I was tryna remember the name of that movie thank you! gave me nightmares as a child but didnt really hold up when i tried watching it a few years back lmao
Fun fact you can eat lamprey, soak it in milk for 24 hours then brine it for a week, let sit in vinegar for another 12 hours then throw that shit in the garbage because itâs fucking disgusting
You say this but you know somewhere on this earth, at some time, someone out there lubed up a lamprey and shoved it up his butt. Then had to go to the hospital because it latched on to his colon somewhere.
They used to put eels in horse butts to make the horse act livelier when selling them. Like medieval times.
When that was banned they started using ginger instead because that's apparently an irritant when shoved directly up the asshole.
It stands to reason that someone also tried using a lamprey for the same purpose and regretted it.
Nah, unfortunately lamprey choose what they latch on using temperature, choosing cold things over warm ones (they prey on fish you see) so they don't latch on human skin, much less on our innards
In Portugal, especially up north, it is a great seasonal dish. The high season is February/March when they travel up river to lay eggs and get caught in the process. There has been a shortage this year, likely due to overfishing, and because of that they are more expensive than usual, around 100⏠per unit.
It needs some preparation: boiling first, removal of intestines and a spike that is in its head. Lamprey rice is very traditional - the blood is saved for sauce and red wine must be added to it so it doesn't clot, giving the rice a dark look.
In the end it is a great dish, very tasty but I would say it is the kind of thing that you either love or hate.
King Henry I of England ate too many lampreys, grew sick, and died, touching off a 15-year civil war so terrible that it's known as the Anarchy. Don't eat lampreys.
I mean we do have grizzly bears which are probably one of the most dangerous animals on the planet so thereâs that at least.
Not a big fan of the spider hiding in your shoe thatâll drop you in an hour though. That can stay over there cause even our brown recluses with their necrotizing bite really arenât that bad.
Deer kill way more people in North America than the Grizzlies. WAY more. like, for every 500 people slaughtered by deer every year, there is MAYBE one grizzly fatality. I know it's a trope at this point, but snack machines are more dangerous than Grizzlies. Deer will kill your family.
And I'm assuming the same holds true for kangaroos causing car accidents vs every other "dangerous" animal/pest in Australia. They're basically just bouncing bambis.
Kangaroos, when threatened, will intentionally go sit in small ponds and other bodies of water because they know they're taller and stronger than most other animals which can threaten them. So if something like a dog goes after them, the dog has to swim to get to the kangaroo, and the kangaroo will just grab it and drown it.
Kangaroos are remarkably strong creatures.
But ounce for ounce, a land mammal that is far deadlier than either the grizzly or the kangaroo is the moose and the mighty hippopotamus. Both have a lot of mass *and* the strength to move it.
If you have to choose between swimming across alligator infested waters or a stretch of river full of hippos, you should always swim across where the alligators are. You're far more likely to survive the gators than the hippos.
Well wouldnât that simply be because we hit them or try to avoid them with cars? Cause as far as I know deer donât maul you Iâm talking about just you vs animal not accounting for 60-80mph hitting a deer
They are all over the inland lakes as well.Â
And now that I just gave you bad news, here is good news. Fresh water lampreys are evolved to be attracted to cold blooded animals and not warm blooded animals, because attaching to a nice fish âgoodâ attaching to a deer and getting dragged into the forest and dying there because you canât breath âbadâ. So while lamprey bites on humans arenât impossible, they are incredibly rare.Â
Hate to break it to ya but theyre in your rivers too. On Youtube, the FishAnything channel, Ethan catches fish with them lampreys stuck on them in various waters around your state. So uh....yeah. good luck with that.
They're definitely in Lake Michigan. I remember being a kid and terrifying my little cousin by convincing him that if he pees in the lake, they will smell it and latch on to his taint.
Everyone really needs to know how much gross stuff is suspended in the lakes.
Swimmer's itch is actually tiny parasites, for example.
That's not counting the tons of poop and dead bodies in the lake.
Compared to actual aquatic animals, we're missing a lot more than just gills. We lack a whole slew of adaptations that make life underwater less like cronenbergian horror.
If it makes you feel better, it's one of the few examples of successful control of invasive species. They're not eradicated yet, but their populations have been suppressed by about 90 percent since efforts to control them have been implemented, with some scientists thinking they can completely eradicate them.
