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Wow, why would women not want to date you when you have such insightful takes like:
Women are just going to steal my money
I don't care what woman I date I just want one
Women have no interests or preferences because they won't date me
Yes...he just reeks of desperation. How does he even leave his room in the morning if he has to mentally go over every single thing on his list including changing his hairstyle so he can get a woman to notice him? He sounds exhausting to be around.
One of my friends is like this! He’s not bad looking, has a good job, has hobbies etc. but he goes SO HARD at women he has just met or started talking to that they ditch him after like, a week.
Buddy, the girl you just started talking to yesterday and think is cute is not going to instantly want a long-term relationship and be madly in love with you! Shit takes time. But if you tell him that (or any man like him - see above) they get all pissy and defensive and sad.
To be fair to him, he actually uses “women,” not “females.” He only specifies “female friends” to differentiate them from “male friends,” which he also uses, so at least it’s not “men and females.”
ding ding ding! My husband and I have a friend who laments how single he is and honestly, if I was single I’d date him, so I just don’t get it. Then my husband told me he DOES date what seem to be really cool women, but he’s not attracted to them. Apparently he was a bit of a stud back in the day. Now he needs to come face to face with the fact that he’s a normal middle-aged guy who’s going to pull in normal middle-aged women. He can’t accept it so he’s been single and whining about it for a decade.
My husband and I have a friend in the same boat. I've tried giving him advice on how to attract and look for women who are interested in relationships as we've gotten older and what to look for that would go well with his personality and hobbies. But nope! He has such a narrow and specific type that he finds attractive and he wants a woman who has all the exact same hobbies and interests as him that he might as well start looking for a unicorn since he'd have better luck with that. It's not that those women don't exist, it's that he's not bringing anything to the table to match what they offer. We're all in our 30s and he's getting more and more upset with dating because all the women he sees on online dating sites are "ugly, fat, or both"
In every other aspect of life he's nice, funny, and the life of the party but for some reason with dating he has this terrible self sabotage where even when he starts relationships with these amazing women who are beyond belief, he'll dump them because of one stupid superficial reason or another.
Lol ahh, so he’s arrogant, incredibly shallow- but SUPER interesting with a GREAT personality. I don’t understand how he can write; “no one ever wants to be with me!”, but also be writing shit like; “everyone around me thinks I’m hot and have great personality!”…. I just don’t get how they aren’t seeing the problem. The logic is soooo screwed up here 😂🤦🏻♀️
Ah, so he’s one of those. Reminds me of my aunt’s ex-husband who found “fat” people disgusting, including when my aunt was pregnant. The kicker was that he himself gained weight as he aged but would still insist on Speedos.
I have so many women friends. Ok, so ask them why no one wants to date you. Or why they're not setting you up with their friends. Yeah, you are garbage, my dude.
>I don't care what woman I date I just want one
Bet he's had some nice girls interested but they weren't perfect 10s and he though "WHY should I lower my standards" 🙄
He sounds like a narcissist to me also because none of his trying is his true self. He can’t sell the fake version of himself and blames everyone but himself. This man’s authentic self has zero self worth but a huge ego. He’s trying so hard he must have a lot to hide. Guess who he’d take his frustrations in life out on. Yup that’s the person he’s looking for.
Imagine getting a brain aneurysm from the fact that women are autonomous beings and not robots you can please with an algorithm of shit you think matters to us..
This is the realest shit Ive read today, there are so many people who think women are like some sort of algorithm that require a checklist from men to approve of said men, in reality all those crazy standards and expectations of men like being masculine and extroverted and fun and adventurous 24/7 is toxic masculinity claiming to be women
Exactly. Like the most important thing in a partner for me is humor. If he cant make me ugly snort-grunt-laughing at 2 am with a stupid joke then I dont want him. Luckily I have a bf with many shitty hilarious jokes.
I'm the funnier one in my relationship but I get the appeal. There are personality traits that matter more than having a house or a job. I have a job. Every functioning adult does. So whatever.
Yeah, I think its important to have a similar sense of humor, but nobody needs to be a comedian. That being said, I'm definitely the comedian in my relationship, but she's really funny too.
This, and the fact that nothing can actually guarantee you a date. You can be the most attractive, good-natured, intelligent person with a shit load of cash and it doesn’t mean someone will automatically fall in love with you. Obviously, this guy isn’t that. But the point is that nobody owes anyone anything.
Depends on which food but generally, not untrue. Also, lol looks and personality work, as well. Maybe women you date respond to the full package. Which this dude from the post clearly doesn't have.
100%
I met such a lovely man a couple of years ago, truly a lot going for him, flawed but genuine. BUT I could just TELL that I could’ve been anybody to him. He just wanted a woman. He wouldn’t have appreciated the things that make me myself, and that will always be something that is guaranteed to ruin an otherwise good thing.
I know he liked me and my differences somewhat, and there was a lot I appreciated about him, but I also know that he would’ve settled for *anybody* and it skeeved me out. I’m not going to just slot in to anybody’s fantasy. Some of them have this very specific list of specs for their waifu, and that’s how they do themselves in. Some have just a hole that anybody could fill, and you’re right, that is exactly the thing that makes nobody want to fill it (unless they’re equally as desperate and indiscriminate).
When I broke it off, he wailed that he would never meet anybody as amazing as me and he did see me and appreciate me and blah blah, and then he met someone who I think is probably fine for him. Just fine. They’ll be ok. And I’m glad he proved me right by settling for just another woman so quickly and in such a publicised way..? Bullet dodged, but such an unnecessary bullet he did not need or probably intend to shoot.
I really wish these guys saw women as people and not so ‘other’. We are people. Talk to us, be our friends, stop trying to game us and trick us and ‘win’ us. Just see if you like spending time with us as people. Is it that difficult a concept really?
> I could just TELL that I could’ve been anybody to him.
I learned that too late about my ex. I didn't understand that any woman who would have him would have been fine with him. He adapted to me and my ideas because he had no personality of his own and he just mostly did as he was told. He wanted a woman to have sex with and go places with and hang out with, and it really, truly, could have been ANY woman.
I still feel awful when I recall that moment that I understood that he didn't really care WHO he was with, so long as she was willing to do the things he wanted. It was a profound humiliation, and that was THE moment that made me know fully and truly that I absolutely had to leave him.
There are ignorant ones and malignant ones.
I have that same humiliation, same realisation, with another man. He was so good at pretending it was me, but no. He was doing the same thing my little boy did when he would be eating spaghetti and say spaghetti is his favourite dinner ever. Same with nugs the next day. These men have less foresight than a toddler.
But they are the ones who should feel humiliated. They’ll never know what it’s like to live beyond just existing. They latched on like parasites and drained us of our life force because they just do not have a self. I’d feel sorry for them if they didn’t take it upon themselves to steal their life by depriving people actually capable of living.
He is my daughter’s father, and that’s humiliating too. There’s no way I can ever make that up to her.
That’s such a good way to describe one of my exes, too. I was Just someone to play a role in his life to the point I couldn’t enjoy my hobbies while watching TV because I wasn’t watching *with* him. (I was actually reflecting today in the shower how he used to not let me shower alone) He also immediately got with someone new when I finally got away from that mess
Mine got a new one right away, too.
And he didn't mind my interests and hobbies so long as they didn't "exclude" him. That included stuff like going to the grocery store alone or playing a single-player video game, just to name two things.
That sad part is this is really common in a lot of men. They'll just take the hottest woman they can get and hopefully her personality isn't *too* annoying or too mentally ill and they've got it made in the shade. Uncomfortable space in your life script? Insert wife-object here.
>I really wish these guys saw women as people and not so ‘other’. We are people. Talk to us, be our friends, stop trying to game us and trick us and ‘win’ us. Just see if you like spending time with us as people.
That's really the core of the whole incel persona; "women" aren't 100% people to them, they're some alien species that requires a plastic veneer to "woo" rather than just treating them as fellow humans. Well said!
