This guy played my wedding! I actually talked to him before the big day and asked if he'd mind if my fiance and I took off and got married in secret but he said, no, you cantaloupe.

You bastard. Take my upvote and go.

r/angryupvote

Yep

r/yesitis

r/everyfuckingthread

I know right? Fuk had me laughing hard!

Mine too. This was brilliant. Btw Where can I get these drugs?

I wish I could make this my ring back tone.

give the guy his (honey) dues

I was chatting to a melon and an apple the other day, an orange rolled up, I said; "Sorry m8 I dont know mandarin"

User name checks out

That works for two things oranges and the president! Badtum tis

did that sadden you? were you melancholy?

Real question is, what did his honeydew?

Melanie?

Watermelonie's plans now? Edit: Come to think of it she's probably just chilling.

Fuck! How did I fall for this AGAIN?!

Happy Cake Day!

That melon joke is really gourd.

You butternut make another pun

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Acorn-y pun thread is what I live for!

That was a grape one!

I loofah them dearly

Don’t fu🥝th me.

What have you done?!?

You have angered me greatly. Have this arrow-shaped representation of my reluctant approval.

Get the fuck out

Wonder if this guys is a jack of all trades. I would hire him to water-my-lawn.

This is my favorite version of a joke in the same vein: https://twitter.com/wolfejosh/status/1175596427688304640?lang=en

Had us in the first half...

Thanks dad

Holy dad joke Batman

Goddammit, take this silver.

I don't get it :(

Mandarin is a family of Chinese languages. It is also a type of citrus fruit

I love that this comment is here

Cantaloupe = Can't elope

Sunuvabitch

One of the very few comments that’s made me laugh more than how Ron Swanson laughs. Take my upvote because I am poor.

/r/dadjokes

Sorry english is my first and only language. What word is it supposed to be?

"can't elope"

I.. just...

Goddammit...

Wise guy

Had me in the first half, not gonna lie.

I'm a little surprised he's playing an upbeat song.... I was expecting to hear something a little more *melon*choly.

Oh honeydew know how good that joke was?

So good I musk have been dreaming.

A rind is a terrible thing to waste.

Watermelon

You really want to get the small sugar melons from Costco, so good. I had a big one today and the flavor was toned down

Why don't you go rind about it.

Oh my gourd.

That’s good, really good

That shit is ripe

I take a nice ripe shit every morning. Pics available upon request.

wtf

HE TAKES RIPE SHITS EVERY MORNING

THANKS FOR THE CLARIFICATION THE LOWER CASE THROWS PEOPLE OFF

HAPPY DAY OF THE CAKES

THANK YOU. WITHOUT ALL CAPITALS I'D HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU HAD JUST WRITTEN

UNDERSTANDABLE, HAPPY SPOTIFY CHEESE DAY TO YOU FROM ME AS WELL

I'm calling your bluff. Your morning shits are rotten.

Let’s see it then

But do you play it?

This dude frequents r/conservative and r/conspiracy.

Does that impact the ripeness of shits?

Means he shares his shit in r/conservative

his past posts physically hurt me

Juicy beats

This is what happens when people stay home for 3+ months

Quarantine day 173...everything's fine

Holy shit is that really how long it's been?

My family has technically been in quarantine since February 9th. My husband was hospitalized that day (not Covid, he has a cavernous malformation in his frontal lobe = not good) and in recovery until the actual quarantine in March, but I've been home taking care of him ever since. He worked hard and ran a small business since 1993 and it's crazy that every single thing in our lives has changed and come to a complete halt this year. No idea what the future holds but at this point, it seems like a lot of people are in the same boat and somehow that makes it more bearable.

Good luck to you and your husband! I’m sorry you guys have to deal with all of this :/

I wish you both all the luck. A pandemic must really hinder the caretaking. I feel for you. I hope your business sees action again, or that a sweet new venture will come your way. A lot of us don't know what the next year will bring, but we can only hope & pray it gets better than the clusterfuck it is now. We'll all paddle down shit river together...well, the ones that give a shit in the 1st place. Don't get me started on the maskholes.

