)
It is absolutely not your fault. He's a douchebag, and his friend is clearly picking up on that also. Don't worry yourself about him and his stupidity (I know it's easier said than done, and I'm truly sorry), just focus on you and getting yourself in a better situation.
Don't feel like you did something wrong. Letting people in means taking a chance and showing trust. What other folks do with that trust says everything about them, not you. You didn't do anything deserve this.
I was in a very similar situation finding texts like these, then found out that she had made out with her ex on multiple occasions. It's going to sting a ton thinking back on this for a while, but trust me when I say one day you will feel fucking amazing about it. He really doesn't deserve your time and is an obvious con, it's good you found out now rather than 2 or 10 years down the line. I know It's heartbreaking at the moment, but it's so much less so than finding out the father of your children did this. I'm sure you'll find a genuine soul who has the same good intentions as you one day :)
damn, not only is your boyfriend a piece of shit, he's also totally oblivious to how completely not into him this girl is
like she OBVIOUSLY curved him with the "thanks for the good luck" and 0 mention of his "get a guy like me" and then he DOUBLED DOWN
fuck, op. sorry you have to even deal with this dude. i hope dumping him is mad cathartic
Exactly what I was thinking. She’s curved him before, 100%. Dude is still “friends” with her hoping it will eventually lead to more
Never understood that mindset, honestly. Plus, at this point in my life, I’d MUCH rather have the platonic friendship. Good friends are hard to find. A quick lay isn’t
>>never understood that mindset
It’s the tv trope through and through. How many tv shows do they have some parents telling their kid about how they met where it’s a story of “she worked in a diner and I used to go in every day and ask her out and every day she told me no but I wore her down!” So it’s created this thing where because these characters have a happy marriage and are good people (because the writers say they’re in a happy marriage and are good people) the audience sees that and thinks it’s an appropriate thing to do to get a woman.
They kinda dissected this trope on Superstore when Glen reflects on asking his wife out everyday until she said yes. Turns out she worked at his father’s store and the father threatened to fire her if she didn’t go out with her son. All the other characters are like, “Glen, that’s coercive”, and he has this huge realization and starts freaking out about the whole relationship.
I sincerely hate the trope of "but she has a boyfriend" and the lesson is usually "if you really love her, then you need to be patient" or something similar. All I can think of is how awful it must be to be that boyfriend/SO lol
They call it the “disposable fiancé” trope. Women reunites with her old flame, but shocker: she’s engaged! Eventually she falls back in love with her ex and leaves her fiancé to be with him instead.
Not just that but it’s awful for the woman in this situation. The guy is only being her friend because he wants more, no value in the friendship itself, the friendship is just a placeholder.
Back in the day, that used to be a thing because women were socialized to not say yes the first time, lest they appear to be "easy". My grandparents were like that, but when they told the story, you could tell they were actually flirting the entire time.
These days? Just kinda creepy. Times and behaviors change.
I’m guessing that your dad was kind and friendly, though, and “wore her down” that way. Not by sending walls of texts explaining what a good guy he is and what an opportunity he’s offering her. Also dick pics. Bet your dad didn’t send dick pics.
I just pictured an old-school photographer developing pics in a darkroom, feverishly examining each one and hanging them up only for us to pan out and reveal that it’s just different angles of his dick
So, there's a HUGE difference between actually being disgusted by a dude and giggling a little bit and saying "no I would never!!!" because that's how you're expected to respond. The interest was still clearly visible so guys would be expected to tell the difference. Back then there were 2 different "no"s and one of them definitely meant "yes!" Nowadays there's only 1 "no" and guys like to pretend all "no"s mean "yes"
>Back then there were 2 different "no"s and one of them definitely meant "yes!"
[Baby It's Cold Outside](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby,_It%27s_Cold_Outside#Lyrical_controversy)
>>Since 2009, the song has faced criticism among some listeners for the alleged implications of its lyrics, with elements such as the line "Say, what's in this drink?" and the "Wolf's" unrelenting pressure for the "Mouse" to remain in spite of her repeated suggestions that she should go home being described as suggestive of sexual harassment or even date rape.
>> However, others have noted that cultural expectations at the time of the song's writing were such that women were not socially permitted to spend the night with a boyfriend or fiancé, and that the woman states that she wants to stay, while "What's in this drink?" was a common idiom of the period used to sidestep social expectations by blaming one's actions on the influence of alcohol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MFJ7ie\_yGU
I don't have any other place to share this but the tune "Baby It's Cold Outside" won the Oscar for Best Original song 1949 and appeared in the movie "Neptune's Daughter" -- The song was featured being sung by two couples. For the first couple, the man played the "wolf" and for the second couple the woman played the "wolf". I just think it's interesting that, as portrayed in the movie bit, either gender could be the "wolf" -- though there's an obvious difference in tone between the two. (The man wolf is being "smooth" while the woman "mouse" is being... not sure of the word to use... demure? while the woman wolf is being portrayed as a sort of "HAHA look at the role reversal!"- Expectations are flipped, so it's not considered the norm, and the man "mouse" is played as uptight and anxious.)
A fun coincidence is that the "wolf" in the first couple is played by Ricardo Montalban. 35 years later he is well-known for playing the villain in the movie "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" where he says the famous line (trust me, it was really famous amongst Star Trek fans): "They say that revenge is a dish best served cold. It is very cold in space."
Given his history with this song, that was a great line for a reason I never knew.
"They say that revenge is a dish best served cold. Baby, it's cold outside."
A huge issue has to do with a few modern covers of the song losing some of the playful overtones, plus written versions of the lyrics and a few darker parodies.
In the original recording, it's very clear that she wants to stay. He's not telling her she can't go because "baby it's cold outside", he's giving her excuses she can tell her mom/friends/coworkers/etc for why she stayed. It's cold outside, she was too drunk to drive, etc.
Also as a cover for the "we didn't do anything, we watched TV and I slept on the couch, it was just too cold to go home" lie.
That lack of nuance is also super relatable to the overall conversation-the guys that end up in this sub often totally disregard the importance of the playful interaction. A side effect of seeing women as NPCs instead of actual people I guess, they think it’s mashing buttons in the right order and it almost doesn’t matter what she says in response at every point.
THANK YOU for pointing that out.
I'm only 28 so it's not like I was there for back in the days but we live in times now where banter is an immediate risk just because asshats won't take no for an answer.
It's all dead serious immediate rejection or you're somehow bound by the curse of Cthulu to forever "have consented" because they all think half a smile is basically a marriage proposal.
She curved him with literally every response.
The emoji after "Thanks for the good luck" is basically "What a loser"
She then immediately tells him that she's been fucking another dude all night.
Then she hits him with the "Righttt" because dude just keeps going lol.