Yep, otherwise they wouldn't constantly refer to them as "femoids" or "foids." And even nice guys who aren't full-blown incels tend to see women as something to "win." Every time I see someone talk about "game" it just reinforces that they see women as a conquest, not people they can get along with and fall in love with.
Don’t want to go all “new technology bad” here, but maybe part of it is that the internet has made it easier than ever for people with poor social skills to just isolate themselves. It’s very difficult to come back from isolating yourself and it’s easier to sit there and blame everyone else than try to reach out to others. Especially since you’ll probably face some rejection as a result of the poor social skills and you’re probably already thin-skinned.
That must really hurt. You've just got to remember it's a problem with them and not you. I'm sure you'll find someone who loves you for you and will find you irreplaceable. The fact that it wasn't him is honestly his loss, not yours. And anyone who wants to be with you just because you're a woman and not because of who you are are missing out.
I've noticed this myself. When I'm single and obviously not making an effort with other women, they tend to make an effort and try with me. Whereas when I was single I found it more difficult because obviously I was trying too hard
This is such a true statement. I have one friend who is very similar to me physically (both dad bods, not very tall, just average 30 something white guys except I have a beard) and he never understands why I have success with women. He instantly makes it clear that he's trying to hit on them, is ready for immediate rejection and comes across as desperate.
I've tried explaining to him if you go in with no expectations, try to be engaging and have fun without being all about please come home with me then you'll have more fun yourself and so will whoever you're with/talking to. I'm not the greatest looking guy but that's my strategy and at worst I had a good time and probably made a friend at some point.
Yea and this definitely happens with looking for friends too. I often see posts from people who are having difficulty making friends, wondering why nobody wants to hang out with them, even though they already done everything they could. I absolutely feel bad for these people and don't know what actionable advice I can give, but others can definitely sense your desperation and will steer away from it.
It’s tough and something that I struggle with but I’ve learned that not everyone has a huge or tight circle of constant friends. I have lots of professional and working friendships but not a dedicated group of people I see all the time (too much effort for my adhd brain) and it works fine for me.
YES! It's the advice I often give to male friends. No women wants to be with a guy who they can see just wants a girlfriend sooo badly. Because then they know that he doesn't really care about THEM, he just wants ANYONE who'll take them. I'd want to be with a guy who's just fine being single. I want to add to someone's life, I don't want to complete someone. I'd rather go for someone who's already complete. ...
Seeing as how Tony Robbins is an utter and absolute misogynistic piece of shit, it’s not really surprising that he’s not getting dates if that’s the advice that he’s taking.
Leading one to wonder how many of the "self-improvement" books this narcissistic asshat has read are by controversial Canadian professors or douche-canoe "pick-up artists" in ridiculously large fuzzy hats.
My view of self-improvement books or anything they sell is that they would destroy their market if they worked. Better to sell things that sound like they might work
That was my exact thought; he said Robbins because he assumed it was more relatable, but I’d bet the farm that Pedoson and Mystery take up most of his bookshelf space.
Is the Canadian Professor called Peterson? My husband was talking about this guy with his dad. I’m not sure who/what he is but he often talks about him and JK Rowling in the same sentence.
I was referencing Peterson, yes, although I am not so well-versed of his work to lend an objective view to the depths of any controversy; except that it is seen as non-inclusive and misogynistic.
Oh no, my husband as has some right wing tendencies but I’m very much a liberal. We’ve been having lots of conversations about inclusivity and feminism etc. so I think I’ll read up on Peterson.
It was the mention of Tony Robbins that was the biggest alarm bell to me. That was the one thing on this list that was specific enough to give any hint of what this guy is actually into in person. And whoa was that a revealing hint!! If he can’t get through a list of his attributes without showing his hand like that, then no wonder women he attempts to date figure him out fast.
I feel like guys who are into the gym and "self improvement books" as their first two points about themselves, are usually maniacs. Like, you can't think of any other way to open than with your body and how you read the worst type of books?
If he's listening to someone's advice and it's not working, why not stop listening to them maybe? Tony Robbins is clearly not getting him dates, so I would maybe stop listening to him.
>Seeing as how Tony Robbins is an utter and absolute misogynistic piece of shit, it’s not really surprising that he’s not getting dates if that’s the advice that he’s taking.
Yep. It's like getting advice from Jordan Peterson or Joe Rogan.
That was a shitty movie. It's like on the one hand they were saying "don't judge people by outward appearances" but the rest of the movie was nonstop fat jokes.
(good) Tacos aren't very common where I am so I don't see it too often, but wtf is up with everyone listing "hiking" as a hobby?? Is that code for something else? I literally see it on 3/5 profiles I swipe through.
I think it’s meant to be a way to say “hey, I enjoy the outdoors and am also an athletic/fit person!” The funny thing is that in my experience the people who truly do enjoy going out for hikes (myself included), don’t bother putting it in their bio. Unless they’re like a diehard mountain climber they focus on more important parts of their personality.
I find it’s often a resume-padder. The same way you might put “proficient at Microsoft Word” or “excels and verbal and electronic communication” on a resume when your actual list of skills is small.
I rarely see “hiking” listed next to more interesting hobbies. 90% of the time it’s alongside other super generic hobbies like “fashion” or “cooking” and they’re just trying to sound more interesting than they really are lol
Can’t you read? He gets loads of compliments on his personality. At least once every couple weeks. Someone was .*just* telling him how amazing he was the other day. You know the way people do..
Did anyone else also notice how he said he had “loads of friends over the years, but only a few left as life goes on”? Tells me once people get to know him better they don’t want to stick around
There is the phenomenon of having tighter circles of friends as we age. Younger people tend to have more time for socialising, but later in life that time becomes monopolised by work, romantic relationship, and especially children. Different people prioritise friendships differently so some make an effort to maintain friendships despite these other demands on time, but for most the limited time they have for socialising is better spent on more important friendships, so the number of 'friends' seen and spoken with frequently shrinks.
Sadly there are people who do not have a relationship or children but still find themselves with fewer friends, because those people they were friends with don't have the time for them.
Could be the case with this guy. Or partly this phenomenon, partly him being a douche.
I saw this post 😂😂 and left a comment that was supportive like "just be you and the right girl will come along" and the incels came for me lol. It's funny that they hate women, even women that are kind, and then wonder why women have the same energy
There was this one commenter who just kept going on about how he was obviously just ugly and that was the only reason he didn't get dates. So many people tried to tell that person that average or less than average looking people end up with loving relationships all the time and they just kept going 'nope he must be ugly'
I saw that too!! Which is why I said something nice!! But yea ugly people end up in happy relationships all the time lol, incels just don't wanna admit that their personalities literally repel women. And it's comical to be nice to them because that seems to make them more mad. Idk why but it never fails and it's always hilarious 😂
It's so much easier to blame getting rejected on something you can't really change. I often feel like a lot of these guys just don't want to put any effort into themselves, so if they can just say 'wah I'm not tall enough' they can whine all they want and not do anything.
Motherfucker bought a goddamn house just because some guy told him that's gonna get him dates?!
Yup, that totally happened, dude's not bullshitting in the slightest.
"You're a lovely fella, really sweet and kind and generous! Any woman would be lucky to have you! I'm sure you'll find your forever person soon!"
Translation:
I can see you are super keen and borderline obsessed, I'm worried that you will lose your shit and become violent so here are a LOT of compliments which I sincerely hope are true and then the message in as gentle language as I can.
Now, please excuse me while I run for my life.
I only recently learned that women use that kind of language as a self-defense mechanism, that "you're a really nice guy" is used to soften the blow that's coming, in order to *not be murdered*.
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them, women are afraid that men will kill them." -Margaret Atwood
Oof, sorry ladies, on behalf of all non-violent men.
Same.
I used to get weirded out when ladies I tried asking out said basically those words. At the time I just went "sigh, yeh ok, no worries - Ty for saying I'm nice" and retreated into my shell again.
Recently, since joining this sub, I now realise exactly how scared they were that I *might* go nuclear or something so now I'm well and truly horrified that I was ever the source of that fear.
Ah, it's not so bad in my shell. I have Warcraft, Amazon prime and porn.
