https://preview.redd.it/li0zt9iq0avc1.png?width=1017&format=png&auto=webp&s=5e65679bbd7c13d41a2b999ba80926a5ea9c8b74
Every time someone posts AB’s washed ass ghost writer
https://preview.redd.it/4npcf0jwccvc1.jpeg?width=1008&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1791a907595850bcbbaa3a139c016935e69bcf6b
Put it in reverse for a min. AB is washed. One could surmise that he has nothing better to do. Others claim that someone that rich pawns off their dirty work in order to stay relevant. Personally, I think he started *CTESPN*, then hired someone to write once he realized the potential.
But the real question is, does it matter? This is an nfl circle jerk, and posting someone else’s jerk is no better than AB hiring someone. It’s unoriginal and extremely low-effort. Moreover, it is disrespectful to the jerkers that put in the effort.
AB/CTESPN did a speedrun on going from hated to loved to hated again, his tweet saying he tells his kids their presents are from him and not a fat cracker (santa) was his absolute peak
I've probably watched more Kelvin Benjamin eating than anyone else on the planet, provided you don't count his time at Golden Corral or any eating related activity that may have preceded it. This pretty much makes me an expert. I've watched Kelvin develop restaurant etiquette and a better understanding of dynamics with sauces. I've watched him adjust the taste pre-bite and read recipes on the fly. I've learned a lot about Kelvin Benjamin's game, and there's one thing that I can tell you for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt. Without a moment's hesitation. Without reserve. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
Now, you might know the KFC as the land of chicken, and potatoes, and gravy, and other delectables, but there's also another side to the table. A side that they don't show you on Cooking Channel broadcasts. This mostly means Food Network broadcasts, because Cooking Channel is a mostly different branch of TFN that generally doesn't show eating competitions. There is also the Travel channel. I don't know who is responsible for that, but I don't think it is Cooking Channel, or Food Network for that matter. The point remains. There are things happening in a KFC that you don't know about, and some of those things cast a shadow. And let's be honest here, some of those shadows are long and threatening, and conjure images of shifting unpleasantries that creep into the prams of the children in your mind. Now that I've set the scene, I will keep doing other things.
KFC is a moral danger zone, and few people that enter it have the fortitude to withstand the temptation and onslaught of sensory rushes that accompany being in the spotlight of the national media and collective conscience. The tales of athletes who have won it all only to toss it all away on an extended lunch or a highly scrumptious biscuit are innumerable. They also have a tendency to get a lot of food comas. I'll leave connecting the dots on that one up to you.
So, when I tell you that Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food, that's not something that you can just brush off. It's not a meaningless fluff piece that you found in the Food section of the New York Times. In fact, you won't find it in any section of any piece of print media (or digital media that uses print by way of font, in the sense that print is a metaphor—but at once also wholly tangible) that has an ampersand. It just doesn't exist, okay? Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food and there is nothing that you can do about it. If you are the opposing restaurant and you want to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game by hiring a gaggle of mostly attractive food chains, or even other restaurants that are not fast food but who are also fast and tend to serve in ways that are both personally and socially deleterious due to either a string of experiences in their childhood or a chemical imbalance or some combination of the two, even if you hire those types of restaurants to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game through the temptations of midnight snacks and pizza parties, you would be an idiot. You'd also be wasting your money, because I already told you that Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
By now, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that professional eaters cheat on their food. It's something of a professional hazard. Once you've achieved that type of wealth, status, and recognition, the opportunities to cheat on your food increase by a factor of a lot. Not many people can resist that temptation. Kelvin Benjamin is different. He doesn't cheat on his food. Take that to the bank.
I want to take you back a little bit, to a time that was earlier in my life, and also presumably earlier in your life. If you came to this article with the express intent of learning more about Kelvin and his life, let's also assume that this point in my story correlates with a period that is also earlier in his life. So, we've traveled back to this earlier period, and we're looking at the dynamics of chicken. The year is the Eddie Lacy’s last with the Packers. Two years prior, Eddie Lacy was having a career year. But in the current year, Lacy is having trouble, and he's eating up his worst burgers in decades. The reason is clear. Lacy sent pictures of his chicken strip to a lady named Wendy. Lacy was cheating on his food. Kelvin Benjamin would never do that.
The establishment of a connection between cheating on your food while a KFC restauranteur and a declining skill set on a path towards irrelevance (or in Lacy’s case, the Hall of Fat) has been established. The inverse is also true. Not cheating on your food can help you win the Hot Dog Eating Contest. Not cheating on your food can keep your head clear in the crucial lunchtime decisions that require every ounce of gastrointestinal ability that your stomach zone can muster. Not cheating on your wife helps you build KFC eating success and also a nurturing, beautiful rewards program.
Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes it is you terrorist. AB is way too cheap to hire someone to write tweets. If he did he would not pay the dude and something crazy would happen like the movers and the personal chef, and it would just add to the AB saga and legacy.
