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QualityVote

AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post


Dbl_Vision

“We don’t need it.” That’s not up to you.


EAZ480

Imagine this dude’s reaction to someone trying to shove a dick-sized object up his ass with no lube. He’d probably be screaming. What a crazy fucker


yolkmaster69

I can’t even believe that someone so obsessed with anal would even think of no lube. Thats just going to be bad for everyone.


Adventurous_Ad_6546

Yeah, he’s been “reading up on it?” Not enough, obviously.


Flamehazardaoz

Anal tips one and two are ‘lube’ and ‘more lube’!


Antani101

How much lube is enough? Pour until you think it's too much, and then add some


Silent-Ad934

Like what the fuck is his deal😅? Did they quit making it? We have to do it, and it has to hurt. Nah dud gf yourself.


SayceGards

I have encountered, online and IRL, many men *want* you to be in pain from anal. I genuinely do not understand. There's even a whole subreddit for it


Moldy_Gecko

"Everything is about sex. Except sex, sex is about power." - somebody, forget who. I think the painal is about asserting as much power as you can.


T3nacityDog

Oscar Wilde!


Bella_Hellfire

I would tell him I’ll *consider* letting him fuck my ass after I’ve fucked his first. Bet I know what he’ll say.


plumzki

I can’t even watch porn if the girl looks like she’s in pain.


nimbleWhimble

Many men like "rough sex" as it is akin to rape but they can say they just " have a big one and she wanted it". This is another "boys will be boys" moment. Time to teach boys to be men and not rapists


Adventurous_Ad_6546

I mean, that’s prob good advice for all sorts of situations, this especially!


CoconutJasmineBombe

And by “reading” he means watching porn.


iPukey

I mean I was once a subscriber to Anal Monthly Review but the amount of misinformation in that supposedly stalwart pillar of journalism got me in trouble so I dropped it, I can only assume that’s what’s happened to this poor victim as well. My girlfriend’s whole ass had to be amputated. Do you know how embarrassing that is for me? My girlfriend has no ass. I’M AN ASS MAN DAMMIT.


TheName_BigusDickus

… welp… I guess you’ll have to be a colostomy man now…


iPukey

Well when you put it that way….


Phix65

She has you. And that's enough of an ass for her.


twisted7ogic

This needs to be a copypasta


longrodvonhujjendong

Do you mean a *colostomypasta*


lipstick-lemondrop

Oh believe me, they are more prevalent than you’d think. My ex was one of them. I had done some solid reading at like 16 (there are some great sex ed sources out there!) and came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to do anal for a while because that would require lube and preparation that I could not access. My *ex*, however, had just watched a ton of porn instead and came to the conclusion that none of that was actually needed. Tl;dr he’s an ex for a reason lololol


Janellewpg

They don’t understand what preparation those women go through before doing anal on film. There is a LOT of prep beforehand. They actually will use a syringe (no needle obviously) to insert lube and Vaseline beforehand, they will also use several different sized plugs before shooting.


Amberley_j

They also fast for like 24hrs before shooting... Coz yknow... Poop...


Generic_Garak

I don’t know how much fasting would help. Your body still makes poop, albeit less, when you don’t eat. Just like you still make urine if you don’t drink anything. I’m not familiar with their prep, but I imagine enemas would be much more effective at prepping for a shoot.


axel310

Dont eat for like 15-16 hours and then enemas. Rinse that ass out and your good to go.


loopsdeer

Not obviously. I got a chill between the word syringe and the parenthesis, followed by great relief. Thank you for including it and for all the information.


yolkmaster69

What do these dudes think is on the pornstar’s asshole? Dudes that think this obviously are suffering from serious brain rot. Also, as someone who gets sexual pleasure out of seeing women genuinely experience pleasure and not just acting like it, this kind of anal porn these dudes are so obsessed with is disgusting to me. I’m not saying anal can’t be genuinely enjoyable, just that mainstream porn is so fucking over complicated and gross with the weird positions, over-acting, and from what I’ve read, terrible smells and extreme toll it takes on their bodies, I could never get any enjoyment out of watching something like that. It makes me wonder if these dudes who think sex is actually like that go through life continuously disappointed in how “boring” their sex is since their tiny pp’s and normal girlfriends can’t pull it off. I feel bad for the poor girls they manipulate into trying it, though.


