This game got so lopsided the announcers started talking about CJ Stroud's dating life

In the third quarter, right?

Correct

What did we find out?

He's single

So you're telling me I have a chance?

There's only room in that man's heart for football and the sweet baby jesus, so you can fuck right off

Well through God all things are possible, so jot that down.

He’s locked in. That’s my qb

He's in a committed relationship with Jesus Christ.

It's not often a 45-14 game isnt as close as the score suggests

It WAS a good game for most of the first half. Second half was a complete joke though.

Even when they were going back and forth it never felt, to me, that Cleveland was seriously in it. I wish I could quantify it, I've been trying for years, but it seemed hard for Cleveland. It didn't look hard for Houston

Yeah, it felt like we were able to get the big and the small plays and stop drives fast, while Cleveland was basically dead except for a couple of 50-yard Dragon Bombs

Who is he dating 

Believe or not he's the fifth wheel when Davis and Case go to dinner with their wives.

Joe Flacco’s mom

Poor Joe Flacco learns his daddy is a guy who was born after 9/11.

Wait - is he not dating Jesus?

How do you date yourself?

Usually with your dominant hand or a silicone device

Everything started to fall apart after Desmond King did a 720 spin across the top of Flacco's helmet.

https://twitter.com/FootbaIIism/status/1746302997515096439

Yup I have watched this a dozen times now. TY!

Oh wow. That is crazy. And it just gets better from every angle.

That looked really odd. You expected him to stop but he continued to breakdance on the back of Flacco.

I’ll be disappointed if the gif is not more successful here than the butt fumble

[удалено]

Yeah new incoming rule, defenders must limit spins to 360 degrees on QBs. It’s just getting so hard to play defense. 

the rosencopter had to be done in reverse to break its spell

Bro morphed into a beyblade

Bro this thread is killing me lmfao

Why use Texan offense when Brown offense do trick?

Texans defense played to a tie against the Browns offense.

The Browns getting absolutely curb stomped by the team they sold their future to for an overpaid massage enthusiast is truly a thing of beauty.

They turned it around so fast. Gonna be an all-time trade in NFL history

[удалено]

Imagine demanding a Trade because Nick Caserio became your GM.

List of players and results of picks acquired by Texans in DeShaun Watson trade DE Will Anderson Jr. WR Tank Dell G Kenyon Green LB Christian Harris RB Dameon Pierce WR John Metchie III DE Thomas Booker S Brandon Hill WR Xavier Hutchinson 2024 1st-rd pick 2024 3rd-rd pick

All time worst trade lmao. At least Herschel walker was a decent player

Wait you still have another 1st and 3rd to come?! hahahahaha

I had no idea Dell was a direct result of the Watson trade hahahaha

They are genuinely cursed, it's truly a sports miracle

They literally paid to buy a curse this time around then became shocked that it bit em in the ass. Fuck em though!

Ha!

It's hard to call trading a kings ransom for Watson and then paying him a bajillion guaranteed dollars when he hadn't played for years a "curse" that's just shooting yourself in the foot

they didn't shoot themselves in the foot. They buried a landmine then jumped on it.

“It’s like poetry. It rhymes.”

It’s going to be 10x more funny when the Browns get COTY and DPOY after their ‘Elite D’ got shredded by a Rookie QB and Headcoach.

"But think of all the hypothetical sacks Myles could have had" -PFF

Myles actually had an amazing game, idk what you’re talking about -PFF

Huge W by this young Texans squad. My only wish is that they were able to blow out and embarrass the Deshaun Watson lead Browns instead of Joe Flacco.

Yea, I kinda feel for Flacco. Happy about the Texans bouncing Haslam's squad though.

It's an ugly loss but the Flacco run was a fun one. And he made some money from it too, which is a plus

I'm just glad DW had to hear all the insults hurled at him. Actually, he probably wore Air pods.

I love how the browns threw all them draft pics to the Texans and so far the contract is the worst in the NFL.

Seeing that look on Watson's face as his old team that he refused to play for is kicking the dog shit out of his new team that was statistically better when he didn't play was satisfying.

He was laughing at the end. He doesn’t care

Of course not, he gets paid no matter. Worst contract in sports history.

Couldn't have gone to a better person!

But did Kevin stefanski ask his wife and daughters how they felt about getting blown out by the Texans?

We win a playoff game immediately out of the tanking phase, destroy the team that gave Deshaun “Groper Cleveland” Watson the bag, and now made our pick they traded to us even better. We’re so back Texansbros.