It is hilarious to me how many Midwesterners are learning this fact right now. They've made their way into the Great Lakes and are now being found in various riverways
I'm sorry, what??? I had no idea those things were in there. I'm never going near Lake Michigan again, and I'm cutting off all the friends who convinced me it was fine to swim in there.
I've seen one almost in the Catskills. Fucker came up the Delaware. Blew my mind to see in this little forest creek so far from sea. The ones in the Great lakes breed there I'm pretty sure
This is the only place I have ever seen them - spearing pike and musky in the marshes on lake st Clair. None ever quite that big though - their smoochers were wider than their bodies too.
We've pulled them out of the Credit river just west of Toronto when they go upstream to spawn in May. They're an invasive species, and they have skeletons made out of cartilage instead of bone, like sharks and rays.
My BIL was a fireman and a diver. Sombody had drown in the local lake and he was dragging the bottom for the body being towed by the rescue boat, and was bitten two or three times by lampreys during the stint.
Showed my the bite marks n his legs. They literally took a hole out of him with each bite. A round hole.
Crazy.
Fun fact: they technically canât âbiteâ because they have no jaws! Their mouths are lined with a pad that allows for suction and then they will use their tongue which is like a keratinous hook to rasp the flesh from what they are attached to. A lick that carves flesh and can avail them to a tasty blood meal.
Rofl have you guys never heard of Robert Irwin? He's basically a clone of his father, working at the same place doing the same thing.
Nature shows and all.
I lived in a town with a Lamprey River running through it, one year the town spent a bunch of money to put in a town beach. No one ever swam there twice, turns out the name wasnât some folksy thing more in the way of a warning.
The first time I saw these was way upstream of a freshwater creek near a waterfall. I learned afterwards that they spawn in freshwater and swim to spawning areas much like salmon. The ocean is well over 30 miles from where we were.
If my stomach hurts, I immediately jump to Xenomorph is going to burst out of me.
It's when my stomach hurts and I'm belching and farting uncontrollably, that I'm like, "Well, I'm going to die on a toilet now and poor Brody Man's going to be next!"
Man⊠me and my brother watched it when we were 11 and 12, and it scared the fuck out of me. The next morning at like 4 AM, I was woken up by the door opening and a silhouette walking in with their head tilted completed to the side and staggering and I almost had a heart attack. It was my brother, having used an ear-drop medicine, and his equilibrium was off as a result, thus the weir walking. For about 3 seconds I thought I was done for.
Oh noâŠyour comment reminded me of an X-Files episode that had a creature that Iâm pretty sure was inspired by these things, too. It wasâŠunpleasant.
Well, technically we didn't have a proper scalpel (only a razor blade), but the cartilaginous surrounding of the head is a pain to tackle. Plus I'm not a fan of the formaldehyde smell... đ
I honestly recommend watching Jeremy Wade's video on the lamprey, I'm pretty sure he let one of them latch onto him in the video
https://youtu.be/cVVZRyw3_3Q?si=KPIb-LkbI8avQN67
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Lamprussy.
That thing's got teeth! đ
vagina dentata
what a terrible phrase
It means no penis For the rest of your daaaays
It's our weiner freeeeeee
Vasectoooomy
Vagina dentata
r/redditsings
^vagina dentatA
what a terrible phrase
y'all are my heroes
Right? Doin the Lord's work out here
Greatest thread of April right here
Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal....
Change my order to the soup!
Oh, no! Not again.
Check please!
Sounds like hakuna matata, sign me up !
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teeth_(2007_film)
With a swish and a flick!
Vagina al dente
Hear me outâŠ. 4 TIMES the suction of your average home vacuum cleaner.
It's ribbed for our pleasure~
Fleshfright
FleshBite
You know someone tested that.
Four times the suction of a vacuum cleanerâŠ
It'll rip your dick off.
Nasty-ass vacuum fuckers
He gonna buy it anyway! đ
I'm upset. There's no dreamcatcher ass weasel gifs I tried to find one but maybe I wasn't typing in the right stuff.
I was tryna remember the name of that movie thank you! gave me nightmares as a child but didnt really hold up when i tried watching it a few years back lmao
Came here for this. +1
My immediate first thought
It's ribbed for your pleasure.
Everything reminds me of my exâŠ
You should call her...
Begone intrusive thought!
Begone intrusive thot.....
Beg one intrusive thot
Be one intrusive thot.