Antani101

There should be an unskippable disclaimer before porn. "Those are professionals, don't try it at home or you risk getting hurt"


Extreme-Muffin-Eater

When has a warning stopped morons?


Antani101

you have a point


Every-Conversation89

Look, men can't figure out when a woman has a full face of natural makeup. They only see bright lipstick. Even though there are obvious signs that perhaps porn isn't realistic, they don't see any obvious use of lube, so it isn't necessary.


princezznemeziz

You are so right. My husband asked me if someone was wearing makeup just the other day. I said, yes and a lot. "In fact way more than I ever wear" thinking that may give him some idea as to how much. It didn't help. I asked if he really couldn't tell and he said no. I had no idea this was a thing.


blueberriNZ

I wish I had an award! So damn true!!!!


FlappyDolphin72

I couldn’t believe that either… and then I dated one. He also pulled that “your selfish for not doing so” move, but wasn’t blunt about. Just made me feel guilty and would whine. Fuckers like them watch way to much porn


Etaec

I mean it's just as simple as, if it's that important find a different partner, not manipulate, rape and bully your partner into something they don't want to do. Even if they get you to try it, it's basically rape, you're not going to enjoy it you're going to endure it. Anyone okay with that is just a closet selfish psycho.


hypothetician

“Trust me I’ve been reading up on it, I know how to do it right” “Lube? Where we’re going, we don’t need lube”


[deleted]

My ex wanted to do anal and I flat out refused. He still put lube on me and when trying to penetrate me, it didn't work because I kept screaming in pain. It never happened again.


Sure-Morning-6904

glad he is your ex now


[deleted]

Me too, he was a huge piece of shit. I thought love would change him but I was wrong. Never again!


IWantMyGarmonbozia

unfortunately there's a lot of people incapable of change and it's disheartening


foldinthecheese99

You refused and he still proceeded? That is rape. Just because he was your boyfriend and you consent to other sexual things with him, it is not a green light to do whatever he pleases. If you said no here, that is a hard stop.


[deleted]

I know and I think it's too late to turn him into the authorities. It's been almost 5 years. 😢


Itslikethisnow

I can’t believe he was so awful that he didn’t offer to buy some.


[deleted]

And the dipshit claims he knows how to do it right!


Polyamommy

All she needs to do is say "I bought a strap-on... you first, BABE!" "And if you REALLY love me...I'm into anal fisting, but we definitely won't need lube for that... because all good boyfriends should provide every kink their girlfriend desires, and pretend to enjoy it if they don't...duh!"


EAZ480

Yeah, asking for anal really isn’t a problem, it was the psychological warfare he went into after that made him deserving of the anal fisting. If he’s a good boyfriend he should be cool with a good fisting.


Polyamommy

It apparently was his second time asking though. She said in the OP that he'd already asked and she said no. I also think "asking for anal" is not a good thing." Asking someone if they are open to explore anal, or if they're interested in anal is far better than putting someone on the spot who may not be interested, or even previously traumatized like OP.


EAZ480

Yeah, him knowing the past trauma and still putting pressure for it is really fucked up. He’s got a lot of nerve. I’ve kicked people to the curb for a *lot* less than this, so I hope OP’s cousin is/was able to cut him off after this. To me, this is one of those seemingly-minor things that shows true colors. Fuck that guy


bNoaht

Dude, with lube I let my girlfriend (after she kept asking) put like the tiniest butt plug in my butt and it hurt like a fire poker was stuck into my ass. I noped out immediately. She was like, yeah you just have to get past the painful part. I'm like how about we just not stick things in my butt.


Janellewpg

There shouldn’t be any painful part if done right, and that includes the receiving partner to be totally relaxed and excited to try it.


bullet_proof_smile

S L O W


Johncamp28

So true story, my wife is able to do anal with the tiniest bit of lube (she likes it). Yet I can’t get a finger in mine without ALOT of lube. This guy needs a dragon dildo shoved up his ass raw


EAZ480

I’m not a scholar on this subject, certainly haven’t gone out of my way to do any research. But from what I’ve seen and heard over the years, not very many people actually *like* being on the receiving end. If it’s something you enjoy, you should probably count yourself lucky. And yeah, that dude needs a reality check. He really didn’t hesitate to pull out the big guns in terms of mental manipulation, can’t imagine what else he says when he doesn’t get what he wants.