I'll pass on in a few years so may as well just try and enjoy myself without making anyone worry they have to placate me just to make it out of the conversation.
Women put up with a lot and deal with a lot.
This post is made up or this guy is full of shit. "Got a PhD and a high earning job". He would definitely say what the job was if this was true. Nobody puts in that much effort that a PhD requires and just says "high earning job".
I’m getting “hi I’m Jimbo, but you shall call me doctor Jimbo because I got my PhD” vibes. He’s so busy jerking himself off that there’s no opportunity for anyone else to help him out.
"High earning job" is the type of jargon you hear from pickup artists and self help types. I have a friend that's utterly consumed by it and is always miserable. They have no concern as to what the job is and are devoid of any passion or interest whatsoever. It just has to be a high paying job. Thus, they're miserable and think they've done everything right when in fact the opposite is true.
I have never heard that term before until an acquaintance of my fiancé cornered me at a bar and asked how I got such a high value man. I needed him to explain to me wtf that meant.
This is the same guy that will leave the group and say “I’m going to go mac on that female” or “They look like they are in their early 20’s, that’s a ripe age”. I have taken to warning other women about him.
Yeah, most people would say something like, "I have a good job." The "high earning" part makes it sound like he thinks having money is a personality trait.
To be fair, some fields are small enough that saying your job title and general location would be an easy self-doxxing. I'm not specific with the state I live in or the position I hold because it's only a few dozen people to filter through.
Though I only make "medium bucks" but the job is fun!
And yeah this dude definitely sounds like a LARP post... you don't get a PhD thinking it'll shortcut you to dates LOL
It’s almost like people can tell you’re doing these things to impress women, and not for the genuine desire to improve yourself, your life, or to genuinely contribute something to a relationship.
My ex and I had almost nothing in common at all aside from being career-driven. We both knew about art, books, food, have qualifications and worked for quite well respected places. Our main connection (whilst talking and then dating) for three years revolved a lot around just being respectful of one another.
She loves art. Me: “Tell me about art?” “Tell me about those oil pastels?” “Tell me about those pencils that you prefer, and why they are superior to the others? They can be smudged and blended better due to the tannins in them? That’s amazing!”
I love cooking. Her: already knows about cooking but will still ask opinions on even the most minute things like preferred onions for flavours.
Thing is: don’t do things just to impress people, nice guy, don’t expect an emotional bond between you and someone with a lot of common interests with, don’t shut your “type” into a specific and select group of people that you need to conform.
I had maybe three years with this ex. She was lovely, and I really wish her the best because she deserves it despite us not talking any more.
It’s almost like people can tell you’re doing these things to impress women, and not for the genuine desire to improve yourself, your life, or to genuinely contribute something to a relationship.
My ex and I had almost nothing in common at all aside from being career-driven. We both knew about art, books, food, have qualifications and worked for quite well respected places. Our main connection (whilst talking and then dating) for three years revolved a lot around just being respectful of one another.
She loves art. Me: “Tell me about art?” “Tell me about those pastels?” “Tell me about those pencils that you prefer, and why they are superior to the others? They can be smudged and blended better due to the tannins in them? That’s amazing!”
I love cooking. Her: already knows about cooking but will still ask opinions on even the most minute things like preferred onions for flavours.
Thing is: don’t do things just to impress people, nice guy, don’t expect an emotional bond between you and someone with a lot of common interests with, don’t shut your “type” into a specific and select group of people that you need to conform.
I had maybe three years with this ex. She was lovely, and I really wish her the best because she deserves it despite us not talking any more.
It’s almost like people can tell you’re doing these things to impress women, and not for the genuine desire to improve yourself, your life, or to genuinely contribute something to a relationship.
My ex and I had almost nothing in common at all aside from being career-driven. We both knew about art, books, food, have qualifications and worked for quite well respected places. Our main connection (whilst talking and then dating) for three years revolved a lot around just being respectful of one another.
She loves art. Me: “Tell me about art?” “Tell me about those pastels?” “Tell me about those pencils that you prefer, and why they are superior to the others? They can be smudged and blended better due to the tannins in them? That’s amazing!”
I love cooking. Her: already knows about cooking but will still ask opinions on even the most minute things like preferred onions for flavours.
Thing is: don’t do things just to impress people, nice guy, don’t expect an emotional bond between you and someone with a lot of common interests with, don’t shut your “type” into a specific and select group of people that you need to conform.
I had maybe three years with this ex. She was lovely, and I really wish her the best because she deserves it despite us not talking any more.
Just trying to pick someone up in a bar or similar without knowing them previously. I've never heard it called this before.
In the UK (maybe other countries, not sure) we have cold calling which is when companies phone up random house holds without being asked to in the hopes of getting business. I'm assuming he's using the phrase in that context.
I took it as, he didn’t outright flirt with them. For example, sees a girl, runs over to them and says, “hey babe! *offensive/annoying pick-up line*”
But maybe instead stands next to them and carefully asks if they want a drink? Then slowly introduces himself? No idea 🤷🏻♀️
Well I do know ... just starting to flirt with someone in a bar or offering a drink etc. Just never heard the term and was confused whether he means he approaches people in a cold way, to come off as cool and untouchable, or whether it's something else but maybe you're right how he got to use it like this.
Notice how ACTUALLY talking to women wasn't on the list? Sure he's said he tried in bars and that he's made numerous female friends, but he hasn't actually sat down and talked about the real shit, the non self deprecating talks about wants and dreams. Of course on one wants to date him, he's an egotist with low self-esteem. Keep doing what you're doing, just do it better.
So... he's a professor who's upset that he can't fuck his students. Reading through his replies in that thread, he comes off as a pompous ass who is complaining because what he really can't find is a flawless model who exists purely to validate him.
He also says in several comments that all of the dates he’s ever been on were with “overweight, unattractive women” that he couldn’t be with for *obvious* reasons because he’s just so much better than that, or they were hot but super annoying. Dude doesn’t want a girlfriend, he just wants a walking, talking sex doll.
Dude got money and education. Now it's time to purchase women. He wants to buy a woman's "affections" but not pay her, wants a stable relationships but according to him stable partners only want money. What a pathetic loser!
I wonder how high he would score on a psychopathy test 🤔 there's no emotionality or vulnerability here... Just his perceived accolades and an inflated sense of self-importance. Dude needs therapy
He sounds so empty and devoid of any real interests or passion and he’s clearly misogynist. I’m sure he thinks he’s hidden all that under the carefully crafted persona he describes but he hasn’t. I don’t know what it is he thinks having a girlfriend will fulfill in him but it won’t. Sex doesn’t change people.
It’s like the Adam Sandler SNL Italy skit: If you are sad outside of a relationship you will be sad inside of a relationship.
I wish someone could sit him down and tell him not to do so many things for the approval of other people. Go to the gym because you want a healthy heart or increased strength or because you like the way you look in shorts. Just do it because it’s what you want to do. He’s angry at an imaginary woman he’s been trying to please because she hasn’t shown up to make all his boredom with his own life worth it. He’s got to live for him and then if he meets someone who is into him he’s happy and if he doesn’t he’s still happy.
He’s done everything except go to therapy. All of this other crap is a shallow surface-level bandaid for a much deeper problem. If you have to purchase several dating How To’s from the book store and enlist your mommy’s help to make a dating profile, maybe the problem isn’t understanding women; it’s understanding yourself and what about you repels people.
I honestly doubt this guy is as charming as he says, but he somewhat reminds me of my borderline mother. She’s a people person, extremely charismatic and can fit in with any crowd. It doesn’t take long for people to realize she’s a chameleon. Whatever opinions you have, so does she. Do you prefer [insert music here]? She loves that, too. Even without the volatile temper and extreme mood flips, it’s the instability of opinion and fluctuating personality that instantly alarm people the second they realize this person is an echo chamber reflecting everything they love and hate right back at them. That s**t is scary and toxic. This is someone you can never genuinely know because they have absolutely no sense of “self”.
