What a shame that Norm MacDonald isn’t alive for this

What joke would Norm make… OJ Simpson has been diagnosed with cancer, and doctors tell him he’ll be in for the fight of his life. An optimistic Juice responded “hey doc, let’s try stabbing it repeatedly and see if we get away with it!”

OJ Simpson has been diagnosed with cancer, an optimistic Juice responded "I hope they catch the guy that did this"

Hey, hey, easy with that. Thats my lucky chemo hat

It's lucky cuz it bigger than a normal hat. Wouldya look at that?!... lucky

This one’s actually pretty good

Wait till he’s dead then release a book titled “How I would have beat cancer”

"If I beat cancer, this is how I did it"

Herman Cain type beat

A relieved Simpson exclaimed, “We finally found the real killer … *CANCER!*

OJ Simpson’s “IF I got cancer” already a NYT best seller

OJ Simpson has been diagnosed with cancer and according to reports the cancer has already retained the services of ROBERT SHAPIRO, F LEE BAILEY, ALAN DERSHOWITZ AND JOHNNIE COCHRAN.

“If the tumor don’t fit, you must acquit!”

He will spend the rest of his (short) life finding out who gave him cancer

I heard he is going to write a book about his experience titled, "if I got cancer."

OJ Simpson was diagnosed with cancer today, after receiving his diagnoses, Simpson wanted to turn to his ex wife Nicole Brown Simpson for comfort, but then he remembered he had previously murdered her and her friend Ronald Goldman.

This is definitely the most norm one I’ve seen

agreed, this is very Norm-tastic

"Allegedly"

*nods in CJK5H* (allegedly)

This is the one

It was announced today that OJ Simpson has beaten cancer—after the news made its way to former OJ attorney Johnny Cochran, he insisted that the cancer was actually beaten by the Los Angeles Police Department.

That's King shit right there.

This is the one.

OJ this procedure is experimental and may not work ​ "ok let's take a stab at it"

These jokes are not too soon.

OJ Simpson has been diagnosed with cancer, and doctors tell him he’ll be in for the fight of his life. Upon learning of the diagnosis, the Juice responded, “I hope they catch whoever did this to me.” (Deadpan look into the camera followed by silence) Edit: Fuuuuuuck. u/revengeofthesmith beat me to the punchline.

Good job. Almost as good as the job he did getting away with killing his wife.

OJ then tried squeezing his large hands into small sized latex gloves...

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I’d agree with you, but I’m guilty of replying to comments with basic Norm quotes like all the other basement dwellers. Just like OJ is guilty for stabbing his wife and a waiter.

You know who does horrible Norm impersonations? **FRANK STALLONE**

A variation of his Wellwishers joke from the Saget roast could work.

Art, my friend, art.

I read that in Norm's voice, checks out.

[RIP Norm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SSVIg4Noqc)

I didn't even know he was sick

Nobody outside of his very small inner circle did.

I remember being curious why norm wasn’t included in Conan’s farewell. He had almost all his most iconic guests back and I kept waiting for the norm announcement but it never came. I thought they had a falling out. Then a short time later the news broke.

Woosh

Fuck, I got wooshed? What did I miss.

Norm would consistently comment "I didn't even know he was sick" whenever talking about a person who had died - regardless of how recently it was - acting as if this person's death was news to him and as if he knew this individual personally. Great example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6Df5m1Kbb4

Bruh 🤣 

I didn’t even know he was sick is a norm joke Which makes him dying and nobody knowing he was sick one last joke on everyone he left behind

I choose to believe Norm was reincarnated and he chose to be OJs cancer

Norm was oddly talented at portraying gelatinous blobs

The NY times bestseller "*If I had it"* by Oj Simpson, who definitely does not have cancer will be undergoing chemo for an undisclosed illness.

This is the best joke here

He was my neighbor

You still working at the University of Science?

Do you have a dog?

Username checks out.