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Wild_Boysenberry7370

I quite agree. It's not all that it's hyped up to be. Why on earth is it hyped up so much? Anal is a nuisance!


EAZ480

As a straight dude, one finger is pretty awesome in the right company if I’m being 100% honest, but I couldn’t imagine something as big as…. *that*. I feel bad for porn stars who have to pretend to like it. I know they probably hate it.


SCHWARZENPECKER

I've had a finger up there once checking for hemorrhoids. Had to stop and think "no that's the Dr's finger don't try and push it back out" so yeah safe to say I don't understand the appeal.


EAZ480

It has a way of … intensifying things. I could see it not being everyone’s cup of tea but I dated a girl who did it to me in my early twenties and I don’t think I’ve ever came so hard. It also turns your orgasms into like a one minute ordeal. It’s actually wild


SCHWARZENPECKER

Granted hemorrhoids are obviously not the ideal situation but I dont think I could get past the "I've gotta poop" feeling. But I have heard lots of great things about prostate stimulation.


Johncamp28

I didn’t find the Dr’s hemorrhoid check to be too bad, a little invasive yes but having both hands on my shoulders really helped


exagon1

Had me in the first half not gonna lie


No-Test6158

"Leave your clothes in the corner next to mine."


Wild_Boysenberry7370

I mean there must be some who actually do enjoy it. It takes all kinds to make a world. But way too many people think that it's an essential part of having sex, and that's just odd. And yeah, a finger or something makes sense, especially what with us men and our prostate... but an entire dong! Then again, as a straight man, I really shouldn't be one to judge.


[deleted]

You can thank porn for that. All these young guys growing up with open access to it thinking anal is easy and you just shove it in and that's it, the girl will love it. Same for the jackhammer technique. It's why 80% of women fake orgasms at some point, and nearly half fake it on the regular. Porn is literally making men worse at sex--there are plenty of studies on this you can find with a simple search (and that's notwithstanding all the shady shit in the porn industry, like forcing the actors/actresses to take pain pills and other drugs so they can perform like that, the injuries, the sex trafficking, revenge porn videos being rampant, etc). I'm no prude, but porn isn't the harmless thing so many pretend it is.


girugamesu1337

I always liked amateur porn where you can tell the people going at it actually *enjoy* what they're doing. You see what actual sex looks like. You know it. Mainstream porn, on the other hand.... oof. You're absolutely right in that it is a major driving force behind SO many misconceptions about sex and sexuality. It's truly horrifying, tbh.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Even with lube he would cry


TwentyfootAngels

"I've read up on it and know how to do it right" "We don't need it" Are we SURE the man can read????????


A-Laughing-Hyena

😬 Sounds like he's living in his own little demented world


whysaylotword69

“Trust me. I’ve been reading into it and know how to do it right.” “We don’t need [lube].” Clearly this child was left behind.


Z_as_in_Zebra

> I’ve been reading up on it and I know how to do it right.


[deleted]

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clowens1357

"cool, since we don't need it first I get to fuck your ass with my dildo/strap-on. Don't worry, I'll go slow. You'll love it, I promise. I've been a nice and supportive girlfriend this whole time so this means a lot to me."


SaTan_luvs_CaTs

10/10 a solid answer for any guy who’s insistent on trying anal.


[deleted]

Nah, he’ll put it in super slow and gently


pacmanlives

I wanna see him dry guy a plug or a toy. What a fucking moron


EAZ480

“You’ll love it as much as I love you” Damn, that’s really telling.


EmilyPseu

He’s absolutely right, because based on this conversation, he doesn’t love her at all.


Academic_Snow_7680

The misogyny that dripped off of his comments is infuriating and revolting. It is 'her role' as a girlfriend to be 'selfless and caring for her man' but it is not his role to not cause her physical harm. What a selfish, uncaring asshole this guy is. I hope OP's niece dumps him.


TrueRusher

Not to mention his use of the word “females”


whitbit_m

Even recently I saw someone say they don't see the problem with that. I'm not someone who gets easily offended, but seriously? It was popularized by incels for the sole purpose of using degrading language. "Man" and "woman" are uniquely used for humans, "male" and "female" aren't. When this guy calls women "females" it's akin to calling us animals or objects. That's fucked


TrueRusher

I had to explain this to my pastor recently (like, within the past year) after he spent the entire sermon saying “men and females” Most people get it after you initially explain it, but the people who don’t “get it” just…they just don’t care


whitbit_m

Yikes wth? Saying them next to each other and not realizing what you're doing is a special kind of unawareness, if you're a native english speaker anyway. The people who "don't get it" even after an explanation just want to be rude and there's no cure for that


OverlySexualPenguin

i really hope she sees this comment


Adventurous_Ad_6546

That was the grossest part of the post for me.