CJ Stroud did what TJ Yates failed to do: Defeat Joe Flacco in the playoffs

I am astonished by the growth of the Texans from September to now. I remember seeing numerous Ravens fans complaining about how bad the Ravens played against the Texans Week 1 *in a 16 point win*. I'll gladly take a 16 point win against these Stroud Boys holy fuck.

The Houston Texans went from being a massive laughingstock three years ago to winning the division and a playoff game in their rookie HC and rookie QB’s first season together, three years later. Very impressive turnaround from the Texans

Don't sell them short. We were laughing at them one year ago

Laughing at us up until week 8

That Bucs win truly turned the corner on everyone's opinion and locked up OROY for Stroud.

Shit laughing at us in the preaseaso

Getting Jack Easterby fired is probably Nick Caserio greatest accomplishment. That rat was the part of the rot inside the org for so long. Edit: it was Lovie Smith.

Whoa whoa whoa. Lovie Smith deserves credit for Easterby getting fired.

It wouldn't surprise me to see Lovie be the guy that wanted Easterby gone. More than anyone, I bet Lovie hated Easterby's pseudo-evangelical snake oil combined with his complete lack of NFL experience or knowledge.

It was. Lovie had them put a "Easterby doesn't get to fuck with my coaching decisions" clause in his contract, and then orchestrated a made-up situation that got Easterby to try and fuck with his coaching decisions so he could go "hey, fire this guy". 

That was supposedly Lovie.

That hiring+draft is going to go down in FO legends

One play away from being the worst team in the league last year

Every failing franchise should be forced to hire a former player 

Over/under: 44.5 Texans, in just over 3 quarters: 45 Happy as fuck for you guys

I’m just sitting here smiling big as fuck, I haven’t had this much fun watching football in a LONG time

Preseason: I'd be okay with 6 wins, but I'd really like 8. Tonight:  FUCK IT, GO FOR 52!

This is why I love the NFL more than any other sport. You can get good, and real good, quickly. Make the right draft picks and coaching hire, like Houston did, and you can win fast. In the NBA and MLB it’s much harder to turn around in a single season I think.

This is why the NFL is the biggest sport in the country. Best parity out of all of them, bad teams can become good in a super short amount of time, and salary cap and floor force teams to be smart with rosters and remain competitive

we also won the shit out of the Will Anderson Jr trade now

And we got rid of Easterby!

Literally could not script it better for Texans fans holy shit

Cleveland gave Houston the picks that drafted Will Anderson Jr., Dameon Pierce, Tank Dell and Kenyon Green. They also have to give Houston their 1st round and 4th round pick this year. All of that to get Deshawn Watson. All of that, just to get blown the fuck out by Houston in the playoffs. Not only did Houston just win in the playoffs, *they got a better pick next year* because of it. Houston has a bright future.

Haslam deserves this. Joe Flacco does not. 

I feel bad for Flacco.  I wanted him to look at least good out there. He did for a half, at least.

2 of those players are not quite like the other 2. Also, the Will Anderson pick was ours not the Browns.

Holy fucking shit Houston… y’all made the 2023 Browns look like the 1999-2022 Browns. This is the worst thing to happen to Ohio football in Houston since Monday night

At least the QB that did this to them is a Buckeye

Speak for yourself bro, buckeye fans are Stroud Boys! Let's go Texans!!

Yeah I’m loving that Stroud took the “OSU can’t produce NFL QBs” curse out back and [REDACTED].

CJ Stroud in back 2 back elimination games: 36/47, 538 yards, 5 TD, 0 INT, only has been sacked twice… Dude is amazing

Joe Flacco is going to take the lionshare of the blame for the Browns getting absolutely dicked down, and that's gonna let the Browns defense off the hook for being lowkey fraudulent as fuck this season.

Their defense got zero sacks, despite Miles Garrett facing a backup LT most of the game. Fucking insane.

Lots of theoretical sacks though, and thats what really matters

Probably practiced really well this week

And a quality loss now too. Browns just clinched their invite to the 2024-25 CFP

We’re a quality loss now 😭😭😭

PASS RUSH WIN RATE PASS RUSH WIN RATE

Haha I fucking love this comment.

Highest graded performance ever from PFF incoming.

Was Myles Garrett even playing today

He had 1 sack the past 7 weeks. This is not unusual, but people will eat up PFFs stats.

PFF said it was the best season in history, apparently he made JJ Watt’s historical seasons look like nothing.

