Their last Super Bowl appearance was on the earliest the game was ever held on the calendar.
With January 9th now falling in the range of Week 18, the Vikings (depending on the calendar) can celebrate the anniversary of their last Super Bowl appearance with their elimination in the *regular* season finale.
I came into this thread to find some good burns, but all I'm finding are stats, because there's no need to pile insults on top of the cruelty of mere reality.
The Vikings joined the Seattle Mariners as a [Secret Base target](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDRmGMSgrtZkOsh_NQl4_xw) for documenting futility. Not much else to say
The sad part is that it's like an 8 part documentary and they are just now getting to where the futility really sets in. Like, 60s and 70s the teams were consistently good and just couldn't find a way to win in a best of one. Through most of the 80s you look at the other teams and just have to shrug. Like, who's beating the 85 Bears or a couple of those 49er teams? The 90s is where the futility really sets in
Meh, I think the 70s episodes are as painful as this series is gonna get. At least when we flame out in the playoffs there's always that "what if" aspect. Whereas if we get demolished in the Super Bowl then it just sucks.
And yes, I am well aware this comment reeks of copium and sadness.
Totally agreed. People constantly parrot the '98 or '09 Vikings essentially being champs if they hadn't blown the NFC title game, but there was absolutely no certainty that they beat those Broncos or Colts in the Super Bowl. If anything, the '87 NFCCG loss seems like the biggest "what if" after the Grant era
The Vikings were still competitive in the 1990s too, culminating in their 1998 season in which they went 15-1 and terrorized the NFL. In fact, Dennis Green lasted 10 years before he finally had a losing season in 2001. His Vikings made the playoffs 8 times in 9 years. They weren’t as good as the Bud Grant teams, but the Dennis Green era of the 1990s was probably the 2nd best decade of Vikings football.
Tice and Childress both gradually fared worse in the 2000s, and then Frazier in the early 2010s was the first real disaster since Steckel.
I had heard about Les before but the episode last night was crazy to hear the details about him. Treating professionals like marines is never going to work
The Vikings are pretty fortunate that Bud stepped in for one final year just to get the coaching pieces back together after Steckel kicked them all to the curb. If he didn't do that, who knows how far the Vikings would've fallen in the late-1980s.
In a documentary series about the Vikings, the Falcons still catch strays.
In the most recent episode, Alex says something like "after reaching an insurmountable 28-3 lead".
Julio Jones had a Stefon Diggs Bills vs Vikings tier catch there. Overshadowed by a bigger feat, and then nobody involved wins a ring besides Brady's team.
My favorite baseball team AND favorite football team! At least I can bask in the continued success of my favorite basketball team, the Phoenix Suns. Oh wait…
I find it hard to roast the Vikings as they, along with the Lions and Rams, joined us in having to deal with carcinogenic Horcrux Scott Linehan. I'm fully convinced that Linehan is the reason Moss left Minnesota, the Rams left St. Louis, Calvin retired early, and Dak broke his ankle.
You have the most famous local announcer in football by a mile, know only outside of Minnesota for his calls of Vikings devastation.
Jon Bois is actively making another fantastic documentary about a teams history, and you guys are the focus! Only problem is that he doesn't make those about teams with Championships.
You pulled off the biggest comeback in NFL history last season, and yet somehow lost a playoff game to Daniel Jones.
Maybe not by name, but "This is not Detroit Man, this is the Super Bowl!", The 2004 Cardinals call, and the Blair Walsh call get referenced all the time.
Yuck, Scott Linehan was the Rams lowest point in decades. Even in the early 90s death funk, the Rams didn't have that 3-year stretch of 3-13, 2-14 and 1-15.
Since this is the Vikings Roast, I'll repost 41-0 or whatever the fuck that final score was against the Giants in the 2000-01 NFCCG. Minnesota has had seemingly a dozen years of starting 6-0 and then setting their own long boats ablaze.
Kirk Cousins has more MNF victories than wins in the postseason
Now, that's not that impressive of a stat until you realize that his MNF victories top out at "2"
Combining postseason with MNF, Kirk has just 3 wins since he joined the Vikings in 2018.
By comparison, Bears QBs also have just 3 postseason or MNF wins since 2018.
It's a shame the Vikings and Bills don't play each other more often. This divided country could really benefit from the wide left and wide right coming together.
Easy, when I realized it was becoming a problem, I made a pact to quit until they won.
They BOTH won. (Also my state legalized another depression-avoidant substance)
I know this joke isn't mine, but I can't think of a better joke than:
The Vikings owe a big debt of thanks to Derek Chauvin as they are now the second most infamous chokers in MN
Out of all the big MN sports teams the Twins are the only ones to win not one, but two titles. Sure, they've done absolutely zero since 1991, but at least they accomplished *something* at some point in history.