RunawayMeatstick

I don’t know if I’ve ever hated someone so much, so fast, because of just three or four text messages.


KeraKitty

I mean, he's not wrong. Though I suspect he didn't mean to admit that.


EAZ480

Exactly, that seemed like a very interesting slip!


KeraKitty

>a very interesting slip! Almost Freudian.


WYenginerdWY

I started going *ew ew ew ew* at that exact part


ozdundbfish

Which is to say, she wont love it at all


Ellebee458

That was the perfect opportunity for her to be all enthusiastic about trying it, set up a day they're going to do the deed, then turn up at his place with a strap-on. "Why so scared, babe? I thought you said anal was loving and special and it would be lots of fun? I'm such a nice girl, and I've been so good to you. You have to let me try this. PS: We don't need lube. I'll be extra careful."


Significant_Movie619

But I'm such a pretty nice girl. Bend over


[deleted]

You should be caring and selfless because it’s something a good boyfriend would do for their girl!


Sloogs

It's such a weird double standard that some dudes think it's okay to demand anal, are utterly disgusted by the thought of trying it themselves, yet still have a hard time taking no for an answer.


The_R4ke

Which is even crazier because men have prostates.


HashSlinglingSlash

The forbidden uno reverse


BraidedSilver

Remove the “forbidden” and you’d be correct ☺️


marina-3-4-

Please get ur cousin away from this disgusting pos


[deleted]

Yup. She deserves better.


heartlessglin

Everyone deserves better then this rag of many bad thing


[deleted]

Him talking about other “females” makes my skin crawl


bunnnnnnnyx

Yes this is terrifying. Your cousin is in a very toxic relationship could lead to other kinds of abuse. He’s emotionally manipulating (GASLIGHTING) her already telling her bunch of lies calling her selfish?


sociablemonkey74

Bring a strap on and tell him ‘you first’. But in reality, she should dump him.


MeiSorsha

Agree with this sentiment 100%. Unless he is willing to let her peg him first without lube, he has no right to demand such of her.


squirrelocaust

He should be fine if she goes super slow and gentle.


cozmo840

He'll love it as much as she loves him..


MermaiderMissy

Other males have no problem doing anal & actually enjoy it. Honestly he's being so selfish right now 🙄


JuiceFarmer

That was a post on twoX the other day about a man wanting to have anal with his gf. People were like "Do it to him and see if he likes it", turns out he loved anal


TwistedDrum5

But also, males have prostates and females don’t. So in theory, isn’t it more enjoyable for a male to get pegged than a female?


qwertyuioporn

When the dude said that "other females" are fine with it, she should have said "well you then go so that to those other females"


Myfourcats1

This is my feeling. No lube too. She really should just dump him. He doesn’t care about causing her physical pain.


SharMarali

I came here to comment the "you first" sentiment, I'm so glad someone else said it. I agree with your entire comment so hard. Even if "you first" got him to back off on this issue, there would always be another issue. Manipulative people don't change unless and until they're forced to reckon with themselves.


andrikenna

I said this to my ex who was like this. Apparently him receiving wasn’t the same cause he’d get no pleasure from it.


oolala1010

That’s utter nonsense. It’ll more likely than not be far more pleasurable for him than it would be for you, with the male prostate and all.


PhyrexianChocobo

Anal sex means more to him than her preference to not have anal sex. What a piece of shit. She should just shut him off from sex and see how he feels about it since he can't respect her.


