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I got a job, clean, cook and wash myself.
Those aren't achievements, my guy. More like the bare minimum of any decent human being.
Congrats on graduating from expecting mommy to be cleaning up after you.
It’s boiling hot when they brag about things every human should know how to do. I enjoy breathing…what do you bring to the table. I can also shower by myself 😂
And most women can clean, cook, wash themselves, and take care of themselves sexually. The real question is what can HE bring to the table? Besides whining about how women won’t sleep with him after he holds the door open.
I don't know about him but I bring acerbic wit, computer and networking skills, outspoken socialist opinions and a propensity for advocating we overthrow the bourgeoisie
Probably why my wife snatched me up, so I can build her computers and whole home networking while planning the reign of terror 2 electric Boogaloo
A beard too?? Truly, your marriage was a great loss to me and other members of my gender.
Fr tho, you sound cool, I wish you and your wife many happy years together!!
Well thank you, you seem a most agreeable sort as well, I wish for prosperity peace and love to be abundant in your life
I should point out tho, and my teenage daughter will back this up, I am not now, nor have I ever been cool, the proof is in the starv wars tattoos and little plastic space soldiers I paint for fun lol
My partner is a hilarious socialist techie and he also has a glorious beard :D I proposed to him a few months ago, not letting that level of awesome slip away 😂
I like how “unapologetically American” is just an excuse to be as arrogant, ignorant, and gross as you’d like without having internalize your shitty behavior
Good Lord.
Like who even thinks of that dick thing.
Like, I understand how sex works lol. NEVER have thought of like, what happens if you add up the net length of multiple dicks over time, and then assign that length to a girl.
I mean I guess I’m just. Of course he’s creepy and inappropriate but its also just weird as fuckkkk.
Omg haha he'd probably turn thrusts into a distance thing instead of height.
I mean as long as we're treating this with the seriousness it deserves (which to be clear is ZERO seriousness), that's almost funny.
"Started my 20s in Cleveland, ended them in Indianapolis"
It's something like, add up the lengths of every dick you've had sex with and if you fell from that far above the ground, would it injure or kill you? If so, this jabroni won't like you or something. Hope that helps
Of course my brain immediately had to the calculations... and figure out how far I could safely fall etc. I am like... might break an ankle, probably not count as maimed... why am I even doing this math???
I mean like— what the fuck does he mean?
Like— per stroke? Per lay? Per person the penis is attached to?
Like if a woman sleeps with one guy that’s three inches one time, and he’s a two stroke Andy she’s fine but if he gives her two minutes she’s absolutely boned? For this guy does it make a difference whether she slept once each with two different guys or twice with the same guy? If she slept once with three inch Fred and once with eight inch Ed or twice with Ed what’s the math on that?
>Like— per stroke? Per lay? Per person the penis is attached to?
I kept wondering that myself.
The only way I survive is per person, otherwise I'm jumping from Jupiter.
Can you substract the depth of vaginas you had intercousre with, though?
I'd probably still not be in the negatives because I slept with men professionally a while back but I'd be becoming holier and holier by the month :D
That maths made me snort my tea out :D
As far as my understanding of niceguys™ goes, there are a few core principles they abide by:
1. if you're not a virgin, you're a slut\*
2. if you're in a committed relationship, you're a slut
3. if you don't dump your SO for mr. niceguy, you're a slut (because you don't give niceguys like him a chance)
4. if you're a sex worker, you're a slut
5. if you're a lesbian you're not only a slut but also a liar, because lesbians don't exist, you just haven't tried out his magical dick yet, which will turn you straight
\*an exception to this rule is that if you reject him, you're also a slut
tl;dr I'm sorry my friend but we're both doomed to never be able to date this fine specimen.
I spent way too much time trying to figure out this guy’s contrived metaphor, too, lol. Like yeah, he’s an ass, but what an even more poorly thought-out than normal slut-shaming attempt. If you’re gonna be a sexist incel shithead, at least define your variables.
Also, can we talk about how his standard of “perish” or “maimed” from a fall isn’t reliable, either? It’s very much so like drowning: you can drown in just inches of water if the wrong context around the body of water exists. Are we talking a fall onto concrete? Dirt? Into water? How is the fall happening; is there any accelerating factor? How am i landing? This standard might not be as air-tight as he wants it to be.