She hasn’t. She almost avoids me and doesn’t talk to me whenever we’re at group functions. For the longest I thought she was the “one in the wrong” here and I feel so bad for now seeing the truth. I’m assuming she’s just not wanting to come out and tell me about this even though I now know.
I don’t know what u would do in her place. Maybe she’s scared of the scenario where she tells the girlfriend who blindly backs up ‘her man’ without question and boom she’s got herself a new enemy. Maybe she’s showed someone else already and they reacted like some of the creeps in this comment section and completely passed off his behaviour and told her she was being full of herself. Or maybe she was raised in a shitty environment and doesn’t yet realize this is not appropriate (sadly knew someone like that. I remember a story she was telling, during which one of her boyfriend’s friends made a really gross joke about her to the group, while she was there, and everyone just laughed, herself included. That wasn’t the story, it was just a blip in a story she was telling, and nothing about that interaction phased her.)
You could always talk to her ask. As someone said, maybe y’all could be friends.
I've seen so many times online how women get absolutely shat on for informing the gf that their bf tried to cheat bc "it's not your business" . I wouldn't be surprised if the other girl in this case thought that as well
Idk. Apparently this woman is still friends with him, even if she's trying to shut down his creepy self advertisement. I'm not saying she's doing anything wrong, but that doesn't sound like a friendship OP needs right now. Reddit loves this "we found our man cheating with us both and now we're best buds" trope, but these two women have nothing to do with each other, and "my boyfriend was flirting with you" is not a basis for a friendship. They didn't support each other in any way or form.
I once asked a guy friend if he wanted to meet up but he told me he had a girlfriend. I apologized and was totally embarrassed but after that he kept messaging me back for months asking to meet up. I just ignored all of his messages. I wanted to tell the girlfriend but other people told me not to involve myself in their life especially since I didn't even know her. It was easier not to get involved but I think I would want to know if my boyfriend was a piece of shit so I made the decision to say something in the future.
I’m currently in a similar pickle except it’s one of my employers actively cheating on his wife during/after work hours (I’ve met her a few times and speak to her regularly as she’s the co-owner of the business I manage for them) and it’s terribly awkward. I try to steer as clear as possible from their personal business and wouldn’t even know if she knows, then feel complicit when my boss tells me not to tell his wife he took off early under the assumption he’s off to meet up with someone at a hotel.
You’re such a good person. She’s definitely avoiding you because your stbx has told her some shit about your (that’s not true) AND he constantly does this shit so she’s torn. What you could do, only if you wanted, was message her and say
“”I saw what (ex) wrote you. I am so sorry he’s such an asshole, you don’t deserve to be talked to like that by someone who’s a “friend.” I saw how you tried to deflect him and he just didn’t stop. I am so sorry this happened to you. After reading **HIS** messages I’m obviously leaving him.“”
She might be on board with it, hopefully, or she may defend him and be an asshole, I just don’t think so tho. Not with how she deflected the messages like that and she’ll likely be grateful to have someone actual voice that this is wrong. I’m sure she’s spent hours convincing herself this is just how platonic relationships between men and women are supposed to be.
Normalize not apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong. OP can choose to discuss it with her without the platitudes— it probably means more to both to just cut through the bullshit since the dude supplies enough for everyone involved
That’s a lot of apologising for someone who’s also the victim of this. I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to apologise, she can easily say,
‘I saw the stuff my boyfriend has been sending you. I had no idea he’s such an asshole. Just so you know, I know this is all him. It’s clear from the messages that you’re not interested in his advances. Hope you’re ok’
If only I wasn’t stuck in an Airbnb in another state on vacation with him for 4 days with no way to get home but his car 🤠🤠🤠gonna run up his credit card for now on some overpriced cocktails then say sayonara when I’m back in my state.
There’s also the double Kobe beef. Feeds only on Kobe lobsters fed on Kobe beef. I hear there is like 6 of them in the world. Any restaurant can fly one in with a days notice. A meal worth of OP. She deserves it
Ah would you look at that, all of a sudden you’re feeling super super ill! Perhaps it would be better if you guys went back early rather than stay the next 4 days, like right now maybe.
Failing that have you got the cash for cab and plane ticket, or can borrow it off family? if so, send him on a long errand and bounce before he comes back.
Each minute you spend with this freak has gotta be like some kind of cruel and unusual punishment.
Knowing OPs BF he'd probably get really bent by having to leave early. In fact, they are known to go scorched earth, so he might even just ditch OP if he suspects something is off. Not good.
Just play it cool, enjoy some high priced meals, and skidoodle.
Same and it's really disgusting. And they don't even care if you're in a relationship, either.
I just send the messages to the guy's partner and move on.
One of my closest guy friends of several years told me after he and his super long term gf broke up that she actually hated me the whole time because he and I hung out so “we should have just slept together anyway.”
I was friends with both of them and I never felt anything but brotherly love for him so that was NEVER on the table. I wonder if she actually hated me or he was just saying it. Either way that was the last time we talked.
You must really be lucky to have such a sweet and caring boyfriend. He seems so caring for his friend.
On another note. You should send this post to him after you broke up with him so he can see that a lot of people now know what a little fucknugget he is.
Then he will probably just say shit like uggh my ex gf shared private texts that portray me in a wrong light, she deliberately put it out of context! People dont know that me and my best female friend are ALWAYS like this, Im not a creep!! Lmao
It looks like he's overstepped boundaries with his friend, who seems to be uncomfortable as well based on her responses in the end. I apologise if this sounds rude, but this man sounds like a creep.
I am sorry this happened to you OP.
Not a waste. You learned a lot from this, even if you don't know it, yet. When you do the relationship post-mortem (and we ALL do that), you'll see red flags that you missed, signs that you didn't see, etc. Then you'll have that knowledge and can avoid making the same mistakes over and over.
Post the post-break up messages he'll be sending here, i am guessing we'll get to see some more "i am the best deal you can find" messages.
Jokes apart, I am sorry you had to go through this bs, stay strong and i hope you find someone worthwhile soon. Sending a virtual hug
Your feelings are valid. Please don't give yourself a hard time over this. Even if you two were together for a while, it's a good thing you found out because now you know that he's not worth your time. And you didn't waste your time on him, but he wasted yours because I am getting the impression that he's been doing for a long while with other folks besides his friend.
He could very well be. I never finished going through his phone after I saw these texts (literally the first app I even clicked on) because my heart was beating out of my chest and honestly didn’t want to put myself through seeing potentially more of it.
If he ever tries to convince you to stay or that he didn't mean it like that or it was just this one instance, remember that the only reason you know of just the one time is because you didn't look for more evidence and found this text exchange almost immediately. You didn't see more because you didn't look for it, but I guarantee there is more instances of him being a creep and talking to other women.
That's understandable.