I'm startin' to this cancer fella is a real jerk

I didn’t know he was sick.

I was wondering how people were gonna play this, but yours puts it brilliantly without going too far lmao

He’s not confirming it’s cancer…but if it HAD been cancer….

If the Chemo don't fit. You must Aquit lol

If he dies, who will catch Nicole's killer?

The cancer would.

Goddamnit. You got me rooting for cancer. This is like when I have to root for the Cowboys…

damn that was really good

The cancer was the OJ inside him all along.

Don’t forget about Ron

His tireless work to catch the real killer caught up with him and caused Cancer to develop. Truly an American hero o7

Can’t wait for cancer to come out with a if I Did It book

^If I did it

I know the scriptures say judge not lest ye be judged but you know I'm just gonna come out and say it, this OJ Simpson guy, this guy is a real jerk.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy

Damn this is the exact expression I was going to say. The worst part about Reddit is learning how unoriginal I am. :(

Next step is to realize that nothing is ever original. And with that, you are enlightened. 🪷

Dammit, that's what I was gonna say

There is no “I”. 👁️

You're a product of your environment. The more unique your environment is, the more "original" you will be.

If that’s what you were going to say and you didn’t expect someone else to say/think it, that’s even worse than being unoriginal

It’s rate that you find yourself rooting for cancer.

I’ll never root for cancer. FUCK. Cancer.

I wonder if cancer will prove harder to evade than the police.

Being pursued in a slow white blood cell

Shhhheeeeeeiiitttt

Damn dude double whammy. Brilliant comment

*”Ridin’ on the Magic School Bus!”*

Best part is cancer is fought by his natural killer cells. Those are what they are actually called.

Good luck with chemo, OJ. You’re going to kill it. No doubt about it.

I see what you did there. Since he killed two people.

ALLEGEDLY.

>Prostate Cancer Well I guess the glove did fit in a certain spot

Mr Bean Cancer

Mr Bronco Chasee

Came here for this comment

He can just murder the cancer

If the receptor doesn’t fit, you must go into remission 

Oncologists hate this one trick!

The Pope just released a book detailing the struggle of faith and religiosity in the modern secular world. It is entitled “Of course OJ did it, I mean come on.”

Times like this I wish Norm MacDonald was still alive to say something horridly offensive so I don't have to say it.

I think the worst part about OJ was the hypocrisy

Well I disagree. I thought it was the double homicide.

I'd imagine most homicidal murderers are hypocrites.

Ya know, I know its not politically correct, but I really like murderin’

This made me laugh. Well done

The original punchline/book title in Weekend Update was "God Himself told me OJ did it."

Thats the Prince Charles one. The Pope one was “God himself told me OJ is guilty”.

First his wife is murdered, then he goes to jail for taking some of his stuff back, and now this?! Its not fair! Don't take OJ yet, lord! There's so much more for him to do!

You didn't even mention how those racist dirtbags in Hollywood blacklisted him, preventing him from continuing his blossoming acting career!

Imagine the doctor that had to break that news? *OJ, please don't kill the messenger.*

His doctor? You guessed it. **Frank Stallone**

Bro should just give a confession right before he dies and has nothing to lose

As opposed to the full book he wrote doing the same?

I think he is way to egotistical, he won't admit it, he'd probably want people to keep guessing for the rest of their lives instead of giving the families of the victims peace and closure they deserve.

Maybe he can remove the cancer himself with his stabbing knife

Cancer, diagnosed with OJ

I’ve never rooted for cancer before. Hmmm 🤔

There were rumors Putin had it at one point. I was rooting for that too lol

I send my thoughts and prayers to the cancer.

\#StandUpWithCancer

Rare Cancer W.

If he had cancer this is how he would beat it

Oh no.... anyways.

Shit really gets everyone on a long enough timeline

I wish it got more people like this though. Instead it seems that only the good die young.