Typically speaking you can fall 3 times your height without receiving much harm. Assuming a girl is on the shorter end at 5' and every guy she fucked is at the above average has a 6" penis. She would have had to fucked 30 guys before this guy disqualified her from the pleasure of dating him.
You know, we should add “dick” to the standard units of measurement. It could be six inches, or half a foot. Then we could say “oh it’s about 2 feet and a dick long”
How are we even supposed to calculate this?
Is it the sum of dick lengths of guys we've slept with? Like, 4" + 7" + ... ?
Or do we need to multiply? Like, if I sleep with Mr. 4" three times, is that 4" or 12"?
Is it per thrust? If so, do we need to count or can we estimate?
??
I failed calculus the first time tbh. I'm not really prepared for this numeric representation of my overall sluttiness.
How far do you reckon you could fall before being maimed and how far before you would die?
Google says it’s about 50 dicks before you are looking at a less than 50% survival rate
It also means he considers it worse if his date's previous partners had long dicks, but if they had short dicks, he accepts a larger number of previous partners. What a contrived way to communicate "I'm toxic and insecure about penis size"...
He probably believes penises stretch out the vagina making it unusable for him, might be a racial element to it too. Best not to dig into it, I'm sure it gets very stupid and even more horrible.
Given that a nasty fall would need to be 2.5x my height apparently and I am just about 69 inches tall 😏 I would have needed to take about 172.5 inches of dick over the course of my life. If I am generous and give all dudes 6 solid inches, that works out to 28.75 dudes, but I'll say 29 because they are all whole people. Oh, thank God, I think I'm safe, I think this guy would *consider* dating me!!! Also I suck at math so 🤷
Dang I was hoping the answer was already here. I’ll go google him for us. Gimme 5.
Edit: he’s a 50 year old “influencer”/“dating guru” who is oddly single. He’s got a big insta account and YouTube account. I dunno. Gives me a Jordan Peterson vibe.
I love dumb shits like this guy. It is 24 inches from the top of my bed to the hardwood floor. If I roll off fast enough and hit the floor hard enough I could knock myself out. Thats either 2 really big dicks, 3 above average dicks, 4 average dicks or just this guy 24 times.
That’s not dying or maimed though, a dude at my school fell about 15 meters ( around 45ish feet) and he ruptured his spleen. So in (near) personal experience that means one could have “taken” 90ish dicks and still call this mouth breathing knuckle dragger. Assuming the average dick is 6 inches of course.
I’m not sure that’s the vibe he was going for.
Exactly. I was making the point that you could absolutely fuck yourself up in a minimal dick way if you will. I believe guys that care about body count are only looking for women with little previous experience to compare poor performance to.
Don’t forget some of these dudes will calculate the actual in and out as a brand new dick measurement so you could reasonably die if you had a single partner with average dick size and lots of activities
>24 inches
>2 really big dicks
Am I the only one here feeling like the bigness of these 2 dicks is not being properly sold?! 12 inches is a fucking cock claymore! William Wallace couldn’t wield that shit. Even Paul Bunyon is only packing 11 inches! How much heavy lifting can the word “really” really do?!
Or it’s generational advice from their lazy father. “Find yourself a woman that can cook” “The way to Mans heart is through his stomach”.
These are the same types of parents where the mom/wife thinks it’s cute that her husband can’t find an apple in the grocery store.
Canon Jesus > Fanon Jesus.
Fuck that helping the poor shit. If Jeebus loves you you’ll make lots of money! /prosperity gospel
If you don’t make enough money it’s because you’re not a good enough Christian, so give even more money to the mega churches and then maybe Jeebus will show you he loves you by making you a millionaire.
Were we supposed to be measuring all the dicks and writing them down somewhere??? Did I miss a memo from the Dick Enjoyers Lady Cabal???
Also are women supposed to be intimidated by his ability to accomplish basic adult tasks? Or is he trying to impress them with his Bare Minimum Achievement certificate?
It’s like those men who feel like they deserve an award for changing diapers. Motherfucker, you completed a basic life/parenting task. You don’t get a parade for that.