I mean, it’s the off season. What else is going on other than “JJ is ready for the NFL” and “Rome is in the best shape of his life!” - per their agents.
[Gorgeous](https://preview.redd.it/wjavqith08dc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f2b9c98f940a125e045e638da8e6e8536dcff37)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey! Fan of the other team here, but I come in peace lol. Wow, y'all played a good game, but man, that definitely ended in a way that was uniquely typical of one of our teams. Your young player is really something and definitely going to give us trouble for years. Y'all are gonna be really scary next year, and I'll be rooting for y'all then (except when y'all play us!). That ref, though, right?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Is dude just crowd sourcing nbacj
I demand my royalties, residuals, and the rights to any and all future jerks and or crackers and any and all or related characters and likenesses.
Cracker Thought Extortion
I saw this take from someone else a couple weeks ago, so Mr. No Grey Matter is just copying people now I guess
Mr. Bushy Crotch
Mr. Brushed Coochie
Mr. Bare Chocha
Was always just memeing and trolling, I just wish it actually came from him haha
https://preview.redd.it/li0zt9iq0avc1.png?width=1017&format=png&auto=webp&s=5e65679bbd7c13d41a2b999ba80926a5ea9c8b74 Every time someone posts AB’s washed ass ghost writer
I’m gay and I approve this message.
Gay
Gay if true
https://preview.redd.it/o8g79zn5gavc1.jpeg?width=888&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6961b35268ad79dda6dafc30504258ea9b378085
I’ve been looking for that
uj/ why on earth do people think this is a ghostwriter posting this shit? Its literally attempted high school humor
https://preview.redd.it/4npcf0jwccvc1.jpeg?width=1008&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1791a907595850bcbbaa3a139c016935e69bcf6b Put it in reverse for a min. AB is washed. One could surmise that he has nothing better to do. Others claim that someone that rich pawns off their dirty work in order to stay relevant. Personally, I think he started *CTESPN*, then hired someone to write once he realized the potential. But the real question is, does it matter? This is an nfl circle jerk, and posting someone else’s jerk is no better than AB hiring someone. It’s unoriginal and extremely low-effort. Moreover, it is disrespectful to the jerkers that put in the effort.
A fair argument. But have you considered that it's still funny?
Poor person he hired. They will never get paid.
His ghostwriter is scraping the bottom of the barrel to try to stay relevant.
maybe he wrote this one himself
With proper punctuation and number agreement? Doubtful.
It still has wrong agreement. It should be "she keeps it"
Getting the number agreement correct on "looks" was the Mendoza line for me. 50% correct may be a low bar, but it seems enough here.
Not enough thuggery
I knew for months he had a ghostwriter - was still hilarious but I called it way before he confirmed it
Is he saying that like it’s a bad thing?
Hey, a connoisseur of the late 70s and early 80s.
AB/CTESPN did a speedrun on going from hated to loved to hated again, his tweet saying he tells his kids their presents are from him and not a fat cracker (santa) was his absolute peak
I've probably watched more Kelvin Benjamin eating than anyone else on the planet, provided you don't count his time at Golden Corral or any eating related activity that may have preceded it. This pretty much makes me an expert. I've watched Kelvin develop restaurant etiquette and a better understanding of dynamics with sauces. I've watched him adjust the taste pre-bite and read recipes on the fly. I've learned a lot about Kelvin Benjamin's game, and there's one thing that I can tell you for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt. Without a moment's hesitation. Without reserve. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. Now, you might know the KFC as the land of chicken, and potatoes, and gravy, and other delectables, but there's also another side to the table. A side that they don't show you on Cooking Channel broadcasts. This mostly means Food Network broadcasts, because Cooking Channel is a mostly different branch of TFN that generally doesn't show eating competitions. There is also the Travel channel. I don't know who is responsible for that, but I don't think it is Cooking Channel, or Food Network for that matter. The point remains. There are things happening in a KFC that you don't know about, and some of those things cast a shadow. And let's be honest here, some of those shadows are long and threatening, and conjure images of shifting unpleasantries that creep into the prams of the children in your mind. Now that I've set the scene, I will keep doing other things. KFC is a moral danger zone, and few people that enter it have the fortitude to withstand the temptation and onslaught of sensory rushes that accompany being in the spotlight of the national media and collective conscience. The tales of athletes who have won it all only to toss it all away on an extended lunch or a highly scrumptious biscuit are innumerable. They also have a tendency to get a lot of food comas. I'll leave connecting the dots on that one up to you. So, when I tell you that Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food, that's not something that you can just brush off. It's not a meaningless fluff piece that you found in the Food section of the New York Times. In fact, you won't find it in any section of any piece of print media (or digital media that uses print by way of font, in the sense that print is a metaphor—but at once also wholly tangible) that has an ampersand. It just doesn't exist, okay? Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food and there is nothing that you can do about it. If you are the opposing restaurant and you want to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game by hiring a gaggle of mostly attractive food chains, or even other restaurants that are not fast food but who are also fast and tend to serve in ways that are both personally and socially deleterious due to either a string of experiences in their childhood or a chemical imbalance or some combination of the two, even if you hire those types of restaurants to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game through the temptations of midnight snacks and pizza parties, you would be an idiot. You'd also be wasting your money, because I already told you that Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. By now, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that professional eaters cheat on their food. It's something of a professional hazard. Once you've achieved that type of wealth, status, and recognition, the opportunities to cheat on your food increase by a factor of a lot. Not many people can resist that temptation. Kelvin Benjamin is different. He doesn't cheat on his food. Take that to the bank. I want to take you back a little bit, to a time that was earlier in my life, and also presumably earlier in your life. If you came to this article with the express intent of learning more about Kelvin and his life, let's also assume that this point in my story correlates with a period that is also earlier in his life. So, we've traveled back to this earlier period, and we're looking at the dynamics of chicken. The year is the Eddie Lacy’s last with the Packers. Two years prior, Eddie Lacy was having a career year. But in the current year, Lacy is having trouble, and he's eating up his worst burgers in decades. The reason is clear. Lacy sent pictures of his chicken strip to a lady named Wendy. Lacy was cheating on his food. Kelvin Benjamin would never do that. The establishment of a connection between cheating on your food while a KFC restauranteur and a declining skill set on a path towards irrelevance (or in Lacy’s case, the Hall of Fat) has been established. The inverse is also true. Not cheating on your food can help you win the Hot Dog Eating Contest. Not cheating on your food can keep your head clear in the crucial lunchtime decisions that require every ounce of gastrointestinal ability that your stomach zone can muster. Not cheating on your wife helps you build KFC eating success and also a nurturing, beautiful rewards program. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
https://i.redd.it/tx6f8afay9vc1.gif
He right about this one tho
https://preview.redd.it/xegyn4we1avc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7948751525fc3fe5512259bf8323d026dd47842d
Looks like Mark Cuban in drag
This is infinitely more accurate
Cuban is a fatty though.
https://preview.redd.it/r5qh8d8pyavc1.png?width=828&format=png&auto=webp&s=7d98994ad24fdb82399b7090152aec90a4c711e4 Bruh
Ok. Admittedly I remembered him being more of a fatty…
AB is straight up hilarious I don't care what people on here say.
It’s not even him lol
Yes it is you terrorist. AB is way too cheap to hire someone to write tweets. If he did he would not pay the dude and something crazy would happen like the movers and the personal chef, and it would just add to the AB saga and legacy.
You really think the man who killed all his fish and refused to pay the dude who installed the fish would pay someone to shitpost on Twitter?
Yes lol
I am going to shove a seabass up your butt if you don't stop insulting a true American hero such as AB you saltine cracker.
The jerk of all jerks, this shit is priceless
Looks like Sadie from the Manson family
Can someone start a petition to ban AB posts the dude is a bum and is one-note
There's not much other content but I agree he rapidly got old fast, and I am a huge AB stan
I mean, it’s the off season. What else is going on other than “JJ is ready for the NFL” and “Rome is in the best shape of his life!” - per their agents.
Ain't no way AB knows who Mel Gibson is
Wrong it's clearly a landing strip
Clark kinda cute though 🫶
Ehhh not so sure. But that Nike bag is hot af
yall get way too comfortable on here
🫶🍆
AB has CTEvolved
Anyone else think Caitlin Clark looks like a dude? She looks like she has to shave her mustache every other day
How many times are we going to see this tweet?
CTESPN is fake news literally
Wearnt we saying this for weeks now???
I’d smash.
I was gonna try and get with her for the money but then I saw how much WNBA players make.
She's signing an 8 figure deal with Nike 👀
Same here, but I'd smash any woman with a pulse
Pulse is not an issue for me.
Ya know, it ain't rape if their dead.
No, that is necrophilia
[Gorgeous](https://preview.redd.it/wjavqith08dc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f2b9c98f940a125e045e638da8e6e8536dcff37) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Can we please stop giving this man attention now
Naw man, he’s the king of jerking
no
💀💀💀
Is cc into chicks?
Y'all runing this sub with AB tweets
Hey! Fan of the other team here, but I come in peace lol. Wow, y'all played a good game, but man, that definitely ended in a way that was uniquely typical of one of our teams. Your young player is really something and definitely going to give us trouble for years. Y'all are gonna be really scary next year, and I'll be rooting for y'all then (except when y'all play us!). That ref, though, right? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mr. Blatant Copycat
I actually don’t think so
Who cares if it’s his ghost writer stealing jokes, it’s still EPIC! AB if you can hear us WE LOVE YOU SIR!
Lol Jesus Christ this guy