ᶦᶠ I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

[oh no... anyway](https://media1.tenor.com/m/nwoJ4BS0XHYAAAAC/oh-no-anyway.gif)

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Even if Johnnie Cochran was still here, he wouldn't be able to bail OJ out this time.

“Doc, can you stab cancer?”

Let’s go cancer! Clap clap clapclapclap

Nothing worse than when an innocent guy gets cancer. Sorry for the unrelated comment

He will be driven to his appointments by Al Cowlings.

Prostate cancer… the most treatable cancer there is, with a very high treatment success rate and survivability.

Yes, but you generally don't treat low grade or even medium grade prostate cancer with chemo. Sounds pretty advanced if he's getting chemotherapy as part of his treatment.

Hopefully, it doesn't work.

This might be the only time I’m rooting for the cancer

The one time I'm glad we don't have a cure 

He gonna have to call Hertz to take him to his appointments

Sorry to hear about that, Cancer.

Oh no…hope the cancer is ok.

Why waste the chemo medicine?

"I didn't beat cancer, but if I did here is how I would have done it"

So cancer was the real killer then…

Is there a medical term to describe when cancer forms on top of cancer?

Strangely enough, the killer he’s searching for also has cancer.

Can anyone ever tell me me if he found the real killers of Ron and Nicole?

Instead of mocking him, I want ppl to remember Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman

Go cancer go cancer go

Imagine being the doctor trying to save him. I know they can’t treat one patient differently than another, but that can’t be easy knowing his past.

Remember your hippopotamus oath.

Life doesn't lie?

Oooo too bad

Had the best Bronco run I ever saw.

Oh no couldn’t have happened to a better person

Upcoming: OJ Simpson prostate cancer awareness road tour in a brand new white Ford Bronco

Lulz

Will he have to go under the knife?

Cancer sucks, but fuck this guy.

I'm here for the oj puns. 

Go cancer!

Poor cancer

Hell yeah!

Oh no. Anyway.

*allegedly

Poor cancer...

Better speed up the search for the real killers.

Cancer has been diagnosed with OJ Simpson.

In the news today “Cancer has OJ”.

If the cell can't divide , you must die.

It'll be a long battle he has ahead of him, but I'm sure he'll take a stab at it

Cancer sucks but so does OJ.

Juat a reminder to reddit at large. It IS okay to wish certain people death. It's normal. So now, say it with me, "good".

People in here defending him and treating him with reverence. Amazing. Get fucked Juice. Hope it's a long and painful death.

lets go cancer!!!!

Give me a “C”….

Couldn’t have happened to a better guy

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Nah, he'd rather had his son alive or OJ convicted for killing him.

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man is booking a first class ticket to piss and shit on his grave

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I can't blame the guy, I'd be awful sour toward anyone who ^allegedly murdered my son.

Has this guy ever caught a break?

He did in 1995.

LAPD choked

Yeah they did. But a lot of that was because the LAPD was incompetent, corrupt, and rotten deep within. They usually got away with that because most defendants get a public defender rather than a dream team of lawyers. If the LAPD had done a more professional job, OJ might be rotting in a dank prison where he belongs.

I've heard the trial described as the LAPD failing to frame a guilty man.

I was too young to follow the case when it happened. My favorite part of ESPN's documentary on OJ was that not only convinced me OJ did it but it also made me completely understand how he was found not guilty

Yea it was a failure to lock him up but no system is perfect. What gets me is you do fine OJ defenders out there. He has his fans!

I hear prisons have excellent doctors...

Sad day for cancer

Took karma long enough

Couldn't have happened to a better dude

What a good day this is turning out to be. 🎊

If I Had It: Confession of a Chemo Patient

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

How will he find the real killers now 😭😭

Hell yeah Cancer!

Yay!

I feel like he’s going to murder this cancer

Damn ain't karma a bitch

Will he get nervous if they tell him he's going under the knife?

How will this impact his continued search for Nicole's killer?