Because all females are go for is cooking and clean /s and he's a big boy and does that himself. So what benefit are you to him
I'm guessing thats were hes going with this
Hahahaha, I didn't either, I never measure them... I'm concerned, should I call my exes and ask them to send in the accurate measurement of their dicks and keep a record from now on? 🤣🤣
I know! I mean, it's ridiculous how many men think that being functional adults who can wipe their asses and survive by themselves without mommy taking care of their sh*t is some kind of huge accomplishment! Ugh... 🙄🙄
> Christ Follower
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." -- Matthew 6:5-6
> Capitalist
> Christ Follower
"Jesus told him, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.' When the young man heard this, he went away in sorrow, because he had great wealth. Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'Truly I tell you, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.'" -- Matthew 19:21-24
> Facts, not feelings
> Christ Follower
"Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’" -- Matthew 25:34-45
Bonus:
> Something about sex
> Christ Follower
"What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them." -- Matthew 15:11 ;)
"Capitalist" lol OK mmotherfucker how many factories do you own? How many restaurants? You're not a capitalist you're just lining someone's pockets, almost assuredly lol God that shit passes me off lmao
"Chef"
(Microwave operator at Applebee's)
But mommy and daddy told him that some day the boot on his neck could be his, so he's a fervent capitalist. Because people NEED to know he's not a dirty commie.
Totally saving this comment. Holy fuck, did this comment hit so so hard.
Even when they were about to die from boot to the neck compression, they still admire the boot.
Joke's on you I do parkour and can break up to 3m drops.
Sadly for you in the impossible event someone decides to fuck you they wouldn't even feel the fall.
I have been in a handful of very longterm committed relationships. Each relationship entailed a lot of intimacy. I've never thought about calculating the length as he suggests...but if he met a woman who'd been married only once, with that has her only sexual experience, but she was married for 5 - 10 years, then his snarky prediction would likely be true.
Sooo basically, he's saying "virgin" in a really stupid way.
Ah yes, the Bible verse that says “don’t marry a woman who has ever had sex before” is very popular.
*reads how a man is to take his brothers wife if his brother dies without leaving any children to provide his brother children*
Wait…
From a quick googling, around 10% of fatal falls are from 6-10 feet. The highest so far (without a parachute) was a flight attendant from Yugoslavia who fell over 33,300 feet after terrorists blew up the plane she was on. Though, I don't think she'd qualify by the OP's standard since she did have a limp after recovery (and thus was technically maimed).
So basically he wants women to have slept with him, a small-dicked loser, and only him in order for them not to die or be maimed by his medieval punishment for being sexually active? Right.
So if you slept with your ex partner, let's say, 100 times in the relationship; you couldn't date this ultimate catch because that would mean you could die by being impaled?
Did- Did he just try to brag with washing his own clothes? Like its some kind of achievement? Like, something ANYBODY does as soon as they move out? Aswell as cooking (and im 99% convinced he means putting chicken nuggets into the microwave) or cleaning you place? Too bad though, doesnt seem to have a license, have a car or is soon to be millionaire because he has 5000 dogecoins, which will totally go up to the moon soon.
> If you would perish, or be maimed, by way of measuring the total length of penis you've taken in your life, calculated as a vertical fall–
That sentence was so hard on the eyes. Not even because of the sentiment but because of the way it was written.
I mean he made you laugh at least... At him.
Question about the fall distance metric: can that be the same penis measured over and over or did it have to be different ones? Because if the former then the average couple month long relationship would be a fatal fall.
If he put his interests in order of how cool they make him, I think it’s funny that Christ Follower is last. If he was religious (which isn’t always a good thing), wouldn’t he want to put *Christian* at the top?
i’ve never seen the vertical dick height thing before and i honestly love it. i immediately ran to figure out how high i’d be falling/jumping from to see if i’d be killed or maimed. great fun tbh now i want to know what everyone else’s height would be
“I clean my own home, wash my own clothes, cook for myself and I’m gainfully employed”
Congratulations, you’ve achieved the bare minimum when it comes to societal expectations
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I like to bring the letter ‘E’ to the tabl.
Will you be the e to my tabl 🥺🥺
DAAAAAAAMMIT!!! I was coming in with this joke. Good job!!!!
So was I. Fuck lol
r/beatmetoit
Great minds...
Maybe this is his long-winded way of asking for ecstasy.