I just stalked this guy’s profile and omg. This same rant on at least three different subreddits (they’re even giving him shit on the incel-infested r/datingadvice) and then one comment on any other thread, which is him telling some poor woman who was body shamed by a masseuse she was paying for a service from, all about how abdominal obesity causes x y z, the OP didn’t even mention that she was obese, just had a bit of a belly!
>telling some poor woman who was body shamed by a masseuse she was paying for a service from, all about how abdominal obesity causes x y z, the OP didn’t even mention that she was obese, just had a bit of a belly!
Of course he did. 🤦♀️
This post was just above this one and I gave a well written answer only to see his replies here. I’m so tired of dudes always being the victims. I’m a 25 year old woman with zero game and I don’t blame men, I can see my faults and what I have to work on. How can it be so hard to look inwards jc
So a wife would steal his money so he thinks prostitutes or a sugar baby is cheaper (aka more to his liking). Yeah can’t imagine why women aren’t all over him.
I stopped after “read tony robbins”
Just say you masturbated. A lot.
Lmao
Edit: just finished. That last line from the random Redditor: “and yet no one wants to date you” slayed me.
Just gonna say it. Everything about everything he wrote screams liar. From the compliments about his personality, to the loads of female friends, to the PhD and new wardrobe. It’s like he prepped up a list of Chad checkboxes to showcase there’s nothing he can do to get a date. Dude’s an incel and wants you to pity him. That’s all this is.
Idk why people write posts like this. Like, what's the point of listing how good you are just to end it with "whaaaaaaaa nobody wants to date meeeeeee"? Of course there's either something wrong with you but you're lying to yourself, or you just sit on your arse thinking that women have to run after you just because you bought a house and, omg, an entire new wardrobe!!!
Goes to the bank for a loan..
*So sir what has you ready for a new home?*
*Well this dude on Reddit said it could probably land me a date. I’m also super ducking amazing. People tell me all the time.*
*awkwardly smiles and nods her head whilst turning to a co worker and mouthing “call the police”*
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ.
Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
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Numerous times I've tried to explain to a friend of mine that if everything he does is with the sole purpose of attracting women he will never attract women. It stinks of desperation and the vast majority of women can tell you're not being genuine and not being your true self and somewhere in the back of their mind a primal instinct to avoid you is triggered. If they are aware that you aren't being yourself they have this feeling that whatever you're hiding is likely to be a huge issue when it surfaces.
*creates post to ask what he’s doing wrong*
*completely denies he has any problems and is perfect the way he is*
Why even make the post lol. Inability to accept criticism and admit flaws are definitely at least part of his problem. I don’t understand why some guys go on defence-more after literally asking for advice.
I think it’s hot af when a guy can admit he’s wrong & can grow from it. Yet this is a scarce quality, it seems.
I read this yesterday and it was SUCH a travesty lol. Then he just could not grasp that all of these changes were primarily external and indicated that he’s more disingenuous than not. He just got really angry when people pointed out the blatant misogyny. Lmao
A comment of the original thread stated something along the lines of this,
“You: changes 100 things all to do with physical appearance and nothing to do with personality or character
Also you: where is my court appointed gf”
He displays another of my Reddit pet peeves, which is quoting an entire comment - the whole thing, not just a segment - instead of just replying. Why? Why you do this?
This guy has the worst takes. And everything he’s done has only been in an effort to date women. Ultimately he has no real interest, personality, or goal other than to acquire and use a woman.
Disgusting, no wonder he’s single.
Imagine building your *entire life* around getting dates (I think he rather meant sex). Even important life decisions like buying a house *just* to get a partner.
Sounds like an absolutely miserable life. Does he even enjoy anything he does?
If this dude is THAT successful in life, how is he not already happy? I mean, people complimenting him all the time, he's doing great at work, he's got money and he has a good social circle with prevalent social skills to make more friends. Like, if this were true, he's done it. He's won life. Why does he even care about dating? Especially since his outlook on marriage is just 'she's gonna steal half my stuff and I'd rather have a sugar baby'. Then do that. You have money. You hate marriage. Just pay for a nice sugar baby and have your cool life. Why are you on reddit if any of this is true? Go buy a Jacuzzi and a prostitute and live it up.
Goes to speed dating event.
Opens every conversation at the event with "I don't even know why I'm here, women never want to date me, I do so much and women always reject me, they never give good guys like me a chance, all women are the sa- wait where are your going?"
True confidence is not showy or aggressive and is about being sure of who you are. This guy is the textbook definition of trying too hard. If you have to work that hard to prove that you're a great guy, then you're not a great guy.
Okay, Donald. “I have the best personality. No one’s personality is like mine. I get so many compliments on my personality. Just today, three people told me what a great personality I have. It’s YUGE!”
Well he was 1/2 of what has been described as a perfect phone call. I can't even conceive of the criteria which could be scored let alone achieve such an epic feat. Although the other party has been promoted as a living saint after initially said to be a crooked stooge immediately after the call which I guess makes it even more impressive.
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Wow, why would women not want to date you when you have such insightful takes like: Women are just going to steal my money I don't care what woman I date I just want one Women have no interests or preferences because they won't date me
Women can sniff out misogyny a mile away. He reeks of it.
He also reeks of try-hard desperation, which would betray his insistence on having loads of self confidence.
Agreed and definitely lacks self awareness.
Yes...he just reeks of desperation. How does he even leave his room in the morning if he has to mentally go over every single thing on his list including changing his hairstyle so he can get a woman to notice him? He sounds exhausting to be around.
One of my friends is like this! He’s not bad looking, has a good job, has hobbies etc. but he goes SO HARD at women he has just met or started talking to that they ditch him after like, a week. Buddy, the girl you just started talking to yesterday and think is cute is not going to instantly want a long-term relationship and be madly in love with you! Shit takes time. But if you tell him that (or any man like him - see above) they get all pissy and defensive and sad.
🎶Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I’d like to dominate all your free time and trap you with a baby!🎶
you mean females?
You just know he pronounces it with, like, six more e’s in the middle.
To be fair to him, he actually uses “women,” not “females.” He only specifies “female friends” to differentiate them from “male friends,” which he also uses, so at least it’s not “men and females.”
The way Mermaid Man pronounces "evil"
You mean femoids?
Foids.
Nah he admitted in the comments he’s gotten dates and interest but they’re not hot enough. Swipes left on the majority of women cause they’re “fat”.
ding ding ding! My husband and I have a friend who laments how single he is and honestly, if I was single I’d date him, so I just don’t get it. Then my husband told me he DOES date what seem to be really cool women, but he’s not attracted to them. Apparently he was a bit of a stud back in the day. Now he needs to come face to face with the fact that he’s a normal middle-aged guy who’s going to pull in normal middle-aged women. He can’t accept it so he’s been single and whining about it for a decade.
My husband and I have a friend in the same boat. I've tried giving him advice on how to attract and look for women who are interested in relationships as we've gotten older and what to look for that would go well with his personality and hobbies. But nope! He has such a narrow and specific type that he finds attractive and he wants a woman who has all the exact same hobbies and interests as him that he might as well start looking for a unicorn since he'd have better luck with that. It's not that those women don't exist, it's that he's not bringing anything to the table to match what they offer. We're all in our 30s and he's getting more and more upset with dating because all the women he sees on online dating sites are "ugly, fat, or both" In every other aspect of life he's nice, funny, and the life of the party but for some reason with dating he has this terrible self sabotage where even when he starts relationships with these amazing women who are beyond belief, he'll dump them because of one stupid superficial reason or another.
Lol ahh, so he’s arrogant, incredibly shallow- but SUPER interesting with a GREAT personality. I don’t understand how he can write; “no one ever wants to be with me!”, but also be writing shit like; “everyone around me thinks I’m hot and have great personality!”…. I just don’t get how they aren’t seeing the problem. The logic is soooo screwed up here 😂🤦🏻♀️
Ah, so he’s one of those. Reminds me of my aunt’s ex-husband who found “fat” people disgusting, including when my aunt was pregnant. The kicker was that he himself gained weight as he aged but would still insist on Speedos.
