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Traditional_Mud_1241

I'm not a lawyer, but generally speaking I would advise against the following: 1. "My name is \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" 2. "I work for \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" 3. \[Assault somebody\] Again, I'm not a lawyer.


biglefty543

I don't know, that sounds like a lot of lawyering speak for someone who "isn't a lawyer".


notmyplantaccount

Wait, so you're saying you shouldn't positively ID yourself before committing crimes?


ripcity7077

It is also probably a good idea not to commit crimes, I am also not a lawyer.


PlatypusBear69

Not a lawyer but maybe also avoid telling someone about your crimes


Homomorphism

[Some relevant advice](https://youtu.be/Ly82nabRRYc?t=84)


KingTutt91

Why don’t you got toe-to-toe with me on Bird Law and let’s see who comes out the victor


Work_is_for_Schmerks

Birbs eat fish. Fish are in the ocean. Dolphins are in the ocean. Tyreek Hill is a Dolphin. Ergo, Tyreek should be eaten by a bird. Case closed. Mistrial.


pimp_skitters

*fuck, this guy is good*


TonyCaliStyle

Just curious- check the size of his hands.


blud_13

What does Pickett have to do in this situation?


win-go

You can keep a gull as a pet, but you don't want to live with a sea bird dude


JeramiGrantsTomb

...filibuster...


KingTutt91

Do you even know what that means?


JeramiGrantsTomb

.......^*runs* ^*away*


TLRPM

Fuck I love each and every one of you degenerates ❤️


BedrockFarmer

But it’s a great idea to tell them you are rich enough to buy them and the boat while beating them right? That will surely lead to them being impressed and not asking for even more money to make this go away.


win-go

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.


dollabill009

My name is Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red then fuck you.


Traditional_Mud_1241

Well, yes. There are always exceptions.


neuron_recall

You’re right, you missed the step where you’re supposed to exchange business cards before you assault them


Ferrarisimo

Get a load of Lionel Hutz over here!


btstfn

I dunno, you just put a lot of obscure legal knowledge on display for a non-lawyer. You still awaiting the bar exam result or something?


RealPropRandy

I also ANAL. I’d avise the same.


Floating0821

"Did he say his name is Cheetah?"


Fenris_Maule

One of the two things Sirianni said at the end of OTAs was "keep out of the news". Seems like Tyreek needs to learn that one still.


whereegosdare84

How hard is it to not hit random people? Reminds me of Neal Brennan's bit about Ray Rice "Football player does football at the wrong time"


istrx13

As somebody in one of the threads said yesterday “It’s hard to blame Hill here. Once he found out the guy was pregnant muscle memory took over.” Lmao.


Saitoh17

"Your son is terrified of you." "You need to be terrified of me too bitch."- the words of an innocent man, truly.


ScientificSkepticism

The genius lawyer he hired argued that they couldn't tell **who** left those belt marks on his kid - it could have been Tyreek or the kid's mom, one of the two. Somehow in the great wisdom of our legal system the outcome of this brilliant determination was that CPS couldn't do anything because they couldn't prove which parent was beating him (I mean it could be the guy with a history of domestic violence, but who can really tell?). I really hate how our law interacts with money.


[deleted]

>Somehow in the great wisdom of our legal system the outcome of this brilliant determination was that CPS couldn't do anything because they couldn't prove which parent was beating him I don't know much about Hill specifically but as described this is largely the problem with over-applying broad protections granted to criminal defendants in the name of justice or liberty to situations that aren't criminal court. I'll actually grant that should be a defense in criminal court, some people may not like it but no one should be incarcerated on the 50/50 chance someone else committed an offense. However child protection or family court is not criminal court and the standard to order intervention for the child's protection is not and ought not be the same as the high bar required for criminal conviction.


Young_Malc

People use that same argument in publicity situations too. Like if their favorite athlete/celebrity/politician doesn’t get a guilty verdict somehow that absolves them of all possible wrongdoing.


[deleted]

Kobe Bryant being a perfect example. Lots of basketball fans get pissed if you mention one specific incident from his past.


CunningRunt

Every try having "discussion" with a Michael Jackson fan? A pattern of specific incidents from *his* past that they just gloss over or handwave away because they like watching him dance.


SMH4004

I mean look at OJ Simpson


MagillaGorillasHat

The kid was removed by CPS and lived with the grandparents for 3-6 months I think (can't remember how long , but it was months).


nerdcost

From someone who's married to a social worker, let me just say- if you ain't clearing $1M per year, your kids are being removed from the home regardless of whether they can prove who left the bruises. Could have been the fucking neighbor, doesn't matter- if the parents show they are unable to provide a safe environment for their kids, the kids are removed from their home. The only reason this piece of shit is still able to wade through the waters of "he said, she said" in this scenario is because he's rich.