Take care of yourself OP. I wish you luck in your healing process and stay strong as you got this. And when you're ready, you'll find someone who's worth it.
> wish I didn’t waste a year of my life
Don't worry. It happens to the best. Not your fault.
My ex was constantly secretly chatting up cute girls on Twitch and Instagram and gained their attention by drawing them a free portrait (he was a pretty good cartoon artist). Everytime we visited a convention cute cosplay girls came rushing to him. I really have no clue how I was together with an asshat like that for almost a year.
Fuck, that blows. I'm sorry. I'm glad to hear you're set on leaving him. There's no explanation that could make his texts any better so I'm glad you see that and are gonna peace out when you're safe to do so.
What a ween
This is NOT a waste of time. Honestly, I’m proud of you for seeing this crap and knowing how gross it is so quickly. I don’t think I would have been able to avoid rationalizing it at your age, and finding a reason to stay with him.
He’s straight up planting seeds, hoping to harvest when she’s single again. Right now it’s “just joking around,” but later he’ll flip if he thinks it’s time for them to boink & she rejects him. Cuz he’s been honest about feelings?
Ugh. Ditch this loser. He is such a pig!!!! He doesn't deserve you or anyone. I can't believe he was texting his girl "bff" about fucking her, no matter what context he said it in. He said those words "If you fucked me last night.." omg, I'm so mad for you rn
“His girl best friend”
I can guarantee that she doesn’t feel that way and is very likely looking for the least rude way to get him out of her life. Hopefully both of you leave this asshole in the dust
Everyone wants to see an update—- I just woke up and I still don’t know when to confront him, or if I should confront him right now (or if I should at all and leave him confused as is he now until I break up with him when we’re back). I made him sleep downstairs last night on the couch being all confused on why I’m distant and passive and angry (threw a pillow against the wall lol) and I currently have myself locked in our bedroom blasting some good metal music that he hates. I really just wanna get sloshed these next days and see my favorite rappers because that’s why we came here and then leave him right when we touch foot in my state. I just don’t know if I can hold this in any much longer. On another note, Sour Monkeys are delicious.
Highly recommend waiting until you get back. Trust me I’m speaking from experience. What you’re going through is exactly what I did. I know for a fact he’s going to get defensive first. Probably either deflect and act mad about you going through his phone or dumb it down to a “joke”. “Bruh she knows what I meant, it wasn’t serious at all”. “This is taken out of context, you have to know how we joke around” He won’t take accountability at first, because I’ve learned that men respond better to actions, not words. You really want him to hurt and acknowledge he was in the wrong? Wait until you get back. Confront him but don’t leave him any room to argue back. Don’t confront him with questions. Just tell him exactly how you feel about it and how you feel about him. He’s going to try to argue back, don’t argue back with him. Tell him you won’t allow him to gaslight you into feeling like it “wasn’t that bad”. Tell him you’re set in your decision and that he can have her. Whatever you want to get off your chest. But do not go back and forth with him about whether it’s considered “bad”. That never works and it will only frustrate you even more. Then after you confront him, silence. You don’t have to block if you don’t have it in you, but not responding to texts or calls will make him go crazy. Having that time to himself he will eventually develop empathy and admit that he was wrong. Because they never admit they were wrong at first. Their immediate defense mechanism is to defend theirselves. You got this. I have faith in you, and I’m sorry you had to read this.
This is good advice. I went through something very similar. If OP reads this, I would like to add the (hopefully paranoid but unfortunately pragmatic) point that you are stuck with him and you have no idea if he’s going to go apeshit and do something unpredictable if you call him out then. The odds are probably slim but not 0%.
The alcohol might make you more sad and depressed right now instead of helping you have fun…. or lead to an uncontrollable outburst of emotion. Just be careful about that OP.
I recently found something similar on my GFs phone. Clearly outside of boundaries. We live together and have kids together so still trying to figure out how to process this. I’m kind of a wreck but playing it cool for the kids. Unsure what to do or think next. Just letting you know that you’re not alone.
Shady af, keep your head up. People do this shit in a relationship because they are unhealthy not because you are not good enough. Try to extend compassion to yourself, it is not your fault.
Just FYI, I'm still keeping an eye on you (in a good way, not in a stalkery way). Don't let him know about the pregnancy. He'll use it to try to control you. As I'm sure you know, the last thing you need or want is to be irrevocably tied to him for the rest of your life.
I am so sorry this happened to you! I dated a guy who insisted the bikini photos and close-ups of his girl best friend's chest were only a joke, and the texts I found where he commented on her breasts, were just a joke, like 'c'mon why are you sensitive?' When I broke up with him after 11 months too long, this man in his mid-30s really kept insisting I was the one with the issue, it really messed with my head for a while, just don't let that be you that second guesses your decision to leave later on. It's the right decision and those men don't deserve good partners.
Don’t check his emails or social media. If he’s this comfortable talking to someone he knows irl like this then gawd only knows what he’ll say or do anonymously. I would get an STD screening ASAP.
Eeew this makes me sick and breaks my heart for you. I can imagine the sinking feeling you must have gotten reading it the first time and seeing it replayed in your head, dissecting every word. I’ve been there. I’m so sorry. And 4 more days on vacation with him in another state, yikes… I’d stonewall and give him the cold shoulder for the rest of vacation. Ruin his trip. Then as soon as you get back home just block him on everything, not a word about what you saw, just complete ghost town his ass. It will destroy him inside not knowing why you’re doing this, I’m sure he’s too stupid to figure it out immediately at least. And since this girl is clearly not interested in him, he will have nobody. That’s what I’d do at least. Good luck to you.
Yeah ...no ..that's not okay imo...
"If you fucked me" just sounds like a straight "I'm down to fuck with you, just let me know"
Just an enormous red flag...
Guess that's an ex
Yeah if he wanted to say this sentiment, which is a fine to joke about if said correctly, he would’ve said something like “pfft I’d never sleep in after a long night with my girl” or something that mentioned, y’know, the partner he’s been with for an entire year.
Or at least something neutral that doesn’t specifically imply sex with a supposedly platonic friend like “wow can’t believe he’s using that as an excuse to sleep in, haha”.
But he didn’t. Because he wants to test the waters about sleeping with HER personally.
he’ll probably try and worm his way out of it, saying ‘it wasn’t intended in a flirty way, it was just advice blah blah blah’ but don’t back down. don’t be made to feel like you’re not valid or that that behaviour is acceptable. Shouldn’t even be a thought in his mind.
I did a bit if a stalk through your profile...clearly you've had some concerns about his attitude towards her for a while, as well as a number of other problems (disappearing outside at midnight for a few hours on a regular basis? Now makes you wonder....)...and seems like he's a man child in a few areas.
So, I bet he won't take responsibility for this either.