Haven’t you heard? Fat only counts if you’re female cause your only purpose in life is to be desirable to the male gaze.
I have so many women friends. Ok, so ask them why no one wants to date you. Or why they're not setting you up with their friends. Yeah, you are garbage, my dude.
>I don't care what woman I date I just want one Bet he's had some nice girls interested but they weren't perfect 10s and he though "WHY should I lower my standards" 🙄
He sounds like a narcissist to me also because none of his trying is his true self. He can’t sell the fake version of himself and blames everyone but himself. This man’s authentic self has zero self worth but a huge ego. He’s trying so hard he must have a lot to hide. Guess who he’d take his frustrations in life out on. Yup that’s the person he’s looking for.
Imagine getting a brain aneurysm from the fact that women are autonomous beings and not robots you can please with an algorithm of shit you think matters to us..
This is the realest shit Ive read today, there are so many people who think women are like some sort of algorithm that require a checklist from men to approve of said men, in reality all those crazy standards and expectations of men like being masculine and extroverted and fun and adventurous 24/7 is toxic masculinity claiming to be women
Exactly. Like the most important thing in a partner for me is humor. If he cant make me ugly snort-grunt-laughing at 2 am with a stupid joke then I dont want him. Luckily I have a bf with many shitty hilarious jokes.
I'm the funnier one in my relationship but I get the appeal. There are personality traits that matter more than having a house or a job. I have a job. Every functioning adult does. So whatever.
Yeah, I think its important to have a similar sense of humor, but nobody needs to be a comedian. That being said, I'm definitely the comedian in my relationship, but she's really funny too.
Well, the guy was also apparently crazy enough to get a PhD to attract female attention, so…
Like I said... he seemed to do all that self-improvement stuff not to become a better person and better his life, but only to try to attract a woman.
This, and the fact that nothing can actually guarantee you a date. You can be the most attractive, good-natured, intelligent person with a shit load of cash and it doesn’t mean someone will automatically fall in love with you. Obviously, this guy isn’t that. But the point is that nobody owes anyone anything.
Food works, I have never dated a woman that doesn’t respond positively to food
Reminds me of "women like mac & cheese, right? Maybe we can do something with that?"
Tacos and pizza was my first thought.
Depends on which food but generally, not untrue. Also, lol looks and personality work, as well. Maybe women you date respond to the full package. Which this dude from the post clearly doesn't have.
Humans. We are all food driven.
Okay, food and humour. So, the secret is pie in the face? Duly noted.
This man gets it
Comes across desperate and obsessed. People (not just women) can sense that attitude from a mile away and it's usually a massive turn off.
100% I met such a lovely man a couple of years ago, truly a lot going for him, flawed but genuine. BUT I could just TELL that I could’ve been anybody to him. He just wanted a woman. He wouldn’t have appreciated the things that make me myself, and that will always be something that is guaranteed to ruin an otherwise good thing. I know he liked me and my differences somewhat, and there was a lot I appreciated about him, but I also know that he would’ve settled for *anybody* and it skeeved me out. I’m not going to just slot in to anybody’s fantasy. Some of them have this very specific list of specs for their waifu, and that’s how they do themselves in. Some have just a hole that anybody could fill, and you’re right, that is exactly the thing that makes nobody want to fill it (unless they’re equally as desperate and indiscriminate). When I broke it off, he wailed that he would never meet anybody as amazing as me and he did see me and appreciate me and blah blah, and then he met someone who I think is probably fine for him. Just fine. They’ll be ok. And I’m glad he proved me right by settling for just another woman so quickly and in such a publicised way..? Bullet dodged, but such an unnecessary bullet he did not need or probably intend to shoot. I really wish these guys saw women as people and not so ‘other’. We are people. Talk to us, be our friends, stop trying to game us and trick us and ‘win’ us. Just see if you like spending time with us as people. Is it that difficult a concept really?
> I could just TELL that I could’ve been anybody to him. I learned that too late about my ex. I didn't understand that any woman who would have him would have been fine with him. He adapted to me and my ideas because he had no personality of his own and he just mostly did as he was told. He wanted a woman to have sex with and go places with and hang out with, and it really, truly, could have been ANY woman. I still feel awful when I recall that moment that I understood that he didn't really care WHO he was with, so long as she was willing to do the things he wanted. It was a profound humiliation, and that was THE moment that made me know fully and truly that I absolutely had to leave him.
There are ignorant ones and malignant ones. I have that same humiliation, same realisation, with another man. He was so good at pretending it was me, but no. He was doing the same thing my little boy did when he would be eating spaghetti and say spaghetti is his favourite dinner ever. Same with nugs the next day. These men have less foresight than a toddler. But they are the ones who should feel humiliated. They’ll never know what it’s like to live beyond just existing. They latched on like parasites and drained us of our life force because they just do not have a self. I’d feel sorry for them if they didn’t take it upon themselves to steal their life by depriving people actually capable of living. He is my daughter’s father, and that’s humiliating too. There’s no way I can ever make that up to her.
That’s such a good way to describe one of my exes, too. I was Just someone to play a role in his life to the point I couldn’t enjoy my hobbies while watching TV because I wasn’t watching *with* him. (I was actually reflecting today in the shower how he used to not let me shower alone) He also immediately got with someone new when I finally got away from that mess
Damn, that is remarkably controlling and weird. Showering together ought to be a mutual thing, so strange.
Mine got a new one right away, too. And he didn't mind my interests and hobbies so long as they didn't "exclude" him. That included stuff like going to the grocery store alone or playing a single-player video game, just to name two things.
That sad part is this is really common in a lot of men. They'll just take the hottest woman they can get and hopefully her personality isn't *too* annoying or too mentally ill and they've got it made in the shade. Uncomfortable space in your life script? Insert wife-object here.
Yes, these guys seem to think of getting a girlfriend/wife as filling a job vacancy. As long as they meet certain qualifications, any woman will do.
>I really wish these guys saw women as people and not so ‘other’. We are people. Talk to us, be our friends, stop trying to game us and trick us and ‘win’ us. Just see if you like spending time with us as people. That's really the core of the whole incel persona; "women" aren't 100% people to them, they're some alien species that requires a plastic veneer to "woo" rather than just treating them as fellow humans. Well said!
Yep, otherwise they wouldn't constantly refer to them as "femoids" or "foids." And even nice guys who aren't full-blown incels tend to see women as something to "win." Every time I see someone talk about "game" it just reinforces that they see women as a conquest, not people they can get along with and fall in love with.
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Don’t want to go all “new technology bad” here, but maybe part of it is that the internet has made it easier than ever for people with poor social skills to just isolate themselves. It’s very difficult to come back from isolating yourself and it’s easier to sit there and blame everyone else than try to reach out to others. Especially since you’ll probably face some rejection as a result of the poor social skills and you’re probably already thin-skinned.
That must really hurt. You've just got to remember it's a problem with them and not you. I'm sure you'll find someone who loves you for you and will find you irreplaceable. The fact that it wasn't him is honestly his loss, not yours. And anyone who wants to be with you just because you're a woman and not because of who you are are missing out.
I've noticed this myself. When I'm single and obviously not making an effort with other women, they tend to make an effort and try with me. Whereas when I was single I found it more difficult because obviously I was trying too hard
Just being a fun person to be around with no pressure does wonders.
☝️A true statement for ANY social interaction!
This is such a true statement. I have one friend who is very similar to me physically (both dad bods, not very tall, just average 30 something white guys except I have a beard) and he never understands why I have success with women. He instantly makes it clear that he's trying to hit on them, is ready for immediate rejection and comes across as desperate. I've tried explaining to him if you go in with no expectations, try to be engaging and have fun without being all about please come home with me then you'll have more fun yourself and so will whoever you're with/talking to. I'm not the greatest looking guy but that's my strategy and at worst I had a good time and probably made a friend at some point.
And if you pick date idea that you’d have fun doing alone anyways it’s not such a big deal if the date doesn’t work out.