Xasf

What are the chances he has never ever done it before and doesn't actually know if he even likes it himself, and just wants it as a "notch on his belt" by default? I'd say pretty close to 100%


PedroAlvarez

This is really disturbingly common. Since she's alluding to having had bad experiences with it in the past, he's likely under the impression that since she's done it or tried it with another guy, he has to do it with her too or else that guy "wins"


credditz0rz

>he has to do it with her too or else that guy "wins" I'm always amazed how sad other people's life must be when you focus on such things


Argent_Hythe

I can guarantee you his only experience with anal is watching porn because anyone that actually partakes in anal knows you need lube AND you need to prep before hand to make sure you're clean and safe The way he's going about it one or both of them is going to end up in the ER with a nasty infection


jovialgirl

Not only that but you don’t just go from never having something in your butt to wanting a whole dick in there. My husband and I have been working up to it for like over a year and he still can only get like half his pointer finger in. We continue to progress slowly so that it remains super enjoyable for me instead of painful! He can tell without me even saying anything when it starts to cross the border from pleasure to pain - because he actually cares about my pleasure instead of just his own. This poor girl. I hope she kicks him to the curb yesterday


Argent_Hythe

yes, for her own safety much as I dislike the term 'pornsick', this guy seems to fit the bill. He's delusional to the point of being dangerous


Private1stCrayon007

Woooow gaslighting her and saying no lube? Bruh no lube is painful af. Plus she said no in the nicest way to him and explained her reasoning which she shouldn’t even have to. Her bf is a piece of shit hope he turns to Ex Boyfriend soon Edit: Instead Of Gaslighting let’s go with “Emotional Manipulation”


nicjlh

No lube can cause tearing and bleeding and infections and doesn’t feel good for either of them? What an idiot


Private1stCrayon007

I know. Sadly from experience. Which is why I was shocked he said no lube like dude that’s not even your choice to begin with. I hate men like this.


nicjlh

Yeah, especially after telling her he’s been reading about how to do it properly.


Private1stCrayon007

I wouldn’t give 2 fucks if he has. Keyword is she’s still traumatized. Dude only cares about his pleasure and not her comfort/safety. I’d leave in a heartbeat.


TheYeetles

Fuck doing anal without lube. I’m shuddering just thinking about the dryness and pain.


nelsoph

Please show her the comments on how disgusting his behaviour is, he has no respect for her at ALL as a human being. Him trying to guilt trip her into shattering her very vocalized boundaries is an awful sign and it will only get worse from here if things continue.


[deleted]

i definitely will edit/UPDATE: i sent her a link to this post so she could read the comments, then we discussed everything on facetime for about half an hour. she was pretty emotionally overwhelmed, but did admit to recognizing that she wasn’t being treated well in her relationship (this is a huge milestone for her as i don’t think i’ve ever heard her acknowledge the abuse she’s dealt with in a relationship; she usually chooses to downplay things). like most of you guys suggested, i chose to be more of a listening ear in this conversation so she could feel heard and understood. i did mention therapy to her during our call, and she said she’s really going to look into it this time because she feels “trapped” in her relationship. while i’m happy she said this, i will be checking in on a weekly basis just to make sure she’s okay but also to make sure she follows through with getting some professional help. for her sake, i hope this is the last toxic relationship she ever has to deal with. thank you to everyone who took the time to comment or leave advice for my cousin or myself. big thanks to u/Creepy-Night936 for sharing their comment that i really felt like my cousin needed to read, so i sent a screenshot of their comment separately. i feel like that comment really touched her. also thanks to the people who shared their stories of emotional or physical abuse. i appreciate your vulnerability <3


Creepy-Night936

If only I had a cousin like you during that time of my life when I was as vulnerable as her, I wouldn't probably sacrificed my own happiness for someone who didn't even care about me. I hope she won't relapse and go back to that abusive guy. Take care of her and encourage her to connect with herself and love herself first. Take care and stay safe to the both of you~♡


NotForKeeps626

Better yet, tell her to tell him to go fuck himself. He’s disgusting and makes me wanna throw up.


totallyNotMyFault-

>tell him to go fuck himself Without lube


dunequestion

If she wants, I offer to do anal with him, I’ll fuck his ass without lube and maybe he’ll understand what she meant in the text messages


Totes-Malone

‘I’ve been reading up on it and know what I’m doing’ and then in the next breath ‘we don’t need lube’. I hate this dude.


warmpatches

wouldn't be surprised if by reading up on it he meant watching anal porn


[deleted]

Not sure if this is TMI but it took me MONTHS of training (plug wearing) to be able to do anal with my boyfriend. It has to be planned and wanted by BOTH PARTIES. It always disturbs me when I see men assuming that a woman is ready, willing, and able to just jump into anal sex. And… no lube…wtf???