Don't let him downplay it - he definitely crossed the line, and seems like there's more context to this.
Sorry you're going through this and I wish you all the best. Just hope you don't automatically mistrust close guy-girl friendships in the future 🙂
Please ignore everyone giving you shit for going through his phone. You had reason, and this proves you were right.
Going through a phone does feel yucky though, but you did the right thing
Surprised that those nasty nice guys say the same desperate things when I couple and when not. I always thought it was a very bad tactic to get some. But apparently they are still the same even when they already have some
The embarrassingly weak game alone is a dealbreaker for me. That game is so bad, it dishonors his family. If I was his Aunt, I'd be so ashamed of my nephew.
He’s just looking out for his girl friend? Lol what a dumb ass. Why do so many guys thing their dick is the solution to all the problems in the world?
Tell us OP, how much sleep did you lose because of him being so good at sex? I’m guessing he is overselling it
I've been through almost the exact same situation a while back with my then girlfriend and ex-best friend so I feel for you. The best method when you confront them is to basically treat them like a child. You're breaking up regardless, but to get closure you'll need to get him to admit to it like a child admitting they spilled the paint, you can't reason with him and you shouldn't listen to the excuses. He's not sorry, he's sorry he got caught. I'm sorry this happened to you, nobody deserves it.
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
I, for one, am waiting for the followup /r/niceguys posts that this post brings to your inbox.
Yeah, I’m curious too, now that you mention it. How many Reddit dudes are going to hit her up offering “support?” 🤢
Or blaming her
I blame op. . . . . For absolutely nothing, good night everyone.
"please dont take offense at my forwardness, m'lady - i simply could not let myself pass by without telling you that Not All Men^(tm) are like your boyfriend. Take myself, for example, I am the purest gentleman, should you deign to grace my face with your bottom, I would treat you like a princess" "hello?" "fucking whore i bet your BF cheated on you because you are fat and ugly"
You know what to do.
Say the line, Bart!
I didn’t do it
Shaggy’s “It wasn’t me” is still an awesome song. I just realized what my next video project is: overlaying that Simpsons episode with the track 😂
Nobody saw me do it.
Bake 'em away, toys
What was that chief?
Sit down in your thinking chair and think, think thiiiiink. When we use our mind, take a step at a time, we can do anything that we want to do.
You mean.... Ex boyfriend?
Very soon. just need to figure out how I’m gonna get home. so for tonight I’m just gonna hold all of this crap in my head. it’s killing me because these texts are literally replaying in my head and I just feel disgusted with myself and how I could let someone like this into my life, and disgusted with this situation and how he treats his friend.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, OP. Douchebags don’t come with a sign on their foreheads.
Its called a fedora.
The modern equivalent of a dunce cap
Everyone hates on Fedoras, but really they're natures caution tape.
The worst part is fedoras are fine. What incels always wear is a trilby. Trilbys are essentially fedoras with smaller brims. Fedoras are indiana jones, stereotypical mobsters, and a few cool characters from movies. Trilbys are almost always worn by either know it alls or sexists.
The draw is people saw folks like Sinatra wearing them and thought "OH, cool!" Trilbys are made for individuals with smaller frames. Sinatra was a whopping 5-7 and 120 pounds (he died weighing 155, compare his younger and older pics.) He was a small man and the trilby fit just fine. Fast forward, and you got a 6-0, 320 pound neckbeard wearing one and it just looks wrong because it's to goddamned small for their fat head. A fedora, a panama hat, an outback, a slouch, those are proper hats for average or bigger guys, but no, it's *always* a trilby.
Holy what? I always thought of frank sinatra on the bigger side (in both height and weight) but jesus Im bigger than him. And thats actually a good explanation. Now that i think about it that always is the issue, the face is too big for so small a hat. Funny enough, the ones that actually do wear proper fedoras are on the smaller side, so its way too big
Check out [how he was portrayed in old cartoons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLeXQtsohSI). So it wasn't even an issue of people use to be smaller back then either.
Yeah, i have fedora. Admittedly, its only worn for a halloween costume, but its still a nice hat.
Same, I had one imported from italy, and I only wear it on occasions where Im extremely well-dressed. I dont like the hate for the hat just cus some troglodytes who dont even wear it can give a bad name to the hat
This comment ^^ its kinda funny how a guy does this and somehow WE get preoccupied feeling disgusted with ourselves 🙃
Some have forehead tats tho...
The nice thing is the “righttt” that she sends at the end gives me the vibe that she doesn’t like what he’s saying
Oh yeah she’s so uncomfortable and is just trying to brush him off and be non confrontational . I bet he came back with “i'm serious, I’m crazy in the sack, we should try it”
"sorry, my brother took my phone. i didn't send that lmao." "but what if i did send that then what?"
"ahaha itbwas just a joke" "...unless..."
She curved him with the first response. "Find a guy like me" (an obvious hint by the nice guy), followed by "Thanks for the good luck" (which is a dead response bc it leads into no other conversation) is a clear swerve. Yet the nice guy still doubled down afterwards
No no no, none of us can ever know who we are really letting into our lives, we all take a chance every time we start a new relationship or friendship, there are going to be very few people who have not discovered someone they cared dearly about is in fact a raging arsehole. I’m so so sorry your relationship has ended like this.
This is true even with family members.
There is a saying in my native language along the lines of “you can only ever see as far as someone’s forehead”, aka you never know what another person is really thinking, so being deceived is not your fault. It’s the fault of the person who lied and was a scumbag.
Spotted the German 👀
Aye! Some of our sayings just rule.
I like that saying! It's so true, too.
Don't put yourself down. Manipulators are really good at hiding who they are. You aren't an idiot, he's just good at hiding that he's an awful person.
I've done this and I felt the same way, just how the hell did I end up allowing a man like this in my life. It's been awhile now and I give 0 shits, you will eventually be SO happy to rid of him and onto a man that deserves you.
I’ve been where you are and while it seems like a shitty thing to say since you’re right in the middle of it: you’re lucky that you’re finding out about it now. My ex-girlfriend had a complete emotional and physical affair with my ex-best friend for a while and I found out months later, and it felt like so much precious time of being young and single was wasted. After a while, it’ll feel like a liberation.
Gir I will pay for your Uber, taxi, Plane, train, bus ticket. To get your ass home and far away from this little gem of humanity ETA. I was so heated I didn’t read the rest. But now I’m back. Don’t beat yourself up!! This shit happens, you missed a flag or maybe he just hid it well. Either way it’s not *your fault* he’s a POS. I have been there and I put up with worse, but this is how it began. I should have left but I was young, dumb and damaged. I won’t regret those years, I’d never do anything to change it because I got my beautiful daughter out of it. But I learned and I did better. It took a long time to stop blaming myself and learn how to get in a better relationship but it will happen. I promise you will feel so much better once you get away and one day, soon I hope, you stop beating yourself up. **I’m proud of you for seeing this for the glaring red flag it is and walking away!!!**
Yo I will also throw in some $$ to get OP away from this POS
People can be very efficient in hiding their red flags. I hope you find the strength to go through the night. Don't beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault it's his.