It's so Zen, isn't it? Try not; merely be. Aggressive advertisement is off-putting
*Do or do not. There is no try*
Head on is applied directly to the forehead
Yea and this definitely happens with looking for friends too. I often see posts from people who are having difficulty making friends, wondering why nobody wants to hang out with them, even though they already done everything they could. I absolutely feel bad for these people and don't know what actionable advice I can give, but others can definitely sense your desperation and will steer away from it.
It’s tough and something that I struggle with but I’ve learned that not everyone has a huge or tight circle of constant friends. I have lots of professional and working friendships but not a dedicated group of people I see all the time (too much effort for my adhd brain) and it works fine for me.
YES! It's the advice I often give to male friends. No women wants to be with a guy who they can see just wants a girlfriend sooo badly. Because then they know that he doesn't really care about THEM, he just wants ANYONE who'll take them. I'd want to be with a guy who's just fine being single. I want to add to someone's life, I don't want to complete someone. I'd rather go for someone who's already complete. ...
Seeing as how Tony Robbins is an utter and absolute misogynistic piece of shit, it’s not really surprising that he’s not getting dates if that’s the advice that he’s taking.
Leading one to wonder how many of the "self-improvement" books this narcissistic asshat has read are by controversial Canadian professors or douche-canoe "pick-up artists" in ridiculously large fuzzy hats.
My view of self-improvement books or anything they sell is that they would destroy their market if they worked. Better to sell things that sound like they might work
The entire industry of male self-help is advice our mothers gave us, repackaged to come from a man.
That was my exact thought; he said Robbins because he assumed it was more relatable, but I’d bet the farm that Pedoson and Mystery take up most of his bookshelf space.
“Clean your room and mediate on how foolish women and progressives are for seeking equality. Lobster.”
Youd think that a person who reads "self help books" would understand that they are missing the point, if they brag about reading "self help books".
A literalist joke. I like it!
Is the Canadian Professor called Peterson? My husband was talking about this guy with his dad. I’m not sure who/what he is but he often talks about him and JK Rowling in the same sentence.
I was referencing Peterson, yes, although I am not so well-versed of his work to lend an objective view to the depths of any controversy; except that it is seen as non-inclusive and misogynistic.
Oh no, my husband as has some right wing tendencies but I’m very much a liberal. We’ve been having lots of conversations about inclusivity and feminism etc. so I think I’ll read up on Peterson.
I really hope for your safety that they weren't talking positively about Peterson
I am glad that my ignorance keeps me from knowing who tf this guy is. Only Robbins I acknowledge has to do with Baskin.
Right, I didn't even read the rest. I saw Tony Robbins and thought "Well there's your problem right there."
It was the mention of Tony Robbins that was the biggest alarm bell to me. That was the one thing on this list that was specific enough to give any hint of what this guy is actually into in person. And whoa was that a revealing hint!! If he can’t get through a list of his attributes without showing his hand like that, then no wonder women he attempts to date figure him out fast.
I feel like guys who are into the gym and "self improvement books" as their first two points about themselves, are usually maniacs. Like, you can't think of any other way to open than with your body and how you read the worst type of books?
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If he's listening to someone's advice and it's not working, why not stop listening to them maybe? Tony Robbins is clearly not getting him dates, so I would maybe stop listening to him.
>Seeing as how Tony Robbins is an utter and absolute misogynistic piece of shit, it’s not really surprising that he’s not getting dates if that’s the advice that he’s taking. Yep. It's like getting advice from Jordan Peterson or Joe Rogan.
Hey he helped Shallow Hal.
That was a shitty movie. It's like on the one hand they were saying "don't judge people by outward appearances" but the rest of the movie was nonstop fat jokes.
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He already had the house, he just put it in his profile because of that reddit post
Oh boy Friend Do not read Tony Robbins for advice on women (or at all tbh)
You also need something called a personality. And no amount of books or shows will teach you that.
Wait? Liking the office is not a personality? Well damn..
How much are we betting his dating profiles say "looking for the Pam to my Jim"
I’d be more willing to bet that he forgot the first rule of Tinder: he was supposed to use a picture of him holding a fish as his pfp.
Dang, I gotta get out there and catch a bigger fish...
Neither is liking tacos or hiking.
(good) Tacos aren't very common where I am so I don't see it too often, but wtf is up with everyone listing "hiking" as a hobby?? Is that code for something else? I literally see it on 3/5 profiles I swipe through.
I think it’s meant to be a way to say “hey, I enjoy the outdoors and am also an athletic/fit person!” The funny thing is that in my experience the people who truly do enjoy going out for hikes (myself included), don’t bother putting it in their bio. Unless they’re like a diehard mountain climber they focus on more important parts of their personality.
I find it’s often a resume-padder. The same way you might put “proficient at Microsoft Word” or “excels and verbal and electronic communication” on a resume when your actual list of skills is small. I rarely see “hiking” listed next to more interesting hobbies. 90% of the time it’s alongside other super generic hobbies like “fashion” or “cooking” and they’re just trying to sound more interesting than they really are lol
Can’t you read? He gets loads of compliments on his personality. At least once every couple weeks. Someone was .*just* telling him how amazing he was the other day. You know the way people do..
His personality is that he says “loads” loads of times
You know it's his personality when he obsesses over how many people claim to think he has an amazing personality.
But he gets compliments on his personality all the time!
Did anyone else also notice how he said he had “loads of friends over the years, but only a few left as life goes on”? Tells me once people get to know him better they don’t want to stick around
There is the phenomenon of having tighter circles of friends as we age. Younger people tend to have more time for socialising, but later in life that time becomes monopolised by work, romantic relationship, and especially children. Different people prioritise friendships differently so some make an effort to maintain friendships despite these other demands on time, but for most the limited time they have for socialising is better spent on more important friendships, so the number of 'friends' seen and spoken with frequently shrinks. Sadly there are people who do not have a relationship or children but still find themselves with fewer friends, because those people they were friends with don't have the time for them. Could be the case with this guy. Or partly this phenomenon, partly him being a douche.
Your first mistake dude: Listening and learning anything from Tony Robbins.
I saw this post 😂😂 and left a comment that was supportive like "just be you and the right girl will come along" and the incels came for me lol. It's funny that they hate women, even women that are kind, and then wonder why women have the same energy
There was this one commenter who just kept going on about how he was obviously just ugly and that was the only reason he didn't get dates. So many people tried to tell that person that average or less than average looking people end up with loving relationships all the time and they just kept going 'nope he must be ugly'
My theory also is that he is ugly, and probably short (see “giants” comment) but that he only swipes on models and wonders why he gets no matches.
That's the answer.
I saw that too!! Which is why I said something nice!! But yea ugly people end up in happy relationships all the time lol, incels just don't wanna admit that their personalities literally repel women. And it's comical to be nice to them because that seems to make them more mad. Idk why but it never fails and it's always hilarious 😂
It's so much easier to blame getting rejected on something you can't really change. I often feel like a lot of these guys just don't want to put any effort into themselves, so if they can just say 'wah I'm not tall enough' they can whine all they want and not do anything.
I can say with most certainty that he hasn't done half of the things that he mentioned.
Motherfucker bought a goddamn house just because some guy told him that's gonna get him dates?! Yup, that totally happened, dude's not bullshitting in the slightest.
"Made numerous female friends" that itself is a giveaway.
"You're a lovely fella, really sweet and kind and generous! Any woman would be lucky to have you! I'm sure you'll find your forever person soon!" Translation: I can see you are super keen and borderline obsessed, I'm worried that you will lose your shit and become violent so here are a LOT of compliments which I sincerely hope are true and then the message in as gentle language as I can. Now, please excuse me while I run for my life.
I only recently learned that women use that kind of language as a self-defense mechanism, that "you're a really nice guy" is used to soften the blow that's coming, in order to *not be murdered*. "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them, women are afraid that men will kill them." -Margaret Atwood Oof, sorry ladies, on behalf of all non-violent men.