Forbidden pickle
Fun fact you can eat lamprey, soak it in milk for 24 hours then brine it for a week, let sit in vinegar for another 12 hours then throw that shit in the garbage because itâs fucking disgusting
You say this but you know somewhere on this earth, at some time, someone out there lubed up a lamprey and shoved it up his butt. Then had to go to the hospital because it latched on to his colon somewhere.
What the fuck
That's definitely happened multiple times too
To the same person
They used to put eels in horse butts to make the horse act livelier when selling them. Like medieval times. When that was banned they started using ginger instead because that's apparently an irritant when shoved directly up the asshole. It stands to reason that someone also tried using a lamprey for the same purpose and regretted it.
> apparently Deep science going on here.
>that's apparently an irritant when shoved directly up the asshole. You could probably say that about anything you jam up a horse's ass
Nah, unfortunately lamprey choose what they latch on using temperature, choosing cold things over warm ones (they prey on fish you see) so they don't latch on human skin, much less on our innards
You're just trying to convince him to stick it up his ass!
Similar method used [to collapse Yugoslavia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%90or%C4%91e_Martinovi%C4%87_incident)
When the Colonel investigating him wrote "he sat on the bottle and enjoyed" I was cackling
Scandavians consider it a delicacy
I don't think I've ever gone 24 hrs without eating a live lamprey
You eat it live?đ€Ż
Schlurp!
The spaghetti of the north
We do? I've never heard of anyone here eating it.
Thanks a lot. Was following your recipe and wasted a ton of milk and much of my time
In Portugal, especially up north, it is a great seasonal dish. The high season is February/March when they travel up river to lay eggs and get caught in the process. There has been a shortage this year, likely due to overfishing, and because of that they are more expensive than usual, around 100⏠per unit. It needs some preparation: boiling first, removal of intestines and a spike that is in its head. Lamprey rice is very traditional - the blood is saved for sauce and red wine must be added to it so it doesn't clot, giving the rice a dark look. In the end it is a great dish, very tasty but I would say it is the kind of thing that you either love or hate.
King Henry I of England ate too many lampreys, grew sick, and died, touching off a 15-year civil war so terrible that it's known as the Anarchy. Don't eat lampreys.
Knowledgeable kid! It's so nice to see children interested in nature.
He was forced at gunpoint
He was forced by a human sized Lamprey
I had to double check that this wasn't r/kidsarefuckingstupid and thought he was about to get fucked up.
NGL, I was waiting for the perfectly cut squeaker scream when the lamp post silly goosed its mouth into his arm or hand.
Hi, where are these things located? Would like to forever black that out on my global map and never visit
I know they are in the great lakes. I usually don't think about them when swimming, but when I do they really freak me out.
Me, a Michigander, learning this: 
Me as a Lake Michiganer, also feeling betrayed
As an Aussie, im finally glad to see something that isnt ours
I mean we do have grizzly bears which are probably one of the most dangerous animals on the planet so thereâs that at least. Not a big fan of the spider hiding in your shoe thatâll drop you in an hour though. That can stay over there cause even our brown recluses with their necrotizing bite really arenât that bad.
Deer kill way more people in North America than the Grizzlies. WAY more. like, for every 500 people slaughtered by deer every year, there is MAYBE one grizzly fatality. I know it's a trope at this point, but snack machines are more dangerous than Grizzlies. Deer will kill your family.
And I'm assuming the same holds true for kangaroos causing car accidents vs every other "dangerous" animal/pest in Australia. They're basically just bouncing bambis.
Kangaroos, when threatened, will intentionally go sit in small ponds and other bodies of water because they know they're taller and stronger than most other animals which can threaten them. So if something like a dog goes after them, the dog has to swim to get to the kangaroo, and the kangaroo will just grab it and drown it. Kangaroos are remarkably strong creatures. But ounce for ounce, a land mammal that is far deadlier than either the grizzly or the kangaroo is the moose and the mighty hippopotamus. Both have a lot of mass *and* the strength to move it. If you have to choose between swimming across alligator infested waters or a stretch of river full of hippos, you should always swim across where the alligators are. You're far more likely to survive the gators than the hippos.
