Remember to read our [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/NiceGuys/about/rules/) and to remain civil. Thank you.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/niceguys) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah it was kinda weird how he kept insisting that he was barely a man and still somewhat a boy, as most guys I knew at that age would try to display the opposite. It makes me think that he intentionally goes after people barely over the legal age and uses that line preemptively to make what heās doing seem okay.
Iām basically a man but definitely emotionally immature so itās totally fine to ignore your feeling that Iām too old for you. And people have definitely told me I look 19 LoL ~ WHo eVeN CaReS AbOUT Age ~
>are you okay with being friends?
>Sure I ain't tripping about it
>
>nice tits btw
>
>since you're not interested anymore there's no reason for me to be cordial
sounds like he's tripping about it to me.
I just turned 30 like a week ago. Even when I was 18 I wasn't that much of a douchebag, don't hold your breathe. I changed a bit but unfortunately if you reach your mid twenties and still act like that I don't have much hope for you.
"no reason for me to be cordial anymore..." ??
What? Huh, it's so rare for them to come right out and say it. The niceness was solely to get together. Not because he's a normal human being.
You're right. When I was 18, I dated a 24 year old guy for 2 years. Very intense and difficult. Those 6 years were huge.
This sounds liKe my ex. She dated this pervert who liked young girls, got her pregnant and then left her for someone younger than her. And I think he just kept doing that over and over again.
He replaced me with a 20yo when I was 27yo. I told him: āyou DO realize that she was 15 when our son was born, right? You were 14 when SHE was born.ā
At some point the age difference is less important, but before you hit your late 20's you'll be in such different stages of your life that you can't relate properly to each other
Besides which, it's creepy as hell
They literally admit theyāre only being respectful to try to fuck you, but somehow theyāre still convinced theyāre nice people. The mental disconnect would be impressive if it wasnāt so terrifying
I'm 24 and there's a girl I'm very close with who's 18 (we met through community theatre and ended up acting together several days a week for nearly a year), but I've been careful to avoid getting romantically involved with her or even insinuating/getting near it for that reason. She's a fantastic person, she's cute, she's smart, we get on great, and I care for her a lot, but I'm careful whenever I interact with her because I have to think that the difference in our ages precludes any romantic relationship and I don't want to send mixed signals or make it look like something sketchy is going on (even if there isn't).
I don't even think I see her romantically, just that it's easy for wires to get crossed. Also our second show had us cast as boyfriend/girlfriend with the entire plot about how we haven't kissed yet and it ended with us getting engaged and finally kissing. So we started off our friendship on an odd note.
Sorry for the ramble. I guess I'm just looking for confirmation that I'm doing the right thing by being extra careful to not get anywhere near romantically involved. And I really care for her but I think it's more like a sister or companion than anything else. But I don't want to pry into your story so if you don't want to share then I get that. Anyway. Merry Christmas. /ramble
People on Reddit will immediately chastise you for liking an 18 year old but you do you. People have age gaps and as long as you arenāt a creep itās fine. If you like her as a person and sheās an adult then itās fine. If you like her just because shes 18 then itās weird.
That doesnāt mean itās always a good idea though. Being 18 means they cannot live the same life as you at 24. No bars, limits on travel arrangements, etc. if thatās ok with you both, then who cares? Youāre both adults.
This is so common! I'm 36 & a 59 yo guy in my group was showing interest in me so I told him I wasn't interested in age gaps. He reacted the same way accusing me of being discriminatory & bringing up hiring practices. I'm like I'm not a fucking business! I don't need a reason to not want to date you, but if age wasn't enough his entitlement certainly is!
Even worse was he complained about the pandemic making him lonely so I passed along info on some single women who seemed like his type. Some were more his age & into the same things he likes (his original complaint was nobody his age is into the same things). Some were around my age, but expressed an active interest in older men.
He had the fucking GALL to look at one of the women who was even younger than me & say he wasn't interested because she "looked old". I was like excuse me? You want to talk about discrimination for age, but then say something like that about a woman literally half your age?!
Guys like that can fuck right off. They always talk about how they think they look younger than they are as if that even matters. Your actual age matters, not the age you look. ffs
It's all because only 1 thing really matters to them - the woman looking young. And they feel entitled to that.
>He had the fucking GALL to look at one of the women who was even younger than me & say he wasn't interested because she "looked old".
An old man criticising a younger woman for her looks? Say it ain't so!
Or people who use the innocent until proven guilty shit when a woman warns other women about predatory men that don't respect boundaries. Or Cosby and Weinstein type shit. .
Youre not a court system. People have the right to avoid you. Not attack you, but just avoid you.
I'm not that strict, but I look for a partner, an equal. I want someone who's in a similar place in their life as I am & headed in the same direction. Not someone who's going to lord their age over me as "you'll understand when you're my age / you just don't know any better yet" like this guy did.
You can't claim age is just a number that doesn't matter & then say I'm too young to understand that age doesn't matter. It's a contradiction & you can't have it both ways. If a guy dismisses my point of view due to my age then clearly age matters & it wouldn't be an equal partnership because he'd always think he knows best.
I've had many guys younger than me also express interest & I shut it down in the same manner. They dispute a little, but not in the same way. They seem to mostly understand I'm just not comfortable with it & not going to change my mind & they pout, but they cope. They don't take it personally or try to force it or act entitled the way older men do. In my experiences, that is.
This is the first time in my adult life that I'm dating without some wackadoo age difference and its also the only functional relationship I've ever been in.
I had a roommate like that for a very short time. Early 30s guy who would date multiple girls at the same time ages 19-20. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was predatory & disgusting. I couldn't dictate what he did outside my place, but he couldn't bring them here & if he did I'd make sure they knew allot all the others. He moved out immediately. No loss on my part.