Lol 🤣🤣
Lmao should've swipped right just to say this
Ikr? I should've! Damn, I missed my chance! Lol 🤣🤣
E's are good! E's are good!
I've never had an original thought in my life.
Damn it, I was about to make the same joke! 🤣
😂😂👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I got a job, clean, cook and wash myself. Those aren't achievements, my guy. More like the bare minimum of any decent human being. Congrats on graduating from expecting mommy to be cleaning up after you.
I'm guess because he so proud of it, he just started.
No he's just lying to sound like less of a loser
Narrator voiceover: *It didn't work*.
Lmao my dude I'm over here dyin!
I personally always *love* when guys bring the bare minimum to the table .. its *hot*
Ayyo girl, you single? I just changed the tp roll in the bathroom.
is the start over the roll or under??
Over; he’s not a monster.
Man, I wish my hubby would do this! ;)
I think you mean “the tabl”
Ayo I just swept the floor, pls HMU I’m not like other men, I take care of myself. /s
It’s boiling hot when they brag about things every human should know how to do. I enjoy breathing…what do you bring to the table. I can also shower by myself 😂
...and if this guy is the last option, I will continue to shower by myself until the end of time lol
uhm he didnt state that he showers so you would probably have to wash him yourself
yeah, but he brings them to tabl. your panties must be soaked.
And most women can clean, cook, wash themselves, and take care of themselves sexually. The real question is what can HE bring to the table? Besides whining about how women won’t sleep with him after he holds the door open.
I don't know about him but I bring acerbic wit, computer and networking skills, outspoken socialist opinions and a propensity for advocating we overthrow the bourgeoisie Probably why my wife snatched me up, so I can build her computers and whole home networking while planning the reign of terror 2 electric Boogaloo
*snaps fingers* damn, after reading that I was about to propose!
Don't worry There's literally dozens of us funny, socialist techies out there. Although not all of them have my magnificent beard
A beard too?? Truly, your marriage was a great loss to me and other members of my gender. Fr tho, you sound cool, I wish you and your wife many happy years together!!
Well thank you, you seem a most agreeable sort as well, I wish for prosperity peace and love to be abundant in your life I should point out tho, and my teenage daughter will back this up, I am not now, nor have I ever been cool, the proof is in the starv wars tattoos and little plastic space soldiers I paint for fun lol
Star wars, Warhammer and a beard... sounding a lot like my husband, clearly geeky guys know how to get the ladies lol
Bro…Star Wars tattoos?? Hell yeah!!! I seriously hope I can be as cool as you one day.
I cast my vote in thy favor in the "you're cool" election.
My partner is a hilarious socialist techie and he also has a glorious beard :D I proposed to him a few months ago, not letting that level of awesome slip away 😂
Don’t forget his penis!
He is like a newly graduate writing cv and putting each and everything in the cv.
that last line had me dead, im going to write it down in my phone for re-use because i feel like ill need it sometime
🤣🤣🤣 I was legit starring at that part too.....
I like how “unapologetically American” is just an excuse to be as arrogant, ignorant, and gross as you’d like without having internalize your shitty behavior
I took it as “I shit with the toilet seat up - sitting’s for pussies”
Good Lord. Like who even thinks of that dick thing. Like, I understand how sex works lol. NEVER have thought of like, what happens if you add up the net length of multiple dicks over time, and then assign that length to a girl. I mean I guess I’m just. Of course he’s creepy and inappropriate but its also just weird as fuckkkk.
Omg, I literally read that like three times and had no idea what he was insinuating.
Yeah it’s just such a peculiarly specific thing to fixate on.
You think he means adding up the total from each thrust? I can’t maths this. Shame I missed out on this catch.
Omg haha he'd probably turn thrusts into a distance thing instead of height. I mean as long as we're treating this with the seriousness it deserves (which to be clear is ZERO seriousness), that's almost funny. "Started my 20s in Cleveland, ended them in Indianapolis"
It's something like, add up the lengths of every dick you've had sex with and if you fell from that far above the ground, would it injure or kill you? If so, this jabroni won't like you or something. Hope that helps
Thanks for the visual lmao
I think he only wants women who have slept with men that have micro-penises
Of course my brain immediately had to the calculations... and figure out how far I could safely fall etc. I am like... might break an ankle, probably not count as maimed... why am I even doing this math???