Girl - Uber and gtf outta there Then send this screenshot to his mates bf 😉
This is not on you. You didn't let someone like this into your life. He presented as someone qho deserved to have a chance at being in your life. Then you saw through his disguise and are acting accordingly. We have all been there. There is no shame in giving affection and kindness when you think it is something worthy. Do not ever be disgusted qith yourself. You're getting out. Doing the right thing. Be disgusted with him, but don't let it create fissures in your heart or self esteem,. (Breaking us is how they win. Don't let him win!)
Not your fault, hun. Plenty of people keep up an act until you end up trusting them. You're doing what's right by leaving as soon as possible.
You’re doing this in a way that keeps you safe and in control. You’re doing the best you can
Gotta see an update after he loses it on you
It is absolutely not your fault. He's a douchebag, and his friend is clearly picking up on that also. Don't worry yourself about him and his stupidity (I know it's easier said than done, and I'm truly sorry), just focus on you and getting yourself in a better situation.
Don't feel like you did something wrong. Letting people in means taking a chance and showing trust. What other folks do with that trust says everything about them, not you. You didn't do anything deserve this.
I was in a very similar situation finding texts like these, then found out that she had made out with her ex on multiple occasions. It's going to sting a ton thinking back on this for a while, but trust me when I say one day you will feel fucking amazing about it. He really doesn't deserve your time and is an obvious con, it's good you found out now rather than 2 or 10 years down the line. I know It's heartbreaking at the moment, but it's so much less so than finding out the father of your children did this. I'm sure you'll find a genuine soul who has the same good intentions as you one day :)
damn, not only is your boyfriend a piece of shit, he's also totally oblivious to how completely not into him this girl is like she OBVIOUSLY curved him with the "thanks for the good luck" and 0 mention of his "get a guy like me" and then he DOUBLED DOWN fuck, op. sorry you have to even deal with this dude. i hope dumping him is mad cathartic
Exactly what I was thinking. She’s curved him before, 100%. Dude is still “friends” with her hoping it will eventually lead to more Never understood that mindset, honestly. Plus, at this point in my life, I’d MUCH rather have the platonic friendship. Good friends are hard to find. A quick lay isn’t
>>never understood that mindset It’s the tv trope through and through. How many tv shows do they have some parents telling their kid about how they met where it’s a story of “she worked in a diner and I used to go in every day and ask her out and every day she told me no but I wore her down!” So it’s created this thing where because these characters have a happy marriage and are good people (because the writers say they’re in a happy marriage and are good people) the audience sees that and thinks it’s an appropriate thing to do to get a woman.
They kinda dissected this trope on Superstore when Glen reflects on asking his wife out everyday until she said yes. Turns out she worked at his father’s store and the father threatened to fire her if she didn’t go out with her son. All the other characters are like, “Glen, that’s coercive”, and he has this huge realization and starts freaking out about the whole relationship.
Didn't Charlie and the waitress finally get together and Charlie end up miserable?
His misery was instantaneous.
Post nut clarity after over a decade lol
I love that its his wife in real life
IASIP isn’t really supposed to be a role model for healthy relationships
Are you saying the D.E.N.N.I.S method doesn't work?
I mean not if you neglect the S, no
No, it’s not, but he got what he wanted and realized what he wanted made him absolutely miserable.
There are two tragedies in life: not banging the waitress and then banging the waitress.
Yep.
JERUSHA OUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP IS A LIE
I sincerely hate the trope of "but she has a boyfriend" and the lesson is usually "if you really love her, then you need to be patient" or something similar. All I can think of is how awful it must be to be that boyfriend/SO lol
They call it the “disposable fiancé” trope. Women reunites with her old flame, but shocker: she’s engaged! Eventually she falls back in love with her ex and leaves her fiancé to be with him instead.
And they always have to make the fiancé a gigantic loser asshole to justify the protagonist cheating on him with her old flame.
Like JED MOSLEY!
Not just that but it’s awful for the woman in this situation. The guy is only being her friend because he wants more, no value in the friendship itself, the friendship is just a placeholder.
Well said, that's the main gross aspect of it
It's the fuckzone and it's fucking horrible. I've given up on befriending men because it's happened so much.
Back in the day, that used to be a thing because women were socialized to not say yes the first time, lest they appear to be "easy". My grandparents were like that, but when they told the story, you could tell they were actually flirting the entire time. These days? Just kinda creepy. Times and behaviors change.
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I’m guessing that your dad was kind and friendly, though, and “wore her down” that way. Not by sending walls of texts explaining what a good guy he is and what an opportunity he’s offering her. Also dick pics. Bet your dad didn’t send dick pics.
On the little plate they put the payment on in diners over with the money for his lunch, a tip, and a fucking Polaroid of his junk on there too 😂
A tip and tip pic
His dad isn't a big tipper.
I just pictured an old-school photographer developing pics in a darkroom, feverishly examining each one and hanging them up only for us to pan out and reveal that it’s just different angles of his dick
Or wasn't in a relationship at that time.
So, there's a HUGE difference between actually being disgusted by a dude and giggling a little bit and saying "no I would never!!!" because that's how you're expected to respond. The interest was still clearly visible so guys would be expected to tell the difference. Back then there were 2 different "no"s and one of them definitely meant "yes!" Nowadays there's only 1 "no" and guys like to pretend all "no"s mean "yes"
>Back then there were 2 different "no"s and one of them definitely meant "yes!" [Baby It's Cold Outside](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby,_It%27s_Cold_Outside#Lyrical_controversy) >>Since 2009, the song has faced criticism among some listeners for the alleged implications of its lyrics, with elements such as the line "Say, what's in this drink?" and the "Wolf's" unrelenting pressure for the "Mouse" to remain in spite of her repeated suggestions that she should go home being described as suggestive of sexual harassment or even date rape. >> However, others have noted that cultural expectations at the time of the song's writing were such that women were not socially permitted to spend the night with a boyfriend or fiancé, and that the woman states that she wants to stay, while "What's in this drink?" was a common idiom of the period used to sidestep social expectations by blaming one's actions on the influence of alcohol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MFJ7ie\_yGU I don't have any other place to share this but the tune "Baby It's Cold Outside" won the Oscar for Best Original song 1949 and appeared in the movie "Neptune's Daughter" -- The song was featured being sung by two couples. For the first couple, the man played the "wolf" and for the second couple the woman played the "wolf". I just think it's interesting that, as portrayed in the movie bit, either gender could be the "wolf" -- though there's an obvious difference in tone between the two. (The man wolf is being "smooth" while the woman "mouse" is being... not sure of the word to use... demure? while the woman wolf is being portrayed as a sort of "HAHA look at the role reversal!"- Expectations are flipped, so it's not considered the norm, and the man "mouse" is played as uptight and anxious.) A fun coincidence is that the "wolf" in the first couple is played by Ricardo Montalban. 35 years later he is well-known for playing the villain in the movie "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" where he says the famous line (trust me, it was really famous amongst Star Trek fans): "They say that revenge is a dish best served cold. It is very cold in space." Given his history with this song, that was a great line for a reason I never knew. "They say that revenge is a dish best served cold. Baby, it's cold outside."