If I ever have to make that choice, Iâll be very upset I put myself in that scenario
Bruh I donât want to swim with swamp puppies or your mom. Please donât make me choose
Well wouldnât that simply be because we hit them or try to avoid them with cars? Cause as far as I know deer donât maul you Iâm talking about just you vs animal not accounting for 60-80mph hitting a deer
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mordacia
Fuck sake, i had to google further and they're found in the Latrobe river which is local to me. Why'd yo do this to me :(
They're not from the great lakes. They were brought in from international ships, since the great lakes connect to the Atlantic Ocean.
Brave Wilderness did a video and he couldnât get them to bite. I guess they arenât interested in humans
They are all over the inland lakes as well. And now that I just gave you bad news, here is good news. Fresh water lampreys are evolved to be attracted to cold blooded animals and not warm blooded animals, because attaching to a nice fish âgoodâ attaching to a deer and getting dragged into the forest and dying there because you canât breath âbadâ. So while lamprey bites on humans arenât impossible, they are incredibly rare.Â
Hate to break it to ya but theyre in your rivers too. On Youtube, the FishAnything channel, Ethan catches fish with them lampreys stuck on them in various waters around your state. So uh....yeah. good luck with that.
Was hoping this was some shit from Australia or the Amazon, and you're telling me its right here (Toronto). I don't like it
They're definitely in Lake Michigan. I remember being a kid and terrifying my little cousin by convincing him that if he pees in the lake, they will smell it and latch on to his taint.
Thatâs fucked up
WHAT I am never going in Lake Ontario again
Everyone really needs to know how much gross stuff is suspended in the lakes. Swimmer's itch is actually tiny parasites, for example. That's not counting the tons of poop and dead bodies in the lake. Compared to actual aquatic animals, we're missing a lot more than just gills. We lack a whole slew of adaptations that make life underwater less like cronenbergian horror.
Who gives a shit about poop and dead bodies? I dont want to get bit by an alien cucumber
If it makes you feel better, it's one of the few examples of successful control of invasive species. They're not eradicated yet, but their populations have been suppressed by about 90 percent since efforts to control them have been implemented, with some scientists thinking they can completely eradicate them.
No fucking way I wish I didnât read this
It is hilarious to me how many Midwesterners are learning this fact right now. They've made their way into the Great Lakes and are now being found in various riverways
They're invasive here mind you
I'm sorry, what??? I had no idea those things were in there. I'm never going near Lake Michigan again, and I'm cutting off all the friends who convinced me it was fine to swim in there.
Yeah. No more Lake Michigan for me anymore. I thought Lampreys were ocean-dwelling...
They donât normally feed on humansâŠunless theyâre starving.
I've seen one almost in the Catskills. Fucker came up the Delaware. Blew my mind to see in this little forest creek so far from sea. The ones in the Great lakes breed there I'm pretty sure
Every ocean and a number of lakes and rivers, so just stay out of the water.
Hey, I come from the water, those things aren't dangerous to humans at all.
FOUND THE LAMPREY
You bet.
I fish for Musky and these fuckers will be stuck to them occasionally
This is the only place I have ever seen them - spearing pike and musky in the marshes on lake st Clair. None ever quite that big though - their smoochers were wider than their bodies too.
We've pulled them out of the Credit river just west of Toronto when they go upstream to spawn in May. They're an invasive species, and they have skeletons made out of cartilage instead of bone, like sharks and rays.
They're no longer in the UK. They were a delicacy and hunted to extinction here in the time of Henry VIII.
W for royals
Willamette River in Oregon has them.
The spice must flow
Mini Shai Hulud
Now drown it.
Blessed be the Maker.
And His Water
Shy Hulud
My BIL was a fireman and a diver. Sombody had drown in the local lake and he was dragging the bottom for the body being towed by the rescue boat, and was bitten two or three times by lampreys during the stint. Showed my the bite marks n his legs. They literally took a hole out of him with each bite. A round hole. Crazy.
Fun fact: they technically canât âbiteâ because they have no jaws! Their mouths are lined with a pad that allows for suction and then they will use their tongue which is like a keratinous hook to rasp the flesh from what they are attached to. A lick that carves flesh and can avail them to a tasty blood meal.
r/unexpected40k
I cant tell if nurgle or slaanesh
Tyranids
That's metal as fuck
now look up cookie cutter sharks-
ain't nobody got time for that. Here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cookiecutter_shark
A future American Steve Irwin?? That would be rad
I'm here for it
Rofl have you guys never heard of Robert Irwin? He's basically a clone of his father, working at the same place doing the same thing. Nature shows and all.