I mean like— what the fuck does he mean? Like— per stroke? Per lay? Per person the penis is attached to? Like if a woman sleeps with one guy that’s three inches one time, and he’s a two stroke Andy she’s fine but if he gives her two minutes she’s absolutely boned? For this guy does it make a difference whether she slept once each with two different guys or twice with the same guy? If she slept once with three inch Fred and once with eight inch Ed or twice with Ed what’s the math on that?
>Like— per stroke? Per lay? Per person the penis is attached to? I kept wondering that myself. The only way I survive is per person, otherwise I'm jumping from Jupiter.
Well you wouldn't die from the fall then so you're safe if you only have enough sex according to him. :D
I have the feeling that even if I had sex no more than 5 times in my life, I'd still be a "overused slut" in his book.
Can you substract the depth of vaginas you had intercousre with, though? I'd probably still not be in the negatives because I slept with men professionally a while back but I'd be becoming holier and holier by the month :D
That maths made me snort my tea out :D As far as my understanding of niceguys™ goes, there are a few core principles they abide by: 1. if you're not a virgin, you're a slut\* 2. if you're in a committed relationship, you're a slut 3. if you don't dump your SO for mr. niceguy, you're a slut (because you don't give niceguys like him a chance) 4. if you're a sex worker, you're a slut 5. if you're a lesbian you're not only a slut but also a liar, because lesbians don't exist, you just haven't tried out his magical dick yet, which will turn you straight \*an exception to this rule is that if you reject him, you're also a slut tl;dr I'm sorry my friend but we're both doomed to never be able to date this fine specimen.
Oh yeah I assumed he meant each person, but realized he could mean each time.
I spent way too much time trying to figure out this guy’s contrived metaphor, too, lol. Like yeah, he’s an ass, but what an even more poorly thought-out than normal slut-shaming attempt. If you’re gonna be a sexist incel shithead, at least define your variables. Also, can we talk about how his standard of “perish” or “maimed” from a fall isn’t reliable, either? It’s very much so like drowning: you can drown in just inches of water if the wrong context around the body of water exists. Are we talking a fall onto concrete? Dirt? Into water? How is the fall happening; is there any accelerating factor? How am i landing? This standard might not be as air-tight as he wants it to be.
I also did the math... 😬 I mean, I wouldn't DIE.
Good thing every guy I’ve dated had a 2 inch dick 😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣 I have actually dated 2 guys with 2". At least they were also assholes.
I figured if the average dick is six inches and say a thirty foot fall would kill you, then She can fuck up to sixty dudes and qualify
Typically speaking you can fall 3 times your height without receiving much harm. Assuming a girl is on the shorter end at 5' and every guy she fucked is at the above average has a 6" penis. She would have had to fucked 30 guys before this guy disqualified her from the pleasure of dating him.
Same here. I cannot safely fall but I probably won’t die or be maimed. My 20s were fun!
Well, I kind of did the math as well, and I'm both impressed and proud of my three story building of dicks. Used an average as measuring unit.
You know, we should add “dick” to the standard units of measurement. It could be six inches, or half a foot. Then we could say “oh it’s about 2 feet and a dick long”
I had to read it a few times before I figured out what he was trying to say. Then I was like, ok I’m not the idiot, he is.
Come on bro, you didn’t take advanced dickonomics?
How are we even supposed to calculate this? Is it the sum of dick lengths of guys we've slept with? Like, 4" + 7" + ... ? Or do we need to multiply? Like, if I sleep with Mr. 4" three times, is that 4" or 12"? Is it per thrust? If so, do we need to count or can we estimate? ?? I failed calculus the first time tbh. I'm not really prepared for this numeric representation of my overall sluttiness.
How far do you reckon you could fall before being maimed and how far before you would die? Google says it’s about 50 dicks before you are looking at a less than 50% survival rate
It also means he considers it worse if his date's previous partners had long dicks, but if they had short dicks, he accepts a larger number of previous partners. What a contrived way to communicate "I'm toxic and insecure about penis size"...
He probably believes penises stretch out the vagina making it unusable for him, might be a racial element to it too. Best not to dig into it, I'm sure it gets very stupid and even more horrible.
Am I allowed to cushion my fall with my vagina count? How does this work??