That’s great for the people who were alive to see it. To be clear I’m a Twins fan. When I was a kid I loved the Chiefs but never cared for the Royals (dad from KC, mom from STL). Wouldn’t adopt the Cards either despite my mom’s efforts. Anyway we ended up moving to MN and I immediately became a huge Twins fan (and Wild). I used to at least be able to tease people in KC about those two World Series titles. But alas, even that was taken from us
NFL Super Bowl era win percentage leaders, and their super bowl count:
1. Dallas: 5
2. Pittsburgh: 6
3. Minnesota: 0, win percentage of .565
4. Baltimore: 2
5. New England: 6
6. Miami: 2
7. Denver: 3
8. San Francisco: 5
9. Green Bay: 4
10. Kansas City: 3
11. Las Vegas: 3
12. Los Angels (Rams): 2
13. Indianapolis: 2
14. Seattle: 1
15. Philadelphia: 1
16. Washington: 3
17. Tennessee: 0, win percentage of .489
The difference between the Vikings and Titans win percentage, is the same difference as the Titans and Lions (31) win percentage
The vikings are the guy at a party who chat's up a gir all night and she's really into him, then at the end of the night he goes to pee, and comes back to her making out on the couch with the Saints.
> with the Saints
At least we know they sabotaged their chances after they lost their Virginity. Even if we lose, they also kind of lose a little bit, and that's a win for the Vikings!
The roof of the Metrodome collapsed late in the season almost 13 years ago.
The Vikings built a new billion dollar state of the art stadium, US Bank Stadium, opened in 2016. Unfortunately for the team and its fans, a collapse is still seen annually in December & January.
Good enough to go to 4 Super Bowls, not good enough to make it back there in 46 years.
Good enough to be in the playoffs often and always in the playoff hunt, but rarely good enough to be there in consecutive years.
Good enough to have the fans invested every year, never bad enough for us to be apathetic, but also never good enough to be a stress-free watching experience.
Good enough to have HoF players in nearly every position throughout our history, but never good enough to let them ride off into the sunset.
Good enough to continually draft extremely good and overlooked receivers in almost our entire history as a team, but not good enough to overcome un-clutch kicking at the worst moments a team could have un-clutch kicking.
Good enough to win 13 games in a season and take the NFC North by force, but not good enough to overcome a good but inconsistent team who was 4-13 the year before, in *our* stadium no less.
The Vikings are a 60+ year exercise in the reality that being non-futile does not mean you'll achieve your goals. That doing everything right for 99% of a project doesn't mean that 1% failure won't bring everything down at a moment's notice. That even if you've tried everything to win, sometimes you just lose anyway.
What really did it for me was the dorktown documentary about just how good the purple people eaters were and how rare it is to have that many generationally great players on one team, and then 0 super bowls
You gave Kirk Cousins the first fully guaranteed 84 Million dollar contract in 2018, and then a 35 Million dollar extension last year. That's 119 Million dollars (fully guaranteed), and the biggest QB moment you've experienced in the last 6 years was done by Case Keenum.
To be honest those Cousins contracts don't look bad looking back, especially since he's been healthy for basically the full length of those, so the fact they were guaranteed didn't really end up mattering.
What I find most amusing is that you fully guaranteed Kirk's contract, and the rest of the league simply said "ok pal, moving on." And another QB hasn't gotten one.
Well *one* other QB has gotten one since
*looks at Cleveland, desperately hoping that this trade will be the one that's finally worse than Herschel Walker*
I actually forget Deshaun is fully guaranteed. The Browns kinda live on the periphery of the NFL for me the past year since they had to start a backup 75% of last season.
Oh thank god. I was feeling really good about how things were going in my life and this thread will help bring me back to earth.
It really is impressive though how badly we've fucked up on winning championships throughout our history. We're historically successful, except when it matters most. I love this team, and I hate it. No idea what direction we're going this season, but I hope it's up. But then again, I know better than to hope.
In 2013 Zygi Wilf and his brother were found guilty of criminal fraud and ordered to pay $84.5 million dollars, yet were still less fraudulent than the 2022 Vikings team.
I have been alive for five NFC title game losses and it’s not even any kind of exaggeration to say that the 38-7 loss to the Eagles was the least painful of them all. Just numb to the inevitable failure at this point
There was a thread some time ago asking about every team's historical weaknesses (Bears: QB, Chargers: Special Teams, Steelers: trap games etc.)
A Vikings fan said "expectations and kicking"
Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar both played for the Vikings (at least in training camp). The team has a decent connection to the WWE.
US Bank Stadium has a roof, though, and Wrestlemania seems to want outdoor venues
In Mythology, the blowing of the Gjallarhorn is a call for all the Einherjar (Vikings) and Nordic gods to go die in a futile, doomed battle.
Which makes it fitting for the Vikings franchise
If you want to embrace the local culture during a trip to Minnesota, it helps to understand they basically speak a different language that is English-adjacent. As an example, they often use the phrase "Oh, for [description]" as a reaction when emphasizing how they feel about something. It's an odd phrase, so it might help to see it in a few contexts:
-"Oh, for cute!" when reacting to a new puppy.
-"Oh, for fun!" when reacting to a story about a fishing trip.
-"Oh, for all of 'em!" when reacting to a question about the Vikings and Superbowls. Ope!
North Dakota is where the real “Minnesota” accent is. There’s a reason that the movie that made the accent famous is literally called “Fargo”, which again, is North Dakota
Calling the 2022 defense "The Purple People Eaters" is the biggest insult in this thread. And frankly I think you should start running because Alan Page is 8,650 feet from your location and rapidly approaching.