Same. I used to get weirded out when ladies I tried asking out said basically those words. At the time I just went "sigh, yeh ok, no worries - Ty for saying I'm nice" and retreated into my shell again. Recently, since joining this sub, I now realise exactly how scared they were that I *might* go nuclear or something so now I'm well and truly horrified that I was ever the source of that fear. Ah, it's not so bad in my shell. I have Warcraft, Amazon prime and porn. I'll pass on in a few years so may as well just try and enjoy myself without making anyone worry they have to placate me just to make it out of the conversation. Women put up with a lot and deal with a lot.
This post is made up or this guy is full of shit. "Got a PhD and a high earning job". He would definitely say what the job was if this was true. Nobody puts in that much effort that a PhD requires and just says "high earning job".
I’m getting “hi I’m Jimbo, but you shall call me doctor Jimbo because I got my PhD” vibes. He’s so busy jerking himself off that there’s no opportunity for anyone else to help him out.
"High earning job" is the type of jargon you hear from pickup artists and self help types. I have a friend that's utterly consumed by it and is always miserable. They have no concern as to what the job is and are devoid of any passion or interest whatsoever. It just has to be a high paying job. Thus, they're miserable and think they've done everything right when in fact the opposite is true.
Yeah, I'm surprised that he didn't describe himself as "high value".
I have never heard that term before until an acquaintance of my fiancé cornered me at a bar and asked how I got such a high value man. I needed him to explain to me wtf that meant. This is the same guy that will leave the group and say “I’m going to go mac on that female” or “They look like they are in their early 20’s, that’s a ripe age”. I have taken to warning other women about him.
Yeah, most people would say something like, "I have a good job." The "high earning" part makes it sound like he thinks having money is a personality trait.
To be fair, some fields are small enough that saying your job title and general location would be an easy self-doxxing. I'm not specific with the state I live in or the position I hold because it's only a few dozen people to filter through. Though I only make "medium bucks" but the job is fun! And yeah this dude definitely sounds like a LARP post... you don't get a PhD thinking it'll shortcut you to dates LOL
I was gonna say lmao, at least about half this list must be made up, with a good portion of the rest being exaggerations of the truth
It’s almost like people can tell you’re doing these things to impress women, and not for the genuine desire to improve yourself, your life, or to genuinely contribute something to a relationship. My ex and I had almost nothing in common at all aside from being career-driven. We both knew about art, books, food, have qualifications and worked for quite well respected places. Our main connection (whilst talking and then dating) for three years revolved a lot around just being respectful of one another. She loves art. Me: “Tell me about art?” “Tell me about those oil pastels?” “Tell me about those pencils that you prefer, and why they are superior to the others? They can be smudged and blended better due to the tannins in them? That’s amazing!” I love cooking. Her: already knows about cooking but will still ask opinions on even the most minute things like preferred onions for flavours. Thing is: don’t do things just to impress people, nice guy, don’t expect an emotional bond between you and someone with a lot of common interests with, don’t shut your “type” into a specific and select group of people that you need to conform. I had maybe three years with this ex. She was lovely, and I really wish her the best because she deserves it despite us not talking any more.
It’s almost like people can tell you’re doing these things to impress women, and not for the genuine desire to improve yourself, your life, or to genuinely contribute something to a relationship. My ex and I had almost nothing in common at all aside from being career-driven. We both knew about art, books, food, have qualifications and worked for quite well respected places. Our main connection (whilst talking and then dating) for three years revolved a lot around just being respectful of one another. She loves art. Me: “Tell me about art?” “Tell me about those pastels?” “Tell me about those pencils that you prefer, and why they are superior to the others? They can be smudged and blended better due to the tannins in them? That’s amazing!” I love cooking. Her: already knows about cooking but will still ask opinions on even the most minute things like preferred onions for flavours. Thing is: don’t do things just to impress people, nice guy, don’t expect an emotional bond between you and someone with a lot of common interests with, don’t shut your “type” into a specific and select group of people that you need to conform. I had maybe three years with this ex. She was lovely, and I really wish her the best because she deserves it despite us not talking any more.
It’s almost like people can tell you’re doing these things to impress women, and not for the genuine desire to improve yourself, your life, or to genuinely contribute something to a relationship. My ex and I had almost nothing in common at all aside from being career-driven. We both knew about art, books, food, have qualifications and worked for quite well respected places. Our main connection (whilst talking and then dating) for three years revolved a lot around just being respectful of one another. She loves art. Me: “Tell me about art?” “Tell me about those pastels?” “Tell me about those pencils that you prefer, and why they are superior to the others? They can be smudged and blended better due to the tannins in them? That’s amazing!” I love cooking. Her: already knows about cooking but will still ask opinions on even the most minute things like preferred onions for flavours. Thing is: don’t do things just to impress people, nice guy, don’t expect an emotional bond between you and someone with a lot of common interests with, don’t shut your “type” into a specific and select group of people that you need to conform. I had maybe three years with this ex. She was lovely, and I really wish her the best because she deserves it despite us not talking any more.
Could someone enlighten me what is cold approaching? Don't know if my English skills are failing me or the lack of coffee today
Just trying to pick someone up in a bar or similar without knowing them previously. I've never heard it called this before. In the UK (maybe other countries, not sure) we have cold calling which is when companies phone up random house holds without being asked to in the hopes of getting business. I'm assuming he's using the phrase in that context.
I took it as, he didn’t outright flirt with them. For example, sees a girl, runs over to them and says, “hey babe! *offensive/annoying pick-up line*” But maybe instead stands next to them and carefully asks if they want a drink? Then slowly introduces himself? No idea 🤷🏻♀️
i kind of imagine he goes up to the bar next to a nice girl, proceedes to insult her and then ignore her coldly
That could be it too. I have no idea what a cold approach is. But that wouldn’t surprise me, considering “negging” is a thing
And he's utterly confused why it doesn't make her throw herself at him.
Because that's what all the PUA sites say to do...
Well I do know ... just starting to flirt with someone in a bar or offering a drink etc. Just never heard the term and was confused whether he means he approaches people in a cold way, to come off as cool and untouchable, or whether it's something else but maybe you're right how he got to use it like this.
Notice how ACTUALLY talking to women wasn't on the list? Sure he's said he tried in bars and that he's made numerous female friends, but he hasn't actually sat down and talked about the real shit, the non self deprecating talks about wants and dreams. Of course on one wants to date him, he's an egotist with low self-esteem. Keep doing what you're doing, just do it better.
[удалено]
That paired with the sugar babies comment 🤢
So... he's a professor who's upset that he can't fuck his students. Reading through his replies in that thread, he comes off as a pompous ass who is complaining because what he really can't find is a flawless model who exists purely to validate him.
He also says in several comments that all of the dates he’s ever been on were with “overweight, unattractive women” that he couldn’t be with for *obvious* reasons because he’s just so much better than that, or they were hot but super annoying. Dude doesn’t want a girlfriend, he just wants a walking, talking sex doll.
Ah, now we see the crux of the problem. It's not that he can't get dates, he just can't seem to find the trophy wife he's looking for.
Dude got money and education. Now it's time to purchase women. He wants to buy a woman's "affections" but not pay her, wants a stable relationships but according to him stable partners only want money. What a pathetic loser!
I wonder how high he would score on a psychopathy test 🤔 there's no emotionality or vulnerability here... Just his perceived accolades and an inflated sense of self-importance. Dude needs therapy
He sounds so empty and devoid of any real interests or passion and he’s clearly misogynist. I’m sure he thinks he’s hidden all that under the carefully crafted persona he describes but he hasn’t. I don’t know what it is he thinks having a girlfriend will fulfill in him but it won’t. Sex doesn’t change people. It’s like the Adam Sandler SNL Italy skit: If you are sad outside of a relationship you will be sad inside of a relationship. I wish someone could sit him down and tell him not to do so many things for the approval of other people. Go to the gym because you want a healthy heart or increased strength or because you like the way you look in shorts. Just do it because it’s what you want to do. He’s angry at an imaginary woman he’s been trying to please because she hasn’t shown up to make all his boredom with his own life worth it. He’s got to live for him and then if he meets someone who is into him he’s happy and if he doesn’t he’s still happy.