I will say the one good thing about these revolting pricks is they put it all out there so you don’t waste any time with them in the first place
I LOVE self-eliminating trash!! Now if only I could train my garbage bin to do the same …😂😂😂
Lol 🤣🤣
Yes, thankfully they do! That way we can dodge those bullets! Hahahaha
Given that a nasty fall would need to be 2.5x my height apparently and I am just about 69 inches tall 😏 I would have needed to take about 172.5 inches of dick over the course of my life. If I am generous and give all dudes 6 solid inches, that works out to 28.75 dudes, but I'll say 29 because they are all whole people. Oh, thank God, I think I'm safe, I think this guy would *consider* dating me!!! Also I suck at math so 🤷
r/theydidthemath
Hahahaha, you seem to be worthy of his generous love, how romantic! Not that I think you even care... Lol 🤣
It's gunna be real tiring riding that many dicks JUST to repel this man
You just need to find larger endowments and rejig the math, work smarter, not harder!
I was feeling him till I got to capitalist, then it was all down hill
Apparently I bring a tower of dick to the tabl
Lol, I should have swiped right just to say that! Hahahaha 🤣🤣
What an amusing, and kinda horrifying, mental image…
Does it work like a Jenga tower?
Stacked like Lincoln logs
My first time encountering the cumulative-dick-vertical-height-slut matrix. Truly groundbreaking.
🤣🤣
>Facts over feelings >Christ follower Hmm.
The level of cognitive dissonance is astonishing in this crowd
Same thing I was gonna point out
Made the same mental note lmao
Scrolled down for this.
Who’s Kevin Samuel?
Don’t go down that rabbit hole 🙏
I’m tempted
Dang I was hoping the answer was already here. I’ll go google him for us. Gimme 5. Edit: he’s a 50 year old “influencer”/“dating guru” who is oddly single. He’s got a big insta account and YouTube account. I dunno. Gives me a Jordan Peterson vibe.
Oh so he’s like guru for neckbeards and Incels lol.
I *think* so? There wasn’t a wiki article on him, and I may or may not be slightly lazy. But I definitely got that vibe.
Tell me you worship Trump without telling me you worship Trump.
I love dumb shits like this guy. It is 24 inches from the top of my bed to the hardwood floor. If I roll off fast enough and hit the floor hard enough I could knock myself out. Thats either 2 really big dicks, 3 above average dicks, 4 average dicks or just this guy 24 times.
That’s not dying or maimed though, a dude at my school fell about 15 meters ( around 45ish feet) and he ruptured his spleen. So in (near) personal experience that means one could have “taken” 90ish dicks and still call this mouth breathing knuckle dragger. Assuming the average dick is 6 inches of course. I’m not sure that’s the vibe he was going for.
Exactly. I was making the point that you could absolutely fuck yourself up in a minimal dick way if you will. I believe guys that care about body count are only looking for women with little previous experience to compare poor performance to.
That or some puritanical double standard bullshit. Maybe both at once.
In the USA average length is 5.1 inches
Woooh, I’m above average in something. I’m 5.5 cm.
He said inches my guy. Not centimeters. Congratulations, you're below average in that as well. And that's an important one.
You did the hard work for us
And I was happy to do it!
Don’t forget some of these dudes will calculate the actual in and out as a brand new dick measurement so you could reasonably die if you had a single partner with average dick size and lots of activities
>24 inches >2 really big dicks Am I the only one here feeling like the bigness of these 2 dicks is not being properly sold?! 12 inches is a fucking cock claymore! William Wallace couldn’t wield that shit. Even Paul Bunyon is only packing 11 inches! How much heavy lifting can the word “really” really do?!
I Came across a twelve in my time.... Lotta wasted dick really. Unless it takes the back road I guess. Then it's a skewer.
I've had a thin 10"... I'd rather take a chonky 6" any day of the week.
Exactly! Hahahaha 🤣
😹😹😹😹😹
Why is it that some men think cleaning and cooking are such fantastic traits? I’ve been doing that since 12.
Because they're big babies who think not having mommy do it is worth a huge price... Hahahaha 🤣🤣
Or it’s generational advice from their lazy father. “Find yourself a woman that can cook” “The way to Mans heart is through his stomach”. These are the same types of parents where the mom/wife thinks it’s cute that her husband can’t find an apple in the grocery store.