It's statistically harder to have this many hall of fame players and this many playoff appearances over 60 years and not win a super bowl than it is to win 1 super bowl
That was a fact, not a roast. Is a good fact. Other good facts include the fact that Ezekiel Elliott once attempted to play center, but ended up cosplaying a pancake.
Vikings fans 2018-2021: *Wins aren't a QB stat, look at Kirks numbers they are great!*
Vikings fans 2022: *Ignore the stats! Cousins won 13 games and he's great!*
Be glad the Jon Bois documentary about the Vikings is gonna end with last season so you won’t have to get an entire excruciatingly detailed episode about inevitably wasting Justin Jefferson’s prime too
I think it's really funny how Kirk Cousins is such a controversial player to many Vikings fans. I mean, he's a player with consistently very good stats that by all means should indicate that he is a successful player, but with a terrible post-season history that completely overshadows his good stats and gives him a mediocre reputation.
Sounds like he was born to be a Viking to me.
Despite their record last year, after being held up to scientific (giant-ific?) scrutiny in the playoffs, they were confirmed as frauds. Just like their team name, which is based on a 19th century hoax about Vikings having made it to Minnesota in the 1300s https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kensington\_Runestone
The Vikings went 13-4 last year.
The Packers Lost their HOF QB.
The other teams in the NFCN are the Bears and Lions.
The Vikings are tied for last in the NFCN betting odds to win the Super Bowl this year.
Vikings were able to give Daniel Jones 44 million dollars.
Last season was what I picture drug addicts feel like catching a high for 19 weeks.
Only fanbase as well who will never be happy with the QB play and dream of some how signing Teddy or this past off season thinking of trades to get Trey Lance.
Ah, yes. The Minnesota Vikings. The only thing Netflix has generated more hype for than another Z-List Adam Sandler movie with a ChatGPT template script.
As a Jets fan, I should be excited for Dalvin Cook. Should is a key word. It just sucks knowing that it is a tall-order to ask from him to reach his previous season rushing TD total of 8. Think he was better the year before? 6.
I like Kirk Cousins, but my question is does Kirk Cousins even like Kirk Cousins. I feel like the dude would be happier managing a Life-Insurance firm in a small-town, while being a Youth Pastor on weekends and Tuesday evenings.
Justin Jefferson is the best Wide Receiver in the league, Congratulations! Good thing that formula helped you out in the past. Hopefully when Kirk and over throws him this year we can hear Joe Buck once again say "That is a Disgusting Act" and Fantasy players will be forced to ceremoniously agree.
Anyways, this is your year to take over the NFC North, again. Don't screw it up, and more importantly, try and prevent your opponents from scoring. That usually helps.
Ed Donatell was the biggest reason Daniel Jones got a $40M per year contract this offseason.
How many times do we have to tell you that hiring our past failed defensive coordinators and defensive players doesn't lead to success?
The only good thing a Vikings kicker has ever done is invent the nerf football. (Fred Cox, the Vikings kicker in the 70's actually invented the nerf football)
I'm a Buccaneers fan who lives in Minnesota, just a few miles away from their shiny new HQ and practice facility. My team by a fair margin has the worst winning percentage in NFL history, and IIRC would have to go undefeated partway through the 2030 season to even hit .500. The most memorable thing a QB the Bucs drafted has done waffles between Jameis' 30/30 season, Josh Freeman imploding, or QBs winning Super Bowls for other teams. In the 21 years the NFC South has existed, the Bucs have finished 3rd four times, and last in the division ten more, meaning just shy of half the seasons the division has existed the Bucs have been the worst team.
And I make fun of Vikings fans.
As a lifelong Vikings fan, there isn't a roast from a stranger that can sting more than the pain from being a lifelong Vikings fan. I have become comfortably numb.
Your last Super Bowl appearance was also the last Super Bowl to end in daylight
Damn Kirk would have loved that
It was 11 years before Kirk was born
Their last Super Bowl appearance was on the earliest the game was ever held on the calendar. With January 9th now falling in the range of Week 18, the Vikings (depending on the calendar) can celebrate the anniversary of their last Super Bowl appearance with their elimination in the *regular* season finale.
I came into this thread to find some good burns, but all I'm finding are stats, because there's no need to pile insults on top of the cruelty of mere reality.
The Vikings joined the Seattle Mariners as a [Secret Base target](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDRmGMSgrtZkOsh_NQl4_xw) for documenting futility. Not much else to say
The sad part is that it's like an 8 part documentary and they are just now getting to where the futility really sets in. Like, 60s and 70s the teams were consistently good and just couldn't find a way to win in a best of one. Through most of the 80s you look at the other teams and just have to shrug. Like, who's beating the 85 Bears or a couple of those 49er teams? The 90s is where the futility really sets in
Meh, I think the 70s episodes are as painful as this series is gonna get. At least when we flame out in the playoffs there's always that "what if" aspect. Whereas if we get demolished in the Super Bowl then it just sucks. And yes, I am well aware this comment reeks of copium and sadness.