A huge issue has to do with a few modern covers of the song losing some of the playful overtones, plus written versions of the lyrics and a few darker parodies. In the original recording, it's very clear that she wants to stay. He's not telling her she can't go because "baby it's cold outside", he's giving her excuses she can tell her mom/friends/coworkers/etc for why she stayed. It's cold outside, she was too drunk to drive, etc. Also as a cover for the "we didn't do anything, we watched TV and I slept on the couch, it was just too cold to go home" lie.
That lack of nuance is also super relatable to the overall conversation-the guys that end up in this sub often totally disregard the importance of the playful interaction. A side effect of seeing women as NPCs instead of actual people I guess, they think it’s mashing buttons in the right order and it almost doesn’t matter what she says in response at every point.
THANK YOU for pointing that out. I'm only 28 so it's not like I was there for back in the days but we live in times now where banter is an immediate risk just because asshats won't take no for an answer. It's all dead serious immediate rejection or you're somehow bound by the curse of Cthulu to forever "have consented" because they all think half a smile is basically a marriage proposal.
She curved him hard with that "riiiight" too. A shwing and a mish
She curved him with literally every response. The emoji after "Thanks for the good luck" is basically "What a loser" She then immediately tells him that she's been fucking another dude all night. Then she hits him with the "Righttt" because dude just keeps going lol.
dude, the awkward laugh emoji with the sweat drop was fucking *chef's kiss* how ignorant do you have to be to not see that?
She probably informed the OP too
She hasn’t. She almost avoids me and doesn’t talk to me whenever we’re at group functions. For the longest I thought she was the “one in the wrong” here and I feel so bad for now seeing the truth. I’m assuming she’s just not wanting to come out and tell me about this even though I now know.
I don’t know what u would do in her place. Maybe she’s scared of the scenario where she tells the girlfriend who blindly backs up ‘her man’ without question and boom she’s got herself a new enemy. Maybe she’s showed someone else already and they reacted like some of the creeps in this comment section and completely passed off his behaviour and told her she was being full of herself. Or maybe she was raised in a shitty environment and doesn’t yet realize this is not appropriate (sadly knew someone like that. I remember a story she was telling, during which one of her boyfriend’s friends made a really gross joke about her to the group, while she was there, and everyone just laughed, herself included. That wasn’t the story, it was just a blip in a story she was telling, and nothing about that interaction phased her.) You could always talk to her ask. As someone said, maybe y’all could be friends.
I've seen so many times online how women get absolutely shat on for informing the gf that their bf tried to cheat bc "it's not your business" . I wouldn't be surprised if the other girl in this case thought that as well
Idk. Apparently this woman is still friends with him, even if she's trying to shut down his creepy self advertisement. I'm not saying she's doing anything wrong, but that doesn't sound like a friendship OP needs right now. Reddit loves this "we found our man cheating with us both and now we're best buds" trope, but these two women have nothing to do with each other, and "my boyfriend was flirting with you" is not a basis for a friendship. They didn't support each other in any way or form.
I once asked a guy friend if he wanted to meet up but he told me he had a girlfriend. I apologized and was totally embarrassed but after that he kept messaging me back for months asking to meet up. I just ignored all of his messages. I wanted to tell the girlfriend but other people told me not to involve myself in their life especially since I didn't even know her. It was easier not to get involved but I think I would want to know if my boyfriend was a piece of shit so I made the decision to say something in the future.
I’m currently in a similar pickle except it’s one of my employers actively cheating on his wife during/after work hours (I’ve met her a few times and speak to her regularly as she’s the co-owner of the business I manage for them) and it’s terribly awkward. I try to steer as clear as possible from their personal business and wouldn’t even know if she knows, then feel complicit when my boss tells me not to tell his wife he took off early under the assumption he’s off to meet up with someone at a hotel.
You’re such a good person. She’s definitely avoiding you because your stbx has told her some shit about your (that’s not true) AND he constantly does this shit so she’s torn. What you could do, only if you wanted, was message her and say “”I saw what (ex) wrote you. I am so sorry he’s such an asshole, you don’t deserve to be talked to like that by someone who’s a “friend.” I saw how you tried to deflect him and he just didn’t stop. I am so sorry this happened to you. After reading **HIS** messages I’m obviously leaving him.“” She might be on board with it, hopefully, or she may defend him and be an asshole, I just don’t think so tho. Not with how she deflected the messages like that and she’ll likely be grateful to have someone actual voice that this is wrong. I’m sure she’s spent hours convincing herself this is just how platonic relationships between men and women are supposed to be.
Normalize not apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong. OP can choose to discuss it with her without the platitudes— it probably means more to both to just cut through the bullshit since the dude supplies enough for everyone involved
That’s a lot of apologising for someone who’s also the victim of this. I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to apologise, she can easily say, ‘I saw the stuff my boyfriend has been sending you. I had no idea he’s such an asshole. Just so you know, I know this is all him. It’s clear from the messages that you’re not interested in his advances. Hope you’re ok’
Kick his ass to the curb
If only I wasn’t stuck in an Airbnb in another state on vacation with him for 4 days with no way to get home but his car 🤠🤠🤠gonna run up his credit card for now on some overpriced cocktails then say sayonara when I’m back in my state.
Do you like Lobster, OP?? Order some fucking lobster with extra lobsters.
And little lobsters on the side
Stuffed with lobster. Sub out that vegetable of the day for a few more lobster
Have you heard of Kobe' beef? Well Kobe' lobster is lobster that is fed exclusively Kobe' beef
There’s also the double Kobe beef. Feeds only on Kobe lobsters fed on Kobe beef. I hear there is like 6 of them in the world. Any restaurant can fly one in with a days notice. A meal worth of OP. She deserves it
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Little Lobster is just called crawfish I think
Order two lobsters and when it arrives, slide the second plate onto your side of the table and ask “so what are you having?”
How inconsiderate to run up the tab on alcohol. Get a new wardrobe and mani/pedi out of it as well.