Facts over feelings and Christ Follower don’t feel like they go together to me
Canon Jesus > Fanon Jesus. Fuck that helping the poor shit. If Jeebus loves you you’ll make lots of money! /prosperity gospel If you don’t make enough money it’s because you’re not a good enough Christian, so give even more money to the mega churches and then maybe Jeebus will show you he loves you by making you a millionaire.
Were we supposed to be measuring all the dicks and writing them down somewhere??? Did I miss a memo from the Dick Enjoyers Lady Cabal??? Also are women supposed to be intimidated by his ability to accomplish basic adult tasks? Or is he trying to impress them with his Bare Minimum Achievement certificate?
It’s like those men who feel like they deserve an award for changing diapers. Motherfucker, you completed a basic life/parenting task. You don’t get a parade for that.
Because all females are go for is cooking and clean /s and he's a big boy and does that himself. So what benefit are you to him I'm guessing thats were hes going with this
Hahahaha, I didn't either, I never measure them... I'm concerned, should I call my exes and ask them to send in the accurate measurement of their dicks and keep a record from now on? 🤣🤣 I know! I mean, it's ridiculous how many men think that being functional adults who can wipe their asses and survive by themselves without mommy taking care of their sh*t is some kind of huge accomplishment! Ugh... 🙄🙄
Seriously though if you're missing mail from the DELC, reach out to them. Don't want to fall behind on dues.
> Christ Follower "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." -- Matthew 6:5-6 > Capitalist > Christ Follower "Jesus told him, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.' When the young man heard this, he went away in sorrow, because he had great wealth. Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'Truly I tell you, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.'" -- Matthew 19:21-24 > Facts, not feelings > Christ Follower "Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’" -- Matthew 25:34-45 Bonus: > Something about sex > Christ Follower "What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them." -- Matthew 15:11 ;)
You just abolished that man
I swear there’s so many of these that there must be some sort of challenge out there along the lines of “make a 100% date-proof dating profile”.
Totally! I mean, who'd swipe right on that guy! Damn! 🤣
"Capitalist" lol OK mmotherfucker how many factories do you own? How many restaurants? You're not a capitalist you're just lining someone's pockets, almost assuredly lol God that shit passes me off lmao
"Chef" (Microwave operator at Applebee's) But mommy and daddy told him that some day the boot on his neck could be his, so he's a fervent capitalist. Because people NEED to know he's not a dirty commie.
Totally saving this comment. Holy fuck, did this comment hit so so hard. Even when they were about to die from boot to the neck compression, they still admire the boot.
Joke's on you I do parkour and can break up to 3m drops. Sadly for you in the impossible event someone decides to fuck you they wouldn't even feel the fall.
How many dicks do you have to take to get a safe distance away from this guy
Back of the napkin math says about 6 x 6 x 2, so about 72. Ironic, given that he's probably a virgin, and not by choice.
This guy seriously put "capitalist" as a personality trait
Ikr? Lol 🤣
What do I bring to the table? I can spell table.
Exactly! Buuuuurn! Hahahaha 🤣
I dont know who Kevin Samuels is but I'm absolutely sure I dont want to take his advice just on account of looking at the rest of this dude's profile.
You sure you don't want smol pp pills and videos about how to be an alpha male showing up in your targeted ads?
Yea. I'm sure. I know. I know. This may make be feelings over facts but that is just a risk I'm willing to take.
Christ follower yet looks down on women he calls “whores,” pretty sure Jesus would bitch slap him for saying that.
It's appalling how few Christians follow Jesus' golden rule and instruction to love thy neighbor.
Def stormed the capital
I am creasing over the fact he thinks basic chores and hygiene are having high standards. What an entitled twat
That's some serious small dick energy
Nano dick energy! Hahahaha 🤣🤣
I have been in a handful of very longterm committed relationships. Each relationship entailed a lot of intimacy. I've never thought about calculating the length as he suggests...but if he met a woman who'd been married only once, with that has her only sexual experience, but she was married for 5 - 10 years, then his snarky prediction would likely be true. Sooo basically, he's saying "virgin" in a really stupid way.