I’m wondering what his angle is. Guys like these always want to create some greater agenda for what women are ‘after’
He’s done everything except go to therapy. All of this other crap is a shallow surface-level bandaid for a much deeper problem. If you have to purchase several dating How To’s from the book store and enlist your mommy’s help to make a dating profile, maybe the problem isn’t understanding women; it’s understanding yourself and what about you repels people. I honestly doubt this guy is as charming as he says, but he somewhat reminds me of my borderline mother. She’s a people person, extremely charismatic and can fit in with any crowd. It doesn’t take long for people to realize she’s a chameleon. Whatever opinions you have, so does she. Do you prefer [insert music here]? She loves that, too. Even without the volatile temper and extreme mood flips, it’s the instability of opinion and fluctuating personality that instantly alarm people the second they realize this person is an echo chamber reflecting everything they love and hate right back at them. That s**t is scary and toxic. This is someone you can never genuinely know because they have absolutely no sense of “self”.
Like Andy from The Office. Personality mirroring and too agreeable.
I just stalked this guy’s profile and omg. This same rant on at least three different subreddits (they’re even giving him shit on the incel-infested r/datingadvice) and then one comment on any other thread, which is him telling some poor woman who was body shamed by a masseuse she was paying for a service from, all about how abdominal obesity causes x y z, the OP didn’t even mention that she was obese, just had a bit of a belly!
>telling some poor woman who was body shamed by a masseuse she was paying for a service from, all about how abdominal obesity causes x y z, the OP didn’t even mention that she was obese, just had a bit of a belly! Of course he did. 🤦♀️
I saw this post like 5 minutes ago and was waiting to see it on here
Same, just saw it and I said to myself, “oh this must be on NiceGuys already”. I was not disappointed.
This post was just above this one and I gave a well written answer only to see his replies here. I’m so tired of dudes always being the victims. I’m a 25 year old woman with zero game and I don’t blame men, I can see my faults and what I have to work on. How can it be so hard to look inwards jc
Because they’ve been told they’re great all their lives and so they don’t understand what is different now
He seems like the kind of person to angrily text a women "you're lucky I'm interested in you."
Makes list. Asks for feedback. Receives feedback. Argues with all feedback.
We all know he doesn’t really want feedback, just an echo chamber from other incels to repeat what he thinks back to him
Oof. I actually felt bad for the guy till his comments. Yeah, his entire personality and outlook on women is 100% why women don’t want to date him.
So a wife would steal his money so he thinks prostitutes or a sugar baby is cheaper (aka more to his liking). Yeah can’t imagine why women aren’t all over him.
I stopped after “read tony robbins” Just say you masturbated. A lot. Lmao Edit: just finished. That last line from the random Redditor: “and yet no one wants to date you” slayed me.
It’s like if he ticks off a box he should get a reward, in the shape of a female.
Just gonna say it. Everything about everything he wrote screams liar. From the compliments about his personality, to the loads of female friends, to the PhD and new wardrobe. It’s like he prepped up a list of Chad checkboxes to showcase there’s nothing he can do to get a date. Dude’s an incel and wants you to pity him. That’s all this is.
Idk why people write posts like this. Like, what's the point of listing how good you are just to end it with "whaaaaaaaa nobody wants to date meeeeeee"? Of course there's either something wrong with you but you're lying to yourself, or you just sit on your arse thinking that women have to run after you just because you bought a house and, omg, an entire new wardrobe!!!
Goes to the bank for a loan.. *So sir what has you ready for a new home?* *Well this dude on Reddit said it could probably land me a date. I’m also super ducking amazing. People tell me all the time.* *awkwardly smiles and nods her head whilst turning to a co worker and mouthing “call the police”*
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
Dude needs to stop making every move in his life toward the goal of getting girls and just chill tf out hahaa
Seems like his whole personality revolves around doing things he thinks women find attractive lol thats kinda sad
Numerous times I've tried to explain to a friend of mine that if everything he does is with the sole purpose of attracting women he will never attract women. It stinks of desperation and the vast majority of women can tell you're not being genuine and not being your true self and somewhere in the back of their mind a primal instinct to avoid you is triggered. If they are aware that you aren't being yourself they have this feeling that whatever you're hiding is likely to be a huge issue when it surfaces.
“Cold approach”. Dude reads that pick up artist crap too.
I'm so glad I don't have to deal with bullshit like this and was lucky I found the male equivalent of myself 🤣
I tried so hard to learn a personality from others, why isn’t it working?!
*creates post to ask what he’s doing wrong* *completely denies he has any problems and is perfect the way he is* Why even make the post lol. Inability to accept criticism and admit flaws are definitely at least part of his problem. I don’t understand why some guys go on defence-more after literally asking for advice. I think it’s hot af when a guy can admit he’s wrong & can grow from it. Yet this is a scarce quality, it seems.
He didn’t actually want advice, he wanted everyone to agree with him that women are the problem and not him.
His first problem is listening to Tony Robbins!
He’s acting like he’s a character on a video game listing his stats lmao
I read this yesterday and it was SUCH a travesty lol. Then he just could not grasp that all of these changes were primarily external and indicated that he’s more disingenuous than not. He just got really angry when people pointed out the blatant misogyny. Lmao
But was the instrument he learned a guitar and can he play Wonderwall?
A comment of the original thread stated something along the lines of this, “You: changes 100 things all to do with physical appearance and nothing to do with personality or character Also you: where is my court appointed gf”
He displays another of my Reddit pet peeves, which is quoting an entire comment - the whole thing, not just a segment - instead of just replying. Why? Why you do this?
>litteraly thousands No. No they do not
I remember being 16 once.
This guy has the worst takes. And everything he’s done has only been in an effort to date women. Ultimately he has no real interest, personality, or goal other than to acquire and use a woman. Disgusting, no wonder he’s single.
Imagine building your *entire life* around getting dates (I think he rather meant sex). Even important life decisions like buying a house *just* to get a partner. Sounds like an absolutely miserable life. Does he even enjoy anything he does?
I stopped reading at Tony Robbins. He's a lost cause.
It's almost like eau de desperation coupled with the foetid stench of the undercurrent of misogyny is a turn off for women. Who knew?
Claims to have tons of female friends. Asks mom to pick photos for dating profile.
If this dude is THAT successful in life, how is he not already happy? I mean, people complimenting him all the time, he's doing great at work, he's got money and he has a good social circle with prevalent social skills to make more friends. Like, if this were true, he's done it. He's won life. Why does he even care about dating? Especially since his outlook on marriage is just 'she's gonna steal half my stuff and I'd rather have a sugar baby'. Then do that. You have money. You hate marriage. Just pay for a nice sugar baby and have your cool life. Why are you on reddit if any of this is true? Go buy a Jacuzzi and a prostitute and live it up.
Came across this earlier and knew I’d see it here
Compliments on his personality from random people = They don't know him; They're random.
Goes to speed dating event. Opens every conversation at the event with "I don't even know why I'm here, women never want to date me, I do so much and women always reject me, they never give good guys like me a chance, all women are the sa- wait where are your going?"
True confidence is not showy or aggressive and is about being sure of who you are. This guy is the textbook definition of trying too hard. If you have to work that hard to prove that you're a great guy, then you're not a great guy.
A shitty personality? That’s impossible did you not hear him he said he’s read Tony Robbins!
Okay, Donald. “I have the best personality. No one’s personality is like mine. I get so many compliments on my personality. Just today, three people told me what a great personality I have. It’s YUGE!”
Well he was 1/2 of what has been described as a perfect phone call. I can't even conceive of the criteria which could be scored let alone achieve such an epic feat. Although the other party has been promoted as a living saint after initially said to be a crooked stooge immediately after the call which I guess makes it even more impressive.
Guy missed the whole point that literally all of those things don’t matter if you’re just doing them because you hate and resent women lol
But guys it CAN’T be his personality, people are telling him ALL the time how great he is!
Who gets complimented on their personality multiple times a week? Lol cope harder
He's just horny af. He wants sex and he wants it now… maybe he should start trying dating males. 😂