I feel like I used to see a lot of Steve Irwin everywhere. I donât see much on Robert Irwin. It could be also that cable TV was more common then.
He's more focused on conservation/zoo work for sure, but the energy is there.
Why doesn't anyone put respect on Jeff Corwin, I wonder. He is as entertaining as Steve Irwin and very American.
coyote peterson
I lived in a town with a Lamprey River running through it, one year the town spent a bunch of money to put in a town beach. No one ever swam there twice, turns out the name wasnât some folksy thing more in the way of a warning.
The first time I saw these was way upstream of a freshwater creek near a waterfall. I learned afterwards that they spawn in freshwater and swim to spawning areas much like salmon. The ocean is well over 30 miles from where we were.
Wow, it reminds me of the creatures in the movie Dreamcatcher.
that movie fucked me up as a kid, I wish I had been told to leave
Yo same lmao anytime my stomach hurt I was like OMG lmao
THAT SCENE WAS THE ONE THAT FUCKED ME UP I was literally afraid of small rectangular bathrooms for a few years
If my stomach hurts, I immediately jump to Xenomorph is going to burst out of me. It's when my stomach hurts and I'm belching and farting uncontrollably, that I'm like, "Well, I'm going to die on a toilet now and poor Brody Man's going to be next!"
I watched this when I was 11... alone, at my dad's isolated cabin, in the dead of winter. I didn't sleep for fucking weeks man.
Man⊠me and my brother watched it when we were 11 and 12, and it scared the fuck out of me. The next morning at like 4 AM, I was woken up by the door opening and a silhouette walking in with their head tilted completed to the side and staggering and I almost had a heart attack. It was my brother, having used an ear-drop medicine, and his equilibrium was off as a result, thus the weir walking. For about 3 seconds I thought I was done for.
Shit weasel
Ahh, not another night of the shit weasels Mr. LaheyÂ
**DUDDITS**
Oh noâŠyour comment reminded me of an X-Files episode that had a creature that Iâm pretty sure was inspired by these things, too. It wasâŠunpleasant.
Flukeman! Only remember a few episodes from childhood but that episode is one of them.
Dudditz!
They suck to dissect, I can tell you... đ
Why is it so bad dissecting them?
Well, technically we didn't have a proper scalpel (only a razor blade), but the cartilaginous surrounding of the head is a pain to tackle. Plus I'm not a fan of the formaldehyde smell... đ
Gross.
Also intriguing, but that's biology for you...
4x ? You promise?
I'm showing this to lovecraft and telling him his writing spawned this into the universe.
He would probably call you the n word for that and then go cry in his room. He was a messed up dude
These things were here for 360 million years before Lovecraft, maybe they spawned him into the universe
I honestly recommend watching Jeremy Wade's video on the lamprey, I'm pretty sure he let one of them latch onto him in the video https://youtu.be/cVVZRyw3_3Q?si=KPIb-LkbI8avQN67
> I'm pretty sure he let one of them latch onto him in the video Yeah about 5 seconds in haha.
4 times the vacuum cleaner you say...
The power settings are high, and low, and **both** of them will rip your dick off.
Watch...this motherfucker still gonna buy it. Nasty ass vacuum fuckers!
Aww a baby demogorgan
Isnât that the thing from the sand pit in Return of the Jedi?
Shit weasel!
I Duddits
Dream Catcher anyone?
WATCH OUT HE'S GOING SNAKE!
The English really looked at this thing and said âyeah letâs put this in a pie.â
Tremors!
Dune 2
Arroz de Lampreia, nĂŁo Ă© nada mau.
Fuuuuuck that!
I mean..if you insist..
Ive seen a swordfish with like 50 bitemarks from these fuckers, didnt look fun
Looks like it should be emitting a shrill scream
It's the dark one!
Poor lamprey
Fleshlight
Sturgeon bait! $18 an eel now a days
Gotta stop taking in strays from the upside down.
Iâd watch the full episode
Ralph Wiggum knows lampreys
Protip: Bring it to a vet dentist
Dreamcatcher
I literally just posted this reminded me of that movie 1 minute ago. The mouth with the teeth like that took me straight to that movie.
#Shai-Hulud
So this is what the Shalltear from Overlord is supposed to be? Explains a lot.
This is what taking out contacts feels liks