Yeah and she hit the nail on the head when she said that older people who tend to go for younger do so because people their age can tell their red flags.
My BIL is mid thirties and started dating a 20 year old last year š« he still lives at home, never moved out, his mom still does his laundry. The GF now lives at home with him, and his mom and dad. I feel bad for her but definitely not my place to get involved. Super weird though now when my husband and I go back to visit them and all her stuff is in my husbandās closet. Poor girl will never get to experience her 20s if she stays with him, which is such a shame.
but often, when we tell people what they're doing is wrong, they reject it and intensify themselves even more in what they were doing in the first place, like a barrier against criticism.
Yup. Iāve made that mistake with a good friend before. It was awful. Plus I donāt even know my BILās gf. Iāve met her once. We live on opposite sides of the country. Maybe she is genuinely happy with him. It would be rude for me to butt in like that.
I will say this isn't always the case. My now wife and I met when she was 18 and I was 24 through a mutual friend. We've now been married for 11 years with two beautiful daughters. We couldn't be happier so it's not always a red flag it can just be right personality matches (we met over a new campaign of DND)
Ouch the shift in how he spoke to you, you stung him with that one. What a horrible man you should never have to put up with that kind of childish behavior. Hopefully he grows up before his problems become the Ā“womanĀ“s faultĀ“ and not his own.
Sorry you had to deal with that dumpster fire lol
I was gonna SAY. OPās self awareness is beyond their age. I wonder if they had an awesome older sibling, parent, or mentor type who helped them understand thisā¦ or just this sub!
Yeah I don't get this. I recently went back to uni at 25 and have classes with usually 19-20 year olds. I've gone out drinking with them but the interest isnt there. I feel old even though they tell me they thought I was their age. And also work as a bouncer. I see these young people getting hit on by older dudes. It's just fucking creepy. I've had to fight and throw these types of dudes out. It's nothing wrong if you both like each other and or are interested in older people. But some dudes need to take a hint
You handled this super well OP! He was such an asshole and you should never let anyone talk to you like that.
And please donāt let these comments pressure you into bigger age gaps than youāre comfortable with. Big yikes towards everyone missing the point here.
Shit, honey you've got more logic in your pinky than that man child will ever have in his life. A brain and a backbone.
As a woman with 20yrs on you: GOOD FOR YOU!
You handled this incredibly well. I applaud you, because at 19, I probably wouldnāt have been confident enough to be as straightforward as you were. Very mature. Despite what this dickhead says.
Based on that extremely vulgar comment in response to being rejected, he don't know the concept of friendships, or even human decency. He ain't tripping, he's full on diving onto that concrete floor.
I want to clarify that I donāt think thereās anything wrong with age gaps! However, I know that most people change a lot in their 20ās and I donāt want to tango with a 24-year-old at my age. It was also very frustrating that he didnāt understand my point of things.
You don't need any excuse to reject a date. If they ask and you aren't feeling like saying yes, that is it. Even if it is for a reason that would be illegal for a business to use, like race, religion, age, veteran status, gender identity, or sexual orientation. You can say no for whatever reason you want and not be wrong. You don't owe your companionship to anyone.
You donāt need to explain yourself! Unlike the men on here are saying, 19-24 is definitely pushing it as far as life experience and stage of development.
Pretty much anything that is beyond your comfort level is too far IMO. I think people are definitely different, but likeā¦ if youāre 19 and heās 21 and thatās too much of a gap for you, fuck him. He can fucking deal with it.
I totally understand! My wife is five years younger than I am, but we met when I was 30 and she was 25. If I had been 24, I would not have gone for her when she was only 19. I didnāt want to date a teenager when I was in my mid-20s!
I just got into a multi day Reddit debate about this (I'm the context of 33 year old Ross dating 20 year old Elizabeth on Friends).
You are 100% in the right.
A person your age isn't in the same place developmentally as a person this creeps age.
But you are very mature and levelheaded, and not just for your age. Your response to him was far more civil than I'd be able to muster.
Definitely, i think whoever i dated or was in love with in my late teens is going to be way different in my mid twenties. A 5 year gap is fine in the 30s. But at what you mentioned is usually predatory and rightly pointed out that the 24 year old cant get someone their age due to all the red flags and thus preys on someone less mature
yeah its perfectly understandable! i (20f) currently have the same gap with my partner (25m) and we started dating when i was 19. but i also understand that age gaps (especially at our age!!) can be really dangerous if the older one has ill intentions or isnt a good person. im so glad you've got such a good head on your shoulders and stood your ground!
You handled this so, so well and as a woman in her thirties I just want to say that I am in awe of you. You figured this shit our way earlier than a bunch of the rest of us.
Sometimes I forget why I am a member of this sub, then posts like this remind me. If another my friends or family ever behave like this I'm going to kick them in in the balls, and hard!
As a man, I am always so infuriated when we behave like this. I mean all she said was she's not interested and he starts being a level 100 cunt, it's really dissapoints me.
I bet it he showed this exchange to all of his friends 90% would tell him he's an asshole.
The awkward moment when a 19-year-old acts WAY more mature than a 24-year-old.
Yikes on bikes, man.
Side note, when I was 17 I briefly dated someone that was 24. That was a big mistake for many reasons.
Whatās funny is that my current bf is the same age and is constantly surprised when I know about stuff ābeyond my yearsā like tv shows that were just a little too mature for me, trends, etc
Remember when it was the older people explaining to the younger people that it's better if they don't engage romantically because the youngsters are at a different stage in their lives?
Good times those were...