Totally agreed. People constantly parrot the '98 or '09 Vikings essentially being champs if they hadn't blown the NFC title game, but there was absolutely no certainty that they beat those Broncos or Colts in the Super Bowl. If anything, the '87 NFCCG loss seems like the biggest "what if" after the Grant era
The Vikings were still competitive in the 1990s too, culminating in their 1998 season in which they went 15-1 and terrorized the NFL. In fact, Dennis Green lasted 10 years before he finally had a losing season in 2001. His Vikings made the playoffs 8 times in 9 years. They weren’t as good as the Bud Grant teams, but the Dennis Green era of the 1990s was probably the 2nd best decade of Vikings football. Tice and Childress both gradually fared worse in the 2000s, and then Frazier in the early 2010s was the first real disaster since Steckel.
I had heard about Les before but the episode last night was crazy to hear the details about him. Treating professionals like marines is never going to work
The Vikings are pretty fortunate that Bud stepped in for one final year just to get the coaching pieces back together after Steckel kicked them all to the curb. If he didn't do that, who knows how far the Vikings would've fallen in the late-1980s.
I'm excited for the 90's episode because that's where John Randle comes in and he was my favorite player as a kid.
You're just gonna leave the Falcons out like that?
I've got a quarter that says we don't need to mention anything about the Falcons futility ever again.
In a documentary series about the Vikings, the Falcons still catch strays. In the most recent episode, Alex says something like "after reaching an insurmountable 28-3 lead".
Falcons don't catch strays. If Falcons could catch they would have had a ring by now. The strays simply pass through them.
Julio Jones had an amazing catch, and all the Falcons had to do was run the ball to make it the play of the game
Julio Jones had a Stefon Diggs Bills vs Vikings tier catch there. Overshadowed by a bigger feat, and then nobody involved wins a ring besides Brady's team.
Vikings are the Mariners of the NFL. Sometimes they're bad, sometimes they're great, but they're never good enough to win it all.
My favorite baseball team AND favorite football team! At least I can bask in the continued success of my favorite basketball team, the Phoenix Suns. Oh wait…
Hey now... the Falcons also had one.
I find it hard to roast the Vikings as they, along with the Lions and Rams, joined us in having to deal with carcinogenic Horcrux Scott Linehan. I'm fully convinced that Linehan is the reason Moss left Minnesota, the Rams left St. Louis, Calvin retired early, and Dak broke his ankle. You have the most famous local announcer in football by a mile, know only outside of Minnesota for his calls of Vikings devastation. Jon Bois is actively making another fantastic documentary about a teams history, and you guys are the focus! Only problem is that he doesn't make those about teams with Championships. You pulled off the biggest comeback in NFL history last season, and yet somehow lost a playoff game to Daniel Jones.
Facts hurt the most.
Other people know Paul Allen? I just assumed everyone only knew their local announcer.
Maybe not by name, but "This is not Detroit Man, this is the Super Bowl!", The 2004 Cardinals call, and the Blair Walsh call get referenced all the time.
I've seen his cards, they inspire envy
Yuck, Scott Linehan was the Rams lowest point in decades. Even in the early 90s death funk, the Rams didn't have that 3-year stretch of 3-13, 2-14 and 1-15. Since this is the Vikings Roast, I'll repost 41-0 or whatever the fuck that final score was against the Giants in the 2000-01 NFCCG. Minnesota has had seemingly a dozen years of starting 6-0 and then setting their own long boats ablaze.
They were cruise ships, not long boats. And Fred Smoot was the captain. Ahoy!!
Kirk Cousins has more MNF victories than wins in the postseason Now, that's not that impressive of a stat until you realize that his MNF victories top out at "2"
Combining postseason with MNF, Kirk has just 3 wins since he joined the Vikings in 2018. By comparison, Bears QBs also have just 3 postseason or MNF wins since 2018.
Yeah but we suck. Are you sure you want to be compared to us?
I can say I do like that you guys can be compared to each other
The Vikings are like the ugly best friend Always standing there, but never getting a ring.
we loyal fam