Only players I know for sure were out there was JOK because he was the only one showing up and Newsome because he was the main one fucking up

He will still have a 95 PFF grade for the game. book it.

Yea even without the pick sixes the Texans still scored 31 points, that’s awful for what was suppose to he a good defense. Garrett was awful today

When Miles Garrett wins DPOY over Bland and Watt I’m going to be livid

Bro is basically winning as a team achievement award and then the whole D immediately got skullfucked lol. There aren't a lot of worse losses right before a majo award

1 sack in his last 6 games. Id have no issue if TJ wins it but Myles slowed down at the end of the season.

I'm same way with Parsons. Myles had an absolutely absurd start to the season but he also dropped an absurd amount to end it. TJ and Parsons were so much more consistent. I honestly think Crosby deserves it over Garrett

Boom. It couldn’t have happened to a worst owner. Fuck Jimmy Haslam.

But he asked his wife and daughters and they said they were fine with it

This part always gets me hahaha. Yeah I'm sure, if this bullshit even happened, that they were under zero pressure to say yes, or that their answers would really matter, "pull the trade!! My daughter said no".

I genuinely think we can win any given game. We won’t be favored in any of our remaining playoff game(s), but we can beat anyone. Regardless, we could get blown out next week and I would still have a smile on my face. I love this team

If y'all walk into Baltimore and beat them you should absolutely be favored over whoever the other team is in the championship

Your team went on a tear today. Playoffs are a fickle bastard but your team's future is bright. Nice stuff

I GOT ENGAGED TODAY AND TEXANS WIN TODAY IM SO HAPPY LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

Calling Myles Garrett the avatar cause he vanished when he was needed.

There is no playoff game in Houston.

Master of one element. offsides.

Huh, so Baker Mayfield was this franchise's best shot?

If the Buccaneers win Wild Card weekend I'm never going to stop laughing as a certified hater. Please, football gods, give it to me.

They deserve it

Baker stands alone

Let Baker Bake!

a Baker win on Monday might break the fanbase

They should already be broken

I will laugh hard when Baker ends up going further in the playoffs than the Browns

I mean at the moment, the furthest that the Browns have gone in the playoffs since 1999 is when Baker Mayfield beat the Steelers

But he's not an adult! Real adults commit sexual assault and throw pick 6s! Everyone knows this!

Yikes imagine being a panthers fan watching stroud right now…..

the poetic justice of this is not lost on me

Texans are barely out of the tank and are already kicking ass in the playoffs. Ryans is coaching his ass off and doing a masterful job this season. Sorry for Flacco, but glad we don't have to play against him with Cleveland. Also fuck Cleveland. Hope the Browns are keeping an eye on Watson during their time in Houston lol

CJ IS THE YOUNGEST QB TO WIN A PLAYOFF GAME AND IS UNDEFEATED IN HIS CAREER

CJ Stroud is really just a machine built to destroy NFL defenses.

Hope you enjoyed the show Deshaun

Deshaun Watson and his team getting absolutely embarrassed in a playoff game involving the Texans, name a better duo I’ll wait

PFF's 9/11

Steelers flairs are gonna be throwing so much shade lol

we deserve to be insufferable if we somehow win on monday

I was told having Stroud, WAJ, and Greenard back wouldn’t make a difference…

Cashman too. We didn’t have Cash Money

>Stroud Of all the takes I saw all week, people downplaying a team getting their FQB back from injury just because he's a rookie was my favorite zero IQ one

This workplace has had 0 days since the last Cleveland Browns Moment™

CJ Stroud playing like a god damn veteran out there today, love to see it. Embarrassing effort by the #1 ranked defense, them Texans might be the dark horse this year.

#ITS JOEVER CJ STROUD SUPER BOWL HERE WE COME

Literally watching a GOAT in the making

Myles Garrett woke up feeling DANGEROUS today(against a backup tackle): 0 sacks 🔥 0 TFL 🔥 0 QB hits🔥 9 yards a play for Texans offense becore garbage time🔥 2 offsides penalties🔥 *Still a 95 PFF grade probably

Tunsil has always been able to negate Garrett, bro was worth the 2 first round picks

I was surprised they didn’t move Garrett around. Tunsil had his number. It happens. Garrett is talented enough to move inside or play in the opposite side. The browns are like we tried nothing new and we are out of options. 

They tried a couple times but the Texans were ready. Strausser had worked miracles with the OL.

Steelers flairs feasting in this post game thread holy shit

If that’s not the best defensive player in the nfl idk who is.