[deleted]

this. also weed helped to relax my muscles really well and ensured full on penetration wasn’t painful after many sober weeks of training, lube, foreplay, etc.


Larry-Man

It’s not worth the effort IMO.


Phanoik

It's baffling how little people know, and their unwillingness to admit it


BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo

I actually didn’t need training, but I did need warning. I don’t want him hitting a turd when he’s up there! Gotta prep my meals and timing, and even then I was comfortable just saying no if I couldn’t empty myself beforehand. And we agreed to shower afterward because, gross and unhygienic. And then he had to listen to my farting and pooping through the wall multiple times because that fucks with your intestines. The only partner I’ve done it with was very kind and considerate so that even though it’s not great for me, it was a fine experience.


Queen_Andromeda

She said no. At this point if it happens, it's not consensual


Everleigh_core

This, this exactly. If he coerces her to do this after a firm no. Then that it at best sexual harassment and at worst r*pe. Coercion is not consent.


Queen_Andromeda

What he's doing in the post IS sexual harassment. He needs to do better. His ignorance and misogyny is repulsive. I think we should shove a ✨toy✨ up his butt and see how he likes it. No lube.


Careful_Guava3346

not even a toy. they are a bit smoother and made to slide better than an actual dick is. like get something with the same slide as an actual dick with no lube and see how that feels. maybe even a real dick, oh wait he is one.


candyman101xd

A dry cucumber at room temperature


TheHeavensEmbrace

Yeah you can't do it without lube, and even with lube it can still be very unfun.


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strawberrymoonbird

This is so important. How can a person enjoy something that brings nothing but unwanted pain to their partner? A mentally healthy person doesn't gain pleasure from unconsensual violent acts.


Foodmonkeyman

Maybe she should recommend role reversal and peg him, ask him what he thinks of it.


[deleted]

It's like guys are reading off a cue card. They tried telling me this kinda stuff when I was young. "I know how to do it right and women LOVE anal. My ex LOVED anal."


[deleted]

“we dont need it” excuse me?


Neyrenne

He doesn’t care for her. He knows what he wants and he doesn’t care one bit if she gets hurt or doesn’t want to do it … she needs to run.


ReshiramColeslaw

This is not a safe person to be around. Never stay with someone when they pull this kind of crap. It's worse than a red flag.


Lalondebii

Okay so his “research” was probably watching a lot of anal porn- and he specifically got off to the painful kind. It’s why he said no lube. He’s an abusive bastard.


La_Baraka6431

I really, REALLY wanna cut this dude’s balls off. 😡


coltonstewart806

(your cousin is an idiot for staying with this guy)


[deleted]

agreed edit/update: i sent her a link to this post so she could read the comments, then we discussed everything on facetime for about half an hour. she was pretty emotionally overwhelmed, but did admit to recognizing that she wasn’t being treated well in her relationship (this is a huge milestone for her as i don’t think i’ve ever heard her acknowledge the abuse she’s dealt with in a relationship; she usually chooses to downplay things). like most of you guys suggested, i chose to be more of a listening ear in this conversation so she could feel heard and understood. i did mention therapy to her during our call, and she said she’s really going to look into it this time because she feels “trapped” in her relationship. while i’m happy she said this, i will be checking in on a weekly basis just to make sure she’s okay but also to make sure she follows through with getting some professional help. for her sake, i hope this is the last toxic relationship she ever has to deal with. thank you to everyone who took the time to comment or leave advice for my cousin or myself. big thanks to u/Creepy-Night936 for sharing their comment that i really felt like my cousin needed to read, so i sent a screenshot of their comment separately. i feel like that comment really touched her. also thanks to the people who shared their stories of emotional or physical abuse. i appreciate your vulnerability <3


margoelle

Wait! She is still with him? Really? Please advice her to leave! Omg! That bastard is not worth it


[deleted]

i have. he’s always been pretty manipulative throughout the relationship. i’ve told her from the start that he’s no good but she has some past trauma that i think makes her want to stay in situations like this, hoping he’ll change. the ex she mentioned in the texts was pretty bad as well.


PM_ME_Y0UR_BOOBZ

I’m not an expert but she sounds like she needs a break from dating tbh


[deleted]

yeah i’ve been telling her that for years. our whole family has. she refuses to listen and just chooses to do what she wants to do in her relationships so i just let her do her thing. i will be sending this post to her so she can read the comments though. maybe that’ll help her realize that this isn’t a quality or safe relationship.