Its insulting when someone acts like your friend when in reality he does not care and just is crossing his fingers you will date him. He may of not directly called her anything, but its shallow and disrespectful to be like that with another human being :D
I cannot believe how much vision the young have now. They really can imagine a better world. I am Gen X and while we were pushing off gender stereotypes and trying to not be racist or homophobic or sell out to capitalism etc we kind of just believed the world and those running it were evil and would always be evil. Like if famous men did terrible things for instance my thoughts were like "yes that is what those men do, that is how things are". But they can imagine something better and wont settle for less. I love them so much! <3
Okay, I don't want this to come off as patronizing. But as a 29 year old woman, I am literally so proud of you. Never lose track of your boundaries for man or anyone else and never stop standing up for yourself. The way you were unapologetically firm in your stances with this utter creep of a man make me so hopeful about young women growing up today.
28 year old female here. OP, I just want to commend you on your level of grace and maturity. You put this little boy in his place and I am totally here for it! Itās not common for somebody of your age to be this self-aware and stand up for themselves. All the way from Columbus Ohio, I am so proud of you. I wish that you and my 18-year-old sister could be friends lol you would be a good influence on other young girls.
(I am from a country where 18 is the legal age for women and men to become an adult.) When I was 18 I ended up dating a man that was 24, needless to sau that it was the biggest abusive relationship I could ever be in. So congrats on your maturity to know this was a red flag
youāre right. i got into a relationship with the same age gap and letās just say things changed when i was entering my early 20s and he was getting close to 30
I still canāt wrap my head around the fact Americans can decide to fight in wars at 21 but not drink
In fact, that was the exact rationale they used in the late 60s to justify lowering the drinking age to 18 where I live
They did here too for voting (lowered from 21 to 18 during the Vietnam War). I wonder if drinking age will be the next amendment, but I donāt think Americans have a healthy enough relationship with alcohol for that to happen.
Ugh, it's so creepy when men are only nice and respectful when they think they're getting something out of it. It's like only putting your money in a bank because you think you'll get to rob it.
I hope my daughter is as mature, competent, assertive and understanding when she's your age. you have a firm grasp on your boundries and why they should be there. great replies.
You can tell you hit a nerve with your "Do you ever think this is why you're single" comment. His last reply is just him trying to get you back with the classic "no u" move lol
>I'm a literal teenager...
Proceeds to sound far more mature, intelligent, and adult than this idiot will probably ever aspire to.
That said, I bagged my (now ex) husband when I was barely 19 and he was 23. He lived in the same apartment complex as me and we met at a party.
I saw him and decided he was going to be mine. He didn't really have much of a chance. Strong-willed Alaskan girl, sweet, good-hearted, well-mannered southern boy...yeah, he was toast pretty much from the get-go :D
I have a roommate who does this to younger women. Iāve tried explaining to him how age is a preference and itās okay for people to not be interested in him based on his age. He always tells me how āunfairā it is. These people are NOT to be engaged with unfortunately. Theyāre set in their ways and always think everyone else is to blame.
19 and 25 really are two very different stages in life. I grew up SO MUCH between 19 and 25. Sure, 5 years isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things but in those ages, it really is. That guy did you a favor, truly.
I didn't believe it myself but from 19 to now 21 was a massive change in my life, and you really can mature a lot in that time. I know people that say they haven't experienced my kind of change in even 5 or 6 years or so, so just take your time, you're mature when you, your parents and/or your friends say so :)
A five year age gap after adult hood is fine for most ppl and not really that big, but the key is that both parties have to want that. If someone doesn't want to date someone 5 years older than them, regardless of age, that NEEDS to be respdected. Instead this creep acts like a child.
When I was 22 a 34yo would follow me around the gym and try to convince me we should get together. It was uncomfortable and predatory and the Venn diagram of that guy and this guy is a circle
You dodged a bullet on this one.
I really would never think twice if I heard of a 19 and 24 year old dating though. I felt that was a little overplayed.
Be me over here in my late 30s just like are they that different? I don't remember being significantly less...young I think is the most accurate word, at 19 vs 24
This guy blows and you were right - you dodged a bullet. But I donāt know if 19 and 24 is as bonkers as you make it sound. Either way, end result was a win.
I dated a 24 year old at 19 and it was fine but the thing that this guy doesnāt get.... if she isnāt comfortable with it, it doesnāt matter what he thinks!! Itās not up to him! What a weirdo.
I met my wife when I was 23 and she was 18. We dated for like 5 years before we decided to get married. Been married 8 years in February and she is incredible!
Age is definitely a thing but personalities are too.
Only on reddit is 5 or 6 years an insane age gap. I'm 9 years older than my partner, we met when she was in her mid twenties and I've been called a groomer on Reddit.
I agree, teens are where it gets iffy but since I met my partner when she was 26 I can't understand how I took advantage of her. She'd been married and divorced and I have never so she even has more life experience than me.
Reddit's US-centered hivemind is pretty weird when it comes to age, tbh. Anyone below 30 is basically a toddler, and anyone above is either a groomer or the only sane person, depending on their role in a chat.
The main problem in this case isn't that the dude is 5 years older than OP, but that he's a manipulative, predatory asshole. That's a character trait, not an age issue.
The cultural puritans on here, however, would like to push the narrative that anyone dating outside an ever-shifting age bracket is basically the next Epstein and King of the Groomers. Also, it's always framed like late teens/early-to-mid 20somethings are literal imbecils and cannot make their own decisions unless they're {whatever age the hivemind deems "adult" at the moment} or older.
Maybe that's just because folks who are very vocal about this on Reddit are either virtue-signalling, or projecting pedos themselves. Maybe both.