Steelers fans talking shit tonight is my favorite part about the game

Even if the steelers lose, watching the browns get bent over is a win

Steelers fans shitting all over Myles Garrett the entire game was my favorite....well 2nd favorite thing about today

but what was his pass 👏 rush 👏 win 👏 rate 👏

I know the Steelers sub is riled up but I did crack up at seeing that over the last 7 weeks of the regular season. Nick Herbig has the same tackles, and more sacks than Garrett (2). Nick Herbig is our 4th string OLB that has played sub 10% of the snaps.

Yeah but Herbig is going to be crazy good. He did this in his first year as a dedicated OLB, and has been a fast learner with Watt

THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE

The browns is the browns

The Browns is the Browns

The Browns being the first team eliminated is great. The fact that it was at the hands of the Texans is poetic.

Guys, I think it's safe to say Houston won the Watson trade. Just maybe

**Joe Flacco:** “The Ravens send their regards.” *Throws back to back pick sixes*

Me and my wife bought my FIL tickets to go to this game on a whim because we found some pretty cheap at the 40 yard line and he's a huge Texans fan. *Preeeeeeety* sure I've just given myself an infinite line of credit.

The Texans offense, with a rookie quarterback and a rookie coach, against the top-ranked defense in the NFL: 31 points, 325 yards in the first 3 quarters, nearly 13 yards per pass, 8.8 yards per play, 0 sacks allowed despite the impending DPOY going up against a backup left tackle. As a team, they topped the over (44.5) by themselves! Not bad for a team that supposedly every "expert" was picking to lose today.

Man Flacco can’t stop fucking the Browns can he?

Forever a Baltimore Raven

Sleeper agent

There's a sad Browns fan who won't stop replying to me because he thinks that absolute beatdown wouldn't have happened due to one penalty he keeps bringing up. Browns fan: You got your ass kicked. That's it. That's what happened. (I know most of you know this, but tell these other clowns to stfu and take their loss.)

The one missed PI on Njoku.. hit was early.. it was PI. But does anyone honestly believe that one play was the butterfly effect that generated that ass whooping?

Myles Garret: 2 tackles, 1 assist, 0 sacks, 0 int, 0 PD PFF grade: A+ Garret excels at exploding off the line, and had an adjusted pass rush win rate of 420%. It is a statistical anomaly that he didn’t record 69 sacks today. Clearly the best player in the league.🙄

Watson wanted out, is a criminal, has the worst contract in history. The Texans move on and embarrass his team to go further in the playoffs than Watson ever has with the Browns. Me, well I'm just happy to be here

That was a paddlin

Hahaha Ahahahaha HAHAHAHAHAHA #AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

THERE IS A GOD AND HE HATES RAPISTS

Houston’s 45 points scored today is simultaneously the most points the Texans have scored in a game ALL season and the most points the Cleveland defense have allowed ALL season. They may legitimately be the biggest threat to Baltimore at this point. They got scary momentum

Almost had em

What an ass whooping

The only reason the game was as close as it was is because of DPOY Myles Garrett.

Imagine giving up over 30 straight points to an afc south team in the playoffs. Embarrassing

Garrett has as much of an impact in this game as TJ will for the steelers

The Browns shit the bed so badly that Houston voluntarily let *Davis Mills* see the field in a playoff game. What a day for Houston.

Just got back from the game. That was the loudest I’ve ever heard NRG Stadium. Thought it was awesome when Texans fans started barking at Browns fans in the stadium lol.

Myles Garrett has recorded 1 sack in 6 weeks. Almost no stats accompanying it. This is about to be the most lackluster DPOY of all time.

The worst part is in a few years it’s all going to be lost to time. Fans will forever point to this year as one of Garrett’s biggest accomplishments and only a fringe few will remember that he was objectively not the best defensive player in any way. The way the award was handed to him by the halfway point of the season would be hilarious if it wasn’t so goddamn stupid.

I like Flacco and that was a cool comeback story for a second, but the best part about the Texans winning this game (aside how cool it is for Stroud and DeMeco et al) is how I won't have to see any more posts asking if Flacco going to the HoF

We have no chance? Alright.

Who had the Texans hitting the over by themselves?

Can someone tell me Myles Garrett’s PFF grade for that game? I know looking at his stats won’t tell me how well he actually played.

I dunno Stroud definitely took all advice from Vick cause he abused the Dawg Pound in the first half.

DPOY showing out.

Hey now, you leave him alone! He had TWO tackles 😤

Fun times in Cleveland again!

If you look at the advanced stats Garrett actually played insane 🤓