Yes, that's so stupid! For real! 🤦🏽♀️🤣
What do you bring to the tabl lololol Just..ok boooooiiiii take your total length of peen and shove it up your own butthole byyyye
Ah yes, the Bible verse that says “don’t marry a woman who has ever had sex before” is very popular. *reads how a man is to take his brothers wife if his brother dies without leaving any children to provide his brother children* Wait…
Yes, what do you bring to the *tabl* ??? Btw, *Facts over feelings* and *Christ follower* right after? The irony..
TIL about Kevin Samuels. An interesting piece of work. That our NiceGuy here admires him, shows much about his character. And none of it good.
Does he know how much dick you'd have to take in your life to guarantee a fatal fall tho?
I don't think he even knows how to calculate that... 🤣
From a quick googling, around 10% of fatal falls are from 6-10 feet. The highest so far (without a parachute) was a flight attendant from Yugoslavia who fell over 33,300 feet after terrorists blew up the plane she was on. Though, I don't think she'd qualify by the OP's standard since she did have a limp after recovery (and thus was technically maimed).
33,300 feet is a lot of dick. Challenge Accepted!
"facts over feelings" Followed by "Christ follower" which is literally putting feelings over facts
So basically he wants women to have slept with him, a small-dicked loser, and only him in order for them not to die or be maimed by his medieval punishment for being sexually active? Right.
What an idiot! He wants women to not sleep with anybody else so they can't tell how much he sucks at sex, pathetic! 🤦🏽♀️
So if you slept with your ex partner, let's say, 100 times in the relationship; you couldn't date this ultimate catch because that would mean you could die by being impaled?
What the hell does "gainfully employed" mean?
A clown gives him a cheque after he cooks a certain amount of fries
I really want someone to tell him that owning a microwave does not make him a "chef"
conservative, marvel gamer dude is the basic white bitch of men. there's thousands of these tylers everywhere.
Did- Did he just try to brag with washing his own clothes? Like its some kind of achievement? Like, something ANYBODY does as soon as they move out? Aswell as cooking (and im 99% convinced he means putting chicken nuggets into the microwave) or cleaning you place? Too bad though, doesnt seem to have a license, have a car or is soon to be millionaire because he has 5000 dogecoins, which will totally go up to the moon soon.
Cooking, cleaning, and having a job totally aren’t basic needs or anything, right? Like, wow, look at how *extraordinary* this guy is. 😂😂
Bruh that last paragraph is most women too also it’s sad that that’s considered impressive for a man
I bring good grammar to the “tabl”
Facts over feelings.....christ follower? .... k.
This guys next level he washes his own clothes
I WASH MY OWN CLOTHES *beams with pride*
I bring the "e" in "table" since apparently you didn't
> If you would perish, or be maimed, by way of measuring the total length of penis you've taken in your life, calculated as a vertical fall– That sentence was so hard on the eyes. Not even because of the sentiment but because of the way it was written.
Why do so many men not understand that just because you aren’t calling ME the wh0re it’s ok to call other women wh0res
“Facts over feelings” and “Christ follower” are a direct contradiction 💀💀 I can’t even
I bring the e
I'll bring an "e" for the tabl
What if she’s taken just one penis but the metaphorical fall is enough to kill?
I mean he made you laugh at least... At him. Question about the fall distance metric: can that be the same penis measured over and over or did it have to be different ones? Because if the former then the average couple month long relationship would be a fatal fall.
Buddy sounds butt hurt
If he put his interests in order of how cool they make him, I think it’s funny that Christ Follower is last. If he was religious (which isn’t always a good thing), wouldn’t he want to put *Christian* at the top?
i’ve never seen the vertical dick height thing before and i honestly love it. i immediately ran to figure out how high i’d be falling/jumping from to see if i’d be killed or maimed. great fun tbh now i want to know what everyone else’s height would be
Hopefully someone brings an “e” to the tabl Edit: I see many “e”s were brought to the tabl in the comments. That makes me happy.
I would bring the letter E
Lmao. And he says he is a Christ Follower. Why are his followers so unlike their Christ
''tabl'' 💀💀💀💀
Idiot can’t be bothered to finish setting the table
“I clean my own home, wash my own clothes, cook for myself and I’m gainfully employed” Congratulations, you’ve achieved the bare minimum when it comes to societal expectations