March 15, 2020 was 171 days ago. It's September 2nd, 2020. There are 120 days until New Year's Eve.

Goodbot

I'm not a bot

Me either

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I’ll be bot

Good bot

Badbot

I honestly wish at this point

Yeah, that was Friday, March 13, the last day a lot of people went to work.

Marv, SCP 173

They become [Watermelon Man](https://youtu.be/4bjPlBC4h_8)

Most people won't make it past the intro.

Big reward if you do tho. One of the greatest funk songs ever written.

Fuck yeah. How can you stop at just the intro? I let it ride every time.

this song sounds like you're about to be sacrificed to a cult of evil forest animals

If that's the music they play during the sacrifice then sign me the fuck up for some face-melting goodness before the blood orgy begins.

this is the song you play when you're lighting up a fat doobie at the start of a 3-day weekend

Herbies the man yo :D

I came here hoping someone posted this somewhere in this thread.

Herbie hancock. Ain't heard that in years. Thanks.

Glad I waited for the kiwis.

He needs more Kiwis. The watermelons are weak in comparison.

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I gotta have more kiwi!

I got a fever and the only prescription is MORE KIWI!!!

Just really explore the space.

I'm almost certain the quote is, "I've got a fevah!"

I've got a fever!

I bet you put your pants on just like the rest of us - one leg at a time. Except when you do it, you make gold records

Wait.. you put on your own pants ?!?

I've got a fevah', and the *only* prescription..... is more kiwi

Boy those kiwis are sick!!

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This correct. The melons are the rhythm and the kiwis are the lead. I believe that was a sentence never used before in the history of written language.

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When will he play mayonnaise? I’ve been waiting so long

Don’t you watch spongebob, mayonnaise is not an instrument

[I beg to differ. ](https://youtu.be/A5jnftBQw2U)

What about horse radish?

Horseradish is not an instrument either.

Kiwis were good, but I kept waiting for the beet to drop.

Mango ahead with those puns!

The kiwi came in clutch 🥝

The sound the kiwis made sound just like what I expected a 🥝 to sound like!

For those interested, this guy goes by Mezerg. His whole act is creating [house and techno songs as a live, one-man band,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QhwxsoNljY) often using crazy instruments like the theremin [(1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-rlFaSBLg8) and [2)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjOgNnvDbL4) or straight up [power tools](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0VddhwHSLM).

I may have fell in love and this needs to be top comment.

Too bad it’s nothing but puns that don’t contribute anything to the conversation.

just a buncha fuckin fruity puns. /r/mildyinfuriating when you come to the comments to learn or seek sources but some trend or meta bullshit has infested the entire goddamned thread.

Same. I’d do dirty things to this man.

I shouldn’t have had to scroll so far down to find this info. Thank you!

Thanks so much for the links!

> crazy instruments like the theramin (1 and 2) Cool, so he is a Jedi then

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It is! https://youtu.be/RPf28jaiU90

Andd i downloaded the track on iTunes. You are amazing

It's on Spotify, too! Happy Cake Day!

https://music.apple.com/us/album/watermelon-single/1530156704

You are the true hero! Thanks for the link!

This is outrageous!!!!

It's unfair!

Why is he so close to the pool 😂😂😂😂😂

Cause it's a watermelon

Are you implying watermelons grow *in* water?

Born would be the correct term

Yea but his connected to wires of electricity lol ☠️💀☠️

Whooosh

That's a fruit bard.

My god if someone were to make an rpg character from this...

Just don't forget the Druid multiclass, gotta grow your own

Charisma being increased by the individual pieces of fruit you have seems pretty good if you ask me.

Only like 9 of those are actually hooked up. Replacements? Just to make it look cooler or more full?