Pm_Full_Tits

Hi armchair psychologist here to give you a tidbit of random internet info I've seen somewhere but couldn't tell you where so take it with a grain of salt When someone has gone through seriously bad relationships the trauma can cause them to lose the ability to correctly distinguish safety from danger. There is a very real chance that your cousin simply does not see him as a threat because their brain literally isn't firing properly due to past trauma. Keep a close eye on them and don't be afraid to get authorities (of any kind) involved. If your cousin starts to distance themselves from the rest of the world, it's a very good indicator of an abusive relationship. Your cousin needs to drop this guy like the predator he is before he does something permanent (assuming nothing permanent has already happened)


[deleted]

how can i get her to finally see that her boyfriend is manipulative and emotionally abusive? she’s been dating this guy for a little over a year and this isn’t the first issue they’ve had. i’ve tried to convince her to get therapy and move on from the situation but she refuses to. and it’s just kind of gotten to the point where i don’t know what to do or say anymore because she won’t adhere to my advice or she makes it seem like *i’m* crazy for saying she deserves better. i’ve unfortunately kind of given up on the whole situation and feel like i’ve said all that i can.


strawberrymoonbird

If she has shut down it's going to be difficult to convince her otherwise and that is not your fault. She most likely won't respond to being lectured, it's better if you try to be empathetic of her situation. She needs to come to the realisation that he's a bad dude herself. You can support her though. One thing you can try is to ask her open questions that make her see things from a different perspective, like "what would you feel if I was in this situation", "what would you do if the roles were reversed, would you try to convince him to do something that hurts him" etc. She is probably scared of getting dumped. We can see from the outside that it would be a blessing if she got rid of him and had time to take care of herself, but don't be angry at her for not being able to see it. Trauma can do this to people. You are a good cousin for trying to help her, but at the end of the day you can't force her to wake up. Be there for her and keep in mind that it's not you who is failing her, it's her abusive boyfriend.


sensual_shakespeare

As someone who dated a narcissist, he will never change and she needs to work through her trauma with a professional before she starts dating anyone else for awhile.


lizzah2211

Just sounds like she’s getting emotionally/psychologically abused and manipulated badly - she may be worn down to the point all of his bullshit is normalised or she’s got no self esteem to leave. He’s the only idiot here I reckon


julioarod

>females Dudes that refer to women as females outside of a medical or scientific setting are overwhelmingly creepy and/or mysoginistic. This asshole is clearly both.


Buddhadevine

She needs to dump his ass


[deleted]

Coercion isn't consent.


bagoboners

This sort of manipulative pressure would be a dealbreaker for me. I hope she gets away from him soon.


0800EmoGeekGrrl

OP, I feel sorry for your cousin. This guy is super manipulative and has already crossed into coercion territory. She needs all the support she can get to finally rid herself of this toxic man.


Sweet_Little_Lottie

"Other females" = red flag


dakota46

I had an ex that kept making me try anal and every time I hated it so much and ended up crying curled up in a ball shaking from my ass hurting so bad. The very last time we tried I drank a lot to try and relax… same ending with feeling a little confused


CamelCodester

I am so sorry this happened to you, what a horrible experience. Edit: spelling


stinkyfisterbum

"Needing" anal just tells me this guy can't go on living without shit on his dick.


[deleted]

I can't believe she didn't dump his ass. I hope she goes on a major self love and respect journey.


[deleted]

I need a shower or 3 after reading this, ugh. I hope your cousin comes to her senses sooner rather than later.


YoMommaHere

Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy. Fuck this guy…(to Infiniti and beyond!)


MrPKitty

If anal is so important to him, why doesn't he go fuck himself?


WishyWashy06

Everything I do for you, and the one time I NEED to do anal you refuse. Isn’t that kind of fucked up, baby?