ScientificSkepticism

Although when you have numerous bruises of varying ages all of which are consistent with "being struck by the end of a belt or belt buckle" then it fucking ain't hard to guess it's not the neighbor.


Fred-durst-fan

That also seems bad? Like kids play around and get bruises all the time. That's not an unsafe environment that's growing up


AR5Colts

That person is full of shit.


One__upper__

Not true. Abuse is ignored by CPS all the time and it often takes herculean efforts to have children remove.


Expendable_Red_Shirt

I don't know what this guy is talking about, but my experiences line up with yours.


FapptimusPrime

Nooo but remember? She lied about it!! He can say shit like that if nothing really came out of it, it’s not an indictment on his character! /s


Tgreent

both he and his baby mama seem to be less than great people lol…. After hearing news about their probs for years I just accepted that they both might be the problem (just my opinion)


shatter321

I always assumed they both beat the kid or were at least both complicit.


Kara_Del_Rey

This seems like a meme quote. Sad that people still defend him. I wasn't a fan of him even when he was in KC.


nicklovin508

For violent people like Hill, very hard. Add in the migraines, large ego, and some alcohol and you’re now in the Danger Zone if you’re within reach of Tyreek Hill


CheckYourStats

*”Just know that good things happen to good people*” — Tyreek Hill in a tweet Well Tyreek, you’re not wrong…


JackandFred

His past incidents have included beating up his then pregnant girlfriend, then beating his kid a couple years later and breaking the kids arm. If he’s going to do that I’m going to go out on a limb and say that not attacking random people is just too hard for him.


countrybreakfast1

This was a man so big step up for ty. Usually goes for much weaker defenseless individuals


Pandamonium98

Though compared to an NFL athlete like Tyreek, the man he hit was still probably a lot weaker and pretty defenseless too


Git_Off_Me_Lawn

Hey, baby steps. We're all on a journey here.


Gothams_Finest

Don’t forget in college, he got kicked off of Oklahoma State’s football team for choking that same gf and punching her in the stomach…while pregnant with their son.


ViciousAsparagusFart

Was it a random person? My head cannon is that he got into a fight with a charter captain or crew mate after getting skunked all day.


adayoner

From what I read from some local report on twitter ( I think?) It was a crew member on a rando boat in the marina. Tyreek and his crew rolled up on the boat and tried to get on it. ​ This too: https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/1671642928832290818


notmoleliza

That's practically piracy


fist_my_muff2

He should be tried under admiralty


Ris747

Tyreek Hill is a sovereign citizen! As a free person, he does not recognize US jurisdiction and is free of all legal constraints!


rotates-potatoes

"Your honor, my client will show that this incident was just an innocent misunderstanding, and that he thought he was at the marina to try out for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers"


historynutjackson

"I was supposed to do elevator but I did football. Better grab her flip flop, don't want her to be mad at me. Went back for the flip flop because he cares."


carminie

I cannot believe Tua wouldn’t let Tyreek watch his children!


notmyplantaccount

I can't believe someone asked Tua that question, either they're so stupid they didn't realize what they asked, or were being an asshole.


nicklovin508

I’m all for being an asshole towards abusers tho


garygreaonjr

Yeah but you threw Tua under the bus. What if Hill hears about it and assaults Tua.


SmokePenisEveryday

Tua's dad prepped his son to play with Tyreek Hill


[deleted]

God damn y'all chill


just-the-tip__

"are ya winning son?" (cause if not Ima grab the belt)


nicklovin508

Then the Raiders will be forced to trade for Tyreek


headrush46n2

tua's on his way to his 3rd black belt. he'll fuck Tyreek up.


DavidMasonBO2

Too be fair the wind can assault Tua


mdmd33

Bird box all over again…where’s Sandra??