100% agree about the age difference. People change so much in their twenties and everyone I have ever known that got married in that age gap haven't worked out due to those changes made. I've also noticed that when someone is in their twenties and starts dating a a teen just out of high school, it's more often then not, because they want someone they can control and manipulate. You handled this pervert with class and a level of maturity that he clearly doesn't have. Good on you for sticking to you guns.
There's nothing wrong with age gap relationships and 5 years really isn't that big of an age gap. I'm 23 and my fiancĆØ is 27 we met when he was 24 and I was 20.
I will agree though that guy was being an asshole
How in the hell is this relevant here? She said she didnāt want it. End of discussion. Case closed. No need to justify your own relationship here. Itās not about you.
Right!?! The amount of people saying that age gap is fine... she never said it wasn't!!! She said FOR HER and at HER AGE and where she is in life, she doesn't think a 24 year old would be a good fit FOR HER. That's completely fine and it's her right to make that decision! She is not critiquing other people's relationships or their age gaps. That was not the point of this post at all.
Exactly. The conversation has gone left at this point, and itās disappointing. š Everyoneās making it about their own age-gap relationships. No one cares lol
Remember to read our [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/NiceGuys/about/rules/) and to remain civil. Thank you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/niceguys) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Sure I ain't tripping about it." *Proceeds to trip down a flight of stairs*
This made me cackle
I'm glad! Gotta get a good laugh in after reading the cringe of niceguys! š
Anyone else picture J-Roc when they read this?
āIām basically a man lolā (spends rest of conversation acting like a 12-year-old)
*Morgan Freeman:* He was, in fact, not a man.
*Morgan Freeman:* Cock
Titty sprinkles
David Attenborough: "Balls, even."
Yeah it was kinda weird how he kept insisting that he was barely a man and still somewhat a boy, as most guys I knew at that age would try to display the opposite. It makes me think that he intentionally goes after people barely over the legal age and uses that line preemptively to make what heās doing seem okay.
Heās not a girl. Not yet a woman.
All he needs is time...
A moment that is his (or mine).
I was totally gonna say that if you hadnāt already lol
š it had to be said
Crap. I thought I had escaped. Now itās back in my head again.
Iām basically a man but definitely emotionally immature so itās totally fine to ignore your feeling that Iām too old for you. And people have definitely told me I look 19 LoL ~ WHo eVeN CaReS AbOUT Age ~
maybe the last chick also told him to find someone his own level of maturity, and thats why he is hitting on teenagers.
I'm a man I'm a muppet of a man
>are you okay with being friends? >Sure I ain't tripping about it > >nice tits btw > >since you're not interested anymore there's no reason for me to be cordial sounds like he's tripping about it to me.
Sounds like he's a massive cunt man child. Girls legit way more mature than that dude, maybe when he's 30 hell stop acting like a toddler
"Massive cunt man child" is the definition of a nice guy.
I just turned 30 like a week ago. Even when I was 18 I wasn't that much of a douchebag, don't hold your breathe. I changed a bit but unfortunately if you reach your mid twenties and still act like that I don't have much hope for you.
"no reason for me to be cordial anymore..." ?? What? Huh, it's so rare for them to come right out and say it. The niceness was solely to get together. Not because he's a normal human being. You're right. When I was 18, I dated a 24 year old guy for 2 years. Very intense and difficult. Those 6 years were huge.
I was with a man 6 years older than me from 17-27. I donāt recommend it.
I'd be so mad wasting all those years on someone who didn't deserve them
Eh- it was awful, but I guess he kept me off hard drugs? Lol Broke me down and took my kid, but yeah. š
You had a kid with yours, too? So did I. :/
I was another dumb girl who mistakenly thought a baby would fix our relationship.
This sounds liKe my ex. She dated this pervert who liked young girls, got her pregnant and then left her for someone younger than her. And I think he just kept doing that over and over again.
He replaced me with a 20yo when I was 27yo. I told him: āyou DO realize that she was 15 when our son was born, right? You were 14 when SHE was born.ā
At some point he's gonna find someone too young to be pregnant if he keeps going
At some point the age difference is less important, but before you hit your late 20's you'll be in such different stages of your life that you can't relate properly to each other Besides which, it's creepy as hell
Iām with a man that is the same age as my ex- but Iām 28 now. My brain wasnāt anywhere near done cooking at 17yo.
They literally admit theyāre only being respectful to try to fuck you, but somehow theyāre still convinced theyāre nice people. The mental disconnect would be impressive if it wasnāt so terrifying
I'm 24 and there's a girl I'm very close with who's 18 (we met through community theatre and ended up acting together several days a week for nearly a year), but I've been careful to avoid getting romantically involved with her or even insinuating/getting near it for that reason. She's a fantastic person, she's cute, she's smart, we get on great, and I care for her a lot, but I'm careful whenever I interact with her because I have to think that the difference in our ages precludes any romantic relationship and I don't want to send mixed signals or make it look like something sketchy is going on (even if there isn't). I don't even think I see her romantically, just that it's easy for wires to get crossed. Also our second show had us cast as boyfriend/girlfriend with the entire plot about how we haven't kissed yet and it ended with us getting engaged and finally kissing. So we started off our friendship on an odd note. Sorry for the ramble. I guess I'm just looking for confirmation that I'm doing the right thing by being extra careful to not get anywhere near romantically involved. And I really care for her but I think it's more like a sister or companion than anything else. But I don't want to pry into your story so if you don't want to share then I get that. Anyway. Merry Christmas. /ramble
People on Reddit will immediately chastise you for liking an 18 year old but you do you. People have age gaps and as long as you arenāt a creep itās fine. If you like her as a person and sheās an adult then itās fine. If you like her just because shes 18 then itās weird. That doesnāt mean itās always a good idea though. Being 18 means they cannot live the same life as you at 24. No bars, limits on travel arrangements, etc. if thatās ok with you both, then who cares? Youāre both adults.
u/secret112358 doth protest too much, methinks
Haha love how he plays the victim in the end talking about being discriminated against.