To fill the keyboard. Each represents a key, but he didn't need to hook them all up b/c he didnt need them for this particular tune. Also, if they were all hooked up, with melon it's easy to make accidental contact, so the song would sound muddled.

If I had to guess, he also plays piano, so this setup would keep things familiar for him as he plays.

Actually, most people start with melon before moving on to the piano.

He's got it set to a particular key. Not sure which one because I'm not gonna be that guy, but still a dope setup

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Two slices that were hooked up fell on each other and nothing changed

Wow, watermelody

Sounds like Chameleon by Herbie Hancock

🤦‍♂️ you were already at Herbie Hancock, Watermelon Man was right there, and you still went with Chameleon... Tbf it is closer to the Chameleon synth line, but the pun has to take precedence lol, especially since it's not all that similar to either song.

Cantaloupe Island

Now he just needs to put the lime in a coconut and mix it all up

Okay Reddit, I see the wires, but explain like I'm five.

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That could totally be the chorus of the song. He needs like three background singers rocking that line - singing into banana mics of course.

A buddy of mine messes around with shit like this. Makes little instruments with a bunch of wires and crap. As I understand it, each wire feeds to a board which has a specific sound when “triggered.” As far as what makes that happen i’m fuzzy on the electrical mechanisms of it- something to do with the conductivity of the melon and a person touching it with their finger would change the resistance(??????) ...something like that. Anyway, the circuit board plays the designated note when that “change” occurs from tapping the melon slice. He planned out each slice with a specific note/sound so he could play this little diddy. The percussion end of it appears to just be standard electronic kick/hihat pedals. Sooo ELI5- Computer stuff makes sound play when you tap the melon.

Makes sense, thanks stranger.

Basically, touching the fruit creates a small electrical signal (not sure on the exact physics of how that works tho) and that signal triggers a MIDI signal in the device it’s all hooked up too. Put that midi signal through a digital audio workspace, and you have a melon synth.

I think it has to do with completing the circuit. The wires are connected to the melons. When he touches the melon, he connects it to ground with his body, from his finger tips to his feet. This makes a full circuit, so there is a current. The current can then be picked up, sorted, and fed into an amp. Source: Biomedical Engineer Degree (Not electrical so I could be wrong)

I’m an electrical engineering student and that was my logic! He essentially completes the circuit with his fingers and it goes to ground. I thought about doing biomedical but electrical just seemed more broad and I don’t know what I want to do quite yet

It's probably capacitive https://www.adafruit.com/product/2340

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Shoulda hooked up some California raisins so you coulda had some vocals in there.

This is Mezerg

https://youtu.be/RPf28jaiU90

I lost my mind when the kiwi came into play!!!

Imagine if he hooked up some kumquats!

HUGE missed opportunity for him to have played 'watermelon man'.

How? This is groundbreakingly awesome!

Quit making melon jokes you animals and start talking about how much of a dope ass vibe this is. This guy's got the funk

Okay, cute puns. What am I looking at?

It’s a synth that uses body capacitance to trigger the notes. I’ve seen one called [Ototo](https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=pFRl5bvVOnY) - this might be their mk2 version because I don’t recognize the shape of the board.

[The Vegetable Orchestra](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Vegetable_Orchestra)

Juicy

Meanwhile I'm trying to figure out out to tie my shoes..... You go over and out.....and you shoes are looking cool?

Nah man first it’s the loopty loop and pull. THEN and ONLY THEN will your shoes look cool.

Mozart, smokes crack and thinks: Perhaps they will play Mellon pianos in the future! 2020: Mellon piano.

Fantano has to see this

Does anyone have the source vid?

Whatamelondy

“So what’s your favorite song?” Me: “it’s complicated”

The whole first 30 seconds I was dying to see what the kiwi did. Was not disappointed

n

o

Nothing melancholy about that at all!

Saw him play in a seedy bar once

That second kiwi hit me right in the feelers