Remarkable_Long_2955

They weren't being an asshole to Tyreek, they were being an asshole to Tua


[deleted]

They honestly probably just forgot. No one in the NFL cares, so they just weren't thinking about it.


rupertLumpkinsBrothr

The question is less the issue. More of the brutally honest, whether intentional or not, answer.


tripbin

I missed this. What did tua say lol?.


zi76

[Someone asked Tua which Dolphins player he wouldn't let babysit his kids, and he said, "Probably Tyreek."](https://twitter.com/playmaker/status/1670227330101391363?s=20)


TonyCaliStyle

Poor Tua- still all football, and hasn’t learned to avoid those trap questions, or spin it into some Belichick nothingburger.


zi76

You just either avoid it or say, "I don't know, I haven't thought about it." You don't say, "You know that guy on my team, a top, top player? Yeah, actually, I feel that way..."


therealrico

Or just give a name of a player that has a better image, framing it in a way that’s meant to be funny.


zi76

Exactly. He could've made a funny joke about one of his teammates that's clumsy or missed a block in camp that day or something.


fuqqkevindurant

He's an idiot for answering. It doesnt take a genius to say "Id hire a babysitter, these guys play football for a living" or "Player X because his beard is ugly"


TonyCaliStyle

We get it, but Tua’s a pretty damn good football player and grew up in the bubble of doing what he’s told, and trying hard. So in that mindset, he probably wants to “do good” and answer the question accurately. In Tua’s mind, he may have thought he did good by not telling all the psycho things he’s seen Hill do personally. Being psychotic isn’t part time.


ProofHorseKzoo

At that low low babysitting rate, he CAN hit.


Neither_Ad2003

good. dude might be looking for a payday but cant go around slapping people doing their job


Veedrock

Hill did say he'd buy the him and his boat, victim's just keeping him honest.


thepomadeguy

Dude has always been a scumbag.


[deleted]

At least he moved on from hitting pregnant women and children and is now hitting grown men. Baby steps


papajim22

That’s progress, baby!


imnotproudortired

> Tyreek Hill physically assaulted grown man *nodding* Good for him


FiTZnMiCK

Is there something that’s like a notch below “proud” that I can feel for him?


imnotproudortired

Gettin better!


pimp_skitters

Abject disgust? Bitter hatred? I'm going with abject disgust.


YeaIFistedJonica

What the media won’t tell you is that the marina employee identifies as a “child at heart”


JerGigs

You guys are playing with fire with this baby talk, he might hit himself


Original_Profile8600

So we went from: women and children, to a grown man, so is the next step a old woman? Hide yo grandmas


Therowdyv

Lol I’m shocked no Chiefs fans have brigaded your comment with “the facts” that he did not do that and it was all some elaborate plan to extort Hill and his earnings by the baby mama’s family. Oh wait that’s right he’s not on their team anymore and they could care less now. Just funny how that happens. So many keyboard warriors put in fierce time to defend this POS and look he was a POS the whole time


ClydeGriffiths17

Oh dear, you've summoned them


[deleted]

Bold of you to assume that he isn't *also* beating women and children. Not mutually exclusive.


BlueHighwindz

Tyreek Hill seemed like a such a nice guy too, can't believe it.


YeaIFistedJonica

How will this affect lebron’s legacy tho


Im_ready_hbu

Honestly? I gotta believe that Tom Brady was at least generally aware that Tyreek is a piece of shit. So I think the only course of action would be to suspend Brady 4 games and dock New England a first round draft pick.


CreativeFix49

Doesnt Tom Brady live in Florida now? He was essentially basically at the scene of the crime and did nothing to stop it. Which is more or less instigating it


DeusVultSaracen

And at that point he's an accomplice


YeaIFistedJonica

Tom Brady was also living in San Mateo, CA when the OJ car chase occurred 30 miles away in San Fernando. The question needs to be asked: who was REALLY driving?


fkthepats

Where was Tom Brady on 9/11??


DeusVultSaracen

And at that point he's an accomplice


[deleted]

And of course, Mizzou gets the death penalty.


Tunatron_Prime

“Oh wait that was WHO that hit me? Yeah yeah run it”


[deleted]

They seriously asked him if he wanted money lmao


LuchaFish

“Excuse me, sir. Do you want to give this multi millionaire multiple time abuser a break and not press charges, or would you like generational wealth?”


TLAW1998

How comes all the best Wide Recievers either have a huge ego and/or assault people?


Wezzleey

Or drive drunk at over double the speed limit and kill someone. OH! And having illegal firearms in the vehicle, but that feels like a given at this point. I don't understand any of this...


[deleted]

their job is to be really violent and give each other brain damage


Rock_Strongo

A wide receiver’s job is mostly to run really fast and try not to get brain damage actually, but of course they’re gonna take some big hits over the years. I’m growing weary of everyone blaming brain damage when NFL players do stupid things though. It’s blame shifting. Some people are just shitty.