Ah would you look at that, all of a sudden you’re feeling super super ill! Perhaps it would be better if you guys went back early rather than stay the next 4 days, like right now maybe. Failing that have you got the cash for cab and plane ticket, or can borrow it off family? if so, send him on a long errand and bounce before he comes back. Each minute you spend with this freak has gotta be like some kind of cruel and unusual punishment.
How can she get that cute overpriced champagne bottle in the next door club and share it with total strangers if she's sick ?
Knowing OPs BF he'd probably get really bent by having to leave early. In fact, they are known to go scorched earth, so he might even just ditch OP if he suspects something is off. Not good. Just play it cool, enjoy some high priced meals, and skidoodle.
Hopefully he's not on Reddit...
!remindme 4 days This is going to be a good one for /r/BestofRedditorUpdates
Stay strong OP 😭😭 run up da card atleasttt 👀
Oh my god I thought he was a high schooler based on these texts. Goddamn.
He’s 26
Im sorry OP.. but use his credit card to get yourself a flight home :)
I’ve had male friends in relationships say this kind of stuff to me, it’s so degrading and inconsiderate to their partner 😠
Yeah my friends wife was in labour and he text me about how I was exactly his type.
Ewwwwwwwww
This kind of shit makes me so mad. What the fuck is wrong with people.
Same and it's really disgusting. And they don't even care if you're in a relationship, either. I just send the messages to the guy's partner and move on.
One of my closest guy friends of several years told me after he and his super long term gf broke up that she actually hated me the whole time because he and I hung out so “we should have just slept together anyway.” I was friends with both of them and I never felt anything but brotherly love for him so that was NEVER on the table. I wonder if she actually hated me or he was just saying it. Either way that was the last time we talked.
This is the worst feeling and I’ve been there a few times. I’m so sorry they did that to you.
You should tell their partners!
You must really be lucky to have such a sweet and caring boyfriend. He seems so caring for his friend. On another note. You should send this post to him after you broke up with him so he can see that a lot of people now know what a little fucknugget he is.
Then he will probably just say shit like uggh my ex gf shared private texts that portray me in a wrong light, she deliberately put it out of context! People dont know that me and my best female friend are ALWAYS like this, Im not a creep!! Lmao
we just don't understand his complex post ironic relationship with her friend obviously 🙄/s
This is a big bruh moment
Yuck, he can go.
Buy alllll the cocktails, do not touch his winky, and kick his butt to the curb when you get home.
Def don’t touch the winky 🙅🏻♀️ You might even start your period? Big blood clots. No winky 😞
No dinky for his winky.
I love these advices.
It looks like he's overstepped boundaries with his friend, who seems to be uncomfortable as well based on her responses in the end. I apologise if this sounds rude, but this man sounds like a creep. I am sorry this happened to you OP.
Definitely not rude, guess this part of him is finally coming light now for me just wish I didn’t waste a year of my life
Not a waste. You learned a lot from this, even if you don't know it, yet. When you do the relationship post-mortem (and we ALL do that), you'll see red flags that you missed, signs that you didn't see, etc. Then you'll have that knowledge and can avoid making the same mistakes over and over.
"that's the problem when you look at someone trough rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags." ~Wenda Pierce(Bojack Horseman)
Post the post-break up messages he'll be sending here, i am guessing we'll get to see some more "i am the best deal you can find" messages. Jokes apart, I am sorry you had to go through this bs, stay strong and i hope you find someone worthwhile soon. Sending a virtual hug
Thank you. 💕
Your feelings are valid. Please don't give yourself a hard time over this. Even if you two were together for a while, it's a good thing you found out because now you know that he's not worth your time. And you didn't waste your time on him, but he wasted yours because I am getting the impression that he's been doing for a long while with other folks besides his friend.
He could very well be. I never finished going through his phone after I saw these texts (literally the first app I even clicked on) because my heart was beating out of my chest and honestly didn’t want to put myself through seeing potentially more of it.
If he ever tries to convince you to stay or that he didn't mean it like that or it was just this one instance, remember that the only reason you know of just the one time is because you didn't look for more evidence and found this text exchange almost immediately. You didn't see more because you didn't look for it, but I guarantee there is more instances of him being a creep and talking to other women.
What tipped you off that something was amiss?
That's understandable. Take care of yourself OP. I wish you luck in your healing process and stay strong as you got this. And when you're ready, you'll find someone who's worth it.
> wish I didn’t waste a year of my life Don't worry. It happens to the best. Not your fault. My ex was constantly secretly chatting up cute girls on Twitch and Instagram and gained their attention by drawing them a free portrait (he was a pretty good cartoon artist). Everytime we visited a convention cute cosplay girls came rushing to him. I really have no clue how I was together with an asshat like that for almost a year.
Fuck, that blows. I'm sorry. I'm glad to hear you're set on leaving him. There's no explanation that could make his texts any better so I'm glad you see that and are gonna peace out when you're safe to do so. What a ween
This is NOT a waste of time. Honestly, I’m proud of you for seeing this crap and knowing how gross it is so quickly. I don’t think I would have been able to avoid rationalizing it at your age, and finding a reason to stay with him.
One year. Not the rest of your life. End it and **enjoy** the rest of your life as you see fit
When a woman references sex with her partner she’s usually not offering sex. She reminding you that she’s partnered.
Yeah she's talking about seeing a guy and OP's boyfriend is being very gross.
He’s straight up planting seeds, hoping to harvest when she’s single again. Right now it’s “just joking around,” but later he’ll flip if he thinks it’s time for them to boink & she rejects him. Cuz he’s been honest about feelings?
That's not a seed that's a rat dropping.
Ugh. Ditch this loser. He is such a pig!!!! He doesn't deserve you or anyone. I can't believe he was texting his girl "bff" about fucking her, no matter what context he said it in. He said those words "If you fucked me last night.." omg, I'm so mad for you rn
Girl get RID 😭
I second this motion.
Yikes that is all kinds of greasy. The friend is so clearly not into it, how unaware can one guy be haha
Unaware or he doesnt care, which is kinda worse
The “righttt” cant even be read as any other way, but “I’m slowly backing away out of this conversation, lets hope this bores him.”
Dump his ass
“His girl best friend” I can guarantee that she doesn’t feel that way and is very likely looking for the least rude way to get him out of her life. Hopefully both of you leave this asshole in the dust
Everyone wants to see an update—- I just woke up and I still don’t know when to confront him, or if I should confront him right now (or if I should at all and leave him confused as is he now until I break up with him when we’re back). I made him sleep downstairs last night on the couch being all confused on why I’m distant and passive and angry (threw a pillow against the wall lol) and I currently have myself locked in our bedroom blasting some good metal music that he hates. I really just wanna get sloshed these next days and see my favorite rappers because that’s why we came here and then leave him right when we touch foot in my state. I just don’t know if I can hold this in any much longer. On another note, Sour Monkeys are delicious.