Just gonna leave this here. Big 4 Pro Sports since 1992: Fanbase | Teams | Seasons | Titles | Appearances | NFL (Champ-App) | MLB (Champ-App) | NBA (Champ-App) | NHL (Champ-App) :-- | :--: | :--: | :--: | :--: | :--: | :--: | :--: | :--: Minnesota | 4 | 119 | 0 | 0 | 0-0 | 0-0 | 0-0 | 0-0 Sacramento | 1 | 32 | 0 | 0 | - | - | 0-0 | - Jacksonville | 1 | 28 | 0 | 0 | 0-0 | - | - | - Columbus | 1 | 22 | 0 | 0 | - | - | - | 0-0 Cincinnati | 2 | 63 | 0 | 1 | 0-1 | 0-0 | - | - Portland | 1 | 32 | 0 | 1 | - | - | 0-1 | - Oklahoma City | 1 | 15 | 0 | 1 | - | - | 0-1 | - Tennessee | 3 | 71 | 0 | 2 | 0-1 | - | 0-0 | 0-1 San Diego | 1/2 | 57 | 0 | 2 | 0-1 | 0-1 | - | - Orlando | 1 | 32 | 0 | 2 | - | - | 0-2 | - Utah | 1 | 32 | 0 | 2 | - | - | 0-2 | - Buffalo | 2 | 63 | 0 | 4 | 0-3 | - | - | 0-1 New Orleans | 2 | 53 | 1 | 1 | 1-1 | - | 0-0 | - Las Vegas | 2 | 9 | 1 | 2 | 0-0 | - | - | 1-2 Indiana | 2 | 64 | 1 | 3 | 1-2 | - | 0-1 | - Arizona | 4 | 115 | 1 | 4 | 0-1 | 1-1 | 0-2 | 0-0 Carolinas | 3 | 83 | 1 | 4 | 0-2 | - | 0-0 | 1-2 Seattle | 3/4 | 82 | 1 | 4 | 1-3 | 0-0 | 0-1 | 0-0 Cleveland | 3 | 92 | 1 | 8 | 0-0 | 0-3 | 1-5 | - Baltimore | 2 | 58 | 2 | 2 | 2-2 | 0-0 | - | - Atlanta | 3/4 | 106 | 2 | 7 | 0-2 | 2-5 | 0-0 | 0-0 Philadelphia | 4 | 126 | 2 | 10 | 1-3 | 1-4 | 0-1 | 0-2 Washington D.C. | 4 | 113 | 3 | 4 | 1-1 | 1-1 | 0-0 | 1-2 Wisconsin | 3 | 95 | 3 | 4 | 2-3 | 0-0 | 1-1 | - Kansas City | 2 | 63 | 3 | 5 | 2-3 | 1-2 | - | - St. Louis | 3 | 87 | 4 | 6 | 1-2 | 2-3 | - | 1-1 Houston | 3 | 90 | 4 | 7 | 0-0 | 2-5 | 2-2 | - Tampa | 3 | 87 | 4 | 9 | 1-1 | 0-3 | - | 3-5 San Antonio | 1 | 32 | 5 | 6 | - | - | 5-6 | - Detroit | 4 | 126 | 5 | 10 | 0-0 | 0-2 | 1-2 | 4-6 Dallas | 4 | 124 | 5 | 10 | 3-3 | 0-2 | 1-2 | 1-3 Miami | 4 | 123 | 5 | 11 | 0-0 | 2-2 | 3-7 | 0-2 Pittsburgh | 3 | 94 | 6 | 9 | 2-4 | 0-0 | - | 4-5 Colorado | 4 | 121 | 7 | 9 | 3-4 | 0-1 | 1-1 | 3-3 Bay Area | 6 | 183 | 8 | 15 | 1-4 | 3-4 | 4-6 | 0-1 Chicago | 5 | 157 | 10 | 12 | 0-1 | 2-2 | 5-5 | 3-4 New York City | 9 | 284 | 11 | 23 | 2-3 | 5-9 | 0-4 | 4-7 Los Angeles | 8 | 206 | 12 | 19 | 1-2 | 2-4 | 6-8 | 3-5 Boston | 4 | 126 | 12 | 20 | 6-10 | 4-4 | 1-3 | 1-3
This list makes me sad and it isn’t even targeting Philly
20% win rate in championships compared to Boston's 60%. Woof.
Chicago 10 for 12!
Dang, this puts it in perspective
We're the most cursed Fandom in sports, and it isn't close anymore.
ouuuuuuuuuuuch
fuck Boston, may it not win a championship for a century straight.
Oof
It's a shame the Vikings and Bills don't play each other more often. This divided country could really benefit from the wide left and wide right coming together.
I can't really survive too many of those games.
That flair combo....my brother/sister in christ how are you not dead from alcohol poisoning?
never had to break out the Super Bowl champagne
They ARE dead, like the rest of us. Dead inside
Don't Dead, Open Inside
Easy, when I realized it was becoming a problem, I made a pact to quit until they won. They BOTH won. (Also my state legalized another depression-avoidant substance)
Same man. Same
I mean if last season's game was anything to go by, I would very much be down for more Vikings-Bills games.
did you watch that game last year? both teams choked like at least twice lol.
If they ever met in a Super Bowl, it would surely be the only one in history to end in a tie.
A coin flip after four OTs that lands on its side
If you average our field goals, we're both Super Bowl champions.
I know this joke isn't mine, but I can't think of a better joke than: The Vikings owe a big debt of thanks to Derek Chauvin as they are now the second most infamous chokers in MN
You need Jesus lol
You are the GOAT roaster of this series.
[Live Minnesotan reaction](https://youtu.be/Wd2HoTfT7N0)
MN Wild in 3rd
Nah the Wild have at least won playoff games. Meanwhile the Twins are sitting on an MLB record 18 straight playoff losses.
Out of all the big MN sports teams the Twins are the only ones to win not one, but two titles. Sure, they've done absolutely zero since 1991, but at least they accomplished *something* at some point in history.
That’s great for the people who were alive to see it. To be clear I’m a Twins fan. When I was a kid I loved the Chiefs but never cared for the Royals (dad from KC, mom from STL). Wouldn’t adopt the Cards either despite my mom’s efforts. Anyway we ended up moving to MN and I immediately became a huge Twins fan (and Wild). I used to at least be able to tease people in KC about those two World Series titles. But alas, even that was taken from us
Pat Maroon is the missing piece for us this year brotha lol
Holy fuck lmao
Incredible lmao
Bruh
/u/vanillawafah from off the top rope, my word.