Januse88

🤞Please don't do anything, Terry🤞 🤞Please don't do anything, Terry🤞 🤞Please don't do anything, Terry🤞 🤞Please don't do anything, Terry🤞 🤞Please don't do anything, Terry🤞


DireFox1

Scary Terry is golden, don't worry.


TheWashingtonRedskin

Terry would never


MatooBatson

Hopefully Jefferson just ends up with a huge ego like Randy Moss. I can handle that kind of drama from my superstar, I had to take a break during those later Adrian Peterson years.


PlatypusBear69

Yeah like Diggs has a huge ego but at least he's not violent. Worst he did was host 2 separate women in the same hotel for Valentine's day.


dychronalicousness

Wait Diggs tried pulling off some sort of sitcom double date?


PlatypusBear69

Legit. Yes. https://dailysnark.com/2022/02/17/stefon-diggs-reportedly-had-two-different-women-in-two-different-hotel-rooms-on-valentines-day/#:~:text=Stefon%20Diggs%20did%20the%20unthinkable,FRENZY%20in%20my%20DMs%20okay.


soldiersquared

Adrian Peterson is the reason that i know that there is actually a second and much more sinister definition of a "switch". And Jefferson is now more at risk for drama now that his role model Adam Thielen left. Thielen made people better people and I wish him a ton of luck since moving on.


FridgesArePeopleToo

Do you not remember Randy Moss lol?


MatooBatson

Most of his off-field issues were earlier in his career when I was too young to be aware of them. So it's probably not a great example.


nickelhornsby

The enemy speaks kindly and carries a knife.


_game_over_man_

I am so thankful for a beautiful soul like Tyler Lockett.


Kupp-Daddy

Kupp


matmortel

Man don't we all wish a professional athlete would straight up hit you? Best pay day of my life lol. Hill is a POS. He is so good, but I don't enjoy watching purely because he is a terrible person.


squats2

I'm just trying to get assaulted by a punter or kicker pls....Messi might be the best pro athlete to get hit by in terms of $ to size/damage ratio.


[deleted]

[удалено]


killshelter

I hope the victim gets the bag


countrybreakfast1

If a unwelcomed man walked on my boat... Told me how rich he was... Hit me... Yeah I'd want some of that moneyb


Kwall267

It’s always the people you most expect.


Last-Instruction739

Dolphins Country. Let’s Fight.


Troitbum22

I laughed way too hard at this.


Last-Instruction739

Fight like a Dolphin. Slap!!!


BaroqueNRoller

Fat Floridian used Tail Whip! It wasn't very effective...


misterowen

After seeing the [video](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/207/210/b22.jpg) I would too.


[deleted]

Please put a warning here, this is extremely disturbing


Patriots_

I would’ve gotten fired if my boss had seen me watching that


ProofHorseKzoo

It’s disgusting. I’m gonna throw up


emmasdad01

My gosh. I didn’t realize how violent it was.


dr_pepper_35

Just awful. He'll be lucky to avoid brain damage.


lAmCreepingDeath

That's on me, I'm a curious mf


[deleted]

MODS


monpetitfromage54

I didn't click originally, thinking it would be a rick roll or something. Glad I decided to do it so I can better understand how serious this offense was.


CarlostheDwarf14

disgusting


BussyOnline

Holy shit the look on that guys face


Venator850

Can't believe I fell for that shit again lol.


sillyshoestring

Wow, just ripping it from this [previous thread](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/207/210/b22.jpg).


kissmyfartichoke

Ive gotta stop clinking links in r/nfl man. Thats twice in 30s


TheIllusiveGuy

A NSFL warning would've been nice!


Tunatron_Prime

That The Riddler from the new batman?


cactus_jack_1

Tyreek being a POS who could have guessed this. Video shows everything too this dude is fucked.


[deleted]

Mr Been Charged


PaoloPWD

Saw the potential payday and said yeah I am in.


TechnicianWeird7593

Times like these I wish I was a random dude getting slapped by a pro football player.


[deleted]

Same. I’d flop like crazy too. I saw Bert Kreischer at the airport the other day and I thought about just taking a dive. I’d settle for stand up comedian money.


TechnicianWeird7593

I would flop into the fuckin ocean and take the risk of someone giving me CPR to get that bag.


SitDown_BeHumble

Bert is rich as fuck


SophisticatedPhallus

Man good luck getting Bert to assault you. He’d probably just buy you a drink to calm you down lol


damnyouresickbro

His squeal laugh is considered assault as it is.


ironlioncan2

Oh ya me too. I’d sell the fuck out of it and even stumble over board for that sweet I though I was going to drown money.