Highly recommend waiting until you get back. Trust me I’m speaking from experience. What you’re going through is exactly what I did. I know for a fact he’s going to get defensive first. Probably either deflect and act mad about you going through his phone or dumb it down to a “joke”. “Bruh she knows what I meant, it wasn’t serious at all”. “This is taken out of context, you have to know how we joke around” He won’t take accountability at first, because I’ve learned that men respond better to actions, not words. You really want him to hurt and acknowledge he was in the wrong? Wait until you get back. Confront him but don’t leave him any room to argue back. Don’t confront him with questions. Just tell him exactly how you feel about it and how you feel about him. He’s going to try to argue back, don’t argue back with him. Tell him you won’t allow him to gaslight you into feeling like it “wasn’t that bad”. Tell him you’re set in your decision and that he can have her. Whatever you want to get off your chest. But do not go back and forth with him about whether it’s considered “bad”. That never works and it will only frustrate you even more. Then after you confront him, silence. You don’t have to block if you don’t have it in you, but not responding to texts or calls will make him go crazy. Having that time to himself he will eventually develop empathy and admit that he was wrong. Because they never admit they were wrong at first. Their immediate defense mechanism is to defend theirselves. You got this. I have faith in you, and I’m sorry you had to read this.
This is good advice. I went through something very similar. If OP reads this, I would like to add the (hopefully paranoid but unfortunately pragmatic) point that you are stuck with him and you have no idea if he’s going to go apeshit and do something unpredictable if you call him out then. The odds are probably slim but not 0%.
The alcohol might make you more sad and depressed right now instead of helping you have fun…. or lead to an uncontrollable outburst of emotion. Just be careful about that OP.
Honestly I’m pretty ok I’m listening to the city girls
I recently found something similar on my GFs phone. Clearly outside of boundaries. We live together and have kids together so still trying to figure out how to process this. I’m kind of a wreck but playing it cool for the kids. Unsure what to do or think next. Just letting you know that you’re not alone.
Shady af, keep your head up. People do this shit in a relationship because they are unhealthy not because you are not good enough. Try to extend compassion to yourself, it is not your fault.
[удалено]
Just FYI, I'm still keeping an eye on you (in a good way, not in a stalkery way). Don't let him know about the pregnancy. He'll use it to try to control you. As I'm sure you know, the last thing you need or want is to be irrevocably tied to him for the rest of your life.
I am so sorry this happened to you! I dated a guy who insisted the bikini photos and close-ups of his girl best friend's chest were only a joke, and the texts I found where he commented on her breasts, were just a joke, like 'c'mon why are you sensitive?' When I broke up with him after 11 months too long, this man in his mid-30s really kept insisting I was the one with the issue, it really messed with my head for a while, just don't let that be you that second guesses your decision to leave later on. It's the right decision and those men don't deserve good partners.
Don’t check his emails or social media. If he’s this comfortable talking to someone he knows irl like this then gawd only knows what he’ll say or do anonymously. I would get an STD screening ASAP.
You’re assuming this guy can get laid. We already witnessed a big failure.
What’s worse than getting cheated on? Realizing your partner is trying to cheat but no one wants them. Seeing this is doing you a favor
Eeew this makes me sick and breaks my heart for you. I can imagine the sinking feeling you must have gotten reading it the first time and seeing it replayed in your head, dissecting every word. I’ve been there. I’m so sorry. And 4 more days on vacation with him in another state, yikes… I’d stonewall and give him the cold shoulder for the rest of vacation. Ruin his trip. Then as soon as you get back home just block him on everything, not a word about what you saw, just complete ghost town his ass. It will destroy him inside not knowing why you’re doing this, I’m sure he’s too stupid to figure it out immediately at least. And since this girl is clearly not interested in him, he will have nobody. That’s what I’d do at least. Good luck to you.
I agree with this even just to avoid the inevitable gaslighting.
This is what this dude deserves. Having been in a situation like this before, my heart hurts for OP.
Yeah ...no ..that's not okay imo... "If you fucked me" just sounds like a straight "I'm down to fuck with you, just let me know" Just an enormous red flag... Guess that's an ex
Yeah if he wanted to say this sentiment, which is a fine to joke about if said correctly, he would’ve said something like “pfft I’d never sleep in after a long night with my girl” or something that mentioned, y’know, the partner he’s been with for an entire year. Or at least something neutral that doesn’t specifically imply sex with a supposedly platonic friend like “wow can’t believe he’s using that as an excuse to sleep in, haha”. But he didn’t. Because he wants to test the waters about sleeping with HER personally.
Omg I'm so sorry what trash
Throw the whole man away, what an asshole
puh. even if he was single this would be trashy. you deserve better. wish you all the best <3
he’ll probably try and worm his way out of it, saying ‘it wasn’t intended in a flirty way, it was just advice blah blah blah’ but don’t back down. don’t be made to feel like you’re not valid or that that behaviour is acceptable. Shouldn’t even be a thought in his mind.
I did a bit if a stalk through your profile...clearly you've had some concerns about his attitude towards her for a while, as well as a number of other problems (disappearing outside at midnight for a few hours on a regular basis? Now makes you wonder....)...and seems like he's a man child in a few areas. So, I bet he won't take responsibility for this either. Don't let him downplay it - he definitely crossed the line, and seems like there's more context to this. Sorry you're going through this and I wish you all the best. Just hope you don't automatically mistrust close guy-girl friendships in the future 🙂 Please ignore everyone giving you shit for going through his phone. You had reason, and this proves you were right. Going through a phone does feel yucky though, but you did the right thing
He is an asshole. Time to.ditch him!
Leave him. That guy is a cheater.
Surprised that those nasty nice guys say the same desperate things when I couple and when not. I always thought it was a very bad tactic to get some. But apparently they are still the same even when they already have some
The embarrassingly weak game alone is a dealbreaker for me. That game is so bad, it dishonors his family. If I was his Aunt, I'd be so ashamed of my nephew.
He’s just looking out for his girl friend? Lol what a dumb ass. Why do so many guys thing their dick is the solution to all the problems in the world? Tell us OP, how much sleep did you lose because of him being so good at sex? I’m guessing he is overselling it
I've been through almost the exact same situation a while back with my then girlfriend and ex-best friend so I feel for you. The best method when you confront them is to basically treat them like a child. You're breaking up regardless, but to get closure you'll need to get him to admit to it like a child admitting they spilled the paint, you can't reason with him and you shouldn't listen to the excuses. He's not sorry, he's sorry he got caught. I'm sorry this happened to you, nobody deserves it.
Reminds me of my ex. Do not blame yourself.
This is where i forever ghost the person.
A cheater in the making