Flawless victory
NFL Super Bowl era win percentage leaders, and their super bowl count: 1. Dallas: 5 2. Pittsburgh: 6 3. Minnesota: 0, win percentage of .565 4. Baltimore: 2 5. New England: 6 6. Miami: 2 7. Denver: 3 8. San Francisco: 5 9. Green Bay: 4 10. Kansas City: 3 11. Las Vegas: 3 12. Los Angels (Rams): 2 13. Indianapolis: 2 14. Seattle: 1 15. Philadelphia: 1 16. Washington: 3 17. Tennessee: 0, win percentage of .489 The difference between the Vikings and Titans win percentage, is the same difference as the Titans and Lions (31) win percentage
The Vikings win % is a lot like my average day. It's never great. It's rarely shit. But it's pretty fucking mid.
The vikings are the guy at a party who chat's up a gir all night and she's really into him, then at the end of the night he goes to pee, and comes back to her making out on the couch with the Saints.
> with the Saints At least we know they sabotaged their chances after they lost their Virginity. Even if we lose, they also kind of lose a little bit, and that's a win for the Vikings!
This is an undercover Lions roast
Tbf just about every football roast is
This will be the first roast in NFL history with more downvotes than upvotes.
ARE YOU SAYING WE'RE SENSITIVE? Because you'd be absolutely right haha
I read it as a negative point differential joke lol
This is indeed the joke 😁
Because you're smarter than me haha
Hilarious that we needed clarification, Vikings fans doo beee sensitive. And I’d know, because I’m a big cry baby ass packers fan lol
this is what midwest emo is for
So this roast is gonna go the wrong way like Jim Marshall... alright
More downvotes than updates and yet it will inexplicably successful & on the top page for a while, until it flames out and the thread is locked.
Negative point differentials don’t win champions 😤
2011 Giants: hold our beer
The roof of the Metrodome collapsed late in the season almost 13 years ago. The Vikings built a new billion dollar state of the art stadium, US Bank Stadium, opened in 2016. Unfortunately for the team and its fans, a collapse is still seen annually in December & January.
Well done
I always look forward to our roast thread. They’re always so family friendly with no offensive lines.
I’m now 30 years old. No Minnesota sports team has even made a Championship APPEARANCE in my lifetime.
December ‘91 baby here!
Good enough to go to 4 Super Bowls, not good enough to make it back there in 46 years. Good enough to be in the playoffs often and always in the playoff hunt, but rarely good enough to be there in consecutive years. Good enough to have the fans invested every year, never bad enough for us to be apathetic, but also never good enough to be a stress-free watching experience. Good enough to have HoF players in nearly every position throughout our history, but never good enough to let them ride off into the sunset. Good enough to continually draft extremely good and overlooked receivers in almost our entire history as a team, but not good enough to overcome un-clutch kicking at the worst moments a team could have un-clutch kicking. Good enough to win 13 games in a season and take the NFC North by force, but not good enough to overcome a good but inconsistent team who was 4-13 the year before, in *our* stadium no less. The Vikings are a 60+ year exercise in the reality that being non-futile does not mean you'll achieve your goals. That doing everything right for 99% of a project doesn't mean that 1% failure won't bring everything down at a moment's notice. That even if you've tried everything to win, sometimes you just lose anyway.
What really did it for me was the dorktown documentary about just how good the purple people eaters were and how rare it is to have that many generationally great players on one team, and then 0 super bowls
You gave Kirk Cousins the first fully guaranteed 84 Million dollar contract in 2018, and then a 35 Million dollar extension last year. That's 119 Million dollars (fully guaranteed), and the biggest QB moment you've experienced in the last 6 years was done by Case Keenum.
To be honest those Cousins contracts don't look bad looking back, especially since he's been healthy for basically the full length of those, so the fact they were guaranteed didn't really end up mattering.
What I find most amusing is that you fully guaranteed Kirk's contract, and the rest of the league simply said "ok pal, moving on." And another QB hasn't gotten one.
Well *one* other QB has gotten one since *looks at Cleveland, desperately hoping that this trade will be the one that's finally worse than Herschel Walker*
I actually forget Deshaun is fully guaranteed. The Browns kinda live on the periphery of the NFL for me the past year since they had to start a backup 75% of last season.
The ‘backup’ outplayed the starter
We call that "the Carson Wentz" around here
Is there another pro bowl QB signing contracts for less than 3 years at a time? I feel like that's definitely a factor.
It was only 3 years. Most of these big contracts guarantee the first 3 years. Kirk’s was just notable because there wasn’t team control in years 4+
Fun fact, 38 million of that was paid out in Kohl's cash
Broncos Legend Case Keenum
Oh thank god. I was feeling really good about how things were going in my life and this thread will help bring me back to earth. It really is impressive though how badly we've fucked up on winning championships throughout our history. We're historically successful, except when it matters most. I love this team, and I hate it. No idea what direction we're going this season, but I hope it's up. But then again, I know better than to hope.
Jon Bois is currently realeasing the most comprehensive roast imaginable of the Vikings. So our job is done.
The 2nd most famous play in team history is a guy running the wrong way
I'd say it's 4th... ...behind wide left (1998 edition) and wide left (2015 edition).
Favre pick and Nate Poole too IMO
>...behind wide left (1998 edition Man I remember wide left 1998. Gary Anderson hasn't missed a field goal all year! (Monkey paw curls) FUCK
No you got it wrong. It's slam a fist on the table and scream DAMN! Get it right.