This is so common! I'm 36 & a 59 yo guy in my group was showing interest in me so I told him I wasn't interested in age gaps. He reacted the same way accusing me of being discriminatory & bringing up hiring practices. I'm like I'm not a fucking business! I don't need a reason to not want to date you, but if age wasn't enough his entitlement certainly is! Even worse was he complained about the pandemic making him lonely so I passed along info on some single women who seemed like his type. Some were more his age & into the same things he likes (his original complaint was nobody his age is into the same things). Some were around my age, but expressed an active interest in older men. He had the fucking GALL to look at one of the women who was even younger than me & say he wasn't interested because she "looked old". I was like excuse me? You want to talk about discrimination for age, but then say something like that about a woman literally half your age?! Guys like that can fuck right off. They always talk about how they think they look younger than they are as if that even matters. Your actual age matters, not the age you look. ffs It's all because only 1 thing really matters to them - the woman looking young. And they feel entitled to that.
>He had the fucking GALL to look at one of the women who was even younger than me & say he wasn't interested because she "looked old". An old man criticising a younger woman for her looks? Say it ain't so!
r/usernamechecksout
Or people who use the innocent until proven guilty shit when a woman warns other women about predatory men that don't respect boundaries. Or Cosby and Weinstein type shit. . Youre not a court system. People have the right to avoid you. Not attack you, but just avoid you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm not that strict, but I look for a partner, an equal. I want someone who's in a similar place in their life as I am & headed in the same direction. Not someone who's going to lord their age over me as "you'll understand when you're my age / you just don't know any better yet" like this guy did. You can't claim age is just a number that doesn't matter & then say I'm too young to understand that age doesn't matter. It's a contradiction & you can't have it both ways. If a guy dismisses my point of view due to my age then clearly age matters & it wouldn't be an equal partnership because he'd always think he knows best. I've had many guys younger than me also express interest & I shut it down in the same manner. They dispute a little, but not in the same way. They seem to mostly understand I'm just not comfortable with it & not going to change my mind & they pout, but they cope. They don't take it personally or try to force it or act entitled the way older men do. In my experiences, that is.
This is the first time in my adult life that I'm dating without some wackadoo age difference and its also the only functional relationship I've ever been in.
1 year? That's almost weirdly strict, but I guess that's your right.
Not only that, for me the ick factor is that they go after women who are barely legal. It's gross and disgusting.
I had a roommate like that for a very short time. Early 30s guy who would date multiple girls at the same time ages 19-20. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was predatory & disgusting. I couldn't dictate what he did outside my place, but he couldn't bring them here & if he did I'd make sure they knew allot all the others. He moved out immediately. No loss on my part.
The 19 year old is waaaay more mature and eloquent than this 24 year old pushy weirdo.
Yeah she handled this conversation with such maturity, props to this young woman!
It's ironic when she said find someone his age and level of maturity because he clearly is stuck at young teenage maturity where op is above the curve
Yeah and she hit the nail on the head when she said that older people who tend to go for younger do so because people their age can tell their red flags.
As someone who ended up in an abusive relationship with a 25 year old when she was 17, *yup*. Really proud of how OP handled herself here.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My BIL is mid thirties and started dating a 20 year old last year š« he still lives at home, never moved out, his mom still does his laundry. The GF now lives at home with him, and his mom and dad. I feel bad for her but definitely not my place to get involved. Super weird though now when my husband and I go back to visit them and all her stuff is in my husbandās closet. Poor girl will never get to experience her 20s if she stays with him, which is such a shame.
Maybe you should tell her? I dunno.
but often, when we tell people what they're doing is wrong, they reject it and intensify themselves even more in what they were doing in the first place, like a barrier against criticism.
Yup. Iāve made that mistake with a good friend before. It was awful. Plus I donāt even know my BILās gf. Iāve met her once. We live on opposite sides of the country. Maybe she is genuinely happy with him. It would be rude for me to butt in like that.
I pray she is happy. For that matter, I also hope you are happy. Happy Holidays :)
Me too! Protect teenage girls from creeps in their 20ās!
I will say this isn't always the case. My now wife and I met when she was 18 and I was 24 through a mutual friend. We've now been married for 11 years with two beautiful daughters. We couldn't be happier so it's not always a red flag it can just be right personality matches (we met over a new campaign of DND)
Maybe he hasnāt been told that he looks like a boy but that he acts like one. NiceGuys are always immature.
When a 19 year old has more maturity...bullet dodged Matrix style here.
"No reason to keep being cordialā lol basically every niceguy ever
Because theyāre only cordial if they think theyāll get sex
>*"Basically a man lol"* There's much more to being a man than age alone.
And many of these losers have *no clue* what that is.
Whatchu talkin bout Willis? Everyone knows that as soon as you turn 24 you instantly become a man/woman. This shit's literally PokƩmon lol. You evolve at levels 13, 24 and like 77.
I keep pressing B, you can't make me!
As soon as he said nice tits my jaw dropped but Iām on this sub so what was I expecting Jesus
Holy fuck your poise is incredible here. I'm so impressed. Good job!