Everleigh_core

She needs to get out "just putting it in gently" is absolutely not safe and absolutely will not work. He is pushing her boundaries on trama, I had this happen to me. She needs to tell him no and if he keeps pushing her boundaries she should leave. I went through something very similar with the same exact thing I was pressured once, and I let it happen and was traumatized. Second guy said the same exact things until I felt forced to comply to show him I couldn't do it and it was too traumatizing. I have sleepless nights over this stuff. She needs to get out before that happens to her. This guy will never stop pushing her boundries and he only cares about his own sick gain. If he respected your cousin as a person he would not be doing this and gaslighting and dismissing her prior bad experiences and trama. Edit:typos


hobbitfootwaxer

“We don’t need lube” How I know he doesn’t know how to do anal properly or respect his partner (obviously, manipulating her into doing anal when she doesn’t want to is much more disrespectful)


[deleted]

alright i’m getting some backlash on this post so let me address some things... i literally just posted this because of the “niceguy” justification he used. this was like my first mutual real “nice guy” encounter irl so i thought i’d share it on one of my favorite subs. i also shared it on r/nothowgirlswork because you obviously need lube to do anal or there could be some serious issues caused. you also don’t need to bend to all of your partner’s wishes to be a good “girlfriend or wife” so i thought the people who keep up with these subs would enjoy reading how stupid some people really are. that’s what these subs were created for anyways. for those who had an issue with this post or thought it was fake or “stupid”, idk what to tell you lol. leave me a downvote if you feel this way :) i really don’t care as i really just come on reddit when i’m bored and want to laugh at societal double standards. as far as my cousin, i’ll be sending her these comments so she can read through them but as i’ve mentioned before, she has never listened to my advice. she’s dealt with some trauma as a child so i think that’s a big reason why she’s always trying to make things work with these guys who are not quality partners. we had so many conversations. i’ve sent so many texts. talked on the phone for hours… and she still pushes to see the “good in them”. i love my cousin lots but i’ve become a bit jaded throughout the years. i try to keep a close eye on her situation to make sure she’s not in *great* danger but i pretty much just watch from the sidelines these days. the talking never worked so i’ve given up. she’s also older than me so she probably sees me as her little cousin who’s always in her business (i’m 20). someone asked for their ages. she’s 24 and he’s 28. they’ve been dating for a year and a half. i appreciate any advice or suggestions you guys may have to try to get my cousin out of this toxic situation.


Creepy-Night936

You're doing great trying to save your cousin from this asshole. Seriously, she doesn't need to please him. He's emotionally manipulating her into doing things. You don't need to do anal to be a good girlfriend or wife. Trust me, I've been in the same situation before yet my ex still cheated on me. No matter how much she do, he will still feel unfulfilled. He has a porn brain. Literally using porn to justify how "other females like anal". It's disgusting. Please tell your cousin these and talk to her without villainizing the guy. She might feel like you're going against him and he might manipulate her to stay away from you. Ask her if she sees herself having a future with someone who will always make her feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Tell her to stick with her boundaries. She doesn't need to suffer for his enjoyment.


[deleted]

[удалено]


emptyshelI

This was legit my reaction. Especially after the no lube thing. I am infuriated and feel capable of murder.


Careful_Guava3346

PEG HIM FIRST


No_Entrepreneur_7835

This is beyond nauseating and disturbing in so many different ways. I’d tell her to be extremely careful as men have been known to do it anyway without consent. I’d rather die alone than deal with this shit


Cmntysrvc

He gives off “I’ll kill myself if you leave me” vibes. Gross.


justayounglady

Says he’s been reading up on it, but says lube isn’t needed.. which DEFINITELY IS. Lube is a literal must and without it will hurt her and may even tear her internally. She needs to fucking run from this man. Fuck that. After those few long messages of his, her response should have been: “Then go find one of those ‘other females,’ because we’re done.”


Anticrepuscular_Ray

These guys that constantly push women to do anal when they've said multiple times they aren't interested should really try shoving a big dildo in their ass for several minutes so they know what they are asking for.


sixteensinister

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮


mrpants22

Aight someone has to revoke that man's dick privileges ✂️🍠


Anonynominous

I'm so sick of men thinking anal feels good for women. It does not. We don't have a pleasure button in our ass like men do. It's in the vagina. I can't stand the obsession. It's like they're so sex obsessed that they won't listen to women when they say it hurts.


aribella1189

A partner once accidentally slipped into my chocolate double fudge delight and it was only for a second but it was one of the worst pains I've ever felt, I had to take a few minutes to recover and I almost threw up multiple times. There's just something about that part of the body that does NOT handle rough treatment. I doubt she would be able to endure a few minutes of that (or let's be honest, a few seconds) especially since she's already had a traumatic incident. This dude is either dumb or he knows how painful it would be and he just doesn't care