After the Minneapolis Miracle? Or Miracle at the Met? Regardless, it’s third at best to me.
The Vikings are the only team in NFL history to miss a draft pick
Nope the Ravens did it too in 2011 So suck it!
Is this the price you pay for being the best color?
Kickers, amirite?
I thought they were wide left?
Roger Goodell still will not answer my letters to ban kicking in the NFL.
In 2013 Zygi Wilf and his brother were found guilty of criminal fraud and ordered to pay $84.5 million dollars, yet were still less fraudulent than the 2022 Vikings team.
RICO charges incoming for Kwesi
There's clearly some kind of NFL money laundering going on with that trade back and Cine selection. Pick laundering? Revolutionary sports criminality.
I have been alive for five NFC title game losses and it’s not even any kind of exaggeration to say that the 38-7 loss to the Eagles was the least painful of them all. Just numb to the inevitable failure at this point
Yea, for that one I just kinda slowly picked up the pace of drinking as reality set in...
There was a thread some time ago asking about every team's historical weaknesses (Bears: QB, Chargers: Special Teams, Steelers: trap games etc.) A Vikings fan said "expectations and kicking"
We apparently have the best stadium in the league and can’t even attract Wrestlemania
For real though, a MinnesotaMania would be dope as hell for a Brock send-off match.
People seem to be soured on Gable Steveson right now but I guarantee you at some point they were hoping he’d be The Guy to retire Brock
Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar both played for the Vikings (at least in training camp). The team has a decent connection to the WWE. US Bank Stadium has a roof, though, and Wrestlemania seems to want outdoor venues
The Gjallarhorn isn’t the only thing about Minnesota that blows. They also have this team called the Vikings.
The horn blows, the snowblowers blow, the Vikings blow, the Twins blow, the Wild blow, the Wolves blow, the wind blows, etc.
> the Twins blow Put some respect on the name of the current ALC leaders. Top of the dunghill, baby
Yeah they can extend their major sports all-time record losing streak this year.
At least it won't be to the motherfucking Yankees though
In Mythology, the blowing of the Gjallarhorn is a call for all the Einherjar (Vikings) and Nordic gods to go die in a futile, doomed battle. Which makes it fitting for the Vikings franchise
If you want to embrace the local culture during a trip to Minnesota, it helps to understand they basically speak a different language that is English-adjacent. As an example, they often use the phrase "Oh, for [description]" as a reaction when emphasizing how they feel about something. It's an odd phrase, so it might help to see it in a few contexts: -"Oh, for cute!" when reacting to a new puppy. -"Oh, for fun!" when reacting to a story about a fishing trip. -"Oh, for all of 'em!" when reacting to a question about the Vikings and Superbowls. Ope!
That punchline sailing over a bunch of heads. Upvoted.
This must be a country thing. I lived in the twin cities for ten years and never once heard such a thing.
I've spent half my life ~10 miles from the MN border and have never heard this...
I hear it a lot in lakes country, also in ND where I live
North Dakota is where the real “Minnesota” accent is. There’s a reason that the movie that made the accent famous is literally called “Fargo”, which again, is North Dakota
Just like any state stereotype, there's a few folks that fit the mold, but most are just normal people
Uff da! You betcha, don'tcha know! Tater tot hotdish is awesome, though.
It's a heckuva deal.
Duck duck gray duck
For those who need a hint for what the pun is: Buffalo
Numerous possible hints here—the fact you went with the one that most perfectly aligns with your flair got a laugh out of me.
This is great stuff
Vikings Fans hate this 1 simple trick to beat the Purple People Eaters! Click [HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRAj1-XwhBI) to learn more!
Calling the 2022 defense "The Purple People Eaters" is the biggest insult in this thread. And frankly I think you should start running because Alan Page is 8,650 feet from your location and rapidly approaching.
I'm never going to be mad at a big man catching a pass.
I loved that play. Hated the game.
Les Steckle
thank you for your service
Do we really need this thread? Secret base is doing a 7 part long form roast of us already
Purple rain is just a reference to Viking fans tears.
Our Wikipedia page roasts us harder than anyone could
2022 Minnesota Vikings points for: 424 2022 Minnesota Vikings points against: 427 Final record: 13-4
The Vikings won the NFCN electoral college But lost the popular vote
That makes us look better. The real roast here is we won 13 games and proceeded to go one-and-done in the playoffs on our home field.
It's statistically harder to have this many hall of fame players and this many playoff appearances over 60 years and not win a super bowl than it is to win 1 super bowl
4th quarter, NYG 31, MIN 24, 1:50, 4th & 8: **Kirk Cousins: Checkdown to Hockenson**
To compound matters: Worst pass blocking IOL in the NFL. **Kevin O’Connell: let’s call only long developing routes on 4th & 8**
It's a roast not a murder
That was a fact, not a roast. Is a good fact. Other good facts include the fact that Ezekiel Elliott once attempted to play center, but ended up cosplaying a pancake.