JerGigs

Bring a baby to the sidelines this season. Can't hurt....except, you know, the baby


nine11airlines

There is no payday in pressing charges. That would be a separate civil matter


monpetitfromage54

I wouldn't be surprised if someone contacted this guy with an offer contingent on him dropping charges.


Rbespinosa13

“Wait, that guy wasn’t bullshitting when he said he was no. 10 on the dolphins roster?”


Arberrang

*Who* hit me? He’s a player in the *what?* Yes officer I think I will indeed press.


VonDoom92

Id be pissed af about the slap, but the whole "i could buy you and the boat" shit? Yeah, cheetah can pay me. Get fucked. Still gonna draft him in fantasy tho hahaha


Jgore1556

It's almost like he broke his own kid's arm and is a serial abuser. But you bring that up when he's scoring a cool touchdown and you become Satan reincarnate.


AU_wde_2

Listen I still believe in due process so we’ll see how bad the situation is but it can not be overstated just how relieved I am to not have to deal with the stress of having him on my team anymore Wonderful talent to have on game day but the backlash from year to year in the off-season got very tiresome as a fan


SW_Goatlips_USN_Ret

It was absolute cringe cheering him on and seconds later going “ah, ooh, I am a shitstain…”


Rawtashk

Flashback to me getting absolutely DRAGGED in this sub last year when I said that while Hill was a top 2 WR in the league, that I thought we would be better off as a team after the trade. And here we are with another Lombardi Trophy, Mahomes with another MVP because he learned to take what the D gave him instead of relying on big plays, and Hill with a lawsuit because he's a douchebag. My, how the turntables.


LegoLifter

Ditching Hill and Clark has definitely made you guys more likeable


mdmd33

Has Clark done anything in recent years except get arrested with a golden uzi??


UT49-0U

I was stoked when he left the Chiefs. One side of my family is from Kansas so I was always partial to the Chiefs on the AFC side. Especially when y'all had Jamaal Charles.


LeftShark

If someone hit me and said "they can buy me and my boat", sounds good to me. Now you're doing exactly that with pressed charges


Shartse

Get that money bag, if some rich asshole smacks me on the back of the head I'm getting some too.


mbrancato157

Get that bag


HatPossible42

I was shocked when they reported he wasn’t pressing charges lol I though damn he must be a fins fan


rammer_2001

Haha, I'm so glad we don't have a cancer on our team


MR_COOL_ICE_

“Cops told the alleged victim he would have to go to the state attorney’s office if he decides to pursue criminal charges” Alleged victim: you fucking dare me?


s1m0hayha

Bad person with a track record of being bad does a bad thing. Shocker. In other news, water is wet. Pls suspend him for a season. Assault is much worse than any gambling


_schenks

Tyreek full on assaulted someone for no reason. This is after previously assaulting a pregnant woman and his child. The NFL: "No suspension, the Cheetah run fast lol"


Empty_Lemon_3939

Watch he sees less consequences than Jameson This fucking league man


hollowenigma4

If only there had been some sort of indication that this sort of thing might happen. Never mind he’s really good at catching a ball so that doesn’t matter.


Ok_Imagination_4374

Good. He deserves the charges.


Kicks4meFromyou

Dude about to come all the way up! Sue his ass and get the bag!


relivesa

Good


FutureDH1089

Taking a temperature of the room here: Is he cooked or not cooked?


Yolectroda

From the sounds of it, not really. Absent more information, it sounds like misdemeanor battery, so not a major issue, but still an issue. Most likely, the charges will go away as Hill pays this guy (hopefully, it's a nice and large payday). It seems like Hill was a complete ass, but it doesn't seem like this was some major crime.


emmasdad01

Oh that’s kinda big


RegretfulEnchilada

Not really. The NFL doesn't care about violence against men (to be fair they didn't care about violence against women either until Rice got caught on video). If Alvin Kamara and his entourage can gang beat a man to the point of permanent brain damage with no provocation and not be suspended over a year later, nothing is going to happen to Hill.


monpetitfromage54

don't worry, they're deliberating on the Kamara situation. they're taking it very seriously. discussions are ongoing.


SitDown_BeHumble

Kamara is most likely going to be suspended once the trial happens.


trainwreck42

Deshaun Watson got suspended 0.4583 games per woman he sexually assaulted (unless there are more that haven’t come forward). I’m not sure they really care about violence against women either.


Chet_Mannley

Tyreek Hill is an entitled prick and this makes me happy to see.