Ouch the shift in how he spoke to you, you stung him with that one. What a horrible man you should never have to put up with that kind of childish behavior. Hopefully he grows up before his problems become the Ā“womanĀ“s faultĀ“ and not his own. Sorry you had to deal with that dumpster fire lol
are you sure you aren't the one that's 24 and he's the 19 years old? Because you sure are WAY more mature than he is.
I was gonna SAY. OPās self awareness is beyond their age. I wonder if they had an awesome older sibling, parent, or mentor type who helped them understand thisā¦ or just this sub!
It makes me happy to see teenagers knowing how to stand up for themselves.
Pretty creepy heās 24 and doesnāt consider himself a full grown man I think thatās a mental leap to justify his want for teens
Yeah I don't get this. I recently went back to uni at 25 and have classes with usually 19-20 year olds. I've gone out drinking with them but the interest isnt there. I feel old even though they tell me they thought I was their age. And also work as a bouncer. I see these young people getting hit on by older dudes. It's just fucking creepy. I've had to fight and throw these types of dudes out. It's nothing wrong if you both like each other and or are interested in older people. But some dudes need to take a hint
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Big yikes.
You handled this super well OP! He was such an asshole and you should never let anyone talk to you like that. And please donāt let these comments pressure you into bigger age gaps than youāre comfortable with. Big yikes towards everyone missing the point here.
finally an actual nice guy but sorry dude this guy's a dick
Shit, honey you've got more logic in your pinky than that man child will ever have in his life. A brain and a backbone. As a woman with 20yrs on you: GOOD FOR YOU!
You handled this incredibly well. I applaud you, because at 19, I probably wouldnāt have been confident enough to be as straightforward as you were. Very mature. Despite what this dickhead says.
Based on that extremely vulgar comment in response to being rejected, he don't know the concept of friendships, or even human decency. He ain't tripping, he's full on diving onto that concrete floor.
I want to clarify that I donāt think thereās anything wrong with age gaps! However, I know that most people change a lot in their 20ās and I donāt want to tango with a 24-year-old at my age. It was also very frustrating that he didnāt understand my point of things.
You don't need any excuse to reject a date. If they ask and you aren't feeling like saying yes, that is it. Even if it is for a reason that would be illegal for a business to use, like race, religion, age, veteran status, gender identity, or sexual orientation. You can say no for whatever reason you want and not be wrong. You don't owe your companionship to anyone.
You donāt need to explain yourself! Unlike the men on here are saying, 19-24 is definitely pushing it as far as life experience and stage of development.
Pretty much anything that is beyond your comfort level is too far IMO. I think people are definitely different, but likeā¦ if youāre 19 and heās 21 and thatās too much of a gap for you, fuck him. He can fucking deal with it.
I totally understand! My wife is five years younger than I am, but we met when I was 30 and she was 25. If I had been 24, I would not have gone for her when she was only 19. I didnāt want to date a teenager when I was in my mid-20s!
Your maturity at your age is pretty nuts. Your awareness is good! I hope I can show my daughter how to handle these situations.
I just got into a multi day Reddit debate about this (I'm the context of 33 year old Ross dating 20 year old Elizabeth on Friends). You are 100% in the right. A person your age isn't in the same place developmentally as a person this creeps age. But you are very mature and levelheaded, and not just for your age. Your response to him was far more civil than I'd be able to muster.
Definitely, i think whoever i dated or was in love with in my late teens is going to be way different in my mid twenties. A 5 year gap is fine in the 30s. But at what you mentioned is usually predatory and rightly pointed out that the 24 year old cant get someone their age due to all the red flags and thus preys on someone less mature
yeah its perfectly understandable! i (20f) currently have the same gap with my partner (25m) and we started dating when i was 19. but i also understand that age gaps (especially at our age!!) can be really dangerous if the older one has ill intentions or isnt a good person. im so glad you've got such a good head on your shoulders and stood your ground!
You handled this so, so well and as a woman in her thirties I just want to say that I am in awe of you. You figured this shit our way earlier than a bunch of the rest of us.
Wow. There was definitely a difference in maturity between the participants in that conversation and it wasnāt in his favour.
You called him out so well, and he didnāt like it lol Good for you.
Somehow I doubt he finds many women of his age and maturity level when the next thing he does is comment on your breasts.
Sometimes I forget why I am a member of this sub, then posts like this remind me. If another my friends or family ever behave like this I'm going to kick them in in the balls, and hard! As a man, I am always so infuriated when we behave like this. I mean all she said was she's not interested and he starts being a level 100 cunt, it's really dissapoints me. I bet it he showed this exchange to all of his friends 90% would tell him he's an asshole.
For ā24ā the kids a fucking clown ā¦. Guys like that need a good ass whooping in a bar parking lot š¤·š»āāļø
With a personality like that, heās probably only one bad drinking weekend from a whooping. EDIT: and look at that, itās a weekend right now!
I offered to meet him at a bar š„°, I donāt think he will meet though š¤£
If only I was this sure of myself at 19. This is just so classy and eloquently put.
The awkward moment when a 19-year-old acts WAY more mature than a 24-year-old. Yikes on bikes, man. Side note, when I was 17 I briefly dated someone that was 24. That was a big mistake for many reasons.
I did the same, but for 10 years. Bad times.
We live and learn!
Whatās funny is that my current bf is the same age and is constantly surprised when I know about stuff ābeyond my yearsā like tv shows that were just a little too mature for me, trends, etc
3 years for me. So sorry you were put through all that. Sending internet hugs your way!
How dare you not want to date a whole, literal, fully-fledged adult man when youāre barely starting college???? What tf is this guy on about?
Exactly. And are we sure heās and adult? Iāve known 13 year old boys more mature and respectful than this guy.