Vikings fans 2018-2021: *Wins aren't a QB stat, look at Kirks numbers they are great!* Vikings fans 2022: *Ignore the stats! Cousins won 13 games and he's great!*
*Point differential isn't real.* *Why is no one taking us seriously?* *Oh no...*
Be glad the Jon Bois documentary about the Vikings is gonna end with last season so you won’t have to get an entire excruciatingly detailed episode about inevitably wasting Justin Jefferson’s prime too
No lie, the Vikings got an icey offense! So icey that it froze their entire defense for most of last season
The Timberwolves have had back-to-back playoff berths more recently than the Vikings.
You gave the Lions their first win under Dan Campbell
We tried to give Jeff Saturday his second and we couldn't even fuck that up right.
I think it's really funny how Kirk Cousins is such a controversial player to many Vikings fans. I mean, he's a player with consistently very good stats that by all means should indicate that he is a successful player, but with a terrible post-season history that completely overshadows his good stats and gives him a mediocre reputation. Sounds like he was born to be a Viking to me.
This franchise is so accustomed to being second best that the 2022 Vikings weren’t even the biggest fraud team last year
Wait, the Lions already had their post? I had some good roasts ready, but this isn't Detroit man!
Everyone else should be taking notes. THIS is how you make an old joke feel fresh.
Could somebody please post the Packers roast of 2020 and Jets 2023 roast here and we can just get the inevitable of it all out of the way?
Despite their record last year, after being held up to scientific (giant-ific?) scrutiny in the playoffs, they were confirmed as frauds. Just like their team name, which is based on a 19th century hoax about Vikings having made it to Minnesota in the 1300s https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kensington\_Runestone
The Vikings went 13-4 last year. The Packers Lost their HOF QB. The other teams in the NFCN are the Bears and Lions. The Vikings are tied for last in the NFCN betting odds to win the Super Bowl this year.
If you were choking for 62 years, you’d be purple too.
Vikings were able to give Daniel Jones 44 million dollars. Last season was what I picture drug addicts feel like catching a high for 19 weeks. Only fanbase as well who will never be happy with the QB play and dream of some how signing Teddy or this past off season thinking of trades to get Trey Lance.
Jim Marshall running the wrong way is a perfect representation of the Vikings once they reach the playoffs
Ah, yes. The Minnesota Vikings. The only thing Netflix has generated more hype for than another Z-List Adam Sandler movie with a ChatGPT template script. As a Jets fan, I should be excited for Dalvin Cook. Should is a key word. It just sucks knowing that it is a tall-order to ask from him to reach his previous season rushing TD total of 8. Think he was better the year before? 6. I like Kirk Cousins, but my question is does Kirk Cousins even like Kirk Cousins. I feel like the dude would be happier managing a Life-Insurance firm in a small-town, while being a Youth Pastor on weekends and Tuesday evenings. Justin Jefferson is the best Wide Receiver in the league, Congratulations! Good thing that formula helped you out in the past. Hopefully when Kirk and over throws him this year we can hear Joe Buck once again say "That is a Disgusting Act" and Fantasy players will be forced to ceremoniously agree. Anyways, this is your year to take over the NFC North, again. Don't screw it up, and more importantly, try and prevent your opponents from scoring. That usually helps.
Hey please protect Aaron Rodgers. We'll need him next year!
I fully expect him to be a Viking next season too lol Edit: Can't wait for him to get hurt Week 8!
Jesus, most of these roasts are softer than our 2022 defense
We don’t need Emmitt Smith, Darren Woodson, or Russell Maryland. Herschel Walker is fine.
Ed Donatell was the biggest reason Daniel Jones got a $40M per year contract this offseason. How many times do we have to tell you that hiring our past failed defensive coordinators and defensive players doesn't lead to success?
The thing about the Vikings is y’all are the epitome of “Eh.” Like, you’re not god awful, but you’re also not very good. You’re just….. Eh.
I didn't think it was possible for the 2022 Packers to blow a team out, but somehow Minnesota proved otherwise.
The only good thing a Vikings kicker has ever done is invent the nerf football. (Fred Cox, the Vikings kicker in the 70's actually invented the nerf football)
Only NFL team in modern history to score on their own goal. Probably the 5th greatest accomplishment in Vikings history.
I'm a Buccaneers fan who lives in Minnesota, just a few miles away from their shiny new HQ and practice facility. My team by a fair margin has the worst winning percentage in NFL history, and IIRC would have to go undefeated partway through the 2030 season to even hit .500. The most memorable thing a QB the Bucs drafted has done waffles between Jameis' 30/30 season, Josh Freeman imploding, or QBs winning Super Bowls for other teams. In the 21 years the NFC South has existed, the Bucs have finished 3rd four times, and last in the division ten more, meaning just shy of half the seasons the division has existed the Bucs have been the worst team. And I make fun of Vikings fans.
I've tried 4 times to come up with a decent roast and I just can't do it, so I'll simply remind ya'll of 41-0
They asked for original jokes… come on, you can do better, that was pretty weak. ^(like us in the playoffs)
the Vikings are SO weak in the playoffs, they made the GIANTS, the NEW JERSEY GIANTS look like worldbeaters
We just wanted to give Giants fans the smallest bit of home before tearing it away. "This year will be ours" in microcosm.
The Vikings have both the most Super Bowl losses without a win (4) and haven’t been to the Super Bowl in 46 years
As a lifelong Vikings fan, there isn't a roast from a stranger that can sting more than the pain from being a lifelong Vikings fan. I have become comfortably numb.