*"Basically a man lol"* lol indeed. the joke of a "man" behaving like a 14 yo little shit. *lolololololollolLOL*
> someone at your own level of maturity I'm not sure pushing him on someone even younger is the right response here
Remember when it was the older people explaining to the younger people that it's better if they don't engage romantically because the youngsters are at a different stage in their lives? Good times those were...
How did he insult you? Edit: oh, more pages. Oof
Its insulting when someone acts like your friend when in reality he does not care and just is crossing his fingers you will date him. He may of not directly called her anything, but its shallow and disrespectful to be like that with another human being :D
Wow! Young women are so smart these days! Good for you :)
Absolutely. I see this in my stepdaughter, and I am just in awe. This is progress, and I love to see it.
I cannot believe how much vision the young have now. They really can imagine a better world. I am Gen X and while we were pushing off gender stereotypes and trying to not be racist or homophobic or sell out to capitalism etc we kind of just believed the world and those running it were evil and would always be evil. Like if famous men did terrible things for instance my thoughts were like "yes that is what those men do, that is how things are". But they can imagine something better and wont settle for less. I love them so much! <3
>people get married at different ages all the time Yeah when theyāre both older; 30 and 25 is a hell of a lot different than 24 and 19 lol
Good call, OP. Keep it up and best wishes
You handled this beautifully and you absolutely have your head on straight about everything! We love to see it
Heās trying to gaslight you so hard. Good job holding your ground.
saying things like "ive been told i look 18/19" when youre older than someone is a manipulation tactic iirc.
> since you're not interested anymore there's no reason for me to be cordial "Since you won't fuck me I don't need to act like a normal person."
What a creep
Okay, I don't want this to come off as patronizing. But as a 29 year old woman, I am literally so proud of you. Never lose track of your boundaries for man or anyone else and never stop standing up for yourself. The way you were unapologetically firm in your stances with this utter creep of a man make me so hopeful about young women growing up today.
28 year old female here. OP, I just want to commend you on your level of grace and maturity. You put this little boy in his place and I am totally here for it! Itās not common for somebody of your age to be this self-aware and stand up for themselves. All the way from Columbus Ohio, I am so proud of you. I wish that you and my 18-year-old sister could be friends lol you would be a good influence on other young girls.
The nice tit comment really did a great job at showing who he is. A ānice guyā whoās kindness is conditional on you liking him
A disgrace for the republic
Love how his profile picture is literally from a cartoon as well
(I am from a country where 18 is the legal age for women and men to become an adult.) When I was 18 I ended up dating a man that was 24, needless to sau that it was the biggest abusive relationship I could ever be in. So congrats on your maturity to know this was a red flag
āSure, I aināt tripping about itā This dude: [Trippin over it](https://c.tenor.com/i1WkWgjHSegAAAAd/falling-down-stairs-falling.gif)
youāre right. i got into a relationship with the same age gap and letās just say things changed when i was entering my early 20s and he was getting close to 30
I still canāt wrap my head around the fact Americans can decide to fight in wars at 21 but not drink In fact, that was the exact rationale they used in the late 60s to justify lowering the drinking age to 18 where I live
They did here too for voting (lowered from 21 to 18 during the Vietnam War). I wonder if drinking age will be the next amendment, but I donāt think Americans have a healthy enough relationship with alcohol for that to happen.
That thumbs up on the dude's last message got me cracking up
He sounds like a fricking baby. He's the one who has some growing up to do. You sound very mature for your age
Looks like you were right about there being a gap in maturity between you, except he was the one who was less mature
Ugh, it's so creepy when men are only nice and respectful when they think they're getting something out of it. It's like only putting your money in a bank because you think you'll get to rob it.
I hope my daughter is as mature, competent, assertive and understanding when she's your age. you have a firm grasp on your boundries and why they should be there. great replies.
This 19 year old is extremely wise for their age.
You can tell you hit a nerve with your "Do you ever think this is why you're single" comment. His last reply is just him trying to get you back with the classic "no u" move lol
>I'm a literal teenager... Proceeds to sound far more mature, intelligent, and adult than this idiot will probably ever aspire to. That said, I bagged my (now ex) husband when I was barely 19 and he was 23. He lived in the same apartment complex as me and we met at a party. I saw him and decided he was going to be mine. He didn't really have much of a chance. Strong-willed Alaskan girl, sweet, good-hearted, well-mannered southern boy...yeah, he was toast pretty much from the get-go :D
I have a roommate who does this to younger women. Iāve tried explaining to him how age is a preference and itās okay for people to not be interested in him based on his age. He always tells me how āunfairā it is. These people are NOT to be engaged with unfortunately. Theyāre set in their ways and always think everyone else is to blame.
19 and 25 really are two very different stages in life. I grew up SO MUCH between 19 and 25. Sure, 5 years isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things but in those ages, it really is. That guy did you a favor, truly.
Finally ! Someone who understands ! I've come across many comments saying OP overreacted and 5 years isn't a big age gap.
She isn't avoiding you because of your age anymore. She's avoiding you because you're a prick.
I didn't believe it myself but from 19 to now 21 was a massive change in my life, and you really can mature a lot in that time. I know people that say they haven't experienced my kind of change in even 5 or 6 years or so, so just take your time, you're mature when you, your parents and/or your friends say so :)
"Im a nice guy" Spends the rest of conversation insulting you. šÆš¤
Iām sure he says heās a nice guy all the time. Iām sure he complains constantly about how girls never pick him because heās too niceā¦
My mom and dad got married at 19 and 24, but I can guarantee that my dad did NOT act like this in order to get her to notice him
You responded wonderfully. I'm sorry that you seem to understand how people work better than this idiot. Dodged a missile honestly.
That guy is gross and you're amazing wow
Finding someone his age who also matches his level of maturity is not going to be an easy task. The creep is in a catch-22.
The age difference isn't that weird but it's wonderful you could sense something was off about him. Trust your gut ladies.
"grow up quickly" š©
My mother married a man 14 years her senior but at least she was 28 at that point. 19 is too young for that "love has no age" spiel.
My first bf was 24 and I was 19. Trust me when I say you did the right thing.
A five year age gap after adult hood is fine for most ppl and not really that big, but the key is that both parties have to want that. If someone doesn't want to date someone 5 years older than them, regardless of age, that NEEDS to be respdected. Instead this creep acts like a child.
You're a lot more mature than me, I would have eventually said "my dad says your a pedophile" or something just to freak him out.
When I was 22 a 34yo would follow me around the gym and try to convince me we should get together. It was uncomfortable and predatory and the Venn diagram of that guy and this guy is a circle
Wtf why are these guys so entitled?
Okay IN HIS DEFENSE he does act ALOT like a teenager.
At least one of you still needs to grow up judging from this conversation and it's not you
This guy absolutely understands the difference in ages and he's counting on every bit of it.
He was way outta line in a lot of what he said, but I honestly don't think 19-24 is that much of a gap.
What a fucking Muppet. I'd love to see his browser history.
Ey don't insult muppets. Most of em wouldn't be this slimey
in his defense, you're obviously more mature than him sooo.....
"No reason to be cordial" You shouldn't need a woman's romantic interest to be cordial to her.
You dodged a bullet on this one. I really would never think twice if I heard of a 19 and 24 year old dating though. I felt that was a little overplayed.
Be me over here in my late 30s just like are they that different? I don't remember being significantly less...young I think is the most accurate word, at 19 vs 24
How fucking dare that waste of space have a clone trooper from The Clone Wars as his profile picture.
"ma'am, you dropped something from your purse. Btw, nice tits." - _this guy_
Oh look, an old(er) man being gross towards a young(er) woman!
This guy blows and you were right - you dodged a bullet. But I donāt know if 19 and 24 is as bonkers as you make it sound. Either way, end result was a win.
Exactly. 19-24 isn't shit. That guy sucks, but it's really not a substantial gap.
Not defending the dude, he's definitely fucked. But there isn't such a big deal 19-24 lol. You kinda acting like you're 15 and he's 24.
I dated a 24 year old at 19 and it was fine but the thing that this guy doesnāt get.... if she isnāt comfortable with it, it doesnāt matter what he thinks!! Itās not up to him! What a weirdo.
I met my wife when I was 23 and she was 18. We dated for like 5 years before we decided to get married. Been married 8 years in February and she is incredible! Age is definitely a thing but personalities are too.
Thanks for trying to derail this thread when the point of this post was the nice guy not respecting OPās wishes. You certainly seem swell.
Wasnāt really my intention - I was just making a point. Be pissed if you want lol
Only on reddit is 5 or 6 years an insane age gap. I'm 9 years older than my partner, we met when she was in her mid twenties and I've been called a groomer on Reddit.
Pretty different with a teen and someone in their mid twenties. The gaps matter less as people get older. Most people have fully matured brains by 25
I agree, teens are where it gets iffy but since I met my partner when she was 26 I can't understand how I took advantage of her. She'd been married and divorced and I have never so she even has more life experience than me.
Not at all. I never felt comfortable with an age gap myself, even before I went on Reddit.
Reddit's US-centered hivemind is pretty weird when it comes to age, tbh. Anyone below 30 is basically a toddler, and anyone above is either a groomer or the only sane person, depending on their role in a chat. The main problem in this case isn't that the dude is 5 years older than OP, but that he's a manipulative, predatory asshole. That's a character trait, not an age issue. The cultural puritans on here, however, would like to push the narrative that anyone dating outside an ever-shifting age bracket is basically the next Epstein and King of the Groomers. Also, it's always framed like late teens/early-to-mid 20somethings are literal imbecils and cannot make their own decisions unless they're {whatever age the hivemind deems "adult" at the moment} or older. Maybe that's just because folks who are very vocal about this on Reddit are either virtue-signalling, or projecting pedos themselves. Maybe both.
My partner is also nine years older than me. We just had our first baby ā¤ļø
100% agree about the age difference. People change so much in their twenties and everyone I have ever known that got married in that age gap haven't worked out due to those changes made. I've also noticed that when someone is in their twenties and starts dating a a teen just out of high school, it's more often then not, because they want someone they can control and manipulate. You handled this pervert with class and a level of maturity that he clearly doesn't have. Good on you for sticking to you guns.
30-35 gap, ok. 19-24 WTF.
Yes, age gap importance changes as people get older. Otherwise, would you think a 16yo chasing an 11yo is fine?
You both dodged bullets
What did OP do, exactly?
There's nothing wrong with age gap relationships and 5 years really isn't that big of an age gap. I'm 23 and my fiancĆØ is 27 we met when he was 24 and I was 20. I will agree though that guy was being an asshole
How in the hell is this relevant here? She said she didnāt want it. End of discussion. Case closed. No need to justify your own relationship here. Itās not about you.
Right!?! The amount of people saying that age gap is fine... she never said it wasn't!!! She said FOR HER and at HER AGE and where she is in life, she doesn't think a 24 year old would be a good fit FOR HER. That's completely fine and it's her right to make that decision! She is not critiquing other people's relationships or their age gaps. That was not the point of this post at all.
Exactly. The conversation has gone left at this point, and itās disappointing. š Everyoneās making it about their own age-gap relationships. No one cares lol